Pantheon Comics #11:

"Pantheon Players Present!"

Digest by the White Knight
Chapter one: The Pantheon Players Present!
By Joe Grendel

1602 J Street, NW
Washington, DC

Grendel and Hack's

Bar and Grill

Grendel stalked downstairs from his apartment, stalked through the back room ("stop
watching your pornos on the monitors, OzBat,") and into the bar. Plunging his hand into
the refrigerator chest, he pulled out an RC Cola and took a long gulp.

"Ah!" Chet's eyes went wide in horror. "Bedhead!"

Grendel flipped him the bird. Noting with disgust how bright the sunlight was off the
snow on the street outside, he grabbed a pair of sunglasses out of the lost-and-found box
and took another gulp of cola.

"Mmmmm, caffeine!" He looked around the nearly-empty bar. A small cluster of knights
who had gotten lost on the way to the Crusades were sharing a plate of jerk chicken
wings. Jimmy Buffett was playing on the jukebox. And there was a flyer taped to the
inside of the picture window. Grumbling at Hack, and scratching at his sweaty armpits,
Grendel marched over and ripped it off the window.

The Pantheon Players Present

'Kingdom Come A Play In Four Acts'
Jan. 28 - Feb. 2 at the J Street Little Theater
Auditions Jan. 14-17
Call (202) J-ST-ARTS for information

Balling it up, he threw it at Chet.

"No more [bad word] flyers without my say-so." Carrying his RC Cola with him, Grendel
returned upstairs for his shower. "And someone feed Lucky! At least they're not fighting
Fanboy or the Reverse Hatman or some Borelli clone again "

OzBat BAMFED out of the back room with a roll of cellophane tape and another flyer
and taped it back up on the window.

Chapter two: Where Do You Live Little Boy?

By The Regular Hank
2320 J Street
Sweaty Hunk Estates #Z29
The Apartment of The Mighty Hank

The Mighty Hank!, like most of the resident-permanent visitors, keeps an apartment on J
Street. J Street, thankfully, is nothing like New York. In New York, finding and keeping a
nice apartment can be an ordeal which has been compared to gnawing off your leg, then
beating yourself with it. Most cities, truthfully, are like that. In most cities, a great amount
of traffic and time is spent by the populace on just FINDING a place to live (unless, of
course, if you lack the means to live anywhere but the streets). Many hours of walking, of
reading newspaper and various other kinds of ads, of talking to relatives, of reading
obituaries. Yes, apartment hunting can be a tough endeavor.

But never on J Street.

Most of the residents on J Street have an apartment or share it or something. Heck, most
of The Pantheon just sort of stumbled on their places of residence on J Street. Of course,
the idea of just stumbling into an apartment is the sort of thing J Street is all about. After
all, if you live in a pan-dimensional pocket reality, space isn't at much of a premium.
Some apartments on J Street even share the same point in space, with the owners just
choosing to live in either different phases or times.

Strange place.

The apartments of the residents are all rather strange in and of-themselves, too. Take, for
example, the apartment of The Scarlet Rob. The whole room is decked out in Red,
including red light-bulbs, red-fixtures, red EVERYTHING. Everything in The Scarlet
Rob's room is Red, except for a strange shrine dedicated to The Red Ricky, which (for
Jonah-Know's-What Reason) is shrouded in wispy white lace. Stranger, still, is that the
shrine has just a hint of chamomile scent hovering around it. Weird.

The strangeness of the apartments, however, has nothing to do with the unique point in
space and time that J Street exists. The freakiness of the apartments, frankly, has more to
do with the folks who LIVE in the apartments.

Folks like The Mighty Hank!

The Mighty Hank!'s apartment is, as one would guess, Mighty strange. The Mighty
Hank! keeps many strange trophies in his one-bedroom apartment. Above the fire-place
hangs an unused thunder-bolt, forged by Hephaestus. In a crystal toothbrush cup sits the
rare wooden toothbrush of Heimdall. A valkyrie spear, shoved through the center of a
model of the starship Enterprise (NCC-1701), hangs from a fan. Other archaic and bizarre
artifacts (or, as some put it, junk) is placed around the apartment in various states of
chaotic filing.
But the junk doesn't compare to the pictures. Hanging above the sofa is one of The
Mighty Hank's favorite pictures. It's of him and Hatman, The Capped Crusader, with their
arms around each other's shoulders. A banner in the background, which can be read just
barely in the photograph, "DC Earth Welcomes YOU!" Another picture is of The Mighty
Hank! and his foster father Wodin (All-Father of The Norse Pantheon), dancing a jig with
Steve Martin. The Mighty Hank! even has pictures of he and his friends in battle.

In one, Joe Grendel, Jason Borelli and The Mighty Hank! are all giving Fanboy a wedgie.
Most of the pictures of Hank! and his friends, though, are of other things. Like, for
example, gail rolling her eyes at a sheepish Hank! at last-year's Arbor Day party. Some of
the pictures even descend into the down-right bizarre (like the one of kevrhon and OzBat
simultaneously poll-dancing at an undisclosed strip-club on Apokolips).

But the strangest picture of them all is the Pantheon Group Picture. The PGP is a strange
gathering of the hero-warriors. Each of them stands, in various poses, staring straight-
ahead at the viewer of the picture. Some have looks of smug pride, of bemused
melancholy, of heroic stature, of downright goofy grins. Others have a look of, simply,
pure cheese.

Like The Mighty Hank! He just stands, with his arms at his sides, eyes wide, grinning.

And a stranger sight to behold still is the sight of a man looking at himself, not-
recognizing himself, then saying to himself, "hey, who's the big-dork with all the hair?"

***

The Snowboarding Hank wandered around the strange apartment. He'd just woken up in
a large feather-bed. The last thing that he could remember was bumping into a Martian.

Somehow, he had been transported to some Super-Heroic fantasy world of decidedly

unique proportions. That much was easy to conclude. Mostly from the various flora and
fauna that kept flying by the windows. Hank had concluded, in his short time here, that J
Street was the kind of place where pigs could well-indeed fly.

Hank wandered around the apartment, looking at the treasures, at the antiques, at
everything.

Hank also paid special attention to the pictures. There was a common thread. Each of the
pictures had a picture of some goofy-giant body-builder guy with too much white hair
and a dumb grin. After careful consideration, Hank decided that either A)The owner of
the apartment is obsessive about large-muscled, smiling men or B)The large-muscled,
smiling man was the owner of the apartment.

Hank then wondered if he would have to pay any sort of special rent to the large man in
the pictures.
His thoughts, disturbing as they were, were then interrupted by the only thing which ever
runs on time on J Street.

The mail.

***

OzBat floated around J Street, his little wings flapping madly, as he posted more and
more flyers around town. Squirrels read with great interest the open audition call. Many a
squirrel on J Street is under the impression that they could, if given the chance, be a much
better SuperHero than THIS town has to offer.

Floating and whistling, OzBat happily posted neon flyers on the entry door to "Sweaty
Hunk Estates." He then flew merrily along his way, as a large green Martian approached
the building.

J'onn, The Martian Manhunter, read with great delight the posting for the new play. As he
dug for his keys, J'onn thought two things to himself.

Firstly, J'onn thought: I hope Hank will be finally glad to see me, and stop feinting every
time I talk to him.

Secondly, J'onn thought: I wonder if they'll type-cast me if I audition?

Slowly, turning his key, J'onn entered "Sweaty Hunk Estates", and tromped up the stairs.

***

Hank gasped, as a small gap began to appear in the front door of the apartment. A little
gold-plated sign that said "MAIL" appeared near the bottom of the door. With a flourish
of pixie-dust, the slot opened up, revealing a mouth. The mouth wound-up, pursed it's
lips, then spit mail all over the room. Grinning, the mail-slot door then slammed shut, and
the mail-slot itself disappeared with a "Piff."

Bewildered, Hank gathered the mail. Not-so-Surprisingly, there were many offers from
Ed McMahon and various publishing companies regarding vast amounts of wealth at no
cost.

Surprising, however, was WHO the mail was addressed to.

Hank, in alarm, read the addresses of the various bills and friendly letters. He scrambled
for his wallet, pulling out his driver's license. Hank read his license carefully, then read
the mail again. He spoke to the small Captain America figurine poised daintily on the
fire-place mantle.
"Henry Hercules Zane, Jr. That's my name. That's also the name on all of this mail! So,
the mail's mine, right? But then HOW DID IT GET HERE? Huh? ANSWER ME?" Hank
grabbed the little Captain America figure.

"Come on, give me some answers." The Captain America figure only stared. Hank
sighed.

"Oh, I guess you really ARE only a little figure." Hank then grabbed the first letter in his
hand, and tore it open. He looked back at the Captain America figure as he read aloud.

"OK, this one says it's from 'Thor' and it's supposedly from 'Asgaard' or something.
*ahem* Dear Hank. How are you? I'm fine. Wodin says hi. Lokii said to say hi, too. I'm
really tired right now. I was out riding with the Valkyries again" Hank through the letter
on the ground.

"This is just plain and simple craziness. Somebody is just tryin' to make me nuts or
somethin'. That's got to be what it is." The Captain America figure spoke.

"Or, maybe, you've just forgotten what you remembered before you found it out." Hank
eyed the figure suspiciously, as the doorbell rang. Bewildered, Hank backed away from
the figurine toward the peephole of the front door.

"Who is it?"

"It's J'onn. Open the door, Henry."

Hank looked through the fish-eyed peep-hole. He saw a parallax view of a strange green
large-browed Martian.

Naturally, Hank responded in the only way he knew how.

***

"Henry. Open the door. Please?" J'onn was a bit impatient.

Then, J'onn heard a thud.

Searching with his mind, the Martian realized that his amnesiac friend had, indeed,
fainted once again.

Using a spare-key given to him many moons before, J'onn opened the door and walked
into the apartment of The Mighty Hank!

Chapter three: The musicians arrive

By Joe Grendel
The J Street Little Theater.

Rudy had worked at the Little Theater for, well, a heck of a long time. He'd lost his
previous job when Emporer Nero had burnt Rome to the ground. J Street was only
marginally more relaxing. Still, being the janitor at the Little Theater kept him out of the
line of fire most days.

He had a feeling those days might be coming to an end. They were his first warning. He'd
arrived this morning, planning to sweep up, vacuum. The most exciting thing he had
planned was replacing all the pucks in the urinals. But there they were.

"Hi," one of them had piped. They were all sitting on the front step of the Little Theater,
watching a group of barbarian duck-billed platypii carry a chest full of gold pieces to the
trader across the street. "We're the Seven Thunders! Is this the place for the audition?"

Rudy wasn't sure what he hated more Singers or superheroes. He realized he was about to
see too much of both.

"Not till Tuesday. Go away."

The Seven Thunders stood up, and with a disgustingly peppy bounce to their
synchronized steps, marched off down the street, singing a number from "Pippin."

Suddenly, Rudy had a desire to visit the sack of Rome

Chapter four: Do you know me?

By Joe Grendel

1602 J Street, NW
Washington, DC

Grendel and Hack's

Bar and Grill

Grendel and Chet stood behind the bar, discussing the origins and best way to serve a
margarita.

A woman who looked remarkably like gail, save that she had a 1970s haircut and wore a
double-knit shirt dress, walked up to the bar.

"Hi, I'm Jan Brady. Can I have a Fuzzy Navel, please?"

Grendel cocked an eyebrow.

"Uh OK, gail." He poured the peach schnapps into the glass. "What's with the wig?"
Jan's eyes grew wide.

"Hmph! Well, I never!" And she stormed out. Grendel stared at the glass, wondering what
he was going to do with the schnapps now.

Another woman who looked exactly like gail, save that she wore a dark blue pixie wig,
sauntered up to the bar.

"HI! I'm Cindi! Can I have a Fuzzy Navel, please?"

Grendel gratefully began pouring the glass.

"Whew! Glad you came back, gail. You really had me going there for a second. Did you
get a set of wigs for Christmas or something?"

"WIGS?" Cindi's hands flew up to her hair, and she ran out bawling.

Grendel looked at Chet with a wry look, holding up a glass with a good portion of peach
schnapps already in it.

A third woman who looked identical to gail, except she was wearing a hot pink 1980s-
style "new wave" wig, walked up to the bar.

"Hi, I'm Kendra!"

Nodding at her, Grendel reached for the drink gun, filling the glass with orange juice. He
gave the contents a stir and set them before Kendra.

"Here ya go."

"What the [fornication] is this? I didn't even order a drink? What kind of [sexually active]
moron are you?" She threw the drink in Grendel's face and marched out.

Wiping his face off with a towel, Grendel glared at Chet.

"Where is Hack?"

"Uh, he's in the back room, doing inventory."

Grendel slammed through the door.

"What the [place of the damned] is going on around here?"

Hack looked up from the account ledgers with a smile.

"Huh? I don't know what you're talking about. But look!" He held out a green book.
"Michelin has put out a restaurant guide to J Street!"

Grendel slapped his forehead, snatching the book from Hack.

"Stinking tourists "

Chapter five: Have you seen me?

By The Scarlet Rob

Ms. Kannen-Fauder walked slowly and sadly down J Street.

Just behind her, a large, old-fashioned office safe crashed to the sidewalk.

Obeying the "Don't Walk" sign, she stopped at the corner, just a loose tree limb knocked a
power line into the intersection and electrocuted a bus full of Junior Woodchucks.

Barely registering the obstruction, she sighed, turned, and headed down the block.
Stopping at a telephone pole, she pulled a handful of flyers from her purse.

Choking back a sob, she read the topmost sheet once again

"Have You Seen Me?

Name The Scarlet Rob

D.O.B. 2/26/64

Height 6', 1/2" (about 7' when last seen)

Weight 175 lbs.

Hair Brown

Eyes Brown

Last seen wearing Next to nothing, with scaly, red skin and leathery wings

If you have any information on the former mayor's whereabouts, please contact Blanca
Kannen-Fauder, Office of the Mayor, J Street."

Wiping a tear from her eye, Blanca pulled a staplegun from her purse and was about to
fasten the flyer to the pole when she heard a voice

"Ah-ah-ah! No staples, miss!"

"Pardon?" she said, looking around wide-eyed.

"Cheeky!" the telephone pole responded. "How would you like it if someone stapled an
advert to your bottom? Masking tape only, if you please!" The pole brushed a loose wire
across another flyer as an example; this one was carefully taped in place.

Blanca read

The Pantheon Players Present

'Kingdom Come A Play In Four Acts'
Jan. 28 - Feb. 2 at the J Street Little Theater
Auditions Jan. 14-17
Call (202) J-ST-ARTS for information

She sobbed again. The Scarlet Mayor would have loved this! He was so fond of theater
Many a time he'd forgotten to shut off the intercom, and she heard him singing show
tunes quietly in his office while he played Quake on the computer. Before she took that
job she couldn't even spell 'Sondheim'; now, she knew half the score from Into the
Woods!

If only he hadn't turned into some kind of creature and flown away! Oh, sure, Mayor van
Mocklingstricklenausgeseichnet did his best, but it just wasn't the same! For starters, his
singing voice was way off key, and he always sang in German, and Blanca never liked
marches!

It was too much! Eyes blinded by tears, she dropped her staplegun and ran down the
street, toward a store where a pair of workmen were carrying in a huge sheet of glass to
replace the front window.

A patch of night sky drifted by overhead, and faraway a dark, winged figure passed in
front of the full moon before disappearing into a space-time rift

Chapter six: Have you auditioned yet?

By Hack

- Grendel and Hack's Bar and Grill -

Hack busily typed on his computer. He frowned as he poured over his notes. This
Kingdom Come script was a lot harder than he thought.

He had been placed in charge of converting the comic into a proper play format, and now
he was working on the climatic ending.

"Hmm. Shazam no, no, this part needs to convey a sense of power, a sense of one who
gets answered by thunder when he calls a wrong number."
He turned when a piercing scream echoed through the bar and grill. Hack leapt out of his
chair and ran over to where an angry Grendel was holding a piece of paper.

"ME? THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SEND THIS TO ME? WHY, I'LL MOIDER
THE BUMS!"

Hack picked up the paper. It read

Dear Mr. Joe Grendel,

We are searching for someone to play the role of Wonder Woman. We heard you were an
excellent actor, and were wondering if you would like the part! What do you say?

Hack frowned. A practical joker. And a quite vicious joke, too. He would never do
something like that, unless Joe REALLY deserved it.

Still, it might be best to lay low for a while.

REALLY low.

Chapter seven: Wait until Joe reads this!

By White Knight

- Grendel and Hack's Bar and Grill -

Joe dropped the "drafting" letter to the floor, wishing he had heat vision so he could burn
it along with the mailman (and possibly Hack, who was discretely running towards the
bar).

He watched Hack as he tried to vamoose, and then he saw it.

The trophy case

"What about it?" he thought. Then it hit him.

It was empty

He screamed at Hack.

"Where is the armor?"

Hack stopped immediately.

"The what? The armor? What armor?"

"White Knight's armor, you Internet Incapacitate! Where is it?"

"Gee, you are such a grouch! Lets seelast time I heard about it was from The Temporary
Guy."

"And where is he right now? Never mind! OZBAT!"

The Oz-tray-lian imp bamfed front and center.

"Yes, boss?"

"Get me TTG a.s.a.p.!" growled Grendel.

"Get you tee-tee-gee? Boy, that brush with Jan Brady sure left you hot and heavy!"

"I meant The Temporary guy!"

"Awright. Coming up!" Ozbat bamfed in and out of Grendel and Hack's in one instant,
bringing with him a much shaken Temporary Guy.

Grendel walked towards him as Ozbat stepped out of his way.

"At least he could say thank you Ozbat."

Grendel grabbed The Temporary Guy form the lapels and shook him back and forth.

"Where the [incredibly long and incredibly bad word] is the armor?"

The last time TTG had seen such blood shot eyes were from a Rotweiller who knew he
was going to be neutered and didnt like it. He swallowed hard and answered.

"I dont know!"

Grendel repeated TTG's words.

"Youdon'tknow?" spittle was forming on the corners of Grendels mouth.

"Well, I do know what happened, but I dont know where it is. After the explosion I wore
the armor to help me fight Ralph Al Ghul. After we defeated him it simply left!"

"How exactly left?" Grendels eyes were now completely red.

Sweat began to dampen TTG's underwear.

"It broke away from my body! The pieces flew towards the sky! I don't [moderately bad
word] know what happened after! Hey! Im not Rob Liefeld. I dont deserve to be treated
like this!"
Joe Grendel dropped him. Ozbat and Hack began to whistle Forever Young.

The armor is loose! Thought Grendel. What could go wrong next?

The doors to Grendel and Hack's opened with a bang.

A tiny figure walked inside the bar. Ozbat, Joe, TTG and Hack looked at it in wonder.

The subject approaching was no more than six inches high. He was a blue little man that
wore white trousers (complete with slippers), and had an elf-like hat. He also had a
goatee and was smoking a cigar.

He moved quickly to the bar and jumped to one of the barstools. He kicked the bar as he
yelled " WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL AROUND HERE IN ORDER TO GET A
DRINK?"

The two bar owners approached the tiny blue fellow. (he has a little pea-like tail?) and
Grendel asked "Name your poison, mister, but Id like to know if youre of age."

"Yeah. After the Bar Wars we threw so many trash to each other we gave MacTyson
plenty of excuses to keep us watched." said Hack.

"I'm old enough to have [past of fornicate] your grandma, pip-squeak!" growled the feisty
blue man. "Im in a forgiving mood, so here."

Grendel and Hack looked at the tiny I.D.

"I can't read it. Ozbat, bring me the loupe!"

"Guadeloupe does not work here, boss. It was retconned a few stories back!"

"Ozbat!"

"Just kidding, boss. Here it is."

Grendel read the I.D. It had a tiny, front shot of a clean shaven blue man. Its name
jumped to his eyes.

"Grendel Smurf? Youre GRENDEL SMURF?"

"Yeah. Now can I get that drink?"

Chapter Eight: Treading the Boards, or, Cast Adrift!

By The Scarlet Rob
J Street Little Theater, January 14, 1997
The auditions have begun!

OzBat bamfed into the rapidly filling theater, quickly took a seat and joined the rest of the
hopeful throng in filling out an application for his desired role(s).

Mystic mage kevrhon, still riding the crest of universal acclaim for his brilliant, genre-
redefining Christmas pageant, had been tapped to direct the Pantheon Players' latest epic.
Besides, he had a cousin in the costume rental business who, in addition to carrying hard-
to-find sizes for marsupials and cybernetically-enhanced wieners, was willing to give
discounts!

kevrhon sat midway back in the theater, in the middle of a row, casting cursory glances at
a clipboard through midnight blue lenses. He wore a rich blue polo shirt and yellow silk
ascot over a pair of yellow jodhpurs and gold boots; a gold beret perched on his head.
With his clipboard-free hand, he scratched absently behind one ear with a golden riding
crop.

"All right, next I'd like to see" kevrhon consulted the list on his clipboard. "The Scarlet
Dragon?"

"That's me!" A big, red dragon, about 12 feet tall, spilled out of a seat in the back of the
auditorium and hurried up to the stage.

"Newbie, huh?" kevrhon asked. "Well, you'll fit nicely in the Red Brigade."

"Actually, kevrhon, I'm-"

"OK, look, Puff, we've got a lot of people to see today, so let's get right to it, OK? I see
here on your resume it says you can fly and breathe fire - and you're trained in 'Method'
acting." Joy.

"Yes, kevrhon. I studied in Philadelphia several years ago."

"Philadelphia. I see." Mm-hmm. Acting Mecca. On the whole, I'd rather be in

Philadelphia. "Would you be willing to help paint sets?"

"Oh, sure!"

"OK, Mr. Dragon, if you'll turn to page 17 in the script-"

"Actually, kevrhon, for my audition I'm going to be doing Tom Wingfield's final
monologue from The Glass Menagerie."

"That's not really necessary. I planned to have everyone do a cold reading-"

The dragon narrowed his golden eyes and glared at kevrhon. "I've put a lot of work into
this!"

kevrhon sighed. Actors! Actors are cattle!

"All right. Whenever you're ready."

The dragon glanced down for a few seconds and then looked up, sadly.

"I didn't go to the moon. I went much further; for time is the longest distance between
two places"

As he neared his conclusion, there was an audible catch in his voice.

"for nowadays, the world is lit by lightning!" He inhaled sharply, then blew out a burst of
flame that shot several feet out over the audience. kevrhon glanced nervously at the
ancient sprinkler system.

"Blow out your candles, Laura! And so good night" The dragon stared hopefully out at
the audience.

"Uh that was very moving," kevrhon said, "But we're not allowed open flame on stage."

"Oh, sorry!" the dragon apologized. "Listen, is this show going to be a musical? I've been
working on "As If We Never Said Goodbye" from Sunset Boulevard. Don't get me wrong,
I think most of Lloyd-Weber's stuff is crap - I mean, he really needs to get back with a
good lyricist - but that one kinda gets to me"

"No! Please! I mean, there's no singing in the show. It's drama, you know? End of the
world stuff. OK, that was great! We'll let you know!"

"Oh, OK. You know, I'd really prefer to play Superman or Captain Marvel, but I'll play
anyone you need. I mean, like they say, 'There are no small parts, only small actors'!"

"Hey!" OzBat and Grendel Smurf piped up in unison.

"Yes, thank you!" kevrhon emphasized. "We'll be in touch!"

The Scarlet Dragon's eyes grew wide, his lower jaw quivered a bit, and he sadly crept his
way offstage.

"All right, who's next? Uhmmm" kevrhon consulted his clipboard and let out a choking
cough. "Grendel Smurf?"

"[biosolid]! That's me!" A tiny blue man with a big nose, goatee, and earring; white
trousers, slippers and cap, and a cute li'l sword and li'l pistol on his belt hopped up and
trotted briskly down the aisle to the stage. (Fortunately for everyone, he was sitting in the
second row, or it would have taken him all day!)

"Everybody simmer down out there!" the little Smurf bellowed. "I got something I gotta
say before I start! Reading Kingdom Come was one of the defining events of my life as a
comic book fan, and I would be honored to be able to join all you wonderful people in
recreating it, in any way, however small (hyuk! Small! Will you listen to me!) Anyway, I
wanted to try out for the part of Atom-Smasher, because he was the representative, if you
will, of the Atom - another little blue guy with a really big heart - and I just have to say,
Ray Palmer has always been one of my greatest heroes - he was Justice League - what
else can I say? - and since he didn't appear in Kingdom Come - a shocking omission I
will never understand, if I may say so - playing the godson of his Golden Age
predecessor well I just couldn't ask for anything more!"

"OK, Grendel Smurf, I'm gonna ask you to bring it down just a hair, and then turn to Act
Three, page 30 - if you'll just read Oliver Queen for me go!"

"You're kidding me!" the little blue fellow barked, "All this time, we've been living in
mortal fear of Billy Batson?"

"OK! That was terrific, guy! Great stuff! Hot stuff! We'll call ya! OK, I want to do some
callbacks now, get another look at some of you you're all so [condemn to eternal
punishment] good, I just can't make up my mind here!"

kevrhon twisted around in his seat and waved his clipboard toward the darkened back
rows of the theater, where those who had already auditioned sat nervously waiting.

"OK, Amazon, honey, I'm still torn over the Wonder Woman role! You're perfect for the
part, you know that, but I gotta tell ya, Drew101 did some very strong work in his
audition I'd like to get you back up here for another scene, just to help me make up my
mind, you understand! OK, it's Act Three, you're up on the Justice League satellite,
preparing to go into battle; Norman and Spectre are there, watching intently, and you're
contemplative, serious, grim even, as you slowly - slowly! - almost teasingly - peel off
your familiar costume and pick up your golden armor"

Drew101 coughed and waved his hand.

"Uhhh, kevrhon? I didn't get to read for that scene! I'd like to give it a try I think I have
some real insights into Wonder Woman's thoughts as she's suiting up for the final
conflict!"

"OK, lunch break!" kevrhon shouted. "Everybody back in 30!"

OzBat stayed to clean up a bit after everyone went to lunch. He swept some odd bits of
debris offstage, then returned to pick up one of the photocopied scripts, which someone
had dropped on their way out.

Hovering center stage in the stark glow of a single spotlight, he opened up the pages and
read a line out loud.

"You've paid your dues, old friend. Go home and rest. Dream of red sands and silent
stars."

bamf!

This chapter dedicated to Messrs. Waid & Ross with slavish fanchild adoration.

All quoted material copyright the respective owners, or something like that.

Chapter Nine: Script revisions

By Joe Grendel

The J Street Little Theater

kevrhon looked at Hack in horror.

"It's not a musical!"

Hack grinned sheepishly.

"What can I say? I was listening to the soundtrack of 'West Side Story' OzBat had
borrowed the album from TSRob and it occurred to me we could do the fight scenes as
modern dance numbers 'When you're a hero, you're a hero all the way!'"

"Does this mean we can audition now?" The Seven Thunders asked in unison.

kevrhon turned and glared at them.

"Weren't you part of an Elseworlds story?"

"Wasn't the whole Christmas pageant?" they replied.

kevrhon shrugged.

"Touchi. You can audition."

The seven singers bustled in, humming a tune from 'Carousel.'

kevrhon turned back to Hack.

"Look, I'm casting heroes here, not the Glee Club!"

"Mee-mee-mee." Captain Pantheon landed beside them. "Uh, the flyers didn't say
whether or not to bring prepared material, so I'll be singing 'The Simple Joys of
Maidenhood' from 'Camelot.'"

kevrhon and Hack raised their eyebrows at this, and Hack turned to kevrhon with a smug
look on his face.

"Fine. It's a musical ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, BREAK'S OVER! JESTER, READ
SPECTRE FOR ME!"

