AT EXACTLY HALF PAST 6

A 10-minute comedy by

ROY PROCTOR
based on The Caliph, Cupid and the Clock, a short story by

O. HENRY

PUBLIC DOMAIN: The Caliph, Cupid and the Clock, upon which At Exactly Half
Past 6 is based, was published in O Henrys 1906 short story collection The Four
Million. It is in the public domain.

PERFORMANCE RIGHTS: To request permission to produce

At Exactly Half Past 6 on the stage or to present a public
reading of the script, contact the author at
royproctor@aol.com.

2017 Roy Proctor

 AT EXACTLY HALF PAST 6

TIME
Late afternoon on a beautiful day in June 1906

PLACE
Madison Square, a small park in New York City

CHARACTERS
PRINCE MICHAEL, middle-aged; unkempt; heir to the throne of Vallejuna

DEXTER RAMSEY, mid-20s, handsome, fashionably dressed in evening wear

POLICEMAN, any age

ESSENTIAL SETTING
Two park benches side by side.

INCIDENTAL MUSIC
No music is indicated in the script. However, composer Scott Joplins immense popularity
paralleled O. Henrys in the first decade of the 20th century. Both captured the spirit of their
era. Directors might want to consider using one of Joplins piano rags, all of which are in the
public domain, as incidental music in their productions.
 At Exactly Half Past 6 1

(At rise, PRINCE MICHAEL sits on bench stage left

with a smile on his face as he mentally surveys his
domain. DEXTER enters left, crosses to bench stage
right, sits down and begins reading a book. He
glances at a clock tower (behind the audience) on
the edge of the park.

PRINCE MICHAEL
I beg your pardon for addressing you, but I perceive that youre disturbed in mind.

DEXTER
(surprised)
You do, huh?

PRINCE MICHAEL
Let me introduce myself. I am Prince Michael, heir to the throne of Vallejuna.

DEXTER
You dont say!

PRINCE MICHAEL
Yes, my commoner friend, I do say. I appear incognito, of course, as you may gather from my
appearance. It pleases me to render aid to others whom I deem worthy. Perhaps the matter
that distresses you is one that would more readily yield to our mutual efforts to resolve.

DEXTER
(deciding to play along)
Glad to meet you, Your Royal Highness. Yes, Id say youre in disguise all right. Thanks for your
offer, but I dont see where your butting in would help things any. Its a private affair, if you
know what I mean, but thanks just the same.

(PRINCE MICHAEL crosses right and sits next

to DEXTER, much to DEXTERs annoyance.)

PRINCE MICHAEL
I have observed you looking up at that clock in the tower on the edge of the park. Clocks are
shackles on the feet of mankind. The face of that clock is the face of a tyrant. Its numbers are as
unreliable as those on a lottery ticket. Its hands are those of a swindler determined to lead you
to your ruin.
 At Exactly Half Past 6 2

DEXTER
(laughing)
I must say, Your Highness, you have a way with words.

PRINCE MICHAEL
(ignoring him)
Let me entreat you to throw off that clocks humiliating bonds. You must cease to order your
affairs by that insensate monitor of brass and steel.

DEXTER
Im not normally a clock-watcher, Your Highness, but my wristwatch is in for repairs just now.

PRINCE MICHAEL
I know human nature as well as I know trees and grass. I am a master of philosophy, a graduate
of fine art. There are few mortal misfortunes that I cannot overcome. I have read your
countenance and find honesty, indeed nobility, as well as distress. I beg you to accept my aid.

DEXTER
(in despair as he glances at the clock once more)
Ten minutes to 7!

(DEX TER rises and begins to cross left.)

PRINCE MICHAEL
(abruptly)
Halt!

DEXTER
What?

PRINCE MICHAEL
Remain!

DEXTER
Ill give her 10 minutes and then Im off. Ill join you in confounding all clocks, my royal friend,
and throw in women, too.

PRINCE MICHAEL
Sit down! I do not accept your addition. Women are the natural enemies of clocks. They are,
therefore, the allies of those who seek liberation from these monsters that measure our follies
and limit our pleasures. If you will not confide in me, at least relate your story.
 At Exactly Half Past 6 3

DEXTER
(sitting back down, with a reckless laugh)
Why not, Your Highness? (points over the heads of the audience) Do you see that house the
one beside the clock tower with three upper windows lighted?

(PRINCE MICHAEL nods.)

DEXTER
Well, a little while ago, I stood in that house with the young lady I am that is, I was engaged
to marry. I had been doing wrong, my dear prince. I had been a naughty boy, and she had heard
about it. I wanted to be forgiven, of course. We all want women to forgive us, dont we,
Prince?

PRINCE MICHAEL
Speak for yourself, my commoner friend. This is your story, not mine.

DEXTER
Well, she said, I want time to think it over. She continued, There is one thing certain. I will
either fully forgive you, or I will never see your face again. There will be no half-way business.
Then she made her proposition: At exactly half past 6, she said, you should look at the
middle window on the top floor of this building. If I decide to forgive you, Ill wave a white silk
scarf. If I do that, youll know I have forgiven you and you may come to me.

