334. MASTERS SESSION #2 ' How To Create And Sustain Total, Uninhibited Self-Confidence To Inspire Yourself And Influence OthersMASTERS_SESSION -#2 How To Create And Sustain Total, * Uninhibited Self-Confidence To Inspire Yourself And Influence Others How much more could you acconiplish if you possessed a mechanism — a little switch mounted on the side of your head like a light switch on the wall, that you could flick on and just as flicking the light switch instantly turns dark to light, this switch could turn insecurity or anxiety into self-confidence; doubt or hesitation into entbusiasm..how much more could you accomplish? You do have such a switch, although you can't go look in the mirror and actually see it on the outside of your head - because itis on the inside of your head, inside your self-image. ‘The great artist Salvador Dali gifted me with an original painting, depicting aman walking out of the darkness of fear and uncertainty into the bright sunlight of Zero Resistance Living. This was Dali's interpretation of what Psycho-Cybemetics is all about. Flicking the switch from darkness to light. Imagine a great, talented and famous artist creating a painting as a gift for you, in celebration of your philosophy of life! The fact that he did that gave me greater confidence in myself. Confidence is a very powerful asset because of the way everyone else automati- cally responds to a confident person. If you want to achieve goals easily, with zero resistance, you will master the ability to switch on genuine confidence at any time, in any situation. Look around at the most successful people you know, and you'll see that they ‘exude confidence. Not necessarily braggadoccio or swagger - that is often the sign of egorun amok. But a more quiet, calm, unpretentious confidence that inspires and influences others even without a word being spoken. Isn't that the kind of confidence you want, on call, yours in any and every situation? Unfortunately, most people, even reasonably successful people harbor feelings of inferiority and insecurity. Most people also strive to achieve a sense of superiority over others. But my entire approach is based on the fact that the most mature, confident and happy individuals break free of this continuum, this ying-yang, this xyo-yo'ing between inferiority and superiority A physically strong man, a body-builder or athlete, may feel superior tothers who lack his physical conditioning and discipline, and may think of others as “wimps” or “couch poleicek” [aah Gavirotenent Whees his pliyelaus ts eleaifickat -eay at NOTES 335. 22D]D_II2323232932 B® & 9 2933229222393 2323292292292332322232the beach - this sense of superiority will be very strong. But it should not be confused with legitimate self-confidence. Because this same man putintoa tuxedo and plunked down at an elegant cocktail reception, at the country club, where most of the others are highly paid executives, doctors, stock brokers and entrepreneurs ‘who earn a great deal more money than he does, and who converse easily about business and financial matters of which he is ignorant, will now feel inferior and intimidated. This same man has swung from superiority to inferiority. He may ‘even wonder if his wife would rather be married to a man with a better education and better income as they drive home that night. He may then avoid such a situation for the rest of his life. You see, this is not really a confident person at all. This is a frail person who swings from superiority to inferiority and back and forth again and again. In some situations, he'll experience zero resistance but in other situations, he'll experience tremendous resistance. He is not a lion. He is a mouse sometimes masquerading as a lion. ‘The Master Practitioner of Creative Psycho-Cybernetics is different. The Master Practitioner is confident all the time, in every situation. His confidence is not dependent on or restricted to certain circumstances where he can feel superior to others around him - but then dissipated in other ciscumstances. Master-level confidence transcends situations. It is constant and stable. ‘This kind of confidence can only come from a healthy self-image. It cannot come just from an expensive suit of clothes or impressive car or big paycheck. It cannot be destroyed by temporary setbacks either. It is constant and stable. This kind of confidence can be ENGINEERED. It is not genetic or accidental or the result of luck or of circumstance. It is CRAFTED by a person who chooses to do so. So, are YOU a lion or a mouse? ‘The lion is @ powerful image. A “high voltage image’. The king ofthe jungle. King of all beasts, He steps aside for no other. No one dares challenge him. And when he speaks, although he is often silent, he roars. ‘The mouse is also a powerful image. Shy people or plain-looking people are often described as “mouse-y". The mouse is timid, constantly in fear, running for cover at the slightest provocation Which image represents you most of the time? Which image do you WANT to represent you? NoTES 336.Well, here’ some information that may be surprising to you: everybody is botha lion and a mouse. Even the most successful person in a given field feels like a ‘mouse sometimes. Itis important to separate instances of fear, doubt, anxiety from seeing yourself as a fearful, doubtful anxious person. Feelings of inferiority is one of the destructive traits of humanity. Weall have these feelings, even the most successful people inthe world. People who are successful realize that feelings of inferiority should act asa stimulus