Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Disclaimer:
reader.
2
CONTENTS
3
• Avoid these Mistakes
• Why the Chances of Finding Mr. I Ms. Right on
Facebook is very high?
Ch 8 : Facebook Dating Tips for Men- Pg 74
• Understanding Women
• How to Emotionally Connect with Women on
Facebook
Ch 9: Facebook Dating Tips for Women- Pg 85
• Understanding Men
• How to Emotionally Connect with Men on
Facebook
Ch 10: Things not to do on Facebook - for Men- Pg 99
Ch 11: Things not to do on Facebook - for Women- Pg
105
Ch 12: Protecting your Privacy on Facebook- Pg Ill
4
CHAPTER I
There are also many groups, pages and networks that you
can join to connect with people that have simi lar
interests. As well as j oining them, you can create them
yourself.
6
doing, eating, drinking, reading, watching, listening to,
etc. You can also use the status update to post links,
photos, videos, events, etc.
7
However, please keep in mind that you HAVE to be AT
9
Now, many men and women rely on the Internet when it
comes to finding a romantic partner. Are you are
interested in becoming one of those individuals? If so,
there are a few important things that you should know
first.
10
Perhaps. the most important thing to remember is that
Facebook dating is not deemed one hundred percent safe.
Although, it is important to note that no form of dating is.
12
CHAPTER 2
14
having that cup of coffee together, you might try to take it
a little further. You might arrange for a second ' date ' if
everything goes well and see where it goes from there.
15
might prove tricky but it is not impossible. With a little
bit of maneuvering this is possible. If you share common
friends, you might use that resource. A class party or a
seminar is a great way to get introduced. Then you have
the task of capturing his attention. You might start with
observing him and trying to find out what interests him.
The best method to make a man interested in you is to
make him believe, right or wrong, that you are interested
in his interests. Listen to all his words with careful
attention. As soon as he feels comfortable with you he
will open up about his interests and then you might try to
find out whether your first impression about him matches
up with your expectations. Expectations need not mean
anything permanent, just that you might want to see him
another time, as you both have some interests in
common. For both men and women, finding a common
ground is very important. You might share a common
interest in sports (though most men will agree that to get
a girl interested in sports is a marathon task) or foreign
movies (that again women will find men have no
16
appreciation for most of the time), but finding a common
interest is the first step towards developing a friendly
relationship. This friendship is the stepping stone to take
it up to the next level .
17
system of finding the date. Some of the technologically
supported systems of dating are as follows : -
18
3. "Phone Dating" systems of about the same time,
where customers called a common voice mail or
phone-chat server at a common local phone
number, and were connected with other (reputed)
singles, and typically charged by the minute as if it
were a long-distance call (often a very expensive
one). A key problem of such systems was that they
were hard to differentiate from a phone pom
service or "phone sex" where female operators are
paid to arouse male customers, and have no
intention of dating them, ever.
19
in others on the system. lt can be web-based or
online dating as wel l , depending on the company.
20
9. "Online dating Services" of the 1990s and today,
which may incorporate a form-, video-, or
audio-/phone-based component, integrating them
into a single "profile" and providing multiple
means to communicate (including the telephone).
Other than these, there are the dating game shows and
reality shows on television, in which a high degree of
support and aids are provided to individuals seeking
dates.
21
CHAPTER 3
23
be looking for different kinds of relationships. The other
sites operate more specifically with a particular type of
membership, specific locations, interests or relationships
desired. You can depend on these sites to do the looking
for you. You may specify a particular location, say, within
a certain radius in New York City, and also specify not
only the gender, age, education and religion, but also the
desired height, weight, coloring etc. You may also specify
the nature of relationship you are seeking. It might be
casual friendship, or it might be an association of mutual
interests, such as a particular hobby, sports or a subject of
educational specialization. A movie buff might want to
seek out another movie buff who is residing within his I
her locality, who is also smart, funny and attractive, so
that they may exchange notes together.
24
the situation may be) who is a complete stranger and start
to communicate their overwhelming liking for them
either. This is not what nature intended for you.
Therefore, there is always a certain amount of pressure
involved whenever you go up to a stranger and try to
communicate "I like you. Can we take this up to the next
level?" It is even more gut wrenchingly difficult if you
are a woman who is trying to communicate with a man
who happens to be a stranger to you. The anonymity of
the Internet takes away this pressure. You do not have to
worry what the other person will think of you; whether
you come on as too bold or aggressive when you are
approaching him I her through a virtual matchmaker.
25
when you present yourself to your potential date. When a
woman meets a guy. she wants to impress him.
