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Pantheon Comics #4:

"A Halloween Story"


Digest by The Scarlet Rob, crazed with godlike power
Chapter One: It was a dark and stormy night
by Joe Grendel

The 1600 block of J Street, Northwest


Washington, DC

A little joint called

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

"So Hank, what are you going to be dressing up as?" Grendel watched OzBat tape
"Halloween party" flyers up on the window, doors and walls.

The Mighty Bouncer! shrugged his massive shoulders.

"Verily, I know not. Mayhap the Mighty Thor! or mayhap the Mighty Superman! or
mayhap the Mighty "

"Never mind." Thor-speak always gave Grendel a headache.

The White Knight returned from the men's room, his breastplate and helmet in his arms.

"Wearing all this armor is a little uncomfortable when I'm just sitting here playing pool,"
he explained to Amazon as he placed it on an empty table top.

***

The Atlantic Ocean.

The coral reef was dead, both from the ravages of drag-nets and then an oil spill. No life
came near the blighted hulk.

Which was just the way the Sea Tyrant wanted it.

Once known as Aquaman, he was now a twisted version of himself, the Mr. Hyde to his
previous Dr. Jeckyll. His eyes, used to adjusting to the dim light of the depths, scanned
the piece of paper he held in his one good hand.
"As we agreed," it read. "Slay the Pantheon, and power beyond imagining shall be yours.
But remember, Joe Grendel is mine! -- M."

The Sea Tyrant smiled. That could easily be arranged

***

The 3100 block of J Street, Southeast, Washington, DC.

The building had been cleaned up considerably. The graffiti was gone, as were the
cardboard cutouts of comic book heroes. And yet the building still gave off an air of
menace that caused even the jaded residents of J Street to avoid it.

He opened the door, looking both ways to see who had knocked. No one. He was about to
close the door when he saw the package at his feet.

Opening it, he suppressed a horrified gasp.

"Comics! But I've been doing so well. I've been watching the Discovery Channel! I have
a subscription to 'Time' magazine! I listen to National Public Radio Is that the end of the
Spider-Man clone saga?"

Back upstairs, he put down the last of the "Spider-Man" comics, his head swimming.

"Norman Osborne? Ben really was the clone?" His eyes closing, he barely noticed the
swelling of his limbs, the Chromium armor racing across them. When he reopened his
eyes, he was once again the genactive-mutant-metagene being known as Fanboy. "I
wonder what else is in the package?"

He eagerly tore through issues of "Hellblazer," "Vampirella," "Tales from the Crypt,"
"Vigil," "Seduction of the Innocent" and Giant-sized editions of Marvel's 1970s horror
comics.

A note lay unread beside them:

"Thought you might enjoy these and that they would help you get into the spirit of the
season. M."

***

Grendel's.

OzBat bamfed over to the bar.

"I think the Jell-O shooters should be ready just about now."
He opened the refrigerator.

***

Fanboy's.

"Wow," Fanboy's eyes grew huge as he read the "Tales from the Crypt" issue. "Jell-O
made from human bones instead of horse's hooves "

***

Grendel's.

OzBat put the tray down on the bar, one eyebrow raised.

"I don't think these are done yet. They're awfully wiggly "

The shooters exploded upwards, expanding rapidly in size, forming an enormous red
blob.

OzBat bamfed away before a pseudopod could reach him. The bar steamed, as if struck
by acid, where it had landed.

"Grendel!" Amazon screamed. "Look out!"

The blob enveloped him. Flames exploded from where he was standing.

"NO!" The knight vaulted the pool table, wielding a cue like a lance. He stabbed down
into the blob, which now covered the bar. He, too was enveloped, and exploded into
flame.

The Mighty Hank! ran to the phone by the bathrooms, dialing kevrhon's number
frantically.

Chapter Two: Two down, a Pantheon to go


by Joe Grendel

kevrhon put down his briefcase, wiping the rain from his black suit. He eyed the blob,
now contained by Amazon's golden lasso.

He saw Hank's curious stare.

"Had a job interview. You say they burst into flames? Impossible. They should have been
horribly melted, not burned." He murmured a quick spell under his breath. "That was
only a cover. They've been teleported away to some hidden location. But this thing, I'm
afraid, is the just the beginning of our problems tonight."

Thunder crashed outside.

(kevrhon is right: The Pantheon is in for a big night tonight. As for the fates of Joe
Grendel and White Knight, and the identity of the mysterious mastermind, see "The
Secret Origin of Joe Grendel," available now!)

Chapter Three: It's no secret. You knew he'd return.


by mope

A lonely castle in an unknown land.

The sometimes-poster known as Mr. E came downstairs from watching North by


Northwest in the observatory to get some Hydrox brand Oreo-wannabe cookies

"Hoo-boy, that Martin Landau he sure is creepy!"

The phone rings. The Secret Elder picks it up. As he lifts the receiver to his ear,
something looking at first like a fleck of dust flies out of one of the little holes in the
receiver-piece. It lands on the floor as a rolled-up scroll. Mr. E suspiciously puts the
phone to his ear (mostly hoping something else doesn't come out next, like a knife or
something).

"Hello?" the Secret Elder said, but there was already a dial-tone. They hung up.

Mr. E picked up the scroll and read:

Greetings.

You can finally have an opportunity to pull the ultimate prank on the Pantheon. I would
like to present you with the opportunity to give them a surprise they'll never live to forget!

Hahahaha! M.

Chapter Four: Evil from within


by Amazon

"Nuh!"

Perspiration beaded Amazon's forehead.

"I can't contain this thing for much longer. It's beyond my control!" she grunted.
The blob bubbled and emitted a hissing sound as it began to rise upwards.

kevrhon grabbed Amazon and stepped in front of her to shield her and Hank from the
ever-changing blob. The blob changed from a greenish hue to a deep, deep red. It
metamorphed into the shape of a sullen, brooding figure adorned in a ornate battle armor.

"By the gods it can't be!" Amazon softly gasped.

"Wh-what is it?" Hank stammered.

"Unless I'm wrong, but that's the very image of Ares! The god of War!"

***

The Atlantic Ocean

The ocean roared as the waves slammed against the rocks on the shoreline unleashing its
fury in the black night. The lightning flashed and cackled across the night sky above the
raging ocean illuminating a silhouetted figure emerging from within.

Aquaman.

The gleam of the cold, hard metallic hook on his arm could not rival the gleam in his
eyes.

The lord of the Underwater had returned.

Vengeance is mine. I shall repay

***

Fanboy's.

An image came to Fanboy's putrid brain.

Graves in the Latrine Cemetery.

The Pantheon six feet under.

Fanboy threw his head back and cackled as he retrieved his "Lady Death" issue. Time to
bring the mistress of Hell back from Hades, he gleefully thought

Chapter Five: Even the Jester can be grim.


by The Jester
It was raining. Hard. Joe Rice, the man sometimes known as The Jester, hated the rain.
He hated a lot of things right now. He wasn't happy at all. He sat up in his bed, rubbing
the sleep from his eyes. He remembered his dream. His friends being eaten alive by some
malevolent creature. Earth A being destroyed. He had a horrible feeling about this dream.
He had no powers of prognostication, but his gut told him something was wrong.

He picked up the phone and called Infinite Mike. As always, he answered before it rang.
I.M. didn't give any clues to the nature of the dream. He seemed downright
uncomfortable. Joe didn't like that at all. In the dream, the trouble started at Grendel's.

Joe got up and went to his closet. He felt the Jester costume. Flimsy spandex. He pushed
it aside. There it was: his old DaDamerican uniform. Black reinforced leather, kevlar,
pads on the important joints, the special goggles. He slipped into the old costume. It felt
good.

He dropped by JLAshland HQ. Kung Fu and Heart-Man were on monitor duty. They
expressed some shock at seeing The DaDamerican again. Joe told them he had a special
mission that could be dangerous and might be nothing. He told them, "If I don't come
back, marshall every hero you can. And pray."

He went to the seldom-used JLAshland arsenal. He picked up a few knives, one of Kung
Fu's spare katanas, and two automatic pistols. He couldn't believe he was doing this. This
was big, though. The world couldn't die because of his "principles." He wrote a few
letters, telling people how dear they were to him. He wrote one letter informing a woman
he loved her. Then he went to the transporter and set it for Grendel's.

***

Mr. E read the scroll again. He felt better each time he did. "Prank" sounded so wimpy.
He knew his TRUE mission. He was to become the Pantheon. He would kill them.
Painful deaths would help the ritual. Next, he would eat the heart, brain, and stomach of
each of them. Then he would BE them. He laughed to himself.

"I guess you ARE what you eat."

Chapter Six: The Mighty Dead Hank!


by The Mighty Hank!

1602 J Street: Grendel's

"Dost thou mean, the REAL Ares, fair Amazon?" The Mighty Hank! asked with doe-like
eyes.

Ares, armor steaming, clinked about the room.


"Yes, you big-haired doof, I mean the real Ares," Amazon replied.

"You mean, the god of War of the Greek Pantheon of Gods?" Hank asked, getting excited.

"Yes, why are you trembling like that?" Amazon asked.

"VERILY, 'TIS TRULY A FOE FOR A MIGHTY WARRIOR LIKE ME TO BATTLE!"


Hank said, as he leapt into battle.

"No, Hank! HE'S A GOD!" Amazon screamed and warned Hank! as he leapt at the God
of War.

Ares flicked his eyes in the direction of Hank! as Hank! flew toward him. His gaze
narrowed. Godling. Hmph. No challenge there.

Ares swung around with his magically-sharpened sword, stabbing TMHank! in the
stomach. Hank looked surprised.

Amazon screamed.

"Hank! No!"

"ye godz, i've been stabbed. by Odin's beard."

Ares withdrew his sword with a schelck. He flicked the blood of the godling down upon
the ground, where it collected in small pools with the large pool pouring from Hank's!
stomach. Ares walked about the bar, arrogant, wondering who was worth his time for
battle.

Amazon cradled Hank.

"Oh, man, we're not cut out for this sort of thing "

"please, don't say cut "

"Sorry, Hank. Oh, you'll be OK."

Hank grinned a pale grin, and gave a weak thumbs-up. Then, his cloudy vision caught
site of something 'round the edge of the bar.

"who's that little girl over there, all white, with the buttrocker clothes on?"

Amazon scanned the room, planning her move against Ares. She saw no buttrockers in
the bar.

"I don't see what you're talking about, Hank. Hank?"


And with that, The Mighty Hank! died on the floor of Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill.

Ares looked back, and laughed a metallic laugh.

"Bwa-HA-Ha-HAH! I guess you can call the godling The Mighty Dead Hank! Now! Ha
Ha!" the Greek god of war exclaimed.

Chapter Seven: Death among us.


by White Knight

Amazon raised her head from the body of Hank!

"You son of a " she screamed and leapt to the laughing god.

They crashed against the wall locked in battle. Ares was not expecting such an attack and
he was caught unawares. Her punches did not leave him enough time to concentrate on a
spell or to cast forward his weapons.

She punched and kicked and clawed with a ferocity that was unmatched by any of his
enemies. He had thought the eager godling and the weak female warrior would be no
more than a workout, but he had overestimated her anger.

A backlash from Amazon's right fist made staggered him and a vicious kick to his mid-
section sent him flying to the farthest wall of Grendel's.

