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    Vitomir Leka

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    76. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE LESSON TWO CONFIDENCE Overview This week we're going to learn how to build confidence. What is confidence—an emotion, a feeling, a sentiment? Or is itan attitude, a frame of mind that you have about yourself? It is all these things. But confidence is also a force, a source of energy within you. It is the moving power that allows you to achieve success. Confidence is also the product of success and the basic ingredient of success. /n order to achieve success, you need confidence. And in order 0 gain confidence, you need success, for confidence is the product of success experiences. ‘Once you've achieved the habit of success, you'll also have made the habit of confidence, and it will work the other way around, too. You will find your confidence will automatically recharge itself as a result of success. To build confidence you learn to reconstruct successful experi- ences from the past and use them to produce confidence for your daily endeavors. We're talking about confidence on demand, instant confi- dence. It's like charging a battery, you can learn to store up confidence like electric power and use that force within yourself. Any machine is only as good as its opera- tor. And we know that we all have a complex computer right in our own heads. But all too often we are like an unschooled five-year-old at the computer, we have not properly pro- ‘grammed our own computer guidance system. Instead of putting it to work for us toward creative goals, we let it sidetrack us from suc- cess and satisfaction by wandering aimlessly over negative experiences of the past. ‘What we have to do in order to achieve self-confidence is to give commands to our internal computer guidance system that will put us on the track of successful, positive experiences. For the computer in the human brain these commands take the form of vivid mental images of clear, positive goals and success together with feelings of confidence. (You may pl this page for future use.) rer PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE In the exercises in this lesson you will begin to re-program your servo-mechanism with precisely the commands you need to produce a life of success and happiness. You will lear to: 1. Vividly recall past successes and re-experience the con- fident feelings. Create “synthetic” experience—images of imagined suc- ‘Tess that produce confident feelings. Remember your servo-mechanism, the internal guidance system can’t tell the difference between a “real” experience and a vividly imagined one. They both reprogram equally well. 3, You will learn to set clearer daily and weekly goals that produce motivation and creativity. 4, You will learn to worry in a constructive, productive way. 5. And you will continue the process you began last week, which is building a self-image that expresses you at your best, the true you. Look over the entire lesson briefly before you begin. ‘Remember to do the Relaxation Technique before each daily session. ‘Remember to continue the STEP IN—STEP OUT exercise from last week. You should do it for the six-week period of these lessons. This is very important in forming your new self-image. Each week you will do the STEP IN—STEP OUT exercise a bit differently. ‘This week, view some of your pleasant memories as past experiences of success and confidence. See them from the audience, then STEP IN and relive them, Make some of your unpleasant memories failures. STEP OUT of them and view them from far away in the audience of your mental theater. Remember to do one thing you can be successful at every day. You should do this for the entire six weeks of these lessons. Daily repetition is important for the programming of the servo-mechanism to begin to func- tion in a new way. But why stop at six weeks of success? Why not make it your lifetime occupation! mw ow AS SADADRADRASDSAVAARARARARABARARARARVRANRSTAE 78. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #11 Effective Exercises For Creating Confident, Successful Feelings Do these execises each day this week and also before any activity or en- deavor where you want to be confident. 1. In your mental theater: ‘A. Remember a time when you were successful, B. STEP IN to the movie, C. When you feel the confident feeling of success strongly, say to yourself mentally, “LAM CONFIDENT!” You can remember this successful time as often as you desire. Each time STEP/IN to the scene. As you feel the feelings strongly, remember to say mentally, “I AM CONFIDENT!” This helps to program your servo- ‘mechanism with success images and feelings. Add to your collection of success images every day. Eventually you will be able to summon confi- ence instantly just by saying, “I AM CONFIDENT.” Repeat this exercise with all your memories of success. 2. Create “synthetic” memories: Some people have difficulty remembering successful experiences or they think they haven't had any. That isn’t a problem. Remember your servo-mechanism can’t distinguish between a real and a vividly imagined experience, Here is an effective way to get those successful, confident feelings even if you can't remember a success from your past. Simply be an actor in the theater of your imagination. Do you re- member the young actress who took the advice to act as if she were a happy person? She did, and after a while it was no act! She had repro- ‘grammed her servo-mechanism with positive, happy images, feelings and actions, and then it took over the job automatically. She actually became the happy person she was portraying. Well, the same process can work just as well for you. Do the following exercise first in your mental theater. Then get up and actually act confi- dent and successful. Do it physically. Make the exercise as detailed as you can without straining. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) — $$ me eit this page for furure use.) 79. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE ‘Act as if you were successful. ‘A. How would you stand if you were successful? B. How would you walk? ‘What facial expression would you have? . What would you say if you were successful? How would you say it? ‘What would you smell and taste? . How would you feel ? H. What would you hear? ommon ‘Throw yourself into acting your successful part with all your en- ergy and imagination. If you feel a little embarrassed at first, Don’t Stop! Keep going! That means the process is working! The old limiting pattern is trying to assert itself. But those embarrassing feelings will soon disappear and you will start to feel those feelings of success and confi- dence. When you feel them strongly, as always, say to yourself firmly in your mind, “1AM CONFIDENT!” Each time you recall or act out successful feelings you add more positive programming to your servo-mecha- nism. In time your success mechanism will begin to guide you to success automatically, subconsciously. 3. Anytime you do something that makes you feel confident and successful, say to yourself, “I AM CONFIDENT,” when you feel the feelings strongly, to strengthen the new programming. (ou may photocopy this page for future use) 80. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE MIRROR EXERCISE . CONFIDENCE Here is your prescription for a better self-image: Do this exercise each day. With the marker, write the words SELF-CONFIDENCE on the mirror. Now look into it and say to yourself: “I must use the principle of athletes: to forget the fail- ure of yesterday and concentrate on the successes of today. I must also concentrate on my past successes. After all, I have succeeded sometime in something. I must recall the confidence of past successes for my present undertaking and make it a habit like brushing my teeth. If I do this I will achieve instant confidence.” ‘You should feel free to leave these words where you will make sure that you see them. Write them on a slip of paper where you will see it on your desk each day. Or you could tape the words to the dashboard of your car. But the most important thing for you to do is to use these words to remind yourself to apply the principles of Psycho-Cybemetics to your life. (You may photocopy this page for furure Constructive Worry Worry is the least effective form of thinking. It leads to anxiety and frustration. It robs us of creative thinking and energy that could be used to solve problems and take us closer to our goals. It takes away the satisfac- tion and joy of living. Worrying is destructive. It produces no solutions, only more worry. ‘Yet we all have many things we worry about—our families, futures and finances—our society and neighborhood, our health, our friends. For the next six days, when you find yourself worrying about some- thing, take five minutes to worry about it constructively using the fol- lowing outline. 1. What is my worry? (Define the problem in one sentence.) 2. What is the cause of my worry? 3. Is this a problem that I can do something constructive about? For example, if you're worrying about that funny noise your car is mak- ing, you can take care of that. If you're worrying about the world econ- omy, there is probably nothing you can do. 4. If you can’t do anything about the problem, resolve not to think ‘about it any more, or to only think about it constructively. If you're worrying about a problem you can take care of, immediately plan to solve it and do so as soon as possible. See yourself in the future with the problem solved. Deal with all your worries in this way and you will be amazed at how quickly and completely you can clear your mind and life of wasteful worrying. gl. