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Contents

Introduction 1. The Brain 2. The Mind 3. Gender: nature or nurture 4. Personality: nature and nurture 5. Body Soul and Spirit 6. The Life Force 7. Friendship, love and marriage 8. Parenting 9. Truth, Time and Genes 10. Conclusion

3 5 17 28 36 54 73 91 109 134 144

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Introduction
This book is about life, love and the path to transcendent thinking and spiritual understanding.
During my senior years at school I recall musing, as youths do, about life and what it all meant. I was privileged to attend medical school and become immersed in a science that dealt with people; and yet what touched me most, as a medical student, was my experience of my own fathers premature death. Out of the emotion surrounding his death I realised two things: first, how much he cared for me and, second, the nature and the power of love. I also realized that, for the person who is dying, the process of death may be a glorious relief and not a terrifying ordeal, as feared by many. My fathers death, which was emotionally traumatic for me, has subsequently influenced me in a profound and positive way. It has pervaded my personal and professional life and allowed me to see things in a different light. I now hold a view on life, love and spirituality, derived from experience, as opposed to simple musing, that I will attempt to describe in these pages. Basically, this book illustrates how functions of the front part of our brain, our forebrain, interfere with our perception of life, moving us away from natures process of love, transcendent thinking and spirituality. I have intentionally omitted reference to my personal journey because everyone is different and we all have to experience our own unique journey through life. What helped me achieve transcendent thinking and spiritual understanding may not help you. There is no set path that will lead you to these higher levels of knowing. All I have attempted to do is to present you with directional sign posts for your journey. These signposts will, I hope, initiate changes in you that will assist your continuing evolution to enable you to enjoy the joy of transcendent thinking and sage knowledge. Remember, according to the Existentialists, we are a humans coming -3-

into being. I remember the moment I finally understood the concept of transcendent thinking. It was my serendipity. Although it occurred many years ago, the time and place are fixed in my memory like it was yesterday. It was wonderful. The first three chapters on The Brain, The Mind and Gender present a scientific basis from which the arguments in the rest of the book are developed. The chapters on Personality, Body Soul and Spirit and The Life Force discuss three different approaches to overcoming the influence of the brain on the process of spiritualization. The chapters on Friendship, Love and Marriage and Parenting illustrate how spiritual enlightenment can be achieved through interpersonal relationships. Although the initial chapters may appear a little tedious, they form the foundation for the broader concepts described in later chapters. The arguments develop step by step throughout the book and so it is necessary to read the book in its entirety, from the beginning. Throughout the book I will use the following generic terms to avoid confusion and argument. The mundane; represents anything pertaining to this earthly world as opposed to higher order issues. The Ineffable; refers to the concept of a higher being; eg. God. Transcendent thinking; refers to thinking outside the created world (the mundane) and to a higher level of understanding about everything! Throughout, I will use a reductionist approach, which reduces the object under consideration to its basic level of analysis. This may result in over-simplification and, unfortunately, a limited understanding of the more complex concepts.

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CHAPTER 1

The Brain
Overview: 1. To demonstrate the complexity of the human brain and the development of its highly sophisticated function. 2. To illustrate that the brain functions at a simple on/off binary system that results in complex behaviour. This is the first of three chapters that form the scientific foundation for the rest of the book. Although some of the information may appear technical it is not difficult to understand. It has been estimated that the human body is made up of 1 trillion cells. The brain is made up of approximately 100 billion of these cells that have become specialised nerve cells, or neurons. The function of the brain is generally dependent upon these neurons, which constitute the bulk of this organ. As the human brain evolved, the neurons became specialised in their anatomy and function. Anatomically, each neuron developed a cell body, a long arm, known as an axon, and receptor arms, known as dendrites. The axon enables the neuron to connect with other neurons. The dendrites contain the receptor pads, or synapses, where the axons of other neurons connect with it. Although the neuron may only have one axon it usually has many dendrites and many, many more synapses (See: Figure 1 and Plate 1). The unique function of the neuron, as distinct from other cells of the body, is that it has become specialised for message reception and -5-

transmission using chemicals known as neurotransmitters. When a neuron is stimulated, it sends an impulse down its axon to the end synapse(s).

Figure 1: Diagrammatic representation of a neuron.

At the synapse the impulse causes the release of a chemical message into the synapse. These neurotransmitters, which can range from

Plate1: Model of nerve cell body with synaptic connections. -6-

simple gases to complex molecules, stimulate the cell on the other half of that synapse. The message transferred at the synapse by the neurotransmitters can have either an excitatory (on) or inhibitory (off) effect on the cell receiving the message. Therefore, the brain is simply an extremely complex binary system. This on/off system is also found in computers and explains the hackneyed expression 'the brain is like a computer'. This sort of chemical message transmission is not unique to neurons. For example, it is also used by the bacterium Vibrio fisheri, found in the Hawaiian Bobtail squid. This bacterium uses chemical words to communicate with other bacteria of the same type to assess the numbers of bacteria present, termed quorum sensing. Once a critical number of replications of the bacterium has been achieved they all light up simultaneously, termed bioluminescence. Indeed, all bacteria communicate via chemical transmitters to talk to each other, both intra and inter species. For further information see Bonnie Basslers excellent presentation on YouTube Bonnie Bassler: The secret, social lives of bacteria. As an interesting aside; bacteria can produce chemicals that prevent the release of neurotransmitters, rendering the synapse inactive. Clostridium Botulinum is the most widely known bacteria that produce such a toxin, known as Botulinum toxin. This product is used medically and is commonly known as Botox. Anatomy of the brain: It is important to look at the overall structure of the brain to understand its complex nature and function. A general overview will demonstrate the difference between the front (fore) brain and the back (hind) brain but first it is necessary to look at the evolution of the brain. At this point I apologise to 'creationists', but ask you to bear with me. Issues concerning creation versus evolution will be addressed later. -7-

While in the mother, the developing foetal brain grows from three brain sacs, known as vesicles. The first vesicle forms the base of the brain, the hindbrain, the second vesicle forms the middle part of the brain, the midbrain, and the third vesicle forms the top of the brain, the forebrain (See Plate 2). The forebrain is the largest part of our brain and it is responsible for our superior intellectual function that distinguishes us from all other animals. The first vesicle, the hindbrain, develops into the cerebellum and a substantial part of the brain stem (See figure 2). The cerebellum is divided into two parts, one on the left side and one on the right side. The cerebellum is especially large in humans compared to other mammals. The function of the cerebellum is to influence balance, posture and movement. It operates at a subconscious level. When damaged the patient suffers a loss of coordination, known as ataxia. The brain stem connects the brain to the spinal cord. The second vesicle, the midbrain, forms a direct link between the forebrain and the hindbrain. The third vesicle develops into the forebrain. In lower vertebrates the forebrain is simply concerned with smell. With the evolution of the mammalian brain, part of the forebrain developed into the limbic system, which, primarily, is involved with emotion and memory function. In humans and higher mammals there has been the additional evolution of the cerebral hemispheres, or neocortex (meaning new cortex). As in the hind brain, the forebrain has two sides, or hemispheres, one on the right side and one on the left. The human brain has more of this new (neo)cortex than any other animal and it is this neocortex that -8-

PLATE 2: Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) showing mid line section through a normal brain.

confers on human beings the highest level of cognitive function, intelligence, in the animal kingdom. Ninety per cent of the human cerebral hemisphere is neocortex (see figure 2). The neocortex controls all modalities of sensation (except smell) and special motor function. It also contains areas of association, where intellectual activity takes place.

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Figure 2: Diagrammatic representation of the brain showing the neocortex. As stated previously, the normal human brain is made up of an estimated 100 billion neurons and supporting cells. It has also been estimated that these neurons share 1,000 trillion connections, or synapses (See plate 1). It is this interconnectedness that provides the human brain with its amazing complexity of both structure and function. To illustrate this, as you read these pages the impulses travelling from your eye to the visual cortex of your brain, the site of sight appreciation, will be traced. The receptors at the back of the eye are highly developed, specialised - 10 -

neurons. There are two types of these receptor neurons: rods and cones. (See plate 3). Primarily, the rod cells are concerned with vision in low light and the cone cells are concerned with vision in normal illumination.

Plate 3: Scanning electron micrograph of the photoreceptor cells of an eye. A=rod cells, B=cone cells.

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In each eye there are approximately 130 million rod cells and 7 million cone cells. These cells are stimulated through the absorption of light energy. This energy is absorbed by the rhodopsin (a derivative of Vitamin A) pigment of the cell. Once the cell is excited, an impulse passes down the axon where it meets a bipolar neuron (See figure 3). These bipolar nerve cells, which may be connected to multiple rods and cones, can also be influenced by horizontal neurons and amacrine neurons. The bipolar cells then connect to ganglion nerve cells. It is these ganglion neurons that carry the impulse out of the eye.

Figure 3: Diagrammatic representation of retinal neurons These cells interconnect and influence each other to formulate the impulse of sight. These interconnections and potential cell interactions occur before the - 12 -

impulse that stimulated your eye has actually left the eye to be interpreted by the brain! There are approximately 140 million receptor cells in each eye. When the stimulus leaves the eye, the number of cells available to carry this information has been reduced to about 1 million. These cells, which constitute the optic nerve, travel to a special area in the neo(new)cortex (the lateral geniculate nucleus) of the brain. Here they connect with new cells which then transmit the impulses to the visual cortex, the site of sight appreciation, which is at the back of the neocortex (See figure 4).

Figure 4: Areas of function specificity of neocortex.

This myriad of interconnections facilitates accurate binocular vision, a sensory perception that is highly developed in human beings. The way the brain produces an image in the minds eye, however, is still poorly understood. A similar degree of specialisation and interconnectedness of neurons is - 13 -

seen throughout the rest of the human brain. This interconnectedness of nerve cells is not only responsible for the high level of function and the complex nature of the human brain, it also allows free communication of information between different parts of the brain. The complexity is depicted beautifully by Dame Susan Greenfields analogy in her book The Private Life of the Brain; The 100 billion neurons in the adult human brain have been likened previously to the number of trees currently in the Amazon rain forest. Yet I now like to think that a bustling metropolis, like New York City, would be a better analogy. New York City can be divided up on a gross scale into different boroughs, then into different districts and neighborhoods, and finally into blocks. But within each block there is an incessant activity both restricted to local spheres of influence as well as interactions with the higher levels of neighborhood-district, borough, and so on. Any one room in a building on a block could, perhaps, be fancifully likened to a neuron. The constant activity within any building, with people darting, lingering, resting and rushing between rooms and out into the wider world of the street and the city itself, would be similar to the chemicals, or transmitters, that are used as messengers from one brain cell to the next.

Finally, brain function is lateralised and it has area specificity. As stated earlier the neocortex of the brain has two cerebral hemispheres. Generally the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body. In addition, the two hemispheres have different functions (See figure 5) and different areas of the neocortex have different functions (See figure 4). Once the brain is mature these facets of brain function are fixed and resistant to change.

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Figure 5: Brain lateralisation.

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Prior to this the developing brain is capable of fluidity and can compensate for developmental problems. This sort of fluidity is seen in substantial brain surgery for childhood epilepsy. When the surgeon removes the irritable hemisphere, that is causing the fitting, the residual brain is capable of accommodating the loss and restore, with varying degrees of success, normal brain function. This capacity to adapt is not seen in the mature brain.

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Chapter 2

The Mind
Overview;
1. To illustrate that the mind has both conscious and unconscious components. 2. To explain the three levels of knowledge; rational, intuitive and sage. 3. To illustrate that the development of the forebrain and the neocortex, that provide humans with their high level of cognitive function can, paradoxically, deprive us of knowledge. The mind can be defined as the organised totality of all mental processes and psychic activities, and it is the seat of volition, selfconsciousness, conscience, mentality and emotion. It is generally accepted that the mind functions through the brain, namely that part of the human nervous system contained within the skull and spine. The mind, through the brain, functions at a conscious and a subconscious (also known as unconscious) level. The conscious mind provides us with an awareness of all external stimuli and our internal mental response to them. This is the mind you are using to read these pages. It is capable of rational and critical thought and is responsible for the processes that facilitate judgment based on past and present experience. The subconscious mind continues all the other mental processes that are not being utilised by the conscious mind. To make a simple analogy, the conscious mind is like the screen of - 17 -

your computer while the subconscious mind is like the RAM and hard drive. The conscious mind can use information from the subconscious. However, at any one moment in time it can not be aware of all the information stored in the subconscious. Once the conscious mind is 'full', new thoughts coming from the subconscious mind will displace thoughts presently in the conscious, sending them back to the subconscious. Continuing the computer analogy, once the screen is full, any more information placed on the screen from the hard drive and RAM will displace equivalent amounts of information already on the screen back from whence it came. The conscious mind requires rest, in the form of sleep, during its 24hour circadian cycle. In addition, it also undergoes a more frequent biological rhythm. This is an ultradian rhythm which cycles every 90 to 120 minutes. It is during the transient resting phases in these cycles that you may find yourself daydreaming. Unlike the conscious mind, the subconscious mind does not appear to rest. For example, it is the subconscious mind that prevents you from falling out of bed when you turn in your sleep. It maintains control when your conscious mind is going through its transient resting phases. It will continue a particular behaviour such as eating while your mind wanders. The subconscious mind therefore provides you with a degree of autonomic vigilance. Returning to the computer analogy, the encoded information of the subconscious mind equates to the information held on the hard drive of the computer. It contains genetically transferred information, and memories and experiences collected throughout life. Unlike the computer, however, it appears to have the potential for modification by the collective unconscious. Collective unconscious: The collective unconscious is a feature of sage knowledge (to be discussed later), through which we are one. Yung described the collective unconscious as follows: - 18 -

The sphere of the archetypal mind... The contents of the collective unconscious are not subject to any arbitrary intention and are not controllable by the will. They actually behave as if they did not exist in yourself - you see them in your neighbours but not in yourself.... When the collective unconscious is activated, you are no longer the same person. You are not only in the movement - you are it.... In the collective unconscious you are the same as a man of another race, you have the same archetypes, just as you have, like him, eyes, heart, liver, and so on. (ref: Analytical Psychology, Jung, C.G.)

The existence of the collective unconscious is demonstrated by Ken Keyes in his book The Hundredth Monkey. Keyes developed what he called a 'critical mass' theory: While observing a group of monkeys off the coast of Japan, he noticed that one monkey within the group had learned how to wash the earth off its sweet potatoes in the salt water. Within a short time the rest of the monkeys in that group had mimicked this behaviour and were performing the same ritual. He then noticed that when a given number of monkeys behaved in this manner, similar behaviour was seen in separate groups of monkeys which lived miles away and had no physical contact with the first group. According to Keyes' theory, when a critical mass number of a species adopts a behaviour then the same behaviour can appear in other members of the same species not associated with the original group. This tendency has been observed in animals by other observers. It appears, therefore, that this phenomenon and other paranormal phenomena, also seen in humans, may be part of a natural, yet primitive, communication mode. You will recall in chapter 1 the reference to the collective awareness of bacteria. Bacteria do not function as individuals but invade and parasite their hosts in an organized fashion. Their collective conscious is mediated by chemical transmitters.

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Other forms of the collective unconscious can be seen in the flight of a flock of birds or the migration of a school of fish. The animals move in unison, as one. This collective unconscious is mediated by the mind set of the animal(s), not just simple chemicals. The vision of the collective conscious in action is always majestic. Through the neocortex humans have developed and refined their four senses (as stated previously the sense of smell was the original function of the fore-brain). This development has facilitated our interaction with the outside world. As a result, it is no longer necessary for us to rely on these less precise forms of communication, which appear to be an inherent function of our hind-brain. Therefore, the development of our neocortex, our forebrain has suppressed our collective unconscious. The processes of the collective unconscious remains in us all, its primitive function has simply been superseded by the sophistication of the neocortex. Paradoxically, therefore, the development of higher cognitive function via the development of the forebrain and the neocortex has served to suppress a profound level of awareness in humans. The collective unconscious aside, the subconscious mind is similar in function to the hard drive and RAM of the computer in that, generally, it is not capable of change. The subconscious is not capable of critical thought. In other words, the information stored in the subconscious mind and relayed to the conscious mind usually remains the same. However, the conscious mind can change information stored in the subconscious by critical analysis before returning it to the subconscious. Similarly, the computer operator can change the information on the screen to change the information stored on the hard drive. Hypnosis: It is the inability of the subconscious to critically analyse that makes hypnosis such a powerful psychological tool. The process of hypnosis - 20 -

involves the concentration of the conscious mind to such a degree that the subconscious takes over vigilance and reality testing. In this trance state the subconscious is available to accept new information supplied by the therapist, bypassing the critical judgment of the conscious mind of the patient. For example, the therapist may make an illogical proposal about smoking to the patient. He tells the patient's subconscious mind that when they next smoke a cigarette they will experience a foul taste in their mouth and pain in their chest. Once the patient resumes conscious monitoring of the external environment, the subconscious mind will provide the conscious mind with that information. If the patient smokes he or she will experience a foul taste and chest pain. The success of the hypnotic suggestion is directly proportional to the depth of trance achieved by the patient. At this point it is important to note two things. First, when the subconscious mind takes over the role of reality testing it can only respond to the reality according to the information it contains. Dr John Hartland in his book Medical and Dental Hypnosis illustrates this: I have recently been attending a serious case of pneumonia at number 127 High Street. It has caused me a great deal of anxiety and I have been in the habit of calling at this address at least once or twice a day for the past fortnight. The patient is now convalescent and I have not had to see him today, but intend to call on him tomorrow. As I leave the surgery to set out on my round, a new call is handed to me requesting me to visit number 136 High Street. (Note that it is the same street but a different number.) On my way to this house I pay several other calls. As I leave the last of these and get into the car to drive to High Street, I am feeling both worried and puzzled about the condition of the patient I have just left. My conscious mind is preoccupied with important questions. Ought I obtain another opinion or would it be better to move the patient into hospital? Still pondering over this problem, I drive to High Street, I stop the car and find to my surprise that I am knocking at the door of number 127, the house that I have been in the habit of visiting, daily but which I had - 21 -

consciously not intended to visit on this particular occasion. Second, despite its limited capacity to change, the subconscious mind is no fool. It will not retain information during a trance that is dangerous or in any way detrimental to itself. Ultimately, therefore, although the process of hypnosis involves relinquishing volition and conscious vigilance, the therapist does not have absolute power over the mind of the patient, unless that is what the patient wishes! The patient retains a degree of vigilance that preserves the patient's own morality throughout the trance. Hypnotherapy and/or hypnoanalysis are therapeutic tools and they have the potential to cause adverse psychological repercussions. For example, hypnotising a depressed patient can increase the degree of depression to the point of suicide. Their use, therefore, should be limited to competent therapists with adequate training, understanding and ability. Knowledge: A discussion on the mind would not be complete without reference to the three types of knowledge namely; rational, intuitive and sage knowledge. In Western terms there are two types of knowledge, rational knowledge and intuitive knowledge. The scientific term for intuitive knowledge is cryptethesia. Rational knowledge results from analysis and provides us with a way of observing and then understanding. It produces logic through which we can assimilate more knowledge. Intuitive knowledge is not restrained by logic. It is knowing without the necessity of logical proof. In other words, it is knowing without analysis. Carl Jung described intuitive knowledge as the part of our mind that allows us to see around corners. Dr R. Siu refers to it as knowledge that has been recognised by persons living before, in other settings perhaps, but practiced to equal perfection. It is 'feeling' knowledge. - 22 -

These two knowledge functions work together to provide humans with our unique system of knowing and observing. A third form of knowledge, called ' sage knowledge' or 'no knowledge', is described in Eastern philosophy. This concept of knowledge arose from the obvious limits attached to rational and intuitive knowledge. 'Western knowledge' provides humans with the ability to observe nature. Sage knowledge provides humans with the ability to share in nature's process. In the Eastern sense, no knowledge does not imply ignorance. In fact, having no knowledge or sage knowledge about a subject relieves the individual of their preconceptions (from neocortical activity) and frees that individual from the subjective boundaries associated with 'Western knowledge'. Sage knowledge allows the individual to blend with the universal. It provides the way to know of, and share in, the process of nature and beyond. This form of knowledge is advanced through the process of enlightenment and represents the highest level of mind function, or transcendent thinking. The Taoists call this Wu, or 'nonbeing'. My belief is that this state of knowledge is achieved by being aware of the awareness in the older parts of our brain, the hind and mid brain, and the influence these parts of our brain have on our state of being. This is the awareness of lower vertebrates, whose conscious is not clouded by the activity of a highly developed forebrain and neocortex. The opposite of Wu is Yu. Yu is the concept of having existence. For completeness, the teachings of the Buddhist master Chi-tsang on the duality of Wu and Yu are included (from Dr Sui, R.G.H.; The Tao of Science): The common people take all things as really Yu (having being, existent) and know nothing about Wu (having no being, nonexistent). Therefore the Buddhas have told them that actually all things are Wu and empty. On this level, to say that all things are Yu is the common sense truth and to say that all things are Wu is the higher sense truth. - 23 -

