MASTERS LESSON #6 The Secret Of The Self-Image: How SELF-IMAGE CONGRUENCY Removes Resistance And Makes The Achievement Of Worthy Goals EasyMASTERS SESSION #6 The Secret of The Self-Image: How SELF-IMAGE CONGRUENCY Removes Resistance And Makes The Achievement Of Worthy Goals Easy Welcome to Zero Resistance Living Masters Session 6: The secret of self-image: How self-image congruency removes resistance and makes achievement of worthy goals easy. Imagine for a moment you are a young woman filled with hope, joy and excitement for the future, You have a healthy self-image and things seem to be going your way. Several years ago you said “Yes” to that all important question and the dashing young man in your life became your husband. You began to accumulate all the “stuff” a young couple wants - from the big dream house to the Mercedes and of course you signed on the dotted line for credit again and again. With both ‘you and your husband holding down good paying jobs you wonder how life could be better? You are indeed living the great American dream. Life is good! ‘Sounds like a story we've all heard before, but there is more. How could her world not just come tumbling down, but totally collapse around her like being ripped apart by a killer tornado? First, her husband left her a “Dear John” leter on the kitchen table. One morning hhe was just gone for parts unknown, taking all their cash and savings but leaving behind a huge mortgage and a mountain of personal debt. Next, in this all too true story, this lady suddenly loses her job. Her employer ‘announces an immediate cutback and tosses her a measly 30 days pay. Her plight is simple...she has lost ber husband, all their savings, her job and very shortly takes bankruptcy. She lost her house, her furniture and all but a few personal posses- sions. But here is the worst bankruptcy of all, All this perceived change, hardship, and failure has caused her to bankrupt her self-image. She has convinced herself she is beaten. She has lost all hope. ‘When the news reporters focused their bright lights on her, they wanted to know hhow someone like her could go from seemingly “having it all” to being nearly homeless? How could this happen in America, the land of opportunity? ‘She was living in an old van ina state park, cooking over an outdoor fire. She was dependent on park facilities for most of her needs. What few worldly possessions 450.this despondent woman owned were ner Van As the cameras rolled and her story unfolded on national television, she ended the interview telling of her hopes and plans to rebuild her life, and escape from her mental prison of failure after failure, but also her fear that she could not ‘Now the end of the story: Six months later the cameras returned to the same park tocheck on the plight ofthis unfortunate lady, to tell the next chapter in her story Unfortunately, she did not view her life as an adventure novel unfolding in a series of chapters, some full of tragedy but others full of victory. She did not understand hhow to write her own story exactly as she wanted it to be. Instead she wrote a final chapter. Sadly, this lady had tied a rope to a tree limb in the park and took her own. life. Her self-image was so demolished she couldn't see overcoming her situation and commitied suicide. As we discussed on the previous tape, she gave up total ‘control of her life to her Failure Mechanism. Her self-image shrunk to the size of 4 small potato, then a pea, then it disappeared altogether. ‘The lesson learned and the moral of the story isto understand the incredible power of ourself-image. Think of itas your powerful onboard guidance system, directing You to success or failure like a heat secking missile. It is dangerous to underesti- ‘mate the power of the self-image’s commands to your Servo-Mechanism. To be sure, her circumstances were desperate. But plenty of other people have ‘exerted mastery over even more desperate circumstances. Well, we never want to let our self-images destroy us. To the contrary, we are looking for ways to grow the self-image, to strengthen it, and to have it provide us with a long, healthy, happy life. Let me tell you a story of two very different self-images, the bus driver's and the salesman’s ‘The bus driver was in his early thirties. He wasa slim, good-looking, young fellow, but I noted a listless and unhappy look in his eyes, “You have to help me,” he said. “I feel rejected. Maybe I'm not much, I don’t Know. [feel filled with rejection, Every time I meet a girl she rejects me. They all do.” We saw things through different eyes, he and I. I saw a slim, clean-cut, good- Tooking young fellow - he saw only “rejection”. I asked him about himself ls turn me down,” he said. “All the time. They don’t like me”=~ SS 452. “You're a good-looking guy,” I said. = NOTES “They reject me. Well, not completely. Twice I almost got married, but they were pushing me so hard for marriage that I rejected them.” “You rejected them?” “Yeah, come to think oft, I did.” “Tell me about yourself. About your family." “My father’s dead, he died when I was twelve. He was a good father, I guess, but he smacked me around, I really didn't like him much. I liked my mother better - she was kind of bossy, though. Anyway, sometimes I used to wish my father was dead, When he died, I think I felt responsible.” “What did he die of” “He had a heart attack” “And why did you feel you were responsible?” “Well, Iremember I wished he was dead. More