You Want to Know How It Affected Me?

Young Adults’ Perceptions

of the Impact of Parental Divorce
Claire Cartwright

ABSTRACT. Life-story interviews were conducted with 40 young

adults, aged between 19 and 29 years, living in New Zealand. The partic-
ipants were from a range of cultural background and had experienced
parental separation/divorce as children or adolescents. Previous studies
have found that the negative effects of divorce can carry through into
adulthood with adult offspring experiencing more mental health prob-
lems, difficulty in intimate relationships and increased rates of divorce;
whilst other studies have found that young adults of divorce function as
well as those from non-divorced families. This paper examines the par-
ticipants’ own views of the impact of parental divorce on themselves and
their lives. Whilst a minority of them were positive about their parents’
decision to separate, the majority of participants considered that they
had experienced or were currently experiencing negative effects related
to the divorce and associated events. These included problems in their
own functioning in every day life, perceived problems in intimate rela-
tionships, and problems in relationships with other family members,
especially parent/s. It is argued that cognitive-processing models are
likely to be useful in understanding the problems that face young adult

Claire Cartwright, PhD, DipClinPsych, is Director of the Psychology Clinic, and

Lecturer in the Doctor of Clinical Psychololgy Programme, Department of Psychol-
ogy, The University of Auckland, New Zealand (E-mail: c.cartwright@auckland.
ac.nz).
The author would like to thank the participants in this study who gave generously of
their time and talked so openly about their life experiences.
Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, Vol. 44(3/4) 2006
Available online at http://www.haworthpress.com/web/JDR
© 2006 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved.
doi:10.1300/J087v44n03_08 125
126 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

offspring of divorce. Implications for counseling approaches are briefly

discussed. [Article copies available for a fee from The Haworth Document
Delivery Service: 1-800-HAWORTH. E-mail address: <docdelivery@
haworthpress.com> Website: <http://www.HaworthPress.com> © 2006 by The
Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved.]

KEYWORDS. Divorce, adult well-being, relationships, offspring of

divorce, adult children of divorce

INTRODUCTION

Research from a wide range of studies indicates that children and

adolescents whose parents separate are at increased risk of developing
serious adjustment problems although the majority appear to fare ade-
quately (e.g., Hetherington & Kelly, 2002; Pryor & Rodgers, 2001). In
the last decade, increased attention has been paid to the impact that di-
vorce has on individuals as they enter into and progress through adult-
hood. The long-term effects of parental divorce have been examined
using data from the longitudinal National Child Development Study
(NCDS) of Great Britain (Kiernan, 1992). As young adults, offspring of
divorce in this cohort were more likely to leave home earlier, attain a
lower level of education and form a union or become pregnant at an
earlier age (Cherlin, Chase-Lansdale, & McRae, 1998; Kiernan, 1992).
By the age of 33 years, the adult children of divorce had significantly
more mental health problems compared with those who grew up in
non-divorced families. The researchers concluded that the results de-
monstrated a negative effect of childhood divorce on mental health in
adulthood. Some of the difference between those from divorced and
non-divorced families could be accounted for by “pre-disruption ef-
fects” that were present before divorce (for example, a genetic tendency
towards depression in the family, and parents’ marital distress or con-
flict) (Cherlin, Chase-Lansdale, & McRae, 1998). However, they also
found that factors present in the lives of children prior to divorce could
not account for the differences in mental health in adulthood. Rather
they concluded that childhood divorce appears to trigger long-term
effects that emerge in adolescence or young adulthood and manifest in
an increased risk of mental health problems in adulthood.
Wallerstein and Lewis (2004) have written about the negative effects
of separation/divorce on offspring in adulthood based on the results
 Claire Cartwright 127