to rise above it. That's ._ what success ig really all about... The capacity to rise above failure, stress, doubt, inferiority. Never assume thata successful person you admire does not suffer self- doubt. He most certainly does, more often than you would ever imagine. Buteach time he chooses to rise above it. He is stimulated by it, not governed by it or handicapped by it. Everybody has an environment in which they are the lion. Some set of circum- stances where you feel completely at ease, comfortable, knowledgeable and competent. The superstar salesman may be a lion when he is in a client's conference room, making a presentation. He knows his product backwards and forwards. He knows his competitors’ strengths and weaknesses. He understands how his type of client reacts and can “read” them, assimilating their body language, ‘gestures, voice inflections, spotting their buying signals, sensing their unresolved resistance. He is familiar with the most frequently raised questions and objections, and the hidden meanings behind them, so nothing “throws him for a loop.” He is. well-prepared and he knows it. Inside his mind, he has called up images of past successes in very similar circumstances, so the current experience is virtually deja vu. He expects a successful outcome. Here, he is a lion. He may never roar once verbally, but he roars silently with confidence. But everybody also has an environment in which they are the mouse. Some set of circumstances where you fee! ill at ease, uncomfortable, ignorant and incompe- tent. This same superstar salesman may be a mouse when he isis sitting in his son’ s bedroom, talking to him about sex. Or sitting in his doctor's office, being intimidated with unfamiliar jargon. Here he may bea mouse. He may never squeak pitifully aloud, but inside he is squeaking and squeaking, How can you conquer feelings of inferiority and live like a lion most of the time? This is the question that can lead you to self-confidence. To conquer inferiority feelings, you must first stop making unfair comparisons between yourself and others. You may be inferior to others in one way but you 0244440000000 020020200080400084008046000000804884'must realize that you are superior to others in another way. Many people reinforce the mouse inside through comparisons with others. Why can’tI be a better parent, like Johnny's Dad? He seems to have itall together. He and his son communicate. ‘Genuinely like each other. Do things together. My son seems distant, Actually to avoid me, Why can’t I be like Johnny's Dad? But next door, Johnny's Dad is saying to himself: why can't I do better in my career, like Paul next door? I'm always a dollar short and a day late but Paul seems to have lots of money for the ‘good things, like that new car he just bought. know he got promoted last month -[’ve gone three years without a promotion. I'd getinto sales too, if1 was only more confident and outspoken like Paul. Each neighbor is reinforcing the mouse within by comparing himself to the other person's lion. ‘But the most mature viewpoint is that you are neither inferior or superior. To say that you are inferior or superior isto be caught up in comparing yourself to others all the time. You are you. You are capable of blunder but capable of rising above it, Itcomes back to the basic feelings of your own worth asa human being no matter what your difficulties may be...No matter how many mistakes or errors you have made, Itcomes back to the basic feeling within you that you have integrity. That you must rise above a blunder or mistake. | never said it is easy to get rid of inferiority feelings. Ibis easier to be suffocated and drowned by them. But nevertheless, itis simple to get rid of inferiority by remembering that you have worth as a human being, that you accept yourself with kind eyes and you go about rising above your mistakes. Let me remind you of the E-RANGE, the Effectiveness Range. Each person has an E-Range, defined and controlled by the self-image, for every set of circum- stances. How effective you can be - and at what point you become ineffective in any activity; selling, parenting, writing, speaking, whatever, is determined by the self-image. Anybody can deliberately expand their E-Range by strengthening the self-image. With that in mind, consider the lion salesman versus mouse parent scenario we've been using as an example. How could the man who is a lion in selling but a mouse in parenting best alter his self-image as a parent? Well, review what it is that makes him a lion salesman, Why is he calm and confident there? He has a lot of knowledge. He is prepared. He has past successes the can call up and focus on. He needs these same things to go from mouse to lion in parenting, Fist, he needs knowledge: and there are, fortunately, any number of ‘good books, cassette programs, courses and seminars about effective parenting for him to extract knowledge from. An afternoon at the public library devoted to Notes 338.gaining such knowledge could work wonders. He might also seek out somebody he perceives as a ion-parent, buy them lunch and borrow their brain. Ask. What ‘makes you such an effective parent? How did you handle this or that? He might also ‘work at engaging his son in dialogue, at the dinner table, over breakfast, casually asking questions - and instead of jumping to critical judgement, analyzing: what makes this person tick? So he gets knowledge. In doing so, he will discover he already knows more than he thought he knew. He will leam new information. ‘Second, preparation. If he