Always Resolve

Everything NOW!
DR. JAMES MACDONALD

))))) )))))))))))))))))))))))
Always Resolve
Everything NOW!!
Dr. James MacDonald

P.O. Box 764, Arlington Heights, IL 60006-0764

1.888.581.WORD www.WalkintheWord.com
 We used to be close, but we havent talked
for years.
I wouldnt dread the holidays so much if I
didnt see him.
I dont know how I could ever forgive, much
less forget what she did . . .

Sound familiar? In every family, every church, every

work group, unresolved conflict robs good people of
good relationships. Instead of resolving the conflict,
we usually try to sweep it under the carpet or wait
to flip some pages on the calendar and hope itll go
away. But it wont go away and we cant escape it.
Relational conflict is just a part of life. James 4:1 says,
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among
you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war
within you?
The problems not out there. The problem is in our
own heart. Its me and my own pride and my selfish-
ness and my insistence on being right about things.
Waitbefore you toss this booklet aside saying,
I dont need to hear that! Hear me out. I know
that the person on the other side of your conflict may
have a problem beyond your control but the peace
youre looking for is found in allowing God to build
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humility, graciousness and a loving nature into you.

I know personally how hard this whole subject is. 1
But I also know that God takes it very seriously. At
the end of your life dont you want to be able to say,
I tried to be a person who was passionate about
the things that God was passionate about?
Dont you want to be that person? Man, I do.
 The Price We Pay for
not Resolving Conflict
Is the conflict worth hanging on to? Count the cost.
Resolving conflict is like fixing a leak in your roof. Its
just a trickle. I can do it tomorrow, right? Well, just
wait until the plaster starts falling on your new carpet
and the water runs down the walls and into your
electrical outlets. Whats the price to fix it then?
Unresolved conflict just gets worse over time. Thats
why Matthew 5:25 says: Come to terms quickly
with your accuser while you are on the way.
I like that. On the way where? On the way anywhere.
Wherever you run into the person. And how does it
say to resolve it? Quickly.
In the context, Jesus is saying, Settle it before you
get to court. Or youre going to get a verdict from
the judge. The judge is going to turn you over to
the guard and youre going to be put in prison.
I hear you say, James, I dont know where youre
coming from. People dont go to jail anymore over
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arguments. Maybe not physically. But the worlds

2
worst prison is the bitterness and unforgiveness you
feel when youre not rightly reconciled to another
person. You say, James, if you knew about the
relationship that Im thinking of right now, its not
like you go one time to this person and get reconciled
with them. This person makes me nuts every week.
Well, then, I guess you have a lifetime of reconciliation
in front of you. I wonder what God would love to
do to soften that persons heart through the gracious,
tenderness of Jesus expressed through you. God
would love to do all that in the person that youre
thinking of just now.
Here is the hard reality about unresolved conflict:

#1 UNRESOLVED CONFLICT GIVES SATAN

A FOOTHOLD
Ephesians 4:26 says, Do not let the sun go down
on your wrath, neither give place to the devil.
If you allow that unresolved conflict in your life
to lead to hatred and bitterness, Satan has a place
to stand. He can direct so much of your life from
that foothold, that access youve given him to your
heart through your own unforgiveness. Youve given
him a position of leverage and strength over you.
The idea in Ephesians 4:26 is like the Allied armies
on the beaches of Normandy in World War II and the
price that was paid to get a beachhead. Once the
enemy gets a beachhead in your life, he can control
your life.

#2 UNRESOLVED CONFLICT LEADS TO BITTERNESS

Hebrews 12:14--15 talks about beware lest any
((( (((

root of bitterness spring up and by it many

people become defiled. Did you ever try to get a 3
root dug out of your backyard? You dig and dig and
theres more and its thick and you cant get at it.
Think about the concept of having a root of bitterness
in your heart. You try to shovel some dirt over it and
cover it up, but when the rains of relational strife
 come down and wash that thing bare, that bitterness
pops out. You say, Well, I think its behind me.
No, you just covered it up. Have you really dealt with
it? Is it gone? God help us to dig those roots up and
be done with it.

