Ah, so many great answers here, brilliant answers, really.

No one told me that the toddler and preschool years would be like living with a messy, stoner roommate who is
also really, really funny and really introspective, and maybe a little sociopathic.

One minute you'll be enjoying each other's company--playing cards, watching funny cats on Youtube, just
hanging out. Then you'll go to the bathroom and see toothpaste smears all over the hand towel and sink. You'll
stand in the doorway and yell "Dude, you've got toothpaste everywhere, clean up after you brush your teeth."
Your new roommate will come chuckling down the hall "Sorry, dude, I dropped my toothbrush after I put
toothpaste on it, and I just forgot." And you'll both laugh because that's a good reason. Then the next day the
same thing will happen. And the next. And the next.

And some days your roomie tries to weasel his way out of responsibilities, and those days just suck because
there you are standing over your roommate like "Jeez, dude, just get a job, you can't freeload forever and by the
way, I'm not picking up all the stuff you leave in the living room anymore and dude, you should probably stop
eating on the couch because it's kinda getting gross" and you both just scowl at each other. And that makes you
feel like someone's MOM which is the last thing you wanted to be doing. But seriously, you just don't want your
roommate to take advantage of you and you really don't want to live in a grungy house. And also it would be
great if the dude figured out how to do it himself so you didn't have to nag all the time.

You'll also have conversations that start with "Dude, how did you fall when you were just standing there?" or
"Dude, what were you thinking when you drew on the wall with crayon?" or "Dude, how many times are you
going to listen to that Beatles album?" or "Dude, did you seriously just touch the cat THERE?! that's so gross!"

But it's all good.

--
Social prejudices take a different dimension altogether. You need to protect your kid, as well as educate her. But
no one tells you how.

Some examples:

When my daughter was not yet three

Papa, dont you use a pack?, Sia asked out of the blue one day.

Umpack? What pack?

The one that you apply on your face

Oh. No sweetheart. Papa doesn't use any pack

Only girls use packs na?

Yes. Mostly.

I should apply a pack daily

Really? Why? I wasn't sure I liked the direction this conversation was headed.

Ill become gori (fair)

Hmmm. And then? I dint like this at all.

And then Ill become pretty

Who told you that? I controlled my fury while I considered the best response to this.

____
____ is stupid. Doesn't know anything, I continued to grope for words, Sia is already very pretty.

Sia wants to become prettier

What do you tell a 3 year old? The whole history of slavery and racism. Or casteism closer home. About the
millions of matrimonial ads looking for slim, fair and beautiful brides. About dowry that increases with the
quantum of melanin in skin. Too harsh for a kid.

Maybe skip skin color and tell her that physical appearance itself is overrated. Maybe I should explain to her
that there is no such thing as too light or too dark; too tall or too short; too thin or too fat. Theres only healthy,
smart and nice. Too philosophical.

Maybe I should focus on self esteem. What if her self esteem slips because of dumb things people tell her? There
was really no danger of that back then, though. It bordered on narcissism in Sias case.

Becoming prettier is easy, sweetheart. All it takes is a big smile, I finally managed. I was rewarded with a
dazzling smile

Barbie dolls and face packs

When she was six

"Papa, you know, the math geniuses in my class, who are all of course boys...", Sia began one day

"Hold it. Hold it. Who told you that only boys are math geniuses?"

"I know it on my own"

"Yes, but how did you know on your own?"

"It is obvious. All the kids in my class who are good at math are boys"

"How do you know that they are good?" [Hint for the reader: Who is the person in the class who judges which
kids are good at what?]

"____ can do addition faster than anyone else"

"That's just one boy. And addition is just one small part of math. Does anyone understand shapes as well as you
do?"

"No. But only boys are good at math. See, you are good at math and mama isn't".

"That's just two of us. That's no reason why you can't be a math genius. It is all about studying hard and
practicing"

"But I hate math"

"Maybe. But don't you want to prove to the boys that girls can be math geniuses too"

"Yesss!", she said pumping her fist.

