120. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE oss IDE LESSON THREE THE QUEST FOR HAPPINESS Overview Happiness is a state of mind in which your thoughts are pleasant the greater share of the time. Many people think of happiness as being elusive, almost magical, something that happens by luck or chance and then disappears again all too soon. Some believe that happiness is dependent upon things and people external to themselves—the right job, the right car, the right relationship or house or vacation. ‘When we place our happiness outside ourselves we make two unhappy mistakes. First, we either feel powerless to attain happiness or We devote our lives to the pursuit of things that we know won’t necessar- ily bring happiness. (How many stories have we heard of people who “have everything” and yet are miserable?) The second mistake is that we forget the real definition of happiness. Happiness is a state of mind in which our thoughts are pleasant the greater share of the time. Happiness is within us. Happiness is a product of our habits of thinking and feeling. If we think happy thoughts, recall happy memories, set happy soals and plans for the future, we will feel happy. You can’t have happy thoughts and feel unhappy any more than you can have unhappy thoughts and feel happy. When you have a creative, positive, resourceful self-image, you will think happy, productive thoughts as a matter of habit. In this lesson you wil 1. Begin to eliminate outdated negative habits and replace them with new, productive ones, not with willpower, but with the power of your imagination. 2. Learn a way to combat negative thoughts and feelings. 3. Begin to cultivate the habit of thinking and acting from a happiness state of mind. 4. Increase your capacity for happiness by sharing it with others.121. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE 5. Learn to use your mistakes to help you succeed. 6. Learn how to set goals that are “right” for you. Remember to continue with your daily GOAL and your daily SUCCESS. Remember to perform the Relaxation Exercise (Chapter 12, pp. 54- 58) before your daily Psycho-Cybernetics session and as many other times during the day as is appropriate. Remember to say mentally, “CALM BODY—CALM MIND,” when you feel the relaxed feelings strongly. This deepens the programming. Remember to continue the STEP IN—STEP OUT Exercise with pleasant and unpleasant memories. This week make your pleasant memo- ries happy ones and your unpleasant memories unhappy. STEP IN to the happy memories—STEP OUT of the unhappy ones and make them small and far away. DO THIS FAITHFULLY EVERY DAY. It is a powerful ‘way to build your happy, confident self-image! Remember to say to yourself mentally, “I AM CONFIDENT,” each time you feel confident, successful feelings to deepen the servo-mech- anism programming. Remember (most of all) to do your Psycho-Cybernetics exercises in a playful, relaxed frame of mind. Have fun. Briefly look over all the material in this lesson before you begin. Many people actually save up for happiness. They think happiness is something you have to earn, to deserve. If you deserve to be happy, you will be rewarded somehow, sometime. But how, and when? Why dowe think of happiness as something that has to take place in the future? After all, happiness is within you. You are happiness. Happiness is like oppor- tunity—it's always there. There are no restrictions on it. We seize an op- portunity. We should seize happiness. After al itis there waiting within us. You don’t have to save up for it. You don’t have to earn it. And everyone deserves it. Being happy means now, not tomorrow. The key to becoming happy is living in the present. We can achieve confidence by recalling moments of success from the past. We can achieve happiness by immersing ourselves in the present as well as by recalling the images and feelings of past happiness. :sS sss122, ‘YBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE -eeoOonnmsS@=—MmMMM9M9MMMmSmammmeSDE Christensen’s Secrets of Happiness Christensen found the secret of how to enjoy life, how to be happy. For him it was simple and direct. To see and fully enjoy the positives in ‘one’s daily life. His discovery radiated out to others and gave them cause to be happy too. It doesn’t have to be difficult for the rest of us to develop Our own techniques for happiness. Alll we have to do is take five minutes Guring the day and practice some of the habits of happiness that we can learn from Christensen. 1. The ability to smile. Smiling seems to be as natural to Christensen as breathing. 2. The projection of sincere warmth and concern for others. It was a result of his obviously instinctive feeling that we're all members of the family of man, 3. His tolerant non-critical acceptance and understanding of the differences of others. 4. His achievement of success within his own environment. ‘We might say that Christensen was in a non-competitive environment and that success was inevitable. But he em- bellished his success by allowing his natural humor and spontaneity to flow freely. In addition to being happy himself, he spread the feeling of happiness to others around him. That, too, is part of being successful. 5. Acceptance of unfortunate conditions one cannot change. At one time in his past his crippled leg might have given him cause for frustration and despair. But he learned not to look back, but to live for the day at hand. Every day is a complete life in itself. It must be lived to the full now, without permitting it to be disturbed by the memory of past unhappiness. 6. Christensen had learned to react as calmly and intelli- gently to the events of each day, 7. Christensen did not permit the presence of negatives to Prevent him from enjoying the positives of daily living. Perhaps Christensen developed these characteristics of happiness by himself, consciously or unconsciously. Until recently, the ability to be happy was thought to be rare, a product of luck, but by practicing the techniques of Psycho-Cybernetics it is now possible to program your servo-mechanism with happy images and deliberately create these same happiness habits for yourself. In time your happy, successful new self- image will express itself as naturally and spontaneously as Christensen’s. OOMIRROR EXERCISE THE POWER OF YOUR SMILE Your task for happiness is to smile three times a day this week, in the morning, in the afternoon and in the evening. Smile for at least three minutes each time. Use your mirror. It makes the exercise even more effective and fun. There is not a culture in the world where people don’t smile when they are happy. It is a natural human happiness program. Take advantage of it. If you don’t feel like smiling, don’t let that stop you. Exercise your smile muscles and begin anyway. For the first 30 to 45 seconds you may feel uncomfortable, embar- assed, even angry. Don'tlet that stop you! That is the old program trying to assert itself. Soon the uncomfortable feeling will pass and you will feel your inner feelings shift to match the smile on your face. You will find yourself delighted! So let a smile become part of your new self-image of success and happiness, This is a wonderful exercise to share with someone else. Teach some- one to rediscover the power and happiness of his or her smile, (You may photocopy this page for future use.) =e ERE i for fotnre us) 123. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #16124, MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #17 ALL HELP IS SELF-HELP Fach day this week, resolve to help someone in some way, no matter how small. Each evening, record what you did and for whom below. DAY 1: What help I gave: a For Whom: a ‘Comments: DAY 2: What help I gave: For Whom: OO Comments: — — DAY 3: What help I gave: DAY 4: What help I gave: ee For Whom: ee Comments: — DAYS What help I gave: For Whom: Comments: $$ DAY 6: What help I gave: oe For Whom: es Comments: (You may photocopy this page for future use.)125. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #18 THROW AWAY YOUR NEGATIVE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS Be a Mental Garbageman Be the person in your household who takes out the garbage for the next six days. As you discard the rubbish of your house, also throw away the negative thoughts and negative feelings that keep you from enjoying happiness now. For the next six days, practice this exercise in your mental theater: From the audience: 1. See yourself carrying your negative pictures, resentments and feelings and throwing them away, burning them or putting them into a paper shredder, etc. 2. STEP IN to the movie and actually experience discarding your negative thoughts and feelings like the useless junk they are. ¢ You may photocopy this page for future use.)CREATIVE PSYCHO-CYBERNETIC. LIFETIME USE TECHNIQUE THE MENTAL GARBAGEMAN THE MENTAL GARBAGEMAN is what we call a “HIGH VOLTAGE IMAGE” - a mental picture, symbol or quick mental movie that is vivid, memorable and can have substantial impact on the Servo-Mechanism. You may want to use your Mental Garbageman after a particularly stressful or problem-riddled day, at the end of the week to prepare for a relaxed weekend, etc. On our computer, we have a “Trash” receptacle that looks like a litle trashcan. With the “mouse”, you can take any item off the computer screen, move it to the trashcan and have it disappear in seconds. That’s another version of this image you might like: taking the things vexing you, one at a time, sliding them across the computer screen, into the trash - click! - they’re gone. ‘Throughout the Course, you'll be exposed to other HIGH VOLTAGE IMAGES. Take note of them and use them for powerful, shorthand communication with your Servo- Mechanism. And feel free to make up your own.127. