ACT For Kids:

Living a Valued Life

Steven B. Gordon, Ph.D., ABPP

Michael J. Asher, Ph.D., ABPP
Michael C. Selbst, Ph.D., BCBA-D
Behavior Therapy Associates, PA * 35 Clyde Road * Somerset, New Jersey 08854 * 732-873-1212
www.behaviortherapyassociates.com

Disclaimer: All photographs are placeholders for the purpose of this draft copy. Appropriate licenses will
be sought before photographs are used in the published version of this book.

Copyright 2014 All Rights Reserved

Property of Behavior Therapy Associates
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any
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permission of the authors.

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 My Page

My name is ____________________.

My age is______.

My favorite color(s) is__________.

My favorite food(s) is______________.

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 Table of Contents
1. Introduction for child: What is ACT? 6
a. The Three Rules in ACT 13
b. The Wizard and the Hole in the Ground 15
c. My Problem List 26
d. Parent Handout 28

2. Values and Goals 29

a. ACT Thermometer 30
b. My Fingerprint 32
c. What is Important to You? 33
d. What is a Goal? 42
e. The Magic Wand 48
f. My Experiment 50
g. Parent Handout 51

3. You 52
a. A Chess Story 62
b. Find You 68

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 c. My Experiment 69
d. Parent Handout 70

4. Acceptance 71
a. Monsters in My Backpack 76
b. My Experiment 85
c. Parent Handout 86

5. Here and Now 87

a. Noticing Experiment 88
b. Leaves on a Stream 90
c. My Experiment 91
d. Parent Handout 92

6. Thoughts 95
a. Ugg and Jugg 95
b. The Magic Bus 100
c. Name the Most Upsetting Thought 107
d. Now use the ACT Thermometer 108
e. My Experiment 109
f. Parent Handout 110
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8. Take Action 111
a. The Mule in the Well 111
b. My Experiment 121
c. Parent Handout 122

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 1. Introduction
What is ACT?
We will be doing something together that
has a big name, Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy, and instead we
use the initials ACT. This way we can
just say it as one simple word. Can you
say the word out loud right now?

ACT is a pretty new approach where the

goal is to help kids live a life that has
meaning to them. There are many fun
activities and stories in this workbook
and it is best to go through this with an
ACT Coach.

6
The ACT Coach can be a parent, a
relative, a teacher, or even a counselor.

7
This workbook will be your map that will
help you get to where you want to be
going.

The great thing is that you get to take

your own steps with your coachs help
along the way.

8
It will be very important to pay attention
and notice your thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts are words you say to yourself
like Im pretty cool or I better not try
something new. Feelings can be
emotions we like such as love or
emotions we dont like such as being
scared. Being willing to experience
whatever thoughts and feelings we have
is called Acceptance.

9
Then it will be important to know what is
important to you. It could be a lot of
different things and you will be helped to
figure this out. This means you will
Choose which direction to take.

Finally, you will have to Take Action to

move in your chosen direction.

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This will be like walking or running
down a path to get to where you want to
go.

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So ACT can be thought of as having
three parts: Accept, Choose, Take Action.
By understanding and following all three
parts, your life can have more meaning
and joy.

12
 ACT stands for
(circle the correct word)
A
Applesauce
Acceptance
Angry
C
Correct
Chase
Choose
T
Take Away
Take Action
Take a Snack

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 The Three Rules in ACT

1. The Truth Rule. The Truth Rule means

that you agree to tell the truth and be honest
when you are using this ACT Workbook.

2. The No Punishment Rule. The No

Punishment Rule means that you cant get
punished for anything you say when you are
using the ACT Workbook.

3. The Privacy Rule. The Privacy Rule

says that whatever you say or do when you are
using the ACT Workbook is private and you own
the privacy. This means that you can tell anyone
about it if you want to but no one else can share
what you have told them. The only time someone
else can tell someone else would be to keep you
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 or someone else safe if there is any kind of
danger. Do you have any questions about this?

