Pantheon Comics #1: "Crisis on Marvel Earth"

Then.

President George Washington chose a swampy plot of land, in the middle of the new
nation, for its capital.

He contacted French city planner Pierre L'Enfant to design what he hoped would be an
"imperial" city, reminiscent of the great capitals of Europe.

L'Enfant designed a city grid, with numbered streets running north-south, state streets
running diagonally and lettered streets running east-west.

Oddly enough, J Street was not included.

The legend among Washingtonians is that L'Enfant hated Thomas Jefferson, who had
recently served in France as the American ambassador, and left the street out as an insult
to him.

The legend is false.

J Street does exist, LUEnfant did map it out, although it's not found on any conventional
map. Only loosely connected to Washington, DC in time and space, the street connects all
times and places together.

Sure, a right turn can take one across the 14th Street bridge into Arlington, Virginia, but
another road leads to the back alleys of Bombay. Another leads to the forests of Asgaard.
One leads to the fire pits of Apokolips.

Finding one's way to the street takes a little more work. Try losing yourself on purpose,
letting your mind wander at a crucial moment, and you may arrive there. There's a knack
to it, and a whole, shadowy subculture has sprung up across time and space to take
advantage of this conduit.

Some who make their bases on the street are warlords or bandits, concocting new
schemes on how to pillage new realms.

Others are explorers, questing for knowledge of the multiverse.

Then, there are those noble of heart, who seek to cause the above two groups from
causing too much trouble.

Finally, there are the profiteers, who know that travel routes equal business
opportunities. And a conduit through all of time and space is the ultimate business
opportunity.
Joe Grendel is a profiteer.

Chapter One: Open for business

by Joe Grendel

Now.

Shortly after 10 a.m., September 27, 1996.

1602 J Street, Northwest, Washington, DC

The summer just past had been the coldest on record, and the Washington-area was
bracing for a cold, Indian Summer-less fall and another terrible winter.

He walks across the stained hard wood floor, stopping at the picture window, his hand on
the window frame.

The street was mainly empty at this hour. Sure, there was a taxi cab honking angrily at
the camel caravan stopping across the street, but that was nothing out of the ordinary. On
this street, most of the interesting action happened after dark.

He reached up and flipped the switch. The neon sign in the window Q "GRENDEL'S
POND BAR AND GRILL" Q flickered to life. The man turned back toward the bar,
twirling a towel in his hand.

His name was Joseph Douglas Grendel. He was blonde, in his late 20s, a friendly sort but
with a rakish air that some found attractive, others off-putting. Some people, more
sensitive than others, found something cold about him, which they could only describe as
him being "soulless."

Oddly enough, they were exactly right.

The tavern was a smallish one, with a bar running along its left-hand wall (as one
entered). Behind the bar was an in-wall fish tank above the shelves of liquor bottles.

The top of the bar had a plate of glass atop it, with postcards and various currencies
protected beneath it. Those who looked closely might discover Roman coins, Latinum
strips and incomprehensible pieces of paper mixed in with postcards from lands that most
sensible people claimed were just fairy tales.

There were a number of tables clustered in the middle of the bar. A small alcove,
containing a pay phone and the doors to the "Dudes" and "Chicks" rooms was on the wall
opposite the door. To the right of the alcove was a Wurlitzer jukebox. At the moment, it
was playing Magnapop.
In the far right corner, or rather, near it, was a pool table. On the right wall were three dart
boards.

A wall-mounted television set, half of them showing the NTN trivia network, were
perched near the ceiling in each corner.

Grendel stood behind the bar, writing the day's specials on a dry erase board. His black
cat, Lucky, coiled around his ankles, purring. When Grendel was finished, he opened the
front door, placed the sign beside it, and returned to the bar.

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill was open for business.

Chapter Two: A toast to old friends

by kevrhon

A large figure of a man enters the bar. He can best be described as indistinct. If one were
to study his face for an hour, five minutes later he could not be identified in a line-up. He
was an amalgam of several different presences. And right now, they were all thirsty.

"Hey, Joe. Whatchya know?"

Joe Grendel looked up from the case of Pete's Wicked he was stocking in the cooler
behind the bar, and a slight smile curled the corners of his mouth.

"My God. Dr. Fate! Or is it Orion? Whoever you are today, you're a sight for sore eyes."

"It's just kevrhon these days. At least until events dictate otherwise. It's been too long. I've
had other obligations. But, I'm here now. And I need a cold one in the worst way."

"Well," Joe chided, "if you're still drinking Coors Light, it will be in the 'worst way.'"

"Hey, it takes a real man to drink CoorsI"

"Yeah, 'cause the sissy boys that usually drink it have died trying to defend their watered-
down tastes. How 'bout a Foster's Lager? We'll work you up to real beer."

kevrhon had missed this sort of exchange in his absence, and grinned despite the insult.
He had known Grendel for only a short while, but liked and respected him. There were
few other people he could really trust in a tight spot more than Joe.

After a few seconds of reflective silence, Joe asked "So, how's the wife?"

"She's pretty much hung up the tights. She has other interests that take up her time, and
she sticks pretty close to home. She really doesn't have the stomach for some of the
things she's been forced to deal with. You ever see any members of the Pantheon?"
"Oh sure, now and then. In fact, I'm expecting another old friend of ours through that
door just any minuteI"

Chapter Three: Far from home

by Amazon

"H-hello?" A soft voice spoke out distracting Joe Grendel in the midst of counting his
profits for the night.

Grendel looked up only to be greeted by the rare sight of a woman smiling. [EditorUs
note: Hey, lots of women smile at me!]

"H-hi," she shivered, "I know it's almost closing time, but would it be all right if I stayed
for a while? At least until I can get warm?"

"Sure," Grendel replied, wiping off the counter, "What can I get for you?"

"Hot chocolate would be nice."

"Hot chocolate?"

"You don't have them?"

"Not around these parts."

"Tea?"

Grendel shook his head.

The woman sighed and tilted her head, causing a strand of light brown hair to escape
from the confinement of her ponytail. She neatly tucked it away behind her ear and
looked at Grendel.

"Water would be just fine."

"Can do," Grendel nodded as he retrieved a empty glass and proceeded to fill it up. He
nudged the glass of water towards her as she surveyed the lavish display of coins and
postcards underneath the glass counter. She picked the glass up and didn't set it down
until only the ice cubes were left.

"Thanks," she said gratefully, "I really needed that." She extended her hand outwards.
"The name's Amazon. I'm from Themyscria."

Grendel returned the firm handshake. "Joe Grendel. Looks like you're a long way from
home, lady."
The corners of Amazon's lips ever so slightly frowned as she whispered to herself, "I'm
not sure if that's even my home anymore."

Grendel wisely busied himself with the task of putting the chairs on top of the tables. The
floor had to be mopped.

"What kind of customers do you get?" Amazon inquired.

"All kinds, lady, they come and go. 'Course there's also the regulars as well. The
Pantheon, we call them. They're highly respected around these parts. You won't meet a
finer group than them. See that guy over there playing pool? That's one of them. He goes
by the name kevrhon."

"Is he waiting for somebody?"

"Just some old friends."

"What's the Pantheon?"

"Well, I guess, that's something you'll just have to come back and find out for yourself."

Amazon sat there thoughtfully before she responded. "Yes, I think I'll do just that." She
got up and left a generous tip upon the counter. "You know, you could really use some
flowers in here. Might add a nice touch to the place. Thanks for I the hospitality."

And with that, she disappeared into streetlights somewhere out there on J Street.

Chapter Four: The evil that men do

by Joe Grendel

Washington DC.
3120 J Street, Southeast (the bad side of town).

The comic book shop was boarded up, and spray paint now marred its once-colorful
displays of heroes and villains.

Now the building had a mournful, angry air. Travelers normally crossed to the other side
of the street rather than walk past it.

Only the ever-burning day care center a dozen blocks away and the abandoned 14th
Street subway station had a more haunted reputation.

But unlike those places, the comic book shop was still occupied.
His apartment upstairs was filled with boxes of old books, each lovingly double-poly-
bagged. His walls had long since vanished beneath successive layers of comic character
posters. Expensive statuettes and "collectable" cards covered every flat surface. Action
figures Q still in their original packaging Q filled the closets.

He lay flopped on the ratty couch, one hand in a bag of Cheetos, the other cradling the
remote control for his VCR. Half-chewed bits of Cheeto littered his Chromium armor.

Slack-jawed, he rewound the videotape and watched pivotal scenes over and over again.

"God, I love the 'Youngblood' cartoon show!"

His name was Fanboy. He was a mutant metahuman Gen-active. He was not a nice guy; a
socially stunted psychopath to be precise.

He scratched his nose thoughtfully, then began to pick it contemplatively. Life would be
GREAT if it was more like a Rob Liefeld comic. Interesting thought ...

Chapter Five: Back into the fray

by Mope

All was calm across the DC Universe ...

Mope, the Atom's one-time sidekick, now long-since turned solo, quietly glided over
Washington DC. Mope was able to shift white-dwarf material in his Underoos that he
change his size or mass giving him the ability to shift to the size of an electron (or
smaller) or he could be his normal size and by changing his mass, he could glide through
the air, riding air-currents.

Unlike the Atom, Mope designed his costume to take advantage of this gliding ability,
with a cape that acted as a glider. You know the kind.

Also unlike the Atom, Mope did not lose his costume when he grew to his regular 6'3"
height (yep, Mope is a tall shrinker ).

H Street, I Street, then a flash as he crossed the dimensional barrier and reached the
elusive J Street, and Grendel's Bar and Grill.

Mope was a dark hero, but he had friends too.

He descended and shrunk quietly right through the hinge of the door and sprung back to
his normal height with a flash.

Grendel (looking up from cleaning a glass behind the bar): Mope!

Mope waved and smiled, taking a stool down by the Galaga game.

Chapter Six: Enter the Lantern by Jason Borelli

Within Grendel's, a strange green light begins to glow.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, INTRODUCING I FROM STATEN ISLAND, NEW

YORK, THE DUKE OF DISASTER, THE KING OF CONFUSION, THE ONE, THE
ONLY I JJJJJJAAAASSSSONNNN BBBBBBBBORELLI!"

"Jason, I thought you weren't an ego-maniac."

"Sorry, Joey. But I've ALWAYS wanted to do that!"

Chapter Seven: Something Fishy (I'm sorry! You know I had to use it sooner or
later!)
by Aquaman!

Grendel's

Or rather, right out in front of Grendel's, in the intersection in the middle of the streets.

SPLASH!

"I'M HOME! HELLO, MINNOW FRIENDS! Waitasec, you guys were never my friends.
Oh sure, you trained me in the use of my powers, but does that really constitute
friendship? In fact, you guys were always kinda rude to me! Oh, fergit it, I need a drink!"
bellowed Aquaman, as he stumbled out of the fountain he once called home, shoved aside
the two lovers necking on the rim of the fountain he once called home, shed a tear
because he was leaving the fountain he once called home, and moseyed rather
nonchalantly to Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill, only occasionally looking over his
shoulder at the fountain he once called home.

"Good bye, Fountain-I-once-Called-Home," he said, which was kind of unusual because

he had only once called the fountain his "home," and that was quite on accident, when he
was drunk and getting thrown out of an intergalactic rave he found. But that's beside the
point.

He pushed open the door to Grendel's as though he owned the place. He shouted, at the
top of his gill-like thingamabobs on the side of his neck, "BARTENDER, GET ME
SOMETHING TO DRINK!"

Joe Grendel said, "Yo, Sparky, shut the $#*& up, sit down, and I'll take your order. Now,
whaddaya want?"
"Uh, water's fine, thanks. A small please."

Chapter Eight: You realize, of course, that THIS means WAR!

by Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

Upstate New York.
Today.

The truck bomb rolls up to the front of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters and
EXPLODES. Chunks of debris rain down through the yard. The front half of the
exclusive "school" is gone.

A Chromium-armored figure steps out of the trees and onto the lawn.

"In the name of Saint Liefeld, whom Marvel hath offended, I, Fanboy, declare war on the
Marvel Universe!" On the fist he thrusts above his head is the Infinity Gauntlet.

***

Washington, DC.
J Street.

The Refreshments are playing on the jukebox.

The door slams open and an oddly familiar figure staggers in, bleeding from his nose and
ears.

Jason Borelli, Green Lantern of J Street, falls over backwards in his chair.

"Jonah?"

"Jonah 616, actually. Of the Jonah Corps."

"The JONAH CORPS?!" kevrhon's eyes practically bug out of his head.

Jonah glances at Jason.

"I thought Joe Gallagher had explained all of this. The Corps is an interdimensional
police force. There are only three members, but all our interdimensional counterparts
work together, directed by the Joe Gallagher Avatar, the Gail Avatar and the Jonah Avatar.
Jason, didn't he tell you all this?"
"Sure, I was going to tell these guys I but I didn't know you were the third member,
archetype, whatever."

Grendel clears his throat.

"Hello? You're dripping blood on the floor. Want to get down to what you want?" He
throws a paper towel to Jonah 616.

Jonah glares at him as he stops the bleeding. He half-sits, half-collapses into the chair. He
waves away help from Mope (whose shrinking powers are activated via his underwear,
although he's really quite successful with the ladies) and Aquaman.

"I'm the Jonah of the Marvel Universe. It's under attack by an old enemy of the Pantheon:
Fanboy."

Interlude
by JYu

The troops of Fanboy had arrived. Too soon, too many.