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE Patterns for Happiness Here are some patterns to live by—a few suggestions for you to follow in making a happier richer life for yourself: . Get the happiness habit. Smile inside and make this feeling a part of you. Create a happy world for yourself. Look forward to each day. Even if shadows blot out the sun there is always something to feel good about. . Declare war on negative feelings. Don’t let unrealistic worries eat away at you. When negative thoughts invade your mind; ask yourself why you, who have every natural Tight in the world to be happy, must spend your waking hours wrestling with fear, worry and hate. Win the war against these insidious enemies of happiness. . Strengthen your self-image. See yourself as you have been in your best moments. Give yourself a little apprecia- tion. Visualize your happy times and the pride you've felt in your self. Imagine future experiences that can be joyful. Give yourself credit for what you are. |. Learn how to laugh. Adults sometimes grin or chuckle but not many can really laugh. A real belly laugh gives you a sense of release and freedom. A genuine laugh is purify- ing. It’s part of your success mechanism. If you haven't laughed since you were a child, go back into the playhouse of your mind and re-learn something you should never have forgotten. Learn how to laugh. . Dig out your buried treasures. Don’t et your talents and Tesources wither inside of you from lack of use. Give them a chance to meet the test of life.12 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS stupy GUIDE § Help others. Giving to your fellows can be the most re- Rarding experience of your life. Don’t be cynical Under- Sand that many people who seemed unpleasant or hostile are assuming a facade. If you gi Seek activities that will make you happy. Remember an active life isa happy life, particularly if you enjoy what you do, 8. Recognize the fact that happiness is not something that must be earned or deserved. Happiness is the birthright of every human being. Practice thinking, feeling and acting happy until it becomes a new habit 9. Happiness provides the impetus to make you the better You that you can be. When you're happy, you wal find that you can better express understanding gad generosity to Your fellow men. You are more open, more giving; you have more to share. 10. Realize that unhappiness is th thinki in # Psycho-Cybemetics to re-train your mind in Patterns of positive, happy, successful thinking,129, ann RERRRRERena > Prempemmmepreeesesseeeeeeee eee MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #19 MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY Choose one thing to do each day just to make yourself happy—for no other reason. Happiness needs no excuse. There is no reason to postpone it; you don’t have to do anything to deserve it. Acting to create happiness for yourself is another way of programming your servo-mechanism for a successful, joyful life. Continue this exercise for a full 21 days to embed the habit of happy doing more deeply in your servo- mechanism. At the end of each day, record what you did to make yourself happy and allow yourself to re-experience the happy feelings. DAY 1: DAY 2: DAY 3: DAY 4: DAY 5: DAY 6: What I did: Comments: What I did: Comments: What I did: Comments: What I did: Comments: ‘What I did: ‘Comments: ‘What I did: Comments: (You may photocopy this page for future use.) $$$. ry photocopy this page for future use.)130. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE Habit Inventory Human beings are creatures of habit. That is the way we are made, ‘The servo-mechanism, our inner guidance system,is programmed with a Certain behavior and it takes over and makes that behavior an automatic art of our lives. We all have habits, some of which serve us well and benefit our lives, some of which cause us frustration and distress. Negative habits drain energy and creativity we could be using for building the life we want. Sometimes habits that were once useful have become outgrown and limiting. They need to be changed and updated to reflect our new self image, our best self. How many of us ever take inventory of our habits? We need to look at our habits objectively, rationally. We must examine them and determine which ones we want to keep and which we need to change or eliminate. Use the following worksheet to take an inventory of your habits. Every six to twelve months you should re-check your habits to keep your conscious thinking about them up to date. Use the COMMENTS space to make notes to yourself. For example you might want to enhance or build up a positive habit or set a timetable to end a negative one.131. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE HABIT INVENTORY WORKSHEET Date: POSITIVE HABIT How Does It Help You? Comments QQsesesasaeasgaegereeee29 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 1. 8. NEGATIVE HABIT How Does It Hurt You? Comments eiafoa lela leis fe (You may photocopy this page for furure use.)132. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE HABIT INVENTORY WORKSHEET Habits to Develop NEW HABIT How Will It Help You? afelete state NOTES: (You may photocopy this page for future use )133. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #20 NEW HABITS FOR OLD Here is an exercise that will greatly assist you in eliminating un- wanted habits and developing new ones. Do it each day this week. 1. In your mental theater, watch yourself in a movie already having the new habit you want. Enjoy watching yourself being the kind of person you want to be. . STEP IN to the movie and be yourself with the new habit. Be the new you in the movie—stand the way you would stand—say what you would say—hear what you would hear—feel what you would feel—if you already had your new habit. Do this each day for six days. |. Actually do the new habit you are programming at least once a day this week. (You may photocopy this page for future use.)CREATIVE PSYCHO-CYBERNETIC LIFETIME USE TECHNIQUE NEW HABITS FOR OLD NEW HABITS FOR OLD is a powerful aid in altering any particular habit. Lee Milter, author of “Success Is An Inside Job” (available in bookstores) and a frequent radio talk show guest, as an expert in “Habit Busting” suggests using the mental movie of you living the new habit for 30 days before even attempting to make the actual, physical habit change. You might do that, then use the Maltz instruction from the previous page for the first week of actual habit change. In any case, any time you decide to replace an unproductive habit with a more desirable one, go back to this Technique.135. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE 5 YOU CAN BREAK THAT HABIT FOR TWO MINUTES, YOU CAN BREAK IT FOREVER. Old habits, especially concerning food, alcohol or nicotine will try to reassert themselves. When the craving hits, it hits hard. When you feel an intense desire for a cigarette, another drink or rich dessert, you think the desire will continue until it’s satisfied. However this is not tue. Experiments prove that cravings usually last less than two minutes! Knowing this fact can empower you. The next time a craving hits and that old pattem tries to re-establish itself, hold on for two minutes. Fight it for two minutes, and it will disappear. Once you do this successfully a few times, you will have a feeling of great power over your life and you will be laying down new, positive mental pattems. aa136. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #21 MIRROR EXERCISE “UNDERSTAND” Here is your prescription for a better self-image. By this time you should be quite expert in mirror-watching. Each key word that you put on your mirror each week should be your key word twenty-four hours a day. Think of it during the day as you go about your work, or later, when you are with your family. You should always be thinking of ways to improve yourself. ‘Write out the word “UNDERSTAND” on a mirror with the special marker. Now look in the mirror and say to yourself: “I came into this world to succeed and not to fail. I will be myself and not imitate others. I will select realistic goals. I will carry my ‘own image, not someone else’s. If I don’t, I’m a loser because I’m playing second fiddle to someone else. In reaching for my goal, I must not step on other people’s toes. This actually could prevent the achievement of my goal. I must have a goal in relation to others, too, to help my fellow man. All this brings happiness.” COMMENTS:137. Silence the Critic Within ‘We all hear voices in our minds. Often they are the internalized voices of our parents, teachers or others who were important to us when we were growing up. Some of these voices become part of our self-image. Some of our inner voices are helpful, but some are negative, demanding and overly critical. If we believe these voices, they can severely limit us, and rob us of our true potential, success and satisfaction. We are better off without them. Being able to control your inner voices is one of the most powerful tools for reshaping your self-image and taking charge of your life. ‘Mental voices are like mental pictures. With the powerful tool of creative imagination we can eliminate negative voices and reprogram our servo-mechanism with positive, helpful voices. It’s easy and it's fun ‘Do this exercise each day this week, and whenever you are bothered by negative inner voices. Just follow these steps: 1. Identify the inner voice. Really listen to it. 2. Isit making a valid criticism? If itis, thank it. Ask it if it will speak to you in the future in a way you can under- stand and appreciate. Listen for an answer. Negotiate with it. Often a nagging inner voice can be tured into a helper. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) SVRS*ISs*S*Sseseeeeeeegqeces se se aewmasrasraaneaszeoncaacesna138. 3. If the voice is not helpful and you want to change it, use one or more of these techniques: MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #23 Turn down the volume until the voice disappears. ‘Then substitute a positive voice and turn the volume up. ; MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #24, ‘Make the negative voice slow down like a record until you can't understand it any more. Substitute a positive voice and tum up the speed to normal. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #25 Make the negative voice so fast it becomes gibberish. Substitute a positive voice and slow it down to normal speed. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #26 Make a negative voice sound like a clown or a cartoon character. Make it sound like it's coming from a locked trunk or from under water. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) —— — 00CREATIVE PSYCHO-CYBERNETIC LIFETIME USE TECHNIQUE SILENCE THE CRITIC WITHIN On the previous page, Dr. Maltz provided a choice of four different ways to SILENCE THE CRITIC WITHIN. Negative, overly critical and fearful “self-talk” is quite common, especially if the self-image is not operating at peak strength. It is best to cut this inner critic off at his knees, as soon as he starts to speak. There’s no point in being polite to this critic (until and unless he becomes genuinely helpful.) Pick the Technique you like best and make it a perma- nent part of your arsenal. Use it often, until it becomes an instant, automatic response. £22822 8222282222242 ETZADAAABAADAB*AB**ASESeSEADLAELSE140. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE INNER CRITIC WORKSHEET The more specifically you can identify an inner voice, the better you can deal with it. Use this ‘worksheet together with the exercises to take control of your mental chatter. 1. What is the voice saying? (One sentence) 2. Isithelpful? Yes O No O Ifit » ask the voice to tell you its information in a way you can understand and appreciate. 3. Describe the voice. (High, low; loud, soft; close, far; male, female; old, young.) 4. Use one or several techniques from the exercise to change the voice or eliminate it entirely. Note which techniques work best for you. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) OO ere ttt pre fr furure use.)OO LIVE EACH DAY Learn how to become happy. Some people keep themselves from being happy by saving up for it. By living for the future at the expense of the present. But this doesn’t always make much sense. Life is uncertain, ‘There are no guarantees that the future for which we sacrifice our present will ever come. Try the following exercise. As long as you can stand it (for 48 hours or So), live each day as if it were your last. If you can really imagine this to be true as you go about your day’s activities, you'll find yourself free from 2 lot of minor irritations which normally plague you. You will be surprised at what a calming effect this exercise can bring you. You will stop worry- ing about the little things that, added up, destroy happiness, After all, on your last day on earth would you worry about trivia? (You may photocopy this page for future use.) _ nnn is page for future use) 1a. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #27 £292020¢€60€6€606006000¢0606664424i1::..4...............142. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #28 Choosing “The Right Goal” . GOALTEST QUESTIONS You have now had two weeks of experience in setting and achieving daily goals. Soon you will begin setting more long-term goals, goals for the next month, year and so on. How will you know your goals are “right” for you? As we all know, many people waste enormous amounts of time and energy to achieve goals that don’t satisfy them. During this next week and throughout the rest of this program, ask the following questions about each goal you consider. These questions will guide you to setting goals that are good for you—that are consistent with who you really are. Imagine that you already have the goal. It will help you answer these GOALTEST questions accurately. 1. Is this goal possible? Be realistic. Running a marathon is probably possible for you, but being in the Olympics may not be. ._ Is this goal what you really want? Sec yourself having the goal. Do you like it, or are there problems that make it undesirable? For example, having a beautiful, classic car might be fun, but the trouble to maintain it may not be worth your pleasure in owning it. Is this goal worthy? Does this goal hurt anyone? Does it violate what you think is right and proper for yourself and others? Are you willing to do what is necessary to reach this goal? Be realistic about the work you will have to do and the sacrifices you'll have to make to reach this goal. Is it worth it? Asking these questions about each of your goals—especially the major goals of your life—can eliminate wasted time and energy and avoid frustration and disappointment, (You may photocopy this page for future use.)PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE TEN PRINCIPLES FOR HAPPINESS Here are your ten principles for happiness. Lean them but remem- ber to live them, too: Have a goal. Prepare yourself for happiness. Think creatively, then act. . Communicate with yourself, then with others. |. Declare war on negative feelings. Live in a climate of relaxation. 3. Keep up with yourself. Entertain good thoughts about yourself. Live now, not tomorrow. Don’t procrastinate. . Have courage. Have compassion for yourself and for others. . Be confident of the person you are—the person you can be most of the time. . Remember the greatest treasure within you—your self- respect. . Resolve never to retire from living. Continue to nourish yourself with the emotional and spiritual tone of happiness.144. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE WINNING THE BATTLE AGAINST NEGATIVE THINKING Negative thinking often takes the form of negative pictures or mov- ies in our minds. Here are some effective techniques to combat negative thoughts. Do this exercise in your mental theater: 1. Identify the negative picture. (Perhaps it is a memory of a past failure or a projection of a future failure.) 2. If you are in the picture, STEP OUT of it. 3. Make the picture smaller and more distant. Watch it move farther away until it disappears on the horizon. Have the sound diminish, also. 4, Now substitute a tiny positive picture. Make it bigger and closer. Make the sound louder. Let yourself enjoy the g00d feelings this positive picture creates. STEP IN to the positive picture and be yourself in it. Repeat this several times—faster each time. There are many other ways you can defeat negative pictures. Remember to do whichever of these exercises you choose, several times, faster each time, to deepen the programming. Here are some examples: A. Let the air out of the negative picture like a balloon. Watch it as it collapses. Substitute a positive picture and pump up this picture until itis big and strong, bright and vivid. Watch yourself in this positive picture, then STEP IN to the picture and be yourself in it. Feel the new positive feelings. B. Make a negative picture go out of focus until you can’t see what’s in it, Substitute an unfocused positive picture and bring it into sharp focus. C. Have the negative picture fade until it’s completely white, Substitute a positive picture and make it become clearer and more colorful. D. Mentally write or stamp the word “CANCEL” across the negative picture you want to eliminate and mentally repeat the word: “CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL.” Experiment with these techniques for battling negative thinking. Find the one that is most effective for you. Make up your own techniques. —).PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE LESSON THREE : REVIEW QUESTIONS As this is the end of the lesson, test yourself and your knowledge, but remember not to let yourself be distracted from living out these lessons. Even if you remember absolutely nothing from these les- sons, if you can not answer one question, but you have learned how to live the material in your daily life, that is enough. The questions and answers are a guide to help you absorb the material in this pro- gram and to carry it outside the program into your own life. 1. What is the concept of happiness in Psycho-Cybernetics? 