March 24,2009

Stockton, Ca
To Whom It May Concern,
Just a few, quick words to let every-one know that I’m not dead. All has been q
uiet on the Word Front due to circumstances beyond my control. Illness has knoc
ked me down for the last seven to eight weeks and even now the certainty of my r
egaining my health completely is an unforseen specter that I would not bet any m
oney on in the near future. Unfortunately for me, certain friends have bet this
money and it is up to me to rise from this death bed and make a move for the be
autiful daylight that beckons me so sweetly just outside the window.
The sun just begins to rise over the cracked levee, hovering for just a second o
n the wall that separates the back-yard from the street, pouring light into a ya
rd that was once covered in shadows. The old redwood trees fell in the winter s
torms, choked to death by ivy and now my mom’s house is bright. Maxwell, a bumb
ling idiot of a Chesapeake, begs at the glass door to be let in, only periodical
ly leaving to patrol the yard of would-be intruders. Which is important to me t
hese days, since Cocaine seems to have come back into vogue, and I know that mos
t people might ASSUME that I am a druggie and think that my moms house would be
a easy mark. It would be a wrong assumption because of the two dogs (an 80 poun
d Chesapeake, and a paranoid, temperamental Beautiful, Smooth Coat ½ Pit Bull ½
Akita mix), that although are always nice to friends, have been trained to rip
the balls off an intruder, after making a 100 yard silent creep through the hous
e.
I know that most Cocaine users are paranoid and a little confused. I understand
this. That is why a loaded twenty-five automatic is kept somewhere in this hou
se, wrapped in a red bandanna in memory of my dead cousin. Now, I know a twenty
-five isn’t enough to kill you, but it will slow you down enough so that my Dogs
can chew on your balls slowly, savoring the taste and delighting when your Test
icles pop. Human Testicles are Delicacies as far as my Dogs are concerned. It’
s been that way since they first tasted human blood..........
Back to drugs: I stopped using that evil, white substance because it turns your
brains to jelly. Look at Matt A. who was and probably still is, one of the smar
test people I know and goddamn could he grow some good fucking pot but until he
gets off the White Bitch, he’ll be useless. I don’t think he can anytime soon,
and I hope it doesn’t kill him. And I have no use for him as this paranoid schi
zophrenic mumbling that I owe him a hundred dollars here and eight thousand ther
e. Bad Craziness. I’ve sniffed my lines, too, watching Boogie Nights over and
over again, but the uppers are just not for me, I prefer the downers such as God
’s Gift to The World Marijuana and or in combination with Hydrocodone. If I’m f
eeling dangerous, drink a couple of shot Wild Turkey. That is as far as I’m wil
ling to go nowadays. I’m sick of the drugs, to many times I’ve been at a good f
riends house only for him to pull a couple of ounces of cocaine from under his b
ed, offering me countless lines.
In Stockton, Cocaine has become used as if it were Marijuana. In Oakland, my ad
opted city, I can smoke for goddamn near free because that is what happens out t
here if you smoke weed. Of course if you are a heavy smoker, such as myself, yo
u still pay for it but after 13 years of smoking this Herb, I have devised plent
y of tricks to minimalize the cost. And that is great: for Marijuana. When you
apply the same rules to Cocaine, you really fuck the Game up inside of your hea
d. It is a dangerous drug and beware to some-what heavy, casual user.
Which is not to say I’ll never do Cocaine again or that I even regret past insta
nces when I was high on coke. If some-one brought around some pure A-1 yola then
yeah, I’d probably take a sniff, then a 2nd so the other nostril wasn’t lonely
and even possibly a third. But no more than that: you have to stick to the thre
e line rule. Discipline is what is lacking in the common Cocaine User and if yo
u can defeat the lackluster attitude of drug using then the battle is 90% won.
But don’t listen to me, I don’t know anything because Marijuana has obviously ro
tted my brain away.
There are theories that I remain sick because of my constant smoking and possibl
e Hydrocodone abuse and I accept these because they have been said by friends wh
o I consider Brothers. I wish to put this in writing, for the record as it may,
Vicodin that I take is used to treat my pain, imaginary or real. And though in
the past, I’ve shown any and all the almost sub-human ability of my body to sur
vive a huge intake of dangerous drugs and Whiskey, I do not do this everyday. I
n fact, it has been awhile since I’ve even had a sip of Wild Turkey, and althoug
h in the future I will more than likely abuse my body seriously with drugs, I wi
ll not being doing it out of Addiction but rather I like and approve of Drugs.
If Dangerous Narcotics were regulated legally and we didn’t have the Evil, Twist
ed Bastards that add horrible things to drugs that the average American takes,
drug using would be safer and maybe old friends like Matt A. would have half a b
rain to work with.
I am not judging, although some of you fucking idiots will take it that way and
if you do, remember the two dogs and the loaded twenty-five. My dad may have be
en a complete Asshole at the End but he taught me my whole Life that violence is
sometimes useful and my Mother has only reinforced that idea in my head. And
since I live in Oakland, she’ll be the one holding the twenty-five and she has l
ess patience for coke sniffing thieves than I do.
Sincerely,
Drew Kazinsky