Anyone who resisted was either crushed or forced into hiding; they looked on in
frustration and despair as the hordes descended upon the world which was once theirs and
then proceeded to desecrate its very soul.

The resistance was be doomed to lose.

***

Somewhere in the state once known as Pennsylvania.

How long had he been running, he suddenly asked himself, in the midst of all the chaos.
He knew the answer somewhere in the back of his mind, but all his legs would tell him
was, "too long, too little time left;" darkness was growing near. But he had no choice.

He ran, and the Glossy Stock chased, actually succeeding at gaining on him with
astonishing speed, despite their impossibly large Craftsman-heavy-duty-toolbox-shaped
pecs, and hand-held intercontinental ballistic missile launchers. It was a wonder, he
thought halfheartedly in between breaths, that their pencil-thin ankles were able to
support all that weight.

He found his salvation. Up ahead was a dark alleyway to the side. Experience had taught
him that the GS, with their perpetual squinting, were not very adept seeing in the dark.
That it was already dusk would only provide further cover for his hiding.
He reached the alleyway and ducked in. He watched the GS pass by. He was safe, or so
he thought.

"Friggin' Fanboy-spawn, they're being force fed this crap, I tell ya. Very sad," came a
voice from behind.

He looked behind himself, back into the alley. There he saw a mysterious figure. Even
more mysterious was the cardboard box he was leaning against; it was radiating a strange
yellowish glow.

"Can you believe they're actually buying this garbage? Just a buncha cardboard cutouts
with no real substance. Hate to tell ya, but a Yugo with a Mazzerati exterior is still a
Yugo. Anyone who thinks otherwise I"

"Shut up, man! They'll hear us!"

But it was too late. A GS agent had located them, illuminating the alleyway with his left
eye, which inexplicably gave off a yellowish light.

The two were trapped. They backed up into the alleyway, slowly rearing toward the box.

"Resistance is Futile." The GS leveled his gun and fired.

Chapter Nine: A matter of duty and honor

by Amazon

"Gaea!"

Mope, Aquaman, Jason Borelli, and Joe Grendel swiveled around to see a pale-faced
Amazon with a hand clasped over her mouth.

"Marvel Universe is under attack? No, it can't possibly be!" protested Amazon.

Grendel retrieved the remote control and pressed the power button. The televisions on the
opposite side of the room roared to life with a novice reporter's voice trying to be heard
over the chaos. It didn't matter. No one was listening anyway. Instead they were
transfixed upon the sight of sobbing kids huddled together in pools of blood. Black
smoke fumed upwards towards the red sky filled with explosions and gunfire. In the
background they could see the police force, the boys of blue, putting their lives on line
fighting a losing battle desperately trying to save their homes, their city, their family.
Fanboy's troops paraded through the city, closing in on their spoils of war.

The TV screen flickered and then blacked out. A power shortage in Marvel Universe.

Amazon disappeared into the ladies room leaving behind the guys in their stunned state.
"You don't think she's crying, do you?" asked a mystified Aquaman.

"You're asking us? How should we know?" Mope scoffed.

"Well, why did she just walk in there like that?"

"Who knows why women do anything?" lightly quipped Jason Borelli.

"I think you've lost a little too much blood, Jase. You should have Mr. Miracle check you
out." Joe Grendel tossed the business card down on the counter.

The ladies bathroom door swung back. Amazon emerged out into the main room donned
in a red, white, and blue warrior garb. She adjusted her silver bracelets and glanced at the
foursome sitting at the bar silently observing her.

"Fanboy has to be stopped. There's no choice, but to fight back. Marvel may not be where
our loyalties lie, but there are people out there. People who need us. Gentlemen, the time
is now. And the choice is yours. You can help. Or you can try to find a different channel
to watch."

Heading towards the exit, Amazon clutched the golden lasso at her side and breathed a
brief prayer.

"Gaea help us all."

Chapter Ten: Crisis on Marvel Earth

by Joe Grendel

Mope, Borelli and Aquaman looked at one another.

"Uh, she's right, you know," Mope said after a moment. The trio got up to follow her.

"HEY! This is a bar, not a hospital ward," Grendel barked. "Take Jonah-whatever-his-
number-is to the Order of the Overly Attentive Madonna. The nuns'll nursemaid him."

Aquaman jerked his hand back from Jonah, pale and shaking.

"He's I he's dead. Fanboy killed him."

Grendel fumed.

"Well, now you REALLY have to get him out of here! Dead bodies in a restaurant are
LOUSY for business."

***
The Marvel Universe.

After some rather distasteful errands have been performed.

Amazon, Jason "Green Lantern" Borelli, Aquaman and Mope appeared in a squalid
Southeast Asian city.

"Where are we?" Aquaman swiveled his head around in fascination.

"Genosha," Amazon said quietly. "There's a lot about them not to like, but they know how
to fight superpowered beings. And win."

Chapter Eleven: Awww, man!

by the Jester

Amazon, Jason, Aquaman, and Mope stood in the middle of the Genoshan street.

"Well, Amazon," Mope said, "what now?"

"Well, Mope, I'll tell you. We ..."

Suddenly the door to the small Port-A-John burst open.

"Jason! Fish-Man! Mope! Hey there! Who is this?" asked a man in brightly colored red,
yellow and green tights and a fool's cap/mask.

"Oh, no."

"Terrific."

"Why me?!"

"Borelli, who is this?" Amazon asked, ready for battle.

"Amazon, this is the Jester. A, uh, friend of mine, God help me."

"Amazon, eh? Rarr!" the Jester growled. He was answered by eight rolling eyes. "So,
what's the earth-shattering problem today?"

"The Marvel Universe is being destroyed by Fanboy."

"The Marvel Universe? Home of 3D Man, Madcap, and other such classic characters?"

"Uh, I guess," answered a confused Aquaman. "And don't call me Fish-Man!"

"Then count me in!"

"Oh, thanks. We will certainly need your powers of, uh, annoyance. Answer me this,
though, Jester. Why are you here in Genosha?"

"Hey, man, when you've got to go, you've got to go!"

"I should've known," Mope snorted.

"Genosha? This doesnUt look anything like Wisconsin!"

"Shut up, Jester."

Chapter Twelve: BatMite and Miracle return

by BatMite and Mr. Miracle

The attack on the Marvel Universe caused quite a stir in a strange little dimension. It
wouldn't normally, because all of the denizens therein were quite I well, weird! and also
had strange mass fixations on the caped and colorful heroes of the DC universe. In their
own strange little ways, they imitated these heroes, became these heroes, totally
lampooned these heroes I the most sincerest form of flattery they knew.

But this particular day, as they looked through the dimensional portals known only as the
"Windows on the World," they were looking at the Marvel universe. They were doing this
because their most famous member, a member in good standing of the Pantheon (but
gone for a time, to handle dramatic events at homeI) spoke with a strange Oz-tray-leyan
accent, and had focused his attention on that nations capital of Canberra.

He couldn't do this in the DC universe, because everybody knows that Canberra, Sydney
and Melbourne really copped a whole lot of crap during that whole "Invasion" business a
few years back, and no real attention had been paid to rebuilding since. I mean, who
cares? They didn't even bother to rebuild the JLI embassy, and if the JLI aren't gonna go
there, well, who's left? The Global Guardians? Yeah, Tasmanian Devil is a real draw card;
THAT'll get us a mini-series in OZ that'll get the rebuilding done in earnest ...

The shadowy form of the pantheon member snapped himself suddenly out of his reverie.
His eyes focused through the windows onto the streets of Canberra. Canberra was a place
not too dissimilar to Washington, in that it was a purpose built city, to reflect the seat of
Government of the Nation. Which it did rather well, but not in the way the founding
architects may have thought. Y'see, all the streets went in circles. All of them. Not a
single straight street to be found in the place. Which made it hell for visitors, and a haven
for extradimensionalists who didn't necessarily rely on line-of-sight teleportation.

The one straight street in Canberra ran through the center of the city. More specifically,
the Civic Bus interchange. Lining the interchange was all manner of eateries, clothes
shops, newsstands, banks and clubs and bars, and life in general. In the midst of this
rabble, if you let your concentration go at just the right moment, usually as you were
stepping out of the bus from Gungahlin, North(-ish) Canberra, you would find yourself
not at the interchange at all. Using the straightness of the road you could cut through the
curvature of the dimensions, and be deposited at any place of your choosing.

Somehow Fanboy had cottoned on to this fact. He must have used the DC version of this
place to travel to its counterpart in the Marvel U, since his access to the IRCube had been
cut off. Although if he remembered the DC/Marvel/"All Access" crossover series and
grabbed that damn cardboard box, all hell was sure to break loose!

Its one thing to take a bus, but if you can grab some of the fabric of the major universes
in existence for your own purposes, this would be the infinitely more preferable option.

Damn. When had Fanboy grown a spine?

The Imp squinted in confusion, then straightened his eyes. And POP he disappeared.

***

Amazon nodded at the Jester.

"Glad to have you aboard. We're going to need all the help we can get."

And in bamfed BatMite.

Jason and Aquaman looked at each other, grimacing.

"Yep, if he's involved again, we're gonna neeeeeed the help!"

BOOM

The sound echoed out of a strange golden tube that seemed to grow out of nowhere. From
its depths came a man in a retina-blistering array of red/yellow/green, apparently arguing
with something on his shoulder.

This wouldn't have been a problem if his path hadn't been on direct line with Amazon and
BatMite. The ensuing collision sent all three tumbling to the street in a heap.

Amazon (in anger): Get off me you creep!

The Stranger: MMmph!

A billowing green cape entangles the three as Aquaman, the Jester and Jason all try to
pull them apart, succeeding only after a great deal of effort and sweating and swearing.
Mope: Mr. Miracle! Didn't I tell you about talking to your Motherbox while you were
boom tubing?

MM: Hey! She always gives me such a dose of back lip when I try to visit you guys!

SLAP!

Amazon (looming over a once-again-prone Miracle): Next time you bump into somebody
buster, watch where you put your hands!

Jason: But his hands were still tangled when we got him up.

Mope (eyes narrowing): Where'd BatMite go?

Chapter Thirteen: Taking Action

by Amazon

Aquaman quickly jerked his head sideways just in time to catch a glimpse of BatMite
disappearing into the underground sewer.

"Looks like BatMite's got an agenda of his own," he commented.

A shrill, high-pitched noise pierced through the air like a razor followed by a shattering
explosion in the skyscraper in front of the them. With the flying shrapnel and falling
debris, Mope, Aquaman, Jester, Amazon, and Mr. Miracle barely survived thanks to the
green protective shield provided by Jason Borelli's GL ring and his quick thinking.

"Everybody in one piece?" Mr. Miracle checked around before becoming satisfied that
everybody was at least still breathing.

Only Jester caught a glimpse of the dawning horror reflected in Amazon's eyes. And then
he understood why.

Amidst the concrete rubble and boulders, there was a stuffed, old Raggedy Ann doll lying
face down right next to a tiny, lifeless body pinned underneath a chunk of concrete. Only
the hand was visible. And it was still clutching that doll.

Struggling to keep her emotions in check, Amazon placed a hand on Aquaman's shoulder.

"BatMite had the right idea. We'd accomplish more if some of us split up. Don't take too
long. There isn't much time to spare. Fanboy HAS to be found."

Mope stepped forward and took charge.

"If one of us happens to find Fanboy first, send off a signal for backup and the rest of us
will be there."

"What kind of a signal?" Borelli asked.

"Think of something. Just do what you can."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Mope pounded his fist into his other palm.

"All right, guys! Go to it!"

Chapter Fourteen: Dis chapter makes no sense!

by the Mighty Hank!

Meanwhile

Rain fell in a gentle mist around the pan-dimensional pocket reality known as J Street.
Velociraptors vied for the best parking spots against Aston Martin roadsters. Starships
soared through the air, passing dragons and witches on broom sticks. While the street
lights flickered, cavepeople in the hills discovered fire. The residents of J Street were an
eclectic mix of the strange and wonderful variety the multiverse had to offer.

Socrates wandered the alleys of J Street, Metro map in his left hand and hot-dog with the
works in the right. He took a bite of his dog, and hot onions and 'kraut spilled onto his
toga.

"Oh. And I just had this cleaned," the scholar-philosopher said. Socrates frowned as he
scooped the goo from his clothing back into his mouth. He stood for a moment, shoved
the whole dog into his mouth, then proceeded to lick his fingers as he read his map.

***

A bearded Asgaardian warrior in a trench coat wandered the alleys of J Street in sullen
silence as the rains misted the roads and helped the puddles grow big and strong.

He looked, to say the least, haggard. In his right hand, nothing, in his left, a burnt piece of
computer paper with the remnants of a few choice words.

"Hatm-n -- be-ond Gr--t Bar--er and -- -- -- da--er.

PS Hank th---s he is -a--r the S---ari
love,
gail"

The haggard stranger wandered through the bowels of J Street, passing a Siamese
Mammoth or two along the way.
 ***

Socrates KNEW where he was coming from. And he knew where he was going. The
problem was, as often is the case, HOW to get where he wanted to be.

He stopped by Grendel's for a brief instant, just to say hello, and felt a little off-put by the
amount of super-heroes that had gathered there.

Was it his fault that he was just a normal man of extraordinary gifts? Was it his fault that
they were born different? Was it his fault that super-heroes swaggered about as much as
they did, and always seemed to have knack for finding trouble? Or for causing trouble in
the lives of normal people? Was it his fault that he had that strange taste in his mouth
after he drank that wine?