#3 UNRESOLVED CONFLICT TARNISHES THE

LORDS NAME
Romans 2:24 says, Because of these things, the
Lords name is blasphemed among those who
do not believe. Gods reputation for reconciliation
is well known. Even the world knows that God
loves to reconcile. If we claim to follow Him, were
supposed to be like Him. When were not, it tarnishes
the Lords name and people are like, Man, your
faith is such a joke. You say you believe this, but you
live this way. Why? Because even they know that
if you love a loving Savior, that flows down into your
relationships. God help us love each other that way.

#4 UNRESOLVED CONFLICT CAUSES YOU TO

FORFEIT GODS FORGIVENESS
Matthew 6:1215 So will God do to each of
you if you do not from your heart forgive your
brother. A lifetime of shallow heartedness and
unforgiveness reveals a life that has never truly been
born again by the Spirit of God. You may go to
church every week and sing songs and do the things
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Christians do, but if this message bounces off you

4
like BBs against a brick wall because youve tolerated
that bitterness, then you need to ask yourself how
your heart got so hard. Let Jesus break through into
your life and bring forth an expression of love and
humility toward those people that have injured you.
The result? Christ will be honored and you will be
set free.

#5 UNRESOLVED CONFLICT IN OUR LIVES PROVES

THAT WERE NOT TRULY CONVERTED
Galatians 5:16,
Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the
desires of the flesh.
For the flesh desires against the Spirit, the Spirit
against the flesh.
Then Paul says, Now the works of the flesh are
these and he begins to list them: Fornication,
uncleanness, impurity, idolatry, (these are the big
bad ones wed expect) but then, strife and envy
and jealousy. (Ouch! Too close, man, back off!)
Then it says, Those who practice such things,
well, they dont know Christ. They will not inherit
the Kingdom of God. And so a failure to reconcile
proves that we are not truly converted.
I think youd agreethe price of unresolved conflict
is too high. Its time to do something about it.
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5
 Resolving Conflict
in Gods Family
You know its going to happenconflict is just part
of life. So what do you do when there is a specific
conflict with two believers in Christ Jesus?
As we go forward in Gods Word, I want you to
bring to mind the name and the face of a person
with whom you have unresolved conflict. Maybe
its somebody you used to work with who undercut
you in the market place, or said something negative
that injured your reputation. Maybe its a family
member. Maybe its one of your parents and youre
dreading the next family holiday. There have been
some words said that shouldnt have been said or
things arent the way theyre supposed to be. Maybe
its with one of your children or maybe youll eat
dinner across the table from that person tonight.
Before we go any further, pray right now that God
would make you willing to receive His Word as
it relates to reconciling with this person. Tell Him
that youre willing to act in obedience in action and
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attitude as His Spirit prompts you. Ask Him for His

6
love for that personto help you desire the very best
for that person. Surrender yourself in faith and trust
Gods work in your own heart.
Youve just taken the first step.
Direction from
Gods Word
As a pastor, Ive been called on to help countless
believers resolve interpersonal issues and I have found
Matthew 18 to be one of the most over-quoted and
under-used portions of Scripture in all of Gods Word.
I hear so many people talk about Matthew 18, but so
few do what it says. Lets be among the few. Lets do
what God says.
So, keeping that name and face in mind, and that
willing, open heart to Gods Spirit, lets dive into
Matthew 18. All of this is from the very mouth of
our Savior on conflict resolution:
If your brother sins against you, go and tell
him his fault between you and him alone. If
he listens to you, youve gained your brother.
But if he does not listen, take one or two
others along with you, that every charge may
be established by the evidence of two or three
witnesses.
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If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the

7
church; and if he refuses to listen even to the
church, let him be to you as a gentile and a
tax collector.
 Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth
shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you
loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Again, I say to you, if two or three of you
on earth agree about anything they ask, it will
be done for them by my Father in heaven.
For where two or three are gathered in my
name, there am I among them.
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8
Five Biblical Steps to
Conflict Resolution
Lets break it down now to five key application points
to help us know how to resolve everything now!