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #12 L_MENTALTRAINING EXERCISE#12 82. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE CONSTRUCTIVE WORRY WORKSHEET 1. What's the worry? 2. What's the cause of the worry? 3. Can I realistically do anything to solve it? 1 A. No, Lean’t. I will not worry about it any longer. If I think about it at all, I will be sure all my thoughts are constructive. OB. Yes, I can and will take care of this problem FIRST I WILL: WHEN? THEN I WILL: WHEN? THEN I WILL: ‘WHEN? I WILL COMPLETE SOLVING THIS PROBLEM BY Day/Date/Time: In your theater, see yourself solve the problem. STEP IN and be in the movie solving the problem. Then be in the future scene with the problem completely solved. Enjoy the good feeling. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) 83. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE Eliminate Worry and Unlock Your Confidence Here are some additional techniques to overcome the habit of worry. These’ simple steps will put you well on your way to unlocking your confidence. These five techniques have proven very helpful to people. Try them this week. You will be surprised at the positive results they'll bring. 1. Don’t ponder over how you’re going to say something when you have a firm goal in your mind. Just open your mouth and say it. Improvise as you need to. 2. Don’t think too much before you act. Put your goal fore- ‘most in your mind and then act. Correct your action as you go along, not before you start. 3. Stop criticizing yourself after each action, no matter how simple. Use criticism sparingly, not continuously. 4. Make a habit of speaking louder than usual. Inhibited people are notoriously wispy-voiced. You don’t have to shout at people, but just try to raise the volume of your voice. 5. Let people know you like them, Compliment at least three people a day. If you like what someone is wearing or doing, say so. Be direct. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) ”One Potato—No Potato” This exercise is a practical symbol of what you are learning in Psycho-Cybernetics. Go to the kitchen and get a small potato. Keep it someplace where you will see it every day this week, while you are study- ing the lesson on self-confidence. Each time you see it, remind yourself not to let your self-image shrink to the size of this small potato. Say to yourself: “{ will not coddle my regrets. I will not carry grudges. Ishall forgive and forget. I will not waste precious time brooding over small matters. I shall make my self- image grow with the confidence I had in the past and the self-confidence I have now.” ESS ' 5 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE 1" $$ SCERRNETICS STUDY GUIDE TEN PRINCIPLES Here are ten principles to build confidence: 1. Realize your principal goal in life is to live and be happy, and confidence is a state of happiness that is a goal initself. 2. Confidence means positive thinking plus positive doing and feeling of enthusiasm that you can reach your goal. Imagine that you are already there. 3. Evoke the feelings of past successes. If you feel success- ful, you will act with confidence. 4. Acquire the habit of confidence. Confidence is built on Confidence. Remember the saying, “Nothing succeeds like success.” 5. Program your servo-mechanism with confidence by re- living the confidence of the past. 6. Go back in your memory and relive a successful experi- ence. If you insist you've never had a successful experi- nce, imagine in your mind how you would look and act if you were successful in some undertaking. The brain cannot tell the difference between a true experience and one vividly imagined in detail. Remember, when you have strong feelings of confidence, say to yourself, “AM CONFIDENT,” keeping in mind that soon you will evoke feelings of confidence instantly, whenever you say mentally or aloud, “I AM CONFIDENT.” 7. If you insist on worrying, then worry constructively about a positive goal. Slowly and surely achieving your Boal, saying to yourself that it is possible, not impossible, and that with a little courage and faith you will reach it. 8 Accept negative feelings as a challenge. Remember, confidence is the capacity to rise above negative feelings, even failures. 9. Substitute a good feeling of confidence for a bad feeling of frustration. Make a habit of it. You can do it now. ——___Sarmrrooor ers frtre ne) 86. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE . Don't replay an old record of frustration and unhappi- ness irt your mind. Substitute a new record of confidence and happiness. Confidence comes from belief. Your belief in yourself must be an active performance, not a passive wish. GOALS II The following exercise will allow you to set your goals more clearly and experience the feelings of already having achieved them. This powerfully reprograms the servo-mechanism helping turn it into a success mechanism. When you create mental images or recall memories, be as detailed as you can. What do you see, hear, feel, smell, taste? What are your emotions? Try to involve all of your senses. This vividness pro- duces the best results. Do this exercise playfully, without straining or trying too hard. 1. On your mental theater screen, see a picture of yourself with your goal already achieved. Pay attention to detail. Notice how you look, who is there with you, where you are, how you feel, what you hear, etc. Adjust the size, color, distance, and sound of the picture to make it very vivid and attractive to you. 2. Run the movie with full color and sound. Enjoy the posi- tive, confident feelings you get. 3. Rewind the movie to the beginning. Show it again. And this time, STEP IN to the movie. Be there having already accomplished your goal. Look around you. Enjoy the enhanced feelings of confidence and success. 4. While still in the movie, recall all the steps you took to achieve the goal. If you can’t “remember” all the steps, don’t strain, don’t worry. Your creative mechanism will subconciously devise the necessary steps to get you to your goal. That is its function. Straining to consciously plot every step can “jam” the subconscious creativity. It is un- necessary and unproductive. So relax and have fun with the exercise. That's the way to get the best results. 5. STEP OUT of the movie and take a few minutes to fill out your Daily Goal Worksheet while you still enjoy the confi- dent successful feelings. As you practice this goal exercise daily you will find the “reality” of ‘your imagined scenes will increase and the time it takes to do the exercise will decrease. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) 88. -YBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE Remember: 1. Be sure your goal is realistic—that it expresses the real you—the best you. 2. Have one goal a day. 3. Work on one goal at a time. 4. After you achieve a goal, set a new one immediately. Without a goal we are like a computer without a program, We are less productive, successful, satisfied and happy. ‘The following Goal Worksheet is to allow you to make your goals clearer and so more is likely to be achieved. You should fill out a Goal Worksheet every evening or morning. Make it part of your daily routine and notice the change in your life. + List steppingstones, the steps you must take to achieve your goal. Research shows the most effective way to achieve a goal is to list the steps with the most important first, then the second most important and so on. Then do the steps in that order. Check each step as you complete it. It's your evidence that you are moving toward your goal! + BE FLEXIBLE! Sometimes a steppingstone won’t work—it won’t take you closer to your goal. Don't let that stop you. Studies show the most successful people in the world are the most flexible and creative when their plan doesn't work. Think of alternative steps to take and con- tinue toward your goal. + List any resources people or things, phone numbers, books, tools, etc., that can help you reach your goal. + List today’s success and also list tomorrow’s goal (You y photocopy this page for future use.) 89. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE DAILY GOAL WORKSHEET DAY DATE GOAL: STEPS TO TAKE List in order of importance. Do in order of importance. Check off each step when completed. STEPS RESOURCES v ALTERNATIVE STEPS L Today’s Success: Tomorrow's Goal: (You may photocopy this page for future use.) 90. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE TAKE A BOW This is a week of confidence. This is a week of recalling past successes. You are concentrating on feeling good about yourself, feeling that you've done well. So, take a bow this week. Yes, every day for six days, go to the mirror before you go to sleep at night and take a little bow. You are acknowledg- ing yourself for improving your self-image, and doing a good job of it, too. Don’t hesitate to congratu- Jate yourself when you do something well. You're building up the images of confidence recorded in your servo-mechanism. And you are using successful experiences to reprogram and create the habit of confidence. So make the most out of each successful experience. At the end of each day, write down your successful experiences, no matter how small they might seem to you. Allow yourself to take a bow for each. Let yourself re-experience the feeling of success and confidence. SUCCESSES: Day 1 Day2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6 (You may photocopy this page for future use.) gi. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #15. CLEARING THE CALCULATOR Here’s a simple Psycho-Cyberetic Mental Training Exercise to facilitate instant relaxation, re-focusing of mental energies and concentration: Picture an oversize, simple, handheld electronic calculator in your hand. Imagine that you have been working a complicated math problem, have entered many numbers, done sub-totals and totals and so forth. Now you want to turn your attention to a new problem requiring the use of the calculator. What must you do first? Of course - clear the calculator. You either hit the CLEAR or the STORE button and get the first problem out of the way. Itis often useful to "clear YOUR calculator". Initially you may find it a bit cumbersome to do it, as with this exer- cise - with practice, you can speed up this process to 1-2-3-Clear! and do it almost instantly. #1: Make a quick list of everything you are "working on” that you want to set aside to come back to as is, but not give any thought to right now. Also make a list of everything you want to banish from your thoughts altogether. STORE CLEAR #2: Go into the Theater Of Your Mind, picture a giant calculator. The list you made is now inside the calculator. On its screen are representations of everything cluttering up your mind. First, see your own big finger pushing the “STORE” button, and as it does, take in a deep breath...as the finger lifts up off the button and the cluttered screen clears, let out the deep breath, expelling all of your tension with it. Take a moment to feel how much more relaxed you are. By pushing this button, you are secure in the knowledge everything will be there when you want to retum to it, exactly as you left it - so, in the interim, you need not give it even a millisecond of thought. Next, see your finger pushing down on the big “CLEAR” button and as it does, inhale deeply and hold it 1-2-3, then see your finger lift off the button, exhale completely and feel all your frustration leaving with that breath. Focus on the clean screen for a few seconds and relax. #3: Picture your Success Mechanism now sitting ata clean desk, a blank pad and pen in hand, ready to take directions from you, to go to work. For another take on this, read the “Clear The Static From Your Attic” exercise on the last page of the following article. Now YOU are ready to successfully tackle the matter at hand! With alittle practice, you should be able to run through the entire process of “Clearing The Calculator” in 3 minutes or less. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) 92 APRIL 1992 Its not what youve got; it’s how you use it. Here’s a sere through clear Den- ° ver sk O as United Airlines flight 232 bound for Chicago took off on the afternoon of July 13, 1989, All aboard expected a routine trip. And so ‘twas, until 3:16 pat, when the tal engine sud denly exploded. Passengers rocked forward so INKING Gees With the two remaining jets under the wings, the plane still had power enough to fly. But ower wasn't the problem. The blast had de- ‘molished the sircrat's hydraulic system, caus- ing a complete loss of control of the rudder, wing flaps and ailerons. The 296 passengers were trapped at 37,000 feet in a plane with no steering. Captain Alfred C. Haynes had some fast thinking to do, The situation called for an emergency land- ing, but the nearest strip was at lowa's Sioux City Airport, 0 miles away. Although the steer ing was shot, Captain Haynes found he could maintain some control by alternating the speeds of the two wing jets. For 41 minutes, he and his threeman crew struggled to guide the disabled plane closer to the airport. On a> proach, Captain Haynes shouted through the Intercom, “Brace! Brace! Brace!” Moments later the highly unstable aircraft somersaulted to the ground. Miraculously, 184 survived, many without a scratch Photographed by Patricia McDonough For landing his slane against staggering odds, Captain Haynes was commended for his exceptionally clear thinking and called 4 eee L Ls meet Po Coes Carte creer PC SLT) CeCe Coe or Carey Serr rs oa ae use it.” national hero, a label he had a hard time accept ing. “There is no hero,” he said. “There is just a group of four people, four people who did theirjob.” Perhaps, but by some standards Haynes is overly modest. “If you look at heroes in the movies, theyre always the people who know the right thing to do,” says psychologist Dorothy Tennov, Ph.D. “Superman not only had great strength: he knew how to use it” hile most of the important deci sions we make in life are made in Jess dramatic circumstances than Captain Haynes’, or Superman's for that matter, there are lessons for all ofus here. The most im Portant one is that no amount of training can ‘compensate for crystal-clear thinking. Whether your decision concerns an investment, ajob, a ‘ew house, or which set of parents you're going to visit for Easter, clear thinking can help you make the best one. Clear thinkers aren't ‘born that way. They work at it Before making important choices, they try to clear emotion, bias, trivia and preconceived notions out of the way so they can concen- trate on the information es- sential to making the right decision If your thinking isn’t ak ways as focused as you'd like it to be: if you find that you often make choices you later regret, especially if you have to make them Quickly, it's time for a course in clear thinking. Here are afew lessons from some of the best-known people in the business. Round up more than the usual suspects. Before you can make a good decision, you have to assemble ali the facts. Not just the obvi- ous stuff, but everything you can get your hands on. Although Captain Haynes’ time was extremely limited, he had to gather certain information before he could choose a course of action. How much damage bhad the explosion caused? Which controls were siill available to him? What sites were open for ‘an emergency landing? “Mistakes are usually made because someone has insufficient or bad data,” says John C, John son, M.D., director of emergency medical ser vices at Porter Memorial Hospital in Valparaiso, Indiana. The way to get good data isto ask ques- tions. At the emergency room, Dr. Johnson is faced with lifeordeath crises daily. I's his pow. ers of observation and willingness to think be 93. yc drut it gor thf Ample, he describes the case ofa badly whl ing hid whisked ino the emergency ong care. Ifthe anending doctor ist thinking \y. he might reason thatthe child is. as 3 asthma alack and treat him aceording'y Sharper doctor will first ascertain when ‘heen eranand wher ici playing with any small objects. He might er thatthe childs choking-—and save ale As Sherlock Holmes seid tothe ever bling Watson: “It isa capital mistake tothe before you have all the evidence. It biases, judgment.” Look or iden opportuni. Take job on’ take the job. Cant decide? What af other choices? In just about any situation, a thinking tures up more options But if youre most, ou never seek out all these cho It's easy to get forced into ansietyridden ther/or’ situations ¢ ‘One way you may be limiting your opt by springing upon the frst solution that st itsel Butyour first answer's likey not your best,” says Jeff Salzman, vice preside CareerTrack, a Colorado-based consulting pany. Instead say, Okay, Ihave one possi Swer—let’ see if can find something bet “The cerebral world of chess offers ape ‘example ofthe importance of eeative tia ‘According to Michael Valvo, one of Ame toprated chess players, the downfall of may chess—asinlfe—is that they “concentra ‘only two or three moves while at least eight are usally valle” “~ Use conience fo ken your col: nag what was going through Captain Haynes" ‘when he found himself in the cockpit of a pled plan with the ves of nearly 300 peop pending on his judgment. Did he wring hhands? Did he visualize the faming desir that could have been moments away? Ofcourse not. the had there'd be no st tell. “Treally didn't have any thoughts he “There was nothing on my mind but wi were uying to accomplish just the job at ‘hich wast bring the plane down safely.” How can you always be cooleaded, ly ata uying moment? The key. our & agree is selfeonfdence. "You'e probably thinking: Easy jor ws Sure, Captain Haynes had confidence fying sills, but what about decisions th volve whole nev sets of parameters you' familiar with? Having self-confidence hard when you lack experience, agr Johnson. His advice to young doctors hung up trying to decide if they're d Fight thing isto look othe good decis have mae in the past to reinforee confidence. No reason you cat do the “The heart ofthis iste is trust—in you Is an attude thats ats core an of yourself and your decisions regardh what anybody elze thinks or any mist ‘may have made, says Albert Elis, Ph.D., pres. dent of the Insitute for Rational Emotive There py in New York City Become an “amiable skeptic.” The tough part about being a cool thinker and separating your {motions trom your reasoning is that thers ave lots of people out there who'd rather you remaia emotional. Like the boss or spouse wo usex emotioninciting ploys to get you tq do some thing you don't want to do. To prevent yourelr ‘fom being lured into making bad decisions ite important to view things with acritcal eye, says Diane Halpern, Ph.D., a prifessor of paythety & at California State University. That meene itdoesn't arial relaionship withthe world, be doubtful and stil be cheerful, You ‘an decide to reserve udgment when you evo Youre being swayed against your wil I begene With advertising and extends to telephone cs men offering trips to Hawai for $300 and all the ay to politicians pronlising they'll neves eee raise taxes, Greate a batance sheet. You've already gath red allthe information, searched hand ts Come up with many diferent avenues. Now itc me ing time. boone f The best method, the tkperts say paper and pen and put together ai the basic 110-10 Then do some quick arithmetic. “You'll nor. ‘mally find that one option comes out with adie: tinetly better score,” says Ellis. If you aan imake such alist, he warns, you risk allowing our emotions to give disproportionate weight toa single aspect. = He gives as an, example a young man he knows who purchased a flashy-—but quite us dependable—car simply because it turbo, charged his ego. Naturally, the guy soon town himself with a car he was kicking more thee driving. Drop your “musts.” While inthe midst of tying to make a decision, any decision, listen to rant inner self. Do vou hear a‘eranky litle voice me side saying, “I must have this. Tmust'T ‘must... must!” People art born with a tendea. ¢y to take their important desires and turn thers into “musts,” says Elis, ‘The problem is that this limits your ability to think objectively. The key to rational thinking 2nd clear decision-making isto remain flexible So the next time you hear yourself saying SI mus.” step back and ask yourselt, “must D” Asie Yourself ifthe sabbatical you've been fantacte {Rf about taking really makes more sense after the kids get out of college; consider whether a dependable car might make more sense thas {hat Porsche 911 you saw at the used-ear Nou might be surprised how good it ieels vo fuake the more logical (read: grown-up) choice Take a knife to big decisions. A big decelog a1 be like an enormous chunk of steak. Try to ‘swallow it without fist cutting it up. and yoo tisk choking. So says Paul Slove, Ser of psychology at the University of Oregon And president of Decision Research. anonp oft research institute in Eugene, who recommend ‘technique he cals “incrementalism.” Say, fe bdde ee eS Sometimes you've got to turn your mind off to turn iton Spit cee t-ceatte ta meqnmnnrree en aaa "iS2y3 Raudsepp. “Go do something else it ‘in the woods toa weekend in Bermuda, But aan unrelated tothe project youre concerned wit Me youcome back there's a good chance some things have ios oe, lace, and you're ‘well on your way to solving your problera 4 4 instance, that you're considering giving up your job as a salesman in Chicago to become a sportswriter in Miami. The decision involves not only starting a new career but selling your house, moving your family and leaving all your friends, You've been agonizing over this one for some time. Decisions like this can be overwhelming, says Slovie. The thing to do if you feel overwhelmed is to cut up the dilemma into smaller pieces. Per- hhaps you can find a parttime newspaper job in Chicago, while keeping your present job, to see if reporting will be as much to your liking as you think. Possibly you ean take time off from work ‘and spend it in Miami with the family, to see how much everyone goes for Florida living. You may be surprised. “We tend to think that we can pre dict new situations better than we actually can,” says Slovic. Get a second opinion—but not from a twin. ‘When time allows, i's a good idea to consult with ‘other people before making important decisions. ‘There are just too many things in this world that are too big for any one person to examine alone. But whose opinion do you ask? You could go to your bestfriend or someone else with whom you share common interests and values. But youl do much better by asking people who think ifferently. People who are like you will probably agree with you, Thatl boost your confidence, ‘but not your chances of making the right decision, ‘Avbetter tactic is to go to people with different backgrounds, different occupations—ditferent biases. And if you want to get double your ‘money's worth from a second opinion, ask for it before you reveal your own feelings, say the ‘experts. Don't walk in and say, “I've decided that T'm going to get this operation—what —EOOo — do you think?” The advice you get will be much 95. ‘more valuable fit comes without any influence from you. Don't rush that final verdict. The old advice, “Sleep on it,” makes a lot of sense. Your opinions ‘will be more valuable ifyou harvest them after a lowing them time to ripen. ‘There's a good reason for this. “We're heavily influ- enced by recency,” says Donald A. Norman, Ph.D.,a professor of co ence a the University of Cal fornia in San Diego. For in stance, if you had to travel to pe tras Cosi re eT ic London just after a major air re ey line crash, you might seri “ ‘ously think about canceling Pury the tip. “Leaving alittle ime to put recent things in the past can help a lotto clarify thinking,” he says. ‘Try to prove yourself wrong. Most of us, when we make ‘up our minds, set out imme- diately to validate what we think we “know,” says Ellis. As time goes on, we find more and more “proof” that our assumptions are correct ‘because all we're looking for is that proof. “But we tend to learn more by try- ing to falsify our assumptions,” says Ellis. ‘There's no better way to find holes in the fab- Fic of faulty thinking than to ask yourself, “What are the reasons I may be wrong?” Try asking this (question of yourself the nex time you feel abso- Iuely sure about something. Youve go nothing tolose but your possible error. CLEAR THE STATIC fe ents How to make room for creativity to grow T 00 oFTEX, we let our creative instincts pet drowmed out by the nase PL CeCe CCU ea Pee eS judgment.” fom the rational part of our brain, the part that censors creativity with judgments like "That's illogical” or “That's impractical.” ‘There's so much static up there most ofthe time that we literally can't hear ourselves think ‘Writing in The Journal of Creative Behavior, Lynne Schwab, Ph.D., 2° sociate professor of education atthe University of North Florida, recom- ends the following simple exercise to help you tune out the analytical and tune in the creative and intuitive ‘Sit with your feet lat on the floor and your eyes closed. Pay attention to ‘your breathing. As you breathe air into your body, imagine breathing in oll ‘the good things your body needs. As you let air out of your body, imagine lating things you don't need out of your body. Notice how you are feeling. Imagine the feelings you like growing stronger as you breathe inward. Imagine the feelings you don't ike going out of your ody as you let air ot Now you're ready to think in peace. Michael Lafavore Reprinted From: Men's Health, April 1992 LESSON TWO, REVIEW QUESTION: |. When is my automatic guidance system most dependable? . How should these goals be programmed? |. What effect does intense concentration sometimes have on the ways and means of accomplishing goals? |. How are goals made vividly and sharply defined? . What is my goal when I have feelings of anxiety, fear, inadequacy or humiliation? . Does the nervous system react differently to a real experience than it does to one that is vividly imagined? '. Does the winning feeling cause me to operate successfully? . How do acquire the habit of success? (You may photocopy this page for future use.) 97. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE 9. What causes failure feelings, fear, anxiety, lack of self-confidence? 10. What can I do about failure feelings? 11. How can evil be overcome with good? 12. If Iretain the “I hope nothing happens” attitude, what will this do to me? 13. What happens when I help others get a winning feeling, and thereby improve their self-image? 14. What choice do I have in playing back memories? (ou may photocopy this page for future use ) ——_———[]—$ ar erm ae For fue se) Lesson 3 98. Psycho-Cybernetics The Quest For Happiness NOTES [nas isn't GONE 10) WORK... | ISS BEING ANNOYED! wav oon] You Just FACE THE ‘YoU WAVE NO IDEA HOW ARNOWING IT 5 FOR ME TO HAVE TO LOOK Ay YOu voUDN6 THAT STUPID BLANKET! PEANUTS Pat Welcome to the Quest For Happiness. Look around — unbappiness is all around you. The sales of over-the-counter tranquilizers have never been higher. A particularly shocking statistic of unhappiness isthe suicide rate among young people. It's the second highest cause of death among teenagers and young adults, Each year in the United States, more than 5,000 young people between the ages of 15 and 24 kill themselves. And, mental health experts estimate that the number attempting suicide is many times higher. In a droll commentary of the subject of unhappiness, the cartoon character, Charlie Brown, said, “I've developed a new philosophy —lonly dread one day ata time!” But, this is not meant to be a depressing ‘message, so lets turn to the good news, Most of this unhappiness is wholly unnecessary because each individual has control over his or her degree of happiness or unhappiness. Yes, you can actually learn to regulate the amount of happiness in your life, much like vou use a thermostat on your ‘wall to regulate the temperature in vour home, And, it doesn't matter how unhappy you may have been in the past or what events have taken place that you feel has caused your unhappiness. Today is a brand new day ‘Today Dr. Maltz is going to give you the time proven secrets of being @ happy person, These principles can have a profound impact on your life The typically happy person, the person you are