NO!

Socrates swore that the next super-hero he met would be given a piece of his mind.

***

The haggard Asgaardian rounded a corner in confused directness. He walked with

purpose.

Unfortunately, his purpose was lost to him at the moment.

No matter, it would come to him soon.

***

Socrates ran chest first into the man from Asgaard. Furious, he prepared himself to
scream.

Then he SAW the Asgaardian. All 7'0", 350lbs of him.

"P-p-pardon me, s-s-sir."

The Asgaardian cleared his throat. He coughed. Words like dry paper fell from his lips.

"You are pardoned. But only if you have something for me to drink."

Socrates pondered the rains falling around him, then kept his tongue.

"You, my large friend, look as if you need a very stiff drink. May I suggest "

Socrates reached under his toga, and grabbed a business card made from the heart of a
decaying proto-star.
" Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill." Socrates smiled.

The large man looked at the card in bewildered puzzlement.

"But, how do I get there?" he asked sheepishly.

Socrates smiled, turning over the business card. On the back was a detailed 4 dimensional
map of J street, including a path straight to Grendel's marked in friendly bright red.

"Just follow the red line to Grendel's. And good luck!"

The Asgaardian warrior took the business card in his right hand, then stumbled into the
misty mystic night.

Socrates just shrugged his shoulders, and blessed his lucky stars that THIS encounter
with a super-hero had left him generally unscathed.

He stepped off of the curb, and was immediately smashed into atoms by a passing cab.
Socrates was then immediately reincarnated in the future as Gigi Kahn, Madeline Kahn's
great-great-great granddaughter who would someday go on to a famous career in the
meat-packing industries of 2212.

Socrates first and last thought as Socrates: "Oh, so THAT'S what I drank "

Chapter Fifteen: Behold, the Age of Fanboy!

by Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

New York City.

The wave of energy swept through Avengers Mansion. In its wake, it left nothing. Bare,
scorched earth was all that remained. At ground zero, stood Fanboy, flexing the Infinity
Gauntlet.

He turned his head to one side. Four Freedoms Plaza was in flames. He turned his head
the other direction, toward mid-town. Fire trucks were trying to contain the damage to the
Daily Bugle, and keep it from spreading to surrounding buildings.

An attack wing of Sentinels soared over head, tracking Manhattan mutants.

Fanboy smiled.

"America is almost mine. Tomorrow, the rest of Marvel Earth!"

***
Washington, DC.
J Street.
Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

ZZ Top was playing on the jukebox.

"So, kevrhon, why didn't you go with the Pantheon?"

The blurred image that was kevrhon looked up from his NTN controller.

"Well, my wife asked me to stay out of super-heroing for a bit. She doesn't think there's
much future in it I'll talk about it in a second; the game's starting again."

The door creaked open, letting a fine drizzling rain in, mostly blocked by a hulking figure
in the doorway.

Grendel looked up and smiled.

"Hank!"

The Mighty Asgaardian's brow furrowed.

"Do I know you?"

***

The Marvel Universe.

The island nation of Genosha.

The monitors showed images of superhuman chaos around the island, and the world.

Field Lieutenant Chang gnashed his teeth.

"What is happening? How can these genetic misfits be so powerful? Can't we DO

anything to stop these attacks?"

Mope stepped out of the shadows, nearly causing Chang to ruin his underwear.

"That's what I'd like to talk to you about," Mope said quietly.

Chapter Sixteen: A hero falls

by JYu

The Marvel Universe.

New York City, the top of the Empire State Building.
Fanboy stood, high above it all, with a contemplative look on his face. It would not
remain there for long.

"In the name of the United States Government, I hereby place you under arrest!!"

Fanboy turned around to find himself faced by the soul of the Marvel Universe, the Star-
Spangled Avenger, himself, Captain America.

"Welcome, young Rogers. I have been expecting you. I'm looking forward to completing
your training. In time you will learn to call me master."

"You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me like you did the others."

"Oh, no, young Rogers. It is you who are mistaken about a great many things."

"Your over-confidence is your weakness."

"Your faith in good taste is yours."

"Come, boy." Fanboy beckons to his side of the tower. "See for yourself. From here you
will witness the end of your insignificant rebellion, and the dawn of the new age of splash
panels, gratuitous violence, and silicone breast implants."

Captain America's grip on his shield grew tighter.

"The hate is swelling in you, now, isn't it Rogers? I am unarmed. Strike me down with
your shield. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment, you make yourself more
my servant."

"No!"

"It is unavoidable. You, like the others, are now mine."

Captain America could resist no longer. His muscles tightened, and he leapt toward
Fanboy.

Suddenly, he was stopped in mid-air and thrown to the ground. Captain America looked
up.

John Prophet.

In a blind rage, Captain America threw a punch at Prophet, who doubled over in pain.
Cap then put his hands together and brought them down on Prophet's head.

"Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you "
Somehow, Prophet regained the upper hand. He grabbed Cap by the neck from behind,
and pressed him against the railing on the edge of the tower. In an impossible move of
desperation, Captain America twisted himself around at an impossible angle, threw his
arm back, and decapitated Prophet with his shield.

There was a blinding flash of light.

Captain America was reborn.

And Fanboy was laughing.

Chapter Seventeen: A hero skins his knee

by the Jester

"Split up, eh? Cover more ground, eh? Easy for a Themyscrian to say. When you're only
powers are those of ridicule and annoyance, you like to have some bigger guns with you,"
The Jester said while walking the streets. "My old contacts here aren't reliable any more.
Iceman is mean now. Madrox is dead. Strong Guy is who knows where. 3D Man is out of
continuity. Going to have to go outside of the Marvel, DC, and Pantheon universes to
summon The Justice League of Ashland! The only problem is that they know me as
DaDamerican. Oh, well. Who else would call them?"

The Jester took a strange machine out of his pouch. "Ah, the Oscillating Impregnatron.
I'll summon my old comrades with this."

In a dojo far, far away, the man known only as Kung Fu felt a tingling.

"I am needed," he said, swiftly leaving the dojo.

At a picturesque lake, a man was fishing and playing bass guitar.

"That tingle! Bassmaster is needed!" he said, powering up his super-rod and bass clef.

At BYU, two young ladies were busy studying.

"Annie, do you feel that?" one said.

"Yes. It appears Wonder Mormon and The Ice Queen are coming out of retirement. Let's
go."

At a restaurant: "Excuse me, ma'am. What will you be having tonight?"

"I'm a guy, dammit! Wait! The Impregnatron! This looks like a job for Girl Man!" The
waiter watched as his customer flew out the window.
Meanwhile, in a smoky, artsy cafe, one man in black sits silently. Then: "Groovy, man.
Seems the League is gettin' togetha. Well, The Battling Beatnik will be there, not square."

***

Later, in the secret HQ of the Justice League of Ashland

"DaDamerican, is that you in that ridiculous costume?"

"Yes, Kung Fu, it's me."

"You look like an idiot."

"Shut up Bassmaster. We've got a problem. You know how there are multiple
dimensions?"

"Yeah, man. Like, I got my training in the Dimension of Koo-well."

"Right, BB. Well, there's a threat in one: The Marvel Universe."

"Like, as in Spider-Man?"

"That's right, Girl Man. Well, it's in deep trouble. A group I've been running with called
The Pantheon is trying to help. I figure we need all the help we can get."

"Of course YOU do, you incompetent fool."

"Nice to see you, too, Ice Queen, my dear. Well, will you guys help?"

"Yeah, I've been kind of bored. Time to flex some muscles. Where's Flotarr?"

"Well, Wondy, his mental capacity deteriorated even further. He has to be watched 24
hours a day so he doesn't eat his own waste."

"Bleah! That's so gross! I guess we should have seen it coming. Well, DaDam I mean
Jester what now?"

"I'll tell you "

Chapter Eighteen: I am not Hank

by kevrhon

Joe looked at the disheveled godling who had just entered his establishment.

"Come again?"
"Excuse me, but I have been drawn to this place. I know not why. I know only one thing
for sure, 'I am not Hank'."

Grendel would have thought this was some lame attempt at humor, but knew that even
Hank wasn't that lame. There was a conviction in the Mighty One's voice that suggested
he believed what he was saying.

"OK, you're not Hank. But do you know who you are?"

"I am Prince Namor, Sovereign of the Seven Seas, Ruler of Atlantis and Inventor of Fish
Sticks, called by some the Submariner. You may address me as Your Highness, My Liege,
or Pookie-Wookie."

"How about just Namor?"

"Ummmm yes, that will do."

kevrhon has been totally absorbed in his NTN to this point, and has been oblivious to
what is happening up at the bar.

"Hey, kev," Joe called out, "I want you to meet somebody who's not Hank."

"Yeah, this is a lost cause anyway. Whattaya got?"

kevrhon looks up for the first time to lay eyes on the 7 foot Asgaardian who is occupying
Joe's attention.

"But, he's not Hank?"

"Nnnnoooo he's Namor, the Submariner. Don't you recognize him by the wings on his
ankles and the pointy ears?"

"Ohhhh, yeah. I see that now. Hey, can I see you for a minute over here?"

Grendel offers Hank/Namor a beer, which he politely turns down, requesting directions to
the restrooms instead.

"Man, I don't know what happened, but something is definitely wrong the day Hank turns
down a beer."

kevrhon nods in agreement.

"What are we gonna do. We can't just let a 7 foot 370 lb. godling run around loose.
Besides, at some point he'll try to take a swim and he'll drop like a rock. Where's
MRMIRACLE? I think our friend needs some couch time."
Grendel shakes his head.

"He took off with the others. Besides, we don't know if he's brainwashed, hexed, mind-
controlled or having an alternate life experience. We need to pin that down first."

KAAAWWOOOOOSSHHHH! Hank/Namor exits the men's room in a brown vapor

cloud.

"Namor does not know what he has consumed recently, but advises no one enter the
water closet for a time."

Joe and kevrhon look at each other knowingly. Grendel speaks aloud what both are
thinking: "Well, I guess we can rule out doppelganger. That's our Hank."

"Yeah, and whatever crawled up inside him and died. If he's unaware of the power he
possesses he could cause no end of damage without the requisite control. We need help
now."

With a flourish of arcane gestures, a flash of light and a puff of smoke, the bar is
suddenly littered with Stick-ups and Renuzit deodorizers. The godling/prince finds his
neck adorned with a string of pine scented auto air fresheners. With another gesture, a
portal opens in the middle of the room, and out step a garishly costumed figure covered
in sequins and rhinestones, and another more ordinary looking gentlemen clad in neutral
and earth-toned
garments.

"Joe Grendel, permit me to introduce Captain Fantastic, and the Brown Dirt Cowboy.
From the end of the world to your bar."

Chapter Nineteen: Hi, when I travel the dimensions,

people often don't know who I am.
That's why I carry the American Express card.
by Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

The island of Genosha.

Aquaman huddled in an alley, blocking a group of mutant children with his body.

*I think the Sentinels have passed by. I'd hate to have sprung you from the Genosha work
farms, just to have you hunted down and caught by Fanboy.*

He turned to find the children gone.

*WHAT?*
A man cleared his throat near him. Aquaman whirled, thrusting his hook before him.

"Whoa, whoa!" The man backed up, smiling. "Aquaman, right?"

"Do I know you?"

"Sort of. I'm part of the Joe Corps. I'm the Joe Gallagher of the Marvel Universe."

"You've come to help?"

"Uh, no. Gail and I have our hands full since Fanboy killed Jonah. But if your plan to use
Genoshan technology against his troops works, you can at least slow him down enough
for something else to work."

"Enough mystery: What are you talking about?"

"Well, Fanboy's superpower is to summon forth any object including the Infinity Gauntlet
or robots like the Sentinels that appears in a comic he owns."

"Great! We'll just burn down his apartment "

"It won't be that easy; He's got vaults full of comics throughout the multiverse. But I
suspect much of his storage is kept in the Image Universe. He's one of the founders of
Youngblood and one of that universe's greatest heroes "

"Great, I'll just gather up the others, and we'll get on it."

***

Elsewhere on Genosha.

The guns poked painfully into Mope's temples from either side, and the energy-inhibitor
beam focused on him which kept him from changing size was giving him a headache.

"Uh, people? We're on the same side here. I need your help in stopping Fanboy."

"Gene trash! Kill him."

Chapter Twenty: Never stick a fork in a socket or

you'll be having fried green eggs and ham for supper
by Amazon

Mope sweated as he heard the guns cock.

"Hold your fire!" Field Lieutenant Chang bellowed. Chang was sitting in a green, state of
the art electric chair. The volts from the generator were sizzling and hissing begging to be
released, to electrify, to unleash its unbridled power. And for that release to happen, all it
needed was a downward push on the green lever right next to Chang's metallic chair.

And Jason Borelli was grasping it.

Mope slowly exhaled as Chang's men lowered their guns and retreated. He had never
been so relieved to see Jason.

"Where's Amazon?" Mope questioned.

"She found Thor's hammer. She's a bit alarmed that he doesn't have it. She went to
investigate," answered Jason.

Chang squirmed in the chair, trying to get out of the iron-like grip.

"Gee my arm's getting tired," Jason drawled, "Maybe I should put my arm down and "

"NAAAAAA-OOOOOWWWWW!" whimpered Chang.

Jason chuckled as he continued to toy around with Chang's nerves as Mope walked over
to the monitors and momentarily watched the updates on Fanboy's status.

