BAD LI

MINIO
MADRIVERUNION.COM
WEDNESDAY, M A R C H 28, 2018 (CLOSE ENOUGH)
V OL . 5, N O 27 E ST . 2013
Manila CSD purchases
nuclear centrifuges
Mad RiveR Union
MANILA, APRIL 1 – Federal
and local officials were alarmed
to learn that the Manila Com-
munity Services District has ac-
quired nuclear centrifuges, but
a district spokesman contends
that the devices are being used
only for peaceful purposes.
The February purchase of
two Zippe-type gas centrifuges
came to light after a resident of
the sandy outpost found the cen-
trifuge purchases buried in the
Sewer Improvements budget.
The $8 billion centrifuges,
and a Venti-sized box of urani-
um yellow cake, are being kept
Monster ‘SOFZILLA’ ON
Mayor
DOWNTOWN
RAMPAGE Blamph Scrimble
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – An unlikely sequence of
18 P AGES $1 events resulted in severe damage downtown last
Thursday morning as a Godzilla-sized Sofia Pereira
went on a cross-Plaza rampage.
The mayor had been walking past Jacoby’s Store-
house sipping a quantum energy smoothie from Co-op
when she was struck by a bolt of energy leakage from a
particularly intense Reiki session going on inside.
Not directly though – the plasma-like power
at an undisclosed location in the
bolt first blew across the south Plaza lawn, directly
Manila Community Center.
into the McKinley Reality Distortion Field. There,
District Manager Chris Drop
it struck a large kettle of Groundscore Stew being
was mum about the centrifuges,
saying only that “using the centri- served by Food Not Bombs. The chunky gruel was
fuges is an enriching experience. immediately vaporized, according to witnesses, with
All options are on the table.” the energy charge passing through the acrid, ionized
A boardmember, who asked stew-vapors and changing color as it ascended to
to remain anonymous, said “This envelope the head of William McKinley.
is part of our visioning process. Some say that distant, eerily giddy laughter was
We’ve visioned and visioned and heard as the shapeshifting energy orb seemed to lin-
visioned. Now it’s time for some ger about the bronze president’s knurled cranium,
healing enrichment.” RAMPAGE A6
In other news, the district
JUST IN TIME The Ninth and H streets “Corner Inten-
has agreed to sponsor a Little
tions” circle was repurposed as an energy siphon
League team called the U-238s.
to draw off the bad juju, then neutralize and right-
“Should be lots of fun,” Drop
size the gigantified Mayor Sofia Pereira. KLH | Minion
MCSD A2

50-year bongwater buildup brings city-wide THC sludge upwelling

Flora Glack come so encrusted with bong de-
Mad RiveR Union posits that the gooey material is
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Despite forming up and fighting back – al-
their powers of absorbency, Arca- most with a will of its own.
ta’s couches have historically prov- All over town last week, those
en unable to soak up all the spilled with indoor plumbing suffered
bong juice unleashed on them daily eruptions of bongly miasma oozing
since the 1960s. Much of this pre- out of their sinks, toilets and storm
cious, THC-laden graywater re- drains. As the hash-like goo flowed
source is simply poured into drains free of charge into Arcata homes,
or flushed with pride down toilets. not everyone was complaining.
Now, Arcata’s plumbing has be- SLUDGE A6
POT CLOT This massive mound of molten bong sludge will reguire a
block-long, seven-ton bent paper clip to clear up. KLH | Minion

Who to BeLIeve anyMore? ‘We Know Just say no to drugs.

A Pub lic Serv ice of
Better’ group BUTCHCO INDUSTRIES
here to help INTERNATIONAL
Provider of Butcher PaPer to the Wor
Let ButchCo Paper Over Your Problemsl d
Zulch Otherword

Butcher paper BaILout

Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – A new organi-
zation called We Know Better (WKB)
has opened an office in downtown
Arcata to better serve the citizens of Roll shortage paralyzes gov’t, industry;
Your Your the community. WKB intervenes in
sign is sign is various proposed ButchCo offers generous terms
developments
true false and projects and ANTI-DRUG ABUSE CAMPAIGN Banners like this, bearing a variety of power-
advocates on the ful community-spirited messages, will be appearing on public facilities all
public’s and its over town thanks to ButchCo Industries, our community friend and mentor.
behalf. Nerk Norkle tion, and Arcata may be the reason.
For example, Mad RiveR Union “We’re looking at it closely,”
recently Mrs. Bet- ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Multiple stated Dirk Decepto, spokesliar for
ty Bangle, 73, ap- classroom coloring projects, civic ButchCo International. The multi-
plied for a build- scoping sessions and virtually all national conglomerate is now the
ing permit to meat-wrapping slowed to a halt last sole butcher paper supplier for the
build her dream Fred Friebus week as part of the sudden nation- world following industry consolida-
home on a vacant wide shortage of butcher paper. tion. “Preliminary results indicate
residential lot on California Avenue. The rolls of heavy white paper an extraordinary draw on inventory
DUELING DUALITY Against the backdrop of the newly Fortunately, WKB was able to in- – designed to contain meat juices, on the West Coast, reducing sup-
refashioned Plaza, cardboard philosophers Brent and tervene and put the project on hold to record marking pen scrawls and plies elsewhere,” Decepto said.
Brent pose a brain-breaking logical paradox with their while it developed alternative plans even withstand the scribbles of ele- Local supermarkets, unable to
latest signs – but at least no one is yelling. Once you for the property. mentary school students – recently wrap meat, have encouraged cus-
figure this out, please let us know who’s right. KLH | Minion WKB A6 fell into short supply across the na- BUTCHCO A7

Now offering
Theatre Tanning! fa ta tic Mega
foWl Meatball
Special

Come see us at the

A tan! A tan! Redwood Acres
Antique Fair,
My kingdom
A 68 Lb. Meatball just
April 28- 29th!
for a tan! SPACE DUCK

JUST DUCKY After decades of acrimonious debate, the Arcata like Noni used to make!
City Council replaced the detested statue of William McKinley
While you get cultured and watch a play, we bathe your OLD TOWN
at the center of the Plaza with an effigy of David elley ood- ON THE PLAZA
skin in ultra violet light, giving you a crispy, sensous tan! working’s beloved mascot, Space Duck. The Mc inley statue 773 8TH ST. ARCATA, CA 95521
305 F ST. EUREKA, CA 95501
(707) 445-1912
(707) 822-1900
822-1575 • 1251 Ninth St., Arcata will be relocated to the top of the Mc inleyville Totem Pole.
Comments can be directed to David elley oodworking at
www.arcataplayhouse.org - . dkcustomdesign.com WWW.MAZZOTTIS.COM
 A( PRIL F OOL )2 M AD R IVER U NION M ARCH 28, 2018
Splorch Greeble and the other picked it up for them, break-

‘Monopoly Days’
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Not content to let
grocery mega-chain Safeway monopolize
Monopoly in the checkout line, the local
Murphy’s Markets are rolling the dice on
their own version of the classic board game.
“Murphy’s Monopoly Days,” which began
Monday, is already filling the stores’ aisles
with customers. Even if they aren’t moving
through them at traditional velocity.
Under the rules, customers reaching
the checkstand play the game against the
checker. If the customer wins, the con-
tents of their shopping cart are free.
Shoppers at the Sunny Brae store seem
to enjoy playing Monopoly in line.
“Shut up,” said customer Jonathan Pat-
ton IV, his gaze trained on Park Place. The
premier property had just gained a hotel,
and as checker Angela Carr rolled her
dice, Patton was focused on charging ex-
orbitant rent and driving her to financial
ruin so he and his Doritos could go home.
As the game dragged on, customers far-
ther back in the line made the most of the
multi-hour delay.
Two warring neighbors from Panorama
Drive who normally communicate by fling-
ing dogshit into each others’ yards found
themselves awkwardly waiting next to each
DO NOT PASS GO Customer Jonathan Patton IV and Murphy’s Sunny Brae checker Angela Carr other. The tense silence was broken when
in a prolonged standoff that will determine whether he gets his groceries for free. KLH | Minion one dropped a packet of Hostess Twinkies,
ing the ice. They started chatting, and be-
fore long the two were fast friends, agree-
ing to join forces in launching dog waste
into the yard of the neighbor with the loud
band who lives behind their backyards.
Behind them, several shoppers had
formed an ad hoc support group. “I’ve been
here for three days,” said Jerry Jitters,
pointing at his hand basket. It contained a
soggy wrapper, all that remained of the ice
cream sandwich he’d planned on buying
back during those halcyon days of Monday.
“I miss my family,” Jitters said. “Can
you get word to them that I’m all right?”
Others in his vicinity were getting some
exercise, using the floor tiles as squares in an
aisle-wide chessboard. For chess pieces, one
player used bottles of olive oil and the other
various brands of mayonnaise and mustard.
Even farther back in line, customer
Mary Feinseld had made a fort of toilet
paper 12-packs. Inside, she seemed to be
reverting to childhood, dressing up jars of
spaghetti sauce and marinara as dolls.
“This is Binky,” she said, cuddling a
jar of Ragu dressed in a washcloth. “She
doesn’t like Newman’s Sockarooni. Do
you, little Binkums?”
Feinseld made a face at the offending
jar, then, mimicking a child’s voice, she
taunted Binky’s saucy rival.
“Newman!” she blurted scornfully.

BirDing with
Thimble! – a journey into fine micro-dining BrotMan
Zapf Dingbat THIMBLE!
Mad RiveR Union
Location: Bret Harte Alley, within spit-
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Those looking for ting distance of that guy who never stops
an edgy, upscale dining experience in Arcata yelling. Just follow the spit.
have a new option – a tiny restaurant with Cuisine: Minimalist
a name to match: Thimble! Located off Bret (707) 555-2846
Harte Alley in the heart of downtown yelling Thimble!Arcata.com
district, Thimble! offers hungry diners their
first taste of an innovative new style of fare. ately magnifying interest in every aspect of
“We call it ‘microcuisine’,” said Thimble! the gustatory experience.
Owner Zig Florpsnod. “Everything from soup Florpsnod said he knows it works, since
to nuts, entrees to desserts, can fit in a thim- diners just want to keep eating, even after
ble, hence our name.” gorging themselves on Thimble!’s Thumbeli-
Florpsnod pointed with pride to some fresh- PENGUIN PURGE Quick think-
na-sized dinners.
ly-plated dinners headed from the kitchen to a ing Union Ad Manager Jada
“We’ve had to rope off the potted plants,
waiting table. At each plate’s center was a min- Brotman, above right, per-
because of nibbling damage,” he said. “They forms the Heimlich Maneuver
ute portion about the size of a dime, if that. just don’t want their night at Thimble! to
“Ah, there goes another heaping helping of on an Emperor Penguin after
end.” Indeed, some of the eatery’s wallpaper the Antarctic avian began
meatloaf parmesan,” Florpsnod said. “I see they and table legs also bore visible teeth marks.
got the grain of fresh ground pepper with it.” choking on a herring while
One diner was so debilitated with sheer plea- dining at Salt Fish House.
Drinks are similarly Lilliputian, and are in- sure that she crawled across the carpet to clutch
serted directly into patron’s mouths (or eyes, if The unidentified penguin,
at Florpsnod’s ankle, pleading weakly, “Food… here on vacation from its ice
they wish) by wait staff, using an eye dropper. GEARING UP FOR GLUTTONY Thimble! chef please… something to eat…” she said faintly.
The theory of microcuisine is that the cap home, later flapped its
Stephan Eaton shovels up a heaping help- The successful restaurateur smiled. “They
tiny portions compel diners to savor each 8-ounce wings with glee and
ing as he plates the restaurant’s signature just can’t get enough,” Florpsnod said with a
mini-morsel, the minute servings proportion- referred to Brotman as “a true
Family-Pleasin’ Feed Trough. KLH | Minion satisfied grin, shaking the woman off his leg. hero, eep eep.” KLH | Minion

Step right up and save at Stephie’s Service Shack

GO-TO GAL Stephanie Pfeifer. KLH | Minion
Hubble Kepler
Mad RiveR Union
JACOBY’S STOREHOUSE,
APRIL 1 – The demands of today’s
busy world can leave you with vital
tasks unfinished, or not even tack-
led. So many details!
Now, a new business in historic
Jacoby’s Storehouse can help you
with some of those tedious chores
that eat away at your precious time.
Stephanie Pfeiffer has start-
ed up her new Stephie’s Service
Shack, offering a limited but use-
ful range of services to help ease
your busy day.
Can’t find your roll of Scotch
tape? Don’t waste time looking.
Stephie’s Service Shack offers ar-
tisanally pre-cut strips of tape in
length of one, two and three inch-
es. The pricing is easy to remem-
ber as well – $1 per inch. (Custom
lengths are available for a $9 sur-
charge, but must be ordered six
weeks in advance.)
What about postage stamps?
Stephie can help. She doesn’t sell
them, but if you bring her your
stamps and envelopes, she’ll be
glad to stick them on for you.
(Stephie’s Crescent City Service
Shack recently closed, so she’s of-
fering Del Norte County residents
who drive down to Arcata a 2 per-
cent discount on all tape strips and
stamp-affixing services.)
And who can keep track of those
little plastic bread bag closures?
Well, Stephie can. C’mon down
and pick up a dozen for just $20.
Stephie’s Service Shack is open
from 3 to 4 a.m. on alternate
Thursdays for your convenience.

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M ARCH 28, 2018 M AD R IVER U NION A( PRIL F OOL )3
HERE WE GO AGAIN

Egg scandal parboils newspaper

Blooge Verminton
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – A lapse
in journalistic standards has
engulfed NoHum’s weekly
newspaper in scandal.
The matter came to light
when the Union published
photos of 2nd graders from
Mrs. Toynbee’s class at McKin-
leyville Elementary school who
won the class’s annual Easter
Egg Decorating Contest.
In a shocking revelation,
it turned out that the photog-
rapher, Union staffmember
Nelda Venkmann, has a grand-
daughter in the class.
Worse, Venkmann may
have influenced the outcome
of the contest by remarking,
“That’s pretty,” about an egg a
boy had decorated with glitter
glue during a classroom visit.
While Venkmann’s grand-
child, Tessie, didn’t participate
in the contest, and the egg her
grandmother had remarked
about didn’t win, the reckless
compliment could be per-
ceived as a possible attempt to
manipulate the outcome of the
contest and manufacture news.
“We’re shocked and disap-
pointed,” said Union Editor
Jack Durham. “Nelda should
have known better.”
While he couldn’t comment
on personnel matters, Durham
said that Venkmann is no lon-
ger with the newspaper. All of
her work has been expunged
from the Union’s website while
an investigation into other po-
tential lapses proceeds.
Another series of lengthy,
self-flagellating mea culpa
columns are in the works, in
which the Union will admit the
error, take ownership of it and
detail the steps it is taking to
prevent a recurrence.
The scandal has hit the pa-
per hard, with scores of readers
cancelling their subscriptions.
Angry notes slipped under the
newspaper’s door have includ-
ed copies of the damning pho-
to cut out from the newspaper,
some with “FAKE NEWS!”
scrawled across it.
On learning of the controver-
sy, activist Fhyre Phoenix imme-
diately set up a protest outside
Jacoby’s Storehouse, waving a
placard that exclaimed, “Scram-
ble the eggs of corruption!”
The scandal even rattled
City Hall, where several cit-
izens excoriated the council
during Oral Communications
at last week’s meeting.
“The City Council has failed
to set the proper ethical tone,
and that’s what made this kind
of atrocity possible,” raged cit-
izen Splenda Splenard. “All of
you must resign immediately!”
Pereira later said that after
considerable thought, she in-
tended to soldier on in office,
with improved focus on moral DESKSIDE DISSIDENT Minion Editor-In-Chief Jack Durham tries to write up the latest
leadership in all matters relat- Manila Community Services District firestorm while under militant protest by ac-
ed to hard-boiled eggs. tivist Fhyre Phoenix, who also brought some nice oranges for the staff. KLH | Minion

Corrections
Area man survives shark COSTLY COCK-UP A front page typo last

Brian Kang, on the mend.
attack at Arcata City Hall
Shunka Fourwinds
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Recent efforts to
re-introduce indigenous animal species
locally may have backfired.
The trend began not in eco-groovy
Arcata, but McKinleyville, where the
Friends of Widow White Creek were able
to re-establish a colony of Eye-Sucking
Lampreys, an aquatic species able to
propel themselves out of the water for
distances of up to 50 feet, where they
suck the eyeballs out of passersby.
The lamprey’s return has had many
positive benefits, creek activists report,
pointing to the swelling membership
in McKinleyville’s Low Vision Support
Group.
Arcata jumps the shark
Not to be outdone, Arcata picked up
on the idea and re-introduced Grizzly
bears to the Arcata Community Forest.
Arcata Main Street did its part by re-
leasing wolves on the Plaza during the
Farmers’ Market.
While scaring off human users, the
return of the wild predators the munici-
pally-owned woodland sparked a resur-
gence of other wildlife there, from opos-
sums to skunks.
That, in turn, has led oceangoing
creatures – some whose food supply has
Minion fiLe pHoto been disrupted by ocean acidification
and climate change – to come ashore in
search of the tasty delights now scam-
pering about the landscape.
An unintended consequence of the
abundant fauna befell City of Arcata GIS
Specialist Brian Kang last week, when
he suffered a shark attack at his City
Hall desk.
“I was updating a topo map when I
felt teeth sinking into my leg,” Kang said
from his bed at Mad River Community
Hospital. “At first I thought it might be a
particularly aggressive panhandler, so I
reached for some pocket change.”
But when he looked down, Kang
couldn’t help but notice that a nine-foot
Great White shark had clamped its jaws
on his left leg.
Unfortunately, while staggering
around to his various co-workers’ offic-
es to show off the “new sidekick” affixed
to him, the proud GIS specialist reached
down to pet his new aquatic append-
age when the surly shark took another
chunk out of his right hand.
After a while, Kang began to feel weak
from blood loss and went to the hospital.
All stitched up but bed-bound for the
time being, Kang was restless, and eager
to get away from landbound shark dan-
ger and return to the safety of the ocean
on his surfboard.
“This bites,” he said. “Get it?”
week inadvertently stated that the price of
the May 21 edition was $10,000, not the ac-
tual cost of $1. The Union regrets the error,
but not enough to issue refunds.
BRAIN FART The From the Publisher col-
umn in last week’s paper titled “I’ve got a
high I.Q. Do you?” incorrectly stated that
the Union’s publisher had been admitted
into the local MENSA club after he inadver-
tently read the results of his IQ test upside
down, which indicated a substantially dif-
ferent result. The Union egrets the aura.
A COMMON MISTAKE Everything on last
week’s Calendar of Events page on B2 was
incorrect, as the Union inadvertently pub-
lished the calendar page from the March
13, 2009 edition of Fréttatíminn, a week-
ly newspaper in Raykoveck, Iceland. The
Union regrets the error.
RECIPE FOR REGRET Due to an editing er-
ror, the recipe for “Aunt Betty’s Super Rich,
Chocolately Delicious Fudge Brownies”
printed in the Union’s Women’s Section
three weeks ago mistakenly called for im-
mediately garnishing the brownies straight
out of the oven, before they had an opportu-
nity to cool down, with 35 pounds of riced
penguin bladders. The recipe should have
stated “let the brownies cool, then shake
half a cup of sugar sprinkles over the top.”
Our apologies to Norma Hastings, who fol-
lowed the recipe as instructed, as well as
members of the Trinidad Civic Club. Get
well soon. The Union regrets the error.

