Humor

and Connection 1

Jokes and humor, in general, play an important part in determining who we are

and how we think of ourselves, and as a result, how we interact with others. A

sense of humor has been an essential part of humankind and society throughout

the ages (Lynch, 425).

Introduction

Humor researchers have long existed in the sociology and psychology fields, but

as communication studies scholar, Owen Lynch, covers in his papers Humor &

Communication there is a need for communication researchers to bridge the gap in the

two differing fields, which Owen believes, can be built through communication studies.

He states, Humor has no boundaries it permeates every social contextit is time for

the field to delve deeper to grapple with humor and establish a communication-based

understanding of humor. Pete Holmes, a comedian who speaks frequently on the uses of

humor, spoke on humor and its nature of play during a monologue for his network

television show, The Pete Holmes Show,

[Hit it back]my last name is Holmes. What up, Holmes? I get that a

lot, and yes, Ive heard it a million times, but I love it. Why? Because it

means they are trying to play, people are being silly with me. Its so much

better than youre talking to me like youre interviewing meI love it

because it means I get to hit it back.

Holmes and Lynch use the space of communication to find meaning in the use of

humor. Humor as play, or the ability to engage with others, has unlimited capacities for

connection because of its need for mutual interaction between two parties, the sender and

the audience.
Humor and Connection 2

Humor creates a space for intrapersonal thoughts and feelings to be expressed.

Comedians and writers have long used humor to tackle tragedy and social issues that

were often too taboo to talk about openly in society. A more recent example can be seen

at the first airing of Saturday Night Live after the September 11 attacks in 2001. In light

of the attacks that took place in New York City, the first show of season debuted on

September 29th, 2001. The opening featured New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani standing

in front of members of the New York fire and police departments while Paul Simons

The Boxer serenaded the audience. Lorne Michaels, the producer of Saturday Night

Live, joined Giuliani on the stage and asked, Can we be funny? Giuliani turned to

Michaels and shot back, Why start now? (Saturday Night Live, Season 27, 2001). The

show was delicate to address the fragility of the nation, but recognized the importance of

connecting despair and tragedy with laughter.

This essay is designed to explore how humor impacts communication in three

areas: connecting with others, maintaining relationships in conflict, and expressing the

needs of the self. Humor is built from two tiers, the intrapersonal and the societal. It is

important to see how humor impacts the communicative space between the two tiers

(Lynch, 2002). In this research, a sample of participants were used for data collection and

analysis by being asked a series of questions that identified the use of their own humor,

how they engage with humor in their workplace and home, and lastly, how humor was

used in their interpersonal conflicts. To this end, this paper is focused on explaining three

main ideas: (a) to explain how messages are impacted through the use of humor in

regards to connection and relationship maintenance, (b) to identify the role humor has in

communication, and (c) to find the how humor enables self expression.
Humor and Connection 3

The three theories of humor agreed on by sociologists, psychologists, and

communication scholars are superiority, relief, and incongruity. These theories suggest

the structure in which we use humor, but do not fully explain how humor impacts the

messages exchanged in interpersonal communication (Lynch, 2002; Meyer, 2000). This

study revealed that humor is a dominant communicative device used in initial connection,

as a buffer to ease tensions in difficult conversations, and can be used as bridge to engage

in more meaningful communication.

Literature Review

To better understand the function of humor in communication it is important to

look at the intrapersonal and societal use of humor. The following review provides a brief

overview of humor theory as defined by types of humor, types of connection, and humor

as play in communication.

Types of Humor
Humor cannot be consolidated into a simple definition. In order to frame the

impact humor has on connection in communication it is important to understand the types

of humor applied and used in modern society. Humor research is studied under three

theories: superiority theory, incongruity theory, and relief theory. Under each theory there

are four sub-components of humor uses: afflictive, self-enhancing, self-defeating, and

aggressive (Meyer, 2000; Martin & Doris, 2003). The later uses of humor involve the

societal exchange of humor between the provider and the recipient(s), or audience.

Incongruity theory fixes its attention to the object of humor and its violation of

socially developed patterns (Cooper, 2008; Meyer, 2000). Humor is incongruent when

the object of humor is not the predicted outcome expected by the audience. For example,
Humor and Connection 4

the late comedian Robin Williams delivered this joke in an interview with The Telegraph

(2011), Ah, yes, divorcefrom the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals

through his wallet. If we dissect the joke into two parts, it would look like this:

observation and incongruity, or point of absurdity.

Observation: Ah, yes divorcefrom the Latin word

Point of absurdity: meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his
wallet.
Second, the theory of relief is important in understanding humor. Relief humor

reduces tension from social anxiety or in order to better cope with pain or high stress

levels (Thorson and Powell, 1994). Joking involves the involuntary response of laughter,

which lowers stress levels. Lynch says a good benefit of this humor results in lower

levels of tension and increase trust between parties.