"Chang! Listen to me. Look, LOOK at the monitors before you! Do you see what's
happening even as we speak? We're all in this together. You should be concentrating on
Fanboy. Not having some kind of lame power play with me. Or Jason. Or any of the
Pantheon for that matter!" Mope huffed.

Chang lowered his head and looked at his watch.

"It's gonna start soon."

Mope and Jason looked at each other.

"What's gonna start soon?"

***

Ashland.
Justice League Headquarters.

Jester surveyed his old comrades. Long time, no see. Yep, it was starting to feel like the
old days. In fact, he remembered the time when

"Jester. Knock, knock. Anybody up there?" Bassmaster impatiently sighed.

"I'm thinkin'. I'm thinkin.'" Jester grumbled.

Girl Man held up his hand and noticed a tiny, tiny hangnail.

"Anybody got a nail file?"

"Not again! You never gave mine back to me last time I loaned it to you!" Ice Queen
whined.

Wonder Mormon spoke up: "Hey, there's this great new concept. In fact, it's all the rage
these days! It's called using your teeth!!"

Ice Queen tossed her snowy white hair back and narrowed her ice blue eyes.

"Leave the jokes to DaDamerican, why don't you? Spare us."

"SHADDUP!" Jester screamed. "As much as I enjoy this trivial bickering, it's NOT why I
summoned you!"

There was a stunned silence following Jester's outburst.

Jester stretched his neck side-to-side and cracked his fingers.

"I don't know where the Pantheon is. They're supposed to send a signal when backup is
needed. So I suggest that for now, we hightail it to Marvel Universe and try to track down
one of them."

"And how do you propose to do that when you don't even know where to find Fanboy?"
The Battling Beatnik jumped in.

"Well, ahem, um, I know BatMites in a underground sewer somewhere in Genosha. How
hard can it be?"

Chapter Twenty-One: The Man Who Fell to Earth-Prime

by JYu

Marvel Earth.
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania.

JYu had woken up to find, once again, that his roommate had taken his soap and shampoo
an left it in the shower. One of these days, he'd have to hide them someplace. Safe. Of
course, then there was the problem of being able to find them in the future; in the past, his
roommate had gone so far as to go into J's backpack to borrow and then forget to return
his Chemistry book. If he was going to hide his toiletries, it'd have to be someplace good.
He wandered out of his room and down the hall, to the bathroom. The problem would be
finding a place where he himself would not forget where they were...

He was stopped in mid-thought by a greeting from a red-haired girl who lived across the
hall from him.

He returned the greeting. (Jean? Why did he want to call her Jean?)

***

Now.
Ashland.
JL Headquarters.

"'How hard can it be?' Smell the coffee, man; seems you're far beyond waking up. Man,
it's like a sewer system you're talking about."

"Point, Beatnick?"

"Not only is it like a sewer system, it is a sewer system "

"What Ice Queen and Beatnik are trying to say, is that it's, well, a sewer system. You ever
wonder why Genosha is renowned for being one of the cleanest, as well as industrious
small nations in the world?"

"No, Kung Fu."

"Well, now you know."

***

Lewisburg, PA.

They were beckoning to him, calling him a name which he no longer answered to. That
was what he remembered. In fact, that was all he remembered. That and an
overwhelming need to relieve his bowels; that was what directed him toward Grendel's
Pond Bar and Grill in the first place. Somehow, following that, he had found his way
back to Lewisburg.

He could remember nothing before then. And even those memories which he now
recalled were quickly fading.

There were a few things which he recalled half-forgotten dreams, more like. He
remembered faces, names, but could no longer match the one with the other. Was it
because he couldn't remember or because he didn't want to?
Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill. That was where it all began. That was where he would find
his answers.

***

Genosha.

Chang: You still don't get it, do you? All this destruction, the violence. The Sentinels
flying overhead, for god's sake!

Mope: So what else is new in the Marvel Universe?

Chang: Genosha doesnt use Sentinels. It's the other way around; Sentinel technology is
based on Genoshan equipment. And that's not even going to happen for another twenty-
five years!

Jason: Wait; but when Cable ran around blowing things up, and X-Force was imprisoned
there, there were Sentinels all over the friggin place

Mope: That was in the Animated Series-.

Chang: Exactly.

Mope: Good god he can't be.

Chang: He is. Don't you get it? It's already begun. Decent plot lines watered down to so
low a level that even he can understand. Apocalyptic alternate realities. Modernized
versions of archaic heroes with new bad @$$ attitudes. All of this. He's even brought
back Madrox, for god's sake.

Chang glanced at his watch. "NO!! It's begun!"

He pointed to a set of monitors.

Images of carnage and wholesale slaughter. Classic Marvel Heroes gone Grim 'n Gritty.
Humans culled by the millions under the tyrannical hands of two-bit mutant villains
retconned into omnipotent demagogues. More dead heroes than ever before inexplicably
raised from the grave. Sentinels flying high above it all, destroying any and all resistance.

"Everything his little Fanboyish mind could ever want to happen to the Marvel Universe,
all at once. He's making it into a reality."

Chapter Twenty-Two: Please watch your step

by BatMite!
In the aforementioned underground sewer, something moved. Which is probably just as
well, or we would have been posting eulogies for small, caped interdimensional imps. If
it wasn't the imp, however, we may yet get to that.

The Imp it was. BatMite stirred, shook his crooked cowl until the slime released its
clammy hold, the unconscious fog lifted its sledgehammer hold, and heaved himself
upright. With a
heaviness that, in the light of his small frame, was patently ridiculous.

Fortunately, BatMite already had the patents. He hadn't been receiving any royalties for
that absolutely horribleHanna-Barbera version of his likeness a few decades ago, the
wage Grendel pays for invaluable right-hand man assistance at the bar was to sneeze at,
and he didn't feel like paying out for any patent infringements.

You'd think that, standing in a sewer in a foreign universe that was under attack, without
backup or even a clue of your companion's whereabouts, you'd have just a few other
considerations to worry about. But not BatMite! Being an interdimensional figure of
some
power (if not the faintest clue on how to really use it why else dress in a Bat suit?) meant
that he had other avenues available to him.

He squinted his eyes and his pointy-toed shoes, and POP!

*
appeared exactly where he had stood just a mere moment ago. This was not a good sign.
BatMite looked at the sewer and the sludge, and the poor light filtering down from a grate
in the ceiling above, and dim memories floated down through his muddled brain as he
floated up and peered at the scene outside his vantage of the grate.

Something about bamfing in on his pantheon colleagues, being grabbed by a sudden

down draft and shoved through a manhole, Miracle's voice saying something about
following his lead, splitting up and searching, some idiot in bright red, green and
yellow jumping on him from above then nothing.

BatMite also recalled seeing something before he left his home dimension; something
that rang emergency alarm bells inside his becowled cranium and demanded the pantheon
stay together or be lost forever if only he could recall what it was!

BatMite tried to 'port again, and his stomach sank as he again bounced off the
dimensional walls and returned to the sewer.
And a ghastly vision of Sentinels murderously mangling a mob of maddened middle
managers, after being chased from their sanctuary in an office block across the road.
Fanboy was really pulling out the stops now; virtually all resistance in the Marvel
Universe was gone.

With dimensional barriers being rigidly enforced, BM had only the Pantheon to rely on.
If only he could find them! It would be futile tried to find them separately in the War
Zone that was Genosha, and Fanboy typically didn't leave obvious trails behind him, so
the
Canberra Bus Interchange dimensional portal would be a pile of smoldering dust by now.
That left one avenue: J Street, Washington DC, Marvelverse version. Stay in the same
dimension, strain till you burst, and hope not for the worst

And POP BatMite disappeared. And didn't reappear. In the sewer at least.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Lost (as well as Cliffs Notes)

by Jason Borelli

Parts Unknown

"How the hell did I get HERE??"

Jason looked around.

Desert.

"OK, calm down. One minute, I'm dealing with the crisis at Genosha, or wherever. Next
minute, I'm here. What gives?"

Pause.

"Oh, S--T! My bag! It's gone! And so's my Lantern! I got the ring, but I dunno how much
juice I have left!"

Jason saw something else.

Footprints in the sand.

Jason followed them, running all the way. Then he saw something.

Or rather, someone

"Jason?"

"Gail?"
 ***

Elsewhere

"I have him! I HAVE HIM! After a year of waiting, JASON BORELLI IS MINE!"

Chapter Twenty-Four: Found (as well as Norms Notes)

by the Jester

Ashland.

Justice League Headquarters.

"All right, you've got a point. Going in the sewers would be a bad idea. They said that the
only way to defeat Fanboy was to destroy his comic collection."

"All right then! Where is it?"

"I was GETTING to that, Kung Fu. Ahem. The problem is that he has it hidden
throughout the multiverse. If we split up into teams, we can destroy various parts of it.
Bassmaster and Battling Beatnik, you two go to the Dark Horse Universe. Girl Man and
Kung Fu you take Astro City. Ice Queen and Wonder Mormon can take on the Boneverse.
I'll try to contact our friends here on Earth A and find Fanboy's stockpile here. Ready?"

"As we'll ever be."

"All right, let's get working. And guys, it's great to work with you all again."

This last comment is met with a chorus of "Shut up, Joe"s, "Shut up, DaDamerican"s, and
"Shut up, Jester"s, as the team left the headquarters.

"Now I have some calls to make " the Jester said to himself.

Chapter Twenty-Five: Joe Grendel, Inc.

by Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

Genosha.

The green energy electric chair containing Chang flickers a moment. The Pantheon turns
to Green Lantern.

"Gallagher?!" Dressed in the Green Lantern uniform was not Borelli any longer (busy off
starting a strange new subplot), but Joe Gallagher.
"Gallagher of the DCU, actually," he said. "These Marvel-DC crossovers keep getting
more common, so the Joe Corps stays in pretty regular contact. Now, Chang, where were
we?"

***

Still the Marvel Universe.

Washington, DC.
1600 block of K Street.

Smoke from the Infinity Gauntleted White House and Capitol Building wafts overhead.

BatMite bamfs in, then looks around in confusion.

"What the? I was supposed to be on J Street!"

"Tourist!" A familiar voice snorts. "There's no such thing!"

BatMite's eyes practically bug out of his head.

"Grendel?" His boss is standing in the doorway of Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill, located
at 1602 K Street.

BatMite puts his hand to his forehead.

"I need to lie down " The imp sinks to the pavement, closing his eyes. There is a
sickening sound and he reopens his eyes. Grendel's decapitated head drops beside him.
Then the bar explodes.

***

J Street, a point in time and space independent of individual universes. The origin of
which will FINALLY be revealed in a forth-coming story.

Liz Phair's "Exile In Guyville" is playing on the jukebox.

Grendel looks dubiously at kevrhon.

"Who are these guys?" He jerks a thumb at Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt
Cowboy.

Before kevrhon can answer, the door slams open.

A Viking warrior wearing a full-face helmet, his blonde mane spilling out the back,
stands in the doorway, clutching his sword in his hand. He looks a moment at Hank, then
turns to Grendel.
"Marvel Universe. BatMite at K Street. Go."

Grendel looks ruefully at the new visitor, then reaches under the bar and grabs his sword
and pistol, then heads out the door.

"I know I'm going to regret this," he says as he heads out the door.

***

Back in the Marvel Universe.

K Street in Washington.

BatMite shrieks with horror at the bloody head of Grendel.

"OhmyohmyohmyohmyohmyohmyohmyohmyohmyGOD!"

Then a hand reaches down, grabs the head by its blonde hair and slings it into the burning
bar.

BatMite looks up and all but faints.

"Grendel?" His voice is almost a whisper.

Grendel grins, wiping the blood off his sword with a rag.

"Yeah. Bet you're surprised to see me."

"You? Killed? Yourself?"

Grendel nods, the stench of gasoline still clinging to his clothes.

"Kind of a hobby of mine. I hate thinking I'm not special and unique."

"I keep forgetting you're not one of the good guys," BatMite's color begins returning to
normal.

"That's your own damn fault." He smacks BatMite in the back of the head. "I don't recall
giving you time off work to go save the Marvel Universe. Now, let's get out of here
before the police start asking who set Marvel-Grendel's bar on fire."

***

J Street.

The Viking marches around to the back of the bar, grabs a glass and pours himself a
Yuengling Black and Tan. He reaches up to his helmet and flings it to the floor.
"GRENDEL?!" kevrhon's eyes bug out almost as satisfyingly as BatMite's did. Grendel
wipes the flecks of beer from his beard.

"Ah. I needed that. It's been a year since I had a beer."

"A YEAR?!"

"Stop yelling. I got enough of that in Asgaard."

"ASGAA -- sorry, Asgaard?"

"Yeah, I got separated from the Pantheon after we defeated Fanboy and saved the Marvel
Universe. I got shunted off to Asgaard." He looks at Hank a moment. "Met the big
goober's ex-girlfriend, incidentally. She helped me get out of the ... situation that kept me
in Asgaard so long."

"What situation?"

"It's not important; it's over." Grendel scratches at his beard idly. "You know what I
missed most when I was in Asgaard?" A dumb-founded kevrhon shook his head slowly.
"Indoor plumbing. Now, if I remember correctly, you were about to introduce me to those
two." He points at Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy.

The Captain and the Cowboy look at one another, then at kevrhon.

"Does this kind of stuff happen often around here?"

Kevrhon, a throbbing headache taking up residence in his forehead, nods.

"All the time, I'm afraid."

Chapter Twenty-Six: Where's Jason?

by Jason Borelli

The Desert

Jason and gail have been together for almost three days. The sun had bore down upon
them all the time. Still, Jason felt relatively OK.