from Wallerstein’s longitudinal study. She points to ongoing mental

health problems, feelings of distress, or distressing memories related to
the divorce, and marked problems in developing and sustaining intimate
relationships. Her research has been criticized for its lack of a control
group. She also used a clinical style of interviewing that may arguably
result in greater expressions of distress and a focus on negative experi-
ences. However, as discussed above, there is evidence that adult chil-
dren of divorce do experience increased mental health difficulties.
There is also evidence of an increase in relationship problems and an in-
creased rate of divorce amongst the adult children of divorce (Amato,
1996; Hetherington, 2003). For example, Hetherington (2003) in her re-
cent analysis of the data from the Virginia Longitudinal Study of Di-
vorce and Remarriage (VLSDR) found that offspring of divorce were
more likely to become teenage parents, leave home earlier, experience
more stressful life events, have deficits in problem-solving and relation-
ship skills, and experience an increased risk of divorce, compared with
those from non-divorced families.
On the other hand, the research quoted above (i.e., Cherlin et al.,
1998; Hetherington & Kelly, 2002; Kiernan, 1992; Wallerstein &
Lewis, 2004) involved families who experienced divorce over two de-
cades ago. There is some evidence that more recent studies of divorce
show less effects on children (Amato & Keith, 1991). It remains unclear
if there have been changes across the last generation in the impact of
divorce.
An alternative view of the impact of divorce into adulthood is pro-
posed by Laumann-Billings and Emery (2000) who found that young
adults from divorced families showed distress about their parents’ di-
vorce and related experiences but did not show higher levels of anxiety
nor depression. These researchers stress the importance of differentiat-
ing between disorder and distress. Similarly, Burns and Dunlop (1998)
reported on a smaller longitudinal study conducted in Australia. They
followed a group of adolescents for 13 years after parental divorce and
investigated the impact of divorce on parent-child relationships, atti-
tudes to relationships and intimacy with peers, and satisfaction with the
current close relationships. They found that the quality of parent-child
relationships accounted for attitudes towards relationships and intimacy
in relationships rather than family structure per se.
There have been increasing calls amongst researchers to listen to the
children of divorce (e.g., Fabricius, 2003; Sviggum, 2000). Young
adults of divorce can be informative about the experiences of children
and adolescents (Fabricius, 2003; Cartwright & Seymour, 2002). This
128 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

current study aimed to gain further insight into the life-experiences of

young adults whose parents separated/divorced during childhood or
adolescence, and to gain insight into their understanding of the impact
on their lives. Life-story interviewing was used in this study as this
methodology allows for an investigation of how participants make
sense of themselves and their experiences. This paper presents an analy-
sis of the 40 participants’ responses to questions, during the interviews,
about the effects that parental separation/divorce has had on them, and
will have in the future. It allows for an insight into their perceptions of
their own functioning, how they make sense of this in relation to their
experiences of parental divorce and the associated life changes.

METHODS

Participants. The participants were 40 young adults aged between 18

and 29 years of age. This included 7 young men and 33 young women.
(Unsuccessful attempts were made to recruit further young men during
the period of the study.) None of the participants was married, nor had
children. All were university students or graduates. Twenty-seven were
of European descent, 11 were Maori or Pacific Islander, and 2 were of
Asian descent. Because of the accessibility of tertiary education in
New Zealand, they came from a range of different family backgrounds,
including working class and middle class families, sole-parent and re-
married families. Participants were recruited through advertisements,
networking and snowballing. A payment (approx $US12.50) was given
to participants on completion of the interview to compensate them for
their time and to cover costs.
Interviews. The interview method was adapted from McAdams’
(Crossley, 2000; McAdams, 1993). This included asking participants to
divide their lives into 3 to 5 chapters and to describe each of these chap-
ters. Participants were also asked to talk about significant relationships,
current strengths/resources, values, and their views of the effects of the
divorce upon themselves.
Data collection and analysis. Towards the end of the life-story inter-
views, having talked through the events that lead up to and followed the
divorce, the participants were asked for their assessment of how their
parents’ separation/divorce had affected them, and how they expected it
to affect them in the future. The 40 responses were extracted from each
of the interview transcripts and a content analysis of the data was con-
ducted using the methods described by Bowling (1997). This included
 Claire Cartwright 129

multiple readings of the extracted data and recording of the responses or

events named by the participants. These responses were then examined
and placed into categories of related data. These proposed categories
were re-examined for their fit to the data. A category was accepted
when it represented a significant proportion of the data and was discrete
from other categories. N6 software was employed to facilitate this pro-
cess. This categorized data was further analyzed for specific content
and meaning.
Five categories emerged from the analysis of data. These included:
benefits, problems in the family, problems in intimate relationships, the
experience of oneself, and stepfamily issues. Five participants believed
that it was better for them that their parents’ marriages ended, and saw
no negative effects from the separation. Twenty-eight of the partici-
pants spoke about the negative effects of the parents’ separation/divorce
and the ensuing events on their experiences of themselves. Twenty-four
talked about the impact on their experiences of intimate (dating or ro-
mantic) relationships. Nineteen talked about ongoing problems in the
family, most commonly with one or both parents; and six talked about
the impact of stepfamily issues. Each of the categories are outlined
below and quotes are included for illustration.