Superiority theory is expressed by an individual to tease or make others feel

inferior to his/her self through socially constructed norms agreed on by two present

parties (Duncan, 1985). This approach allows the individual to feel influence by

dominance over others through humor. Superiority is one of the earliest studied forms of

humor. Early philosophers such as Plato and Aristotle wrote pieces about mockery

often geared towards their own expense (Lynch, 2002). A general example is the

popularization of the comedy roast. A roast is an event dedicated to an individual,

often an entertainment personality, subjected to well-natured jokes at his or her expense

given by fellow colleagues (See Dean Martins Celebrity Roasts, NBC, 1974). Although

the nature of the roast is meant to exude a light joking nature, often times the humor

becomes hostile. Hostile humor can be explained primarily through the superiority

theory. An audience is exposed to an environment of entertainment, and relate to the

Humor and Connection 5

comedian through laughter-the one being laughed at is subjected to feelings of

inferiority (Meyers, 2002). Superiority is one type of humor that must be used in

moderation. Superiority theory is not a theory solely used in harming the identities of

others, but can be used as a means for social correction (Meyers, 2002).

Types of Connection

Connection creates a sense of team in relationship. In order to achieve this aspect, one

must be present in relationships, listen carefully in conversations, and actively provide

individual attention (Woods, 1996). Connection [or integration] and autonomy are

components of relational dialectics in relationships. Woods (1996) says relational

dialectics are the opposing forces that are in the normal parts of every relationship. There

are three areas that must be present in navigating involvement in relationships:

integration and separation, stability and change, and expression and privacy (p. 199).

Relationships that contain an unequal distribution of these types of traits will lead to

clinginess, misunderstanding, anger, and strain in relationships. The communication used

in relational dialects is crucial to maintain healthy relationships and build trust with one

another. Communication is defined by the way individuals send verbal, paraverbal, and

nonverbal indicators during the course of social interactions. These signals note three

factors about an individual: who he or she is or want to (appear to be), how he or she

tends to relate to people with whom he or she interacts, and in what way his or her

messages should usually be interpreted (De Vries & Baker-Piper, 2009). Messages are

encoded in the verbal, paraverbal, and nonverbal cues and require a translation from the

receiver. A personal sense of security is obtained when messages are properly decoded in

conversations (Mizco, 2004).

Humor and Connection 6

Humor as Play In Communication

Although humor has no official rulebook, there is a pattern taught in comedy to

communicate clear lines between the performer and audience. Improvisation comedy first

appeared in early schoolhouses as a form of a progressive education learning style, but

became popular in the comedy sphere by the late 1920s. Many of the first improv teams

were out of Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York. Second City, a Chicago improv

native, brought improv comedy to America and continues to be one of the largest and

most sacred comedy troupes in the United States.

Traditionally, each of these troupes teaches a similar curriculum of improvisation.

These rules, despite many variations between troupes, are widely accepted beliefs. The

three basic rule of improv include (see Tina Feys Memoir, Bossy Pants):

1) Never say no
2) Listen to your partner
3) Make your partner look good

The first rule keeps the game, or improv sketch, moving forward. To deny someone his or

her idea denies the continued growth of the scene and ultimately ends the sketch. An

example of the first rule is this:

Performer #1: I have 12 toes!

Performer #2: No you dont have 12 toes.
The scene has nowhere to go except maybe an argument about who was right

about how many toes there were on the performers feet. By saying yes, and to a

partner allows for a scene to continue with both parties contributing to the final outcome.

Lets go back to the example with the toes and apply the yes and theory:

Performer #1: I have 12 toes!

Humor and Connection 7

Performer #2: Yes, and I will have to charge you 2 extra dollars for your
pedicure.
The second rule, listen to your partner, closely follows the first rule. Although

many jokes in improv follow the incongruity structure of humor, there is a way to

develop the scene in a natural movement or progression. Cohesion in the scene is

essential for the audience to understand. To achieve cohesion, both performers must

listen to their partner. There cannot be a dominant performer in a proper improv game.

Finally, the third rule applies to the game in order to make sure the preceding

rules are followed. Many times the scene can be dependent on what is given to each

partner. To approach this rule, these thoughts can be applied: What can I say to set them

up? How will I communicate this best? Each rule is designed with an effort to follow-

through with the scene, allow the audience to understand the content of the game, and

communicate effectively between partners.

It is important to understand the structure of improv because it can demonstrate

the communicative ability of play with one another. Improv invites a set-up [dialogue]

from the team, and response [laughter] model from the audience. These rules can be

applied to daily communication. Humor transcends other forms of communication in any

social context (Lynch, 2002). Humor, the language of improv, is a powerful tool to relate

to each other and adapt to our own surroundings.