To say that all things are Yu is one-sided; but to say that all things are Wu is also one-sided. They are both one-sided, because they give people the wrong impression that Wu or non-existence only results from the absence of Yu or existence. Yet in actual fact, what is Yu is simultaneously what is Wu. For instance, the table standing before us need not be destroyed in order to show that it is ceasing to exist. In actual fact, it is ceasing to exist all the time. The reason for that is that when one starts to destroy the table, the table which one thus intends to destroy has already ceased to exist. The table of this actual moment is no longer the table of the preceding moment. It only looks like that of the moment. Therefore on the second level of double truth, to say that all things are Yu and to say that all things are Wu are both equally common sense truth. What one ought to say is that the "not-one-sided middle path" consists in understanding that things are neither Yu or Wu. This is the higher sense truth. But to say that the middle truth consists in what is not one-sided (i.e. what is neither Yu or Wu) means to make distinctions. And all distinctions are themselves one-sided. Therefore on the third level, to say that things are neither Yu or Wu and that herein lies the notone-sided middle path, is merely common sense truth. The higher truth consists in saying that things are neither Yu or Wu, neither not-Yu nor not-Wu and that the middle path is neither one-sided nor not one-sided. To understand the three levels of knowledge it is necessary to understand the way each is achieved. I believe that rational knowledge is based on the encoding of information on the brain and the capacity of the neocortex to rationalise. Intuitive knowledge arises from the brain functioning as a whole. Sage knowledge is derived from a state of being. It is universal truth. At the beginning of this chapter it was stated that the mind functions through the brain. Rational knowledge and intuitive knowledge are brain functions. Sage knowledge, in my view, is a function of the mind that is - 24 -

not confined simply to brain activity. It should be noted that the processes of rational knowledge, intuitive knowledge and sage knowledge are a trinity of knowledge function. All normal humans are born with this trinity. Each type of knowledge is available to, and works continually for, each individual, although the individual may not be aware of these inherent processes. Each process may, however, be oppressed. For example, an excellent memory function may provide an individual with an excellent rational knowledge, but this may impede the development of intuitive knowledge and sage knowledge. Patient A attended my practice for therapy, in his words, "to get fixed". He wanted somebody to make him feel better. His perception was that his life was a mess. He had been blessed with a good memory. During his adolescent years he decided that to be equal to an intellectual "I had to become one". Consequently, he absorbed as much knowledge as he could. He told me that he had as many as one hundred different opinions on any subject. He did not, however, know which of these, if any, constituted his own opinion. His brain was full of rational knowledge. This assimilated knowledge was oppressing his innate process of knowing. In addition, his knowledge was making him depressed. He had retained so much information and yet he did not know himself. He was knowledgeable but he did not feel wise. Therapy released him from his dependent attachment to his rational knowledge. His intuitive knowledge surfaced. In trusting his intuition he began to know himself. This allowed him a degree of intellectual peace. From this peace he could experience his sage knowledge. For example, he had lived by the sea as a child. The beach was a special place for him. One day after therapy he stood on the beach. He looked through his rational mind and knew that the movement of the waves on the shore created sand. He realised that this was a progressive process and had been going on for millions of years. He - 25 -

looked at the shells on the beach and knew that they would constitute the sand in years to come, and way past his death. Through this realisation he became aware of the incessant flow and timelessness of the ocean. For a brief moment he felt part of that timelessness. He described this feeling as "mind blowing". He had been to the beach so often and never noticed the enormity of the process that was before his eyes. This realisation, which he achieved through his intuitive and sage knowledge, provided him with a more appropriate and profound knowledge. Consequently, his awareness of life improved. The possible effects of oppressing sage knowledge are illustrated by Dr R Sui: It is the lack of no-knowledge that prompts remarks such as those on the happiness of the goldfish in the bowl. As if the poor fish were ever asked! Or even worse, the cruel thoughtlessness of some biologists who would increase the number of animals to be sacrificed during an experiment to round figures of, say, 100, when perhaps 87 would have been statistically adequate, just for the sake of facility in averaging test results. As if the slight increase in the ease of calculations on the investigator's part were of greater moment to nature than thirteen lives! An exercise in sage knowledge: Let us use the unseen presence of the wind to clarify the knowledge trinity. We know that wind exists because it can be felt. The sensation it produces on our body and the sight of the bending tree in the distance, provides us with a rational and intuitive knowledge about the nature of wind. We can sense, observe and rationalise its effects. Sage knowledge about wind is the feeling achieved by allowing yourself to be the wind. This exercise is simple in its formulation but difficult in its exercise. On the next windy day simply sit or, preferably, lie down and close your eyes. Now try to appreciate the wind. Listen to the noises it is creating and then free your thoughts to flow with the wind. Imagine as your thoughts move along how the wind bends the trees. Imagine how it is split by the nearby building and how it reunites with eddies of - 26 -

chaos behind the structure. Then move from imagination to feeling. Let your essence move with the wind. Feel your energy bend the trees. Feel your energy being split by the building. In achieving this state, subjective perceptions are lost and sage knowledge about the wind is achieved. During this discussion, an analogy has been drawn between the computer and the brain because of their similar modes of function, namely binary encoding. The human mind through the brain has the capacity to experience emotion, conceptualise, muse and critically analyse. Some of these functions may or may not be able to be reproduced by computer programming in future. The difference that will always exist between the most sophisticated computer and the human mind is the process of sage knowledge. Technology, however advanced, will not be able to reproduce a state of being in an inanimate machine that can meld with the process of nature. To be one with the Universal. Wisdom is defined as the capacity to make use of knowledge when it is applied for the guidance of life as a whole. It is prudence with a wide range of vision Wisdom is best advanced by the amalgamation and utilisation of the knowledge trinity; rational, intuitive and sage knowledge.

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CHAPTER 3

Gender: Nature verses Nurture

Overview. 1. Our gender bias and function depends upon the organisation of our brain lateralisation. 2. Gender differences are a complex inter-relationship between nature & nurture. Men and women are different. The obvious physical differences aside, differences exist between the psychological, emotional and intellectual processes of the two sexes. A debate about the origin of these differences ran for many years. Are they purely biological, being decided at conception by the chromosomal structure of the individual, or do they arise through life experience, namely nurturing? The biological view was that the difference between the sexes is simply an expression of the difference between the genetic structures of males and females. The difference in genetic structure is seen at the sex chromosome, XX for females and XY for males.

In contrast to this genetic approach, other professionals argued the 'conditioning theory'. They maintain that the difference in the behaviour of the sexes, and therefore the difference in their role function, is developed by nurturing. In other words, we treat our female children differently to our male children. We dress girls in pretty pink dresses and give them dolls and tea sets to play with. Boys, however, are allowed to be more unkempt and provided with toy guns and toy cars. The argument was that the sex-role stereotyping by the parents of the child produces an enduring sex-specific behaviour in that child. This is then repeated in the next generation by that child's - 28 -

influence on his or her children, and so on. The resolution of this argument was partly addressed by observing the behaviour of children in the Israeli Kibbutzim. These children were exposed to a gender-neutral environment. Consequently, the nurturing was influenced very little, if at all, by their gender. Generally, the results were that as these children developed the boys behaved like 'boys' and girls behaved like 'girls'. It is now evident that male and female brains are organised before birth in different ways. This difference contributes to the differences in behaviour. Research shows that six weeks after conception the male baby is exposed to a huge surge in levels of male hormones, known as androgens. Occurring in particularly high levels at this time is the androgen testosterone. This process is directed by the Y chromosome, which orchestrates the production of cells which release these hormones. This hormone exposure precipitates the development of the male's physical sexual characteristics and organises the baby's brain in a particular fashion. However, the development of the male's physical characteristics does not require this surge in hormone level. It will occur perfectly normally with a continued low dose exposure to the male, androgen, hormones. If this androgen hormone exposure does not occur in the womb the baby will develop female sexual characteristics and a female organised brain. Therefore, the natural tendency of the baby is to become female, both physically and in brain organisation. This hormonal influence at six weeks sets a brain pattern that decides the future 'maleness' and 'femaleness' of the individual. This gender specificity is highly resistant to change after birth. The degree to which the brain is gender specific depends upon the amount of male hormones to which the brain has been exposed. - 29 -

A genetically male brain exposed to an inadequate surge of male hormones at the six week stage, will have a brain organisation that is only partly male in pattern. The link between the amount of hormone exposure and the degree of male organisation of the brain appears to be directly proportional. The more hormone exposure, the more the brain is organised in a male manner. If this surge in hormone level does not occur, the brain will remain female in its structural organisation, yet it will be contained within a male body. In reverse, a genetically female brain exposed to male hormones at six weeks will show a male pattern organisation, yet it will be contained within a female body. It should be noted that although the brain is set by its hormone exposure before birth, the brain continues to develop after birth. In the early years a child's brain continues to 'grow'. This does not result from an increase in the number of nerve cells; generally there is no increase in neuron number after birth. The growth results from the increase in the interconnectedness of these cells between their axons and their dendrites. As a result, a gender specific brain also requires a degree of nurturing after birth to accommodate this 'growth' for it to develop fully. Therefore, both genetic predisposition (nature) and conditioning (nurture) have an influence on the developing sexuality and the behaviour of the mature individual. The differences between male and female brains relate to the differences in the specificity of function (refer Figure 5; Brain lateralization in chapter 1). In other words, certain functions of the brain become more specifically located in particular areas of that brain. In the case of the male brain, it appears that this specificity of function occurs partly at the expense of the ability of the brain's two cerebral hemispheres, neocortex, to communicate freely. Generally, a male brain shows a localised specificity of function for visuo-spatial perception, emotion and vocabulary. These functions are more diffusely located in the female brain. The female brain shows a more localised specificity for language, - 30 -

especially speech and grammar. The male neocortex is more diffusely organised for these functions. In addition to the preservation of the interconnectedness of the two hemispheres, females also preserve a higher level of body sensation. In summary, they see better, their skin is more sensitive, their sense of smell is superior, their ability to taste appears more delicate and they hear better than men (See Figure 6). A comprehensive account of the differences between the sexes can be found in Brain Sex by Anne Moir and David Jessel. They summarised the differences as follows: A woman is more sensitive than a man in her very being. She is more alert to touch, smell and sound. She sees more, and remembers, in detail, more of what she sees. The bias of her brain leads her to attach more importance to the personal, and interpersonal, aspects of life. Ever since that early eye contact, at a few hours old, she has been more interested in people. She is better at imparting, and receiving, the social cues of body language. She smiles more often than men when she is not happy, and is nice, more often than men, to people she may not like... She maintains closer, longer, and more regular links with her friends, to whom she confides more about her hopes and fears. She has a better memory for faces and characters. She understands, better than a man, what a man or woman means, even when he or she is apparently saying nothing... The right hemisphere of her brain that controls the emotions is better connected to the left side of the brain that controls verbal expression than it is in men... He, meanwhile, is ploughing a very different furrow. His brain, even before he was born, has been changed from its natural female form. In most of the key senses, he hears and feels less. He is more single minded because his brain is more compartmentalised. He does not notice distractions. His, since birth, has been the world of things what they are, how they work, and the space they occupy. - 31 -

His brain strategy leads him to tackle problems in a practical, overall, and inherently self-interested manner.

Figure 6: Brain organization; gender difference.

In understanding these differences further, it is necessary to look at the effects of the circulating sex hormones in adults, namely testosterone in males and oestrogen and progesterone in females. In the male-patterned brain, testosterone increases aggression, - 32 -

competitiveness, self-assertion, self-confidence and self-reliance. Human aggression is essentially a problem of males not females. Indeed, in the majority of mammals the male is more aggressive than the female. In addition, in humans testosterone makes the brain more single-minded and less likely to fatigue. The male is therefore 'driven' by his masculinity. With age and the lowering of testosterone levels, the male menopause (from the Greek; men from mensis=month, pausis=cessation) or manopause as I like to call it, the male's masculinity and therefore his desire to dominate fades. Males mellow with age. In females, oestrogen stimulates the female-ordered brain. Her senses become heightened; she experiences a sense of well-being, improved self-esteem, enthusiasm and libido. Oestrogen levels rise at the time most appropriate to achieve conception. Such is nature. (See Figure 7.)

Figure 7: Hormone levels in the normal menstrual cycle Progesterone, however, has the opposite effect to oestrogen. It produces a more subdued brain function, anxiety states, depression and a decrease in libido. It is the cyclical reduction of these two circulating hormones that produces menstruation and the associated pre-menstrual syndrome, which is well documented. The effect of progesterone is to prepare the female body for the product of - 33 -

conception. As in most situations, nature acts to protect the interests of the foetus not the mother! Following the menopause, when the female is no longer exposed to high doses of progesterone and oestrogen, she may become more selfcentred, self-assertive and aggressive. This, in part, is because the female brain continues to be exposed to small doses of testosterone, the effects of which were masked before menopause by her female hormones. The specialisation of brain pattern leads to preferential behaviour. In other words, during the development of their personality an individual naturally prefers to move towards their strengths and away from their weaknesses. For example, females, because of their sensitivity, develop characteristics and skills that are more relevant to protecting the welfare of the infant child than do males. Nature has 'programmed' females to bear the children. These differences do not necessarily mean that mothers are automatically more capable of providing better protection for their children than fathers. The inherent character and personality function of each parent is also of importance. Mothers are not always the best care providers for children simply because they are female. Another significant difference between the sexes is the difference in the degree of resting sexuality. Usually males are more sexually aroused than females and this sexualisation is generalised towards the opposite sex. This level of sexuality tends to cause males to act out sexually. Females, by contrast, generally have a lower level of resting sexuality. That is until they are aroused by emotion and/or love. Once in love, a woman generally becomes sexually aroused as much as, if not more than, the male. This sexual arousal, however, is usually directed towards her partner and not generalised towards the opposite sex. In summary, men and women are different both physically and - 34 -

psychologically. These differences should be accepted for what they are and the 'battle of the sexes' laid to rest. The development of the appropriate relationship between the sexes will always be impeded when either sex criticises the other for their gender shortcomings. For example, it is easy for a man to ridicule a female's mood and physical changes at or around menstruation; he is not exposed to similar monthly changes in hormone levels. Providing she is not using her symptoms for secondary gain, for example as an excuse to avoid responsibility, he should respect these changes. The emotional fluctuation resulting from her menstrual cycle is the very thing that can make her a good mother. Similarly a female should respect the male's predisposition to emotional distance, logic, independence and need to feel in control. In conclusion, generally as a result of the pre-set brain pattern, the male needs to develop his sensitivity and feeling. The female needs to develop her objectivity and logic. The gender differences should be revered not ridiculed as each can learn from the other to become better and wiser people.

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CHAPTER 4

Personality: Nature and Nurture

Overview: 1. Basic personality is molded by our neocortex response to experience. 2. To know your true self relieves you of the burden of the aberrant programming and allows you to be you. 3. This truth will move you towards transcendent thinking. As a result of my years of work and experience with patients, I have developed a treatment technique which I call Insight Psychotherapy. This therapy focuses on the personality function of the patient. Personality is defined as the manifestation of the unique self: those lasting attitudes and behaviours that can be reliably identified by others as characteristic of that individual. This definition is somewhat limited because it does not address the complex nature of personality. Personality is driven by internal feelings, desires and needs that interact with the external demands of the environment. Indeed, personality function can change according to the situation the individual is in. Some authors regard personality as 'compromised behaviour' resulting from the inevitable conflict between a person's own desires and impulses and the feelings of others. We use speech, facial expression, body language, attention and interest to interrelate with other personalities. All these functions are manifestations of brain activity. Therefore, we display our personalities through our behaviour via the influence of our brain. Our chromosomes, handed down to us from our parents, provide us with a personality template. - 36 -

To all intents and purposes the forebrain is not programmed with a personality at birth. The process of nurturing, where we interact with our external environment, allows the brain to construct the behaviour most suitable to its personality template. Therefore, our personality function is moulded by our response to the external environment. Thus we learn, through years of experience, to behave in a particular manner that becomes our 'presenting personality'. Ideally, the presenting personality should be an exact reflection of our genetic personality template; this is our 'true personality'. At this point we should consider the concepts of genotype (genetic blueprint) and phenotype (the body which develops from this blueprint). The phenotype refers to the physical characteristics of the individual, in contrast to the genotype which relates specifically to the chromosome blueprint. The phenotype results from the development of the individual from their genotype. Therefore, it includes abnormalities in form because of developmental faults. For example, an individual will have a genetic blueprint for two hands but maybe born with only one. The difference between the genotype and phenotype is seen in identical twins. These children have identical genetic templates, but their phenotypes are slightly different. Examples of this are the different distribution of moles on their skin and their slightly different facial configurations, however subtle. It is evident that while the genetic blueprint is the driving force behind the building of the body, the process is not totally perfect. Errors in nature occur as the two germ cells unite to form one cell, which divides to form the primitive stem cells, which divide into specialised stem cells, which divide to produce and organise the 1 trillion cells that make us who we are. These variations or imperfections may not be detrimental to us. The difference between our genotype and our phenotype contributes towards the uniqueness of self. Imagine if we were all the same! - 37 -

The action of the brain to manifest personality depends upon the connections between these two factors. For an individual to be able to express his or her personality template there should be no developmental phenotypic abnormalities in the brain. In other words, the 'wiring' of the brain should exactly correspond to the genetic blueprint. If this 'wiring' process forms incorrectly, then the manifestation of the genetic template, via the true personality, will alter accordingly. As discussed earlier, the brain is basically a binary system of excitatory or inhibitory impulses that needs to be programmed. As impulses pass through the brain they produce different forms of behaviour. This behaviour depends upon the programs the brain has established in response to the nurturing processes to which it has been exposed. Many of these formed behavioural responses are based on what are termed 'behavioural sets'. Behavioural set: This is a psychological term, also known as 'set effect'. It implies a tendency to solve problems in terms of old habits and assumptions. It is a function by which the brain makes decision making easier for itself. The brain clumps together bits of information in its memory with an associated conclusion. This process obviates the need for the brain to remember every past learning experience to draw a conclusion. The brain draws on its behavioural sets to solve problems. An example of a behavioural set is '12345G78910'. This is likely to be misread, the G being mistaken for a 6. Once an individual is mature, there is an ideal way in which impulses should pass through the brain to produce template appropriate behaviour. When this happens, the resulting behaviour of the presenting personality manifests the personality template; the individual is true to self. Their behaviour then represents their true personality. - 38 -

The programming of the brain is complex. Simply, line A of Figure 8 represents the stylised progression of an impulse through the brain for the personality template to represent itself as the true personality.

Figure 8: Stylised progression of impulses through the brain. The manifestation of this true personality can be altered by the programming of the brain and the behavioural sets it establishes. For example, when an individual is exposed to a dog, the question that the brain needs to answer to determine behaviour is "Do I like this dog?" If the personality template says "yes", without the benefit of experience, that person is likely to approach and stroke the animal. However, if at the age of, say, three the individual had seen their sister being terrified by a frenzied dog, they would experience a change in subsequent behavioural response. There would be a movement away from the natural response of that person when confronted by a dog in future; line B of Figure 8. In other words, the answer to the question "Do I like this dog?" would result in a brain response that would promote hesitation and reluctance in future behaviour. - 39 -

Further, if this person was attacked by a dog, at age 5, then the question "Do I like this dog?" would produce a strongly negative avoidant response reaction in that person line C of Figure 8. As a result the individual is likely to develop a fear of dogs, even a phobia. For self-preservation the brain programs its memory with a protective behavioural set. Thus, for the question posed regarding dogs, this individual now has a presenting personality that varies from their true personality. This variation reflects the experience of that individual. Events that cause change in natural behaviour are associated with emotion. Therefore, it is no surprise that deflections away from the true personality are encoded in the brain with emotion. When the programmed behavioural set is retrieved from the subconscious in future, it will be associated with the release of that emotion. In the case of the dog, because of the dramatic content of the experience, the individual will be able to remember the event and their change in behaviour. Consequently, they can analyse their reluctance to approach such an animal in later life, and the change from true personality to presenting personality is clear. However, people are exposed to millions of interactive learning experiences during their nurtured life. The vast majority of these experiences will not be remembered because they are not associated with an extreme emotional reaction. Therefore, insights into ensuing alterations from the true personality to the presenting personality are unlikely to be available for analysis and understanding by the individual. Each deflection from the true personality to the presenting personality causes a change in future behaviour, however minor that change may be. This changed behaviour will, in turn, influence that person's subsequent experience of an event and his or her response to it. - 40 -

This then alters the presenting personality further from the true personality, and so it goes on. 'I'he personality template and the true personality, your soul, do not change. It is the forebrain and neocortex that act as a distorting filter. The personality template attempts to manifest itself as the true personality, but the programmed forebrain alters behaviour to the presenting personality according to accumulated past experience. The true personality is suppressed as the nurtured presenting personality takes precedence. In other words, each experience we have results from the dynamic interaction between the genetic template, attempting to express itself as the true personality, the nurtured presenting personality and the experience of the moment. At this point I am often asked the question "Does the true personality always endure or can it be changed?" I believe that the true personality and its need to manifest are always present and will endure all exposures. By way of example, people exposed to atrocities in concentration camps would appear to have altered personalities when they are released. I believe that their personality template and their true personality are not lost, merely deeply oppressed by the abhorrence of the atrocities perpetrated upon them and their loved ones. Their appreciation of the beauty of life is so tarnished, by the vile behaviour inflicted on them by other humans, that they lose their faith in human nature. As a consequence, their appreciation of life changes as does their personality drive. Our presenting personality is the personality experienced by the people closest to us, for example our parents, our siblings, our spouse and our children. As stated previously, personality function can change in different situations. Others are likely to encounter a different presenting personality. One distorted by the ego.