"You will pay!" shouted Amazon, "You will pay dearly!" Ares stood up, breathing hard.
The wench was hurting him badly. For a brief instant, Ares looked at her eyes. Tears were
rolling down sweat covered her forehead her muscles were taut, her features white. "The
warrior's face," he thought. He knew and recognized this expression. When a soldier is in
battle and faces impossible odds, his body prepares him for two things: fight or flight. It
was a last salvo an all-or-nothing effort: The truest meaning of Battle. For half a second,
he smiled. A worthy foe. A fight to the death! He braced himself for impact and readied
his fist for combat.

Amazon ducked Ares's feeble attack and countered him severely. Fueled by a never
before felt, never before tapped energy, she fought like a demon from the deepest holes
from Hades. Her gods-given abilities were taking over the battle: Artemis's instant
knowledge of the enemies weakest spots, Apollo's power and stamina, Hermes's speed
and Hercules's strength kept the scale balanced. Her attacks were too much for the God of
War.

A fierce uppercut crashed Ares against the pool table. He was really hurt now. Amazon
moved quickly. She bent down and took her magic lasso from the floor and ran to Ares.
She formed a loop with the lasso and tied a knot around Ares's neck. She threw one end
of the lasso over one of the beams up on the roof and pulled with all her strength.
Ares, his back to the roof, was violently picked up from the floor and he felt himself be
flung to the air as his neck suddenly closed. The mystic energies from the lasso were
playing havoc with his body. He could not think of the spell that enabled him to fly, much
less the one that made him disappear. He found himself gasping for air and fighting with
all his might to regain footing. Amazon gritted her teeth and pulled the rope higher. Ares
began to kick and thrash wildly. He began to get desperate. His eyes seemed to grow
puffy and his mouth grew dryer. His hands moved slower and slower until they fell
sideways.

"Mighty Zeus," he thought painfully. "This can't be happening I'm dying " and with a
loud crack his neck broke and the immortal god of war died.

Amazon breathed hard and tied the rope to the brass tube next to the bar. She walked to
the spot Ares's sword had fallen and picked it up. It was heavy. She used her flight
abilities and rose to the level of the god's corpse. With a mighty swipe, she severed the
head from the body. Both fell to the groundthe head bounced a couple of times.

Amazon landed on the floor and wiped the sword with Ares's clothes. She began to calm
down and fell to her knees.

OzBat! bamfed next to her.

"Holy Crap! What the heck happened? I went to the other dimension to get more beer and
it looks like the Valentine's Day Massacre! Amazon, are you O.K.?"

Amazon looked at him. She was crying. "No. Hank! is dead. Grendel and White Knight
have disappeared. We were attacked by the god of war and I just killed him."

"I have the nasty feeling that things are going to get darker "

"We are in trouble, aren't we?" asked OzBat.

"Yes."

Chapter Eight: To Grendel's and Back Again


by The Mighty Dead Hank!

kevrhon re-entered the bar from the men's/women's room, the sound of a toilet flushing
preceding him. He adjusted his helmet.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked.

kevrhon's gaze then caught the site of the headless god and the eviscerated godling. His
friends looked up at him.
"Oh. Um. oh," kevrhon offered.

Then, the sky cracked, as Zeus!, lord of the Greek Pantheon, entered the scene. He looked
at Ares.

"Well, who did this?" Zeus asked.

And as the Pantheon groped for an answer, Zeus snapped his fingers, opening a gate to
Hades.

"No need to answer. Simply bring back the soul of Ares from the depths of Hades, and
punishment shall be forgotten."

And just down the street, a green, fishy looking man walked to Grendel's, praying to the
god Poseidon for victory.

Chapter Nine: The Bad Death of The Mighty Hank


by kevrhon

1602 J Street.

Just outside Grendel's.

DaDamerican approached the bar from the alley he usually chose to arrive in. There was
little the denizens of J street had not witnessed, but Joe Rice had no desire to have anyone
follow him home on his coat-tails.

As he turned the corner, he caught a flash of light off a bright piece of metal out of the
corner of his eye in the instant before a bright piece of metal caught the corner of his eye.

***

Inside, kevrhon was fighting to keep things under control. He had a raging Amazon on
his hands, a dead god and a dead godling, killer Jell-O, and a command from Zeus to go
to hell. He was knee deep in it without a clue as to how to proceed. Grendel was more the
tactical type. But he and White Knight were gone without a trace. He needed someone to
step up and take charge. Then someone did.

kevrhon felt a sort of atmospheric pressure accompanied by a sort of imploding *bamf*


sound that was at once loud and muffled. He turned to the source of this atmospheric
disturbance to find OzBat gone, and in his place the 6' 4" well muscled figure of
OzWarrior. Oz began barking orders, much to the relief of the bewildered Pantheon
members.
"All right then, we need to trace the source of that killer blob, and retrieve the souls of
Hank and Ares from the bowels of Hades. kevrhon, much as we could use you down
there, you're the only one who can trace the blob. Take Amazon with you. She's too
unstable right now to deal with the Hank and Ares situation. I'll see if I can get some
muscle to descend into the depths to save Hank's soul. Any questions?"

kevrhon looked at Amazon. She was splattered from head to toe in blood. It was matted
and drying in her hair. Her hands were wet with the blood of a god on them. She had
trouble hanging on to the sword and golden lasso. Her breath was coming hard, and her
eyes had the thousand yard stare of a soldier who had seen too much action at the front.
kevrhon was taking her along? He thought it might be preferable to go to hell.

Chapter Ten: The Source


by kevrhon

1602 J Street: An upstairs room at Grendel's, part of the private residence.

kevrhon sat on a bed and studied the sample of color-changing gelatin he had scooped up
in a shot glass. It was green, then red, then orange. It was fighting to get past the eldritch
barrier he had placed over the top. It had a consciousness. He was trying to tap into that
consciousness when his attention was drawn to a sound from the next room.

Actually, it was a sound going away that caught his attention. Amazon had just turned off
the water to the shower and pulled back the liner to grab a towel. As she moved across
the opening in the doorway to reach for the towel hanging over the stool, he caught a
glimpse through the steam of what the golden eagle and star-spangles covered. He was
married, but not dead. What man wouldn't look if given a chance?

kevrhon looked quickly away as the door swung open and Amazon emerged wrapped in
one towel and drying her hair with a second.

"Much better. Any luck?" She nodded toward the glass kevrhon held in his hand.

"Uh, no, not yet. It's difficult to concentrate long enough to get any kind of fix on this. It's
constantly shifting, very unstable. I'm sensing more than one presence, more than one
tortured soul."

Amazon sat down on the corner of the bed and crossed her legs, exceeding the towel's
limits to cover her. Modesty was perhaps not one of the virtues they taught in
Themyscira. kevrhon reddened visibly, got up and walked purposely to the window.

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" Amazon asked as a smile played across her lips.
"No, not, um, of course not," kevrhon stammered. Damn, why was he so flustered? As a
member of the Pantheon he'd fought along side any number of strong women, including
at one time his wife. Why was it now that he was so tongue-tied and awkward?

Just then, the small glass in his hand began to heat up. He quickly transformed his black
business suit to the blue and gold of Dr. Fate, but it was too late. Even through his
gauntlets the heat was too much. The glass crashed to the floor spraying the wall with
tiny shards of glass, covering the curtains, flying out the window and coating his ankles
in a mist of glass and ooze.

Chapter Eleven: What the HELL?


by Aquaman, Lord of the Oceans

kevrhon, displaying an unusual amount of bravery, formed a magic shield around the
Amazon. He thrust her down the stairs, slammed and locked the door. He knew what the
ooze was and he was frightened.

Doing his damndest to cover the window with sorcery, his ankles bleeding profusely,
kevrhon shouted at the ooze

"Dammit, I know, already! Give it up, okay? This isn't a @#$%ing game! These are MY
friends you're talking about here, and I won't let YOU hurt them! You're not going to ruin
my life like you did dad's!"

Doctor Fate was feeling good. He hadn't been angry in a really long time. He could feel
his power coursing through him. His hands glowed with energy He was not going to lose.

With that, the pulsating blobs coalesced into their original form. Bubbling and spouting
all sorts of unnatural noises, it grew to a familiar shape. kevrhon was afraid, but he let his
fear empower him.

The blob was fully shaped now. It revealed itself, but kevrhon wasn't surprised. Who else
had the power to summon gods from Hades? Who else could scare a servant of the Lords
of Order $#!%less? Who else had the gall to disguise himself as Jell-O shooters?

The 9-foot-tall man-figure walked towards Dr.Fate/Orion. His eyes were glowing. He had
a granite-like face and pagan horns growing from his head. His teeth dripped blood. He
had destroyed entire planets on a whim. He was kevrhon's grandfather. He was

YUGA KHAN.

And the last thing Amazon, encased in the unbreakable magic shell on the staircase, heard
was kevrhon's scream
"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

Chapter Twelve: Happy Halloween, Pantheon!


by the self-indulgent Joe Grendel

3120 J Street, Southeast

Fanboy giggled happily, shoving another handful of day-old microwave popcorn in his
mouth. After weeks of being on the wagon, he was now on a comic-reading binge. "Vigil:
Fall From Grace," "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Lady Death" were spread out
open before him.

***

1500 J Street, Northwest

Miracle pulled the chain, and the lamp went dark. He stretched, hearing his spine pop-
pop-pop, releasing the tension of a long day of therapy.

"Now for some warm milk, and off to bed."

As he left the room, a pair of heads appeared outside his window, running their tongues
over extended canines.

"Ooh, yes! The blood of a New God "

***

The Great White North. Maple-land. Canuckville. Canada.

He leapt from rooftop to rooftop in this comparatively crime-free city (not like those
rotten American cities ) Hatman paused on one rooftop, feeling the wintry air blow
around him, one hand holding his fedora on.

The wind kept him from hearing the sound of the chain-saw behind him

***

A secret laboratory, somewhere on the East Coast.

mope sat in his bathrobe, illuminated by the light of a desk lamp. He examined a pair of
underwear under a magnifying lens.

"Hmmm. Maybe my Underoos aren't the right place to store dwarf star material "
A pale (and unnaturally rounded) figure stepped to the edge of the light, a sword
gleaming in one hand.

"You won't need that underwear where you're going "

***

A windswept castle.

The magic pencil rendering shifted again, showing the Pantheon dividing, half to go to
Hades, the other half about to get killed by a rapidly changing blob (that Fanboy couldn't
stick with one horror, could he?). The Secret Elder scanned the thought bubbles that
appeared above OzBat's head as he planned his soul-hunting expedition.

"Good, good, little imp. I should be able to foil those plans quite nicely. Quite nicely
indeed!

Chapter Thirteen: Death? We got some of that


by Aquaman!

Just outside Grendel's.

The Aquaman was ready. Infinite power would be his. All he had to do was crush the
Pantheon. No small task, but he felt he was up to it. The Jester/DaDamerican already lay
mortally wounded in the alley. He opened the door.

"PREPARE TO DIE! THE LORD OF THE OCEANS HAS ARRIVED! SUFFER!"

Nobody was there.

"Well," thought the Aquaman, "Might as well have some fun while we're here!"

He walked over to the Wurlitzer in the corner. He played "The Wild Side" from Motley
Crue. Why Grendel had them in there, no one could figure out.