2. What is the old puritanical idea of happiness? 3. What does unhappiness accomplish? 4. How is happiness cultivated? S. When will I find happiness?SS SSS SSS SSS SSS SSSSSSSSCSESSESCSSeseesetFr 146. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE 6. What is happinesLesson 5147. Psycho-Cybernetics The Success Mechanism NOTES Dr. Maltz: SUCCESS: Sense of direction for goals ‘Understanding Courage s vu c C: Compassion E: Esteem S: Self-confidence s Self-acceptance Whats the measure of complete success? I don't believe anyone reaches complete success all the time, When you reach one goal, you start for another, and when you fail, you star all over again. Your strength lies in ‘accepting your weakness and then trying to rise above failure to success, ‘The purpose of my talks are positive, helping you to improve your self- image, so I must clearly point out that in accepting your weaknesses, you accept yourself as a total human being with the assets and liabilities of which you are heir. With full awareness of yout limitations, you plan your days optimistically, accepting them, yet rising above them to your full ‘potential strength. You should make peace with your failings; forget about them and move on to your daily goals all in the process of living. Forget the failures of yesterday and the fears of tomorrow. They don't exist. Dr. Maltz; Unfortunately, many people, especially men, feel they must always be strong. If you cannot accept weakness, you may crumble in crisis. For if you must always be strong, you'll overburden yourself and are liable to feel weak. How do you live with pressure? First, you must accept your periods of weakness. This is of basic importance in dealing with pressure because you cannot always feel strong. Under pressure, anyone will, at times, feel uncertain and take no action when he should act. Under pressure, anyone may become arrogant and impossible. You must accept these forms of weakness under pressure, You must try to overcome them and steer yourself in to positive channels, but at first, you must accept them. If you don't, you have no floor under you to cushion your falls; so, first accept your weaknesses because this will move you toward genuine strength. Accept your negatives, then use your assets to reactivate the ‘Success Mechanism — the success instinct within you which means fulfillment.148. Strengthening the self-image with Psycho-Cybernetics is NOT NOTES about pretending to be somebody you are not or denying your S_— weaknesses. Instead it is about realistic appraisal of who you really are, celebrating your strengths and rising above your f weaknesses. Phil: ‘The Success Mechanism. With proper programming, your Success Mecha- nism can magnetize for you for any collection of goals and experiences you desire. Pat: In this fourth session of your Psycho-Cybernetics program, Dr. Maltz is ‘going to help you better communicate with your Success Mechanism. Dr Maltz; Clearthinking means that you define what you're thinking about and focus your attention on it. Then, you can take action and improvise as you ‘go. Clear thinking means that you ask yourself intelligent questions, you keep your mind open, refuse to rely passively on the thinking of others. (Clear thinking means that you probe for the hidden assets within vou, like a miner seeking precious ore to bring out into the world. It means that you refuse to allow your negative feelings to get out of control. Clear thinking ‘means that you are on your way toward constructive achievement. Your clear thinking is your laboratory. In this laboratory, you synthesize raw material into creative thought, then transform this thought into action, in the knowledge thatas you achieve your goals, your goals reflect back upon ‘you, enlarging the scope of confidence inside of you, ordering to fruition, the proud plants of compassion, humility and self-respect. As you learn to think creatively and clearly, you become your own judge, not a hanging judge, but a sympathetic judge who will be on your side. You were tom. for your blunders, not by succumbing to the horror of guilt, but by Torgiving yourself and rising above them. Dr. Maltz: _Itis self-evident that one cannot think clearly without concentration. If one’s thoughts flicker here and there, never settling to a fixed theme, obviously, one’s thinking will not achieve a real focus. Concentration is ‘thought-massed information, like a football line, seven strong, gearing yourself in readiness to charge at an opponent, focusing on the weak point for which to change so that the ball carrier can push through to his goal. ‘The concentrated thinker moves forward towards his goal, head on, searching out his topic thoroughly, seeking out every possibility in your reality in the world you know, in the world that is accessible to you. Take the first step toward clear thinking. Learn to concentrate, Take a few TET REET EE EE LELLELE EE SEEEEREEEHEREERERRERE BREN‘minutes off each day and tum of the radio, tur off the television set, shut yourself off from intrusion as best you can. Shake your mind free of worry invitation and trivia, Focus on some fruitful area of thinking, then concen tuate your thinking. When distractions invade your mind, when negative feelings threaten you, fightthem off as you would a bee about to sting you ‘Your goals tothink in the purest, most complete way possible about your subject area, This is an important project for you, Your thinking, your ‘mental processes. These are you, so concentrate, We do not think cleatly without empathy for others. The empathetic person not only feels for ‘others, he also listens to others. The person with empathy rises above self- centered thinking to objective, rational, many faceted thinking, which is, unfortunately, not commonplace. He bursts through the bonds of blind, Provincial, prejudice thinking to clear thinking because he is concerned with all of mankind. Your concer for humanity reaches far beyond yourself to encompass your community, your friends, your nation. Your sense of responsibility extends beyond yourself out to all humanity thus William Lloyd Garrison devoted his life tothe aspirations of otbers, rising above questions of self-interest to champion the cause of millions, who in his day were slaves. Garrison ignored the abuse many heaped upon him ‘The length of the struggle and his own financial impoverishment to fight for the aspiration of others. Ido not suggest that you go this far in helping others, but when you concern yourself with helping others, you increase the clarity of your thinking thus aspiration is close to empathy. When you focus on both, you move yourself closer to clear, creative, rational thinking, When you strike a golf ball, you know the direction of its flight. ‘You must also know the direction of your thinking. If, as a daily goal, you set yourself the task of thinking about your finances, it will do you little good if you get trapped in resentment at your boss, humming TV commercials and remembering some irrelevant anecdote you heard a few days before Clear thinking and creative thinking are skills you can continually enhance with Psycho-Cybernetics, giving yourself the benefit of the very best equipped Success Mechanism possible. Imagine fora minute that you are gifted with the services of a housekeeper for a month, but the housekeeper speaks not one word of English, and you donot speak a word of her native language. Instead of that month being a wonderful, pleasur- able time in which you are relieved of all daily housekeeping tasks and are 149. NOTES “It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.” -Oliver Wendell Holmeswaited on hand and foot, that month is likely to be an extremely frustrating, unpleasant time, isn’t it? You were in much the same situation with your Success Mechanism. It can be a fantastic servant. It needs no sick or vacation days, will never join a union or go on strike, and quite cheerfully works 24 hours a day, seven days a week purely to do your bidding. What more could you ask? However, if you can’t or don't communicate effectively with your Success Mechanism, what should be a uemendous working relationship winds up being only a frustrating, disappointing experience. So listen carefully to the comments, observations and anec- dotes on this tape for the secrets to maintaining a good working relation- ship with your success mechanism. It you do not pull your creative imagination in, stop it from wandering around at random, dissipating its energy, and direct it to purposes and tasks in harmony with your most important goals, you might as well have been born without creative imagination. If you do not give specific, meaningful directives to your Servo-Mechanism, you might as well have been born without this marvelous device. In fact, if you neglect giving the Servo-Mechanism the kind of directives that make it perform as. a Success Mechanism, it will function as a Failure Mechanism, Phil: because it is always busy doing something, never sitting still, in neutral. Consider the simple act of driving your automobile as you may be doing now as you listen. Picture