1

Well, come along then please. Settle. That's it.

Well, good evening to you.
Here we are again in the excitement that is each other's company. The
pleasure is all yours.Ha-ha! Good one, me. Now, previously in my life,
Stevie made me go on an Outward Bound Course. Help!
Someone let me out, I don't like it!
Seriously, I really don't...! Oh, thank you.
I get my own kind of adrenalin kicks, thank you.
MUTTERS EXCITEDLY
DRYER TURNS ON
LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
What else happened? Oh, yes, I went clubbing. Something I'm not prone to.
A night out for me is going in to the garden, coming back, "Aaah! Home at
last."
And I panic conversationally when in too trendy an environment.
So, er...tell me something about yourself.
The other day, I weighed my breasts to see how much they'd cost to post.
Too heavy to go second class, if you know what I mean.
Right. Onwards with the show, team, quickly!
So we can forget what we've just witnessed. So, pleased with it? It's great,
Gary, thanks for your help.
MUTTERED: "Oh, Gary,thanks for your help."
I've no idea what it does or how I make it do what it does,but it looks cool.
It's easy. I'll teach you. It's great cos you can sync all applications with
other hardware...
All I'm hearing is...SPEAKS GIBBERISH
MIMICS AWKWARD LAUGHTER
So, do you want a cup of tea, Gary?
Yeah, great.
Stevie, what are you doing on the floor, you weird woman?
Sorry, what's that?
You'd like to make me and Gary a cup of tea? That's so sweet.
Fine. Just don't play with the toys.They're part of the new children's range.
I really want to play with the toys.
Do you really want to?
I really want to play with the toys!
We can't, we're open.
So? Caterpillar Duck race, hello?
On your marks, get set, go!
I think you'll find I have chosen the superior animal.
This one's got no turning circle, that's why!
Quack, quack, quack!
Oh, those are lovely! My children would love them.
How old are yours? Sorry?
Well, I hope they're for your kids.
Yeah, be weird if we were just playing.
Very, yes, so, we've...Got kids...got kids.
What do you have?
Two... Little... Boys.
Had... Two...
Little... Toys.
Aaah, we always do that!
Two boys. Lovely. But exhausting!
Oh, shattered. Yes, you look it.
Ooh, these would be perfect party gifts. Are you local?
Maybe yours are going to the same birthday.
What are they called? Uh, Cliff... Richard. Cliff and Richard. We're massive
fans.

I'm Mandy. M-M-Mary, and this is...Joseph.

No way!
Well, I will look out for your boys.
What's your surname?
Oh...erm...Ri... Rich.....ards... Richards.
Right. So your sons are Cliff Richards and.
And Richard Richards. Yeah.
We just thought, life isn't fair,
let's teach them that from the off. Isn't it just that we're massive fans?
That's it, yeah.
# We're all going on a summer holiday. #
# Christmas time Mistletoe and wine
# Children singing Christian rhymes
# Etcetera Etcetera. #
Well, lovely to meet you.
Nice to talk to adults otherwise it's just kids, kids, kids.
BOTH: Oh, isn't it?
Oh, for a night out! Ooh, a holiday!
I could do so much more before I had children.
I sometimes think, "Mandy, how do have enough time to bring up the kids
and run your own business?"
You're a saint. Well, yes, in a way.
But children are worth it, aren't they, Mary?
I always say, until you've brought the gift of life, you're not complete.
"I'm a saint. I've just given birth.
"I don't even have enough time to eat!
"My ovaries work and I'm so very excited!"
Not very annoying, ovary annoying!
Gary, not very annoying, ovary annoying!
Oi, not very annoying,ovary annoying!
Nothing here, either.
Rude.
My point is, I'm young, I'm free.

97
00:05:45,415 --> 00:05:48,085
Single. Yes, happily so, mother.

98
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,645
I can do anything.
I can go reckless, wild.

99
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,360
You've never been wild.
OK. So I'm not a clubber.