MOSQUITO FEST The ninth annual Mos- BIRTH PATROL Due to a typograhpical er-

Decision time quito Festival will be held May 1 at a va-

riety of venues on the Samoa Peninsula.
The event is clothing optional. Come cel-
ebrate this spring’s bumper crop of Culex
spp., the area’s beloved little insect.
ror, a baby born March 19 at Mad River
Community Hospital was erroneously list-
ed as Zibbernabula DuFrenunculum Über-
drelb III. Her actual name is Mary Sue Wil-
son. The Union regrets the error.

What’s your favorite

A TOWN TURNS OUT An engaged citizenry packed the Community Center to help
make choices that will change Arcata forever.
Ogilvie Humdiddle
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – The City Coun-
cil held a marathon special meeting last
Wednesday night to settle once and for all
its conroversial proposal to outlaw vaping
on stilts during a tsunami drill.
The Arcata Community Center was
filled to near-capacity as citizens braved a
rainy night to have their say on the pro-
posed ordinance.
City Manager Karen Diemer read a staff
report which indicated that the new policy,
if implemented, will have little to no effect
on the city’s budget, or much of anything
else for that matter. “Costs are expected to
be commensurate with the relevance of this
measure,” Diemer said, rolling her eyes.
With a lengthy, rambling statement,
Councilmember Susan Ornelas intro-
duced the draft ordinance. As fellow coun-
cilmembers and staff took on a glazed look
and snores began to emanate from the au-
dience, Ornelas’s stream-of-consciousness
harangue suggested that it was time to
“change the energy” around stilt-vaping.
“I’m of two minds on this,” she said al-
though it wasn’t immediately clear which
of the minds had seized control of her
speech mechanism. “You have to under-
stand that this is all part of a process.”
Councilmember Paul Pitino objected to
thing about the
KLH | Minion Mad River
the new policy, saying it had been devel-
oped by a deep state “clique.”
Union?
“This sounds like just another scheme to
keep me from being the mayor,” an embit-
tered Pitino said. “What about my legacy?”
No two people like exactly
‘TWAS EVER THUS The Arcata City Council. the same things about the p 6 months $20 p 1 year: $40
Councilmember and tall drink o’ water
Mad River Union. Velma p 2 years: $70 p 3 years: $90
enjoys Janine Volkmar’s Getinit online
Get online and
andin
inyour
your mailbox!
mailbox!
Michael Winkler said he often sees eye to
entertainment pieces, while Name:________________________________
eye with stilt walkers, and literally so. “But
Ernie is a big fan of the le-
I still don’t want that mob vaping on or
over the Plaza,” he said. gal notices (he’s weird). Address:_______________________________
Councilmember Brett Watson said the Otto dives for the Arcata
policy wasn’t inclusive, and could compli- Police Log, which makes his City/State:___________________ Zip:_______
cate the city’s efforts to ensure equity for belly jiggle like a big bowl
all regardless of altitude or leg accessories. of Jell-O, while Fiona goes Email:________________________________
Mayor Sofia Pereira said that even straight to the Letters to the
Editor and gets all het up Clip & send to:
during her recent deranged rampage on Mad River Union, 791 8th St., Ste. 8, Arcata, CA 95521
the Plaza (see page A1), she took care not over politics. Subscribe and
Or subscribe online at madriverunion.com.
to topple any Stilted-Americans. find your own favorites!
A( PRIL F OOL )4 M AD R IVER U NION M ARCH 28, 2018
David Dennison
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – Voted off
his granite island by the City Coun-
cil, anti-Confederacy war hero and
genocidal maniac William McKinley
is now having his stolid bronze flanks
stressed by sensational scandal.
The grimacing effigy was spotted
in a local tavern, exchanging heated
words with a woman from out of town.
Witnesses to the argument overheard
talk of a “non-disclosure agreement”
and $130,000 cash payment.
Meanwhile, an interview with
Plaza statue’s alleged former ro-
mantic interest, reportedly a New
York harbor-area resident of some
renown, was set to air on Access THE PLAQUE’S BACK IS BACK Someone will believe this. KLH | Minion
RumoRs fly about mcKinley Humboldt this Sunday night. was returned to its Eighth and H ment wording, the calcified back of
In related news, the recently streets rock, but with its offensive the plaque was seen as represent-
eliminated Jacoby’s Storehouse 1963-vintage wording facing the ing pre-biological proto-Earth, the
payoff to postcaRd staR plaque made an innocuous return rock in permanent shame. last period of natural history in
to the town square. The plaque With no consensus on replace- which no one was arguing.

Town divided, accusations fly over controversial Plaza monument

Ray Rumsey
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – One of the
Plaza’s most venerable fixtures,
next to Sunflower, is the Tem-
perance League Fountain on the
square’s west side.
The 1912-vintage fountain is
also one of the town’s most divi-
sive landmarks, with advocates
for removal doing rhetorical bat-
tle with fountain loyalists online
and in public meetings.
“Get that thing off our Peace
Plaza!” howled Polly Patchouli,
a downtown reform activist. “It
forces the public to bend over to
drink, bowing down to the Hum-
boldt Bay Municipal Water Dis-
trict and their liquid oppression.
Who made them God?” She called
it the “fuhrer fountain.”
The anti-fountain forces found
favor up the hill, where Humboldt
State University Chemistry Pro-
fessor Egbert Z. D. Poindexter
objected to the fountain on public
safety grounds.
“Dihydrogen monoxide is
one of the most potent solvents
there is, and kills thousands ev-
ery year,” he said. “Why would
eco-conscious Arcata tolerate a
fountain that spews this chemical
right on its town square?”
The fountain has its defenders,
though. Molly Mendacia remem-
bered the fountain’s original pur-
pose, and warned of consequenc-
es if it’s removed.
“Remember why the Tem-
perance League installed it,” she
said. “If there’s no water fountain,
thirsty people will charge over to
WATER AND FHYRE Activist Fhyre
Phoenix could no longer be si-
lent on the fountain controver-
sy, weighing in on DHMO dan-
gers. KLH | Minion
the bars and start chugging high-
balls. A parched throat is demon
alcohol’s plaything.”
Activist Fhyre Phoenix got
wind of the controversy, and
joined in the “Flush the Fountain”
movement. Sunday afternoon, he
was positioned next to the fixture,
trying to educate the public of the
dangers of water.
“Enjoy a sip of slaughter
sauce,” one side of his sign read.
The other side bore just a symbol
– that of the DHMO Awareness
organization.
As with virtually everything
else these days, the issue triggered
bitter debates on social media.
Advocates on both sides found
the character and morals of those
with the opposing view severely
lacking and worthy of expatria-
tion.
“You meddling minnies are al-
ways trying to wreck the Plaza –
leave it alone, or leave!” grumped
Arcata old-timer Gorn Glumber
in a Facebook post. “Get a life!”
“Plug your geyser of patriar-
chal poison and get out of town,
and take that fascist fountain with
you,” flamed Zelda Zealotrine.
“Get a life!”
The City Council’s creative
solution was to assign staff to
come up with a table listing the
relative moral weight of pejora-
tive terms commonly used in on-
line arguments such as idiot, im-
becile, libturd, fascist, snowflake
and douchecanoe. Once that is
determined, highest-scoring in-
sulters will then be deputized to
finally decide the matter.

Watson’s crisp attire sparks clean shirt, washed face revival

Develops second career as free-lance ghostbuster
Angus Podgorny cilmember Brett Watson’s ments, in effect since the
Mad RiveR Union natty duds have sparked 1970s, may have passed.
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – a city-wide fashion shift. With his monochro-
Clean-cut Arcata Coun- The era of earth-toned gar- matic 1961 tax accountant
look, the vice mayor’s crisp,
wrinkle-free shirts and ties
have set a new tone for the
rest of the council, now
pressured by his example
to wear freshly laundered
clothing to meetings.
The elevated couture
standard fell hardest on
Councilmember Michael
Winkler, forced to locate a
shirt devoid of embedded
Cheez-It crumbs.
The trend swiftly spread
beyond City Hall to a pub-
lic park located just north
of Eighth Street between G
and H streets known as “the
Plaza.”
There, volunteers with
SIDE HUSTLE Above, the sometime-supernatural Sher- Food Not Bombs (FNB)
lock (clad in one of his new signature leisure suits) now serve their signature
tracks down a particularly troublesome infestation Groundscore Stew whilst
of faeries in a downtown building after notification clad in formalwear rented
by the Faerie Investigation Society. KLH | Minion from Arcata Tuxedo in near-
by Jacoby’s Storehouse.
“What were you expect-
ing, Burger King outfits?”
said FNB server Grunion as
he tugged at the corners of
his black bow tie.
Over at Ninth and H
streets, a formerly motley
group of millabouts now
exchanged the usual hugs,
nugs and low-grade infec-
tions wearing suitcoats,
slacks and shined shoes.
The hangarounders
quickly scattered at the ap- POINT & SHOOT The Arcata chapter of the Faerie Inves-
pearance of APD Sgt. Brian tigation Society held its first meeting last week. “Faei-
Hoffman, who approached ries cannot be captured through traditional photogra-
them with his ticket book phy or video recordings,” explained Bill Chino, chapter
out and pen in hand. president, as he and his cohorts pointed to their faerie
This was understand- familiars. Freethinking individuals are invited to the
able, since at least one of Storehouse’s fourth floor utility closet from 1 to 2 p.m.
the corner crew sported on the third Tuesday of each month to share their para-
mismatched cufflinks, a normal experiences and research. Individuals interest-
new Arcata Municipal Code ed in establishing communication with Arcata Marsh
infraction. elves are also welcome to attend. Andrew Jones | Minion
Second career router in Jacoby’s Store- mal phenomena. His first
Fresh on the heels of his house, Watson last week- job was squashing pesti-
identifying an elusive and began receiving requests to lential faeries like gnats in
naughtily-named Wi-Fi apply his skills to paranor- Jacoby’s Storehouse.

FIELDBROOK SCHOOL PLAY The students
of the Happy Little Cage-Free Learn-
ers Montessori Free Range PreSchool in
Fieldbrook invite the community to attend
its production of Quentin Tarantino’s
Reservoir Dogs Saturday at 8 p.m. at the
Grange. Students, ranging in age from four
to five years old, will tell the lively tale of
a jewelry heist gone bad, and the resulting
conflicts that occur when those involved
in the heist suspect that one of them is an
informant. All roles are performed by the
students, ages four to five, of the school,
except for special guest star Chris Hartley,
county school superintendent, who will
reprise the role of Joe Cabot. Joey Paloo-
ka, 5, will star as Mr. Blonde, a role he
has mastered over the last nine months
by immersing himself in the role, staying
in character both during and after school.
The play features extreme language, pro-
fanity, violence and is not recommended
for audience members ages 17 and under.
Attendees seated in the first five rows will
be issued rain ponchos to protect their
garments from stage blood.
STRAWSURGENCE Patriotic Arcata Citi-
zens for Plastic Straws meets next Tues-
day at the home of the Union’s publisher
to develop a strategy to fight the anti-plas-
tic straw lobby. Among the ideas that will
be discussed is an ordinance that would
require restaurants to provide diners with
disposable plastic crazy straws, at least
three per beverage. The straw enthusi-
asts will also get an update on an effort to
bring back styrofoam coffee cups, pagers,
telephone answering machines and mylar
balloons and to restore rail service.

McKinleyville

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M ARCH 28, 2018
BIG EXCITEMENT IN
TINY TYEE The Mad Riv-
er Union’s Tyee City Bu-
reau Chief Tiney Rikkets
reports that on Monday
morning, March 23, a
fat tabby cat known lo-
cally as Cheeto was seen
scaling a wooden fence
located about 30 feet
from the Mad River. The
feisty feline then jumped
down on the other side,
scratched at a patch of
sand, squatted and took
care of business. The cat
then meandered back
around the fence and
found a sunny spot on the
porch, where it wallowed
most of the day alternate-
ly napping, licking its
paws and, with a disgust-
ed and condemning look
on its face, watching the
neighbor’s yappy cocka-
poo traipsed around the
yard. Tyee City officials
declined comment on
the event, dismissing it
as “fake news.”
M AD R IVER U NION A( PRIL F OOL )5
THAT PRINCE OF FOODS
The muffin remnant
that captured a
small city’s heart
Gizbo Replicart
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – A small altar marks the spot at
12th and L streets where, for a brief, shining moment in
Arcata history, a pastry remnant braved the elements,
passing dogs and area ants to offer a tale of hope for all.
First noticed two weeks ago, the plum-sized chunk of
oatmeal-bran muffin lie atop a semi-translucent napkin
on the sidewalk. Downtowners soon began comparing
notes on their muffin sightings, and adding candles and
other offerings to an altar that sprung up around it.
The city had to cone off a portion of L Street due to the
teeming hordes of selfie-takers wanting to share a photo
with the increasingly iconic chunk of chewy goodness.
But last Wednesday, March 21 – coincidentally, Nation-
al Lick Toothpaste Off A Sponge Day – the muffin came to
its end, accidentally washed down the storm drain by the
city’s Tymco 600 Regenerative Air Street Sweeper.
The mishap was immediately seized upon by a group
calling themselves “Muffin Truthers,” who linked the Tym- MUFFIN SUMMIT A range of citizen, city and state representatives gathered at Ar-
co to a cabal of renegade trillionaires hell-bent on expung- cata’s Minor Theatre to reflect on the half-eaten muffin, how we can learn from it
ing all traces of baked goods from the world’s sidewalks. and what it portends in years to come. KLH | Minion

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ECLECTIC COALITION The Plaza should be a far more agreeable place from now on, now that all major stakeholders
have signed a peace treaty. Titled as the “Contract for Arcata,” the agreement dictates standards for courteous be-
havior on the town square. In a Friday morning ceremony, above, the “Stop being a Poopy Head Pact,” as it is informal- 791 Eighth St., 4th Floor, Ste. A Street, Arcata, CA 95521
ly known, was signed by representatives of all known stakeholders: Arcata Main Street, both Rotary Clubs, the Knights 707-599-2873 • arcatapm@yahoo.com
of Pythias, CommUnity Pride & Peace, Food Not Bombs, Drunk and Drunker, They Who Yell, the NoHum Nug-Slingers,
www.arcatapropertymanagement.com
Brent, Sunflower, The Arcata Coalition of Irresponsible Pet Owners, Slumpabouts for Peace or Whatever, The Way of the
Tunic, Trimmigrants International, the Revolving Confederation of Petty Criminals, That One Guy Who Won’t Shut Up, the
Insufferable Do-Gooders Guild, the Yaksmen’s Mobile Debating Society, Halitosis Humboldt, Dipshits Without Borders,
Penny Popcorn Theatre (not pictured) and the Occupy Arcata Remembrance Society. pHoto Courtesy rotAry CLiub of ArCAtA

Arcata’s new Navy confronts sea level rise

Ecky Patang
Mad RiveR Union UNDER CONSTRUCTION Arcata’s new
ARCATA, APRIL 1 – The City of evacuation vessel, the USS Breskin,
Arcata’s newly formed Department now under construction at the
of Naval Engineering is continuing Corp Yard. City of ArCAtA pHoto
construction on a state-of-the-art
ark at the Corp Yard in response to
the latest concerning models of sea
level rise.
Community Development Director
David Loya optimistically interpo-
lates the latest models and projec-
tions to read “…impending doom.”
At a special meeting scheduled for
April 1, 2018, the Arcata City Council
will discuss whether or not to include
a gazebo on the Ark’s main deck.
“The Plaza originally had a gazebo
on it so I think it’s a fitting amenity
for the ark,” said City Manager Karen wieldy, and will be selected by throw- man said as he manipulated a slide
Diemer. ing darts at pages randomly torn out rule while at the public podium. “By
There are still many other consid- of a phone book. my calculations, this here ark will be
erations to be made about which ad- “Time is of the essence so we sittin’ over 50 foot deep in the water!”
ditional amenities should be included thought forming a small committee He added that the sea, she is a fick-
while under construction. would be the most efficient,” Com- le mistress.
After an all-night study session mented Arks and Evacuation Director Senior Shipwright Doby Class
where, due to the butcher paper Mark Andre. says construction is coming along as
shortage, participants were forced to An old-timey sailor has frequented scheduled and anticipates the ark to
write directly on Council Chamber council meetings and insists that as come in far over budget.
walls, the council decided to form a the ark grows in size and weight, the A ButchCo Industries representa-
special committee to suggest which draft of the vessel will exceed the 40 tive at the council meeting said that
amenities should take priority. foot depth of Humboldt Bay leaving it the vessel would best be used to store
The committee will consist of just unable to reach open sea. hoards of paper rolls, calling them es-
40 members so as to not become un- “Aargh, mateys” the grizzled sea- sential to human survival.