yourself driving through the desert on a straight highway with almost no traffic. The road stretches out ahead of you straight to the base of the horizon, far inthe distance. Still, you do not aim at that distant point and lock your hands into one position. Without conscious thought on your part, your hands are constantly adjusting your direction while you are driving, slightly moving the steering wheel. Even while moving forward on the simple, straight line, you are always assimilating and adjusting to new information. In this case, variations in the road surface and curvature of the road, alignment of the wheels, cross winds and so on, so that you respond appropriately to even the slightest ‘errors your brain perceives. Of course, ths is a very simple example, but it’s representative of how we can and should perform more complex tasks; that is, as vou move toward a goal, you should expect to go in little zigs and zags, not on a perfectly straight line, When you expect perfect progress, vou are too hard on yourself and vou short circuit your Success Mechanism. The zigs and zags of experience and growth are the chances you take and the experiments you make. The times that they don’t work NOTES 150. KCBISSISSISISITITITIVIFGS VIET ST VABVW WA MAAsAAAAADADAAAAAAAPat out, you make adjustments and corrections. This shows that a chance taken that doesn’t work out, does not make you a failure. Remember the famous story of the thousands of experiments that proceeded the one that produced light for Edison? He didn’t consider any of those experiments to be failures; instead, he sensibly viewed them all together as contributing tothe achievement of his goal. An effective success personality that works well with the Success Mecha- nism, has this understanding and patience for the zigs and zags we must ‘make in pursuit of our goals. Let's join Dr. Maltz now as he fully describes the success personality Dr. Maltz: [have found that it’s easy to remember the picture of the successful personality by remembering key words that each of the letters of success can represent. Learn to associate these words with the individual letters of the word, “success,” and you will be able to fix the image of your goal of success in your mind. S: Sense of direction, We are engineered as goal seeking mechanisms ‘When we have no personal goal in which we are interested, we are apt to goaround in a circle, fee! lost and find life aimless and purposeless. Get yourself a goal worth working for. Better still, get yourself a Project. Decide what you want out of a situation. Always have something ahead of you to look forward to. Develop what the automobile manufacturers call, “the forward look.” Be hopeful for the future rather than nostalgic for the past. U: Understanding, Understanding depends on good communication ‘You cannot act appropriately ifthe information you act upon is faulty ‘or misunderstood, To deal effectively with a problem, you must have some understanding of its true nature. Most of our failures in buman relations are due to misunderstandings. We sometimes create confu- sion by adding our own opinion to the facts and come up with the ‘wrong conclusions. You must be willing to see the truth. Seek out true information conceming yourself and others. Whether it’s good news or bad, you should adopt the model, it doesn’t matter who's right, but what's right. Admit your mistakes and errors, but don'tery over them. (Correct them and go forward C: Courage. Having a goal and understanding the situation are not enough. You must have the courage to act for only by actions can152. goals, desires and beliefs be translated into reality. Have the courage NOTES to bet yourself. You must risk making mistakes, risk failure, risk being humiliated. A step in the wrong direction is better than staying in one spot all of your life. Don’t sell yourself short. Daily living requires ‘courage, and by practicing courage in little things, you develop the power and talent to act courageously in more important matters. Develop courage as a habit. C: Compassion. Successful personalities have interest in and regard for other people. They respect other people's problems and needs. It's a psychological fact that our feelings about other people tend to corre- spond to our feelings about ourselves. When a person begins to feel more compassionate about other people, he feels more compassionate about himself. Try to develop a certain appreciation for people by realizing the truth about them. They are children of God, unique personalities and creative beings. Take the trouble to stop and think of the other people's feelings. E: Esteem, You must realize that holding a low opinion of vourself is not virtue but vice, Don’t carry around a mental picture of yourself as a defeated, worthless person. The word esteem literally means to appreciate the worth of something. Why do men stand in awe of the | "The greatest form of a eT ia | Maturity is at harvest stars, the moon, the immensity of the sea, the beauty of thesunsetand | time, That is when we at the same time, downgrade themselves? Is not man, himself, the | must reap without most marvelous creation of all? This appreciation of your own worth | complaint if the isnotes unless vou assume that you made yourself and should take some of the credit. Do not downgrade a product merely because u have not used it correctly. Don't, childlessly, blame the product for your own errors like the schoolboy who said, “This t can'tspell.” toa ‘other people more, and you will begin to appreciate yourself, too. It you acquired the Zero Resitance Living System with the objective of Increasing your income and financial success, you can begin by holding yourself, your time and your talents in greater esteem. If you acquired the Zero Resistance Living ‘System with the objective of improving your relationships with others in general or one person in particular, you can begin by holding yourself in greater esteem. S: Self-confidence. Confidence is built on an experience of success. When we first begin any undertaking, we are likely to have littlePat confidence. But, even small successes can be used as stepping stones for greater ones. Use errors and mistakes as a way of learning. Then, dismiss them from your mind, Deliberately remember and picture Yourself in your past successes. Everyone has succeeded sometime at something. When you are beginning a new task, call upon the feeling you experienced in some other past successes however small they might have been, This is an invaluable aid whenever your self- confidence is shaken, S: Self-acceptance. The most miserable and tortured people in the world are those who are continuously straining and striving to convince themselves and others that they are something other than what they are. You are what you are not because you made a million dollars or drive the biggest car on your block or win at bridge, but because God created you in His own image. Most of us are better, wiser, stronger, shore competent now than we realize. Creating a new self-image does not create new abilities, talents and powers, it releases and utilizes those vou already have. Accept yourself as you are and start from there. Learn to tolerate imperfection in yourself. You are not ruined or worthless because you made a mistake or got off course any more than a typewriter is worthless when it makes an error. Don’t hate yourself because you're not perfect. You have lots of company. No one else is either. The beginning of living is not fear but overcoming the fear of making a mistake, Living begins when we rise above our failures, You can remove your emotional scars and be successful, too. ‘These suggestions will help you 1, Don't try to be someone else. Don't be fearful of making a mistake. 3. Stop criticizing yourself and others. 4, See yourself at your best, as a person of confidence, not at your ‘worst, as a person of frustration. Picture yourself in a situation you've relished when things seemed to fit into place and your world is as you like it. Recapture the good feelings of those moments. Keep these, rather than your failure feelings, alive in your mind Dr. Maltz: Let's goover the components of success by studying an example from my medical practice, Several years ago, | performed a successful opera- 153.tion. I removed a tumor from the eyelid of a litte girl, a tumor that was threatening her vision. The operation took place on a far off island in the Azores. Visualize the scene when I remove the bandages a week after surgery. The child can see as she opens and closes her eye. Both eyelids look the same. The child is happy as she looks in the mirror. The parents weep with joy. The operation was a success. But, let us examine this ‘operation as it applies to the Success Mechanism within us. When I proceeded to operate, I hada sense of direction, a goal toremove the tumor over the child’s eyelid. And, you, too, must have a daily goal in your life ‘no matter how small or how great to make that day mean something. ! had an understanding about the true nature of the problem, There was no confusion. During the operation, | had to remove the tumor in a way that was different from that which I had anticipated. I corrected by course and ‘went forward, You must realize that it doesn't matter