Personality plays an important role in the development of communication

patterns. Humor is directly correlated with expressive personalities. Many find their

humor allows them to be the center of attention and creates a connection they might not

be able to create through other communication styles (De Vries & Baker-Piper, 2009).

Humor dramatically increased communication among interpersonal relationships.

Humor and Connection 8

Relationships, when humor was positively used in communication, generally had lower

perceived stress, less loneliness, higher self-esteem, and greater ability to decode

sensitivity (Kuiper & McHale, 2009). Humor serves as an indicator of intrapersonal and

interpersonal levels of depression, social esteem, loneliness, and stress. It serves as an

effective tool for coping, interpersonal, and social communication (Mizco, 2004).

RQ: What impact does humor communication have on interpersonal connection?

The current goal is to not only understand humor as communication, but also understand

the impact humor has in the connection and maintenance of relationships. If humor is a

communication form deeply rooted in expression, how can it impact our ability to

communicate effectively in our modern society?

Methodology

The data for this study resulted from interpretive qualitative research. More

expressly, the data consists of four in-depth interviews, lasting 20-45 minutes each, and

the analysis of participants non-verbal actions.

Participants

Gatekeepers and snowball sampling were used to select participants. Snowball

sampling takes place when participants help researches obtain their sample by

identifying other similar participants (Keyton, 2011, p. 131). Of the four interviews, 2

were male and 2 were female; two were a college graduates, one was currently enrolled at

a private Midwest university, and one had some college experience. Three participants

identified as White, and one mixed race, Black/Filipino. Three participants identified

with working in customer service jobs, and 1 participant identified as a student. All

participants ranged in the ages of 18-26.

Humor and Connection 9

Data Collection Procedures

Participant Interviews: Participants were contacted through gatekeepers

references by e-mail with a brief description and nature of the research. Once connected,

participants schedule their interviews and picked a location for meeting. On the day of

the interview, participants were asked to sign a consent waiver that informed them any

disclosed information could be used for public reading in an academic format. The names

and identities of participants, however, would be changed for reasons of confidentiality

(Appendix A). They were presented with proposal of the given research and information

regarding the nature of the interview. The four interviews were conducted between

sixteen minutes and one hour. During the interview process, participants were asked what

traits or characteristics they admired most about their friends, how they met their friends,

what they do together now to maintain those relationships, and how they use their humor

on a regular basis within relationships. This approach created a framework for how

humor was used to connect in relationships and how humor impacted the communication

patterns in their interpersonal relationships.

Data Analysis

Thematic analysis was used the data collection. Since the research is based

primarily from shared experiences among individuals it is important that the data analysis

is fluid and able to adjust as stories evolve. Data was categorized by common themes,

words, and stories. This means of collection will allow the best possible results for

understanding participants, learning the connection between their stories, and finding

patterns that bridge how humor impacts connection and communication in interpersonal

relationships.
Humor and Connection 10

Findings
The findings of this essay contain four stories. In Steve and Humor as Play,

humor is used as a medium to invite others into a conversation. Susan and Coping with

Darkness highlights the ability to use humor as a means to communicate intrapersonal

struggles or hardships. Matthew and Connecting with Humor speaks on building a bridge

to connect with others. Finally, Shannon and Finding Color in Humor relates to how

humor brings more life to mundane tasks in life. These findings demonstrate the use of

humor as connection in communication, and as a means to communicate thoughts that

normally would be fearful to say to another person.

Steve and Humor as Play

Steve works as a barista in the Arts District of Los Angeles, California. Although

we had no mutual acquaintances, I frequented the coffee shop to work on various school

assignments and to meet people for casual lunches on work breaks. I began to recognize

Steve during each visit. After some friendly banter and discounts on my daily tall, black

coffee, Steve agreed to meet with me about participating in an interview for my research

study. Steve said he appreciated good conversation and good people and would be more

than happy to help with the project. We met at a coffee shop in Echo Park, The Library,

on the back patio away from the noise of other customers. I told Steve the interview

would only last 15-20 minutes, but he so enjoyed talking about the subject that it

proceeded to run closer to 45 minutes. We ordered coffee and began the interview.

I informed Steve that the nature of the interview required his honesty, but he

could refuse to answer any question that might make him feel uncomfortable. He agreed
Humor and Connection 11

with the terms of the interview and we discussed the nature of his close relationships.

Steve disclosed that he desired goodness in his relationship.