#1 MAKE SURE ITS A BIG DEAL

Make very, very sure that what youre getting bent
about is a big deal. If your brother (as in if
someone in the family of God) sins. See, theres
the big deal right theresin. The conflict between
you is not a matter of personal preference. So much
pain is caused in the body of Christ between people
who dont understand the difference between sin
and preference. This is a very important point.
As followers of Jesus Christ, we must grow in our
capacity to discern the difference. You shouldnt go
and confront someone who just really bugs you.
Man, I dont like the way you do your hair, and Im
tired of the way you drive the car, and I dont like . . .
These are minor irritations or personality differences,
not sins. You cant use Matthew 18 to resolve a
conflict about the color you paint the lobby of the
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church. OK? It has to be a sin. It has to be a big deal. 9

The sin has also got to be against you. It has to be
your business. Intentionally or unintentionally, you
have to be personally involved.
 Now you can give someone a word of counsel or
encouragement. You can exhort anybody. But you
cannot leverage change through Matthew 18 unless
it is a brother sinning against you.

#2 TAKE ACTION: GO!

You say, Well, but it is a brother or sister. And they
have sinned. And it is against me. OK, by all means,
go to the second thing. Here it is in one word:
Go! Dont be casual or indifferent about it. Get the
matter resolved.
Things We Do Instead of Going.
We gossip. We talk to somebody else about it. It
really bugs me when he did that and its wrong.
We wallow in it. We dont tell anybody but we just
sit there and stew about it.
We try to get even. Ill just wait for my chance,
and Im going make him feel what he made me feel.
Im going to say some hurtful things like she did.
We just deny it. Id have to care about her for her
to hurt me. I dont care about her. She couldnt
hurt me for nothing. Shes nothing to me. We cut
the person off and scar our heart and deny that
we feel what we know we felt.
You say, Well, how do you deal with all those kind
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of things being said and done? I want to share with

10 you three things that have really helped me.
Let it roll off your back. Just let it go. Extend grace.
Give them the benefit of the doubt. They dont
understand. Or, They didnt realize. Or, You know,
Ive said things to people that hurt them that I
didnt even realize it hurt them. Maybe thats what
happened to me this time. I try to let it roll off my
back and forget about it. And if you do that, 90
percent of the problems will get handled right there.
If it wont roll off your back, roll it on the Lord.
Sometimes Ive got to pray about it. Ive got to go
see God. I need Your heart for this person, Lord.
Im sure they didnt mean it the way that it came
across. Please give me a heart of compassion for them
and what they are going through thats causing them
to act out this way.
Back in seminary they used to always tell us that if
you want to be a pastor youve got to have a thick
skin. I dont agree with that at all. Every person I have
ever met who had a thick skin also had a hard heart.
Part of being willing to love and care for people is
having a sensitive heart.
I think my mom was the first one who ever shared
this with me, and I pray this fairly regularly as I try to
roll off the offenses of life to the Lord. Its just a little
verse that says,
Ive asked to the Lord to take from me
the super-sensitivity
that robs the soul of joy and peace
and causes fellowship to cease.
If you cant let that offense roll off your back and you
cant roll it off to the Lord, then go to the person
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and work it out. When two godly people get together

11
If you love Christ and I love Christ, what could
happen between us that we couldnt work out?
Nothing. Nothingif we both remain humble before
the Lord and loving toward one another. Isnt that
great to think? Conflicts will come, but nothing will
ever happen that we cant work it out if we follow
the pattern here in Gods Word.
 #3 BE SPECIFIC
If your brother sins against you, go, tell him his
fault. No beating around the bush, no starting with
ten words of encouragement and all these worldly
truisms that weve been told. Just get to the point. It
goes like this. You did this and it hurt me, and heres
how it affected me. Heres how Ive tried to deal with
it, and Ive just got to be honest with you, I cant get
over this. Could you help me? Tell him his fault.
Actually, the Greek for tell him his fault is literally,
lay out the evidence. Obviously the evidence
Scripture is talking about are not assumptions or
motives or innuendoes. These are factslay out the
facts. This is what happened. We were here at 5:00
p.m. and you said this and this is the result. If you
dont know what happened, you better stay home.
Be very specific.
By the way, go and tell himdont show him. Listen,
marriage partners. Dont be showing your marriage
partner that youre upset about stuff. Dont try
to extract revenge from the person by making them
feel guilty. Dont make them guesstell them.
Whats wrong, honey? Nothing.
Nothing? Well, you sure look like somethings
wrong right now.
Nothings wrong!
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12 Well, why are you acting like that?

