Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Guide to
Emotional
Intelligence
By David Hawkins
Introduction to Emotional Intelligence 2
Contents
Chapter1. Influence Your Mind: The Foundations of Emotional Intelligence..................................... 8
Chapter3. Me & Myself: How to Handle Your Emotions When You’re Under Stress ...................... 17
Chapter4. Tricks of the Trade: Simple Tricks That Will Give You E.I Now ..................................... 26
Chapter7. Gimme, Now: Powerful Ideas to Leverage Your E.I......................................................... 29
Chapter10. Do you feel successful? The Secret to High Performance .............................................. 32
Chapter17. The ‘Ignition’ System – My Philosophy ......................................................................... 42
“A wise woman who was travelling in the mountains found a precious stone
in a stream. The next day she met another traveller who was hungry, and the
wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveller saw the
precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without
hesitation. The traveller left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the
stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime.
But, a few days later, he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.
‘I've been thinking,’ he said. ‘I know how valuable this stone is, but I give it
back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give
me what you have within you that enabled you to give me this stone.’
Sometimes it's not the wealth you have, but what's inside you that others
need.”
Anonymous
Foreword
Becoming emotionally intelligent is the most organic and healthy way to maintain a
healthy mind. It saves you time and money and ensures successful relationships. But
enough of that...
Books on emotional intelligence are gaining in popularity but they all share one trait:
They’re interesting but not actionable! I have written this action guide to set things
straight, and so I have leaned heavily on making each step of the way as actionable
for you as possible.
Best regards,
David Hawkins – www.emotionali.com
The Basics:
EQ – Emotional Quotient (Emotional Intelligence)
IQ – Intelligence Quotient (Mental Intelligence)
E.I – Emotional Intelligence
Welcome
“To get the most out of this eBook I suggest you print
it off and find a comfortable place to sit where you won’t
be interrupted -- even better, find a highlighter to use.”
With the information overload on the internet now, I want to thank you for taking the
time to download this eBook. And with that, I’d rather not waste your time.
I’m going to jump straight into it without introducing myself as I’ve weaved my own
story throughout this book. In this day and age of the internet, time is a limited
resource. People are most concerned with whether you can deliver the results NOW,
and not whether you have the pre-requisite credentials of a Harvard degree and royal
blood -- because I don’t have that.
What I do have is a guarantee you’ll get something out of this book that will change
the way you live your life in more than at least one positive way. On the strength of
that statement I’ve set up a comments page for discussion on this eBook. Maybe there
is something you don’t agree with, or a point you need clarifying -- you can write the
details there.
On the subject of criticism – I almost relish in it, how else do we improve on what
we have? Just one request though, please make it constructive criticism. We don't
want problems, we want solutions!
So what is E.I?
To start off, we’ll briefly dive into the recent history books to find when the term first
came about. The term ‘emotional intelligence’ was coined in 1990 by two men,
Salovey and Mayer. They described emotional intelligence as the following:
I suspect you hadn’t heard of Salovey and Mayer before now. The reason being, they
were upstaged by the psychologist/author Daniel Goleman. His book, Emotional
Intelligence, was released in 1995 and went on to become a bestseller. If you haven’t
read his book and this is an area of interest to you, it’s a must read.
Even though the term was coined very recently, the idea of E.I has been percolating
through cultures for eons. Whether it was through philosophers or religions,
particularly Buddhism, E.I is not a new idea. It just took some bright minds to tag it
with a name.
The system I use (which you’ll see in the last chapter) is not a traditional ‘how to’
method, nor does it have a time frame. This system was developed to be internalized
over time. (You’ll see ways of doing this throughout the book).
While many of the strategies in this eBook can be put into action with immediate
results, to get the most from this eBook you should begin to make some of the
principals explored simply part of whom you are.
Throughout the book you’ll see exercises you can do to identify and develop your E.I
and to radically improve the output of your life. Of course, the exercises are optional
but I urge you to try them all. Some exercises may force you out of your comfort
zone BUT they only serve to expand you emotional capacity.