who is right but what is right. Admit your errors and mistakes without crying over them. I had the courage to remove the tumor regardless of the consequences. You must have the courage to bet on your ideas, to take the calculated risk and act. You must have the courage to remove the tumor of doubt and resentment and the other negative aspects of the Failure Mechanism ‘obscuring your vision. Study your daily situations as if you were in an operating room ready to act and perform what you are capable of doing. ‘Use your imagination to visualize the various courses of action, then pick ‘out the course offering the most promise and go ahead. Take the risk of making a mistake in your relationship with others. The business of living isto rise above a mistake, to rise above failure. I had to have compassion for the child to want to help. If you are to be happy and successful, you ‘musthave this regard for others. Remember that you are part of the human family. You must take the trouble to think of other people’s feelings and needs and treat them accordingly. I had belief in myself when I operated on the child, Of all the pitfalls in life, lack of self-esteem is the hardest to ‘overcome for itis a pit designed and dug by our own hands. You must stop carrying around a mental picture of yourself as an unhappy defeated person. You must build an adequate self-image which means esteem, not egotism. When you learn to respect others, realizing they are children of God, too, your esteem automatically rises, you appreciate what you are ‘and that is the beginning of success and happiness. I expressed self- confidence in operating on the child. We have talked about confidence built on experience of success. During this operation, I had trouble NOTES 154,removing the tumor, but I remembered the successful operations of the ‘past, and I proceeded toward my goal. I was happy to bring back the child to.normal. I was happy because I did the best I could in my chosen field I was being myself. Unhappiness and misery come when you try to be What you're not, masquerading with sham and pretense, You exert your psychic reserve and mutilate your self-image. You must learn to accept yourself for what you are and to do what you can within the limits of your capabilites, but this does not mean limiting yourself. Keep developing your natural capabilities and your confidence in the future will be limitless. When you are able to neither underestimate nor overestimate yourself, you can really be more than you presently may realize. Once you ‘know that you're not perfect and never will be, only then do you become somebody. Only then do you become happy and successful Dr. Maltz: This is your life, and you live it to the full without stepping on other people's toes, without stepping on your own toes with negative feelings This is your life, and you refuse merely to exist but to live creatively and you do when you redeem yourself, when you come back to your true worth, when you give yourself one chance after another. You need an empathetic, although not sympathetic, friend who believes in you and encourages you. Who can help you learn from your unsuccess- ful experiences and celebrate your victories. Where can you find such a ‘great friend? Dr, Maltz suggests looking in the mirror. “You can certainly succeed when others do not believe in you, but it is almost impossible to succeed when you do not believe in you.” - Dr. Sidney Newton Bremer Dr. Maltz: If you lookin the mirror and see an image you don’ tlike, an image you despise, an image you refuse to forgive, your day is going to be a dead day A day of frustration, because you started the day with a negative attitude On the other hand, if you look in the mirror in the morning and say to yourself with a smile that this day is going to be your day; that no matter what happens, you have a goal in mind for this day. That you'll go after this goal with enthusiasm. Your attitude is a creative one. And even if you fail in your goal, you know you'll keep punching the next day to try to reach another goal. Of course, you are these two people at different times. ‘And since these two images are yours, you must resolve to build the image you prefer. So that looking in the mirror with a good attitude is the 155.156. beginning of a goal. The attitude is passive until you turn it into a NOTES productive, creative performance. How do you wantto start the day’ With a good attitude of confidence, or with a bad attitude of frustration. You ‘must see your image in the mirror, not someone else's. The attitudes of other people should not build your image of yourself. You accept or reject other people’s attitudes without in any way affecting your own estimate of yourself. That rests with you, and you alone Dr. Matz: Accept your weakness. 1) Leam your limitations. We all have our breaking points, physical and mental. Stop criticizing yourself for being weak, and instead, get in the habit of recognizing your limitations. 2) Honor your limitations. Once you are aware of your breaking points, use this knowledge to help yourself. Don't push yourself beyond your limits just to prove to other people that you are courageous. 3) Toughness. Men should not feel that they have to be super masculine heroes. Most characters of this type ate fictional creations, products of writers lively imaginations. Real life men have failings as well as, strengths. Sometimes troubles will pile up, and in despair, you'll feel like crying. It is nonsense that 2 man shouldn't cry. Liberate yourself from such a foolish belief. 4) Perfection. Women have other attributes more valuable than the physical image one can see in the mirror. Shake free from the superficial thinking that leaves scars on your self-image. You can't afford these scars. 5) Always be true to yourself, None of us likes a friend who smiles on us when we're rich and disappears when we've lost our money. It is the same way with yourself If you admire your own strength and hate your weakness, you are not being true to yourself. Yourself image will never be steady. You'll never be happy. Accept yourself when you hit rock bottom, and you have a foundation for growth, Don’t punish ‘yourself. The tragedy is that many people berate themselves for their mistakes for days, weeks, even for their whole lifetime. If had only not put that money in that property, they say. Reenacting their failures over and over in their minds, they remind themselves what fools they ‘were, what incompetence. They punish themselves remorselessly. in £29232 2222 2222222272 ETO 222% AAD22D®DDDE2222222?Phil: an never-ending castigation that serves no positive purpose. This self criticism not only makes them fee! miserable, but also afflicts them with nervous tensions that will bring on more mistakes in a vicious cycle that knows no end. ‘And how have you been programming your Success Mechanism” What programming have you been giving itto play back and use in creating your present and your future, Meet Sam Smith, age 27, of Atlanta, Georgia. His name has been changed, but his story is true In 1986, Sam was sort of an Atlanta celebrity. The small business he bad started from scratch was flourishing, thriving, growing, and a number of articles about his success appeared in the local newspapers and magazines that year. By the middle of 1987, however, his business had leveled off, then started downhill. Before he knew what hit him, Sam was having difficalty getting his bills paid. He made a series of apparently bad decisions. One right after the other. Sam met with a business consultant and as they talked, Sam described how he was questioning his own ability tothink accurately, make good decisions, and manage his business affairs After making a mistake, he would go into a funk for days, criticizing himself silently for his supposed stupidity and incompetence, Now, before meeting with an important client, he found himself worrying about everything that might go wrong in the negotiation. For several hours, the consultant talked with Sam about replacing his critical thoughts with positive ones like “I'm in control” and “I've done it before, I'll doitagain”. ‘The consultant also helped Sam refocus on a slate of goals rather than on his immediately pressing problems. And they agreed that Sam would spend 30 minutes or so each morning alone, mentally reviewing his past successes in situations comparable to those he expected to face that day By now, this should all sound very familiar. It's Psycho-Cybernetics in action, And by the way, in 1988, Sam had his best year ever in business. Being aware of the programming you've been giving your Success ‘Mechanism, then working to use positive productive programming will yield positive successful results. Awareness of thought is the first step to control of thought. Dr. Maltz: How can thinking positively AND respecting yourself improve your ‘outlook on life? For the simple reason that you came into this world tosucceed and not to fail, and you can succeed only by utilizing the aspects of your big self mechanism and making it work for you. You think positively, then do something creatively about it and state of mind to productive, useful goals. And that way, you'll build confidence in yourself and you'll find your owa self respect in