He sat down at the bar, thinking of ways to destroy everything he once loved. Then, the
little bell attached to the door rang as it opened.

"Norm!" Aq cried in reflex. Then, he thought, "This is gonna be goooood."

"Hey, fishlips, how's it goin'?"

"Not bad, Normy. How's life in the fast lane treatin' you?"

"Well, Aq, I'll let you know when I find the on ramp!"
Laughtrack.

"Say, that's pretty funny, Norm!" Aq walked over and put his had on Norm's back, right
beneath his neck.

"Yeah, uh, thanks, I guess- AAACCCKKK" Norm was cut off, literally.

Screamtrack.

The intestines flowed out of his, large, unkempt body. Aquaman had slit his belly wide
open. The hook was more than just a decoration.

Just then, "Ah my Gahd, Nahmy!" Cliff Claven was never so scared his entire life; he
didn't have any reason to be until now.

The Scoundrel of the Seven Seas turned and smiled.

"Nice to see you, Cliffy! I hope you had a pleasant morning! Because it's about to get a
whole lot worse!"

Cliff HATED heavy metal music. ESPECIALLY in the morning. He didn't understand
what was happening. All he understood was that he saw his best friend in the world lying
stretched out dead across the bar, and a man with a bloody hook standing above him. He
hefted the .45 he kept strapped to the inside of his uniform. He never really knew why he
kept it there, but being a postal worker, he had a strange feeling that he might one day use
it.

He was right.

BLAM-BLAM-BLAM!

The shells hit the floor.

Chapter Fourteen: And there came a great flood


by Aquaman!

Unfortunately, so did the bullets. They bounced off Aq's chest. He laughed.

He smiled.

He pounced.

He ate.

"No, STOP! PLEASE!"


Those were Cliff's last words.

Then, the lights went out.

"A-HA! I bet you can't see now!" It was a little man's voice.

"Hello, Light-Turner-Offer-Lad! I see you're not too good at hiding your fear! I don't
have to be a telepath to figure out you're afraid."

"M-Maybe not, b-but I bet you still can't see!" the Sultan of Switchplate Skullduggery
cried.

"Ah, ever defiant, I see. I like that in a wimp. So tell me, boy, why have you switched
sides? Why do you now defend the Pantheon's home?"

"Mainly because they're the only ones who'll put up with me, but also because they taught
me a new trick "

FLICK.

"Aargh. I'm blind! You turned ON the lights, you little whelp! I'm going to kill you!"

Light-Turner-Onner Lad believed it, but he put on a mask of bravado, just as the
Pantheon would've wanted.

"You're finished, Evil Aquaman! So says Light-Turner-Onner Man!"

"Yeah, Yeah, keep talkin', geeky! I can see, now!"

Amazon, still encased in a magic shield, had rolled herself down the stairs. She managed
to catch the last few moments of the boy. She screamed in rage.

"You KILLED THEM! I'll KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD! What happened to you, AQ?
What happened to the Pantheon?" Amazon was starting to have a nervous breakdown.

"There, there, babe! Everything's gonna work out fine! You'll see! Be back in one sec"

The Scourge of the Seven Seas walked into the bathroom. He opened up a portal. Water
rushed out. A lot of water. When he opened up the bathroom door, a small flood
accompanied him

"Wh-What did you do?" the warrior asked.

"Aw, c'mon! Don't worry about it! Let's you'n'me go have some fun, whaddaya say, little
darlin'?"
"What? Did turning evil make you into a pig, too?"

"Oink, Oink, Honey!" Aq hoisted the magic-encased Amazon over his shoulder as he ran
out the door to the bar.

She pressed her face up to the side of the shield, desperate to catch one last glimpse of the
bar. She didn't get one.

The bar had been destroyed.

Aquaman walked down the street.

Chapter Fifteen: What a night for a Dead Hero!


by The Scarlet Rob

Grendel's.

Wildcat II pushed on the door. It fell from its hinges, splintering on the floor.

She and Dr. Midnight walked into the room if you could call it a room.

Wreckage lay everywhere. Wet wreckage. Several hideously butchered corpses were
strewn about the floor. Strangely, they had already begun the grisly decomposition
process, attracting flocks of vultures from their usual hangout at nearby Capitol Hill.

"Um isn't this Dead Heroes Night?" Wildcat II asked hesitantly.

"C'mon, Yolanda. Let's come back some other time." Dr. Midnight said, pulling at her
friend's arm. "It looks like they're not open."

As the two late Infinitors withdrew, the air in a dark corner suddenly appeared to grow
darker and solidify, taking the shape of The Scarlet Rob.

"Whoops! Look at the time!" he murmured, hopping over the bodies of Cliff and Norm
on his way out the door. Sometimes that fading power was a godsend.

Now maybe Dr. Midnight and Wildcat would walk him to the Metro

Chapter Sixteen: Whoops.


by JYu

1602 J Street: Grendel's. What was left of it.

Impeccable timing, that JYu had.


All his life, he had lived by the credo that the ends justified the means. If there was a goal
to be met, all steps necessary should be taken to see that it was done.

This wasn't supposed to be any different. Really, there wasn't any choice; he could either
leave the place be, and let the evil spread, or stop it right then and there, and to hell with
the consequences and whoever got hurt. And even from standing outside, it was clear that
the good guys were not winning. Pretty cut and dried; kill or be killed.

What he wasn't anticipating was Aquaman leaving so soon. It wasn't until after he had
unpacked the SPNKR-X17 SSM launcher (two for the price of one over at the Punisher's
warehouse) and fired off two rounds that he realized that the building was empty.

And when he did realize it

"D'oh." He smacked himself in the forehead. Hard. And then again. Then he realized that
he was hurting himself.

What now, he wondered?

He turned and saw the DaDamerican. He slowly walked over to the broken body; there
was blood everywhere.

For a minute JYu had second thoughts about his plans to attend med school.

Then he took a deep breath, picked up the body, and walked off. No better time to prepare
for a future vocation than the present.

Chapter Seventeen: Cleaning Up


by The Jester/DaDamerican

JYu took the DaDamerican to a shop whose owners owed him. He placed smelling salts
under his nose.

"Nnnng. IT'S AQ! SH*T! Nnnnnng!"

"Shhhhh! Don't strain yourself. He killed Norm and Cliff, I think kevrhon might be dead,
and Amazon and the others are missing. I'm going to try to mend you."

"Wait. There's something I haven't told you guys about. I've got some connections I
haven't called on in a while. You know how Fate works for Order? Well, the Lords of
Chaos have a sect that thinks human life is the greatest, most chaotic thing in existence.
This sect wants human life preserved, not destroyed. Well, they turned me into an average
slob teenager to do this. I can at times call upon the powers of chaos. How else do you
think I've survived this long? Here. Let me concentrate." The DaDamerican grimaced,
and his wounds sealed themselves. He jumped off the table. "That was the last time I
screw up. Things are grim. I hate grim. I say we get our friends back . . .at any cost." Joe
fingered his holster. "Come on, JYu."

Chapter Eighteen: Daze of Futile Pastiche


by The Scarlet Rob

The time: twenty years into the future.

The place: a small, cramped, dingy apartment in New York City.

Rachel crouched in front of her brick-and-board bookshelves, weeding through the stacks
of CDs for everything that might have belonged to her ex. He was finally coming by to
pick up his stuff, now that he was getting married, and she couldn't be happier. Lord help
the woman who married him! She couldn't imagine why she had ever been involved with
such an annoying doofus herself. Franklin Richards was so much more her type sedate,
serious, highly intelligent.

Rachel tossed two handfuls of CDs into a cardboard box, then ran her hands through her
close-cropped red hair. He should be here any minute

A loud tapping on the windowpane made her stand up. Outside the glass, a face grinned
at her, even though she was on the third floor! It figures. He always had to show off.

Rachel opened the window, grabbed the goggle-wearing goober around his distended
neck, and yanked him inside.

"Get in here, Larry! I don't need the neighbors seeing you in that silly pink outfit. Anti-
mutant hysteria's been growing the last thing I want is to make anyone suspicious,
especially that nosy Old Lady Kravitz down the hall "

"Sorry, Rache!" Larry murmured, his long nose drooping despondently. "I was on crime
patrol as The Pink Flamingo, and I thought I'd stop by while I was in the neighborhood!"

"Whatever. Just take your stuff and go."

At that moment, the outside wall of the apartment exploded inward, showering the two
young people with glass, plaster and brick. TPF's elastic body took the brunt of the
impact, sparing Rachel any serious injury. The Flamingo himself was unharmed, and
spun around to face a pair of giant robots about to fire power blasts from their
outstretched hands.

"Whoo-hoo-hoooooo!" he yelled, twisting his body into a giant pink corkscrew to avoid
the blasts. Turning to Rachel, he was surprised to note that her eyes had gone blank and
tiny energy bolts were flaring from her head.
"Cool!" he declared.

"Larry, you idiot! Get out of my way!" Rachel yelled. "I can't get a clear shot at them!"

Suddenly, behind Rachel, a sizzling energy flare sputtered and dissipated, leaving in its
place a tall, skinny, flat-chested girl with frizzy brown hair and a black and yellow
uniform. In her arms she clutched a huge, nasty-looking energy weapon, which she aimed
at Rachel and prepared to fire.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" TPFlamingo screamed. "My CD's!" He twisted around


behind Rachel and intercepted the energy blast apparently meant for her. With a second
sputtering flare identical to the first, he vanished.

"Who was that dork?" the black-and-yellow beanpole shouted. "He ruined my shot! That
was the only chronal-displacement shell I had! It was our one chance "

Turning to confront the new arrival, Rachel was distracted for an instant from her
metallic attackers. The giant robots each raised an arm; with simultaneous force blasts,
they vaporized Rachel Summers and Kitty Pryde utterly, thus creating an alternate future
in which X-Men was canceled for good after Byrne's departure, Marvel was eventually
bought by DC, and Rob Liefeld eked out a meager existence as an airbrush artist
decorating skateboards and vans with chesty babes.

***

The Pink Flamingo reappeared somewhere in a sizzling energy flare. He felt disoriented
and nauseous; then he realized it was the smell Looking around at white porcelain and
inked graffiti, he realized he was in a men's room. His dad had warned him about them
best to get out quick.

Stumbling through the door, he found himself in a shattered, waterlogged shell of a bar,
hip deep in

Eeeeeeeee-YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

The Pink Flamingo was hip-deep in The Putrescent Corpse Formerly Known as Norm.

"There go the fishnets," he thought, as his nausea went ballistic. TPF ralphed all over the
late barfly, then quickly departed the bar with one elastic stride, to roam freely through an
unsuspecting world

Chapter Nineteen: Purge


by Jason
Grendel's.
Present Day.

Regina had not known of the horror that was happening tonight. But she would find out
soon enough.

A pair of hands grab her and pull her into the alley.

"WHAT THE?"

A mysterious voice answered.

"It's me. We have problems."

"Who are you?"

"Regina? You don't recognize me?"

"No, it is kinda dark."

"I've changed."

"Wait Jason?"

"Yes. Hear my tale of woe "

The past

Jason had retreated into his lair. He was ticked. Once again, he had ticked off the
Pantheon. He didn't mean to. He never did. But all of a sudden, Grendel jumps him. Gail
jumps him. Kevrhon places Jason's future son as "Green Spaz." And it hurt like hell.