Benefits

Five participants said that the parents’ divorce had no negative ef-
fects and was beneficial. This was consistent with their life stories in
which they had described significant problems in their parents’ mar-
riage and within the family.

I think it’s affected me heaps but in a good way. I think if they

lived together, I just can’t see me getting along with my Dad.

For another young woman who experienced her father as controlling

her family’s lives and choices:

It has been absolutely fantastic!

Around a quarter commented, without being asked, that their par-

ents’ separation was desirable, in retrospect. They related this to parents
being happier, being happy themselves in their lives, or a belief that they
would have experienced an unhappy or conflicted living situation as
children or adolescents, had parents stayed together.
130 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

The repercussions of it affected me a lot, like situations and what-

ever, but I think it probably would have affected me more if they’d
tried to stay together.

Others thought that they had gained in some way/s from their experi-
ences, that they had become stronger, more mature or more independ-
ent, or that they had learnt from their parents’ experiences.

I think that kind of independence that I have, I won’t ever lose that.
I won’t ever feel that I won’t be capable of taking care of myself . . . I
think everyone needs someone and I think it’s made me totally ap-
preciate relationships a bit more, or realize that you need to work
harder with them, and also seeing my mum alone now has made
me realize that when I am in a relationship I don’t give up.
I think it’s been a good thing. Because I feel happier now. If I was
in the same place as I was before, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
So I think of it as a good thing, and sometimes I get down about it,
but I still think it’s for the better.

Experiences of Self

Twenty-eight participants responded to the questions about effects

by talking about the impact of the separation/divorce on their experi-
ences, of themselves, and their own functioning. Sixteen reflected back
on how it was for them at the time, and talked about the difficulties they
experienced. They also talked about the current impact on themselves.
Across the group of participants, this included a range of observations
about themselves such as not trusting others, communication difficul-
ties, being “too emotional,” self-esteem or self-concept issues, and feel-
ings of distress related to the family experiences.

I don’t really know him (father) as well as I thought I did. I thought

everything would be fine at the time. I didn’t think he was like that.
(Father had an affair and hit mother) . . . I have trust with people,
but then sometimes you don’t really trust them. Everyone seems to
go their own way sooner or later and does their own thing. (Male)
I think it’s affected me a heck of a lot, in the way that I approach
people, in the way that I live my life, as far as being very closed off
and willfully independent. (Female)
 Claire Cartwright 131

She’s (mother) a lot the same as me . . . the self-esteem thing . . .

She is frightened of being alone because she thinks she can’t ever
meet anyone, that kind of thing, and I don’t have it as bad as her,
but you pick up the traits. (Female)

The statements reflected a range of experiences from statements of

milder effects through to statements of significant distress. As examples
of this, below are two statements from young women whose fathers
gained custody, who were mistreated or neglected, and who missed
their mothers. Their early stories (following the separation) were char-
acterized by distress and difficulty because of their life circumstances.

Do you want to know how it affected me? I think it affected me for

a long long time– that I thought that life was shit, basically. I didn’t
like life and I didn’t want to live sometimes. I think it is hard be-
cause your parents aren’t there, you learn at a young age that you
are a single person and someone’s not always going to be there for
you. (Female)

I would have to admit that my parents’ separation with the other

things that went along with it, affected me in an extreme, mainly
because I know that when I was a kid (with mother) I was pretty
fearless . . . adventurous, self-starter, as I got older all those things
disappeared from my personality . . . I became very scared . . . (As
a teenager) I really gave up on myself because I felt that no one
else cared. (Female)

Often the participants intertwined both positive and negative effects

in response to the questions.

Probably a lot more than I realize (the impact). Probably it’s

helped me to mature, but probably also too emotional. I didn’t like
the kind of person I was becoming, where I was drinking and cry-
ing, but at the end of the day I’m a lot better off than if they had
stayed together. I think it’s made me, not rough around the edges,
but a lot tougher anyway. (Female)

I think I’m probably more independent than if they had stayed to-
gether. I think I also probably don’t communicate my emotions as
easily as if everything had been secure. (Female)
132 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