Sometimes, she wil l feign an i nterest in a subject that
totally bores her, for fear she w i l l be perceived as an
airhead by her partner. Thi s becomes agonizing after
some time. On the other hand, a smart woman may try to
suppress her intellect so she does not appear to be too
much of a ' blue stocking' which again builds up too
much pressure. The same applies to men too . They want
to impress the girl and therefore have to be on their best
behavior. A man wi l l want to appear neither as a male
chauvinist nor a wimp to the woman he wants to be with.
Therefore he will try to wal k on eggshells around her,
which might ki ll off h i s spontaneity somewhat. The
Internet has already searched on your behalf the person
who is like minded enough for you to be at ease. You do
not need to pretend anything you are not in order to
impress your potential partner. I f politics don't interest
you, neither does it interest hi m/her. I f you are interested
in environment, so is it with h i m/her.
26
You save time and effort in searching for the right person.
Not only that, you also have much greater options to
choose from. Both the quality and the targeted options are
more efficiently assessable to you through the net. For
men and women it becomes a huge relief to be freed from
the need to be a ' smooth operator. ' At the same time,
Internet dating services speed up the date hunting process
to a large degree. This is because you already know this
man I woman is single, free and ready to meet a quality
partner. You also know what his I her requirements are,
and that they match your own. The only thing left is to
find out how compatible you are on other points and take
it up from there. Thus, your ability to convey romantic
desire is enhanced, as it is mutually shared.
27
go on failing over and over again, with nobody the wiser.
It is also easier to break up with your virtual date the
moment you think it is not working out. This is often
mutual, with no hard feelings involved. That might not be
the case in real life dates. It sometimes takes considerable
tact and effort, not to mention time to break off a liaison,
so as not to hurt the sensibility of the other person
involved, even if both of you know the relationship will
not work out in the end. The sense of failure normally
associated with the break-up of a relationship in real life
is not present in the virtual world, therefore it becomes
easier on both parties to call it a day, with perfect
amicability and you can start looking again.
28
place for meeting, see to it that the other person is pleased
and comfortable before you start your interaction. No
need for flowers or chocolate, or buying expensive
dresses to wear so the other person is pleased. You can
wear your bed socks and be as romantic as you like.
Romance is a state of mind, not the outer embellishments
that go with it. This is something we frequently forget in
our preoccupation with the outer embellishments. With an
on line date, you are in no danger of messing it up because
you are holding the wrong fork or wearing the wrong tie.
There is also no danger of making it worse by saying the
wrong thing as in a spontaneous situation. You can go
straight to the heart of the matter without the outer frills.
If this works out. then you might want to meet your date
in person and take it up to the next level. If it does not
work out through the net. you both go your own way and
continue your search without any acrimony or bitter
feelings. The very impersonal nature of online dates helps
you to be natural .
29
CHAPTER 4
Most of the dating sites keep profiles online for very long
periods, right from the last time the member had logged
in. This creates a false impression that there are more
members available than there actually are.
30
Some of the online profiles do not represent actual
people, but are placed on the site by the owners to act as
"bait" to lure new paying members. There are more
"fake" profiles that are actually advertisements for
services like prostitution, multi-level marketing or
personal sites belonging to other people.
31
are dangerous. The onl ine sites provide them with a
never ending supply of targets for Internet fraud. Dr
Paige Padgett of the Health Science Center, University of
Texas, conducted a study which found that women
looking for partners on the net have a false sense of
safety, while in reality it exposes them to fraud, stalking,
even sexual violence.
32
Disreputable sites often harvest users' personal
i nformation and contacts for use in e-mail spam. In fact,
if you are a member of an online service site, be it dating
or otherwise, be prepared to be flooded with undesirable
spam of every kind.
33
CHAPTER S
Now that you know the pros and cons of Internet dating,
you are ready to look for a date online. As there are
considerable pitfalls in the online dating service sites, it
might seem prudent and safer to limit your search
somewhat. Why not then go for social networking
through the Internet? That is relatively safe, and comes
free of cost. The hassle is also considerably less in social
network sites. So what is a social network? It is a site
dedicated to building and reflecting social networks or
relations among people, e.g., who share interests and I or
activities. A social network service essentially consists of
a representation of each user (often a profile), his I her
social links, and a variety of additional services. Most
social network services are web based and provide means
for users to interact over the Internet, such as e-mail and
instant messaging. Although online community services
34
are sometimes considered as a social network service in a
broader sense, social network service usually means an
individual-centered service whereas online community
services are group-centered. Facebook is one such social
networking site. It is absolutely free.