By Telling the Truth, having No

Punishment, and being able to say
whatever you want in Private, you can
ACT in a way that is safe, comfortable
and happy for you.

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 The Wizard and the Hole
in the Ground

Once upon a time, there was a wizard

who enjoyed playing tricks on children.

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Interestingly, all the children liked when
the Wizard chose them to be the target
for one of his tricks. For this trick the
wizard chose a little red headed boy.

The wizard asked him if he would like

the pot of gold at the end of the field.

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The little red headed boy told the Wizard
he would do anything to get the pot of
gold.

The Wizard said it wouldnt be that easy.

First, you have to carry a small suitcase.

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Then, you have to make sure that you
dont fall into the big holes in the field.

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Finally you have to do this wearing a
blindfold.

The little red headed boy agreed because

he really wanted that pot of gold at the
end of the field.
The wizard then waved his magic wand
and there appeared a pot of gold.

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He then said some magic words and a
suitcase appeared in the little boys hand.
The Wizard said some more magic words
and there were big holes in the field and
a blindfold around the boys eyes. With
that the Wizard disappeared.

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The little red headed boy began to walk
very slowly and very carefully. He came
right up to the edge of a hole, carefully
put out his foot, balanced himself and did
not fall into the hole. This continued for a
long time but soon his luck ran out as he
fell into a very deep hole that was over
his head.

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He quickly ripped off the blindfold and
saw that he was in big trouble. He
thought for a moment about how much
he wanted the pot of gold.
He almost forgot that he fell into the hole
with a suitcase given to him by the
Wizard. Quickly opening the suitcase, he
saw the most beautiful shovel he had
ever seen.

The little red headed boy used the shovel

in a way that shovels are meant to be
used. He started to dig and dig and dig.

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After a while, he stopped digging, looked
up and saw that he was in the hole deeper
than before. All of a sudden he realized
that digging down was hopeless.
He would never get out of the hole and
he would never get the pot of gold if he
kept on digging down. The little red
headed boy, realizing digging was
hopeless, dropped the shovel.

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 ``````````````

He now had a chance to think about new

ways he could try to get out of the hole.

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We dont know how the little red headed
boy got out of the hole but he did get out
and he did get the pot of gold!

What does this story tell us? If there is

something that is important to you, and
what you are doing doesnt work then it
is a good idea to stop doing those things
that are hopeless and try something else.
The End

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 My Problem List
Below is a list of areas that may or may not be
important to you. We will call these Values. Place an
X in the box under Important if you think this
Value is important to you. Place an X in the box
under Yes if you think there is a problem in this area
or place an X in the box under No if you think there
is no problem in this area. A problem means that
you think that things are not going as well as you
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would like in that area. There is no right or wrong
answer as long as you tell the truth.
Important Yes No
1. Parents
2. Siblings
3. Friends
4. Education
5. Physical Health
6. Fun
7. Community
8. Spirituality
9. Independence
Make a list of all the things you
have tried to solve the problems.
1.____________________
2.____________________
3.____________________

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 4.____________________
5.____________________

Review the above list and draw a circle

around the solutions that have really,
really worked!

Parent Handout
29
 Introduction to ACT
(Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
ACT is a type of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) that has been demonstrated to
be effective with a wide range of conditions (e.g., anxiety, depression, substance
abuse, eating disorders, etc.).

The aim of ACT is to help individuals live a meaningful life as a fully

conscious human being, willing to accept whatever unpleasant inner
experiences (i.e., thought and feelings) appear while taking action that will
move toward a chosen direction.
ACT is very simple and very complicated at the same time.
Just like you dont need to know how an internal combustion engine works
to be a good driver, you dont need to know the theory behind ACT to use it
to help improve the quality of your childs life. If you desire to learn more
about ACT, a reference list is provided in the Appendix.

Homework Assignment:

1. Please review the three rules of ACT with your child. It is important that your
child tells the truth, understands that they are safe and that what is discussed is
personal and private.