100
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,257
I don't "large it, big style."

101
00:05:55,292 --> 00:05:58,186
Not unless you're in McDonalds.

102
00:05:58,221 --> 00:06:01,080
Oh, ha-ha! That's very good!

103
00:06:01,115 --> 00:06:02,605
Such fun!

104
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,005
It has to be said,
Miranda, you're not cool.

105
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:08,580
Oh, hello, cool new phone,
which I've worked out myself,

106
00:06:08,615 --> 00:06:12,085
plays music, and so is in effect
a kind of ghetto blaster.

107
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,640
And what are you listening to at the
moment? Let's have a go, shall we?

108
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,680
MUSIC: "My Life"
By BILLY JOEL

109
00:06:17,715 --> 00:06:19,000
Billy Joel? Yeah.

110
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:27,040
You'll be up before you know.
You'll all be dancing soon.

111
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,245
You'll love it.

112
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:36,560
# Got a call from an old friend
We used to be real close... #

113
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,765
You'll be feeling it any minute.

114
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,880
Down low, up high!
Down low, up really high!

115
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,765
OK, fine. You've made your point.

116
00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:01,880
I'm not cool, but I just want
some fun, crazy times, you know?

117
00:07:01,915 --> 00:07:06,840
I'm going to start
by getting really drunk.

118
00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:08,565
ALL: No!

119
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:13,600
What? You get regal and angry
when you're drunk. Oh, I do not!

120
00:07:13,635 --> 00:07:15,285
Have you had wild times, Penny?

121
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,720
Oh, ho-ho! Don't you know it!
I've had...

122
00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:20,645
ALL: Such fun.

123
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,125
There was a spa in Malta in the '60s.

124
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:28,120
Oh, no. Let's just say,
clothes weren't an option, so...
125
00:07:28,155 --> 00:07:32,160
BLENDER DROWNS SPEECH

126
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,560
..Nigel Havers, twice.

127
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,045
Unacceptable.

128
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,205
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

129
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,405
I'm just going to
take off for a few days.

130
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,880
I'm going to pack a back-pack,
grab a flight to...Thailand!

131
00:07:52,915 --> 00:07:54,445
For a few days?

132
00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,005
Wild! Yeah, that's it!

133
00:07:57,040 --> 00:08:00,280
Well, I'm just off to
book my spontaneous trip

134
00:08:00,315 --> 00:08:02,520
because I am one cool, hip chick.

135
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:13,925
Obviously I'm not going on a
spontaneous crazy trip.

136
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:18,840
I'm no good at travel and even if I
did get to an exotic beach location,

137
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:20,525
not relaxing. Beaches?

138
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,400
Try and put a towel down,
immediate gust of wind,

139
00:08:23,435 --> 00:08:24,605
towel in face.

140
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,485
Tuck towel into sand.

141
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,205
Sit down, have an ice lolly, wasp!

142
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,645
Wasp!
Stand up to bat wasp away, oh no!

143
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:38,840
Sand on towel now, flap towel to get rid of sand,
sand in face, sand on lolly, wasp, abort, abort!

144
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:52,080
Right, holiday search.
Hotel, England, Surrey.

145
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:56,165
It's too expensive,
it's a bit far...

146
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,080
Oh, hang on, brilliant!
The Hamilton Lodge.

147
00:08:59,115 --> 00:09:02,480
I know where that is. La bas.

148
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:10,000
Round the corner, no travel,
no language barrier, book.

149
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:16,760
And there's no reason to say
I'm not going to Thailand. Sssh!

150
00:09:16,795 --> 00:09:18,525
Morning. Morning.

151
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:22,605
#..has broken
Like the first morning

152
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:27,720
# Blackbirds have spoken
Ski-mah-nah-neee. #

153
00:09:27,755 --> 00:09:30,445
How are you? Good.

154
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,760
When are you off?
In about 20 minutes, to Thailand.

