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honor and the sentiments of loss in a Bedouin society
LILAABU-LUGHOD-Williams College
Safiyya, a middle-aged Egyptian Bedouin woman, talked about her divorce from the man to
whom she had been married for 20 years.
Myyoungestdaughterwas nursingin myarmswhen he leftme. Iwas sickandtired."Theman"came
up to me one afternoonas I sat by the oven. He said, "You'redivorced."I said, "Thanks,that'sjustfine
by me." Ididn'twanthim. Idon'twantanythingfromhimexceptto buildme a houseto live in withmy
son-a place where I can feel at home. I didn'tcare when he divorcedme. I neverlikedhim. He had
takenanotherwife butthatdidn'tbotherme. I neverfoughtwith her.WhyshouldI?Thesethingsdon't
botherus.
Yet two days later, when a conversation between Safiyya and several other women in her
household turned to the whereabouts of her ex-husband, away on a trip at the time, she sud-
denly recited the following short poem:'
Memoriesstirredby mentionof the beloved khatarhasirTb
cazTz
shouldI release,I'dfindmyselfflooded . . . kefnashansTlbih . . .
The first time I had met her I had been with another young woman, an Egyptian university
student. Safiyya had asked if either of us was married. Both of us replied in the negative. She
leaned over and advised us earnestly, "Don't ever get married. What would you want with
marriage?Men are just sons of bitches. They do you no good." A few months after I had begun
living in the community, I showed my taperecorder to a group of women for the firsttime. Some
volunteered to sing, including Safiyya. The song she offered was the following:
Oh eyes be strong ya nzardTrun
cazm
you cherishpeople andthen they'regone ... carabwyfarg . . .
tghaJT
Beginning with the observation that among the Awlad CAIT Bedouins of the Egyp-
tian Western Desert individuals respond to personal loss with two contradictory
sets of sentiments, one expressed in ordinary language and public interactions and
the other expressed in a form of poignant lyric poetry spontaneously recited in
intimate contexts, this paper explores the significance of the coexistence of dis-
crepant discourses on emotion for understanding the relationship between the self
and cultural ideals. For Awlad CAlI,like others in circum-Mediterraneansocieties,
the cultural ideals are those entailed by the honor code. Analysis of the links be-
tween this code and the two discourses reveals the complexity of the relationship
between cultural ideology and individual experience and its articulation. [self and
emotion, ideology, honor code, poetry, Middle EastBedouins, loss]
sentiments of loss
A case of rejection in love illustratesthe patternof dual responses and introduces the tension
between the ideals and emotional entailments of the honor code and the separate set for poetry.
RashTd,a man of about 40, decided to take a second wife. He reacted in two ways when, less
than two months later, his bride ran away. Almost immediately afterthe woman fled, he looked
for someone to blame. In the community, the question on everyone's lips was, "Who ruined
her?"(man kharrabha).By this they meant something like, who made her unhappy or poisoned
her thoughts. RashTd,along with his brother, undertook an intensive investigation of the events
preceding her departure. When they had eliminated the possibility of some woman or child in
the household having upset her, they began toying with the explanation of sorcery. Rashidwas
convinced that his senior wife must be responsible. A visit to the local holyman (fgTh)to divine
the reason behind the bride's act confirmed this suspicion. The hushed accusation sped through
the community. In the face of the opposition of many of the women in the camp, the man
Any doubts I harbored about whether these poems expressed his personal sentiments re-
garding the situation were put to rest a few days later. It was evening and Rashid sat with his
returnedwife. He askedme to join them, requestingme to bringmy notebook.He instructed
to the poemshe had
me to readto them "thetalkof the otherday." I realizedhe was referring
recited for me. As I read them aloud, he seemed embarrassed and acted almost as if he had
never heard them before. He looked blank when I asked him to explain them. The next day his
wife confidedthatthese poems were about her. He had used this indirectmeansto commu-
nicatehis sentimentsto her.
The poems revealedsentimentsof griefand pain caused by the loss. Thesewere a farcry
fromthe sentimentsof angerand the wish to attributeblame communicatedby the sorcery
accusationsin which he had indulgedpublicly.When I sharedthese poemswith some of my
women confidantes,theywere touched.Yetthesewerethe samewomenwho hadcondemned
RashTdas foolish or unmanly when he had earlier betrayed some sadness over his bride's de-
partureand had expressed his desire to have her back. Their differing attitudes towards state-
ments made in poetry and those in ordinary interaction suggest that poetic revelations are
judged by different criteria than nonpoetic expressions, a fact that will be taken up later.
The same dual pattern characterized RashTd'ssenior wife's responses to the events of this
marriage.Mabrokarespondedangrilywhen she got wind of the allegationsof sorcery.She
threatenedto returnto her kinsmenand to demanda divorce.She also madebitterjokes. For
intance, when she sent a special pot of food to one of the other women in her co-wife's house-
hold, she sent it with a message warning them to beware-the food might have "something"
in it, a reference to magical potions. She also joked about where she obtained her magic and
how powerful it was. Two poems she recited later referredto this incident. The first indicated
how wronged she felt by the accusation. The second conveyed her sense of isolation and lo-
neliness in the community, since visiting is both essential to maintenance of social relationships
and one of life's great pleasures.
