A MARRIAGE THAT MATTERS

EPHESIANS 5:22-33
There were three guys talking in the restaurant. Two of them are
talking about the amount of control they have over their wives,
while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two
turns to the third and says, Well, what about you, what sort of
control do you have over your wife?
The third fellow says Ill tell you. Just the other night my wife
came to me on her hands and knees.
The first two guys were amazed. What happened then?" they
asked. "She said, get out from under the bed and fight like a
man.
Seriously though men, God has placed us in an awesome
position. It is one that places great responsibility upon us.

We have an example of the principle of headship in an incident

that happened several years ago involving the U.S. submarine
Greeneville, which surfaced suddenly underneath a Japanese
fishing trawler off Pearl Harbor, sinking it and killing nine people.
The skipper of the sub, Commander Scott Waddle, narrowly
avoided a court-martial, and he ended up resigning from the Navy,
his promising career ruined.
Why is that? Did he personally operate the controls that caused
the sub to surface? No.
Was he the sonar operator who was supposed to be monitoring
the vessels in the area to make sure that none were too close? No.
And what about the civilians on board? Werent they interfering
with the activities of the crew? Quite possibly.
But Scott Waddle was the skipper of that sub; he was in charge,
and so it was his responsibility to make sure that the submarine
was operating in a safe manner. The buck stopped with him. Men,
in our marriages the buck stops with us. We are responsible before
God.

Men God has given us this responsibility, not to abuse, but to use
for His glory, and to further His kingdom.
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We represent the Fatherhood of God to our families. We

represent God. Our families when they look at us need to see God
in us.
And many a child has backslide, and many a wife has fallen by
the wayside spiritually, because the man of the house did not step
up to the plate and be the man of God he needed to be.

So if we are going to have a marriage made in Heaven, and love

our wives like we need to what kind of love do they need?

I. A SACRIFICING LOVE (V 25)

God demonstrated His love for us by dying, by sacrifice.
This picture of love is all over the Bible
Romans 5:8, But God commendeth his love toward us, in that,
while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Real love acts, Real love sacrifices, Real love gives willingly.
Our love is demonstrated by the depth that it is willing to
sacrifice and give to our wives.
This is really difficult because we are selfish and self-centered.

In many homes its as if hes married to a maid and a

housekeeper and a concubine all rolled up into one. It shouldnt be
so husbands.

Dear Ann Landers: My husband doesnt talk to me. He just sits

there night after night, reading the newspaper or looking at T.V.
When I ask him a question, he grunts "huh, or Uhhuh."
Sometimes he doesnt even grunt uhhuh. All he really needs is a
housekeeper and somebody to sleep with him when he feels like it.
He can buy both. There are times when I wonder why he got
married.

MEN the ESSENCE of love is SACRIFICE: Yielding your

priorities and goals to the service and sacrifice toward your wife.
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Matthew 20:28, Even as the Son of man came not to be

ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for
many.

A tyrannical husband demanded that his wife conform to rigid

standards of his choosing. She was to do certain things for him as a
wife, mother, and homemaker. In time, she came to hate her
husband as much as she hated his list of rules and regulations.
Then, one day he died--mercifully as far as she was concerned.
Some time later, she fell in love with another man and married
him. She and her new husband lived on a perpetual honeymoon.
Her new husband was committed to her and her interests. Joyfully,
she devoted herself to his happiness and welfare. One day she ran
across one of the sheets of dos and donts her first husband had
written for her. To her amazement she found that she was doing for
her second husband all the things, her first husband had demanded
of her, although her new husband had never once suggested them.
She did them as an expression of her love for him and her desire to
please him. He had won her devotion by his demonstration of
selfless love.

II. A SUSTAINING LOVE (VS. 29)

Nourishes Her: Comes from the Greek word that means: to
provide for... (Not trying to offend...) God set it up so that the man
would be the provider! Im not saying that women cant do it, but
its out of Gods will for the woman to be the provider for man.
According to Gods plan, Adam was suppose to be the provider
and Eve was suppose to be the providee... But Satan convinced her
to change to the role, and everything went downhill from there!
God is trying to honor you ladies by making the man provide for
you, and some of you dont want your man to work! When Eve
brought home the bacon, it brought chaos into the world.
Whenever you get out of the will of God, you end up with a
chaotic mess!
God wants you men to be the provider for your wife! (OK for
woman to work, but thats the gravy, not bread and butter.
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If Im the king of the castle, I need a queen. And the queen cant
be the (my) queen if shes a slave on somebodys job!
You see, because shes my queen, she makes sure that Im
treated like a king. And the queen has no problem being
submissive to the king, when hes treating her like the queen.
Folks will say, I dont see why hes with her? It aint for you to
see! Because, as the king, I see the potential in my queen of what
she shall be. (Same in the church)
Folks will say, I dont see what Jesus Christ loves the church,
they.... But the fact of the matter is that He too sees the potential
of what they shall be... Because the Bible says that,
Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear
what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall
be like him; for we shall see him as he is. (I John 3:2)

Im trying to tell you that when a man loves a woman, it is: A

Sacrificing Love... A Sustaining Love... But likewise it is...

