HH Radhanath Swami

Thorns & Pebbles on the path of Grihastha Ashrama 2001-10-05

[IDT_2001-10-05 _Thorns & Pebbles_ on_ the_ path_ of_ Grihastha_ Ashrama_SB_5.14.18]

Tags : 1) Determination 2) Entanglement 3) Responsibilities 4)

Marriage

kvacid grhrama-karma-codanti-bhara-
girim ruruksamno loka-vyasana-karsita-
manh kantaka-arkar-ksetrampraviann iva sdati

SYNONYMS

kvacit sometimes; grha-rama in householder

life; karma-codana of the rules of fruitive
activity; ati-bhara-girim the big
hill; ruruksamnah desiring to ascend; loka
material; vyasana to pursuits; karsita-manh
whose mind is attracted; kantaka-arkar-
ksetram a field covered with thorns and sharp
pebbles; pravian entering; iva like; sdati
he laments.

TRANSLATION

In household life one is ordered to execute

many yajas and fruitive activities, especially
the vivha-yaja [the marriage ceremony for sons
and daughters] and the sacred thread ceremony.
These are all the duties of a grhastha, and they
are very extensive and troublesome to execute.
They are compared to a big hill over which one
must cross when one is attached to material
activities. A person desiring to cross over
these ritualistic ceremonies certainly feels
pains like the piercing of thorns and pebbles
endured by one attempting to climb a hill. Thus
the conditioned soul suffers unlimitedly.

Purport by his Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta

Swami Prabhupada

There are many social functions for keeping a

prestigious position in society. In different
countries and societies there are various
festivals and rituals. In India, the father is
supposed to get his children married. When he
does so, his responsibility to the family is
complete. Arranging marriages is very difficult,
especially in these days. At the present moment
no one can perform the proper ritual of
sacrifice, nor can anyone afford to pay for the
marriage ceremony of sons and daughters.
Therefore householders are very much distressed
when they are confronted by these social duties.
It is as though they were pierced by thorns and
hurt by pebbles. Material attachment is so
strong that despite the suffering, one cannot
give it up. Prahlda Mahrja therefore recommends
(SB_7.5.5):

hitvtma-ptam grham andha-kpam

vanam gato yad dharim rayeta

The so-called comfortable family position is

compared to a dark well in a field. If one falls
in a dark well covered by grass, his life is
lost, despite his cry for rescue. Highly
advanced spiritualists therefore recommend that
one should not enter the grhastha-rama. It is
better to prepare oneself in the brahmacarya-
rama for austerities and remain a
pure brahmacr throughout one's life so that one
will not feel the piercing thorns of material
life in the grhastha-rama. In the grhastha-
ramaone has to accept invitations from friends
and relatives and perform ritualistic
ceremonies. By so doing, one becomes captivated
by such things, although he may not have
sufficient resources to continue them. To
maintain the grhastha life-style, one has to work
very hard to acquire money. Thus one is
implicated in material life, and he suffers the
thorn pricks

Translation
In household life, one is ordered to execute
many yajnas and fruitive activities, especially
the Vivaha yajna, the marriage ceremony for sons
and daughters and the sacred thread ceremony.
These are all duties of a Grihastha. They are
very extensive and troublesome to execute. They
are compared to one big hill, which one must
cross when one is attached to material
activities. A person desiring to cross over
these ritualistic ceremonies certainly feels
pains, like the piercing of thorns and pebbles
endured by one attempting to climb a hill. Thus
the conditioned soul suffers unlimitedly.
Lecture begins
Teachings of Srimad Bhagavatam and Glorious
Grihasthas of the past:
Today we are reading from Srimad Bhagavatam
canto 5 chapter 14 entitled the forest of
enjoyment. In this segment of Srimad Bhagavatam,
the Sanskrit shlokas of Srimad Bhagavatam are
composed in such a way that it is very difficult
to sing together. Today, we are reading text no.
18.
In this forest of enjoyment, Sukhdev Goswami is
speaking his sublime realization, about the
cumbersome entanglements that come upon one in
this material world, when one enters into the
family life. Of course, if we see Srimad
Bhagavatam and Srila Prabhupads purports from a
holistic perception of what he says in different
times and different circumstances, then we gain
a balanced understanding of Srila Prabhupads
spirit because in fact Srimad Bhagavatam is
mainly composed of stories of Grihasthas, who
are mahabhagavatas, who are pure devotees, who
showed by their example, absolute surrender to
the supreme personality of Godhead. Parikshit
Maharaj was a Grihastha. The Pandavas, his
forefathers were also Grihasthas. Dhruva
Maharaj, he totally renounced everything. By the
order of the Lord he became a Grihastha. Prahlad
Maharaj, a completely surrendered soul, he was a
child; its not that he needed purification from
the Grihastha ashram. He was a Mahabhagavata,
when he was 5 years old, but for the sake of
executing his duty he married. Durvs Muni was
a renunciate. Ambarish Maharaj was a Grihastha
and we know that story quiet well. Ambarish
Maharaj was in a more elevated spiritual
position than Durvs Muni. There are so many
examples in this way, of the glorious
opportunity that the Grihastha ashram has for
people who are aspiring for self realization.
Kashyapa Muni was a Grihastha, Kardama Muni
became a Grihastha. Vsudeva and Devaki, Nanda
and Yashoda, so many Grihasthas in Srimad
Bhagavatam, all were in the perfect stage of
Krishna consciousness. However, we do find in
each and every one of these cases, that their
ashram did create so many difficulties- Yajnas
to perform, social obligations, family
responsibilities, so many difficulties, many
disturbances. Priyavrata, he was a brahmacr;
but for the sake of duty he agreed to get
married against his will, but for a higher
purpose, he surrendered to Krishnas will. So
many difficulties came upon him, but they did
not obstruct him from attaining the supreme
perfection of life. So yes, Srimad Bhagavatam
teaches, how, even while during the
complications, the implications and the
obstructions of Grihastha life, one can
certainly achieve the ultimate goal of surrender
unto Krishna. There are innumerable examples
historically of how this has been achieved.