2. Review the Problem List with your child to ensure that it was completed with
some degree of accuracy.

3. Review the list of solutions with your child to check for anything left out.

4. When these have been completed then sign your name below.

Parent signature Date

2. Values and Goals

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What is a value?
A value is the worth, merit, or
importance of something.

A value is something that gives

meaning to our lives.

A value is something toward which

we move.

A value is like a point on a compass.

A value cannot be reached.

ACT Thermometer
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 The ACT Thermometer measures
anything. It goes from 1 to 10.
1 is very low
5 is in the middle
10 is very high

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Draw your own ACT Thermometer

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 My Fingerprint
Below are some things that are
important to us. There is no right or
wrong answer as we are all different,
just like our fingerprint.

Use the ACT Thermometer and rate

on a scale of 1-10
(1 is very low 5 is in the middle
and 10 is very high)

There are no right or wrong values.

So be honest, dont just say what you
think someone would want to hear.

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 What is Important to You?

Relationship with parents

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look like

in the future? (1-10) ________

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 Being a Sister/Brother

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look

like in the future? (1-10) ________

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 Being a friend

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look like

in the future? (1-10) ________

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 Learning

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look like

in the future? (1-10) ________

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 Being Healthy

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look like

in the future? (1-10) ________

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 Having Fun

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look like

in the future? (1-10) ________
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 Being in a Community

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look like

in the future? (1-10) ________

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 Being Spiritual

1. How important is this value? (1-10)

_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-

10) _______

3. What would you like this to look

like in the future? (1-10) ________

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 Being Independent
1. How important is this value? (1-10)
_________

2. How successful are you now? (1-10)

_______

3. What would you like this to look like

in the future? (1-10) ________

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 What is a goal?

A goal can be achieved or reached.

A goal can be easy or hard to
achieve.
You can measure your progress
toward a goal.
You keep on setting new goals in
life.

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 Goal: Graduate High School

Goal: Talk pleasantly with parents for

one day

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Goal: Play a game with brother/ sister

Goal: Go to a movie with a friend

Goal: Exercise 30 minutes

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 Goal or Value?
Look at the examples below and place an
x in the correct box.

Getting 10 goals the whole

soccer season

Goal Value

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 Loving your family

Goal Value

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What Values are Most Important to You?
List three in the heart

The Magic Wand

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You get to make three wishes about
something you want to do more often

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1. I wish I could ______________ to
make my life different. My chosen
action would be to _______________.

2. I wish I could ______________ to

make my life different. My chosen
action would be to _______________.

3. I wish I could ______________ to

make my life different. My chosen
action would be to _______________.

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 My Experiment: Goals
What goals would you like to achieve in
the next week?
LIST THREE
1.___________________________
___________________________
2.___________________________
___________________________
3.___________________________
___________________________

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 Parent Handout: Values and Goals
Values and Goals have distinct meaning in ACT. Values are a
reflection of what is important in our life and about which we
really care. A Goal is something that we can actually achieve.
You may value growing intellectually while you have a goal of
reading a book. You may achieve the goal of reading the book
but you can never achieve growing intellectually.

Homework Assignment:

1. Please review this section with your child.

2. Share with your child at least one of your own values and one
of the related goals you have achieved in your life.
3. Review your childs ACT Thermometer and the assigned
scores.
4. Review your childs Goals daily.
4. When these have been completed, sign your name below.

Parent signature Date

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 3. You
This is you!

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This is you sitting on a chair.

Are you the chair?

Yes No

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This is you eating an apple.

Are you the apple?

Yes No

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This is you singing a song?

Are you the song?

Yes No

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This is you getting a bad grade

Are you the bad grade?

Yes No

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This is you getting a good grade

Are you the good grade?

Yes No

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This is you having a thought.

I am really bad at
hockey.

Are you the thought?

Yes No
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 This is someone else having a thought
about you.

He is such a
loser.

Are you the thought?

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 Yes No

This is you having a feeling.

Are you the feeling?

Yes No
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You!
You are not what you do.
You are not what you eat.
You are not what you sing.
You are not the grade you get.
You are not what you think.
You are not what you feel.