It leaves me to say, I hope you enjoy this taster eBook for emotional intelligence!
Simply put, there are two ways the human mind learns, and this also forms the
foundation for how I believe E.I can be taught effectively.
news of a school shooting that taps into the core of human emotions -- it
doesn’t matter how far away from your home it happens.
− An unfamiliar experience to your brain. I.e. this can be as (consciously) subtle
as an experience you simply haven't had before. Do you have one of these? “I
remember the first time I 'fill in the blank'.”
− Influences 90% of your brain. (This will make more sense when you have read
the next chapter)
Repetition is the method of learning we use in schools. Would you say schools are
super effective in teaching? I think not. It is most effective for students who WANT to
learn but is grossly inadequate, I believe, for all other students.
This approach to teaching has become archaic in my opinion. But the problem we
have is that the Pathos system which I present may not work in a classroom of 30.
Much better is 1 on 1with teacher and student but it clearly isn’t an option these days.
(Incidentally, I still think if this approach was refined, it would be more effective than
repetition. And school wouldn't be so boring...)
Now you know how habits are formed I want to take you through a simple idea into
the underlying workings of the mind. Here, you’ll find out why pathos is a much
better system than repetition from the brains perspective.
Throughout the rest of this book you’ll come across the term ‘90/10’ in various
contexts quite a lot. I’ll outline what it means here.
90%
10%
At any one time your conscious mind is processing 7 independent tasks. These tasks
will be what you are experiencing at any particular time, whether it be playing chess,
riding a bike, or flying a kite. However, your performance in all of these activities
would be embarrassingly bad was it not for your unconscious mind...
This brings us to the big guns. Your unconscious mind is processing an astonishing
20,000 independent tasks every second, of every day – see it’s not only women who
can multitask (!).
For the sake of easy understanding, these numbers can be translated into the ratio –
So why is this important to know? Because with this understanding you can condition
yourself to be much more efficient in every part of your life. What’s more, once you
have developed the habits, you don’t even need to think about performing well. Did
you ever notice how efficient people are always efficient? That’s because much of
what we do is the result of programmed habits.
Does this make sense so far?
Now numbers alone, in this context, have no meaning for the lay person. So I have
translated the numbers into meaningful words that represent the 90/10 ratio.
“These all affect your emotions which then affect your decision making”
We leverage the unconscious mind by utilising the factors that represent the
unconscious mind. Namely, the one that is within reach, habits. Fortunately, habits
just so happen to be the defining characteristic that determines what we do in this
world, so if you gain control of these, you become the master of your destiny.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but
a habit.”
- Aristotle
You have already made the right decision by starting in the best possible place – this
book. But if you don’t understand a lot of the science, don’t worry, you don’t need to
understand it. The science just explains the background of how I work.
- 10% explained - So how does the 10% work, and what are the results of it?
What you are thinking about now (the reading of this book) represents one of your 7
conscious processes. Your attention may waver and, for example, you’ll recall that
phone call you were meant to make, or remember that you need to get some milk;
these examples make up your 7 conscious processes.
This is an appropriate time to detail the subconscious. I don’t really explore this
feature of our mind as it’s not very important for E.I but to cover it briefly I’ll use the
examples above once more.
Remember that phone call you were meant to make and the milk you needed to buy?
Where does that information to your mind come from, where is the ‘message’ before
the moment you become aware of it? Your subconscious.
To take this analogy further, your unconscious would be the dark depths of the ocean
where there’s no visibility (no awareness). Further, emotional intelligence would be
the radar – the method we use to make sense of what we can’t see.
ACTION STEPS...
Think about when you have learnt, and most importantly remembered. Was it
through repetition or pathos? How long did it take to learn?
Think about the actions you take that you don’t consciously think about. Does it
bother you sometimes the way you’ll do something WITHOUT thinking?
Are you good at multi tasking? Did you know that when we multi task we are
actually using different areas of our brain. We’re not actually multi tasking by our
general definition.