155
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,765
Will you be all right
for a few days?

156
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:42,080
I'm doing a management course
on Friday but your mum's covering.

157
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,725
Morning.
Morning. Morning.

158
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,960
I made you a packed lunch
for the flight.

159
00:09:46,995 --> 00:09:48,605
Oh, that's lovely! Thank you.

160
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:52,560
Darling, I won't go as far as proud,
but I am genuinely impressed.
161
00:09:52,595 --> 00:09:55,365
You are actually going,
what I call, abroad.

162
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,240
It is abroad. Now, remember,
if a man drives up to you

163
00:09:58,275 --> 00:10:00,560
saying he's a taxi, get in.

164
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,960
You never know.

165
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,600
Right, Well, I've got a cab booked
to the airport so don't hang around.

166
00:10:08,635 --> 00:10:11,320
OK. Bye then. I could
have taken you to the airport.

167
00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:12,525
No, don't worry about it.

168
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:17,480
I would've given you a lift. My car's outside.
You should've asked. Save the money I'll take you.

169
00:10:17,515 --> 00:10:20,445
My car's just outside. Seriously.
Cancel the taxi, go with Gary.

170
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:24,560
I don't want to go the airport with
any of you. The idea is disgusting.

171
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,520
Somebody order a cab to The Ha...?

172
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:37,485
To the, um...
173
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:41,205
the ha...airport, yes.

174
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,800
Best job I've had in a while!

175
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,365
Right, I need to leave immediately,

176
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,480
because I don't know
what's going to happen next.

177
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,440
And this is your room. Oh, lovely.

178
00:10:57,475 --> 00:11:01,285
Look, Thailand!

179
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:05,000
Yeah, and you have to stay in
this dive, wishing you were there.

180
00:11:05,035 --> 00:11:06,125
Like a form of torture.

181
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:10,320
Or you can look at it, imagine you're
there, without the hassle of going.

182
00:11:10,355 --> 00:11:13,677
You like that idea, don't you?

183
00:11:13,712 --> 00:11:17,000
Right. Fridge, bathroom, bed...

184
00:11:17,035 --> 00:11:19,760
Ooh, we've only just met!

185
00:11:19,795 --> 00:11:21,200
Just a little joke.
186
00:11:21,235 --> 00:11:22,600
Thank you.

187
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,960
Always a bit nervous around youth.

188
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,685
I love a hotel room!

189
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:31,560
Don't you love a hotel room?

190
00:11:31,595 --> 00:11:33,520
I love a hotel room!

191
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,005
You know clean sheet night at home,

192
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,200
when it feels like
a delicious new bed?

193
00:11:41,235 --> 00:11:43,165
Every night in a hotel.

194
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,840
And sometimes the sheets feel
a bit crisp and cold, don't they?

195
00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:48,800
So you do the warming-up-bed dance.

196
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,280
Forgot to say,
breakfast from seven till ten.

197
00:11:59,315 --> 00:12:01,405
Great, thanks.

198
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,960
And that bed is... Yep, it's fine.
199
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:11,560
Oh, this is always funny
in a hotel room, isn't it?

200
00:12:11,595 --> 00:12:14,725
"Where's my head gone?

201
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,640
"I used to be like a swan."

202
00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:22,880
Are you from an institution,
or are you...?

203
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,720
No, but I hear you.

204
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,605
Right.

205
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,845
Ooh, tea and coffee tray.

206
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,520
Nowhere else but in a hotel room
is one so excited

207
00:12:37,555 --> 00:12:40,160
to see free tea and coffee sachets.

208
00:12:40,195 --> 00:12:42,685
Good word, "sachet".

209
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,560
As I sashay up to the sachet.

210
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,680
I am very over-excited!

211
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,845
Biscuits!
212
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:55,960
The key with the biscuits,
of course, if you don't eat them

213
00:12:55,995 --> 00:12:59,040
on day one, hide them so you
get the free packet the next.

