Say Goodbye to the
Entrepreneur Widow
Laura Bechard is a certified, trusted
advisor and the founder of ProVision
Coaching Network. Bechard joined her
family business as one of the in-laws,
specifically the one who married the
heir apparent. Bechards 30+ years as a
family business owner provides her with
unique experience and skills to advise
family business owners in implementing
best practices contributing to successful
families and successful businesses that
thrive into the future. Bechards MBA,
Chartered Professional Accounting
designation and substantial experience
as a business educator and facilitator
make her a great choice to tackle tough
topics with a sense of humor and in an
engaging manner. The family business is
currently transitioning to the
5th generation.
Bechard_B4_164497.indd 1
Laura Bechard
Abstract: In spite of the positive impact family businesses
have on the economy, their divorce rates are some of the
highest in North America. Entrepreneurs channel their
energy into their businesses and pride themselves on be-
ing workaholics, leaving their partners feeling unappreci-
ated and families abandoned. Getting on the same team
and staying there through the challenges that come with
combining business with family is not an insurmountable
challenge. This article outlines strategies and activities
that can be used to strengthen the family and the business.
Keywords: Agri-business, agriculture, attribution error,
communication, divorce, engagement, entrepreneur
widow, entrepreneurship, family business, family CEO,
family leadership, work-life balance
I fell in love with the heir apparent of a family business.
Transitioning into the family business was a source of
strain on our marriage. My husband was torn in many
directions: working in the family business, living up to
expectations from employers, and being the parent and
spouse he wanted to be. I felt abandoned and was hurt
from the trade-offs that were being made. There are no
statistics taken on divorce rates for entrepreneurs; how-
ever, divorce lawyers I spoke with suggested the rate is
higher than the national average. Our marriage survived
these lonely, difficult times. Yours can too.
What is an Entrepreneur Widow?
An entrepreneur widow is the spouse or partner of an
entrepreneur who is so absorbed in the business that
the personal relationship is virtually nonexistent. En-
trepreneurs channel their energy into their businesses
and pride themselves on being workaholics, leaving
their partners and families feeling abandoned. The en-
trepreneur is away from the family for long days, often
working into the evenings to network and attend busi-
ness building events. Meanwhile, the partner or spouse
is home alone or pursues his/her individual interests.
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 Say Goodbye to the Entrepreneur Widow
When children come along, the entrepre-
neur widow has the added workload of rais-
ing the children with little or no assistance.
The Family Business
Our family business was started by my hus-
bands great-grandfather in 1905. It is a crop
production business in Saskatchewan. At
approximately 2300 seeded acres, it is not a
large operation; however, it generates suffi-
cient profit to support one family. Farm in-
come is often supplemented with off-farm
income during the winter months. We were
the first operators to also build full-time pro-
fessional careers. In this industry, the busi-
ness was handed down to the male family
members who often worked alongside their
father, uncles and grandfather to learn the
business and gradually take over the oper-
ation and purchase the agricultural land.
When I met my husband, he was working
on the family farm during the growing sea-
son and pursuing post-secondary studies
in an engineering-related field. I was also
a post-secondary student, studying edu-
cation and later commerce (accounting).
Upon graduation, his parents encouraged
him to go to work. The farm will always be
here when and if you want it. I was nave
enough to believe that succeeding his par-
ents in the family business was a choice. We
purchased our first land the year before we
got married. The writing was on the wall
. . . we were going to be farmers and suc-
ceed his parents in the family business. We
started our married life a 3-hour drive away
from the family farm, too far to commute
on a daily basis. Both of us built successful
professional careers-his in the energy sec-
tor and mine in post-secondary education.
The Family Grows
As a young couple, we managed the farm
worklife balance quite well. Without chil-
dren, we spent a lot of time together so the
time spent apart during the growing sea-
son was manageable. The challenges began
with the arrival of three children within
2 years, our fourth arriving three years
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Bechard_B4_164497.indd 2
later. We were busy parents with four little
ones, professional careers, and the family
business. Our evenings and weekends were
consumed by child rearing and parenting,
leaving little time for one-on-one connec-
tions. Taking the children to the farm ev-
ery weekend during the growing season
was taxing. If youve spent any time on a
farm, you also know that the men work
long daysoften early mornings until late at
night. Small children on a farm create stress
for grandparents, often worrying about los-
ing one of the children to a farm accident. It
didnt take long for me to realize that going
to the farm meant we spent time with my
mother-in-law. Even though we got along
very well, I had no active role in the family
business and often felt in the way. Time
with my husband was scarce. He was dead
tired and the stresses from the days interac-
tions with other family members and oper-
ational challenges took their toll. Once the
children started school, I went less often.