Problems in Intimate Relationships

Slightly less participants (24 compared with 28 under the previous

category) raised the area of intimate relationships and/or marriage.
However, they also talked more fully about this area of their lives than
the other areas covered in the other categories. They talked about diffi-
culties that they have in the area of intimate relationships. These in-
cluded hesitancy about entering relationships, doubts about one’s own
ability to sustain a relationship, lack of trust in partners, or specific be-
havioral or emotional problems that they observed in themselves that
impacted, or might impact in the future, on long-term relationships.
Some made observations about their hesitancy to enter relationships.
I’ve never really had any boyfriends from fourteen onwards . . . I
don’t know whether that’s a reflection of me not wanting to be-
cause of my parents breaking up. I kind of almost think, I’ve al-
most got a bad way of thinking. Like I don’t want to start
something if I know it’s going to be a waste of time, where it’s not
going to ever go anywhere, cos then it’s wasting my time. I kind of
don’t ever open up to anyone, so I think it might have affected me a
little bit. (Female)
I have problems if I have a relationship with a guy. I just get sick of
them. I don’t know if this is anything to do with this (the divorce).
After three months I’m like: Oh God, that’s enough. Get away
from me. It’s really bad. (Female)

Participants also talked about issues of commitment to relationships.

I sometimes wonder whether my fear to commit or go any further

with a relationships I’m in now has anything to do with that . . . I
always figure that any relationship has a certain life expectancy
and that’s not worth pursuing further than that. (Male)

Some talked about the lack of trust in partners. The young women
quoted below were close to their fathers prior to learning about their
extra-marital affairs and saw this as impacting on their view of men and
sense of security in relationships.

I think I’m not quite so trusting of men as I used to be and I realize

that they are sex-crazed. I think I’m not so trusting towards
 Claire Cartwright 133

anyone. I don’t trust as much because I’ve been hurt so much by

him and I trusted him so much. Because you kind of trust your Dad
implicitly, like it’s just total trust. Yeah, and I don’t even totally
trust Johnnie (boyfriend). I probably should because he’s never
done anything to waver. (Female)
I have a bad opinion of men now. I just always think they have
ulterior motives. I don’t really like to get close to men . . . (With
current boyfriend) I’m always quite suspicious. Like I don’t like
him hanging out with other girls. (Female)

Some mentioned the lack of a role model for a good adult relationship
and associated this with a lack of confidence in being able to maintain a
relationship.

One thing is I don’t feel like I have a role model relationship to

kind of follow, so it’s always like, how do you go about conduct-
ing one? (Female)
You know I seriously think that having not seen a relationship
work very well it makes you want to work harder in a relationship
but it also gives me a bit of pessimism about it. It actually makes
me think of the long-term relationship, but I think of them up to a
point of 14, instead of like till death, kind of thing. (Female)

For some, this extended to doubts about marriage, their ability to

make one work, or their fear of divorce.

If my parents weren’t divorced I would have thought that all mar-

riages work, even though you see it with other people. That’s
them. That’s got nothing to do with you really. I think it might pos-
sibly make me more aware of some problems that I might have,
with seeing it with my parents. I think it has influenced my way of
perceiving marriage and relationships. (Female)
My whole life I have never wanted to get married. I’ve always
been like: No way would I get married if you’re just going to get
divorced. (Female)
I’m scared of divorce in a lot of ways. It’s strange . . . You know
the first thing I thought when he (boy-friend) mentioned the word
“marriage,” I just kind of: “It’s going to end in divorce.” (Female)
134 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

Observing the prevalence of divorce may also add to this for young
adults.

I think it probably could, because I mean just about everyone I

know their parents, the men like in their forties you know midlife
times. But it’s like, yeah, it happens. (Female)

Some participants also thought that they had interpersonal styles that
might impact negatively on relationships.

I sometimes think I’m more like my father . . . I hate being asked

where I’ve been. If someone asks me, you’ve been late, it’s a real
anger I have. So I don’t know how that’s going to translate (in a
marriage) . . . I don’t think I’d be physical or anything like that, but
I don’t know whether I’ll be able to sustain being that nice. (Male)

About a year ago I saw it much more and I would try and work on
it. I’d see myself manipulating my partner a little bit. My Dad was
really good at that even throwing a bit of blackmail . . . I can be
quite verbal and sometimes quite nasty and I don’t like that.
(Female)

Further, participants often linked their doubts about commitment or

marriage with their witnessing of the parents’ marriage breakdown. As
one young woman says:

Like you spend the whole of your . . . or all of your twenties, thir-
ties, forties with someone and you end up divorcing then, like just
having to restart then. It’d be awful . . . because my parents had
been very bitter . . . I don’t want that to happen to me . . . Because
they did, you know, they did love each other so much at some
point. (Female)

Others were actively thinking about how they could overcome the
risk of divorce for themselves in the future.