becoming through Psycho- Cybernetics, gains many benefits. As a typically happy person, you can live free of the tensions, fatigue, chemical or alcohol dependency and chronic irritability. You'll sleep better at night and perform more produ- tively during the day. Your relationships with coworkers, clients or ‘customers, family members, friends and close loved ones will all be ‘enhanced. So, let yourself be excited about the information you are going tohhear. You're about to learn how to become one of the happiest people on earth. Phil: Can you make a habit of unhappiness? Yes, by refusing to let go of the mistakes and the frustrations of yesterday. No one is perfect. You are neither superior nor inferior. Capable of blunder, you are also capable of rising above it. Unhappiness becomes a habit through constant worry, constant fear, constant negative feelings we invoke from the past in an ‘undertaking in the present. These are the ingredients that express the state of unhappiness, Remember them only to avoid them. 1) A frown on the {ace instead ofa smile; 2) Sad instead of cheerful;3) Not friendly to others; 4) Critical of others, critical of ourselves. Intolerant, lacking understand- ing, 5) Not successful in understanding the personality we don’t want to be; 6) Letting our own opinion color facts in a negative way; 7) Not learning to react calmly to things everyday; 8) Living our negative feelings of the past and the present Pat’ As you observe the people around you, you'll certainly see these eight ingredients of unhappiness at work. Many people actually seem to go through life on a quest for unhappiness. Dr. Maltz: Remember, that no one can make you unhappy without your consent. Dr. Maltz: Nostalgia for today. Your nostalgia is not for yesterday, but for today Each day you aim at self-improvement, and you aim at improving the larity of your thinking. You see the past in proper focus, but you do not live in the past. You use the past to lear from past mistakes, not to escape from the present. You have lived through heartaches and tragedies; I have too. You cannot forget. Perhaps you cannot. Still, you can use substi tution to forget. You utilize today to concentrate on your goals and then have less time to obsess yourself with tragedies of yesterday. Now and then, if you must, walk into a room of yesterday, where on the walls, you catch glimpses of your old joys and sorrows but only fora short time, a very short time; then, return to today. This is clear, creative thinking, Remember the words of Richard Mansfield, “love children; they do not prattle of yesterday, Their interests are all of today.” ‘The imagination can ONLY hold one thought at a time. If using your imagination as a creative imagination; to create; you leave it no time or opportunity to obsess over the past. Dr. Maltz: Yesterday was another era. Bringing into the present the hurts of yesterday leads to frustration and despair. Do not let the hurts of yesterday plague you, whether these hurts are caused by someone else or by yourself. 99. £22228 2222522222232 2 2S 2392222222 2O929 8882828808884 If caused by someone else, it's not your fault. If caused by yourself, you forgive yourself, redeem yourself, give yourself another chance Dr. Maltz: ‘The other day, I had dinner with a friend of mine. He is a successful Phil: ‘business man who had been married then divorced. Now, after many years of bachelorhood, he has married again. I asked him how it felt. He said, After all,” I said, ‘been married for six weeks ” “That's the point; I don’t have to run around “Well, everything is fine, up ‘til now jou’ ve only Thave a home now." he said, “Ihave companionship and peace of mind I just hope it stays that way. That's why I said, “up ‘til now"." What my friend was doing is what many of us do in different circumstances. We depend on the future. We live in hope and look tothe future, But we should not be passive about the future, We must realize that no one has ever seen tomorrow; for when tomorrow comes, its today. If we want to use the symbols of hope and tomorrow creatively, we must live for today, Every day must be a complete lifetime in itself. You have tolive itto the full. You cannot use the phrase, “up ‘tl now.” It implies doubt, fear, unbelief and {is not consistent with self-confidence. Al of us must create the new day whem it comes. We just don't sit and wait for it. The word “up ‘til now” should be a reminder to actively live the day to the fullest without fear; to build a future by living the present day to the full. There is an often repeated axiom of successful living. Yesterday is a canceled check; tomorrow is but a promissory note, Only today can be spent wisely or unwisely. Who are the happiest people that vou know? Dr. Maltz believes the happiest people vou know are those most immersed in and excited about the activities they are involved in right now — today Although, so much money and time has been spent, so much research has ‘been done and so many books have been written of the quest for happiness, ‘most people sill live ina state of confusion about how to obtain and sustain it If you ask 100 randomly-selected people to describe their major goal in life, a majority of them will say something like, “I just want to be happy.” ‘You probably share that aspiration. One of the obstacles to happiness isthe feeling that it is intangible, elusive, even something that happens by chance or luck; that it comes and goes with the seasons, tides or random events of life. Clinging to these ideas is a guarantee of frequent unhappi- ness, Many people also believe that happiness is dependent on things and people outside of themselves. They say, “I'd bea lot happier if only, if only Thad a different job; if only I could afford a new car, if only Ihad gotten 100. NOTES "There is only one time. It is ‘Now Time.’ -Dr. Edward Kramer 101. a college education, if only Ilooked better.” But, when we place happiness NOTES outside of ourselves, Dr. Maltz says, “We make two unhappy mistakes.” all of our power, second, werun off in pursuit of things First, we give away rather than meaning. There’s a much better way, a much more useful understanding of happiness. And, here's Dr. Maltz to describe it for us. Dr. Matz: Happiness is state of mind in which your thoughts are pleasant the greatest share of the time. All too often, we think of happiness as something impractical. We don’t think of it as relating to our work. But, isn’ tit necessarily true that we are going to perform better if we're happy? Every one of us has a field or craft that we want to be professional in. No matter what it is — doctor, lawyer, sales manager, teacher — anything, ‘That person first has to learn the at of being a professional human being [All of these cassettes teach you how to be a professional human being. If ‘you live these essential characteristics, you will automatically become a professional in your own field. There is another way of saying it — when you're happy as a whole rounded human being, chances are you'll be happy in your craft. Repeat that to yourself because it's a little more complicated than it first sounds. I didn’t say, when you're happy in your life, you'll be happy in your work. I said, “When you're happy as a whole rounded human being, you'll be happy in your work.” Years ago, I met what | would call a genuinely happy man. Even now when I close my eyes and think about him for a few minutes, I geta great deal of pleasure from having known him. I find that just thinking about him from time-to-time, 1 observe the happiness that he generated. This man's name was Christenson. Here's how Imet him. 1 was sitting ina carn the main street of St. Croix on the Virgin Islands. [had been waiting for someone who was shopping and was enjoying the scenery and sights of the people around me. A man about 55, dressed in a ragged khaki shirt, crossed the street and came upto me. “Good morning to you, sit.” he said, “Good morning.” He smiled and his faced seemed to grow much younger. “Lovely day today.” agreed. And, a smile made it seem even better. “Any vegetables today.” He nodded across the street where I noticed an oblong box of fruits and vegetables on the sidewalk. I thanked him and said I didn't need any. Still smiling, he nodded and crossed the street back to the stand. As I watched him go, I noticed that he walked slowly. He was lame and dragged his left foot. A native woman was waiting for him by the stand. When he finally ‘managed to get himself seated in the chair, he said to her, “The gentleman TSP ERE RE RE REREUSRERELREREELESEEE EERE REREERRERE YY YI says he doesn't care for any vegetables today; he does no cooking.” With je must be a bachelor.” They laughed and I laughed, too. 1 spent several weeks in St. Croix and saw Christenson a twinkle in his eye, he said, frequently; although, I never bought anything from him. He was always dressed the same, a khaki shit and trousers that seemed to be uniform for him. All he had in the world was an oblong box from which he sold bis fruits and vegetables. To make it more mobile, be bad attached roller skate wheels to the front end. Otherwise, he seemed to have no other posses- sions. Each day at sunset, he would place his chair over the top of the box, lift the handles and push it slowly down the street. But, what I remember so clearly was his whistle. A tune he would play for himself as he went home from a day of selling a few mangos, papayas, bananas, beets and cabbages. And, then early the next morning, he would arrive with a box full of fresh wares. I could always tell it was Christenson, for his trademark, aside from the vegetables and his smile, was the whistle, Some men whistle when their courage needs bolstering, but Christenson’s whistle indicated no such fear or concer. His whistle had the one quality that any man could detect with ease — the sound of contentment; a mixture of joy and happiness. Christenson has been selling his wares like this for many years. The natives had accepted him asa landmark — his smile, his box of vegetables and his whistle. | doubt that he ever realizes that the way in which he enjoys his day despite poverty and physical handicap serves as an inspiration to others, friends and strangers alike. Christenson had found the secret of how to enjoy life, how to be happy. For him it was simple and direct. To see and relish to the full the positives in one’s daily life. His discovery radiated out to others 10, It need not be difficult for the rest ‘of us to develop our own techniques towards happiness. We don't need the and gave them cause to be happy benign climate of a tropical island. All we have to do is take five minutes off during the day and practice some of the habits of happiness that we can learn from Christenson 1, The ability to smile. Smiling seems to be as natural to Christenson as reading. 