214
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,485
Little kettle.

215
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:08,720
You never have a kettle in your
room at home. That would be weird.

216
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:12,920
But in a hotel, out of bed,
pop the kettle on, one smooth move.

217
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,165
It's been 26 hours.

218
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,180
I've done everything. All the films.

219
00:13:22,215 --> 00:13:25,160
Well, not all the films, naughty!

220
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,925
I've had six baths,
most room service meals.

221
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:35,120
It's like all the best bits
of being ill, but you're well.

222
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,245
Oh, hang on.

223
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,925
How have I missed this?
224
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:43,120
Trouser press! I love these.

225
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,077
Brilliant.

226
00:13:45,112 --> 00:13:47,000
Pop it in.

227
00:13:49,560 --> 00:13:52,565
Exciting. "I'm a trouser press.

228
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,160
"Open me up,
insert something inside."

229
00:13:55,195 --> 00:13:56,440
That sounds wrong.

230
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,805
Brilliant.

231
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:06,960
Right, I might have to sneak home
and get the rest of my trousers

232
00:14:06,995 --> 00:14:09,720
and make proper and efficient
use of that.

233
00:14:09,755 --> 00:14:11,440
Can I do that?

234
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:13,440
Yes.

235
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,320
TOY SQUEAKS

236
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,560
AARGH!
237
00:14:36,595 --> 00:14:37,920
Sssh!

238
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,480
AARGH!

239
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,180
How is this worse than that?

240
00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:47,885
What are you doing here?

241
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,440
I just nipped back from Thailand
to get some more trousers.

242
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:57,340
I'm staying at the Hamilton Lodge.
Don't tell the others.

243
00:14:57,375 --> 00:15:01,765
You have gone on holiday to
the town you live in? Sssh!

244
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:06,040
What are you doing here? Stevie's
teaching me the ropes for Friday.

245
00:15:06,075 --> 00:15:10,280
I'm exhausted. I was taking a break,
Is everything all right, Penny?

246
00:15:10,315 --> 00:15:13,480
We've got our next
till drill in five minutes.

247
00:15:13,515 --> 00:15:15,000
Hide!

248
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,125
She's not coming up.

249
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,040
What are you doing?
I'm trying to get in a drawer.

250
00:15:26,075 --> 00:15:27,440
I panicked!

251
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,805
All my trousers.

252
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,660
Really have done everything now.

253
00:15:34,695 --> 00:15:37,480
KNOCK ON DOOR
Oh, room service!

254
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,885
Oh, great. Thanks, Jason.

255
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,320
Just drop it there. We've done
pretty well, haven't we, Jason?

256
00:15:45,355 --> 00:15:47,457
With the whole room service issue.

257
00:15:47,492 --> 00:15:49,546
Cos it can feel awkward, can't it?

258
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,565
Somebody coming in to deliver a meal

259
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,085
that you don't know,
when you're in pyjamas.

260
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:58,680
I mean, Imagine if I turned up at your house and
walked into your bedroom with a plate of food?

261
00:15:58,715 --> 00:16:01,365
Please don't do that.
No, no, I won't!

262
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:05,320
I was just saying it's a sort of
weirdly intimate scenario, isn't it?

263
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:08,000
I was a bit worried that
the room might smell.

264
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,377
But I'm told that my natural smell -

265
00:16:10,412 --> 00:16:12,946
because we've all got them -
is lemons.

266
00:16:12,981 --> 00:16:15,480
So...
I don't know what your smell is.

267
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,520
Boyish, yet manly!

268
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,645
There's a chance
I've got verbal diarrhoea

269
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,485
because I've been on my own
for a while. So, um...

270
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,920
In fact, do you want to join? It
would be nice to have some company.

271
00:16:34,955 --> 00:16:36,800
Is that why you ordered two meals?

272
00:16:36,835 --> 00:16:41,720
Hmm? Oh, yes, yeah. (No!)