35
Facebook started off as an I SN and later extended to an
ESN service. It started off as a community within
Harvard University. A group of students of computer
science started Facebook with membership limited to the
students of Harvard, but later expanded to other colleges
in the Boston area, The Ivy League and Stanford
University. It later expanded further to include
(potentially) any university student, then high school
students, and, finally, to anyone aged 13 and over. The
website currently has more than 400 million active users
worldwide.
36
Some social networking sites have a "favorites" feature
that does not need approval from the other user. Social
networks usually have privacy controls that allow the
user to choose who can view their profile or contact
them, etc.
37
"poke" to each other ( a noti fication then tel l s a user that
they have been poked). There is a l so 'Status,' which
allows users to inform their friends of their whereabouts
and actions.
38
limits to the number of photos a user is allowed to
upload. Privacy settings can be set for individual albums,
limiting the groups of users that can see an album. For
example, the privacy of an album can be set so only the
user's friends can see the album, while the privacy of
another album can be set so all Facebook users can see it.
Another feature of the Photos application is the ability to
'tag ' or label users in a photo. For instance, if a photo
contains a user's friend, then the user can tag the friend in
the photo. This sends a notification to the friend that they
have been tagged, and provides them a link to see the
photo.
39
You may also send virtual gifts to your friends that appear
on the recipient's profile through the ' Gifts ' application.
Gifts cost $ 1.00 each to purchase, and a personalized
message can be attached to each gift.
40
CHAPTER6
42
After you have posted your profile and uploaded your
photo, next import your e-mail contacts. The sign-up
process will give you the option of importing the names
and e-mail addresses of everyone listed in your e-mail
history. This will allow you to add your friends to your
Facebook friends, as well as anyone you've e-mailed or
who has e-mailed you. When you add friends, Facebook
will see whether those people have friends in common
and will recommend those friends in common to you
under the 'Suggestions ' section. It is up to you to choose
whom to add as friends in your Facebook from your e
mail list.
43
Once someone has agreed to add you as a friend, take a
look at his I her profile. It wi l l contain a "wal l ," where
people write comments. See if you know those people,
and if you do, decide whether you want to add them as
your friends as wel l . Even if you don't know these people,
you may wish to add them anyway. because Facebook
allows people to express their personal ities ( picking their
favorite movies, for example. and posting that
information on their page). Therefore, if you find
someone interesting, write him I her a message and ask
him I her to be your friend.
44
programs called "apps," many which are popular games
1 such as Mafia Wars). Through these games you get to
interact with other Facebook users and this is a great way
to meet people. You become part of the group that plays a
certain game that they like to play too. You may find
somebody there who you find interesting and request a
friendship.
45
CHAPTER 7
47
You can always ask your friend to fix up a date with that
handsome hunk or that pretty girl. Only this time, you ask
him through Facebook. You notice a profile and can ask
for access through your friend on Facebook or you can
straight away ask for an introduction to some suitable
girls I guys through your friends' friends circle. There is
complete privacy in this process. No one else gets to
know you have asked for an introduction. And if it does
not work out, there is no embarrassment in your social
front.
48
There are various applications which are quizzes or other
forms of trivia games. They can be general knowledge
49
and post a comment or a l i nk, or you might l ink your own
blog as well, if you have one .
50
feeling connected to long ago friends is a satisfying
experience in itself. Post recent photographs (make sure
they are flattering) and write all about your recent
activities since you knew them. If not your actual friends,
then again your friends ' friend may be the one you have
been looking for all this time .
You can also add people you know from real life. You
might know them from your workplace, groups '
activities, hobbies etc . Sometimes it feels more
.:omfortable to interact through the Internet than face to
face. Comment on their posts and ask questions to find
out more about that person. Asking direct questions is
always much easier online. You can ask anything without
being offensive, rather than when meeting in person. If
you feel the two of you would hit it off, suggest meeting
m person.
51
As the people you are approaching are already interested
in one common thing as you, chances are you will find
more things in common with them. You can also send
friend requests and get to know people better by starting a
conversation with your fan club as the opening subj ect.
52
for Free." After you have j oined, fill out the form with
53
you have added the application to your Facebook
account, you have to create your profile by filling out the
' Date Card. ' Fill out the date card as accurately as
possible so that when you meet other people through
Zoosk, they will know about you in detail and the
chances of finding someone who matches up to your
requirements go up. After you finish filling out the date
card, you can start looking for single people who can be
your potential dates by clicking on the Search button on
Zoosk. Fill out the Search information accurately so that
the search is narrowed down as much as possible . This
will help the application to find someone who is most
specific to your match. If you find somebody who seems
interesting to you, you can wink at them or send them a
mail. If all turns out to be well, you can start up a
conversation on mail, and then eventually set up a date
and go on from there.