is going to start working toward a better relationship * with his son in general or go talk to him about something in specific, he should prepare just as he prepares for a successful sales presentation. He might go into his Quiet Place, rehearse, and construct a Mental Movie. He might assemble some powerful facts or information. Maybe a compelling, relevant story about someone hhis son admires. If, asa salesman, he reads the trade magazines his clients read, as a parent, shoulda'the read the magazines his son reads? He can be better prepared. Next, past suocesses. First of all, he most certainly has done SOME things well as, 1 parent, and he should assemble all of those past successes and feed them to his self-image....tell his Servo-Mechanism: hey, look at that. And that. Let's have more of that. He can also transfer some of his successes in selling — how he got through the resistance of a particularly tough prospect. Next, stop dwelling on past mistakes and disappointments. The past only dictates the future when and if we permit it to do so. Each day IS a new day, full of possibilities and potential. Norman Cousins, the former editor of Saturday Re- view, famous for his use of the powers of the mind in battling cancer, described in his book ‘Anatomy Of An Illness’, wrote this: “Believe in the regenerative power of human beings. No relationship, however damaged, is beyond regeneration. No feelings, however wounded, are beyond regeneration. No situaton, however deteriorated, is beyond regeneration. You have the opportunity for regeneration each orany moming you awake. If they haven't drawn a chalk outline around your body during the night, abundant opportunity is yours for the taking!" ‘Lear what you can from a mistake. Correct it if you can. Take steps to prevent duplicating it. But also forgive and forget. Psycho-Cybernetics teaches us that achievement is made up of mistakes, corrections, mistakes, corrections. The ‘happiest individual accepts this, embraces this, and measures himself only against himself, his achievements against his own standards, never against someone else. It is fine to admire and emulate others’ positive characteristics and accomplish- ‘ments, but never to view them as superior to your own. 339.Mastering self-confidence requires determination. You do not just become a lion by wishing you were ove. You certainly do not become a lion by looking in the mirror, seeing a mouse, and lamenting that you are a mouse instead of a lion. You become a lion by very deliberately setting out to cultivate, emulate, act out and practice the thinking and behavior ofa lion. By cultivating a lion's self-image My goal in writing this program, your goal in studying this program, must be a determination to find - in you, in me - the self-respect we must feel to lead lives of fulfillment and happiness. To earn the self-confidence we need, Let me tell you about the kind of determination I mean. Raymond Berry was a sickly, scrawny kid. Asan adult, he has one leg demonstrably shorterthan the other ‘and eyesight so bad as to require bottle-glass thick glasses. Despite these obstacles, ‘he wanted to play college football and found a place on the SMU team, where he did distinguish himself with - to most - surprisingly effective performances. Still, every NFL team ignored him for 19 rounds in the draft. Finally, the then Baltimore Colts took him - although their coaches doubted he'd make the team. ‘You know, of course, that Raymond Berry became an all-star pass receiver. Johnny Unitas’ favorite target. Leading the Colts to league championships in 1958 and 1959. Wearing a back hamess, wearing specially made shoes to even his stride, specially made contact lenses so he could see, Raymond Berry became an NFL superstar, A lion among lions. How did he do such an extraordinary thing? Berry was very knowldgeable; a true student of the intracacies of the game; he used his mind, not just brute strength or raw athletic talent...which was later evident in his brief coaching career and his successful business career. After eveybody else quit practicing for the day, he practiced some more. He was better prepared, physically AND mentally than many players. He was determined to excel and his Servo- “Mechanism responded to that determination. He saw himself very differently than did a skeptical, critical world. He cultivated the self-image of a champion, not a weakling Let me tell you about the kind of determination I mean. I found it one day when 1 was lecturing in Detroit. Twas about to address my audience when I noticed a woman helping a man (her husband) walk into the auditorium. He limped along, supported by the woman and bya cane; his leg was ina cast. I talked to him, got to know him a little, even had him up on the lecture platform with me. He was, I would estimate, in hs late fifties or early sixties. He was interested in my ideas and wanted to hear me speak - and Notes 340.learned that he had traveled twenty-five miles through the snow to hear me lecture. There he stood, leg in cast, - we were photographed together - and surely this man, though smiling cordially, was the very image of determination. I learned that he was living with half a kidney; that didn’t stop him either. Men with two good legs could not move; he, leg in cast, insisted on moving. What did he want? Self-respect. During the last couple of years I have done a great deal of lecturing, and I have talked personally to thousands of people. One, a young man also in the Detroit area, had studied in Psycho-Cybernetics ‘workshops and was later