Harassment101

Some things to consider, if you are being harassed at work.

1. There are no rules.

When it comes to the rules of engagement in harassment, the first rule is there are no rules.
People will play as dirty and be as hostile as they need to be to accomplish what they need to
do, if that goal is to harass you, then you need to be prepared to fight. If you are being
harassed get ready for war, because that's what you have on your hands.

2. Harassment is all about power.

Harassment in school, work, or even on the streets is all about power. Those who have it,
those who want it, and most importantly it's about taking yours. It's all about taking power
away from you. Harassment is all about getting you to give up your power, your dignity,
your self esteem and even your ability to say no to certain situation or requests. The harasser
wants you to feel that they have power and control over you, and over the situation at
hand at all times. It's a power trip that let's the harasser feel that they can humiliate, violate,
degrade and even manipulate you at will. The harasser wants you to think that there is
nothing that you can do about it.

3. Stay in control.

This is easier to say than it is to do, but do what you have to do to stay in control. If you are
not in control then they are, and that's what they want. If the stress starts getting to you
then you can, use your vacation time, go part time, take a week sick leave. This is also a great
time to get documentation from a medical professional as to what the harassment is doing to
your health. This will also be important for any legal action you might have to take.

Harassers like to know that they are winning, if they can make you cry, humiliate you, or
make you angry, then they are starting to win. Harassers like to know that they can get a
reaction out of you, any reaction, because then it means that they have control over your
emotions, and reactions. This let's them know that they are getting to you, your power is
going from you to them, this is what the harasser wants, don't give it to them. Harassers want
to take your power, so stay in control for as long as you can.

4. Do not become an emotional zombie.

To numb the pain and the reality of harassment, many times we will become emotionally
numb to what is happening around us. Though this can be a great coping mechanism for
dealing with the daily stresses and pain being suffered, it's important to not become too
numb. Do not let your harassers turn you into an emotional zombie. This kills your ability to
interact with others and it also makes it difficult for you to take the necessary measures
needed to fight your harassers. Your emotions are yours try to own them for as long as you
can.

Once you become numb and start to tune out then your resistance weakens and not only are
you numbing on a psychological level, but you might find that at this stage you become more
susceptible to the physical ailments that harassment can cause.

5. Take notes

This can be one of the most repetitive and stressful parts of the harassment. Taking
monotonous notes about the abuse that you are suffering on a daily basis. Most times you just
want to forget that the harassment is happening, much less having to come home after a long
day and document what when on throughout the day.

The best thing you can do is have a little notebook, folder, or laptop handy where you take
notes of the abuse. Do not leave your important notes or documentation laying around.
Another thing you can do is send yourself an email detailing the abuse or start a file folder.
Again make copies and don't leave the information at work or school.
When it comes to being crafty companies and schools know what they are doing and
notes and files will go missing at unexpected and unusual times, usually when you need
them the most. Take cliff notes if you don't have the strength to write out the abuse on the
day it happened, but make sure you go back and document after. It's better to take notes as
each incident occurs because then the details feelings and emotions are clear. You can
remember who was present, who said what, what the intonations used were, and how the
actions, words, or behaviors made you feel. Eg. Threatened, intimidated, violated, scared,
upset, devalued, etc.

When taking notes make sure you document, the day, time, who was present, who said what,
and how the abuse made you feel. Victim impact statements are taken into consideration for
all other kinds of abuse so why not harassment.

6. See a doctor or two.

You need to have documentation to back yourself up. If you miss any time off work or school
due to harassment, then try to have it documented by a health care professional. Many times
it's hard to explain to ourselves much less to a third party what the harassment is doing to us,
and why it's causing physical ailments such as exhaustion, stress, insomnia, anger,
frustration, stomach problems, etc. It is however better to try to explain this to a doctor or
councilor than to try to go at it alone. Professionals can not only be a source of future
support, but it's also a documented trail of the suffering you have endured, due to the
harassment you have been experiencing.

7. Pray or meditate.

In reading other harassment stories, I have found that the survivors who seem to come
through harassment the best, are the ones who were able to tap into a power source outside or
inside themselves, -a source of strength greater than the harassment,- that kept them going.

Many people suffer harassment in silence and in doubt, at a time when you shouldn't have to
go through it alone. Whatever your creed, belief or religion use it. If you don't have one find
one. You really will need to tap into a power source that's greater than yourself as you now
know it, if you are going to survive. Harassment will eat and tear away at you on every level.
It will affect your emotions, Psyche, physical health, and spiritual well being. I think when
something like this happens we try to be strong on our own, or we loose faith, because
how could this happen to me other wise? Don't loose your faith, belief or whatever it was
you had before this began, and if you did not have any before this then you might have to try
to find some before this is all over with.

Based on my own personal experience and the experience of others I believe that faith and
hope are two of the most assuring things you can hold onto. When you are seeing corruption
and injustice rendered daily, the hope that somehow justice and punishment will be meted out
by a higher source is one of the things that kept me and others going while waiting for justice
to prevail.

8. Nothing is secret

When it comes to harassment nothing is secret and nothing is sacred. Each time I have gone
to Human Resources to seek help, assistance, or advice for harassment, I have personally
been witness to individuals later referencing portions of the "secret conversations" I had with
the Human Resource Personnel. In a school or workplace environment positions and jobs are
based often on who knows who. You scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Going to
Human Resources, or the school review board should be private and confidential but often it's
not. If you go to seek help from management, or Human Resources don't say anything you
can not afford to have someone hearing back. Nothing is secret, and nothing is sacred.

Going to upper management is not always the answer. Too many times people react by
coming to the defence of friends, instead of doing the job they were sent to do. I have seen
HR staff gossip with managers openly about other workers. I have also been witness to
managers, senior managers, directors, and HR participate and encourage harassment
behaviour. Nothing is secret and nothing is sacred.

9. Know who not to trust.

It's easy to become paranoid or overly sensitive when you are going through an harassment
situation, however you can never be too careful, people are human and corruption goes deep
and high. People who should be doing their jobs and protecting your interest, are often just
out to protect the company they work for, the company that pays their salaries, that can
promote them or demote them. They care about doing what's right, it's just they don't care
about doing what's right for you. They care about doing what's right for the company. It's
important to know who you can trust, but it's even more important to know who you can not
trust. Educational facilities and places of employment will play hard, fast and dirty. Be
prepared to take the gloves off if you have to, no one wants to sink to that level, but when it's
your survival you are fighting for you have no choice.

10. Be your own advocate.

You are your best representation. Do not expect your Alma mater to come to bat for you, do
not expect corporate anyone to come out swinging on your behalf, be your own ambassador.
It's great if your school, or place of employment does come out for you, but don't expect it.
You lawyer, doctor or counselor is not going to swoop in on a stallion to save you. Health
and legal professionals come in handy, but you are your best advocate, you are your strongest
defender, and the most firm voice when it comes to being harassment free.

To become your own ambassador you need to get organized. Start to take notes, get
witnesses together who might be willing to speak on your behalf. Get professional
documentation about what the harassment is doing to you, doctors, councilors, mental health
experts, the more documentation the better. Stay focused and strong. Get legal advise. Tell
people what's going on, ask for help either online, or offline. Keep trying on your own behalf,
no one is going to do it for you, and more importantly no one can do it for you. You have to
find a way to become an advocate for your cause. The cause you are fighting for is an
harassment free future. You will have to be campaign manager, ambassador, and advocate all
rolled into one. It's hard but you can learn. You will have to if you are going to survive.