In summary, like in terms of affecting future relationships, I

wouldn’t get into one, unless I was a hundred percent sure. (Male).

I think it has made me think more about what I want in a marriage

and is marriage for me. I do believe, I do want to get married and
 Claire Cartwright 135

I want to settle down with someone. That has made me think, here
seems to go wrong with me, so this is what I want to make it right.
. . . Even now choosing boyfriends I think: Do we have enough
common interests? I mean it is a very analytical way to look at it
really but it does make you think. (Female)

Others talked about the importance of commitment to marriage for

themselves.

I know that when I have kids I will definitely not back out of mar-
riage . . . Like I wouldn’t be a real selfish arse-hole (like father) and
decide for no reason. I would kind of think about my kids before
doing something like that. And I kind of have quite hard-out views
about family and marriage. (Female)

I guess I’ll be a lot more reluctant to marry . . . I think it’s really im-
portant that when you choose a person that you are ready for it to
be a lifelong commitment. I wouldn’t take it lightly . . . Yeah be-
cause I put more value on it because I’ve seen the downside of
what happens when you don’t take it seriously or when you don’t
make a commitment forever. (Female)

Problems with Parents or Family

In response to the questions about the effects of parental divorce, 19

participants talked about problems with parents, within the family, in
the past or the present. Some looked back and were critical of one or
both of their parents. One young woman, for example, talked about
what she perceived as her own inadequacies and linked this with her
lack of parenting.

I would say I longed for a normal family, like where the Mum goes
to work and you’re with Mum and Dad . . . (Later) If I trace a prob-
lem it’s always the root of that . . . It’s the reason I am not up to
scratch because (my) parents never lived like (other) couples, to
nurture their kids. (Female)

Some saw their parents as selfish for having separated or for making
other decisions that had a negative impact on them, as children. Some
demonstrated a loss of respect for parents.
136 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

When your parents lose control like that in front of you, especially
my father, but even my Mum in the sense that at the same time she
was getting mad at my Dad, sometimes she’d get mad at us . . .
Because I lost a fear of them, I lost a feeling that I had to do some-
thing for them. I’m sort of getting it back now (over 10 years later)
but for a little while I almost didn’t give a damn what they thought.
I just didn’t care. (Male)
As mentioned earlier, participants were often critical of parents who
had or were suspected of having affairs.

I think it will have an ongoing effect on me. I’ve changed so much

from it and I don’t think my relationship with Dad will ever be the
same because I’ve lost so much trust for him, and if it does ever
come back it’s going to take a long time, and he’s got a new life
now. He’s going to get married and I’m not going to be part of that.
I mean I guess once I get older and I have my own children he
won’t be such an important part of my life. It’ll be less of a burden
on me. (Female)
I think there’s only so close I’ll get to my Mum. I’m still a bit wary
of her . . . That probably stems from when I saw her kissing some-
one else (other than her father). It’s just a realization! (Female)
Other participants talked about the impact of conflict between their
parents on their relationships with parents.
I’ve always been angry with them because I wonder why they
never stayed together. . . They used to say horrible things about
each other, even now, like my Mum still does it. She knows that I
don’t want her to. And so does my Dad, like he’ll say really de-
rogatory things about my Mum and that is another reason I don’t
see my Dad as much, cos everything he says about my Mum is re-
ally horrible and she’s the one that’s raised me. (Female)
Others talked about the sadness or regrets about having lost their
family or a sense of a family.
I still get upset sometimes about it and wishing that my family
were still together and we could go on a holiday together, that sort
of thing. (Female)
 Claire Cartwright 137

If they had stayed together I think I would have relied on them a lot
more . . . Like we’re not really a family because we’re all separate
and doing our own things. At Christmas time I’m going to be with
Laura’s family because my Mum’s going to be in France and my
Dad’s going over to Italy for a holiday . . . My brother is off doing
something else . . . I’m going to my friend’s family which is ex-
actly what I did last year . . . We’re all separated and doing our own
things. (Female)