Sukhdev Goswami fixed in Brahmacharya:

Now to focus on this particular verse and

purport, Prabhupada quotes how the advanced
spiritualists recommend that one should not
enter the Grihastha ashram. It is better to
prepare oneself in the brahmacr ashram for
austerities and remain a brahmacr throughout
ones life so that one will not feel the
piercing thorns of material life as in the
Grihastha ashram. So please take note,
Prabhupada is not talking about Grihamedhi, he
is talking about Grihastha ashram, which means a
very, very pure, dignified, moral, spiritual
life, where Krishna is in the center. And ones
home is a temple of Krishna. Hari! Hari! And we
find so many examples in this. And Sukhdev
Goswami, his father, Vyasadev really wanted him
to get married and stay home. But Sukhdev
Goswami had no interest. As soon as he came out
of the womb of his mother, he was 12 years old.
He didnt even want to come out. He didnt want
to be entangled. Better to suffer a 100 years
span of life in the darkness of a womb, than be
subjected to all the allurements of Maya outside
the womb. There are not too many temptations in
the womb of a mother. There is not even light,
can you imagine! Being in the womb of a mother
is being blind, deaf and dumb whole life,
voluntarily. Hare Krishna! He considered that
would be better, because in that state he could
focus his mind on Krishna and no diversions. But
when Krishna inspired him to come out, his
father as well, he just left into the forest.
Vyasadev is chasing after him, son, come home,
come home! I have many plans, but Sukhdev
Goswami was fixed in his brahmacarya, fixed in
his brahmacarya. Even Parikshit Maharaj who is
the king of the world took shelter of him
because of his pure heart, his realization. You
have the example of the 4 kumaras.
The Purpose of the Creating the World:
Lord Brahma who is a very great devotee and he
has been given the service of creating an entire
population within the universe, not an easy
thing. It is hard enough to create a population
in 1 little house. He had all the 14 planetary
systems to populate, from patala loka till
brahmaloka and everything in between. Because in
the whole universe, he was the only living being
and the purpose of the material world is to
facilitate unlimited Jivatmas, to go through
their karmic situations, to exercise their free
wills and ultimately to be frustrated and
surrender to Krishna. That is the whole purpose
of material existence. We can make so many
fanciful books and poetry and philosophy about
the world, but this is the bottom line, the
essence according to Krishna and Lord Brahma.
The material existence is created like a prison
house. It is for people who by their own free
will desire to enjoy separate from Krishna. And
the laws of Karma, the 3 modes of material
nature and the power of time are specially
designed to frustrate a person, in their
attempts to do so. The purpose of pleasure in
this world is to accentuate the frustrations of
pain, because if you have so many pleasures,
then you have expectations, you have your hopes
up and when it fails you, it is very, very much
anxiety. Therefore Krishna tells,

ye hi saspara-j bhog dukha-yonaya eva te

(SB_5.22)

An intelligent person does not take part in

the sources of misery and what does Krishna
define sources of misery- the pleasure derived
from the senses and their objects.

The Story of the 4 Kumaras:

So Lord Brahma is in charge of procreation. He
was creating so many prajapatis, sons and
daughters to help him, yes! And one of the first
creations of Lord Brahma were the 4 kumaras, 4
beautiful little boys and Brahma had everything
arranged for them, marriage, home and when they
were about to procreate, so much of world
population. But the 4 kumaras simply refused.
They said, We are joining the brahmacr
ashram.
Now some of you brahmacrs, you know how your
parents reacted when you joined the brahmacr
ashram. They were disappointed sometimes. Some
parents were actually ecstatic and proud, but
usually at the beginning stages, later on they
become ecstatic and proud. But in the beginning,
it is very difficult. So is the case with
Govinda Prabhu, you cant imagine how much his
parents were upset when he joined the brahmacr
ashram. They were just outraged, so
disappointed, so broken-hearted, but the result
is his mother is now an initiated devotee. She
is very proud of him. Haribol! So yes, some of
you brahmacrs know what you had to endure with
the anxiety and the broken heart of parents and
sometimes their anger. But just meditate upon
this. Just imagine that your father was Lord
Brahma and you went through the same
transformations. Would you have the resolve to
stay in the ashram with Brahma himself angry
like fire, what are you doing? You are not
performing your proper social duties. That was
the renunciation of the four kumaras. They were
just little children.
Brahma was very angry. The four kumaras, with
all respect, with all honour to their father,
they werent in any way disrespectful, with
perfect respect and perfect grace in which they
dealt with him, but they were determined. That
is what brahmacarya is about. Vyavasayatmika
buddhir ekeha kuru nandana.(BG_2.41) They were
determined. They were not wavering. They werent
going around asking so many people, what do you
think, should I get married or should I remain a
brahmacr? Brahmacrs are brahmacrs. They
dont go around asking Grihasthas and asking
astrologers to find out, whether they were
really meant to be brahmacrs or grihasthas.
They are fixed. They do not care about these
other things. So the four kumaras were like
that.

Changes in the Body from Childhood to

Youth:
Even Brahma could not dissuade with his four
mouths. And they were so intelligent that they
remained five years old, four or five years old.
How can someone remain four years old? That is
not usually the age that people want to stay.
Usually people like to be sweet sixteen,
forever. It is a nice age. You are fully
developed and you have all your energies,
youthful. Forever let me remain like this. But
no one likes to remain four years old. For what
I have seen, every four years old child is just
longing for the day that they would grow up. You
have had that experience. They just want to grow
up. They want to do what the big children do.
Yes! They want to play with the big children and
play the sports that the big children would do.
They are tired of everybody looking down on them
and they want to look down on others. So the
children want to grow up. But the four kumaras,
they didnt want to grow up, because they knew
that as soon as they hit their teenage years,
all hell breaks loose within the mind. It is
very difficult. And what is that hell? It is
called puberty. That your body develops in such
a way that the sex desire awakens within the
mind and the senses. Now Srila Prabhupada
explains, that it is not that all of a sudden,
like some mystical experience, that when you
reach your teenage years, this sex desire just
comes up like an invisible vapour in to your
mind. It is there, from all your previous
births. It is there. When you are in the womb of
your mother, you have it all. When you are a
little baby infant, you have it all. However,
nature is created in such a way that until the
body is grown and developed enough to facilitate
the fulfillment of those desires; those desires
remain completely dormant and invisible to the
mind. They awaken when the body is able to
fulfill them.