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 A( PRIL F OOL )6 M AD R IVER U NION M ARCH 28, 2018

We’re not letting the best and mosy pettable people be persons
It’s been eight years since the U.S. Supreme Court grant-
ed corporations a personhood that allowed such entities to
spend freely in local, state and federal elections and rough-
ly three years since corporations could practice “religious
freedom” to sidestep federal regulations that allegedly ran
counter to their faith – as in, no birth control insurance
coverage for Hobby Lobby employees.
It’s past time for similar – or even expanded – person-
hood to be granted to the canine population. I’m sure my
Maltese Myron would happily contribute a portion of his
treat fund to support a candidate that promises to bring a
dog to the White House. It’s also important to note his “free
to run” religion includes a strongly held belief in untethered
access to beaches, parks, open space and other public places.
If we can grant personhood to the likes of Eli Lilly Phar-
maceutical, the Roman Catholic Church and Exxon Mobil,
why not Myron, Exeter, Polly and the many other furry
persons who daily demonstrate the heart of being a person
– love, loyalty, devotion? It seems only fair.
Sincerely,
Kush Cabaret
Redwood Valley
Monetize retail theatre, or something
LETTERS The City of Eureka recently surveyed North Coast res-
idents about the nature of digital signs. Many business
owners likely support the ability to freely use these change-
every-few-minutes eye-catchers in hope of attracting new
customers.
Rather than using more electricity and heightening
what some would define as urban blight, why not create
elevated stages where newly hired employees could act out
the businesses’ messages.
Fast food restaurants could set up a “Last Supper” tab-
leau where the Prince of Princes and his co-horts were
enjoying a wide sample of the restauranter’s offerings or
clothing companies could have a constantly changing run-
way of their recently acquired togs.
Such a concept would not only increase jobs on the
North Coast, but would draw in customers and certainly
be a creative outlet for forward-thinking enterprises.
Thank you,
Godwit Gahoonie
Blue Lake

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE BORE The Peo-

McK muni advisory group
slated to mull policy
Bimbo Goyo
Mad RiveR Union
McKINLEYVILLE, APRIL
1 – The McKinleyville Mu-
nicipal Advisory Committee
(McKMAC) will hold a meet-
ing next Wednesday night
to discuss whether to have a
special planning meeting in
advance of its regular month-
ly meeting, during which it
will set the format for a future
The committee formed a
subcommittee to study the
topic, which ultimately decid-
ed to be careful and judicious,
and carefully consider meeting
agendas before the meetings
are scheduled.
At Wednesday’s meeting,
the committee may approve the
format for the planning meet-
ing, which will begin with the
Pledge of Allegiance and end
ple’s Coalition for a Plutocratic Representative
Democracy will hold a workshop Saturday in
McKinleyville on “Using Jazz Hands to In-
fluence Elected Officials at Public Hearings.”
The coalition, made up of three individuals
from the wildly enthusiastic Mike Huckabee
For President Campaign of
2016, strives to counteract
the use of “twinkle” hands
by audience members at
recent Arcata City Council
meetings. “Societal change
and/or stagnation comes
about with straight arms,
splayed fingers and rapidly

H atman
public hearing.
Committeemember Craig
Tucker had requested that an
item be placed on the agenda,
MAYO LID Taking a cue from Arcata’s Tom Conlon, but Committee Chair Ben Shep-
who is enjoying his post-retirement years as an ac- herd said the item was outside
tor and erectile dysfunction TV commercial star, for- the committee’s purview.
mer McKinleyville mucky-much Dennis Mayo has That led to a series of meet-
launched a lucrative second career as a hat model. ings about whether it was ap-
Above, Mayo sports a bespoke 55-gallon cowboy hat propriate to put the item on the
woven from the finest Snowy Plover hides. KLh | minion agenda.
with an adjournment.
While committeemembers
appear to have reached consen-
sus on the meeting format, both
Tucker and Shepherd agree
that something has been lost in
the process.
“For the life of me, I can’t
remember what it was we
were orginally planning to talk
about,” Tucker said.
shaking hands,” said Bob Fosse-protege Mar-
garet Stanford, who will lead the workshop.
Stanford worked on Broadway productions
in the late 1970s before attending Humboldt
State, where she made a name for herself pro-
ducing utterly humorless, Talibanesque pro-
ductions detailing her tedious insights into
social justice issues. Admission to the 15-hour
workshop is on a sliding scale, from $1,250 to
$3,780. Attendees MUST preregister at least
10 days before yesterday.

McK CSD rescues ’hood
with thoughts & prayers
Nilchy Bilchy
Mad RiveR Union
MCKINKEYVILLE, APRIL 1
– The McKinkeyville Commu-
nity Services District voted 4-1
last week to send its ”thoughts
and prayers” to the Heartwood
Subdivision after a sewer main
failed, showering the neighbor-
hood with raw sewage.
To the horror of local resi-
dents, on March 20 a massive
sinkhole suddenly opened on
Heartwood Drive, revealing a
sewer main, which then burst
open, sending a shit geiser 162
feet into the air. The spray has
continued on daily since the
catostrophic failure of the dis-
trict’s new experimental 400
psi pressurized sewer system.
According to district offi-
cials, repairing the sewer main
would be costly and inconve-
nient. Numerous roadways
would have to be closed, lim-
iting mobility in the popular
neighborhood.
“Residents might need to
take Cotton or Lime avenues
to Holly Drive to get to Central
Avenue,” explained the man-
ager. The possibility of such an
inconvenience has stymied a
solutio. to the crisis.
MCSD Director John
Wheel-Mustard made a motion
at last week’s meeting to autho-
rize repairing the sewer main,
but was unable to get a second.
“Now is not the time to po-
liticize the issue,” said Direc-
tor Dennis Couch.
Instead, the board voted
4-1, with Wheel-Mustard dis-
senting, to send its thoughts
and prayers to the residents of
the Heartwood Subdivision.
“I’m grateful for the board’s
action,” said resident Hymie
Gautier as he stood knee-deep
in raw sewage. “Those prayers
mean so much.”
His wife Grizelda disagreed.
“Sewage is natural and GMO
free,” she said. Who knows
what impact these man-made
‘thoughts and prayers’ might
have?”
She advised consulting with
a local astrologer to ascertain
optimal times for the thoughts
and prayers to be issued so as
to “minimize impacts on Gaia.”
Sludge | Blakeslee Ave. to get deluxe repair center
FROM A1
“This tastes like that ’Lumbo I
used to score,” said Colt Seavers,
longtime Plaza hangabout.
He and other Plazoids rushed
to the intersection of Seventh and I
streets, where a massive glob of hash-
like bong sludge was welling up.
Piling up like brains-craving
zombies, the THC-crazed ’Zoids
began shaving off rinds of the con-
centrated cannabis and stuffing
them into their pockets.
Activist Fhyre Phoenix heard
the tumult all the way over on the
Plaza, where he was protesting the
Temperance League water foun-
tain. Rushing over, Phoenix hastily
scrawled a new slogan over his an-
ti-DHMO sign reading, “Don’t Bog-
art That Sludge, My Friends!”
The bong residue backed up all
the way out to Blakeslee Avenue,
where the gutters flowed with the
lava-like goo.
Responding to the crisis, the City
Council moved with dispatch to set
up a series of Community Dialogue
on Bong Buildup scoping sessions,
but had to cancel them because of
the butcher paper shortage.
Instead, the council moved to
set up a temporary command post
on Blakeslee from which to direct
CLOG CENTRAL The new $3.3
million Blakeslee Avenue Re-
covery Center. Submitted photo
repairs from close by, rather than
from distant City Hall.
On a unanimous vote, the coun-
cil authorized construction of a
$3.3 million recovery center where
equipment and personnel will be
staged. The new building will use
lumber harvested from the Arcata
Community Forest.
It will include three equipment
bays, a conference room, employee
lounge, and a small gym with sauna
and hot tubs for sewer workers.
The exterior will be clad in
stained redwood. A large skylight
will allow natural illumination in-
side, symbolizing Arcata’s commit-
ment to renewable energy.
An interpretive center open to
the public will display maps show-
ing Arcata’s sewer lines and other
infrastructure. An interactive display
for children will allow them to push
“Tommy Potplug” with magnets
through a small channel represent-
ing a sewer pipeline as the wad of goo
slowly congeals into a city-wide clog.
At the insistence of Council-
member Susan Ornelas, a $40,000
mural on the building’s street-fac-
ing side will depict proper, eco-safe
methods of cannabis processing
and disposal. “This shouldn’t be a
best-kept secret,” she said.
As an artistic addition, the
controversial bicycle boulevard
“wheel” at 10th and I streets will be
rolled over and repainted as an en-
ergy-focusing mandala.
Landscaping will include an ar-
ray of native plants, plus a nature
trail with interpretive signs. That
will be co-located with a parcourse
for eco-infused fitness.
After an architect is selected and
plans finalized, construction is ex-
pected to begin within six months.
The facility should be ready to re-
ceive equipment and workers by
next February.
Once everything’s in place, the
sewer repairs should take no more
than three days, after which the
center will be demolished.

Rampage | Mayor goes Brobdingnagian WKB | Offers a second unsolicited opinion

FROM A1
growing in intensity.
It then shot back from whence it came,
striking Pereira’s smartphone. The mayor
had been listening to a podcast about the
growing number of empowered women
being elected to local public offices, when
the power surge took hold.
Momentarily stunned, Pereira sparked
like a Tesla coil, muttering, “...women…
growing… power… growing… GROWING”
With a thunderous KA-BOOM!, Pereira
suddenly exploded to about 100 times her
regular size, towering over the square as
McKinley tossed his head back, letting out
a horrifying, mewling cry of glee.
The Brobdingnagian mayor then set
to lumbering about the square, flattening
cars and snapping off the trees like they
was bonzai’d ornaments on a dry-wobble
landscape.
Stubbing her toe on McKinley’s base,
the Gorgo-scaled Pereira became enraged,
roaring, “I move to waive reading of the
ordinance, and proceed to a vote on total
world domination!”
At this, downtown activist Fhyre Phoe-
nix quickly assembled a small handbook
titled The Massive Mayors’ Guide to Re-
laxation and Smashing Plutocracy, read-
ing it aloud from atop McKinley’s shoul-
ders, with the president’s squirming head
in Phoenix’s leg lock.
At Ninth and H streets, a hastily assem-
bled energy circle organized by Councilmem-
ber Susan Ornelas began to have an effect.
As the giant Pereira towered above them, the
circle began to draw away the energy field
that had enveloped the massive mayor.
In a blinding flash, the pulsing energy
spiraled groundward in a spectral vortex,
singeing the umbrellas of energy circle
participants.
When the smoke cleared, Pereira was
restored to her normal proportions, and
the energy circle particpants rushed to her
side on the Plaza lawn.
As she came to, the de-energizing sup-
porters surrounding her burst into ap-
plause and whoops of joy. At this, the
dazed mayor waved a scolding finger.
“I’m going to have to ask again that no
one applaud or cheer at this time,” Pereira
said.
FROM A1
After conducting a scop-
ing session, WKB learned
that neighbors, particular-
ly the ones on either side
of the lot, would prefer that
the property remained un-
developed.
“It’s a popular place for
people to poop their dogs,”
said Fred Friebus, presi-
dent of WKB. “After much
discussion, we’re recom-
mending that Ms. Bangle
develop the property into a
multi-use facility, with one
half being a dog park and
the other a futsal court.”
A similar situation
played out last month in
Sunny Brae, where Bob
Rodster applied for a per-
mit to build a detached
garage on his property to
house his restored 1965
Mustang. WKB stepped
in, held a series of scoping
sessions and came up with
what it considers a better
use of Rodster’s land and
money – an infinity pool.
“But I don’t even know
how to swim,” said Rod-
ster, protesting the change
of plans.
‘The public has spoken.
Rodster will build a pool.
Case closed,” declared
Friebus, giddy on the heels
of his latest victory.
WKB is also helping ease
the town-and-gown divide.
When WKB learned that an
HSU student was planning
to put a second-hand mini-
fridge in his dorm room and
hang a Guns & Roses poster
on the wall, WKB was there
to intervene and come up
with an alternative plan.
The student was forced
to ditch the fridge and the
poster. Instead, WKB had
him install a four-foot-tall
resin relief of the Eiffel
Tower from Target on the
wall and a retro-style dry
bar with matching mar-
tini glasses and a shaker
shaped like a Zeppelin.
WKB seized the student’s
iPhone, deleted his Guns
& Roses and Bruno Mars
albums, and replaced them
with a recording of Frank
Sinatra singing “The Girl
from Ipanema” set to play
on a non-stop loop.
“We were happy to help
this student out and trans-
form his dorm room with
this hip Mad Men-style de-
cor,” said Friebus, as the
defeated, sullen student
stewed nearby.
If you’re planning a
project or vacation or even
just a mid-day snack, you
can contact WKB, which is
available 24/7 to get all up
in your shit.
 M ARCH 28, 2018 M AD R IVER U NION A( PRIL F OOL )7

Starving student starts Neighborhood Watch inside refrigerator

Splang Squizzbiz
Mad RiveR Union
SUNNY BRAE, APRIL 1 – Fighting both household
crime and undernourishment, visibly famished Humboldt
State student Alvin Simon has established a Neighborhood
Watch unit in his roommate-house refrigerator.
“I’m dying,” the enfeebled Simon said, trembling with
hunger. “Any food – well, almost any – that I put in the fridge
disappears within an hour or so. By mysterious forces!”
The prime suspects: Simon’s roommates. The victim fin-
gered those with whom he shares the vintage Spiering home
on Virginia Way, based on the results of a forensic examina-
tion after the most recent disappearance of his groceries.
The in-depth inquiry consisted of looking at his house-
mates, all zonked in front of the TV in the living room. Each
bore key characteristics linking them to his missing dinner.
These include an empty IPA bottle and the remains of Si-
mon’s hard-won burrito dinner.
“I stood in line for two days at Murphy’s and finally won
my Monopoly game, only to have these slackers chomp all my
noms,” Simon said, motioning to the body-littered living room.
Out in the kitchen, the aged Frigidaire listed to one
side, emitting a loud 60 cycle hum as it strained to keep
chilled some week-old clam dip, a curled-up slice of pizza
from a shop that closed last summer and an assortment of
Saran-wrapped biological experiments.
“I guess my burritos and IPAs sorta stood out,” Simon
lamented. “But that’s no excuse.”
On learning of the grocery atrocity, activist Fhyre Phoe-
nix turned up at the front door with a cardboard sign lam-
basting “refrigerator brigands” who pirate food items.
The warring roommates were briefly united in a house-
wide effort to barricade the front door to prevent Phoenix
from entering and involving himself in the dispute.
Eventually Simon compromised, accepting a small doll
dressed as Phoenix bearing a tiny sign warning against thefts.
This was placed in the door rack near some newly issued
Neigborhood Watch signs inside the crime-riddled icebox.
The whole matter became moot when Simon finally fig-
ured out places to hide his eats where they’d never be found SCENE OF THE GRIME Sunny Brae’s newest and small-
by his no-account housemates – underneath the stack of est Neighborhood Watch, a Virginia Way roommate
overdue phone and PG&E bills and behind the lawn mower. refrigerator. SubMitted pHoto

Down to last supplies, disc golfer finds way back to civilization

Ritchie Retch
Mad RiveR Union
MANILA, APRIL 1 – An Arca-
ta man says the new lighthouse
in Manila saved him from cer-
tain death after he got lost at the
town’s disc golf course and spent
eight days trying to find his way
back to the parking lot.
Tony Growbro’s harrowing
and inspiring tale of survival be-
gan on March 15 when he and a
couple buddies met up at the park
and made their way down the first
fairway, chugging IPAs and smok-
ing some fatty doobs, as required
by the International Society of
Disc Golfers (See rules, section.
43.2065 (a) and (b).
By the third fairway, Growbro
was giggling, forgot where he had
just tossed his disc 30 seconds pri-
or, and decided to take in the view
of the bay.
Growbro said he’s not sure how
much time passed – it could have
been two minutes or an hour – but
next thing he knew the fog had
rolled in and he was all alone.
“Off in the distance, I could
hear someone laughing and yelling
‘Tony! See ya later bro,” Growbro
recalled. “But all I could see was
fog and the faint outline of a tree.”
Growbro said he wandered up
and down the fairways, crossed
over a softball field, followed a
WELCOME SIGHT Welcome
back to the real world? Jd | Min-
fence line, went through some
trees, and found himself back
where he had started.
He tried again, found the ten-
nis courts, but was then back in
the softball field and then re-
turned to the trees.
As darkness fell, Growbro
found himself in a vacant chil-
dren’s playground and decided
to bunk down there for the night.
“Fortunately, I had some sweet
dabs, some Humboldt GMO-free
organic IPA and half a packet
of organic American Spirit cig-
arettes, so I was able to make it
through the night.”
“Early in the morning, before
the sun came up, it dawned on
me that the only way I was going
to survive is if I saved myself,”
Growbro recalled. So he walked
east in search of the parking lot.
“The land was flat and I could
see lights way off in the distance,
so I started walking.” But when
he found himself knee deep in the
mud, he realized he was probably
in Humboldt Bay. So he walked
back in the other direction as the
sun went down.
“Every once in awhile I’d see
a person way off in the distance,
and start to run towards them,
but they disappeared like a mi-
rage,” Growbro said.
Days went by, and he started to
grow increasingly concerned.
“I was rich in dabs and con-
sumed them frequently, but I had
to ration the IPA, the cigs and my
big bag of Annie’s Organic, GMO
Free Pirate Booty Cheese Puffs.
Each day, the search for the
parking lot grew more frantic.
On day 7, death stared him in
the eye.
“I smoked my last dab. The Pi-
rate Booty was gone. There was
nothing but a backwash swallow
of IPA, and I was down to my sec-
ond to last cigarette,” Growbro
said.
The next day, Growbro braced “Quenching!” Growbro said
himself for death. before he ordered six more micro-
“I was out of dabs and extremely waved hot dogs. Growbro said he
hungry,” he said. “I smoked my last doesn’t plan to return to the disc
cigarette, chugged down the IPA, golf course, but he would consider
then I saw it.” entering Manila’s miniature golf
Off in the distance, across the course. “Yeah, I would do that,
street, he saw, through the fog, a but only with lots of friends and a
light coming from atop the light- GPS device,” he said.
house at Lighthouse Plaza. The Humboldt County Office
“I think it was the Dos Equis of Emergency Services had ap-
sign,” Growbro said. “I walked to- plied for a $1.2 million state grant
ward it and, whoa, went right by to map the miniature golf course
my car in the parking lot. I once and the Manila Disc Golf Course
was lost, but now I’m found.” to prevent potential tragedies.
Growbro passed his car and “Growbro was lucky to get out
stumbled into Lighthouse Plaza, of there alive,” said Sheriff Wil-
where he purchased a hot dog liam Honsal. “When you have a
and a can of artificially sweetened Bay on one side, the ocean on the
Yerba mate grown by GMO-free, other, and only a couple roads
virgin, spiritually advanced Para- runnning north and south, any-
guayan elders. thing’s possible.”
TSUNAMI SIREN The community of Kneeland will celebrate the com-
pletion of its new $1.5 million Tsunami Alert Siren on Friday. Located
at the former Post Office location, the state-of-the-art siren is connect-
ed at an automated NOAA internet system via satellites and various
redundant communication systems, guaranteeing that the mountain-
top town will receive up-to-date information regarding tsunami haz-
ards. Meanwhile, the town’s of Samoa and Manila recently received
rolls of duct tape, baling wire and World War II war ration stamps to
help improve their 75-year-old sirens, which OES officials are praying
will work in an upcoming test, although their faith is admittedly weak.
“Hope is on the way,” one official said, admitting that her statement
means that there is no actual hope, being that technically it has not yet
arrived. Hope is merely in transit. When hope finally arrives, then the
peninsula sirens may work, although that’s unlikely.