"So," Jason asked. "How did you get here?"

"No clue," gail responded. "I got jumped, and next thing I know, I'm in Death Valley."

"I dunno about that. I'm not even thirsty."

"You're not thirsty, either? How's that possible?"

Jason's mind began to wander.

He knew a place

NO!

NOT THAT!

"Gail?"

"Yeah, Jason?"

"I think I know where we are."

"Spit it out, then."

"The IRCube. WE ARE TRAPPED IN AN IRCUBE!"

And Jason was right. He and Gail were trapped in the Cosmic Cubish plot device.

And the Cube was in the hands of the last person Jason would want it in.

Barney.

"So, Jason? How do you like it in there?

I hate you.
You hate me.
Now you'll die in misery.
Because you're a pain in the @$$
and you'll be better off gone.
Cuz I'll kill the Pantheon!

Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck!"

Chapter Twenty-Seven: My Favorite Thing

YET ANOTHER BRAWL!
by The Mighty Hank!

Meanwhile

Hank, i.e. Namor, The Submariner, stroked his scruffy face and gargled water. BatMite,
in a cute lil' waiter's outfit, bamfed in next to him.
"Um, is there anything else I can get you, your heh heh highness?" the Mighty Mite said
with a grin.

The Mighty Namor narrowed his eyes then shot a glance at the lovable imp.

With a voice like the sound of a muffler being dragged along fifth avenue, Hank the
Submariner spoke.

"If you would, please, address me as I requested, impling."

BatMite stifled a grin.

"Sure, your "

BatMite bamfed out into the alley for a minute to giggle like a schoolgirl, then bamfed
back in

" Royal Pookie-Wookie-Ness."

The Asgaardian's face broadened into a grin.

"Much better, thank you."

He pounded his right hand on the bar, bouncing Norm and Cliff, and generally
frightening people who would normally know better.

"Barkeep, another Evian!" A piece of blasted paper flew out of Hank's hand, and fluttered
over to Norm. As Hank banged on the bar, Cliff read.

"Uh, hey Nahm, what's this heauh about uh about a Hatman? All I uh can gathuh from
this heauh note is that he's in danguh."

Norm eyed Cliff suspiciously as Grendel watched Hank pound on the bar with glee.
Norm grabbed the note and read it.

"Hey, Cliffie, that's one way to interrupt it. But, see, it's missing information."

Hank pounded and demanded.

"Aaooh, I get it Nahm, it's a random plot device in orduh to uh in orduh to uh insuhrt that
theuh Hatman charactuh."

The bar creaked from Hank's incessant pounding.

"Yeah, something like that Cliff. Just finish the game will ya?"
Hank pounded and pounded, until the poor bar could take no more.

A small crack finally split across the counter, like a fissure in time (hint hint)

The Mighty Grendel eyed Hank with menace. Sure, he was big, goofy, didn't really mean
much harm, etc. Sure he had lost his memory. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

But when you break a man's bar, well

With a THUD, Mighty Grendel put his hand on Hank.

"Look, Prince Fishlips, or Hank or whoever. I don't give a rat's ass WHO the HELL you
think you are."

Mighty Grendel cracked his knuckles, the word AMBER glimmering on his right hand
for a millisecond.

"But you just broke my bar, you Asgaardian PUNK!"

Hank smiled an evil grin. An evil aura passed over his eyes. A small, IRCube shaped
piece of purple protomatter hummed with evil glee on his neck. Faintly, the sounds of, "I
hate you, you hate me " drifted into Hank's ear. Hank's grin broadened. He cracked his
knuckles, creating a sound like rolling thunder.

With a swiftness denied those who are not godling's-'moung-men, Hank whipped around,
and decked Grendel. Grendel flew across the room, smashing the Wurlitzer into the lands
of Kirby.

He got up and adjusted his jaw. An ever-so small trickle of blood ran down his lip.

"That the best you can do, godling?" Grendel said as he jumped at Hank, sword at the
ready.

Just then, perhaps drawn by the thunder-rolling sounds of Hank's knuckle cracking, the
air was split with the sound of

"SHAZAM!"

as the Red Ricky made his triumphant return to Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

He cocked one Titanesque eyebrow at the brawl that was tearing up the Pond.

"Figures," he said with melancholy

 Chapter Twenty-Eight: Some new evil
by Jason Borelli

Grendel's War Zone

Red Ricky and Grendel are greeted by

"HAT! WE NEED YOU!"

"OK, guys! Let me say the oath

"GIVE ME THE POWER TO BACKSTAB,

THE POWER TO HIT LOWER,
YOUR @$$ IS GRASS,
AND I'M A LAWNMOWER!"

"WAITASEC! THAT AIN'T HATMAN!"

"That's right!" noted the Dark Hat. "Now the World's Lamest Team can destroy you two
jerks in the name of B'harne!"

Pause.

"Of course, it wouldn't be fun to kill you jerks now. I have two associates who will make
you wish you were dead!"

From the door burst two beings. One was Asian, short, carrying a big gun. The other was
a monkey. A MAD MONKEY.

"SPRIDLE! CHIM-CHIM! TAKE THEM!"

And in yet another meaningless brawl, Bat-Mite, Grendel and Ricky got hurt. BADLY.

And the quartet of Spridle, Chim-Chim, Dark Hat, and Hank left, laughing all the way.

Five minutes later, kevhron walked in the bar.

Ten minutes later, the downed trio was at Madonna's.

And kevhron was at the Pantheon Office, trying to find out who Barney was

[Next: The first battle between Jason Borelli and Barney! What happened? And who are
the WildHawks?]

Mikey: Hey, there's a fat kid across the street!

Joey: Let's make fun of him!

Jason: That's not very nice!

Mikey and Joey: (in awe) JASON BORELLI!!

Jason: Don't you guys know that overweight kids are every bit as
human as you and me?

Joey: Um, no.

Jason: How would you like somebody to make fun of you because of your braces?

Mikey: Wow! I never thought of it that way!

Joey & Mikey: NOW WE KNOW!

Jason: (Facing the camera): And knowing is half the battle!

Chorus: PAN-THE-ON!!

Roll Credits. See you tomorrow!

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Some Calls

The Jester

The Jester had made several calls. He made several visits. Some easier than others. Heart-
Man was itching for some action. Misty, once the second Battling Beatnik, felt distant
from
her ex-partner and boyfriend, and super-heroing in general. And Bryan poor Flotarr. The
Jester visited his room in the asylum. Filth was everywhere. Flotarr drooled and screamed
unintelligibly. He was a lost case. But The Jester couldn't afford to dwell on that now. He
had a meeting to run.

"All right, guys. Justice League of Ashland Reserves roll call!"

A man in red and white raised his hand.

"Heart-Man here."

A smaller, athletic girl beside him raised hers.

"AND his sister Adrenaline!"

In turn, they all came forward: Infinite Mike; El Wood, Spanish Rogue; Chacheroo; even
Misty, under the new guise of Drama Queen.

The Jester split them up in teams of two, across the multiverse: Heart-Man and
Chacheroo in the Vertigoverse, Infinite Mike and El Wood to Image, Adrenaline and
Drama Queen to TV Land.

"As for me, I'm going back to the Marvel Universe. Go there when you have destroyed
Fanboy's collections in your universes. The rest of our JLA will, too. Good luck."

Chapter Thirty: A recap.

by BatMite!

SOK, the lowdown is:

Fanboy is on the loose, destroying the Marvel Universe. He's a lot more powerful than
ever before. The Pantheon is split up, in more ways than one:

The Mighty Hank! thinks he's Namor, and under the power of a renegade IRCube under
the control of somebody unknown (yeah, right!) has attacked the denizens of Grendels
Bar. TMH! is aided by Dark Hat (apparently a spurned ex-sidekick of The Hatman),
Sprindle and Chim-chim. All of whom have some kind of allegiance to B'harnie, a large
purple demi-demon who has tried to take over the world via childrens television
programming in the past. Yeah, we thought it was pretty lame too, but there ya go

Kevrhon arrived at the bar after the battle, and escorted Grendel, BatMite, and The Red
Ricky to the nunnery-come-hospice of the Overly Attentive Madonna against their
protests. Really, these are Pantheon members! They don't need a couple'a lousy Band-
Aids!

Mr Miracle, Amazon, Aquaman, Mope, and Joe Gallagher (the DC Green Lantern
member of the multiuniversal Joe Corps, an arrangement so complicated that we don't get
into it without a large stock of seriously alcoholic beverages on standby) are somewhere
around Gamorra, Genosha, Gemarra oh, some fictional Marvel Asiatic island-type place,
fighting mutant slavers and time-displaced gigantic Sentinel robots.

The Jester, aka DaDamerican, has enlisted his own comrades from an alternate universe,
the Justice League of Ashland, and are currently searching several other universes in an
attempt to discover Fanboy's secret stashes of comic books. If he sees something in a
comic book, he can create it for his own use, but being a fanboy he needs to constantly
refer to his source material, so their mission should be obvious: Destroy a whole lot of
trash, and make the multiverses safe for comicdom in general
Jason Borelli has somehow been lifted from the Marvelverse and is trapped in the afore
mentioned IRCube with someone who may or may not be Gail. Lord knows there have
been evil clones out there that Gail herself probably isn't sure anymore which one she is.

And to top it all off, the dimensional barriers are starting to close, making everybody's
tasks that much more difficult. BatMite can no longer traverse dimensions at will, and is
restricted to teleporting between locations. All those in the Marvel Universe are in danger
of becoming trapped there, as Fanboy trashes the joint, and the JLAshland crew may not
have an easy escape route once they reach their objectives.

The only working dimensional portals remaining appear to be J Street, Washington DC

(interspatial hub, and location of Grendels Bar, which seems to have developed a chronal
leak emanating from a crack in the bartop itself), the Canberra, Oz-tray-lia Bus
Interchange (the Marvel destination has been blitzed to prevent this access by Fanboy),
and that @#!$@ cardboard box, which we suspect Fanboy saw in the DC/Marvel
crossover and decided it was too good to let go! What could a Fanboy do if he had
control over the fabric of time and space?

There are also a couple of extra wild cards in this equation. Namely, JYu. And the
Hatman hisself. With that many ex-sidekicks running around demented, where is he?

Stay tuned, Bat-fans! Only time will tell!

***

BatMite, Grendel, and the Captain Marvelised (say "SHAZAM" three times fast, and see
if that bomb goes off!) Red Ricky walk back into the bar. BatMite's about fed up with
constantly being belted over the head. The other hero he really empathized with (besides
the great Dark Knight hisself) is Guy Gardner, and BM mulled over the Guysters unique
answer to taking care of constant knocks to the cranium. It involves into morphing into an
8 foot tall figure with tattoos, and a bitchin' attitude.

Meet BatMite: Warrior

Chapter Thirty-One: Holding action

by Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

Genosha.

The Pantheon begins climbing into the Genoshan war jets, although much of Gallagher's
time is spent fending off attacks from circling Sentinels.

"Hurry!" Amazon stuck her head out of one plane's open doorway, her hair whipping in
the hot wind. "You won't believe what's happened to the Avengers!"
The tarmac explodes.

"Mayhap he could, temptress!" The Liefeldized Thor settles to the runway. The Avengers'
Quinjet lands moments later, spilling forth the twisted versions of the Avengers, including
Captain America.

Aquaman hefts the Genoshan pistol he was given, and breathes out slowly.

"OK, Amazon, this is where it hits the fan "

***

The Image Universe.

Youngblood's communication screen lights up, and BadRock leaps to his feet.

"Fanboy! Wow! What an honor, sir!"

Fanboy smiles, basking a moment in the adoration.

"BadRock, the universe is in great danger: A team of interdimensional marauders known

as the Pantheon are headed here, as well as their farm team, the Justice League of
Ashland."

"What do you want me to do, sir?"

"Mobilize the teams, call Supreme. And give StormWatch a call. These scum are to be
terminated with extreme prejudice."

***

J Street.

Grendel, busy shaving off is beard, glances up at BatMite's reflection in the bathroom
mirror.

"You're a temporal anomaly, imp."

"Yeah I'm still in the Marvel Universe, aren't I? How'd that happen?"

"Poor reading comprehension. Bamf out, Sparky."

The imp sighs and vanishes.

***
The Marvel Universe.
Genosha.

"You look a lot healthier suddenly, Mite."

"Yeah. I feel like an anomalous temporal duplicate just got snipped out of existence." The
Mite hovers up above an overturned police anti-personnel carrier. "How do we sneak up
on the Avengers?"

Grendel grabs one curly toed shoe and tows him back down.

"Stay down. One of those dips may look this way." Grendel checks the ammunition for
his pistol. "If we're lucky, the rest of the Pantheon may do our fighting for us."

"You're such a jerk."

"Yeah, well, you didn't talk to the Marvel-Grendel very long. He was worse. Makes me
wish Belasco had killed him before I did."

***

J Street.

Grendel, wiping his face clean with a paper towel, walks back out into the bar.

"Next person to interrupt me gets killed in a slow and disgusting manner. Now, kevrhon,
TELL ME ABOUT CAPTAIN FANTASTIC AND THE BROWN DIRT COWBOY."

Chapter Thirty-Two: All right, hold your water. I'm coming.

by kevrhon

"Look at what's going on around us. Reality is going to hell in a hand basket. More so
than usual. Alternate reality is seeping under the doorway. I'm sensing a disturbance
through all planes of existence, all dimensions. It's not just Hank that's been affected. The
multiverse is under attack from Fanboy. I figured we needed help from someone who
couldn't be compromised or corrupted. Captain Fantastic is his own reality."