Chapter Ten: When Eagles Collide

By The Scarlet Rob

The afternoon was not going well. kevrhon was still in high dudgeon over being forced to
accept a musical theater version of the greatest epic of our time, and he grudgingly
brought Amazon and Drew101 back up to re-audition for the part of Wonder Woman as a
singing, dancing lead.

Amazon, who had not prepared for a musical audition, did an a cappella rendition of the
theme song from the Wonder Woman TV show. Her singing voice turned out to be thin
and reedy, and largely off-key, but fortunately no one more than a few rows back could
hear any of it.

"Wonder Woman, Something something something, Wonder Woman Is that enough?"

"That was marvelous, babe!" kevrhon called out enthusiastically. "That was terrific, I'm
overcome! OK, Drew101, you might as well give it your best shot."

Drew101 sang "Don't Cry For Me, Paradise Island" while accompanying himself on
piano. It was a deeply felt, emotional performance. When he finished, the audience of
other would-be performers were suspended for several moments in rapt attention, then
burst into a long round of spontaneous applause. Several could be seen wiping their eyes,
and the
Scarlet Dragon honked loudly into a bath towel he'd kept tucked under one wing.

"My God!" a sniffling OzBat murmured to kevrhon. "That was brilliant! I felt Wonder
Woman's anguish and humiliation over being expelled by her Amazon sisters!"

"He can carry a tune pretty well," kevrhon conceded. "Still, I think Amazon has real
presence she just holds an audience in the palm of her hand."

Dancing was next. The Seven Thunders tried to walk Amazon through a bare-bones
version of the "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" number from Gentlemen Prefer
Blondes. They ended up mostly trying to stay out of her way as she stepped on several
Thunders' feet and then flung out her arms, whacking a Thunder mid-face with one of her
metal bracelets.

"AAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!" the unfortunate Thunder screamed, running

from the stage with blood gushing from his nose.

"Let's keep moving, people!" kevrhon urged. "I've seen real troupers go on with worse
injuries he'll be fine in a day or two!"

The Thunders carried on gingerly, until Amazon attempted a short twirl and fell off the
stage.

"That's OK, hon!" kevrhon called. "Happens to the best! Ann Miller's fallen off many a
stage in her day, believe me! Somebody make sure she's not hurt."

"Ann Miller?" someone asked blankly.

"Amazon, you idiot!" kevrhon fumed, then called Drew101 back to the stage.

Drew101 executed a portion of the Nijinsky solo from L'Apres-Midi d'une Faune, then
did several cartwheels back and forth across the stage, donned tap shoes while spinning
on his head and shoulders in an expert breakdance, and continued with a rousing up-
tempo tap number from 42nd Street before dropping into a split for the big finish.

"Wow!" gail remarked, awestruck. "Nobody's danced that gracefully in heels since
Ginger Rogers!"

"Not bad," kevrhon responded without much enthusiasm. "Perhaps a little too much
concern for technique at the expense of personal expression. Still, Amazon just has that
that oh, I don't know, a kind of je ne sais quois that just won't let go!"

He stood and addressed the stage.

"Drew101, babe, thanks for auditioning. I mean it.

"We'll let you know.

"Buh-bye!"

Chapter Eleven: Temporary Agent Baby

By The Regular Hank!
2320 J Street
Sweaty Hunk Estates #Z29
The Apartment of The Mighty Hank!

J'onn The Martian Manhunter crouched down to the body of Hank. In his experience,
Hank was not the sort of fellow who feinted at the sight of him. Then again, Hank was
normally a 7' godling-'moung-men, not a 6' ordinary guy. J'onn looked sensitively at his
friend, who had been changed by some strange circumstance.

He reached a gentle hand toward Hank.

Then he started slapping the bejeezus out of him.

"Wake up, Henry! Wake up wake up wake up! HENRY!"

Groggily, Hank opened his eyes.

He looked up, and saw the Jolly Green Manhunter staring back. Under his brow, the
Martian smiled.

To your typical average sort of fellow, this has a rather disconcerting effect.

And, since Hank is now your typical average sort of fellow, he (once again) fainted dead
away. J'onn shook his head sadly.

"Fine. Have it your way." J'onn then reached out with his mind, to try and discover the
source of his friend's strange transformation.

J'onn closed his eyes, and began to concentrate.

***

The J Street Little Theater

"NEXT!"

Buried Alien strutted out on the stage, like he owned it. With a dead man's confidence and
a superhero's chutzpah, he cracked his knuckled and cleared his throat.

"Hello, my name is Buried Alien. A-L-I-E-N. Thank you. And today I'll be doing Sagot's
Monologue from Picaso at"

kevrhon, rubbing his eyes with his left hand while his right beat the air with his riding
crop, interrupted The Temporary Guy.

"OK, LOOK. We went over this already. Today we're doing cold readings"
"But, The Scarlet Dragon got to do his monologue! That's not fair!"

kevrhon leaped up, pointing at Buried Alien.

"The THEATER isn't fair! We're talking about getting real, and gritty. We're talking dark.
We're talking pain. We're talking suffering!"

Helpfully, Hack joined kevrhon in his ultra-pose.

"That's right! Dark, grim and gritty. But, done as a musical."

kevrhon's eyes shot a look over to Hack. With an almost undetectable roll of the eyes,
kevrhon sat down. He adjusted his beret. Hack sat down.

"(Sigh.) All right. Fine. Do your little monologue thing."

Buried Alien grimaced, and cleared his throat.

Directors, thought Buried Alien, they all think they're god.

You mean directors think they're Jonah, Buried Alien, an unseen voice replied to him.

Buried Alien shuddered, blinked a few times, then went back to his routine.

"Hello, my name is Buried Alien. A-L-I-E-N. Thank you. And today I'll be doing Sagot's
Monologue from Picaso at The Lapin Agile. Ahem."

Buried Alien froze his body on stage, and suddenly jerked his head towards an unseen
audience.

"There ARE two subjects in paintings that-no-one WILL BUY!

One is JESUS! THe oThEr is sheep"

"OK, stop! That's enough!" kevrhon shouted. He was on the edge of his seat. A tear
gleamed in his eye. Hack leaned over and whispered to kevrhon.

"He's delivering the lines like William Shatner," Hack whispered with a grimace.

"I know, Hack. I know. It's beautiful. He's brilliant."

"But, but"

"Buried, can I call you Buried?, Buried that was beautiful. Beautiful. Now, I want you to
read page 12 in the script, if you would. And think to yourself, 'hey, I'm a man that's torn.
I'm a man in many pieces. If I was a pie, Grandma has already sliced me up. Capice?
Good. Now read for me, please."

"I am SUPERMAN! And I cAn Dooo ANYTHING!" The Temporary Guy stood for a
moment, savoring the taste of his performance. kevrhon clapped out loud, and began
walking towards the stage. He was weeping.

"That was we'll call you, OK? The number on your call sheet, it's current, right?" Buried
Alien bowed, then bounded off the stage, wiping his brow. He leapt off, and talked to
kevrhon.

"Actually, I think you need to talk to my agent about that stuff."

"Oh. Who's your agent?" A cold and sweaty palm slammed on kevrhon's shoulder from
behind him. kevrhon felt the cold and evil presence of lawyer.

"Hi, The Temporary Guy of Tempus Fugit Temporary Talent And Modeling Services.
How do you do?" The Temporary Guy said, simultaneously whipping off a pair of
sunglasses and extending a hand in greeting. Cautiously, kevrhon took his hand, and
shook it back.

From the back of the theater, Hack, dumbfounded, sank lower in his chair. Then, in a
moment of inspiration, he popped back out of his seat.

"Wait a minute! All the angst I'm feeling. The horror. It's perfect! Perfect, I tell say! This
is exactly how Jan and Zana feel about working at that Superhero bar. BRILLIANT!"
Furiously, Hack put pen to paper and worked on one of the many songs he was producing
for the show.

Sagots Monologue from "Picasso at The Lapine Agile" by Steve Martin was used without
permission, but with great homage. The same goes for the stuff from Waid and Rosss
"Kingdom Come."
Capice?

Chapter Twelve: A trickster in the ranks

By Hack

The J Street Little Theater

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

"Kev," said Hack, not looking up. "Don't mean to complain, but am trying to re-do this
Superman and Shazam thing, and it doesn't help if you have your people screaming."

"Hack," mumbled kevhron. "Look up."

Hack looked up. And his jaw dropped as he stared at a panicked actor. She was running
around shrieking, and she was covered

in pig blood.

"Holy" muttered Hack. "Thank goodness her name's not Carrie."

"Her name IS Carrie."

Hack immediately ran for the door.

Outside

Hack turned and ran right into Buried Alien.

"Shatne I mean, Buried Alien!"

"What was that scream?" said BA. "I came running as soon as I heard!"

"Someone dumped a bucket of pig blood over one of the actors," said Hack. "Worse still,
she was wearing one of the costumes at the time."

"She got to wear a COSTUME?" asked BA jealously.

"Yeah, she's a potential Wonder Woman, but we needed to see how she would look in the
costume. I think it's ruined now."

"Whoa," said BA.

Kevhron walked outside.

"She's calmed down now," he said. "But what is going on here?"

Hack frowned.

"We got a Kingdom Come hater in the ranks, apparently," he said grimly. "And he's just
ruined a costume. We better find out who."

Chapter Thirteen: Grendel in Comicsland

By Joe Grendel

The J Street Little Theater

Joe Grendel sat in the back row, flipping through "Kingdom Come" #1.
"Joe," kevrhon had said, alcohol fumes coming off him like a flame-thrower, "You are my
Magog!"

"kevrhon," Grendel said, placing his fingertips against the wizards forehead and pushing
him back down onto his barstool, "I am a businessman. And you know I dont read
comics."

Then kevrhon had explained to him the concept of cast parties, and that the presence of a
long-term member (if a grudging one) of the Pantheon might well sway where the party
was held

It was hard to pay attention to the comic gail was sitting nearby, singing the "Speed
Racer" theme song over and over and he found himself reading the same paragraph over
and over again.

Well, the pictures were pretty in any case. The restaurant scene made him think an Out-
Of-Work Heroes Theme Night might be in order soon. And what that big doofus in the
overalls was moaning about was beyond him. Things were tough all over.

But for the most part, Grendel couldnt see what all the fuss was about. It was just a comic
book, after all

he looked up to find himself in the witness box of a court room. In place of a judge, there
were two thrones. One the first, a timid-looking Hatman, wearing a copy of "Action
Comics" #1 in place of a shirt, sat listening intently to gail, who wore a copy of "Betty
and Veronica Double Digest."

Grendel looked around. A great crowd was assemble about them all sorts of superheroes,
supervillains and other residents of J Street. And they all were wearing comic books of
various types, from "Detective Comics" to "The Savage Dragon" to "The Flaming
Carrot."

The jury was made up of various Pantheon members, plus a few members of the Justice
League Ashland, who all writing very busily on slates.

"Herald, read the accusation!" said Hatman.

On this, Jason Borelli, wearing a copy of "Green Lantern" and bearing a trumpet in one
hand and a rolled-up comic book in the other, blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then
unrolled the comic book, and read as follows

"The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,

All on a summer day
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts
And took them quite away!"
"Consider your verdict," Hatman said to the jury.

"Not yet, not yet!" Borelli hastily interrupted. "Theres a great deal to come before that!"

"Call the first witness," Hatman shouted.

Here one of the giant sentient guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by
Wet Willie (dressed in an "Aquaman" comic) and kevrhon (dressed in a dog-eared copy
of "All-Star Comics"). (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was
done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings into this they
slipped the guinea-pig, head first, then sat on it.)

"Collar that guinea-pig!" gail shrieked out. "Behead that guinea-pig! Turn that guinea-pig
out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!"

Grendel watched Borelli page frantically throughout the comic book, curious as to who
the first witness would be. Finally, Borelli consulted the letters page and yelled out
"Grendel!"

"What do you know about this business?" Hatman said to Grendel.

"Nothing," said Grendel.

"Nothing whatever?" persisted Hatman.

"Nothing whatever," said Grendel.

At this moment, Hatman, who had been for some time busily writing in his notebook,
called out "Silence!" and read out from his book, "Rule Forty-Two All persons
disrespectful of Queen gail or concepts, people or places relating to Queen gail, to leave
the court."

Everybody looked at Grendel.

"What the [sexual intercourse] did I do? Im not disrespectful."

"You are," said Hatman.

"To a fault," said gail.

"Well, I shant go, at any rate," said Grendel "besides thats not a regular rule: You
invented it just now."

"Its the oldest rule in the book," said Queen gail.

"Consider your verdict," Hatman said to the jury, in a low trembling voice.
"No, no!" said Queen gail. "Sentence first verdict afterwards."

"Stuff and nonsense!" said Grendel loudly. "The idea of having the sentence first!"

"Hold your tongue!" said Queen gail, turning purple.

"I wont!" said Grendel.

"Off with his head!" Queengail shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.

"Who cares for you?" said Grendel, standing up, and finding he towered over Queen gail,
indeed all of the courtroom. "Youre nothing but a collection of comic books!"

At this, the whole collection rose up into the air, and came flying down upon him; he
gave little shout, half of fright, half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found himself
lying in the theater seat, with his head hanging back over the edge, with the open copy of
"Kingdom Come" on his face.

gail was just leaving the stage, giving Grendel an odd look.

"What a strange dream."

Chapter Fourteen: The return of AoAMimic!

By AoA Mimic

Grendel and Hacks

Pond Bar and Grill

And POOF!

AoAMimic reappeared seated at the bar.

Dressed in a fine Armani suit.

OzBat bamfed in front of him.

"Yes sir, what can I get you?" What are you doing in here? Is what he was thinking. Then
he blinked twice and his eyes bugged out of his head.

"Mimic? What happened? Arent you a little respectable to be hanging out in here in that
get up?"

"I guess youre right. BRB, I have to go change," he exclaimed as he dashed to the
bathroom, whipping off his expensive glasses and tearing open his shirt.

OzBat returned to wiping glasses and paused. What the hell does Brb mean?
 ***

Meanwhile, at the theater:

kevrhon rubbed his eyes after the day hed had so far. He had watched the gaudily dressed
superheroes parading across the stage singing poorly and dancing worse. It was like a
high
school musical. A loud clanking noise caused him to look up.

"Hello kevrhon, Ive come to audition for the Green Lantern part," said the android
standing before him.

"Satellite? Where have you been?"

"Working on cases with Starr. Youd think that we would get involved with the
Pantheons excursions more often, but noooo, the second Mimic disappears, they just
forget all about us."

"OK, fine. Ive seen just about everything else today. Why not, why not."

"Alll right. I think Ill read "

Oh god, no. I think I need a gun.

***

Grendel and Hacks

"So, let me get this straight. You won big on the Price is Right, became fabulously
wealthy after some good investments, and decided to come back HERE?"

"Yeah, I kinda missed the old super-hero stuff. I felt like building a house down the street
from here and getting back into the groove."

"You must be insane. OK, might as well tell you whats happened. It all started a while
back on a lily pad in a swamp. I was strumming on my banjo and trying to catch flies
when "

Mimic hastily interrupted him.

"OzBat! Wait! We dont want to bore the readers here. Just give me the scripts," OzBat
handed him the heavy books and Mimic began to flip through them. Fortunately, Buried
Alien had just entered so AoA was able to mimic his speed powers and read through it
quickly.
"What? What?" He screamed. "First off, Im going to kill Borelli for saying that Fly Like
an Eagle is by Seal! Are you sure the Lie-Field didnt get to him? Any idiot knows that
Steve Miller Band made that song! And a musical out of Kingdom Come! Not again!
Todd isnt going to take my part this time! I will be Superman! He is a baritone, right? I
can sing and dance! I can do musical acting! Its the only way to replace not getting the
part of Beau!"

With that he dashed out of the Bar

OzBat bamfed over to the tables and started busing them.

"He is insane."

Chapter Fifteen: Costuming is Fun!

By The Jester

The Jester ran in Grendel and Hack's Bar and Grill ecstatically.

"I GOT THE PART! WOOOO-HOOOO! I GOT THE PART!"

Joe cringed.

"Keep it down, Jester. Jesus! Some of your buddies from Ashland are over in the corner."

The Jester went on back. In a booth in the corner sat Kung Fu, the Battling Beatnik, Ice
Queen, and Wonder Mormon.

"Heard the good news, big dog," Battling Beatnik said.

"So did everyone else within a freakin' block!"

"Sorry, Kung Fu. I was just excited."

"Well," Wonder Mormon prodded, "what part did you get? Jo-Jo the Dancing Pansy?"

"No. I'm going to be the Spectre. It's a great part, really. Very crucial and dramatic. And
the costume is GREAT!"

"Really? Can we see?" Ice Queen asked.

The Jester chuckled.

"Suuuuure!"

Chapter Sixteen: Lightning Strikes Twice

By Thunderbolt
"Um, kevrhon?" Thunderbolt cleared his throat nervously and stepped onto the darkened
stage.

"Auditions a over for today, sorry," kevrhon called from the back of the theater. "I was
just on my way out and "

"Wait!" Thunderbolt yelled. "I've been busy and "

"Yeah, yeah. Look, can I help it if you always come in too late for the really good stuff?"
kevrhon asked. "My time is valuable and I've really gotta go."

"But, but I just wanted to try out for the part of Captain Marvel," Thunderbolt said
dejectedly.

"Uh, yeah, listen, Captain Pantheon was really good earlier, and he has this gift and he's
just "

"Oh, come on, kev! Let me try!" Thunderbolt stopped for a second and realized he was
pleading. He cleared his throat again. "I understand this is a musical?"

kevrhon sighed, walked back down the aisle, and took a seat.

"Yeah, it is. Do you have something unique to bring to the role of the good Captain?"

"Actually, yes. I thought I'd begin with a selection from the Song of Solomon"

"King James version? That stuff's awfully hard on the modern ear."

"Um, it's the new KC Suberman revised version, I think," Thunderbolt said, then plunged
on. "Then I'll swing into some numbers I wrote about Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, and Achilles,
and wrap it up with something from the Mercury Records archives. The Statler Brothers,
probably."

kevrhon rubbed his forehead. He rubbed his eyes. He felt for the softest part of the chair
back in front of him and considered banging his head against it.

"Look, Thunderbolt, I'm sure that's all very good, but "

"OK, OK, how about King Marvel? Listen " Thunderbolt flipped up his jacket collar and
curled his lip. "Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you,"
he sang earnestly, swiveling his hips like some legendary cat from Memphis.

"Uh, yeah." kevrhon got up and moved toward the back of the theater. This day had
definitely been far, far too long.
"Wait!" Thunderbolt shouted. "You haven't seen the best part!" kevrhon turned to find
Thunderbolt huddled on-stage, his eyes squeezed shut tight.

"What are you doing?" kevrhon asked, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"FX," Thunderbolt whispered. "Takes a little concentration like Torch's Nova Blast"

kevrhon ducked behind the seats as a tremendous burst of ball lightning exploded across
the stage, charring the orchestra pit and singing the first three rows. He counted to 10,
then peeked over the seat. An embarrassed Thunderbolt stood center stage, grinning
sheepishly.

"Guess I kinda overdid it. Sorry."

kevrhon turned on his heel and stalked toward the exit. Maybe he could play Weather
Wizard, he thought to himself.

Chapter Seventeen: Lights! Camera!

By Impulse

"Um, hi. I'd like to be in charge of lights, music, and all other technical aspects" said
Impulse.

"WHAT! HOW COULD ONE MAN DO ALL THAT?" said kevhron.

"I'm fast. Reeeal fast. Watch."

Impulse zoomed around the room with the speed of lightning and he turned all the lights
in the building on, then off, and that was in the span of four seconds.

"Very impressive. Have you ever done tech before?" said kevhron.

"Yes, at plays where I come from, I am the tech department," said Impulse.

"Well, I dunno. You can be second in command," said kevhron.

"SWELL! YEE-HAH!" said Impulse as he raced out of the room, almost tripping over
the power cables, and stopping the lights for three seconds.

"Oops," said Impulse.

Chapter Eighteen: The Last Audition

By Mope

The J. Street Little Theater

Late night.

Kevhron sits in the 2nd row, surrounded by scripts, notepads, scores and other
miscellaneous sheets of paper. He had decided on most of the big players, and was now in
the process of positioning "everybody else."

The lobby door SLAMMED opened with a waft. Kevhron spun around to see the
ominous figures entering the theater, as they walked/floated/crept down the aisle.

Their very names summon forth dread in the heart of even the heartiest Pantheoneer.

Malvolio
Dark Timmy
Fanboy
Gail2
Reverse-Hat
Nemesis

The six nasties grouped around Kevhron rather smoothly and menacingly. Each was
dressed a little differently from their normal bad-guy costumes. They each wore rather
classy suits and ties, like a Fortune 500 cover.

Kevhron was more than a little spooked, upset, and well quite freaked.

Kevhron: What are you guys doing here? How are you guys I mean, each of you has been
defeated, killed, eliminated or retconned out in your own ways. I don't get it!

Malvolio: Oh, but we're VILLAINS! You can't really kill a villain, don't you know that?
Don't worry. We don't want to kill the Pantheon right now. We're just here to audition for
the part of the J Street Liberation Front, the well-intentioned group of so-called-villains
who seek to stop the Pantheon from taking over J Street.

Kevhron considered it a bit. Hmmm maybe Malvolio would be more convincing as Lex
Luthor than Binary 11

Kevhron: OK. If you guys agree to behave, the parts are yours.

Malvolio: You've made the right choice. (grins)

The six baddies leave.

Kevhron: Oh god what have I done?

Chapter Nineteen: An alcohol-soaked interlude

By Joe Grendel
 Grendel andHack's
Bar and Grill

Sundown. The Pantheon were off doing whatever it was they did when they weren't
cluttering up Grendel's, playing pool for hours without ordering anything.

There were only two customers in the bar.

One stumbled up to the other and asked if he could buy him a drink.

"Why, of course," came the reply.

"Where are you from?" the first man asked, as he gestured for OzBat to pour them two
Guinesses.

"I'm from Hong Kong," replied the second man.

"You don't say! I'm from Hong Kong, too! Let's have another round to Hong Kong."

"Of course."

OzBat put two more pint glasses down beside the nearly empty first pair.

"Where in Hong Kong are you from?"

"Victoria's Peak."

"I can't believe it!" The first man clutched his forehead in surprise. "I'm from Victoria's
Peak, too! Let's have another drink to the Peak."

"Of course!"

They guzzled their third beer in as many minutes. Wiping the foam from his lips, the first
man narrowed his eyes.

"What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's. I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable! I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

Chet, who had been watching all of this in confusion, sidled over to OzBat.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing much," replied the imp. "The Chang twins are drunk again."
 Chapter Twenty: Not Quite The Last
By Emerald Void

It was past 11 p.m., and Kevhron was getting tired. As he put the last of the scripts away,
a glowing green figure sauntered down the isle.

Great, an other audition!

Kevhron sighed.

"What do you want, Emerald?"

"Well, this may surprise you, but I'd like to play a part."

Kevhron turned away, tired of all the shenanigans. Emerald Void stopped him.

"Not a part in the play."

Kevhron stopped.

"Then what?"

"Well, I'd like to be your mercenary audience member."

Kevhron looked puzzled.

"You want to be a mercenary audience member? I don't even know what that is, and it
already sounds stupid!"

"Well, if you happen to have no audience on the day of the performance, you can count
on me to be there. You could also ask what an

outsider
thinks. Well, what do you say?"

"I think it sounds stupid." Kevhron said frankly. "But my eyes so hurt from watching this
play so much. Sure, the job is all yours."

Chapter Twenty-Two:Somethings goinon!

By Hack

The J Street Little Theater

KA-THUMP.

KA-CLUNK.
KA-BOOM!

Hack's head shot up.

"What was THAT?"

kevhron and him were closing up shop, when a loud explosion tore through the room!
Hack dashed backstage.

A dark figure looked up. A huge fire was beginning to burn. The figure turned and ran.

"kevhron! Stop the fire!" Hack yelled. He dashed after the arsonist. He linked in front of
the fleeing intruder, but was too close. They slammed into each other. Hack tumbled to
the ground.

A door slammed. And Hack cursed his luck.

He got to his feet and winced. kevhron helped him walk back to his chair.

"What's going on here?" asked kevhron. "First Joe gets that letter, then that incident with
the pig blood. Now this."

Hack nodded, and frowned.

"Somebody's got it in for this play, and he's willing to endanger lives to do it. I think it's
time we got to the bottom of this!"

"Do you have any idea who it was?" asked kevhron.

Hack shook his head.

"Nope. Ihey, what's this?"

Hack limped over and picked up a small piece of paper.

"Look," Hack said. "The arsonist must have dropped this."

____________________
>ing going according to |
>soon, they will be held|
>for the damage, and we |
>free to prepare to |
->>>tract our revenge |
|against the heroes. The |
|play will begin in several|
|days. |
Hack and kevhron glanced at each other nervously.

"I'll work on this," said Hack. "You keep doing your bit with the play. I'll find out who's
responsible."

kevhron nodded.

Chapter Twenty-two: The Music of the Knight

By The Temporary Guy

"What do you mean I don't have enough feeling?" The Temporary Guy shouted from the
stage where he stood. He didn't need this crap. He was a professional. He'd worked with
the giants, like Vic Tayback and Bob Goulet. His one-man show, "F-Troop The Musical"
was adored by the audience and critics alike (one of whom said, "the Temporary Guy
brings a subtle complexity to the role of Corporal Agarn that Larry Storch could never
hope to grasp"). He could find work anytime. And now, to be told his craft by some no-
talent hack (no offense, Hack)? If he'd had his cell-phone with him, he'd have thrown it
through the windshield of his Mercedes.

"TTG, I love your work, I really do. Your Captain Parmenter? Niagra Falls. Cried for
weeks." kevhron wrote furiously in his pad as he made these remarks. Captain Pantheon's
Marvel was incredible, but Binary 11's Manotaur needed some serious work. "It's just that
when you're playing Batman, you have to gain a sense of the grim vigilante method of
operating. You have no friends. No one to trust. It's just you and your mission."

The Temporary Guy shook his head.

"I'll bet you're a big Wolverine fan, aren't you?"

"You must portray him as a tortured, angry soul that acts out of the tragedy of one night
so many years ago!"

"kev the song's called 'It's Time To Spread These Wings And Fly.' It performed with flutes
and string instruments."

"I have complete faith in you."

The Temporary Guy cleared his throat, muttered an obscenity, then started again.

"The younger kids broke out of jail

They're looking to kick the Justice League's tail
Krypton-boy's looking to me for bail
So it's time to spread these wings and fly.

Kal-El's looking mighty grim

The League he formed won't follow him
They're intent on following Diana's whim
So it's time to spread these wings and fly.

I know there'll be some fightin'

So I've gathered new Teen Titans
Who're the kids of the sidekicks we've had

We're fighting for the truth or

We wind up like Lex Luthor
Who has Marvel in his palm, which is really bad

So Ted put on that Beetle suit

Don't argue Ollie the point is moot
We have to make the rescue without dispute
So it's time the spread these wings and fly

I've added some devices

To make up for my vices
Like guns that are attached to my wings

I've designed this brand new armor

Which I think can really harm her
If Ms. Paradise-Lost tries anything

This new team's raw but who can tell

We're fighting a new kind of hell
Gosh, I sure hope we do well
So it's time to spread these wings
It's time to spread these wings
It's timeto spread these wings
And flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

As he finished, the Temporary Guy looked out into the seats at the sobbing form of
kevhron, who was crying "Beautiful! Beautiful!"

"Hey kev, you know you have the Batman saying the word 'Gosh?"