The Curse of the Four Kumaras:

Now the four kumaras, they did not want to
have bodies that could fulfill them. Therefore,
they would have no desires. Four year old
children, they have no such desires. They are
completely innocent in this regard. In the
Bible, Jesus said, that if you want to go to the
kingdom of God, you must be like this child. You
must be childlike. Not childish, but childlike.
That means, very innocent, very pure, without
duplicity and simple. The four kumaras had these
mystic powers and they just stopped the ageing
of their body. And they remained four years old
for billions of years. Yes! This is at the
beginning of creation and they are still around
the same age, with the same bodily features.
Even Jaya and Vijaya could not understand these
things. Here they are! They are so old; billions
and billions of years old, and they are like
four year old children. When they came to the
gateways of Vaikunta, they said, We want to go
and visit Narayan and Jaya and Vijaya said,
Bring your parents. (Everyone laughs) They
didnt say that! But something like that. What
is this that you need adult supervision to come
in to Vaikuntha? They didnt say that. But it
was in that spirit. What are you little
children, you cannot come in to Vaikuntha. It is
not a place, where kids come in and play. It is
a serious place. They were very upset. They
cursed Jaya and Vijaya at the gateway of
Vaikuntha and the power of their curse that they
fell down into the material world, rebirth as
demons.

The Kumara Sampradaya:

The four kumaras, they were great
personalities and they were so learned. In the
process of devotional service to Sri Sri Radha
and Krishna, Krishna has chosen an entire
sampradaya to be founded by them. There is the
Rudra sampradaya, the Brahma sampradaya, the
Lakshmi sampradaya and the Kumara sampradaya. So
the Sanat kumara samhita is the principle book
of the Kumar sampradaya. The four kumaras
personally, headed by Sanat Kumara approached
Nimbarkacarya and instructed him, initiated him
in the line of pure devotional service.

The ordeal of Getting Entangled:

So why, why were the 4 kumaras willing to go
against their own father Brahma; who is doing
nothing but service to Krishna. It was not that
Brahma was just in Maya and wanted them to earn
money for the family. Lord Brahma was doing seva
for the supreme personality of Godhead on his
order, but they refused because they simply were
not willing to get entangled

pusa striy mithun-bhvam eta

tayor mitho hdaya-granthim hu

ato gha-ketra-sutpta-vittair

janasya moho 'yam aha mameti

(SB_5.5.8)
This desire is very strong and in order to
fulfill that desire in a respectable way, then
the byproducts are children, proper wife,
husband and then you need home and you need
property and land and then usually you have
domestic animals. And then there are so many
social obligations and so many social
expectations. Even in our congregation I see,
this is really like thorns pricking and pebbles
pushing in your feet. Yes, since you are trying
to climb the mountain of your Grihastha ashram
in Krishna consciousness. There are so many
social obligations. You have to go to this
wedding and you have to go to this ceremony. You
have to go to this social function. They are
very disturbed. Especially in India,
Brahmacrs- no problem, no matter whats
happening, whether it is society or family
emergency, they are attending mangala arati,
dancing blissfully in gurupuja, chanting Japa in
the temple room and they are out preaching the
glories of the Lord. Yes! But others- I have to
go to Baroda for a marriage, I dont want to go
but I have to go. Yes! I have to go to Goa for a
funeral ceremony, I dont want to go but I have
to go. And my second cousins brothers sisters
husband, he is having a ring ceremony for their
child and the Brahmans are coming, so I must go
to Calcutta to attend. They have to miss the
Vrindavan yatra. So many obligations and when
you have babies, so many things you cant do
when you have babies. So many pricks, they are
difficult.

Glorious Grihastha Life- Enduring

Sufferings in a Krishna Conscious Way:
Of course, if we follow in the footsteps of the
Mahajanas, there are twelve Mahajanas. Most are
Grihasthas but many are brahmacrs. Bali
Maharaj- a Grihastha, Svayambhu Manu, Lord
Brahma and Lord Siva are Grihasthas. But there
are also Sukhdev Goswami, Narada Muni who are
good brahmacrs. So yes, Grihastha life is
about suffering. According to the shlok, it is
about suffering and enduring those sufferings in
a Krishna conscious way, so that you become pure
and you do fantastic preaching to teach other
people, who are going through the same suffering
and how to do it properly and then you go back
home, back to godhead. It is glorious. But it is
very difficult.

One Instruction that one do not have to

follow:
Therefore the four kumaras said, No, we will
not, we will not be like this. Brahma was so
angry. And the Shastras explain, Brahma was not
only their father, he was their Guru. Hare
Krishna! It is the one instruction that you
dont have to follow. This is the loophole. It
is the one instruction that you dont have to
follow. Otherwise you have to obey your parents,
you have to! It is a sacred religious activity
to obey your parents, especially Lord Brahma who
is the adi guru of the universe. This is the one
instruction, for a higher purpose. For a higher
purpose, you can avoid that instruction and
Prabhupada explains that this is the only
instruction that you are sanctioned to disobey.
Hare Krishna! But my purport is that if you are
going to do that, you should be like the four
kumaras. We should actually be prepared to be
like the four kumaras.

Sincerity is the Upmost be it in a

Brahmacr or a Grihastha:
Srila Prabhupada explains in one beautiful
lecture that in India today, actually
Hridaynanda Goswami asked a question to Srila
Prabhupada. He asked Srila Prabhupada, that
since there is so many examples of grihasthas,
isnt it better, the safe road of family life to
engage and dovetail your propensities into
devotional service. Prabhupada said that if one
is able to do so, one should remain a
brahmacr. One must be a pure brahmacr. One
must be an exemplary brahmacr. One cannot be a
hypocrite and then Prabhupada explains, that in
India, there are so many so called brahmacrs,
they are called sadhus, Prabhupada gave this
terminology, that they are bachelor daddies. He
said that we do not want any bachelor daddies in
this movement. If one is in the robes of a
brahmacr and is not exemplary, not austere,
having flirtatious relations with the opposite
sex, egoistic and wanting to have various loose
type of lifestyle, then he is not brahmacr.
The acharyas never recommend one to be the
hypocritical, dishonest, insincere brahmacr.
Prabhupada said that it is better to be an
honest Grihastha than a cheating brahmacr.
However, if you have the sincerity and the
determination and the capacity to be a very
serious, strict and pure brahmacr, then the
acharyas recommend that do not enter Grihastha
ashram- too many entanglements, too many
encumbering responsibilities. Prabhupada
describes the various inconveniences of social
functions and concludes, by, to maintain the
Grihastha lifestyle; one has to work very hard
to acquire money. So much anxiety, so much of
the precious human life is just consumed in the
pursuit of making some money. Such a drain! Even
Prabhupada with his great humility, he was an
exemplary and perfect Grihastha for so many
years, fulfilling all his family obligations.
But when he became the Acharya of the Hare
Krishna movement, a sanys, he explained. He
said, When I met my Guru Maharaj, I was already
married with a child. So I had to perform my
social responsibilities. Then Prabhupada
revealed his heart. He said, Actually, I should
have renounced everything then. But it is better
late than never. So he performed his duties,
but he wanted to just explain to us, how much
troublesome, how much distraction, how much
diversion is there. But the reality is for most
people in this world, they require that type of
purification- Why? Because are just not sincere
or capable enough. Sincerity is one aspect, but
also karmically, we have to have the capability
to be pure brahmacrs.