Joe pondered this notion for a second. "OK, but a 70s rock and roll/glitter pop icon?"

"No, not him. This is the essence. A spirit or force. He can serve as an anchor to draw us
back to our reality. Plus, he does put on a pretty good show."

Just then, a head poked through the door. Joe was distracted only for a moment by what
appeared to be a human head mounted on the back of his door. It wore a gray metallic
oversized mask, shaped like a butterfly, that extended well beyond the edge of its face. It
sported a pair of headphones with an antenna on each ear-piece. And it was topped with a
black top-hat with a black and white vertical striped hat band that resembled nothing so
much as a piano keyboard.

"It's getting late, have you seen my mates? Tell me when the boys get here. Don't let the
sun go down on me. Where to now, St. Peter?"

"You're kidding me, right? He is kidding, isn't he?"

kevrhon shook his head. "Ummmm, I forgot to tell you. The Brown Dirt Cowboy
supplies all the words. The Captain is incapable of independent thought."

"Uh, Captain Fantastic. I need you to turn to. It ain't gonna be easy."

"I've seen that movie too," Captain Fantastic replied, and popped his head back through
the door.

Joe shook his head incredulously.

"Just when I think I've seen everything OK, let's go trade Cliff and Norm a round for that
piece of paper Hank was carrying. I want to take a look at that note."

Chapter Thirty-Three: The beginning of the end.

by Joe Grendel

The infernal realm of Bharnee.

Dark Hat's head and spinal cord collapse to the ground with a wet squelch, followed
moments later by the remainder of his body.

The other villains take to their heels, screaming.

"Master, Master, it's Supreme! He's come for the IRCube! Oh, Master."

Stirring in his pool of putrid slime, the Purple One raised one claw to his mouth
considering.

"Supreme? Hmmm. Perhaps interfering with the Pantheon while they were fighting
Fanboy was a mistake. I've opened myself up to a battle on two fronts."

He listened to his minions' screams of pain, each cut violently short. He hefted the cube,
and shrugged.

"Ah, well. He who turns and slinks away, lives to fight another day."
He raised the IRCube over his head. An explosion of white-hot flame filled his realm.
When it had died down enough for a battered Supreme to see, Bharnee was gone

***

The Image Universe.

Infinite Mike and El Wood never stood a chance. Between Youngblood, Troll and
Prophet, they had been killed within seconds. They hadn't even needed Supreme.

Shaft scratched his chin, thoughtfully, his foot resting on the bloody corpse of Infinite
Mike.

"Fanboy said these dweebs were part of an invasion force currently holed up in a parallel
universe. Gentlemen, let's take the fight to the Marvel Universe!"

***

The Marvel Universe.

Genosha.

BatMite slapped Grendel in the back of the head, then soared over the top of the car. As
he did, he began to change, becoming larger, more dangerous.

"Avengers, disassemble!" BatMite: Warrior shrieked, charging into battle, hand-cannons

blazing.

Grendel peeked over the top himself, sighing.

Amazon was struggling with Thor. No questions how THAT was going to turn out.
Aquaman was (almost) holding his own against Captain America. Mope was trading
blows with the Wasp. The Scarlet Witch and BatMite: Warrior were duking it out.
Shaking his
head, Grendel stepped onto the runway battlefield.

"Swordsman!" His demon sword waving before him, Grendel stood in a variant fencer's
position, his left hand tucked behind his back.

The Swordsman turned, sneering.

"You hope to beat me in sword-play, eh?" He lunged forward.

"No." Grendel pulled his pistol from behind his back and shot Swordsman in the stomach
and shoulder. The protodemons he used instead of bullets began clawing their way
toward the Avenger's heart.
"Please, kill me! AAAAAAH!" Blood pouring from his mouth, the Swordsman writhed
in pain, flopping on the ground like a fish in the bottom of a boat.

Grendel stepped over him, heading for the rest of the battle.

"No time, Sparky."

The Swordsman's screams lasted only a moment longer, before the protodemons carried
his soul off to Hell.

***

J Street.

"Fine, two beers each."

"Three."

"Norm, JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN PAPER!"

"Sorry, sorry. Here."

Chapter Thirty-Four: Another Escape, Another Super-Team

by Jason Borelli

The Past

(well, before the Purple One left with the IRCube, anyway)

Kevhron had gone to Jason Borelli's Pantheon Office. The place was nice. Computers
showing the Pantheon Mission Monitor. Jason's comic book collection which when
pressing a secret panel reveals Jason's "rumblewear" (the varied T-Shirts he wears into
battle).

soon, kev, using his patented magic, had accessed the Barney file.

ATTENTION!

YOU HAVE ACCESSED A QUADRURPLE ENCRYPTED FILE! THERE IS NO WAY

YOU COULD HAVE ACCESSED THIS WITHOUT MAGIC.

KEV, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU CARED.

He smiled behind his golden helmet.

THE PANTHEON HAS NEVER FACED BARNEY. BUT JASON HAS. IT WAS
ABOUT A YEAR AGO, WHEN JASON WAS PART OF WAGNER COLLEGE'S
SUPER-HERO TEAM

Flashback

"WILDHAWKS! ATTACK!"

(Note: The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Also, the nickname for the
school's teams are the Seahawks. Just thought I should explain it.)

The Purple One was in the middle of the Oval. Behind him was his dreaded BarneyBots
and his army of Loved Ones. His goal: conquer reality, like he had before in other
dimensions. But he had a problem the WildHawks.

They were led by Chris Carrai, a.k.a. Control Freak, a psionic junior.

"Jason! Take care of the walking tin-cans!"

"With untold pleasure, dude!" bellowed Jason, who had his GL ring.

Meanwhile, the Bots were being swallowed into the ground by

"WAYDIGO, TERROR FIRMA!"

"No sweat, Jason!" replied Samantha Hill, the team's resident geo-kinetic.

Soon, the rest of the team joined in. Jamie Cee, a.k.a. Rainbow, blasted with her
multicolored orbs. The volleyball player Spike (a.k.a. Rachel Ryan) was taking care of
the BarneyBots with her powerful spikes (not to mention her knowledge of angles. She,
like Jason, was a math major.)

Soon, the fight was over. Only Barney remained. The team surround the demon.

"Did you actually think I could be taken out that easily? Bah!"

Control Freak tried to get inside his head, but he was possessed by B'harnee. Brian Carter
(a.k.a. Psi) broke Barney's hold.

"Thanks Bri! Um anyone see Jason?"

Question answered. Jason had flown up into the stratosphere, and was in the process of
dive-bombing Barney. But Barney smacked him, and Jason fell to the ground,
unconscious.

Inside the IRCube

"He beat you?"

"Yeah, Gail. He knocked me out. By the time I woke up, it was all over."

"What happened?"

"It turned out that B'harne was immune to our powers. Then Chris slammed Barney in the
foot with a bat and shoved a grenade down his gullet."

"Messy."

"No. B'harnee had been converted to a pure psionic state. Brian threw himself into
Barney, thus being taken into the universe Barney had become."

"Did Brian live?"

"Yeah. He's now capable of traveling between dimensions. He calls himself the
Journeyman."

"Will he be in any Pantheon stories?"

Pause.

"Not now, he's not."

Castle Barney.

The IRCube sits alone. Soon, Barney would take it with him. But now, the room is quiet,
save for a few BarneyBots.

And then a ghostly shape appears. He looks confused an bewildered.

Within a few minutes, he has materialized into reality. And he did it so subtly, the Bots
didn't even detect him.

"OK, now where's Jason?"

He grabs the cube. Instantly, Jason and Gail are thrown out.

"Watchit, mister!"

"Gail, at ease, he's here to help."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You must be Gail. Hi, I'm John Hatinski. I'm the Reverse Hat's brother."

Before Gail could react, Jason flew the duo out of Barney's residence
 Chapter Thirty-Five: Cleaning up after messy storytellers.
by kevrhon

kevrhon began peering over Joe's shoulder at the scrap of paper they had negotiated away
from Norm and Cliff. Suddenly, he paused and cocked his head like the RCA Victor dog.
Something was wrong.

Grendel looked over his shoulder at the man who was sometimes Fate, sometimes Orion,
but always literate and able to follow a story.

"What is it?"

"I'm sensing an eldritch presence that shouldn't be. Apparently I've loosed a doppelganger
that's running around unchecked. Can't have that."

With a simple wave of his hands, and a few gestures reminiscent of "air" typing, kevrhon
eliminated the duplicate. It was as though he had never existed. Never been to Borelli's
Pantheon headquarters, and never accessed the Barney files. It never should have
happened, and now it hadn't. kevrhon had performed a miniature isolated retcon.

"There, that should do it, now let's have a look at that paper."

Joe quickly deciphered the fragment of a message to reveal that as they had already
discovered, Hank believed himself to be Namor, the Submariner. The note further
revealed that the one, true Hatman was trapped beyond the great barrier and in danger.

"Well, if you think I'm fighting this thing on yet another front, you're nuts. I'm already in
two places at once. And I'm not leaving my bar in the hands of Cliff, Norm, and Captain
Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy."

kevrhon looked disgusted for a minute, then sighed.

"They're really harmless, except maybe for Cliff and Norm. But that's OK. A hero is a
hero. Regardless of who he thinks he is. Hank and I will go after Hatman.

"Namor, I would seek your assistance in a matter most urgent. It involves the fate of the
whole of existence, including the seven seas. Will you accompany me for the sake
reality?"

Namor pondered this request, then pulled himself off the stool he was perched on to his
full seven feet.

"I would be honored to LEAD you into battle."

"Yeah, that sounds like the Submariner. OK, then, let me change."
One slow disolve/morph later, kevrhon stood once again clad in the azure and gold of the
Golden Age Dr. Fate. In one more moment, he and Hank/Namor had vanished.

Grendel whispered to no one in particular, "Good luck and Godspeed."

Chapter Thirty-Six: The end is near

by Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

Genosha. Or what was left of it.

A blast of emerald energy from DC Gallagher's ring hurled the Avengers back a moment.
The Pantheon closed ranks, back-to-back-to-back.

"I can't believe I'm here," Grendel growled, elbowing BatMite: Warrior in the ribs. Hard.
"I can't believe your punk @$$ means that much to me."

BatMite, in a moment of wise discretion, remained silent.

Aquaman mumbled something under his breath, sighed, then repeated himself.

"You know, I'm all for heroic sacrifice, and everything, but "

"Death in battle is the most glorious way we can journey to Hades. We shall number
amongst the honored dead!"

"Thanks, Amazon," Mope growled. "I was kind of hoping it wouldn't come to that."

Then Thor's hammer cracked the emerald shield, and the Avengers rushed the Pantheon.

And then the sky opened up, and Youngblood arrived.

Grendel looked up at Youngblood and elbowed BatMite again. Savagely.

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Heaven will know its own

by JYu

Washington, DC.
J Street.

"Um, excuse me. I, ah, need some help."

Grendel looked to the door to see JYu.

"No kidding."

"Hey, wait a minute. You're that guy who I met at the cardboard "

Grendel didn't bother to listen to the remainder of the sentence.

***

The Marvel Universe.

Genosha.

" box?"

Thunder cracked overhead.

Upon actually looking up, JYu found that it was not thunder, but the roar of ankle-
mounted retro-rockets.

Copper and gold came hurtling toward him. Former mercenary augmented by symbiotic
armor? No. Something far, far worse.

Iron Man had arrived.

And for some reason JYu felt a bizarre sense of deja vu as he found himself running in
vain away from the rapidly approaching Avenger Reborn. It was a feeling which he found
to be incredibly frustrating.

"Damn it, it's all my roommate's fault. Why the hell couldn't he just go to the store, spend
a few dollars on some shampoo of his own? And why the hell does he talk to himself? It's
like he doesn't know what he's going to do with himself unless he hears himself saying so
" Mindless, incoherent ranting. Confusing to himself, as well. But he nonetheless
continued, thinking the final thoughts of a man doomed to die. "If I get out of this alive, I
swear, I'm gonna "

Until he heard the bellow of a Norse God who answered to no moral code. Turning his
attention away from Amazon to a much easier target for a moment:

"I SHALL TAKE OUT THIS FOUL MISCREANT AND CLAIM FOR MYSELF THE
FURTHER GLORY OF THAT WHICH ONE EARNS WHEN ONE HATH SLAIN THE
ENEMY IN NOBLE BATTLE."

Thor's lack of moral standing would also happen to include a desire to see his wishes
come true, regardless of anyone who stood in his way.

Even his teammates.

"NO! Thor, you plebeian clod! You're going to "

Anthony Stark wouldn't get the chance to finish his plea.

JYu couldn't help but cry out in surprise as he saw Iron Man, whose armor had taken the
full impact of a lightning strike, suddenly fly past him at twice his running speed, and
then crash to the ground several yards ahead.

Catching his breath, "OK, I'm having a really bad life right about now, and I'm really
getting pretty damn sick of this," he growled in Iron Man's exposed face, "So how about
you just play nice and tell me what the hell it is you people want with me? Damn it,
WHAT THE F#"* IS GOING ON?"

Tony Stark could do nothing, his chest having completely caved in from the impact of the
lightning. The armor itself was in complete ruin, save a pair of repulsor ray gauntlets,
which JYu was quick to claim. Stark opened his mouth and uttered soundless words.