"I I feel it lends a certain sensitivity to the character that would otherwise be lacking."

The Temporary Guy shook his head as he wandered towards his trailer.

"Andrew Lloyd Hitler."

Chapter Twenty-Three: Voices

By The Regular Hank
An Imaginary Version of Toronto,
Set in an imaginary version of June, 1994

J'onn wandered the back alleys of Toronto, dazed, confused, his head light and spinning
for no apparent reason. The walls were grimy, the sewers smelled bad, and the bums kept
laughing at him for no apparent reason. He was having trouble walking straight. The
world kept shifting from the left to the right, and occasionally would blur, just to make
walking that much more difficult.

"Had a liffle tooo mush ta' d'ink t'night, d'dn't chya?" said a bum to J'onn.

J'onn finally noticed, after scrapping against a brick wall, why the bums kept laughing at
him. He was buck-naked, and clutching a brown wallet.

J'onn stopped his walking. He leaned against a wall, and finally sat on the pavement. The
ground was wet, he was cold, but he didn't care. He tried, desperately, to remember what
was going on. He tried hard to figure out why he was naked. He tried hard to make sense
of the situation.

More than anything else, though, he tried desperately to remember his name.

J'onn concentrated, hard, to remember the past couple of days. He tried to remember
anything that he could. He closed his eyes, concentrating harder still, trying to let the
memories pour back into his mind.

He heard voices in his head.

A voice in anguish cried"my fault that he died"

In some ways, the voices were familiar.

A voice of wisdom said"ing him back, but"

If he could remember, he would know who the voices belonged to.

A voice in terror growled"ord of Ares, the only thing that can"

But he didn't know the voices. Didn't remember anything.

A voice of regret said "brought back the man, but not the god"

He was cold, wet, naked and alone.

A voice of a friend screamed "without the power of the wish, I can't stay"

Even the voices were in pieces.

A voice in melancholy said "Hunter. I'll see y"

Then he heard a voice in his head that he recognized.

A voice of pain cried "Wodin's beard, I've been stabbed"

He recognized the voice as his own.

J'onn shook uncontrollably. He started to cry.

Then, his brain finally decided to take charge of things, and let his body succumb to
shock so that he could, maybe, get some rest.

Which, truthfully, is hard to do when you're sitting naked on wet pavement

***

2320 J Street
Sweaty Hunk Estates # Z29
The Apartment of The Mighty Hank!

J'onn awoke with a shock, quickly disengaging his mind from that of his sleeping,
amnesiac, smallish friend Henry.

Hank slept on the couch, fitfully. J'onn sat next to him on the floor. He looked at Henry,
then shook his head in dismay.

Well my silly Viking friend, thought J'onn,it appears that something very serious has
happened to you for a change.

J'onn rose from the side of his friend, then walked into the bathroom. He turned on the
lights, filled the sink with cold water, and splashed his face.

Much, much too intense, thought J'onn.

He dried his face, emptied the sink, shut off the lights then went back into the living
room.

J'onn thought about the mind-journey he had taken. He had telepathically entered Henry's
mind, living out moments of his friend's life. He had hoped that by, perhaps, going back
to the beginning and 'fast-forwarding' Henry's memory, that he could discover what had
happened to him.

But, when he went to the point of his mind where his friend's birth, his childhood, his
training should have been, he found nothing but a jumble of images and incoherent
thoughts. J'onn's mind then raced toward the only semblance of sane and coherent
memory that he could find.

And in Henry's mind, he had found Toronto, the real-world hometown of Hatman, the
Capped Crusader.

Where the hell is Hatman? J'onn thought. In his mind, he heard the voices again.

"brought back the man, but not the god"

The voice sent a cold chill down his spine. Outside of Henry's mind, J'onn recognized the
voice.

It was the voice of Henry's best friend. It was the voice of Hatman, the capped crusader.

With a heavy sigh, J'onn went into the kitchen, and grabbed some cold chicken from
Henry's refrigerator. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was late.

Suddenly, J'onn's eyes went wide with remembrance.

Oh NO! The AUDITIONS!

J'onn raced towards the window. He thrust it open. The wind blew the curtains back for
dramatic effect. J'onn poised in the window, ready to leap into the night. He looked back
at his friend.

Sleep well, my friend. We will find out the cause of your troubles together.

And with that, J'onn the Martian Manhunter soared towards the Little J Street theater.

Chapter Twenty-Four: Hat's Show Business!

By Jonn

J'onn fairly screamed through the air. He was late for auditions, Henry/Hank was
extremely out of phase with what passed for reality here on J Street, Hat was H'ronmeer
knows where, and, as our favorite Martian approached the theater, he noticed a cadre of
old Pantheon foes leaving with scripts for the show in their evil clutches

*I don't even want to know*, thought J'onn as he descended down and used his Martian
vision to spy kevrhon leaving through the backstage door.

J'onn swooped down next kevrhon and fell into step with the director.

*I'm late, aren't I?*

kevrhon didn't even bother to look sideways. He just harrumphed and kept walking in the
general direction of Grendel's.

"Yes, you are! And don't even think of getting a late audition tonight. You can wait until
tomorrow like the rest of the theater freaks who waited me out today"

*But, kev, Henry I mean, Hank, he *

"Oh, don't even mention THAT name. Where was he today, hmmmmm? He and the
Capped Crusader were no-shows after spending a week needling me about this damn play
YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME NUTS!" kevrhon sped up the pace as snow began to
fall.

J'onn stopped in his tracks. Hat, Hank he had momentarily forgot about them. kevrhon
noticed he was tramping along all by himself and stopped, turning around to look at his
green friend.

"WHAT? Is this about the music you still owe me?" kevrhon said.

J'onn just looked skyward, started to lift off the ground, and then flew towards Grendel's.
In his head, kevrhon heard

*Hank's in trouble and Hat's nowhere to be found I'll audition tomorrow. I promise. I'll
even throw in my songbook for you to use, but Hack changes nothing, understand. I still
have creative control and ownership over them and Grendel's my lawyer, so behave Meet
me at Grendel's and well talk.*

kevrhon watched the Martian fly off and grumbled to himself. By the time he got to
Grendel's, J'onn would be on the piano composing some other twisted parody that would
no doubt lambaste another cherished pop song.Yeah, Hank and Hat in trouble Like that's
new This better not affect the casting Hey, why am I walking? I can fly, for Nabu's sake!

And with that, he did, fast in the Manhunter's wake

***

Grendel's

J'onn didn't bother with the door, just phased through the roof and landed squarely on a
stool in front on Grendel.

*Joe, where's Ozzie? I need to call in a favor from you *

Grendel smiled that smile you only see on National Geographic specials on "Predators
and Prey."
"I don't owe you any favors, J'onny But I do accept legal tender "

*SOTFLOL Well, it was worth a shot. Look, Hank's in a bad way, Hat's missing, and I
need help in finding Hat to help Hank and get back in time to audition tomorrow* J'onn
peered back at Joe.

"You're the Manhunter here, so Ozbat figures into this because?"

*He can jaunt through dimensions easily, and knows his away around the detective
world. Benefits of hanging with the Batman. I can still advise him, though. He goes, I
stay, we keep in touch telepathically. When we find Hat, I'm hoping we find help for
Hank*

"Two cases of Silk Cuts and a song parody, and he's yours til sun up" offered Joe.

*Three cases and I tend bar in his place til sun up* countered the Martian.

"You'll make your martini's?"

*Yes*

"Done," said Joe as he turned and yelled, "Ozbat!"

As the imp bamfed in, Joe handed J'onn an apron and smiled that damn smile again.

"Oz, J'onn's got a job for you"

J'onn and OzBat looked at each other silently, nodded, and the imp vanished

J'onn phased through the bar, surveyed his customers, and grimaced. Hat better be
findable

Humming his audition song and thinking about tomorrow, he asked

*OK, folks, who's having what?*

Chapter Twenty-five: Tough Day

By Emerald Void

Emerald Void took his new post as part-time chef at GrendelandHack'sBar and Grill.
His first customer was Impulse.

"So, Impulse, I hear you have the job as tech crew. Nice going."

Impulse turned.
"Emerald? What are you doing here?"

"You haven't heard, I got a job here as a cook. Want to try my pickled sausage?"

"Sure, what the hell." Emerald put a plate of long, red stained meat in front of him.
Impulse glared at it. "That stuff's food?"

"Sure, just trust me."

"Whatever you say." Impulse lifted his fork and dug in. "Not half bad."

Emerald could tell he was lying. Judging by the rapidly changing colors of his face, he
guessed he had put a little too much horse radish.

"It's good," Impulse lied. "He staggered out into the street, put his head over a garbage
can, and let loose. Emerald frowned.

Just then, Kevhron walked in.

"Lemme have some of your food." He said blandly.

Must have been areally tough day. Emerald thought.

Chapter Twenty-six: Off to audition we go!

By Michael MacTyson

J Street's police chief Michael MacTyson was enjoying a particularly calm day.

"I'm sure glad Grendel and Hack worked out their problems. I was getting tired of their
prank calls and their anonymous phone calls. They made the Bronx like Shangri-La."

As he walked by the vicinity of the Little Theater, he thought Crime has been nonexistent
this few days. Aside form a complaint of a exhibitionist claiming to be wearing the
Spectre costume, scaring away marmosets and two drunk Chinese-kind guys, everythings
fine.
The chief was right. This kind of environment has eased my frayed nerves. After I had to
shot that crazy old man for killing that kid on the subway, It affected my work. They teach
you at the academy what to do in those cases, but they dont teach you how you have to
live with those images after that. To this day I regret my slow reaction

His thoughts were interrupted by loud screams.

"No, NO, NO" He recognized the voice. It was that Mr. Fate guy, or something like it.

"You gotta do it with feeling! On from the top!" he screamed with a bullhorn.
MacTyson entered the theater. He watched the stage as the Seven Thunders waltzed
around with Amazon, trying to perfect an ailing song-dance number.

MacTyson approached kevrhon.

"Evening, Mr. Fate. Whats going on?"

kevrhon looked at him, aghast.

Whats wrong with this guy? He looks like I have just asked him for his kidney in
transplant.

"You mean you dont know?"

"Know what?" asked the confused cop.

"Surely you jest! We are making theater history even as we speak! We are in the
production of the most famous production in history!"

"And its a musical, too!" interjected Hack.

"And its a musical, too," repeated kevrhon.

"Cant say I have heard of your production. This Bar Wars thing kept me quite busy."

"I cant believe it! Hack, this philistine does not know our tireless effort. Why, oh why
must the director suffer this cruel taunts of fate? My grandeur will not be recognized!"

"Well, well, now I know. So tell me, how's it going?"

kevrhon composed immediately.

"We are staging Kingdom Come and currently we are auditioning." He looked at
MacTyson. "Are you familiar with the story"

"Sure am. Most talked event on my precinct. Know all the chapters by memory."

"Say, have you ever worked on stage before?" asked kevrhon point blank.

MacTyson blushed slightly.

"As a matter of fact, I did some theater when I was 18 or so. Couple of plays by a man
named Lonehouse (Antonio Casola, people)."

"We could use someone with your stage experience!"

"I dont know, kevrhon. I mean, that was years ago!"

"So what? Its like riding a bike. Itll come to you." He flashed a Trust me smile.
"Whaddaya say?"

"I well"

"C'mon, you are a natural!"

"OK, you got me. Which part can I audition?"

"There are a few ones left, my man. Quality parts, I must say."

kevrhon gives MacTyson two different scripts.

"Here are the roles of Captain Marvel and Red Robin. I have not made my mind up about
whos gonna be on those roles. Amazon, you can get off the stage now. You too,
Thunders."

One hour later

Kevrhon rises from his seat.

"Wonderful! Such life, such passion, such rendering of Marvels guilt and shame for being
manipulated! And Red Robin Gods! the anguish because he fought with his mentor, but
the desire to end the quarrel, all that with an Irish accent Im speechless, boy."

"So, which role will I represent?" asked MacTyson, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"Captain Marvel, definitely. That was a strong performance."

Hack coughed a little bit, drawing kevrhons attention.

"Hold on a minute, Mac. Can I call you Mac?"

"Only when Im not on duty."

kevrhon exchanged words with Hack for a brief period of time. He returned to stage.

"There might be some problem with your role. Thing is some other character has
auditioned for the part. Theres nothing definite yet, but I dont like to leave things
hanging." Hack thought of a funny comeback line regarding blue and gold g-strings, but
he kept it to himself.

"Tell you what, " said kevrhon wistful. "I'll give you the Captain Marvel role. If there is
any trouble, Ill let you know."
"OK." said MacTyson as he walked towards the dressing room, changed clothes and left.

"This is going to be a wonderful play!" thought kevrhon.

Up, way up from the stage, next to the spot-lights and the wires and props, a figure was
watching.

"Operation Sabotage goes well. My master will be pleased." He ran towards the hole on
the Theaters roof. " After this play is ruined, (and I'll be darned if I know why he wants it
ruined), Ill see the way of getting rid of my master. I
crave the knowledge he keeps on his sorcery books!"

Chapter Twenty-seven: Revelations

By Emerald Void

Emerald Void was even more bored than before. After Kevhron had lost his lunch over
his pickled sausage, he had decided to get a new dish. He finally discovered what he
decided to call Impulse's lost lunch. It resembled a regurgitated kangaroo in shape and
color, but man was it good. He would add it to the menu when it was time for his next
shift. He glanced once around the bar, then walked out. He wandered down to the J Street
Little Theater and walked in. Kevhron was in his usual spot in the front row, and the
seven thunders were annoying people in there usual way. Just as he walked in, he looked
up toward the rafters to where the lights and electric gizmos were.

Mental note: Next host will be electrician Through a hole in the ceiling, a silhouette
darted through. Probably just some rodent.

He walked down to the end of the isle and took his seat as the mercenary audience
member. His green glow illuminated the rows around him, and Kevhron was alerted to
his presence.

"Nice of you to drop in." Kevhron said, annoyed.

"Sorry I', late, but I came up with a new dish."

"Hopefully better than the pickled sausage. Kevhron mumbled.

"What?" Emerald said.

"Nothing." Kevhron replied. Kevhron turned to face the stage. He glanced up to the roof
to cue Impulse with the light. Funny, I've never seen that hole there before

Chapter Twenty-eight: A Blow To the Dead

By The Temporary Guy
The door to Grendel and Hack's Bar & Grill burst open. In stormed the Temporary Guy,
looking angered. He sat down at the bar, turned to Grendel and shouted, "BEER!"

Grendel gingerly walked over to the tap, filled it with the Temporary Guy's drink of
choice, and handed it to the hero.

"You look a little angry, Temp. What's up?"

"Oh, it's that kevhron and his stupid play," the Temporary Guy muttered, taking a large
sip from his drink. "He told me that I had the role of Batman. I had the song ready, I had
everything set to go"

"So what happened?"

"That's just it! I don't know! Things were going fine and then he just says that I'm not
right for the part! Can you believe that? I mean, it would be beneficial to have me in a
name role. I've worked "

"With Vic Tayback, yes, we all know." Grendel shook his head. "So now you're not in the
show at all?"

"Oh, I'm in it! Nabu-boy back there said that based upon my readings of the Bat-song, I'd
be perfect for Deadman."

"Hey, Deadman's a good role! You can really cut loose with him, like King Herod in
'Jesus Christ, Superstar.' You'll be a comic relief, a release to all the tension the rest of the
production has caused."

"Hmm. Maybe you're right." The Temporary Guy pondered Grendel's words. "Of course,
it would've been nice to play Norman. I don't think anyone's been cast in that yet."

Grendel's eyes lit up.

"Norman hasn't been cast?"

"I don't believe so. Why?"

"Oh, no reason say, would you take care of the bar for me for a second?"

"I don't know anything about barkeeping!"

"Oh, it's easy. You just "

The door suddenly opened behind them. There stood the Jester, a wild look in his eyes.

"Something's happened."
The Temporary Guy leaned forward.

"What?"

The reply came in short, raspy breaths.

"Something's happened at the theater!"

Chapter Twenty-nine: A foreshadowing-laden interlude

By Joe Grendel

The Marvel Universe.

Project Pegasus

The explosions ripped through the building, and armed guards scrambled toward the front
gate, weapons at the ready.

A figure, who appeared to be an anonymous technician, walked the opposite direction,

picking his way through evacuating employees. The guards in the security room were too
busy with the attacks up front to notice that one camera at a time went dead, flickering
back on the figure passed through their area.

Finally he arrived at a now-empty room, where dead bodies hung in fluid solutions,
monitors and sensors analyzing their genetic makeup. On the far side of the room, a dead
mutant lay dissected on an operating table.

Moving as though he'd worked at Project Pegasus all his life, the figure moved to a
control panel near one tank, punching in instructions. The fluid drained from the tank and
the glass retracted into the floor.

Pulling something from his lab coat, the figure stood over the dead body, shining a red
light on it.

After several moments, the Joe Grendel of Marvel Earth began to breathe again, opening
his eyes a few minutes later. The figure threw a lab coat and some clothes to him.

"Get dressed, Shadow Knight. The diversion can only last so long." He watched the
recently dead Grendel pull on pants and shirt. "And another thing Don't go to J Street
until everything is ready. That idiot Nemesis may well blow it for us all."

But that too is a story for another day

Chapter Thirty: Diverted deadly!

By Hack

The J Street Little Theater

"Is is he dead?" asked a worried kevhron.

Hack grunted and leaned over.

"I don't know. But I do want to know who on Earth is in charge of the lights."

Grendel raced in.

"What's wrong?" he asked. He walked up to the out-like-a-light Martian. "What

happened?"

"Some jerk messed up on the wiring of the lights. The entire thing went blammo!"
growled Hack. "Worse still, it happened right in J'onn's face!"

J'onn groaned and looked up.

"Wha what happened?" he moaned.

Hack frowned.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out!"

He stormed out the door, doing his best to ignore the pain in his sprained ankle.

Impulse stepped nervously out of the shadows.

kevhron glared at him.

"You're fired," he growled.

Impulse shook his head nervously.

"No! Wait! It wasn't me!"

One of the actors behind him nodded.

"I was with him the whole time. We were working on the curtain."

kevhron frowned.

"OK, then if you didn't do it who did?"

- Grendel and Hack's Bar and Grill -

Hack stepped out of the link. He looked around, searching for something. He was
beginning to get the glimmer of an idea, but he wanted to get some answers.
He headed for the re-built Mayor's office, and stepped inside. He searched for the files of
disturbances, and opened it.

"Whatcha doin'?" asked the secretary, munching on an apple.

Hack looked up.

"I'm trying to figure out what the problem is with the play we're putting on. I remember
there being a similar incident in Hollywood, back in my reality."

"What's the problem?"

"Practical jokes. Each time, they get a little more dangerous, and a little more deadly. And
I
think I know what's going on!"

- The police station -

"Really," said MacTyson, munching on his apple. He was speaking to a friend on the
phone. "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, not at all. No. Ha, yeah right."

The line for the police emergencies rang.

"Got another call," said MacTyson. "Brb."

"Hello," said a dark voice. "Hack is responsible for the damage to the play at J Street. He
is currently at the Mayor's office. I hid evidence there of his guilt."

"What? Who are you?"

Dial tone.

MacTyson frowned. Despite the fact that Hack seemed like a nice guy, nothing was
known about him. MacTyson walked out the door, grabbing his holster on the way out.

- The Mayor's office -

Hack frowned as he heard a ka-thump. He looked around suspiciously.

"What was that?" he asked.

"That was the Mayor," said the secretary.

"I thought he was on vacation," said Hack.

"I thought he was too."

They dashed upstairs. Hack linked past the door.

"Gone," Hack grumbled.

Suddenly, the door flew open! Hack whirled, and fired a cyberblast! MacTyson pulled his
gun and fired twice. Hack linked one away; the other caught him in the shoulder.

"MacTyson, you idiot, what are you doing?" yelled Hack.

"Freeze, pal!" growled MacTyson. "Assaulting an officer of the law, eh? Well, you're in
trouble now! Up against the wall!"

Hack sighed and moved up to the wall. MacTyson circled around. He glanced at the desk.
His jaw dropped as he saw the badly beaten Mayor lying out cold under the desk!

"YOU ATTACKED THE MAYOR?" howled a surprised MacTyson.

Hack realized that he only had one option. He was clearly being framed, but he couldn't
prove THAT if he was in prison. There was only one thing to do. Taking a link would be
too slow.

He jumped out the window.

Chapter Thirty-one: Big trouble in little Toronto

By Ozbat

J Street little theater

kevrhon is giving the major casting tryouts a rest, and letting all the wannabes and never-
was-and-never-willbes take their shots at the bit roles.

Transformers in Sgt. Pepper uniforms are trying very hard not to bump their helmets on
the overhead lighting array. A quartet of Pygmy Marmosets in capes were earnestly
belting out their hip-hop version of an old Monkees favorite, and a couple of Marvelites
wandered around the back sets trying not to be kicked out for impersonating DC icons.

kevrhon himself is busy beating his helmeted head against the front of the stage. It sounds
a lot like an old fire alarm clanging, and people started nervously eyeing off ideal routes
for the fire escapes. On stage was the object of the Lord of Order's frustration; a figure in
a
weird red suit, decked out in electrical wires which created a strange arcing 'lightning'
effect about his body.

"KC, I'm sorry, but you really seem to have missed something here"
"I'm the first to admit if I've made a mistake, which I've not, but you've obviously not
being paying attention to my last 53 takes which in my opinion, and that of the
majority of heterosexual, right wing fundamentalist America in any universe of your
choosing, presented the very best that the Wally West Flash Avatar had to offer!"

kevrhon banged his head some more.

"Subes, Nobody's arguing with you that the Flash has been a much better book since
Wally started developing an actual, monogamous relationship; I just don't think that its an
essential part of the story we're trying to present here"

"NOT ESSENTIAL? Some innocent child may see this

musical, and be mistakenly presented with a morally bankrupt view of promiscuity and
communist-inspired liberalism! We NEED TO MAKE A STATEMENT! LISTEN to
WHAT I'm TELLING YOU!"

The Jester, complete with bathrobe over his 'costume' leaned over kevrhon's shoulder and
whispered, "Has anybody told KC Suberman that Wally West isn't actually married yet,
and that Kid Flashette was most probably born out of wedlock?"

kevrhon mystically gestured a gag for the painted white face of the spectrish jester.

"You do ANYTHING that stupid, EVEN IN JEST, and I'll personally rip out your spleen
and TAP DANCE ON IT! Do you WANT to be hear all afternoon listening to him rant
on?"

Jester muffled something that may have been an agreement, and then stalked backstage,
pausing to flash KC Suberman behind his back. With the stage crew falling about
laughing, kevrhon persevered.

"KC, for the umpteenth time The Flash is a NON SPEAKING ROLE! Get that into your
head! Delivering a monologue on the loss of Christian values during the big bomb scene
just DOESN'T WORK!"

KC Suberman stormed off in a huff - as he exited stage left, the extension cord to his suit
got tangled and pulled out of its socket, plunging the italic avenger into a total blackout.

"You SEE? This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about! It proves my point, I'm right!
And you're all in the dark if you don't listen to meeeeeeee!" Exit stage left, at the hands
of several extras in glow-in-the-dark cow suits, ready for the big 'Kansas' rehearsal.

"Why me?" muttered kevrhon darkly.

***

Toronto, Canada. Present Day.

OzBat bamfed into view in front of a 'Slumberland' bedding shoppe, straightened out his
'authentic Sherlock Holmes' overcoat and hat, removed a humongously oversized
magnifying glass from one pocket, and proceeded to make his way in the door. Tripping
over the coat as he did so, as it was full size for a six foot Elizabethan actor, and the Mite
was barely two foot tall. Even IN his platform Batman combat boots.

The Imp struggled onto a large four-poster bed in the middle of the shop, sighed, and
began to go over the morning's schedule. So far, he'd visited several universes in the
hopes of finding Hatman's universe of origin, without luck. The reasoning being; Hank
(or somebody who looked passingly like him, if he'd been puried and then poured into a
mold three sizes too small) had been found, and was now incoherent in J Street. The only
one who could possibly shed any light on his current situation was his best buddy and
pal, the other half of The World's Lamest Team, the Dork Knight himself Hatman. Who
coincidentally, disappeared at the same time Hank originally did. So, OzBat had to find
Hatman.

He'd finally worked his way into the KCDC universe, as it was there that most of the
Pantheon had originally met. Still no sign of him, though. The only other clue available
was that Hat and Hank had vanished during an adventure in the Dream-state dimension of
the Djinn - the Wish Realm. So, maybe Oz had to be asleep to find him? A remote
possibility to be sure, but if it worked

"Ehh, excuse me?" a nervous 17-year old shop assistant hesitantly asked.

OzBat offered a mite-sized gloved hand in greeting, causing the poor girl to almost die of
shock.

"G'day mate! Whaddayawant?"

From Behind the matching dresser, the lass peered and eventually brought herself about
to ask; "C-C-C-Can we h-h-h-help you?"

Oz thought about this for a while, and then hovered above the bed, his overcoat dragging
on the floor and adding to his already impressive stature. I mean, it had to be! This poor
little thing was obviously overawed by him! Re-runs of the Batman, Robin and BatMite
cartoon series must have been doing really well up here in Canada!

"I'm looking for a friend of mine you'd know him as" (dramatic pause) "The HatMan!"

The girl groaned inwardly. If this floating midget from another world and equally alien
dress sense was mixed up with the Canuckian Crusader, then anything could happen

"You want that twit with the fedora, right?"

"You got it!"

"Ehh, he's not around here at the moment Normally he hangs around the airport or the
university grounds looking for damsels in distress, or something, but nobody's seen him
for a while!"

"REALLY! Great! I mean, not great that nobody's seen him, but GREAT! Somebody's
seen him! I'm in the right universe! The right place even! J'onn will be so proud!"

The shop assistant by this stage had given up trying to make sense of the conversation,
and was buffing her nails on the bed ruffle, waiting for this costumed weirdo to leave.
Why doesn't he get on with it? Isn't that what heroes do? Just turn up when you least
expect it and then blow before any questions can be asked or damage costs calculated?
How to get rid of this one before the shop implodes? And would that affect her holiday
bonus?

"Just one problem Which way is the University?" The mite meekly asked, trying to
unfold his street map directly unsuccessfully. Exasperated, the girl grabbed the map,
pointed out the location, pointed out the shop windows in the correct general direction,
and then folded the map with breathtaking speed borne of months practice folding bed
linen.

"Wow, that was great! Are you sure you're not a meta? Thats really impressive, yessirreee
"

"No Sh#!, Sherlock! Now get out, before something disastrous happens! Git!"

OzBat flew out the door, mildly surprised at the level of language coming from such a
sweet little thing, and then paused over the traffic island, causing a six car pile up with
commuters staring at the levitating marvel instead of the lights.

"Hey, thats it! Hat had another sidekick once upon a time! Camera Dude! Hell know
where Hat is! As long as he's not still sore over that picture of him with those Chihuahuas
in the back of his van!"

And the Oz-tray-lian wonder BAMF!ed away in the direction of the University grounds,
continuing his quest

Chapter Thirty-two: An audition

By Mope

J Street Little Theater

This actually took place a few days ago in continuity, but only NOW, true believer, can
this fantastic audition be revealed!

The scene is the Kingdom Come: a Musical in Four Parts auditions. The J. Street Little
Theater is crowded with Pantheon members, active and obscure, each vying for parts.
This is the story of one such audition.

Kevhron: OK, Captain Pantheon. Let's hear you read for the part of Captain Marvel,
Book 3.