54
In the past, lovers used to send each other love letters
that, despite obstacles and distance, kept their
relationship vibrant. This way, the long waiting period,
until they could see each other again, seemed bearable.
55
factors that influence the cha n c e s to rece i ve a reply that
can live up to your ex p ectat i o n s . Despite this reality, you
must use wisely the l im i ted control you hold.
56
your world, a world that might appeal to your
mterlocutor.
57
Not everyone is looking for a partner, but maj ority ar 1
looking for easy, positive discussions and fun.
Try to distract this person you are talking online from the
negative discussion and make him/her to laugh. Using
humor is the best way to do this and is easier if you learn
some funny one liners just to help you get started if you
are not that funny naturally.
58
bad mood.
59
become naturally closer and closer and a date in person
will become something inevitable.
60
Are you doing something similar in Facebook dating? Do
you not accept disappointments easily? Do you want your
candy immediately like a child? That can lead to
complications. You have to define your requirements, and
if you find that your date and you don't match, you have
to drop him/her. You don't have to create excuses and fit
him/her with you. Otherwise that may lead to long-term
pam.
61
application (like Zoosk) and sent out your personal online
profile. Now you are just wai t i n g for the replies. You wait
for a few days, and n ot h i ng . You start to feel as though
you should go back to the bars at l east
. the rej ection there
is face to face. What we nt wrong'?
First of all, these people don 't k now you, so you can't
realistical ly take a non-an swer persona l l y. Very often
users of any online dating system have a s ta c k of profiles
next to their profile and take the i r time returning emails,
so don't get discouraged.
62
only contact two or three, and then wait weeks for a reply,
of course you're going to get frustrated, but if you send
your 'interest' to 20 different people, chances are you will
receive several replies. Again, do not take it personally !
If you are a hunter, and you 've also chosen the Facebook
dating scene as your hunting ground, here are some great
tips that should help you catch your target as easily and as
63
quickly as possible.
64
would turn up online.
65
Likewise, maintaining proper etiquette when chatting
ensures an enjoyable chatting experience.
66
encourages more nasty messages to be sent to you. Don 't
waste your time and effort on meaningless messages
unless you are the type of person who loves being
harassed by other people. Report any person harassing
you. Limit any information about yourself that you may
want to brag about online.
67
Facebook Activities to build Rapport
68
Even making a special, personalized e-greeting card
would be appreciated and show your date that you care
enough to take the time needed to make something by
hand. Search Facebook applications for online greeting
cards to send, too. They range from free to low cost and
can be sent in a click.
69
when you were a child or when your parents or
grandparents were little; The Dating Game, Oscar Mayer
wiener whistles, The Partridge Family Album, Bobby
Sherman 's Album, 45 's and more.
70
are killers when you are dating online and off line, too,
for that matter.
71
you can live with and those you can 't.
Little white lies and false fronts won 't work. Be honest
from the beginning of a relationship. Write your profile.
Make it interesting but don 't make false statements. The
truth will come out eventually anyway. If you say you
are a lawyer who makes a million bucks a year and you
are really an electrician that makes $75 ,000, you have set
yourself up for failure.
72
As our lives become busier and busier we need to make
better use of our time and energy in our search for the one
man who will make our lives complete.
73
C H APT E R S
You would be surp ris ed to find the vari ety and number of
women waiting out there once you h i t the search button
on Facebook. If you were wonderi ng what sort of women
are out there looking for a date , you should know that
there are all types; raucous party girls, opinionated
intellectuals, introverts, art students, single mothers,
corporate women, sweet g i r l -next-door, witty, funny,
ambitious, all sorts of women are there i n the world of
virtual matchmaker. I t is for you to dec i de what you
exactly need in a woman so you may narrow down your
search to a specific cri teri a . Once you have settled on
what type of a woman w i l l suit you the best as a partner,
you may start looking for her.
Understanding Women
74
You will find that you can categorize women into a few
broad types . They are
2. The fun seeker: She is out there to look for fun and
friendship. She is younger and not yet ready to
settle down with one person. She is of a social
disposition and enjoys entertaining environments.
She is ready for a quick laugh. Appeal to her high
energy and try to be witty. A 'bad-boy' image
75
works best with her. If you are on the look out for
some harmless fun-time, she is the one you are
looking for.
76
as a result of being treated poorly be men in the
past. You have to gain her trust and can be
rewarded by having a woman who will be strong
and independent in the long run. You have to be
very genuine to win her trust. These types of
women can be very loyal even if they come across
as pessimistic or dark at first.