2. The projection of sincere warmth and concer for others. [twas result of his obviously instinctive feeling that we're all members of the family of man 102. NOTES “Any fool can criticize and complain, and most fools do." Benjamin Franklin 3. His tolerant, noncritical acceptance and understanding of the differences of others. 4. His achievement of success within his own environment. We might say that Christenson was in a noncompetitive domain and that success was inevitable. But, he embellished his success by allowing his natural humor and spontaneity to flow freely. In addition to being happy himself, he spread the feeling of happiness to others about him. That, t00, is part of being successful 5. Acceptance of unfortunate conditions one cannot change, Atone time in his past, his crippled leg might have given him cause for frustration and despair, but he learned, not to look back, but to live forthe day at hand. Every day is a complete life in itself. It must be lived to the full ‘now without permitting itto be distorted by the specter of past despair. 6. Christenson has learned to react as calmly and intelligently as he could to the events of each day. 7. Christenson did not permit the presence of negatives to prevent him from enjoying the positives of daily living. Remember that happiness is internal. You don’t have to depend on anything or anyone else to reward you with happiness. You are happiness. Start the first few moments of the day with a smile on your face, for ‘yourself and for the world. Try to be as cheerful as possible every day like Christenson. Accept yourself for what you are, not for what you think others want you to be, Cultivate an awareness and enjoyment ofthe small, pleasures in life. Participate in activities that make you happy and ensure that they increase your sense of worth and well-being. Encourage the state of happiness in others. You should regard itas your right to be happy, not a privilege. Remind yourself that happiness is communicable health and that you should spread it. Happiness is the one commodity that multiplies by division. By that we mean, the more I share my happiness and good fortune with others, the more comes back to me Dr. Maltz: Imagine yourself absorbing the seven happiness tactics from Christenson’s personality to yours. Would you approach each day a little differently than you do now? Would you react to the events of your day differently? Would you relate to other people differently? Let Christenson tag around with you fora while; and, before reacting mentally, verbally or CVRSSSSSSSSSVSSSSSIESSSARASIVARASABAssseeeeeeeees 104. ‘otherwise to a situation, ask yourself how Christenson would react, You NOTES may find a few surprises along the way Dr. Maltz: AVhen you're happy, the glorious things in nature are more visible ‘The flowers smell better, the sound of a rippling brook is more distinct, food tastes better, the hand of friendship is firmer and your voice has more life to it. On the other hand, when you're unhappy. you cannot see the beauty without and within, You don't hear as well as you could. Nothing smells right. The food doesn’t taste right. Your touch has been numbed and your voice is lost in loneliness. Happiness is internal. It means, clear perception within you where you see the possibilities of becoming bigger and better than what you are for yourself and for others; sharing your good fortune with others who need your good will desperately. In unhappiness, ‘your spiritual vision is clouded by a mental cataract. When you cannot see the good in you, when you cannot be kind to yourself or wise enough to realize that loneliness and fear are your blind spots, remember the words ‘of John Macefied, the famous poet laureate of England, “The make us happy, make us wise.” ys that Unhappiness means loneliness. No one can make you lonely without your consent. Unhappiness means loss of your true identity. No one can make you lose your identity without your consent. Unhappiness means limitation. Separation from self, from others. You put yourself in your own jail. Remember, no one could put you there without your consent Psychologically, you must let the telephone ring. Create a tranquilizer between you and negative feelings. In subtropical countries, people use an umbrella to avoid sun stroke, Use a mental umbrella to avoid a tension stroke. In place of an old habit of over-responding to tension, substitute anew habit of delaving response. Keep your eye on the ball — your daily productive goal. Stop fighting negative forces in your mind. ‘Think of a geyser letting off steam, a symbol for you to release your tensions Relaxation is your built in tranquilizer. Use it continually in all your pursuits. Your self-image is your emotional and spiritual thermostat. Keep it well-regulated, let it pulse with enthusiasm, not with despair. In today's world, e-mail, the FAX, etc. conspire to speed up the pace. We feel pressured to respond instantly and immediately to 105. ‘every new threat to our peace of mind, our productivity; to divert NOTES our attention from our priorities to others’. We must resist this —_ temptation. We must relax. Calm body, calm mind. There is rarely anything that really cannot wait a day. If you let yourself be both- ‘ered by dvery new, shrill noise, every nuisance, every problem, you lose all opportunity for happiness. Pat: Happiness is state that you have to move into from unhappiness. Just as you have to eat when you're hungry, you have to learn to move to happiness when you're unhappy Phil: The following is the story of one woman who learned this lesson: ~ Doctor, lead your book, Psvcho-Cybernetics, it was great; it helped me a Jot. But, I still make mistakes.” Dr, Maltz: “That's natural. We all make mistakes now and then.” “Oh, yes, I suppose so, but I could be happier if I dida’t. Dr. Maltz, can't you make me happy?” Dr. Maltz: “No.” “Ob, but I thought that, that’s what Dr. Maltz: “Do you want to be unhappy?” “Of course not.” Dr. Maltz: “And, you are unhappy, right?” “Yes, because I make mistakes.” Dr. Maltz: “You are unhappy because you want to be unhappy.” “[don’t understand.” Dr Maltz: “Nobody can make you unhappy without your consent. You see, the ‘one goal inthis world comes to everyone is the desire to live and be happy. ‘And, no one can make you unhappy unless you want to be unbappy yourself.” “never thought of it quite like that.” Dr. Maltz: “Most people don’t. Tell me, are you married?” “Yes, and I have a daughter 18.” HKCABPARSSSSKRSSSSSSSTSSSSAASRAARARABBARAASeseeeee Dr. Maltz: “What does she do?" ‘She goes to college.” Dr. Maltz:“*What does she want to do” “Well, she’s majoring in English, but she wants to teach under- privileged children.” Dr. Maltz: “That's wonderful and unusual.” he’s an unusual girl Dr. Maltz: “Does she take after her mother?” “T hope not.” Dr. Maltz: “Why not? Besides being a housewife, do you have any hobbies?” ‘es, Ihave a profession.” Dr. Maltz: “Really, what?” 1'ma magician” Dr. Maltz: “Are you serious?” “Yes. You doa lot of magic on people, doctor. Removing scars from their faces, Would you like to see some magic?” Dr. Maltz: “I'd love it” “Alright. Here, I'm going to show you something. You see these two litle spongy rubber balls. I put one in the palm of your right hand, and one in the palm of my right hand, Now, let's shut our hands tight.” Dr. Maltz: “Okay “Now, keep your hand closed. I open mine, and what do you see?” Dr. Maltz: “Nothing, your ball has disappeared.” “Uh, huh. Where do you think it went?” Dr. Maltz: “I don't know — up your sleeve?” ‘No, think you took it” 106. 