The large, smiling hero in the red-and-black costume with the big yellow lightning bolt
on his chest says

Captain Pantheon: You don't really mean "read" do you? There's no lines in this scene. I
just fly down to the beach and stand there and smile evil-ishly.

Kevhron: Right. Do that.

Captain Pantheon snaps into exactly that pose, looking down at the floor with his hands
on his hips, cape flapping quite maliciously.

Kevhron: YES! That's perfect! You've got the part! Congratulations!

Captain Pantheon: But sir isn't he kind of evil in this play? I don't think I can do evil. It
might be against the "Power of Mope" rules

Kevhron: OK, then let's see you read for the part of Superman. Why don't you read for
the scene leading up to the Gulag fight. TTG! Can you sing the "Kingdom Come Disco"
song to cue the Captain here.

The Temporary Guy: Sure

"Kingdom Come Disco"

Based upon "National Front Disco" by Morrissey. Please note that most of these lyrics are
taken directly from the original song. The blue words are the ones that have been changed
for this context.)

Diana, the winds blows bits of your life away

Your friends all say
"Where's Superman?
We've lost Superman!"
but they should know where he's gone,
because again and again he's explained
He's going to.
The Gulag's for the Violent!
The Gulag's for the Violent!

Diana, the wind's blown all of my dreams away,

and still I say
"Where's Superman?
We've lost Superman!"
but I should know where he's gone,
because again and again he's explained
He's going to
The Kingdom The Kingdom
The Kingdom Come Disco!
There's a Justice League.
They'll fight for you

Kevhron whispers: That's enough

Captain Pantheon (as Superman) "More Amazonian wisdom. Isn't it possible that we've
already won the big fight? Once the rioters are calmed, we can instill OW!" (The Captain
jerks back as if he has a really bad paper cut)

Kevhron: Very nice. You really capture the look of Superman very well. We just need to
put some age-makeup on you to gain a few years, and you could do this part. But Would
you like to try out for any other parts?

Captain Pantheon: Well, I know you're having trouble casting a lot of the many female
parts. I think you should know that I can

There's a brief flash of lightning. Luckily the sky-light was open.

Lady Pantheon, a stunning woman with long flowing black hair in a costume very much
like the Captains', but cut exactly like the costume currently worn by Mary Marvel.

Lady Pantheon: I can change sex. I could probably do a pretty good Nightstar or Jade, I'd
think? (Lady Pantheon smiles, then swishes back her long hair, obviously catching the
charms of like half the Pantheon. Then, collectively, the guys obviously realize that this
beautiful girl was just "Captain Pantheon," and there's an obvious collective thought of
"Ooohhhh that's weird!")

The lightning flashes again.

Captain Pantheon: Or I could play the traditional super-hero-with-a-heart-of-gold-and-a-

body-built-of-it-too.

Kevhron: Hmm, you're very flexible, Ms Uh, Mr.. uh Captain Pantheon. Duly noted.

Chapter Thirty-three: Interaction

and Some More Foreshadowing
By Jester

Backstage, The J Street Little Theater

Various actors were sitting around, discussing the play.

"Jester, how did you get The Spectre's part? You sleeping with kevrhon?"

"No, not quite. Lords of Order rarely consummate with agents of the Lords of Chaos. I
got it for a number of reasons "

"He likes being naked!" the Temporary Guy chimed in.

KC Suberman muttered something about degenerates.

"Hey, I've got some experience, too. I majored in drama at the Kentucky Governor's
Scholars Program. I'm used to performing, from being with my band. And I like being
naked."

"What about all these pranks that have been going on?" Jonn inquired.

"Hey, don't look at me! If I pull a prank, it's going to be funny! Exploding lights? That is
so five minutes ago! Please, Jonny-boy, give a guy some credit."

"I wasn't accusing you. I just wondered what your thoughts were."

"Oh."

***

Another Universe

"Binary 11! Where's KC Subes?"

"Dead. They killed him, Fanboy! Those evil bastards killed him! He died saving some
innocent schoolkids, though."

Joe Grendel shed a tear.

"Pureheart! Don't cry! The Pantheon of evil will be stopped!"

Chapter Thirty-four: At The Gulag, Gulag Cabana

By The Temporary Guy

The lights flooded down onto the stage where the Temporary Guy stood. He had
exchanged his usual trench coat and sunglasses "Johnny Blaze wanna-be" look for a red,
skintight leotard as worn by a circus acrobat. On his chest was a large white letter D. His
face had been made up to give it a skull-like appearance.

"Hey kevhron," he started, trying to spot the figure out in the audience. "Why do I have a
Kelley Jones face with a Neal Adams body? Can't I just have an Adams face also?"
"No, we have to keep this as real as possible. Now, in this scene, you "

"I know, I know. I talk to Norman about the afterlife and the way things are the world and
stuff like that. It's my only scene, kev! Of course, if I'd stayed playing Batman, I'd have
so many scenes you would repeatedly need to tell me which one it was. But no, not
Deadman! Just one scene! Just one!"

kevhron let out a sigh.

"I thought we'd settled this. Batman is a grim, determined character. Anyone can pull that
off. But Deadman requires a certain zing that I saw in you during the auditions."

"Last time I do the Gary monologue from 'I Hate Hamlet.'" the Temporary Guy muttered.
"I just can't believe you gave Batman to Red Monster, of all people!"

"Hey, I saw some serious Dark Knight potential in Red. Besides, there are no small parts,
only small actors!"

"Got that right!" Grendel Smurf called out from backstage.

The Temporary Guy shook his head in disgust.

"I'm in hellI'm in hell"

kevhron motioned towards A'nne, who was playing the piano for the piece. She started
playing a fast-paced tune.

From each side of the stage, members of the Seven Thunders walked on, singing in
beautiful harmony. The Temporary Guy rolled his eyes, took a deep breath, and started to
sing.

"I"

And that's when line holding the sandbag broke.

Chapter Thirty-five: Hero With A Thousand Faces

By Jonn

On-stage, The J Street Little Theater

It was dark, very dark, the kinda dark you qualify with some mindless film noir metaphor
about exactly how dark it was

"Will somebody give me Fr#%@&kin' spot?" yelled kevrhon. "I'm trying to hold an
audition here!"
There was a sound of high-speed shuffling as Impulse ran from the light cage to the
crow's nest and a spotlight beamed down in beautiful white clarity onto the stage.

"Thank you," muttered kevrhon as he looked down his cast list. "Next OK, can I get your
naaaaaammahhhhOHMYGODWHERETHEHELLTHATCOMEFROM!"

On-stage, in the spot, stood a Batbot. A black, gleaming, 12 foot tall, bat-emblazoned
mech. of justice, staring straight ahead not moving an inch. Several auditioners wept
openly in fear. kevrhon rubbed his head. Somebody offstage was heard to exclaim,
"Cool!"

Slowly, the chest opened up to reveal

To reveal

To REVEAL

A small dog. A chihuahua. In one of those hamster's wheels. Grinning. Smugly.

Then the dog promptly melted into the Gulag, then shifted into the Creeper, then
unfolded into Ace the Bathound, complete with wings

Too much coffee too much coffee thought the Fated director.

The cast had now gathered about this one man morph show, trying to guess what it would
become next. kevrhon walked up to the stage, sat on the proscenium, and just shook his
head. No need to cast extras at this rate. This guy was at least 20 characters in one

"OK, J'onn, that will enough," kevrhon laughed.

The form of Ambush Bug gave way to the Martian Manhunter holding a guitar.

*Hello, kev Sorry, but I wanted to have a bit of fun. So what do you say? I get my cameo
and anyone else you need?*

"Deal. But Hack needs some help with the score, so I'll need some tunes before the
weekend is out. Can you handle it?"

*Piece of Oreo pie, old friend. But I want to at least sing one song before I go to resume
the search for Hat*

"Make it two and I won't bother you for awhile," kevrhon smiled, looking not unlike
Grendel for just a moment.
*SOTFLOL I hate negotiating. OK, but the first one's a group number* replied the
Martian as he turned to the orchestra. *Follow my lead, watch the key changes, and wait
for the cast to join in*

J'onn turned to the cast and auditioners.

*Now let's have some fun. Conga line, anyone? Everyone knows the tune*

And the music began

Da-Dah-DAH!

"His name was Jonah

He had a Web Board
And a book called Kingdom Come
He wanted to have some fun

And so he posted
And then we joined him
Talked of dogs, eagles, bats
Kev, Jonn, and even Hat

And then our numbers grew

We babbled til were blue
Bout Supes and Wonder Woman
WHOSE WILL WE DO?

At the Kingdom! (kingdom!)

Kingdom Come Board! (big board!)
Its sharper than Wonders big sword!
HERE!
At the Kingdom! (kingdom!)
Kingdom Come Booooooooard!
Comics and passion mix for some thrashin
At the Kingdom

Dont double post

Dont double post

Now it got too full

And content vanished
So we looked near and far
For a place called Grendels Bar

Then gail changed our pace

We talk real time! Cool Place
We got flashing names and font size
And a party space!

Oh, the Kingdom! (kingdom!)

Kingdom Come Board! (big board!)
We love you, you still are our fan ward!
YEAH!
But we switch now
Between THOM and the Booooooooooard!
We toggle between sites and comic sound bites
The Pantheon!

Please read them both

Please read them both"

J'onn detached himself from the line as it snaked out the door and back to the green room.
Picking up his guitar, he strummed a chord or two, winked to kevrhon and the stragglers,
and began floating upwards towards the ceiling, already immaterial. kevrhon watched his
auditioners vanish around the stage corner and sighed

"I'm trying to do a show here, J'onny."

*What, kev? Never heard of a showstopper?* smiled the Martian wryly.

"You owe me music, Greenie"

*Yes, yes I do A couple of days, three tops. Post the cast list, show me what I've got to
work with, and I'll whip it up*

"What about my second song?"

*Easily done* replied J'onn as he opened his mouth, struck a chord, and sang as he
vanished.

"A long long time ago

I can still remember how those heroes used to make me smile
And I knew if Id get in shape
Don some boots and flowing cape
I could be happy for a while.

But Metropolis made me shiver

With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news from the Planet
Superman had had it
I can't remember if I cried
When I heard of Magog and his pride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Kansas died"

Chapter Thirty-six: Vikings, Bullies and Beer

(Oh, MY!)
By The Regular Hank!

Outside The Little J Street Theater

The Seven Thunders Chorus (BlackBelt, LeRoy, GoGo, Johnny Wonder, X'R, Magic
Steve and Bill) wandered outside for a smoke break. Singers shouldn't smoke, mind you,
but these guys (after eons of show tunes) felt that they had the right. Bill took a puff, then
turned to his companions.

"It's a good thing that that stray sand-bag didn't hurt anybody!" he sang.

"Aye!" his brothers chimed in answer.

Dark storm clouds gathered outside of The Little J Street Theater. They moved quickly,
flashing lightning in the upper stratosphere, and rumbling with a force unheard of in the
world some would call "normal." Dark gray and menacing, the clouds moved with a life
of their own.

The Seven Thunders watched the clouds gather overhead. BlackBelt started singing in a
low G, with Bill providing a harmony bridge by singing in E. The rest of the Thunders
commenced with a strange song, reminiscent of the scary singing in Stanley Kubrics
masterpiece "2001 A Space Odyssey." Not that the Seven Thunders Chorus had ever seen
the film or heard its music, mind you. It was just happy coincidence.

And in another happy coincidence, just as GoGo hit a screaming A7 sharp, a bolt of
lightning struck the ground with incredible menace, sending the dark clouds away and
creating a smoking crater in the middle of the street outside of the theater.

As The Seven Thunders continued their ominous singing, a dark, 7' figure of Mighty
proportions with blazing crimson eyes crept out of the hole.

***

Grendel and Hack's Pond Bar and Grill

Raphael Starkiller was and is many things. He is 7'6" tall. He has hair the color of space.
He has purple eyes. He is a being of immense power. He is the chief enforcer for Galactic
SuperHero Union #442. He is the new bouncer for Grendel and Hack's Pond. He is (in his
mind, anyway) quite the lady-killer. He is (again in his own mind, perhaps) the greatest
being the universe has ever produced.

He is NOT, however, much of a showman. Raphael read the audition flyer. He sniffed at
it.

How typical of the Earth monkeys, he thought.

Raphael leaned against the jukebox. He ran his fingers through his ebony hair, leaning
back in a cool "hey, I'm in an ad for Guess Jeans" sort of way. He set his eyes on the
object of his affections.

gail played pool with her bestest buddy Regina in the back of the bar. They laughed, each
striking cue ball with stick at their own pace. They laughed about old times.

Raphael approached them. He stared at gail, without the best of intentions.

As he approached the object of his desires, the door to the Pond burst open with a rush of
wind.

***

The Little J Street Theater

The 7' tall creature examined his surroundings. He was dressed in Viking clothes with a
menacing broadsword at his side. His hair glowed red like fire, to match the blazing light
of his eyes. The Seven Thunders continued their ominous singing. The largish being
observed
them with bemused detachment. X'R chose that moment to break into a solo, backed by
his compadres.

"He appeared, with menace and a big bolt of lightningURK!" X'R was interrupted by
the clenching fist of the 7' creature. The being lifted X'R into the air, as The Seven
Thunders stopped their singing.

"Hey, man, put him down!" shouted BlackBelt, assuming one of his 1001 kung-fu
positions. The being looked at BlackBelt, as X'R struggled for air. The menacing warrior
turned his head, examining the being in his grasp. With his gaze fixed on his prey, he
spoke to BlackBelt.

"Mayhaps I will set the man-creature back on terra-firma. Mayhaps not." The warrior
clenched his other fist. A sound like rolling thunder echoed through J Street.

"Y'know, that sort of knuckle popping can bring arthritis to a guy at a very early age,"
said Johnny Wonder. The remaining Thunders agreed with him in a resounding, perfectly
timed, "Yeah!" Even trembling X'R tried, through clenched wind-pipe, to chime in. Most
likely out of habit.

The warrior smiled, then set X'R on the ground, gasping for air. The Seven Thunders
surrounded their friend, to check on him.

"Hey, how're your chords, dude?" said Magic Steve.

"(cough cough wheeze gasp)I think they'll be OK," X'R replied. LeRoy and GoGo spoke
together.

"Who the Sam hill blazes are you?" The warrior threw back his red hair, and turned his
gleaming red eyes toward the Thunders.

"Mortals, before thine presence stands the Mightiest Warrior eternity hath e'er known.
Kneel down in mine presence, the presence of Victor, The Mighty Viking, God-Amoung-
Men!" Victor raised his arms in well, victory as lightning and thunder crashed all around
him. The Seven Thunders blinked at him. Together, they spoke.

"Oh. Are you here for auditions?"

***

Grendel and Hack's Pond Bar and Grill

In the doorway stood Hank, ordinary guy. He was still wearing the same clothes in which
he had arrived. He was not a happy camper. Raphael turned his attention away from
attempting to menace gail and decided instead to menace Hank.

Raphael walked towards Hank, stopping him half-way inside. They stood toe-to-toe.
Hank looked at Raphael's chest. He looked up.

"Greetings again, Hank. I thought I told you, monkey-boy, to stay out of here."

"I just want to have a drink. I need to clear my head." Hank tried to go around Raphael.
Raphael side-stepped back into his way.

"I don't think so, Hank."

"Look, just quit it, OK? And how do you know my name? How is it that people around
here seem to know my name?"

Norm, who was still at his barstool with his pal Cliff (as he always does), spoke up.

"Well, kid, everyone here knows your name!" The bar, in unison (The Seven Thunders
would be proud) shouted, "NORM!" Norm smiled.
"See?" Hank and Raphael turned their attention back towards each other.

"That's great. Now, can I just please have a drink? Please?"

"Not until you settle scores with me, Mighty Hank."

"Look. (Sigh.) Look. I don't think I am who you think that I am."

"Please, Mighty Hank, drop the charade. I have crossed galaxies and dimensions to find
you, and finally settle scores."

"Stop saying that. And stop talking to me like you know me."

"But I do. You may try to hide your visage, your power, even your body in that puny
monkey-man form, but I will ALWAYS recognize YOU! You are The Mighty Hank!"
Raphael shoved Hank onto the floor. The music stopped. The bar stopped. gail and
Regina stopped their pool game, and looked over at the commotion. Hank looked up at
Raphael.

"I'm not The Mighty Hank. I'm just Hank, regular guy. You folks read too many comic
books around here." Raphael stepped towards him.

gail and Regina looked at each other, quizzically.

"Who's the short guy?" asked Regina.

"I dunno," replied gail

"Raphael keeps calling him Hank."

"I know."

"He doesn't look like Hank."

"Very good, queen of the obvious."

"OK, no need to be mean. What's with you?"

"I'm tired. Hey, look! The little guy's getting up."

Hank gathered himself up, and walked cautiously towards the smug Raphael. Raphael
crossed his arms, and smiled.

"I just want to get a drink. To clear my head. Please. I don't want trouble." Raphael,
stunned, lowered his arms.
"You you've NEVER given me quarter before in all the time that I've known you,"
Raphael said, confused.

"You want a quarter? Fine. Here's a quarter. Now, can I get a drink?" Hank handed
Raphael a quarter. Raphael, more stunned, took the quarter in his hand. He clenched his
fist tightly around it.

The bar watched the pair in anticipation. Raphael looked at his clenched fist. Then he
looked at Hank.

And Raphael burst out laughing. He shook his head in disgust at Hank.

"You're right, monkey. You are definitely NOT The Mighty Hank!" Raphael continued to
laugh, as the bar shrugged back to life.

Embarrassed, Hank sat at the bar, and ordered a beer.

Regina and gail looked in disgust at Raphael. They went back to their pool game.

"Well, at least we know for sure that that guy isn't The Mighty Hank!" Regina said,
cracking the cue ball into the ten.

gail took a drink from her sodey-pop, and looked at the small man at the bar. She watched
him order a Heineken.

"Maybe Regina. Maybe not," gail said as she walked towards the bar.

"Hey, gail, it's your shot!"

***

The Little J Street Theater

"Name?"

"Victor The Mighty Viking, God-Amoung-Men!"

"OK. Height?"

"I be of epic stature, mortal."

Hack stared at the applicant. True, the guy was tall. And big. Very big. But, he did not
have the time to deal with every actor's twisted ego. He just needed to get the last of the
auditions and call sheets completed. Mostly so that he could get some rest.
Heer,uhkevrhon had a show to run, after all. Hack decided to play it tough, and spoke
with a bit of detached menace to the man with red eyes.
"Right, OK, but how tall in inches and feet?"

"Thine tongue should speak with respect, mortal."

"(Sigh.) Fine. Please, sir, how tall are you?"

"In thine puny measure, I be seven feet tall."

"(Sigh.) OK. Weight?"

"In thine puny measures, I be 350 pounds."

"(Whew.) All right. Eyes red. Hair red. Wow, do you use a dye to get it that color?" Victor
squinted his eyes. Thunder rumbled from an unseen source.

"OK, guess not. Can you sing?" Victor looked far.

"In mine time, I hath sung songs of battle and victory that n'one in the blessed mead halls
of Asgaard hath e'er heard sung 'fore." Victor raised his arms again, and lightning crashed
behind him.

"Then that's a yes. OK, you can go in."

Trembling, The battered and bruised Seven Thunders crept in after Victor walked towards
the stage. In hushed voices, they surrounded Hack. Together they spoke.

"Hack
Letting Victor into the show
Might not be a good thing
He beat us all within an inch of our lives
And we don't think he can sing."

Hack rubbed his eyes.

"Look, guys, we're an equal opportunity company" Hack was interrupted by a loud
explosion on stage. Hack turned around.

He saw and heard Victor singing Memories as thunder and lightning crashed all around
him on the stage. Impulse ran willy-nilly around the stage, trying to put out the fires
caused by the immense bolts. Hack turned back towards The Seven Thunders.

"It really isn't my decision, you know guys. kevrhon is the director, after all." The Seven
Thunders trembled. Hack turned back toward the stage. Victor began smashing the
orchestra pit with his broadsword. Hack slumped in his chair.

It's going to be a looooong night, thought Hack.

 Chapter Thirty-seven: Dragon My [Gluteus Maximus]
By The Scarlet Rob

Grendel and Hack's Bar & Grill.

Unnerved by their encounter with Victor the Mighty Viking, the Seven Thunders had
adjourned to the bar to wash their cares away. They had pushed back a few tables and
chairs and were staggering around rehearsing Tom Lehrer's "We'll All Go Together When
We Go" for the denouement of Act Four.

"Oh, we'll all fry together when we fry" Step - kick - ball change!

Jared Stephens huddled in a corner sobbing, having been slapped around by Grendel
Smurf for cheating at pool.

On top of the pool table, Grendel Smurf was beating the [stuff or junk] out of Binary
Smurf, who whined, "I dont even know who you are so how can you beat me!"

"Can't you READ the sign that says 'No Shirt, No Service,' you little blue FREAK?"
Grendel Smurf bellowed.

The Scarlet Dragon put some change in the Wurlitzer, punched in "Stop Dragon My
Heart Around," headed to the bar and took a seat.

"I was wondering when you were going to come in here," Joe remarked.

"It's nice to have someone finally recognize me," was the dragon's response.

"Well, it's pretty easy to see people for what they really are when you don't have a soul to
cloud your perception."

"That's some deep stuff, Joe. You're a credit to bartenders everywhere."

"You've got a lot to answer for around here, pal!"

"Joe! You wound me! Can't you see I've changed?"

Joe raised an eyebrow and looked the dragon up and down.

"Well, duhhhh!"

"I mean inside as well as outside! I was going through a lot of changes - trying to find
myself! I spent so many years trying to be something I'm not - the pressure got to be too
much for me, and it made me a little crazy! I'd never try to hurt the bar, or J Street, or
anyone on it, now that I'm myself again!"
"So are you planning to go back to the mayor's office? Ms. Kannen-Fauder really seems
to miss you."

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Joe. I left under a bit of a dark cloud"

"A bit."

"Anyway, I'm sure Mayor van Stillenachtheiligenacht will do a fine job. He's got a lot
invested in J Street and no reason to wish the district harm. Besides, the desk would be
much too small now!"

"So this is a permanent thing?"

"Well, no - I mean, I can change back to the way I was, but why would I want to? I never
felt comfortable in that body anyway! It didn't seem to work the way I expected it to. I
kept dropping things and bumping into door frames and stuff

"I can stop at an in-between form, too, which is pretty neat - sort of a 'man-dragon' with
wings! In fact, that's what saved me when the wall collapsed - in my panic, I somehow
changed instinctively into that stronger, tougher form. I had no idea what was happening,
though, so I just took off until I could calm down and sort things out."

"Like a bat out of [place of punishment for the wicked after death]," Joe offered.

"Oh, yeah, I hear The Temporary Guy was telling people I turned into a bat-demon! I tell
ya, Joe - some folks read way too many comic books!"

"Yeah, you hear some pretty weird stories when you work in a bar," Joe agreed. "All
right, I'll admit to being a tiny bit curious. Why pick a dragon instead of, say, a giant
snake?"

"Oh, ICK!" the dragon said, shuddering. "Well, it's one of those weird stories, Joe"

"So what'll it be?" Grendel asked. "I can't hold a grudge long against paying customers."

"Oh, I dunno. You got any fresh sheep today?"

The sheep on the next stool whimpered and moved to the end of the bar, turned up the
collar of her polyester pantsuit, and hid her face in a menu.

"Kidding!" the dragon yelled. "Man, some sheep have no sense of humor! I'll have a
dozen bacon-cheddar-mushroom-burgers - extremely rare!"

"Riiiiight," said Joe. "You know, I think you're really going to appreciate the new chef!"
 Chapter Thirty-eight: Emerald Return
By Jason

J Street

The Temporary Guy knew that J Street was a dangerous place. But walking own the
street?

A portal shimmered above his head. A familiar figure popped out, toppling TTG.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"I'M THE TEMPORARY GUY!"

"I'M JASON BORELLI!"

Soon, the duo wee off to the theater.

Chapter Thirty-nine: Meanwhile, at the Bar and Grill

By Impulse

"OK, Impulse, try this one I call it The Never-Ending Void," said EVoid.

"Um, OK if you say so," and Impulse ate a bite and said, "Hey, this isn't half-bad! I fact, I
like it! What's it made of?"

"It's a pasta with vermicelli sauce and a nice white wine!" said EVoid.

Then, Joe called from the back, "HEY! DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO USE
MY WHITE WINE?"

No, Hack did," said EVoid.

Joe grumbled and went back into the kitchen.

"So, I hear you were almost fired."

"Yeah, except it wasn't me. It's someone else," and he took another bite.

The TTG walked over with Jason. They were discussing the whole play and that Jester
got the role as The Spectre.

"Yeah, he definitely wants to be Spectre 'cause you get to be naked," said TTG.
"Oh, boy, it's one of Emerald Void's dishes," said Jason.

"Hey, "said Impulse while talking w/his mouth full, "It's actually very good."

Joe walked out into the bar.

"It's a pasta with vermicelli sauce and a nice white wine," said Emerald Void as Joe
glared at him.

TTG and Jason tried it and liked it. So, they all sat around and talked about the play for a
while.

J'onn ran in, eyes blazing

"SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED AT THE THEATRE!" said J'onn.

Chapter Forty: And there shall be A CAST LIST!

By Joe Grendel

The Pantheon raced down to the theater, huffing-and-puffing (our heroes put on a little
more weight during the holidays than they like to let on).

The Scarlet Dragon turned toward J'onn.

"What EXACTLY did you see?"

The Martian turned a deeper shade of green.

"Uh, a mysterious figure lurking around the theater. After all the stuff that's been going on
around here " He shrugged.

Captain Pantheon, over by the ticket booth, beckoned the team over.

"Here's what KEVRHON was doing "

Kingdom Come A Musical In Four Acts

directed by kevrhon
book by Hack and J'onn,
based on the original DC mini-series by Mark Waid and Alex Ross

Superman Captain Pantheon

Batman Red Monster
Wonder Woman Amazon (understudy drew101)
Captain Marvel Mike MacTyson (understudy Thunderbolt)
The Spectre The Jester
Magog Joe Grendel
 Rev. Norman McKay kevrhon
Owner of the bar in Act 2 Hack
Green Lantern Satellite
The Flash OzBat (understudy Buried Alien)
Hawkman KC Suberman
Aquaman Wet Willie
Power Woman Regina
Lex Luthor Malvolio
Captain Atom Thunderbolt
The MLF Dark Timmy, Fanboy, Gail2, Reverse Hat and Nemesis
Jade, the Black Canary, various other women drew101
J'onn J'onnz J'onn
Deadman The Temporary Guy
Scott Free MRMIRACLE
Von Bach Victor the Viking
Manotaur Binary 11
Atom-Smasher Grendel Smurf
Other classic heroes Jonn Jonnz
"The New Generation" Various Minutemen
Innocent Bystanders The Joe Corps

(Bit parts still to be decided)

Chapter Forty-One: Geez, What a mess! Lessee here

By Wet Willie

The bar.

J'onn said, *Something else happened at the theater! The johns keep backing up! Damn,
Joe can I use the bathroom?*

"No, get back to work! You're still my waiter until OzBat gets back, and it's Happy
Hour!"

*Sigh. Fine, fine.* J'onn grabbed his apron. *Oh, yeahImpulse*

In burst Michael MacTyson. He held up his badge and shouted, "IMPULSE!

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR CO-CONSPIRING WITH HACK TO UNDERMINE
THE PLAY AND ASSAULTING THE MAYOR! (Phew!)"

* Michael MacTyson's looking for you.* finished J'onn.

"WHAT!
It'saframeupIdidn'tdoitIswearI'mjustanormalkidpleasedon'ttakemetojailnevermindwhatam
Isaying?I'mouttahere!"
WHOOSH! THUNK!

