For Others

What do you know about mission statements? Before, I considered mission

statements as a more fanciful name for goals or objectives. You often see them written on the
walls of hospitals, stores and firms, stated alongside whatever vision they have in mind. This
last March 2015, I was a graduating senior in Ateneo de Manila University and one of my last
academic requirements was for my Theology class wherein the students are required to
formulate their own personal mission statement and present it to the professor as a final oral
examination. I thought that this would be an easy task given my lack of understanding of
what these statements really are and what they require a person to do. I found out that mission
statements, despite being short and simple, requires more than just what you want for your
future. It takes more than just looking ahead and putting what you see into words. I read this
one article saying that mission statements are formed not only by looking at what you want to
become but also by looking at who you were in the past and who you are now as a person.
You have to know who you are before and who you are now in order to know who you want
to become in the future. Writing mission statements is more of self-discovery and reflection
than anything else.
It was harder than it sounded. It was difficult to look at yourself through honest eyes
because the person that we really are often is not who we wanted to be. We have flaws in our
personality, our character and even our appearance that we try to hide behind fake smiles and
fancy clothes. It opens a can of worms you want to keep sealed. It was harder still to force
yourself to think about these things in one sitting since the mind often wanders to other
matters. Most people dont have the time to spend an hour to just stay put and reflect. I
decided then to keep a small notebook so that I can write my thoughts whenever they come to
me. The following is a recollection of these musings.

I was supposed to be a businessman. I was supposed to be a lawyer. I was supposed to

be this and that. I was supposed to be a lot of thing. Success and the promise of it drove me
and everything was set for me to follow that path in life. My family, my friends, my peers -
everyone expected great things from me. The whispers surrounding my ears all pushed me
towards that goal that I myself admit of dreaming about. There was pressure, of course. This
is to be expected during those moments when you have that feeling of lack of control, when
your life is going towards a direction you did not choose yet you cannot steer away from.
Every failure becomes a burden and every misstep becomes a yawning gap. I asked myself: is
this what I really wanted for myself? Will I be happy with this kind of life? I was peppered
by questions and thoughts of money, grandeur and individual excellence that for a while I
thought that every man is geared towards only one goal: self-advancement. Then something
happened that changed my outlook on life.
Have you ever had those moments when you feel like this moment is a pivotal one,
that this minute, this second, this very breath, will change the course of your life? I think
every person experiences this. Its almost inevitable really, since these momentous points in
our lives ultimately decide what kind of person we become. Of course, just like anything in
this world, nothing is easy. There are decisions that have to be made, deadlines that have to
be met and debts that have to be paid. There is always something that tends to spin us out of
control, making us forget and sometimes ignore these pivotal moments. There are times when
we should just stop, and just be ourselves again, away from the prying eyes and twisted
tongues of society, away from everything but ourselves and our thoughts. By doing this, we
can go back to those moments that define who we are and regain our identity along the way.
My grandmother, Lola Soleng, died. This was about six years ago. It was a painful
and emotional moment for our family. Relatives and friends came and gathered to pay their
final goodbyes to the great woman. I had aunts and uncles that came from the states so that
they can see their beloved mother one last time. One of these aunts is Tita Eden, who I
havent seen in a long time. A day after the burial, we were staying at Tita Linas house
where Lola Soleng used to live. That afternoon, Tita Eden told me to come walk with her to
the porch. She was smiling, although her eyes were still tear-stained and red.
You know, youre my favorite nephew. She said, looking at me.
Paano niyo po nasabi yun? I replied. I was slightly blushing, flattered.
She looked slightly away, wistful. Its because you remind me so much of your father.
I was silent. I knew my father was a good man but the way my aunt said it made me pause.
Her voice was filled with adoration and pride.
"Your father is my hero", my aunt continued. "The moment your mother married your father
was one of the greatest things that ever happened to this family. He has helped us so much."
She was crying softly now, holding my cheek gently. I was speechless.
I talked to my father about this. It was a personal moment of sharing in my aunt's part
but I felt that I have to talk to someone about it. Upon hearing this, my father was silent for a
while. I wanted to hear his answer. Finally, he spoke. "Do you know why I still work so
hard?" he asked. He was already in his 70s but still hasnt retired.
"To live a happy and carefree life for yourself and the family" I answered.
He shook his head and said, "Thats true, but not much for me. If I was only working for
myself, I would have retired a long time ago. But no, I still work hard every day so that I can
help everyone who needed it, especially our less fortunate family members." It was a
beautiful answer but not the one I was expecting. He must have noticed the confusion in my
eyes.
"The moment you forget about others is the moment you forget yourself." He said.
Back then, I didnt understand what he meant. It was honestly vague but something
about it resonated up to now. How do you forget yourself by forgetting about others? It
wasnt something you hear every day yet it was something every person should hear.
Sometimes we get caught up in our own little lives that we fail to consider that the world does
not revolve around us. Sometimes we forget that we live in this world as one person among
many others that we are unable to see that we share our lives with them, whether we know
these people or not. Just think of it this way. This second, this moment while youre reading
this, is not yours. Someone somewhere is living this very same second with you. We do not
own time yet we treat it as if it all belongs to us. I remembered Tita Eden call my dad her
hero. I thought then that it was because he was a successful businessman. Now I realize that a
person becomes a hero not because of his or her individual achievements but because of the
people this person was able to help. For my father, he believes that who he is as a person is
someone who is able to give to others and share their burdens with them. He is a man for
others.
Three years after Lola Solengs death, we were in Aurora, having a nice vacation
along the beach with our relatives from the mothers side of the family. It was our third and
final night there so me and my cousins decided to start a bonfire and share stories to cap the
wonderful weekend off. The night began as a happy-go-lucky affair wherein everyone
laughed and enjoyed themselves with each others company. It didn't take long for the
conversations to become serious and emotional though. My relatives on this side of the
family have been through tough times. Many of them are poor and in great difficulty. I can
see in their faces the hardship and poverty that they constantly endure. It was tough for me to
see them like this considering that I have lived a relatively comfortable life. There was this
guilt rising inside my chest as if their poverty is of my own doing. The stories they were
sharing were heart-felt and full of pain - pain I found myself fortunate enough not to have
experienced. When it was my turn to share, I didn't know what to say.
The words my father told me three years ago was etched in my head the whole time I
was with my relatives that night. It was a moment of epiphany and overwhelming honesty for
my part as I look upon my own humanity. In my mind I see a man driven by ambition and his
own selfish goals. I see a man caught in the spin of his own world that he failed to realize that
there are people around him that do not share his good fortunes. This man shared my face.
This is who I am, I told myself then, and I didnt like what I was seeing. I was repulsed by
my own distorted views, by my very identity. I examined my life so far and tried to compare
it with how my father has lived his. Up to now I cannot fathom how my aunt managed to say
that I am very much like him. I often regard my father as the greatest man I know and I find
myself greatly lacking compared to him. My aunt, along with many others, considers him as
their hero. Here is man who has become successful not in terms of money, power or fame but
in terms of the people who respect and love him as a man of honor and generosity. Here is a
man who thinks beyond his own personal interests and worries about the welfare of others. I
find comparisons to my dad as insulting to his name given how high others think of him and
how low I think of myself then. Then and there, I decided that I have to change, that I have to
move away from my own self-absorption and begin thinking about donating myself to others.
Wala akong kuwento ng tulad ng sa inyo. I said. I don't have the stories that you have.
"Ang meron lang ako ay ang pagkakataon makatulong. Hindi ko kayo kalilimutan. All I
have is an opportunity to help. I will not forget you.
I was looking at their tear-stained eyes and all I wanted with all my heart was to wipe
those tears away. They were looking at me with pride, joy and love. All I can give them was a
promise .I wanted to help them. In the very core of my being I wanted to share their
suffering, even for just that brief moment so that I can know what they were going through.
In the company of my family, in the dying light of the fire, I knew I was with people I truly
care about. Beneath the stars and beside the crashing waves I finally understood what my
father meant before. To forget about others is to forget who I am, because to be with others is
to be who I am. I gave a silent promise to myself that this is who I will become, a man like
my father, a man for others. The rest of the night was spent in blissful silence and there was a
sense of peace hovering over me.