a teacher for the workshops. What is so unusual about this? The fact that he is blind, that he cannot see - and yet emotionally he sees better than many people who have vision Another young man in his twenties decided to teach the inmates of a state penitentiary some of my ideas on more worthwhile living. I was impressed that a man so young, at an age where so many are often limited in their sense of responsibility, could fee! so strongly for others that he could reach out even to anti- social people with a real desire to help them. ‘These young men too, possess the determination that I refer to, to feel respect for themselves and for others, This is the way you mustfeel. You must want to make the mostof your life. You ‘must have strong feelings about your goals - and not be ashamed of it - and why should you be? This is your life that is at stake! You should be willing, like that man in Detroit, totravel twenty-five miles through the snow, your leg in acast, your arm in a cast, your head swathed in bandages, if it will help you just alittle bit toward more self-respect. Not to hear me speak - that is irrelevant - but to reach ‘out toward anything that will help you to feel a greater sense of personal worth, ‘The next step toward total self-confidence is —- don’t hold a grudge against yourself! This is important! Forgive yourself! You cannot be happy and successful if you hold a grudge against yourself. Remove your emotional scars with the ointment of kindness. Apply it gently in the area which hurts, If your life-long fear of romantic entanglements has kept you from marriage, be your own gentle doctor and accept this limitation, If your inability to channelize aggressive forces has kept you from vocational achieve- ‘ments, apply the soothing salve of kind thinking to this wound and rub gently till NOTES 341. 2244028020220 280200004028040680606 660444440440 4040 4 n444ssreitno longer burts. If something you blurted out once hurta dear friend greatly, be good to yourself and forgive yourself for being human. Here are four™Miracle Drugs” for your emotional scars; they've helped others and they'll help you! 1. Accept your limitations. No one is perfect; we all have our faults. Ifyou stretch even a rubber band beyond its limits, it will break. You can expand your E-Range in any area of activity through the kind of simple, deliberate actions we" described here, but you cannot hold yourself up as “guilty” and therefore worthless for times in your past when a very limited E-Range has produced very undesirable results. Even now, your E-Ranges has limits. That's okay. Acknowledge them Identify them. Then set about expanding them as you desire - but do not feel iniferior just because you have such limits. Let's say that you lose the ability to express yourself well in stressful situations. Do not deny it. Or hide from it. Or blame it on other people, past upbringing, lack of education. No denying, no hiding, no blaming, no excuse-making. Be honest about this aspect of your personality, your behavior. Then use Creative Psycho- Cybernetics to move away from this limitation, one step at a time, Become more knowledgeable and better prepared. Read a few good books on assertiveness, a few ‘on communication, and latch onto a few really good ideas you can work with. Enroll in the Dale Camegie class. Join Toastmasters. 2. Forget your mistakes. We've all done things we'd like to undo, but it can’t be done. Stop torturing yourself with self-blame! Every closet has its skeletons, Here isa powerful, High Voltage Image for you - the mental garbageman. Assign this garbageman the dirty, grimy task of piling up all your past disappointments and failures, your negative and denigrating thoughts, your wishes of how you might have lived the past differently. Watch as he loads tall into his giant orange garbage truck. See him drive away into the horizon, the orange truck getting smaller and smaller and smaller until it disappears completely. See the horizon as the edge of a flat arth, the truck now gone forever into oblivion - taking your past regrets and mistakes with it. Try this exercise at the end of each day for a while. Then focus your Creative Servo-Mechanism on positive goals for the new day 3. Forgive others. They're justas fallible as you are. They're not gods and they're not machines; they're just human beings. People do horrible things to one another, out of terrible weakness, out of horribly scarred self-images. This is why those who were abused as children all too often abuse their children. This is why bosses NOTES‘bebave as tyrants instead of leaders. They do not know what you now know: how to alter the self-image for different results. Carrying grudges against those who have wronged you in your past serves only to keep your past in control of your future. Here's another High Voltage Image - stand under a waterfall in a beautiful setting, perhaps Hawaii. Let the pure, clear, fragrant water pound down on you ‘Take a refreshing shower in the purifying waters of forgiveness. Cleanse yourself «of bittemess and resentment. Walk out of that garden purified and free of these past ‘connections. Wish those who hurt you redemption, then move on. 4, See yourself at your best. Picture yourself in the situations you've really relished, when things seemed to fit into place and your world was as you like it. Remember how you felt, recapture the good feeling, visualize it in glowing technicolor, and hold on tothis glorious feeling . Keep these pleasantimages alive in your mind; reject your “failure” images and the sinking feeling in your stomach that goes along with them. Feed your success mechanism! Focus on your lion times, your lion self. Here is an interesting letter from a young woman serving in the United States Anmy, stationed in Texas: Dear Dr. Maltz, I am sure that you know the results of psycho-cybernetics with patients you actually see and consult. 