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When I use the term ego I am referring to the nominative of the 1st person singular personal pronoun, translated from the Latin as I myself. I am not referring to the Freudian concept of the Ego, Id and Super Ego. Egocentric will be used to mean being self-centred. It produces a Iimited understanding in that everything is judged from the individuals perspective. Egocentricity results in a difficulty to see and accept another person's point of view. In simple terms, the ego function causes a personality presentation determined by conscious awareness of self. For example, a depressed person can attend a function and interrelate with others in a happy and apparently normal manner, thus hiding the depressive process. However, the ego distortion requires energy to alter the presenting personality of the individual. This energy requirement is a drain to that individual. Therefore, the conscious component of the ego-driven presenting personality is not sustainable over time. Continuing the analogy, if the party was to continue for, say, three days, the depressed person would not be able to maintain their masking ego function. Their depression would eventually surface. The ego has the capacity to dramatically alter the presenting personality and move it in any direction. As a result we can have a second deflection in our presenting personality expression, to the egodriven presenting personality 2. (Refer Figure 9.) During the development of our personality, in particular in the teenage years, we become aware of self. As this occurs, we become sensitive to perceived variations in self and our abilities as compared to those of others. An awareness of our 'comparative self' develops. In addition, by this time our true personality will have been altered, by our experience, to a presenting personality and away from the true personality. As stated previously, these variations result in an 'emotional tone'. This emotional tone may, in turn, alter our perception of self. The ego will then act in response to this perception. - 42 -

Figure 9: Stylised progression of impulses through the brain with ego distortion. Because ego function is driven by internal need the behaviour it produces is governed by the basic character of the individual. Generally, it responds in one of two ways: To hide perceived personality deficiencies by over-compensation. To concentrate on perceived deficiencies, making that person more sensitive to their perceived faults. For example, if a person sees them self as not caring or sympathetic enough, their ego may overcompensate. It can produce an apparently emotionally appropriate and sincere presenting personality, although - 43 -

the manifestation is usually over-zealous. This behaviour then represents their presenting personality 2, line C of Figure 9. This person may be seen, superficially, as emotionally appropriate, loving and caring. The intuitive reaction of an observer, however, would be one of disquiet, as this person's emotional response is faked through an act of will rather than produced by genuine feeling. The individual is really superficial and insincere. When the ego-driven presenting personality is expressed repeatedly it becomes encoded in the subconscious. Its manifestation will then no longer be dependent upon conscious awareness. The presenting personality 2 becomes 'fixed'. Alternatively, a person who has a sensitive and compassionate nature will react to their nurturing process in a different way. Such a person often has the unfortunate tendency to extrapolate from their own perspective. They analyse the behaviour of others through their own emotional perspective. Their thought sequence often follows the inappropriate logic "That person is being rude to me. If I were to be that rude to someone it would be because they were not nice. Therefore I am not nice." This sort of analysis does not consider the feeling tone, motivation or character of the other person. With this type of basic character, personal confidence is easily lost. The ego may then amplify any negative self-perceptions, causing additional negative deflection of the presenting personality from the true personality, line D of Figure 9. I frequently encounter this type of personality in therapy. These people, when exposed to the harsh realities, distortions and lies inherent in our present Western culture, feel inadequate and insecure. They are driven into low self-esteem by their sensitivity. When the influence of their ego and presenting personality over their true personality is identified, they are capable of profound personal change. On accepting the dysfunction, and resolving their behavioural - 44 -

sets, their weakness becomes their strength as their graceful personality traits change from being a burden to a blessing. To summarise, because of the nurturing process, a person invariably has a presenting personality that is different from their true personality. As the person becomes aware of self and begins to alter their presenting personality, through their ego function, a second variation from their true personality is established. What we are today represents the sum of our experiences to date. We are the past. If we react today as we have in the past then we bring the past into the present. If we continue to react in this way then we take the past into the future. To effect a change in personality function and feeling it is necessary to follow the basic rule of personal growth: Learn from the past to change the present to make the future better. The aim of Insight Therapy is to make the patient aware of how their life events have influenced their developed personality function and to show them the difference between their true and presenting personality. It is simply impossible to analyse and retrace each individual life event that has caused a variation from the true personality. There are just too many. Luckily, this is not necessary. The personality template always tries to express itself. It seeks to produce an impulse transmission through the brain to produce behaviour that will manifest the true personality of the individual. When people gain insight into the differences between their presenting personality and their true personality a higher level of understanding is achieved. This understanding relates to the nature of their true personality and how it has responded to the nurturing process. Thus, Insight Therapy releases the true personality from the tyranny of experience.

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Personal growth: To extend this statement; it is necessary to know yourself in order to facilitate personal growth. To know yourself it is necessary to look at your past life events. While you review these events, the events themselves should not be examined, simply your reaction to them. This form of analysis will reveal your personality function at the time and your underlying character. Once an individual receives the necessary insights, they behave in a manner that more appropriately represents their true personality; Line A of Figure 9. Consequently, their personality displays itself and interacts differently. This alteration produces a change in the reaction from the outside world to that person. Most people monitor themselves according to the behavioural response of those around them. As the responsive behaviour of others change towards that person they receive more understanding about self. Thus commences the process of change and growth as the individual and the outside world responds to the emerging true personality. This change generally follows the profile described by an S-shaped curve (see Figure 10). It begins slowly, as the initial insights produce only small changes in behaviour. (Section A of Figure 10.) Further insights are associated with an increase in self-confidence. When this happens, the understanding of self gains momentum, as the truth of self unfolds. Consequently, further changes in personality function occur more rapidly. (Section B of Figure 10.) It should be noted that the upper section of the S-shaped curve (section C of Figure 10) continues upwards, although slowly. Similarly, so does the expression of the personality continue to change, through improved self-knowledge and personal growth, to transcendent thinking. In continuing along the S-shaped curve, the true personality continues - 46 -

Figure 10: S shaped curve of self awareness. to develop, as does self-awareness. Knowing yourself is simply the first, yet the most fundamental step, in understanding the truth of self. As blocks of nurtured variations are stripped from a person's presenting personality, the true personality can express itself and the truth of that person for that person begins to unfold. The feeling of personal enlightenment is difficult to describe. Imagine yourself confined to your home all your life. Your image of the outside world is restricted to that seen through a solitary closed window. Now imagine yourself stepping out of the front door of the house for the first time. This feeling and increased awareness equates to the sensation of personal enlightenment. The process of enlightenment is more expansive. In Buddhist terms enlightenment is the 'perfectly developed human state - an attainment of wisdom and compassion to a degree that transcends all our ideas about what 'human' and 'existence' might mean'. To continue the - 47 -

above analogy, the process of enlightenment may be compared to the feeling and increased awareness that you would experience when you wandered away from the house, through the countryside and around the world. There is so much that we did not know. Finally, I will use two case histories to illustrate the process of Insight Therapy. Patient B attended because she had a pervasive feeling of dissatisfaction with her mothering and where she was going. Significant History: She was a 'second only child', being born thirteen years after her older siblings. She was a highly organised and capable individual who always took the initiative and responsibility when organising her friends and family. She met her husband, who had dependent characteristics, and they had two children together. She unintentionally mothered all three in an over-protective and over-controlling manner. Because of his own therapy, her husband became more independent. Her children were maturing, and becoming less dependent. She was left feeling empty and dissatisfied with her life. Insight: She had amplified her normal mothering skills for personal gain. She needed to feel that she was giving in order to satisfy her internal needs. This dynamic originated from a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy. While examining her nurtured profile she casually commented that her mother would jokingly refer to her as "This is the one I never wanted". Usually this would be followed by "She is the best of the three". In analysing this statement the patient admitted that she had heard it all her life. At the age of 45 years when married with two children her mother was still saying it! - 48 -

However, at the age of eight she specifically recalled sitting in the back of their motor car. She was listening to her mother talking to her passenger friend while driving. Her mother was reflecting upon the time she fell pregnant and was carrying B. She said that she was too old to be a mother again. She attended her physician for a termination. His opinion was that at thirty-nine years of age she was likely to undergo a spontaneous miscarriage. When this did not happen, her mother confided that she had "Jumped off a huge log" in an attempt to precipitate the miscarriage. At this point, and for the first time in her life, B realised that her mother was actually referring to her. She had heard similar statements before. Unintentionally, her mother had sown the seed of self-doubt in her daughter. Besides the shock of this realisation, B recalls thinking, "I'm meant to be here". Over the years and with each repetition of the statement, by her mother, "This is the one I never wanted", her need for personal recognition and a purpose in life grew. In addition to this statement, her mother had several other bizarre sayings that she used to repeat to hide her own feelings of social inadequacy. For example, she would refer to B as the "uninvited guest". When she was naughty her mother would comment "All children should be drowned at birth, I say". These statements were made by way of humour but they had an adverse emotional effect upon B. As a result, B over-mothered her family to address her nurtured low selfesteem and to feel that she had a purpose for being alive. As her family became independent a feeling of loss and a lack of direction ensued. In understanding the dynamics associated with her subconscious feeling of inadequacy, she became free to mother her family more appropriately and in line with her true personality. Her pervasive feeling of emptiness waned.

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Patient C attended because of his inability to concentrate and study. He was failing at university. Significant History: His parents separated when he was nine years old. He lived with his mother. He was successful at school, passing all examinations without effort. At seventeen years of age he moved to his father's house and changed schools. This year, and for the first time, he failed an examination. He had to repeat this, his final year, to qualify for university. Around this time he became involved with the forces and intended to become an officer in the army. Insight: He was afraid of academic failure, because this would prove that he was 'a failure'. To protect himself from failure his subconscious mind interfered with his concentration and thereby his ability to study. This subconscious process was effected to preserve his falling selfesteem. If he studied, took the examination and then failed it would be evident to everybody that he was a failure. If he could not concentrate, and therefore could not study, he had a reason, or excuse, for failing his course. Consequently, his subconscious would not allow him to study although he had a conscious desire to do so. With this insight the patient was asked to reflect upon his nurturing process. He recalled the following three significant life events. First, at the age of thirteen, when he was playing with a group of older children, he recalls his father saying "You guys take care of C". His emotional reaction to this was resentment. He was unable understand why his father would feel that he was unable to look after himself. For the first time in his life he experienced the feeling of inadequacy. Second, at the age of fourteen, he overheard his mother speaking to a friend who had recently been awarded an honours degree at university. He recalls her saying to this friend "C wants to go to - 50 -

university but he will not be able to get honours". He experienced three emotional responses to this. (a) (b) (c) He could not understand why his mother would say this about him. He felt betrayed. The statement was untrue. He resented it. He was unable to understand why his mother thought this. Was he really incapable of achieving academically? His feeling of inadequacy grew.

Third, at the age of seventeen, his mother stated "You will never make an army officer". His emotional response to this was: (a) "Why is my mother saying that? It is unkind." He felt rejection. (b) He could not understand why she thought this. He was confused. He thought he could become an army officer but his mother, apparently, did not hold the necessary faith. His feeling of inadequacy was amplified. Failing his final year at school was the first substantial evidence that he might fail in future. He subsequently protected himself against failure as described. Through the process of insight, he became aware of the dynamics of his subconscious mind set. As a result he relinquished his subconscious protection. He was then able to concentrate on and enjoy his studies. The therapeutic relationship: At this point it is necessary to discuss the psycho-therapeutic relationship. A patient seeks help because of internal problems. If the patient feels comfortable with the therapist they will expose their inner feelings to the therapist. This exposure is then handled by the therapist in a non-judgmental, constructive and positive way. The patient rapidly develops trust in the therapist because of their supportive response and the professional ethics surrounding the - 51 -

confidentiality of the revealed information. The patient inevitably becomes attached to the therapist. A degree of attachment is normal in the therapeutic relationship and depends upon: (a) the personality construction of the patient, (b) the personality construction of the therapist, and (c) the sexual affiliation that has the potential to exist between the patient and the therapist. Significant attachment, dependency and sexual affiliation are not justifiable reactions and are counter-productive to patient therapy. As the patient becomes more involved with the therapist there is a potential for the patient to misinterpret the meaning of the relationship. They cross the boundary between a therapeutic relationship and a personal relationship. However, this perceived personal relationship tends to be unilateral. The patient is not privy to the same amount of personal information about the therapist as the therapist is about the patient. It is essential that a therapeutic relationship be confined to that of a normal and appropriate patient/therapist type relationship. The therapist has a duty not only to identify the dynamics of, but also to control the therapeutic relationship. Psychotherapeutic patients are, by definition, emotionally compromised. That is why they seek therapy. Any therapist who utilises this relationship to explore or satisfy their own internal conflict or problems betrays their patient. In conclusion; to find the truth about self, an individual needs to look at the differences between their presenting personality and their true personality. Realising these differences and becoming your true self can instigate the process of transcendent thinking and spiritualisation. It allows the individual to free themselves from the questions surrounding self, at a conscious and subconscious level. It produces a profound belief in, and acceptance of self that precipitates an inner peace. - 52 -

This peace stops the distorting chatter on the neocortex and allows a higher level of understanding of self and from there an improved insight into other people's personality function. When an individual attains self truth, they realise that their previous subjective perspective was often incorrect. As a result, they experience a deep feeling of humility.

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CHAPTER 5

Body, Soul and Spirit

Overview: 1. To identify the human trinity of body, soul and spirit. 2. To relate the human trinity to the Holy trinity. 3. To discuss the method to address the original sin. Over the millennia, humans have sought to understand and explain the nature of things by using mythology. In using the word mythology, I use it in its literal sense namely a traditional story about the past. There is a common misconception that applying the word myth negates the truth of the narrative. This is incorrect. Traditional stories may contain fabrications or exaggerations in order to make the narrative understandable. This does not mean that the narrative has no basis in truth. It simply means that the truth may have been embellished to make difficult concepts available to all, irrespective of their innate capacity to understand. Mythology through its system of stories, ancient religious ideas and legends, provides meaning to the unknown, sense to the illogical, understanding to fear and a purpose to life. It goes some way to satisfying the natural musing and wonderings of the human mind about the meaning of life. In addition, mythology adds order to interpersonal behaviour and relationships, providing a basis and structure through which people can live together harmoniously. Mythology can be found in all societies throughout the world. The beauty of myth is that it provides understandability to the ineffable, although personally I do not feel comfortable with anthropomorphising the ineffable to a man called God. I feel very uncomfortable with the image of a gender specific (bearded male) person sitting on a throne in heaven. The statement in genesis that God created man in his image: in the image of - 54 -

God he created him (Genesis1:27) does not relate to physical form but the human capacity for righteousness and true holiness (see Ephesians 4.24). For convenience, however, I will use the term God in place of the Ineffable and I will refer to the Holy Trinity of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. As I hope to demonstrate, the symbolism of the Old Testament, in particular the Book of Genesis, contains magnificent spiritual guidance. I will use quotes from the pre King James Geneva Bible in this chapter to illustrate this spiritual guidance. The trinity is a complex concept. Simply it comprises three parts: the body, soul and spirit. However, the dynamics of the three parts working together is so complex, extensive and profound that it can be incomprehensible. It is difficult enough to comprehend the interrelatedness of these three elements in ourselves. To conceptualise and understand the relationship in another person is even more difficult. It is beyond anyone's ability to comprehend how the dynamics of the trinity interrelate at a global level and its effects on society as a whole. This is exemplified by St. Augustine's statement that it is easier to count the grains of sand on the beach than it is to understand the mystery of the Blessed Trinity. According to the Book of Genesis, humans were made in the image of God, namely: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This represents the human trinity of the body, soul and spirit. To assist the understanding of the relationship of the human trinity, it is helpful to understand the correlation between the trinity of humans and the trinity of God. God the Father represents grace. He cannot be seen or touched, he can only be felt. He represents our capacity for true love and denotes what we can achieve spiritually. He represents our spirit. We have fellowship with God through our spirit. Once our spirit is - 55 -

reunited with God we realise a new state of being. God the Son (Jesus) represents the human form. He can be seen and touched. He represents the human body and the capacity of the mundane to achieve selflessness. God the Holy Spirit represents the soul. He cannot be touched, but can be 'seen' through feeling. He produces the image of God on the human heart. The soul represents who we are, in deference to what we have become, as individuals. It refers to the inner self. The soul contains within it the individual's spirit. We share true fellowship with other humans through our soul. In the Old Testament, Adam and Eve (symbolising the human race) always had the ability to make a choice. Their will was, however, pure and spiritual. They had free association with God through their spirit. They lived in a state of divine goodness, contentment, peace and charity. Their will was selfless. According to the Judao Christian creation mythology, Adam and Eve fell from God's grace when they committed the 'original sin', by eating the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Because of the choice they made to take control over their will, they lost their free association between their body, soul and spirit. As a result, they acquired knowledge but 'died' spiritually. Their free association with God was lost. The free association of their spirit and soul was lost as they chose to use their will instead of the will of God, (See Figure 11). Their will became selfish and their volition attached to the mundane. The fall of Adam and Eve symbolises the connection between human knowledge and our ability to make rational choice and the loss of spiritual fellowship and transcendent thinking that resulted from this. Another interesting aspect of this symbolism is that God placed the Tree - 56 -

of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden in the first place. He then forbade Adam and, indirectly, Eve to consume its fruit. This implies that, for mankind, temptation is inevitable. If we respond to this temptation with selfish volition we corrupt our soul and move further away from fellowship with God. In other words, through selfish volition, our life is confined to the mundane, as we maintain control over our will, which obstructs the gateway to our spirit. Returning to the issue of the body, humans relate to the outside environment through the five senses of the body, namely sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch. These sensations are moderated through and refined by the brain, particularly the neocortex (except smell), which, it is important to understand, is part of the body. The brain is of the mundane. The soul relates to the body through the functions of the brain via the self-consciousness, conscience, mentality, volition and emotion. Our soul is expressed to the outside world through these functions, via our brain (See Figure 11). Therefore, there is a direct association, through behaviour, of the body and soul. In summary, then, the journey to knowing one's soul, and allowing it freedom, must be effected through the body and its behaviour. In Christian terms, to realise the full potential of our soul we should live our life, in the mundane, in accordance with the teachings of Jesus Christ. The issue of spiritual reunification with God is controversial. For example, the Jehovah Witnesses maintain that the human spirit is simply our life energy and that we continuously have a relationship with God. Born Again Christians, on the other hand, maintain that the human spirit is a gift from God. This gift is given at the moment a person accepts that it is through Christ that humans receive salvation. Simultaneously, the Holy Spirit gives that person the 'enabling power' to understand spiritual phenomena. That person is then born again and the effects of the fall of mankind for that person are redressed. - 57 -

Figure 11: The inter-relationship between body soul and spirit. Schism aside, my own beliefs about the body, soul and spirit help me in the psychological management of my patients. At the fall Adam and Eve died spiritually and gained selfish control over their will. In my view this symbolism relates to the development of the human forebrain, in particular the neocortex, and the negative effects it can have upon our fellowship with God. With this in mind, the dynamics of the human trinity are such that you are able to achieve spiritual grace through the functions and processes associated with the body and soul. Through living your life according to God's word, namely righteousness, truth and love, you become the person that your soul determines. Through reaching an understanding of your soul (your true personality), you release your - 58 -

human love and this affects those around you. Their response to you, and the change that this effects in your life, facilitates the process of self-realisation and personal trust. With personal trust you are able to relinquish your will and return to Gods will. Thus the fall is redressed. This results in true love for yourself and your fellow human beings and a profound respect for the mundane. In my view, the trinity of the body, soul and spirit is a dynamic entity that is active and available to each of us continuously. Unfortunately the journey through this maze is far from simple. The problem that humans have in redressing the original sin is the influence of evil. Myth suggests that God did not create evil. It is said that Lucifer, originally the Guardian Angel of the Throne of God, was created a 'free spirit', as was mankind. He therefore had volition, as did Adam and Eve. In addition, Lucifer was perfect in every way and in him was the 'fullness of wisdom' and the 'perfection of beauty'. It was his beauty (a feature of the mundane) that caused his selfish pride, which corrupted his wisdom and resulted in his downfall. "Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beautie, and thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness: I will cast thee to the ground." Ezekiel 28:17. Thus began the conflict between the selflessness of pure love and fellowship, God's will, and the selfishness of self-love, own will. This is why selfishness is the root of all evil. The process of evil becomes clear when the nomenclature associated with Lucifer is understood. Lucifer committed the first sin by his act of treason, when he challenged God's authority. By doing so he placed his own will in direct opposition to the will of God. In taking this contrary stance he became Satan, which means 'adversary'. To defend his own view and to self-justify, he accused God and became the Devil, which means 'accuser'. This form of accusation, where Lucifer blamed God for his downfall, is projection in its ultimate form. - 59 -

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism. It enables the individual to deal with adverse personal responsibility by deflecting it onto others. By blaming others for their problems the individual protects him or her self from the anxiety associated with personal responsibility. Through projection, therefore, people attribute to someone else the ideas, thoughts, feelings and impulses (usually unconscious) which they find unacceptable or undesirable in themselves. Lucifer actually fell from God's grace because of his own volition and selfish behaviour. Lucifer through his selfishness symbolises the process of evil. In addition, it is because of his selfishness that he was cast and confined to this earth, to the mundane. By extrapolation, humans remain confined to the mundane through their selfish volition. In considering the individuality of our body and soul, personalities differ and the actions and behaviour of individuals are specific to themselves. Selfishness occurs when, in a situation, the individual specifically considers self first and not the universal truth, Gods will. Dynamically, therefore, selfishness means that the individual takes for himself or herself at the expense of the greater good. Selfishness can be nurtured and not recognised by the individual. Selfishness holds a more serious connotation when it is associated with the ego. There is a stronger volitional component to this form of selfishness. Finally, there is the pure selfishness of evil. This is where selfish acts are intentionally undertaken at the expense of others for the individual's selfish gratification. An interesting viewpoint of the crucifixion of Jesus at Calvary is the interpretation of his words on the Cross "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Luke 23:34. The obvious interpretation of this is that Jesus forgave those who caused his death, in a final act of charity. - 60 -