Can you grasp the idea of 90/10, and can you see how we can influence our 90% over
time?
E.I is clearly needed most when we are losing control of our emotions -- when we are
upset, angry, confused or have any other strong feelings. This is when it's most
important. Questioning our instincts for action is a feature that separates us from the
rest of the animal kingdom, but unfortunately, when the atmosphere heats up, many
people lose that god given humanity and just become plain animals.
The most vivid demonstration in how our emotions can change was played out in
Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. “Man is not truly one, but truly
two,” he said, and it demonstrates that we humans DO change fundamentally in the
heat of passion.
Science has proven that our judgements change profoundly between being in a
relaxed state and feeling highly emotional. In normal circumstances the brain’s area
of reason (frontal lobes of the brain) performs perfectly fine, but when we feel
distressed our emotions (limbic centre of the brain) take control. Anyone can be
‘pushed to the limits’, but it’s up to you to decide what those limits are, and how you
deal with them. It is my interest to help you stay in control.
Let’s say, for example, most people have a fair level of E.I when they are relaxed and
comfortable. This is how society runs smoothly, when people are 'in control'. This is
the 90/10 ratio. People have a natural level of control to moderate their feelings.
I'm sure that every day you have a thought or two that, if shared, wouldn't be in the
best interests of social harmony. Anything come to mind?
Now imagine if everyone in society was angry, upset and confused all the time.
(Ironically this probably isn't too far from modern day life but stay with me on this.)
Instead of being 90/10 it would be, let’s say 95/5. The balance is tipped and we begin
to say things we shouldn't, we begin to make mistakes inadvertently. Oftentimes, the
mistakes you make have been made time and again in the past. These are habits, or
Imprinting is a term that was coined by the naturalist, Konrad Lorenz. Before the
term had come about, Lorenz conducted an experiment using goslings. He knew that
newborn goslings became attached to the first living creature that saw. Invariably this
is Mother Goose, but on one occasion Lorenz placed himself on the frontline, and of
course, he then had several ardent followers in pursuit of him with an imprint of his
face on their eyelids. 1
In 90/10 mode you're consciously aware of the reality -- how nature intended it. You
'catch' yourself before you make a silly mistake. In a word, you're proactive. But
when you're in 95/5 mode (angry, confused, distressed...) your consciousness has lost
its natural leverage, and those silly habits come flooding back with a vengeance.
You're now in 'autopilot' mode, fighting for control in a plane that’s heading for a
crash landing. The more you try, the more you fail. There's only one thing that will
pull it back up. James Bond - no. E.I - yes.
“Why did I do that?”
“Sorry, I'm not with it today”
So this is where E.I can be very powerful. Most of us have at least one point during
the day when we are hyped up and stressed about something. If you could just
'observe' yourself, as if from the third person, during these times, and question how
you’re feeling, imagine the difference in outcome of every stressful decision you
make – especially in terms of health, relationships and money.
Take this idea. Have you ever noticed that it's easier to remedy others' problems as
opposed to your own? The reason for this is that when dealing with your problems
you’ve got a spaghetti junction of emotions to cope with. When observing someone
else’s problem from 'outside the fish bowl' you’re basing your judgement on logic
and empathy which isn’t as overwhelming. This is why it helps to talk to a friend. So
when you know how to control your emotions and see yourself from the third person
you are essentially dealing with 'someone else’s' problem. This is a long winded way
of saying 'empathy' but it serves to break down quite an advanced aspect of social
intelligence, empathy, into small steps.
All of us experience upset, anger and confusion, but it’s our ability to scrape, heave
and struggle out of these negative mindsets.
The following example is a very objective way of understanding the mind but it
serves as the general idea:
90/10 – Healthy.
This is the frame of mind successful people STAY in MOST OF THE TIME. If
they fall, they jump back up to 90/10.
Optimism
With E.I people can maintain this state
We have the power to question our instincts, habits and hormones
91/9 – Quite normal
This abstract idea serves to illustrate the importance of controlling your emotions.
You'll find that successful people handle the environment when the going gets tough.