"Wrong answer." JYu clenched his fist.

Within a fraction of a second, Anthony Stark, CEO of Stark Industries, multimillionaire

and egomaniac extraordinare was no more.

"Now, where was I?"

Chapter Thirty-Eight
by Guardian

Character Limbo

Guardian was bored.

You get that way after several years of limbo. He couldn't even remember if he was
supposed to be dead or alive.

He rarely paid any attention to what went on down there anymore. Sometimes he liked to
think that "Alpha Flight" would be revived, but deep down, he knew there wasn't a
chance in Hell.

This is Byrne's fault, he thought. Why did he have to kill me anyway? And why did they
have to bring me back later, just to kill me? No wait, it wasn't really even me. I think.

"Hey, Guardian!" shouted Nightmask. "Come on, it's poker night with Psi-Force!"

Not those whiny kids.

"You go ahead! I'll join in later!"

On a whim, Guardian decided to take a look down at the Marvel Universe. Maybe they
were having another reality-changing cross-over. Again.

Peering into the depths of the shallow puddle that transported images from the Marvel
Universe, Guardian gasped. Who was that guy that had killed Iron Man? What the Hell
was going on? They were in deep crappola!

They need me.

No, that's stupid. I used to be in "Alpha Flight," Guardian reconsidered. They're not that
desperate.

Guardian smacked himself on the head. This is what happened when you were in
character limbo for too long. You begin to doubt yourself. You have trouble making guest
shots. Pretty soon you're just a mort-of-the-month in "Wizard." Well, I'm not going to be
mort-of-the-month, nosiree, I'm Guardian! I'm a hero!

Guardian leapt into the pool.

Marvel Universe
Genosha

JYu looks up to see a portal open up in the sky and out of it falls Guardian. He lands on
the ground in a cat-like stance. Slowly, he pulls himself up to his full height and glares
menacingly at JYu.

"You've got some explaining to do."

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Into the home stretch, people!

by BatMite!

"Right after you. Like, where the h@#$ did you come from? Didn't I see you on Wizards'
Mort List last week "

This was the last straw. Guardian screams in anguish, and is about to leap the street
betwixt them and remove this vile, uncaring clod once and for all, when:

The Marvel Universe suffers a slight hiccup, under all the stress that Fanboy, and
unwittingly all the cross-dimensional visitors, have placed upon it.

Down the street at high velocity pours a convoy of heavily armed Autobots, flanked by
GI Joe armored divisions, under fire from the combined airborne forces of Cobra and the
Decepticons. Guardian looked on from the curb in stunned disbelief, as the carnage took
a sudden left turn at the end of the street, and continued on out of view.

"I thought they weren't part of official Marvel continuity?"

"Thats part of the problem" said JYu, not uncaringly. "Fanboy has unleashed all his
favorite elements on this universe, without understanding their proper relationships at all.
The conflicting forces at work will tear this universe apart, unless we can stop it now!"

Guardian looked on warily at his foe. How do you trust a stranger wearing the blood-
stained gloves of an old ally?

"I know what you're thinking. But that wasn't the Anthony Stark of old! These gauntlets
belong to a horrible Liefield-ized perversion, set apart from the Marvel Universe along
with Captain America, the Fantastic Four, the Avengers Even the Hulk got the treatment,
I hear. Although there may have been a second version of him remaining in the ashes of
the old, so I can't really say How do they reconcile this if everything comes back
together? Which elements of the old or the new should remain? And if Fanboy is allowed
to control the process, do we really want to find out?"

Guardian sank to the concrete is mute shock, shivering as JYu rested an electronically
enhanced glove on his already heavy shoulders.

"It could be worse! Nobody's explained adequately just how the Age of Apocalypse was
really supposed to fit in with everything else, either!"

Guardian screamed, batted aside his well-meaning acquaintance, and ran into the solace
of the desolation and rubble that was greater downtown Genosha.

"Oh, well! You win some, you lose some!" JYu turned to the sound of battle a few blocks
over, witnessed a strangely out-of-place (In this mess? Yeah, right) giant glowing green
boxing glove between the skeletons of still-standing towers, and rushed to the Pantheons
aid.

***

By this stage, Warrior was at his full nine-foot, manic best; shoulder cannon blasting
away happily and enjoying the carnage happily. Being in the same power category as
Superman was handy, especially in reducing what had once been a giant green behemoth
into a liquid pool at his feet.

Grendel and Amazon stood back to back, swords swinging with a satisfying swack
through their opponents.

Mope was enjoying his size-changing abilities for a change, having entered a Sentinel
undetected and rewiring its control center, bringing it obediently under control.
Miracle could be witnessed performing death-defying aeronautical acrobatics, luring
various mutants into their own fields of fire with devastating results.

Other Pantheon members were spied occasionally amongst the rubble, holding their own
in their individual encounters.

Which was rather unusual for the Pantheon, mused Grendel, as he hacked the head of
Nightcrawler.

"Damn, and he was one of the good ones!" He muttered darkly under his breath.

Then, the aforementioned Team Youngblood descended from the skies, and all hell
REALLY broke loose!

***

Fanboy was well pleased with the process he had begun. He stood in a darkened alley,
over the body of a young man with a bad crew cut, and gazed lovingly at a strange,
glowing cardboard box.

"Can't have you opening up any more access points to bring help, now, can I?" he
snickered loudly.

And then blew his nose. And made a mental note to remember to bring a hanky next time,
as he tried to wipe the mess off of his armor onto the wall. Time to go, before Mom
makes me wipe that up, he cringed

A shadow blocked out the light overhead. It matched his mood, and he failed to notice the
S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier erupt into flame and list badly before beginning a deathly slow
decent into crowded Manhattan.

"Oh, and thanks for all the duct tape! I'm sure that will come in handy!"

Chapter Forty: Mayhem in the Mighty Marvel Manner!

by Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

A runway of Genosha International Airport.

JYu and Guardian arrive on the scene, flushed and wary of one another, and unsure
whether they should plunge into the carnage before them.

Then BadRock lands between the two of them, buckling the asphalt beneath them. With
one hand, he swats Guardian backwards. JYu ducks under the simultaneous blow,
thrusting the gauntlets out before him and blasting the Youngblooder.
Amazon laughs aloud.

"Take heart, Pantheon!" Her lasso snares Mjolner, and when Thor tries to pull it free, she
follows her attack up with a round-house kick. The hammer comes free and she grips it,
pounding the head upon the ground. There is a roll of thunder.

Gallagher throws an energy bubble around most of Youngblood. Mope explodes from
pea-sized up to full-sized, getting in an uppercut on Captain America on the way up.
Aquaman and the Scarlet Witch fall to the ground, his hook at her throat, her hands
locked around his.

BatMite: The Warrior looks over at his boss, smiling.

"See, we might get out of this alive, after all."

Then there is yet another crack of thunder. A beam of gold energy shatters Gallagher's
energy bubble, releasing Youngblood. Fanboy settles to the ground, the Infinity Gauntlet
on one hand, Sinestro's ring on the other.

Grendel snarls at the imp.

"If he's got those doo-dads, I imagine the JLAshland is toast, and Fanboy's still
omnipotent. If we do get out of this, I'm docking your pay."

Fanboy reaches out both hands and lets loose with a barrage of energy.

Chapter Forty-One: A quick time-jump cleaning! Hank NUTS!

by The Mighty Hank!

Spain
Province of La Mancha

Don Qui-Hat-ie and Los Mightyos Hankos drudged along a dirt road in Spain. Tired from
the days riding, Los Mightyos rode Dapple with his head hung low.

"Eh, squire, I see strange dragon breath ahead," exclaimed Qui-Hat-ie.

"Sure sure, sire, I see it too," the Mighty Squire mumbled.

"Then, WE RIDE! CHARGE!"

Don Qui-Hat-ie rode willy-nilly ahead. With a heavy sigh, Los Mightyos Hankos looked
up to watch him go

And saw a sight he had seen one too many times.

A giant fissure of dimensional energy had opened up before them, consuming Windmills,
dirt and everything in it's path. Including Don Qui-Hat-ie.

"I see time conundrums a comin,' and I get the feeling it's my fault, as these things
typically seem to be because of something dumb I've done."

Los Mightyos Hankos rode head first following his master.

And Don Qui-Hat-ie and Los Mightyos Hankos disappeared

***

The Marvel Universe.

With a flash of energy, perhaps drawn by Sinestro's ring, The Mighty Hank! and Hatman
returned. Hank leaped Mightyily in front of Fanboy's blast of energy.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GODDDDDDDDDDZZZZZ that hurts!" exclaimed the

large Asgaardian.

Batmite: The Warrior, heard the familiar cry. With a voice like the detonation of an atom-
bomb, he spoke.

"Hat! Hank! Good to see you! Thought you were dead."

Hank rose from the smoky crater that had become his home. His eyebrows shot up in
shock at the site of the mite.

"Goodness, Mite, who's your tailor?"

Hat assessed the situation. With only seconds to spare, his incredible computer-like mind
calculated the length of battle, the number of participants, who was going to win, his
course of action, et cetera

With a nod of his gray fedora, he leapt at Fanboy, taking him by surprise.

Grendel, between hackings, noticed the pair.

"Oh, great, more time b*llsh*t. I should just kill 'em both myself and save us the
headache."

Shaft then fell upon Grendel, distracting him.

"Maybe later," the bartender said, after hacking off Shaft's head.
Hank smiled to himself. This is what he liked. He liked it when his friend's all fought
together, and were generally the good guys, and got to fight for what is right. Hank leapt
upon BadRock, and showed him who was the Mightiest Man of Them All.

As Hank gave BadRock a noogie, he saw Hat heroically leap at Fanboy.

Hank smiled.

As Hank gave BadRock a wedgie, he saw Hat let loose a barrage of witty insults at
Fanboy.

Hank smiled even wider.

As Hank finally gave BadRock the boot, he saw Fanboy get a lucky shot in, and
disintegrate Hat with a blast from his power ring.

And Hank's world went crashing around him.

Fanboy laughed at the smoky spot where Hat had only moments ago been standing.

"Eat that, Hatboy! BWAH-HA-HA!" Fanboy smirked.

Tears welled up in Hank's eyes. His muscles tightened. His jaw clenched. The ground
trembled from his anger. He could see only red. He could hear only the pounding of his
heart. His feet moved swiftly across the ground as the sounds of battle raged around him.

"You "

Hank was an adopted Asgaardian. As such, he had no inborn tendency to rage in battle.
Always even-tempered, anger was never something that moved him. The Battle-lust,
which
holds no equivalent word in English, had consumed him now. As Hank moved faster
toward Fanboy, his world moved more slowly.

"You stinking "

Through tears, he remembered all the times Hat had made fun of his choice of beers. He
remembered all the times Hat had listened to him ramble about his cross-dimensional
problems with women. He remembered all the Heiniken and Oreos they had consumed.

"You stinking BASTARD!"

And he moved faster toward Fanboy. He brought back his fist

Fanboy saw that his shadow had suddenly grown quite immense, and decided to turn
toward the source of the darkness.
"Oh my goodness," Fanboy muttered as Hank's fist rushed toward him with lightning
speed.

As Fanboy shuddered, Hank let loose upon him with all of his Might.

Grendel, still hacking at the mindless drools called Team Youngblood, cocked his ears at
a familiar sound. He searched the battlefield for the source. He saw Batmite: The Warrior
throwing things 'round the battlefield. He generally saw the mayhem he expected.

Then he saw something rather unexpected.

"Never thought he had it in him to do that sort of thing," Grendel mumbled as Diehard
found a hard death from his the point of his sword.

Hank stood over the body of Fanboy, panting, as the universe began to crumble around
them once again. His hands were covered in blood. Bits of brain gently fell from his
knuckles. He looked down at Fanboy. At least, what was left. More tears filled his eyes.

"Oh, geez, you're just a kid. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

Hank picked up Fanboy's body, and shook it vigorously, sending bits of skull shrapnel
flying and what was left of his cerebral cortex on the dirt.

"But you killed HAT, you stupid kid! If you only had good taste, you stupid stupid brat!"

Hank trembled, and dropped the corpse. He was covered in blood, and nearing freak-out
point.

"I've never killed anyone before. Never-never-never. Oh, I'm a bad boy. I'm bad. Oh, I've
never killed anyone before. Never-never-never. Oh, I'm a bad boy. I'm bad. I've never
killed anyone before. Never-never-never. Oh, I'm a bad boy. I'm bad. I'm bad. I've "

Hank trembled and mumbled to himself, wandering the battlefield.

Behind him, Sinestro's ring flashed, as Fanboy's face and head began to knit themselves
back together.

Batmite: The Warrior, paused while giving The Thing a brownie.

"Yeah, let's see you pull those Jockeys out of your rock-butt now!"

Batmite: The Warrior saw Hank, covered in blood, walking away weak-kneed from one
of the many corpses that littered the battlefield.

"What's gotten into him?"

Fanboy had always loved one thing.

Comic books.

He loved 'em!

But only the one's he liked. Lots of blood, lots of gore, women with big boobs, ya' know,
that kind of stuff!

He knew his comic books well.

As his head finally put itself back together, Fanboy grinned.

Killing someone is easy in a comic. Making them stay dead, however, is another story
all-together.

He mercilessly floated toward TMHank!

" never killed anyone before. Never-never-never. Oh, I'm a bad boy. I'm bad. Oh, I've
never killed anyone before. Never-never-never. Oh, I'm a bad boy. I'm bad. I've never
killed anyone before. Never-never-never. Oh, I'm a bad boy. I'm bad. I've "

"Of course you have. I've got proof."