Narada inspires and instructs his

disciples:
Other examples, of course, there is Narada
Muni, very good brahmacr, travelling around,
preaching, chanting Hari Nama Narada Muni
bhajaivi. He is chanting Radha and Krishnas
Lilas and beautiful names and songs wherever he
goes and Narada Muni, he was interesting. Shall
I speak something in this regard? He was very
interesting, because he was the Guru of so many
great grihasthas. He was the Guru of Prahlad! He
was the Guru of Dhruva Maharaj. Such great
Grihastha devotees! But then Daksha had many
sons, he was very powerful. He could have
thousand sons and more at one time. He was a
very powerful personality, and he was a
Grihastha and a Brahmin and Srimad Bhagavatam
describes the qualities of Daksha. He was so
handsome, his body was so effulgent. He was an
illustrious soul, extraordinarily learned and
talented in every way. He was just expert in
everything. But when he came into the assembly,
where Lord Siva was sitting, everyone stood up.
They were so impressed by his countenance. They
had so much honour for him. So he wanted his
children to be very well-trained in tapasya,
because according to tradition, in order to be a
first class Grihastha, there must have
brahmacr training first. Yes! So he had all
intentions. He was a prajapati. He had his
childrens lives already planned out for them.
But first go into the wilderness and perform
tapasya. Get the grace of Lord Vishnu, then come
back and get married and be first class
Grihasthas. This was his idea. So they went and
who do you think they met? Narada Muni! By the
mercy of Krishna, one gets Guru and by the mercy
of Guru, one gets Krishna. Krishna sent Narada
Muni there and the sons were just submissive,
just eager to carry out the order of their
father. Narada Muni convinced them. You really
want to do this. Look at your father, how
entangled he is. Look at the all the troubles he
has to go through. Look at all the thorns and
pebbles he is stepping on every day- So many
distractions, so many diversions. Just be
brahmacr. Join brahmacr ashram. Very good!
So they were convinced. They all became
renunciates. Now Daksha was so upset; very, very
disturbed. He didnt say too much, but he was
really offended. How could he do this to my
children? Who is this Narada Muni, meddling with
the affairs of my family, my service to the
Lord? He was very disturbed. So now he had
another set of children and then he sent them to
perform tapasya, because he didnt want useless
children. He wanted children; really
representing Dharma in a first class way and for
this tapasya was necessary. Grihamedhi life is
meant for sense gratification. Grihastha life is
meant for tapasya. Sense gratification may be
sprinkled in there, but thats not its purpose.
Grihastha life is focused around devotional
service to the supreme personality of Godhead.
So Daksha had more children and he sent them
to the wilderness. Who did they meet? Narada
Muni was right there. Narada Muni was so
courageous. He was fearless. He knew the power
of Daksha. Daksha was a very, very, very
powerful personality. He is not the person you
would want to become enemies with. But Narada
Muni was so compassionate. He just defied
Daksha. He just went to his second children.
Daksha told his second set of sons, Make sure
you come home and get married. Make sure. Do
not do like your brothers did. They have broken
my heart. They have disappointed me. They have
broken the principles of proper dharma. Dont do
that. Come home. So they met Narada Muni and
Narada Muni playing his veena and told them to
start chanting Krishnas holy names. With a
heart of love and compassion, he instructed them
that your brothers are very happy. He explained
the whole philosophy of the purpose of life and
renunciation. Your brothers are very happy. You
should follow in their footsteps. So they were
very submissive and they became brahmacrs.
Hare Krishna!

Narada gets cursed:

At that point, Daksha was so upset. It was
beyond his power to control his mind and senses.
And Narada Muni, so bold, he came right before
Daksha. Daksha was fuming; his heart was on fire
with anger and discontent. And Narada Muni just
came and said, Haribol, Daksha. These are my
words. And Daksha just cursed and he said, You
call yourself a saint. You call yourself a
representative of God and you say that you are
spreading true religion. What is this nonsense!
A person cannot renounce the world, until they
exhaust the desire for material enjoyment. How
is this person going to be a proper renunciate,
unless he goes through the Grihastha ashram and
they have to step on the thorns and the pebbles
and all the obstacles of social functions,
making money and all these things? How can one
actually renounce unless one is burnt by all
these things? When one gets purified through the
Grihastha ashram, then one becomes a brahmacr
and you are teaching them prematurely. They are
young boys and girls. Yes! I am not against
brahmacr or sanys, but they should be atleast
75 years old. Not now, when they are at the
prime age of youth. This is not the time. They
have so many desires. These desires cannot be
restrained. They must be satisfied under
regulation. That is Grihastha. And by satisfying
them under regulation, the frustration, the
anxieties and the purification and the service
they do, when they become old people, then they
can actually renounce with integrity and
honesty. And you are spoiling. What example are
you teaching to the world? You are spoiling the
whole sanatan dharma system and so many words.
Yes! And therefore I curse you, Hare Krishna!
You will not be able to remain in one place.
Narada Muni considered that a benediction. He
just chanted Hare Krishna and left.