63
 A Chess Story
Once upon a time there was a land where
chess boards lived. There were all kinds
of chessboards. Some were very big and
some were very small. Some were
colored in blue and green while others
were brown and white. Some were very
old and others were brand new, but they
were all chessboards.

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All these chessboards had one thing in
common they all came in contact with
chess pieces. The king, queen, knights,
bishops, rooks and pawns were all there.
Some of these pieces were carved in gold
and ivory and were beautiful. Some were
made of wood and some were even made
of cheap plastic. There were even pieces
that were broken.

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It did not matter whether the chess pieces
were beautiful, ugly, old or new. They
were not the same as the chessboard. The
chessboard did not change when it had
nice pieces on top of it or not. The
chessboard was the same no matter what
the pieces were made of or even if they
were broken.
The End

66
 You
are like the chessboard.
Thoughts and feelings
are like the chess pieces.
The chessboard and the pieces
are in contact with each other.
are close to each other but they are not
the same.

What are three bad things people say

about you?
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1. ________________________
________________________
2. ________________________
________________________
3. ________________________
________________________

Are you these bad things?

Yes No

What are three good things people say

about you?
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1. ________________________
________________________
2. ________________________
________________________
3. ________________________
________________________

Are you these good things?

Yes No

Find You

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Circle every you and put an X through
each thought and feeling.
You Scared You They hate me You
Mad You I am a loser You Worried
You You I like school I hate school
You You You I am bad at soccer The
dark is scary You I am bored Sad
Angry You I love ice cream You
Homework is a waste
You You You I have friends

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 My Experiment!
1. What is the thought you have that
is the most upsetting to you?
_______________________
_______________________
_______________________
2. What feeling do you have when
you have that thought? How
strong is the feeling on your ACT
Thermometer?
Feeling?_____________
How strong? (1-10)_________

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 Parent Handout
This chapter is about helping your child to separate your
childs thoughts from their sense of self. This concept is
perhaps the most difficult one to grasp so it will require
your help.

Homework Assignment:

1. Please review this section with your child.

2. Share with your child at least one of your own negative
thoughts about yourself that is significant.
3. Explain how being stuck with this thought has
impacted your life.
4. Explain how thoughts may change but the you that
has these thoughts is the same.
4. When these have been completed, sign your name
below.

Parent signature Date

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 4. Acceptance
Acceptance means being open to all
experiences both pleasant and unpleasant
when they occur.

What does Acceptance mean?

Noticing all thoughts and
feelings when they show up

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 Making room for these
thoughts and feelings
Not trying to get rid of, reduce

or eliminate unpleasant
thoughts and feelings

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The opposite of open is closed. When
closed you shut yourself off from living a
valued and meaningful life.

Being closed also means struggling to

avoid unpleasant thoughts, feelings and
sensations. The solutions you use to
avoid these unpleasant thoughts and
feelings now become the problem. If you
experience anxiety or a nervous feeling
in school and see the nurse you will miss
important class time and you will miss
important class time.
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Your solution, going to the nurse, now
becomes the problem. In this chapter,
you will learn to accept thoughts and
feelings and give up struggling.

What Does Avoidance Mean?

It is the opposite of acceptance.

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 It means running away from
something.
Do you try to avoid
Feeling scared?
Feeling angry?
Feeling embarrassed?
Thinking unpleasant thoughts
about yourself?
Thinking unpleasant thoughts
about others?

Monsters in My Backpack

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Once upon a time there was a cool kid
named Anthony. Anthony had a backpack
that he carried everywhere he went.

He wanted to be like the other kids and

play outside or go to birthday parties, but
sometimes, when he tried, his backpack
would begin to make noise and become
uncomfortable.

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As he got closer to the activities, the
commotion would increase and the
creatures would come out. If he tried to
ignore them, they would turn into
monsters, making scary sounds and
faces, forcing Anthony to run away.

The monsters would stop their scary

sounds and return to the bottom of his
backpack when he moved away.

