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Caroline Willis

Instructor: Malcolm Campbell

UWRT 1104

April 5, 2017

Helicopter Parents: Helping or Hurting?

Helicopter parenting means different things to different people. Its typically defined as a

parent who hovers over their child, makes decisions for them, and sometimes sacrifices their

childs happiness or childhood for their future success. Most helicopter parents reach out to

teachers, and become involved in every aspect of their life, regardless of if they are needed. To

some, it has a negative connotation, and its looked upon as a hindrance. To others, it is the most

effective parenting style when it comes to making sure your children are raised to be successful.

No matter what your opinion of helicopter parenting is, you most likely know somebody who

disagrees with you; somebody who raised their children or have parents that raised them in the

opposite way. I grew up in a house that is considered to be neutral, meaning that my parents

gave me freedom, allowed me to make my own decisions, and forced me to do things for myself

while still making sure that the decisions I made were good ones. I wouldnt consider them to be

helicopter parents due to the fact that they never went above my head to get something

accomplished. They never contacted my teachers, professors, or employers to push for my

success and they never tried to get into things that they know I wouldnt necessarily want them

to, as long as I was safe. Some of my close friends and some of the children I babysit have had

the opposite experience. Their parents raised them attempting to be their friend and shape their

lives for them by creating an environment where it was nearly impossible to make a mistake.
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Despite going away to college, many people that I know still have parents who call them

multiple times a day, track their location, and check up on their grades consistently. In this paper,

I will be examining the effects of helicopter parents on childrens wellbeing, particularly in

college students.

Helicopter parenting is a somewhat new idea in our society. The significance of going

away to college has decreased over the years, and we mainly attribute that to the prevalence of

social media and cell phones. George Kuh explains in an interview with NPR (National Public

Radio): The coming of age, breaking away experience that we thought college should be,

particularly for traditional age students, has a different flavor and shape today. This is a highly

connected society we are in now, and it shows in terms of parents and students. Years ago, you

might write a letter home every two weeks. You might have a phone call on the weekend. It

would be great if someone did my laundry. Well, these folks are in pretty much, almost daily

contact with some member of their family Parents have easy access to almost everything their

kid does while theyre away, along with nearly everything that everyone who even interacts with

their child does as well. Social media has created an environment where we all know almost

every detail of each others lives, and this type of society is breeding curiosity in parents about

what their children are up to when theyre not there to supervise.

To understand helicopter parenting, we must first understand why it takes place. In

Parents magazine, Kate Bayless gives us four main things that can cause a parents to hover. Her

list consists of fear of dire consequences, feelings of anxiety, overcompensation, and pressure

from other parents. Often, when an adult was neglected when they were younger, they have a

tendency to treat their children in the opposite way, but its easy to take that too far. Many
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researchers have found that the motivation behind their childrens curfews, expected academic

outcomes, and rules regarding relationships are based off of the opinion of other parents who

know their children, rather than doing whats best for the child. Also, its possible that if a parent

feels as if their life didnt turn out the way that they wanted, they want their children to try harder

to achieve what they couldnt. The problem is that in this case, they often take matters into their

own hands and end up doing it themselves. Although most of these reasons dont insinuate

negative intentions, they do often turn out to have negative consequences.

Barbara Hover, author of The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids I College

(and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up, stated that college students communicate with their

parents on average of 13.4 times a week (48). Other studies show that most college kids look

forward to hearing from their parents, and theyre not upset about their parents contacting them

often. How do we decipher between helicopter parents and parents who simply want to maintain

a good relationship with their kids while they are away? Hover said that its not completely up to

the child. She claims that if the hovering parenting style doesnt seem to bother the student, it is

likely because the child has become immune the behavior. Hover believes that if the child had

grown up in an environment where he/she was given their own space and was allowed to make

decisions for themselves, the behavior would bother them if it suddenly began, meaning that it

has more to do with what youre used to rather than what youd appreciate most.

According to Reema Kharis from NPR, about 30 percent of colleges have created

services to respond to the questions and anxieties of parents. Similarly, more than 90 percent of

colleges offer a specific orientation for parents of freshmen before the start of classes. Rodney

Johnson is the executive director of George Washington Universitys Office of Parent Services,
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which is a fairly new office that was established in order to meet the needs of students parents.

He claims that the office receives about 15 calls each day, adding up 2,500 calls per year. What

do these parents typically ask? Most inquiries are about admissions, maintaining grades,

internships, and on-campus jobs, says Johnson. Each one of these mentioned is something that,

in my opinion, needs to be done by the student themselves. Finding internships and employment

is a basic life skill, and it probably doesnt leave the best impression of the student when a

company or boss is contacted by a parent; it may come off as if the student isnt interested in the

position. This is one of the negative aspects of helicopter parenting that could truly end up

affecting a person in a significant way. When parents become involved with teachers, professors,

and employers, it often ends up hurting more than helping.

Hara Estroff Marano brings up another side to this in Psychology Today magazine, where

she is Editor-at-Large. She states Adults, of course, rationalize their intrusive behavior by

pointing out that they're the ones paying the bills, so they are entitled to know what's going on

with their adult children. But commandeer the process? The money rationale rings awfully

hollow. Parents have long paid the way for their offspring, usually with the clear aim of seeing

that the kiddies acquire the knowledge and skills that support independence. One of the main

defenses coming from parents who are overly involved in their college students life is the

money factor. They claim that since theyre paying for it, its up to them how the student uses

their time. Since college has become so expensive, parents have begun to view it as an

investment, meaning that they have a say in how the student goes about college life. The odd

thing is that the parents who hover typically dont stop at academics; they usually meddle in

personal lives as well. I believe that there is a certainly a line here; its fair for parents to be

interested and somewhat involved in their students grades, especially if theyre funding the
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education. On the other hand, I feel that it is unfair to dictate someones decisions simply

because you are voluntarily funding them.