Parental Anxiety for a Child taking sanys

or becoming a brahmacr
So this is another anxiety about Grihastha life.
It is not specifically mentioned here. When your
sons become brahmacrs- It is a big fall in the
foot, very difficult. Especially in this day and
age, children, you dont know what they are
going to do! People want to control their
children. Yes, because when they are little,
tiny children, some control is there and you get
accustomed to that control. But when they grow
older, they have minds of their own. You cannot
control them. Some parents have very obedient
children, but in the west, there is no such
thing. Have you ever seen an obedient child in
the west? I have not seen and India is now
becoming westernized.
Sankaracarya; he took sanys when he was 8
years old! Haribol! And his mother was a widow
and she was in so much distress. She said, You
cannot take sanys. You have to take care of
me. So when he was in a river and a crocodile
was about to eat him, his mother was screaming
and crying, Oh! That crocodile is getting my
son. Little Shankar said, Bless me to take
sanys, then I will get out of this crocodile.
Yes, you are blessed. So he just left the
crocodile and took sanys. Something like that.
And Madhvacarya! He was 12 years old and he
decided to take sanys. He was the only son-
very difficult. There is Pajaka ksetra, near
Udupi. His father had his whole life planned out
for him. Madhavacarya said that he was taking
sanys. His father said, You are 12 years old
and you are taking sanys! You should get
married, serve your father, serve your family,
do all your social obligations and when you
become old, then you can think about all these
things. Madhvacarya said, No, now,
immediately! (Laughs) Very difficult! So yes!
There are so many wonderful examples of great
personalities. They had forsaken everything- all
the comforts, luxuries and the pleasures of this
world are for a higher purpose.

The Real Meaning of being a Brahmacr:

I remember one Brahmin family and their son
became brahmacr and they were outraged. They
were so disturbed. Then somehow or the other, I
met them. They said, Why is he doing? Why? I
said, What can I do? I have never told anyone
to be a brahmacr. I just speak Krishna
conscious philosophy and about the Varna and
ashram system and according to a persons own
determination, they can choose, whether one
wants to be a Grihastha or a brahmacr. I have
never told someone, that you should be
brahmacr. It is by own persuasion. So what can
we do? If someone in our movement, in our
temple, a person does not become a brahmacr to
be a bachelor daddy. They dont become
brahmacr because they are lazy and they do not
want to work. They have to work as hard as any
family person, but they are working for Krishna
and they are not making any money. They are
getting nothing. They are sleeping on the floor.
They have to live very strict lives with very
perfect, high moral values. It is very
difficult. Who wants to live like this? But the
purpose of living like that is to give 100%,
full attention to human society. You can look at
your own Indian culture.
Sankaracarya broke the heart of his parents to
become a brahmacr and sanys. Madhavacarya
broke the heart of his parents to become a
brahmacr and a sanys and the 4 kumaras. So
many examples are like this. Shri Chaitanya
Mahaprabhu; he broke the heart of his mother,
his 14 year old wife, for what purpose- To have
no distraction from giving your entire being for
the welfare of others, para upakar, for the
spiritual welfare of others. If your son, he is
determined to sacrifice his life to serve
society in the highest way, following in the
footsteps of these great souls. Who are we to
tell him, no, you cannot? It is reality.
What is a brahmacr? There are 2 types, one
is, who comes just for some training, with the
idea that later I may get married and with the
training I receive, I can be a very Krishna
conscious and pure hearted Grihastha. And that
is perfect. And others, they want to be
brahmacrs, so that they can give their 100%,
their full energies, in the service of the Lord,
Guru and Krishna. No distractions. No social
obligations. No anxieties for money. No
inconveniences of trying to raise children and
be disappointed by their independent nature.

What it means to be a Grihastha:

Srila Prabhupada, he told devotees, that when
I was a Grihastha, I had four children and
rarely did they listen. He said, now my Guru
Maharaj appeared to me in a dream and told me to
take Sanys, and I thought, how horrible! How
will I leave my four children and my chaste and
faithful wife? Prabhupada said, That now I have
taken sanys and I have thousands and thousands
of obedient children. Hare Krishna! So yes!
Prabhupada did not take sanys just because he
was frustrated with the materialistic situation
of his ashram. If you are a Grihastha, those
frustrations must be honoured in a responsible
way, because they happen to be a part of, an
essential and integral part of the purification
of the Grihastha ashram. Grihastha ashram is to
go through all that stuff! Hare Krishna! And try
to simplify yourself as far as possible to get
away from all those Maya things- Simple living,
high thinking. But if one is in Grihastha
ashram, one must be responsible. They have to
live with integrity and be an example and if one
is brahmacr, one must be responsible and live
with integrity and example. Bhaktivinoda Thakur
has sung that Grihe tako,vane tako, sada Hari
bole tako whether you are a brahmacr or
Grihastha, it does not matter, just chant the
holy names of the Lord and become perfect. Yes!
One can become perfect in either ashram.
The Responsibilities of a brahmacr and a
Grihastha:
The advantages of brahmacr and the advantages
of Grihastha, they are both there. If there are
not good grihasthas, then brahmacrs have
nothing to do. Preachers are meant to go and
preach to the world. The grihasthas are
especially, according to the Vedic system, meant
to financially maintain the sadhus in their
preaching. And the grihasthas, they have so many
virtuous responsibilities, because factually,
the vast majority of the world are going to be
married people. And grihasthas, are setting the
example, how you can become a perfect, self-
realized soul in the same situation, you are in
now, if you just live by these principles. So it
is absolutely necessary.
The special feature of brahmacrs that is
required, they have no separate motive, no
separate purpose, and just whatever the Guru
said is done. They can go out and deliver the
message to the world on a large scale, because
they do not have domestic responsibilities, just
holding them down. It is a great benediction. It
is a universal principle.

The Inspiring story of Saint Francis:

In the Catholic Church, one of the great saints
is Saint Francis. His family, were wealthy
merchants in Assisi; they had a nice house. And
he actually became a soldier in the crusades,
fighting for religious purposes. But somehow or
other, certain things happened in his life and
he was determined to renounce everything and
give his entire existence to God, as a monk, in
the renounced order. If you go to Assissi, I
have been, there is the cathedral, where he was
baptized. His parents were Christians. His
parents were devout Christians. Yes! But when
Saint Francis said that he wanted to become a
monk, his father was outraged, he was outraged.
In fact to keep his son home, he locked him. He
first heard all his arguments. This is very
similar to Madhavacarya. He just threw his
clothes and all his belongings outside the
window just to show his father that he wasnt
attached to anything. Then as a last resort, his
father put him in a closet and locked him in, so
that he wouldnt escape home. Hare Krishna! For
days and days, he would just put food in the
closet for him to eat. He couldnt get out, he
was a prisoner. In that house, that prison is
still there, that closet, where he was there. He
would not give up his determination. He wanted
to become a monk. So this went on for days and
days and days and one day, his father went out.
Mothers are usually more sentimental than
fathers and Francis, told her, Do you really
want to see me in this prison, in this closet?
Let me come out and help you do some household
work. She unlocked him. He escaped and became
monk. Haribol! Now you may ask, he didnt do his
family responsibilities. He could have helped
his father and done so much. But there are
millions and millions of Franciscan monks in the
world today. His examples, his teachings and his
life- How much he has done for the world? Yes,
Madhavacarya could have stayed home and done
some pooja, chanted his rounds at home. Yes, he
could have done that. But look at how tens and
hundreds and millions of people, their lives
have been transformed and brought to perfection
stages by his renunciation, by giving his life
for the purpose of making the whole world his
family and Srila Prabhupada, our spiritual
existence is because Srila Prabhupada was
willing to renounce everything, to give his
entire energy to the world. So yes! Some of the
very, very, greatest personalities have given
their lives for the welfare of others and
brahmacr life is also difficult.

Different actions Different Karmas!

Prabhupada tells us a story about prophet that
came to a town and four different people
approached him for benedictions. For the prince,
he said, Better you live. For the brahmacr,
he said, Better you die. Haribol and for the
butcher, he said, You neither live nor die.
and for the Vaishnav he said, That you either
live or die. So people were asking, what is the
meaning of these benedictions. The prince has so
much enjoyment, and because he has so much
enjoyment, he making so many sinful activities,
better he lives because now he is happy as
anything, when he dies he is going to suffer all
the karma for all his mundane activities, better
live. And brahmacr, so many austerities,
doesnt have any possessions, hardly at all; he
lives sleeping on the floor, eating very simple,
so many difficulties, and so many austerities.
Better you die, because when you die you are
definitely going to go home, back to Godhead.
Hare Krishna! And the Butcher; he is
slaughtering the animals and they are screaming
in pain and when he dies all the karma will come
upon him and so you better neither live nor die.
And for the sadhu, You are serving Krishna now
and when you die, you are going back to Godhead
and serving Krishna. You are transcendental to
the modes of material nature. Whether you live
or die does not make any difference for you.

Grihasthas difficulties in comparison to a

Brahmacr:
So yes, brahmacr life is difficult, however,
Prabhupada is explaining here, the difficulties
of brahmacr life provide the opportunity for
exclusive time dedicated to the service of Guru
and Krishna, no distraction. Such a benediction!
And if you are a good brahmacr, if you are
actually able to do it, difficulties are there,
but not even a particle in comparison to
Grihastha ashram. You dont have to go to all
the marriages of your in-laws and your relatives
and your expanded family. You dont have to go
to all the social events. You do not have to
take anxiety over your business and the stock
market and what is going to happen when your
employees are not faithful to you. Yes! They see
a person in a big position and they start to
cheat you and exploit you. And then trying to
get out of that position is so hellish. You have
to negotiate and settle with them, so many
problems. Yes! One professor told me in a
University. One of our devotees is a professor
and he told me that if you think that the
politics of ISKCON is bad, multiply by tens and
thousands and you get the politics of academia.
So much politics in the educational system! So
many political situations and brahmacrs do not
have to pay taxes. In the previous verse of this
chapter, it is described that the government tax
collectors are like demonic rakshasas, yes, very
difficult. You are working so hard and you have
to pay so much. You are wondering if I give them
all they want, how much I will suffer and if I
do not give what they all want and then I might
end up in jail. At any moment, there might be a
tax raid and they will come and seize the
accounts. So many problems! So yes! Brahmacr
life is a simple life and it is perfect. It is
recommended, if you can be a pure brahmacr.
Struggles will be there. Amongst the
Paramhamsas, sex desire is there. You have to be
able to happily deal with it, happily try and
tolerate it and go on your service. But if it is
causing you too much complication, too much
difficulty, then better to be an honest
Grihastha. But to be an honest Grihastha, you
need to have all control and have to restrain
your senses. It is not easy. Prabhupada told
Hayagriva Prabhu that Grihastha ashram, if you
really want to make spiritual progress, really
strong spiritual progress, sex life should be
only once a month for procreation. Then
Hayagriva Prabhu said, Thats really difficult,
really difficult to be in such a situation and
be so restrained. I think it is easier to be a
brahmacr. And Prabhupads reply was, You
have understood the point. (Everyone laughs).
So we should be honest and sincere Grihe tako,
vane tako, sada hari bole tako .
Are there any questions I am afraid to ask? Yes
Gauranga Prabhu.

Gauranga Prabhu: Sometimes, young boys want to

join the ashram, but they say that now
everything is going on well in the brahmacr
ashram and we can see that. But then what about
the future? Because so many times temples go
through ups and downs and so we are not sure how
this ashram will be in future and there will be
so many other difficulties and because of this
fear, we are not able to make a decision. So
what would you say?

Maharaj: What do you say? (Everyone laughs)

Gauranga Prabhu: Join

Maharaj: Join what? Grihastha ashram or
brahmacr. (Everyone laughs) You dont have to
answer. Two things- 1) if you are so afraid, you
are not really detached by nature. Brahmacr
ashram is for people who really relish a life of
detachment. Yes! However, if one is really
serious about that possibility of brahmacr
life, then he can lead a life of an exemplary
brahmacr and at anytime, if he thinks that he
requires marriage, there is absolutely no
discouragement. There are no bars. Brahmacrs
can get married, if they want to get married.
Even if you want to be a Grihastha and if you
have the inclination to live as a brahmacr for
some time, then it is a really excellent
training to be a Grihastha and if you are really
uncertain, then you can be an exemplary
brahmacr and serve for 1 or 2 years and then
you can decide. If you are still so worried
about the future, after that time, then you may
want to get married. But if you in that time
inculcate and have a spirit of detachment, have
faith in Krishna and then you may want to
continue. We do not want to keep anyone in the
brahmacr ashram for anyone who doesnt want to
be there. And we know that the vast majority of
the population will be householders and
hopefully, they will be grihasthas. Only a small
minority people will want to be lifelong
brahmacrs. But if someone has that
determination, it is such a glorious offering of
sacrifice to the Lord. They should be
encouraged. So Brahmacr life has two purposes-
training with a possibility of Grihastha; which
is first class or a life of dedication with no
distraction. Either one is perfect. Does that
answer your question? Hare Krishna! Yes, now we
will get another type of question.