At first, I began writing this not to be read by others. It was supposed to be a personal
thing, just an exercise in an attempt to find out who I am as a person and to know where I am
headed. It was supposed to be a private reflection of my own thoughts and musings. It was
only for an academic purpose, a final requirement for a graduating student. Yet, here I am
ending it with this in mind: This is for others as well. I feel that I am meant to share these
words, as simple as they may be. We live in a world full of evil and corruption. We are in a
society where we find it hard to trust our very own government. We live in times of closed
doors and full pockets. We live a life of greed and excess while the poor members of society
cannot even simply live. This is a world where every little good thing is welcome and I hope
that this becomes one of those little good things. This is not an admonition nor am I trying to
put myself above others. I am not a hero nor am I saying that I will ever be one. This is just a
simple reminder that in this darkness covering our eyes, we have not yet lost sight of our
humanity, that it is still somewhere inside waiting for us to uncover it. It is high time we
begin to formulate our own mission statements, to find success not through our own eyes but
through the eyes of others. In this day and age success is no longer limited to becoming rich
or powerful. True success can be achieved by becoming the person our country needs, and
what it sorely needs now are men and women for others. These are the words of a flawed
man, a man of mistakes, a man of failures and shortcomings, a man caught in the spin of his
own world. But in the end, in this new chapter I am about to enter in life, I dont want to be
remembered by those things. I want to be remembered as a man who at this moment in his
life desired to became a man just like his father, a man for others. Join me.

From the darkness of ambition and self-absorption, I will move towards a life of
self-donation, a life lived for others, in service and commitment. I will walk this path Ive
chosen with resolute devotion lest I become a man who I am not. I will die a happy man,
knowing in my heart Ive left a legacy of love and compassion, all in the name of God. -
Palad, 2015