MASTERS LESSON #5 How To Conquer And Defeat Your FAILURE MECHANISM, Once And For AllMASTERS SESSION #5 How To Conquer And Defeat Your FAILURE MECHANISM Once And For All What are you a master of - and whit are you a slave to? In order to achieve total success, prosperity, happiness and peace of mind, in order to consistently experience Zero Resistance Living, we must turn off our Failure Mechanism and send it into deep hibernation. In most people, the Failure Mechanism, if not at work all the time, barely rests; dozes fitfully, ready to leap into action at the slightest provocation. That is not what we want. We want to put itinto a very deep sleep. Try this High Voltage Image: your Failure Mechanism isa large, rather vicious looking but also dumb looking, fat, stinky bear. Picture cave where a bear might goto hibernate. Make the cave a deep one. Secure, dark, warm and comfortable for the bear. Send the bear into the cave you have prepared for him, for a nice, long, uninterrupted deep sleep. Now you are free to truly be a Master of your own life. But to be a Master, you cannot be a Slave too. You say that President Lincoln abolished slavery long ago. Not so. People still put themselves into slavery every day in this country ‘Are you a slave to circumstances? Think about it. Who or what rules your typical day? Are you in charge, working from an organized plan designed to move you closer to your goals, or do you just react all day long, responding to whoever or whatever comes along? Many people still believe passionately in “circumstances ‘beyond our control.” They cling to the reasons why they cannot do something, ‘They were bon and raised in the ghetto. Didn't get a good education. Didn't have any good role models. Stutter. In a bad marriage. Have to be home with the kids. ‘Can't change jobs because. And on and on. Yet for every one of the million circumstances you can name, someone, actually many someones have faced those very same circumstances and risen above them. The way to keep the Failure Mechanism sleeping is to face each circumstance that exists or arises creatively, with determination, and rise above it Are you slave to the news? Some people go about their lives in a permanent state of anger and resentment or acute depression or fear and paranoia because of the news. Itis one thing to be informed, quite another to wallow in it. Itis one thing to be compassionate, another to live every agony and disaster that occurs in the ete.do, but another to do nothing but think and talk about it day and night. If there is something constructive you want to do about the news, by all means do it. Go and volunteer at a disaster relief center fora few days after terrible hurricane, tornado or fire plagues your community or donate money or blankets and food or blood in response to some huge disaster somewhere beyond your own community. Write that letter to your Congressman, Take a Saturday and go door-to-door working for a candidate or cause you believe in. This is all well and good. In this way, you are Master. Butif all you dois whine and complain about events, what good is that? Are yowa slave to money and material possessions? Just about everyone I know who has become exceptionally successful in financial terms has not directly pursued that as their chief aim but, instead, has let it occur as the pleasant by- product of pursuing other goals, of being of great service to some constituency, and of becoming a Master at Zero Resistance Living. If you are out of balance here, you'll find yourself always living beyond your means, piling debt upon debt, charge card upon charge card, so that you can't have a moment's peace without worrying about money. Certainly prosperity is preferable to poverty. I make no apologies for the wealth I have accumulated or the lifestyle I live. But my self- image is not ruled by these things. My happiness is not dependent on the next costly trinket I may buy Are youa slave to illness? As a medical doctor, I know quite a bit about this. We are an illness obsessed society. The pharmaceutical companies that sell us all that aspirin, stomach antacids, cold capsules, and such are eager to keep programming us not to feel well. People eager for victim or helpless status invent new illnesses all the time. We are an overweight nation. Fatigued. Bleary-eyed. This is NOT the normal state of being. You were engineered to be healthy and energetic. You were engineered to be able to digest your own food without the aid of chemicals bought off a drugstore shelf. Engineered to be able to get a good night's sleep without doping yourself. You must master your health as you would anything else: with knowledge and accurate thinking, re-programming the self-image, and appropri- ate physical action Are you a slave to the past? The self-image is in chains, in a dungeon, prevented from creative expression. The dungeon walls are built out of past disappointments, frustrations, abuses and failures. The chains are manufactured from past beliefs