This is innately within all of us, it can be conditioned. What's important here is that
we ALL reside in each of these moods sometimes -- it’s only human. What sets you
apart is which one you CHOOSE to reside in most of the time.
- Laziness
These are people who generally exemplify an air of “whatever”. They may even tell
you “it’s not their problem” on several occasions. These people will be losing control,
aware they are losing control, but be completely careless about it. After all, it’s not
their problem is it?
- Boredom
Story: I’m going in
Oftentimes, if you’re not performing well, it could mean it’s just not
challenging enough for you. Take a step back and think, “Could I approach this
from another angle?” If you’re in a job, and you’re not in a position to get a
new one, ask your manger for something more challenging. That initiative
reaps you many benefits, even if it’s just a good reference.
- Self Awareness
- Personal Decision-making
- Self Disclosure
- Communications
- Insight
- Assertiveness
- Fear
Story: All is not what it seems
• Now imagine buying new furniture for your house. You place it inside, re-
arrange it until you're happy and then go about your daily life. Later that
evening you're eating your dinner at your new table, pleasantly surprised at
how comfy the new chairs are. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, an earthquake.
It lasts only a moment but has shot the fear of God into you. You hear someone
screaming outside. Spinning around in a daze you dive under your new table.
Earthquake drills from your childhood make it instinctive. Your new table will
protect you if anything. You feel for the remote on the table to switch on the
TV. Maybe there's some coverage? Dead. The earthquake must have killed the
electricity.
• Want to know the tragic truth? It wasn’t an earthquake; it was your neighbour's
son with his new subwoofer. The screaming was the father telling him to turn it
down and the TV was accessible all along; all you had to do was plug it in.
- Self Awareness
- Personal Decision-making
- Handling Stress
- Managing Feelings
- Assertiveness
Fear makes us cling to our familiar ideas, all the while blocking out new experiences
and having the environment inside our minds simmer.
It's new experience that re-affirms reality, and over time our minds have a nasty way
of changing reality into a distorted picture of reality. If new insights into life are
stonewalled we create our own deluded story, one that suits the décor inside.
Fearful people live in the shell of experience they are familiar with, or they think they
know. Instead of taking in new information from the world around them they prefer
to close the small window of opportunity (the 10%) and stay inside. It's unhealthy to
sit in your own junk.
E.I begs you to question reality. You wouldn’t believe the influence it has over how
you perceive the world.
Lacking the ability to question reality in this extreme example created havoc. Our
character isolated herself. Her neighbours were there all along, the TV was there all
along. She disconnected herself and she became a puppet to the world around here.
We only make ourselves alone. We create our own suffering.
-- Oscar Wilde
We hate change but it's going to happen. Better to moderate it through giving it a
place in your mind, rather than letting it gradually make the most of you.
ACTION STEPS...
Have you ever made the distinction between your character when relaxed, and your
character when stressed?
Do you see how observing yourself in the third person can help you handle emotions
under stress?
Think about thoughts you’ve had about people that weren’t in the best interests of
social harmony. What if those thoughts escaped? To truly have a healthy mind you
shouldn’t have negative thoughts of others – thinking negatively about anything
makes it your problem.
If you haven’t seen What Women Want, make it the next movie you watch!
Try to identify when you’re in 90/10 mode, and when you’re in 95/5 mode. You’ll
know when you feel bored, tired or stressed, and feel yourself starting to lose control.
- Parkinson’s Law:
If you have two weeks to finish a 2000 word report, (providing all the information is
in your head) what is the argument that having two days to finish the report will
produce an inferior result?
There is no rational answer to having an extended period of time to finish the report.
But crucially, having two weeks to finish it is less stressful, and this is the first
message to zap our minds – on a basic level, its fear. And that’s why most people
would opt for two weeks. (If we were rational creatures surely we would opt for two
days and take it easy for the next 12 days...).
Parkinson’s Law is a perfect example of stage two in my system which I detail at end
of the book.