Steve: I generally tend to get close with people who are [good], I really like, goodness.
Goodness is a big deal for me. People who do good things and are kind to people

I learned that Steve was a musician and most of his current friends he had met on

the road or by doing gigs throughout Los Angeles over the past few years. He was a

college dropout who was working two jobs, barista and bartender, while continuing to

make music on his off days. When I asked if there was an exception to the friends he had

met on the road he told me he had a best friend who he met in forth grade and who has

become like his own brother. He begins to mention that his friend exudes the qualities of

being true and good, and how he never uses sarcasm to deceive other people. I questioned

Steve on his statement about sarcasm.

Steve: I do, I use it [sarcasm]. I admire people who arent sarcastic, a lot of people say

there is no such thing as sarcasm that isnt mean, but I disagree with that. I use sarcasm in

absurd ways as opposed to biting ways. We use sarcasm in absurdity, pure silliness.

There are ways to do it that are creative and funny, we can bring attention to something

that people wouldnt normally talk about because its too awkward. You can use it to

bring out the absurdity of the situation.

Steve is describing one of the three uses of humor defined by social scientists as

incongruity theory (Lynch, 2002). Incongruity theory stems from, as Lynch says, the

recognition that something is inconsistent with the expected rational nature of the

perceived environment. Steve continues to build a story with his narrative on sarcasm,

and gives the example of his sister. His sister uses sarcasm, not to make light or point out

the absurdity, but rather in biting or hurtful ways. I asked Steve to describe his
Humor and Connection 12

relationship with his sister. He said they were very distant and their communication was

rarely received well. To see the inverse of a negative relationship, I asked Steve what

traits did his friends exude.

Steve: My friends are pretty funny too. They make me laugh, for the most part. The best

ones are the ones that make me laugh the most. I dont know if thats because they are

funny or because I love them so much. Theres no sense of humoring people you love so

muchthese people that make you laugh so much wouldnt have to do anything to make

you laugh.

Steve suggests in his comments that those we are closest with do not require a

sense of accommodation. He identifies a strong sense of love in his relationships that is

often expressed in shared laughter. I followed up this idea on how Steve used laughter in

his workplace and the interactions he had with the customers there.

Steve: Sometimes its my favorite way to use it to show people how silly they
are being at the coffee shop, but that I always regret doing anyway. I always end
up regretting doing anything retaliatory, you can just lose high ground. I use
humor, people in reference to coffee, people come in, you know, Hi, welcome to
Starbucks, and people want to be treated like humans and if youre funny with
them, if youre funny and its not at their expense, like when you are playing
with someone. You meet people and people say stupid things, things that are not
that funny, but they engage you, Oh youre real tall/Hows the weather up
there. I try to talk to some people, and some people in any situation get so
frustrated by that. Somebodys trying to play with you, they might not know how
to do it right, but they are trying to put themselves out and play. Even if they
suck at it, they want to play and Im always receptive to that. If people want to
play, I never shut them down. Lets play; lets be a person. Maybe if they get
shut down, they arent going to want to talk to anybody.

Steve suggests there is a sense of engagement and play that happens in humor that

relates to people. Humor is a communicative form of vulnerability that allows the

Humor and Connection 13

recipient to accept or deny ones attempt to play with the other person. As Steve suggests,

the more we deny the invitation of humor given by someone else, the more likely that

person will no longer attempt to try with anyone else. This can result in a damaging effect

that disables an individual in building strong connections. Engaging in humor is crucial

for initial interpersonal connection, and can act as a gage for determining robust

relationships in the future.

Susan and Coping with Darkness

Susan is an administrative assistant in the Communication Studies at a university

located in Southern California. She graduated from college in 2013, and began working

in the department shortly after her graduation. She is currently enrolled in seminary, and

is a strong advocate in progressive social issues on campus. I met Susan through a lead

given to me by a gatekeeper, a mutual friend of both ours, and she agreed to be apart of

the study.

She decided to meet on the university campus on her lunch break. We sat down at

a table nestled in the back corner by a broken down jukebox. I introduced the project to

her in more thorough detail and ordered her a small soda. We started the interview in

order to keep good time before her lunch break was over. Susan identified that she was

connected to a close community, mainly of people she had met during her time in

college. I asked Susan how she would define the words, connectedness and vulnerability.

Susan: Vulnerability is letting someone see a part of you, your heart, your life or your
story that in return allows them to wound you in that area, but generally those are areas
that cant be healed unless another person sees them. I think of vulnerability and I think
of risk. Connectedness, I think of when someone truly sees you and you truly see them.
Humor and Connection 14

Susan agreed that she felt both connectedness and vulnerability in her current

relationships. I was interested to see what path might have led to achieve such strength in

relationships. She noted that many of those relationships were brought about after having

many shared experiences throughout various college activities. She mentioned that humor

was most effectively used with her friends as a means to cope with their personal

struggles.