accomplishment. Once you find yourself and your self respect, you have a moral responsibility to share yourself respect with other people. You.lways wll improve your outlook of life when you utilize your self respect, your positive doing, and when you understand the needs of other people and try to help them. Under these circumstances you're living creatively. Though your wants come in accomplishing something you set out to do, if you accomplish these goals, it will make you happy. Since the most important goal of every person, ‘young or old, is to live and be happy. When you reach goals, you become happy, and your outlook mn life improves all the more when you share your happiness with others. Your proper outlook in life and your happiness stem from what you contribute to life. And positive doing and respecting ‘yourself are the forces within you that make you give to life and to others. Dr. Maltz: Shortly after I graduated from medical school and I was an intern, 1 decided I wanted to become a plastic surgeon. Now this was 45 years ago, and few people had ever heard of plastic reparative surgery. Itwas a new field, and there were only about a dozen plastic surgeons in the whole ‘country. I clearly remember the day when Itold my mother what I wanted todo, She looked at me suspiciously. A plastic surgeon? What's that? I explained it oer. A doctor that takes care ofthe scars of people who have ‘had accidents or children who were born with disfigurements. My mother ‘was still unimpressed. “Max,” she said, “What's this nonsense - plastic surgery?” “It's a new kind of surgery, mom,” I replied. “Are you crazy? Must you start something new?” she asked. “And where will you get your patients? Who will come to you?” she said. But I wasn’t worried, “They'll come,” I said, But my mother was not satisfied. “From out of the thin air, Dr. Smith brought you into the world, He's old now. You can be his assistant.” I told her that I wasn’t interested in going into general practice. ‘But my mother was always full of advice. “So be a plastic surgeon,” she said. “But first, marry arich gil. Live in a two-family house. You can have ‘your office downstairs and you'll live upstairs. Then, after 15 years, when ‘you make a lot of money, you can become a plastic surgeon.” “ told her. “That's not the way to doit. You don’t understand.” “And since ‘No ma,” NOTES 158. 2298282922232 2722222222222 tarseanaananaanwhen are you so smart?” she began to weep. “What is the matter with the younger generation” In my time, we had more sense. Why don’t you be ‘more practical, Max? You'll starve.” I tried to comfort her. I assured her that she should not worry. That I will become a plastic surgeon, and that I would be successful. [had a goal, then, as a young man. And I stuck to that goal. I had to go to Europe for post graduate study in this new field of plastic surgery. And then, when I was finally ready to practice plastic surgery on my own, I came back to New York and opened my office. I waited for my first patient. The first week passed, and not a telephone call, except for my mother, “How are you doing, Max” she asked. “Fine,” I said. “Very fine.” Then the second week passed, and nota telephone call, except for my mother. “Max, how are you doing?” And I replied, “Much better, mom. Much better.” But then the third week, and still not a telephone call, began to worry. Perhaps my family and friends were right. Perhaps I was out of my mind to search for a goal that they didn’t understand, even though I did. I began to look at things bleakly. Perhaps I would never become a plastic surgeon. Perhaps I had made a terrible mistake. But I had the courage to say no, don’t worry, I'll get my first patient. The fourth week, there was a telephone call. And this time, it was not from my mother. It was from a classmate who had graduated from medical school with me. He knew I was a plastic surgeon, and he recommended my first patient. I waited for him. My first patient. My friend brought him in, He was a shoe salesman who had a fractured nose from an auto accident. I examined this man and was confident that I could repair the damage and make him breath properly and look like a human being, The man was anxious to know how much it would cost. I thought for a minute and knew that I would need at least $500. I hesitated for a second, then blurted out $500. The patient was horrified. But | am only a shoe clerk, he said. My friend took me into another room and balled the hell out of me. He's not a millionaire, what's the matter with you. Haven’t you got any sense. They left, and I was heartbroken. I had lost my first patient. The world had come to an end. But then a few days later, the shoe salesman called me on the phone and asked ifI could do any better. I said, “Look, you're a young man. 25 years old. You've got another 50 years to 0. Is it too much to ask you to pay $500 now. Actually. itis only $10 year.” And that’s how I got my first patient. And now, 45 years later. I still have his before and after pictures. And I'll never part with those photo- graphs as long as I live. Why? Because my courage is hidden there. And 159.Phil: you, every one of you, should never be overcome with the frustrations of ‘other people, no matter how close to you. If you believe in your goal. Use your imagination creatively ‘Surprisingly, few people have a strong sense of direction for their lives, their careers, their futures. People who would never dream of setting out ona long trip without a map, directions, advance hotel reservations and very specific plans are apparently content to journey through life without any of these things. If you cannot clearly communicate with your Success Mechanism, it cannot respond well to you. You communicate with your ‘Success Mechanism by thinking, and that thinking must have definite, clear, positive direction in order to get positive results. Dr. Maltz; You use your understanding to understand yourself and others. Also, Pat: ‘you use your courage to stand up for the needs of others, as well as for your ‘own seeds. And you share your self respect with others who are in desperate need of it. You express your ego or self respect, as I call it, by accepting yourself for what you are, not trying to be someone else. Using ‘your confidence of past successes in your presentundertakings, and when you achieve happiness, try to share it with others, Isn't it possible to have 100 much ego so that you are blind to other people's feelings? No, not at all. Because if by ego you mean self respect, it means self fulfillment. You cannothave enough self respect. But you can have too much disrespect for ‘others, and don’t confuse that with a proper opinion of yourself. To have ‘a proper opinion of yourself, to have a proper ego, you must realize that you cannot abuse other people without abusing yourself. ‘We've been talking about your relationship with your own Success Mechanism. Did you know that the same success personality characteris- tics that make that relationship work, will also help make your relation- ships with others work better? Thisis very important, because asa famous {o man is an island.” Most of our success and happiness quote says, ‘comes about through positive relationships with others, loved ones and family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers and business associates. In this next story, Dr. Maltz. demonstrates toa patient how compassion, confidence and courage can turn a negative relationship into a positive one, Patient: Doc, I havea problem NOTES 160. 22h ead 22 8232223239522 22 OOO 2232222322322 ee? DD161. Dr. Maltz: What's your problem? NOTES Patient: Wel, Ihave a boy Dr. Maltz: How old is he? Patient! 17, Dr. Maltz: Well, what's the problem? Patient: I don’t know, doctor, I just can’t reach him. I can’t communicate with him Dr. Maltz: Who's fault is that? You're the father. Do you expect your son to communicate with you? Patient: Well, Idon’t know what to expect. You got to help me doctor, please. Dr. Maltz: I'll tell you what you should do. When you get home to Lubbock. You go over to your son and say to him, “Son, forgive me. Imay have made a mistake about you, isn’t it possible that you could have made a mistake about me?” He tuned as white as a sheet. And I said to him, “ Listen, Charlie, you wouldn't have the courage to speak that way to your son. So Jong. I'll see you some other time.” Dr. Maltz: Two months elapsed. I was in my New York office taking care of my patients, My associates and nurses were there. One nurse told me I was wanted on the telephone, long distance. I picked up the receiver, and from far, far away, I heard a man’s voice say, “I did it! I did it!” I said, “You did what?” He said, “It works! It really works!” “What works?” I said “Don't you remember the man from Lubbock?" Ob yes, yes. The man said, “Doctor, for two months I tried to reach my boy. Communicate with him. But no dice. Then one Sunday morning, when we came home from church, he was in the kitchen chewing on a huge hero sandwich. I was in the bedroom chewing on my nails. I suddenly walked in the kitchen and said to him - ‘Son, I may have made a mistake about you. Isn'tit possible that you can make a mistake about me?” The boy suddenly felt 10 feet all, He lifted his father up, hugged him, and