about yourself that are no longer valid. We must question what we believe about, ourselves - was itever true? Are you sure itis still true now? Does it have to be true tomorrow? I remember counseling a father who felt isolated from his son and NOTEShelpless to do anything about it. His young son was fascinated with baseball, ‘sought out opportunities to play constantly, practiced endlessly and was quite good at it. His father avoided it because, as a boy, he had been miserable at sports. He told me he fad no hand-eye coordination, was clumsy, couldn't hit the ball, couldn't catch a fly ball, and couldn't throw very far. Because of that, he even shunned sports on TV, so he knew nothing about baseball. He was terribly unhappy about all this. Of course, you have already read and heard enough Dr. Maltz to know what my prescription was without me telling you - although I will anyway inamoment, And maybe you fee! this father was foolish for not sceing the answers available to him. But I would challenge you to think about any way in which you are living enslaved to the past just as he was. Anyway, the first thing I suggested to him was to check the accuracy of his assessment of skills. I pointed out that boy's mature at different paces and ages. That ‘our dexterity can change as we mature. I told him to go and find a batting cage, put the pitching machine on slow, take some swings and see if he might get the hang of it now. I also suggested ways he might get in sync with the boy that had nothing todo with physical ability - like going with his son toa baseball card trading show when one came to town, Renting a movie about a great baseball player and watching it with him. I told him his son was living now but that he, the father, was living in the past. A few months later, I got a wonderful letter from this man describing the ways in which he and his son were getting together on this baseball thing. Enclosed with the letter was a snapshot of he and his son at a local minor league baseball game, posed with one of the players. In his letter, he said: “I kept thinking about that Salvador Dali painting you showed me and talked about. I wanted to walk out of the darkness of the past and into the bright lightof today, but I didn't know how. Following your suggestions, I started to make up little mental ‘movies of my son and I doing things together and getting along and communicat- ing. I madea list on paper of 50 things I might do to bridge the gap, that somehow involved baseball. And I took action on a few of those ideas, one step ata time. I realize now what a small problem this was. But atthe time first talked with you it was the size of a mountain.” ‘Are you a slave to others’ expectations and influences? Goals set grudgingly, to satisfy other people, never stimulate the Success Mechanism. Shakespeare wrote: “To thine own self be true.” How concemed are you about what others will think? Soconcemed that you won't risk, won't try something new? I remember meeting a man who told me he hated his job because he had to go to work everyday in the same dull, boring gray or blue suit, white shirt and plain red or blue necktie and he 435. SVPPSSSSeSSCeCeeeSsSeseseessesesssnannhnanaunnnnn.i..was sick of it.I asked him why he didn't vary his wardrobe with brighter colored, ‘more interesting ties or colored shits. “Ours is a very conservative company,” he said, “and I'd be afraid of what everybody would think of me. They might think Iwas becoming frivolous and not serious about my work. They might think I was having an affair. Who knows what they might think?” Indeed, Some years ago, a Woman came to my office to see me a number of times - she desperately wanted plastic surgery but was afraid her friends would think she was vain and foolish for having it. So every morning for the rest of her life she looked in her mirror and did not like what she saw. This is no way to go through life, full of fear and frustration. I wrote a play and had it produced here in New York, off Broadway. It bombed, lost some money. Many people said “Maltz has lost his mind. Who does he think he is anyway? What does a doctor know about putting on a theatrical production, A fool and his money are parted again.” And so forth. And these people have a right to their opinions, just as I have the right to ignore them. Had I succeeded, they would have been singing a different tune. “Maltz has done it again. Amazing: a doctor, a self-improvement author, now a playwright. Max, you're a genius.” Either way, their opinions are shallow and superficial. If | take their praise too seriously, I'll just be feeding my ego. If take their criticisms too seriously, I'll be ‘waking up my Failure Mechanism, The opinion about allthis that is most important isthe one | get from that fellow in the mirror. And he said, “Look Max, if you want totry your hand at writing and producing a play, go ahead. You know the chances of success are small. You know people will laugh at you behind your back. But heck, it’s your