77
accurate picture of yourself so she can see whether you fit
her criteria or not. Therefore, while creating your profile
on Facebook try to fill in as many details as possible so
the user at the other end might get a specific picture of
your persona. It will help her to know not only about your
preferences in women, but also about you. Be very
careful when you fill out the personal information and try
to leave out cheesy comments on sex, women etc. These
are sure to put women off who are looking for a mature
and sensitive guy they can enter into a relationship with.
Even girls who are on the lookout for some fun time will
not appreciate it if you come across as somebody who
obj ectifies women. While filling out the part about your
interests, try to be a bit intriguing. The woman who is
looking at your profile should have her interest piqued so
she wants to know more about you. Try to take up some
hobby or sports, if not too exotic, like Tai Chi, perhaps
poetry or psychology. This will make you appear as a
multifaceted person, which women like. But be sure to be
genuinely interested in the subject you post, because you
78
do not want to be caught on the wrong foot if probed
deeper on that subject. That would be a disaster and make
you look dishonest. The idea is not to deceive anyone in
any shape, way or form. It is to allow women a glimpse
into your world, and based on that, they can see just how
similar or appealing to them you actually are.
79
kind of guy, women are sure to leave you alone. Try to
portray yourself as a person who i s l ooking for friendship
and commitment at first look. Do not scare women away
by being too needy.
80
poke a person, she might remove the poke or poke you
back. If she is interested in your profile, she will poke
back. You can even poke multiple women at a time. Your
pokes are NOT recorded in your mini-feed so people
won 't see that you're poking (or sending messages) to
several women every day. As you are looking for a date
in the minimum possible time and with the minimum
possible fuss, you might want to approach several women
at a time to speed things up. People will not think you are
' creepy ' or accuse you of playing around as they would in
a social setting. Once you see somebody you really like,
you will want to take it up further with her. You can even
start up several friendships (it is a network, after all), but
have that special friendship with a single person.
After your potential date has poked you back, you are
ready to start messaging her. What do you say? Try to
keep your message short and sweet. You might ask her
about her interests and hobbies and start up a
conversation. For example, you might say, "Hey, I see
81
that you are interested in dancing, so do you like Salsa? I
am on the lookout for a good dancing club, do you know
any around your area?" You might also lightly flirt with
her. Such as "Is that really you in the picture?" to which
she will mostly respond "Yes. Why do you ask?" She will
be curious about what you think of her and you can start
from there and go on further.
82
response. In the meantime, look up other potential dates .
The last word on Facebook dating is to get into the real
world as soon as possible. It is all very well to get to
know somebody through social networking, but the real
objective should be to get a partner in real life. Therefore,
after you have successfully built up a friendship based on
mutual trust, ask her out for that cup of coffee.
Looks Count
83
can 't see them and have no idea. So m your
communications, ask questions that would help you
know, but in an unobtrusive way like - how do you wear
your hair? And then say how attractive that must look.
Kindness Counts
84
CHAPTER 9
Understanding Men
86
politically incorrect, but the fact is, some women are not
trustworthy and many are not faithful either. That kiss at a
Christmas party may not count nor the flirtatious
behavior with the gorgeous barman. It might be all
innocent fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse
the situation and as a woman, you would hate him doing
the same. Just as a woman is looking for a partner who
will be there for her through thick and thin, so are men.
They want a woman who will commit to them.
87
term partner finds these qualities are an attraction to
them. It might not be that the man himself needs
mothering, though some do, but it is more the point that
men seek the attributes in women that point to someone
who would make a good mother to their future offspring.
88
loudly, it doesn't necessarily mean that makes them
attractive to the opposite sex . You can say men will just
have to get used to it, but the fact of the matter is they
don't. What men want from their drinking buddies and
what they want from their romantic partner may not be
the same thing and they have equal rights, as women, to
exert that choice by not choosing the women who behave
like a drinking buddy.
89
means a person should know his mind and be more of a
doer than a thinker, women want the same things in men
that men want in women. But there are some differences
in the approach of finding a date as far as men and
women are concerned. That is because the social
placement of men and women are different. Women have
to be more subtle and allow the men to think he is the
decision maker, especially when it comes to picking and
choosing a mate. Therefore, always let men come to you,
never chase them via e-mail. Remain aloof and allow
yourself to be chased. Also, men are intrigued by a
challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their
toes. Men are generally easy going in relationships once
they feel secure about it. Only when a man is challenged
will he sit up and do something about it. Therefore if you
want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.
Make it a point to answer at least 3 days after you receive
the e-mail from a potential partner. Try not to reply to e
mails on weekends, wait for a weekday. Do not log on
for hours on end. Rapid, short visits work the best. On the
90
other hand, ignore a man who does not reply to your e
mail within 3 days.