Devotee: Maharaj, Prabhupad used to say that

anyone who is entering a Grihastha life is like
a detour. He has to go through Grihastha life
but he has to come back again to Vanaprastha
life and Sanys life in his same life time
itself, if he wants to have self realization in
this life time. So a Grihastha, when he has
spent some years in his Grihastha life and has
understood that the aim and goal of life is to
see to it that, we perform all our
responsibilities properly and give total
satisfaction physically, emotionally,
spiritually to all our dependant people, who are
under us. But one day or the other, we have to
see to it that our next step, i.e. Vanaprastha
life; we have to carry on with thorough
responsibility, but there is a crunch in our
heart. But the other things are definitely sure
that we have to come to a spiritual platform
like we should have no sex desire or no other
motivation. But the biggest thing that comes out
is about the finance. How much a Grihastha has
to keep finance or money, so that it would
suffice to see that his Vanaprastha life goes on
smoothly and so that he doesnt have to beg nor
take any responsibility of earning money at that
time? What should he do? Even in Grihastha life,
everyone tells him that the amount is not
sufficient and that he would require more. The
interest rates are going down; inflation is
moving up and all such things. He wants to see
to it that there are no hiccups after that and
his vanaprastha life is going completely smooth
and committed to Krishna. So what is the
barometer or border line that this is sufficient
enough and nothing more and the whole heart is
only for Krishna.

Maharaj: I took sanys, so I wouldnt have to

think about this. Now you have made me think
about this. That is a solution that you must
resolve in your own planning. But according to
scriptures, Vanaprastha wear only tree bark and
eat leaves and fruits. But in todays world,
Vanaprastha life is not like that. There has to
be some sustenance. It is just a matter of
planning for the future. You have to have total
sincerity to look into the future and make plans
accordingly. Hare Krishna!
Devotee: Maharaj, when Brahmacrs get married,
some of the matured or informed grihasthas think
that this is what happens with everybody. One
should not even try to be brahmacr. They might
discourage those who have no inclination to be a
Grihastha to be a Grihastha. What would you
advice such devotees?
Maharaj: To the people being advised or to the
Grihasthas?
Devotee: The Grihasthas advice- when they see
somebody changing their ashram, it is but
natural.
Maharaj: For a good brahmacr to become a
Grihastha in a completely dignified way, it is
totally respectable. There is nothing wrong with
that. Brahmacrs have the right to marry, if
they feel that is the way they can best serve or
if that is what they require for spiritual
progress. And Grihasthas should honour that
person. That person has taken out so many years
from his life, to do such wonderful service to
human society and now he wants to marry, let us
show our gratitude and help him. That is mature
grihasthas. While a person is a brahmacr, they
should be pure, they should be exemplary, they
should be strict or otherwise they shouldnt do
it at all. And if they are actually doing that,
then they are doing wonderful tangible service.
They are doing great service to the whole
society. And if a person decides, there is more
stability, security and happiness in the
Grihastha ashram for him, then the person should
be honoured for what he has done and honoured
for the decision he makes. We should not be
fanatics. Brahmacrs should not be fanatics.
Grihasthas should not be fanatics. We are all
here for each other. Everyone should be
everyones well wisher. It is not that
brahmacrs are more advanced than grihasthas.
Ashram does not make you advanced. We are
advanced according to how we surrender to
Krishna. The two most intimate associates of
Lord Chaitanya; Svarupa Damodhar Goswami and
Ramananda Ray. Ramananda Raya was Grihastha and
Svarupa Damodhar Goswami was a sanys. Who is
more advanced? They are both extraordinarily
advanced. In the Pancatattva, Srivas Thakur is
Grihastha and Advaita Acharya is Grihastha,
Nityananda Prabhu is Grihastha. Pancatattva,
Lord Chaitanya is a Grihastha at that time too.
Gadadhara Pundit is a brahmacr.
Extraordinarily great souls! There is no
discrimination. In a Vaishnav society, there is
no ego. Grihasthas are better, Brahmacrs are
better. Surrender to Krishna is better and we
choose an ashram according to how we can best
serve, according to our particular nature, our
particular inclination. Are we are enthused and
determined to surrender everything for Krishna
or do we require a whole network of facilities
to do that? Some people require that. And honest
grihasthas are going to go back to Godhead and
an honest brahmacr is going to go back to
Godhead. Either is perfect. So we should honour
each other and we should respect each other.
Prabhupada is explaining in this purport, that
if one is able to be a pure brahmacr, it is
much recommended, for all the reasons we
discussed in the purport and in the class. And
if grihasthas do not honour the words of the
founder Acharya, words of the Srimad Bhagavatam,
then there is something wrong with them. There
is some defect in their minds. If Brahmacrs
have a fanatical conception of looking down at
Grihasthas, then there is some defect in their
mind. There is something seriously wrong. Does
that answer your question?

Devotee: Regarding the subject of marriages for

Grihasthas. Once a devotee was telling us that,
devotees within ISKCON otherwise lead a frugal
life, where they wear dhotis and kurtas and come
for morning programs in the temple. But then,
when it comes to marriages, there is an
extravagant show that is put because of the
interest of society or on the interest of their
own prestige in society. How does one handle
such situations, where there is dichotomy
between our expectations as a devotee and our
expectations in the society for marriages
particularly?

