I wish to find another word besides "beautiful" for this list.

I need a word
that hasn't been abused and misused. Nowadays, "beautiful" means that woman wit
h the physical appeal of a cartoon barbie. Narrow waist, baby features, long hai
r and a thin figure. How limiting...
I need a word that combines adjectives like "glowing", "intriguing", "magni
ficent", "enchanting", "mesmerizing", "engaging", "captivating", "loving", "ende
aring", "sensitive", "charming" and "devoted" ... okay you get me. We're not tal
king about the usual characteristics here. What makes a woman sparkle from the r
est? So I set to figure this out driving inspiration from the great women who li
ved among the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and from the prophet himself,
from women around me and from my deepest desires in who I aspire to become. We
could easily touch on elements such as confidence, honesty, respect, care etc...
But I wanted to send a very specific list to make the image more vivid and clos
e to home. I also had a hard time ordering these elements. I only did it to make
this more engaging but all of them should be incorporated into one description.
You could argue this list is unachievable or may not reflect who you are as a
person. I don't agree with changing for anyone, or any list in this case, eithe
r. But perhaps we can make our own interpretation of this list according to our
desires and to suit our personalities. What limits us from our potential is most
of the time, ourselves. There's a voice inside of us that tells us we're not go
od enough or that this is not something for me. But remember, that this is the s
ame method employed by Shaitan (the devil). The moment we decide to leave our ba
d habits and seek greater closeness to Allah (subhanahu w ta'laa), he tells us w
e're hypocrites and this is not who we really are. Allah, the All Mighty can for
give and give us a second chance, so why don't we do ourselves the favor by forg
iving ourselves and starting anew. They say "fake it till you make it", I heard
a TEDX speaker say "fake it till you be it".

Here's my list to describe the elements of the golden lady:

10. Smiles with her eyes:

Is animated with honest facial expression. Psychology tells us the truth i
s in the eyes. A smiling woman whose eyes say more than her words has an appeal
like no other. A woman whose expressions in general are a true indication of her
feelings has a charisma and charm about her that can't be faked. If you can't g
et yourself to smile in everyone's face in this manner then you don't have to. I
f you don't feel it, don't express it. But if you do, make it known.
9. Is clever and witty:
Has a sharp tongue that speaks on point. But never in intention of hurting
anyone. This woman knows the value of time and uses words from her lexicon to sp
eak truth and righteousness She is never "chatty" and trying constantly to fill
silence with talk. Added bonus if she's spontaneous and unpredictable.
Bukhari narrated a Hadith in which Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) sai
d The Prophet s talk [was so little] that you can count his words (peace be upon him
)
8. Has an element of mystery:
She always leaves people guessing. Not intentionally or anything. But perhap
s because she has a clear barrier set between what is personal and what is publi
c. With social media, she never reveals inappropriate information about her rela
tionships, feelings and desires. She has an appreciation for artistic expression
 and she may have some hidden talents. Basically, with every sit-down with this
woman, comes new discoveries. Never in a boastful manner.
7. Says what she feels and never exaggerates:
Says only what her heart senses. Won't say "I love you" when she doesn't fee
l it and will vice versa express, the moment of, whenever she appreciates someth
ing. A woman who can honestly compliment others without exaggeration and in priv
ate as well as public demands respect. There is nothing more irritating than whe
n intentions are hidden and the person in front of you cannot be read. But befor
e we go pointing fingers, we have to acknowledge our faults first and where we c
an go about being more honest.
6. Does not seek validation:
Other people's approval does not effect her opinion of herself. Is motivated
by her devotion to Allah and acts according to what is permissible in her relig
ion first, then consults herself and maybe her dear friends and family. When she
seeks to accomplish something, does it fearlessly and waits for no one to pat h
er on the back. Her reward (ajr) lies with Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa). Validati
on for other things that are physical are insignificant to her self-concept. If
she's a physically attractive lady, will not let anyone's compliments sway her f
rom differentiating herself from the rest and losing sight of her humanity.
5. An effective communicator:
A smart woman is able to adjust her language to suit whomever she in communic
ating with. Meaning she can speak and behave with others on a relatable level
without sacrificing any of her core values or personality characteristics. The p
rophet (peace be upon him) was able to communicate with all age groups at their
level, but never in a patronizing manner. It can be as simple as choosing speaki
ng points that are interesting to the other. The prophet (peace be upon him) use
d to ask Abu Umair, who was a young boy at the time, about his bird every time t
hey would meet. There's nothing more beautiful than a woman who can have the eas
iness of a child when she is in their company.
He (PBUH) was merciful to children; Anas said, I have never seen anyone kinder t
o one s family than God s Messenger There was a young child called Abu Umair who was b
reeding a small bird; the Prophet called the bird An-Nughair (nightingale) and h
e used to say to him: O Abu Umair! What did An-Nughair do? Once, Abu Umair was c
rying and the Prophet asked him why he was crying. He told the Prophet that An-N
ughair, the bird, had died! The Prophet (PBUH) played with Abu Umair in Medina
streets. Passing by, the Companions saw the Prophet playing with a child and ask
ed what he was doing! He (PBUH) said that An-Nughair had died; he wanted to con
sole Abu Umair. He played with Abu Umair who was grieiving over his bird s death!
Abu Umair was the brother of Anas ibn Malik, the Prophet s servant! He (PBUH) w
ent to his servant house to console his younger brother! How merciful!
4. Confidence in core values:
Confidence is always key. Yet, it does not have to be present in every aspect
of our personality traits. A woman who has confidence in her core values and mo
rals and does nothing to compromise them demands respect. She never makes except
ions on matters that are not permissible in her faith. This seems quite intuitiv
e yet it is more difficult than it seems. For a woman to be consistent in her be
havior and treatment with everyone, she must possess a strong sense of self and
an independent mind. Our confidence should be made with trust in Allah. The more
we trust our Islam and come to appreciate it, the more we realize we have nothi
ng to gain from pleasing others and only from pleasing Allah.
3.Willingness to learn:
Oftentimes, we become so entrenched in our own "fields of specialty" we lose
sight of how much out there we have yet to learn. This can lead to rigidity, st
ubbornness and sometimes arrogance. A woman who is willing to learn from others
who are more and less experienced than she is has something special about her. S
he can watch her husband, for example, spend hours putting together furniture sh
e is familiar with only to give him hints here and there. She does not need to b
oast about her knowledge and yet is able to give it when she is needed. Which r
eminds me of another example. That thirty year old unmarried professional woman
who's got a degree and a job and thinks "men are intimidated by her" or that "sh
e's out of their league". Perhaps we need a new sense of open mindedness and we
need to learn how to share knowledge at the appropriate time.
2. Secret worship:
Wears her iman on her sleeve, not her tongue. I think that makes my point.
1. Modesty:
Lack of modesty can break anyone. The ego creeps up on us quite often. I don'
t believe that there is ever one point in someone's life where they can confiden
tly say that they are a modest person. It is a characteristic that takes consist
ent work to maintain. We must put ourselves in the shoes of those we meet on a d
aily basis and ask "did I make them feel less than?" Arrogance in Islam is defin
ed as rejecting the truth and putting oneself at a higher position than the rest
.
Abdullah ibn Mas ud reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, N
o one who has the weight of a mustard seed of arrogance in his heart will enter
Paradise. Someone said, Indeed, a man loves to have beautiful clothes and shoes. So
the Prophet said, Verily, Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance mean
s rejecting the truth and looking down on people.
A mustard seed?! That could be one look down on your mother, or a child, or a
homeless person or a disabled individual. It would be a shame to come so close
to the doors of heaven only to have them shut in front of you because you believ
ed once that you were better than anyone else. Keep in mind that arrogance does
not pertain to one's dress. Although the prophet (peace be upon him) used to be
indistinguishable from the companions that even foreigners had a hard time locat
ing him.
But, how do we become nonjudgmental and more modest?
During the prophet's (peace be upon him) time, there was one man who used to
appear drunk to the public in the daytime and the companions at one point wanted
to issue him a punishment. The prophet (peace be upon him) addressed them and s
aid "Do not curse him, for I swear by Allah, if you only knew just how very much
indeed he loves Allah and His Messenger."
He then added:
"Do not help Satan against your brother."(Al-Bukhari)
Let us realize that Allah's mercy is vast and never ending. Only He has the po
wer to conceal our faults and forgive us on the day of judgement. Some of us who
judge others for sinning have put themselves at a high status, thinking that th
ey are fairer than Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa). When we judge, we judge others f
or their exposed sins while we ourselves have hidden sins that would shame us if
they were to ever be exposed to the world. Always thank Allah for his mercy on
us and always have mercy on others. Leave the judging to Him.