time and your money, and you've worked hard and been of good service to your fellow man, so indulge yourself. Afterall, you have written three novels and they've had some success. Maybe you can do this too. And if it tums out badly, atleast you can ook yourself square inthe eye and say that you took your best shot. And what's the worst that happens? You lose a little dough, which you can afford, You'll probably learn something. You'll get some good material for your speeches. You'll have some fun. And you'll give people something interest- ing to gossip about over their soup and crackers.” I like the way that fellow I see in my mirror thinks. ‘The greatest of all the resistance you will bump up against in life is simply fear of failure. How many more fantastic inventions would there be, how many more great books, how many more thriving businesses were it not for peoples’ fear of failure? The business of Zero Resistance Living consists of every day every minute standing up to failure, remembering that failure in a pursuit doesn't mean failure NOTESasa human being. A failure is a stimulus for you to rise above it and make something worthwhile of yourself. How? Here is how. Look for a goal. Stop criticizing yourself. Have compassion for yourself. Youre only human, capable of blunder but capable of rising above it. Remember the greatness within you. ‘who live with creative psycho-cybernetics view “failure” as a misnomer; instead ‘our self respect. Make it grow every day no matter what happens. Those we see “mistakes” as just as beneficial as “ rections” in the process of moving "im the overall direction we wish to move. As process, not as finality. You are not your mistakes. You are you. On the playing field, we can watch a great player make a terrible mistake - maybe fumble a ball and give it to the opponent at the worst possible moment. But then just minutes later this same player makes a spectacular catch or runs through a dozen tacklers to score and is the hero of the day. When he miade the mistake, be was not the mistake. And he did not become the mistake, He remained the skilled, talented, confident player. You need not experience “failure” ever again in your life if you understand the psycho- cybernetics process and understand that you are not your mistake. ‘Why do you remember your failures more than your wins? You appear to be tunable to accept your failures primarily because you have an idea that in order for ‘person to be successful, he or she has to be perfect. You must quickly remember that no one can ever be perfect for the simple reason that no one can achieve all the goals he sets out to reach during a lifetime, The point to remember that when you say, “why am I unable to accept my failures” you are really saying, “why am I unable to accept myself when I make a mistake?” The point of growth comes from the realization that you are more than a mistake, that the business of living is your capacity to rise above a mistake, a failure. You are unable to accept your failure because you think because you failed a number of times you are a failure for life. Failing and failure are two very different things, as are making mistakes of being a mistake. You have to accept yourself for what youare - win, lose or draw. You are capable of errorand the business of creative livingis to rise above this error. You must leam torise above your mistakes, you must learn to accept your weaknesses so you have a floor upon which to stand under pressure, you must learn to live through your mistakes rather than with them. And, you only lear to accept your failures because ‘you must realize that its a human trait but a trait that shouldn't make a complaint tothe world that the world has been unkind to you but rather it’s a trait that should ‘be used asa stimulus by you to rise above the failure to make something successful of yourself. Turn the table around, play a new record of remembering your winsmore than your failures, instead of the old record of remembering your failures ‘more than your wins. Build on your achievements, one upon another and experience Zero Resistance Living I want to caution you about this matter of living to meet others’ expectations instead of your own ‘When Franklin D. Roosevelt was President, | performed an operation on a friend of his wife's. Mrs. Roosevelt invited me to the White House in Washington; I was tospend the night in the Yellow Room, near the room where someone had told me Abraham Lincoln had slept. | was flattered. No, ] was overwhelmed, I didn’t sleep at all that night. Instead, 1 sat up writing my mother, my friends, even my enemies - on White House stationery. ‘Asa kid I had played in the streets of a tough New York neighborhood, the lower East Side, “Max,” I said to myself, “you have arrived,” In the morning I went downstairs to breakfast where Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt was hostess. She was a lovely lady; there was extraordinary charm in her eyes. I accepted scrambled eggs on my