The effects of helicopter parenting on college students are still somewhat unclear due to

the fact that this is a somewhat new issue. While there have always been some parents that could

be considered as hoverers, social media and cell phones have completely changed how we

communicate and how much we can know about somebodys activities, friends, and

whereabouts. Because of this, it is impossible to have any long term research completed on the

topic of helicopter parenting while children are away at college. However, there have been some

short term studies that have told us more about college students feel concerning the way they are

treated by their parents, whether near or far.

One study performed by Terri LeMoyne and Tom Buchanan showed that college students

who claim that their parents are over-involved and controlling in their lives had lower

psychological well-being and were more likely to take medications for depressions and anxiety.

This study proves to us that students really do feel the pressure coming from their parents, and

needing to take medication for self-induced (or parent-induced) depression or anxiety is not

usually looked upon as a positive thing. Another study done by Chris Segrin found that parents

of college students who reported that they were very involved in their childrens lives had

children with lower levels of satisfaction in their family life. This study proved to us that

helicopter parenting can even be detrimental to parents, and a family as a whole. Some parents

within this study also shared that they wished they werent hovering over their child, but that

they feel they cant help it. I found this to be interesting because parents are basically admitting

that they know their behavior isnt beneficial to their child, yet they dont change their parenting

style. Parents typically know their children better than researchers do, and if some of the parents
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are admitting that helicopter parenting is often a negative thing, I believe that speaks volumes

about the effects.

On the contrary, Padilla-Walker and Nelson performed a study in attempt to establish a

measure of helicopter parenting that was distinct from other forms of parental control, and to

examine parental and behavioral correlates of helicopter parenting. It studied 438 undergraduate

students from four different universities around the United States. The verdict was different than

what other researchers have found when studying hovering parents relationship with their

college students. Padilla-Walker and Nelson found that when children reported that their parents

engaged in helicopter parenting, they described their parents as involved and emotionally

supportive. The aspect of this study that was consistent with other studies is that the students felt

that their parents did not grant them sufficient autonomy support. Therefore, this study proved

that helicopter parenting is not always a strictly negative thing.

Overall, through looking at studies, reading interviews, and listening to experts opinions,

I have concluded that helicopter parenting does not have a good effect on college students.

College is a time where you must learn how to do things for yourself and gain skills when it

comes to staying organized, finding employment, and communicating with professors. Outside

of the academic realm, its still important to find your own friends, learn what risks to take, stay

healthy, and make connections with others for yourself. If our parents are constantly doing these

for us or intervening when we need to be learning these tasks to prevent mistakes, we will never

grow. Of course, there are two sides to everything, and there are certainly some positives to

having parents who are very involved with your life. I dont believe that theres anything wrong

with communicating with your parents daily or letting them help you make decisions. The issue

arises when they are dictating your life, and Im glad that this is becoming a prevalent topic in
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our society so that we can prevent the negative types of parent involvement while supporting

positive and close relationships.

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Works Cited

Bayless, Kate. What is Helicopter Parenting? Parents, n.d., www.parents.com/parenting/better-

parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/. Accessed 28 Feb. 2017.

Estroff, Hara Marano. Helicopter Parenting- Its Worse Than You Think. Psychology Today,

31 Jan. 2014, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nation-wimps/201401/helicopter-

parenting-its-worse-you-think. Accessed 1 Mar. 2017.

Hofer, Barbara, and Abigail Sullivan Moore. The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids

in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up. Atria Books, 2011.

Khrais, Reema. Phone Home: Tech Draws Parents, College Kids Closer. NPR, 25 Sept. 2012,

www.npr.org/2012/09/25/161716306/phone-home-tech-draws-parents-college-kids-

closer. Accessed 28 Feb. 2017.

Kuh, George. Interview by Alison Stewart. Helicopter Parents Cant Stop Hovering, 6 Nov.

2007, www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16034303. Accessed 2 Mar. 2017.

LeMonye, Terri, and Tom Buchanan. Does Hovering Matter? Helicopter Parenting and Its

Effect on Well-Being. Taylor and Francis Online, vol. 31, no. 4, 9 Jun. 2011, pp. 399-

418. doi:10.1080/02732173.2011.574038. Accessed 31 Mar. 2017.

Padilla-Walker, Laura M., and Larry J. Nelson. Black hawk down?: Establishing helicopter

parenting as a distinct construct from other forms of parental control during emerging

adulthood. Journal of Adolescence, vol. 35, no. 5, 3 Oct. 2012, pp. 1177-1190.

doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2012.03.007. Accessed 28 Mar. 2017.

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Schiffrin, Holly H. Helping or Hovering? The Effects of Helicopter Parenting on College

Students Well-Being. Journal of Child and Family Studies, vol. 33, no. 3, 2014, pp.

548-557, 10.1007/s10826-013-9716-3. Accessed 1 Mar 2017.

Segrin, Chris. The Association Between Overparenting, Parent-Child Communication, and

Entitlement and Adaptive Traits in Adult Children. Wiley Online Library, vol. 61, no. 2,

13 Mar. 2012, pp. 237-252. doi: 10.1111/j.1741-3729.2011.00689.x. Accessed 30 Mar.

2017.