THE APPROACH MODULE

Lesson 1 - Understanding Anxiety

Lesson 2 - Defense Mechanisms
Lesson 3 - Everybody is Your Friend
Lesson 4 - What Time is It?
Lesson 5 - Directions
Lesson 6 - Demographics
Lesson 7 - Talk to Women
Lesson 8 - Curiosity
Lesson 9 - Direct Approach
Lesson 10 - Get a Phone Number

LESSON 1: UNDERSTANDING ANXIETY

Anxiety exists for a reason. Its part of our fight-or-flight response.

As we go throughout our lives, whenever a specific situation

causes us a certain degree of pain, our body remembers it and
then alerts us in the future as to when were likely to feel that pain
again. This is where anxiety comes from.

Anxiety is caused by shame rooted in our past. When we

experience it, we try to avoid it.

There is no trick or shortcut to overcoming anxiety other than to

desensitize yourself to it and to rewire your brain to believe it will
cause you pain anymore.

The way you do this is by consciously creating new behaviors and

actions to practice that will replace the old emotional patterns.

When creating new emotional patterns, quantity and consistency

are more important than intensity.

So that means if you have social anxiety, its much better to go out
and do 10 small actions rather than one big one.
This course is designed to work you through rewiring your
anxiety until you feel comfortable approaching attractive women
you dont know.

EXERCISE
Take a moment to think about what experiences previously in
your life cause you anxiety around women you dont know. What
new experiences could replace that anxiety?

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS

My biggest anxiety is:

Talking to new people (especially hot women)
I think being rejected by good looking women during my teen
years caused me to feel anxious around them. I have little
experience interacting with them on a regular basis and I feel I
might get rejected by them at anytime

LESSON 2: DEFENSE MECHANISMS

Defense mechanisms are thought patterns or behavioral patterns
we use in order to avoid whatever causes us a lot of anxiety.

I classify four common categories of defense mechanisms:

Procrastination - We are all familiar with procrastination. It

occurs when we are avoiding or putting off something we
know will be unpleasant. Since going through with behaviors
that cause us anxiety are unpleasant, we often procrastinate
them. This means unnecessarily delaying calling a woman,
deciding that you want to have a couple drinks before you
 approach a woman, deciding that you need to go to the
bathroom before you talk to someone, etc., etc.
Intellectualization - The smarter you are, and the more
studious you were in school, the more this one likely afflicts
you. Intellectualization is when you take an emotional
problem or pain point, and try to solve it logically. For
instance, walking up and speaking to a woman requires
nothing more than opening your mouth and saying something,
yet men read and write 300+ page books on the subject. The
danger of intellectualization is that it can give you the feeling
that youre making progress, when actually you or not. In fact,
rampant intellectualization can often cause more stress and
anxiety because it takes a simple behavior (approaching a
woman) and suddenly makes it extremely complicated
(approach from this angle, say this, look at her like this, smile
like this, etc.)
Blame/Anger - When confronted with something that makes
them anxious or afraid, many men react with anger or blame.
They try to displace their fear onto someone else so that they
will no longer have to accept responsibility for it. For instance,
theyll declare that a woman who wasnt interested in them
was a bitch or make broad stereotypes about certain type of
people. This is pure insecurity.
Apathy - The most dangerous of the defense mechanisms.
Apathy makes you feel like you dont care about what makes
you nervous, therefore theres no point doing it. You may
spend weeks or months obsessing about meeting women, but
when you finally get out to a party or event and have a chance
to meet some, you decide that you dont care much, that youre
too tired, etc.
Defense mechanisms can be simple and superficial or large and
abstract.

When a certain defense mechanisms is utilized enough times, it

will eventually form a permanent belief.

EXERCISE
Write down all of your excuses for not approaching women youd
like to meet. Then go through and categorize each of the excuses
as a specific defense mechanism. What can you do to overcome
them?

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS
DEFENSE MECHANISMS (HOLD YOU BACK FROM WHAT YOU WANT)

1. PROCRASTINATION:

I FIRST NEED MORE TIME TO CALM MYSELF.

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT FIRST.

I NEED TO READ MORE PICKUP STUFF BEFORE I APPROACH THAT KIND OF WOMEN.(
NEED TO LEARN ALL THEORY / TECHNIQUES.)
I FIRST NEED TIME TO WARM UP.

I FIRST NEED AN EXCUSE TO CHAT

I FIRST NEED SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT

I FIRST HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE RIGHT PLACE/TIME.

I FIRST HAVE TO DRINK.

I FIRST NEED TO DO MORE FITNESS / DIET

I FIRST NEED TO BE MORE CONFIDENT.

2. INTELLECTUALIZATION:

SHES IN A CONVERSATION.

SHE PROBABLY HAS A BOYFRIEND.(MAYBE THAT BOY IS HER BOYFRIEND)

SHE IS ON PHONE.

