Andy K

05-21-2004, 11:00 AM
Originally posted by Mr. Analytical
1) Minimal system
2) Minimal to zero setting
3) Convinced that it's revolutionnary
4) Bad attitude towards all previous RPGs
5) Sprinkled lightly with forgeite jargon.

Ohhh, awesome!

<u>SPULTURATORAH!</u>
the dark narrativist game of gamist simulationism in ancient retro-future Babylon

Intro If you are a roleplayer, chances are you are an overweight spotty obsessive
prat who rolls greasy dice and kills orcs. You are probably dumb, and the things
you love and play are dumb. Everyone is immature and ugly and obsessive and only
likes killing things.

That is, until you play SPULTURATORAH. You will then be a narrativist StoryEngager
who will wow your players (also now called StoryEngagers) with epic storylike
stories of storytelling.

No other game has ever been like SPULTURATORAH. The minimalist system is quite easy
to grasp, yet hard for old-school spotty roleplayers to understand. You have to let
things go to be a Narrativist. But your games will turn from dice-throwing
hackfests into narrative Awesome.

Setting: It's like a dark Frank Fazetta mixed with a Tetsuwan-Atomu style flair.
Set in ancient Babylon. With flying cars and psychic armies. King Gilgamesh rules
over everything with a cruel and controlling eye from his Levitating Darkness
Throne at the Ziggurat of Ur.

The heroes must stop him. With Narrativism.

System

All StoryEngagers make a character, called a SelfAvatar. The SelfAvatar has 4

traits only:
TRAIT ONE
TRAIT TWO
TRAIT PRIME
TRAIT ZIGGURAT BARLEY

Traits One and Two are rated at 5 and 4, respectively. The StoryEngager of this
SelfAvatar assigns these traits. They can assign them anything they want. Some
examples are:
Shoot NinurtaCannon
Pilot EnilHovertank
Play Bentzballah
Look cool in sandals
Impress Shrine Maidens
Spot Hidden Ghosts
Tim Burton
Dodge Fate

Trait Prime is the Trait that the PrimeStoryEngager assigns to each SelfAvatar to
help engage the process of Narration. The Trait Prime is rated at 4 as well, and
can be things like the above, or it could be motivational forces like:
Passion for Women
Fights Sandzombies
Loves Red Clay
Looks like Rob Schneider
Searching for Immortality for his cat.

DICE For all the above, you roll a 1d6. If you roll equal or under the Trait, you
succeed. If you roll over, you fail. If you don't have an appropriate Trait, you
need to roll a 1-2 to succeed.
MODIFIERS are for spotty gamist fucks. Away with thee. Go run back to your hit
modifiers and flattfooted rules and taking 20.

Trait Ziggurat Barley is a number, set at 8. Every time you successfully play a
session, the PrimeStoryEngage assings you Ziggurat Barley points. You can get more
points by engaging the story narrativisticly, or having big tits.
You use Ziggurat Barley to change the storyline, frame scenes or exert narrative
control over the game. Every time you use the Ziggurat Barley, you may enrage the
God Shamash. Roll a 1d6: If you roll over your Ziggurat Barley score, you have
enraged Shamash, the god of Sin and Travellers! Fuck!
By the end of the adventure, your SelfAvatar will either be Cursed, Dead, or
Shamash may even summon King Gilgamesh, who will chase you to the ends of the
Fertile Crescent in his Levitating Darkness Throne. If you overcome the curse,
though, you will become twice as powerful as you were before! Choose one TRAIT to
raise one point.

That is the entirety of the game. Now go forth, valiant StoryEngagers, and engage
in STORYTELLING to TELL STORIES!!!