On his way out the door, Impulse collided with someonewet.

"Now, now, little fella. Just go with Mr. MacTyson, and everything will be OK, I'm sure.
After all, it's what a hero would do!"

"WET WILLIE!"

"Yes, son, I've returned empty-handed from my quest to find my loved one, Dolphin. And
somehow I've gained this really condescending attitude, too. Sorry bout that! Hey, but it's
all right! You didn't do anything, did you?"

"No, sir!" Impulse replied.

"Well then, what could be the harm of going with the officer?"

"Nothing, I guess! Gosh, thanks Mr. Wet Willie, sir! You're swell! Let's go, Mr. M!"

When they reached the outside of the bar, MacTyson bludgeoned Impulse over the head
and dragged him back to whereabouts unknown.

***

Whereabouts unknown.

Impulse awoke tied to a chair, right next to Hack and MacTyson.

"HeywaitasecYOU'REMacTyson!Why'dyouhitmeoverthehead?"

"I didnt hit ya over ye head, sonny. It was him." he said, motioning with his head to a
dark corner of the room.

"HAHAHHHAAHAHAHA!" laughed the man cloaked in shadows.

***

The Bar.

Starkiller leaned over the bar at just the right angle to make sure gail and Reg had a good
view of his butt. Hank the Geek quietly sipped his beer next to him.

"So, dork, why is it that you remind me so much of my enemy, The Mighty Hank?"
"Well, I'm sure I don't know. Now, I'd like it if I could drink my beer by myself? Ms. Bo
Peep here has seemed to have lost her sheep. Perhaps you could interrogate and accost
the new chef?"

"GUFF! Guff pours forth from your lips like only one other man I know! You ARE The
Mighty Hank! Prepare, geek!" And with that, Raphael Starkiller slapped Hank to the
ground with ferocity.

Once again, the patrons' attentions switched to the two men.

"All right. I'm not as smartest amnesiac, but I do know a bully when I see one! You, sir
have tried to ruin my entire evening, and I'm through with it! Good night!"

"COWARD!"

"FORSOOTH! NO ONE CALLS ME A COWARD AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE!"

Where in the hell did THAT come from? thought Hank.

Grendel interrupted the two.

"RAPH! You're the bouncer! You know the rules! Take it outside!"

"Yessir." He grabbed The Geeky Hank by the hair and threw him through the window.
"See ya in a few, boss." He walked outside.

"Dammit. Bouncers are hard to come by. This just doesn't look good for the customers. I
miss Hank."

***

Whereabouts Unknown. Yes, the same "Whereabouts Unkown" as before.

"My Shadow Knight. I have one final gift to give you before you are ready." He paused
for dramatic effect. "THE WHITE KNIGHT'S ARMOR! painted black." Hmmm, kinda
ruined my dramatic effect there he thought.

"Soon, we will be ready. Soon, we will accomplish our plans. Soonsoonsoonso"

"Awright, awright, we get it already!" piped in the Shadow Knight.

***

The Bar.

Jason Borelli's return was far less dramatic than he'd hoped for. Not only was it,
uhundramatic, but it was also unsettling for him in thatHE WAS NOT CAST IN THE
ROLE OF GREEN LANTERN! I mean, HE IS GREEN LANTERN, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD!

"Whoa, Jase, chill out there, bud. Something's got you buggin'. Toss a few back with me."
That was The Temporary Guy.

"Thanks, but I don't drink."

"Oh, well, that makes watching Jester run around considerably less exciting, but I'm sure
you'll think of something to do. Why don't you go over to the Playhouse and try out?"

"Thanks, but since I didn't get automatically cast as GL, I'm not really in a theatrical
mood. I'd rather be doing Superheroics or something."

"Shoot. Not much of that happening this story. Looks like MacTyson got the play
sabotage thing wrapped up, and OzBat went solo looking for Hatman a while ago. And
other than Raphael thrashing some dweeb outside, it doesn't look like much action's
gonna be happening."

Just then, a small explosion rocked the street. It seemed to originate from the playhouse.

***

The Little J Street Little Theater Little.

"You mean it? You mean I got the part!"

"Yes, Willie, you got it. You can be Alloy."

"YES! YES! YES! I KNEW THIS HOMEMADE COSTUME WOULD DO THE

TRICK!"

"Willie, please, stop jumping up and down. You're putting holes in the floor and ceiling."

"Sorry, kevrhon."

BOOM!

Chapter Forty-two: Shape-shifting and play-hating!

By Hack

- The J Street Little Theater -

"Let go of me!" howled Hack. "I'm innocent, I tell you! It wasn't me!"

MacTyson frowned.
"I don't think this is the real Hack. Look, he doesn't have a limp."

Hack rolled his eyes.

"I got better, you idiot."

MacTyson frowned.

"And he was a lot nicer."

Suddenly, Hack grew an extra arm!

He broke free of kevrhons grip! He dashed out the door!

Grendel ran in, and dodged as he dashed out.

"Where's he headed?"

MacTyson frowned.

"A shape-shifter," he growled. "No wonder I haven't been able to find the saboteur!"

- The trash under the window of the Mayor's office -

Hack moaned as he came to. He grunted as he tried to walk. His leg was totally messed
up.

He frowned as he looked around. Good; it was dark. He would be able to make his
escape. He needed to find the evidence to prove his innocence!

Hack broke the lock and staggered in. No time to worry about property damage now. He
headed up the stairs, and switched on the record file. His jaw dropped.

The Phantom of the Theater? No, too strange, even for J Street. He scratched his head and
continued to check through the files.

Ah-HA!

Hack printed the file and tore of the record. He dashed out the door.

There was only one problem.

How could they possibly fight

the power of SHAZAM?

 Chapter Forty-three: Music in the wall
By AoA Mimic

J Street
In front of the J Street theater

The heroes gathered outside the building. Jonn removed his hand from his head.

*Ive scanned the building. I cant pinpoint a definitive life form from inside, Joe.*

Joe Grendel looked around at the heroes surrounding him, which now included a huge
dragon, the Seven Thunders, a new Norse god, and the non-meta Michael MacTyson.

"First things first. Mac, you go with Satellite to Starrs Detective Agency and get him over
here. It looks like we might have somewhat of a mystery on our hands and may need his
help."

MacTyson glared down on Grendel.

"First, Grendie, the name is Officer MacTyson, and secondly, who is Starr? Ive never
heard of him."

"Thats because" a yellow clad figure volunteered "We havent been around for a while. It
seems the Pantheon got some new help around here and we were somewhat forgotten. We
had plenty of mundane cases to work out for the cybernetically enhanced weiners and the
platypii community, though."

"OK, Starr, whats your take on this?" MacTyson growled. [sexual intercourse]ing
P.I.s

"Unlike the last two jams the collection of heroes have found themselves in lately, this
character has been quite crafty in hiding his signature on the evildoings. As you recently
discovered, he is a shapeshifter. I would suggest that one of my arch-nemesis,
PsuedoMorph , the evil shapeshifter was behind this, but even he is prone to mistakes "

The last few lights in what was left of the theater blinked off.

A collective gulp was heard in the crowd.

kevrhon was the first to speak up.

"Well, get in there and find out who it is! I cant have some Phantom of the Opera on my
hands! I have a musical to produce!"

"OK, anyone who wants to help, were going to pair up and go in the theater."
Inside the J Street theater

Satellite used his headlight beams that flipped out of his shoulder to light the way in front
of them, and Borelli used his ring to look into every nook and cranny.

"Sooo," Borelli wryly said to the android "You have the part of the Green Lantern, eh?"

"Of course, kevrhon says my dramatics are astounding."

"Did he now? Well you metallic freak! Im THE GREEN LATERN!" and with the onset
of another one of Borellis manic/depressive fits, he blasted out the floor from underneath
Satellite, sending him crashing through several floors and splash into a large body of
water.

Borelli smirked at the hole and went on searching.

In another section of the theater

Jester, gail and Regina were trudging along through the various dressing rooms, looking
for anything suspicious.

Gail whipped her flashlight around in Jesters face.

"JESTER IF YOU DONT STOP HUMMING THE THEME SONG TO MISSION

IMPOSSIBLE IM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

A big smile crossed Jesters face.

"Do you promise?"

gail shrieked and chased Jester out into the hall and down to another part of the theater as
he laughed maniacally.

Leaving Regina alone in the room.

She was looking through the lovely dresses contained in the closet there when she heard
it.

A beautiful tenor voice floated from behind the woodwork. It was enchanting. Regina let
out a small gasp at the sound of it.

Suddenly, the back of the closet flipped around, trapping Regina on the other side of the
wall. A large dark figure grabbed her and lifted her up.

"gaaaaaailllllll!"
 Chapter Forty-four: Don't Cry For Me, J Street Theater
By The Temporary Guy

The door to the theater suddenly burst open. Racing outside came a man painted totally
white with olive-green swim trunks and hooded cloak. He had a desperate look on his
face.

"Hey, it's the Spectre!" someone shouted.

"No, it just the Jester."

"Please, don't remind me."

The Jester stood there, out of breath.

"Pleasesomething in the theatergrabbed gail"

"gail's been attacked? Let's go!" A number of the heroes started towards the theater, while
another number remained staring at the just posted cast-list.

"I can't believe I'm Aquaman! I mean, kev said he liked the Alloy costume so much!" Wet
Willie was saying.

"Hey, I don't want to seem rude here, Willie, but water powers? I'm going to have to say
Aquaman," the Temporary Guy muttered.

"Excuse me, Temporary Guy?" a voice boomed from above.

The Temporary Guy looked upward into the face of a large red dragon.

"Uhyeah?"

"Do I look like a freaking bat-demon?" the Scarlet Dragon shouted.

"Uhno. Sir." the Temporary Guy replied meekly.

"That's what I thought."

Watching the dragon move away, the Temporary Guy muttered, "You look like a freaking
bat-hound, if you ask me"

Chapter Forty-five:
Somehow, this could all make sense almost
By The Regular Hank!

Outside Grendel and Hack's Pond Bar and Grill

Raphael Starkiller cracked his knuckles in a hard, hard way. Hank stood outside of the
bar. Hank knew that, now, there was no way out of this situation.

"Hey, Mr. Purple-eyes, I don't want to fight. Please, can I just go?" asked Hank. Raphael
smiled.

"No. No you can't. Because I know that you're The Mighty Hank! And I want this,"
Raphael stretched his muscles some more.

"So, if you would little monkey-boy, please polymorph or transform or say your magic
word or do whatever voodoo you do in order to make yourself into The Mighty Hank!"
Raphael smirked, then crossed his arms.

His hair blew in a non-existent breeze.

"(Sigh.) For the love of all that is high and holy, I am NOT The Mighty Hank! This is the
way that I look all the time! See!" Hank exclaimed.

Raphael shrugged.

"Suit yourself," Raphael said as he swung a powerful haymaker in Hank's direction.

***

Outside The Little J Street Theater

Commotion aplenty erupted inside, as rehearsals, searches, villains, plotting and things
akin to singing happened.

Not that any of this interested Victor, The Mighty Viking!

For who knows what reason, Victor was more interested in the recently posted cast list
(See Chapter 40 for details). Victor read the list carefully.

He noticed that he only had gotten a bit part.

Victor cracked his knuckles, as his eyes blazed with God-Fire.

Verily, these man-creatures doth not knowest true talent, Victor thought. He eyed his
broadsword. He touched the hilt, where the name "ARES" was etched in blood. Victor
smiled.

Mayhaps these creatures needth a lesson in faith.

And Victor, The Mighty Viking!, strode into the Little J Street Theater, hand on the hilt of
his sword.
 ***

Outside of Grendel and Hack's Pond Bar and Grill

Hank was moving fast. Faster, perhaps, than he had ever moved in his life. Each swing,
kick and grab that Raphael made, Hank side-stepped. Whether it was skill, pure-survival
instinct, or Mighty dumb luck, Hank was staying one step ahead of the attacks from
Raphael.

"StandHruCK!StillGyeahYouUnnghLittleXgyeahTWERP!" Raphael stammered between

swings. Hank jumped out of his way some more.

"Not on your life!" Hank screamed, as Raphael smashed a hole into a handy near-by
brick wall. Raphael through pieces of the wall at Hank at incredible velocities, which
Hank then narrowly escaped. Raphael grabbed a garbage can, hurtling it at the
beleaguered geek. Hank leaped over the garbage can, did a hand-plant, then flipped off a
wall back onto the street. He paused for a second.

How the heck did I do that? Hank thought. In that split-second of indecision, Raphael
finally landed a blow. Raphael swung, with all of his anger, at the hapless form of Hank.
Hank's body trembled under the might of the blow. The air snapped from the power of
alien flesh smacking against an all-too-human hide. Hank flew through the air, through
the front window of Grendel and Hack's Pond Bar and Grill. With a shattering of glass,
Hank's body cracked a table, and broke two chairs.

Raphael smiled. He walked slowly towards the open window. Inside the Pond, the music
had stopped. Customers stared. This sort of commotion wasn't unusual on J street. It
wasn't even unusual in The Pond. But having the front window shattered in such an
unexpected fashion caught the drinking populace a bit off-guard.

Raphael stopped at the shattered opening. He saw blood on the glass and smeared on the
floor. He saw the broken furniture. Somewhere inside of himself, Raphael was pleased.

That is, until Hank suddenly swung through the opening of the window, and kicked him
square in the face. Raphael staggered back. Hank, chest heaving, stood once again on the
street. The crowd in The Pond cheered.

***

Grendel, who had been in the cooler changing a keg, walked into his bar. He saw the
mess. He wasn't happy. Chet was chanting, "Fight, Fight, Fight," with the rest of the
patrons. Grendel walked over and grabbed him by the collar.

"What do you think you're doing, Chet?" Grendel asked. Chet stopped his chanting, and
shrugged his shoulders.
"I was just getting into the spirit, Mr. Grendel," Chet replied. Grendel furrowed his brow.

"Do you think this sort of mess is normal, Chet?"

"Well, judging from the way things operate around here, I would say this sort of thing is
very normal." Grendel rolled his eyes.

"Yes, Chet. And it's a pity, too. You have no idea how many times we've had to rebuild
this place." Grendel took a quick drink. The Pond had cleared, and was now gathered
outside.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, that's an easy one, boss. Some little guy is fighting with Raphael."

Some little guy?, thought Grendel as he wandered outside, stepping over the glass.

***

Hank hurt like he'd never hurt before. Or that he remembered. However, Hank's memory
was not the best, so he couldn't rely on that for answers.

Instead, as Raphael swung, Hank let his body rely on instinct. He didn't know where the
instincts came from, but he knew that his life might depend on them.

Hank also knew that he was losing a lot of blood. He could feel his head going light. He
wished that he knew what was happening. He wish he knew what his body was doing.
But he knew that if his mind interfered, his death might just be imminent. He paused, as
Raphael circled him. Hank responded by circling back.

How the heck did I kick him like that? Hank wondered.

How the heck did he kick me like that? Raphael wondered back.

Raphael heaved his chest. His left eye was black, and a cut underneath his chin was
bleeding. Raphael touched the cut, watching Hank. A crowd had gathered. The bloodlust
developed in them, and they all screamed for a fight. The pair continued to circle each
other.

"Heh. You got a lucky shot, Hank. But you only get one with me."

"Just keep talking like some bad movie, big guy. You might get another chance that way."

"What?"

"I don't know. I'm sort of new at this."

"You could have fooled me."

"Probably not too hard, from the look of things."

"Heh. Good one, Hank, good one. You do know that I'll probably have to kill you this
time."

"For the love of all that is holy, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

Raphael smirked.

"That's easy. I'm Raphael Starkiller. The being who finally defeated The Mighty Hank!"
Hank steamed. Raphael charged him. Hank leaped over him, then kicked Raphael in his
lower back. Raphael stumbled forward.

Hank flipped forward, then did a front and back loose roundhouse kick. He spun around,
striking first with his left, then back-fisting Raphael with his right. Hank front-kicked
Raphael in the chin, where he was already bleeding, then side-kicked his head. The power
of the blows wasn't devastating. It was the incredible accuracy. Whether this accuracy
was due to skill or Mighty dumb luck was anyone's guess at this point. Hank, to the
cheers of the crowd, triple-punched Raphael in the sternum. Raphael fell back, winded.
Hank, furious, released a furious volley of head punches. His knuckles bled from striking
the ultra-hard skin of his alien opponent Raphael.

"For the last time (hh-hh) I am NOT The Mighty Hank!" Hank said, as he struck a blow
to the side of Raphael's body with a quick spinning kick.

Raphael winced in pain.

How could this monkey be hitting me so hard? thought the battered Raphael. He was
dazed, and a bit confused. Hank hit him again, this time weaker than the times before. He
was losing too much blood, and was beginning to lose his incredible adrenaline rush. The
crowd screamed. Hank hit Raphael again.

"Say it! Tell them that I'm not The Mighty Hank!" Hank bellowed through clenched teeth.
Raphael grinned.

"But you are." Raphael punched Hank in the stomach. Hank spat blood on the ground.
His stomach churned, as bits of yesterday's lunch mixed with his vital fluids. He coughed.
Raphael hit Hank again, this time sending Hank's body spinning back onto the ground.
Hank laid on the ground, groaning.

"I'm sorry monkey-man but I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now." Raphael said,
as he grabbed a near-by trash-can. He held it in the air above Hank's nearly motionless
form.
Hank saw the 7'6" man above him. He was starting to lose consciousness.

"I am not The Mighty Hank ."

"Yes you ARE! Otherwise, I'm just killing some helpless monkey . Where's the glory in
that?"

"You're right you know. There's no glory in killing me. I am just a helpless monkey."
Raphael smiled, the bloodlust overtaking him. He raised the garbage can high above his
head.

"Fine, you ARE just a helpless monkey."

"Verily 'tis true," Hank replied. He was almost unconscious. Raphael stopped, stunned.

"What did you say?" Raphael asked.

In response, Hank kicked him in the groin. The garbage can fell squarely on Raphael's
head, finally knocking him out.

Hank, feeling a bit worn out, also did the same.

Grendel wandered over to the pair of destroyed combatants. He kneeled down, looking at
Hank. Grendel grabbed his bloody face, turning it from side to side.

You must be Hank. No human being could have survived that punishment, Grendel
thought. Grendel stood up, wiping the blood from his hand.

"Chet! Call the nunnery! We've got some wounded for them." Grendel began walking
back towards The Pond.

"Oh, and one more thing. Take the cost of cleaning the bar out of Raphael's salary," he
said, as he stepped back into the bar.

Chapter Forty-six:
Trying Not to Get on Everybody's Nerves
By Jason

The Nunnery of the Overly Attentive Madonna

Hank woke up. He was in unimaginable pain. His eyesight was blurred.

"Easy, Hank."

"Who?"
"A friend. Jason."

"Am I supposed to know you?"

"Yeah. They told me you got retconned. They also told me you got the snot beat out of
you by the bouncer."

"Wasmad."

"I'll say. You should see him. You got him as bad as he got you."

"Somehowdoesn't make me feelbetter."

"Don't sweat it. As soon as you get out, you can check out the musical."

"Are youin it?"

"Nah. Can't sing. Can't dance. Can whip up special effects, though. And if Jester gets
hurt, I can project the Spectrewith a little makeup on it."

"Goodbye"

As Jason walked back to the now-abandoned theater, he hated himself for missing all the
activity. Mope was dead, Rob was a dragon, Johannes was mayor (something he had to
take care of, but not right now), Captain Pantheon had made an unforgettable entrance,
and Hatman still hadn't come back. Still, Jason knew, it couldn't get any worse.

TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK

Jason walked into the theater. He saw several grenadeswith pins removed.

Uh-oh.

Jason's ring created a shield that limited the damage done.

KABOOM!

Should I tell the guys about this? Jason thought to himself as he sat alone. Nah. The guys
have had enough problems as it is

Chapter Forty-seven: The return of accurate numbering!

By Joe Grendel
Hack and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill
Hack and Grendel stepped back from the front glass, examining the new sign as OzBat,
Jeannie and Chet cleaned up inside.

Jeannie's magic had repaired most of the damage, but Grendel wasn't letting the staff off
that easily.

"You want to egg people on, Chet," Grendel had said, "You can clean up their messes."

"Why would I have a pond?" Hack asked.

Grendel glowered at him.

"People still think of this as 'the Pond.' Until I finally convince you to leave J Street, this
is as good as it's going to get."

Hack opened and closed his mouth several times in rapid succession, before finally
deciding against answering Grendel's comment.

"What are we going to do about Raphael?" he asked at last.

"Well," Grendel leaned forward and adjusted the angle of the sign, "I don't know what's
going on, but that was the Mighty Hank. And it looked to me like even without his
powers or memory, he beat Raphael to a standstill. Why don't you run down to the Order
of the Overly Attentive Madonna and offer him the job?"

Hack grinned, zipping up his parka.

"Sounds like something you and I can agree on."

He turned toward the order and stopped in his tracks, his mouth hanging open.

"Grendel!" He whirled about. "The Little Theater is in flames!"

Chapter Forty-eight:
C'mon Baby, Light My Fire
By The Temporary Guy

The J Street Little Theater

Jason looked around at the flames as they shot across the stage, eating hungrily into the
dried wooden floor.

Crap, he thought to himself. Next time, use a bigger shield. He began to put the fire out
as the Jester, the Temporary Guy, and J'onn raced in.

"What happened?" the martian asked.

"Someone planted grenades around the theater. I stopped most of them, but these got
away from me." A large emerald fire extinguisher shot out of the hero's ring, squelching
the last of the flame.

"Was anyone hurt?" J'onn stepped forward as the flame died.

"Binary 11 caught a little bit of shrapnel in his leg."

The Temporary Guy rolled his eyes.

"Anyone important?"

Jason liked this. As long as Binary 11 was around, he didn't look too bad.

"Nope."

"Zoiks!" the Jester shouted. "It sounds like a mystery!"

The Temporary Guy looked at him.

"'Zoiks'?"

The Jester continued.

"I'll bet it's that creepy Mr. Willsham who owns that abandoned junkyard!"

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Sorry," the hero started. "I just got the Cartoon Network on my cable system, and I'm an
addict."

The door behind them suddenly flew open. In walked a large man, eyes glistening with a
desire for justice, his golden badge glittering in the flood lights that covered the stage.

"Well, well. Mike MacTyson." The Temporary Guy smirked. "Sorry about your loss to
Evander Holyfield."

"Shut up, Temp-boy." MacTyson growled. "This rampage has gone on far enough. I'm
going to make the events that have been taking place in this theater the number one
priority of the J Street Police Force."

"Hey pal, we don't need your help," the Temporary Guy started, as Jason, J'onn and Jester
looked at their watches or started to whistle or just walk away.

"Really? Well, then tell me, 'hero'how is the search for gail going?"
"gail? Is she missing?"

"She was kidnapped a few chapters backor don't you remember?"

"Well, we did have about three Chapter 40s there for a whileit just gets so confusing."

[Editors note: That was cleaned up in the digest.]

MacTyson shook his head.

"No excuse. Let's just say that you'll need my help more than you could possibly realize."

"Fine."

"All right, here's my plan." MacTyson gathered the heroes close. "Jester, you take Wet
Willie and the Seven Thunders and explore the sub-level basement. J'onn, you go to
Grendel's and get help. Jason, you get that ring of yours to find any other potential
explosives, traps, what have you. Temporary Guy, you, me and the Scarlet Dragon are
going to check out the attic."

"What about me?" the coughing, hacking figure of Binary 11 called out from backstage.

"You just lay there and bleed to death."

"OK."

MacTyson looked at all of the heroes.

"This is very important. A woman's life is at stake, and we dare not let her down. Let's
move."

The Temporary Guy watched the heroes depart. As he started to follow MacTyson, he
quietly muttered to himself, "I knew I should've taken the lead in that 'Thundarr'
musical."

Chapter Forty-nine:
There's a party, and youre invited
By Emerald Void

J'onn burst through the door to Grendel and Hack's Pond Bar and Grill. He shouted for
the staff to assemble in front of him so he could talk to them all with out shouting.

"What's going on?" asked Chet.

"Hold on, Ill tell you in a sec." Emerald Void walked in.
"What's up J'onn?"

"Where's OzBat?"

"Don't you know, he's in Toronto."

"Oh well, you'll have to do." J'onn said.

"What !@#$#@# is that supposed to mean" (loosely translated as "What in tarnation")

Chet started to argue.

"Sorry, bad choice of words. Theres trouble at the theater, and we need all the help we
can get."

"Well, if you put it that way, I"

"Shut up Chet." said J'onn. He turned to Emerald Void, who had a puzzled look.

"What's happening?" he asked.

"No time to explain." he said. "Come on!"

Chapter Fifty: Money, money, money

By Joe Grendel

The J Street Little Theater

J'onn, Chet and the Emerald Void stopped outside the theater in surprise.

*Abdul Aziz? What are you doing here?*

Abdul looked up from his stand.

"What does it look like? I'm selling official programs, posters, original cast recordings
and I've got lots of marked-down 'Tickle Me Hatman)' dolls."

*Why Hatman)?*

Abdul Aziz raised an eyebrow.

"Hatman's) a franchise, whether he knows it or not."

Chapter Fifty-one: Mo Money

By Emerald Void
As Chet and Emerald ran into the theater, J'onn flew up reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaalllllllllll high
to see if he could see Gail.

[A large object used to block rivers!]No luck. He flew back down, and found Emerald
Void and Chet rooting through some old papers in the office.

"Any luck?" J'onn inquired.

"None." said Emerald.

"Well, I found this really neat dashboard hula girl."

"Uh, whatever." J'onn walked in, and noticed (actually tripped over it) a ransom note.

He picked it up. It read

To AlL WaNtiNg the WheErEAbOuts of ThE OnE Known As GaIL.

DePosit

Wow, look at all those zeroes!

J'onn read on

in the garbage can at the end of J street. Or ElSe!

"Come on guys, we have to tell someone about this, and quick!"

Chapter Fifty-two: Not Even 'Politely' This Time

By The Scarlet Rob

The Order of the Overly Attentive Madonna

Hank tossed uneasily in a feverish haze, a victim of the epidemic of identity crises
currently plaguing J Street.

"Jason?" he cried weakly.

"Shhhhh!" the feminine figure at his bedside cautioned him. "Your friend Jason has left.
You must try to rest now! Your wounds were Mighty!"

"Mighty!" Hank mumbled, before sinking again into deep sleep haunted by troubling
dreams.

Sister Laurel Andromeda applied a damp cloth to his burning forehead and frowned.

Grendel and Hack's Pond Bar and Grill

Joe Grendel was annoyed at having to send most of his staff over to the J Street Little
Theater while he looked after the bar. Fortunately many of his regulars were investigating
the disturbances as well, so things were a bit slow.

Grendel even had time to notice when a dwarf covered with blue body make-up walked
in. The new arrival was wearing white tights and slippers and a white cap. He hoisted
himself onto a bar stool and motioned for Joe to come over.

"I'm looking for Grendel Smurf," he said. "Little fellow, blue, irritable-"

"Yeah, I know him. What's he got to do with you?"

"I need him to sign my timecard," the blue-painted dwarf replied. "I'm The Temporary
Smurf."

Grendel inadvertently rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I know it's not much, but the elf parts really dry up after the holidays," The
Temporary Smurf protested. "Look, I don't need this attitude, buster! I've worked with the
greatest! I've worked with Billy Barty! Now, can you steer me to Grendel Smurf or not?"

"He's over there," Joe said, pointing to a corner table where Grendel Smurf had just
viciously bested Lucy van Pelt in arm-wrestling five times out of five.