273
00:16:41,755 --> 00:16:43,165
I'm working.

274
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,680
But the company thing is something
I could arrange, if you like?

275
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:48,997
Really? This hotel is amazing. OK.

276
00:16:49,032 --> 00:16:51,280
For the evening or the whole night?

277
00:16:51,315 --> 00:16:52,765
Oh, um...

278
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,480
The whole night. Why not?
I've missed a good chat.

279
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,560
OK, I'll sort that for you.

280
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,885
A shoe shiner! Brilliant.

281
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,840
I can't believe
I missed this before!

282
00:17:07,875 --> 00:17:09,800
GIGGLES HYSTERICALLY

283
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:19,120
Madame requested an escort?

284
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:25,965
You're an escort?

285
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,245
You're not in Thailand?

286
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,125
Coming back at you with,
"You're an escort?!"

287
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:36,040
Coming back at you with you ordered an
escort! I did not! I ordered company... Oh!

288
00:17:36,075 --> 00:17:38,765
That's just code!

289
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,125
Well, seeing as we're here,

290
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:45,120
we might as well
make good sweet love.

291
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,320
Clive! I'm not gonna sleep with you!

292
00:17:49,355 --> 00:17:51,400
Don't be shy. I've had weirder.

293
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:57,285
Rude! And no!

294
00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:01,080
And can you please put your trousers
on? Because it's one of those

295
00:18:01,115 --> 00:18:06,280
I don't want to look but I just
can't stop looking...things.

296
00:18:06,315 --> 00:18:09,360
Actually, can you just
leave immediately, please?

297
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:16,080
And, Clive, don't tell any of the
others I'm not in Thailand. OK?

298
00:18:16,115 --> 00:18:18,045
Bye!

299
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,280
Right, time to brave the restaurant.

300
00:18:21,315 --> 00:18:22,765
Hence the business suit.

301
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,540
Pad and pen,
people will think I'm working.

302
00:18:25,575 --> 00:18:28,245
No-one will think,
"Sad, lonely diner."

303
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:32,040
It's a brilliant system,
one I am very pleased with.

304
00:18:32,075 --> 00:18:34,280
To dine.

305
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,040
Amanda?

306
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,360
Amanda? Did you say my name?

307
00:18:40,395 --> 00:18:42,085
Ah, yes. Hi there.

308
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,765
Here's your badge. Right.

309
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,685
It's a real privilege to meet you.

310
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,080
Is it? Lovely.
Do you want to join us for a drink?

311
00:18:50,115 --> 00:18:53,480
Oh, OK. Why not? Great.

312
00:18:53,515 --> 00:18:55,480
What's happening?

313
00:18:55,515 --> 00:18:58,365
Shall we?

314
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,160
We're all really looking
forward to the seminar.

315
00:19:01,195 --> 00:19:02,645
Oh, a seminar, is it?

316
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,200
Well, I hope so. It would be
tragic if this was a holiday!

317
00:19:06,235 --> 00:19:09,840
I mean, look at us!
Yeah, that would be tragic!

318
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:12,397
Everybody, this is Amanda Barnes.

319
00:19:12,432 --> 00:19:14,920
ALL: Hello, Amanda!
Oh, "Amanda"!

320
00:19:14,955 --> 00:19:17,245
It's a real honour. Is it?

321
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:22,160
Excuse me, Sir. We've had a message on reception
from an Amanda Barnes. She's running late.

322
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:25,440
Well, that is an old message,
isn't it, because she's here.

323
00:19:25,475 --> 00:19:27,165
Dear, oh, dear.

324
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,920
So, Amanda. That's me.
How was the trip from Yorkshire?

325
00:19:31,955 --> 00:19:35,405
YORKSHIRE ACCENT:
Oh, aye, t'were great.

326
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:40,640
I thought you were just there on business.
No, turns out I'm from...thu-u-ur.

327
00:19:40,675 --> 00:19:45,000
The minute I hear Yorkshire, the
accent just comes flooding back.