But no more.

He was going to end it tonight.

Using the ring, Jason would suppress any and all instincts that would offend the
Pantheon. He wanted for everyone to like him. He wanted respect.

But something went wrong.

He couldn't remember how it happened. Demonic interference? Lightning bolt? Power


surge? Whatever, the ill will wasn't suppressed.

It was purged.
And it had a mind of its own.

This thing had part of Jason's power. And it had the varied grudges Jason had had.

Now, thought the creature, it was pay back time.

The present.

Regina stared into the darkness.

"So this thing has your power?"

"Y yeah. And it did something to me. Took part of me with it."

"Part? I I don't understand."

Jason stepped out of the darkness.

Regina gasped.

Parts of Jason's body were now replaced by glowing green energy.

"It took some of my body on the molecular level. I need your help. This creature is
slaying the Pantheon one at a time. We need to get it back."

"Or else?"

"Or else the ring dies out, and I die."

Chapter Twenty: Hell gets a bit nippy


by hellgirl

Regina thought hard for a moment. Real hard.

"So?"

Jason turned scarlet (or at least the parts of him that were still parts of him). "See? That's
exactly what I was talking about!"

A few bits of glowing green were thrown free by his outburst, landing on the ground.
Regina eyed them uncertainly.

"Sorry, Jason, it, uh, just popped out what can we do?"
One of the green blobs squirmed uncomfortably. It had a distinctly putrescent smell. Like
radioactive rotting fish. Not that she knew what that smelled like, precisely. She
concentrated on trying to find a way to help Borelli out of his predicament.

MEANWHILE

Fanboy swirled three-day-old flat Jolt and reached for another stack of comics. "The
Crow." "Hellboy." "Flesh-Eating Zombies Deluxe Giant Size Anthology" (twelve comics
in one thick book!).

AND OVER THERE

Aquaman! jogged down J Street, Amazon bouncing on his shoulder. He kept getting
distracted by the bouncing. There had been too many dolphins in his life lately. He
focused on imagining what he would do to her once he had her safely chained in his
undersea palace heck, she wasn't wearing those convenient shackles on her wrists for
nothing!

Amazon had gone into catatonic shock. The recent trauma had unhinged her mind,
spinning her off into some dark recess of her soul

AND ANOTHER THING

A graveyard. Tilted headstones draw long gray faces at the slate sky. A rusted iron gate
creaks softly to itself in the distance. The wind whips the petals of a long-dead rose
through the brown grass. Nothing else has moved here in years. The carcass of a cat
(perhaps it was once black) is curled in one shadow. Even the vulture perched atop a
blasted mausoleum is mummified.

A nearby landfill. Rusted oil drums filled with toxic waste have been slowly seeping their
deadly contents into the water table and into the graves next door. Glowing green ooze
slowly infiltrates the final resting places of many lost friends, enemies, and itinerant
posters. Matt Peter Chris Mallory Lou Durgo

Old Home Night can't be far away.

AND YET ANOTHER

A ramshackle tower of crumbling stone. A desolate landscape. Endless acres of tree


stumps. Almost unnoticed among the weeds is a small circle of stones. On one of them is
a single word:

"Unless."

AND BY THE WAY


A loud roar made its way up J Street. Lightning chased thunder across the sky. Harpies
clawed at the air, wheeled and shrieked. Dark tendrils of smoke snaked along the alleys.
The day grew chill and gray. Squalls of rain threw themselves in the faces of any
passerby foolish enough to loiter in the face of the coming terror. The roar became louder
and louder. A dim figure appeared in the distance, slowly grew. The roar became a
deafening rumble, driving the thunder ahead of it. The figure became clearer: someone
was riding a motorcycle. A really big shiny black and chrome Harley-Davidson. Flames
licked out from it along the ground, danced across its mirror finish. A grinning skull and
the emblem "Skullcrusher" decorated the gas tank. On the motorcycle, in red and black
leather, carrying a shotgun and a small armory of sharp steel, was a slim, demonic figure.

The motorcycle screeched to a stop in front of Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill. Peals of
harsh laughter teased the air.

"Ha! And you thought I was dead!"

Hellgirl's three companions skidded their motorcycles to a stop beside her.

One of them regarded the waterlogged, smoldering ruins of the bar through the slits in the
featureless black steel that hid their face.

"This is the bar you were telling us about?"

Hellgirl frowned. "Well, it seems to have fallen on hard times since I was last here. Looks
like I wasted that flamboyant entrance on nothing."

Another of her grim lackeys brushed dust from the black leather that encased his body.
His voice was the cold voice of the grave.

"I'd say your friends were in trouble."

Chapter Twenty-One: The mighty hand of vengeance.


by White Knight

DaDamerican and JYu could not understand what was happening.

Something was actually killing the members of the Pantheon and they were powerless to
stop it.

"We need to know how many heroes have fallen. It is imperative to gather all our strength
and resist the next waves of attackers," said JYu. "Do you have any powers that can help
us?"

"I'm not sure," said DaDamerican. "My connections with the Lord of Chaos might not
include that particular ability."
"Great! You can fix yourself but you cannot locate who's whipping our butts. You are"

"Wait a minute " interrupted DaDamerican. "Let me concentrate Yes! I'm beginning to get
a clear picture " he said, and at the same time his eyes began to glow. "I can see them "

"Who? What? Where? Why can't I see?" demanded JYu.

"Shut up, you're interfering with my reception "

The eyes of DaDamerican had been granted the All-Seeing spell for just a brief time. He
quickly scanned the mystical and real planes in an attempt to find his comrades.

JYu only saw his eyes glow and his features blanch visibly.

"Oh, my!" whispered DaDamerican.

"What is it? What is it?" said JYu, visibly nervous.

"Only corpses headless, eviscerated corpses of once mighty heroes " his voice broke

"Whose corpses?"

"M-miracle mope Hank, Hat Hatman Norman, Cliff."

"Who is alive?" said JYu, shaking his also-scared companion.

"Give me one second " said DaDamerican. "Yes! OzBat is alive so're J'onn, Hellgirl,
Scarlet Rob"

"And what about Amazon, and Grendel, and White Knight and kevrhon? Where are
they?"

"My powers are fading, but I can still see them. Aquaman!'s got Amazon. Kevrhon is still
alive, trapped in some sort of Mystical cell, and Grendel & White Knight are "

His eyes returned to normal.

"Darn it!" screamed DaDamerican. "You can't pull this on me! Allow me to see the rest!
Where are my friends??"

JYu shook DaDamerican, trying to calm him down.

"Forget about them for the time being. Our mission is to locate OzBat! and free Amazon."

DaDamerican calmed down.


"You are right." He breathed hard. "Let's begin."

SOMEWHERE ELSE

The evil mastermind behind all of the Pantheon's misery smiled. It was good to have the
mighty heroes on the run.

Their bar was destroyed, their ranks depleted and their hopes smaller every second.

He gazed towards the platform covered with the Null-Sphere, protecting their occupants
from the fiery flames of Hell.

"Joe Grendel, you should have not crossed me. That will cost you dearly. Malvolio finally
did something right, after all." He lost interest in the knight, the lackey and the soul-less
encased in the sphere.

He turned his attention elsewhere.

Kevrhon was knocked out and held in mid-air by another Null-sphere.

"Ah!" sighed the mastermind. "The mighty Dr. Fate, lying helpless in the air." He floated
next to him and, with a nudge, woke him up.

"What where " kevrhon murmured groggily. His eyes rested on his enemy's features.

"You!? It can't be you!" he murmured.

"But it is I," smiled the mastermind. "And you don't have a chance to defeat me. The
Pantheon is going to die tonight!"

Kevrhon struggled against his bonds. They were strong. He invoked all his mystical
energies. He felt his bonds grow weaker.

"You will ungh never argh! defeat us!" screamed kevrhon, trying to free himself.

"Oh, my! You've got some fighting spirit inside that empty body of yours! Good! I hate to
waste enemies who do not fight back."

Kevrhon broke his bonds and attacked him.

Sounds mightier than thunders cracked around them, as mystical fists connected with
each other. Spells and curses were exchanged in a matter of seconds. Kevrhon fought
with all his strength and more.

"You are indeed a powerful foe, Dr. Fate," said the mastermind. "But I will "
A spell of Storm silenced him and a mystical Attack Force sent him flying.

"You talk too much," spat kevrhon.

The mastermind stopped in mid air and returned to the battlefield slowly. "I wanted to
keep you alive for more than a few hours just to amuse myself. But I grow tired of this
entertainment."

He waved his hand and another Null-sphere engulfed kevrhon. The mastermind chanted a
spell and grew to incredible proportions, until kevrhon's energy prison fitted inside his
hand.

"Now, you will die!"

Kevrhon summoned his most powerful mystic shield. The mastermind closed his hand
with all his strength. With a loud crack, he ended kevrhon's life.

He opened his hand. Golden dust fell from him.

"Well, that takes care of that. Now to destroy the other nitwits. Where is Borelli? I have
some special plans for him "

And with that, he laughed

Chapter Twenty-Two: Help from an odd source


by Jason

Grendel's

"Explain it to me again," asked the OzBat.

"The ring's energy makes up part of my body now," replied Jason. "When the ring dies
out, there's a good chance I will too."

"How big a chance?"

"Depends on how quickly I can recharge my ring."

A lone figure walks into the bar.

"Jason? Is that you?"

"Yeah, man."

"Um Jason? Who is that?"


"Ozzie, that there is the owner and operator of Gotham Comics store, Timothy Smith."

"Tim Smith never heard of him."

"Well, before his rehab, you guys knew him as DARK TIMMY!"

Pause.

Tim looked at the stunned heroes.

"But I'm feeling much better now."

Chapter Twenty-Three: Huh?


by OzBat!

Hell.

Which, curiously enough, resembled a large mall. With really bad decor. And bad air-
conditioning. And the public address system set on "deafening scream" allllll the time.

As Zeus' portal closed behind them, OzWarrior straightened and cast a battle-hardened
eye over his demoralized troops; the survivors of Ares and The Blob's initial attacks on
the bar.

OzBat didn't mind morphing into this form occasionally. It was big (and bigger when it
needed to be - currently 9 foot), could create all sorts of arcane Vuldarian weapons and
nasty stuff, and came with its own bitchin' bad-ass attitude, which suited the mission right
down to the ground.

"Right! Let's do it!" he barked, startling the others out of total shock, and onto some level
where they could function. OzWarrior led his motley crew down the nearest corridor in
search of Ares's soul. The quicker they rescued that ratbag, the sooner they could get back
to life in general literally. As they moved softly and flawlessly down through the maze of
horrific tunnels and halls, they tried not too linger overly long on any one mind-
numbingly twisted and terrible torture. Imagining what could be just around the corner
was terrifying enough.

***

Elsewhere in Hades, sinister eyes watched the Mite-Vuldarian breed with interest. "Ah,
Mr. White Knight, come see how some of your heroes fare now!" A glowing orb rose
before the Knight's eyes, and he watched helplessly as blood-red gargoyles seemingly
grew out of the walls and began to close in on the Pantheon's position.