91
remember that there are a l l types of p eo p l e who have al l
92
when posting your profile. Make sure your profile is not
boring. It should not be a bland, typical, trite list of
adjectives of how educated, intelligent, honest and
compassionate you are. Post a few of your thoughts and
opinions on random things you think and care about and
that will attract the guy who is right for you. Your ideas
and opinions about anything and everything matters. Try
to share a few in your profile so it attracts like-minded
guys.
93
not. On the other hand, if you write "I am bubbly and
cheerful" you might seem to be immature and shallow.
Any serious person will perceive you as light headed and
steer way from you. "I am as comfortable going out as I
am staying in;" "I like to work hard and play hard," "I
live each day as if it was the last day of my life;" "I like
to have fun;" "Sometimes I wear jeans and t-shirt and
sometimes I like to dress up;" "I don't like drama" - these
types of statements are cliched, grossly overused, and
communicate to most perceptive guys who are selective
about women that you are just another girl who doesn't
have anything better to say about herself. Again, if you
hype too much on your skydiving or boarding skills or try
hard to portray yourself as a fitness freak. you might
seem like some kind of "Indiana Jones" and guys might
assume you are an adrenaline junkie who is trying to
impress by showing how active you are. If you talk too
much about your kids, men will automatically assume
you are too preoccupied with them. You will come across
as emotionally unavailable for dating. If you have a kid,
94
then that much information is enough on your first
profile. When you strike up a friendship with a potential
date, let him find out more about your kid and you as a
mother at his own pace. It is a given you are a mother and
you will think the world about your child, no need to rub
it in. The whole point is that your profile should be
interesting, but at the same time you should avoid
appearing to try too hard. Try to be as natural as possible
when you write about yourself without putting too much
emphasis on any of your particular attributes.
95
exceptionally interesting people to meet on Social Media.
While meeting people in the real world may be more
thrilling and rewarding, you can make your Facebook
dating as interesting as possible by writing a captivating
profile. Facebook has a number of quality men who are
looking for quality women like you, so go and get some
male attention.
If you are looking for fun, with no strings, then look for
men who are looking for fun too. They usually like to
96
portray themselves as 'bad boys ' even if they rarely are.
Pretend to believe in their 'bad boy' -ness and they will be
happy to strike up a friendship with you. Mention the
places you like to visit and see if it matches his. If so, you
can meet up and have a date and take it up from there. It
will stroke their ego to know that an intelligent, smart,
funny girl like you actually prefers a rogue like him and
you both can have some fabulous time together after
meeting up.
97
thing you will be look i ng for i n a man i s probably
trustworthiness. Do not be afra i d to c om e forward with
questions. Ask forthright, .. I s th i s the fi rst time you a re
seeking a date through Fac ebook ? " I f you feel the guy is
genuine enough, only t h e n go for i t . Take i n the details
from the photo he has p o s t e d . f l ow i s he dressed? What
can you see in the background of h i s ph oto? I f he says he
is a university graduate and posts a photo with a beer can
in hand in front of the trash b i n . then obviously he i s a
9X
CHAPTER 1 0
1 00
When you are posting your profile, do not make it a big
point to talk about your positive attributes . Let it show
naturally. There is no point in trying to sell yourself. That
may work the first time, but in the long run it will not. If
you are into sports, or music, then that will come up
naturally in your messages, chats and so on. There is no
need to press a point as it might show you up as a brag.
101
highlight the positive aspects.
1 02
Do not say anything that is offensive, racist, sexist,
politically controversial, or degrading. This will turn
away potential suitors.
1 03
domestic environment. Post i n g ph otos with different
settings also gives her an i dea of what your lifestyle is
really like. That way both of you c a n save time.
1 04
CHAPTER 1 1
1 06
whom he will come first.
Do not chat with too many men at the same time. The
delay in replying is a dead giveaway. Men will not
appreciate being one among many. On the other hand, do
not log on for a very long period at any time. That will
give the impression that you have no active social life at
all . This will make people suspicious of you and turn
away potential partners.
1 07
will also make you look too needy. Therefore, be your
natural self and all will be fine.
1 08
even before it has begun. If he is not the one, then
desperate messages from your end will not help.