328
00:19:45,035 --> 00:19:48,400
Whereabouts are you from?
Just the general area.

329
00:19:48,435 --> 00:19:49,965
Nowhere specific.

330
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,600
Don't want to give you my address.

331
00:19:52,635 --> 00:19:55,360
Oh, yes. Risky!

332
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,005
So, drink?

333
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:01,325
Oh, I think Amanda
would like a gin and tonic.

334
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,440
And I think Colin would
like to get that for Amanda.

335
00:20:04,475 --> 00:20:08,120
Fine. Let's get this
party started, shall we?

336
00:20:08,155 --> 00:20:09,920
Amanda's up for some good times.

337
00:20:09,955 --> 00:20:12,960
CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

338
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,740
DRUNKEN SINGING
Does anyone need the loo?

339
00:20:18,775 --> 00:20:21,240
Throne's through there.
We are very amused.

340
00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:25,080
POP MUSIC PLAYS
I love Amanda Barnes.

341
00:20:25,115 --> 00:20:27,365
Look at her go.

342
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,920
New phone? Lovely!
These ones have great features.

343
00:20:30,955 --> 00:20:34,440
Are you still talking about
the phone, Colin, eh?

344
00:20:34,475 --> 00:20:38,005
Oh, Amanda's naughty.

345
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,400
And slightly like a camp man.

346
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,880
Oh, sorry,
I think I'm calling someone. Hello?

347
00:20:46,915 --> 00:20:50,165
Hello? Miranda? Gary, hey!

348
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,280
Hey! How you doing? How's Thailand?

349
00:20:52,315 --> 00:20:54,605
Yeah, it's great, Gary.

350
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,960
I'm like a new woman. Literally.

351
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:02,280
I've just...I've just sent you
a photo of me new mates.

352
00:21:02,315 --> 00:21:04,405
Why are you wearing a business suit?

353
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,800
Oh, well, when in Thailand, Gary...
What?

354
00:21:07,835 --> 00:21:10,017
..go to a seminar.

355
00:21:10,052 --> 00:21:11,946
Are you drunk?

356
00:21:11,981 --> 00:21:13,840
Me? Drunk?

357
00:21:13,875 --> 00:21:15,525
No!

358
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,485
In fact, I better go, Gary,

359
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,560
because Colin's having
an arm wrestle with Tsing-Tao.

360
00:21:21,595 --> 00:21:23,680
Tsing-Tao!

361
00:21:23,715 --> 00:21:25,845
Bye!

362
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,085
He taught me how to
take a photo,

363
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,840
but I can't switch
the bloody thing off.

364
00:21:30,875 --> 00:21:31,920
I don't know.

365
00:21:31,955 --> 00:21:34,125
Miranda?

366
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,800
You've sent me another photo.

367
00:21:36,835 --> 00:21:38,800
KNOCK ON DOOR

368
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,165
Gary!

369
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,805
Hey, welcome to Thailand!

370
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,600
To the Hamilton Lodge. The photo you
sent me was the view from your window.

371
00:21:55,635 --> 00:21:57,040
You're down the road. Sssh!

372
00:21:57,075 --> 00:21:59,965
Nobody else knows, OK?

373
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,040
Promise not to tell anyone.

374
00:22:02,075 --> 00:22:03,880
Yeah. I promise. Sssh!

375
00:22:03,915 --> 00:22:05,565
Oh, ho-ho!

376
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,160
I see you have company, eh?

377
00:22:08,195 --> 00:22:10,720
Hello, you must be Tsing-Tao?

378
00:22:10,755 --> 00:22:12,645
Yeah, if you like!

379
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,400
We'll leave you to it.
Come on guys, out.

380
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:17,597
All right, then. Night, guys.

381
00:22:17,632 --> 00:22:19,760
Come on. Back to yours, Phil.

382
00:22:19,795 --> 00:22:21,685
Back to yours. Yeah.