Theyslanderedme thenfoundme innocent ithimCkhatrT
bagwal
now the guiltmustfallon them . .. talacbarawdhndbakhadhd...
I could not makemyvisitingrounds caiehma gdirtnjIl
the marriedman'shousewas full of suspicion. . .8 tammatbirTbtuh bet il-ghan . . .
Bedouinresponsesto the situationsof loss describedin the cases above suggesta clearpat-
tern.Inthe ordinarydiscourseof everydayconversationand publicsocial behavior,AwladCAlT
individualsreactedwith anger,blame,or denialof concern.Inpoetry,theyexpressedpoignant
sentimentsof weaknessin such formsas sadness,"despair,"and illness.Ratherthanassuming
thatthese sentimentshave universalmeaning,being in the firstcase ego defensesand in the
latter,"natural"responsesto loss, let us look to the culturalmeaningof these sentimentsfor
AwladcAl?.Fromthisperspectiveit becomesapparentthatindividualsarticulatethe sentiments
of loss in two ways, which correspondto two ways of presentingthe self: as invulnerableand
independentfromothers,and as vulnerableto the effectsof others.
The sentimentsof invulnerability expressedin ordinarypublic interactionare those appro-
priate to what could be called a discourseof honor.Consideration of the organizationof social
in
life, particular Bedouin notions of or
hierarchy inequality, clarifies the significanceof the
honorcode in Bedouinsociety as the powerfulsocial ideologythatstructuresindividualaspi-
rations.10AlthoughAwladcAlThold egalitarianideals,these applyonly on the level of tribal
groupsin interactionwith othertribalgroups.They recognizeand accept statusdistinctions
among individualsbut view them as the resultof differentialdemonstrationof a set of moral
virtues,which I subsumeunderthe headingof the honorcode. Thus,they see social privilege
as achievedby individualsthroughtheirembodimentof honor-linkedidealsof the person.
Broadlyspeaking,the idealsor moralvirtuesof honorin AwladCAllsocietyare those asso-
ciated with autonomy.The ideal personamongAwladcAlTis the "realman,"the apogee of
controlwho manifestshis independencein hisfreedomfromcontrolby others,andhis strength
or potencyin his unwillingnessto submitto others.Botharedemonstrated throughself-mastery
or self-control(physicaland emotional),active responsesto slightsor injuries,and the willing
assumptionof responsibilityfor upholdingthe social order.Theseidealcharacteristics areval-
ued by all Bedouinsand associatedwith themselvesas a culturalgroupin contrastto others,
specificallythe Egyptiansof the Nile Valleywho serveas a conceptualfoil fortheircollective
self-definition.
Theseidealsare, however,differentiallyrealizedand realizableby individualsand members
of social categorieswithinBedouinsociety.Socialdependentsarehandicappedin theirability
to act autonomously.Evenwomen, by virtueof theirstock,arethoughtto embodythese ideals
moreclosely than theirnon-Bedouinneighbors,male or female. Likepoor men, young men,
sons,or nephews,theyface limitsbutcan achievehonorthroughcarefulnegotiationof the line
betweendefianceand servilityin theirinteractionswith superiors.Thefirstpartof the strategy
involvesgivingthe appearanceof voluntary(nevercoerced)deferenceto the morehonorable
persons.Thesecond partrequiresthe assertionof independence,assertiveness,andself-control
in contextsthatdo notdirectlyinvolvesuperiors.Thus,in severalwayswomencan have honor
too.11
Only certainsentimentswould be appropriateto self-presentation in termsof these ideals.
Sinceweaknessand pusillanimityareanathema,individualsstriveto asserttheirindependence
and strengththroughresistanceto coercion,or aggressiveresponsesto loss. The primesenti-
mentof resistanceis anger.Blamingothersprovidesa focusforangerand is a responseto hurt
learnedearly in life. When youngchildrencome cryingto theirmothers,they are more likely
to be asked"Whodid it?"than "What'sthe matter?"An alternatestrategyforassertinghonor
is defensivedenial of concern, hence of the veryexistenceof an attack.As Bourdieunotes in
his discussionof the rulesof honoramongthe Kabylesof Algeria,"non-responsecan also ex-
pressthe refusalto riposte;the recipientof the offencerefusesto see it as an offenceand by his
disdain. . . he causes it to reboundon its author,who is therebydishonoured"(1979:108). In
One keyto the puzzle lies in the social contextsin whichthe two discoursescome intoplay.
Exceptat ritualoccasions, individualsshare poems only with close friends,social peers, or
lovers.Men sharethem with close kinsmenof the same generationor with lowerstatusmen.
Theydo not sing beforesenioragnatesor patrons.Women recitethem to close kinswomen,
women with whom they sharea household,or neighbors.Becausethe women'sworld is less
stratified,the rangeof categoriesof women withwhompoemsaresharedis greater,sometimes
includingthose with greaterauthority,like mothers-in-law, and strangers.