Stepfamily Issues

Only 6 of the participants referred to the impact of stepfamily living

when asked about the effects of divorce. Others had talked about posi-
tive and negative stepfamily experiences within their life-stories but did
not raise it at this point in the interview. The 6 participants who did raise
issues in regard to stepfamilies, talked about loyalty/security issues,
loss of relationship with a parent and the perceived negative impact of
the stepparent’s personality.
My stepfather had (a mental illness) and my crazy stepmother! But
I guess their divorce was definitely for the better, but maybe not
like the people they remarried. (Female)
It was a very unpleasant stage of my life (living with stepmother)
and I still look back on it and a lot of issues are still there. . . Yeah a
lot of issues are still there and it’s not a happy period when I think
about it. I still have a lot of issues with her (stepmother) and my
dad. It’s strange, it seems sort of like this stereotypical stepmother
from hell, and I still didn’t want it to be a mess. . . I was trying and
I tried so hard, but it just didn’t work. (Male)
The other dominant issue involved loyalty and security issues.
When I found out (that brother who was mutual child born to sec-
ond marriage was left more in parent’s will) I was so shocked be-
cause I thought that I was equal in the family and then it was kind
of like I was on the outside. (Female)
I felt jealous that my Dad loved her (stepmother) more than us and
I think that made me feel insecure possibly. . . and then it came out
with other stuff like school-work. (Female)
138 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

DISCUSSION

The participants in this study were asked about their views of the
effects of parental divorce upon themselves, up until current times and
into the future. They were asked these questions towards the end of an
interview where they had been talking through their life experiences. In
response to these questions, the participants focused mainly on percep-
tions of negative effects but many also talked about some positive as-
pects of the parents’ divorce, either past or present. Five participants
perceived no negative effects of their parents’ decision to separate, or
emphasized the positive benefits that came as a result of the end of their
parents’ marriages. In their life stories, they had described dysfunc-
tional family situations that impacted significantly upon themselves and
other family members. This sub-group of participants may represent the
group of children/adolescents from very dysfunctional families who
fare better after divorce (Hetherington, 1999). However, whilst some
participants acknowledged positive aspects of experiences related to
parental divorce, generally they talked more fully and more frequently
about the negative effects, with statements of effects varying from
minor through to more severe.
Seventy percent of them commented on aspects of their own emo-
tional well-being or their behavioral responses and linked these to
divorce experiences. Their responses suggested that they observed
themselves in their own lives and perceived themselves as having prob-
lems which they linked to divorce-related experiences. These included
problems in areas related to self-esteem or self-concept, trust in others,
and/or communication with others. Some also talked about experienc-
ing difficult emotional states, such as anger, jealousy, suspicion, hurt, or
simply being “too emotional.” These self-reports are in line with other
studies that have found decreases in subjective sense of well-being
(Amato, 1999) and increases in difficult emotional states (Laumann-
Billings & Emery, 2000) in the adult offspring of divorce. Because of
the qualitative nature of the data, it is not possible to assess if these
difficulties manifested in significant mental health problems for the
participants.
Sixty percent of participants talked about some area of current diffi-
culty or worry that they have in regard to intimate relationships and/
or marriage in the future. The problem areas seemed to exist mainly
in what they perceived as a diminished ability to initiate or maintain
a long-term relationship and/or to sustain a marriage in the future.
This was associated for some with a concern about the possibility of
 Claire Cartwright 139

experiencing divorce themselves. A small number talked about “cyni-

cism” in regard to marriage. Others demonstrated a desire to be able to
sustain a marriage in the future, but many expressed doubts about being
able to. Some were actively thinking about how to make a relationship
work long term. On the other hand, it is important to note that the
life-stories themselves revealed that only two of the participants had
experienced abusive or damaging relationships and many were engaged
in dating relationships which were seen as enjoyable or supportive.
It has previously been posited that the intergenerational transmission
of divorce may be partly due to the greater acceptability of divorce as a
viable option by offspring (Amato, 1987; Amato & Booth, 1991). There
was no support for this notion in this study. The young adults were, on
the whole, clear that they did not wish to experience divorce themselves
and would not want their own children to experience it. No one ex-
pressed an easy-going attitude towards divorce, and those who did talk
about it, expressed a fear or concern about this possibility. A small
group appeared to be considering not marrying as a way of avoiding di-
vorce. Hence, there was support for Amato’s (1996) more recent find-
ing that the increased rate of divorce is due to an increase in problems in
relationships rather than attitidues towards divorce. Amato’s (1996)
analysis of the data from the Study of Marriage Over the Life Course
found that the impact of parental divorce appears to operate largely
through spouses’ interpersonal behavior. He reported that offspring of
divorce in this longitudinal study were more likely to have problematic
behavior related to problems with anger, jealousy, hurt feelings, com-
munication, and fidelity which in turn increased the risk of divorce.
These findings are similar to the self-observations and self-reports of
some of the participants in this study.
Finally, almost half of them talked about problems in relationships
with family and especially parent/s. This included loss of contact with
parents; difficulties relating to, respecting or trusting parents; or loss of
a sense of family. This is similar to other studies where adult offspring
of divorce have been found to be less close to parents compared with
those from non-divorced families (e.g., Amato, 1999; White, 1994).
However, as with the other areas that emerged as significant in the
group, the majority were still maintaining contact with parent/s and
appeared to have workable relationships.
A number of frameworks are employed in divorce research. Risk
and resiliency perspectives (e.g., Hetherington, 1999; DeGarmo &
Forgatch, 1999), social capital frameworks (e.g., Hetherington, 1998),
and stress and resources models (Pryor & Rodgers, 2001), as examples,
140 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