***

J Street Little Theater

Lt. MacTyson, The Temporary Guy and the Scarlet Dragon were carefully exploring the
attic. The multiple grenades that exploded several chapters earlier had damaged some of
the building's wiring, so the attic was mired in darkness and the Scarlet Dragon had to
light the way with carefully controlled bursts of fiery breath. Unfortunately for his human
companions, Emerald Void's burgers had been extra heavy on the raw onions.

"You know, MacTyson, (OUCH!) this ceiling is (OUCH!) a little low for me!" the
Dragon said as they made their way down a long, narrow hall.

"(GASP!) Onion breath! Please stop!" The Temporary Guy choked out, wiping his
streaming eyes and breathing through a Mighty Hankie!) brand tissue.

"Oh, and just who else is going to light our way?" the Dragon asked, a bit huffily (and
puffily).

Still coughing, TTG whipped a Temp-Flashlight from his belt and shone its brilliant
search-beam down the hall.
"Oh."

TTG took the lead, followed by MacTyson. The Scarlet Dragon continued chatting
behind them.

"I can't believe I didn't get a part in the play! I wish I didn't get so nervous at auditions!
That really ruined it for me!"

"Actually," TTG remarked, "kevrhon said he wanted you to play all the winged walk-ons
- Menagerie, Ace the Bat-Hound, the robotic dragon, and so forth!"

"Oh! Well, I guess it would take someone with my range and versatility to handle all
those quick character changes!"

"I hate to interrupt," MacTyson deadpanned, "But apropos of our search for gail, does
anyone know where that door at the end of the hall leads?"

"I think those are the dressing rooms!" TTG responded.

***

Behind a secret panel concealed in a dressing-room mirror, Regina sat where her
mysterious assailant had left her, tightly tied to a (rather uncomfortable) chair.

You know, she thought to herself, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they'd all forgotten
about me! That is just so typical of them!

I bet if gail had disappeared, they'd have split up into a bunch of teams and they'd be out
searching for her right now!

Regina action figures, indeed!

Just then, Regina heard voices entering the dressing room on the other side of the trick
mirror

They were shouting, "gail! gail! Where are you?"

[Condemn to [Heck]] it! I knew it!

"Hey, you gail-obsessed nincompoops! What about me?" Regina bellowed. "I've been
stuck here for whole chapters now! Get me outta here!"

***

On the other side of the mirror, TTG, MacTyson and the Scarlet Dragon stood stock-still
and horrified.
"It's Regina!" MacTyson whispered. "We overlooked her entirely!"

"She sounds royally ticked-off, guys!" TTG warned. "You think it's safe to let her out?"

"Hey, you're with a police officer and a 12-foot-tall dragon!" the Dragon pointed out.
"What can she do to us?"

The three potential rescuers looked at each other.

"I'm still WAITING!" came a muffled but very angry voice.

"Well, another dead end! I don't hear a thing, do you?" The Temporary Guy called
out loudly.

"Not a peep! Let's move on!" Lt. MacTyson added.

He, TTG and the Scarlet Dragon, whistling loudly, tiptoed out of the dressing room and
back into the hall.

Chapter Fifty-three:
Mystery Solved
By Wet Willie

The Basement of the J Street Little Theater

Wet Willie, the Jester, and the Seven Thunders search the basement.

The Jester hums the theme from "Scooby Doo."

Wet Willie smacks the Jester over the head. Then, he pauses.

"Waitasec. This story has gotten SO far off track! What are we looking for, anyway?"

"Uh, clues?" the Jester chimed in.

"I know, bu(sigh) never mind. I think I may have a good idea who's behind all this recent
craziness."

"DRAT! And I almost got away with it, if it hadn't been for you kids, and your dog, too!"

"Shut up, Jester. Listen, do any of you remember when all this INSANITY started?"

"Uh, nope."

"Well, I do. Things started going SCREWY after Joe hired that suspicious chef character.
Whasis name? The Green Empty-Head?"
"Emerald Void, Willie. But he's just a harmless kid! He wouldn't do anything like that to
us, would he?"

"All I'm saying is that once he showed up, everything has been WHACKED. Like things
weren't crazy enough before! Do you catch what I'm saying?"

"Uh, I guess so. But there's one more thing"

"What?"

"Can I have a Scooby Snack?"

"ARGH! C'mon, guys. We better get back to searchingfor clues."

Chapter Fifty-four: Amateurs!

I'm working with amateurs!
By Joe Grendel

The J Street Little Theater

kevrhon marched down the aisle, a clipboard in one hand, an overstuffed notebook in the
other.

"Hel-LO? Where IS everyone? We have a reHEARsal, PEOple!" He flopped down in a

chair, thumbing through his script, illuminating it with mystic eyebeams. "I wonder if it's
too late to get the Joe Corps to play all the parts "

"SorryI'mlatebossbutwegotkindofdistractedwhatwiththebombsandthekidnappingswellwes
ortofforgotaboutthekidnappingsatfirstbutwe'reonthecasenowand "

"Impulse! Just light the stage up, would you? We're doing Act One today assuming
Amazon, Captain Pantheon or the Jester ever show up "

Chapter Fifty-five: Dress Rehearsal BEGINS!

By Amazon

The J Street Little Theater

Amazon surveyed her reflection in the mirror adding the finishing touches on her make-
up. There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Amazon, are you about done in there? We're ready to get started." Captain Pantheon
spoke from the other side of the door.

"Coming."
Captain Pantheon tugged at the fake beard on his chin. The glue was starting to itch like
crazy. Why did it have to be a DRESS rehearsal?

"Places, places!" kevrhon snapped, "Come on, people, impress me!"

***

The curtain opened and the lights illuminated the stage. Jester (the Spectre) and kevrhon
(Norman McKay) took the audience, if any, through the opening narrations of the act
foreshadowing what was to come. The projector flashed different backgrounds on the
wall as kevrhon "walked" through the city reflecting the destruction and chaos caused the
new breed of meta-humans.

Jester took his cue in the church scene, trying to keep the cape wrapped around him as
tightly as he could. kevrhon wouldn't even allow him the decency of wearing a g-string.
We have to follow the play by the book, kevrhon had insisted. They ran through their lines
smoothly and then they both were lifted by wires to create the illusion that they were
"flying" to the farm where Superman resided.

Captain Pantheon scratched his beard as he carried a cardboard cut-out of a tractor on his
shoulders. Amazon entered with her opening line.

"Hello, Clark."

Captain Pantheon gave her a smoldering look.

" Kal" Amazon emitted.

"Diana, haven't seen you in months. What brings you to the farm?"

"The vain hope that you're not still here."

Captain Pantheon tended to the carousel horse on display.

"These are my roots."

"You can't live forever in solitude." Amazon reached out and placed her hand on his
brow.

He backed away from her touch.

"I'm Superman. I can do anything."

Music began to fill the stage. Taking a deep breath, Amazon prepared for the duo with
Captain Pantheon. In a crystal clear voice, she began to sing,
 Look at the Man of Tomorrow
Living in ten years of sorrow

I don't have time for this

Leave me be

There's a world out there that's dying

And you're not even trying

I've got work to do

Chores to be done

How much longer will you hide?

Do you live in nothing but lies?

I'm not afraid of him

You damn well know that

Kal, he's out of control

It's starting to take its toll

I warned them all ten years ago

They wouldn't listen

You have got to stop punishing them all

The human race will indeed fall

I have a life to tend to

Go back to your island, princess

Stop this cowardice

Fight for Truth and Justice

Don't preach to me about that

I'm not interested

You're the Man of Tomorrow

It's time to come out of the shadow

What more do you want from me?

There's nothing I can do

Come out of the shadow

Man of Tomorrow
 Man of Tomorrow
Man of Tomorrow
Man of To-mor-row . . .

As the music faded, the room lit up flickering with panels of television screens flickering
all across the stage. Sounds of chaos and confusion emitted from the speakers. Behind
Captain Pantheon and Amazon, a huge, movie screen played the tragic image of a the
Atom being split open to his death. This went on for several minutes until the room came
to an abrupt silence.

Captain Pantheon took a sideways glance at Amazon, "There's nothing I can do from
here. Go back to your island, Diana. You're safe there." And with that, he exited through
the side door.

Impulse hustled to a start and began pulling the cords lowering the curtains on the stage.

***

kevrhon scribbled in his notebook.

"Not bad. Not bad. For the first try, anyways."

Chapter Fifty-six: Bjork sings!

By Mope

The J Street Little Theater

Kevhron, speaking from behind his Norman McKay beard: OK, gang. Everybody get
together for the big "Coming of Superman" scene!

Various J Street residents (Ms. Kannen-Fauder, Olga, etc.) piled onto the rowboat-made-
streetcar.

Emerald Void (Manotaur), Binary-11 (Trix), KC Suberman (Mr. "Fair Play" Terrific),
Dom (Joker's Daughter) and The Temporary Guy (666) each donned their respective
costume, KC Suberman looking particularly tired in the 150+ pound of armor and old-
junkyard-junk that makes up the Mr. Terrific costume.

Several Pantheoneers probably took delicious glee in that somehow.

A'nne mutated into a short, Icelandic woman with a crazy glow in her eyes. She was
Bjork.

The assembled "Next Generation" players proceeded to start shooting harmless-lasers and
foam-rubber missiles at each other, the pedestrians in the car screaming.
Bjork began to sing

"We need a HEEEEROOOAH, a real HEEEEROOAH"

Captain Pantheon appeared.

Chapter Fifty-seven: Holding Still

By Jason

Break time. Captain Pantheon was all set to do the JLA intro scene. Soon, Jason flew
toward him.

"So," said Jason, eyes arched. "You're the Captain."

"Umyeah," replied Captain Pantheon. "Yes, I am."

"I'm Jason Borelli, Green Lantern of the Pantheon."

"How are you?"

"Fine. I was just checking the place for traps, explosives, y'know, andwe have a
problem."

"What?"

"You're sortastanding on a land mine."

"WHAT?"

"DON'T MOVE! I meanstay calm. I dunno if invulnerability is a power of yours"

"I'm not sure"

"OKslowly, slo-o-ly, step away"

The Cap did as told. Jason compensated by putting weight on the mine using the ring
(something he learned from G.I. Joe).

"OK, stand back."

The wood floor gave way as Jason levitated the mine. Soon, Jason took it outside and
detonated it there.

"All rightthat's the fifteenth death trap so far. I seriously doubt this happens in
Victor/Victoria"
 Chapter Fifty-eight: Subplots END! (almost)
By JYu

J Street Little Theater.

The Attic.

"Hey, there she is!" yelled The Temporary Guy. We found gail!"

"Hold on a minute, Mark" gail turned around and placed her hand over the mouthpiece of
a Starfleet communicator - styled cell phone. "Yeah, so you found me, big whoop. Am I
supposed to be missing or something?"

"Um, I think so Least that's what Jester said. Everyone's running around, looking for you,
now," The Scarlet Dragon replied.

"Stupid sonnava! (Good God, what's that on your breath?) What's a girl gotta do round
here to get some privacy? (Gonna kill him)"

MacTyson wrinkled his brow.

"Then that scream from the dressing room?"

"What scream?" inquired gail.

"But if you're not missing, then who?"

A collective hand was heard slapping a collective forehead.

And, (lest she once again be overlooked,) somewhere, behind the mirror in the dressing
room, Regina screamed. Again.

***

Elsewhere in the Theater.

J'onn, The Emerald Void, and Chet stood around the mysterious ransom note, trying to
decide what to do next. Minutes passed, and no resolution was reached.

Suddenly J'onn blurted out, "What'm I doing here? Rehearsals are going on why am I
wasting my time running around on some wild goose chase? Gotta start preparing for my
big part in act three"

And with that, he promptly turned, walked through a wall, and vanished, leaving The
Emerald Void and Chet to themselves.

"Well, ah, what do we do now?" asked Chet.

Suddenly, the sky crackled with blue energy as a link was torn through space. And from
this link fell Hack Internet Incarnate.

"Void! Chet! I know who's behind all this! I know who framed me! Using my accelerated
mental processes, I've deduced that it can only possibly the one member of the Pantheon
who has yet to even have his name mentioned in this storyline! The saboteur is!"

"Me, (shoot, I screwed up that letter meant to put whatshername down, not gail)" replied
a voice from behind the three.

"You?"

"No, Yu. J."

"It was you all the time!" Chet exclaimed. "Why'd you do it?"

JYu sighed.

"You have no clue how boring it gets round here"

"You're responsible for all this? The kidnappings? The bombs? The sabotage of the
equipment?"

"Of course not, you idiot, but someone's gotta take responsibility for ending these silly
subplots. 'Sides, you actually think I'd let someone other than myself take credit for
blowing up prominent buildings round here?"

Hack looked blank.

"Wait - now that we know who's been doing all this, don't we all have to fight or
something?"

"Why? I don't see the point none of us are here to fight to begin with. (Do the words,
'character-driven storyline' mean anything to you?)"

Now the Emerald Void was getting frustrated.

"But - but - I thought that we were supposed to be bad-ass superheroes and run around in
circles fighting and killing and stuff"

JYu yawned.

"Why, you arrogant!" Hack was cut off as he found himself staring down the barrel of an
MA-75 Assault Rifle.

"Go. Back. And. Watch. The. Play. NOW. Keep your lips shut, and I might let you live."
"um. right. hey, man, no need to get testy we were just leaving, right EV?"

"uh, yeah, right, Chet let's go."

"[rectum]," Hack muttered under his breath.

*CH-CHAK!*

"I heard that. Don't tempt me."

And so, the three scampered off as JYu inserted an unlit cigarette into his mouth and
wandered back into the darkness.

Chapter Fifty-nine: Enter The Temperamental Guy

By The Temporary Guy

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST LEFT ME HERE ALL TIED UP FOR SO BLOODY
LONG!"

The Temporary Guy and MacTyson covered their ears as Regina screamed at the top of
her lungs at them. The Scarlet Dragon was starting to rear back as if to flame the woman.
The Temporary Guy stepped before him.

"No, DragonRobwhatever. Don't do that!"

"You're right." the Dragon replied. "Despite her voracious need to get on our nerves,
Regina is still Pantheon and should be treated as such."

"No, I meant the theaters already seen enough fire damage as it is. You wanna toast her,
you do it outside, mister!" the Temporary Guy retorted, wondering if he didn't sound a
little too much like James T. Kirk with that last sentence.

"Do you have any idea who took you, Regina?" MacTyson was asking, pulling out a pad
and pencil and taking notes.

"No, no I don't."

"Well, let's get you downstairs so that you can relax. I think I heard kevhron call break, so
maybe someone J'onn or A'nne can look you over."

The four figures moved down stairs to the green room, where a number of the heroes sat.
KC Suberman laid on the ground twitching in pain over the weight the Mr. Terrific suit
had placed on his spinal column. kevhron, who had been talking to Amazon regarding her
blocking, saw the heroes enter and made his way towards them.

"I can't believe you're back here already!" he shouted at the Temporary Guy.
"What? What are you talking about?" the hero recoiled, shocked.

"I'm talking about your performance as 666! You missed your cues, forgot your blocking,
and pretty much ruined that first scene for everyone involved. You sir" the dramatic
pause. "are a bad actor."

Rage filled the Temporary Guy as he moved towards kevhron.

"If you were any other man I would kill you where you stand!"

"Wait a minute!" MacTyson stepped in between them. "He was upstairs with us! He
couldn't have been on stage!"

"But then who?" kevhron asked, confused.

"That, my good man, was me!" a voice called out behind them.

They turned to see the source of the voice. It was the Temporary Guy, dressed in his 666
outfit. He glared at them all intently as he stroked the goatee he sported.

"Uh-oh, he's got a goatee," gail said.

"Evil twin," came the response.

"Jinkeys!" the Jester called out in his best Thelma voice.

"Wait wait wait!" the Temporary Guy started. "What is this 'evil twin' crap? I already
have an evil twin! He's the Permanent Guy from Earth E! I've never seen this guy before
in my life!"

"I'm the result of your recent adventure with Ralph Al Ghul," the dark figure started,
moving around the room. "When you used Mope's costume to go back to the past, you
created two Temporary Guys! You are the one who stayed on J Street. I am the one who
was caught in the explosion of Ralph's fortress. Since then, I have made my way back to J
Street, plotting my revenge and growing a goatee."

"Damn paradoxes!" The Temporary Guy shouted.

"But I have evolved, you see. I am no longer just the Temporary Guy. With my evil
shining through, I am the Tempermental Guy! And I shall destroy you all!"

"So you're responsible for all the damage that's been going on around here!"

"Uh, no, I just got in yesterday and landed the 666 part. I don't know what's going on."

"Great." the Temporary Guy looked around. "J'onn?"

The Martian stepped forward and flicked the Tempermental Guy in the head with his
index finger, knocking him out.

MacTyson stepped forward, "Thanks J'onn. Take him away. Nowwho's been responsible
for all of this mess?"

"We can worry about that later." kevhron stepped into the ring of heroes. "It's time to go
over Book 2!"

Chapter Sixty: And the Hits Keep Coming!

By Jonn

J Street Theater Orchestra Pit

A guitar floats forlornly six feet in front of Hack, who scribbles furiously in the script
book, hoping kevrhon won't notice that he's still writing Act IV.

"For the love of a good woman, would you PLEASE STOP GOING INVISBLE ON
ME?" begged Hack. Who knew working with Martians would be so nerve-wracking?

*Only if you admit nothing rhymes with orange* came a reply.

"Fine! Fine! But you have to admit 'nth' is a word"

*Well, of course it is* agreed J'onn as he materialized. *It's Martian for 'small rat dog'*

"Aargh! OK, before kevrhon notices, can we please just rehearse the Norman's first
number?"

*Choreographed?* asked the Martian as he hopped up to the stage suddenly wearing tails
and top hat

Flinching, Hack smiled politely, knowing J'onn could hear his thoughts anyway.

"Sure"

*GoodyOh, kevrhon?* queried J'onn, *We're ready for the Norman/Spectre scene*

"Let's hear it first, Greenie!" came a bark from the back of the theater.

*Fine* answered J'onn, morphing into the late John Lennon.

"Physical comedy now. Great. Remind me to call you next time I script for mimes,"
mumbled Hack
The guitar strummed, the few orchestra members joined in, and the Seven Thunders slid
behind the would-be Beatle to sing

A Day In The Life

(music by Lennon/McCartney)

[Sung by Norman after Dodds death and Spectres appearance]

I read the news today oh, boy

About a hero man who saved the day
But now the news was rather sad
I just couldnt laugh
I saw Magogs staff
He killed the Joker. Went too far
Supes then did notice that the times had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd see his face no more
Nobody was really sure what the Man of Steel was for

I read the Book today today, again

To Wesley Dodds who said he saw a war
I nodded slow and turned the page
But had I only looked
A care I wouldve took
For Kingdoms Coooooooome

Woke up, got out of bed

Had a vision in my head
Found my way to Church and had a fright
And looking up, I saw a vengeful light
Found my voice and asked the ghost
About dreams of fiery hosts
Found my life upturned and veiled in smoke
The Spectre spoke about me and my dreams
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I saw the news today oh, boy

Four million dead on the Kansas plains
And since the news was rather bad
The Eagle was quite mad
Now they know how many lives must die to bring Supes
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
Will Kingdom Cooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmme?

The music faded, the orchestra broke out cigs, and The Seven Thunders went out for
coffee.
"OK, J'onn. That works. But how do you want to compliment the apathetic angst of Von
Bach soliloquy Hack has so beautifully provided later on?" kevrhon boomed from the
darkness.

*Well, actually, we've got that worked out* said J'onn as he smiled at Hack, plugged in
another guitar, and Hack got behind the drum set that was now rising from the floor.

Hack looked at J'onn and said.

"Hit it."

GULAG FOR THE VILLAINS (Hotel California)

In a dark looming skull face, false wind in my hair
Holograph of the Boy Scout spouting out his hot air
Up there on the ceiling, fake summer light
My thoughts grew angry, and my sight grew dim
Had I not fought for Right?
There we stood in our prison;
I heard Comet tell
About how I had to think it out,
So I told him to go to Hell
Then he lit up his powers, and he showed me His Way
There were voices raised in rebel shouts, but they held no sway

Welcome to the Gulag for the Villains

Such a lovely place (if you fell from grace)
Plenty of room at the Gulag for the Villains
Now that Supes appeared, you can find us here

This place is Miracle-twisted, it got Pokolips chains

Its got a lot of centurion droids to police the lanes
How we soar to the rooftop, fake summer sky.
Some swoop to remember, some float and ask why?
So I screamed at the Captain, Weve done nothing wrong!
He said, Youll learn to dance to the old guards song"
And yet new forces are watching from far away
They plot and plan for a breakout strike
In the coming days

Break out of the Gulag for Villains

Gonna smash this place (smash Comets face)
Were rotting away at the Gulag for Villains
So some bad guys died? We have alibis!

Lightning through the ceiling,

It shatters like ice
And I said 'We are no longer prisoners here, get ready to fight!
And in the jailers chambers, a panicked call is made
Comet falls as the Lantern leads a charge, but he just cant stop the beasts
Next thing I remember, we was running from our rooms
We had become an unstoppable force, a true Legion of Doom
'Desist' said the Princess, We will stop you in your tracks.
You can think you are getting out, but you are going back!

A vicious drum and guitar battle followed, causing several lights to burst and gail to
create a mosh pit in front of stage until silence reigned in the theater

"Of course," said Hack, "That whole last part is really just a symbol for violence as a
mask for phallocentric warfare"

*Actually, it was just an Eagles tribute*

kevrhon groaned. We are going to be so SUED.

Chapter Sixty-one: Why Don't You Go Smurf Yourself?

By The Temporary Guy

The Temporary Guy stood on stage, waiting to rehearse his big Deadman number,
watching intently as Grendel Smurf and the Temporary Smurf sat in the corner, talking
amongst themselves. The Temporary Guy hated Smurfs. They had once lied to him. The
Temporary Guy had been asked by a roving band of Smurfs to defeat a couple of their
foes, Gargamel and Azrael. The Temporary Guy had been led to believe that Azrael was
Gargamel's cat. It turned out that Azrael was actually a gentleman named Jean-Paul
Valley, who was a knight in the Order of St. Dumas. The Temporary Guy had barely
escaped with his life from that confrontation. So he naturally didn't get along with
Smurfs.

"Temp?" kevrhons voice came up from the audience. "You ready to start?"

"Yeah."

"OK, here's how this is going to work. I, I mean Norman McKay, will be wandering
around looking for the Spectre. Behind me will be a number of supporting players taking
the roles of Shazam, the Phantom Stranger, Zeus, Highfather and Ganthet. Then you are
lowered down from the ceiling and begin!"

The Temporary Guy cleared his throat and begun

"I'M A DEADMAN"

(Sung to the tune of "I'M AN A$$HOLE" by Dennis Leary)

"NormI'd like to sing a song about the human race
It's about meIt's about you
It about all those heroes running around with symbols on their chests
What is it with those heroes?
Maybe they like truth
Maybe they like justice
Maybe they just like wearing constrictive clothing
We don't know.

I was a regular Joe, just your average man

I went by the name of Boston Brand
I did flipping and twisting and rolling in air
I was a trapeze artist, a devil of dare
The thrills, the chills, the cheers of the crowd
I always loved to hear it and they always were loud.

But one night I got hit by an assassin's bullet

(the Seven Thunders chime in- "Uh-Oh, Nuh-Uh, No Way!")
And I fell really far to the ground and then I was dead
(with Seven Thunders)Oh yeah. Yeah yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah!
Oh I float through the air and I cannot be seen
Your bod's my possession if you know what I mean

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!

I used to have muscles now I'm mainly just bones

I was more Neal Adams now I'm just Kelley Jones!

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!

I'm a Deadman! (The Seven Thunders sing "You really are dead, man!)

I go 'tween the worlds and start righting the wrongs

I wish Rama Kushna'd quit taking so long!

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!

Maybe the Spectre's right about the Earth

Maybe the heroes have outlived their worth
Maybe the planet can't support their girth
Nah!

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!
You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get me the Batmobile! The Adam West
version! With big black fins on the back, bubble-shaped windshield, and atomic-powered
turbines. Yeah! And I'm gonna drive through Gotham in that baby at 225 miles per hour,
getting one mile per gallon, possessing every single underused Silver Age character who
never made it into a book since, and when I'm done establishing a history for the
character, I'm going to retcon him right out of existence, and there ain't a goddamned
thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Because I'm already dead, that's why. Two
words: D.O. freakin' A., all right? Luthor? Kobra? Vandal Savage? They can use all the
deathtraps they've got, they can build a big deathtrap that'll detonate the entire world
and it won't make a lick of difference because I'm already dead, OK? Captain Atom's not
deadhe's reforming. And when we find a way to contain quantum energy then we're going
to bring him back and he's going to be really pissed off. Why? You ever had a cut that
scabbed-over and itched? Well multiply that by fifteen million times and that's how pissed
off Atom's going to be! I'm going to get Atom and Jason Todd and Barry Allen and
Wesley Dodds and a case of gingold and drive down to Kansas and
(one of the Seven Thunders shouts "Hey!")
What?
(another of the Seven Thunders shouts, "You really are a deadman, you know that?")
Ah, just shut up and sing the song, pal.

I'm a Deadman! Yee-an, yee-an, yan-yan!

I'm a Deadmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

DEE! EEE-AY! DEE-EM! AY-ENN!

Everybody!
DEE! EEE-AY! DEE-EM! AY-ENN!
Woof! A woof woof! A woof woof! Woof woof!
Thoom! A poom thoom! A thoom poom! Thoom poom!

I'm a Deadmanand I'm proud of it."

kevhron looked up onto the stage where the Temporary Guy stood, breathing heavy.
kevhron wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Beautiful. Just beautiful! Needs a little work, though. We'll figure it out."

The Temporary Guy, still dazed from his performance, just nodded to kev and started off
stage. As he looked over, he saw that the two smurfs had been joined by four more. He
loomed over them.

"Who are your friends?"

Grendel Smurf looked up at him, a hint of malice in his eye.

"Oh, hello. You already know the Temporary Smurf. These are Smurf Willie, the Scarlet
Smurf, S'murf, and the Mighty Smurf! They'll be staying with us for a while. Now if you
don't mind, we have somebusiness to discuss."

As the Temporary Guy walked towards the green room, only one thought was in his head.

Watch the Smurfs. They are not to be trusted.

Chapter Sixty-two: Wha?

By Impulse

"hey! WHO is that running on my stage? Is that you Impulse?"

"No sir-ree!" said Impulse.

"Then who?"

"It's me! Impulse Snork! I adapted to land! And BOY, is it fun to run. Now, which one of
you is the director fella?"

"Hold on, hold on WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS A SNORK?" said a furious kevhron.

"You know
Come along with the Snorks,
Swim along with the Snorks,
So much to see waiting for you and me,
Swim along with the Snorks!"

"Oh," said a now-depressed kevrhon.

"Well, I'll be running,",said Impulse Snork, as he ran off to the bar.

"Anyway, Impulse, open the curtain for the next part, would you?"

Chapter Sixty-three: The Ballad of Wet Willie

By Mope

Amazon (WW) and Captain Pantheon (Supes) stand before Wet Willie (King Arthur the
Aquaman) and Dolphin (uh, Dolphin).

Kevhron (Norm McKay) and Jester (Spectre) stand off to the side, watching.

Captain Pantheon: We need your help, Willie! Those youngsters are out of control. Can
we use your kingdom to jail them in?

Wet Willie: This I cannot do.

Captain Pantheon: Well, then will you come with us and help us fight them?

Wet Willie: No. I won't go.

The spotlight shines now on Kevhron and Jester.

Kevhron/Norm: He really won't go?