ButchCo | Shortage of butcher paper alleviated with emergency shipments of precious rolls
“Consider us your community partner,”
FROM A1
Don’t be a litterbug. said Butchco CEO Blight Bluster. “Our mills
tomers to transport their meat home by bal- are at your service in helping restore order to
ancing it on top of their heads. Local facilita- A Public Service of
BUTCHCO INDUSTRIES
your troubled town square.”
tors have had to record ideas for Plaza reform City officials said that Butchco was offering

INTERNATIONAL
by scratching a scorched shovel blade with a the emergency supplies at a discounted rate,
stick – or writing directly on Council Cham- but was charging a $300,000 “courtesy fee”
ber walls. Provider of Butcher PaPer to the World
for the delivery.
Elementary school children who would have Let ButchCo Paper Over Your Problems
Meanwhile, layoffs of paper-deprived
been painting murals during art period have butchers had forced creation of a waiting list
instead been heavily sedated and stacked in BUTCHER BANNER Expect the end of littering as we know it, thanks to our for area cattle ranchers, creating a beef back-
well-ventilated school storerooms. friends at ButchCo. KLH | Minion up. The cattlemen complained that their pas-
With fresh rolls unavailable at any price, tures were overflowing with cows and other
some meat vendors resorted to wrapping their dustries business card bearing the name Harry Hoptobler
and the title, Field Instigator. barnyard animals. “It’s a population explosion,” lamented
cuts in previously loved, that is, used butcher paper. Arcata Bottom rancher Ned Funston.
Customers at Safeway were surprised to get home and “Ignore that,” he told the officer. “I’m actually a free-
The complaints were borne out in catastrophic fash-
unwrap their beef to find the inside of the paper embla- lance cheese polisher.” ion Monday as a renegade herd of cattle burst from their
zoned with ideas for downtown improvement scribbled in Further investigation indicated that multiple Plazoids
caught making mischief had received funds from Hoptobler. crowded, overgrazed pasture and flooded Bottoms neigh-
colorful marking pen. borhoods, gobbling up front lawns.
Some of the ink had transferred to the moist meat, im- Still another person, identified as Penny Dime, was seen
leaving a trail of Susan B. Anthony dollars leading from the Once the suburban yards were denuded, the newly-em-
printing the slogans in reverse on the cuts. powered cattle charged towards the Plaza. There, in a stir-
“If I hold my rump steak up to the mirror, it says, ‘Detox Portland Loo into the fenced-off recovering foliage in the ring re-enactment of an era past, they set about grazing.
the Plaza’,” complained Westwood resident Mabel Fletch- nearby Veterans Memorial Park, all of which was quickly The pastoral downtown scene was comforting to many
er. “My ground round says, ‘Build a bandshell’.” re-squashed by the swarming sitabouts.
Asked why she was doing that, Dime adjusted her until things took a nasty turn. A Plaza habitue muttering
The appearance of used butcher paper coincided with a something about “earning my pay” tried to tip over one of
wave of burglaries at offices of conflict resolution media- Butchco-branded baseball cap and said she was but an un- the massive cows, which triggered a stampede.
tors and related fields around town, gutting them of every employed cloud counter trying to bring bored street folk Two out-of-towners were trampled in the bovine melee.
trace of butcher paper. “closer to nature.”
Downtown, the surge in petty crime was inspiring fresh Police said that before being flattened, one had identified
The thefts, coupled with the appearance of used paper himself as a spaghetti farmer, and the other a cricket groomer.
at area meat markets, has only exacerbated tensions be- demands for a facilitated town hall meeting intended to
tween local facilitators and butchers. gather ideas for solutions. City officials said no such meeting SATURDAY EQUESTRIAN DISCOUNT 10% OFF
One local facilitation center was the site of a protest by the could be held without emergency supplies of butcher paper.
Meat Cutters Union Local No. 327. Clad in bloody smocks, In a stroke of luck, ButchCo Industries agreed to fly in
the meatworkers paraded outside with a butcher paper ban- a dozen of the precious paper rolls in time for the Plaza
ner that said, in bold red letters, “Facilitate This!” scoping session.
On learning of the crisis, activist Fhyre Phoenix joined
in, extolling the use of cardboard rather than the precious
paper. Marching with the meat cutters, his sign read, “Con-
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there every day, street name Splunge, was asked to leash
his romping pit bull by an APD officer. trusty steed!
“Awww,” he cringed. “Do I have to give the $10 back?” Now with specially-
Splunge said he’d been offered the 10-spot by another designed saddlebaskets for
man whom he pointed out lingering at Ninth and H streets. your shopping convenience.
Approached by police, the man quickly pocketed a wad of
bills he’d been passing out to a small passel of Plazagoers.
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–
MAD RIVER
V O L . 5, N O . 27
County
grapples
with opioid
debacle
Daniel Mintz
Mad RiveR Union
HUMBOLDT – The Board
of Supervisors has declared
March as Prescription Drug
Abuse Awareness Month in
Humboldt County and will
consider whether to join oth-
er counties in suing a group of
large pharmaceutical compa-
nies for their marketing of pre-
scription opioids.
What’s been described as an
“opioid crisis” was the focus of
the proclamation, which was
approved at the board’s March
20 meeting.
And as the county’s worri-
some rate of opioid overdose
deaths was discussed, Coun-
ty Counsel Jeffrey Blanck
announced that legal action
against the companies that
manufacture opioid painkillers
will be considered at this week’s
board meeting, on March 27.
Blanck said the agenda in-
cludes a request to “join the
litigation of various counties
across the country going after
at least six of the large opioid
producers.”
Sponsored by Supervisor
Virginia Bass, the proclamation
approved last week describes
prescription drug abuse as “the
nation’s fastest-growing drug
problem” and adds that “Hum-
boldt County is deeply affect-
ed, losing many residents each
year to unintentional drug
overdoses.”
OPIOIDS B3
Arrest after horrific discovery
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA BOTTOM – Hun-
dreds of dead cows, some stacked
in 10-foot tall piles, malnour-
ished livestock and penned-up
dogs without access to water
were among
the horrors
discovered
by law en-
forcement
officers last
week when
they raid-
ed an Arca-
Ray Christie ta Bottom
ranch near
State Route 255 and Jackson
Ranch Road.
Multiple law enforcement
agencies on Monday, March 19
descended on several properties
owned or associated with local
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18 P A G E S W E D N E S D AY , M A R C H 28, 2018 E S T . 2013 $1
Council stays the McKcourse
Ornelas pulls ballot suggestion after genocide joke falls flat; statue to go
Kevin L. Hoover
Power to the PeoPle
Mad RiveR Union
ARCATA – After a massively
attended hearing at the Commu-
nity Center last week, the Arcata
City Council made no change to
its Feb. 21 decision to remove the
statue of William McKinley from
the Plaza.
A March 7 “suggestion” from
Councilmember Susan Ornelas
to consider destinations for the
Plaza-expelled statue – a mea-
sure considered by some, includ-
ing Mayor Sofia Pereira to be a
“Trojan Horse” scheme to retain
the statue on the town square –
was, after considerable public
testimony, withdrawn.
The removal decision trig-
gered an environmental review
process to assess impacts associ-
ated with the statue’s relocation.
A staff report indicated that
staff was working to identify a
voting process, but the Hum-
boldt County Elections Office
told the city that Ornelas’s mul-
tiple-choice draft ballot proposal
CROWDSOURCING The people’s voice came
through loud and clear last week in Arcata, as citi- was unworkable, and that any
ballot proposition must be an-
zens processed difficult and controversial matters in
public fora. Top, the City Council met at the Arca- swerable with a yes or no.
Speaking before an audience
ta Community Center to take testimony on Coun-
cilmember Susan Ornelas’s suggestion that the of hundreds at the Arcata Com-
munity Center, Ornelas explained
McKinley question be put to a vote. After consider-
able comment, she withdrew the idea. Above, Paula that she wanted to get citizens
involved in the Environmental
Jones was among those who spoke at the Commu-
nity Dialogue on Race at the D Street Neighborhood Impact Report, which always in-
cludes a no-project alternative, in
Center, where speakers discussed life in Arcata for
persons of color and mourned the loss of David Jo- other words and in this case, leav-
ing the statue where it is.
siah Lawson, whose killing remains unsolved. Right,
the March for Our Lives Humboldt saw gun reform Ornelas said that the educa-
tional process she’s undergone
advocates, organized and led by local high school
students, fill Arcata’s streets in a march around the have led her to believe that “it is
an offensive statue” and that “he
Plaza, culminating in a rally at the Arcata Playhouse.
Top phoTos by KLh | Union; righT phoTo coUrTesy JeweLs Johnson McKINLEY B2
GREEN RUSH
‘Tougher’ regs demanded
Daniel Mintz
Mad RiveR Union
HUMBOLDT – As Humboldt County’s Board of Supervisors pre-
pares to approve a new commercial cannabis production ordinance,
the Friends of the Eel River watershed protection group, the Yurok
tribe and the California Department of Fish and Wildlife have called
for holding off on further permitting.
The extent of county permitting was debated as supervisors con-
sidered the ordinance and its Environmental Impact Report (EIR) at
an all-day hearing on March 19.
An advocacy collaboration between the Yurok tribe and Friends
of the Eel River (FOER) covers large areas of northern and southern
Humboldt. The group and the tribe issued a joint press release the
day of the hearing headlined “Tribe, conservationists demand tough-
er cannabis regulations.”
During a public comment session at the hearing, Frankie Myers,
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH HCSO deputies carry out what the Yurok tribal heritage preservation officer, referred to ceremonial
appears to be an animal carrier or cage. KLh | Union sites in the tribe’s ancestral territory as “our churches” and added,
“Our church is very large and encompasses many watersheds and we
rancher Raymond Frank Christie, er related charges. His bail was
need to be respectful of that – we need to preserve and protect those
who was arrested on suspicion of set at $25,000, which he posted
areas.”
animal cruelty and multiple oth- CHRISTIE B3 CANNABIS B2
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 B2
POTLUCK DINNER
‘Home Away From Home’ Sunday
VCoR/RSVP
ARCATA – The City of
Arcata and Volunteer Cen-
ter of the Redwoods/RSVP
are hosting their fourth
and final community pot-
luck for the year.
This community-build-
ing effort continues to
bring together local college
students with non-stu-
dent community members,
helping to bridge the gap
between campus and com-
munity.
The event takes place on
Sunday, April 1 between 5
and 7 p.m. at the D Street
Neighborhood Center in
Arcata.
Non-student commu-
nity members are asked to
bring a potluck dish enough
to serve eight people along
with a serving utensil and
hot pad if needed.
The food theme for this
potluck is Latin-American
cuisine.
There will also be a “Free
Stuff” table to help stu-
dents as they try to make it
to the end of the semester
on limited budgets.
Community members
are asked to donate basic
food items.
SOUL FOOD Humboldt State students attended the
February Home Away from Home potluck in Arca-
ta and shared a meal with local community mem-
bers. Photo by Maureen McGarry
Those who can con-
tribute can look in their
pantry for items they can
donate, or swing by a store
M AD R IVER U NION
Oh SNAP! collecting meal points
to help students with food security
Humboldt State
HUMBOLDT STATE – At the end of
each semester, some students find they
have extra meal plan points that they ha-
ven’t used to purchase food on campus.
Now, those points can be put to good use:
helping other students.
Staff and volunteers from Humboldt
State University’s student-led Oh SNAP!
Student Food Programs will collect point
donations in the J Cafeteria at the end of
this semester.
Donated points will be distributed in
$30 increments to students who have
been referred by various departments
across campus. The $2,500 in J Points al-
ready collected is from student donations
and partially supported by grant funding
from the California State University.
“It’s wonderful to see students helping
each other and to see different depart-
ments working together to address food
insecurity,” says Dining Services Director
Ron Rudebock.
Donating points isn’t new for HSU.
Over the last five years, funds from donat-
ed points have helped Oh SNAP! purchase
items for its campus food pantry. What’s
new this year is that points will be trans-
ferred to students and are intended to pro-
vide short-term assistance.
“A J-Point donation program like this
is a way to formalize the efforts of student
and pick up some pack- activists,” says Health Educator Ravin
aged food basics (prefer- Craig. “Many students currently use their
ably nothing that needs extra points to buy food for friends and
refrigeration). roommates. This gives us a way to reach
M ARCH 28, 2018
more people.”
To qualify for donated points, students
must have applied to CalFresh, or intend
to apply within five business days, of the J
Point request and they do not need to have
a meal plan. Calfresh eligibility does not de-
termine eligibility for the J-Point program.
The meal program adds to the Univer-
sity’s growing efforts to address food and
housing insecurity through programs and
research. Oh SNAP! has provided a food
pantry and workshops, as well as CalFresh
application assistance for the last few
years. In 2016, Humboldt State became
one of the country’s first universities to
accept Electronic Benefit Transfer (EBT)
cards from the federal Supplemental Nu-
trition Assistance Program (SNAP).
At the same time, Social Work Pro-
fessor Jen Maguire has been researching
food and housing insecurity. Just recently,
she and Rashida Crutchfield, a professor
of Social Work at Cal State Long Beach,
authored a major study on food insecuri-
ty and homelessness affecting students in
the 23-campus California State University
system. More details about the study and
systemwide efforts are at the CSU Basic
Needs website.
“We’re excited to push the J-Point
program to a new stage,” says Dave Na-
kamura, executive director of the Univer-
sity Center, which will help administer the
donated points. “It meshes well with help-
ing to address student needs and is in step
with the state and the CSU’s emphasis on
basic needs.”

McKinley | Ornelas’s genocide joke didn’t prove persuasive, at least not in the way she intended
FROM B1
shouldn’t be in our living room, as we’ve
termed it.”
Ornelas, whose wordy explanations
from the council dais of late have not won
her many allies on any side of the contro-
versy, further stepped in it with an offhand
“joke” involving the historic decimation of
indigenous people locally.
Referring to the statue educational pro-
cess, which might have included public
lectures as have been offered on other sub-
jects, Ornelas said, “The joke is, ‘My Favor-
ite Lecture’ – genocide.”
As a murmur of outrage rose from the
crowd, Ornelas stumbled on, then tried to
walk it back. “But, um... it’s just, um, some-
thing that... I apologize. That was terrible.
That was a terrible thing to say, I realize. I
apologize.” But the die was cast, and later
speakers were to call out Ornelas for the
reckless utterance.
Community Development Director David
Loya said the statue can’t be removed while
the CEQA process is underway. City Manag-
er Karen Diemer said it would take several
months to develop alternatives for the stat-
ue that will mitigate environmental impacts.
City Attorney Nancy Diamond said the CEQA
document will involve some type of polling or
survey to incorporate the will of the public.
Numerous speakers urged the council to
stick with their Feb. 21 decision, and that
any reversal would be historically resonant
with the broken promises made to Native
Americans by the federal government.
Many of the speakers stated that “this is
Wiyot country,” many thanking the descen-
dants of the area’s original inhabitants for al-
lowing their residence in present-day Arcata.
Other speakers, fewer in number, de-
fended the statue as an Arcata tradition
and William McKinley the president as a
war hero who had battled slavery in the
form of the Confederacy.
A letter from the Eureka branch of the
NAACP urged the council to censure Michael
Winkler for his statement about the Feb. 21
meeting “likening the atmosphere of the coun-
cil meeting to that of a ‘lynch mob/vigilante’”
situation, terming it “racially inflammatory.”
Another speaker praised Winkler for his
“courage in speaking out,” but ultimately,
the council took no action to discipline him.
After hours of public testimony and more
lengthy explanations by Ornelas, she with-
drew her multiple-choice ballot suggestion.
The March 21 council meeting may be
viewed on Access Humboldt at archive.
org/details/AH-acc_3-21-18.

Cannabis| Watershed impacts
FROM B1
Scott Greacen, Friends of the Eel’s conservation direc-
tor, said the new ordinance’s EIR needs to be redone or at
least recirculated before the county lifts a moratorium on
cannabis permit applications.
Small-scale grows have been described as being prefer-
able but Greacen said sedimentation and water diversions
from tributaries of the South Fork Eel River are particular-
ly impactful and need further analysis.
“Just because a producer is relatively small-scale, that
doesn’t mean their watershed impacts are de minimis,” he
added. “Small is not necessarily more sustainable – that’s
why we need to do the analytic work to figure out what the
impacts of the permits we’ve already issued are before we
go issuing a bunch of new permits in watersheds where
we’ve got salmon and steelhead going extinct.”
Those concerns were also highlighted by Scott Bauer
of the California Department of Fish and Wildlife (CDFW)
Watershed Enforcement Team.
He told supervisors that the EIR “does not provide a
thorough analysis of cumulative effects, including signif-
icant impacts to watershed resources.”
At issue is a proposal to set the county’s maximum num-
ber of additional permits under the ordinance at 5,000. An
adaptive management approach would include monitor-
“I would like to see a little bit of consideration to the
small family growers,” she continued. “All of the ones I
personally know live on their parcels, raise their families
and we are not interested in polluting the water or degrad-
ing the land that we own and hopefully will own for gen-
erations.”
Supervisor Rex Bohn said issuing more permits will
limit watershed impacts, not add to them.
“We have to understand, the environmental degrada-
tion on a permitted grow is very little if anything because
they have water storage, they don’t have illegal water di-
version and if they’re going to sell it on the market we ob-
viously don’t have pesticides,” he continued. “I like all the
people that have recently gotten concerned -- because we
don’t have a timber industry and we’re losing the railroad

Believe you can and ing of the county’s 12 main watersheds for impacts.
About 2,300 permit applications were submitted under
the county’s current ordinance. No further applications
you’re halfway there. have been accepted past a December 31, 2016 deadline but
approval of the new ordinance would lift that.
– Theodore Roosevelt The advocacy of the tribe, FOER and the CDFW sug-
gests that the present level of cultivation in sensitive wa-
tershed areas shouldn’t be affirmed through permitting.
But homestead-scale cultivators challenged that.
Southern Humboldt grower Mark Richard acknowl-
edged the presence of irresponsible operations but said
“most of the farmers are doing really good stuff – they’re
not trying to bash the environment.”
Another resident described well-run outdoor grows as
Humboldt’s specialty.
so they’ve got to jump on the next popular bandwagon --
but I think we’re all cognizant of what we need to do with
our watersheds.”
Southern Humboldt Supervisor Estelle Fennell suggest-
ed the county’s small-scale growers deserve the opportuni-
ty to participate in a new, regulated market.
“I heard people talking about not lifting the moratori-
um, not moving forward with more applications,” she said.
“I absolutely think that’s unconscionable, to exclude legacy
farmers because they didn’t have the money or the where-
withal to come in before the moratorium.”
She added, “We heard a lot about bringing small farm-
ers in and I do think we need to commit to that so I really
do want to see us going forward.”
Due to the volume of written material associated with
the ordinance and its EIR, supervisors held off on approv-
als and set April 10 as the next hearing date.
Other proposals of the new ordinance include removal
of a 600-foot school bus stop setback requirement, a four-
acre per person cultivation permit limit and 1,000-foot
setbacks from the borders of city spheres of influence, trib-
al areas and community planning areas.