Tip 1: Engagement
If youre the entrepreneur, engage your
spouse in the business. Onboard your part-
ner into the business. Educate your spouse
about the business operation, share finan-
cial information and family history. If you
need your spouses support for funding
growth or operations such as cosigning or
guaranteeing loans or using personal lines
of credit for the business, it is critical for
your spouse to understand the business
finances and the financial risks being as-
sumed. Explore ways for your spouse to
participate and contribute in a meaningful
way. Dont wait to be asked questions. Your
spouse likely has no clue what to ask!
If youre the spouse, ask about business
practices. Become familiar with the busi-
ness cycles, the way it generates profit,
the risks that need to be managed, and the
roles everyone plays. Work with the family
to carve out a meaningful role for you to
playeither in family leadership or working
in the business in an operational or support
role. Your spouse likely assumes you will
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 Say Goodbye to the Entrepreneur Widow
figure it out or you will ask questions.
Maybe your spouse feels you dont care
about the business. Schedule a family busi-
ness meeting regularly (at least every quar-
ter) with your spouse to learn about the
family business. Be benevolent. Most fam-
ily businesses do not have systems in place
to bring in-laws into the business smoothly.
Co-create the system with your spouse.
Tip 2: Ask for What You Need
At the family meetings, talk about what
both of you need to get through the peaks
and valleys of relationships with each
other, the family and the business.
Business LeaderHow can the family
leader support you? How can you support
the family leader? What could you consider
outsourcing or delegating to provide you
with time to focus on the life plan?
Family leaderHow can you support
the business leader? What support do you
need? Dont assume you have to do it alone.
If money is tight, there are often friends,
family or colleagues who will swap services
with you if your budget cant support paid
help. You may need to call on other parents
to assist with car pool or your child might
miss one or more of their activities for a
little while. It is not the end of the world.
Marvel Comics has not yet added Super-
Parent to their family of heroes.
I Love You But ...
I love you but I dont love the business. It
took me quite awhile to understand why I
would get so agitated when I would hear the
words, Im going to the farm. My husband
felt I hated the farm and wanted him to give
it up. Logically, I supported the business,
knew it was very important to continue the
family stewardship of the land and appreci-
ated the qualities in my husband that I felt
resulted from his commitment to a farm-
ers way of life: family and community.
Initially, I supported the business as the
bookkeeper, often the role of the spouse!
Fortunately, I had an accounting degree so
I didnt need to be trained in this role. My
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Bechard_B4_164497.indd 3
role remains to support financing and ac-
counting decisions and manage cash flows.
As a co-owner, Im involved in strategic de-
cisions to grow and/or diversify the busi-
ness. As the family leader, I did not assume
an operational role: that was the domain
for the men. Thankfully, our business was
seasonal with the bulk of the operational
work that required two men taking place
spring and fall.
It was the additional demands of rais-
ing children, building a professional career
and having to do it alone for a portion of
the year that contributed to my unhappi-
ness. The emotional distress battled with
the logical arguments. I would erupt in
tears. My husband would come home from
work, quickly pack a bag and be out of the
house heading to the farm within 20 min-
utes. All I could think about was, Oh no, I
cant even go to the grocery store without
taking 4 young children with me. I was
physically and emotionally exhausted.
I was jealous of the time the farm took
away from my family. I resented being left
alone for extended periods of time and of-
ten resented the trade-offs on my career.
I didnt feel special. I felt bad for the chil-
dren and for my husband who often missed
birthdays, Fathers Day and many child-
hood activities. I was hurt when I spent
Mothers Day, wedding anniversaries and
birthdays alone. The children, however,
seemed to manage this cycle very well.
It was fun to have at least two birthday
celebrationsone on the day and one with
the family earlier/later. It was what they
always knew. Managing my own expecta-
tions, changing my beliefs from how I was
raised was the only way through the emo-
tional turmoil.
Tip 3: Dialogue, Time, and Space
If you are the partner whose expectations
are not being met, engage in reflection,
or other supports to help you get to the
root cause of your stress. Have meaning-
ful conversations with your partner to ex-
plore each others family of origin routines,
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