So, Parkinson’s Law dictates that you would produce a better result after 2 days,
rather than 14, because the information is fresher in your mind. If we can overcome
instinctive decisions and understand we can ‘get 12 days off’, the benefits are clearly
seen.
- Eustress:
The word ‘distress’ is one that we are all familiar. So what is eustress? It’s the
opposite of distress – its ‘good stress’. Is there such a thing?
Believe it or not, stress is good for us. It builds up our internal bar for appreciation, it
forces growth, and it gives us a sense of achievement. In a nutshell, stress is
imperative to happiness.
I always thought that some stress was good for us, and then I was fortunate enough to
come across this term. To make it easy to understand I’ve written some real-world
examples of eustress and distress below:
Eustress – stepping up to take a penalty kick in the World Cup final of football
Distress – ...and missing
What distinguishes the two is how you feel after the stressful activity. In eustress you
feel relief and happiness afterwards. In distress you are still suffering.
ACTION STEPS...
Can you see how Parkinson’s law would make you more effective and productive?
Can you see how an understanding of eustress would make you more effective and
healthier?
Do you think that in the future you can now identify whether stress is eustress or
distress, and act accordingly?
Do you agree that by understanding these concepts you can increase your productivity
NOW?
So 90% of your mind is where you’ll find our instincts, hormones, habits and myriad
other processes. These all conspire to affect your emotions, which then go on to affect
your decisions.
At birth, your emotions start off as a clean slate - perhaps leaning slightly towards
good or bad. If they aren’t given direction as they grow, emotions become bullies to
the body.
So what can you do if you haven’t been blessed with ‘good’ emotions? (The vast
majority of us)It lies in that 10% that you have control over – or can at least choose
to have control over. The 10% is like how a good teacher would influence a naughty
child -- with encouragement, that bully grows into an ally.
Now how would you influence a bully? Are you going to let that child get away with
murder?
- Self Awareness
- Personal Decision-making
- Conflict Resolution
- Insight
- Empathy
- Assertiveness
ACTION STEPS...
Do you understand the ‘bully’ analogy?
Do you understand that, like a human relationship, it takes time to make emotions
work for you, not against you?
Do you accept that you’re never fully in control of your emotions but if you treat
them right, they will become more obedient?
But what comes of ‘feeling’ and doing. Is feeling and doing the same as thinking and
doing?
When people ‘feel’ and do, it’s immediate. It’s not a thought, it’s just done. True
achievement is when people continuously act/react on feeling, alone. They’ve
practiced so much that the instructions don’t even need to become a thought – it’s
instinct, it’s habit, and it’s like a God playing with mortals.
When we ‘think,’ we are translating feelings into thoughts. These feelings are
messages from our instincts, our habits, our hormones, (the 90%) and even what
we’re physically seeing. By the time we’ve stopped to think, our logical brain has
already desperately started to rationalise these messages.
During this process we get all the mixed messages. Now we have countless messages
that your logical mind is trying to put some meaning to. Eventually we ‘rationalise’
the answer but by now it’s hopelessly corrupt.
• What if...
• But ...
• I can’t do that...
• I’m not ready...
IMPORTANT POINT
Our instincts, habits and hormones manifest themselves, if at all, in our conscious
mind (10%) through feelings. When we act on feelings we are harnessing the raw
power of the emotional mind. (90%) Star performance comes when you have put the
conscious time into training, and have taught your unconscious mind all it needs to
act upon. Through thinking you contaminate the message, and it results in limited
performance.
When you have put your 10,000 hours into any one practice, whether that is
playing the violin, or learning a martial art, true skill isn’t about conscious
focus. It’s about living in the moment and just doing it. 3
Elite performers
Most people
Story: Ace!
As I write this book, a Tennis match has just this minute finished that will
change the face of tennis; and no doubt the perceived stamina potential of
humans. The previous record held for the longest game of tennis, if I’m getting
my facts right, was 24 games to 26, which in itself was an incredible score
when you consider the average game is a straight ‘first to six games wins.’