A more interesting interpretation is that Jesus died twice. First, he died spiritually and in doing so the sins of mankind were judged and forgiven. Secondly, he died a physical death. This viewpoint suggests that these words may represent God's forgiveness of our acts of selfishness, and in particular those acts that occur before we understand the true nature of our soul and spirit. We thus have a system of forgiveness. Although not excusing our behaviour, it affords us grace and forgiveness when our behaviour does not correspond to that of our soul and our spirit. In other words, we will not be condemned for making a selfish and wrong choice if we are not totally aware of the implications of what we are doing, when we sin innocently. In other words; transcendent thinking and spiritual understanding and love is available to all via the choices we make and our ability to relinquish our free will, to that of Gods will (See figure 11). Implied in the comparison of the human trinity and God's trinity is the understanding that irrespective of an individual's behaviour, there is always hope. In other words, there is goodness in us all. However, if there are substantial errors in the development of the phenotype, the body may not be capable of realising its soul, and from there its spirit. For example, a psychopath may not have the necessary brain connections to experience empathy. Such a person is not necessarily evil since they lack the normal level of awareness that would guide them to make suitable choices. Therefore, this mistake by nature is not necessarily an indication of the conflict between good and evil. Such an individual may have a good soul but his or her phenotype prevents its expression. This person is bad, but not necessarily bad and evil, although others may be! The journey through the maze of our trinity should be guided by open personal honesty and self-recognition and by a model such as Jesus - 61 -

Christ, who personified the attributes of gentleness, meekness and mildness. These three attributes of Jesus must be understood in their traditional sense, meaning love, strength and goodness. This is in contrast to the common day distortions, which imply weakness, passivity and reservation, associated with the desire for 'niceness all round'. God is love but God is also just. Since spiritual love is borne from the truth, it is evident that justice is a component of spiritual love. Spiritually, people do not have the right to judge others. This is the role of God. However, they have a responsibility to judge themselves, by identifying the degree of selfishness contained within their behaviour. In recognising the selfishness they can redress the effects of the fall by relinquishing their selfish free will and reunify their soul and spirit by accepting Gods will. The humanisation of religion is of concern. The original message of religion has been diluted through the Dark Ages and the Reformation and Renaissance movements. The teachings of Jesus have in part been reduced to the mundane. Factors that have brought this about include: - the relative authority of the church today, - the belief that human good should be added to the work of Christ for salvation, - the adulteration of the Bible by translation and human interference. For example, in relation to the adulteration of the Bible, King James 1 of England ordered a new edition of the Geneva Bible in the early 1600's. This was because he believed in the Divine Right of Kings. This particular belief maintained that a king's power came from God and that kings were answerable only to God. The Geneva Bible, in particular the marginal notes, did not support this view. He consequently ordered the removal of the marginal notes it contained and his 'translators' altered the Bible in accordance with his directions. - 62 -

It is disturbing to know that while James wielded so much ecclesiastical power, he was far from being a good Christian. Ostensibly, he was a sodomist, a sadist and a coward. He was evil. In establishing churches and praying to statues, religion has turned religion away from spirituality and back towards pagan symbolism and the mundane. As a result, the religious process is exposed to human volition and its inherent selfishness, and thence evil. It should be remembered that according to biblical myth, because of the fall of Adam and Eve: All humans are guilty and all are equal in this guilt before God. This means that nobody is born with spiritual understanding and therefore nobody has the right to judge another spiritually. Indeed, power and control impede spiritual development. Spiritual enlightenment is fostered through shared experience and guidance. It is never promoted through human authority. Any hierarchical system, which by design, allows one human to hold a position of authority over another, inevitably lends itself to issues of distortion through volition and ego. The power inherent in position can be used at the expense of others and may cause spiritual, emotional and physical damage to the individuals in the inferior position. At a spiritual level, people are privileged to hold authority over other and it should be accepted with humble responsibility. It is apparent that the earthliness of evil and selfishness has pervaded religious institutions. Indeed, if the concept of Lucifer's challenge to God is accepted, those making personal choices in positions of power in religious institutions may be working under the manipulation of Satan, not God. Religion, through its elevated authority of Priests and such like, has been responsible, over the centuries, for much pain, hardship, suffering and even death. God did not, has not and would never sanction such atrocities. They are human in their genesis and attributable to action in the mundane. They are not spiritual. - 63 -

Before leaving the subject of the body, soul and spirit, it should be noted that people can become 'ill' through any one part of the trinity, although there is a hierarchical response among them, from body through soul up to spirit. This ordered relationship denotes the influence that one has over the other. In other words, an illness at the spiritual level will have a profound and influential effect over the soul and the body. An illness at the soul level may only partially suppress the spirit but will affect the body. An illness of the body can only partially suppress the soul and spirit. It cannot change them. Illness at a body level: I first met Patient D while training in psychiatry. She was an infamous patient who was classified as having a personality disorder. I had seen videos of interviews with this hostile, obnoxious, rude and foul-mouthed individual. The patient would sit through these interviews with her knees up to her chest wrapped in her oversized leather motorcycle jacket. Most of the time she would refuse to answer questions. When she did respond, the answers would be monosyllabic and often accompanied with a profanity. She had been admitted to the psychiatric hospital on many occasions and for many reasons, including; -extreme weight loss secondary to anorexia nervosa and bulimia, -recurrent suicide attempts, through overdoses of medication and/or taking rat poison or by slashing her wrists, and -depression. During one of her admissions she had attempted to end her life by hanging herself by the neck from a large fig tree in the hospital grounds. She was receiving psychotherapy from a very senior psychiatrist at the hospital. She was twenty years old. I became involved with her care following her admission to the locked ward, after yet another suicide attempt with rat poison. In unfolding - 64 -

her personality development it became clear that her nurturing process had been tormented. Her mother and father had separated when she was a young child. Her mother was particularly egocentric, caring more for herself than she did about the needs and welfare of her daughter. Consequently the patient had suffered a myriad of personal rejections from her mother throughout her life. In addition, her mother and her mother's boyfriends used D as a sexual puppet for their personal gratification. Despite these atrocities, D revered her mother, seeing her as glamorous. She remained in awe of her mother's 'mystical' ability. As a result of this abusive childhood, D had low self-esteem. Indeed, she despised herself. In addition, and because of what had happened to her, she also despised the outside world. To protect herself against the pain of further rejection, she isolated herself by behaving in the hostile manner described. To escape from the horrors of her life as it was, she would frequently fall into a trance state through which she lived out a fantasy existence. In this fantasy world she had a little dog, which she loved, and a horse that she rode. She would fight with mystical dragons and evil forces, and win. In this state she was in control, happy and at peace. When she returned to reality, she was not in control. Her life was a living hell. When I moved to private practice D continued to see me. She also continued to attend the hospital for management. When she attended my surgery, she refused to sit in the waiting room, preferring to sit outside in the gutter. This demonstrated the level of her self-esteem. Through therapy she partly accepted her mother's dysfunctional parenting. She also realised that the sexual abuse was not her fault, simply a product of her needs as a child. As her self-esteem grew, she began to wait in the waiting room with other patients and occasionally talked to the receptionist. I focused on her ability to play the guitar and her considerable artistic flair in order to build her self-esteem. Interestingly, the drawings and paintings she produced were either representations of her dream world or artwork that expressed love. - 65 -

Despite these advances she remained depressed. She felt inadequate and ugly. She felt she could never be glamorous like her mother. She was too short, too thin and her body was scarred from her suicide attempts. She persisted in her desire to kill herself. She believed that by killing herself she would go to her fantasy world. Her real existence was restricted to living alone in a small caravan, welfare payments and self-hatred. Despite her depressed state of mind, her soul was generous, kind and loving. She had tried to extend this side of herself as a child but she had been rejected and abused. She became more open and appropriate in her personality function as the guilt associated with the sexual indiscretions lifted. She progressed to the point where she produced and painted the scenery for the hospital Christmas show. She had been promised payment for her labour when the show was over. The money was never paid. This was the final insult for her. She attended in the New Year and told me she was going to end her life and there was nothing that the hospital or I could do to stop her. She told me of her frustration surrounding the dishonesty and how much she hated people and what they do. I asked her not to kill herself and to give me six months to help her see things differently. She did this almost to the day. I was called to see her one night because she had not been out of her caravan that day. She had purchased a rifle and shot herself in the stomach. After shooting herself, in consideration of the person who found her, she placed the gun by her side and covered herself with her sleeping bag. This patient's life was confined to the mundane by her brain's maladjustment to her upbringing and society's rejection of her. The brain is part of the body and as such she had an illness of her body. Her soul was not appreciated and she was unable to develop her inner self. Her spiritual potential remained suppressed. She is at peace now. One can only hope that she realised the happiness of her dreams and that she enjoys the continued company - 66 -

of her dog.

Illness at a soul level: Patient E's son brought her to me following the suicide of her eldest son. Since the bereavement she had become withdrawn, disorientated and tormented. She was not sleeping. Her history revealed that E had been raped by her best friend's father when she was a teenager. As a result she became pregnant. Her parents were punitive in accordance with their religious belief. Their Church maintained that the act of sex should only be undertaken for procreation and that sex for any other reason was sinful. Her parents were ashamed of her and believed that her condition automatically ensured her passage to Hell. She had nowhere to turn. Her parents confined her to her bedroom for the final seven months of her pregnancy. They barred her window, placed a commode in the room and locked her door. Save for her visits to the doctor, she was not allowed out of the room. During the pregnancy two church elders visited her on two separate occasions. They informed her that she had committed "The greatest sin of all" and that the elders had excommunicated her from the church. Because of her predicament, she felt ashamed and this undermined her fundamental belief in herself. When the child was born, her parents had him adopted by an anonymous couple. Following the birth, her parents disowned her. Subsequently, she endured two bad marriages. On the night of her first marriage, because of the indoctrination of the church, she ran away when her husband attempted to have sex with her. It took years for her to relinquish her indoctrination. By the time she lost her inhibitions her husband's infidelity had surfaced and their marriage collapsed. Her second marriage was characterised by her husband's alcohol and drug abuse and physical violence. This marriage reflected her low self- 67 -

esteem. She went into it because she believed that she could help her husband, who obviously had emotional problems before the marriage. Such was her dependent need to be appreciated. After leaving these traumatic relationships, she became 'spiritually' aware and spent much of her time helping people in need. Following the death of her son, she recalled many old memories which she had suppressed in her subconscious. The emotion surrounding these memories pushed her into her psychological breakdown. In reviewing her life experience, the degree of abuse and the depth of her low self-esteem became more apparent. During her second marriage her self-esteem had deteriorated to the point where, when her husband came home intoxicated, she would present herself to be hit to "get it out of the way". His sadism was not confined to her; it was also extended to his children. This abuse was both mental and physical in nature. For example, once when his four-year-old daughter wet her bed, he threatened to bury her alive in an Electrolux box. Subsequently, when she wet her bed he forced her into the box, sealed it and dug the hole. Following this episode he left this box underneath her bed as a threat. He would hit his children with an electric kettle cord if they misbehaved, or simply if the mood took him. He punched his son in the face and broke his nose. On one occasion, when wearing industrial steel-capped boots, he kicked his step son repeatedly in the back. In particular, however, he tormented his stepson (the one who later committed suicide) in a spiteful fashion. This boy had a phobia of spiders. He would place spiders on him for fun. If the boy disobeyed his wishes, he would drag him downstairs and put him in the spider-infested cellar. The boy would pass out with fear. These children were so terrified of this man that when he came home the two boys would run away to their bedroom and cuddle each other - 68 -

in the corner. His daughter would hide under her bed next to the Electrolux box. She would wet herself at the mere mention of his name. Naturally this abuse caused low self-esteem and psychological dysfunction in the children. E repeatedly left this marriage, taking her children with her, but he would seek her out or she would return because of her dependent needs. She alleviated her stress and distress by abusing prescription drugs. The dynamics of this family unit were so chaotic that by the time the youngest son was thirteen years old he had been to twentythree different schools. The death of her son instigated the release of oppressed memories. Her religion caused her to question herself. The first pregnancy had caused her to doubt herself. Her first marriage substantiated these doubts and questions. Her second marriage proved them. She could not believe in herself. She had been a failure in everything that she had done. Her kindness and her spiritual life could no longer compensate for the pain she felt. This pain was not, however, a reflection of her soul but a reflection of her nurturing, her response to it and the effect it had on her soul. In addressing the illness of her soul, it was necessary to take her beyond the life events which had caused her so much pain. She was born an innocent child that simply required love. She had not been afforded this love and therefore her inner self was incomplete. She now had to love herself to believe in herself. Her illness had evolved from her conscience, one of the windows of communication between the soul and the body. Because of her nurtured experiences, she retained subconscious doubts about the essence of her soul. Her illness presented itself as these doubts returned to her conscious awareness following the suicide of her son. She was ashamed of her essence. Her inner self felt guilty: by making different choices through her life could she have prevented his death - 69 -

and better protected her other children? Illness at a spiritual level: Patient F attended because of a pervasive feeling of emotional emptiness. He was chronically depressed with associated anhedonia, the inability to derive any pleasure from life. He was searching to release himself from this pervasive unhappiness. He had already been through ten years of analytical psychotherapy. He had an illness of his spirit. He could not experience love and peace. His nurturing experience was abnormal. He had, as he described, 'toxic parents'. His father was a shy, withdrawn clerk who avoided confrontation with his mother at all costs. His mother was dependent upon her two children but hostile in her presentation. She would beat them regularly, sometimes as often as every day. Judging by the "rictus of satisfaction" on his mother's face, the patient believes that his mother actually enjoyed beating her children. When there was little or no apparent reason for the beating, he asked why he was being beaten. His mother would then hit him twice as hard and say "Shut up and stop crying." In addition to the physical beating, the mother would say things such as: You're a bastard or you'll amount to nothing or youll be a jailbird. Between beatings his mother would embrace and cuddle him. This 'act of love' promoted a feeling of suspicion in the patient. He had no trust in his mother and put up with these 'cuddles', albeit with disgust, for fear of being beaten some more. He found the hypocrisy of the situation humiliating. As a result of this nurturing, the patient had no sense of dignity, and therefore low self-esteem. He hated his childhood. He lost respect for his parents around the age of five and reports that around the same time he began actively to hate his mother and himself. He remembers - 70 -

wanting to kill her. The physical abuse continued until the age of fourteen. It stopped simply because his mother became afraid that he could retort in kind. He knew deep down, however, that he could not retaliate. This was not because he respected his mother or loved her, but simply that having been emotionally abused by her, he remained "paralysed by fear" in her presence. This patient received no love from his parents. He does recall, however, a loving relationship with his paternal grandmother. The systematic physical and emotional abuse resulted in generalised unhappiness, low self-esteem, anger and hatred. He developed a blocking stammer, which made it hard for him to speak. At the age of eleven he was sent to a speech therapist whom, he felt, cared for him unconditionally. She restored his dignity. After four sessions his stammer had resolved and the sessions were stopped. Two weeks later the stammer was back. This patient had a good memory and was successful at school. He left home at sixteen and emigrated to Australia at the age of twenty-one, to escape from his past and his memories. He studied at University but withdrew from undergraduate law because he was unable to concentrate as a result of depression. He found the work easy, he could understand the concepts, but he had difficulty assimilating the necessary information to pass exams. After giving up the study of law, he successfully completed a course in acupuncture and then undertook a course in computers, which he topped. During this time he married and divorced and subsequently had a series of girlfriends. These relationships were characterised by emotional abuse. He would align himself with dependent women. They made him feel superior and would, temporarily, boost his self-esteem. He would subsequently ridicule them and hurt them emotionally. He then became attracted to women like his mother. Their love for him was elusive and fickle, and betrayal was the norm. He found it - 71 -

impossible to obtain love and respect from these relationships. Consequently, he isolated himself emotionally. He did not have any respect for himself. He had a fear of commitment because he did not believe in himself at a soul level. He was a failure, as his mother so often predicted. He lived alone and unable to work, blocking his 'pain' with drugs and alcohol. This patient has an illness of his spirit. He cannot love until he is loved. He is a man with an appropriately developed mind and body. Emotionally, however, his being is that of a terrified child trapped in a man's body. He is aware of his capabilities and the inherent characteristics of his soul but, due to his nurturing, he has lost control over his will. Because of this he has no direction, motivation or love. His life is empty and he has lost his capacity for fellowship with others and with God.

- 72 -

CHAPTER 6

The Life Force

Overview: 1. The introduction of the concept of a life force 2. The explanation of the separation of this energy in humans 3. Methods to redress this separation The concept of a life force is primarily an Eastern philosophy. I will use the Japanese term for it, Ki, as opposed to Chi, its Chinese name. This is a personal preference only, and relates to my martial arts training in Aikido. If you are already familiar with the concept by another name such as Qi, prana or 'the etheric body', there is no need to change. Life, as we know it, is based on the carbon atom in the organic form. The Taoist viewpoint is that, in addition to this definition, the living system must be capable of utilising Ki. (Refer to Figure 12.) According to Taoist belief, life first arose at the point of separation of Ki, in a useable form, from 'The Light', rather than from the synthesis of the carbon-based, organic molecule. Taoism is a Chinese philosophy derived from the book Tao-tee Ching. This work was attributed to the author Lao Tse in the third century BC. The word 'Tao' means 'the way'. At this point it should be noted that The Light, referred to in the Taoist philosophy, appears to be different from light as we know it. It is not the light that originates from the nuclear fusion of hydrogen into helium at the sun's surface. Further, it is not an energy source within the usual electromagnetic spectrum of visible light (400nm 770nm). Consequently, it is not an energy form that can be detected by the eye or, at present, by any scientific method. However, people who have - 73 -

near death experiences invariably describe a feeling of being drawn towards a light. By definition this light was not perceived by the body, since that body was technically dead and its eyes non-functional. The person feels/perceives a light that they remember and describe as a pure, bright, white light. The description of this light must be accepted with reservation. These people are attempting to describe an ineffable by means of subjective perception. They relate this new and exceptional experience to past experiences that they can describe. Eyesight is the most highly developed sense modality of the human neocortex. It is not surprising, therefore, that such an unusual experience is described in visual terms. It must also be understood that the description of this perception is limited by the spectrum of language. Certain perceptions may lay beyond the labels of present day language Therefore, describing this particular perception as light may he an error in semantics. Interestingly, in Genesis, when God created the world, it is said: "Then God said let there be light: And there was light. And God saw the light that it was good, and God separated the light from the darkness". Genesis 1: 3-4. This occurred on the first creation day. "God then made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he also made the stars". Genesis 1:16. This occurred on the fourth Creation day. Plant life forms were created during the third day, creatures and humans during the fifth.

The distinction between The Light and sunlight was noted in the marginal notes of the pre King James Geneva Bible. Marginal footnote e, relating to light, states: "The light was made before either Sun or Moon was created: therefore we must not attribute that to the creatures that are God's instruments, which only appertenieth to God". - 74 -

Figure 12: Schematic representation of the taoist view of Ki. It would appear, therefore, that life, as we know it, is sustained by the energy from two lights. The Light, from which Ki is derived, provides the essential energy of life and the existence of the universe. Secondly, there is the radiant energy from the sun, which is necessary to support life on this planet. According to Genesis, however, it is not necessary to support life per se, as plant forms were created before the sun and therefore must not rely on photosynthesis. Such, sulfur based, bacterial life forms, which thrive by chemosynthesis, are found - 75 -

in association with volcanic hydrothermal vents in the deep oceans. Ki has many forms and can enter the body in many different ways. It is contained within the food we eat. It also enters our body with the air inhaled into our lungs. More sophisticated forms of Ki can enter through our five senses and other paranormal sense modalities. Indeed, Ki can be channelled from one human being to another. Ki energy is also exchanged during the process of meditation. A particular form of meditation that unifies mind Ki and body Ki will be discussed later in this chapter. To understand the concept of Ki and the flow of this energy through our world, three basic aspects of Ki should be considered: 1. 2. Each individual has an innate capacity to process Ki. Ki has two components, Yin and Yang.

3. In humans, Ki has two additional components, mind Ki and body Ki. Our innate capacity: Humans are born with a personally specific capacity to contain, process and utilise Ki. For the purposes of illustration, imagine that this capacity is the size of a shoe box. As we grow to maturity this box fills with Ki. Our full potential to contain and process Ki is not realised until maturity. Once maturity has been reached, the box should remain full if we are to experience optimal well-being. Ki is a dynamic energy that flows through us. It interchanges naturally with the universal Ki (note not universe). During the day we use Ki, which eventually returns to the universal and in the process depletes our supply. Eating and resting partially redress this loss. During sleep we naturally exchange Ki with the universal. Sleep - 76 -

replenishes our box and is therefore an essential part of the process of being alive. Sleep deprivation in an otherwise well person depletes their Ki. This results in a condition known as fibromyalgia which produces non-specific body aches and pains, tension, poor concentration and impaired intellectual function. These symptoms are characteristic of Ki depletion. They are also seen in many other illnesses, both physical and mental. Ki depletion occurs naturally with advancing years and the cells of the body deteriorate. Acupuncture, besides reordering the flow of Yin and Yang also supplies Ki to the patient through the stimulation of the needles. The improvement that older people achieve from acupuncture in both relief of their symptoms and their feeling of well-being is encouraging. In contrast to Ki depletion, Ki absorption replenishes a depleted shoe box. The components of Ki: Ki energy has the Yin/Yang duality. Its relation to health is documented in the Chinese manuscript Hungdi Neiging Suwen, translated as 'The Yellow Emperors' Classic of Internal Disease'. This book was written about 200 BC. It is said that all matter is derived from Yin and Yang, which function as opposites. In addition, the existence of matter depends upon the dynamic balance between Yin and Yang. This balance is in constant motion, as Yin fades it becomes Yang and as Yang fades it becomes Yin. The Yin and Yang properties of matter are not absolute. As matter changes so do the Yin and Yang components. Finally, Yin cannot exist without Yang or Yang without Yin. The concept of Yin and Yang explains the duality of the Taoist symbol of life (Refer to Figure 13). This symbol shows how the opposites of life are inter and intra dependent. These opposites combine to form a - 77 -

paradoxical whole, where they depend upon each other for existence. I assume that the Yin/Yang duality equates to the reference in Genesis when God said let there be lightand God saw the light that it was good and he separated the light from the darkness.