are helpful in understanding the great variability that exists in children’s

responses to divorce, and the parenting and divorce processes that are
most supportive of children’s adaptation or alternatively associated
with adjustment difficulties. The participants in this study are now in
early adulthood. The models mentioned above can provide a framework
for understanding the individual trajectories that are reflected in the
life-stories of the participants. However, it is also important to have the-
oretical perspectives that attempt to account for the current difficulties
of young adult offspring of divorce and that can inform counseling
practices or other types of interventions that might assist these young
people.
As mentioned previously, Amato (1996) concluded that the difficul-
ties of adult offspring of divorce can be largely accounted for by their
interpersonal behaviors within intimate relationships. He argues that
this group has been exposed to poor models of dyadic behavior and may
not learn the skills and attitudes that facilitate successful functioning
within marital roles. He also argues that they may have developed traits,
such as difficulties with trust and commitment, that add to relationship
tensions. The results from this study suggest that cognitive processing
models could be of assistance in understanding the experiences of
young adults of divorce. A small number of studies in the field of family
transitions have applied cognitive processing models. These include
Fine and Kurdek’s (1994) proposed cognitive developmental model of
stepfamily adjustment and Mazur and associates (1992, 1994) studies
of the impact of children’s negative cognitive errors on their adjustment
to divorce.
As can be seen in the results, some of these young adults in this study
were aware of holding problematic beliefs that they associated with
family experiences. They linked these problematic beliefs with current
problems in their own emotional well-being, with current intimate rela-
tionships and with their expectations of difficulties in long-term rela-
tionships in the future. Some of the potentially negative beliefs they
expressed were: no one stays around forever; you are on your own in
life; relationships are short-lived; everyone goes their own way sooner
or later; no one is going to be there for you; relationships are a struggle;
men only want sex; no one loves me; I’m going to end up divorced; I am
not up to scratch; I’ve got problems; I am too emotional; I get sick of
guys easily; I don’t want to start something if it’s going to be a waste
of time; I’m like my father (who was abusive); I wouldn’t be able to
sustain being nice.
 Claire Cartwright 141

Cognitive processing models that investigate the impact of cogni-

tions such as perceptions, beliefs, and expectations, are also likely to be
useful as they translate well into potential cognitive or cognitive-
behavioral therapy interventions. Cognitive therapists (e.g., Beck, 1976;
Blackburn & Davidson, 1990) posit that negative or maladaptive beliefs
about self, others and the world, underlie people’s difficult emotional
states and problematic or maladaptive behaviors. Whilst most young
adults are likely to struggle with some negative or maladaptive beliefs,
as they make their way in the adult world, this study suggests that some
young adult offspring of divorce face into added difficulties in regard to
their views of themselves and relationships. On the other hand, many
showed significant understanding and openness about personal issues
which in turn suggests an openness to learning about themselves and a
willingness to change.
Wallerstein and Lewis (2004) provide anecdotal evidence that coun-
seling services in the USA are offering individual and group therapy to
young adults of divorce. This study suggests that development of pro-
grams, based on cognitive therapy principles, may assist this group of
young adults. Such programs can assist participants to look at their be-
liefs and expectations of themselves and of relationships, to consider
alternative ways of thinking about themselves and relationships, and to
learn more adaptive methods of managing distressing emotional states.
Further research from within a cognitive processing framework will
also assist in defining the range of cognitive errors or maladaptive be-
liefs that are associated with either positive adaptation of young adults
of divorce or ongoing difficulties in life.