Susan: I happened to be lucky that my friends are fiercely funny, so in a lot of ways for
good or for bad we do use humor as a means to cope with the darkness. So its a tool that
can help us through stress and through struggle, but it is also a means in which we let
each other know that we are seen and known. This sounds morbid, but we say, If you
dont laugh, youll kill yourself. For those times that if you cant laugh about this right
now and see it for the absurdity that it is, were going to jump off a bridge. I think humor
can be used as a means to not actually deal with the issues at hand, but I think we use it in
a way that gives us courage to face the issues at hand. The ability to laugh at it reminds us
that we can beat it, we can wrestle with it, we still have power and agency over it.

Susan recognizes the power that dynamic humor has over difficult situations. She

is able to use humor as a means of identifying a problem, and being able to communicate

the problem to those around her. Sociological researcher, Bren Brown, says in her book,

Daring Greatly, Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen (Brown,

2012). Courage is an essential tool in overcoming fear. Humor has the ability to transcend

normal communicative patterns and creates a space for an individual to identify their hurt

or struggle, and also creates the space for others to identity with individual. In this

manner, humor offers a communicative tool in finding courage and starting a

conversation.

Susan: My friend was wrestling with some really dark stuff, but needed a push start to
deal with it in a healthy way so my friends and I typed up an agenda, it was called A Swift
Humor and Connection 15

Kick in the Ass Followed by a Pat on the Back. Humor helps people let their guard down
for a bit and be able to receive you that being super serious right off the bat wouldnt do.

For Susan, humor was a kick-start to dealing with more difficult challenges in

relationships. Many of her intrapersonal hardships and struggles could be communicated

to others through the channel of humor. She expressed that humor was a buffer for

enabling conversations, but sometimes that buffer could divert conversation if it was too

heavily used. In moderation, humor is healthy for articulating intrapersonal expressions.

Matthew and Connecting with Humor

Matthew is student at a small, private university in Indiana. Matthew was a

psychology major with hopes to move on to graduate school after graduation. I was able

to catch up with him over a Christmas Break when we were both in Ohio to visit our

families. Due to the duration of the trip, both of us were only in town for a few days, and

with the rapidly approaching holidays, we both agreed to meet the morning of Christmas

Eve to conduct the interview. We ordered food and the seasonal hot drink and began the

16-minute interview.

Like many of the other interviews, I asked Matthew how he met most of his

current community. He said he was a floater, someone who never really was apart of a

group, but has various amounts of friends. He noted that he struggled to call someone

who is always at a surface level, unable to be vulnerable, a close friend. I asked what the

dominant emotion was that seemed to describe his current friendships.

Matthew: A lot of sadness is a lot of times what really draws people together the most.
Anyone can tell a joke, but you cant just share the deepest pain with anyone. Through
being fully known in your sadness gives an opportunity for joy and thats much more real
than casual joking. I think authentic joy really happens after sadness.

Matthew describes the authenticity of his close relationships. He exudes the

Humor and Connection 16

qualities of being present in his friendships and feeling connected to them on emotional

levels. Matthew doesnt discount the impact of humor on his relationships. I followed up

on whether or not humor was important in his friendships.

Matthew: Im more the funny friend. Im the comic relief, the theatrical person to
watch. I use my sense of humor; I usually use it to lighten the mood. My humor out is full
speed ahead [if the conversation is boring]. I use is as a tool to invigorate those around
me and myself. I think my friends are funny just by being real. Humor is just a lot of
saying what everyone is thinking. Its a safe way to express what is going on beneath the
surface.

Matthew uses humor to connect with other people in the room. It enables him to

stir the pot and keep movement in conversation. He also highlights the effectiveness of

humor and its relationship to honesty. Many times, humor is used as a resource to draw

attention to certain matters. Matthew found that his humor was a tool for expressing

honesty within himself and others, which ultimately created a safe place for conversation

to occur. I asked him if this had allowed him to overcome differences with others as he

encountered difficulties with others.

Matthew: Im still living in a dorm, so I just think of the relationship with hall mates.
Like if someone is not cleaning or being gross, often times to handle that, the best way, is
through humor. You make a joke about leaving their stuff out. It gets the point across
without making you the attacker. Ive read its proven that couples who use humor in the
midst of conflict have productive conflict. I think humor is crucial to healthy relational
conflict. No one wants to fight negatively all the time. The issue is not the fight, the issue
is how are we going to relate in the midst of this conflict? Humor is a good tool on how
to relate.

I followed up his response by asking how he personally saw his humor being used
as a tool to relate to others.
Humor and Connection 17

Matthew: Negative, Im very sarcastic. If someone is bothering me, I will make sarcastic
comment thinly veiled in assault. I will express aggression through humor because I dont
have the balls to talk about it. Positive ways, I use it to engage people. People I dont
know well, I use it for a long time first before I move to anything else. Im a connector,
so humor is what I use the most to build relationships.