Figure 13: Taoist symbol of Life.

Because all matter is derived from Yin and Yang, every part of the human body is also derived from Yin and Yang. Ki energy also has the Yin and Yang duality (see Figure 14). Ki flows around our bodies in channels, or meridians. Along these meridians there are various points that can be manipulated to adjust the Ki flow.

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Figure 14: The Yin/Yang duality. - 79 -

These points represent the acupuncture points of Chinese medicine. The channels and their associated points are mapped out in traditional Chinese acupuncture charts. The imbalance of Yin over Yang or Yang over Yin, in the normally harmoniously balanced system of health, is said to produce illness. Using the stimulation of various acupuncture points, the acupuncturist attempts to redress the balance of Yin and Yang. Acupuncture, therefore, assists the natural power of the body to heal itself. It is not a miraculous cure that can be successfully applied to all degrees of illness. The facets of Ki: There is yet another duality of Ki in humans. That is the duality of the 'coarse' Ki of the body and the 'fine' Ki of the mind. The fine Ki of the mind has a profound influence over the coarse Ki of the body. The coarse Ki of the body does not influence the fine Ki of the mind to such a degree. The Ki of the mind and the Ki of the body come together at the 'one point' of the body, or Hara in Aikido terms. This point is located approximately five centimeters below the navel and seemingly corresponds to the second Chakra point of Indian philosophy. It is interesting that this Chakra point, named the Svadhighthana, relates to the cycles of creation/destruction/birth/death. For optimising physical function, this 'one point' represents the dynamic centre of gravity of the body. Through the development of our brain, in particular the neocortex, a split between mind Ki and body Ki has become possible. Our ability to think and rationalise has resulted in the split of mind and body function. We can think and then we act independently of that thought.

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For example, when eating a meal the body will continue the process of eating while the conscious mind talks with a fellow diner. Consequently, the natural process of being, where thought equals action, is disturbed. It is this ability, courtesy of the neocortex, that has moved humans away from the process of nature and the Ineffable. We are now independent living souls. At this point it is important to understand the difference between the mind, when referring to fine Ki, and the brain. By definition the brain is of the body and therefore of coarse Ki. As previously stated, it is generally accepted that the mind manifests itself through the brain, which it does. However, with the development of our volition, the forebrain can, and invariably does, oppress the flow of the fine Ki of the mind. Generally, Ki flow cannot be enhanced by neocortical activity, for example, volition, demand or desire. These processes paradoxically inhibit fine Ki flow. The fine Ki of the Mind encompassed in feeling. This feeling is not that associated with emotion. It is not a function of a specific area of the neocortex of the forebrain. Ki feeling is a mind set. It is a state of being in and of the moment. To illustrate this point I refer to the influence of the witch doctor of 'primitive' tribes. It is the conviction of the tribal community that the witch doctor has the power to cause death by ritual cursing. If this occurs, the victim undergoes a change in their mind Ki state. Their 'being' becomes negative. Their conviction is that they are going to die. This is upheld against all neocortical processes of thought and understanding because of a deep seated, nurtured behavioural set. This negative mind set then depletes that person's Ki (their shoe box). They ultimately fade away and die. Another example of this concept is seen in the degree of selfishness vs selflessness in an individual. Selfishness produces negative fine Ki in a person, despite the positive state of emotion it may instill in them at the time. The resulting negative fine Ki affects their body by interfering - 81 -

with its coarse Ki. It produces a predominantly negative coarse Ki. This status is likely to produce recurrent ill health that, over the years, will affect their physical appearance. In addition, they will suffer an emotional emptiness that may also affect them physically. Further, the atmosphere surrounding this person, their aura, will be negative. Conversely, people who are selfless, positive and generous by nature are generally healthier and mature with an air of positive grace. Symbolically, this process is portrayed by the characterisation of witches. Black witches are described as old, stooped, ugly and vile beings. White witches are described as young, beautiful, elegant and bright loving beings. In other words, the action of a mind set produces a reaction in the body via its Ki. Eventually, our physical appearance and well-being will reflect our level of selfishness. This is a facet of the Karmic Law. The paradox of Ki is that the more an individual extends, or gives, their Ki in a selfless manner the more they receive Ki, in a replenishing form, from the universal. By optimising Ki flow and enhancing energy levels in our body, physical well-being, performance and interpersonal relationships can improve. During my training in Aikido, and subsequently my training of elite athletes, it became evident that many people believed that Ki is the answer to everything. In my view, Ki is not 'the answer' to the ultimate question of life. I hold this view for the following reasons: First, the use of Ki energy in a particular way, for example in martial arts, can kill another human being. Secondly, an individual who can manipulate Ki can use it at the expense of another for selfish and/or evil purposes. Ki, therefore, is the energy force of life that can be used and - 82 -

manipulated by humans. When Ki is used in a negative way, spiritually that person will be confined to the mundane. When Ki is used in a positive way, it can move the individual towards transcendent thinking, enlightenment, and spiritual understanding. The most important and significant aspect of Ki at a spiritual level, therefore, is the way it is used. It is a vehicle through which we can transcend the duality of the mundane to move towards its parent form, namely The Light. Ki is merely the instrument, and not 'the answer'. The Light from which Ki originated holds the answers to those inevitable spiritual questions. The reunification of mind Ki and body Ki is the object of martial arts at its highest level. This reunification and then utilisation of Ki greatly affects physical function, enabling performance beyond what is considered normal. A full explanation of Ki energy is beyond the scope of this book. However, there are four basic principles to the reunification and utilisation of Ki: 1. Correct breathing, 2. Reunification of mind Ki and body Ki at the Hara, the one point, 3. Relaxed muscle function, 4. Extension of Ki. The concepts of correct breathing and Ki meditation will be expanded. Breathing: Breathing has two different facets: - The movement of the breathing muscle, the diaphragm (abdominal breathing), - The 'bucket handle' movement of the rib cage (thoracic breathing). Abdominal breathing occurs when the large, arched muscle at the base of the lungs, the diaphragm, contracts and flattens, pressing downwards and displacing the abdominal contents below. This movement draws air into the lungs. This muscular movement causes the stomach to - 83 -

protrude. The air is exhaled when the diaphragm relaxes upwards, returning the stomach to its original position (See Figure 15).

Figure 15: Abdominal breathing. This is the correct and normal way to breathe. Abdominal breathing can be observed in any well infant. Apart from it being the normal way to breathe, it is also the optimal way of filling the lung tissue with air and optimising Ki absorption through the lungs. Thoracic breathing involves the ribs swinging upwards and outwards with inspiration (Refer Figure 16). This movement is only a supplementary method of breathing. It would appear that thoracic breathing evolved to help the diaphragm utilise lung volume in periods of extreme stress, for example lung function has to increase at the end of a 200-metre sprint. While adding this form of breathing to abdominal breathing can - 84 -

increase inhalation volume by approximately 15%, it requires abnormal muscle utilisation and causes muscle imbalance.

Figure 16: Rib breathing. In my experience the majority of Western adults breathe incorrectly. For multiple reasons, usually based on vanity, they prefer thoracic breathing. They tend to distort their natural childhood breathing pattern. Once again, here is an example of the neocortex interfering with the normal function of the body. Aesthetically, it is more acceptable for an individual in our society to have a flat stomach and a large chest. Consequently, the forebrain overrides the natural abdominal breathing, which makes the individual appear slightly more rotund. It supersedes abdominal breathing with the less efficient thoracic breathing. As a result, the individual appears larger in the chest, while maintaining a flat stomach. This change occurs insidiously.

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Do you breathe correctly? Try placing your hands flat across your chest with your palms resting on your chest wall and middle fingers touching slightly. Inhale an average sized breath. If your fingers move apart you are thoracic breathing! This altered breathing mode impedes Ki absorption and flow. This occurs for two reasons: 1. The full capacity of the lungs is not used. 2. The abnormal use of thoracic muscles causes an increase in the general muscle tone of the body. This causes a further split between the natural flow of mind Ki and body Ki. Exercise for abdominal breathing: Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth when practising abdominal breathing. During inhalation you should be able to feel a tingling sensation at the front of your nose, similar to that experienced by inhaling through your nose in front of a swirling fan. There should be no movement in your chest wall. Imagine the inhaled air going to your one point, your hara. This exercise is assisted by visualizing a piece of fine thread going in through the tip of your nose, rolling up at the hara and then leaving via your mouth when you exhale. Exhale slowly and smoothly through a relaxed throat using your diaphragm. With practice you should be able to feel the breath going to your one point. If you perform this breathing exercise correctly you will automatically become centred at the one point and relaxed. Ki Meditation: Ki meditation through the hara assists Ki reunification and Ki exchange with the universal. The technique is as follows: Assume a comfortable position and close your eyes. Move your conscious awareness to the one point. Initially, this is a fairly difficult - 86 -

manoeuvre because the conscious mind has nothing to focus on. Focus your awareness by placing the index finger of your preferred hand on your forehead. Now concentrate your awareness into the tip of that finger. Then move your finger down to the area of the one point, while continuing to concentrate on your finger tip. Touch the skin over the hara and then move your concentration from your finger to the one point. When you have achieved this, remove your finger and relax, but maintain your concentration at the one point. The next step is to continue to focus your concentration by exercising your awareness even further. If you do not, your mind will become attached. This will result in various images entering your 'mind's eye'. These images are usually bizarre and can be visions of anything from coloured floating animals to stars and lunar crescents. In order to exercise your awareness, imagine yourself, thought by thought, reducing in size by half, until you become infinitesimally small at the one point. When you reach the point where you cannot reduce any more, start doubling in size, getting bigger and bigger with each thought. It is helpful to time these size alterations with the beat of your heart. After you have imagined this sequence then try to feel it. Feel yourself getting smaller and smaller, then bigger and bigger, then smaller and smaller and so on. The final stage of Ki meditation is the ability to extend your feeling beyond your physical form. After feeling yourself become infinitesimally small, reverse the procedure and become infinitely large. When this is achieved, you can extend beyond the room, the country, the world, the solar system. The extension of feelings to this degree requires practice. When you are unable to extend any further, reverse the process and become infinitesimally small again and repeat. By achieving this level of meditation you will draw Ki from the universal.

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When mind Ki and body Ki are unified the perception of time changes. We are conscious of time through the awareness of our forebrain. Damage to the forebrain can disrupt our perception of time. A sad example of this was an internationally renowned English musician, singer and conductor who contracted a virus that infected his brain. The resulting encephalitis damaged specific areas of his forebrain, in particular his temporal lobes and his hippocampus (a part of the limbic system). As a result he lost his memory for recent events, yet his intellect remained relatively intact. Consequently, he had no past to which he could chronologically anchor and he could not project into the future. All he had was a moment to moment consciousness. He had no perception of the progression of time. Whenever his wife entered the room he would say that he had been "completely blind" and that he was "conscious for the first time". Even if she left the room and re-entered moments later, he would repeat the same statements.

Ki is derived from The Light. It is not an energy form dependent upon the speed of light and, therefore, the progression of time. As previously stated, Ki is appreciated through a state of feeling. The reunification of mind Ki and body Ki suppresses the activity of the neocortex. As a result, conscious awareness changes and so does the perception of time. I can illustrate this from the personal experiences of my martial arts training. When my mind Ki and body Ki became coordinated I experienced a higher level of awareness, understanding and physical function. In this state I could perceive the actions of my opponent before they were commenced, and once the actions were commenced, the movements appeared in slow motion. Many elite athletes call this being in the zone. - 88 -

There are many hackneyed examples of apparently superhuman feats. These accomplishments can be directly attributable to Ki energy. Perhaps the most telling feat of endurance relating to Ki energy is the survival of Dr James Scott for 43 days in the Himalayas. Scott became trapped while trekking through the Himalayas. He was carrying only minimum amounts of food and inadequate clothing to survive a night outdoors. The details surrounding the events are related in his book Lost in the Himalayas. Dr Scott was highly trained in the martial art called Shito-ryu Karate. His survival can be attributed to the dynamic flow and utilisation of his Ki. When he found himself on the ledge, where he stayed, his mind set was such that he believed he was going to survive. He did not fear death, or even entertain the possibility of dying. Heavy snow fall prevented his passage from the shelf. He calculated that within seventy days the season would change and the snow would melt. He could then leave the shelf and journey to the nearby safe house. Therefore, he was determined to survive at least seventy days. As an experienced trekker he was not afraid of the elements. Indeed, he felt at peace in this type of surrounding. His clothes were soaked as a result of a fall into a nearby stream and they soon froze. This caused him extreme physical pain and emotional stress. After changing his clothes, he displaced this anguish from his conscious awareness with the love he felt for his fianc and family. He extended these feelings of love towards them and, consequently, his fine Ki of his mind flowed positively. His determination, lack of fear, training and self-belief produced a mind set that freed him from the limitations that would have been imposed upon him by his forebrain and neocortex. In other words, there was no open conflict in his conscious mind about death, only the determination to survive. In this cognitive state his Ki flow was coordinated. His mind Ki and his body Ki were unified and he survived, against all odds. - 89 -

He now freely admits that he could not survive the same ordeal again. He would not be able to tolerate the pain he suffered. As he says: What I think I'd be frightened of would be having to endure those similar conditions for that length of time again. Furthermore, I think that other people's predictions and beliefs that it is virtually impossible to survive in those conditions, would make it very hard for me to survive.... Whilst I was on the mountain at times I would be very frustrated that I couldn't get through the snow. When I was found, I had a pervasive feeling of guilt about what my family and fianc had been through.... If I was to survive again it would be at a price of incredible suffering both on the mountain and afterwards. These emotions, which are functions of the forebrain, would cause a split between his mind Ki and his body Ki. If the unfortunate circumstances were to be repeated, this split would leave him vulnerable. With the dissociation of the coarse Ki of his body and the fine Ki of his mind, his natural Ki flow would not protect him. The power of the fine Ki of his mind would be negative and oppressed and not available to protect his body. The coarse Ki of his body would then be left to tolerate the extreme conditions. His body and then he would perish.

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CHAPTER 7

Friendship, Love, Marriage

Overview: 1. To demonstrate how relationships can elucidate the truth of self, leading to self love. 2. To show how to love another person completely you need to love yourself. 3. To show how marriage can be a fast track to self knowledge. 4. The issue of homosexuality will be addressed. Before progressing, it is necessary to discuss communication. At its simplest level communication is the transmission of information from one source to another, remember the quorum sensing of bacteria cited in chapter 1. At an interpersonal level the dynamics of communication are much more complex. The transmission of information between two people is coloured and subjectively altered by the personality functions of the communicating individuals at that time. As discussed in Chapter 4, personality function is determined by both internal and external forces. As a result, the material for communication can be altered from its original meaning by: - The subjective truth of the communicator. - The presentation and demeanor of the communicator. - The environment, including interpersonal relationships. - The capacity of the receiver to receive what is being communicated. -The capacity of the receiver to understand what is being communicated. - The subjective truth of the receiver. - 91 -

Therefore, what we think we are saying may not be what we say, and what we think we have said may not be what has been received. Communication at its highest level is the ability to make others understand exactly what you mean. As a receiver it is the ability to 'see' what others are saying, not just what they say. FRIENDSHIP: A friendship is based upon and revolves around the personality functions of the individuals concerned. When two people meet for the first time there is usually an instantaneous response to the nature and personality of the other. This intuitive process is an archaic sense mode. These instinctive feelings are rapidly displaced by the forebrain's sophisticated processes of rational thought and emotion. We no longer need to rely upon our less precise intuitive process because of the development of our neocortex. The intuitive process, however, is usually more aligned with 'the truth' than is the subjectivity of our neocortex. Following the displacement of first impressions, a process of rationalisation occurs. The ensuing interpersonal reaction will depend upon the nature of the presenting personalities of the individuals. In other words, are the personalities relating at an ego level, a presenting personality level or a true personality level? The depth of friendship achieved will relate to the functional combination of the two personalities. Ego-driven relationships will be superficial, presenting personality-driven relationships will be more sincere and true personality-driven relationships can be profound. If the basic personality functions are compatible, the parties will establish a simple relationship, an acquaintance. In the case of primarily ego-driven presenting personalities, the relationship is based on fabrication, as the true nature of the individuals is not being revealed. Such people will only be able to form acquaintances. They will, of course, derive sufficient gratification from them not to need any deeper level of friendship, in the short term. - 92 -

By way of example I refer to the over-zealous, superficial and insincere individual referred to in Chapter 4. If this person meets someone who functions at a similar level, they will complement each other. Both will benefit from their encounters and exchanges, as their egos are gratified and satisfied. These people believe they have found friendship but the relationship is merely one of acquaintance. Neither party really knows anything about the real person behind the other's presenting personality. With time and experience an acquaintance can develop into a friendship. A friendship develops when the ego-driven presenting personality fades and each becomes familiar with the other's presenting personality. When this occurs, each person will display more of their inner feelings to the other. If, however, there is no exchange of inner feelings between the parties, the relationship will remain at a superficial level only. The relationship will not progress to any substantial friendship. It will be limited to that of a fond acquaintance and will be confined to the mundane. As the exchange of inner feelings and self occurs, the friendship develops. True friendship is based on trust. The establishment of this trust requires time. As a friendship develops with time, each party acquires more information about the other's character. Ultimate friendship is a bilateral exchange of all personality facets and involves growth, sharing, rapport and trust. From mutual trust, the truth surrounding the development of the presenting personality of each can be realised. This will unfold the true personality of each individual, through the feedback, support, care and acceptance of the friend. This can lead to friendship in its ultimate form, namely love, because each party becomes more self-aware and consequently the process of self knowledge and self truth can be realised. It is this link that makes friendship a special human capacity. The exception to the development of friendship through acquaintance and time is the instantaneous friendship associated with the concept - 93 -

of the 'soul mate'. When soul mates meet for the first time, each person will have an intuitive feeling of interpersonal trust about the other. Naturally, the friendship still requires time to develop as this intuitive reaction requires confirmation. LOVE: There are two kinds of love: 1. Human love, and 2. Spiritual love.

The special relationships inherent in a family unit and the love contained therein will not be addressed in this chapter. Family love will be discussed in the following chapter. Human love (not to be confused with the romantic notion of being 'in love') is a state of being. It is not an emotional state, although love does lead to an altered emotional awareness. At an interpersonal level, human love is the free and open exchange of one's whole personality with another. In order to achieve such a degree of openness it is necessary to know and trust oneself. If you absolutely trust yourself then you become trustworthy, and available to be trusted. Therefore, to share love with another it is necessary to trust and love yourself. Human love can be enjoyed with members of the same sex as well as the opposite sex. The state of feeling it instills does not require sexual intercourse. Sex is simply one expression of love. It is also a function of the mundane, which can be practised without love! It is necessary to distinguish more fully between the state of being called love and the usually transient emotional state of 'being in love'. Human love produces a state of being in a person that has both conscious and unconscious elements. It provides for that person a sense of peace, tranquility, joy and contentment, as the influence of different chemicals on the forebrain change. Life is enriched by the shared experience of true human love. - 94 -

Love is not simply an emotional state, which is a function of the forebrain. Sexual drive and the attraction of the opposite sex can draw people together. A relationship at this level is based on lust, or forebrain 'emotional love', a component of which is desire. The opposite of emotional love is hate. The Family Courts are full of this sort of love gone wrong. Emotional love can interfere with and disturb the process of human love and the state of being that human love creates. It can also interfere with and disturb spiritual love and the state of being that spiritual love creates.

Spiritual love is a state of being that includes transcendent thinking. This state of being is unique to each individual and is derived from self-knowledge. It provides for the individual a state of peace, associated with a higher level of awareness and understanding. When this level of being is achieved it suggests that ultimate reality is spiritual and that the mundane is just a transient phenomenon. MARRIAGE: Marriage should be based on human love. It is also a union that enables the parties to achieve spiritual enlightenment. Marriage, however, is not necessary to achieve this form of affiliation with the Ineffable. In addition, marriage does not guarantee that human or spiritual love will be achieved. Earlier in this chapter I discussed the concept of friendship. In that discussion I mentioned the intuitive trust reaction and the concept of the soul mate. Intuitive romantic love is the ultimate extension of this, namely soul mate love. It is a feeling that is difficult to describe. It can manifest in so many different ways and at any time. It is best described as an instant attraction to and affiliation with another person, accompanied by a feeling of completeness. Many different stories exist about what happened to each party when they met their soul mate. The following example is used by way of illustration. Six months before the couple met, the wife sighted her future - 95 -

husband for the first time. She was "drawn towards him" but resisted the strong urge to follow him as he walked past her. Six months later the couple actually met. From their first eye to eye contact, a feeling of strength, warmth and security flourished in the wife towards her husband. The husband was instantly attracted to her and felt that "contact had been made". Yet not a word had passed between the couple. Two weeks later the couple dated for the first time. The wife described the experience of being with her future husband for the first time "as if I was coming home". The husband compared it to a jigsaw puzzle where their personalities "simply fitted together perfectly". Everything felt just right. Both felt as if they had known each other all their lives. Over the centuries artists have drawn attention to the romantic concept of soul mate love. Unfortunately, it seems that this romantic concept is not usually the basis of marriage. Dante (1265-1321) described soul mate love as spiritual love as compared to the lower level of love which he called sensual love. He married his wife for whom he had sensual love. However, he held spiritual love for Beatrice whom he laid eyes on only a few times. "Seeing her face is so fair to see, love sheds such perfect sweetness over me." The phenomenon of his spiritual love evolved from the concept of soul mates, namely an intuitive response reaction and automatic affiliation. A relationship with soul mate love as its foundation can readily ascend to spiritual love. Soul mate love, nevertheless, is not a prerequisite for a couple to ascend to this state of being. Indeed, a couple may become so immersed in each other and human love that they do not progress beyond this personal intimacy.