1 thought perhaps you would be interested in how Psycho-Cybernet— ics affected me. I purchased your book, Psycho-Cybernetics. At that time, I was twenty-two years old, weighed approximately 276 pounds, had a mediocre job, and was a classic victim of a “failure” mechanism. Unfortunately, I was “agnostic” if I could use the term toward psycho-cybernetics. Nothing ever went right for me, so why should that work? What I needed was a “miracle”. My self-confidence was non-existent. In the winter of 1968, I went into a “Weight Watcher” class. This is one of the finest organizations of its kind. Whether deliberately or unconsciously this organization uses goal-striving techniques. If I was referring in my mind to your book I‘1l never know; but ASLRAADASDNSDSSASAAAARDAABAAARAAABRAAARAADASAAR.t constructed in detail in my mind a vision of a thin girl. When I had lost about forty pounds, the lecturer at one of the Weight Watcher meetings mentioned Psycho- cybernetics as recommended reading. I returned home and got out my copy: “the truth shall set you free". Rereading, or should I say really reading your book for the first time, I realized literally how important your writings were. ‘The results of Weight Watchers and Psycho-Cybernetics was a weight loss of 122 pounds. But your book helped me reach another goal. Having achieved a new physical image I sought more gainful employment. But I became bored. I reasoned that I was bored with Life when fat but I couldn’t possibly be bored as a thin person. But, as you discovered with your patients, just changing on the outside does not necessarily change your life. peep down inside I knew there was something I always wanted to do. But, of course, my weight kept me from it. ‘hat goal was reached and I decided to try for a new one. 1 saw that being thin alone was not enough. But reaching that goal gave me confidence to set another- 1 can now proudly say I am a member of the Women’s Army corps One year ago, this did not seem like a possibility. I visited the recruiting office for all the branches of the services. I read each brochure and knew in every fiber of my being that this was what I wanted. Getting into the position of being able to write to you on army stationery was a great challenge. First off, I was twenty-eight years old. I was too old for the Navy and Air Force, but within limits for the Women’s Marines and Women’s Army Corps. Since the army had a guaranteed enlistment program, I chose them. The next obstacle was the qualifying test. Perhaps you have heard that the army takes just any one. Not so. To qualify, one must score a minimum of 51 points. The first NOTES 34.time I tested I scored 41. The next time only 43. Needless to say, I hired a math tutor and faithfully each night I did two things: read a chapter in Psycho- Cybernetics, then studied my multiplication tables. Again, I “visualized”, imagined, and put myself in uniform to reach my goal. On the third testing, I scored , 51 points. The day I went to the recruiting office, I had a copy of Psycho-Cybernetics in my hand. My recruiter seemed amazed because your book Psycho-Cybernetics is required reading for the course the United States Army gives its recruiters. I am now rereading my fourth copy of your book. It seems I get so enthused about it, I end up giving my copy away. I am now stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. I refer to your Psycho-Cybernetics as “my other bible” because it helped me so much. Respectfully, Pvt. Kathleen (Last Name Witheld On Request)” This woman discovered that success breeds success, that confidence can be drawn from any success and used to fuel the next success. She employed specific Creative Psycho-Cybemetics Techniques to expand one E-Range after another. You can too There are three very fundamental Psycho-Cybemetic Techniques for boosting ‘your self-confidence. Simply, they are, number one: words; number two, pictures; and number three, feelings. For words, we use Affirmations. An Affirmation is a present tense, positive statement, often beginning with “I am” or “I am the kind of person who”. Affirmations are used to create and recall High Voltage Images and to reinforce ‘commands given to the Servo-Mechanism. We use Affirmations to take control cover the self-talk going on constantly inside the subconscious mind. I have even ‘created unique subliminal programming cassettes, filled with Affirmations using Psycho-Cybemetics terminology, you can use to reinforce your own affirmations. NOTES‘The following are rules for choosing the words used in an affirmation: NOTES 1, Besstrictly personal. Use I, me or my. Be absolutely positive - move toward what you want, avoid the words not or don't, ‘Use the present tense. Do not be progressive. Avoid I am going to. we Do not be comparative. Never compare with the past or others; do not use more than or better than, Avoid the words able to or can. Affirmation should be balanced. Do not use opposites or extremes. Be realistic. Do not use absolutes or perfection eens Always write for yourself, not for others, 10. Donot set time limits. Time limits are deadly; they create tension. Here is a check list to be used in the writing of a Descriptive Statement for improving, 1 Do! “really” want this? (This must be something I “really” want, not something that will “sound” good if someone else reads it) Is the goal compatible with my other goals? Is it positive? (State what I want, not what I want to get rid of.) Is it expressed in “total” detail? when Is it realistic? (s it possible for some human being to achieve it? Not just “is it realistic for me today?) 