III. A SECURING LOVE (VS. 29)

Cherish: To take care of... It means to keep her from hurt, harm,
and danger. It means that when the hellhounds get on her track,
you intercept so they cant get to her.
It means to protect her. Make sure she has food, clothes, and
shelter. Not spending your all on the physical, tangible things, but
she ought to be special to you. When a man loves a woman, its a
Securing Love, because he treats her with warmth and tenderness.
He cares for her with affection and he appreciates her.

A man accompanied his friend home for dinner and was

impressed by the way he entered his house, asked his wife how her
day went, and told her she looked pretty. Then, after they
embraced, she served dinner. After they ate, the husband
complimented his wife on the meal and thanked her for it. When
the two fellows were alone, the visitor asked, Why do you treat
your wife so well? Because she deserves it, and it makes our
marriage happier, replied the host.
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Impressed, the visitor decided to adopt the idea. Arriving home, he

embraced his wife and said, You look wonderful! For good
measure he added, Sweetheart, Im the luckiest guy in the world.
His wife burst into tears. Bewildered, he asked her, What in the
worlds the matter?
She wept, What a day! Billy fought at school. The refrigerator
quit and spoiled the groceries. And now youve come home drunk!"
Our wives should know that we love them. Tenderness should
not be absent.
Sometimes they just need to be held. We dont even have to
understand sometimes.
Sometimes they just need an ear. David Augsburger said An
open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart. Sometimes
we just need to listen and not respond with the answers.

And that cherishing needs to be sustained.

A husbands reactions to his wifes colds during seven years of
marriage:
First year: Sugar dumpling; Im really worried about my baby
girl. You have a bad sniffle and theres no telling about these
things with all the strep going around. Im putting you in the
hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I
know the foods lousy, but Ill be bringing your meals in from
Rozzinis. Ive already got it all arranged with the floor nurse.
Second year: Listen, darling, I dont like the sound of that
cough and Ive called Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to
bed like a good girl, just for Papa.
Third year: Maybe you better lie down, honey. Nothing like a
little rest when you feel lousy. Ill bring you something. Have we
got any canned soup?
Fourth year: Now look, dear, be sensible. After youve fed the
kids and got the dishes done and the floor finished, you better lie
down.
Fifth year: Why dont you take a couple of aspirin?
Sixth year: I wish youd just gargle or something instead of
sitting around barking like a seal all evening.
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Seventh year: For Petes sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to
give me pneumonia?

When a man loves a woman, its A Sacrificing Love... A

Sustaining Love... A Securing Love...

IV. A SOLID LOVE (VS. 31)

Joined (cleave): If you take to items and put glue on one side and
on the side of the other and put them together, it wont be long
until the two become solid!
When a man loves a woman, its a Solid Love, he doesnt worry
about what his mama says or anyone else!
Some men will never mature because theyre still mamas little
boy... (Its all right to love your mama...) But he must recognize
that a man must leave (let go of) mama and cleave to his wife in
order to have a marriage (love) that is solid...!

She needs to feel like shes valuable because she is.

She needs to know your heart beats for her!
She needs to know that there is nobody out there anywhere that
can steal your heart from her!

Your devotion to the marriage should not be unstable like the

sea, but it should be solid as a rock. It shouldnt be used as a threat
every time there is an argument.

CON:
On their 50th wedding anniversary a man and his wife were at
home in bed. She said, Honey, how about stroking my hair the
way you did on our honeymoon. So he did.
Then she said, Dear, how about cuddling the way we did on our
honeymoon. So he did.
Next, she said, Sweetheart, how about nibbling on my ear the
way you did on our honeymoon. Abruptly, he got out of bed and
left the room.
She called out, Honey, whats the matter? Where are you going?
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He hollered back, Ive got to get my teeth.

Marriage relationships do change, but they dont have to get
stagnant or die.
You can have a lifetime of holiness and happiness, but
understand that it is up to you.
It takes commitment and hard work.

Wives, if you want the husband of your dreams then be the wife
of his by meeting his deepest needs.
Husbands, if you want the wife of your dreams, then be the
husband of hers by meeting her deepest needs.

Prepared by: Rev. Jayme D. Carter

Not sure where I got some of this material from