***
OzWarrior paused. Before they left, he had taken advantage of the temporal anomalies
that had been cursing his existence over the last few weeks. In his mind's eye, he could
see himself, as OzBat, in the bar, talking to Regina and "Jason?"

Unfortunately for OzWarrior, that was the last thought he had, as the gargoyle hidden in a
porous crack in the cavern roof leaned down suddenly and bit his head clean off.

And the Pantheon was cut off from any help whatsoever

Chapter Twenty-Four: House call


by Joe Rice, He of Too Many Names

"Well, what do we do?" JYu demanded.

The DaDamerican rubbed his head. Powers granted by Lords of Chaos could be so
unpredictable, so chaotic. "Let's round up whatever survivors we can to tackle AQ! and
anyone else who %&*#s with the Pantheon. Miracle is a bit down the street here on J
Street. Let's go."

***

MR. MIRACLE's mother box tinged away.

"What's wrong, Mom? Danger? What? Slow down! I--I can't understand you! What about
blood?" Then his window crashed. Two inhumanly fast creatures jumped in. Only a
mother box, some aero disks, and a life of training as an escape artist saved MIRACLE.
He saw their long canine teeth. "Great. Vampires." MIRACLE flew out his door. "OK
what do I have? Holy water? No. Crosses? No. Um " Like many members of the
Pantheon, MIRACLE had become accustomed to easy fights, and everything coming out
OK in the end. He wasn't worried. He should have been. The two blood suckers silently
pounced on him. MIRACLE began to think of Barda.

CRASHThe door caved in. There was a familiar face in unfamiliar clothing.

"Oh, great. The Jester is the cavalry," MIRACLE thought. Then he kicked the vampires
into the air. The black-clad man he knew as The Jester pulled out two pistols.

"May Lord Jesus grant me the aim to dispatch these foul creatures," he said. Then he shot
the two monsters. They fell to the ground with a thud. MIRACLE looked, amazed.
"Crosses etched on my bullets. I had a hunch."

"Jester? Is that you?"

"Yeah. But call me DaDamerican for now. This is no time for jest. And you know JYu."
Pleasantries were exchanged. The story was told.
"I know how to contact the others. I'll warn them, and tell them to meet us here,"
MIRACLE said.

Chapter Twenty-Five: Have Fun Storming the Castle!


by Aquaman!

Mars.

"Sweetie, I know. No! I know. Listen, A'nne, I know I'm due over at your parents' house,
but the Pantheon's in trouble! No. No. No. Look, I'm sorry. Honey, you've got to trust me.
Look, this long-distance is costing you a hell of a lot of money. I'll call you no. No. No.
NO! sorry, honey Later, we'll talk later I love you, Bye."

BOOOOOM!!
"Hey, J'onn. Ready to go?" It was MIRACLE.

"Yeah. Let's move."

BOOOOOM!!
Chapter Twenty-Six: Castle Storming, Part 2
by Aquaman!, still evil

Mr.Miracle's House of Therapy

A table. A map spread out on it. Four heroes.

"Aquaman's sea fortress is located in the Great Barrier Reef. The pressures are so intense
that a normal human body couldn't withstand them. It'll be hard enough for us to even get
there, let alone get inside, free Amazon, and get out. We need a plan."

Someone in the corner spoke up

"Ahem. I always have been quite the strategist." It was the Scarlet Rob. He faded into
view.

"Rob, no you haven't " said Miracle.

"Oh, yeah. Well, at least I can help you guys out SOME way."
J'onn said, "How?"

"Well, I heard Aquaman mutter a few things as he destroyed the bar "

JYu asked him what he heard.

"He keeps a portal to his castle open down the street. At least we won't need any scuba
gear!"

"Great!" J'onn tried to think, but his thoughts were clouded by visions of his loved one.
What if something happens to me? Do I have any right to leave A'nne all alone, so soon
to our wedding?

"All right. Rob, show DaDamerican where the portal is. Maybe he can use his chaotic
powers to open up a similar one. We need to get the drop on them if this is going to work.
J'onn, begin a telepathic probe of the oceans. We need to know exactly what ol' fish-lips
is gonna have in store for us. Things like how many troops he has, any booby-traps in the
fortress. Try to locate Amazon's thoughts. Find out just exactly how tough Aquaman is."

The heroes were surprised at the gumption JYu just showed, but they had no idea how
personal this was to him! No one treats a lady that way, especially not Amazon

"Got it." said J'onn.

"Miracle. Come with me. I want to show you something out back."

Chapter Twenty-Seven:
Fine, I'll Get Rid of Them Myself!
The Scarlet Rob

Grendel's Pond
Bar & Grill.

The creature impersonating OzBat! rubs his hands together craftily, then motions for
Regina, Jason and Timothy Smith to lean in close.

"I have a plan " he whispers. "But I don't dare tell you about it here in the open!"

"Where can we go " asks Regina, "That's private?"

"Weeeelllllllllll," says the bogus OzBat! "We could go to the sub-basement!"

"Sub-basement?" Jason queries. "I didn't know the place had a sub-basement!"

"Few do!" declares the ersatz OzBat! "Well, do you want privacy or don't you?"
"Of course!" Jason affirms.

"Then let's get moving!" Not-OzBat! snaps. "Clear aside that debris! There! Right there!
Lift up that trapdoor!"

Regina, Jason and Timothy Smith pull back a cleverly hidden door in the floor, revealing
a flight of dank, grimy, moss-covered steps carved from old, worn granite, leading down
into utter blackness

"Wish Evil AQ! hadn't killed Light Turner-Onner Man," Jason mourns.

"Kwitcher belly-achin'!" NotBat! barks! "I swear, if I could just I mean, let's go! Down
those stairs you three first, okay?"

"Uh OK " Jason answers for the three as he, Regina and Mr. Smith start slowly,
cautiously down the stairs.

"I'm right be-hiiiiiiinnnnnnddd yooooooouuuuuuuu!" OzNot! Croons

and the door slams down over the quartet, leaving not a trace of its existence

Meanwhile, small gobbets of green energy, shed by the body of the mutating Borelli,
ooze slowly through the piles of debris, headed for the rotting, foul-smelling remains of
Norm, Cliff, and Light Turner-Offer or-Onner Man

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Living Dead Night!


by The Macabre Rob

In front of the waterlogged timbers that once formed a bar, on a pair of stools that
somehow survived the deluge mostly intact, enshrouded by a veil of buzzing flies, worms
crawling from their empty eye sockets to writhe over the vulture-plucked remnants of
their faces, a pair of rotting corpses sit patiently, waiting for a bartender who never
arrives.

"Wheeeee-oooo!" says Zombie Norm. "Place stinks like a charnel house!"

"Shoo! Shoo! Get outta here, yuh filthy scavenjuhs!" says Zombie Cliff, swatting at the
circling vultures with his tattered postal worker's cap. "Say, Noahmie, yuh think we're
gonna get some sehvice heah anytime soon?"

"Doubt it, Cliff. Shame, too. I've got a heckuva thirst right now, despite large chunks of
my stomach having been eaten by vultures."

"Yuh look good, Noahm. Slim and trim. It suits yuh."


"Well, thanks, Cliffie."

"Don't mention it. Say, ah, Noahmie, y'got some intestines draggin' on the floah theah."

"Whoops! Thanks, Cliffie! I'll just tuck those right back in here."

"Sure do wish somebody'd fix this place up again. This heah stool's pretty dahned
uncomfortable with the seat missing."

Over by the empty door frame, Zombie Light Turner-Offer Man flicks aimlessly at a no-
longer-functioning light switch with the one finger the vultures haven't eaten, until that
last decaying digit crumbles and falls to the floor.

The Zombie Dimbulb Diablo sighs despondently. "Well, I guess I could change my name
to Zombie Limb Dropper-Offer Man "

Back at the bar, Zombie Norm's stomach rumbles. It is only the release of gas from his
fermenting innards, but it triggers an atavistic thought pattern just the same.

"Some human brains sure would be good right now."

"That they would, Noahmie, that they would!"

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Hell? Or High Water?


by TSR

Jason, Regina and Timothy were still descending the steep, slippery stairs, now
enveloped in total darkness. It seemed as if they had been walking for hours, yet still,
down, down, down they went, deep enough, it seemed, to reach Hell itself

If ever they faltered, the ImpOzTer! at their heels urged them on in OzBat's buoyant
voice. He dared not allow them to turn back, for well he knew the terrible fate that
awaited him if he failed to deliver them to his Evil master!

"How much further is this sub-basement?" Regina asked wearily.

"Almost theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!" was the imp's chirpy reply.

At last, when the air pressure and oppressive heat had both become almost unbearable,
they saw a faint light at the end of the tunnel!

Exhausted, dripping with sweat, and overwhelmed with relief, they scrambled down the
last few steps
only to come face to face with a squadron of cybernetically-enhanced Atlantean warriors
in water-breather's armor!

Above the assembled Atlantean force, a video screen displayed the blood-chilling, rage-
contorted face of Evil Aquaman!

"Well, well! Whom have we here?" the Evil Sea King laughed with wild, maniacal glee!

Stunned, the three mortals turned in desperation to the merry imp behind them

only to find that where OzBat! had (seemingly) been, OzBat! was no longer! In his stead,
barring any retreat, stood the shape-changing sea-god Proteus, who, like all sea-dwellers,
was subject to Evil AQ!'s telepathic commands!

"Bring them to me, my warriors! My diabolical plan approaches fruition!" Evil AQ!
gloated.

"Sheesh, who bought AQ! a dictionary?" Jason muttered, not quite daring to challenge
the Evil One aloud.

"I heard that!" Evil AQ! fumed over the view screen.

"Whoops!"

And then they were led away

Chapter Thirty: All is not as it seems.


by kevrhon

kevrhon had sealed himself and Amazon in a protective cocoon of ectoplasm. He wasn't
afraid to admit he was terrified of what awaited him outside. He had panicked. He wasn't
proud of what he had done. When he saw the image of Yuga Khan appear from the
gelatinous substance that was already responsible for too many deaths, all he could think
was "Hide!" Like a three year old child cowering under the blankets, kevrhon huddled in
his protective cocoon with Amazon, and wept.

Amazon had never met anyone quite like kevrhon. She had, admittedly, had little
experience with the opposite sex, but most of the men she had encountered were strong
and brash. Proud and arrogant. kevrhon's was apparently a different kind of strength. He
was secure enough let her cradle him in her arms in the face of whatever it was that they
were facing. Admittedly she was uncomfortable with the idea of turning from battle. She
had prepared a lifetime for moments like these. Her nature was to wade in with a
broadsword swinging. But she had no idea what was out there. And discretion really was
at times the better part of valor.
"kevrhon," she asked softly, "What just happened out there?"

kevrhon took a deep breath and composed himself.

"Didn't you see him? That was Yuga Khan, my grandfather. But he's dead. Killed by my
hand years ago to avenge my father. I panicked. I didn't know what I was doing, I was
completely out of control. I can't afford to be so weak with the power at my command. I
possess the force of three generations, and I just can't lose control like that."

"kevrhon. What did you do?"

"I created a doppelganger of you out of some of the ooze, encased it in a bubble like the
one we're in and kicked it down the stairs to buy us time to get away. I just I just wanted
to get away."

Amazon was a bit disgusted now at the way kevrhon was dealing with all of this, but also
still intrigued. But she knew that whatever happened next, it would be up to her.