6. Ismy goal high enough? Reach out! Set the goal limit high. Nothing should enter my mind at this point as to how I will achieve these goals. Consider this example of a Descriptive Statement Iwantto be able to speak in front ofa group of people, but seem to lack confidence that I can do this. Iam always nervous and fearful that I will make a mistake or forget something. I know if I can build confidence to do this, it will ub off in other areas, especially in my job. Now we construct a Psycho-Cybemnetic Re-programming Descriptive Statement I can see myself giving a talk on creative thinking in front of about 200 people. I'm ‘an expert on the subject, because I know more than anyone present. I'm standing on the rostrum, and as I give my talk, the audience responds with applause andappreciative laughter. At the conclusion, as I leave tlie speaker's platform, several key people offer me congratulations, giving me a feeling of importance and self- esteem, Then practice this summary affirmation: 1 AM A CONFIDENT, PERSUASIVE AND POWERFUL SPEAKER. - Next, pictures. You' ve learned how to construct and use a Mental Movie. For this ‘example, you would create a mental movie of yourself, striding confidently to the podium, delivering an exciting speech, the audience laughing at your jokes, applauding, giving you a standing ovation, and gathering around you afterwards to ask questions, even ask for autographs. ‘When you combine words with pictures, you achieve maximum impact. Next, feetings. All negative feelings hurt in various degrees depending upon the individual. The fear of making a mistake which prevents you from taking chances in life hurts you. The feeling of insecurity that you are nobody because you failed in some undertaking hurts. Aggressiveness of the wrong kind when you step on other people's toes. Taking from life by hurting others hurts you a great deal. Loneliness, that terrifying feeling of being separate from others even though you ‘may be in a room with a thousand people, hurts because you have denied yourself the right to communicate with yourself and with others...uncertainty. The feeling that life is too frenetic and isn't worth the effort hurts you because you refuse to develop your intellectual and spiritual muscles at a time of stress. Resentment hurts a great deal more than the others mentioned before because it expresses unbelief in yourself where you hand over the reins of your dignity and self respect to someone else, complaining to the world that life has been unfair and unkind to you. You must remember that resentment hurts most the one who uses it because it prevents you from being a friend to others and to yourself. Hatred is little worse. Hatred means that you hate yourself first before you can hate anyone else. It means ‘that you have become a trator to yourself, letting the termites of nothingness bore holes within your mind and spirit, leaving you empty as a human being. With hatred goes envy, jealousy and all the cancerous moods that deprive you of your self respect and dignity as a human being. If you have self respect you can't hate yourself and when you can’t hate yourself you can’t att others. However, I believe that indifference is the one emotion by far that hurts a person most because itmeans emptiness, It means that you are hibernating from reality, living ina makebelieve world which is nothing more than a dark dungeon, a concentration camp you have built for yourself. Indifference’ apathy, being blasé about life is certain to lead to isolation. ‘The opposite - “be like a child” - being alive, curious, excited about life, involved, very much in the present is a state of being that attracts to you the favorable attention and cooperation of others - friendships - opportunities. Of course, most people seem to drift in and out of these different negative feelings and emotions. With Creative Psycho-Cybemetics, you are more aware of your feelings and thoughts, and you deliberately steer your mind to positive or productive areas. Steering thoughts and feelings, being consciously in control rather than letting the subcon- scious run wild or be directed by others, This entire course is about choosing how you will think and feel right now, this minute, in the present. About who you will be’ your big self or your litle self - right now, this minute. Paycho-Cybermetics is a word I coined which means steering your mind to a productive, useful goal. I say that advisedly far too often, because of a blunder, a misfortune, a heartache, we are apt to steer our minds to unproductive, useless goals. It also means: ‘Turing your back on the errors of the past. Living in the present...now...today...not yesterday or tomorrow. Doing one thing at a time. Doing in a relaxed state, with peace of mind. Forgiving others. Forgiving yourself. Looking at yourself with kind eyes. NM aAWhE DE Seeing yourself at your best as a person of confidence not at your ‘worst, as a person of frustration. & Keeping up with yourself...never with someone else © It means respect for yourself and for others. 