The Mad River Union, (ISSN 1091-1510), is published weekly (Wednesdays)

by Kevin L. Hoover and Jack Durham,
791 Eighth St. (Jacoby’s Storehouse), Suite 8, Arcata, CA 95521.
Periodicals Postage Paid at Arcata, CA.
Subscriptions: $40/year
POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the
Mad River Union, 791 Eighth St., Suite 8, Arcata, CA 95521

Deadlines & Departments

Letters to the Editor & Opinion columns: Noon Friday
Press Releases: 5 p.m. Friday Ads: Contact Ad Dept. Legal Notices: 5 p.m. Friday
Press releases: (707) 826-7000 news@madriverunion.com
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Jack D. Durham, Editor & Publisher editor@madriverunion.com

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Matthew Filar, Photographer
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© 2018 The Mad River Union

M ARCH 28, 2018 M AD R IVER U NION B3

Christie | Dead cows, bones found in waterway
FROM B1
the next day, March 21. According
to jail records, he was released.
The raid came after a five-
month investigation into large-
scale animal cruelty complaints,
according to a press release from
the Humboldt County Sheriff’s
Office. Search warrants were is-
sued for four different Northern
Humboldt County properties as-
sociated with Christie.
“Humboldt County Sheriff’s
deputies observed bovine bones
and carcasses in/near waterways,
as well as areas on the properties
where cattle were being contained
with little to no feed or grass,”
states the press release. “These
observations validated commu-
nity complaints that serious vio-
lations were taking place on the
properties.”
“During the service of the
warrants, personnel located ap-
proximately 250 to 300 deceased
cows, some of which Christie had
heaped into large piles approxi-
mately 10 feet high near an exca-
vator; others were located laying
in/near waterways,” states the
press release. “Personnel also
found a large number of cows
contained in small or insufficient
corrals and many malnourished
animals.”
Other alleged violations found
by law enforcement include mov-
ing dairy cattle without official ID
tags; removal of Brucellosis tags;
removal of state livestock back
tags; bringing cattle into Califor-
nia without veterinary inspection
certificates or ID tags; improper
disposal/storage/removal of sol-
id waste; improper animal keep-
ing; illegal development within
a streamside management area;
cannabis permit violations; im-
proper/illegal disposal of bio-
hazard waste; and building code
violations.
The California Department of
Fish & Wildlife, another agency
on scene, discovered the follow-
ing alleged violation: 21 violations
of disposal of a carcass within
150 feet of a state waterway; sev-
en violations of discharging sed-
iment into state waterways; five
violations of placement of refuse
within 150 feet of a state water-
way; one violation of abandoned
motor vehicle in a state water-
way; eight violations of substan-
tial alteration of bed and banks
of a stream without a permit; and
three unpermitted stream cross-
ings.
Humboldt County Animal
Control was also part of the raid
and found the following alleged
violations: Eight violations of
dogs without water; five viola-
tions of inadequate space for dogs
to move freely; and four violations
of primarily housing a dog on wire
flooring.
Violations found by the Hum-
boldt County Animal Control
were corrected on scene and the
dogs were left in the care of a re-
sponsible party.
The California Department of
Food and Agriculture has placed
179 head of cattle on hold for re-
possession pending further in-
vestigation. A plan to care for the
remaining livestock owned by
Christie was still being developed
as of early last week.
Christie was booked into the
Humboldt County Correction
Facility on suspicion of animal
cruelty, causing an animal to be
cruelly killed, failure to provide
proper care to an animal and dis-
posal of a carcass within 150 feet
of a state waterway.
The California Department of
Fish and Wildlife as well as oth-
er involved state agencies will be
requesting additional charges as
this investigation continues, ac-
cording to a press release.
During the raid, the Humboldt
County Sheriff’s Office was assist-
ed by Humboldt County District
Attorney’s Office, United States
Bureau of Land Management,
United States Department of Ag-
“The scene
described at
Mr. Christie’s
property is horrific
and disturbing.
Animal abuse in
all circumstances
is indefensible and
should never be
tolerated.”
– Todd Phelps
riculture, California Department
of Food and Agriculture, Cali-
fornia Department of Fish and
Wildlife, Humboldt County Code
Enforcement, Humboldt County
Department of Health and Hu-
man Services Hazardous Mate-
rials Division, Humboldt County
Animal Control and Humboldt
County Drug Task Force.
In response to news about
conditions on Christie proper-
ties, Todd Phelps, president of
the Humboldt Del Norte Cat-
tlemen’s Association, issued
the following statement: “The
scene described at Mr. Chris-
tie’s property is horrific and
disturbing. Animal abuse in all
circumstances is indefensible
and should never be tolerated.
If the alleged accusations are
accurate it is clear a crime was
committed. Anyone convicted
of these crimes or any animal
abuse should be punished to the
greatest extent possible. While
some may try to use this isolated
incident to condemn all ranch-
ers I assure you this is not reflec-
tive of how myself or hundreds
of other ranchers throughout
Humboldt County raise and care
for our animals. We will contin-
ue to use our collective voice to
condemn all animal cruelty and
continue to promote the highest
standards of animal care.”
Christie is not a member of our
Humboldt & Del Norte Cattle-
men’s Association, according to
Phelps.
Anyone with information for
the Sheriff’s Office regarding
these cases or related criminal
activity is encouraged to call the
Sheriff’s Office at (707) 445- 7251
or the Sheriff’s Office Crime Tip
line at (707) 268-2539.

Opioids | Town fall forum set for Thursday
FROM B1
Rosemary Den Ouden
chairs the RX Safe Hum-
boldt Coalition, which is
made up of health care pro-
vider organizations and has
worked to reduce opioid
prescription excesses.
Describing the scale of
the situation, she said that
the county “is still facing a
deep burden of opioid-re-
lated overdose,” with half
of the unintentional drug
thing she ever intended.”
She believes pharmaceu-
tical companies are culpa-
ble. “I have a lot of anger
over seeing needle litter
too but its directed more at
drug companies that have
sold us a bill of goods about
how non-addictive pre-
scription opioids are and
that has been one of the
reasons that we’re in the
situation that we’re in.”
RX Safe Humboldt aims
duction in Humboldt’s
MMEs.
But the county is still
double the state in the
number of opioid prescrip-
tions and the number of
prescribed doses.
“We’re working hard to
bring our levels into a more
safe range,” Den Ouden
said.
Bass announced that she
and Senator Mike McGuire
will host the county’s sec-
Spetzler “set up the in-
frastructure both physically
and administratively to re-
ceive these, what I will call,
orphan doctors and medi-
cal providers because they
could not survive under
the new paradigm,” Wilson
continued.
Because Spetzler set up
such an effective system,
Open Door remains a “re-
silient and growing organi-
zation,” Wilson said.

Easter
overdoses between 2005 to reduce the county’s high ond opioid crisis town hall
and 2017 being opioid-re- prescription rate but Den forum on March 29 at 6:30

lated.
Den Ouden added that
her interest in the issue has
a personal element, as her
daughter graduated from
Arcata High School in 2013
and since then, has “lost
five friends to opioid-relat-
ed overdoses.”
The proclamation states
that Humboldt’s rate of
opioid overdose deaths is
five times higher than the
rest of the state. The rate
of opioid prescribing de-
creased in 2016, according
to the proclamation, but
it was still about twice the
state’s rate.
Bass said that she often
encounters people who tell
her that their families have
been affected by opioid ad-
diction. McKinleyville resi-
dent Lisa Dugan, who is the
director of the North Coast
Regional Department of
Child Support Services, re-
lated how her daughter be-
came addicted after being
given prescription opioids
by a co-worker.
“So many of us are angry
because we see the needle
litter on the ground and it
makes us angry because
of what is happening in
our community and the
poor choices that are being
Egg Hunt
Ouden acknowledged that p.m. at the Sequoia Confer-
opioids provide “very effec- ence Center in Eureka.
tive pain management for The meeting was ad-
certain situations.” journed in memory of Meet at Kiosk
They are not an effective Herrmann Spetzler, who
Saturday
way to deal with chronic co-founded and led the
pain, she added. “So we’ve Open Door Community March 31
been working with our pro- Health Centers network. 10 AM
viders not only to reduce Spetzler died “unexpect-
the number of new starts edly and peacefully” on 5 GROUPS:
but also to reduce unsafe March 11, according to an 0–3 yrs. 4–6 yrs.
prescribing levels,” she Open Door press release. 7–9 yrs. 10 yrs. & up
& Children with special needs
said. Supervisor Mike Wilson
The reduction is mea- described the work of Spet-
sured in Morphine Milli- zler and his wife, Cheyenne,
gram Equivalents (MMEs) as “visionary,” adding that
and Den Ouden reported “he saw the challenge com- Meet the
that from 2015 to 2016 ing, which is really the col- Easter Bunny!
there was a 12 percent re- lapse of private practice.”
Lots of free candy,
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made, and I’m here to say
that I don’t think addiction
is necessarily a choice,” Du-
gan said. “Watching what’s
happened to my daughter,
I think that it’s not some-
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791 G Street, Arcata

(707) 822-5922 (707) 443-0826 • Fax (707) 443-2032 • 133 V St., Eureka
B4 M AD R IVER U NION M ARCH 28, 2018

PUBLIC SAFETY
You call this a coplog? 100-year- scenes
(Note: replacement jollies are
available in the A section) old vessel from a
• Monday, March 12 Valley West shopping cen-
5:43 a.m. A man chose ter/post-apocalyptic Blade
the front of a bongo-belea- Runner-esque dystopia be-
rescued drug lab
guered Plaza hotel to yell gan to take a toll on the sev-
about having lice all over en beggars outside a Val-
his body. ley West business, as one
5:44 a.m. A Valley West passed out in the corner.
motel guest who had let a 8:21 p.m. What a man in
strange woman an Alliance Road
into his room the v ARCATA apartment com-
previous night plex parking lot
didn’t expect
POLICE lacked in charm,
her to rummage L G
he made up for
through his stuff in boxed wine.
and steal his Kevin L. Toting just such
cash. Hoover a rectangular
12:48 p.m. reservoir of red
Central casting sent a goodness, he both tried the
fop-doodle duo to the Post door and knocked on the
Office, outside of which the window of a car. But the
man in a purple hat and his person inside refused to let RADIANT RESCUE A Coast Guard Station Humboldt
sadversary with a cultural- him in. Bay 47-foot Motor Lifeboat crew assists the 40-foot
ly misapproprated hairdo, 9:14 p.m. A black-shirted commercial fishing vessel Radiant after the vessel
a curly-Mohawked piece man treated passersby to a experienced propulsion problems five miles off the
of work, got into a shoving running narrative, one pos- coast of Trinidad. U.S. CoaSt GUard photo
match. sibly inspired by the bottle u.S. CoaSt Guard
4:36 p.m. Two cows, pos- of cinnamon bark and gin- MCKINLEYVILLE — The Coast Guard assisted two
sibly on their first online ger root-based German li- Dungeness crab fishermen aboard a 40-foot commercial
dating hookup, enjoyed a queur he was clutching. fishing vessel approximately five miles west of Trinidad,
long walk on Mad River 10:03 p.m. Once again, Monday night.
Beach. you aren’t welcome here The crew aboard the 100-year-old vessel Radiant con-
5:04 p.m. The rigors of and mom says she doesn’t tacted Coast Guard Sector Humboldt Bay watchstanders
panhandling in the bleak, need you “getting in touch” via VHF-FM channel 16 around 11 p.m., reporting that their
windblown desolation of a with her daughter. vessel was experiencing electrical and propulsion issues.
Sector Humboldt Bay personnel dispatched a Coast
Guard Station Humboldt Bay 47-foot Motor Lifeboat
Body found along 101 crew to the scene to assist the vessel. HIGH TECH Inside the un-
permitted lab. hCSo photoS
Humboldt County SHeriff’S offiCe The Coast Guard crew placed the Radiant in a side tow
INDIANOLA – On Monday, March 19 at about 1 p.m., around 1 a.m., Tuesday, and embarked on the three-hour HCSO takes out
transit to Woodley Island Marina in Eureka.
a pedestrian in the area of northbound U.S. Highway
The Radiant was moored at the marina at approxi-
Orick BHO lab
101 and the Indianola Cutoff located a male body in the Humboldt County
brush along the highway. mately 5:30 a.m., Tuesday, with no reports of injuries.
SHeriff’S offiCe
The male is believed to have been in his early 60s. ORICK – On Tues-
Foul play is not suspected.
The male’s identity is still under investigation. An au- Coast Guard MH-65 day, March 20, Humboldt
County Sheriff’s Office
topsy was scheduled for Friday, March 23. (HCSO) deputies were in
returns from drug the Orick area serving a
search warrant that was
CROSSWORD
ACROSS 2. Spirited self-assurance
interdiction mission unrelated to controlled sub-
stances or cannabis. During
cess. Deputies also located
a facility that was utilizing
1. Chicken’s sound 3. Listens secretly u.S. CoaSt Guard al for the HITRON team, the service of the warrant, ethanol to refine the con-
5. Unit of capacitance 4. Pumpkin’s destination MCKINLEYVILLE — A who flew it to search for deputies discovered a large centrated cannabis.
10. Bridal veil material 5. 2 or 7, to 14
Coast Guard Sector Hum- vessels suspected of smug- concentrated cannabis Deputies seized 586
14. Jai __ 6. Orally
15. ’60s skirt style 7. Part of an orange boldt Bay MH-65 Dolphin gling narcotics. manufacturing facility con- pounds of concentrat-
16. Alda or Rachins 8. Crawling creature tained within a barn. ed cannabis and 4,726
helicopter and crew re- The Bertholf crew
17. Prehistoric home 9. German article The property did not pounds of cannabis shake/
18. Forbidden goods 10. Tags turned home Thursday fol- completed four law-en-
have a conditional use trim from the site.
20. Traveler’s dir. 11. Lamentation lowing a 77-day counter- forcement boardings that
21. Buttonlike ornament 12. Hasn’t the ability to permit for manufacturing Manufacturing con-
drug patrol in the Eastern resulted in the seizure of
22. Musical symbols 13. Purposes concentrated cannabis uti- centrated cannabis utiliz-
23. Hairnet 19. Zodiac sign Pacific Ocean aboard the 5,045 pounds of cocaine lizing volatile chemical ex- ing volatile chemical ex-
25. Up to, for short 21. Before long Coast Guard Cutter Ber- and seven gallons of liquid traction methods. traction methods without
26. Like Superdome games 24. AM/PM divider
28. Peaks 25. Singing syllables tholf. cocaine with an estimated Deputies from the a county and state com-
31. Stupid one 26. “__ old cowhand from A maintenance team street value of more than HCSO Drug Enforcement mercial cannabis permit
32. Other name the Rio Grande...” of three Sector Humboldt $78 million wholesale.
34. Farm femme 27. Variable stars Unit obtained a search is a felony under Health &
36. Cosmetics producer 28. Refer to Bay flight mechanics de- The crew completed warrant to investigate the Safety Code 11379.6(a).
37. Grave sites 29. Fired ployed with the helicopter the patrol Tuesday with manufacturing facility. The This case is still under
38. Garfield, once: abbr. 30. Very pleasant
39. Siesta 32. Away from the wind
to the cutter in January to a 36,000-pound bulk co- Drug Enforcement Unit investigation. All crimi-
40. Pee Wee __ 33. Start of some support the Coast Guard caine offload, worth more was assisted in this inves- nal violations stemming
41. Heavy volumes California city names Helicopter Interdiction than $539 million whole- tigation by the following from this investigation
42. Real __ 35. Being: Lat.
44. Rock salt 37. Rose, for one Tactical Squadron (HI- sale, in San Diego. agencies: Humboldt Coun- will be forwarded to the
45. “__ Maria” 38. “Sport of Kings” TRON). The offload represented ty Drug Task Force, Cali- District Attorney’s office
46. Alexander’s dueling foe 40. Was delirious “This was definitely a 17 separate interdictions fornia Department of Fish for review. The Humboldt
47. Lustrous fabric 41. Bitter
50. Common contraction 43. Leather worker unique opportunity for made by the Coast Guard and Wildlife, Humboldt County Sheriff’s Office
51. Largest club 44. Good-looking 19th- us, to have a Humboldt cutters Bertholf, Diligence, Bay Fire HAZMAT, Hum- maintains a cooperative
54. Constitutional changes century carriage? aircraft and crew with HI- Harriet Lane, Venturous boldt County Environmen- relationship with all agen-
57. Hang around 46. Moving
58. Regal address of old 47. El __ TRON pilots and a gun- and Bear since Feb. 8. tal Health HAZMAT and cies that participated in
59. Numerical comparison 48. In the center of ner,” said Cmdr. Brendan “The patrol is a great ex- Humboldt County Code this investigation and all
60. Descartes or Coty 49. Pianist Peter
Hilleary, the Coast Guard ample of how Coast Guard Enforcement. future investigations into
61. Reason to bathe 50. One __ one is one
62. Weather forecast 52. Wooden stick Sector Humboldt Bay op- men and women from dif- After rendering the fa- non-compliant commer-
63. Summer quenchers 53. Watches carefully erations officer. “It’s some- ferent units work together cility and the manufac- cial cannabis operations
55. See 57 Down
thing that’s not normally to support this important turing equipment safe, will continue to be investi-
DOWN 56. Consume
1. Walk the floor 57. Madrileña’s title: abbr. done, but they worked to- mission,” said Hilleary. deputies located nine gated in this manner.
gether, and it turned out “I’m proud we were able concentrated cannabis ex- Anyone with informa-
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
really well.” to be part of an operation tractors that were utilizing tion regarding this case or
butane and propane, as related criminal activity is
14 15 16 While deployed, the that can ultimately help
well as two extractors that encouraged to call (707)
17 18 19 Humboldt Bay crew kept keep our country and com-
were utilizing carbon diox- 445-7251 or (707) 268-
the helicopter operation- munity’s streets safer.”
20 21 22 ide in the extraction pro- 2539.
23 24 25

26 27 28 29 30

31 32 33 34 35

36 37 38

39 40 41

42 43 44

45 46

47 48 49 50 51 52 53

54 55 56 57

58 59 60

Solution on page B3

The weekly crossword is

brought to you by KINETIC KOFFEE
Organic, fresh, local and available at Eureka Natural Foods,
Murphy’s Markets, the North Coast Co-op and Wildberries!
M ARCH 28, 2018 M AD R IVER U NION 5B

OPINION
v No matter how frequently we implore you to sign letters to words than that, contact us about writing a Guest Opinion.
the Union with a real name and include a city of origin, plus Deadline for letters and opinions is noon Friday. Email letters
a phone number (which won’t be published) for identity ver- to opinion@madriverunion.com. Additional pointers:
ification, we continue to get letters lacking the basic neces- • Make paragraphs every once in a while.
sities for publication, which results in a bunch of unnecessary • Use your spell checker.
phone calls, emails, frustration and delays. Try and keep your • Use normal punctuation.
letter to 300 words or so, maybe 500 max. If you need more • Apostrophes aren’t quotation marks (except in headlines).