Matthews use of humor as an aggression may serve repercussions in his

relationships, but still serves as a channel for expression of Matthews frustration or

anger. It still serves as an explicit form of communication to reveal ones innermost

thoughts. Matthews story is an example of how humor serves as a means to connect to

others through an invitation of humor, but if taken too far, can prey on the vulnerable

state of one who is participating in the joke with Matthew if his mind is geared towards

aggression. Matthew concluded his interview with this final thought:

Matthew: Humor moves from initiated relationships to enjoyment of relationship. Its

not long turning it into relational energy, but you are laughing out of enjoyment of the
other person.

Laughter can be used as an expression of enjoyment. By actively engaging with

ones humor, laughter can invoke a positive exchange between two parties and

furthermore, enhance the communication climate for continued healthy conversations.

This promotes a more robust relationship, and ultimately generates a connection.

Shannon and Finding Color in Humor

Shannon was a contact provided to me through a colleague who acted as a

gatekeeper. Shannon is an adjunct professor at a university in southern California

teaching oral interpretation. She was an active member of her college forensics team and

worked for two years at a hotel front desk in downtown Los Angeles. Shannon and I met

after she finished teaching her Tuesday evening class.

Humor and Connection 18

Shannon has a friendly presence and has an infectious laugh that is noticed by

those around her in a room. We sat down at a table outside the coffee shop on her college

campus and began our interview. She, like the other interviewees, identified feeling

connected to a group or community. Shannon met her friends through school, and in the

house she currently lives in. She and her friends spend most time eating, sharing stories,

and laughing. Shannon highlighted those three traits early on in the interview. She

expressed a time in her house that humor was used to build connection before a meeting.

Shannon: My house was having a prayer night Monday night, and before we got
started, one of my housemates posed the question, How is everyone doing? In the midst
of really heavy stuff, the times of laughter that was present like being vulnerable to the
point of tears, but also being able to smile. It does great work to counter heaviness with
light. You can compliment vulnerability with humor. If youre in a room and you can all
find commonality in what youre laughing at that - laughter carries more weight than
fear.

As mentioned in a previous interview with Susan, Shannon highlights the weight

humor has when being able to drive out fear within individuals when faced with heavy

topics of conversation. Humor is a derivative of vulnerable communication, in this sense;

humor must be used cautiously because of the fragile communication environment. Many

are able to openly ask and receive by using humor as a means to communicate. Since

Shannon worked largely in customer service at the hotel, I asked if she saw humor being

used in her workplace as a means of interaction with cliental.

Shannon: Humor is huge. I didnt know this, when I hopped into this. One of my
managers will always be bringing in humor, light-hearted fun. It can be really mundane to
check someone in, ask them about their day, checking them out... But bringing humor
into it can change the disposition of that interaction. Just knowing there is a safe space
when youre laughing with someone about something its just that really simple human
connection.
Humor and Connection 19

Shannon noticed the space humor had to allow people to feel safe. This is

important in understanding the sensitivity of humor, but also its extreme importance. As

she previously mentioned, humor can accompany vulnerability in individuals. Given the

nature of this space, it is important that humor is used in order to enhance vulnerability,

never dismiss it. In relationally driven services, like a hotel front desk, it is pressing for

individuals to feel non-threatened. Humor creates a non-threatening environment.

Shannon: Laughter and humor brings color into interactions.

Shannon was drawn to use humor in her daily life because she believed it created

something more in the trivial and mundane tasks done on a daily basis. By using humor,

and creating laughter, it created a pivotal turn in the interaction. What was once

something as simple as checking someone out of their hotel room could be the best part

of someones day if it is met with humor. Shannon was passionate about using humor in

her classroom and workplace as a means of connection because she believed in the power

of laughter. Humor invites a different perspective to the conversation and can carve a

path for connection even in the mundane.

Discussion

In summary, participants found that humor was a dominant point of connection in

their relationships, specifically within initial contact of meeting a person. Humor was

used to engage and disarm tensions that are typically found when meeting a new person

such as a roommate, co-worker, mutual friend, or customer. Those who used humor in

the workplace generally received positive feedback and were able to have continual

conversation with those they were assisting. Within their developed relationships such as

close friends or family, they described their use of humor as a means to communicate
Humor and Connection 20

things they could not normally say to others. It gave them the courage to have a

conversation amidst a potentially hostile communication climate. This concluded that

humor is designed to be the bridge between intrapersonal and interpersonal tensions. It

allows space for connection because it acts as a buffer for confrontation, an aid for

introduction, and a source of inclusion in conversation. The objective of humor is not

merely to be perceived as a funny person, but rather, it is a communication tool for

engaging and developing more meaningful conversations.