10. Ttmeans compassion for yourself and for others. Itmeans much more than confidence. It means sharing your confidence with others who are in desperate need of your confidence, sharing your courage and good will with others who want to find it in this world, Unknown to you, many people look to vou everyday for leadership and inspiration and hope Your children. Your spouse. Your business associates. Your employees. People you casually encounter, the fellow who parks your car or the waitress in the coffee shop who brings you your meal. By focusing on presenting a positive example and onbeing an uplifting influence forall of those people, you must focus on your big self, your best self. Confidence is a by-product of Creative Psycho-Cybemetics. Psycho-Cybernetics and Zero Resistance Living do not mean everything about Dr. Maltz. On the contrary, it means everything about you...How you can live creatively, anxious to share your good fortune with others, able to influence yourself and others in a dynamic way. Is Psycho-Cybernetic a five dollar word for + confidence? No...Jt’s a million dollar word for your own worth, remembering at all times that your own worth depends on how much you contribute to others. And that is the ultimate way to self-confidence. Here is what you must do, in totality, to achieve the most desireable kind of self- confidence. Break free of the continuum, the constant movement back and forth between inferiority and superiority. This is the treadmill for the ego, not the ‘productive path of the healthy self-image. Instead, see each aspect of your life as ‘an E-Range. Honestly identify your position there now, then deliberately do things to expand it. Knowledge, preparation, practice, mental rehearsal...competence supports confidence better than any psycho-gimmickry. Measure, recognize and celebrate your progress. When you look in the mirror, see the powerful image of the lion that you are. After all, a lion stands for courage, does he not? And it takes real courage to be a human being, to acknowledge your limitations, to determine to change for the better. That is a courageous act. By doing this, you exbibit true courage. You ARE a lion. Now act like one. NOTES 349. L222 Of @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ @ GC OC CO O02 246246 22246 0646460644340 6%'350. THE LION & THE MOUSE PART ONE: Pick one or several people you know and that you envy; there is some thing cr things about this person that you covet or that make you feel inferior to him. Be honest! Write down their names and what makes you feel inferior to them or envious of them. Name What Makes You Feel Inferior Or Envious PART TWO: For this person or each of these people, make lists of the ways they might feel inferior to you or envious of you. This Exercise vividly drives home the point that inferiority! superiority is a two way street, and that all comparisons of yourself to others are false comparisons, Ni Ways They Might Feel Inferior Or Envious Of You (You may photocopy this page for future use.)351. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #61 MASTERING SELF-CONFIDENCE To conquer inferiority feelings and replace them with self-confidence means you must stop making comparisons between yourself and others. Do these written guides to let go of the comparison trap. Lused to compare my (ability, physical, etc. to (person) In the future I promise to only compare me to me! Signed, Date. used to compare my Signed. Tused to compare my Signed, Lused to compare my Signed. to In the future I promise to only compare me to me! Date. to In the future I promise to only compare me to me! Date. to In the future I promise to only compare me to me! Date. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) 4 ¢ ¢ « 6 @ e e 6 e Li e LL e « e « « e e e e € e e e e © e © © e e S & « © L © « « «THE E-RANGE Real Limits Self-Imposed Limits Resistance LIST THE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO EXPAND YOUR E-RANGE IN A PARTICULAR AREA. AYpe 5 (You may photocopy this page for future use.)353. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #63 RULES FOR WRITING YOUR OWN AFFIRMATIONS Be strictly personal. Use I, me or my. Be absolutely positive - move toward what you want; avoid the words not or don't. Use the present tense. Do not be progressive. Avoid I am going to. Do not be comparative. Never compare with the past or others; do not use more than or better than. Avoid the words able to or can. Affirmation should be balanced. Do not use opposites or extremes. Be realistic. Do not use absolutes or perfection. Always write for yourself, not for others. Do not set time limits. Time limits are dead! (You may photocopy this page for future use.) — OES 2929832737227 3727737 7VD727DADZD27Z7A27A2A2ADBWA®WA7BAAAD[AL TRAINING EXERCISE #64 MASTERING SELF-CONFIDENCE Once you make a firm commitment to a goal the only thing between you and that goal accomplishment are the obstacles. Think of how a hurdler must jump hurdle after hurdle to reach the finish line. Mastering self-confidence is persistence to overcome the hurdles. LIST SOME PAST GOALS WHAT HURDLES DID YOU OVERCOME? NOW OUTLINE WHAT OBSTACLES MUST YOU SOME FUTURE GOALS OVERCOME? (You may photocopy this page for future use.)355. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #65 MASTERING SELF-CONFIDENCE Learn to "fail yourself to success". Every mistake can arm your self-confidence if you Team a critical lesson from the experience. Do an analysis of your past errors and the lessons you can apply in the future. MY MEMORABLE MISTAKES LESSONS LEARNED Now, think about three recent successes where past mistakes helped you succeed. 