The Village: ‘Density’s Child’ is a destiny of many circulatory consequences

Y
ou may be aware that a
proposal for an unusu-
ally dense, multi-story,
800-bed housing compound is
currently under consideration
in Arcata. You might know that
it is – specifically – dormitories,
intended for Humboldt State stu-
dents, referred to as “The Village,”
and that it would displace the old
Craftsmans Mall. Perhaps you’ve
even heard that there is rising
opposition to this particular, pro-
posed development. But ... it real-
ly isn’t in your sky, much less your
own backyard. Besides, struggling
students are currently in need of
affordable housing, right?
Yes indeed, many do. If only
this optimistically perceived solu-
tion were actually that simple.
The “Village” would not be on
the HSU campus – which is across
the 101, and south of its proposed
site. Is HSU attached, or even in-
volved, in this dorm-specific de-
velopment? Not directly. Would
any students be required to live
there? Apparently not. Would
enough of them choose to live
there? Unknown. And the ques-
tion of whether or not struggling
(much less homeless) students
could even afford the Village op-
tion has not been addressed.
Currently, many students opt
to rent area homes together. It’s a cost in excess of three million dol- Wood, which are neither signed rently less than lovely conditions
sensitive issue for neighborhoods lars. Mostly, our dollars. nor signaled for streaming traffic. at the Mall might pause to con-
where residents prefer single-fam- Another idealistic envisioning Ensnared traffic is where the sider that small business entre-
ily occupation. So Village propo- holds that if driving becomes more rubber may meet the road for Ar- preneurs are significant economic
nents claim their dorms will free difficult, people will walk/cycle/ catans in general – whether or not drivers in our locale, who often
up home rentals – but the sug- ride public transport. The pre- your own neighborhood is over- require light industrial zoned ac-
gestion that more dorm sumption is that “Vil- shadowed by the encroachment of commodations with cheap rents.
availability would signifi- lage” students would looming, four-story towers. Imag- We can force such zoning out to
cantly alleviate group stu- simply choose to forego ine lines of cars, backed up onto the town’s periphery, but at what
dent rentals seems strik- keeping cars. In fact, the 101, trying to emerge at the cost? Moving to newer accommo-
ingly unrealistic. After all, less than half of them Sunset exit, awaiting the passage dations is pricey. Many creative
student choice of housing would get parking spac- of hundreds of pedestrians who people will simply leave. Start-ups
is not always just about es on the “Village” prop- just got out of classes. That’s one won’t start here. Our loss.
affordability. Dorms v GUEST erty – but would lack of scenario. Unlikely? You decide. Well, no one is feeling sorry
(even privately managed
dorms) impose limita- OPINION on-property parking
prevent anyone (partic-
But traffic is just one issue.
What about HSU enrollment? Re-
for the unfortunate residents in
the old neighborhoods that abut
tions and rules. Autono- Judith C. ularly students far from portedly, it is down. Significantly. the proposed Village compound.
my remains attractive. Williamson home) from keeping Also, there is talk of the University These are modest, mostly sin-
City planners envision their cars off-site? After building new dorms of their own, gle-family neighborhoods, filled
Village students walking to class- all, school is only one aspect of stu- on campus. Which sounds per- with professors and others pos-
es. Which means crossing Sunset dent life. And even if all Villagers fect! Except, what then happens sessing the wherewithal to invest
Avenue and L.K. Wood Boule- dutifully walked to their classes, to the Village, after it’s built and in a small town lifestyle that is
vard – at intersections which are many of their cars would sit, taking the students don’t come? What now imminently threatened. Face
already acknowledged as ill-de- up space on neighborhood streets. is the repurposing potential for a it, we’re told – change is upon us.
signed, problematic and danger- Already, street parking is at a pre- huge dormitory compound? Density is destiny. And destiny
ous. Infrastructure improvements mium in central Arcata neighbor- Zoning change is another con- cannot wait for appropriate infra-
to these intersections would not hoods, with residents often unable cern. The Craftsmans Mall prop- structure changes, nor will it ac-
be required prior to Village build- to park near their homes – even erty is zoned as light industrial, commodate livable, diverse neigh-
out, and the developer’s potential- blocked from their own driveways. which would require rezoning to borhood planning.
ly required share of such expenses Villagers who do drive (any- allow the Village usage. As Arcata Do you believe that? Do you ac-
would be fractional. A pedestrian where) would have only one way looks toward growth, light indus- cept it? Do you agree?
overpass? Might work. Who pays? in and out of the compound, via trial may be seen as undesirable in Judith chose Arcata, 21 years
Even one roundabout (which St Louis Road. Regular streams this (now) more central location, ago, for our diverse neighbor-
would not alleviate the pedestri- of HSU-bound drivers would cer- but that zoning status is in short hood character, and has recent-
an impact) could not happen for tainly bottleneck neighborhood supply – and once it’s gone, it’s ly joined Arcata Citizens for Re-
as much as 10 years – and would intersections along north L.K. gone. Those who deplore the cur- sponsible Housing (ACRH.

If we view the current controversy about gun possession

Profit over people at Lazy J
I am a resident of Lazy J Mobile Home Park in Arca-
ta. Recently the Arcata City Council received grant money
that is to be used to help local low-income people in the
area pay their rents.
It works very much like Section 8. This grant money will
pay a certain percentage of the income qualified person’s
rent and they will pay the rest. The City of Arcata will over-
see the program. To me, it’s a very worthwhile and extreme-
ly helpful program for those of us who are low income and
struggling to pay rent and also pay for other basic necessities.
The problem for the low-income seniors who live here in
the Lazy J Park is that the owners of our park, Sun Commu-
nities, Inc. are refusing to accept this program. They have
refused to sign any of the necessary paperwork. They hav-
en’t really given any reason why, just that they don’t want to.
Shame on you Sun Communities, Inc. for having no
compassion for your low income senior tenants! I don’t
understand why you are so dead set against participating
in this wonderful program that would benefit so many de-
serving low-income seniors. The City of Arcata will admin-
ister the program, and your staff wouldn’t have to do any
extra paper work.
I guess you are only concerned with your profit margin
and have no respect for your tenants or their needs.
Valorie McIntosh
Arcata
Check the historical record
In their letter of last week Ms. Ryerson and Mr. Paniak do not
refute a single assertion I made in my guest column. Instead,
they deflect to “why does he not mention…” on two issues.
With regards to American imperialism/expansion over-
seas, I did not mention the great Senate debate about the
issue. That is because there was no mention of it in the
Feb. 21 meeting. The vast majority of the meeting involved
how McKinley allegedly participated in Native American
genocide and so my only comments about the Philippines
were in response to what Mr. Phoenix had said on the 21st.
But even on this matter, Ryerson and Paniak unfairly stack
the deck by selectively citing some of the fine people like
Twain and Carnegie who opposed McKinley”s policies.
Why didn’t they tell you about other cohorts who opposed
the policies like Pitchfork Ben Tillman and his ilk, clearly
the truly vile racists of the era who wanted to make sure
America wasn’t “infected” by native Philippinos? I won’t
retell their disgusting racist statements here but you can
google them if you doubt me.
At last week’s City Council meeting I was booed and heck-
led when I said McKinley did not participate in an Indian
genocide and did nothing in his time of office to purposeful-
ly do harm to the Indian people. I stand by that statement.
Councilmember Ornelas and Ryerson/Paniak point to
the Curtis Amendment of 1898 which resulted in negative
effects to five tribes in the then territory of Oklahoma. The
clear implication is that McKinley, who merely signed the
bill, is responsible for this contribution to genocide. What
a blatant display of white patriarchy!
Oh, wait, historical truth unfortunately does not fit
with their ideological narrative. You see, the bill’s author,
Charles Curtis, was the only Native American in Congress
at the time. His mother had three tribal affiliations; Mr.
Curtis always identified as a member of the Kaw tribe, on
whose reservation he spent the early years of his life. His
aim, which sadly did not eventuate, was to endorse policies
of assimilation which he had navigated so successfully,
eventually being elected to the vice presidency of the U.S.
Now I don’t know of any Native American organizations
in all of our country that would even begin to suggest that
Charles Curtis was trying to betray his own people in au-
thoring such a bill. And yet this is the only “evidence” that
v LETTERS
Ornelas and Ryerson/Paniak can cite during McKinley’s
term of office that was “anti-Indian.”
So, please, remove your ideological glasses and take a
hard look at what you are saying: McKinley demonstrated
his racist patriarchy by signing a bill introduced by a Na-
tive American! Bless us and save us!
I know many individuals of minority or marginalized
groups feel the council’s action was a blow against white
supremacy; while I believe they are wrong on historical
grounds I can very much appreciate their feelings. I fer-
vently hope we can achieve substantive gains to ameliorate
the justifiable hurt that still besets us in 2018: Justice for
Josiah, an end to the fear of deportation of the undocu-
mented, tough policies to end the gun madness, a path to
citizenship for DACA recipients, support for tribes’ pursuit
of equitable water and fishing rights.
Peace and Justice,
Bob Holcomb
Fieldbrook
Join in Steve’s campaign
Dear McKinleyville Community,
In these difficult political times, it’s easy to slip into feel-
ing hopeless. But we don’t have to feel that way! We can do
local things, right now, that will really matter.
One of those things is coming up at noon this Saturday,
March 31. A group of us are gathering together to canvass for
Steve Madrone, who is running to become our next county
supervisor in the 5th District, which includes McKinleyville.
Steve was one of the key people who helped us build the
Hammond Trail. Now he wants to ensure we have clean,
safe drinking water. He wants to help develop new parks.
He supports full sheriff’s deputy staffing, a Town Center
for McKinleyville, and much more. Steve is committed to
listening to our ideas and concerns and will advocate for all
of us in the 5th District.
Please join me and many others at Pierson Park, 1608 Pick-
ett Road in McKinleyville, this Saturday at noon to canvass for
Steve. We’ll have a brief training session at the park, and then
we’ll carry Steve’s campaign materials and answer questions
as we knock on doors in McKinleyville neighborhoods.
Our journey to a better Humboldt County Board of
Supervisors starts with one step. Come walk with us on
March 31.
You can learn more at votemadrone.com.
Kate McClain
McKinleyville
Rational gun control guidelines
Following my recent letter (Feb. 28) in the Mad River
Union, I have gained a variety of insights from others and
the wide variety of viewpoints they have expressed. Gun
ownership and use of guns are viewed by many as an ac-
cepted and important part of their lives, including many
people who live in rural areas of the U.S. (See Leonard,
2018, nytimes.com/2018/03/16/opinion/guns-gun-con-
trol-america.html). Leonard also notes that gun advocates
grieve just as much as gun opponents do when there are
mass killings and other forms of gun violence; however,
gun owners tend to emphasize that such violent events in
our society are not the fault of the guns themselves, but
rather the fault of people using guns for bad purposes. As
Pinker (2011, The Better Angels of our Nature) states, any-
one who can hunt, harvest crops, chop firewood, or pre-
pare a salad also conceivably could carry out murderous
acts toward others with their home-related implements.
Yet there are, of course, no efforts to ban or abolish those
implements.
and use primarily as a human problem, with guns bear-
ing relatively little direct significance, proponents readily
can promote wider availability of guns in order to increase
overall public safety without increasing rates of violent
use of guns in society. This latter position frequently is en-
dorsed by the National Rifle Association (NRA), which reg-
ularly cites data supporting this view (e.g., Lott & Mustard,
1997, Journal of Legal Studies).
However, there also are other studies that conflict with
the NRA perspective and report that households with more
guns tend to have higher mortalities through suicides or
murders (See Kaplan, 2018, nytimes.com/2018/03/12/
health/gun-violence-research-cdc.html?smid=nyt-
core-ipad-share&smprod=nytcore-ipad).
Of course, many of these differences of opinion relate to
factual data that can be tested and verified.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
had conducted research on issues related to gun violence
in the U.S. for a number of years. But NRA leaders argued
that “research highlighting the danger of weapons is part
of a gun-control agenda to confiscate firearms” (Moyer,
Scientific American, October 2017) and, following strong
pressures from the NRA, Congress has withheld funds
for research on gun violence by CDC since 1995. Coinci-
dentally, since Congress curtailed CDC gun research, over
600,000 people have been shot (Kaplan 2018).
As recently as 2012, Congress refused to appropriate the
funds requested by President Obama for gun violence re-
search after the shootings in Newtown, Connecticut. Yet, I
continue to believe that it will be very difficult to develop
effective societal norms and values until we have the re-
search needed to reach consensus on the factors that in-
crease or reduce the likelihood of gun violence, and of how
we can most effectively reduce gun violence, while still
having firearms available for acceptable and appropriate
purposes. Thus, I strongly advocate congressional alloca-
tions for the CDC to study gun violence to gain a more ob-
jective assessment of the causes related gun violence and
the relationship of access to guns to suicides, murders, ac-
cidental deaths, and mass killings.
I fully recognize that ready access to guns is a deeply-em-
bedded value for many Americans. Yet, in the past, other
deeply-embedded values have been changed by clear majori-
ties in our society, following religious, moral, socio-econom-
ic, psychological, and political assessments. These changed
values include societal attitudes toward corporal punish-
ment of children, slavery, persecution of homosexuals, in-
equitable treatment of ethnic, gender, and cultural minori-
ties, and sexual harassment. All of these past societal values
have been embedded in American society just as deeply as
the current attitudes concerning access to firearms. I firmly
believe that our society can and should enact revised ethical
(and legislative) guidelines for gun ownership and use.
Besides funding the CDC, I propose that, as a nation,
we carefully and consciously define the appropriate and
acceptable uses of guns in our society. We also must ask
ourselves what types of firearms are appropriate and ac-
ceptable (or not appropriate and acceptable) for each of
the different acceptable uses of firearms. It is inconceiv-
able to me that an assault-style weapon would be seen
as appropriate for hunting or as a protective gun in one’s
home. Guns are tools for specific purposes. I predict that
large gun collections, when viewed like knick-knacks or
toys to show off, eventually will be seen by most Americans
as morally questionable and, even, ridiculous
I warmly welcome readers to share divergent viewpoints
on this controversial and highly-charged topic so that our
local community can build consensus worth sharing with
state and national leaders.
Richard G. Botzler
McKinleyville
B6
McK Chamber’s
Members Choice
Awards in
Sapphire Palace
Mad RiveR Union
BLUE LAKE – The
McKinleyville Chamber of
Commerce held its annual
Members Choice Awards at
the Blue Lake Casino Ho-
tel’s elegant Sapphire Palace
last Friday night.
The event featured silent
and Dutch auctions and mu-
sic by Adamas.
A number of Mack Town
businesses were honored at
the event. This year’s winners:
New Business of the Year:
Grocery Outlet
Small Business of the
Year: two way tie: Lube Cen-
tral and The Parlour
Large Business of the
Year: Eureka Natural Foods
Home Based Business
of the Year: Diane’s Sweet
Heat
Non-Profit of the Year:
McKinleyville Lions Club
Best Customer Service:
Coast Central Credit Union
Azalea Award: Kenny and
Cathy Richards
C U S TO M ER APPRECIATION
40 TH A NNIVERSARY
SALE MARCH
SPECIAL
Floor Model Savings
APRIL 8
SAVINGS throughout
u p t o 5 0Savings the
throughout the
% off
SOLID WOOD FURNITURE
FACEBOOK:Arcata Exchange, Furniture on the Plaza
813 H Street • Arcata • 822-0312
Mon–Sat 10-6 • Sun 12-5
Celebrating 30 Years as Your North Coast Casino!
M AD R IVER U NION M ARCH 28, 2018
TOWN HALL
ING ON OPIOID CRISIS
MEET-
Senator Mike McGuire
and County Supervisor
Virginia Bass have an-
nounced a Town Hall
meeting to discuss the
opioid crisis impacting
Humboldt County and
communities nationwide
on Thursday, March 29,
at 6:30 p.m. Access Hum-
COMMERCIAL POTENTIAL Top, the Chamber Awards Dinner boldt will simulcast the
at Blue Lake’s Sapphire Palace. Above, the McKinleyville event live on Suddenlink
Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors is photographed channel 10 for people who
by Stephen Lewis. Above right, Jesse and Rhonda Andries- are unable to attend in
sen of Grocery Outlet were honored as New Business of the person. Last November,
Year. Arrivals at the event had their picture taken by McKin- hundreds of local resi-
leyville High School photographers, below. Below right, the dents attended an initial
hard-working staff kept everyone well fed. Phoyos by KLh | Union meeting about the opioid
epidemic, and the upcom-
ing event will be a chance
for the community to dis-
cuss how the situation is
evolving and to ask for
input on potential solu-
tions. Humboldt County
has the second highest
rate of opioid overdoses
in the state per capita, a
situation that puts tre-
mendous pressure on
local medical facilities as
well as paramedics, doc-
tors, nurses, police offi-
cers, county case workers
and the community as a
whole. In 2016, the opi-
oid overdose rate for the
state as a whole was 4.6
per 100,000 residents.
S ALE
21-
McKMAC to discuss shooting The Humboldt Coun-
ty rate was nearly five
ENTIRE
Entire Store STORE
Mad RiveR Union times higher at 22.35 per
SAVINGS
McKINLEYVILLE – Shooting guns along the banks of 100,000.
the Mad River and the safety of pedestrians walking to “When we last met in
throughout the school will be among the topics discussed today, March November, neighbors,
ENTIRE STORE 28 at a meeting of the McKinleyville Municipal Adviso- community and health-
ry Committee (McKMAC). The meeting begins at 6 p.m. care leaders advanced
at the Middle School Conference Center, 2285 Central their concerns and ini-
Ave. in McKinleyville. The conference center is located tial solutions related to
behind the school. the opioid crisis,” Sena-
Areli Cupp of the Department of Health & Human tor McGuire said. “Now,
Services will give a presentation on the Safe Routes to as promised, Supervisor
Schools program. The county has grant funding for a pe- Bass and I are bringing
destrian and motorist education program and Cupp will local and statewide lead-
FURNITURE ON THE PLAZA
be discussing various proposals. ers back together to hear
According to the McKMAC agenda, prepared by Chair about the progress that is
Ben Shepherd, numerous complaints have been received being made with this on-
regarding shooting along the Mad River in the McKin- going crisis and update
the community on the
leyville area. A county representative will be on hand to
issues they advanced last
discuss the issue.
The McKinleyville Alliance for Racial Equity may give fall.”
an update on its efforts to address race issues in town. The meeting will fea-
The committee will also discuss a letter it has received ture statewide experts,
regarding its duties and may elect new officers. health professionals, lo-
cal leaders and addiction
specialists. County and
city officials will discuss
strategies being imple-
mented at the local lev-
el, with progress reports
from North Coast treat-
ment providers including
Open Door Communi-
ty Health Center, Aegis
Treatment and Water-
front Recovery Center.
The community will also
about harm reduction
efforts including needle
exchange and syringe
management programs
being implemented at
the county and city level,
as well as receiving a re-
port from the California
Department of AIDS on
statewide efforts in harm
reduction.
sd02.senate.ca.gov.
HUFFMAN ENDORSES
SUNDERBG Congress-
man Jared Huffman has
announced that he is en-
dorsing Ryan Sundberg
for re-election as Hum-
boldt County’s Fifth Dis-
ART SUPPLIES FRAME SHOP trict Supervisor. Huffman
(D-San Rafael) was elect-
823 H Street 616 2nd Street
ed to congress in 2012
On the Plaza, Arcata Old Town Eureka
to represent California’s
PHOTO: GRANTCUNNINGHAM.CA
(707) 822-4800 (707) 443-7017
second district, which en-
compasses six counties
including Marin, Men-
docino, Humboldt, Trin-
ity, Del Norte, and much
of Sonoma County. “Su-
pervisor Ryan Sundberg
works closely with me on
many issues vital to the
Humboldt Sanitation North Coast including
Full Service Transfer Station Klamath Dam Removal,
Trinity River restoration,
and Recycling Center and securing federal sup-
All types of solid waste disposal and port for transportation
Certified Recycling Buy-Back Center too. projects, dredging, rural
schools, tribal needs, and
Open Mon – Sat 9am-5pm, Sun 9am-4pm much more,” Huffman
said. “He is dedicated
2585 Central Ave. McKinleyville 839-3285 and knowledgeable, and
www.humboldtsanitation.com I support his reelection.”