plate and was then led to a tray piled high with kippers. I eat almosteverything, but I had always detested kippers. I looked at the kippers with horror. Mrs, Roosevelt smiled at me. “Frank loves kippers,” she said, referring to the President, considered. “Whom?” I thought, “to refuse these kippers? Surely what's good ‘enough for the President is good enough for me?” Sol helped myself to kippers, ate them with the eggs -and that afternoon I w In the evening I was still nauseous. ‘What is the meaning of this story? Simple ost sight of my image of myself. I gave into others’ expectations I did not want the kippers and did not have to eat them. In trying to imitate the President, out of respect, I betrayed my self-image. It was a minor betrayal; its ill-efects were superficial and did not last too long, SUil, it points to one of the most common pitfalls on the road to success. NOTES439. ‘A success in other people's eyes, which you do not initiate as a consummation of NOTES ‘your desires, in your image, is not a success. ‘The person with such a shaky self-image that he tip-toes through life trying to offend no one never has any impact with anyone. The person who lives to meet everybody else’s expectations: parents, spouse, boss, neighbors, eventually winds up seething with resentment, envy, frustration and disappointment. Eating kippers to be polite at the White House was a harmless transgression from my own Personality. But if that was symptomatic and representative of my behavior everyday, it'd mean big trouble. Deeply imbedded in the American culture today, with the helpless passivity of a six-week-old baby clinging to its mother, is a complex which someone called “keeping up with the Jones's". The basic idea of this complex is that if your neighbor or your friend has a new car, you must have one too, if he has a new house, ‘you must buy one too - and where this silly competition ends, [don't know. What 1 do know is that this form of “success” is failure; it takes away from a person's concept of the integrity of his self. He renounces the status of his own image, as 1 did when I imitated President Roosevelt, and involves himself in a meaningless ‘competition which does not satisfy his soul. know a fellow who spends thousands of dollars a month on a big, fancy office in a downtown high rise even though his clients very, very rarely go there and he spends 90% of his time out in the field, calling on his clients at their offices. He could just as easily operate his business from his home and his car, and save ‘$40,000.00 or so a year. He could use that extra money to secure his retirement. Orto work bit less and spend more time with his family. Why does he have this fancy, expensive office? Because his three biggest competitors have big, fancy offices. Because his wife's ex-husband has a big fancy office. Remember this: Your surest guide to success ox ‘ is your acceptance of yourself, living the best a ff you can, and the surest guide to failure is to try Wy | to keep up with the Jones's. Break free of | these artificial competitions and comparisons, determine your own goals, and achieve them without apology. Leam to give yourself your own “Hiesmymel ef sppevcal~ *seal of approval" every day. Reprinted From: Playboy Seegeeregeeecancoar CeaeoocezeeneececeseecertenacanaeSome people are so influenced by what society thinks, by others’ expectations, they are literally paralyzed with fear. This is the story behind the letter I'm going to read to you now. A woman so terribly fearful of being deviant from the norm, of being unattractive based on magazine cover standards that her self-image shrunk to the size of a small potato and she came perilously close to giving up control of her life to her Failure Mechanism permanently Dear Dr. Maltz: I am sure you receive countless letters from people all over and I hope you will have a chance to read mine. I don’t know where to start but I must tell you that you saved my life and I’11 always be grateful. I am a housewife of thirty-two and have two children a boy and a girl, and I live in the western part of Texas. I was happy with my lot and then suddenly I felt a lump in my breast. It turned out to be cancer and I underwent surgery and had the breast removed. I made an uneventful recovery but many months after the operation, I fell into a fit of depression I couldn't get over. I couldn't get over the fact that I had no breast and that I looked terrible - and felt even worse, as if I were hiding my deformity from people, as if I were hiding some guilt from the world. My husband tried to comfort me but I had the crazy feeling that perhaps he didn’t love me any more - that I had a pretty face and an ugly body. Suddenly I became invisible to myself and withdrew from the world. Fortunately my husband gave me a copy of your book. I read it and reread it and found myself again. I came back to myself, as if I had just gotten back from some nightmare. Your book gave me courage to stand up to this stress. I could find happiness in life doing something for my family and myself in the present - instead of feeling sorry for myself, I could live every day to the fullest and accomplish something worthwhile. 