1 09
location, you may on ly w i sh to l i st your state and not the
city. You may even want to th i n k about using a nearby
city or town, especi a l l y i f you l i ve i n a small town. If an
Internet predator w a nte d to contact you and you lived in a
1 10
CHAPTER 1 2
After that you will move to the privacy area, where you
can select what privacy settings you want to control. In
this section you will start with ' Profile. ' The Profile
Information section has been broken down into a granular
level of access based on the information you enter. Here
you can control who has access to things you have
entered in ' Personal Info, ' ' About Me, ' ' Religious views, '
' Political views, ' your wall posts, video posts, photos,
and comments. This part may seem a bit confusing as
there are no explanations as to what each setting means or
what others can see etc. Overall, if you enter Everyone, it
means that literally everyone who is on Facebook can see
your profile. ' Friends of Friends ' section means your
friends will see your profile, and their friends will too.
Lastly, you have the ' Only Friends ' option, meaning only
those you have added as friends can see your profile.
1 12
The pnvacy section IS m the upper right part of the
screen. You can look at your profile after each change and
view what most people on Facebook will see. You can
also select the ' customize ' option. Facebook has also
added the ' Only Me' option. which will prevent everyone
but you from seeing the information. You can also
actively block certain people from access if you wish.
1 13
the privacy center. In short, the ' Photos and Videos of
Me' options allow you to control the l ink under your
profile image. If you set this to 'Everyone, ' then when
someone sees your profile they can link to tagged images
of you. But, as Facebook explains "While there is the
option to block users from viewing the tagged photos
section on your own profile, there is no way to restrict the
visibility of a photo that you are not the owner of."
The ' Posts by Me' section grants access over who can see
your posts, notes, links, photos, and video. You can pick
from the several options here as well. Again, the section
for ' Posts by Friends ' (available if you allow friends to
post to your wall), covers the same things, but is directed
at comments or posts made by friends to your profile.
This way you are able to control who is allowed to
comment on your things as well, which is another layer
of selective privacy.
1 14
that controls who can see the images you have posted.
Again, here you can check the settings and pick the one
that best matches your desired level of privacy.
Always try to select the ' Only Friends ' option for all of
your settings. Also select the check-box that will permit
only your friends to post on your wall.
1 15
information, such as IM, Phone, address, Website,
Hometown, and Ema i l , has a separate se ction. Here also
you have the same level of access opti ons as in other
sections, such as ' Everyone , ' ' On ly F rien ds, ' ' Friends of
Friends, ' or ' Custom . ' When you con figure this section,
you should avoid the Everyone option for the best
privacy. Otherwise the entire web population will come
to know about your pho ne number and address, which is
not desirable at all. H ere too you can see the information
available at any g i ven moment to other Facebook users.
1 16
adding them as well.
1 17
You will find a "What your friends can share about you"
section on the Applications area of Facebook. "When
your friend visits a Facebook enhanced application or
website, they may want to share certain information to
make the experience more social. For example, a greeting
card application may use your birthday information to
prompt your friend to send a card," explains Facebook.
There is a catch to this . The minute you use these
applications, you end up handing over Name, Profile
Picture, Gender, Current City, Networks, Friend List,
Pages, and information set to Everyone in your privacy
controls. Therefore, the best option here is to opt out of
everything to best control privacy. Otherwise, be picky
and selective if you choose to allow something. You have
to be very sure about what you want to share.
118
well.
1 19
Computer Safety First
1 20
CHAPTER 13
1 22
friends on-board. Secret Crush has since been tackled and
disabled, but the risk of similar threats still exists. For
example, according to security experts, another
application called ' Error Check System' was sending out
misleading notification messages. You should be aware
that when you accept and install one of these
applications, whether they are malicious or not, you are
granting access to all the info in your profile. Therefore,
when installing third-party applications on Facebook, use
extra caution.
1 23
update or a fake codec that needs to be downloaded is
presented. A malware is hidden in that fake download.
Anti-virus software can help keep you safe, but users
should use some common sense too. Do not click on any
suspicious link. Verify with your friend and ask them
what they might have sent to you instead. If they are
equally confused as you are, or do not have any clue to it,
then just delete the message you have received.
1 24
regular way.
125
social network user learns to maintain control of his I her
own information, carefully selecting with whom to share
it. It is best to start off with friends you know in the real
world and then expand to friends of friends and thus
gradually expand your horizon. It is better to be safe than
sorry, as we know, therefore do not rush in to make too
many unknown friends at the same time. Stop and think
before you click on a link, download a message or answer
an apparently innocent anonymous quiz. If you choose
the wrong answer, it could cost you not only money but
things that are in many ways a lot more valuable than
money.
1 26
Chapter 14
on Facebook Dating
relationship after al l .
1 28
will be of a cheerful and happy disposition. When you
meet the guy I girl, you see that he I she is the serious
type. The whole date goes wrong, and you cannot
extricate yourself from the situation till the dinner is over.