107. Dr. Maltz “Impossible.” NOTES “Ob, well, we'll see. Open your hand now.” Dr. Maltz: “Well, I'll be.” “How many of these little rubber balls do you have now.” Dr. Maltz: “You're right, I’ve got two — amazing!” “Thank you, doctor.” Dr. Malt: “Ljustdon’t see how you did it. You must be kept very busy working all the time.” “Well, 1 work with handicapped children.” Dr. Maltz: “I don’t understand you, That should make you very happy.” “But, I’m not, doctor.” Dr. Maltz: “So, how can I remove your unhappiness?” “Well, you see, Ihave a terrible fear of making mistakes. And, this fear is keeping me from mastering new tricks.” Dr. Maltz: “But, you must think of your successes.” “Yeah, I know; but, just the other day I made a mistake, I wear a formal black suit, and under my cummerbund is a small compact box attached to a thin wire, When I pull the wire, the compact suddenly appears from nowhere and opens up into a bouquet of paper flowers. But, the other night itdidn’t work, and I felt so foolish. The children started laughing at me.” Dr. Maltz: “Perhaps you weren't concentrating enough.” “Ob, doctor, I do. But, the fear of making a mistake is what...” Dr. Maltz: “Yes, exactly. The fear of making a mistake, makes the mistake, ‘Something is bothering you. What is it, the children?” “No, ove them.” Dr. Maltz: “Do they remind you of someone?” “My daughter. She had polio before the vaccine came out. Her left leg is ima brace, and it's, it's my fault” 108. Dr. Maltz: “You blame yourself for your daughter's having caught polio? That's NOTES wrong, “But, I should've called the doctor sooner.” Dr. Malt: “You have to live in the present. You did the best you could Concentrate on the present and forget your past disappointments.” “Tey Dr. Maltz: “And, try harder.” “But, when I look at my daughter, she’s so beautiful, but her leg...” Dr. Maltz: “From what you told me, she’s overcome her handicap. She's developed a life for herself that will make her very happy.” Mh, I know, doctor, yes but...” Dr. Maltz: “You're a magician aren't you?” “Yes, but I could be better.” Dr. Maltz: “Of course, you can.” “But, how?” Dr. Maltz: “Tuma crisis into an opportunity. Make people laugh and laugh with them.” ‘Oh, I'd love to do that, but I don’t know how, doctor.” Dr. Maltz: “Become a magician who make mistakes. One after the other. People will laugh and so will you. Make the mistakes part of your act. “That's a great idea — I hadn't thought of that!” Dr. Maltz:" of your props by living in the present. Helping children and helping yourself. Look at yourself with kind eyes. Accept yourself for what you ‘are now, not what you were yesterday. Make your image grow, a happy image by forgetting the sorrow of yesterday ut, wait. You can perform the greatest magic of all time without any Phil: A month later, she came back to Dr. Maltz’s office radiant with joy “Dr. Maltz, Ijust had to show you my new magic trick. It’s wonderful!” Dr. Maltz: “Well, let me see it.” “Here, you see these two little red rubber balls. I put one in each hand. Now, I'm going to close them very tightly and make them disappear. Now watch what happens. There I open my hands, and oh dear, the balls are still there. Please let me try it again. This time I'll try real hard and sce if they can’t goaway. There now, I've opened my hands, and look at that, they've disappeared! And, along with them, my unbappiness.” The real point of the story is, all of us, without any tricks or props, can be happy if we want to be happy. We can do this by having compassion for ‘ourselves and for others, and by forgiving ourselves and others for the heartaches of yesterday. Guilt gets in the way of happiness. Resentment gets in the way of happiness. In Session One, FORGIVENESS was presented as one of the most important Psycho-Cybernetic Skills you can ever master. Dr. Maltz: Did you have your ugly pill today. Today, we're experts in the ‘manufacture and in the use of pills. And, it is impossible to count the incredible, fantastic number of pills used during the year. I know an industrialist who travels a great deal but never without a pill box. Here is his daily intake of pills: a pill for indigestion, a pill containing all the vitamins, a tranquilizer, a stimulant pill and a pill to put him to sleep at night. I believe people take more pills than they have to, And, I suppose it's merely an expression of the turbulent times in which we live. Besides these pills, we take other invisible ugly pills without realizing it. We take these invisible pills during the day; pills which affect our peace of mind. ‘When we use hatred and revenge, we're merely swallowing an invisible pill that makes us ugly and repulsive. It deforms our inner self-image by disfiguring our self-respect as a human being. Hatred or revenge abuses most of the one who uses it. How much better it is to use our courage, our self-respect, our self-confidence to achieve a goal no matter how small, without stepping on other people’s toes. If we make a habit ofthat, without realizing it, we use a happiness pill for our mental well-being instead of the ugly pill. Isn't that much better? Of course it is. Think of it. Did you have your ugly pill or your happiness pill today. Also, remember the words of Hosea Balou, “Hatred is self-punishment.” According to the Food and Drug Administration, the most prescribed 109. €£€24206002062026062020200260620624€6220626464262020422222202%880280886¢880806¢0608 110. drugs are tranquilizers. And, the most widely used nonprescription drug NOTES is aspirin, Ironically enough, many people are taking the pills that Dr. Maltz describes as “ugly pills” and then vainly swallowing the tranquil- izers‘or aspirin to counter the effects of the ugly pills. Of course, we really know that we can't find happiness in a bottle. On Side A of this tape, Dr Maltz showed us exactly where to find happiness. Now let's explore some of the ways to develop the potential for happiness we all possess. A MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE: TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE! Dr. Maltz: Are you in charge of the waste paper and garbage disposal in your home? If not, volunteer for this task for the next six days, You can utilize this, usually annoying, household chore in a very constructive way. As you throw away the garbage and useless accumulation of a busy house- hold, discard, atthe same time, the emotional and mental garbage that you have allowed to accumulate in your own mind, Think to yourself that as ‘you throw out the garbage of your house, you are also throwing out the garbage of your mind. Each day, both your home and yourself, can start a new day clean and free. Imagine the absurdity of carrying a SO pound burden of past frustrations on your back and not being able to lay it down, Remember that when you are frustrated, you're actually cheating your- self, Resolve to forget past vexations now. Substitute a positive in the present for a negative in the past, This is how you change from unhappi. ness to happiness. Say to yourself, “'ve wasted too many hours worrying about the mistakes of the past, the hurt feelings, the hours wasted that I could’ ve used helping others to improve myself, I quit right now. I know that I can’t be a friend to others until I'm a friend to myself.” Dr. Maltz: Several years ago, I spoke at a church in California. | told them a story about a mysterious woman who had a habit of grooming herself each day before she went out into the streets to throw out her garbage. I used this example to illustrate how we should free our minds from the resentments and failures of the past. Shortly afterwards, the minister brought a miniature trash barrel to the church and put it in front of the pulpit_He wanted to remind his congregation of the importance of discarding feelings of the past that hinder us in the present. To this day, the little trash can stands by the pulpit, Pat; — When you discard emotional and mental garbage, you create a vacuum and nature always fills a vacuum. You create room for your happiness to ‘grow and expand, You create opportunity for happiness to develop. Here’s ‘Dr. Maltz with his ten steps for developing your potential for happiness. TEN STEPS TO HAPPINESS Dr. Maltz: 1. Get the happiness habit. Smile inside and make this feeling a part of you. Create a happy world for yourself. Look forward to each day. Even if shadows blot out the sun, there’s always something to feel ‘g00d about Declare war on negative feelings. Don't let unrealistic worries eat away at you. When negative thoughts invade your mind, fight them. Ask yourself why you, who has every natural right in the world to be ‘happy, must spend your waking hours wrestling with fear, worry and hate, Win the war against these insidious enemies of happiness. 3. Strengthen your self-image. See yourself as you've been in your best ‘moments. Give yourself a little appreciation. Visualize your happy times and the pride you felt in yourself, Imagine future experiences that can be joyful. Give yourself credit for what you are. 4, Leam how to laugh. Adults sometimes grin or chuckle, but not many ccan really laugh. A real belly laugh gives you a sense of release and freedom. Genuine laughter is purifying. It's part of your success mechanism. If you haven't laughed since you were a child, go back into the playhouse of your mind and relearn something you should never have forgotten 5. Dig out your buried treasures. Don't let your talents and resources wither inside of you from lack of use. Give them a chance to meet the test of life. 6. Help others. Giving to your fellows can be the most rewarding experience of your life. Don’t be cynical, understand that many people who seem unpleasant or hostile are assuming a facade. If you give to others, you'll be amazed at the grateful, appreciative response. ‘Some people who seem to have the toughest exterior are really soft and vulnerable. You'll feel great when you can give without thought of profit, NOTES lll. SOS eeeeeaeeeeaeeee eee anaactaaaaacaaaeaaceaeneeaeeeese Phil: 7. Seek activities that will make you happy. Remember, an active life is «happy life particularly if you enjoy what you do. 8 Recognize the fact that happiness is not something that is earned or deserved. There is no morality involved here anymore than in breath- ing, Furthermore, happiness is not a reward for being unselfish, 9. Happiness provides the fuel to make you the better you that you can be. When you're happy, you'll find that you can better express understanding and generosity to your fellow man. You're more open, more giving. You have more to share. 