than once I wished that, Then he died.” “Did you kill him or did he have a heart attack?” “He had a heart attack of course.” that?” “Yes, but...” “You must stop blaming yourself for your thoughts. He used to hit you, and sometimes you hated him - but you are not responsible forhis death. He hada heart attack.” We talked about his current life. He was a bus driver, lived with his mother, and rejected himself constantly. As he talked, I could see the walls of inhibition and ‘of limitation he had built around himself - perhaps in reaction tos father’s sudden death when he was twelve. He thought of himself as a prisoner; he had even built “Then it’s ridiculous to think you were responsible forhis death. Don’t you realize | his own prison - “As faras| can tell,” I said, “you are living in the past. You keep rejecting yourself maybe it's because you stil blame yourself for your father’s death. But rememberthis: you are thirty-one now nottwelve. Your father has been dead nineteen years. ‘You muststop blaming yourself for whatever happened in the past especially since you didn’t even do anything. It was a tragedy for you that your father died when you were twelve, but you've got to stop hating yourself and live in the present. Today. Accept yourself. Look at yourself kindly. Forget the girls who have rejected you. Forget the girls who you've rejected. Live today. We must address ‘your goals what you want to be doing a year from now, what kind of women you ‘Want to meet and date, and what kind of person you want to become.” Now for the salesman I met him in Memphis, Tennessee, where I was speaking to a thousand or so salesmen on the art of communicating to other people through your own self- respect. | was on the speaking platform early and watched the people crowding into the auditorium. It was hot. People came in, took their seats, then removed their suit jackets. A man ina light summer suit walked down the aisle - he was gray-haired, slim, in his fifties. He caught my attention as he moved halfway down the aisle because I could not see his hands. | watched him as he worked his way past other people and took a seat at the side. Laboriously, he removed his suit coat. In his shirtsleeves now, he sat down again. Now it was clear; he had no hands. It didn’t seem to bother him atall. Two other men came over to join him and they chatted companionably until I began my lecture. He listened attentively as I talked. I was fascinated by him because he seemed so contented in spite of his handicap, and I found myself frequently facing in his direction Later, talked to him, He told me about himself, and Ifeltextremely moved. About leven or twelve years before, he had been crippled in a railroad accident. Before the accident, he was physically sound. Afterwards, he had no hands, For a while he thought of suicide. Finally he rejected this idea, but what next for him? AA few years passed, and then he discovered my Psycho-Cybemnetics, which, he told ‘me, gave him new hope. Hope is, itself, a great tonic. These days, motivationalspeakers, evangelists and others are often accused of giving people false hope. But ‘what about all the false hopelessness spread about? ‘Anyway, he got a goal in his mind - to secure a job selling machinery parts for a Jocal company he was familiar with. He moved relentlessly toward his goal. He began thinking once again in terms of success; he began setting in motion his old success images. He was selling; he was selling well. Now - with no hands - he was a top-flight salesman, He talked with me awhile, then tumed to greet someone else he knew. A friend of his came over to talk tome about him. “He's not this way all the time,” he said. “He has artificial hands, Why he even drives his own car.” ‘The “handicapped” man tumed around, a smile on his face. “Too damned hot,” he said. “I didn’t feel like wearing them.” Without a trace of embarrassment, he laughed. His friends laughed, too - without self-consciousness. No need for self-consciousness, or pity, or even tact ‘This handicapped man had no handicaps. For a few years after the accident he had lived in his own prison, yes. But, now, the walls were gone. He had no bands, but he could laugh - and he was free. ‘You probably do not have a physical handicap. But you may be in prison nonetheless. Will you keep yourself there and live life like the bus driver or free ‘yourself, like the salesman? ‘The choice is up to you! ‘The story of two self-images is repeated over and over again: two individuals with very similar, negative circumstances; one rises above them, the other is crushed by them. Two promising pro football players both have their careers ended by knee injuries. One becomes a drug addict, petty thief, and is finally sent to prison. The other goes into business, struggles, learns on the job, but ultimately builds up a successful, profitable company. In each and every case, the Servo- Mechanism has performed flawlessly. And in each and every case, the story begins with choices being made. Now we come to mastery. The key to mastery of the self-image is to understand ‘you do not make the right choice once and then forget about it. This isa choice you make every day, maybe many times every day. You have a magic scalpel: you canHow Do You Feel Today ? YU 4 AGGRESSIVE! AGONIZED ANXIOUS APOLOGETIC ARROGANT | BASHFUL Fin / v0 @) BLISSFUL © - 5 = oo : ss SURPRISED SYMPATHETIC | I THOUGHTFUL UNDECIDED WITHBRAWH A DON'T-Kwow 822g cmAi|Z, 490 4/2 