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Anthony would feel much better and
would wander around watching the other
kids, trying not to join in. After a while,
Anthony would become bored simply
wandering around and would move
closer to where he really wanted to be.
He knew he needed to be brave and
courageous, but these monsters were
scary. Each time he tried to move closer
to the activities, the monsters scared him
with their noises and faces and he would
move back.

Anthony noticed that it was really hard to

have the bad feelings the monsters
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caused. When he thought about it, he
figured out that the monsters could not
really hurt him, but the feelings were
hard to overcome.

Anthony would watch the other kids

have fun and enjoy themselves while
keeping his distance. While this made
him sad, he knew that it would protect
him from the anxiety, worry and bad
feelings. He was safely out of harms
way in keeping his distance, but there
was a price to pay.

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Anthony wondered if the price was
greater than he was willing to pay. The
other kids didnt seem to let things bother
them. They joined in, played and
appeared to have fun.

One day Anthony decided to join the

activity. With his backpack, he walked
towards the group. The creatures began
to make noise and peer out of the
backpack. He kept walking and they
turned into monsters with scary faces and
made scary noises. They climbed out of
the backpack and swarmed around
Anthony. Anthony then realized that the
monsters could not really harm him.
They could yell and growl but they were
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powerless. As he continued to walk, the
noises became screams and their faces
would scare even the bravest kid.

He did not stop; he wanted to join in.

Anthony figured out that if he wanted to
join the others, he would have to bring
his backpack with the monsters along.

He decided to let them complain and

figured that living with uncomfortable
feelings was still better than not making
the choice to join in and play with his
friends.

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 What unpleasant thoughts and
feelings do you try to avoid?
1. Thoughts
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
2. Feelings
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________

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 How is it working?
(circle best answer)
Great
Not so good
Terrible

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 Numbers Experiment

I am going to tell you three numbers.

The numbers are 1, 2 and 3.
What are the numbers?
Now I want you to forget the
numbers.
What are the numbers?
Conclusion: Once you got it, you
cant get rid of it.

86
 My Experiment

1. Notice one time when you

accept an unpleasant thought or
feeling.
2. Notice one time when you try
to avoid having an unpleasant
thought or feeling.

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 Parent Handout

This chapter is about helping your child

to be open (accept) to unpleasant
thoughts and feelings. Any attempts to
get rid of these unpleasant thoughts and
feelings leads to the development of
significant struggles by your child. When
you become aware of these in your child,
ask your child to tell you what the
thoughts are and write them on a piece of
paper. Ask your child to carry them in
their pocket for the day. Over time, see if
your child can do the same even for a
few days.

88
 5. Here and Now
Here and Now is based on the notion
that living in the present (here and
now) is essential to living a valued
life. Living in the past or the future
distracts us from being totally
engaged in the present. Noticing
exercises contribute to helping you to
feel better with the emphasis on the
word feel (i.e., becoming better at
feeling).

89
 Noticing Experiment
Close your eyes
Imagine you are sitting on the edge of
a stream on a beautiful day
Imagine that you see leaves on the
stream coming toward you and then
passing by
Imagine these leaves are your
thoughts
Some of them are pleasant thoughts
and some are unpleasant thoughts
Notice the thoughts
Notice the feelings
Open your eyes

90
 Results of Experiment
What thoughts did you notice?
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
What feelings did you notice?
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________
__________________________

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 Leaves On A Stream
Write a thought or a feeling on each
leaf.

92
Write your thoughts on a leaf.
93
 My Experiment
1. Notice one upsetting thought you have
about yourself?
2. Where were you?
3. What were you doing?
4. What happened?

94
 Parent Handout
This chapter is about helping your child to
become more skilled at noticing their own
private mental activity (i.e., thoughts and
feelings).
Ask your child on a daily basis if they noticed
one upsetting experience in their mind. It can be
a thought (e.g., Im such a loser.) or an emotion
(e.g., nervousness, sadness, anger, etc.).
Keep a journal for five days and look for any
patterns. Make sure you praise your child for
noticing and AVOID any debating or arguing.