Maharaj: You know better than me. But I will

say this that the essence in marriage is not in
gold and jewels and pomp, the essence of
marriage is the vows and the blessings. Thats
what it is all about. All the rest is
superficial stuff. Whether it is there or not,
it is superficial. I mean, we have seen crores
of rupees being spent on marriages, I mean,
crores and crores and then divorce. What is the
use? Thats not what it is about. It is not
about prestige. It is about service. If we are
talking about the essence of what marriage is
about, the essence is that we are trying to
create an environment in which these two people
are taking lifelong vows to live together with
sanctified relationship in the service of God.
Thats what marriage is about. And the married
couple and the parents of the married couple
want to serve, serve profusely to get the
blessings of people upon their children. It can
be done in an elaborate way and it can be done
in a simple way. Yes! But what is important is
the essence, is very much focused on and is
intact. Marriage is not a show. In the material
society, it is. But thats not the essence.
Thats not tradition. What is the essence?
Essence is the lifelong vows taken of lifelong
commitment to each other, before God. Two people
are becoming like one in spirit in the service
of God and in the faithfulness to God. That is
the essence of marriage. And in order to do that
properly, we need as many blessings as possible
from the hearts of people. Today, politicians
are coming just for the prestige of the
marriage. They couldnt care less if these
people would remain in marriage or die tomorrow.
They are invited for prestige and they go for
prestige. Yes! If they have to do that, they do
that, but it really has nothing to do with the
spirit of marriage. Its all superficial stuff.
I am not for or against it. I am just telling.
It has nothing to do with what the marriage is
about. When we try to get prestige, it usually
makes people envious. If people come with an
envious mood about the arrangements made, then
they are going to be cursing the couple. Is that
what you want? Thats the price you pay. To get
prestige, you might get curses instead of
blessings. Yes! So how much is spent and how
much is not spent, that really doesnt matter.
What really matters is the simplicity of the
focus of really what is the essence of this
marriage. Are we doing for the boy and the girl
or are we doing it for our own egoistic social
position. Thats a question? Marriage is
supposed to be for boy and girl. Yes! We see big
marriages like the marriage of Sita-Rama. There
were huge arrangements that Janaka Maharaj had
made. They were incredible arrangements. He was
the king. And he made all these arrangements
just to humbly serve, serve the whole kingdom,
the Ayodhya people and the people of Mithila and
serve them all, so that they would all give
their blessings to Rama and Sita. Yes! So
whether you have the marriage at national race
course or you have it at Radha Gopinath temple,
the real thing is, what is the purpose, what is
the focus and will our objective be achieved? We
should invite as many good people, who really
can give good blessings and serve them to their
full satisfaction, so that they are happy. Yes!
That is the essence. Does that answer your
question? So if a person does it in an elaborate
way or does it in a simple way, either one is
perfect, if the spirit is right. The bride and
groom can be so concerned about the prestige
issues that they go through the whole ceremony
and they dont even know what vows they took.
Yes! So whether it is simple or elaborate, the
spirit is what is important from the Krishna
conscious point of view. Does that answer your
question?

Devotee: Thank you Maharaj, for the wonderful

class. In the beginning of the class, you were
mentioning about how a small child wants to grow
up and the age that everyone is looking for is
the age of sweet sixteen. In the present age, it
is seen that children are becoming more and more
sensually awakened at a much earlier age causing
much concern to the parents and the religious
societies. My question is in two parts- Why is
this happening and are there any pertinent
reasons for this that they are becoming
sensually active earlier?

Maharaj: Two reasons. The main reason is the

atmosphere around children. What do you expect a
child to be like, when they are watching
television and going to cinemas. Even in
presence of their parents? Where they are seeing
romantic relationships and they are seeing
violence, so much violence. At the time an
ordinary American child becomes a teenager, they
have seen tens and thousands of romantic
exchanges on television and movies. I dont
remember the exact statistics. Now the music is
about love affairs and so much violence, so much
violence! Everything they see is creating their
consciousness, yes! So much so! In the 1950s
and 60s, on television, you really did not see
anything very sensual. It was a little sensual.
But today, it is obscene. The scenes are
obscene. Unbelievable! And it is considered to
be development of the industry, where there is
such. In the 1950s or 1960s when you would go
for a movie, there would be just a shot and the
person would fall down. Now you see the body
being ripped apart and you see the blood and the
organs! Violence is so graphic. Romantic films
was just about holding hands together, something
like that. Sometimes they kiss at the end of the
movie. That was bad enough. But now it is so
graphic- sexual demonstrations. Unbelievable! It
is so passionate and fast paced. Some devotees
were telling me that even these video games for
children have graphic sex life and violence, for
children- graphic! So if we expose our children
to these things when they are very young, their
mind and senses are going to be wild, just wild.
We are destroying their morality. We are
destroying the sanctity of their lives. For what
purpose, just to exploit peoples money. People
are just presenting these things in such an
immoral, unethical, destructive way. So yes!
Thats the way society is today. It is a fact.
In the 1950s, the biggest problems in schools
were sticking their chewing gum under the desk,
talking in class and running in the halls. These
were the three biggest problems in the schools
in the 1950s and in the 1990s; it is teenage
pregnancy, drug addiction and violence with
weapons. This is federal statistics. These are
the problems. How much have we progressed in
those 40 years? Why? Because of the atmosphere,
the entertainment industry, and the way the
adults are living and what they giving their
children, is creating havoc in the minds of
these kids. Havoc! In the 1950s, 60s and even
in the 70s, it was unheard of that the little
kids are going into schools and shooting their
classmates with high powered weapons. In the US,
in the 1990s this has happened about 4 or 5
times. There are teenage kids, who are going to
schools with guns and shooting. They are killing
their teachers and the classmates. It was
absolutely unheard of previously. How is it
happening- because we are creating that
atmosphere. We are exposing them to such passion
and violence. Does that answer your question? So
it is the duty of the parents to protect the
children from all those things, as far as
possible. That is why we have Gopals garden.
Parents were coming to the counselee meeting and
complaining that our children are getting so
corrupted. By what the parents are exposing
their children to, they come to school and
expose our children to all that. So corrupting,
so agitating! Its very difficult. So
congregation amongst themselves decided to start
our own school to protect our children from
these horrible vices.

Thank you very much.Srila Prabhupada ki

jay.

Quotes
1. It is a sacred religious activity to obey
your parents.
2. By the mercy of Krishna, one gets Guru and
by the mercy of Guru, one gets Krishna.
3. Grihastha life is meant for tapasya.
4. Grihastha life is focused around devotional
service to the supreme personality of
Godhead.
5. If one is in Grihastha ashram, one must be
responsible.
6. According to the Vedic system, the
grihasthas are especially, meant to
financially maintain the sadhus in their
preaching.
7. The difficulties of brahmacr life provide
the opportunity for exclusive time dedicated
to the service of Guru and Krishna, no
distraction. Such a benediction!
8. The essence of marriage is that we are
trying to create an environment in which two
people are taking lifelong vows to live
together with sanctified relationship in the
service of God.
9. Essence of marriage is the lifelong vows
taken of lifelong commitment to each other,
before God.
10. Two people are becoming like one in spirit
in the service of God and in the
faithfulness to God. That is the essence of
marriage.