am?le Courtesy of Dr. Herb Trueput whatever face you want on this morning. And you choose the self-image you will live every day. Who will you be TODAY? The person who shrugs off petty annoyances and remains focused on achieving important goals - or the person who has their entire equilibrium thrown out of whack by something as trivial as not finding a convenient parking spot? The person who accepts responsibility for wins and losses or the person who looks for excuses and opportunities to blame others? In an article about how top tennis pros use their mental powers, the term “Starve ‘Your Demons” was used. This is a good one, We want to starve the Failure Mechanism and feed the Success Mechanism. We can do that by starving - that is, not giving attention or energy to our own weaknesses, worry about what others think, and so forth, and by feeding only constructive goals and successful images to the self-image. It is not that Masters do not have demons. Nor do Masters ever permanently vanquish their demons. They simply conquer them each and every day They refuse to let anger, resentment, envy or jealousy cloud their minds. They push aside their mistakes and focus on the present moment. You know what your ‘own demons are without my diagnosis. Acknowledge their existence and create a strategy to counter them. Let me give you a simple example. I met once with a salesman who was earning good living, but never seemed to get up to the next level. He was stuck running in place. He was getting more and more frustrated with himself as each year passed, asked him what be thought his worst personal trait was, that got in the way of his achievements, After a few minutes of thought, he said “Procrastination.” “Whatdo you mean by procrastination?” I asked - because different people DO use the same word to mean different things. “I just can’t seem to get going in the morning,” he said. ‘Before I know it, half the day is gone, I talk myself into stopping for an extra cup of coffee and reading the paper. [talk with the folks in the office. I wait for the mail. This, that and the other. could make twice as many sales calls if could break these habits.” Again, by now, you should be able to write the very same prescription that | would ~ but I'l still tell you mine, This fellow urgently needed to alter his self-image. He now saw himself as someone lacking in discipline, incapable of managing himself and his time, a “procrastinator”. I urged him to build some little mental movies of times in his life when he had performed with peak energy, made and kept ‘commitments, completed projects on time, and to feed these into the self-image every day as proof he was not a hopeless procrastinator. I suggested some specific 456. VPAVRIAVSITLSVSSSAVRASARAsSaseeseeseaaeueaaumaanmanrnnnsPositive affirmations. Gave him an ani-procrastination subliminal tape tolisten to And I suggested strategies to remove the temptation to procrastinate from his life while he locked in his new selimage ofan organized, decisive, ation oriented individual. For example, I suggested that he set up 8:00 of 9:00 AM breakfast meetings with clients and prospects every day ofthe week That he get organized at the office atthe end ofeach day instead of atthe beginning -to avoid going to the office in the morning altogether Three months later, he came back to see me - and brought muffins and coffee - at 8100 AM. He had only an hour to visit until his 9:00 meeting witha clientata nearby restaurant, He explained that the temptation-blocking strategies had led to a total ‘change in his personal organization and time management habits, but that more importantly, he felt much better about himself. Now he had a compelling reason {0 get up, get ready and get out of the house every momning, so he felt more ‘important. Because he was organized and prepared for a productive day ahead, he ‘was sleeping better at night. And, of course his commissions had nearly doubled, {remember that when I was younger, the intelligence quotient-I.Q. - was supposed to be very significant. A person would take some “intelligence” tests and receive @ score. If he answered most of the questions correctly, he was labeled as a “ genius” or as gifted; if he was slow or clumsy in answering the questions, he was considered subnormal or perhaps an absolute dunce, A youngster who scored high on these IQ tests was thought of , often, as earmarked forsuccess, while one who scored low was considered stupid - after the bread lines, then what? I was always skeptical of the value of this IQ evaluation. My doubts have been coufirmed. For years I have seen high IQ people who have ruined their lives, low IQ people who have lived productively. Y our self-image is so much more basic to ‘Your happiness; surely you must realize this, To me it seems obvious. If you are not only as intelligent as was Albert Einstein, but also as charming as was Fred Astaire andas good a golferas Jack Nicklaus or Gary Player, you will still notenjoy life if you judge yourself critically, if you look for reasons to degrade yourself, If ‘Your self-image is weak, your positive qualities do not matter- they're irrelevant; you will find ways to torture yourself, Nothing you do will be good enough. Many people of obvious intellect and talent destroy themselves with alcohol, addictive drugs, extra-marital affairs, gambling, whatever. Such people may be extraordinarily intelligent but unable to respond positively to even a small amount