To truly love someone it is necessary to love oneself. To love oneself, it is necessary to become independent and self-aware. There is no greater exposure to a friend or quicker route to self-knowledge and personal growth than the obligated cohabitation of marriage.

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The man: As discussed in Chapter 3, the male is genetically predetermined to be egocentric. In addition, he is logical, single-minded and attached to his rational knowledge. Generally, a mature male does not know the complete state of human love. His egocentricity interferes with his ability to externalise his feelings. A man has to learn to externalise his feelings in order to achieve human love. He has to appreciate, care for, defend and protect his wife in the way he would himself. The majority of men would not have had to bear this degree of responsibility for another individual before. The increase in the specificity of their brain function makes them naturally logical but not necessarily naturally loving. Therefore, a man needs to love his wife as he does himself. If a man displays grace to his wife she will respond, since she loves naturally. As a result of his wife's response, the man perceives himself in a different way. He begins to love himself as opposed to simply respecting himself. When this happens, he is capable of loving his wife more. She then responds in a more loving way and so the wheel turns. It is the man's responsibility, however, to start the momentum of this wheel for his benefit and then ultimately hers. Generally, therefore, a man has to 'learn' to love. The woman: Conversely, the female brain is organised before birth to facilitate the free association of the forebrain. This enhances her sensitivity and capacity to love but it can render her vulnerable. Her sensitivity can produce an emotional tone in the neocortex that can intrude on her ability to achieve true love. Generally, there are two facets to a woman's loving capacity. The first is her natural capacity to share of herself with those around her. It is this capacity that provides her with the ability to naturally protect and nurture her offspring. This facet of her soul alone, however, will not - 97 -

normally enable her to achieve complete human love. The second facet of a woman's love is her capacity to love a man. The object of this love, however, is a single man and once her loving capacity is focused she can realise the full extent of her human love.

Marriage: Besides the prerequisites of a friendship, namely trust, sharing, rapport and growth between the individuals, the ultimate marriage should be based on mental and spiritual compatibility. Because of the generalised individual vulnerability of each gender, as discussed, a husband and wife are mutually dependant on each other for completeness. The husband's mundane logic balances the wife's sensitivity. The wife's freedom to love balances the husband's egocentricity. With time each becomes richer from the other. Human love grows with time, and with it self-awareness, the prerequisite for spiritual love, as the chatter from the errant programming of the neocortex is silenced. Therefore, spiritually, the first day of the marriage is the worst day of the couple's spiritual journey. A loving union is not based on duty. For example, a husband cannot demand love from his wife. He must elicit her love through the grace he affords her. Psychologically, the wife generally needs to feel protected and wanted but if a husband crushes his wife's volition he suppresses her ability to respond to him. In doing so he loses his potential guide to transcendent thinking and matters spiritual, as her natural capacity to love is suppressed. Patient G attended because she had been self-mutilating for ten years. She would pick and scratch at her face and shoulders to such an extent that she would draw blood. She did not perform this volitionally. It was not a conscious act. This self-mutilation reflected her low self-esteem and her inability to - 98 -

like herself. In reviewing her life history, it became apparent that her marriage had produced her negative state of being. When she was seventeen years old, nothing had bothered her. She was confident, she liked who she was and she believed that she could do anything she wanted to do. She travelled overseas alone on a working holiday. While on this holiday, she met her husband. Soon after their marriage, she realised that her fairy tale perception of married life, namely, having two children, a nice house with pretty gardens surrounded by a white picket fence, was nonsense. After the birth of her first child and with the loss of her faith in the beauty of marriage, she gradually lost self-confidence. As time passed she started to believe and feel that she was unable to do anything. This lack of confidence progressed to the point where she could not even ask the bank for a bank statement. She was unable to return broken goods, which were still under warranty, as she was terrified by confrontation. Her ego function drove her into selfconscious inertia. She became depressed. When she returned to her home country, with her husband and two children, some of her youthful confidence returned. She found gainful employment and eventually became a partner in a sales company. In addition, she ran her house efficiently. She did all the domestic chores, mothered her children and provided for her husband. However, it was at this stage that she began to self-mutilate. The dynamics of her marriage were unusual. Her husband would come home from work and regularly shout at her. His aggression was such that she felt "paralysed" and was unable to stand up for herself. Her developing low self-esteem and her ego orientation ensured that she always took this abuse personally. The more he shouted the more she believed she was causing his anger. When her children began to mimic their father's behaviour, her suspicions were confirmed. She was also causing her children to be angry. Therefore, she was not a nice person. As a result, she allowed everyone to "walk all over me." However, during periods of stress the family, including her husband, would turn - 99 -

to her for support. She felt that her husband would "cling to me like I was his mother". Her husband's weakness and dependence were demonstrated by his attitude to his wife. He allowed her to work full time and contribute financially to the family unit. He was not, however, prepared to assist with the domestic chores. In addition, he was pathologically jealous and he needed to know where she was every moment of the day. He did not allow her to go out with girlfriends. If she did, he would ensure that it was an emotionally traumatic experience for her, both before and after her trip out. She finally decided that it was not worth going out. She preferred not to "rock the boat". He, however, would go out when he liked, with whom he liked and without informing her of his whereabouts. Socially, however, his ego presented him as a caring and loving husband. Through therapy, (which her husband did not know about!) her selfesteem improved. She realised that her husband's shouting was not confined to her; he also abused their children. With the realisation that her husband's anger was a reflection of his own inability to cope, her overall confidence grew. She realised that she was not necessarily causing her husband's grief and anger; she was simply the recipient of it. As her self-esteem improved, she began to define limits, and learned how to say "no" and defend herself. Despite her insight into the dynamics of her relationship with her husband, her self-mutilation did not resolve completely. She would pick at her face when she was stressed. Her subconscious mind had been programmed with enduring self-doubt and low self-esteem. Using hypnosis, to directly access her subconscious mind, she was able to feel free once more, as she did when she was seventeen. This case highlights a common problem with modern day marriages. In many families it is now a financial necessity for both parents to work. In view of this, the domestic workload should be shared between the parties. The days when the male returned from work, had - 100 -

his meal placed on the table, his slippers ready by the fire and his pipe full of tobacco are long gone! People marry for different reasons, many of which arise from selfish desire, for example, the need for status, wealth or physical beauty. Spiritually, there is nothing more damaging to the process of marriage than selfishness and a hidden agenda on the part of one or both parties. Unfortunately, in Western society today the union of two people based on soul mate love is the exception rather than the rule. Marriage is seen as the basis of the stability of humanity. Spiritually it has a more profound effect. As state earlier, self-awareness is a prerequisite to achieve transcendent awareness. Through the process of marriage each person is exposed to, and relates to, every facet of the other's personality. Consequently, with the progression of time, each party can achieve a higher level of self-knowledge and understanding through this exposure. It is a joy to witness the warmth, care, interdependency and openness that exist in a retired married couple's union, after years of healthy proximity. In contrast, a retired married couple who have had an unhealthy relationship will instill feelings of hostility, pain and frustration in the observer. Spiritually, these types of relationships died years before, and the couple should have been freed from such bondage by divorce. Divorce is an excellent example of how forebrain emotion can disturb the state of being that proximity can produce. When two people are attracted and marry they are privileged to profound exposure to all aspects of their mate. A loving union that ends will leave both parties richer and each will hold respect for the other. The relationship simply did not work. However, the emotional volatility associated with a marriage breakdown that was based on lust (emotional love) invariably produces emotional pain. Selfish characters rapidly lose sight of their responsibility for the choice they made when they said "I do" and seek revenge to compensate for this emotional pain. - 101 -

Generally, they have all the ammunition they need from the intimate exposure inherent in the union, which is used in projection, see chapter 5. Through projection, they lose sight of the value of the positive experience possible from such an intimate relationship. Consequently, they derive no personal growth from the relationship. Their hatred keeps them firmly in the mundane. The development of a negative mind set following divorce also illustrates the ability of the neocortex to alter the truth. The emotion arising from the breakdown is, generally, expressed to supportive ears, usually a friend, in a self-justificatory way with a strongly loaded negative attitude towards the ex-partner. The response by, support from and conclusions drawn by the friendly third party will then influence the emotional state and response of the divorcee. Their subjective truth is not only substantiated by this support but, usually, distorted further away from the real truth. Subsequently, the divorced person talks about and expresses these altered opinions to others, who will usually respond in a similarly supportive manner. So the subjective truth of the divorced person is altered further and so on. He or she learns nothing about self as the real truth is displaced by their subjective truth. What a waste of a marriage. Homosexuality: A chapter on friendship, love and marriage would not be complete without broaching the subject of homosexuality. The word homosexual (derived from the Greek 'homos' meaning same) means having feeling for or a sexual attraction towards people of the same sex as oneself. This word is therefore not gender specific. The common usage of the word, however, reflects male homosexuality. Female homosexuality is commonly referred to as lesbianism, a contrived name from the Greek Island Lesbos, the birthplace of Sappho, a homosexual poetess of the 6thC BC. It was once believed that homosexuality was the result of the nurturing process but this is now not supported by scientific investigation. It seems as ridiculous as the suggestion that a mother - 102 -

causes schizophrenia in her child. Nowadays, the onus of total responsibility has, quite correctly, been taken away from the nurturing parents. However, this does not mean that homosexuality is simply biological in origin. Nurturing can also influence sexual orientation. Considering the normal bell shaped (Gaussian) distribution of sexual preferences (see figure 16), homosexuality may be part of the normal range of sexual behaviour. In other words, at one extreme of the curve you have an individual who is driven to heterosexuality and cannot abide the thought or physicality of homosexuality. At the other extreme of the curve, an individual would be driven to homosexuality, unable to abide the thought and physicality of heterosexuality.

Figure 16: Gaussian distribution of sexual preference. The extreme of this bell shaped curve relate to extremes of sexual preference; homosexuality at one extreme, homophobia at the other. - 103 -

If this is the case, then these people should be considered normal. They should be allowed to live their life normally for them, which is what they try to do. From counselling homosexuals, I have formed the opinion that the homosexual relationship maybe broken down into the following broad categories: 1. An innate emotional and physical attraction to their own sex. 2. Physical attraction to their own sex without the necessity of emotional affiliation. 3. An emotional attraction and physical ambivalence. 4. An emotional and physical hedonism. 5. Any of the above complicated by ego. Those in the first category will generally live in a monogamous relationship deriving love and sexual gratification from their partner. My clinical experience relating to male homosexuality suggests that in such a relationship one partner fulfils the female role and the other fulfils the male role. Homosexuals who fall into the second category are exemplified by Patient H. This man was married, and loved his wife with whom he had children. Apart from youthful fleeting thoughts of interest in the same sex, he showed little inclination towards homosexuality. At the age of thirty-two, he recalls the emergence of homosexual thoughts. He specifically remembers looking in the mirror and recognising the signs of ageing. He thought "If I am going to do it, I have to do it now". Over the next two weeks he became obsessed with his physical appearance and spent time "grooming himself. Within three months he was driven by his sexual urges to find a partner and experienced his first homosexual relationship. This first experience was emotionally traumatic because of the confusion surrounding his obligation to his family. He continued to love his wife but was sexually gratified by men. This sexualisation did not involve the feeling of love. It was simply desire. The sexual relationship with his wife faded and - 104 -

eventually stopped. Finally he found sexual fulfillment without love from his male encounters but continued to love and live with his wife. In reviewing this case and similar cases that I have encountered, it is important to remember that these men matured in times when homosexuality was a taboo. The social stigma and the 'sexual ignorance' of these men may have suppressed their innate sexual desire towards men. With the exposure, recognition and acceptance that homosexuality now has, it is difficult to determine at what stage these men would have acknowledged their homosexuality. This aside, such cases illustrate the earlier statement that, generally, men are more sexualised than women. In addition, they do not require an emotional connection to realise sexual satisfaction. As far as the third category is concerned, it is generally accepted that male homosexuals are more sensitive and kind than the typical heterosexual male. A male who has low self-esteem and pervasive feelings of inadequacy may become inadequate as a functioning male. He would therefore find it difficult to fulfill the traditional male role in a heterosexual relationship. He may find comfort in a relationship with a homosexual male. In this situation sex is no longer the prime mover in the homosexual relationship. Such a case is exemplified by Patient I, whose basic personality was distorted by feelings of inadequacy and dependence. He moved into a ten-year relationship with another man and he assumed the female role. Towards the end of the relationship he became regularly unfaithful to his partner. These other homosexual experiences failed him emotionally, as did the relationship with his partner. He subsequently moved into a heterosexual relationship.

The fourth category is a relationship firmly based in the mundane. The fifth category refers to ego distortion. Any individual irrespective of gender and sexual orientation, who flaunts their sexuality outside the constraints of normal social acceptance, has, in my opinion, a problem - 105 -

with their ego function. As an example I refer to the Sydney Gay Mardi Gras. This show is justified by its participants as the 'coming out' and 'acceptance' of homosexuality. It is vulgar in its presentation and contravenes the decent fabric of society. The participants gain much more from the occasion than do the general population. This gain is purely selfish. I doubt whether its displays of uninhibited sexual promiscuity and exhibitionism do anything to gain acceptance for homosexuality. Much of the behaviour at the Mardi Gras has little to do with the basic nature of a genuine homosexual and even less with the process of spiritualisation. Indeed, my 'genuine' homosexual patients, group 1, find this sort of behaviour, whether it be in the Mardi Gras or the typical histrionics found in a gay bar, abhorrent. Further, they find that it impedes their acceptance, by the general community. When I had finished the first draft of this chapter, I gave a copy of the section on homosexuality to patient H to verify the facts. He reviewed this section as did two other male homosexuals, both of whom were professional people. Their reactions are included for the sake of fairness. The first critic with respect to my comments on the gay Mardi Gras stated: Absolute nonsense! Suggest you actually attend one rather than rely on sensationalised media reports. One of the biggest tourist attractions in New South Wales attended by people from all walks of life and sexuality not just gay. Mardi Gras has been vital for the gay and lesbian community for several reasons: 1. Our existence cannot be denied as it is by mainstream society, and 2. The experience of attending a parade is quite liberating. To be openly gay in a crowd of half a million people is exhilarating and affirming and wonderful. The media portrayal of men in dresses and - 106 -

explicit sexuality is just a part of the parade. Most of the groups participating are community support groups, AIDS councils and social groups. The overt sexuality and cross-dressing are important symbols and rituals that certainly have a paganistic tone and are often sadly lacking in the rather dull by comparison heterosexual events. Mardi Gras is about celebration, openness and honesty. Generally people who are ashamed of human variation are ashamed of themselves. -You should talk to gay men and lesbians who are not your psychiatric patients. Otherwise your understanding of sexuality, identity development in a well-adjusted gay man or lesbian will be sadly lacking. Psychiatrists have done this sort of thing to gay men and lesbians for a long time. The second critic stated: - Referring to the line it is "vulgar in its presentation and contravenes the decent fabric of society" - leave this sentence out as it is too subjective and adds nothing to the argument. - I wonder the motives of the author and is he/she a Christian with a hidden agenda? My patient H stated: - It appears the reviewers all disagree with your opinion of Mardi Gras. - The point is I guess nobody chooses to be homosexual. It is a lonely, emotional, dangerous, disease-ridden lifestyle that does not have public sympathy. But, if you are, there is not much you can do to alter the fact, so why not make the most of it. Hence "Im proud to be gay etc." and have as much fun as possible -hence Mardi Gras (though I still do not like this show). I can understand it in the young.

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My editor wrote: I agree with you! These people are caught up in the media-driven fantasy that tells them they MUST be happy and should not engage in real self reflection. My point is that, save for group 1, when the flesh is worn and old and exhibitionism is vanquished their lives will be empty and, in all probability, fixed permanently and painfully in the mundane.

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CHAPTER 8

Parenting
Overview: 1. With the correct approach, people can benefit profoundly from being a parent. 2. Parents have duties not rights. 3. Children benefit from knowing both parents. 4. In divorce the parents, paradoxically, need to respect each other more not less. While making babies is easy, being a parent is an onerous and dutybound responsibility. Spiritually, nothing in life is more important and influential to a third party. Little in life can cause as much damage, heartache, pain and disruption if it is performed incorrectly. Everybody is capable of looking after a child. Everybody is not capable of being a good parent. In order to better understand the role of the parent, it is helpful to understand the developmental stages of childhood. Psychologically, there are two main areas of child development. These are cognitive (thought) development and personality development, both facets of neocortex activity. A working knowledge of these stages of development will help a parent fulfill the needs of the developing child. First, however, it is necessary to state the obvious: all children are different. This difference extends across their personality, developmental rates, intellectual ability and innate motivation. In addition, there is the gender specific difference in organised brain function that was described in Chapter 3. COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT The Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget (1896-1980) made the most - 109 -

substantial contribution to the understanding of a child's mental development and growth. Piaget moved away from the thinking of the day which assumed that the infant brain was just a mini adult brain that simply required time to develop to show its full function. He theorised that there were characteristic stages in a child's development that had to be undergone in order for intellectual growth to occur. These stages he called: 1. 2. 3. 4. Sensory motor intelligence - from birth to two years Pre-operational period - from two to seven years Period of concrete operations - from seven to eleven years Period of formal operations - from eleven years on

Naturally, these age ranges are approximate. They serve only as a rough guide to what may be happening to a child at any particular time in their developing life.