95
 6. Thoughts
Once upon a time, a very long time ago
there were two cavemen named Ugg and
Jugg.

Ugg Jugg

Ugg and Jugg looked very much the

same except for one big difference that
was invisible. Ugg had a danger center in
his brain but Jugg did not have a danger
center in his brain.

96
The danger center would go off like an
alarm whenever there was danger and
made Ugg feel scared.

One day Ugg and Jugg, carrying big

sticks, went hunting for food. After a
while, they moved a big rock and
standing there in front of them was a
huge dinosaur with very sharp teeth.

97
When Ugg saw the dinosaur his danger
center sounded a silent alarm. Uggs
heart started to beat faster, his muscles
got tense, his breathing got quicker and
he ran away as fast as he could.

Unfortunately, for Jugg, who did not

have a danger center in his brain, no
silent alarm went off. His heart did not
beat faster, his muscles did not get tense
and his breathing did not get quicker and
he did not run away as fast as he could.

98
Poor Jugg just did not have what he
needed to survive a danger center in his
brain.
Everyone today has the good fortune to
have a danger center in the brain just like
Ugg. Moms, dads, teachers and even
doctors have a danger center in their
brains. All kids have danger centers in
their brains too, just like Ugg.

99
These danger centers let us know when
there is a real danger so we can get away
from the real danger. Even though there
are no dinosaurs around today, there are
busy streets with a lot of cars and edges
of cliffs of which we all need to be
careful.

But there is a dark side to the danger

center in our brain. Sometimes we get a
false alarm where the danger center goes
off when there really is no actual danger.
If we avoid or run away when our brain

100
tells us DANGER when it is really a
false alarm then we may not be able to do
all the things in life that are important to
us like learning something new or doing
something different for the first time.

It is always important to listen to your

mind to avoid doing things that are really
dangerous like crossing a busy street
without looking both ways. It is also
important to not listen to your mind
when it tells you to avoid things that are
really not dangerous like sleeping in your
own room.
101
 The Magic Bus
Imagine a Magic Bus that you drive
every day on a very special road that
takes you toward all the things that are
important to you.

As long as you keep going forward on

the very special road you will have the
life that you want to have.

102
This Magic Bus stops along the way to
pick up special types of passengers.

Each passenger represents all of your

thoughts, memories and experiences and
once they get on the Magic Bus they
never, ever get off.

Some of these passengers are very nice

and pleasant and some of the passengers
are mean, dirty and smelly.

103
The Magic Bus gets bigger and bigger as
you get older so that all of your thoughts
and experiences will go with you
wherever you go.

104
Some of the passengers are very quiet
and just sit there and enjoy the ride.
However, the ones that are smelly and
dirty demand the most attention. They
shout at you and tell you all kinds of
things like You are no good, You are
stupid, and Dont do that because you
will just fail.
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Sometimes you try to argue back and
sometimes you even try to throw them
off the bus. When you struggle and fight
with them a funny thing happens.

The Magic Bus stops moving in the

direction you want it to go. You realize
that since they will never go away, the
best thing to do is to stop the struggle to
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get rid of them. You know they are there
but you react to these passengers in the
same way you react to an ink spot on
your favorite book. You notice the ink
spot, accept that it is there and continue
reading anyway!

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Even though it is there and you cant get
rid of it you dont let it stop you from
reading and enjoying the book.

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Name the Most Upsetting Thought
other people have about you.
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
you have about yourself.
_____________________________
_____________________________
____________________________
you have about anything.
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________

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 Now use the ACT Thermometer
(1-10) to rate the upset.
Experiment!
Select one of the upsetting thoughts
Rate your upset on a scale from 1-10
Say it silently to yourself 10 times
Say it in a whisper 10 times
Say it in a soft voice 10 times
Say it in your normal voice 10 times
Say it in a silly voice 10 times
Rate your upset again on a scale from
1-10
What did you notice?
My Experiment

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When you notice an upsetting thought in your
mind, practice one of the strategies you have
learned. Let your parent(s) know how well you
are doing.