PRINCE MICHAEL
And if theres no fluttering scarf?

DEXTER
If you see no scarf, she said, then everything between us is ended forever. (despairing) And
that, Your Royal Highness, is why I have been watching that clock. The time for the white silk
scarf to appear was 20 minutes ago. Do you wonder that I am disturbed, my Prince of Rags?

PRINCE MICHAEL
Let me remind you once again that women are the natural enemies of clocks. Clocks are an evil.
Women are a blessing. That white silk scarf still may capture your heart.

DEXTER
Never in my realm!

PRINCE MICHAEL
Trust me.
 At Exactly Half Past 6 4

DEXTER
You dont know Marian. Shes always on time, to the minute. That was the first thing that
attracted me. Now shes given me the back of her mitten instead of the scarf. I ought to have
known at 6:31 that my goose was cooked. My heart will soar no more.

PRINCE MICHAEL
Not so fast, my commoner friend.

DEXTER
(despairing)
The jigs up. Ill go west on the 11:45 train tonight with my friend Jack Milburn. Ill try Jacks
Montana ranch awhile. Then maybe Ill head to the Klondike. (rising) Good night, Your
Highness.

PRINCE MICHAEL
(grabbing DEXTERs sleeve as he starts to leave)
Wait, just wait, my commoner friend. Wait until the clock strikes 7. I have wealth and power
and knowledge above most men. Stay by me until then. This woman shall be yours. You have
the word of the Crown Prince of Vallejuna. On the day of your marriage, I will give you one
hundred thousand dollars and a palace on the Hudson. Just promise me one thing.

DEXTER
Whats that?

PRINCE MICHAEL
There must be no clocks in that palace.

DEXTER
Why?

PRINCE MICHAEL
Because they measure our follies and limit our pleasures. Do you agree to my terms?

DEXTER
Of course. Clocks are a nuisance, anyway. Always ticking and chiming and making you late for
dinner. (glances at clock tower again) Its three minutes to 7.

PRINCE MICHAEL
(stretching out on the bench)
I think Ill sleep a little. Today has been fatiguing. (looks up at DEXTER) You will find me in this
park every evening when weather permits. Come to me when your wedding day is set. Ill give
you that check for the palace.
 At Exactly Half Past 6 5

DEXTER
(summoning up a certain nobility)
Thanks, Your Highness. It doesnt look as if Ill need that palace, but I appreciate your offer just
the same.

(PRINCE MICHAEL sinks into sleep, begins to snore.

His battered hat rolls to the ground. DEXTER lifts it,
places it over his face to block out the light, and,
almost affectionately, positions one of PRINCE
MICHAELs arms more comfortably across his
chest.)

DEXTER
Poor devil!

(A POLICEMAN enters left, saunters over, lifts the

hat and looks down at PRINCE MICHAEL.)

POLICEMAN
Poor Dopey Mike! (to DEXTER) An acquaintance of yours?

DEXTER
Never saw him until tonight.

POLICEMAN
He hits the pipe every night, then comes out here. Dopey Mike was a park bum long before I
joined the force 20 years ago. On his last legs, I guess.

(The clock on the tower begins to strike nine.)

DEXTER
Well, thats it.

POLICEMAN
(looking at his pocket watch)
They still havent fixed that clock.

DEXTER
Fixed? What time is it?

POLICEMAN
(consulting his timepiece again)
Twenty-nine and a half minutes past eight, sir.
 At Exactly Half Past 6 6

DEXTER
(startled, suddenly excited)
But the clock

POLICEMAN
Its been running fast for a week now.

(DEXTER looks up at the window with rapture

dawning on his face.)

POLICEMAN
This watch of mine never varies a

DEXTER
(ecstatic, throwing his arms around the POLICEMAN)
Oh, thank you, sir. Shes forgiven me.

POLICEMAN
(struggling to free himself)
What pipe are you hitting?

DEXTER
(pointing at the clock)
Look! The glorious white banner of her heart unfurls!

POLICEMAN
What?

DEXTER
(dancing a jig off left)
She loves me after all!

(POLICEMAN scratches his head as clock begins to

chime the hour, then goes joyously, gloriously
beserk , creating vast waves of music as lights fade
to black.)

END OF PLAY

ROY PROCTOR wrote his first play in 2012 after retiring from a 30-year career as the staff
theater critic on the two daily newspapers in Richmond, Va. Since then, he has completed more
 At Exactly Half Past 6 7

than 50 short plays 55 minutes down to one minute -- and combined many of them into
larger one-act and full-length formats that are thematically related. They have been performed
in 21 productions and more than 50 staged readings in an arc stretching from Los Angeles to
Chicago to New York to London to Bangalore, India, and in dozens of cities in between. He
writes all kinds of plays, but specializes in short-play adaptations of short stories in the public
domain, especially stories by Chekhov. Proctor grew up in Thomasville, N.C., and graduated
from the University of Iowa, where he wrote fiction under Philip Roth in the Iowa Writers
Workshop. He lives in Richmond and is a member of the Dramatists Guild of America.