1. Sensory motor intelligence

At birth, and in the early months of development, the child is unable to differentiate between itself and its external environment. It is totally egocentric. In addition, it has little or no idea of time and cannot distinguish between stable objects and fleeting events. In Piaget's terms the child has no idea of 'object permanence'. During this period the child develops coordinated vision, touch, hearing and bodily movements and these abilities gradually lead the child to understanding object permanence. For example, when a one month old child drops an object it will not look for it. By ten months a child will look for the object. Generally, by eighteen months the child has achieved full object permanence. By this stage it can recall having seen an object in a certain place and will seek it out days later. 2. Pre-operational period Resulting from its earlier experiences, the child identifies itself as separate from the physical world. It also carries ideas about that world in its head. It develops 'operations' that allow it to utilise these ideas according to a set of rules. However, these rules are limited in - 110 -

their application. Piaget's famous experiment to demonstrate the inability of the child to understand its world beyond the obvious was as follows: A five-year-old child was presented with four glass tumblers, one tall and thin, the second short and fat, the third and fourth equal in size with dimensions somewhere between the first two. These latter two tumblers were then filled with an equal amount of coloured liquid. The child quite correctly indicated that there was an equal amount of liquid in both tumblers. One of these tumblers was then emptied into the short, wide glass tumbler as the child watched. The child was then asked the same question; which container holds the most liquid? The child pointed to the remaining tumbler, originally filled, because the level of liquid in this tumbler, when compared to the other, was higher. The liquid from the short, wide tumbler was then poured into the tall, thin tumbler as the child watched. The child then indicated that the tall, thin tumbler now contained more liquid than the original untouched tumbler. The level in this tumbler was now higher than the other. By the age of about seven, the child has developed the ability to conserve quantity. It will say that the amounts of liquid are the same, because the liquid levels in the original tumblers were the same. The child, however, is still not able to understand that the liquid levels are different because one tumbler is short and fat and the other is long and thin. It has not developed the ability to attend to the several factors simultaneously. In other words, the child is unable to appreciate that the liquid height is low when the tumbler is wide or high when the tumbler is narrow. This inability to understand variables results in the child accepting reality as it appears. In addition, the child also exhibits a degree of egocentricity, through which it has difficulty understanding another's points of view. This, in part, is because the child is unable to recognise that different points of view exist. 3. Concrete operational period - 111 -

By the time the child has progressed through the pre-operational period, it has developed the ability to conserve quantity and begins to understand the variability of reality. Its thinking, however, remains concrete. The child can understand actual events, but it is unable to understand abstract concepts. During this stage the child experiences and understands more about reality and develops its thinking through to formal operations. For example, the child can say that a given even number when one is added will make it an uneven number. It cannot, however, understand that the addition of one to any even number must always produce an odd number. 4. Formal operational period This is the final important developmental stage in which a child's cognitive process can accept the possible and also the real. The experiment utilised to illustrate this step was to ask the child to investigate the properties of a pendulum. A child in its concrete phase would vary several factors at once, for example the weight of pendulum and length of the string. It would then deduce that the pendulum swings faster the lighter the weight and the shorter the length of the string. With formal operations the child can understand that in investigating a given factor, with respect to the rate at which the pendulum swings, the other must be kept constant. For example, the weight should be maintained and the length of the string varied or the length of the string held constant and the weight varied. In doing this, the child demonstrates the ability to internally rationalise, and move away from obvious concrete conclusions. As an aside, Piaget's work has been criticised at two levels: (a) his belief that the newly born brain had no cross-linking between sense modalities, for example, hand eye coordination, hearing and sight. The new born child does have such connections, although primitive. (b) he maintained that sequential development through these stages was essential. He believed that there was no development of later stages before the earlier stages had been achieved. - 112 -

It is now clear that as the child develops through a particular stage, the next stage is already developing. This review of cognitive development indicates that children are unable to relate to the external world in an adult way. The child is cognitively vulnerable. Many parents ask things of their child that their child simply cannot comprehend. If they can comprehend they are not able to draw a conclusion based on reality and truth. The child is compromised by such questions, yet it is required to respond. Its response is defined by its degree of development, the environment and its parent's wishes. Making demands upon a child that are beyond its capacity to think is detrimental to the development of that child and its self identity. Setting limits: A child needs firm boundaries and discipline to protect it through these developmental stages and to help it understand the nature of reality. It requires set parameters and limits from which it can safely test reality and appropriately develop its ability to think and understand. A child should not be allowed the freedom of its own volition, which is immature and undergoing development. Obviously, with advancing age, these boundaries should become less restrictive, as the child develops into its own personality. In my practice I frequently see the inability of parents to respond appropriately to the cognitive development and needs of their child. An example is the mother who has lost control of her naughty child. The mother then externalises her discipline by saying, "If you don't behave Dr. Green will smack you". The child is then left to decide whether I will or not. Whether I want to or not, I cannot! The child then continues its disruptive behaviour and the mother raises her hands in despair. She blames the child for its bad behaviour and usually describes it as hyperactive. The child, who is normal, is simply responding according to its own volition and cognitive development, which usually has been poorly nurtured by its parent(s). Setting limits, however, should not be restricted by the parent's own perspective. Every child is an individual. Parents have the benefit of - 113 -

experience over their child. They should set limits according to their experience, having regard for the developmental needs and personality of the child. This limit setting develops self-respect in the child, which is carried into adulthood and externalised to the outside world. Such restriction and firm limit setting may cause friction between the maturing child and its parents. In the medium and long term, however, it is invariably beneficial. In the later years parents can fall into the trap of setting protective limits on their child that are drawn from their own experiences, without giving consideration to the 'generation gap'. The maturing adolescent feels suppressed by these limits. They also feel belittled by these restrictions because, in their view, their parents do not and will not understand their point of view. Often, the young adult's perception is rather egocentric, as he or she strives for independence. Children require the protective influence, authority and guidance of their parents to allow them to develop, with knowledge and wisdom, into the human beings that they should be. At all stages of life we are all humans coming into being. PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT Eric Erikson's concept of personality and the life cycle relies on a series of eight sequential periods of 'ego crisis' that begin in infancy and extend through to old age. He maintained that the successful resolution of each phase-specific crisis is necessary for advancement to the next stage and so on. His work is an extension and refinement of Freudian theory and his phases correspond to the Freudian psycho sexual stages, which are bracketed. The eight phases can he divided into four groups, namely: 1. Infancy Crisis 1 Trust verses Mistrust (oral stage) Crisis 2 Autonomy verses Shame (anal stage) 2. Childhood - 114 -

Crisis 3 Initiative verses Guilt (phallic stage) Crisis 4 Industry verses Inferiority (latency stage) 3. Adolescence Crisis 5 Identity verses Role Confusion (early genital phase) 4. Adulthood Crisis 6 Intimacy verses Isolation (genital phase) Crisis 7 Generativity verse Stagnation Crisis 8 Ego Integrity versus Despair Each phase has both positive and negative elements. This duality may be viewed as a visual analog scale (See Figure 17). The result of each ego crisis, with appropriate nurturing, is the emergence of a person with a balanced view. For example in phase 1, a child who has developed a sense of basic trust will also have a protective sense of mistrust. It is wrong to assume that because the child has a strong basic trust, they will not be afforded the protective benefits of a degree of mistrust (See point A of Figure 17). Indeed, if a child has a basic sense of trust without the protection of a balanced understanding, then the child is vulnerable. If a balance is not achieved, in each stage, the individual will remain vulnerable at the level of that ego crisis later in life.

Figure 17: Visual Analog Scale. An overview of the ego crises: 1. Trust verses Mistrust: Hope 'I am what I am given.' An infant's earliest sense of identity comes through contact with its parent during feeding. The child has an instinctive drive to exhibit - 115 -

stress when it is hungry. If the parent attends quickly, calmly, and, more importantly, reliably to this demand then the child will settle and feel secure. In addition, the child will benefit from the physical closeness to its parent(s). The child will develop the basic attitude of trust if these interactions are provided willingly and lovingly by the parent. Consequently, the child develops knowledge of consistency and reliability from the parent. This allows it to separate from the parent, with the awareness that its inner needs will be met and catered for in future. Naturally, parents who respond in such a comforting and reliable manner at feeding times are likely to extend this sort of emotional response to the child as it matures. A child with such parents will develop a deep feeling of trust. Conversely, a child who does not experience this reliability, willing attention and love will develop a basic sense of mistrust. 2. Autonomy versus Shame and Doubt: Will 'I am what I will.' This is the period associated with muscular control, in particular the ability of the child to control its body functions. The child learns that through this control it has the ability to defy. For example, toilet training can become a battle of wills, where the child's volitional control can be used against its parents. If the parental guidance at this stage is firm but protective, promoting the sense of trust already achieved, the child will develop a sense of independence. It realises that it can exercise willful control over itself and its impulses. 1f, however, the child has been unnecessarily and unduly shamed, then it will learn to over-control its impulses. It will not trust its parents, which will interfere with the trust, if any, already established. 3. Initiative versus Guilt: Purpose 'I am what I can imagine I will be. By the age of four or five years, a child has a firm sense that it is a person. During this phase it will attempt to discover what sort of - 116 -

person that is. It forms oedipal attachments, with a parent becoming the object of the child's identification. In addition, the child now has an increasing capacity to initiate actions, thoughts and fantasies. With this improved capacity to plan, the child begins to learn what it can do and what it may do. The child, therefore, acquires a sense of purpose. It can make judgments and plans that in the past were made for it. 4. Industry versus Inferiority: competence 'I am what I learn.' This stage corresponds to the child's early schooling experiences where it learns that it is necessary to function outside the family unit and independent of it. The lesson the child learns from this phase is the pleasure derived from the completion of a task, which requires thought and concentration. During this stage the child may develop a sense of inadequacy and/or inferiority if it is unable to cope with its schooling experiences. The successful resolution of this ego-crisis produces competence in the developing child, which is necessary for a smooth progression into the community at large. 5. Identity versus Role Confusion: Fidelity 'I am what I am.' By this time the individual's ego has assimilated an adult-like sense of industry. Childhood ends. Adolescents realise that they are fundamentally the same, although they may be changing. During this phase the adolescent re-evaluates the earlier four crises and reintegrates them to be self-assured. The inevitable danger of this period is that the adolescent may suffer an identity crisis. 6. Sense of Intimacy versus Sense of Isolation: Love 'I am who I am with.' By this stage the individual has reached young adulthood and this crisis involves the fusing of their identity with that of another, or others. The individual now seeks intimacy. Resulting from this intimacy, they may be required to modify certain aspects of their ego formulation to date. The converse side of this is that the individual - 117 -

may not be able to cope with the demands of intimacy. They may retreat into isolation. 7. Generativity versus Stagnation: Care 'I am who needs me.' Generally, everybody needs to be needed. This feeling, when extended, produces care for the next generation. The fundamental requirement of generativity is that the ego learns to transcend immediate self-interests in favour of future generations. Simply wanting children, which may be selfishly oriented, is different from generativity. The negative side of this ego crisis is the inability to appreciate and therefore be involved in this process of generativity. This results in a feeling of stagnation, where people who have lived 'adequate' lives, nonetheless feel impoverished and dissatisfied with 'their lot'. They lack basic meaning to the purpose of their life. 8. Integrity versus Despair: Wisdom I am what I have been.' By now the individual is senior, and probably aged. This is the period when the ego has to accept its life cycle to date. If the individual has fully integrated the previous seven ego crises, then the individual is free to develop ego integrity. They believe that their life has been purposeful and satisfying. They can freely accept death. Conversely, when the individual has failed to integrate the ego crises of the previous seven stages, they are unable to accept that their life has been wholesome. Life has never been really satisfying for them. This leads to despair. Because of its permanence, the fear of death ensues.

Through understanding the complexities of the developing child's thinking and personality, it is apparent that ideal parenting is a difficult and complex function. The nurturing process has a profound effect on the psychological well-being of the individual, as a child and as an adult. It is extremely difficult for the lay person to understand and incorporate into their parenting the concepts previously - 118 -

described. Parenting, by its subjective nature, often lacks rational and objective perspective. Fortunately, a full appreciation of the cognitive and the personality development of the child are not necessary to be a parent. Humans have successfully nurtured their offspring for generations, before such parameters were established by learned men and women. Parents have two advantages over the cold light of clinical interpretation: 1. Genetic affiliation, and 2. Bonding and the unconditional love which exists between a parent and its offspring. Genetics: Half a child's genetic material is derived from each parent, with the child being a genetic blend of its two parents. If the babys physical development, its phenotype, has progressed according to the genetic program, then the child's cognitive and personality function is also likely to be a blend of the two parents. However, the potential for variation in personality structure, between parents and their children and between siblings, is enormous. This variation is based on three factors: 1. The nature of our chromosome statistically, the chance of having children (twins aside) in one family one, that is approximately 70 trillion: blueprint. For example, two genetically identical is 70,368,744,177,664 to 1!

2. The variability of gene expression. There are dominant genes and recessive genes. 3. Phenotypic variations of development as described in Chapter 4. The child has a pre-determined genetic template. It is the responsibility of the parents to decide what this template is and to nurture the child accordingly. Because the child has a blended genetic template, natural parents are more likely to be able to respond to the genetic template of their child than non-biological parents. Correct nurturing will assist the development of the child's - 119 -

personality in such a way that it will have the inherent protection of the developmental balances, described by Erikson. As a result, it will be able to live according to its true personality. Parenting, therefore, is a dynamic interplay between the child and its parents. The result of this interplay will, ideally, produce a child that matures into an independent, complete, self-secure and loving adult. This is the parents duty. It is impossible to know the nature of the personality template of a child before it is born. Consequently, it is impossible to pre-determine the kind of parental behaviour that will be in the child's best interests. Any preconceived notions of parenting should be relinquished. Parents need to feel what is right for their childs personality. Only then will the dynamics of parenting progress along nature's pathway. Spiritually, this is the beauty of parenting: the childs personality develops as it grows, the parents personalities develop as the child develops, and the child grows as the parents grow. On the face of it this seems a logical and almost simplistic process. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Unless both parents have developed an understanding of their true personality `(an unlikely scenario), their capacity to determine the personality template of the child is compromised. The difference between the parents' true personality and their presenting personality will produce a distortion of their perception of the child and its needs. The degree of variation, from the true personality to the presenting personality, of each parent will directly influence the nurturing of the child. Therefore, the child's nurturing will be, in part, subject to the nurturing process of its parents and their parents and so on. Thus, the process that makes us who we are has a historical basis that may stretch back to the origin of mankind! Luckily, a child has two parents. Open discourse between the two parents about the child is more likely to determine what is best for the child. It will also assist in reducing the effect of the difference between the parent's individual personalities and that of the child. Two heads - 120 -

are always better than one. A parent must always be open-minded and insightful to best protect the interests of its child. Indeed, spiritually, it is the duty of the parent to know who they are to best provide for the child's needs. A child is likely to develop along a profile that allows it to exhibit its true personality, once mature, if it is nurtured in a loving environment. The definition of love, expanded in the last chapter, involves the progressive development of a relationship based on trust, sharing and time. Therefore, a child exposed to love is able to develop appropriately without its biological parent or parents. Examples of this are found in the case of adoption, long-term fostering and blended family situations. Human biological urge, however, determines that people often have a need to know their parents. This fundamental need is seen in the desire of adopted children to find their biological parents, when they are older. Approximately 50% of adoptees are disappointed with their natural parents when they find them; there was a reason why they were adopted in the first place! Despite this high rate of disappointment, generally, the adoptees achieve a better understanding of self from these reunions. Bonding: Parent/child bonding is primarily a function of survival. It is a process confined to higher vertebrates that deliver babies before they reach a degree of maturity adequate for independent survival. For example, a frog does not bond with its progeny when they hatch as tadpoles. Tadpoles can survive independently even though their body must undergo a huge metamorphosis before they become mature frogs. In contrast, a recently hatched calf is totally dependent for survival on its mother. The bonding process was identified by Konrad Lorenz. He demonstrated that a newly hatched duckling will approach and follow the first moving stimulus to which it is exposed (which should be its mother). If the duckling follows that object for about ten minutes an - 121 -

attachment is formed. The bird's brain becomes imprinted with that object and the bird bonded to it. Human bonding is more complex than this. The newborn child is already bonded, albeit primitively, to its mother at birth. In utero the developing baby is aware of certain sounds. For example it hears its mothers voice, her heartbeat and any other repeated noise. It can learn from these experiences. The child, following the traumatic experience of being born, will be pacified by the reintroduction of these sounds. Considering this, a child should not be taken from its mother following birth unless the child has a physical problem that requires immediate attention. It should be allowed to experience the pacifying influences of the familiar sounds it is re-associated with by lying on its mother's chest. The potential for a child to learn before birth is exploited by those who 'hot-house' their children. In this scenario, the mother talks to her baby continuously to feed it information. This indoctrination is continued when the baby is born and throughout maturation. Alas, there is more to life than the over supply of rational knowledge that can be a burden to the spirit of the child and its future development. I have seen many examples of the retentive memory abilities of a parent crushing the spiritual development and well-being of their child. For example, a patient in therapy commented that her father was so intelligent that she had never won an argument against him! He wondered why she needed therapy! This case brought to mind the oriental adage: "The sage does not talk, the talented ones talk, the stupid ones argue." Unconditional love: Parents hold a special type of love for their child. This love is not love as previously described. It does not involve mutual reciprocity, rapport, respect and growth. It is an unconditional love that is initially, at least, unrequited. The child depends on its parents for its survival. The love a parent has for its child is borne from obligation and the wonder of nature. This process does not necessarily - 122 -

lead to human or spiritual love. The child's 'love' for its parents arises from its dependence. It is not pure human love but a reflection of the child's needs. This love originates from bonding. The child has a need to dependently attach to its care provider. This need will alter as the child matures. This bonding process can be poorly understood by parents. In the early years children rely on their extra-sensory, more archaic sense modes while they develop their sophisticated sense modalities of the neocortex. Food aside, a child needs to feel love to feel satisfied. This love can be appreciated by the child through simple eye to eye contact or the aura of the parent(s). If the child does not receive this unconditional love it feels rejected. In response it paradoxically becomes more, not less, dependant on that parent figure. The parent is then irritated by this increased attachment and emotionally 'pushes' the child further away. Thus begins the snowballing cycle of rejection and dependence. Eventually the only way the child can achieve a response from its parent is through abnormal often disruptive attention-seeking behaviour. The parent(s) of this child, usually the mother, do not respond in an emotionally appropriate manner to their child. They care for them physically but do not provide adequately for their emotional needs. Appropriate parental love instills in the child a positive self-esteem and a degree of completeness and independence. These feelings are not confined to childhood and accompany the individual throughout adulthood. Therefore, moving the child's natural dependence on its parents to an appropriate dependence on itself is, spiritually, the most important facet of parenting. Showing a child its true self, thereby allowing it appropriate selfknowledge, is the greatest gift a parent can give to its child. Extending from this, the greatest gift a parent receives from parenting is watching their child develop into itself. Spiritually, the beauty of this process is - 123 -

that by attending to the needs of the child parents can learn more about themselves. Patient J attended because her two little girls, aged five and six, were out of control. She could not cope any longer. The girls' behaviour had become disruptive. The elder girl was defiant and the younger girl was physically lashing out at her mother. They often refused to go to school, and even when they did go, their disruptive behaviour continued, and was attention-seeking in nature. Mrs J could not understand why her children were responding to her in such a manner. She would spend time with them and do special things, for example, making cakes and playing cards. It became apparent that although she was giving them physical time she was not extending to them emotionally. Mrs J's nurturing was abnormal. She lived with her grandparents from the age of three because her mother suffered from nervous breakdowns. Her father deserted the family soon after her birth. She visited her mother on week-ends. From the age of nine to fifteen her stepfather had intercourse with her at week-ends while her mother was at work. J's stepfather threatened to stop her access to her mother if she told anybody. Her mother and stepfather separated when she was fifteen. Following the separation her stepfather telephoned her to see if she would like to continue to see him. She "went berserk" on the phone and her grandparents overheard. When she explained to them and to her mother what he had done and why she was so angry, they cried. They told her that "everything would be all right". The subject was not raised again. It was at this point that she lost respect for her mother and her grandparents. She hated her mother. J fell pregnant at the age of sixteen and then again at seventeen. During her second pregnancy she married the father of the two girls. Within two years her husband's promiscuity became apparent and they separated. She was alone. She worked long hours to support her - 124 -

family and to avoid the welfare system. Emotionally she was stretched to the limit. She was tired, she was ashamed of her past, she did not like her looks and she felt "dirty down below". She was also full of hatred. To compensate for these feelings she over-ate and put on weight. Subsequently she became ashamed of her figure. In this state of emotional discontent it was impossible for her to maintain and extend her feelings of love towards her children. As a result the children did not receive the love that she was capable of extending to them. In addition, because she was so tired she would take the "easy way out" to placate her children. She did not discipline them appropriately or set firm limits. Consequently they ran wild. Through therapy she was able to release herself from her hatred of her mother and grandparents and stepfather. She realised that the physical abuse to which she had been subjected reflected the character of her stepfather and she was able to apportion blame more appropriately. In doing this she was able to talk to her grandparents about her disappointment surrounding their approach to her experience. It then became apparent that her elder sister had been sexually assaulted by someone else and that this man had been committed to stand trial. When her grandparents saw what her sister was exposed to through the judicial system, they did not want J to be equally degraded. Consequently they did nothing. When J realised the truth, she regained her respect for her grandparents and herself. Somebody did care for her. Subsequently she was able to extend her natural capacity to love her children towards them. They responded appropriately and the family dysfunction settled. Significant bonding occurs in the early years of life and before the child has developed an identity consistent with independence. If the bonding process is abused by the parent it may profoundly affect that child. It can result in an adult that cannot admire, trust and love, either themselves or others, appropriately. The resulting low selfesteem often translates to dependent behaviour as an adult. - 125 -

It is important to identify nurturing problems which have lead to dysfunction in a person. If these problems can be attributed to the parents, it is vital that the individual does not blame his or her parent(s). They should understand that nurturing problems usually reflect a problem in the parent and/or their parenting. Malice should not be carried. Most parents do the best they can in the situation in which they find themselves. As what happened to Patient J, it is a tragedy of reality and personal truth to change one's basic personality because of resentment arising from experience when the whole truth is not known. To allow an individual to blame their parents for their problems result in negative emotion towards their parents. This is detrimental to that person for two reasons: 1. It does not allow the individual to focus on their own reaction to the nurturing and their responsibility for any ensuing problems, and 2. It prevents them from being able to accept his or her parents and therefore him or her self. The bonding process can, however, be pathologically abusive, for example in the case of incest. It is essential that the distortion in the parent/child relationship that results is understood by the abused person. In understanding and accepting the dysfunction, the individual (usually by now an adult) should not feel that their personal essence has been compromised by the events. Such feelings can only lead to the progression of low self-esteem, personal emptiness and depression that arise from this form of abuse. The individual must realise that such a deviation from normal parenting shows that the parent was not capable of affording them the appropriate protection they needed. The parent did not have the capacity to extend the special protective love to their child to protect it from its dependence. - 126 -