Im not acting like anything.
Loved one, out with it. You hurt me when you
do this. Thats a communication centerpiece for a
happy marriage.
Heres something that can help you with this very
difficult task from John 1:14. It says, And the Word
because flesh and dwelt among us. And we
beheld His glory. And what is His glory like? John
says here that Jesus is full of grace and truth.
Now, thats the tonality of confrontationfull of grace
and truth. Some of us are grace people and some
of us are truth people, but the power is in the balance.
You have to have both grace and truth.
When youre headed into personal confrontation, some
of us would tend to be full of grace and by the time
you shaved all the corners off the fault, the person is
like, This is it? This is what youre bringing to me?
Others would come barreling in with the truth like a
bull on roller skates.
Make a note of this: All truth and no grace is brutality.
But all grace and no truth is hypocrisy. What we
desperately need in the church and in our homes is
the balance between those two things. Thats why
Im so fired up about John 1:14, And we beheld
his glory full of grace and truth. Let that be the
tone of every interaction that we have in seeking
to bring a brother or sister to a place of repentance.

#4 PRIVATE AT FIRST
Its got to be private at first. Why? because the
text says, Go and tell him his fault between you
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and him alone. You and him alone. Again, Why?

because 1 Peter 4:8 says that love covers a multitude 13
of sins. And if my brother has sinned, I dont want
anyone else to see it. I want him to grow and be
everything that God wants him to be. So I go to him
privately, lest he be publicly shamed and embarrassed.
 Another reason I go to him in private is because I
might be mistaken. Now, if youre not open to the
possibility that you could have seen the situation
wrong, dont go to the person. Youre not humble
enough yet. Keep praying about it. Maybe you have
the wrong person, or the wrong motives, or you
have the wrong response.
Heres a third reason why you should go in private.
Implied throughout the text is that the person who
sinned isnt aware of their sin. If you go in private
you can help him see his blind spot. We all have
unique blind spots and if were ever going to grow
out of them, someones going to have to tell us.
Thats why you go in private first.
Lastly, the reason why I would go in private is because
if they listen, Ive gained my brother. That word
gained is actually a financial term. Its the idea of,
I invested myself and now it is paying dividends. Ill
tell you, a tested relationship is the best relationship
there is. Its nice to hang out with the Lords people,
but when youve been through some valleys together,
fought some wars, confronted some differences
and worked it outthats a relationship that goes
on forever. Thats why you go in private so that you
might gain your brother.
But if he doesnt listen, then youve got to go down
another road.
((( (((

14 According to the text, you need to choose one or

two people who are mature in the faith and have
discernment. Take someone who is objective and
cares about both sides. Dont take your mom, OK?
Take somebody who loves both people and who can
stand in the middle and maybe tell you some things
too. Be open to that.
You say, Man, this seems like a big hassle. Why
would I do all this? Id rather just forget about the
person. Well, you do it because you say that you
love Godand this matters to God. Would you be
willing to go through a bit of a hassle for God?
Remember, Hes the Father, right? And how do
you feel about your own children? Dont you want
them to work things out? Think how God feels. So,
increase the pressure by involving others.
You say, Thats it, thats the final step? Well, sadly,
no it isnt. Theres this last thing.

#5 BE WILLING TO SUFFER INJUSTICE BY

CHOOSING TO FORGIVE, EVEN IF THE PERSON
WILL NOT SEE IT
You are never more like God than when you choose
to forgive. Of course the only reason you can forgive
is because you have been forgiven. Wanna get
blessed? Do what I did and read every verse in the
Bible that describes Gods forgiveness. In case you
dont get to it soon, here are the highlights:
It is Gods nature to forgive.
For You, Oh Lord, are good and ready to
forgive, abundant to mercy to those who call
upon You. Psalm 86:5
There is to be no limit to Gods forgiveness.
If [your brother] sins against you seven times
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a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 15