440.I decided to do something new and interesting. I joined the staff of a cosmetic company...I knew nothing about selling, but I was so thankful to God that I was alive, I instinctively wanted to help others, give confidence to others, the confidence I had to find for myself in those trying days. And do you know something? In three month’s time I became the best saleswoman of the organization. I don’t know if I’m selling cosmetics or confidence. Whatever it is I am happy and want to make others happy. Doctor, thanks for Psycho-Cybernetics. ‘Asa surgeon, I encountered many women who suffered from similar feelings of inadequacy because their face didn't perfectly match the faces of models in beauty ‘magazines or their bodies didn't measure up to Playboy centerfold standards. They ‘wanted me to use my scalpel to alter something that cannot be altered just by surgery: their self-images. Men go through similar trauma over everything from the size of their penises to the bald spot appearing on their heads. Many seek a surgical cure only to discover afterwards that they don’t feel any different, Don't ‘get me wrong: I am not opposed to cosmetic improvements in appearance, if that is something you really want. I'm just forewarning you that it is rarely a panacea. Consider this case history conversation I had in my office with a young woman, and see how she is feeding her Failure Mechanism. DOCTOR: Your name? WOMAN: Florence. DOCTOR: And your problem? FLORENCE: I want to sing. DOCTOR: A natural instinct, certainly, but who is stopping you? FLORENCE: Myself, I guess. At least, I never had the courage to audition DOCTOR: Do you sing at any specific place? FLORENCE: I'ma soloist at church. NOTES a1. 2 2 OO OE 4804646464066 486 464646 46R 6 OOOO ADOOAAaAaaaaseDOCTOR: And it is your heartfelt desire to sing elsewhere in public? FLORENCE: Yes. DOCTOR: Fine, but why can't you? FLORENCE: I'm too old. DOCTOR: You don't look old tome, How old are you? FLORENCE: Thirty-seven. DOCTOR: You call that old? FLORENCE: Also, I don't know the right people. DOCTOR: Another excuse? FLORENCE: My technique is not fully developed. DOCTOR: Practice makes perfect. Tell me, young lady, are you a soprano? FLORENCE: High soprano, but always uncertain of reaching the notes from high Fro high C DOCTOR: Do you concentrate on this task? FLORENCE; Well, I'mnotsure, I don’t tick with anything. I can’t seem tofinish ‘a book I suppose I really should learn to concentrate DOCTOR: Yes, but everything you say is negative. If you tell yourself you won't reach the high note you won't reach it. You can’t achieve with negative feelings any more than you can destroy with positive feelings. You need to believe that you can reach your goal. You must dehypnotize yourself from these negative feelings. FLORENCE: I suppose you're right. DOCTOR: Are you married? FLORENCE: Yes, I have two children DOCTOR: Do you really want to sing, or do you make believe you want to sing? Do you wish it as a career? FLORENCE: Yes, I think so. Yes, I do. DOCTOR: Or do you wish to sing as a hobby?443. FLORENCE: Yes. NOTES DOCTOR: What is the difference between singing as a career and singing as a hobby? - FLORENCE: A career is my goal. DOCTOR: Do you look at yourself with seriousness in your mirror? * FLORENCE: What do you mean? DOCTOR: Is your appraisal honest? FLORENCE: I see an attractive woman. DOCTOR: Do you daydream about yesterday or do you see yourself as you are today? FLORENCE: Today, I guess. DOCTOR: What is your opinion of yourself? FLORENCE: Oh, sometimes I'm a worm but at times I am glorious. DOCTOR: But do you like yourself? FLORENCE: Some things about me I like. DOCTOR: What are your good qualities? FLORENCE: Oh, spontaneity, wit, intelligence, artistic perception. Do I sound vain and boastful? Also I enjoy good music tremendously. DOCTOR: What do you consider to be your bad traits? FLORENCE: Oh, I don’t know. I'm sloppy and disorganized. God knows, I lose things and you could say I'm not careful about money. I don't see a thing through tothe end, Ina way, I'ma grasshopper jumping from one blade of grass to another. DOCTOR: Indecisive? FLORENCE: Impulsive and indecisive. Ob, I'm a crazy one. DOCTOR: Psychologically do you straddle a fence? FLORENCE: I guess so. Tee VRPT TCT ER CRC CRC CCC CLC CLC ERT YTYTeErryr?yYyY teDOCTOR: Do you wish to jump? FLORENCE: Jump? Yes. DOCTOR: Where? FLORENCE: Well, I crave fulfilment DOCTOR: Stop belittling yourself, friend, and dehypnotize yourself. You criticize yourself too much. Kind eyes. Behold yourself with kind eyes. Sing for the funofit. If youcan’thave a career, live creatively with a hobby. There are three eight-hour periods to each day; eight hours for work, eight hours for relaxation, ight hours for sleep. Practice each day during your eight hours of relaxation to