Children usually cooperate with incest because of their immature need to receive the 'love' of their parent, or parent figure. Patient K attended because of depression. This depression surfaced following the recent Christmas celebrations with his family, when his sexual orientation and propriety had been questioned. In reviewing the family history, the family's sexual dysfunction became apparent. The patient's maternal grandparents married when his grandmother was pregnant with his mother. However, his 'grandfather' was not the biological parent of his mother. Years later his grandmother found her husband having sexual relations with his mother. Consequently, the couple separated and his grandmother disowned his mother, who subsequently lived with her stepfather. They had four children together, living as husband and wife. His father (who was also his step-grandfather!) was "a hopeless drunk" and died when K was two years old. His mother remarried when K was five and had four more children. Her second husband had a similar drinking problem. His alcoholism, however, unleashed his violence. He beat his wife and his children. He would call his four stepchildren the "four little bastards" (K has not ascertained whether his mother and father actually married). K could not relate to this man as a father figure. He was unable to talk to him and would be frightened to ask him questions. He describes him as "just a pig of a man". His mother eventually separated from this man when K was eleven years old. K describes a troubled relationship with his mother. Emotionally she did not respond to him. He was unable to cuddle her and to this day she remains incapable of relating emotionally to him. She is unable to cuddle his children, her grandchildren. Nevertheless, he states "I loved my mother and put her on a pedestal because I could see what she was going through". When K was eight years old, his family was supported by Social Security. The local, single, fruit farmer would help the family by - 127 -

giving them cheap produce. Subsequently, he employed K to work on his fruit farm. After some time, this fruit farmer forced K to have sex with him. When he complained and threatened to tell his mother, the fruit farmer blackmailed him by saying that he would deprive his family of produce. In his teenage years K remained emotionally vulnerable. He was reaching out and nobody was available to compensate for his, emotional needs. Around this time he began to work in a service station. The owner was a kind, loving and generous man. He took this vulnerable child under his wing. Besides paying him to work at the service station he also responded to his emotional needs. He took him to the speedway and bought him cigarettes and clothes. He treated K as if he were his own son. K responded accordingly. He started to revere and respect this man and he bonded to him. Within three months, after intoxicating K, he sexually abused him. Subsequently, their relationship was based upon K's dependent needs and this man's sexual desires. For K the abnormal sexual act was relatively insignificant when compared to the "care, consideration and love" he received from this man. They cohabited and the service station owner would refer to and introduce K as his son. This dysfunctional relationship became so bizarre that K actually changed his surname, by deed poll, at the age of seventeen, out of respect for his 'father'. Subsequently, however, K began to feel uncomfortable about their sexual relationship. He said to his 'father', "If I am going to be your son, that's all I want to be". The sexual relationship ceased. When K started dating young women his 'father' would obstruct these relationships and K was 'quickly dumped'. His 'father' told his mother that K was a homosexual. K eventually freed himself from his emotional dependence on this man. K finally married and he has an appropriate and loving relationship with his wife. They have three sons. Unfortunately, as a legacy from this experience, K was unable to relate freely with his children. He - 128 -

would not allow them to see him in the shower and he could not cuddle them freely. His natural paternal drives were impeded by his fear that he may actually be a homosexual. He was terrified that he may interfere with his children. As a result, a pervasive personal dissatisfaction developed from his compromised role as a father. This dissatisfaction and the question surrounding his sexual orientation eventually progressed to depression. His depression reached crescendo with the family's disunity at Christmas. Therapy assisted K to understand that the dependant and emotional needs he had as a child that led to his vulnerability were natural. When he realised that these needs were normal in children, he reviewed his attitude to his sexuality. He realised that he was not a homosexual but he had simply played a role because of his vulnerability. Because of his experiences he now despises homosexuals and believes that they are the "dregs of society". Dependant parents: A parent's love for their child can also be dependent in nature. It is necessary for the parent to mature from this dependence as the child develops and grows psychologically. A problem commonly occurs when a mother's love for her dependent child instills in the mother a purpose to her previously unsatisfying life. The mother then becomes dependent on the child and the child's dependent love. She has difficulty maturing, with the child, out of this mutual dependence. As stated previously, unconditional bonding love is a biological process driven by the forces of nature, love, need and dependence. This love is not necessarily dependent upon growth and time. It exists by virtue of instinct; it is nature's way to ensure survival. Unconditional bonding love is important for the protection and development of the child. It is a love that remains with the parent despite their progeny's behaviour as a child and/or adult. Indeed, a parent may not like its child as an adult but they can still hold unconditional love for it. The child cannot depend upon the unconditional love from its parents to achieve human and spiritual love, because unconditional love - 129 -

exists without the necessity of response by the child. In other words the child remains secure in the knowledge that its parent(s) will always love it. This can lead to a distorted self-perception and a loss of self truth, which may be detrimental to the development of the child. True human love between a child and its parent(s) develops with the maturing personality of the child. As the child becomes independent it can realise an appropriate loving relationship with its parent(s) based on friendship. It is not the absolute right of a child to have a loving relationship with its parents when mature. Likewise, a parent has no absolute right to a loving relationship with its child when it is mature. The responsibilities that parents assume by becoming parents do not guarantee them a loving relationship with their adult child. Love develops from independence, respect and time. The adult child should love its parent(s) as an independent being, not through obligation or duty. Inter-sibling relationships: incorporate yet another type of love reaction. This 'love' is founded on proximity and time. The degree of attachment is directly proportional to these factors. For example, a 'second only child' who is born fifteen years after its older sibling will only have a limited inter-sibling relationship. Any relationship that develops between these siblings, in adulthood, will be based primarily on their individual personality functions. The normal inter-sibling relationship, based on lengthy interpersonal exposure, will produce an affiliation between the siblings. This affiliation arises from familiarity and family obligation. It does not necessarily represent a friendship based on the personality functions of each sibling. As previously described, statistically the chance of having two genetically identical children in one family is about 70 trillion to one. Therefore, there is an enormous potential for variation in personality function between the siblings of one family. The personalities of each can be so different that a relationship/friendship simply cannot exist. This genetic potential for variation between - 130 -

siblings is the basis of the saying "You can choose your friends but you cant choose your family".

Divorce: When parents divorce the issue of their individual responsibility must be addressed. Parents find divorce a particularly difficult experience. Psychologists evaluate the stress resulting from divorce to be second only to that experienced from bereavement. While parents usually feel that they are emotionally traumatised by divorce, the child's suffering is far greater. Because of the separation, the child's natural dependence upon and affiliation with each parent is obstructed. In addition, the child's developmental stage at the time of separation renders it even more vulnerable. For the welfare and well-being of a child, it should always be exposed to both parents as much as possible. If the custodial parent denies access to the non-custodial parent for any reason, other than a genuine fear for the child's safety, that parent is not working in the best interests of the child. This scenario occurs frequently. I believe that if this happens, a change in custodial arrangements should be seriously considered. When a custodial parent is more consumed by their hatred and their selfish perspective than the welfare of their child, they are, by definition, unable to respond appropriately to the needs of that child both in the short and long term. Some families are models of appropriate behaviour at the time of divorce. Take, for example, the case of Family L. Mrs L, met Mr L when they were aged sixteen. Mr L had a best friend, Mr M. Mrs L was instinctively attracted to Mr M although she courted Mr L. Mr L was a kind, generous and compassionate man who supported Mrs L emotionally for the three years before their marriage. Mrs L married Mr L to escape the influence of her alcoholic father. On the night prior to her marriage Mrs L cried. Mr M was their best man. Mr and Mrs L remained married for ten years and had two daughters. The marriage began to deteriorate when Mrs L attended university and "matured".

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Mrs L denied her instinctive affiliation with Mr M for these ten years. They were all good friends. However, at the end of the marriage an intimate relationship developed between Mrs L and Mr M and Mr and Mrs L separated. The two children were seven and four years old. At the time of separation there was, naturally, an uncomfortable emotional tone between the adults. Mrs L felt guilty about her relationship with her husband's best friend. Mr L had to cope with the ignominy of his best friend running off with his wife. Nevertheless, a relationship among the three parties was continued for the welfare of the children. The girls were allowed free and open access to their father and the adults maintained a friendship, although a somewhat compromised one. With time, Mrs L resolved her guilt about leaving the marriage. Mr L subsequently remarried. Mr and Mrs L are now good friends and the new Mrs L has fostered the relationship of the four adults. For example, they have occasional dinners together, with the children. The attitude and behaviour of the parents since separation has been directed towards their children; "Everything had been done for the sake of the kids". The children, now mature, hold a great deal of respect for both their parents and they cherish them equally. They believe that they are more complete in themselves because of their parents' attitude. As far as a divorce can be, this was a good divorce for the children. At the breakdown of a marriage the welfare of the child is best protected if it is exposed to a quiescent relationship between the two people it dependently loves independently. It is necessary for the couple to maintain a practical and unselfish relationship with each other to protect their child. Paradoxically, therefore, when a child is involved, the divorcing parents should be more respectful to each other not less. They should, at least, respect each other as a parent to their child. Unfortunately, the example of family L is the exception rather than the rule. In divorce, where children are involved, the battle of the - 132 -

sexes is often fully realised. Remember, selfish behaviour by any parent in divorce renders the child more vulnerable than it is already.

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Chapter 9

Truth, Time and Genes

Overview: 1. To expand the concepts of truth and subjective truth. 2. To review the concept of time. 3. To explain the simplicity of the genetic code. TRUTH: Truth is a complex word with multiple meanings. The dictionary refers to the truth as that which is true and has conformity with fact. This discussion will be limited to the three systems of knowing the truth that have been identified: Sensate truth, that results from the responses of our sense organs. This truth is what we observe and it is linked directly to the functionality of our neocortex. This truth is limited by our inability to see beyond what is obvious. For example, in the 6th century BC Greek astronomers declared that the Earth was the fixed centre of the universe, with the sun, stars and planets orbiting the earth. Rational truth, that results from logic, reason and scientific method. This truth is what we analyse. This truth depends upon full forebrain activity and requires verification of sensate truth by investigative/scientific validation. For example, the earth-centric model of the solar system remained the truth until Copernicus and Galileo established the sun-centered model in late 1500 early 1600 AD. Ideational truth, that results from our intuitive and sage knowledge. - 134 -

This truth is super-rational and super-sensory. With this trinity in mind, it may be seen that truth can be distorted by perception, via the neocortex. Although in any one situation there is only one truth (the real truth that conforms to fact) the perception of that truth may be subject to distortion by the observer. The internal needs of an individual may change their perception of the truth and alter what is the real truth to a truth that suits their perception of the truth, in accordance with their reality. People see what they want to see. Consequently, in any particular situation there can be as many truths, or perceived realities, as there are people observing. In the case of a court room there may be five truths. There is the truth of the accused, the truth that his/her legal team sees, the truth the prosecution sees, the truth of the judge sees and the real truth. It is always in the interests of justice if the last two truths correspond. Psychodynamically, people may not be truthful yet they tell the truth. This phenomenon, subjective truth, results from the internal needs and desires of the person involved. Whether this occurs at a conscious or unconscious level their perception of the real truth is altered by their internal needs and desires to a truth that sits more comfortably with them. The individual then believes their truth, although it is based on a falsehood. So the person is being truthful but they are living a lie. This sort of perceptual distortion, a product of our forebarain, is common in todays society. Such distortions prevent the free association of our trinity of truths and impede the process of transcendent thinking. Thus the forebrain can keep us fixed in the mundane. TIME: As mentioned previously, in transcending the influence of the neocortex the appreciation of time changes.

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I believe that there is a trinity of time, namely: Time related to the speed of light. Time associated with The Light. Time associated with the Ineffable. Time associated with the speed of light: As humans we measure the progression of time using the yardstick of the speed of sunlight, produced from nuclear fusion at the surface of the sun. The speed of light is a constant namely 299,792,458m/sec and according to the special theory of relativity it is the same for all observers regardless of their own motion. Humans appreciate the progression of this light time through the forebrain, and in particular the neocortex. Time Associated with The Light: It is now accepted by science that the universe was created from an unphysical state, termed a singularity, by The Big Bang, some 10-20 billion solar years ago. According to the Bible, God created The Light and separated it from the darkness to produce the firmament (firmament is used in its generic sense, the vault of heaven, because astronomers are unable to say whether ours is the only universe or simple part of a multiverse). The Light has periodicity: "And God separated the Light from the darkness. And God called the light, Day, and the darkness he called Night." (Genesis 1:4-5) separation occurred on first day of The Light time. The sun was created on the fourth day of The Light time. Therefore, a creation day does not correspond to a twenty four hour solar day. As such, it is difficult to assess the chronology of a Creation day because The Light day/night sequence appears to be independent of the solar day. It appears that when God separated the light from the darkness this duality was already contained within The Light, because he - 136 -

subsequently had to separate the light from the darkness. The separation produced the duality that he called Day and Night. I believe that this Light duality corresponds with The Light and the Yin/Yang duality of Taoism. The Jehovah Witnesses maintain that one Creation day equates to seven thousand solar years. This number is an extrapolation from Biblical chronology. If this is incorrect, the length of one Creation day may equate to, say, a billion solar years, or more. It is, therefore, possible that both creationists and evolutionists are correct in their individual opinions. God did create the universe and all that is contained therein in six days, he rested on the seventh. Their opinions are simply separated by the semantic interpretation of the words day and night. The appreciation of The Light time is through a state of feeling. It is a sense appreciation of the complete brain via the collective unconscious. Time Associated with the Ineffable: There is no indication in the Bible that God has periodicity. Understanding the Ineffable produces a state of being or existence that feels timeless. It pervades every part of your being and through it awareness is increased and wisdom is achieved. The disturbing 'chatter' of the neocortex is lost as peace, tranquility and grace blanket the individual, with the knowledge that true reality extends beyond the mundane. By way of analogy, physical existence may be compared to a digital motion picture film. Each frame or static picture on the file-base may be likened to a single pulse of physical existence. The division between one frame and the next represents the pulse of time. When viewed as a complete strip, each frame would be seen as a static picture, and in a sense, by comparing two of these static pictures - say one at either end of the strip - then the past and the future can be viewed simultaneously. When the film is run we obtain the illusion of motion - 137 -

and the passage of time. The divisions between the static pictures are not detected by our senses because of the speed of change from one image to the next. From this analogy, conscious (neocortical) time can be equated to the progression of life experienced by moving from one frame to the next. We are subjectively involved in each frame which passes onto the next frame at the speed of light. Extending this analogy further; The Light time, being appreciated through feeling, may be equated to the feeling of watching the movie of your life as it progresses. In viewing the movie as a whole, one achieves a greater feeling for and understanding of the meaning of the movie, namely your life, as compared to the subjective nature of being involved in each frame. Reaching transcendent knowledge equates to being given and having ownership of your film. It is a state of being of the whole self based on the true reality of the universal. THE GENETIC CODE: I have included the genetic code for interest because it demonstrates the wonder and the wonderful simplicity of nature. It adds little to the concepts contained within the book, although it may become a relevant reference for Doc Martyns Dilemmas. The genetic code is based on a simple two/three combination. It is made up of a sugar molecule (deoxyribose) and a phosphate molecule, which constitute the backbone of the structure, and a nitrogenous base (the gene). This structure is called deoxyribonucleic acid, DNA. The nitrogenous base, the gene, is either a heterocyclic compound, known as a purine or a six member ring, called a pyrimidine. A purine compound is either adenine or guanidine. A pyrimidine is either cytosine or thymine (see figure 18). The arrangement of these bases is not random. A purine will always - 138 -

pair with a pyrimidine, and more particularly; adenine will always pair with thymine and guanidine will always pair with cytosine (see figure 18).

Figure 18: The building blocks of the gene. The genetic code contained within the DNA molecule is responsible for producing all of the twenty different amino acids that are the building blocks our physical form. The genetic information is based on a triplet code; a combination of purines and pyrimidines arranged in blocks of three (see figure 18). Each triplet code acts as one unit in the genetic sequence that make our chromosomes. - 139 -

The genetics of human life, therefore, can be reduced to four paired

Figure 19: A: The Double Helix; B: The Genetic Code. chemical structures that are arranged in groups of three. Our chromosomes, our genetic blueprint, are contained within the nucleus of our cells. They are formed from two chains of DNA arranged in the double helix structure, notarised by the 1962 Nobel Prize winners Francis Crick, James Watson and Maurice Wilkinson. The two chains of DNA are twisted together and linked by the purine/pyrimidine base pairing (See figure 19). Humans have 23 different pairs of chromosome chains. The longest - 140 -

chain is chromosome number 1. It contains approximately 220 million base pairs! The difference between the female genetic makeup, genotype, and the male genotype is the XY sex chromosome (See Plates 4 and 5). Therefore, we are made up of approximately 1 trillion cells from a genetic code contained on 23 paired chromosomes. These chromosomes produce only 20 different amino acids, the building blocks of our body, from a genetic code sequence formed from a simple triplet code sequence. These triplet codes are produced by the paired arrangement of only two different groups of chemicals, purines and pyrimidines, each of which have only two specific chemicals, adenine and guanidine and thymine and cytosine. Such is the simplicity of nature. At conception the baby derives one chain of each of its chromosomes from its mother and one chain of each pair from its fathers chromosome. Yet when the genetic codes of 2 people unite, to produce a new life, there is only a 1 in a 70trillion chance (or 1: 70,368,744,177,644 to be exact) that the genetic type of the babies from the same parents will be identical (twins excluded)! Such is the amazing complexity of nature.

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Plate 4: Photomicrograph of the chromosome of a normal female.

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Plate 5: Photomicrograph of the chromosome of a normal male.

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Chapter 10

Conclusion
Fortune favours the prepared mind Louis Pasteur (1822-1895) Evolutionists ask the question, "Has human intelligence advanced over the past two thousand years"? (The intellect is defined as the facility of reasoning and thinking. Intelligence is having or showing good intellect). There is no question that through science Western society has accumulated vast amounts of sensate and rational knowledge and truth that has advanced our intelligence. This information, however, relates to knowledge and truth in the mundane. During our search for knowledge we have adhered to the principles of science that has swamped our sage knowledge and ideational truth. Paradoxically, therefore, by adhering to the principles of rational knowledge we have suppressed the complete knowledge of transcendent truth. Consequently, the spiritual truth of the Ineffable has been impeded. Spiritually, I do not believe that Western society has developed much, if at all, from the time of the ministry of Jesus. Through the games we play, courtesy of our egos, we have lost sight of the essence of life. Sage knowledge is presented in the opening chapters of the Old Testament but we have preferred to place a subjective interpretation on to this symbolism. We have found ourselves lost in arguments about creation and evolution, in the concept of good and evil and in the myth of God versus Satan. I believe earlier cultures were more aware, through their sage knowledge, - 144 -

of the meaning of life than we are today. Indeed, the Dead Sea Scrolls, written by the Qumran group of a Jewish sect called Essenes, would suggest that at least 200 years before Christ was born a truly egalitarian community existed. In this society they practised love, humility and purity and prepared their population for the next life. Inevitably, such a society was vulnerable prey to the egocentricity and might of the Roman Empire. Western culture has been developed primarily through forebrain and neocortical activity. It is this 'higher' level of brain function that makes us arrogantly accept our superiority over all other living things. In addition, our living soul makes us independent of nature, which we no longer respect. In developing Western culture we have fooled ourselves. We believe that what we have is right because we have produced it. This sort of philosophy is only one step away from that of the Marquis de Sade (a particularly deviant nobleman, from whom the word sadism was derived) who maintained that "What is, is right". We look at Third World countries and their primitive cultures with scorn and superiority. Yet these primitive cultures often provide for their community both in the mundane and spirituality at a level that is absent in our culture. Western society has produced massive cities in which people feel lonely, isolated and vulnerable. We have developed many different forms of electronic communication and social network sites that have further augmented our ability to communicate. Yet Western society is shallow, empty and insincere.

When we humans fell from grace, we became selfish. Associated with this selfishness is a loss of integrity and wisdom. We have built a society that promotes features in the mundane, for example an unnatural elitism attached to physical beauty, sporting prowess and - 145 -

intellectual ability. These attributes are mixed blessings and can detract from spiritual growth. It should be remembered that Lucifer fell from grace because of his indulgence in his beauty, which corrupted his wisdom. Symbolically, this illustrates that those exceptional gifts in the mundane are not necessary to lead us to spiritual enlightenment. The myth of Adam and Eve, when they fell from grace by eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, I believe symbolically represents the development of our forebrain and in particular the neocortex. Further, it is this part of our body that is at the interface of all the dualities. The neocortex is at the interface of rational knowledge and sage knowledge, mind Ki and body Ki, the mundane and the spiritual, our living soul and fellowship with God. The paradox is that this organ, that makes us the superior animal, may have made us inferior beings. Through our volition we have moved away from the process of nature. We have lost sight of the beauty and purpose of life. People must accept who and what they are, and grow spiritually from there. It is not necessary to have a high IQ or a perfect physique to become aware spiritually. In fact, according to the Bible, these two attributes can directly impede spiritual enlightenment. In this book I have cited three methods to transcend the influence of the neocortex. These are: A cognitive approach: the search for the truth of self to reach personal enlightenment. This approach resolves the problems surrounding the nurturing process. It encourages musing and the extension of our knowledge functions. A feeling approach: the reunification of our Ki energy. This reunification and meditation centers the mind at the one point. A state of being approach: the acceptance of the ineffable. This method fills the mind with grace namely; righteousness, justice and love. - 146 -

Naturally these three processes are interrelated and each is capable of addressing the 'fall of mankind' by altering the subjectivity and volition of the neocortex. It is inevitable that through life we will be stressed. First; by nature, that is both kind and unkind. Second; by the society in which we live. Our attitude to these stressors will determine our ability to ascend spiritually. According to the old Chinese proverb "You cannot stop the birds of sadness flying over your head, but you can stop them from building nests in your hair." There is always a positive and negative way of perceiving and reacting to life events. If we follow the negative route then we will remain attached to the mundane. If we follow a positive route we have the capacity to ascend to the ultimate beauty of life, to spiritual awareness. At a mundane level we have a limited life span. What we leave behind us in the mundane is also a transient phenomenon. Money does not prevail. Names mean nothing for those who do/did not know the individual. Status symbols vary according to the perception of the generation. Irrespective of the belief you hold about events after death, the only aspect of your self that will endure in the mundane is your love. By extending your love to somebody else you change that person and improve their state of feeling and being. In particular, as parents we can influence the future of our children and their children and their children's children by love. By showing our movie to our children, we help them appreciate their own movie. To be able to freely associate at this level it is necessary to know, believe in, trust and love yourself. These are the fundamentals of spiritualization to help you gain control over your forebrain. The - 147 -

selflessness that arises from this type of mind-set has the power to change our society/culture. Indeed, if we can control the influence of our neocortex the collective unconscious may take care of the rest. Spiritual enlightenment leads to inner peace and the silencing of the chatter from the neocortex. Once achieved this inner peace prevails, despite the chaos of our existence in the mundane. Through this book I have attempted to direct you to this state of being. I hope that these words have helped.

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