"If that couldn't be Yuga Khan, then what was it? Was it the gel assuming his
appearance?"

kevrhon looked up at Amazon for the first time since they had gone into hiding. She had a
fierce determination in her eyes, and a gentleness that told him that everything was going
to be alright.

"You you're right. It must be. Just like it was Ares when you saw it."

There were still small shards of glass embedded in kevrhon's Dr. Fate boots. Clinging to
some were small globules of the substance in question, held in stasis by the cocoon. The
trace amounts he saw wouldn't be enough to harm him when they emerged. He began to
gently probe the substance, and recognized it for what it was.

"Why didn't I see this sooner? It's so obvious." Turning his attention to Amazon once
more, he explained. "If magic were a science, governed by the laws of nature as most
people know them, this would be the equivalent of carbon-the basic building block of
life. This is the source material of depravity, corruption and all the baser impulses, the
embodiment of evil. That's why you saw Ares. For you, that is the ultimate evil. For me,
it's my grandfather. It will be different things for different people."

Amazon smiled. She didn't fully understand, but it was enough to know that he did, and
that he was back in control.

"Where did it come from? Why is it here?"

"To answer that, we'll have to follow its sorcerous signature to its alchemical source."
With a thought and a whisper, the room upstairs was empty. A second later an explosion
rocked Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill, and the room was gone as well.

Chapter Thirty-One: Who watches the WatchJoes?


by Joe Gallagher

Meanwhile, in Gallagher City

A bright blue flash caused the Joe Gallagher Avatar to raise his head from his work.
Standing on the far side of the room were two familiar men who had not been there
before.

"Mr. Manhallagher and Joe Rorschacher. What a pleasant surprise."

"I knew you'd say that," said Manhallagher.

"Hurm," added Joe Rorschacher. "No time for chat. Avatar, Grendel's bar destroyed;
somebody destroying Pantheon. You do nothing."

The JGA simply replied, "I see you've lost none of your observational skills since the last
retconn."

"But why?" queried Manhallagher. "It seemed that you were just getting involved in the
lives of the Pantheon. With your powers, you could help save the Pantheon."

"The Pantheon doesn't need saving."

"Check your televisions, Avatar," said Rorschacher. "Your last date is being
simultaneously kidnapped and blown up."

The JGA sighed and sat back.

"You think that I, who have the visionary capabilities rivaled only by the great Jonah
Avatar, don't see all this? know EXACTLY what is going on in the Pantheon's world. But
I also know that everything will be reset at the next retconn. No matter how bad things
seem, they will always be erased and the Pantheon will start anew. Whether I interfere or
not will make no difference in the larger story line."

Manhallagher spoke.

"But even I take some interest in what's happening to the Pantheon. Such a blood bath has
never before been seen in this timeline."
"Not to you, perhaps. But you forget that I monitor all the Joe Gallaghers in every
possible Pantheon incarnation, and have seen far worse fates befall the Pantheon. And so
my answer remains no. I will not interfere."

"Not even for Amazon? You seemed willing to interfere when she wanted to take a tour."

The JGA glanced at the flickering screens to his left.

"Amazon's a warrior - she can take care of herself. As can the rest of the Pantheon."
Turning back to the two WatchJoes in front of him, he said, "Good day, gentlemen."

And the two men were gone in another blue flash.

The JGA turned his chair to face the televisions. He couldn't directly interfere with the
story unfolding before him, but perhaps another variant Joe Gallagher could

Chapter Thirty-Two: Bread crumbs and Earwax


by kevrhon

Amazon considered her surroundings for a minute.

"This is where that goo came from?"

kevrhon's brow was furrowed so that it almost showed through his helmet. He answered
without looking in an effort to maintain his concentration.

"No. This is a realm of shade. We're slipping through reality, keeping to the shadows, so
to speak. Without a specific destination, we can't just teleport and 'pop' in someplace. And
without knowing what we're up against, I don't want to just pop into the middle of
something we can't handle."

The duo slid though the ether, homing in on the mystical trail left by the ooze, until it
dead ended, hanging in space about chest high.

"This must be it. Let's take a look."

Fate wedged his fingers in around the end of the trail and pried an opening into the
natural world. Amazon and kevrhon peered through the portal to find themselves looking
through the ceiling of a small, cluttered room, with a lone figure huddled in a ratty
Barcalounger staring at the only source of light in the room. The TV was playing the
trailer for the unreleased Fantastic Four movie that was tacked on to the beginning of
"Carnosaur." Fanboy giggled with glee as he absent-mindedly scraped the walls of his
inner ear with a door key and wiped it off under the arm of his chair.

Amazon instantly recognized the Chromium armor, and reached for her sword.
"Fanboy! Can you widen this opening? It's time to be rid of him once and for all."

kevrhon placed a hand on Amazon's arm.

"I don't think he's really responsible. Look around the room. He had been rehabilitating.
Someone has tempted him and caused him to snap again. His subconscious mind took the
idea for Jell-O made from human bones from that issue of "Tales from the Crypt" and
made it a manifest reality. Look through the window. He lives across from a cemetery.
I'm sure he wasn't even aware of what he was doing."

Amazon wasn't entirely convinced that it wasn't a good idea to eviscerate the little
bastard, but she stayed her hand. kevrhon allowed the portal to close, and they left
Fanboy to his orgy of inferior entertainment. kevrhon would see to it that someone
contacted his psychiatrist, Dr. Frederick Wertham, to get him back into a program and get
the help he needed.

"So, where do we go now?"

"Outside of the Pantheon, there are few that suspect of the terrible power that lies in that
tiny room. If my suspicion is correct, the trails the others are following will all lead
ultimately to the same destination. Keep your sword at the ready. We're going to pay a
visit to Mr. E, the Secret Elder."

Chapter Thirty-Three: The cavalry arrives at last.


by Joe Grendel

The ruins at 1602 J Street, northwest.

The black Humvee growled to a stop, causing Hellgirl and her friends to look up as a
booted black foot landed on the blacktop.

"Who are you?" Hellgirl growled. The stranger looked her up and down, an undisguised
look of disgust on his face.

"You're one of them, aren't you?" Shadowcat scratched his chin, looking at the bar. "This
is exactly what I always warned them they would bring upon themselves. Saves me the
trouble of shutting the place down."

"I asked, 'who are you?'" Hellgirl reached for her sword.

"I'm Shadowcat. I patrol J Street, making sure the chaos doesn't disrupt the fabric of time
and space. Despite what the Joe Corps seems to believe, there's not going to be anymore
retconns around here."

"I agree." Shadowcat, Hellgirl and her two as-yet-unnamed companions turned.
"Gallagher," Shadowcat sneered. "Which Joe are you?"

"Joe Vertigallagher. After the aliens and predators invaded Gallagher City, the JGA got
serious about helping out, and he thought of me."

The five looked at one another.

"So," Vertigallagher said after a moment, "Where to first? The Great Barrier Reef, the
Secret Elder's Castle, Fanboy's apartment, or do we rescue Hatman and mope?"

Chapter Thirty-Four: Saying Goodbye to Yesterday.


by kevrhon

MIRACLE, DaDamerican, J'onn and JYu stole down the dark and narrow passage that
Scarlet Rob had directed them to. It was a gently sloping tunnel running parallel to the
stairway under the rubble that used to be Grendel's Bar and Grill. The best guess was that
it had the same terminus, the stronghold of the Sea Tyrant, Aquaman.

No one knew for sure when Aquaman had lost it, but they guessed his breakdown was
related to the pressures of ruling his undersea kingdom, and the loss of his hand. He had
always been a tortured soul, never really fitting in with the surface world, never really
belonging beneath the waves either. He was of both worlds, and at home in neither. He
was a benevolent ruler at one time, yet his station kept him distanced from his subjects.
He tried to find camaraderie with the heroes of the Pantheon, but his water-based powers
made him less than a real asset to the team in most cases. Aquaman was one of those men
that was terribly, horribly alone even in a crowd.

As the team made their way forward, they saw a light. Faint at first, brighter as they got
closer. The room they were approaching was bathed in an eerie green glow. Then they
heard it. A blood chilling scream, then soft, wet sobs.

The heroes raced to the opening at the end of the hall, then stopped short. There they saw
a sight they would not soon forget.

Aquaman had raced back to his lair with the limp form of what he believed to be Amazon
thrown over his shoulder, wrapped in the mystical encasement Dr. Fate had thrown
around the green slime he used to form the decoy. Aquaman had torn at the cocoon to get
at his prize, but got far more than he had bargained for. His hook should not have been
enough to pierce the eldritch force surrounding the figure of Amazon. But the ooze was
working just as hard to get out. The combined forces were no match for Dr. Fate's spell of
containment.

Now, there he lay, on the floor, crying out. Begging for death. J'onn reached out to his
former team-mate, and took his hand. He was still unsure exactly what had happened to
cause Aquaman such excruciating agony. His legs were concealed under an overturned
work bench, but it was hardly heavy enough to do the damage the former Sea King
seemed to be suffering from. DaDamerican and JYu lifted the table, gently, off the lower
extremities of their former ally. As they lifted, there was a sucking sound, and a snap.
Aquaman howled in pain. As they righted the table, they saw it was covered with the
throbbing green ooze. There, stuck in the middle of the table, were Aquaman's legs.

Three of the heroes turned away. MRMIRACLE, JYu and DaDamerican looked to the
end of the chamber, and saw the cell in which Jason, Regina and two others were being
held.

J'onn laid his large green hand across Aquaman's forehead. His mind reached out to
comfort his fallen former comrade. Aquaman looked up with tears welling up in his eyes.

"Please, J'onn. For God's sake. If what I once was means anything now, do what you have
to do."

J'onn looked away, but turned his hand a quarter turn. Quickly, before he had time to
reconsider, he drove two large green fingers through Aquaman's eyes and into his brain.
There was a soft squish as he removed them.

"Good bye, old friend."

Chapter Thirty-Five: Up the Down Staircase!


by The Tidy Rob, neat freak

After hours of walking , the group finally reached the end of the tunnel.

Jason, Regina, and Tim Smith had been less than thrilled about retracing their steps back
up the dark, crumbling passage, but the others were determined to return to the site of
Grendel's, figuring any other survivors of the recent horrific events might return there.
Then they would rendezvous with The Scarlet Rob and make their next move.

Tim Smith, the former Dark Timmy, had been convinced to light their way with a bit of
purple mystic luminescence. Jason was glad the task hadn't fallen to him; he was afraid
that using even a bit of his emerald energy for light would hasten its parasitic destruction
of his body.

Proteus, the sea god, had returned with them, to accompany his late master Aquaman. He
was morphing into Pantheon duplicates at random, getting on all their nerves.

The long climb back up would have been arduous enough had J'onn and MIRACLE not
insisted they take Aquaman's body back with them for safekeeping until they could
arrange a proper burial. JYu and DaDamerican were carrying it between them, mumbling
under their breaths all the way up.
(If any others were with them, they kept back in the shadows and held their tongues )

Finally at the top of the stairs, MRMIRACLE held his Mother Box overhead. It beeped a
few times, curtly.

"Mom says there's a trapdoor right above us."