Theoretical Implications

The theoretical implication of humor in communication is that it builds a bridge

between the communicative tensions between the intrapersonal to the interpersonal.

Humor contributes to filling the space that is created by the inability to communicate

ones internal monologue in his or her interpersonal relationships. In addition, humor is

used to disarm naturally occurring social tensions that are apart of every day

conversations and find connection points with others in order to continue to engage in

more meaningful conversation.

Practical Implications

As presented in the literature, humor is a part of the human experience. It is

ingrained in all individuals as a means of communication. It is why we feel connected to

a baby when we make it laugh, or why we enjoy turning on our favorite comedy

television series week after week. Humor is everywhere. The practical implications for

this research reveal the need for understanding the development of humor. It creates

common ground. There are three areas in which practical implications could be applied:

social contexts, education, and the workplace.

Humor and Connection 21

In social contexts, humor is used for the enjoyment of conversation and can

create shared experiences through stories and laughter that are vital to the health of

the relationship. When in interpersonal conflict, humor mitigates the tension

inherent to difficult conversations that require confrontation. Many times these

types of confrontations are left unspoken due to fear, but humor provides the

courage to say things that would not normally be said and allows for a space of open

communication.

Humor can be applied to the workplace through integration into job orientation

and training curriculums. In encouraging the use of humor within the employees, both

internal and external communications may benefit from the ability to interact more

openly and personably. Customer service geared jobs may consider finding ways to

strengthen individuals humor ability in order to better engage in customer interactions.

In education, humor is a device that can be used by teachers as a way to ease the

tension built from the natural disconnect between students and faculty. Students may feel

less threatened by a teacher, and teachers may feel more connected to their students

stories when both parties are given a voice through humorous communication. Humor

can create the space needed for students to feel connected in the classroom and in return

allows them to feel more comfortable to ask questions and receive help in situations

where they would otherwise feel constraint.

Limitations and Future Directions

With the intention that this study will validate findings of the link between humor

and interpersonal connection, there are some likely limitations that will occur during the

course of the study. Limitations may begin with individuals with more aggressive humor
Humor and Connection 22

styles; they may connect with others of similar humor styles, but may be more likely to

cause feelings of anxiety and detachment in their partners (Howland & Simpson, 2013).

Although those who participated in this survey agreed they felt connected to their current

communities, given the nature of the small number of interviews and data collection,

others might find it difficult to answer questions regarding their relationships. Many

might also find it challenging to answer relationships about conflict and relationship

maintenance if they do not feel connected to a community.

Future research may conduct studies on the nature of conflict and humor, or

additional studies could relate to corporate settings and a means of humor in transactional

model communication or how work-related humor affects productivity. The findings of

this study found data that may support a connection between humor and the state of love.

Participants stated many times they found their love for their friends resulted in finding

them humorous. Similarly, the education system is an environment conducive to strong

connection between students and teachers; humor may be a key in providing stronger

initial connections between the two groups.

Conclusion

This study demonstrates that humor can be used in communication with two key

positive derivatives: 1) Humor creates a space for messages that might otherwise be too

difficult to share, therefore creating a door for connection that might not have been

opened if the space had not been given. 2) Humor is a dominant trait in initial connection

and is a crux that is built upon throughout the longevity of the relationship. The

participants identified how using humor became a vehicle for bridging conversations. It is

dangerous when humor is used to hurt or disable others from participating in the
Humor and Connection 23

conversation. This study shows the benefit of incorporating humor language into spaces

that heavily rely on interpersonal interactions. Education, workplace, and social

relationships can have a more robust sense of connection. The role of humor in

communication is vital for connection, maintenance, and understanding differences

within relationships. Through the vehicle of humor, relationships have the power to form

a deeper connection and understanding to one another.

References:

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Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, NY: Penguin Group (USA)

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Cooper, C. (2008). Elucidating the bonds of workplace humor: A relational process

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1115. http://doi.org/10.1177/0018726708094861

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Groups. Small Group Research, 16(4), 556

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Holmes, P., TBS. (2014). The Pete Holmes Show.

Howland, M., & Simpson, J. A. (2013). Attachment orientations and reactivity to humor
Humor and Connection 24

in a social support context. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 31(1),

114137. http://doi.org/10.1177/0265407513488016

Keyton, J. (2010). Communication Research: Asking Questions, Finding Answers (3rd

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Kuiper, N. A., & McHale, N. (2009). Humor Styles as Mediators Between Self-

Evaluative Standards and Psychological Well-Being. The Journal of

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Lindlof, T. R., & Taylor, B. C. (2011). Qualitative communication research methods.