Hank whipped around, wild-eyed. He saw nothing.

"Oh, you can't see me, Hank, but I'm here. See, I've just used my power to bend light
around me, so you can't see me. But I'm here."

Hank's eyes trembled. Blood dripped off of his forehead. Hank stared at a drop as it hit
the ground.

"Who are you?" the Asgaardian stammered.

"Why, this is Hatman. Your partner. I was lying a moment ago. Really, I'm dead."

"I know Hat, I know, that's why I-I-I k-k-k-k-killed F-F-Fanboy."

"Oh, Hank, you shouldn't have done that. You know that we're the sort of heroes who
don't kill folks. Now you've gone and spoiled that."

"H-h-h-Hat, I-I-I-I-I d-d-d-didn't muh-mean ta-to kuh-kill huh-him, buh-but sometimes I

forget how big I am."

"Doesn't matter, my boy, doesn't matter at all. Now, you're a killer."

"N-n-n-N-n-n-NO!"

"Yuh-yuh-yes you are, you stuttering idiot! Jesus, what are we going to do with you
Hank?
Oh, wait, I've got an idea!"

The invisible Fanboy whispered words into Hank's ear.

Hank wiped his tears and smiled.

"I can do that. I can be Namor, the Submariner!"

"Good. Very good. But, you're going to need help to remember!"

Fanboy produced a strange Purple IRCube, then shoved it into the back of Hank's neck.

"Goodbye, godling," Fanboy whispered, as he rushed off into battle.

Hank stammered to himself as the IRCube began to transport him out of the fight.

"I can do it good, Hat, really. I can be Namor. Watch me be Namor. I can be an uptight
prick "

As Hank faded out of existence, perhaps to a time before the events which unfolded here,
a strange glowing figure in a Hat passed a note into Hank's right hand. If he could, he
would warn his friend, and give him a hug, and tell him that everything is OK.

But, being trapped in realm beyond the Great Barrier, he couldn't.

All he could do was hope that the note got somewhere to someone in time, and that they
would be rescued.

Hank disappeared in a blast of temporal energy. The note charred a bit as it passed
from this time to one in the past.

The glowing figure in the Hat shuddered.

Ah, nuts, it mouthed as it finally gave into the struggle, and went back to its dimensional
prison

Chapter Forty-Two: The End. I think.

by Jason Borelli

The battles were over.

The Pantheon had won.

But Hank was corrupted, and Hatman was still missing.

And as the Pantheon gathered to assess their situation, a purple haze rose over the clouds.

And a voice was singing

"I love you.

You'll love me.
We'll be a happy fam-il-ly.
With a hug and a kiss
Everything will be okay.
If you follow Barney's way."

The heroes were stunned.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" asked BatMite.

"The heck should I know?" replied Jason, who had arrived with gail and John Hatinski
after the festivities.

"Whoa!" shouted Mr. Miracle. "According to Mother Box, the world has been altered."

"How?"

"Everything is ruled by Barney?"

The Pantheon stared at one another.

"TO THE POND!" bellowed Grendel.

Soon, the team had flown to Washington (Jason took care of the non-fliers) They arrived
at Grendel's.

But it wasn't Grendel's. Not anymore. Not it was

"T.J. BARNEY'S SUPERILICOUS RESTAURANT?"

Just as Grendel finished his sentence, a dark man in a hat appeared.

"Irving?"

"John! So glad to see you"

"SHUT UP! It's because of you that the world's been retconned!"
"Puh-leeze. Only one with an IRCube can do this. And who do you know has this kind of
style?"

Jason came up to the Reverse Hat. "What the hell's going on?"

"Well, if it isn't my judge, jury, and jail"

"I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!"

"OK. Barney has used his IRCube to recreate the world in his image. The Pantheon is
unaffected."

"Hold up, Sparky," said Grendel. "The ENTIRE WORLD?"

"Yep. And you losers are Public Enemy #1. Of course, I can help."

"Do we look that stupid? What price are you charging?"

"Jason, there is no price. Not this time. Your Norse godling and my inspiration are gone.
You need me. I am the only villain not seduced by Barney's ambition. You need me."

Grendel, who was now the leader (more or less) thought for a minute.

"Very well, Reverso. Welcome to the Pantheon."

Chapter Forty-Three: What in the Sam Hill is going on here?

by kevrhon

Somewhere beyond the great barrier:

kevrhon and The Mighty Hank (who believes he is Namor, the Submariner) find
themselves transported to what appears to be a backstage dressing room full of women in
exotic and almost non-existent costumes. As they turn to the two men who have just
popped into view, they reveal the figure of a blissfully unaware Hatman, lounging on a
chaise. His face is covered with lipstick smears. His arm is draped across the back of the
chaise with a half-empty bottle of champagne clutched in his fist. He looks up slowly,
then suddenly his eyes widen and his face breaks into a full-fledged grin.

"Hank! You made it! And you brought kevrhon! You brought kevrhon? A married man
will kind of dampen the mood of the party, but what the hey. Cmon over. Pull up a
chaise."

Hank/Namor turns to kevrhon.

"Who is this little man?"

A hurt look crosses Hatmans face.

"Hank, buddy. Its me. Stephen. Yknow, The Worlds Lamest Team rides again. kev, whats
wrong with him?"

"He thinks hes Prince Namor, the Submariner, from the Marvel Universe. I assumed you
knew all that. We got a note from gail. We thought you were in danger."

"A note? Oh, that. That was my note. It said I was with dancers. I sent one of the girls
here to invite Hank to join me. The note said to bring nachos and submarines, and to
cover for me with gail."

"Stephen, youve been manipulated into thinking youre in a room full of exotic dancers.
Just like Hank has been manipulated into thinking hes Namor. Your mind has been forced
to make whats really happening fit your fantasy. Apparently, your subconscious sent out
an SOS to gail, and then altered the message to fit your delusion. Thats why the note we
got was so garbled."

"Man, you are always such a drag. Its a party. Loosen up a little, will ya? I think that
helmets robbing the oxygen from your brain."

Unnoticed by Hat or Dr. Fate, one of the dancers had approached the delusional Hank to
flirt with him. And why not, he was 7 feet of man-god, regardless of who he thought he
was. This annoyed the man who imagined himself to be scion to the throne of Atlantis.
As such, he had no desire to traffic with surface women such as these. However, when he
reached out to brush the young lady away, his hand passed right through her, shattering
the
illusion. The women, the room, and unfortunately the chaise simply blinked out of
existence. Hatman dropped unceremoniously to the floor with a dull thud.

"Gone. Its all gone. I could have spent the rest of my life here quite happily, and now its
all gone." Hatman glared at Hank, then charged him like a mad bull. "ITS ALL YOUR
FAULT."

Once again, Hank swung a massive hand through the air. This time it connected on
something solid, and sent Hatman spinning off into the distance.

"Ah, much better. Long have I thirsted for battle. Mayhaps thou wouldst be a worthy
opponent. Have at thee then, thou knave and varlet!"

Fate waited. The speech pattern the long suffering Pantheon had endured through too
many episodes was back. Could Hank be far behind? He hoped the Mighty Hanks
return to his version of sanity would follow before he could do too much damage to his
friend.
The Hankster grabbed Hatman, picked him up like a rag-doll, and set him on his feet. He
raised his hand to strike. To Hatmans credit, he did not flinch. Hanks hand descended to
Hats chest, pinched his nipple through his shirt, and gave it a Mighty twist. Hatman
winced in extreme discomfort as Hank cried out, "Ah, fair Hat, thou hast eer been
vulnerable to the attack of the twister. It is well and good that we should once again be
united to battle the menace that een now threatens all whom Hank would call his ally. Let
us away, for we face the dreaded Fanboy."

Hanks Mighty Laugh faded as Dr. Fate transported the trio out of the beyond.

Chapter Forty-Four: A neat twist

by Thunderbolt

In a matter of moments, it will occur to Grendel that he is about to be whisked away to

Asgaard, in order to maintain his own chronal continuity.

A millisecond before he vanishes, he will recall that there are now two versions of The
Mighty Hank! wandering the multiverse. One is with kevrhon/Dr. Fate. Another is in the
company of the Dark Hat.

Sadly, Grendel will be unable to voice these concerns to anyone before a randomly
generated interdimensional portal appears beneath his feet and swallows him up.

Some guys have all the fun.

Chapter Forty-Five: Fade Away

by Guardian

Guardian lifted his head from the asphalt and groaned. Damn, he thought, that BadRock
can hit.

Ignoring his throbbing head, Guardian pulled himself to his feet, ready to rejoin the fray.

Except everyone was gone.

As he pondered the how long he had been unconscious, he noticed several things that
hadn't been there before he had been knocked out.

Like the twenty foot statue of Barney.

"My God," he said, his voice barely above whisper. "How long was I out for?"
Still reeling from the shock, he walked down the street, headed to the downtown area. On
every corner there were Barney impersonaters, singing and dancing like the fools they
are. More common than mimes, Guardian thought bitterly.

Then he saw it.

There it was, gleaming in the sunlight, the fifty story office building that housed Barney,
Inc., world's largest corporation.

Guardian fell to his knees and wept.

"I've failed!" he sobbed. "I came out of character limbo for nothing!"

With just a glint of evil in its eye, a purple figure walked up to Guardian's back and
tapped him on the shoulder.

"Don't be glum,
Be my chum.
Sob no more,
Crying's a chore.
You're living in my land now,
Let's go sacrifice a cow!"

Guardian turned his head slightly.

"Who are you?"

"Barney 4675. Hug me."

A malicious smile crept across Guardian's face.

"I don't think so." A glow of energy washed over Guardian. He turned to face Barney
4675. A conduit of energy flew from his hands, blasting away Barney 4675.

Guardian couldn't stop smiling.

"Boy, did that feel good."

Fearfully, two children peered out from behind a dumpster. Guardian walked toward
them, trying his best to look heroic yet imposing. He put his hand on the older child's
shoulder.

"Don't give up. There is hope, but you must fight. Fight against the power of Barney! You
can win if you just fight!"
Without another word, Guardian walked away, heading toward the horizon until he faded
away, into character limbo once again. Waiting until he was needed again. Waiting and
watching.

The two children looked at each other.

"Who was that nut?" asked the older one.

"Who cares?" said the younger one. "Power Rangers is on!"

And so the fight continues

Chapter Forty-Six: Full Circle

Saint Liefeld falls.
by Joe Grendel

Silence.

A group of men, led by a very short figure of Asian persuasion step out of the shadows.

"Well, here you go, guys. This is what happens if we dont fire him quickly. I know it
sounds cold, but its the only way."

"Isn't this the future, Jim?"

"Sure, but time travel is pretty easy for comic book creators. Even Waid and Ross
managed it. They were Mr. E and the Secret Elder, you know."

One figure, taller, skinnier, than the rest, scratched his nose.

"Uh," he pulled at his 'Spawn' T-shirt, "So what do we do, just fire him, just like that?"

"Yeah. We fire Rob Liefeld, and we save the Image Universe from a similar fate."

The men nod at each other in agreement.

"What about the Marvel Universe?"

"What about it?" The Asian man cocks one eyebrow.

"Are we just going to leave it like this?"

"Well we could just say this'll all get fixed when 'Heroes Reborn' ends "

"Ooh, I don't know, Jim."

"Fine, fine. We can fix it now."

Waves of dimensional flux rippled forth. Avengers Mansion, Four Freedoms Plaza, the
SHIELD helicarrier, indeed all of the Marvel Universe reknit. There are subtle
differences, here and there: The Fantastic Four have new uniforms, Iron Man' armor
looks different, the gods of Asgard (with only the one "A") wander lost, bereft of
memory.

"Close enough," Lee said, smiling. "Is that it?"

The tall man squirmed again.

"Uh, my book has a lot of dimension travel, at least to and from Hell. I think we need to
see if there's been any residual damage."

More flux waves spread forth.

J Street reknitted. Pantheon members were unceremoniously scooped up from the Source
and deposited in the bar. The Reverse Hat vanished into post-retconn non-existence.
Again. As did Dark Timmy and the very dead Dark Hat and all their relatives who might
otherwise show up in a certain Green Lantern's incongruous chapters.

Somewhere, the demon lord known as Barney screamed in rage and frustration.

***

J Street.
Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

Grendel leaned against the bar, scratching his forehead.

BatMite: The Waiter wafted over to him.

"Whatsamatter, boss?"

"I have the strangest feeling something big just happened "

BatMite shrugged.

"Dimensional flux. Happens all the time around here. Don't worry about it."

Grendel cocked an eyebrow at him. He turned toward the bar, scanning across Amazon,
The Jester, JYu, Mope, the Mighty Hank, the one true Hatman, gail, Jason Borelli and
kevrhon storming their way through an extremely bawdy drinking song.

Grendel grinned.
"Yeah. No harm done, right?"

Further down his street, above a boarded-up comic book store, a lone television set filled
a darkened bedroom with light.

Fanboy lay on his couch, asleep in a puddle of drool. A "Youngblood" videotape played
to an audience of zero. A copy of Wizard lay open on Fanboy's chest.

"Can't do that to Saint Liefeld," he mumbled in his sleep.

Without his knowing it, throughout the multiverse, all the copies he owned of "The
Infinity War," "The Infinity Gauntlet" and "The Infinity Crusade" burst into flames.

THE END