The Real Sarahs are really all named Sarah
Janine Volkmar
MAd RiveR union
HUMBOLDT – I heard
The Real Sarahs share their
acoustic vocal harmonies
two years ago at The Ma-
teel and I'm so glad they
are coming back to Hum-
boldt County. We'll have
two chances to hear them
on this visit; they're playing
both Om Shala Yoga in Ar-
cata and Phatsy Kline's in
Eureka.
The group, based in Men-
docino County, was born at
the Anderson Valley Variety
Show in Philo seven years
ago. At that time, there were
only two Sarahs, Sarah Lar-
kin and Sarah Ryan.
"I was working on a va-
riety act with a friend who
knew Sarah (Ryan)," Larkin
THE REAL SARAHS will play two upcoming shows in
Humboldt County.
said. "We met again during
a nine month herbal ap-
prenticeship in Willits. It
was once a month, all ladies,
and we stayed up singing for
half the night in the bunk-
house," she explained.
Out of that a band, the
Motherland Family Band
SCENE
Submitted photo
was born. That first group
lasted until The Real Sarahs
was born.
"In 2013, Sarah and I de-
cided to do our own thing.
We recorded a demo and
decided to get serious."
Their first album was
called simply, The Real Sa-
SECTION
MARCH 28, 2018
C
rahs.
Now, two albums lat-
er, the group has grown to
three Sarahs with the ad-
dition of Sarah Rose Mc-
Mahon, who brings serious
musical chops in the form of
a cello and a background of
family string quartets with
her mother and sisters.
And, yes, really, they are
each named Sarah. To keep
things straight, though, Mc-
Mahon goes by Rosie and INSIDE THE BOOK Beautiful photos like this one of
Larkin goes by Songbird. a Green Heron by Leslie Scopes Anderson are in-
Everything in harmony. side A Birding Guide to Humboldt County.
Harmonies are their
strength and their signa-
ture, something that perme-
ates their music and their
Birding guide
lives.
"We sing harmonies by
ear and by heart," Larkin
to be unveiled
Redwood Region Audubon Society
SARAHS C2 ARCATA – The Redwood Region Audubon Society
(RRAS) is proud to announce the imminent publica-

Joanne Rand &

tion of A Birding Guide to Humboldt County.
This invaluable guidebook was written by local or-
nithologist and birding guide Kenneth Burton, and
her powerhouse designed by Arcata-based graphic designer and pho-
tographer Leslie Scopes Anderson.
band in Arcata It links well-known
and obscure birding sites,
SiSkiyou LAnd conSeRvAncy
some of them only recently
CREAMERY DISTRICT – Siskiyou
Land Conservancy, dedicated to pre- opened to the public, into
serving North Coast wild lands, pres- 25 routes spanning the en-

Roadhouse swing dance

ents its benefit concert and springtime
celebration, an evening of music Satur-
day, March 31, with singer-songwriter
Joanne Rand’s powerhouse band: pia-
nist Tim Randles, violinist Rob Diggins,
and electric guitarist Piet Dalmolen.
The event takes place at the Arca-
ta Playhouse, 1251 Ninth St. in Arcata,
A visual presentation of North Coast
wild lands starts at 7:30 p.m., music is
at 8 p.m. Tickets are $10-20 on a slid-
ing scale, available at Wildberries, at
brownpapertickets.com or at the door.
Rand has toured nationally for 30-
plus years playing original “Psychedel-
ic-Folk-Revival” music, and has just
released her 16th indie CD of original
songs. Rob Diggins has toured inter-
nationally with John Malkovich, is a
principal violinist with the Portland Ba-
roque Orchestra, Musica Angelica Ba-
roque Orchestra , the Corona Del Mar
Baroque Festival and Jazz trio RLA as
well as performing kirtan and sound
healing.
Electric guitarist, Piet Dalmolen is
owner-operator and recording wizard
at Universal Balance Studios in Arcata.
He is a founding member of the long-
lived Rock/Funk/Psychedelic Jam band
Nucleus and currently plays in multiple
tire county. The book fea-
tures gorgeous photographs
by Anderson, Burton and
others as well as detailed
maps and directions and
KENNY RAY & THE MIGHTY ROVERS The Bayside Community Hall and
aids for navigating by GPS.
Kenny Ray & the Mighty Rovers, above, invite you to join them for an
Nearly 500 species of
all ages Roadhouse Swing Dance on Saturday, March 31, at the Bay-
birds have been found in
side Community Hall, corner of Jacoby Creek and Old Arcata roads.
Humboldt County; this number exceeds that recorded
Doors open at 6 p.m. with dinner and drinks available for purchase
in many entire states.
all night. At 6:30 p.m. Brad Morin and his wife Cathy will teach the
The county is home to a large, vibrant, and accom-
triple step swing and the Hesitation Fox Trot. Live music starts at 7 p.m.
plished birding community, but until now there has
Admission is $8, $5 for students, kids under 12 years of age free. It's a
been no comprehensive birding guide to the area.
benefit for the Bayside Community Hall. (707) 822-9998, baysidecom-
This book fills that gap and is aimed at local and vis-
munityhall@gmail.com. Submiited photo
iting birders alike. It should appeal to non-birders as
well since the routes it describes offer superb sightsee-
COMING TO ARCA- ing and walking and mention little-known public-ac-
TA PLAYHOUSE The cess opportunities.
Bee Eaters will per- The book is based heavily on data derived
form at the Arcata from eBird, a website hosted by the Cornell Lab-
Playhouse at 1251 oratory of Ornithology that has revolution-
Ninth St. in Arcata ized birding over the last decade. It covers the
on Friday, March 30 vast majority of eBird “hotspots” in the county.
at 7:30 p.m. Band The route descriptions include suggestions for finding
members, from left, the county’s less-common bird species and when they
Tristan Clarridge may be expected along each route. The book also fea-
(cello), Tashina Clar- tures a table showing the route(s) on which each spe-
ridge (5-string fiddle) cies is likely to be found and graphs illustrating overall
and Simon Chrisman species diversity by month for each route.
(hammer dulcimer), Burton and Anderson have collaborated on two

touring bands, including Dynasty One,
as well as solo.
Tim Randles began his piano studies
at the age of nine. He was drawn into
jazz during the birth of jazz-fusion era
in the ‘70s. He has been musical direc-
tor for shows at Dell’arte and HSU, has
performed with Jane Siberry, Joe Cra-
ven (of David Grisman Quintet), Danish
saxophonist John Tchicai, Afro-Cuban
band Ponche, and toured Senegal with
Djlaly Kunda Kouyate. He currently
hosts the jazz series at Westhaven Cen-
ter for the Arts with his band RLA.
Bee eateRs
weave together the previous books: Common Birds of the Arcata Marsh
common threads & Wildlife Sanctuary (published by Friends of the Ar-
of their roots – a cata Marsh) and Common Birds of Northwest Califor-
grounding in Old- nia (published by RRAS). Burton is also the author of
Time, Irish, and blue- Hiking Humboldt, volume 1 (published by Backcoun-
grass, a love of jazz and chamber music, and a passion for innovation try Press).
– into a musical vocabulary that feels like walking through a familiar A Birding Guide to Humboldt County will be re-
door and finding yourself in a new place. As the Boston Globe puts leased April 21-22 at Godwit Days. It will be for sale at
it, “[The Bee Eaters] combine chamber music’s finely calibrated ar- the Godwit Café in the Arcata Community Center, 321
rangements with bluegrass’s playful virtuosity and pop music’s melod- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Parkway.
ic resourcefulness.” Tickets are available at Wildwood Music (Arcata), After that, look for it at bookstores and visitor cen-
Wildberries Marketplace, and BrownPaperTickets.com. Adult tickets ters throughout the county. Proceeds from sales of the
are $20 advance/$24 at the door. Youth 25 and under are half-price book will benefit RRAS’ conservation and education
and age 12 and under are free. Submitted photo programs.

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C2 M AD R IVER U NION M ARCH 28, 2018
ADULTS WITH AUTISM Families Advocating Autism
Now and the Humboldt County Library are teaming to- Easter service in Trinidad; lighthouse tour April 7
gether to host their second of a two-part event focusing

S
on adults with autism in Humboldt County. The event, ts. Martha and Mary Episcopal
to be held today, March 28 from 6 to 7:30 p.m. will be a Mission, on Trinity Street next
community forum to allow individuals with autism, their to Trinidad School, will hold its
families and care providers to discuss services that are Easter Sunday, April 1 Holy Eucharist
needed in Humboldt County. The goal of this event is to service at 9 a.m. Mts. Lesley
work towards solutions. The Humboldt County Library McCloghrie will lead the cel-
is located at 1313 Third St. in Eureka. ebration, to which all are wel-
come.
CHOIR CONCERT Please join the HSU Department of Lighthouse open April 7
Music and choral director Rachel Samet for a special The regular first Saturday
Thursday night concert featuring performances by all of the month open house at
four HSU choirs on March 29 at 8 p.m. in Fulkerson Trinidad Head Lighthouse is
Recital Hall. This is a great opportunity to hear the full set for Saturday, April 7 from
range of musical styles being explored by the student and 10 a.m. to noon. Docents
community singers on the HSU campus. Tickets are $10 from Trinidad Museum and
general, $5 for seniors and children and free for HSU the Bureau of Land Management will
students with ID. “I’m especially excited about the March greet visitors. Walking tours only.
No vehicles allowed. Dogs on leashes
29 concert because it is going to be a wonderful opportu-
permitted on Trinidad Head.
nity for all four of the choirs (Humboldt Chorale, Mad-
Learn About North Coast Soils,
rigal Singers, Mad River Transit Singers and University
Flora, Fungi and Animals
Singers) to perform for each other and the public,” says
“Natural Systems of the North
HSU choral director Dr. Rachel Samet. “Each choir will
Coast,” an Osher Lifelong Learning
have a chance to perform pieces on their own, and at the
(OLLI) class led by Sean Craig, El-
end they will come together – 120 singers altogether – to
liott Dabill and James Webb, will take
perform a South African hymn called Siyahamba. Siya-
place on three successive Sundays,
hamba became popular during the time of apartheid as a April 8, 15 and 22 at Trinidad Library
form of resistance and action toward peace. Leading up
from 11 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Explore the
to it, the four choirs’ program will include sacred music basic biological systems that under
from the Renaissance, Mozart, folk tunes from Scotland
and Venezuela, and range of American music, including a
life on the North Coast from funda-
mentals of life in soils and oceans to
flora and fungi, to marine and terres-
trial animals.
Each Class includes a
walking field trip to dis-
cover the basics of living
systems found locally. Tu-
ition for class is $90 for
OLLI members. Others
pay an additional $25 and
can be enrolled as space
allows. Register by calling
(707) 826-5880 or go to
humboldt.edu/olli and re-
fer to class number 27074.
Geology of Trinidad State Beach
The California Coastal Nation-
al Monument Ambassador Training
Program together with the Trinidad
Coastal Land Trust will present “Ge-
ology of Trinidad State Beach” on
Sunday, April 8 from 1 to 3 p.m. The
tour will be led by Danny O’Shea.
Meet at Trinidad State Beach at the
base of Trinidad Head, but you must
reserve a place by calling (707) 677-
2501 or email carol@trinidadcoastal-
landtrust.org.
History of Trinidad Rancheria
Presentation
Shirley Laos will present a History
of the Trinidad Rancheria on Tues-
day, April 10 from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m.
Location to be determined. Call (707)
677-2501 or email carol@trinidad-
coastallandtrust.org for details and
reservations. This program also is
part of the CCNM-TCLT Ambassador
Training Program.
Guest Speaker at
Trinidad Civic Club
Big Lagoon School Superinten-
dent-Principal Jennifer Glueck will
be guest speaker at the Trinidad Civic
Club potluck on Thursday, April 5. A
business meeting begins at 10 a.m. in
the Club Room, Town Hall, followed
by Jennifer’s remarks at about 11:15
a.m.
Dana Hope will preside. Hostesses
will be Lena Macy and Betty Ferniz.
Members and guests welcome.
Email tcc@trinidadcivicclub.org
for information on the Club or the
program.
Email Patti at baycity@sonic.net.

Thousands expected at Seed & Plant Exchange

traditional Shaker tune and a beautiful a cappella version
of “What a Wonderful World” by the Mad River Transit
Singers. It will be an exciting chance to see so many of
our talented student musicians embracing a wide variety
of music and coming together through song.”
CRESTED HENS People who love Irish/Celtic music are
enthusiastically invited to enjoy the trio Crested Hens
with Seabury Gould on guitar, bouzouki, flute and vo-
cals, Liz Thompson on cello, and Brae Lewis on banjo
& mandolin. This exhilarating Irish music celebration of
tunes and songs happens Saturday, March 31 from 5:30
to 8:30 p.m. at Gallagher’s Irish Pub in Old Town Eureka
at Second and C streets. Admission is free. Crested Hens
perform traditional music of Ireland and other Celtic
lands as well as original “Visionary songs.”
seaburygould.com
JOIN TOASTMASTERS Toastmasters meets the second
and fourth Thursdays each month at noon at the Forest
Service Lab conference room, 1700 Bayview St. in Arca-
ta. Visitors are welcome.
Humboldt Permaculture Guild
ARCATA – The Humboldt Permaculture Guild holds
this year’s Seed & Plant Exchange On Saturday, March 31
from 11 a.m. until 4 p.m., at the Arcata Community Center,
321 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Parkway in Arcata.
This will be the 20th year of this premier local event,
which provides free resources and education to gardeners,
farmers and the public.
Nearly 2,000 people have attended the event in each
of the last several years. Participants bring seeds or live
plants to share if they have any, and take whatever they
reasonably expect to use regardless of what they bring.
Seeds or other materials from locally invasive plant spe-
cies are prohibited.
This year, the guild is especially encouraging partici-
pants to walk, bicycle, ride the bus or carpool to the event
if they can. The guild promotes responsible transportation
as part of community-scale permaculture. Additionally,
parking is limited when most participants drive them-
selves to the event.
In addition to the free exchange, local companies will be
Live entertainment will be provided by local musicians
Lyndsey Battle & Cory Goldman, Jan Bramlett, and the
Striped Pig String Band. Raffle tickets will be for sale at a
reasonable price to help cover the costs of the event. A lo-
cally sourced lunch will be served by the nonprofit Locally
Delicious, with proceeds going to a program that helps lo-
cal farmers grow food for Food for People.
Anyone interested in bringing seeds or plants to the
event is encouraged to provide detailed labels which in-
clude species name, variety name, and for seeds the year
and location the seed was produced. Participants are also
encouraged to bring locally appropriate species and vari-
eties, and to focus on seeds and plants which have been
produced using organic or other sustainable methods.
Anyone interested in taking home seeds or plants is
encouraged to bring old seed envelopes, bags and boxes
for re-use, although some will be provided for those who
do not bring their own. Participants are also reminded
to take care not to bring or take home invasive plants or
weeds.
Permaculture is a set of principles and practices for

Firefighter honored
on hand at the event to sell seeds, plants, and garden-re- designing human landscapes with the diversity and resil-
lated services, and a number of local non-profit organi- ience of natural ecosystems.
zations will offer educational materials on topics ranging The Humboldt Permaculture Guild is a group of local