The personswith whom one is mostlikelyto sharepoetryarethose individualsfromwhom
one does nottahashsham.Tahashshum refersto a stateof embarrassmentor shame,andthe acts
of modesty or deference which correspond to this experience (Abu-Lughodin press).
Tahashshum,as the experienceof shame,arisesin interpersonalinteractionsbetween social
unequalsor strangers,is conceptualizedin the idiomof exposure,and manifestsitselfthrough
a languageof formality,self-effacement,and the cloakingof the "natural"weaknessesor
sourcesof dependency.Thisincludesanythinghavingto do with bodilyneeds, sexuality,and
so forth.It is the correlateof social distance,being botha responseto the recognitionof such
distanceand a meansof maintainingit.
Poetryis the discourseof intimacy.Sharingpoems,likeexposingnaturalweaknesses,marks
theabsenceof tahashshumbetweenindividuals.Poetryindexessocialdistinctionsbyfollowing
the lines of social cleavage. It usuallydoes not cross the boundariescreatedby differential
powerand status,or gender.Peopleare extremelydiscomfitedif non-intimatesinadvertently
heartheirpoems. The firmestbarrieris between men and women. Womenwere reluctantto
Metaphors of illness abounded in the poems of various other kinsmen and kinswomen. The
victim's sister sang a poem referringto her ill health resulting from the loss:
Youleftme, oh lovedone khallftya CazTz
il-Cen
unsteady,stuntedand unhealthy. . . tmj la nimala Cfya . . .
His widow recited several poems late one night. Her closest friends were surprised, saying
that they had never heard her recite poetry before. These were two of her poems:
conclusion
We are still confronted with the issue of how, if not as mask to inner reality, culture to nature
or psyche, or social to individual, the two discourses are related. For this we must turn to the
rhetorical function of the interplay of the two discourses which, for the individual and his or
her intimates, always exist side by side. The two juxtaposed discourses can be seen as com-
menting on each other, as Simmel observes, the secret comments on the manifest world (Sim-
mel 1950:330). Ironically, the poetic discourse seems to comment on the ordinary discourse
of everyday life in ways that ultimately enhance the meaning of the latterand the honor of the
person reciting.
The poetic revelations of weakness and attachment to others seem to give dimension to the
tough independence affected in ordinary social interactions in at least three ways. First, the
measure of self-mastery and control demonstrated by channeling such powerful sentiments into
a rigid and conventional medium and delimited social contexts contributes to honor. Those
who feel deeply but lose control, like the tragic characters who die of broken hearts or go mad
from grief, are held in awe but not considered social beings. Along with the loss of self-mastery,
they have lost their honor and forfeited their positions as members of society. Mad people,
idiots, and children who also express the experiences of loss in an uncontrolled way are con-
sidered outside society in some sense-they are not fully social beings or proper members of
society. Ineffectual and dependent, they have no honor. They express their sentiments of weak-
ness and vulnerability idiosyncratically and with no reference to social context. This has a very
different meaning than would expressing them only in specific social contexts and through
conventional forms. Those who express strong sentiments of attachment and vulnerability in
the culturally approved way can still claim to embody the cultural ideals.
Second, admitting the existence of an attitude toward others and a range of sentiments which
lie outside the confines of those recognized by the system of honor may demonstrate the vol-
untary nature of an individual's conformity to the code in everyday actions. Coercion stripsacts
of their meaning in the system of honor. As Riesman argues for the meaning in Fulani society
of men's flouting of official morality in their continual quest for women:
Thisdefianceenhancesthe valueof the individual,bothforhisown sakeandas a memberof society.
Byactingagainstthe moralcode the individualisdemonstratingthathe isa freebeingandthathisactions
are not automaticallydeterminedby social rulesand social pressures.But if the individualis free to
notes
Acknowledgments.The researchon which this paperis based was carriedout with the supportof a
traininggrantfromNIMH,a fellowshipfromthe AmericanAssociationof UniversityWomen,and a Na-
tionalResourceFellowship.Manyfriendsandcolleaguesgenerouslyreadandcommentedon earlierdrafts
of thispaper.Specialthanksgo to VincentCrapanzano,Dale Eickelman,ByronandMary-Jo Good,Robert
A. LeVine,CatherineLutz,SallyFalkMoore,PaulRiesman,and BeatriceWhiting.WithoutMohammad
AlwanIcould not have begunto understandor appreciatethe poemswithwhichthispaperis concerned.
Finally,my deepestgratitudeis to the Bedouinfamilieswho took me in andsharedtheirliveswith me.
Mytranscriptionsof AwladCAlT poemsandwordsconform,by and large,to the standardsystemforthe
transliterationof Arabic followed by the InternationalJournalof Middle EastStudies. I have made certain
alterationsto preservethefollowingpeculiaritiesof the dialect:AwladcAllpronouncethe q as g; in poems
references cited
Abou-Zeid,AhmedM.
1966 HonourandShameamongthe Bedouinsof Egypt.InHonourandShame.J.G. Peristiany,
ed. pp.
243-259. Chicago:Universityof ChicagoPress.
Submitted22 October1984
Accepted28 December1984
Finalversionreceived14 January1985