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Lynch, O. H. (2002). Humorous Communication: Finding a Place for Humor in

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Martin, R. A., Puhlik-Doris, P., Larsen, G., Gray, J., & Weir, K. (2003). Individual

differences in uses of humor and their relation to psychological well-being:

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331. http://doi.org/10.1111/j.1468-2885.2000.tb00194.x

Michaels , L., NBC. (2001, September 29). Saturday Night Live.

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Miczo, N. (2004). Humor ability, unwillingness to communicate, loneliness, and

perceived stress: Testing a security theory. Communication Studies, 55(2), 209

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Humor and Connection 26

THORSON, J. A., & POWELL, F. C. (1994). DEPRESSION AND SENSE OF

HUMOR. Psychological Reports, 75(3f), 1473

1474. http://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.1994.75.3f.1473

Wood, J. T. (1995). Everyday encounters: an introduction to interpersonal

communication. United States: Belmont, Calif.: Wadsworth Pub. Co., c1996.

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Humor and Connection 27

(Appendix A)
Informed Consent Form

Participants name:
I authorize ____________________ of Communication Studies, Biola University, La Mirada,
California, and/or any designated research assistants to gather information from me
on the topic of humor and vulnerability.

I understand that the general purposes of the research are to inform interviewees of
their humor styles, to record data that will help the research, and collect results for
analysis and that I will be asked to participate in an interview and take a short
assessment test online, and that the approximate total time of my involvement will
be 25 minutes.

The potential benefits of the study are understanding the affect one sense of humor
has on interpersonal relationships and allow for better understanding of ones self
and interaction with others.

I am aware that I may choose not to answer any questions that I find embarrassing
or offensive.

I understand that my interview will be recorded (audio) for research purposes only
and will remain confidential from public use.

I understand that my participation is voluntary and that I may refuse to participate
or discontinue my participation at any time without penalty or loss of benefits to
which I am otherwise entitled.

I understand that if, after my participation, I experience any undue anxiety or stress
or have questions about the research or my rights as a participant, that may have
been provoked by the experience, ____________________ will be available for
consultation, and will also be available to provide direction regarding medical
assistance in the unlikely event of physical injury incurred during participation in
the research.

Confidentiality of research results will be maintained by the researcher. My

individual results will not be released without my written consent.




Signature Date


Questions and comments may be address to (Student/Advisor), (Communication), Biola University,
13800 Biola Avenue, La Mirada, CA. 90639-0001. Phone: (562) 903-6000.

Humor and Connection 28

(Appendix B)

DEMOGRAPHIC INFORMATION
The following questions on this form are optional. All the information you
provide will remain strictly confidential, and your name and demographic information
will be kept separate from your responses. Only the researcher will have access to your
individual data and any reports generated as a result of this study will use pseudonyms to
protect your identity

Name: _________________________________________
_
Job Description: ___________________________

What is Your Age? (Check one of the following)

_____18-23 years old
_____24-30 years old
_____30-40 years old
_____40-50 years old
_____50-64 years old
_____65 years and over

What is the highest level of education you have completed? (Check one of the following)
_____Some High School
_____High School Graduate
_____Some College
_____Trade/Technical/Vocational Training
_____College Graduate
_____Some Postgraduate Work
_____Post Graduate Degree.

Are you typically described from others as funny?

Yes_____/No______

What is your religious affiliation? (Check one of the following)

_____ Christian/Catholic
_____ Eastern Religion (Hindu, Buddist, Islam)
_____ Jewish
_____ None (Agnostic, Atheist)
_____ Other
Humor and Connection 29

(Appendix C)

INTERVIEW SCRIPTS
The following questions will be used as part of a one-on-one interview with the
researcher and interviewee. The questions are tailored to involve minimal risk to the
psychology health of the interviewee and keep the identity of those in question protected.


I. When I say close friendships (and those people who come to mind) what
characteristics stand out to you the most about those relationships?


A. How did you meet most of those friends?


B. What are [general] activities you and your friends do together?


C. What are traits you admire most about your friends?


II. What do you believe the definition of the words, connectedness and
vulnerability are and do you believe those definitions describe the current nature
of your close friendships?

A. What elements must be present to make you feel apart of community?


III. What are ways you use your sense of humor? Are you the funny friend or does
someone else share that role?


A. How is humor used within your group of friends? (Movies, conversation,
etc.)


B. How do you react when humor is used when talking about serious issues?
(Give example)


C. What are positive ways you believe you use your sense of humor and what
are negative ways?


Humor and Connection 30

IV. Do you remember a time(s) in your life that required for you to be open about
difficult situations you were facing? If so, please describe these situations in
whatever way you feel comfortable.


A. Was there hesitation?


B. What were results of that friendship after those conversations? (Did you
feel closer, further, or nothing?)


V. Do you have any closing thoughts or additional stories regarding the information
weve discussed? Do you have any questions for me?