"We already told everyone that, MIRACLE!" Jason snapped, flinging off green-glowing
bits of phosphor

J'onn used his Martian strength to heave the trapdoor up - he was anxious to end this
madness and return to A'nne, the Martian Manhuntress. The motley assemblage emerged
finally into fresh surface air.

Well, maybe not so fresh

Zombie Light Turner-Offer Man sat by the door, playing peek-a-boo with himself by
clapping his palms in front of his eye-less, worm-laden sockets.

Over at the bar, Zombie Norm and Zombie Cliff swiveled on their stools (Cliff grunting a
bit in discomfort) to greet the newcomers.

"Hey! Hey! Are those brains? Pass those over here, wouldja?" asked Zombie Norm.

"Uh I think not " DaDamerican replied.

"Aw, c'mon! Have a heaht! We're stahvin' heah "

"Maybe later!" JYu stalled. "Good lord, it's worse here than I thought! The whole upstairs
has been blown away in our absence!"

J'onn held one hand to his humongous brow, now furrowed in concentration. "Everyone,
follow me! I'm sensing familiar thought patterns from the street outside!"

With J'onn leading the way, the ragtag Pantheon Plus swept forward and out to the street.

JYu and DaDamerican paused briefly, exchanged glances, and then put Aquaman's body
down gingerly on a pile of sodden rubble.

"I'm not carrying him all night!"

"Me neither. You guys keep an eye on AQ! for us, okay?" With that, JYu and
DaDamerican rushed to rejoin the others.

"Well, waddya know, Noahmie, they left their friend's body heah!"
"Sure did!"

"Looks as if his brains are leaking out his eye sockets"

"Sure does"

"Hey, Noahmie, see if you can reach a couple of those straws behind the bah"

Chapter Thirty-Six: Home is the bartender.


by Joe Grendel

[Where have Joe Grendel and the White Knight been? Read "Two-Fisted Fantasy" #0 for
details, true believer!]

J Street.

The nun opened the door, gasping at the bloody and battered body at her feet. The White
Knight moaned quietly, unconscious, his face swollen, his limbs and ribs a cracked and
bruised mess.

She looked up, spotting Joe Grendel standing in the shadows between street lamps. She
crossed herself in horror. He flashed her the finger in response.

***

J Street.

Fanboy rummaged in the refrigerator, pulling out a weeks-old pizza box and sniffing the
contents. A hand grabbed the back of his neck, and slammed his face into the far side of
the fridge.

He pulled his head back out, dizzily.

"What was that? Grendel?!"

"Get out," Grendel's eyes gleamed with fury. "Now."

Fanboy sniffed the air. Gasoline. Lots of it. He looked at the lit Zippo in Grendel's hand.
He ran.

The comics shop exploded in flames.

***

The ruins at 1602 J Street.


Shadowcat, Hellgirl and company's attention was torn away from the fire down the street
by the emergence of the Pantheon from the ruins.

Shadowcat eyed them warily.

"I hope you fools have learned your lessons. Death is the least of the consequences of
trifling with forces you people can barely comprehend."

"There's time for lectures later," J'onn replied icily. "We need to get to save the rest of the
Pantheon and stop the Secret Elder and Fanboy."

"You don't have to worry about Fanboy."

The Pantheon turned to see a weary Joe Grendel trudging down the street toward them.

"We have some bad news, Joe," DaDamerican said nervously.

"Besides my bar being destroyed. What the hell did you people do, flood it then blow it
up?"

"Actually, yes. It's about OzBat and the Mighty Hank and Aquaman. They're dead. And
that's just who we know about."

Grendel nodded wearily.

"Go save the Pantheon and shut the Secret Elder down. How's he involved? No, don't tell
me. I'll take care of the dead. Jason, I need you with me."

"Really? It's about time that you "

"Shut your hole. And come with me."

Grendel and Borelli marched into the ruins.

The Pantheon looked at one another.

"Well," Hellgirl said finally, "No time like the present."

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Panic at Mr. E's residence.


by White Knight

The White Knight was running for his life. Thousands upon thousands of demons were
chasing him through the nether realms of Hell. He tried to run as fast as he could, but his
feet seemed to be glued to the slime-infested floor.
"KILL HIM" shouted the voices of wraiths, daemons and harpies. His heart beat so fast
he felt it would explode. His armor felt like dead weight. Soon, he would feel that way
too. He ducked around a large boulder and entered a cave glowing with red light. He
followed through a path, almost against his will. There was Joe Grendel, sword in hand,
with Malvolio.

"You will die, Knight. No one will help you. You will die a most horrific death!" He
pointed the sword to him. Suddenly, he was trapped with the same flame-cuffs Joe had
been inside the null-sphere.

"Malvolio, do the honors," said Joe with an eerie grin. "My pleasure," answered the fiend
from hell. He took several steps to reach the Knight. He lunged the sword towards his
neck.

"White Knight, White Knight " said Malvolio with a worried look.

White Knight saw the sword cut his neck.

And then he woke up. He was in some hospital. A nun was sitting in a chair, next to his
bed. He was still wearing his armor, because no force, save his, could remove it. His head
throbbed and his body ached.

"?donde ?donde estoy?" he saw the nun's reaction to his words. She did not understand.
"Where am I?" Her face lit up. She understood.

"You are at the Nunnery of the Overly Attentive Madonna. You arrived earlier. We tended
to your wounds but your armor was in the way. It took almost all of the sisters to carry
you here. Are you feeling all right?"

White Knight rose from the bed. His brain was filled with memories about Joe and
Malvolio and Hell, and a sword if he dared to open his mouth.

"Yes, I'm OK." he said and coughed. He braced himself. Pardon the expression, but his
ribs hurt like hell.

"Can you stand up?" said the nun.

"I think I can." he said, cursing under his breath. "You said I arrived earlier. May I ask
how?"

"Some fellow brought you. He was pretty mean to the sister who received you. You have
been here ever since."

"I must go," he said.

"Impossible. Your wounds are quite extensive."


White Knight was still unsure about what had happened; he felt the secret elder might not
be the one pulling the strings of this show. He turned his attention to his wounds. He had
taken quite a beating from Joe Grendel after he had freed him.

What does Joe think? He's the only one who's had it rough with his powers? He's the only
one who has had to pay dearly for the awesome abilities that separated them from mortal
men? Feeling anger in his gut for being put against forces he knew nothing about, he used
his powers to heal his wounds. Ribs, bones and muscles healed in seconds. His armor
grew shiny again. The nun got scared about the lights display and the notorious change in
the Knight's body.

"I must go now, sister. I'm needed somewhere else." He walked towards the door and he
stopped. He turned to the nun. "May I ask you a favor?"

"Yes."

"Pray for us." and with that, he left the room.

Sometime later, he approached the ruins of the bar and saw everyone making plans for
the counter-strike at MR. E's residence.

White Knight walked to the place the pool table used to be. Looking through the remains
and the debris, he located his breastplate and helmet. He put them on. He summoned his
weapons. He muttered a prayer to a God he hoped it was listening.

He approached the other heroes.

DaDamerican was tossing strategies and names like there was no tomorrow. The Scarlet
Rob had appeared and joined the strategy-making.

"So Fanboy is out of the picture thanks to Joe Grendel. Now we can concentrate on the
big enchilada."

They heard the Knight's approach. "You're alive! Good. We assumed as much when
Grendel appeared and didn't mentioned your death. We need help. Are you up to it?"

"Snif, snif " inhaled hellgirl. "You smell like you've been to hell. Care to explain?"

The Knight nodded silently. "I will help. Aside from that, I cannot tell you my last
whereabouts. I'm sorry."

"OK, let's resume with the plan."

"Secret Elder is too powerful for a frontal attack. We have to rely on trickery," said TSR.
"On that, my friend, no one is above me," cackled the DaDamerican, formerly known as
The Jester.

"We are counting on that." said TSR. "Now, we'll need some serious muscle and
firepower to overcome him once we are inside his lair. I suggest we split in teams, each
one with the needed abilities to overcome any enemies thrown to us."

They kept planning and planning until the strategy was completely hatched.

"Dr. Fate, if you'd do the honors," said JYu.

kevrhon gestured and two portals were created in front of them. "The left portal is for the
Silver Team. The right portal is for the Golden team. We'll arrive at different destinations
to further our surprise factor at MR. E's stronghold. Move it!"

DaDamerican, Amazon, hellgirl, Timmy, Regina and MRMIRACLE entered the left
portal. JYu, J'onn, White Knight, TSR and the zombies entered the right portal.

The Golden team appeared inside the stronghold. A whole army of defenders awaited
them.

"What took you so long, Pantheon?" asked a loud voice that boomed from above. "I've
been expecting you!"

White Knight gulped. He recognized the voice.

Chapter Thirty-Eight: The Silver Age


by DaDamerican

"SH*T!" Amazon screamed. "They knew we were coming!" Dozens of demons, zombies,
and the like surrounded the team. Hellgirl, accustomed to the paranormal, gave holy
weapons to Timmy and Regina. MIRACLE, on command, got in the center of the group
and asked his Mother Box to scan the castle. Amazon drew her sword. The DaDamerican
pulled out his pistols. They exchanged a glance, winked, and began the attack.

***

"I recognize you " White Knight said, grabbing his sword.

"As well you should. I was your nurse at the hospital But let me assume my true form "

***
The Silver Team stood alone. Timmy had a broken arm. Hellgirl's face was scratched and
bloody. They were all battered. But you should see the other guy. Thirty-seven slain
demons littered the corridor. The team breathed heavily.

"Guys," MIRACLE said, "I've pinpointed Mr. E. He's with the Gold Team."

Then, they heard bloodcurdling screams. Quickly, they ran to the source. There was the
Gold Team. There was Mr. E. Only Mr. E. began to transform. His body bulged,
stretched, and twisted. Pustules formed and popped. Claws grew. He became a horrific
demon.

"Silver Team ready?" kevrhon yelled.

"Yes! Gold?"

"Yes. Let's kick some @$$!"

***

Three minutes later.

The Pantheon was down. Out for the count. The demon-E was too powerful for even
them. It walked around their broken bodies, laughing.

"Once I consume them, I shall have their powers as well! Then I shall enslave all
humanity!"

The DaDamerican's body began to rumble. Above it appeared an even more horrific
sight: a Lord of Chaos.

"ArE weee RiigHt 2 assssuMME THaT u PlAn 2 n-SLAve hUmaNIty?"

"Yes. Care to help?"

"EnsLAved HUMans R cnTRold. CoNTRol = oRDer. WeEE hATe OrDEr."

With that, Demon E was no more. The Pantheon got up.

"Did you see that?"

"I'm having trouble comprehending "

"I'm gonna be sick "

"DaDamerican, did you do that?"


"Not directly, no. They're alerted whenever my @$$ is kicked. They usually just preserve
me somehow. I don't think this will be a regular thing."

"TOO BAD."

"Who are YOU?"

The White Knight knew.

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Lips that touch wine.


by Joe Grendel

Meanwhile, back at J Street:

"So," Jason said as they picked their way through the ruins, "Am I right in thinking you're
especially grumpy today?"

Grendel sighed.

"I have had an exquisitely awful day. And that was before I returned to find my bar
destroyed and its employees dead."

"And Aquaman."

"Sure."

The zombies looked up from their meal, chunks of Aquaman dropping from their jaws.

