Kelly Powell

Professor Enos

ENGW 1111

March 15, 2017

Context Note

This assignment was originally supposed to be two letters: one letter would be to a

victim in a domestic abuse relationship where the other letter would be to the family. I began

typing, and I found myself unable to stop. I found myself writing with so much emotion behind

the words that I knew that my words had a purpose, and I needed to put them onto paper. I

have had a person extremely close to me go through an ordeal over the past 6 years of

domestic abuse. The person involved within her relationship I have an incredible amount of

disdain for which I found was what fueled my persona in this letter. It is difficult to try to save a

loved one who does not necessarily want to be saved, or even trying to save a loved one when

they do not know that they need saving. My husband and myself have been together for six

years where I have been able to understand what love is. What is existent between my family

member and the person who chooses to abuse her is anything but love. In fact, it is the furthest

thing from love. Two days ago, we sat down for breakfast when she drops a bomb on me that

she continues to be manipulated and controlled by him. I instantly broke down. From my point of

view, I want to rescue her more than anything, but it has to be something that she can overcome

which will be one of the most difficult things she will do.

Dear Wounded,
There are so many things I would like to say to you, and this letter is something that will not be
easy for me to write nor for you to read. There are many thoughts and feelings that I have been
wanting to say, but have not known how to, therefore I hope that I am able to say them through
written words. It has been difficult to watch you struggle running on your never-ending hamster
wheel. It has been even harder to watch a man sociopath become your puppeteer over you
controlling every action, thought and emotion. I want you so badly to hate him just as much as I
do. People say that the word itself, hate, is a strong word. But there are some other words that
come to mind when I think of him.

Disgusting.
Narcissistic.
Cowardly.
Manipulating.
Disgusting.
Disgusting.

These are just a few thoughts in my head when I think of the man criminal who has taken over
your life. Disgust.

Ive watched this man villain come into your life; I did not watch as I was only told stories. You
were together for four years. Four years. In those four years it was never necessary to introduce
this person monster to your family. Why? Why is that? I believe that you know why. You know
that you were involved with a manipulator who did not want to meet your family. 4 years.
Thinking about how much you love your family, my heart tightens and I have to hold back tears
thinking about how that conversation happened, imagining your face as he told you that your
family did not matter to him, and he had no interest in meeting them. I know you loved love this
sorry-excuse of a man, but it was is not love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres (BibleGateway).

Love:
Patient.
Kind.

Love does not:

Envy.
Boast.
Dishonor.

It is not easily angered; it does not delight in evil.

Evil.
Disgust.

Love always protects. Protects? My stomach twists as I write that sentence. I will never forget
the day I received that phone call. I dropped the phone and stood back in a daze trying to digest
what I had been told. Im unsure if I even hung-up the phone. All the words float around in my
head like a bad song you cannot rid your head of.

Assault.
Bruised.
Burned.
Cocaine.
Murder.
Assault.
Assault.

You are alive, and everyday I am grateful that you are here to live another day as you and I both
know that cold day in April could have ended with a drastically different ending. The truth of the
matter is, I know youve chosen to forget the events of that day. For me and everyone that
genuinely loves you, we will never be able to choose to forget that day despite that evidence left
on your body. The bruises on your face plus the black-eye that you had to ice and cover-up will
never leave my head. What about the cigarette-burn marks on your skin or the choke hold
marks around your neck? I think about how anyone can be that big of a monster where they can
attempt to strangle a person while attempting to murder them by an overdose of cocaine. This is
not a man. This is a villain, a sociopath, a psychopath, a monster. This is evil. Disgust.

It is hard to view yourself as a victim in a domestic abuse relationship. But wait, I am not in a
domestic abuse relationship, you would say to me. That is interesting that you say that;

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and
maintain total control over you. An abuser doesnt play fair. Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and
intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also
threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you (Smith et al).

The tears that were cried for months and months over the incident that happened. The tears
that were cried by not only you, but those that are closest to you. When your heart physically
aches for the person that hurts, this is love. I am grateful that he is no longer in this country
anymore, and he was rightfully deported back to his country of origin. What kills me is that he
still has control. He is in a different country, but he has you asking him for permission. He puts
you down. He blames you for everything that happened to the extent that he forces apologies
out of you. He guilts you into sending money and photos to him. Then he calls you baby and
that he loves you makes everything okay again.

I need you to understand that this is not a normal and healthy relationship. I need you to
understand that there is a cycle of domestic abuse, and he is completing the cycle over and
over again. Even though he is in a different country, he is still able to use emotional abuse by
reaching out to you. I know he tells you that he misses you and that he loves you only to control
your every move. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him,
that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of
staying are very real (Smith et al). When he rang up thousands of dollars on your phone bill
through phone calls, he blamed you for that, but he felt no concern when he guilted you into
wiring him thousands to him. He uses dominance, isolation and denial and blame to continue to
control you (Smith et al). He is able to reach you when you are isolated, and he continues to
keep you within his grasp, despite being 2,100 miles away, by limiting your actions and blaming
you for the way everything has turned out.

It is unacceptable for anybody to be treated this way. You are NOT an object that belongs to
somebody. You do NOT need permission to go somewhere or do something with friends. You
are NOT someone who is dependent on this man psychopath. You do NOT owe him anything.
Anything. Anything includes money, photos of you and/or your life, explanations, apologies,
phone calls, good thoughts and thoughts in general. Disgust.

You are immensely beautiful. You are the kindest and funniest person I know. You are so much
powerful than you could ever imagine, but you do not know it. You need to believe it to truly see
it. I know the impact that he has had on you makes you feel trapped. I want you to know that the
day will come when you will not feel this way anymore. The day will come when your past will be
in your past, and you can begin to work on your future. There is nothing that any of the people in
your life want more for you than happiness along with your freedom that has been taken from
you. You have the strength and the intelligence to surpass this of which you will do one day. I
know you are fearful about the opinions of others, but wasting time and energy on that will not
help you overcome this challenge. You need to believe in yourself in that you are so much more
than he will ever know. He does and will not ever have the priviledge of you seeing the
wonderfulness of you. You will walk away from this. Yes, you will be wounded, but the important
aspect is that you will be the one to stand back up and walk away.

Love always,

A Hand to Forever Hold

Work Cited

"BibleGateway." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - - Bible Gateway. Web. 15 Mar. 2017.

Smith, Melinda, and Jeanne Segal. "Domestic Violence and Abuse." Domestic Violence and
Abuse: Are You or Someone You Care About in an Abusive Relationship? Web. 15 Mar. 2017.