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 Parent Handout
This chapter is about helping your child to
become unstuck from the thoughts in their mind
that get in the way of living a valued and
meaningful life. Try to create an environment
where it is safe for your child to be open. It is
hard to listen to your child repeat these negative
thoughts so resist the urge to play the lawyer
and do not try to find undeniable evidence to
talk your child out of thinking this way. After
all, isnt this what you have always done? How
has that worked? So, listen, listen and listen.
Write the thoughts verbatim on a piece of paper
and see if your child would be willing to carry
them around the house (it may be too scary to
take them to school). At the end of the day ask
them what was noticed.

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 7. Take Action
The Mule in the Well

An old farmer owned an old mule that

stumbled and fell into the old farmer's
old well.

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The farmer was alerted to the mule's
problem when he heard the mule
'braying' - or whatever it is that mules do
when they fall into wells.

The farmer felt sorry for the old mule

and worried about what to do. Before
taking action, he thought long and hard.
The old farmer looked at the problem
first from one point of view and then
another and then back again (always

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careful to give exactly as much time to
each view).

After a long time of thinking, the old

farmer eventually came to the fair
conclusion that neither the mule nor the
well was worth the considerable trouble
of saving. You see, the mule and the well
were both quite old and each had already
had quite a long run of usefulness.

The old farmer felt comfortable that he

had reached the right decision, a fair
decision, a decision that incorporated the
needs of ALL.
The old farmer called his neighbors
together and told them what had
happened. They formed a committee to
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weigh in on all sides of the issue. They
all agreed that the old farmer's decision
was indeed fair and absolutely correct
(since they ALL agreed, after all!) They
worked together to bring dirt to fill up
the well to put the old mule out of his
misery.

As the old farmer and his neighbors

shoveled the dirt into the well, the dirt hit
the old mule's back.
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The old mule became frightened and
began making very loud braying noises.
Then all of a sudden an idea struck that
mule out of the blue. It dawned on him
that every time a shovel load of dirt
landed on his back ... he needed to shake
it off and STEP UP! This he did, blow
after blow.

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"Shake it off and step up... shake it off
and step up ... shake it off and step UP!"
The old mule repeated this over and over
again. This encouraged him to focus on
taking action rather than giving in to
feelings of fear or pain each time a
shovel full of dirt and rocks hit his back.
The old farmer and his friends thought
the noises the old mule was making was
what old mules do when they fall into
wells. They interpreted the mule's
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obvious upset as a clear signal that their
decision was correct. They worked even
harder as they shoveled more dirt into the
well to put the mule out of his misery!

No matter how painful the blows, or how

upsetting the situation seemed, the old
mule simply noticed his fear and just
kept right on shaking it off and stepping
up. The old mule focused on the task at
hand rather than his fear.
So it wasn't so terribly long before that
old mule, to the amazement of the old
farmer and his friends, stepped
triumphantly over the wall of that well!

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What seemed like it would bury him,
actually helped him ... all because of how
the old mule took action.

THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems

and respond to them positively, refusing
to give in to fear, bitterness, or self-pity,
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the hard things that come along to bury
us usually have within them the very real
potential to benefit us!

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 My Experiment
Action Step Contract: This is where you
decide what specific actions you are
willing to do that are important even
though you may have unpleasant
thoughts and feelings. Since these are
hard, your parents and you can decide to
have you earn rewards for your hard
work.
I agree to do the following:
1. ________________________
2. ________________________
In exchange I will receive:
1. ________________________
2. ________________________

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 Parent Handout
Everything to this point is for naught unless
your child is willing to take action toward
something that is important to them. The biggest
error that parents make is asking for too big a
step. Remember the slogan: little steps for little
people! Choose a small step that is likely to
meet with success. Provide encouragement in
the form of praise and incentives. With success
the steps can gradually be made larger. We want
to establish success not failure. Good luck!

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 Congratulations
You have successfully completed the
workbook, Act for Kids. By using the
tools you have learned in this workbook
you will have a good chance to be in
control of how you react to things that
happen to you.

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