REFERENCES
Amato, P. (1987). Parental divorce and the attitudes toward family life. Journal of
Marriage and the Family, 50, 453-461.
Amato, P. (1996). Explaining the intergenerational transmission of divorce. Journal of
Marriage and the Family, 58, 628-640.
Amato, P. (1999). Children of divorced parents as young adults. In E. M. Hetherington
(Ed.), Coping with divorce, single parenting, and remarriage. A risk and resiliency
perspective (pp. 147-164). NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Amato, P. & Keith, (1991). Parental divorce and the well-being of children: A
meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 110, 26-46.
Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. London, England:
Penguin Books.
Beck, J. (1995). Cognitive therapy: Basics and beyond. NY: Guilford Press.
142 JOURNAL OF DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE

Bowling, A. (1997). Research methods in health: Investigating health and health

services. Buckingham: Open University Press.
Burns, A. & Dunlop. R. (1998). Parental divorce, parent-child relations, and early adult
relations: A longitudinal Australian study. Personal Relationships, 5, 393-407.
Cartwright, C. & Seymour, F. (2002). Young adults’ perceptions of parents’ responses
in stepfamilies: What hurts? What helps? Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 37,
123-141.
Cherlin, A., Chase-Lansdale, P. L., & McRae, C. (1998). Effects of parental divorce on
mental health throughout the life course. American Sociological Review, 63,
239-250.
Crossley, M. L. (2000). Introducing Narrative Psychology. Self, trauma and the
construction of meaning. Buckingham, Philadelphia: Open University Press.
DeGarmo, D. S. & Forgatch, M. S. (1999). Contexts as predictors of changing maternal
parenting practices in diverse family structures: A social interactional perspective
of risk and resiliency. In E. M. Hetherington (Ed.), Coping with divorce, single
parenting, and remarriage. A risk and resiliency perspective. NJ: Lawrence
Erlbaum.
Fabricius, W. (2003). Listening to children of divorce: New findings that diverge from
Wallerstein, Lewis and Blakeslee. Family Relations, 52, 385-400.
Fine, M. A. & Kurdek, L. A. (1994). A multidimensional cognitive-developmental
model of stepfamily adjustment. In K. Palsey & M. Ihinger-Tallman (Eds.)
Stepparenting: Issues in theory, research and practice (pp. 15-32). London:
Praegar.
Hetherington, E. M. (1998). Social capital and the development of youth from
nondivorced, divorced, and remarried families. In A. Collins (Ed.), Relationships as
developmental contexts: The 29th Minnesota Symposium on Child Psychology,
1998 (pp. 171-209). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Hetherington, E. M. (1999). Should we stay together for the sake of the children? In
E. M. Hetherington (Ed.), Coping with divorce, single parenting and remarriage:
A risk and resiliency perspective. NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Hetherington, E. M. (2003). Intimate pathways: Change patterns in close personal rela-
tionships across time. Family Relations, 52, 318-333.
Hetherington, E. M. & Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered.
New York: W. W. Norton and Company.
Kiernan, E. K. (1992). The impact of family disruption in childhood on transitions
made in young adult life. Population Studies, 46, 213-234.
Laumann-Billings, L. & Emery, R. E. (2000). Distress among young adults from
divorced families. Journal of Family Psychology, 14, 671-685.
Mazur, E., Wolchik, S., & Sandler, I. (1992). Negative cognitive errors and positive
illusions for negative divorce events: Predictors of children’s psychological adjust-
ment. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 20, 523-542.
Mazur, E., Wolchik, S., Virdin, L., Sandler., & West, S. (1999). Cognitive moderators
of children’s adjustment to stressful divorce events: The role of negative cognitive
errors and positive illusions. Child Development, 70, 231-245.
McAdams, D. (1993). Personal myths and the making of the self. NY: William
Morrow.
 Claire Cartwright 143

Pryor, J. & Rodgers, B. (2001). Children in changing families: Life after parental
separation, understanding children’ worlds. Oxford, UK: Blackwell.
Sviggum, G. (2000). How children view their parents’ divorce. Family Matters, 55,
62-67.
Wallerstein, J. & Lewis, M. (2004). The unexpected legacy of divorce: Report of a
25-year study. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21, 353-370.
White, L. (1994). Growing up with single parents and stepparents: Long-term effects
on family solidarity. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 56, 935-948.