That's how we got get to prepare for the math kiddy Olympiad. We later confronted her teacher. She first acted
shocked, and then proceeded to describe how good the boys in her class were at math. *Sigh*

There was a happy outcome, though. Of the three kids who topped her class in the Olympiad, two, including
Sia, were girls. "Who's the math genius now?", I asked her. She just grinned.
A few weeks ago (she is nearly seven)
"Papa, who is that?", Sia asked, pointing at the TV screen. There was a news item about the Nido Taniam Death
Incident.

"That's a bhaiyya [elder brother] who was killed by some bad people in Delhi".

"Is he Indian?"

"Of course he is"

"He looks like Chinese", she observed

"No. He doesn't. He looks very much Indian"

"But his eyes are like this", she said, pulling her eyes back

"So?", I challenged

She thought about it for a while. "Do some Indians look like Chinese?", she asked, a little uncertainly.

"Well, the Chinese look like some Indians. The Pakistanis look like some other Indians. The Sri Lankans look
like some other Indians. There are so many different kinds of Indians. That's cool, isn't it?"

"Do Americans look like some Indians too?"

"Hmmm... not really", I wasn't keen on confusing her with too much information. We opened her map of India
game and started discussing about each region and state. Hopefully, she drew the right lessons.

-----

People tell you but you don't believe it: how much you will love your children. Nobody can convince you that a
new person, a complete stranger, one who didn't even exist just a year earlier, will trigger this sort of love. You
may have searched years for a person you could marry, but now one is just given to you (well, that's the man's
point of view) out of seemingly nowhere.

I fell in love with my first daughter as I was holding her at the hospital. My wife had some minor complications,
and the nurse handed the baby to me. I looked down at her. Suddenly she became slightly agitated. She was
moving her head. Then it hit, almost without warning: a sneeze! It seemed to me that it almost knocked off her
head, and clearly she was equally distressed. Then we both sensed another one coming on. She tensed up; so
did I. What could I do? She lowered her head closer to her chest and held it tightly; I'd swear she clenched her
fists. The sneeze came, and in her new defensive position, it was nothing. She had learned how to sneeze, and I
had watched her learn!

Some fathers say watching their child be born was one of the greatest experiences of their lives. For me, it was
watching my little girl learn how to sneeze.

The nurse asked me to hand the baby back to her. I was a little bit uneasy at doing this. I understood this child
better than she did. She was my baby. How did I know the nurse would be sufficiently gentle? This was my love,
not hers. But then the nurse put the baby down on my wife and my wife held the baby and I could see the same
love between the two of them.

Children bond to parents, but the bonding of parents to a child is just as strong, maybe stronger.

I know parents who deny that love, and I feel deeply sorry for them. If you let your instincts loose, you discover
that you have doubled your life, or (if you were deeply in love with your spouse) then at least increased it from 2
to 3 ... or more, for subsequent children. Children are the greatest joy in life (even better than physics!), and all
you really have to do is let loose and go for it.

--

Having children is awful. There are benefits that we all know about. But lets stick with awful for a second.

A) A 1 foot tall US citizen suddenly moves into your house and you are FORCED to deal with it. Its like an invading
army taking over your home.

B) This 1 foot tall US citizen doesnt speak English and yet demands you understand it 24 hours a day.

C) This new roommate you are forced to tolerate cries all the time. Deal with it.

D) This new roommate that you are basically required to love shits on the floor or shits in their pants and expects you
to clean it.

E) You are expected to feed your new roommate and they have less motor control then someone with no arms and no
legs.

F) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you are required to make sure this 1 foot tall human doesnt kill themselves by
mistake. If they do, then you might go to jail.

G) You have to touch their dirty genitals when you clean them. Oh yeah, you have to clean them. A lot.

H) At night (if you are a man), they climb in bed with the love of your life and suck on their breasts. If they were a
normal roommate you might kick them out of your house at that point. But now its against the law to do that.

I) You and your spouse have gone from being lovers to being parents. Its the funnest thing in the world to be a
lover. Its so much fun that we spend almost every moment thinking and dreaming about loving. Its not as fun to be a
parent.

J) You have no idea if this 1 foot tall person will turn into someone you like or hate when they are five feet tall. Its sort
of random although you hope for the best.

I have two daughters. They are the loves of my life.