SHES PROBABLY THE GIRLFRIEND OF ONE OF THE GUYS AROUND HER.

SHES HERE WITH FRIENDS.

SHES IN A HURRY.

SHE DOESNT HAVE TIME.

SHE DOESNT WANNA TALK.

I WAITED TOO LONG, SO THE CHANCE IS OVER.

WHAT I WILL SAY ?

SHE DOESNT SENT ME INDICATIONS OF INTEREST

I NEED FIRST THINK ABOUT WHAT I AM GOING TO SAY

SHE WILL THINK THAT I AM BORING

3. BLAME/ANGER:

SHES SUPERFICIAL. (SHELL THINK SHES TOO HOT FOR ME / IM CREEPY, STRANGE,
BORING)

SHES A (PARTY) WHORE.

SHES DUMB.

SHE LOOKS BITCHY

4. APATHY:

ITS TOO LOUD IN HERE.

ITS NOT THE WRIGHT PLACE/TIME.

IM TOO TIRED / STRESSED.

IM NOT FEELING WELL.

IM TOO BUSY WITH PROJECTS.

IM JUST GOING TO HAVE A DRINK.

ITS BETTER TO HAVE NO CONTACT WITH WOMEN.

ITS BETTER TO GO OUT WITH FRIENDS THAN ALONE.

LESSON 3: EVERYBODY IS YOUR
FRIEND
EVERYBODY IS YOUR FRIEND
One reason many of us feel so much social anxiety is because we
feel like its socially inappropriate to speak to strangers.

I dont know about you, but I was told my entire childhood to

never talk to strangers.

It wasnt until I got over most of my social anxiety that I realized

how often random people will talk to each other strike up casual
conversations. It amazed me that something I used to consider so
rare and even inappropriate was something other people had
been doing their entire lives.

EXERCISE
Go about your normal day, except every single person you speak
to cashier, bus driver, parking attendant ask them how their
day is going.

Strike up at least one casual conversation (the weather is always

an easy place to start.) Do this until you can do it comfortably.
Come back and write up your experiences.

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS
LESSON 4: WHAT TIME IS IT?
OK, so youve gotten comfortable having small talk with random
strangers. Maybe you even had an interesting conversation or
two. Thats great.

But still, those were people you needed to speak to anyway. Its
likely that stopping and talking to people who dont need to speak
to you will still cause you a lot of anxiety.

EXERCISE
Thats why this is your mission. Go out and ask 10 people what
time it is. At least half of them should be attractive women. You can
do this over the course of a few days, but it needs to be 10 people.

Simply walk up to them and say, Excuse me, my phone died, do

you know what time it is? Thank them and then carry on.

Do this until it feels comfortable.

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS
LESSON 5: DIRECTIONS
DIRECTIONS
You should now be able to stop any stranger, at any time,
anywhere and at least open your mouth and speak to them. This
is progress. Especially since youve been able to do it with
attractive women!

Were now going to take things one step further. Were going to
get you to ask these strangers something personal.
Note: the point of this exercise is not to game or attract the
people you talk to, simply to overcome the social anxiety
associated with asking a stranger something personal about
themselves.

EXERCISE
Find 10 attractive women in a public place and ask them for
directions to a nearby landmark or restaurant. Then, once they
have given you an answer, if they seem friendly, ask them if they
are from your city/town. Ask this question to five separate
women.

You may do this exercise over the course of multiple days. Do as

you go about your daily life. But do is as soon as possible! We
want to stay consistent. Come back and write up your
experiences.

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS
LESSON 6: DEMOGRAPHICS
DEMOGRAPHICS
Lets talk about where to meet and start hitting on women.

One big mistake a lot of men make is they simply look for single
women in the wrong places. Either they subscribe to some pickup
idea of cold approach or they gravitate to bars/clubs even
though theyre not particularly interested in those places.

Demographics places a huge role in our success. If you are

pursuing women who dont fit your demographic, then not only
are you going to have less success, but youre going to have much
more anxiety.
For instance, if you are a 50-year-old college professor, you
should not be chasing around 20-year-old high school dropouts.
Its a demographic mismatch. If youre a tight-laced corporate
type, you should not be talking to girls at indie rock dive bars.

Playing to our own demographic helps us in a variety of ways: it

gives us more confident, less shame and anxiety, more things to
talk about with the woman and to relate to them about, a greater
chance of a positive reception, social proof and its simply more
fun.

Pursue your hobbies and passions and then meet women in those
places.

Some examples:

Dance classes (salsa, swing, ballroom, etc.)