I repent, forgive him. Luke 17:4
Forgiveness was in our Lords heart as He died on
the cross.
And Jesus said, Father, forgive them . . .
Luke 23:24
 God forgives us only because Christ died to pay
for our sins.
In Christ we have redemption through His
blood the forgiveness of sins. Ephesians 1:7
God is always ready to forgive us.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just
to forgive us. 1 John 1:9
If thats true (and it is!) then we need to be ready
and willing to forgive the person who has hurt us.
Every heart that truly comprehends the reality of
Gods forgiveness bursts forth in a fountain of grace
that drenches everyone in the near vicinity. Forgive
that personeven if they never accept it or acknowl-
edge it. Youre that one who will be most blessed.
Now that Ive said that, I need to clarify three things
about what forgiveness is not.
#1 Forgiveness is not enabling
What if my friend has an overspending problem, and
I lend him money sometimes and he never pays me
back. Do I have to forgive him? Sure. Do you have
to give him your credit card? No. Forgiveness is not
helping the person sin more. Show a tough and strong
love for them. Love does not rejoice in iniquity,
it rejoices in the truth. You never hear this part of
1 Corinthians 13 read at the weddings but its love all
the same. Forgiveness is not enabling.
((( (((

16 #2 Forgiveness is not rescuing

If my 15 year old son (praise God this is not true),
takes the car out for a joy ride and crashes it into a
tree, do I have to forgive him? You better believe it.
Do I have to give him his own set of car keys? Do I
talk the Juvenile Court out of taking his license away?
No, I dont have to do any of those things. And I
would never protect my child from the consequences
of their wrong behavior lest they crash the car into
a tree next time and kill themselves. I want them
to learn. I want to be like God in modeling a
perfecting love, not a pampering love. Forgiveness
is not rescuing.
#3 Forgiveness is not risking
If my father-in-law loses his mind when he drinks
and says awful, bitter things, do I have to forgive
him? Yes! Do I have to accept his invitation to the
New Years Eve bash? No.
Reconciliation does not require enabling, rescuing,
or risking. It just requires this: If possible, so far
as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all
men (Romans 12:18).

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17
 The Key to Reconciliation
Heres the key in all of this. Were not human
do-gooders here. We are the followers of Jesus Christ.
Two thousand years ago God sent His Son into this
world to die on a cross to pay the penalty for your
sins and mine so that we might be forgiven. Even
after we come to the cross we do things that are not
pleasing to God. But the key in reconciliation with
God is repentance and faith.
So, always resolve everything now! The real healing,
blessing, and joy only comes to those who do what
Gods Word says. Determine this moment that you
will obey God in this very personal matter of resolving
conflict. Make that phone call today. Write a letter
this week. Make an appointment with someone who
needs to hear you say, Im so sorry for what I said
and did. Please forgive me. Might these words echo
through our homestender-heartedness,
kindness, forgiving one another, even as God
in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).

JUST BETWEEN YOU AND THE LORD:

((( (((

Lord, I stake my claim on the rightness of what You

18 say. I know that There is a way that seems right,
but the end is the way of death (Proverbs 14:12).
But Your ways are life and peace (Romans 8:6).
Even when it promises hardship and embarrassment
and difficulty, I believe that Your ways in resolving
conflict are right. I know they lead me to joy and
peace and happiness. I know that faith is believing
the Word of God and acting upon it no matter how I
feel because You promise a good result. And so I pray
that You would allow me to step away from every
objection I might think of in regards to being a person
of reconciliation and reaching out in love to those
who have injured me and saying, Im sorry, and
asking forgiveness to those I have hurt. I ask that my
obedience would allow You to flow Your grace like
a mighty river in my heart.
Help me, Lord. Forgive me for my hard heartedness
and callous indifference to others. Forgive me for
thinking or saying, Well, I dont need her. And,
Forget about him. Forgive me, Lord, and cause
me to see how those attitudes grieve Your heart and
grieve Your Spirit. I want to be like the Lord Jesus. I
want my life to please You. Be honored in my actions
and in my attitudes. How quick I am to be injured.
How quick I am to take offense. Give me grace
grace and truth for my relationship with others and
might You be exalted and honored in the way that
we live together before You. Help us to be obedient
to Your truth and release into our lives the joy that
You reserve for those who follow You with their
whole hearts.
To this victory and obedience, I entrust myself now.
Unto You who is able to keep us from falling
(Jude 1:24).
((( (((

19

In Your name I pray,

Amen.
 Put It to Work

WHO?
Who do you need . . . to forgive?
. . . to reach out to in love and acceptance?
. . . to ask forgiveness from?
. . . to call, write, email, or visit in order to make
things right between you?