It’s Wimbledon 2010; American born John Isner is playing French born
Nicolas Mahut. They’re up to 59 games all and still serving at 120 mph. The
powers that be, however, have decided to call it a night. It’s getting dark.
The next day the mutual resilience continues. Finally though, one relents. John
Isner breaks away to win the game at a phenomenal 70 games to 68, after 11
hours 5 minutes of full throttle tennis. The match was stopped for the evening
at 59 games all but it still stands to reason...
- Self Awareness
- Communications
- Handling Stress
- Managing Feelings
- Assertiveness
These players, from the moment they stepped out onto the court were in ‘feeling’
mode, they would rely on all those years of training, the leveraging of the 90%, as the
game progressed.
If these players had been thinking, they would have ‘thought’ they were tired and
‘rationally’ called it a night after say, 20 games. If they were ‘thinking’ it would have
destroyed that natural focus. They were just feeling, and as a result of that, they
would have continued to play until their bodies collapsed.
“A thoroughbred horse will run until its heart bursts and it dies on
the spot. A man will go to thirty per cent of his capacity and then
he drops – but he is not dead by a long way. At this stage the mind
must take over or force or fear takes over the mind to extract
another thirty percent at least that is available.”
-- Sun Tzu
To put it simply, the single most important aspect is to prepare -- simple as that.
Ask any fitness coach in the world, and they will tell you the most important part of
your exercise routine is the warm-up.
If you don’t prepare, acting on feeling alone is suicide, you simply can’t leverage the
power of your 90% because it doesn’t know anything. Just because you ‘feel’, doesn’t
mean you should. But the more prepared you are, the better position you are in to rely
on your 90% when it takes control in stressful performing conditions.
“It turns out that our brains are hard wired to get us into investing
trouble; humans are pattern-seeking animals. Psychologists have
shown that if you present people with a random sequence—and tell
them that it’s unpredictable—they will nevertheless insist on trying
to guess what’s coming next. Likewise, we “know” that the next
roll of the dice will be a seven, that a baseball player is due for a
base hit, that the next winning number in the Powerball lottery will
definitely be 4-27-9-16-42-10—and that this hot little stock is the
next Microsoft.”4
If, on the other hand, you have prepared, (and the line between being prepared and
not prepared is hazy but read on) your chances of success are raised. Even if you fail,
your mistakes will give you vital clues about the state of your 90%.
Just one mistake ‘in the field’ is better than endless preparation. Why? Because
preparation becomes repetition and a mistake becomes pathos.
Imagine a player who has natural talent. This player is using his 10% very efficiently;
it just makes sense to him. Take a seasoned professional who is leveraging 90% and
you begin to see a whole different game. 90% is not only more powerful, but it’s
more consistent too, because it doesn’t rely on the ‘accident prone’ 10% (the
conscious mind).
ACTION STEPS...
Do you understand the difference between thinking and doing, and feeling and doing?
Do you accept that we humans are wired to see what’s not there? (Dice patterns, the
weather, you name it. Even ghosts!)
At some point you will have to accept that we are irrational by nature. Simply put,
every message that your brain receives (through the spinal cord at the rear) passes
through your emotions (in the central area of the brain) before it gets to where your
rational thinking takes place (at the front of your brain) – it’s impossible to make a
judgement purely on logic. But this is where E.I comes in. Through conditioning we
can use that 10% (the front) to make decisions based on an understanding of the
emotions we experience. (Centre)
Making a purely rational decision is impossible, and it’s the awareness of your
emotions that is the key to good decision-making.
ACTION STEPS...
Do you accept that many of your ‘rational’ decisions are actually irrational?
Do you understand that every decision you make has already been tainted by your
emotions – affected by logically unrelated things (i.e. reminds you of a partner you
once had)
Do you understand that making a purely rational decision is impossible, and it’s the
awareness of your emotions that is the key to good decision- making
Travel:
I can’t think of any better way to gain mental momentum, than travelling. An act that
forces you to perceive the world from a different perspective, filling your mind with
persistently new experiences, giving you the foundation to build more associations
later in life – better learning capabilities. Even the exploration of completely new
cultures is a re-birth in itself. A rich variety of landscapes results in a rich mind. How
can you not pick up mental momentum with so much inspiration?