10. Look at unhappiness as not only painful but evil because unhappiness makes you less than what you can be. You withhold because you have less to offer others, Here's story of a young woman who leamed to develop her potential for happiness Dr, Matz: She wasall smiles when we said hello, She was in her early twenties; attractive, buoyant. Did I help her by talking to her? I don’t know. I do know that she helped me. She told me how I helped her furnish her mental room and how happy she was and how I was responsible for her happiness I'm only human, I did not contradict her. She said, “Everyone kids me about you.” Dr. Maltz: “Why is that?” “I’m so happy the last few months. I bad the happy habit.” Dr. Maltz: “I'm glad. "You're responsible. I used to feel miserable about myself, then I read your book, Psycho-Cybernetics, you gave me the courage to go on. I tell my friends about you and your book, and they tease me about you, And, now I have finally met you.” Dr. Maltz;“Thope you're not disappointed.” “You gave me a chance to be myself.” Dr. Maltz: “In what way?” Dr. Maltz; “No, you don't know what you did for yoursel 113. “L always felt I wasn’t worth much. I couldn’t assert myself at all. 1 NOTES undersold myself.” Dr. Maltz: “And, now?” “I've changed. I have furnished my mental room.” Dr. Maltz: “You have?” “It didn’t cost me a penny. I used my imagination creatively, like you say in your book. I go into a room in my mind, and I furnish this room in my Il and two mind. It has a bed and a soft carpet on the floor, wall-to- chairs, not much furniture. My room has two windows with beautiful views. One overlooks the ocean, the other a forest with bubbling streams, and there's a fireplace.” Dr. Maltz: “With a glowing fire?” “Idon’t need a fire now, maybe in the winter time, Now my days are sunny.” Dr. Maltz; “And?” “You say in your book, to relax sometimes, by retreating into a room of your mind. I do this and I find it refreshes me like you say, and then I'm ready for fresh challenges, and I feel good about myself.” Dr. Maltz: “What kind of challenges?” “Ob, I heard about an audition for an acting part, not on Broadway but a ‘good part. Well, I always felt so inferior. I've always seemed to stumble all over myself and make a mess of things, but I read your book and it gave ‘me courage, I always talk myself down but now it was like you were talking to me, telling me not to be afraid of trying things and so what if | failed; just get up and try again.” Dr. Maltz: “You went to the audition?” “And, I got the part! I'm so happy. You don’t know what you did for me.” “L've always felt inferior. It was like I had to hide. I play the guitar, but 1 didn't want to face anyone. Sometimes, I’ go in the bathroom, close the door and practice my guitar that way.” GRAS eseeseeeeee feecete esa aarnazcaioaneananannannanastis 1s. Dr. Maltz: “And now?” NOTES “T'm not scared anymore.” Dr. Maltz: ” “Good for you.” 1 play for my mother.” Dr. Maltz: “Fine.” “You don't know what it feels like to be so scared, and then you're not scared anymore.” Dr. Maltz: “Oh, yes I do.” “I'm so happy — did I tell you that?” Dr. Malt; “Yes, you did, and I thank you for sharing your happiness with me. But, tell me, how do you get along with your mother?” “We respect each other. Sometimes we disagree, but we respect each other. Your book helped me.” Dr. Maltz: “How?” “I don't really know. We get along better than we used to, Your book makes me feel more secure, I guess, and when I feel insecure, I go back to your book.” Dr. Mal: “And, it helps you?” “Oh, yes. I's like you're talking to me. I've always been afraid people Wouldn't like me, and now I try notto care, to accept myself. Ob, I feel so happy today, and I finally met you.” Dr. Maltz: “Let's switch that around — I finally met you, and you've made my day very wonderful. Do you have a boyfriend?” "Yes. Dr. Maltz: “You're building a good life for yourself. Do you ever get scared it won't last?” “Yes.” Dr. Maltz: “Then what do you do,” “Well, I furnish my mental room.” Dr. Maltz: “Yes.” “When I feel depressed, when I feel tense and scared of what other people think of me, I close my eyes and I see this room. I relax and, it's almost like Italkto youin this room and get my good feelings about myself back.” Dr. Malt: “And then?” “And then I get back to my real life, and I'm so happy about my real life. ‘So many good things are happening to me these days.” Dr. Maltz: “No, you are making so many good things happen.” Phil: We can’t overestimate the importance of Dr. Maltz’s fourth step in developing your happiness — laughter. In the book, The Laughter Prescription, Dr. Lawrence Peter, author of the famous management text, The Peter Principle, tells us the relaxation response to laughter has been studied scientifically. The sensation begins with an anticipatory response when the individual first perceives that something is funny. There's a short-term increase in stress. This has been measured as increased pulse, peripheral skin temperature and blood pressure. But, as the laughter begins to subside, this affect begins to decrease. Then, tension continues to decrease until it is substantially lower than before the humorous incident took place. Stress reduction through laughter contributes to your physical well-being as well as to a positive state of mind. Exercise your sense of bumor at every reasonable opportunity. Laughter really is good ‘medicine. Henry Ward Beecher wrote that a person without a sense of ‘humor is like a wagon without springs which is jolted by every pebble in the road. Responding to events with a sense of humor is a habit just as overall happiness is habitual. We are all creatures of habit. The serval ‘mechanism is programmed with a certain behavior, then it takes over and ‘makes that behavior an automatic part of our lives. Dr. Maltz: Our happiness mechanism is within us, ready to work for us if we Jearn to communicate with ourselves first, if we become a friend to ourselves first before we become a friend to other people. Unhappiness prevents this glorious adventure in human fulfillment. Itis upto us to make it a practice for five minutes every day to have pleasant ideas and ‘memories, those fine feelings we have of usefulness and kindness that make us part of humanity, We must make a habit of this as we would of breathing exercises every day, and it ss just as easy to have the happiness habit as the unhappiness habit. The choice is yours. Phil: The best thing we've discovered about happiness is that it can be simple Greater happiness can come about by repeating certain basic thinking and bbehavior so that it's accepted by the Servo-Mechanism and converted to automatic behavior or habit. Here are ten more ideas for enhancing the happiness habit. Dr. Malt: 1. Havea goal — prepare yourself for happiness. 2. Think creatively, then act, 3. Communicate with yourself, then with others. 4 Declare war on negative feelings. Live in a climate of relaxation 5. Keep up with yourself, Entertain good thoughts about yourself 6 Live now, not tomorrow. Don't procrastinate 7. Have courage, have compassion for yourself and for others. 8 Be confident of the person you are, the person you can be most of the time. 9, Remember the greatest treasure within you — your self-respect. 10, Resolve never to retire from living. Continue to nourish yourself wi the emotional and spiritual tone of happiness. Pat: There are some people who go through life spreading happiness as if it were a contagious disease, and it makes those people even happier. Dr. Maltz: Let me illustrate this point with a story about contagious diseases, In 1630, a deadly plague swept through the old city of Milan, Italy. Hundreds of different and often outlandish treatments were used by the city physicians to stem the tide of the plague, but nothing, nothing seemed to work. In those days, little was known about the nature of contagion of diseases. But, with a physical sickness, came a disease that was even more deadly, more dreadful, more loathsome and even more resistant to any remedy. It was the disease of suspicion. The citizens of the city felt that this plague could not be explained by natural causes or else it would have NOTES 116. died out long ago as other plagues rose and then swiftly died out. This plague was something different. It was so deadly, so persistent that ‘Someone among the people must be responsible for it. Some monstrous, evil-doer was secretly nourishing the Plague and spreading it farther and farther. One morning the commissioner of health from Milan, the ema- nate, Guillermo Piaza, went out into the city to write down notes and observations on the state: ‘of the plague. He took with him a container ‘of ink, and as he walked along the festering streets, he wrote down all that he saw. A number of times, he stained his fingers with ink and to clean them, rubbed his fingers against the wall of a ‘house. An old woman, crouched in one of the houses, saw him cleaning his fingers in this manner. And, farther along, someone else saw him cleaning his fingers again. But, they

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