383
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:27,680
A demain. Which I always think
sounds a bit like Adam Ant.

384
00:22:27,715 --> 00:22:31,725
# Prince Charming!
There's nothing to be scared of. #

385
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:35,000
Yeah. I think I'm just gonna get
you a glass of water, Miranda.

386
00:22:35,035 --> 00:22:37,277
Oh, you're such a good friend.

387
00:22:37,312 --> 00:22:39,696
Gary, have you seen these?

388
00:22:39,731 --> 00:22:42,080
These are brilliant! Gary.

389
00:22:42,115 --> 00:22:44,525
GARY!

390
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,205
Come and look at these!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

391
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,640
I think you should take
your trousers off first!

392
00:22:49,675 --> 00:22:52,120
I beg your pardon?

393
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:56,845
That is very rude to Your Majesty.

394
00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,840
Oh, God.
What would Prince Philip say?

395
00:23:00,875 --> 00:23:04,520
Something racist, probably.

396
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,440
Look, why don't you come and
have a sit down on the bed?

397
00:23:08,475 --> 00:23:12,320
Such a good friend,
Gary, aren't you? Yes, yeah.

398
00:23:12,355 --> 00:23:15,160
I'm not northern anymore.
399
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,360
Such good friends and that's all,
isn't it, Gary?

400
00:23:22,395 --> 00:23:27,525
I don't think of you
in a sexual way at all.

401
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:33,000
I mean, you know, you could stay here tonight and
it wouldn't mean anything, cos we're just friends.

402
00:23:33,035 --> 00:23:37,840
In fact, Gary,
to prove the ease of our friendship,

403
00:23:37,875 --> 00:23:40,640
let's just sleep together. Yeah?

404
00:23:40,675 --> 00:23:43,520
Do a bit of the sex.

405
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,400
Gary, cold bed dance.

406
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:56,640
I just wanted to make sure you were all
right, Miranda. Gary, do a bit of the sex!

407
00:23:56,675 --> 00:23:59,440
Miranda! What are you doing?!
Well, we might as well!

408
00:23:59,475 --> 00:24:01,480
What are you doing? Gary, come on!

409
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,720
SNORING

410
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:08,680
Brilliant.
411
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:26,760
Oh, no.

412
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,845
AAARGGH!

413
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,400
Oh...oh...oh, no... Coffee.

414
00:24:34,435 --> 00:24:36,120
Coffee sachets.

415
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,205
Morning, Amanda!

416
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,165
Come on, you're going the wrong way.
We're in here.

417
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,045
Well, welcome everybody. I hope
you've all received your agendas.

418
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:57,480
As you can see, the course is split
into morning and afternoon sessions.

419
00:24:57,515 --> 00:25:01,080
And then sandwiched in the middle
are the sandwiches!

420
00:25:01,115 --> 00:25:02,885
LAUGHTER

421
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,325
OK, settle down.

422
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:09,120
OK, let's start by welcoming
our course leader, Amanda Barnes.

423
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,165
Right.

424
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,560
This is a turn up.

425
00:25:20,595 --> 00:25:22,125
Hello.

426
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,280
I met most of you last night..

427
00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,005
And, you are...

428
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,260
Stevie, does that say? Yes.

429
00:25:30,295 --> 00:25:33,445
Hello. I'm Amanda Barnes,

430
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,725
from the general Yorkshire area.

431
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,080
So, it turns out,
I'm your course leader.

432
00:25:41,115 --> 00:25:44,285
And the course is about, erm...

433
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:49,680
Ah! Local Business in the Global
Marketplace. That's gonna go.

434
00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:55,960
Right, OK. Let's imagine
that this is the local business

435
00:25:55,995 --> 00:25:58,840
and this the global market place.

436
00:25:58,875 --> 00:26:00,760
You've got yourself a willy.

437
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,765
Cross the willy out.

438
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,920
So, you don't need me to tell
you about the global marketplace.