The whole evening is wasted. Again, the person who
seemed to be studious in the university campus turns out
to be a tattoo freak when you get closer to him I her. On
Facebook you immediately know what personality type
the person is. Most people tend to be more open about
themselves when on the net and this helps in knowing a
person more intimately at the first go than if you had to
meet in a social setting. If the studious type is a tattoo
freak then chances are that he will mention that on his
profile and you will know about it right away, or in
subsequent messages much earlier on than in real life
situation.
1 29
your time to find out who or what the person is like
before taking it up to the next level.
You can tell a lot about a person by the people they hang
around with. This is possible on Facebook as you get to
know that person 's friends too. You will be able to see
who this person is friends with in real life and see how
they interact with their friends to make a more informed
decision. You cannot do that through a traditional dating
service. It is even more difficult in a social setting where
the person you meet might present himself (or herself) in
a way which tells you nothing about his or her other
companions or their backgrounds. That way, Facebook
gives you the complete inside scoop about the person you
are interested in.
1 30
Facebook is the ideal platform if you are single and
looking for a date within your university campus or even
within your own locality. If the contact profile does not
seem appealing as a date, or if you lose interest after
probing a bit further, you can always retain the friendship
through the network. It also allows members to check if
you are coming from the same class, the same academy
or living in the same area and so forth. Facebook makes
it less awkward for the members when communicating
with strangers or people you are not familiar with. Social
restrictions are less binding when you are communicating
online, therefore Facebook is the best way to start up a
conversation with the attractive male I female student you
saw at your campus. What would happen if you really
physically poked a person you liked, say, at a cafe? You
would be labeled as a crazy person, to say the least.
Worse, you could be accused of sexual harassment or
accused of assault. In the virtual poking system, you just
poke a member and see whether he or she is responding.
Accordingly you make your next move. Easy, isn 't it?
131
Facebook allows members to j oin groups having similar
interests and likes and dislikes . So, even if you do not
happen to find your date in a particular group, at least you
get to meet new people with whom you can share a lot of
things in common. That way, j oining a group can never
be a complete waste of time. Even if you do not find your
date, you find friends. It is a win-win situation that way.
Facebook also allows you to look for old friends who you
have lost touch with. That in itself is a satisfying
experience. But what is more, you might find out that the
friend is a lot more interesting now than he I she was
earlier when you knew them at school or as a neighbor.
If not, then friends of that friend open up new vistas for
searching.
1 32
relationships can be long distance relationships at best.
Long distance relationships weaken over time unlike real
life relationships which have the potential to grow
stronger over time. Since this is a relationship which is
not supported by physical proximity, there is a certain
dilution in the relationship which again is another maj or
drawback of online relationships.
1 33
in it.
1 34
his country for sometime and hence went abroad. The
girl got lonely, or maybe she outgrew the relationshi p ; in
any case she broke off with the man and started looking
for a new date through Facebook. The man came to
know about this on Facebook itself as they were in the
same community. He came back to England and
murdered her. While these may be extreme cases, it
never hurts to be cautious while striking up new
friendshi p s or divulging too much while on Facebook.
1 35
CHAPTER 1 5
Conclusion
1 37
online?" If the answer is "Yes" start an account with
Facebook right now. It was difficult to meet other
Internet users before the era of social networking. That
has changed now. Anyone can j oin in. And it comes for
free. You get an unlimited number of choices. You can
create your own profile, project your interests, likes,
dislikes, hobbies and browse through other people 's
profiles and find people with the same kind of mindset,
interests, hobbies etc. Facebook is ideal that way not only
for friendship but for dating as well as its primary focus
is social networking within a community. You might join
the local area community when you are on the lookout for
a date, because it would not be very practical if you meet
somebody online who stays halfway round the world.
1 38
mentally. Avoid controversial viewpoints. Take the
necessary safety measures so you are not too exposed to
the public online as your profile and other messages have
the potential of being viewed by a number of people you
really do not know. These are the basic rules which
should help you to get an interesting date on Facebook
and hopefully you will find that lasting relationship you
are looking for.
1 39
case of any unpleasantness. A l so. when meeting, at least
for the first few times, meet in a pub l i c place with people
around. Do not plan to meet in any area which you do not
know, do not go back to his I h er apartment or any area
that you are unfamil iar with or which seems to be
deserted. Block anyone who seems to make you uneasy
or annoying for any reason. You have that facility on
Facebook. And remember, i f you h a v e to use that broken
heart icon on Facebook , it is not the end. You have your
membership still, right? Start aga i n . Keep looking. Next
time you are sure to get the soul mate you are looking for
on Facebook.
1 40