WHAT?
What do you need to do today?
Let someone off the hook?They didnt sin, they
just didnt act according to my personal preference.
Let something someone said roll off your back?
Roll off on the Lord something that happened and
in faith anticipate His resolve and peace?
Get the facts right about an offense against you?
((( (((

20 Forgive someone?
WHERE?
Where are you today in terms of these three verses:
Romans 12:18, If possible, so far as it depends
on you, be at peace with all men.
In your Bible, circle the words, so far as it depends
on you. Ponder them in your heart, too.
Ephesians 4:31, Let all bitterness and wrath
and anger and clamor and slander be put
away from you.
Bitterness means long-standing resentments,
grudges that are nursed, wounds and injuries that are
remembered in vivid detail. Got anything you need
to forget?
John 1:14: Are you a model of grace and truth?
Be a grace person.
Remember your ultimate goal is to bring restoration
to your relationship, not to make them squirm.
People may need time. Mercy and patience gives
them a place to land.
Be a truth person.
If you are a follower of Christ, tell the truth.
If youre a counselor, advise the truth.
If youre a listener, welcome the truth.
((( (((

If youre a leader, pursue the truth. 21

Embrace the truth, regardless of how much it hurts.

Be all about truth.
 WHY?
Why did you read this booklet?
Why should you make any adjustments in your
current approach to relationships?

HOW?
How has unresolved conflict changed your
relationships? Do you avoid some people or have
you built walls to keep out some relationships?
How do you want to respond the next time a
conflict surfaces in your life? (Like, maybe today?)
How are you going to change based on the truth
from Gods Word that youve just read?

What W is missing from the list above?

WHEN?!
Youre right! The title of this booklet answers
that question.

So? Go in confidence knowing that your faith

response to Scripture pleases God.
((( (((

22
Other Resources from
Walk in the Word
on Resolving Conflict
How to Change Your Husband
How to Change You Wife
Succeeding in Marriage from the series,
Transforming Your Family by Faith
Forgiveness from the series, Seven Words to
Change Your Family . . . While Theres Still Time.
The Worlds Worst Prison from the series,
The Teachings of Jesus
And of course, the entire series, Always Resolve
Everything . . . Now!

These resources and more are available in the online store

at www.walkintheword.com or by calling 888-581-WORD.
 Always Resolve
Everything NOW!
DR. JAMES MACDONALD

Avoid it. Ignore it. Delay it. Sweep it under the carpet. Flip the
pages of the calendar and hope it'll go away. But it won't.
Conflict between family members, coworkers, neighbors, even
brothers and sisters in the body of Christ robs us of peace, distorts
our perspective and builds a barrier between us and God.
Hear this: God is all about resolving relational conflict. He wants
the wall to come down. In fact, His Word details specific
ways you can begin to resolve conflicts in your relationships . . .
today! Download His truth into your life and get started
resolving conflict . . . now.

Igniting passion in the people of God

through the proclamation of truth

Walk in the Word is the Bible teaching ministry

of Dr. James MacDonald. James teaching emphasizes
the precise exposition of Gods Word and its practical
life application. Our goal is to ignite passion in the
people of God through the proclamation of truth.
But it isnt enough just to hear the Wordwe must
actually do what it says. Originally from Canada, James
and his wife Kathy have three children and make their
home in suburban Chicago. He is the founding senior
pastor at Harvest Bible Chapel, one of the fastest growing
churches in the Chicago area with a congregation of more
than 6,000. Learn how to please God with your life with Walk in
the Words practical daily broadcast available all the time at
www.walkintheword.com.

)))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))
P.O. Box 764, Arlington Heights, IL 60006-0764
1.888.581.WORD www.WalkintheWord.com