The Seven Thunders begin filing out behind Jester, doing a Jazz-style Chorus-Line-kind
of dance

(sung to the tune of "Little Willie" by The Sweet)

Jester/Spectre (singing and dancing with the Thunders in a jammy kind of take on the
Sweet)

"Wettie Willie wrilly won't, Wettie Willie wrilly won't.

Wettie Willie wrilly won't, Wettie Willie wrilly won't.

Wettie Willy wrilly won't, won't go.

You can't push Willie where Willie won't go!
Superman really needs him, but OH NO!
Wettie Willie wrilly won't, won't go!"

This chorus goes on for awhile

Chapter Sixty-four: Something Extra For the Album

By Jason

Jester was looking at the script, getting ready for the next scene when he ran into-

"JOE RICE! PREPARE FOR JUDGMENT!"

"AAAAAAHHH! SPECTRE!"

"Calm down," shouted Kevhron. "That's our twenty-foot Spectre for the big judgment
scene."

"How? Inflatable balloon?"

"Jason projects an image of the Spec. Then the guys from makeup paint the necessary
areas white."

"Hey guys!" yelled Jason. "Maybe I should quit the hero gig, become the world's greatest
ventriloquist!"
"How could you?" said Jester, grabbing Jason by the shoulders.

"Look, I volunteered for Special Effects, and a huge Spectre is a definite show-stopper."

As Jester stormed off, Jason turned to the director.

"Maybe I should rethink this," Jason said, as the faux Spectre began to shrink.

"We'll hash it out. How's the other stuff? You projecting what Satellites supposed to be
projecting?"

"Yeah."

"Making Deadman fly around?"

"Uh-huh."

"Good. Any songs?"

"Well, I did come up with one. It has zip to do with KC, but maybe we can put it on the
soundtrack."

THE POSTING SONG

(sung to the tune of "Pepper" by the Butthole Surfers)

Grendel posted first, followed by the Hat

They argued about the significance of the Eagle and the Bat
Hank cracked some jokes and Jason sent E-Mail
They were all in love with posting; they were attracted to Ms. Gail
They talked about Supes; discussing pro and con
Then they banded together to form the Pantheon
They were all in love with posting, they were in Shangri-La
Provided by a guy from the coast by the name of Jonah

Chorus
I don't mind this board sometimes; the messages it shows
Fighting for the Pantheon and going against our foes
OzBat, Mope post right here, and Kevin in disguise
You never know how they'll post while looking through your eyes

Some will post in joy and bliss; their smiles are a must
Some will post in rage and spite, and take it out on us
Some will post and post and post in this, our Shangri-La
Provided by a guy from the coast by the name of Jonah

Chorus
Grendel took the storyboard; adept with the pen
Then we were invaded by the guys from Minutemen
Soon the boards were multiplying; coming without fail
They were all in love with posting, they were in Shangri-La
Everyone's having fun, everything is groovy
Talking about Supes's new look and dissing the new Bat-movie
They were all in love with posting, they were in Shangri-La
Provided by a guy from the coast by the name of Jonah

Chorus

As kevhron studied the song, Jason looked down.

"More Smurfs?"

"Hi, how are you?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm Jerry Smurfeld. I'm here for the premiere."

"Who are your friends?"

"That's George Cosmurfza, Smurfo Kramer, and my Smurfy child-bride, Smurfsanna."

"HEY!" shouted a tiny voice. "Why didn't you invite me!"

"Hello, Newsmurf"

Chapter Sixty-five: Previews! Guest Stars!

Fun Things to See & Do!
By The Scarlet Rob

kevrhon returned from a quick trip to the little director's room and walked back into the
auditorium.

"Norm!" yelled the assembled cast.

kevrhon held up a hand for quiet.

"All right," he yelled, "Let's go over Secretary Wyrmwood's big number!"

"Wyrmwood?" Grendel asked. "I don't remember anyone being cast in that role!"

"No, no one here was quite right!" kevrhon replied. "Fortunately, I convinced Bjork to
use some of her connections in the music industry "
"But that scene's in Act Four!"

"I know, I know, but you know these pop stars they're busy and temperamental; what can
I do?"

A light came up on stage to reveal a single desk, supporting a sheaf of papers and a coffee
mug labeled "World's Best Dad." The audience oohed and ahhed at the stark realism.

Over the sound system, the voice of Don Pardo announced, "Ladies and gentleman Annie
Lennox!"

"Annie Lennox?" Grendel burst out.

A thin, smirking figure in a dark suit and gray tie entered the spotlight and perched on the
desk. Her reddish-colored hair was slicked down against her skull.

"Shouldn't she be bald?" Grendel asked.

"Hey, I had enough trouble getting her to wear a suit again!" kevrhon whispered. "She
wanted mouse ears I had to put my foot down!"

The Seven Thunders, also dressed in suits, danced en pointe across the back of the stage
as the music began. "Wyrmwood" broke into a shark-like grin, opened her mouth, and
sang

(To the tune of "No More I Love Yous")

I used to be nostalgic for the Silver Age;

I used to cheer Superman
And the old Dark Knight;
My aging heart would beat
When them I'd see-

(Woohhhh, but nooowwwwww)

I don't find myself running 'round
Screaming for my heroes to save my life!

No more new Metas!

The bombers are leaving now!
No more new Metas!
The new breed is shifting the face of the world!

(The mortal speaks about the Metas)

There used to be Titans in my youthful days-

Robin Kid Flash Speedy so many sidekicks!
(Woohhhh, but nooowwwwww)
I won't find myself standing 'round
Waiting for the new breed to make me die!

No more new Metas!

The bombers are leaving here!
No more new Metas!
The bombers are leaving here for Kansas!
No more new Metas!
Humans are taking control of the world!

(And they were being really crazy- And they were all in the Gulag- And you know what,
Normie?
Everybody was being really crazy!

Know what? The Metas are crazy!

There are Metas outside)

No more new Metas!

The bombers are leaving now!
No more new Metas!
The bombers are leaving for the Gulag!
No more new Metas!
We humans are taking control of our world!

It's still our world!

No more new Metas!

The bombers are leaving now!
No more new Metas!
The bombers are leaving now!
No more new Metas!
We humans are taking control of our world!

Take back the world!

The music faded seamlessly into When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again and the
spotlight shifted as drew101, in a Blackhawk uniform, rode a large papier-mache missile
out from the wings and up on wires over the stage. Waving his helmet in the air, he
yelled, "Waaahhhh-hoooooooooo!"

The curtain fell.

"Oranges, poranges!" kevrhon cried out. "Who says there ain't no rhyme for oranges?"

Thus rebuking J'onn smartly!

 Chapter Sixty-six:
Captain Pantheon's Lonely Heart's Club Band
By The Regular Hank!

J Street Theater

kevrhon was starting to sweat a bit. As a director, continuity and arrangements were
difficult enough to keep. Especially if your creative mind keeps popping of in a zillion
directions. The g-stringed ne'er-do-well sometime Lord of Order bit into his pencil, then
burst up as the gathered players milled about on the stage.

"Wait Wait WAIT! Superman needs a big act, a song, something, in Act II when he goes
to the meta-bar!" The assembled group gawked. Captain Pantheon cleared his? throat.

"(Ahem.) Well, sir, I think that I might have come up with something." kevrhon smiled
broadly.

"Oh, really? You have a song all written out already? Well, I'd like to see that!" kevrhon
said smugly. Captain Pantheon smiled.

"OK! Hey, Impulse, Buried, Grendel-Smurf, Seven Thunders, HIT IT!" Impulse grabbed
a guitar, quickly tuned it, then set out a drum kit for Grendel-Smurf. Buried Alien quickly
tuned his bass. Captain Pantheon tuned his guitar.

Impulse then began a rippin' guitar solo .

While Impulse's Mighty-Axe ripped through the theater, Captain Pantheon explained the
set-up, as he? began floating around the room with his Mr. Microphone.

"Superman is trying to convince the various costumes at the meta-bar to join his Justice
League. After melting the bottles behind the bar, he starts singing."

Join The J-L-HEY!

(sung to the tune of Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way?")

Impulse began the first chords of the fabulous song, as Captain Pantheon commenced
with song.

"I came from

far Krypton!
I am Super from the Sun!
I fly down
to save the day!
I do what's right (not just fun)!
So that's WHY!
You got to TRY!
Be some big heroes (not just scum!)
You got to fly
And save some lives
Quit scarin' folks like priests and nuns!

But what I really wanna know is .

Are you gonna J-L-HEY!
'Cause you got ta
Gotta join .

Flash is fast,
Batman passed,
Wonder Woman second-in-command.
Lantern Green!
And he keen!
Who is he? Don't care 'cause he's grand!
Hawkman FLIES!
Magog FRIES!
Teen Titans know where they from!
You must engage
to re-arrange
And turn this planet back to one!

But what I really wanna know is .

ARE YOU GONNA J-L-HEY?
And I got ta
Got TA KNOWWWWWWW!

(big ole guitar solo hereas Captain Pantheon flies around the stage. At the end of
Impulse's solo.)

JOIN THE J-L-HEY!

Cause baby you gots to do this
YEAH!"

The four musicians, with The Seven Thunders providing back-up, bowed deeply, like the
Beatles.

kevrhon's pencil dropped from his mouth.

"Um, hey, not bad. Wow, what kids these days come up with "

Captain Pantheon floated over to kevrhon.

"Um, sir, we're not finished yet. We've got a quick song for Green Arrow's rebuttal at the
bar!"
"Wait a sec"

"OK guys, on three, one two THREE!"

Slowly, Captain Pantheon and Impulse played their guitars in harmony.

The Batman's Anti-Justice League Club Band

(sung to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band)

Captain Pantheon explained over the drum beats.

"Yeah, so I figured The Spectre could use this song to introduce Norman to Batman."

Then, Captain Pantheon sang.

"It was over ten years today

Superman decided not to play
His ways went out of style
And people then they lost their smile
So may I introduce to you
The one and only BRUCE WAYNE!
And Batman's Anti-Justice League Club BAA-AAND!"

The Seven Thunders piped in.

"BRUUUUUUUUUUUU-UUUUUUUUUCE WAYYYYYYNE!"

kevrhon ran up to the stage, interrupting the songmanship.

"OK, stop, stop. We're not doing a Beatle's revival here, capice?"

Dejected, the strains from the youngsters instruments echoed in the theater. Impulse
looked up, eyes sulking.

"But Mr. kevrhon sir, we've got a cool song for when Ollie gives his response to Big
Blue." kevrhon rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"OK, that's nice, but" Impulse grinned, and started tuning again.

"Didja here that guys? He said that's NICE! HIT IT!"

The Batman's Anti-Justice League Club Band (reprise)

Grendel-Smurf pounded on his drums. Captain Pantheon began singing.

"I'm Ollie from
Batman's Anti-Justice League Club Band
Supes don't know it all, you know.
I'm Ollie from
Batman's Anti-Justice League Club Band
Join us and we'll steal the show!

Batman's Anti-Justice
Batman's Anti-Justice
Batman's Anti-Justice
Batman's Anti-Justice

We're The Batman's Anti-Justice League Club Band

It's getting very near the end
Batman's Anti-One-And-Only-Justice League Club Band
I don't wanna hafta say it again!

Batman's Anti-Justice
Batman's Anti-Justice
Batman's Anti-Justice
Batman's Anti-Justice

We're The Batman's

ANTI
JUSTICE
LEAGUE
CLUB
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"

Once again, the four musicians bowed low. The Temporary Guy clapped enthusiastically.
kevrhon bit through his pencil.

"(Sigh) OK, fine, we'll add a few numbers," he said.

Chapter Sixty-seven: Numbers, Contracts & Blues

By Michael MacTyson
J Streets Little Theater

Hack was busy as [place of eternal damnation], trying hard not to let kevrhon know that
the final acts of Kingdom Come, the Musical were not ready yet. The songs J'onn had
written were classy material, and boy Hack did not want to look bad for his playwriting
debut.

But Act III was a pain in the posterior. He had to think about a nice opening scene for the
Captain Marvel's mind-controlling-worms scene. He tried to concentrate over the voices
of the Seven Thunders "Hey, we've just been cast in a musical movie about Little Annie
Fannie" or the Red Monster/Captain Pantheon rehearsals of the Book I Batcave meeting.

Then, a song began to form in his mind

Aerosmiths What it takes, from the Album Pump.

What it takes (to mind control)

Hack's Notes: Luthor is in his conference room, with Vandal Savage, Green Arrow,
Riddler, Jack of Hearts, Kobra, Ibn Al'Xuffasch, Catwoman.
Luthor begins singingSupes is an old arch-fiend
an' heres another evil scheme

Vandal Savage and all of those mid-aged heroes,

I guess they dont mean a thing

Jack of the Royal Flush Gang So Luthor, whats the story

did you find another pawn?
It was easy to take, is the battle plan made?
When you dont look back I guess the meeting starts to be on its way?

LuthorWe used to feel his fire,

now Marvel's cold inside.
he was out on the street,
selling papers for a tip, yeah!

RiddlerTell me what it takes to mind control?

Tell how, his brain been turned to dung?
Tell me how it is that you can keep, in your hand
a hero that was strong, a great force for the Good,
can he fuel the fights on Gulag?

Tell me what it takes to mind control?

worms!

LuthorSupes, before I met you, I was F.I.N.E. fine!

But you doof made me a criminal,
and my head's been doin time .

You caught the baddies for no money.

Then you left for calmer skies.
It was easy to live, all those years under ice?
'cause Magog had it clean with the killer of your wife?
 KobraTell me what it takes to mind control?
tell me about those worms Sivana grew?
Tell me how it is that you can keep, this Shazam!
without thinking youre wrong, and taking you, then, down
throwing you in one toss in Gulag?

Tell me what it takes to mind control!

Gulag!

LuthorTell me that you're happy once you know my plot! Yeah!

tell me that its better than a kryptonite bomb!
Tell me that the Batman will make tons of his bots.

Vandal SavageTell me that the heroes will die then like maggots
Tell me Marvel's dying when we finish the game!

CatwomanTell me what it takes to mind control

Tell me how his brains been turned to dung.
tell me how it is that hes asleep, in his mind
without thinking hes lost everything that was good
in his life by the work of a worm?

Ibn Al'XuffaschTell me who's to blame for thinking twice

No no no no!
Cause I don't wanna rot in Comets eyes

Let's go Let's go Let's go Let's go Let's go!

Hack raised his head from the script book, a triumphant look on his face.

"This is good stuff! I hope J'onn approves this parody!" he thought. Then, a voice
interrupted his thoughts.

"Excuse us, Internet Incarnated, but we need to talk turkey"

"What?" Hack looked around, trying to find the owner of such an incredible tiny voice.

"Down here, you maroon!"

"Who are you guys?"

"Boy, are you brilliant! We're the smurfs! Here's George Cosmurfza, Smurfo Kramer,
Smurfsanna. There's KC Smurferman, The Temporary Smurf, Newsmurf and Jerry
Smurfeld"
"And you are?"

" Grendel Smurf, dolt! Rassafrassa producers!"

"And your business is?" trailed off Hack.

"You got to check your contracts, buddy boy. The law says you ought to have at least 12.5
percent Smurfs for every theater play you stage."

"And? You are in Impulses band!" Hack was growing tense. He didn't like the Smurf's
tone.

"So? How many Smurfs you have, Sparky? Id say just not enough! You are begging to be
sued for neglecting the minorities!"

"Ulp! But theres nothing I can do"

"Don't give me that crap! Lissen, I can yell to everyone that this play is racist on the
height-impaired (Im a politically correct Smurf!) and this crummy show will never see
the curtain rise!"

"Awright, Smurf. You got me! Ill give you guys some parts on the play!"

"YES! Youll be hearing from us!"

The Smurfs left.

"Hoboy!" thought Hack. "How Im going to explain to kevrhon that we might have a
Smurf Alloy on the play?"

Chapter Sixty-eight: Poor Magog

By Impulse

The Little J Street Theater

"OK! Wet Willie come on out!" said kev.

Wet Willie and Dolphin walked out and sat in their thrones.

The scene went through accordingly, and it was time for Magog vs.Superman part II.

"Now, Who has a song THIS time?" said a sarcastic kev.

"Um, me." said a small voice from the back. It was Impulse.

"OK, whats it based on?"

"Poor Jack. From the nightmare before Christmas" said Impulse

"OK, lets hear it."

Magog came out and the scene was set and he started to sing.

POOR MAGOG
(sung to the tune of "POOR JACK" in "The Nightmare Before Christmas")

What have I done?

What have I done?
How could I be so blind?
I lost, to the Parasite.
I killed all, killed all.
Everythings, gone all wrong.

What have I done?

What have I done?
A nuclear explosion,
A million years to fix,
Theyll find me here (as the house breaks on stage)
In these, sticks

(The Justice League arrives)

But I never intended all this madness, NEVER,

And nobody really understood (points finger in face of Capt. Pantheon)
and how they,
For all I ever wanted was to give justice to the world,
Now all thats left is dirt, unferteled (like, unfertilized),

What the heck, I went and did my best

"IT WASNT ENOUGH!" said Pantheon.

"Oh, the Metropolis Milquetoast and his friends."

"OK! Thats enough for now! Impulse, can I talk to you?" said kevrhon.

"Whats up, sir?"

"Your song, well, its interesting, but well, its rather-"

"Good?"

"No, um, different. We will run with it, for now, but if I dont like it later, its history. OK?"
"Okey-Dokey Arti-Chokey!" said Impulse.

"That boy is too happy." said kevhron.

Chapter Sixty-nine: Little Blue Death

By The Temporary Guy

The J Street Theater

"Pssst!"

kevrhon turned towards the direction of the sound. It had come from an unlit alcove
behind him to his right. A sinister place. For a sinister meeting. As the Lord of Order
moved towards that area, he was suddenly grabbed and pulled into the darkness. He
prepared himself for battle as he turned to face the attacker.

"Malvolio!" he snarled. "I wondered when you and your lot were going to play your
hand!"

"I mean you no harm, kevhron. On another day, I would rip the flesh from your bones
and let your soul burn in the fiery pits of Hell. But today, I'm here as an actor talking to
his director, and I need to ask a...a...f-f...f-f-f..." the villain choked on the word.

"Favor?"

"Yes! Oh, thank you, yes!"

"What is it?"

Malvolio looked around the room, making sure no one was listening. He then spoke in a
hushed tone.

"It's these damned Smurfs."

"What about them?"

"They're really creeping me out."

"You?" kevhron struggled to suppress his laughter. "The great lord of all evil, Malvolio,
scared of a group of six-inch blue elves?"

"You don't understand! These Smurfs...they're not right!" Malvolio's breathing grew
heavy, as if he was panicking. "Trust me, I know evil! I've been doing it my whole life!
And these Smurfs...well, let's just say I haven't seen anything like them."

kevhron paused.
"You may have a point. Let's..." The door suddenly burst open. As Malvolio disappeared
into the shadows, kevhron turned to face Michael MacTyson, his face flushed with anger
and embarrassment. "Mike? What is it, what's wrong?"

"It's the Tempermental Guy," the cop started. "He's escaped."

Elsewhere in the theater...

The Tempermental Guy looked down at the stage from the rafters high above the floor.
He snickered insanely to himself. They would pay for all they had done to him. Grendel,
Hack, Scarlet Dragon, the Temporary Guy...all of them. They would soon know the wrath
of...the Tempermental Guy.

His thoughts were interrupted by a small, high-pitched voice coming from behind him.

"You. Leave. You are interfering with our plans."

The Tempermental Guy couldn't make out the figure, but it was small.

Very small.

"Hey, screw you, buddy. I'm making plans of my own here. So why don't you just go
back to the merry old land of Oz and stay out of my way."

"It is unfortunate you feel that way." A lone snap echoed through the air. "Very
unfortunate."

Suddenly, it was as if the entire floor surrounding the Tempermental Guy had come to
life. Clawing at him, tearing at him. He had to get away. That was his only thought.

So naturally he didn't see the sword until they rammed it into his chest.

Elsewhere in the J Street Theater...

"...So what I need are teams of two here, here, and here..." MacTyson was telling a group
of assembled heroes. "We don't know how dangerous this man is, so use extreme caution.
Now, team 1, I want you to..."

He was interrupted by the sound of a large crash as a figure fell from the rafters,
smashing into the paper mache' Gulag that KC Suberman had spent all night preparing.
MacTyson was off and running, finally reaching the stage to see the limp figure laying
amongst the remains of the once-impressive set piece.

"Somebody call an ambulance!"

"What is it? Who is it?" the Jester called out.

"It's the Tempermental Guy." MacTyson stood, looking at the heroes. "He's dead."

As the heroes recoiled in shock, from up in the rafters, one small figure looked down on
the proceedings below. A slight smirk on his face, he sinisterly whispered so that no one
else could hear...

"Have a Smurfy day."

Chapter Seventy: Meanwhile, back at the bar ...

By Joe Grendel
Hack and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Sublime was playing on the jukebox.

Grendel flipped through his revised script, his stomach acid churning.

"'The Nightmare Before Christmas?' I have to sing that? I'm gonna kill Impulse!"

A large sheepish shadow filled the doorway. Henry tapped his good hand against the door
frame.

"Uh, hello? This guy told me you had a job for me?" Henry limped in, leaning on a crutch
and favoring one bandage-wrapped hand.

"Yeah," Grendel looked up, his eyes twinkling. "You beat Raphael fair and square, Hank,
so the bouncer job's yours!"

"Uh ... OK. I still think you're making a mistake here, mister. I'm not the superhero
everyone seems to think I am."

Grendel winked at him.

"Listen, Sparky, you don't survive long in this pocket universe without knowing a thing
or two. And I'm the Big Man on J Street. Trust me, Sparky You're the Mighty Hank."

Henry shrugged and looked at the drink gun.

"Is it possible I could get a drink? I'm dying of thirst here."

Grendel poured him an orange juice and went back to his script.

A bedraggled man walked up to the bar, ordered six shots of whiskey and guzzled them
down in a matter of seconds.

Chet looked from the man to Grendel, from Grendel to the man.
"Whoa, dude," he said after a moment. "You must have real problems, to be knockin' 'em
back that fast."

"Yeah, I do." The man nodded. "I'm broke."

Grendel looked up from his script.

"HANK!"

The man bounced satisfactorily off a passing Dewback.

As Henry turned back toward his seat, a shadow fell across him and the hair stood up on
the back of his neck.

"Hank." Raphael growled low in his ear. "How DARE you come back here?"

"Hold it." Grendel held a small leather pouch in his hand. "Hank beat your punk @$$
fair-and-square, without the benefit of his memory or full use of his powers. You're fired,
alien boy."

He slung the bag of latinum strips to Raphael, who caught it clumsily. One eye being
bandaged over will do that to your depth perception. He jingled the bag, estimating his
pay.

"This isn't the end of this," he said as he turned away, "Either of you."

Chapter Seventy-one: So, there's this villain, see?

By Wet Willie

Whereabouts unknown.

The Shadow Knight turned to his dark benefactor, angrily.

"Enough of this! I'm ready for action!" he insisted.

"Quiet, you. That armor you're wearing is a loan, you know. I can take it back anytime I
want to."

"And just how do you plan on getting it from me, you--"

"Simple." The man raised his hands in the air and whispered something unintelligible.
"Mecka-lecka high, mecka chanie-ho!"

The armor scattered in several directions, leaving a surprised Marvel Joe Grendel.

"How?!...YOU! You're that genie, from PeeWee's Playhouse, aren't you?!"

"NO! That was my infernal brother, Jambi! I, on the other hand, am quite different.
I...AM...BAMBI!!"

"Bambi?"

"No, no! More like 'Baambi'! Shut up! Quit laughing! I made you! Do you understand
me?! I can take away EVERYTHING! Mecka-Lecka High, Mecka Chaanie-Ho!"

The Shadow Knight collapsed to the floor, dead again.

"Had enough, corpse-boy? Oh, alright. Mecka-Lecka High, Dick Cheney's a Ho!"

"*GASP!*WHEEZE!*"

"Remember who your master is." Bambi redressed Grendel in his White Knight armor-
painted black.

"Yes--Yessir."

"Soon, our allies, the Smurfs, will have befuddled the Pantheon into believing their
villains behind the sabotagery"

"'Sabotagery'? Is that a word?"

"Shut up! It is if I say it is! Or do you want to be a...a...dead guy again?!"

"*Sigh* This is getting boring fast, but alright. Yeah, yeah, you're the boss. Care to
explain how you got the Smurfs to help you?"

"Yes. It was really very simple. I simply...eliminated their foe, Gargamel. This is perfect!
Do you know why?"

"Heavens, no. Why?"

"Because--You dolt! That's enough with the sarcasm! Because, the Smurfs are so cute and
lovable, they make the perfect pawns! No one will suspect!"

"Yeah. Great. What now?"

"Now? Now, we wait. Wait. Yes, wait."

"*Sigh* Whatever."

Chapter Seventy-two: Mighty Lucky!

By The Regular Hank!
Meanwhile....

Hack and Grendel's Pond

Bar and Grill

Grendel, lacking anything better to do at the moment, listened closely to Hank's

description of his journey to J street. After hearing the explanation, Grendel rubbed the
inside of a pounder glass with a rag, eyeing it for blemishes. Lucky sat in Hank's lap.

"So, Hank, you're telling me that there were two bright lights, then all of a sudden you
snowboarded into the bar." Hank sipped a bit of his orange juice, wincing at each sip.

"Yeah, that's pretty much the skinny."

"Two bright lights."

"Uh-huh."

"No dimensional gateways, no magic spells, no nexus-hopping super villains ...."

"No. Just--"

"Two bright lights. Gotcha." Grendel furrowed his brow. People, places and things
wandering around J street didn't bother him. It didn't bother him that hot-dogs walked the
streets here. It didn't bother him that the local superhero populace was putting on a
musical. Smurfs didn't bother him.

But for some reason, two bright lights bothered him.

"How far apart were the lights?" asked a bemused and confused Grendel. Hank shrugged,
but only slightly, lest he tear open a wound.

"Well, maybe the distance of the front of a Subaru Justy."

"Subaru Justy?"

"It's a car."

"I know it's a car. Man. *sigh* And you're saying that the lights were separated by the
same length as a Subaru Justy's front end."

Hank sipped his juice, and thought for a moment. Grendel wiped his glass some more.

"Um, yeah. The lights were like I said they were, yeah," Hank finally replied.

"So, Hank, you're telling me that you were hit by a car."

"Well, NO, the car didn't actually HIT me--"

"So the lights were a car?"

"Yeah, that's what I said--"

"But that's not what you said--"

"Well, it's what I meant Mr. Grendel." Now, Joeseph D. Grendel felt very unsettled.
Travel to J street normally took some difficulty. But to have someone just get hit by a car
and appear here? That concept was ... very unsettling.

"So, Hank, let me get this straight. You were snowboarding, you saw some lights, you
were hit by a car--"

"Well, no, Mr. Grendel. The car didn't actually hit me."

A fly buzzed around The Pond.

"You mean to tell me that by some strange quirk of luck, instead of being hit by a car, you
were whisked to J street?" Grendel said.

"Yeah, I thought to myself, 'Hank, that's Mighty lucky that you didn't get hit by that car.'
Mighty weird, too, if I do say so." Hank said.

Grendel looked at Hank, his eyes widening.

"To end up in another dimension, rather than be struck by a car, is Mighty lucky indeed,
Hank. Mighty lucky. To survive a fight with an alien twice to three times your size is
Mighty lucky, too. Hank, you're a Mighty lucky fellow." Hank shuddered.

"Could you stop saying Mighty so much. It gives me weird tingles."

Grendel smirked.

"Sure, Hank, sure." Grendel finally set the glass that he'd been smashing down. He picked
up another one. Grimy. Grendel grinned.