they wept Istherea communication ‘gap? Is there a generation gap? No, the gap is within the parent. The gap is within the boy. But open up the lines of communication. Compassion, respect for cach other's dignity, a marvelous example of the Success Mechanism at work through one of its essential ingredients, compassionPhil: Remember Sam Smith, the entrepreneur we talked about a few minutes ago. He said, “I've met the enemy — me.” Years ago, in daily newspaper comic strip titled “Pogo.” The main character offered this witty variation ona classic patriotic quotation. “We have met the enemy, and he is us!” ‘Sam Smith and the father and son in Dr. Maltz’ story all have one big thing in common. Thev've been getting in their own wav, Impeding their own success, instead of supporting it. Instead of being their own best friends, they've been their own worst enemies. Ina way, they've been hypaotizing themselves with self criticism and negative prejudices. As a result, habits of thought have been formed that do no good and do a great deal of harm. Hypnosisis not too strong_a word for this, and Dr. Maltz urges the serious ‘student of Psycho-Cvberetics to de-bypnotize himself Dr. Maltz: As you go through this week, you'll be a hypnotist, You will call yourself up on the stage in that playhouse of your mind. You will volunteer for an interesting experiment. De-hypnosis. You will de- hypnotize yourself from your bad habits, which are a form of self hypnosis, You will reinforce your good habits, your belief in yourself ‘You'll tell yourself that your negative beliefs are the same as negative ideas implanted into your mind by a professional hypnotist. It's time you woke up. You'll begin to de-hypnotize yourself through the following steps: 1) Stop criticizing yourself and others 2) Stop keeping up with the Jones’, Just keep up with yourself. 3) Relax and practice self fulfillment. 4) Keep your goals firmly in your mind, Your goals are your willpower. They allow you to prevent yourself from becoming hypnotized by yourself or others. Pat. The internal tape recorder in your Success Mechanism has an entire library of accumulated pre-recorded tapes of your successful and unsue- cessful performances; of fair and just feelings about yourself. Now it’s up 10 yout carefully review this library and discard those tapes that do not make a positive contribution to the self image and goals you now desire. You can think of this process as de-bypnosis. Just as Dr. Maltz has described. Dr. Maltz: You must do more than set goals. You must cultivate in yourself the determination to reach them and the feeling that you have a 162. £22222 TDTD22D22DD22O 222222 A2L2~ALAALAA2e2eBeeAee De163. rightto succeed. Exercise your rightto succeed. Know that you are worthy NOTES of success, That you deserve the good things. Build belief in yourself and a reactivate the Success Mechanism. The Servo-Mechanism within you Opportunity knocks, but are you listening? Has fear paralyzed you? Preventing you from exercising your right to succeed. Free your senses See, heat, and smell opportunity. Do you play tennis, jog, or bicycle for physical exercise? How about doing your mental exercise. Get into condition for success. Exercise your right to succeed. Too many people fail because they feel they should fail. Because they do not believe they havea rightto succeed. Too many people defeat themselves. Don'tdo this. ‘Reach out toward your goals. Don't step on other people's toes or steal the apples from their tree, but cultivate your own apple tree. Give yourself your just rights. Pat: Your internal tape recorder and your Success Mechanism is also waiting with virtually unlimited capacity to accept new programming to store and have ready for recall tapes of successful performances and positive ideas. [And you can think of this as new hypnosis that you're aware of and can completely control. Phil: Former NFL superstar quarterback, Terry Bradshaw, talks about a time in his football career when he lost confidence in his own ability and sought help froma professional hypnotist. Before each game, the bypnotist would help Terry relax and program himself with three words: Relax, Calm, Confident. These commands were strongly embedded in Terry’ s Success Mechanism. Then, says Terry, he could call up these words during the game and feel a surge of confidence. Had Terry Bradshaw been a student ofthe Psycho-Cybernetics system, he could have done the very same thing and more for himself, Dr. Maltz: Some time ago, I spoke in Phoenix, Arizona to 200 dentists and their wives on the aspects of being a successful person. It was a two day seminar, and on the first day, a Woman came up to me during a break. Wife: I want to shake your hand, Dr. Maltz. Your book on Psycho-Cybernetics did wonders for me Dr. Maltz; Well thank you. I'm glad to hear it. Wife: After my daughters got married, I felt alone and useless.Dr. Maltz: How did you come by the book? Wife: My husband asked me to read it. Dr. Maltz; And you no longer felt useless? Wife: Ob, it wasn’ tas simple as that. You wrote about having a goal. I emember that during my college vacations, I used to work for a real estate agency. So I decided that I would try to get job selling homes and private houses. Dr. Maltz: And you became a success. Wife: Yes. It took two years. But now I'm doing great. Dr, Malte: Good for you. Wife: Like you say, Ihad a goal. Iknew if] tried hard enough, I'd reach it. Thanks doctor. You'll never know how great I feel Dr. Maltz: She kissed me and went off. The next day she came up again, and introduced me to her husband, a very successful dentist. Husband: You did great things for her, Dr. Maltz Dr. Maltz: No, I did nothing. She did it herself. Wife: Your seminar was so exciting. To the point. Particularly about people being themselves. That they can be great. You know something, doctor. T'm just as great as you are, Dr. Maltz: And hearing that, I kissed her. This woman, at a moment of despair and self pity thought she was useless. But she found a way to be successful inher work and asa human being. She knew Psycho-Cybernetics and lived it Inher own right, she feltjust as great as anyone else, Not out of conceit, ‘but out of confidence in herself, and that is the whole point of creative living Phil: As you progress with this exciting process of deprogramming and repro- gramming your Success Mechanism, there are ten overriding principles of success that Dr. Maltz wants you to keep in mind. Dr. Maltz: 1) Be true to yourself, don't play games of pretense or make believe. Your self image belongs to you. So don't pretend to have someone else's. 164,Pat 2) Accept your weaknesses, as well as your strengths 3) Refuse to let frustration overpower you 4) Have compassion for yourself, You are only human. Have compas- sion for others. 5) Make a habit everyday of using your confidence of past successes in ‘your present undertaking, 6) Remember that your Success Mechanism must have a useful goal. 7) Think only in terms of goals. 8) Reach for goals, despite errors. 9) Concentrate on success 10) Trust your creative Servo-Mechanism to do the work subconsciously Don't jam it by trying to use willpower. We're coming to the end of this Tape om the Success Mechanism. In just a minute, we'll look at the exercises in your Manual that are part ofthis Jesson. If you're just listening right now, you may want to stop the tape and leave it in this position so you can retum to it easily when you have the ‘opportunity todo the exercises. You can continue now with Tape 5, which introduces the Failure Mechanism, MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISES Mistakes, all too frequently break people who are not in tune with the Psycho-Cybernetics system. But mistakes can make people successful too. In the Mistake Breaker exercise in your Manual, you'll visit the Theater In Your Mind everyday this week for a brief experience that will help you eliminate the negative feelings attached to making mistakes, and grow more skills that learn from mistakes. The next mental theater ‘exercise is titled, “Understanding and Compassion.” And it can help you change the perspective from which you evaluate and respond to a situation, You'll also find additional goals exercises in this section With your special pencil, write the word success, $-U-C-C-E-S-S on the mirror. NOTES 165.Dr. Maltz: Leave it there as.a reminder for yourself that you came into this world to succeed, notto fail. When you see this word, try to remember what the letters individually stand for. They will remind you of the components of success. Every day for six days, at home or away, look at your watch and watch it tick away a minute or two. Then say to yourself, “There are 24 hours or 1440 minutes in a day. When I have 2 goal for that day, every minute is a minute of adventure. And I see the confident self image of myself and that alone.” Say to yourself, heartbeat of my true self image, and I shall never let it tick with fear. For me, every minute is a minute of opportunity.” ‘his watch represents the Dr. Maltz says that a person is like a bicycle. As long as there is motion toward a goal, there's balance, Continue to set and fulfill daily goals as another way of programming your Success Mechanism with positive input. NOTES 166.