Political organizations, causes or events
Concerts and concert promotions
Amateur sports leagues (ultimate frisbee and co-ed volleyball
have many women)
Volunteering, charity events
Train courses (leadership, public speaking)
Cooking classes
Dog parks
Museums, art gallery showings
Yoga classes (a gold mine)
Meditation courses and retreats, philosophy courses
Self help seminars and educational events (Landmark, Avatar,
Tony Robbins, etc.)
Travel groups (couchsurfing, Internations, etc.)
Church, Synagogue, or whatever religion you are (if youre
religious)
Foreign language courses and exchanges
Wine or beer tastings
Trivia nights
Business networking events
 House parties and group dinners
Etc.
EXERCISE:
Find a specific location, activity or event that you like and strike
up a conversation with a woman in that location. This should be a
REAL conversation, not just small talk or chit-chat. If you need
help getting started, ask to be introduced, or ask an innocuous
question.

Come back and report how it went.

LESSON 7: TALK TO WOMEN

TALK TO WOMEN
Congratulations, for many of you, you have now officially
approached your first woman that you did not know before. Now
its time to take things a bit further.

Hopefully you found a good demographic you feel comfortable.

Now its time to continue pursuing women and continue talking.

Since many of you will be talking to women in these venues, this

lesson I want to cover the basics of talking to women in bars or
clubs.

Start by looking for women who are in groups of two or three,

by themselves.
Simply walk up and introduce yourself to them, Hi, Im Mark.
Shake their hands.
Follow this up with You dont look like youre from X, where
X is wherever you are. This should get a basic conversation
started.
The great thing about bars and clubs is that women are expecting
to be approached. In fact, many of them go there to meet men.
The bad thing about bars and clubs is sometimes the women
arent so nice and sometimes theyre drunk and obnoxious.

EXERCISE
This exercise can be done anywhere, although its recommended
you do it at some sort of event, social function or bar or nightclub.

Walk up to five attractive women you do not know and have a

conversation (of at least 3 minutes) with them. You can do this
over the course of multiple days or weeks. The goal is simply
short conversations with women you dont know, dont worry if
things dont go so well. Were focused on your anxiety right now.

Write about your experience.

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS
LESSON 8: CURIOSITY
CURIOSITY
Most men spend all of their time wondering what a woman will
think of them. They spend all of their effort trying to impress her
and make her like them.

But what if they instead approached wondering what she was

like? What if they wanted to find out if they liked them?

Pursuing women from the position of curiosity is one of the most

empowering things you can do.

It removes your dependence on validation and the woman for

your success.

EXERCISE
Find things you are genuinely curious to know about five different
women. Then go and find them out. It could be as simple as,
Would she and I get along? It could be, Is she foreign? It could
be, Does she study something interesting? Whatever it is, use it
as your motivation.

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS

LESSON 9: DIRECT APPROACH

DIRECT APPROACH
In pick up theory, there are two kinds of approaches: direct and
indirect.

Indirect means you approach a woman without making your

intention known. You approach by asking for the time, for
directions, or some pointless question and striking up a casual
conversation with her.
Direct means that you make your interest immediately known,
usually with a compliment or explanation of why youre
talking to her.
Direct approaches generally cause more anxiety in men because
they feel like letting their sexual desires be known is somehow
creepy or inappropriate.

Direct approaches are far more polarizing and more powerful.

Usually the worst rejection you will get is, I have a boyfriend.
But if a girl is attracted to you as well, then you will get the
warmest responses by far from doing direct approaches.

Approaching direct ties in with the sexual module in that it

requires one to express ones sexuality.
EXERCISE
Approach five different women directly. Use the following line:

Hi, this is kind of random, but I thought you were cute and wanted
to meet you.

If youre from a non-English-speaking country, use the translation

into your own language that makes the most sense.

After you say this, she will likely blush and become very flattered.
Some will immediately tell you that they have a boyfriend. If they
DONT tell you they have a boyfriend, go ahead and assume
theyre interested until proven otherwise. Follow up with the,
You dont look like youre from here, line and go into a casual
conversation.

A direct approach can be done in just about any location (college

classes, work environments are exceptions.)

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS
LESSON 10: GET A PHONE NUMBER
GETTING THE DIGITS
Congratulations, you are now capable of approaching women just
about anywhere and in any circumstance.

Its time to finish up this module by getting a womans phone

number.

This is actually simpler than it seems. Approach a woman, get into

a conversation with her. And then after 3-5 minutes of simple
conversation, if she seems positive and excited to be talking to
you, ask for her number.
Asking for her number is simple.

Hey, I have to go, but we should grab coffee (or a drink) sometime.

If she says sure, pull out your phone and ask for the number.
Thats it! Getting phone numbers are surprisingly simple (its
getting them to show up thats the hard part.)

FINAL EXERCISE
Go out and get one phone number from approaching a woman
you dont know. Write up the experience.

Congratulations! Youve come a long way.

EXERCISE SUBMISSIONS