"Oh, Hank, one more thing."

"Yes, Mr. Grendel?" Grendel smiled an evil smile before he spoke.

"Hank ... GET TA WORK!" Hank nearly fell off of his barstool.

"Yeah, no problem sir!" Hank said as he shantied about the bar, looking for something to
do.
Grendel looked at his glass. It's very important to keep that kind of luck on your side,
thought Grendel.

Chapter Eighty-two: Confound Delivery

By JYu

"Uh-oh," said Grendel.

"What?" said Dirk.

"This can only mean one thing."

"What's that?" said Impulse.

"The invasion of (pauses dramatically) the Robo Smurfs!"

The Street.

Seconds passed as the gravity of the situation sank into the minds of The Emerald Void
and Impulse.

Then, their brains commanded their bodies to take the only logical course of action

They ran. Away. Fast.

Anything to get away from the threat of the Dreaded RoboSmurfs.

Joe Grendel and Dirk Gargamel stood in silence as they found themselves on the street,
alone.

"Wait a minute, Joe. There's no such thing as !"

Grendel raised his index finger. Dirk thought for a minute, then nodded and smiled in
comprehension.

"Go get someone to clean this mess up, Dirk. Me, I've got a rehearsal to get back to."

Chapter Eighty-three: This is a job fora Policeman!

By Michael MacTyson

Dirk Gargamel surveyed the remains of the battle when someone approached him from
behind.

He reacted quickly and in one motion turned around and drew his plasma weapon.
Only to realize that the man before him was Lt. Michael MacTyson. His gun was drawn
too, pointing directly to his neck.

"Drop it, kid. This is may not look like much, but believe me, a Magnum 44 point-blank
can leave a nasty hole. And Im aiming to your neck, so that can be a liability."

Dirk lowered his gun.

"Sorry, officer. Just a bit jumpy."

"Ill say." He lowered the gun, but did not holster it. "And who is responsible for this
littering?"

"Umwell, I am, but you see, the Smurfs were going to kill us and then" managed to
stammer Gargamel.

"Give me a break! Come on, man! You have single-handedly turned a subplot into a
major pain in the rear, diverting the true flow of the story, which if you dont know is the
Kingdom Come Musical."

"And then the Snorks came in. Jesus Christ! Then, when I hear the ruckus I come here to
investigate and you show me that you pack iron."

Gargamel was feeling completely embarrassed. MacTyson continued.

"Grendel Smurf is one of the many, many Grendels throughout the Multiverse, up to God
knows what. Me? I like the feisty little $(&&. Lets keep him around until some plot
needs it. And the Smurf Pantheon might be good for a completely different story, but not
today."

MacTyson looked down the street. He could see Impulse and Emerald Void right around
the corner.

"Let's allow Grendel Smurf to fade into the background and lets get rid of the others,
painlessly off-panel, and keep up with the musical."

"How are you going to prevent that the Smurf Pantheon and the Snorks return?" asked
Gargamel.

MacTyson smiled and pulled some papers from his trench coat pocket.

"Interesting things, the Police Station has. I found this Plot-Proof Box restraining orders
inside my desk. And I can arrest those who tamper with the storyline with repeated
pointless plots."

Gargamel blanched. He did not want to receive one of those papers.

"Now, Ill go back to the rehearsal." It was then when Gargamel noticed that beneath his
trench coat, MacTyson was wearing the Captain Marvel suit. "And well finish this
storyline soon. Capice?"

"Si" answered Gargamel, as he turned around and leftuntil a voice stopped him.

"Hey, where are you going?" said MacTyson, smiling wryly.

"Home to Valkenvania. Why?"

MacTyson handed Gargamel a broom and a large two-wheeled trash bin, labeled "J Street
Salvage."

"Someones got to clean this mess, and it aint gonna be me. If you want, let Emerald Void
and Impulse to help you finish this quickly."

"Waitaminute copper! I dont agree with your terms!" replied Gargamel.

"(Sigh!) Dense as diamond Fill a complaint in my office, after you sweep the trash." And
with that, he left for the theater.

Chapter Eighty-four: There shall come a critic!

By Joe Grendel

The J Street Little Theater

The man sat in the second row, between a family of cybernetically enhanced weiners and
a pair of pygmy marmosets. Trying to ignore the fact that the two marmosets were
making out and the cybernetically enhanced weiners kept humming under their breath
(did they breathe? he was never sure), he concentrated on his work, scribbling furiously
on a pad of paper in his lap.

He was Martin J. Uppercrust, reporter, columnist and theater critic for the J Street
Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald.

And he was happy.

His nose had healed nicely, after being broken by a certain bartender (see Pantheon
Comics #7 "If Wishes Were Horses"). But Martin J. Uppercrust, pride of the University
of Virginia Rhetoric department (long story), was not a man who easily forgave and
forgot. And tonight, he'd have his revenge!

His maniacal laughter was shushed by the pink elephant in the straw hat sitting behind
him.
 Chapter Eighty-five: The Big Introduction!
By The Regular Hank!

The J Street Little Theater

The crowd wall was barely noticeable, and the last of the ticket holders finally made their
way to their seats. The house lights fades slowly, as "Kingdom Come" appeared in bold,
brightly lit letters on the outside of the red velvet curtain.

The music came up slowly, the brass section building a slight crescendo, then a cascade
of horns, happy trumpets and trombones. After a few movements, the horns fades into a
light blend of wishful violins and violas. The cello section responded darkly, as the kettle
drums began beating a slow rhythm. The rhythm became more and more sinister as the
introduction progressed. The crowd ooohed and aaahed.

In the back of the theater, Hack leaned over to kevrhon.

In hushed tones, Hack whispered, "It's amazing what can be done with a Casio keyboard
and a drum-sequencer, isn't it?" kevrhon shushed Hack with a desperate flailing of arms.
kevrhon was a bit nervous.

The violins came in high, as the kettle drums beat like thunder. Then, a lone flute sang
out, soon after joined by happy trumpets and clarinets. A bassoon comically played
rhythm. Then, the music faded for a second.

The curtains opened, as the stage lights slowly faded up and the letters slowly faded out.
The voice of Walter Cronkite boomed throughout the theater.

"There will be rumblings. And fire "

"eeeeeeaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," sang The Seven

Thunders Chorus, as they walked on stage.

The Seven Thunders stand in top hats and tails center stage, with a spotlight shining on
them. They each bow and take off their hats in quick succession. Then, they tap dance.
The music starts. As they sing, strange costumed heroes of every size, shape and form
begin fighting in the background. They do strange modern dance numbers as they fight.
The Thunders begin singing along, strolling across the stage in unison amidst the chaos.

"Near Armageddon"
loosely sung to "Pure Imagination"

"Come with us
Without fuss
To a world of
Near Armageddon
Take a look
If you must
At Near Armageddon

There are low life

Heroes
In this world of
Near Armageddon
Watch and Eagle
And a Bat
Fight maybe later .

Wonder Woman came from

Paradise
Superman from a planet that blew it
Batman's the best to plan with
Wanna change the world?
Ask him to do it "

On the last note, The Seven Thunders hold a low tone. BlackBelt (of The Seven
Thunders), steps out while his brothers continue to sing. He speaks in happy tones.

"Tonight you will see

A world that may be
Or not
who knows?
Not I.

There's battles and such

At times a bit much
'Tween old
And new
Oh MY!

Relax in your chairs

Or not, we don't care
Just please
clap loud
Don't cry!

Our story begins

In a world of sins
With him
Sandman
Wesley Dodds ."
BlackBelts voice trailed off, as both the modern dancers and The Seven Thunders beat a
hasty retreat from the stage

Chapter Eighty-six: Deadlock

By Impulse

The play proceeded well. kevhron was feeling good. The acting good. The tech good. The
RoboSmurfs outside.

"Hey!" whispered kev, "Does anyone else hear that?"

"What?" said Impulse.

In walked a lone Smurf. He sat down in a chair in the back row. And silently, more and
more Smurfs and Snorks came into the auditorium. They filled the whole balcony.

"Uh-oh," said Impulse.

Up walked Joe.

"Damn. Everyone is having troubles with the costumes. kev, come here and look."

kev and Joe went to the dressing room.

"OK, what's wron", said kev when his looked in astonishment at the cast.

Everyone was there all dressed in KC apparel.

"Wow. I promised myself I wouldn't cry!", said kev and he started to sob.

While he was crying, a lone Snork came in.

"Here are our terms"

Chapter Eighty-seven: Out, stage left.

By White Knight

The Snork handed kevrhon and Grendel a piece of paper, signed by all the blue little imps
and the Snorks.

"We're out of the story. We shall only appear as background characters, more meaningless
than Blanca Kannen Fauder" A female protest was heard on the fourth row of the theater.
"Its just a figure of speech!"

The female hushed.

MacTyson approached.

"Good. I accept your terms. Now, skeddadle! We've got a play to finish!"

The Smurfs, Robosmurfs, Predatorsmurfs, Flintstonesmurfs and the other assorted little
midgets left.

kevrhon, Grendel, MacTyson sighed with relief.

"Officer MacTyson" asked kevrhon.

"Yes?"

"Are you on duty?"

"Right now, no."

"Then get the [you know the drill] backstage! Places everyone!"

***

Martin J. Uppercrust was seated, none too comfortable. Next to him was a woman who
emanated the foulest smell. Gawds! How will I ever rate this play if I dont dare breath
through my nose? He began to pass out.

But now, all the action shall be behind curtains.

Chapter Eighty-eight: Best Laid Plans Of Lords Of Order

By JYu

"Uh oh. This is not good."

"What's not good, kevrhon?"

"I just realized that Act Four has only one song, and worse yet it's not even for a
significant moment of denouement for our misguided heroes."

"So?" responded Hack.

"You don't understand. We need a song to show some sort of epiphany which the main
characters go through. It'd be pointless and anticlimactic to just end with Drew101
pulling a Strangelove. These are the good guys! They're supposed to stand for something
better than death. They have to have a reason for people to believe in them. What point
would there be in all of them getting killed? We can't end the miscall like that! We have
to show them realizing the error of their ways! We have to we have to !"
" at least remotely follow the original plot, and put to music the scene where Batman and
Wonder Woman have a heart-to-heart, right" sighed Hack. "What do we do now?"

JYu cleared his throat. He adjusted one of numerous plastic "light-up-action" automatic
machine guns taped to his body (filling in as the role of Mr. "Fair Play" Wonderful for
KC Suberman, who had decided that the underlying pretext of his being a member of the
"New Breed" would ultimately bring to an end good Christian morality as he knew it,) as
he stood up and walked over to the two.

"Um In between harassing newbies I managed to write a little something up"

kevrhon's eyes widened.

"You did?"

"It kinda sucks. I don't know if you really want to!"

"Give it here!"

"Hoookaaay" JYu nervously handed kevrhon a used Burger King napkin, on the back of
which read

(To the tune of "L.A. Woman," by the Doors. Original lyrics by Jim Morrison.)

Well, I landed here aground about a minute ago,

Took a look around, see which way the fight go,
Try to stop the blood, and avoid another rash of blows.

Are you another so-called "hero" who can't win without might?
Or just another fallen angel trying to do right?
Try to do right, try to do right, try to do right.

Wonder Woman,
Wonder Woman,
Wonder Woman, what is wrong with you?
Wonder Woman, what is wrong with you?
Wonder Woman, what is wrong with you;
Let's talk this out -
Up into the blue! Into the blue,
Into the blue, blue, blue,
Into the blue!

I see your anger's burning -

Eyes are filled with fire.
You say you fight to stop death;
I think you are a liar.
"Force Peace?" Contradiction.
No one wins though war.

Kill Von Bach? They'll pay you back.

Never be a winner.
Oh, lord no. Oh, lord no.
Oh, lord no, no, no.
Oh, lord no.

Is there another end to madness?

Why do I feel nothing but sadness?

Body count is rising.

Gonna keep on rising,
See the jets arriving?
See the bomb a-flyin?
See the plume arising?
See the bodies frying?
Gonna keep on dyin'!
Dyin', dyin',
Dyin', dyin'

kevrhon stared blankly at the napkin for a minute. He then looked up.

"You're right. This is awful. I'll take it."

Chapter Eighty-Nine: Kingdom Come, Book One

By White Knight

The streets surrounding the theater were filled beyond belief. Some enterprising duck-
billed platipii had bought tickets galore and scalped them at murderous prices.

The line waiting for the theater's door to enter was at least seven blocks long and they
were all wearing their best clothes (or whatever passes for that regarding the
cybernetically enhanced weiners). As security measures, MacTyson had deputized some
of the less evil Smurfs to keep things in order. So far, so good. Finally, the doors were
opened and the theater began to fill up.

Backstage

kevrhon was pacing back and forth, nervous as heck. Hack was pacing too, twice as
nervous sending distressed signals all throughout the Internet, making computers
"perform illegal operations" and shut down access.
The cast members were ready. Chet, the other bartender walked to the microphone and
said "Ladies and gentlemen of different races and manners, will you please take your
seats, the play will begin in five minutes"

"Five minutes! Let's begin now!" said a nervous Impulse.

"Calm down, sonny boy. The play is marked to last almost 8 hours."

"Well, yeah, but since this dimension's time span is nothing like we are used to, we might
not feel it so long," said Grendel, trying not to bump his horns with the curtains wires.

"We are about to start the show people and I like us to say a prayer for its success."

Grendel and hellgirl sneered. The rest of them, starting with KC Suberman joined hands.

"Dear God"said kevrhon "let us not suck. Amen."

"Amen"

"J'onn will telepathically link us in order that we can guide throughout the play. Hell be
down with the orchestra pit, performing the songs until hes needed on stage. Impulse, are
you ready with the FX?"

"Ready."

"Ladies and gentlemen of different races and manners, will you please take your seats,
the play is about to begin"

"Are we ready people?" said kevrhon, clutching his prop bible and stroking his fake
beard.

"Ready!"

"Lets go!"

Background noises= Sounds of explosions and fist-fights. Screams of anger and pain.
Sound effects of bullets and laser beams.

J'onn motioned forward to the microphone as he read aloud the first lines.

"There were voices, and thundering and lightnings"

Impulse activated the lights, making the stage look like a lightning storm. A screen was
placed all along the stage and the Pantheon was mimicking the armageddon battle scene.

" And an earthquake."

The battle scene floundered as J'onn kept reading the Revelation of Saint John. The sound
and the lightning increased until they built a crescendo, blinding and deafening the
audience.

Suddenly, everything stopped. Silence and darkness. A spotlight flicked on and centered
itself on the stage. A bed was occupied by a patient. A chair was used by a man with
glasses reading from a book.

The narration continued, this time in kevrhon-Norman McKay's voice.

"Woe, Woe Woe to the inhabiters of Earth"

Joe Gallagher #8577, (Wesley Dodds), said "I know Im dying and you think that I only
rave. But you must read from the sacred book about the world's fate. Everything is not
like it was. Everything will not be as it should. The metas are above the humans. The
balance is broken. Soon the planet will be. I see it in my dreams."

"Nightmares, Wesley. That's why you are here."

"No Babylon will fall! Listen to me, for someone must act! Be the one who listens! Read
the word! Read THE WORD!"

On a simulated window in the background, we see a simulated background of the city at

night. Some figures cross it flying.

A doctor and a nurse enter the room as Wesley stands up, grabs his hat and tries to leave.
He finally collapses on the bed and the doctor tries CPR. Wesley dies as Norman reads
from the Bible.

The light fades, and the spotlight centers on McKay as he stands up and walks stage left.
Then the lights fade in as they reveal Norman to be on a cemetery. Its raining. The Jester,
on regular suit and tie, is standing next to a grave marked "Corrigan."

Reverend Norman McKay walks around the city. We see him enter the Planet Krypton
and think about heroes long gone. He sees the mockery they made of their heroic ideals.
Their battles and sacrifices being now names of alcoholic beverages and food combos.
He leaves the place.

A paperboy walks past him, screaming "EXTRA, EXTRA, The U.N. will enact more
metahuman censures!"

"More and more, I see that human initiative has been crushed by the might of the
superhumans. We no longer care, we no longer rate. The day we let those new heroes take
control of our lives, we doomed ourselves."
J'onn gestures to the musicians. They play some grim notes as the Seven Thunders humm
in bass voices.

"With each passing day, the metas come closer to fully realizing that we are no more than
an annoyance. They dance and prance around, surrounded by mayhem and destruction.
And they take many lives in 'being heroes.'"

The lights on the stage dim, as a yellow, orange and red streak flashes behind Norman.
Kevrhon thinks that Impulse is doing a great job.

"We are the meek on this planet. The Lord said we'd inherit the Earth " The lights on
stage erupt into life as a balsa wood prop bus is thrown across the stage. "But he never
accounted for the mighty."

The stage trembled with the battle scene Norman witnesses.

NIGHTSTAR (Lady Pantheon), MANOTAUR (Emerald Void), TUSK (Green Arrow),

and some other metas battle in the background. Lightning-like sounds and bullet shots are
heard above the musical score.

"Here they are" says Norman to the audience "The children of the heroes, their progeny.
They are inspired by their acts, but not by their morals. They only fight each other,
without rhythm or reason." As he speaks, the heroes shoot each other, crashing against the
scenario and 'hurting' the extras.

Norman Mc Kay runs towards a little girl who's about to be crushed by the falling Tusk.
He raises his arms.

"This are our heroes! This is our hope!" He raises his voice to a scream "Their protection
will be the end of us!"

Then, a TV screen is turned on. The screen engulfs the stage. A female reporter is
speaking. The Heroes stop fighting.

J'onn signaled the musicians, struck a chord. The Seven Thunders sing at the cue

"A long long time ago

I can still remember how those heroes used to make me smile
And I knew if Id get in shape
Don some boots and flowing cape
I could be happy for a while.

But Metropolis made me shiver

With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news from the Planet
Superman had had it
 I can't remember if I cried
When I heard of Magog and his pride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Kansas died"

A thunderous sound was made by the instruments and an explosion of light blinded the
audience.

J'onn spoke on the microphone.

"And there followed hail and fire mingled with blood"

The music faded slowly. The lights are dimmed, and finally, faded.

The audience murmurs with approval. They cannot clap yet, for it has only ended the first
movement.

The lights fade in again as we hear Norman Mc Kay's voice with sadness and anger.

"Fear God, and give glory to Him For the Hour of his Judgment is come"

The church's pulpit is pointing directly to the audience, as if they were congregated to
hear mass. The light coming from behind the glaziery emanated an eerie glow.

"Forgive me. This isnt what I wanted" said Norman.

He steps down from the pulpit and he gets down from stage. The spotlight centers on him
as he walks to an empty seat within the audience (kudos to MacTyson's security force for
keeping it empty!). He sat and, in an act of faithlessness, rips open his Bible.

"The end of the world is near!" he voiced, boomed by J'onn's mind. "Wesley knew it. The
superhumans will end the world!"

The lights illuminated the stage. THE SPECTRE (Jester) came throughout the gauze-
made glazier and approached Norman McKay. The audience was aghast.

"I have need of you Norman McKay!" The Spectre tried to keep the cape wrapped around
him as tightly as he could, for he as nude was as he had been born.

As images were projected in different backgrounds on the wall as kevrhon "walked"

through the city reflecting the destruction and chaos caused the new breed of meta-
humans. The Spectre said "Armageddon is approaching fast. An act of unspeakable evil
has begun to manifest."

The guitars strummed, the orchestra members joined in, and the Seven Thunders were
ready for the chorus.
A Day In The Life
(music by Lennon/McCartney)

Norman "I read the news today oh, boy

About a hero man who saved the day
But now the news was rather sad
I just couldnt laugh
I saw Magogs staff
He killed the Joker. Went too far
Supes then did notice that the times had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd see his face no more
Nobody was really sure what the Man of Steel was for

I read the Book today today, again

To Wesley Dodds who said he saw a war
I nodded slow and turned the page
But had I only looked
A care I wouldve took
For Kingdoms Coooooooome

Woke up, got out of bed

Had a vision in my head
Found my way to Church and had a fright
And looking up, I saw a vengeful light
Found my voice and asked the ghost
About dreams of fiery hosts
Found my life upturned and veiled in smoke
The Spectre spoke about me and my dreams
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I saw the news today oh, boy

Four million dead on the Kansas plains
And since the news was rather bad
The Eagle was quite mad
Now they know how many lives must die to bring Supes
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
Will Kingdom Cooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmme?

"Your dreams may hold the key to mankinds survival. Come with me!"

"I cannot, my congregacy" The Spectre raises his broken Bible. Norman shuts up. "Once
the saviors this planet boasted could have averted this, but now, in many ways, they are
part of the problem!"
The lights dimmed and faded as they both were lifted by wires to create the illusion that
they were "flying" to the farm where Superman resided.

The lights faded in again as they appear to be within a farmer's rich soil.

"This appears to be a midwestern farmland, but that is not possible!"

The Spectre and Norman see a man working atop of a barn.

SUPERMAN (Captain Pantheon) carries a couple of wood beams.

"The farmer looks familiar"

"He's not a mortal from this world, but his power and abilities are far beyond those of
mortal men."

Superman scratched his beard as he carried a cardboard cut-out of a tractor on his

shoulders. WONDER WOMAN (Amazon) entered, stunning the audience with her
costume. She began with her opening line.

"Hello, Clark."

Superman gave her a smoldering look.

"Kal."

"Diana, haven't seen you in months. What brings you to the farm?"

"The vain hope that you're not still here."

Superman tended to the carousel horse on display.

"These are my roots."

"You can't live forever in solitude." Wonder Woman reached out and placed her hand on
his brow.

He backed away from her touch.

"I'm Superman. I can do anything."

Music began to fill the stage. Taking a deep breath, Wonder Woman prepared for the duo
with Superman. In a crystal clear voice, she began to sing,

Look at the Man of Tomorrow

Living in ten years of sorrow
 I don't have time for this
Leave me be

There's a world out there that's dying

And you're not even trying

I've got work to do

Chores to be done

How much longer will you hide?

Do you live in nothing but lies?

I'm not afraid of him

You damn well know that

Kal, he's out of control

It's starting to take it's toll

I warned them all ten years ago

They wouldn't listen

You have got to stop punishing them all

The human race will indeed fall

I have a life to tend to

Go back to your island, princess

Stop this cowardice

Fight for Truth and Justice

Don't preach to me about that

I'm not interested

You're the Man of Tomorrow

It's time to come out of the shadow

What more do you want from me?

There's nothing I can do

Come out of the shadow

Man of Tomorrow

Man of Tomorrow
Man of Tomorrow
Man of To-mor-row . . .
As the music faded, the room lit up flickering with panels of television screens flickering
all across the stage. Sounds of chaos and confusion emitted from the speakers. Behind
Superman and Wonder Woman, a huge, movie screen played the moment in which
MAGOG (Joe Grendel) and CAPTAIN ATOM (Thunderbolt) pursued the PARASITE,
and it also showed the tragic image of Captain Atom being split open to his death. This
went on for several minutes until the room came to an abrupt silence.

Superman took a sideways glance at Wonder Woman.

"There's nothing I can do from here. Go back to your island, Diana. You're safe there."
And with that, he exited through the side door.

Wonder Woman leaves the stage, carried by the invisible wires that makes it look like
shes flying. Norman and the Spectre are illuminated by the green-lighted spotlight.

"And where are the other heroes?" asks Norman.

"They are still active, although in a clandestine way"

The projector shows a computer-animated scene showing Ozbat! run around in the
FLASH costume, preventing the tiniest crime. HAWKMAN (KC Suberman) was shown
on that screen too, swooping down from the heavens, attacking illegal forest men. And
GREEN LANTERN (Satellite) is shown watching Earth. (Actually, it was still
photography shot from Gallagher City, with special permission by The Joe Gallagher
Avatar.)

"Flash, Green Lantern and Hawkman, ever vigilant, ever saviors they continue the fight.
Other heroes followed Supermans retirement and left-"

"And what about the Batman?" asked Mc Kay.

"The Batman remains under control of his city" says the Spectre as we see images of the
BATBOTS (CGI, courtesy of ILM) subdue some human criminals.

The lights flick on again as McKay and Spectre are standing next to a bridge.

"And thats it? You say that those who can save us wont do it?"

"I never promised hope"

"B.S."

*Kevrhon, that was not on the script!* J'onn chimed in.

*I know, but a great thespian knows when to improvise!* retorted kevrhon.

"Look around us. This heroes will kill us all!"

Manotaur, TRIX (Binary 11), MR. 'FAIR PLAY' TERRIFIC (JYu), JOKER'S
DAUGHTER (Dom) and 666 (The Temporary Guy) each used their different simulated
powers as they fought each other on top of the rowboat-come-rail car, occupied by
Blanca Kannen Fauder and Olga.

"They are reckless, they are out of control! We need something to reel them in! If we are
to survive, we need Hope!"

As on cue, a red and blue blur came on stage, knocked the bad guys unconscious and
saved the trapped folks inside the rail car. The innocent bystanders cheered as they saw
Superman float down, carrying the knocked out criminals.

But then, a dark and gritty image is projected on screen. Its Superman among smoke and
ashes. His costume is burnt and broken, his face is angered.

"Oh, God!" said Norman to the Spectre. "The Armageddon threat has not been averted! It
has only come closer to fulfillment!" The lights flickered and switched off.

Impulse hustled to a start and began pulling the cords lowering the curtains on the stage.
It was the end of a very successful Book One.

Chapter Ninety: If I Didn't Get This In, I'd Hate Myself

By Jason

"OH DAMN!" shouted Red Monster. "Ohnoohnooonno"

"What's up?" asked Jason, dressed as Rorschach.

"My linesI can't remember!"

"Um, Jason?" said kevhron. "I have an ideaIs anything wrong?"

"Nah. I got it covered."

With that, Jason grabbed a broomstick and smacked RM in the head.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR??"

"Easy, kev."

Red Monster's eyes opened.

"OK, where are we?"

"The theater."

"Who am I?"

"You're Jason."

"Who are you?"

Red Monster thought for a second.

"I'm Batman."

"Beautiful." He turned to kevhron. "Crisis averted."

Kevhron rolled his eyes

Chapter 91: The curtain falls.

By Joe Grendel
Hack and Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

Saturday morning.

Hack was picking out music on the jukebox.

OzBat was drinking a glass of orange juice and writing the day's specials on the dry erase
board.

Chet looked up from J Street Tribune-Democrat-Daily-Times-Herald as Grendel came

downstairs and out into the bar from the back room.

"Hey, Uppercrust's review is in the paper."

Grendel grunted noncommittally.

Chet took this as interest and read aloud.

"'Why were supposed to think a group of self-proclaimed superheroes had any acting,
writing, dancing, singing or directing talent was never answered over the course of the
evening. And even if they had, why they had chosen to adapt such a second-rate work as
'Kingdom Come' is also unclear. Had they been real heroes, they would have known their
efforts would have been better spent on adapting a seminal work like 'Secret Wars II.''"

"I'm gonna break his nose again," Grendel growled as he grabbed several cartons of
tomato juice out of the refrigerator.
"ACH!" OzBat grabbed his nose. "At least he wouldn't be able to smell YOU then! Wha'
hoppen'?"

Hack grinned.

"He got into an argument with his ex-girlfriend, Skunk Girl, backstage. She sprayed
him."

Grendel scowled.

"Yeah, Valentine's Day looks like it's gonna be a crappy one this year." He returned
upstairs with the tomato juice.

Just then, the CD began to play on the jukebox. "Kingdom Come The Musical (Original
Cast Recording"

"I dunno," Chet said, burying his face in the paper. "I liked the musical. And that Skunk
Girl takes a heck of a photograph."

The End