“How far you physically look ahead, translates to how far you
mentally look ahead”
Buy a notepad and a few pens, and travel. Whether it’s 10 miles, or 10,000 miles;
whether it’s a week, or it’s a year, travel gives your mind the stimulation to organise
itself.
ACTION STEPS...
Do you understand the benefits of changing your scenery?
Do you accept that new experience makes you more courageous emotionally?
You are about to learn the 3 three step process I use to create solutions to problems in
health, relationships and money. With this system you can nurture your own E.I in
your life.
1) Self Awareness/Assessment:
Identifying, expressing and managing feelings.
2) Impulse Control:
Knowing the difference between feelings and actions, and learning to make
better decisions by controlling the impulsive urge to act -- particularly by
anticipating the consequences of your actions.
3) Communication:
Being able to read AND listen to emotional/social cues. Rising above negative
influences by identifying your principals held and the reality of the situation.
Understanding what behaviour is socially acceptable and empathising with
other people's perspectives.
So much opportunity in life is just a case of putting one foot in front of the other. It’s
so easy when you put it like that isn’t it? But we have those clouds over us called
emotions that obscure our view of the stars.
To stay consistent with willpower is a big challenge, and it takes your every strength
to hold your grip. Much more effective is removing it from the process completely.
By burning bridges you gain control of ‘someone else’s life,’ you’re taking your
emotions out of the equation and you have no choice but to succeed. By leveraged
planning in advance, you remove the risk.
- Self Awareness
- Empathy
- Personal Decision-making
- Insight
- Managing Feelings
- Assertiveness
- Group Dynamics
- Conflict Resolution
Through burning your bridges you leverage your environment which is out of your
control, in place for willpower which is in your control but difficult to maintain. It’s
my mission to help you turn those clouds into a starry night, and it’s also my mission
to help you plan and make life changing decisions – one after the other.
This strategy may not be viable for every problem E.I can solve – not every problem
calls for such severe action. But it is definitively the most efficient. Other methods I
explore on the web-site may leverage willpower but you can be sure I will always use
techniques you can use that heighten your chances of success.
And then we reach our last step. You’ve done the preparation, you’ve done the
legwork, but now you need to stitch up all that work so it doesn’t come undone.
− Value driven - Where removing your willpower from the equation gives you
greater leverage and faster results, living and being directed by deeply held
principles is the best weapon against habits returning with a vengeance; and
that is why it's the last point of the system. If the sacrifice of willpower is the
furnace, your values are the temperature regulator. When the right actions are
taken you can recognise the benefits early on, but emotional influence is
always a work in progress and values will reinforce change.
Note:
I may sound like a convicted arsonist but I assure you, there's a reason for using fire
as an analogy:
ACTION STEPS...
Does step 1 ‘Fuel for Fire’ make sense to you? Is there any way you can begin to
action the ideas today?
Does step 2 ‘Burn Your Bridges’ make sense to you? Is there any way you can begin
to action the ideas today?
Does step 3 ‘Burn Baby Burn’ make sense to you? Is there any way you can begin to
action the ideas today?
- Final word -
Hi! I hope you gained something from this mini-guide to Emotional Intelligence. Of
course is this book didn’t quite quench your thirst for information you can always buy
the full version, which include much more valuable and interesting information. Just
head over to www.emotionali.com
Talk soon,
Dave Hawkins
REFERENCES/ NOTES:
• 3 - THE 10,000 HOURS CONCEPT – GLADWELL, M. (2009), OUTLIERS, PENGUIN
• 4 - “Are You Wired for Wealth?” http://tiny.cc/9kahg - 24/06/10
• 7 - Business Case for E.I: http://tinyurl.com/39lply4 - 25/06/10
• 10 - Business Case for E.I: http://tinyurl.com/39lply4 - 27/06/10