perfect your singing because it gives you pleasure. Singing is your career, even if you don't make money at it. It provides you with enjoyment. Through singing, even without applause from others, you fulfill yourself and bring happiness into the world. Stop daydreaming; be realistic. Forgive yourself for yourimperfections and dehypnotize yourself . You can really be happy. Your indecision has led to tension, and self-denial prevents you from belting out the notes from high F to high C. FLORENCE: I never thought of it that way DOCTOR: Dignity is your prime asset. If you steadfastly insist on measuring up to your dignity, you will dehypnotize yourself from negative feelings and belt out the notes from high F to high C - and your range will be magnificent. Several months later, Florence retuned to my office, played my piano, and sang. boldly and beautifully for me - a receptive audience of one. I made a couple calls and got her auditions at supper clubs where she might work only part-time but still have the further fulfillment of being paid to perform as a professional. Even without that, though, she had certainly shut her Failure Mechanism up. It is very tempting to make excuses and find reasons to fail. To quit. Give up, withdraw. We ‘must say no to that temptation at every turn. Resistance is nil for the person who rejects temporarily comforting excuses and chooses responsibility instead, NOTES bad,PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS STUDY GUIDE MASTERING YOUR FAILURE MECHANISM To make it easier for you to remember the symptoms of failure mechanism, Dr. Maltz has associated the symptoms with the letters that make up the word "failure". F: A: L L: U: R: E: Fear and frustration ‘Anger and aggressiveness Insecurity Loneliness Uncertainty Resentment Emptiness Now Dr. Maltz shares some ways to rise above failure in daily living. He explains - What is failure? The business of Zero Resistance Living and living creatively consists of every day every minute standing up to failure, remembering that failure in a pursuit doesn't ‘mean faiJure as a human being. A failure is a stimulus for you to rise above it and make something worthwhile of yourself. How? Here is how. Look for a goal. Stop criticizing yourself. Have compassion for yourself. You are only human, capable of blunder but capable of rising above it, Remember the greatness within you....your self respect. —— Picture in your imagination a cave where a bear might hibernate. ‘This is where we want to send your failure mechanism deep into the dark innermost part of that cave to hibernate forever! 445. BSQSSQsSesse ees eeeeeeeeeeaeaeseennesnnannnana46. MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #75 1 » w (You may photocopy this page for future use.)MENTAL TRAINING EXERCISE #76 Pretend you are Dr. Maltz counseling someone who has described how they presently ‘stimulate their Failure Mechanism as you have done on the previous page. « now, as Dr. Maltz, write a prescription for that person. (You may photocopy this page for future use.) > 2922029227223 3237777277277 D7EZ72F2E722A2B A388For A Better Understanding. THE LOOKING GLASS king Vidor Producer and Director Thad to live a long time before I found the courage to admit to myself that we - all of us - make our own world. The realization came to me in a very simple way. Though I am a Californian, | make frequent trips to New York, and I had decided that all New York cab drivers were impatient, bad- tempered or hated their jobs. And hotel employees and railroad personnel were the same. 1 found them all difficult to get along with. ‘Then one day in New York I came upon the words from Thackeray - "The world is a looking glass and gives back 10 every man the reflection of his own face." The very same day when a cabbie and I were snarling at one another, this thought occurred to me: "Could this whole situation be the result of my own thinking and outlook?" 1 began to live Thackeray's idea and soon it became a part of me, The result: On my next trip East, I encountered not one unpleasant taxi driver, elevator operator or employee! Had New York changed or had I? The answer was clear. ‘To abandon excuses for one's own shortcomings is like journeying to a distant land wivere everything is new and strange. Here you can't continue to blame someone or something else ior failures or difficulties; you have to assume the responsibility for them yourself. Of course, out: side pressures do influence our lives, but they don’t control them. To assume they do is sheer evasion - it's so easy to say, "It's not my fault!" Since that day in New York I've come to believe that this idea is the basis of all human relationships. It doesn't matter whether it is your neighbors, your mother-in-law or the people of a foreign nation. The quickest way to correct the other fellow's attitude is to correct your own, Try it. It works. And it adds immeasurably to the fun of meeting people and being alive. Reprinted From: Words To Live By, by William Nichols