439
00:26:09,955 --> 00:26:11,805
Oh, at a 100 quid for the day,

440
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:15,400
I think we want to hear it from you,
Amanda Barnes.

441
00:26:15,435 --> 00:26:17,925
Right, global marketplace.

442
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,480
What I like to do on a
day like this is poo...

443
00:26:21,515 --> 00:26:25,000
pool - that's a tricky word -
pool our wisdom.

444
00:26:25,035 --> 00:26:28,005
So I think we should hear from...

445
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:31,640
Would you like to share
some of your ideas?

446
00:26:31,675 --> 00:26:33,577
Not really, no.

447
00:26:33,612 --> 00:26:35,480
Are you sure?

448
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,760
Come on. She has some fab ideas.
I do, actually. It's true. I do.
449
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:47,160
Thank you, Amanda.
Thank you for this opportunity.

450
00:26:47,195 --> 00:26:48,920
(Don't tell anyone I'm here.)

451
00:26:48,955 --> 00:26:50,445
Good morning, people.

452
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:56,240
My name is Stevie Sutton and I manage
a local business which I see as big.

453
00:26:56,275 --> 00:26:58,245
Big dreams, big ideas.

454
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,285
The only time we think small
is Heather Small.

455
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,000
# What have you done today
to make you feel proud? #

456
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,365
Now, back to the business at hand...
Excuse me!

457
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,300
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Excuse me, could you sit down, please.

458
00:27:15,335 --> 00:27:19,200
I've been asked to do a speech. It
should be my speech. I'm Amanda Barnes.

459
00:27:19,235 --> 00:27:20,657
Would you leave, please?

460
00:27:20,692 --> 00:27:22,045
I'm not leaving MY course!
461
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,405
I don't know who you think
you are... Amanda Barnes.

462
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,320
She's not Amanda Barnes. No,
she's not Amanda Barnes, but she is.

463
00:27:29,355 --> 00:27:30,845
No, I'm Amanda Barnes.

464
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,800
Then who's she?
She's Mary Richards. Hi.

465
00:27:33,835 --> 00:27:35,485
She's not Mary Richards.

466
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,280
And you're not Amanda Barnes.
I never said I was!

467
00:27:38,315 --> 00:27:40,197
Who are you? Stevie Sutton!

468
00:27:40,232 --> 00:27:42,080
And you are? Amanda Barnes.

469
00:27:42,115 --> 00:27:44,365
Well, then who...?

470
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,205
I'll explain everything.

471
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,520
Just one quick question,
before I do.

472
00:27:49,555 --> 00:27:52,040
Are we on the ground floor?

473
00:27:52,075 --> 00:27:53,360
Yes.

474
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,400
THUMP!

475
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,200
Hi! Hi, Miranda!

476
00:28:01,235 --> 00:28:03,885
How was the flight?

477
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,320
Oh, you must be exhausted.

478
00:28:06,355 --> 00:28:08,685
Jet lag with only four days...

479
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:10,965
Thanks for that photo.
Gorgeous beach!

480
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,080
Yes. She looks like
she's got the sun a bit.

481
00:28:13,115 --> 00:28:15,157
Can I just stop you? You all know.

482
00:28:15,192 --> 00:28:17,536
What? What? They know as well?

483
00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:19,845
Wild times? Well, eat your words.

484
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:25,400
Because what's not wild about getting drunk,
ordering an escort, breaking into the shop,

485
00:28:25,435 --> 00:28:29,160
making new friends, running a
seminar and diving out of a window?
486
00:28:29,195 --> 00:28:32,680
Officially, a little bit crazy.

487
00:28:32,715 --> 00:28:34,325
No, not Billy Joel. Yeah!

488
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,400
You'll all be up, it's a classic.

489
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,965
# Uptown girl

490
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,565
# She's been living
in her uptown world

491
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:49,360
# I'll bet she never
had a backstreet guy... #

492
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,120
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