1 (You may photocopy this page for future use.) SGISTTTTSILSLSSSSSSISSSSSSSSISMSsSseesesesmarwrerwrrsarsr |[| For A Better Understanding. "In every adversity lies the seed of an equal or greater benefit" Lam never frightened by revolutionary changes in my life, whether they are voluntary, or forced upon me by circumstances of an unpleasant nature over which | have no control, for I do at least have control over my reaction to these circumstances. And I exercise this privilege, not by complaining, but by searching for that seed of an equivalent benefit which each experience carmies with it. — From: You Can Work Your Own Miracles by Napoleon HillMAKE A MISTAKE By Robert Hillyer Pulitzer Prize Poet How often we intend one thing and it tums into another! There is a joke in the Greek anthology about a man who invented a stove that didn't work but served excellently as a wine cooler in summer. The New England eccentric "Lord" Timothy Dexter of Newburyport, Massa- chusetts, sent a strange cargo of warming pans to the East Indies and made his fortune when the natives discovered that the pans, with their long handles, were perfect for cooking in a hot climate. Centuries of apparently wasted effort on the part of alchemists not only gave birth to chemistry but also provided a rich storehouse of symbols for philosophy and poetry. Columbus aimed at India and found America. The experience has become proverbial: we aim for the goose and hit the gander. ‘The same thing happens with cheerful frequency in daily life. A job is lost which, if it had been taken, would have prevented the acceptance of a better one. The wrong book comes home from the library and opens a whole new field of interest. I know of a student in college who wandered into the wrong classroom and became so interested in the subject being discussed there that he pursued it and made it his career. I need scarcely add that, being so absent-minded, he became a famous professor. Itis better to wait and see what happens than to be discouraged. It should take the edge off disappointment to remember that half the things that go wrong surprise us by turning out all right.For A Better Understanding. ‘AKE A CHANCE Wat Dieney Motion Picture Producer I wonder how many times these sturdy old words have been used in graduation speeches each year. They take me back to my own high-school days, when I had my first pair of white flannel trousers and the world ahead held no heartbreak or fear. Certainly we have all had this confidence at one time in our lives, though most of us lose it as we grow older. Perhaps, because of my work, I've been lucky enough to retain a shred of this youthful quality. But sometimes, as I look back on how tough things were, I wonder if I'd go through it again. I hope I would. When I was about twenty-one, I went broke for the first time. I slept on chair cushions in my “studio” in Kansas City and ate cold beans out of a can. But I took another look at my dream and set out for Hollywood. Foolish? Not to a youngster. An older person might have had too much "common sense" todo it. Sometimes I wonder if "common sense” isn't another way of saying "fear." And "fear" 100 often spells failure. In the lexicon of youth there is no such word as "fail." Remember the story about the boy who wanted to march in the circus parade? When the show came to town, the bandmaster needed a trombonist, so the boy signed up. He hadn't marched a block before the fearful noises from his hom caused two old ladies to faint and a horse to run away. The bandmaster demanded, "Why didn’t you tell me you couldn't play the trombone?" And the boy said, "How did I know? I never tried before!" Many years ago, I might have done just what that boy did. Now I'm a grandfather and have a good many gray hairs and what a lot of people would call common sense. But if I'm no longer young in age, I hope I stay young enough in spirit never to fear failure - young enough still to take a chance and march in the parade.359. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #66 MASTERING SELF-CONFIDENCE Become an Actor! Replace fear with positive behavior. "Act the way you want to be, and you'll be the way you act." -Dr. Maxwell Maltz QUALITIES I WILL CREATE SO1WILL ACT LIKE (You may photocopy this page for future use.) —_——[} eee Ee ae for Future use) 6666606000000 000600080006000600444.44...4...........ACT THE PART 5 y Charles Schnee Producer And Writer Once as a schoolboy journalist interviewing Reinhardt, [had the impressive experience of watching the Tehearsal for his New York production of The sto a player the words quoted above, and I thought he was speaking only in terms of professional acting. But now | know that his wenas also apply to any individual in any walk of life. That's why I say: Act the part wherever you are. Select the qualities you most admire - and then act as if you had them, Believe me, there is nothing cynical about this advice. It does not mean faking, or chance of attracting them to you. Reinhardt himself played a role - and he Played it to the hilt. He always took with him an aura of greatness, of authority, of genius Thave known many a plain-looking woman who became a more beautiful woman - just by acting like a beautiful, graceful, self-possessed woman, {ave known men wio climbed to leadership by picking that role and acting like leaders, Yes act the part I believe in this rule. I believe that if we try acting like better friends and neighbors, we will end up being better friends and neighbors, too. Reprinted From: Words To Live By, by William Nichols