"Speaking of which " Grendel stared at them a moment, trying to puzzle out who Light-
Turner-On Man was, before turning his attention to the bar.

"Uh, aren't we going to do anything about them?"

Grendel shrugged.

"Let them finish their meal." He pointed at the remains of the bar. "Clean that up. I need
my pistol and there should be a locked safe under the bar."

Borelli's ring created an emerald scoop and a pair of giant emerald tweezers began sifting
through the debris.

"Here's the gun and there's the safe," Borelli said a few moments later. "I've never seen it
before; whatcha got inside?"

"Something for a rainy day. And I can't imagine it getting any rainier than this."
"Uh, Grendel? The zombies are done with Aquaman."

"Fine."

"No, I mean they're coming this way!"

"Jason, you're the Green Lantern of J Street."

"Right, right." He blasted the zombies into powder. "I've had a lot on my mind recently."

Grendel grunted, as he spun the dial on the safe. It opened and he withdrew a bottle of
wine.

"Wine?" Borelli's eyes bugged out. "How is wine going to help bring the guys back to
life?"

Grendel held the bottle toward Borelli.

"Make me a corkscrew, already. And this is very special wine." The corkscrew removed,
Grendel took a sip, closing his eyes in bliss. "It's the Wine of the Innocents. Distilled
from the souls of the blessed damned, children who died before their baptism. Incredibly
rare. Abdul Aziz once offered me the entire contents of his shop in exchange for this one
bottle. It also happens to be more valuable than nearly anything in Hell."

"Oh," Borelli replied, sorry he'd asked.

"I need you to go outside," Grendel said, pulling his apron out from under some debris,
and flipping over an intact chair. "Erect an opaque, sound-proof bubble. In 15 minutes,
use your ring to detect whether I'm still alive. If I am, and there's more than one other
living being in here with me, drop the shield."

"What if you're not alive?"

"In that case, I hope you're half the hero you think you are. Then we're all in a lot of
trouble. Or rather y'all are. I'll be frying in Hell along with Hank, OzBat and Aquaman."

"Oh," Borelli replied, again sorry he asked.

Chapter Forty: Shake Before Using


by JYu

The Secret Elder's:

Brilliant plan, throwing everyone at the bad guy all at once. Great way to increase
casualties. Wouldn't it have been more efficient, for everyone to have simply waited back
at Grendel's for Mr. E to find them? Would have saved everyone the trouble of hacking
their way through legions of demons only to find themselves getting their asses whupped

JYu sighed as he picked himself up from the ground. Sometimes, life could be so unfair.
He didn't even have to try to find himself any trouble; just show up in the vicinity of J
Street, and he was sure to be thrust into some sort of testosterone-induced save-the-world
escapade. Under normal circumstances, he had no compunctions about diving headfirst
into a conflict; that was why he had bothered to come back to Grendel's in the first place.

Problem was, the good guys still weren't winning.

How could it have all gone so wrong? For the second time tonight, he was beside himself
with frustration. Dying was definitely not on his agenda.

And yet, here he was, somewhere which, for all intents and purposes, would probably end
up being his resting place. At least he wouldn't be alone.

***

DaDamerican: I-I don't understand! This makes no sense!

Chaotic energy swept down from the heavens and consumed the DaDamerican. The
Pantheon watched on in horror as his life, his very soul, was siphoned out of him. He
dropped to the ground, an empty, lifeless husk.

White Knight did indeed know the voice. In all of recorded history, a little disappearance
had never done a villain any harm; just wait a while, and soon enough, he was bound to
return. Nothing different from what had happened to Mr. E.

Something about him had changed, though.

All his life, the Secret Elder had wanted nothing but to antagonize the Pantheon. To bait
them. To watch them squirm. To destroy them. He had decided his purpose in life long
ago.

Now, the Lords of Chaos decided otherwise.

In front of the Pantheon stood the New and Improved Mr. E., herald of The Lords of
Chaos, floating five feet above ground and emanating an unholy mixture of light and
energy, flashing and swirling in a pattern with little sense, and even less reason.

And somewhere within the cacophony of energy Mr. E was basking in, one could hear the
helpless screams of the former DaDamerican, vainly trying to escape.

kevrhon: It can't be possible


"Of course not," replied Mr. E. "Chaos isn't supposed to." He beckoned with his hand,
and tendrils of energy swept around JYu.

"NO!" screamed the White Knight. He pulled out his sword and began to rush toward the
Secret Elder.

J'onn: Forget him, he's done for! Everyone get out of here! Go! Go! GO!

***

Minutes later.

The scant remnants of the Pantheon stopped to take a breath after some of the hardest
running they had ever done in all their lives.

kevrhon: Care to explain to us exactly what's going on here, J'onn?

J'onn: It's secondary nature of Chaos to tend to continue to expand. That's why it's
counterbalanced by order. But in order for it to grow, it needs sustenance. More chaos.
And there are few things in the universe far more chaotic than human nature.

The Pantheon stared at him as the full implications of this slowly became clear.

hellgirl: So what, we now have some soul-sucking vampire running around?

J'onn: Exactly.

***

"I don't understand" The Secret Elder muttered under his breath.

JYu, trapped within Mr. E's grasp and struggling for breath, retorted, "Chaos, remember?
Said so yourself, it's not supposed to make sense."

Mr. E: No Nothing's happening. I can't siphon your soul. You - you have no soul?! You're
not even human

He dropped JYu to the ground.

"Away from me! I have no need for you " He turned and started off to find the Pantheon.

No soul? Not human? JYu didn't care to find out about this.

"Breaks my heart, ugly." Instinct took over. JYu unholstered his double-barreled shotgun,
pumped it, leveled it at Mr. E's back, and hoped to God that for once in his life, things
would go his way, that chaos would actually act in his favor.
He fired.

Chapter Forty-One:
Climax. Let's have some denouement
by The DaDamerican

The DaDamerican was confused. The Lords of Chaos were *his* patrons. Not some
sicko. They made chaos by *preserving* human life, not consuming it. He looked around.
This was familiar. Like when he was with Chaos before. That couldn't be. Chaos, by
nature, never repeats itself. This wasn't a Lord of Chaos. Somehow, he knew what it truly
was. It was a demon. Not a minor wimpy demon like the 37 they slew before. This was a
major demon. This guy chatted with Lucifer casually. Lords of Chaos couldn't destroy a
being this spiritually powerful. The DaDamerican knew something that could. He
dropped to his knees.

***

The White Knight inexplicably knew what to do. He appeared in the room with Mr. E. He
knew this was a vile demon. An abomination in the sight of God. He dropped to his
knees.

"Our Father " two men began

"Which art in Heaven "

The demon screamed in pain.

"Hallowed be thy name "

Mr. E. began to panic.

"Thy Kingdom Come, thy will be done "

He lashed out with mystic fire. The White Knight was protected by a bright light. The
DaDamerican was becoming visible.

"On Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread "

Mr. E. howled in protest.

"And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us "

The demon began to shrink. JYu was waking up in the corner, where the demon had
thrown him.
"And lead us not to temptation, and deliver us from evil "

The DaDamerican was completely visible now, outside of the demon. A blinding light
shone on it.

"For thine is

"THE KINGDOM

"THE POWER

"AND THE GLORY FOREVER

"AMEN!"

The demon began to give off smoke. It kept shrinking and shrinking. With the sound of a
loud thunderclap, he exploded into nothingness. The DaDamerican and The White Knight
looked at each other and nodded. They picked up the ailing JYu and brought him outside.

"What happened?" J'onn demanded.

"We won," DaDamerican said.

"By God's grace," The White Knight added. "Let's go back to Grendel's. We still have
some things to tend to."

Then everyone remembered what all had happened. Hank!, OzBat, AQ!, Norm, Cliffie,
and Light-Turner-Offer-and-Onner Man were all dead. The bar was in ruins. And Joe was
pissed. That was the worst of all.

Chapter Forty-Two: All Hallow's Eve


by Joe Grendel

J Street.

The apron wound into a blindfold and tied around his face, Grendel blessedly could not
see the force that whipped the debris of his bar into a hot maelstrom.

"That's the deal, Dark Lord." He waved the bottle for emphasis.

"THREEEEEEE LIIIIIIIIIIIIVESSSSSSSS? WHAAAAAAAATTT


MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKESSSSSSS YOOOOOOOOOOOU
THIIIIIIIIIIIIINKKKKK IIIIIIII HAAAAAAAAVVVVVE
THEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMM?"
Grendel grinned, feeling fragments of the bartop whirl past his head.

"Because, T T, Malvolio is an unruly servant, but he's still your servant. Those who have
died as part of his scheme, he'd give to you. I want them back: The Mighty Hank!, OzBat
and Aquaman. And I want Aquaman back as he was before Barney
got ahold of him."

"PPPPEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRHHHHAAAAAAAPPPPPPPSSSSSS.
BBBBBUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT TTTTHHHHIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS
IIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS AAAAAAA DDDDDIIIIIIIIIFFIIIIICUUUUUULT
TTTAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSK "

Grendel took another slug of the Wine of the Innocent.

"Mmmm, this is some good stuff. Pure, unsullied souls. As opposed to the damaged
goods you got instead. There's a million little things in their lives they've done, taking the
bloom off the rose. This is distilled purity, Dark Lord. But if you don't want it "

"EEEEEEEEEENNNNNOOOOOOUUUUGGGHHHH!"

The bottle was violently jerked from Grendel's hand. The noise died down, and after a
moment, he removed his blindfold.

His hand was covered in a thousand minute scratches, as though he'd thrust it into a
sandstorm, or perhaps a den of angry kittens.

***

Hell.

Aquaman lay on the dry red soil, his throat too dry to even cry out in pain and frustration,
when the wind came

OzBat stood wiping his brow in the Infinite Bathroom, wondering if his toothbrush was
still in good enough condition to keep going after cleaning 2,783,431 toilets with non-
functional plumbing, when the wind came

Hank was almost at the top of the mountain, when the wind came for him, lifting him out
of Hell.

***

J Street.

Grendel sat in his chair, one hand resting meaningfully atop his sword's pommel, waiting
for them to wake up.
"Hello, boys. It's been quite a long night." He raised one hand. "No, you weren't
dreaming, OzBat; you were dead. You all were. You owe me your lives, your souls. I
intend to remember your debt. And to hold you to it."

***

J Street.

Borelli sat on the curb, maintaining the bubble around the bar's ruins with half a mind, as
he scratched Lucky's chin.

"Hey, you're a smart guy you bugged out of here when the poop hit the fan, didn't you,
boy?" His ring beeped, letting him know the time limit had been reached. He performed a
quick scan, then lowered the field. "Hank! OzBat! Aquaman! You're alive!"

"Verily, Lantern of J Street." The Mighty Bouncer! dropped to the curb beside him.
"Mayhap you could repair our place of employment so easily?"

"No sweat."

Grendel leaned against a lamppost, clucking for Lucky to join him. OzBat bamfed over to
him, and the two watched a shaken Aquaman go wade into his fountain.

"So, boss, what happened here tonight?"

"It was Halloween, OzBat." Grendel noticed the rest of the Pantheon coming down the
street, bruised and battered, but unbeaten after sacking Mr. E's fortress. "All Hell broke
loose."

The End
Keep comics and you alive: Don't drink and drive!

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