I
probably
should have
something
super witty to
say for this April
Fool’s edition,
but alas, I only
have the happen-
ings of my favor-
ite little town.
Recently, the
Fire Department
had their Ladies Night and
Awards ceremony, where
the firefighter of the year
was presented to Daniel
Komins. The Blue Lake
School 8th grade class
helped serve the meal at la-
dies night, and it
was announced
that the fabu-
lous Tony Kimu-
ra, 8th grade
teacher at Blue
Lake School for
the past several
years, is retiring.
Blue Lake
Parks and Rec-
reation will be
having a free egg hunt on
the Saturday, March 31 at
Perigot Park. Last year,
1,000 eggs were hidden,
and there were not enough
to go around! This year,
over 4,000 eggs will be
hidden full of wonderful
little treasures, so come
on out! I think even the
weather may cooperate.
Baseball season is be-
ginning… soon Iorge
field will be filled with lit-
tle league games. Come
on out and cheer on the
teams! More on that in the
next column.
As always, have a won-
derful week, and come en-
joy our little city!
from native plants to healthcare. Free workshops taught residents with the goal of promoting permaculture-related
by local experts will be offered, covering an introduction practices and ideas in Humboldt County and surrounding
to permaculture, urban permaculture, and worm com- areas.
posting, and a kids permaculture area will be available. humboldtpermaculture.com
The annual Easter breakfast that time forgot
ARCATA –The community is as a wide array of exclusively scratch- their techniques at this breakfast liter-
warmly invited to the Lutheran made pastries, danishes, coffee cakes, ally for decades, and their well-honed
Church of Arcata’s “Legendary Easter muffins, and breakfast breads. Fresh skills at egg-cracking, toasting, scram-
Breakfast,” a meal that has doggedly fruits round out the breakfast spread, bling, carving, and other complex
resisted change for some six decades, and, to drink, freshly-swirled orange kitchen work will be on full, spectac-
proudly showcasing a menu and meth- juice (from concentrate) and authentic ular display.
od of service that harkens back to the Church Coffee are offered, as well as Just as every year, this year’s Eas-
first Lutheran Easter celebrations in hot tea and cold water. ter Breakfast will be served from 7:30
Arcata, circa. 1952. As the sign above the Church Kitch- to 9:15 a.m. only – on Easter Sunday
A truly steadfast Arcata tradition, en reads each and every year: “Luther- morning (April 1) at the Lutheran
the Lutheran Church of Arcata’s Easter an Cuisine At Its Finest!” Church of Arcata, 151 East 16th St.
Breakfast features a menu seemingly As always, the Lutheran Church While there is no set charge for the
unaffected by the passing of time. The of Arcata‘s Easter Breakfast will be breakfast, diners will be encouraged to
vintage offerings include succulent served to order, tableside, by con- give as much financial support as they
home-roasted, bone-in ham, carved to gregational youth and volunteers, are able through free-will donations.
order; freshly scrambled eggs done to based on menu selections made by Proceeds, beyond expenses, gath-
glistening perfection in large electric the guests. In an approach which may ered at the Easter Breakfast will be
skillets; golden-crispy hash browns, have been a more novel break with used by the congregation in service to
served hot off the griddle; tender-to- convention in eras past, only men will the poor and hungry in our communi-
the-crunch toast, popped from electric cook. Some of the gentlemen-chefs on ty, as well as to help students with food
toasters and copiously buttered; as well the kitchen crew have been perfecting needs on the neighboring HSU.
Barbara Ranstrom celebrated
her birthday Sunday with
friends and family, who enjoyed
Sarahs |Singing harmony shows in 16 days. They’ll
share the stage along the
a delicious breakfast followed by FROM B1 microphone, reminiscent way with such artists as
cake at the AA in Eureka said. “We’ve grown up of Nashville recording stu- Jessica Malone, Caitlin
singing harmony, each in dios. “She’s called Jose- Jemma, Caroline Cotter,
our own path. When we phine and we’re taking her Betty and The Babes, and,
work with other musicians, on the road with us,” Lar- in Eureka, local fiddler
they’ll ask if we have charts. kin said. They’ve recorded Meghan Graham.
We arrange, we negotiate, with six musicians on one “We’re not flash or
we hone in, but we don’t microphone, for that “live bling,” Larkin said. “It’s
have charts.” sound in the moment,” taken a long time for me to
Larkin sings and plays rather than being divided realize that that’s enough.
guitar; Ryan sings and by equipment. We’ll keep it heart centered
plays both guitar and uku- “It’s what we’re best and true and honest.”
lele; McMahon plays cello known for,” Larkin ex- Don’t miss these women
and ukulele; they all play plained, “being close to or you’ll have to wait until
kazoo. Of course they do. each other.” the Roll on The Mattole in
In keeping with the old The Real Sarahs see mu- July. They’ll play a free gig
timey feel of their harmo- sic as a gift. “When we play at Phatsy Kline’s Parlour
nies and instruments they music, it’s about giving that Lounge, Thursday, April
use an oversized vintage gift away,” she said. 5 at 8 p.m. That’s during
“The way people re- the Redwood Coast Music
spond to what we do has Festival so Eureka will be
Wesleyan Church been an inspiration to go the place to be. Phatsy’s is
of the Redwoods further,” she added. in The Eagle House, 139
Pastor Chuck Clark Further is what looms Second Street. If Arcata is
Coffee/fellowship more your style, you can
at 10 a.m.
for The Real Sarahs. This
will be their first road tour hear them as part of the
Traditional worship
and they are excited to be Om Shala Concert Series
at 10:30 a.m.
out on the road. The tour on Saturday, April 7 from
Bible Study
7 p.m. Wednesday includes dates in Oregon 7 to 9 p.m. Sliding scale at
(Sept. through May) and Washington and will the door is $20-$10. Om
839-2625 end up in Arcata and Eu- Shala is at 858 10th Street.
1645 Fischer Rd., McKinleyville reka, after playing a dozen therealsarahs.com
 M ARCH 28, 2018 M AD R IVER U NION C3
uralist Lisa Hoover for reserve a spot, please con-
SHOREBIRD WORKSHOP
Join Redwood Region a free guided tour of the tact Friends of the Dunes Big Trees, poetry reading at library
Audubon Society on Sun- Lanphere Dunes Unit of at (707) 444-1397 or info@
ArcAtA LibrAry Seventh St. in Arcata. ly throughout. He worked
day, April 1 for Shorebird the Humboldt Bay Nation- friendsofthedunes.org.
ARCATA – Movie Night Poetry reading as a logger, carpenter and
Workshop, Part al Wildlife Ref-
on Thursday, April 5 at 6 At 7 p.m. that evening homesteader for many
I. This is the first uge on Saturday, MARSH TOUR Friends of p.m. at the Arcata Library at the library, there will be years before discovering
of a series of April 7 from 10 the Arcata Marsh (FOAM) features Big Trees (1952), a a poetry reading by local the perfect profession, run-
three workshops a.m. to 1 p.m. The is sponsoring a free tour of movie starring Kirk Doug- poet Ed Munn in honor of ning the bookmobile for the
on one of Hum- Lanphere Dunes the Arcata Marsh & Wild- las and Eve Miller filmed at National Poetry Month. county library. The happy
boldt Bay’s great- Unit is home to life Sanctuary on Saturday, locations in Orick and Eure- Munn will read New, Less blend of librarianship and
est treasures, diverse coastal April 7 at 2 p.m. Meet lead- ka. The movie tells the story New and Very Old Work. truck driving suited him so
our shorebirds. ecosystems in- er Elliott Dabill at the In- of a Quaker colony trying Munn has lived in various well, he persisted at it for 22
All will be led by cluding coastal terpretive Center on South trying to save the trees from parts of Humboldt Coun- years, and still takes to the
Alexa DeJoan- dune forest, sea- G Street for a 90-minute a timber baron. The Arca- ty for over 40 years, com- road occasionally as a sub-
nis, formerly of sonal wetlands, ta Library is located at 500 mitting poetry sporadical- stitute driver.
walk focusing on the ecol-
HSU’s Shorebird Ecolo- and large moving sand
ogy of the Marsh. Loaner
gy Lab. (You may attend dunes. Meet at Pacific IN-HOME SERVICES
binoculars available with
as many of the three ses- Union School, 3001 Janes
photo ID. For more infor- WATER We are here for you
sions as you like). Are you Road in Arcata to carpool
still wondering which is a to the protected site. For
mation, call (707) 826- METER
2359. Registered nurse support
whimbrel and which a wil- more information and to TECHNICIAN Personal care
let? Meet at 11 a.m. at the $34,048 - $41,386 /yr. Light housekeeping
foot of I St (Klopp Lake in CROSSWORD SOLUTION EMPLOYMENT
Assistance with
the Arcata Marsh) as the P E E P F A R A D L A C E Visiting Angels is Filing Deadline: 4:00 p.m. Monday, April 2, 2018. daily activities
A L A I A L I N E A L A N
tide rises, bringing in dow- C A V E C O N T R A B A N D seeking Caregivers, Perform various functions associated with meter Respite care
itchers, curlews, godwits, E N E
S
S T
N O O
U
D
D R E
T I L
S T S
CNAs & HHAs to assist reading including the installation, maintenance, repair & much more
willets, peeps, yellowlegs I N D O O R C R E S T S
seniors in Fortuna, and replacement of water meters and meter boxes,
M O R O N A L I A S E W E
turning on and off water services, and responding to Insured & bonded
and perhaps avocets. The A V O N P L O T S P R E S McKinleyville, and
N A P R E E S E T O M E S customer inquiries and complaints. EOE. Application H u m bol dt
trip will end around 2 p.m. E S T A T E H A L I T E Eureka. Part-time and Car egi ver s
(202) 288-5174 A V E A A R O N materials available at: www.cityofarcata.org or City
P A N N E I S N T A C E Full-time, flexible hours. Serving Northern California
A M E N D M E N T S S T A Y Manager’s Office, 736 F Street, Arcata; (707) 822- for over 20 years!
S I R E R A T I O R E N E Please call 707-362-
LANPHERE DUNES Join O D O R S T O R M A D E S
8045. 5953 F R EE
TOLL
Friends of the Dunes nat- See crossword on page A5 1-877-964-2001

L EGAL N OTICES
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME KELLY E. SANDERS KELLY E. SANDERS the court before the hearing. Your Request for Special Notice form is and egress for all purposes over a Book 70 of Surveys, Pages· 85, 86 date has been postponed, and, if
STATEMENT SM DEPUTY CLERK SC DEPUTY CLERK appearance may be in person or by available from the court clerk. strip of land, 50 feet in width, the and 87, Humboldt County Records, applicable, the rescheduled time
18-00150
, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 3/7, 3/14, 3/21, 3/28
your attorney. Attorney for the petitioner: center line of which is described as as Easement 13, and Easement 14. and date for the sale of this property,
The following person(s) is (are) If you are a creditor or a con- LAURENCE S. ROSS follows: BEGINNING at a point PARCEL FOUR A non-exclusive you may call (949) 860-9155 for in-
doing business as: FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME tingent creditor of the decedent, OWENS & ROSS 2089.45 feet North and 591.33 feet easement for ingress, egress and formation regarding the trustee’s
FAMILY TREE MEDICINALS STATEMENT STATEMENT you must file your claim with the 310 THIRD ST. STE. D East of the corner to Sections 11, utilities over any road constructed sale or visit www.innovativefieldser-
1300 BLACK CREEK LANE 18-00139 18-00121 court and mail a copy to the per- EUREKA, CA 95501 12, 13, and 14, Township 3 South, pursuant to the following: (1) Rights vices.com for information regarding
KORBELL, CA 95550 The following person(s) is (are) The following person(s) is (are) sonal representative appointed by (707) 441-1185 Range 5 East, Humboldt Base and reserved in the last paragraph un- the trustee’s sale using the file num-
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT doing business as: doing business as: the court within the later of either 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 Meridian, which point falls in the der PARCEL ONE in Grant Deed ber assigned to this case, which is
JESSE W. CARNES THELCON WOLFE PROPERTY (1) four months from the date of center of a County Road traveling from Humboldt Land and Cattle, 17-100274. Information about post-
1300 BLACK CREEK LANE 825 EVANS ROAD MANAGEMENT first issuance of letters to a general Easterly through said Section 11; LLC, a California Limited Liability ponements that are very short in
KORBELL, CA 95550 FIELDBROOK, CA 95519 5460 ERICSON WAY personal representative, as de- ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE and running thence South 75 de- Company, to Bairn M, Niemela, a duration or that occur close in time
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT ARCATA, CA 95521 fined in section 58(b) of the Califor- FOR CHANGE OF NAME grees 10 minutes 00 seconds East single man, recorded June 14th, to the scheduled sale may not im-
This business is conducted by:
NGOC THI NGUYEN-BRADY
AN INDIVIDUAL EDWARD G.LAIDLAW COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT nia Probate Code, or (2) 60 days 109.09 feet; North 67 degrees 19 2013 as Instrument No. 2013-1377- mediately be reflected in the tele-
\SUPERIOR COURT OF
S/ JESSE CARNES 825 EVANS ROAD APRIL L. SCHNEIDER from the date of mailing or person- CALIFORNIA minutes 30 seconds East 240.03 4, Humboldt County Records. (2) phone information or on the Internet
/OWNER FIELDBROOK, CA 95519 5460 ERICSON WAY al delivery to you of a notice under COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT feet; North 77 degrees 55 minutes Rights reserved in the last para- Web site. The best way to verify
This statement was filed with the This business is conducted by: ARCATA, CA 95521 section 9052 of the California CASE NO. CV180205 15 seconds East 75.90 feet; South graph of the description in Grant postponement information is to at-
Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH AN INDIVIDUAL This business is conducted by: Probate Code. Other California TO ALL INTERESTED PERSONS: 69 degrees 33 minutes 15 seconds Deed from Humboldt Land and Cat- tend the scheduled sale. PLEASE
16, 2018 S /EDWARD LAIDLAW AN INDIVIDUAL statutes and legal authority may 1. Petitioner has filed a peti- East 94.50 feet; South 87 degrees tle, LLC, a Limited Liability Compa- TAKE NOTICE THAT if the Trustee
/OWNER S /APRIL SCHNEIDER, BROKER affect your rights as a creditor. tion with this court for a decree 53 minutes 45 seconds East 78.10 ny, to Tim Lee Clark, a married man is unable to convey title for any rea-
KELLY E. SANDERS
This statement was filed with the This statement was filed with the changing names as follows:
SE DEPUTY CLERK You may want to consult with an feet; North 46 degrees 06 minutes as his separate property, .recorded son, the successful bidder’s sole
Present name: NGOC THI NGUY-
3/28, 4/4, 4/11, 4/18 Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH. attorney knowledgeable in Cali- EN-BRADY to Proposed name JADE 45 seconds East 152.34 feet; North June 14, 2013 as Instrument No. and exclusive remedy shall be re-
13, 2018 1, 2018 fornia law. NGUYEN BRADY 66 degrees 49 minutes 30 seconds 2013-013778-4, Humboldt County turn of monies paid to the Trustee,
KELLY E. SANDERS KELLY E. SANDERS You may examine the file kept 2. THE COURT ORDERS that all per- East 230.47 feet; North 38 degrees Records. TRACT C A non-exclusive and the successful bidder shall
SM DEPUTY CLERK SC DEPUTY CLERK by the court. If you are a person sons interested in this matter appear 31 minutes 30 seconds East 217.15 easement for ingress and egress, have no further recourse. Further, if
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME
, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 3/7, 3/14, 3/21, 3/28
interested in the estate, you may before this court, located at 825 5th feet; North 72 degrees 07 minutes together with the right to construct the foreclosure sale is set aside for
file with the court a formal Request Street, Eureka, California, at the hear- 30 seconds East 80.60 feet; South and maintain a road traversing the any reason, the Purchaser at the
STATEMENT
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME for Special Notice (form DE-154) ing indicated below to show cause, if
18-00155 77 degrees 09 minutes 45 seconds north half of the northwest quarter sale shall be entitled only to a return
any, why the application should not be
The following person(s) is (are) STATEMENT FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME of the filing of an inventory and granted. Any person objecting to the East 124.39 feet; North 76 degrees ofthe southeast quarter of said Sec- of the deposit paid and shall have
doing business as: 18-00141 STATEMENT appraisal of estate assets or of any name changes described above must file 32 minutes 45 seconds East 78.06 tion 12. SALE IS BEING CON- no further recourse or remedy
ATLAS ENGINEERING The following person(s) is (are) 18-00096 petittion or account as provided a written objection that includes the rea- feet; North 51 degrees 59 minutes DUCTED AT THE REQUEST OF against the Mortgagor, Mortgagee,
252 G STREET doing business as: The following person(s) is (are) in Probate Code section 1250. A sons for the objection at least two court 45 seconds East 126.20 feet; North THE ABOVE DESIGNATED BENE- or Trustee herein. If you have previ-
ARCATA, CA 95521 JACOBY CREEK FLOWERS doing business as: Request for Special Notice form is days before the matter is scheduled to be 35 degrees 55 minutes 45 seconds FICIARY(IES) WHO MAY BE CON- ously been discharged in bankrupt-
45 FELLOWSHIP WAY LEFT COAST PAINTING available from the court clerk. heard and must appear at the hearing to East 137 .47 feet; North 49 degrees TACTED THROUGH C&H TRUST cy, you may have been released of
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT
BAYSIDE, CA 95524 130 MONROE LANE Attorney for the petitioner: show cause why the petition should not
MICHAEL A. TAYLOR 48 minutes 45 seconds East 88.56 DEED SERVICE AT THE ABOVE personal liability for this loan in
be granted. If no written objection is time-
252 G STREET COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT EUREKA, CA 95503 STEPHEN G. WATSON ly filed, the court may grant the petition feet; North 74 degrees 00 minutes REFERENCED ADDRESS. DI- which case this notice is intended to
ARCATA, CA 95521 VIRGINIA L. RYDER COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT LAW OFFICE OF W.G. WATSON without a hearing. 45 seconds East 242.02 feet; North RECTIONS TO THE SUBJECT exercise the note holders rights
This business is conducted by: 1930 BIRD AVE. PAUL J. BASTON JR. Date:MAY 8, 2018 89 degrees 46 minutes 00 seconds PROPERTY MAY BE OBTAINED against the real property only. As
AN INDIVIDUAL MCKINLEYVILLE, CA 95519 130 MONROE LANE 715 I STREET Time: 1:45 p.m. East 145.50 feet; South 62 degrees PURSUANT TO A WRITTEN RE- required by law, you are notified that
S/ MICHAEL A. TAYLOR This business is conducted by: EUREKA, CA 95503 P.O. BOX 1021 Dept.: 4 18 minutes 30 seconds East, an QUEST SUBMITTED TO C&H a negative credit reporting may be
AN INDIVIDUAL This business is conducted by: EUREKA, CA 95502 3. A copy of this Order to Show Cause undetermined distance to enter the TRUST DEED SERVICE WITHIN submitted to a credit report agency if
/PRINCIPAL ENGINEER
S /VIRGINIA L. RYDER AN INDIVIDUAL (707) 444-3071 shall be published at least once a week
This statement was filed with the Southwest Quarter of the Northeast 10 DAYS FROM THE FIRST PUB- you fail to fulfill the terms of your
for four successive weeks prior to the
Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH /OWNER S /PAUL BASTON, OWNER 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 date set for hearing on the petition in Quarter of said Section 12, Town- LICATION OF THIS NOTICE. APN credit obligation. FOR TRUSTEE’S
19, 2018 This statement was filed with the This statement was filed with the the following newspaper of general ship 3 South, Range 5 East, Hum- 216-206-004. The undersigned SALE DATES, BIDS AND POST-
KELLY E. SANDERS Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH Humboldt County Clerk on FEB. NOTICE OF PETITION TO circulation, printed in this county: Mad boldt Base and Meridian. EXCEPT- Trustee disclaims any liability for PONEMENT INFORMATION,
SE DEPUTY CLERK 13, 2018 20, 2018 ADMINISTER ESTATE OF River Union. ING THEREFROM that portion any incorrectness of the street ad- PLEASE CALL (949) 860-9155 OR
3/28, 4/4, 4/11, 4/18 KELLY E. SANDERS KELLY E. SANDERS EDWARD KEITH GILBERT Date: 3/13/18 thereof lying within the Southeast dress and/or other common desig- VISIT www.chtrustdeed.com FOR
SC DEPUTY CLERK SC DEPUTY CLERK CASE NO.: PR180062 JOYCE D. HINRICHS Quarter of the Northwest Quarter of nation, if any, shown hereinabove. ANY OTHER INQUIRIES, INCLUD-
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME
To all heirs, beneficiaries, credi- Judge of the Superior
STATEMENT
, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 3/7, 3/14, 3/21, 3/28
said Section 12. PARCEL THREE A Said sale will be made, but” without ING LITIGATION OR BANKRUPT-
tors, contingent creditors, and per- 3/28, 4/4/, 4/11,4/18
18-00137 non-exclusive easement for in- covenant or warranty, express or CY MATTERS, PLEASE CALL
The following person(s) is (are) sons who may otherwise be inter- gress, egress and utilities over a implied, regarding title, possession, (949) 305-8901 OR FAX (949) 305-
ested in the will or estate, or both, Loan No.: Title Order No.: Trust- strip of land, the center line of which or encumbrances, to pay the re- 8406 Dated: 03/13/2018 C&H Trust
doing business as:
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME of: EDWARD KEITH GILBERT. ee’s Sale No.: 17-100274 ATTEN- is the same as that portion reserved maining principal sum of the note(s) Deed Service, as Successor Trust-
COMMUNITY REALTY –
STATEMENT STATEMENT Petition for Probate has been TION RECORDER: THE FOLLOW- and described under (B) in the secured by said Deed of Trust, with ee By: Coby Halavais, Trustee Sale
HANNAH WINANS
18-00109 18-00080 filed by: JACQUELINE SUE GIL- ING REFERENCE TO AN AT- Grant Deed from Humboldt Land interest thereon, as provided in said Officer (IFS# 6290 03/22/18,
2355 CENTRAL AVE. STE. D
The following person(s) is (are) The following person(s) is (are) BERT in the Superior Court of TACHED SUMMARY IS ONLY AP- and Cattle, LLC, a Limited Liability note(s), advances, if any, under the 03/29/18, 04/05/18)
MCKINLEYVILLE, CA 95519
doing business as: doing business as: California, County of HUMBOLDT. PLICABLE TO NOTICE(S) MAILED Company, to Tim Lee Clark, a mar- terms of the Deed of Trust, estimat- 3/28, 4/4/, 4/11
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT
SAUNA SURROUND YOU NORTH COAST FISHERIES The Petition for Probate re- TO THE TRUSTOR. NOTE: ried man as his separate property, ed fees, charges and expenses of
HANNAH L. WINANS
SURROUND YOU 1 COMMERCIAL STREET quests that: JACQUELINE SUE THERE IS A SUMMARY OF THE recorded June 14, 2013 as Instru- the trustee and of the trusts created CITY OF ARCATA
1751 WILD CANARY STREET
SURROUNDU EUREKA, CA 95501 GILBERT be appointed as person- INFORMATION IN THIS DOCU- ment No. 2013-013778-4, Hum- by said Deed of Trust, to wit: Said NOTICE OF REQUEST FOR
MCKINLEYVILLE, CA 95519
HOME SURROUND YOU COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT al representative to administer the MENT ATTACHED. NOTICE OF boldt County Records, together with property is being sold for the ex- PROPOSALS (RFP)
This business is conducted by:
CARPENTRY PACIFIC CHOICE estate of the decedent. TRUSTEE’S SALE YOU ARE IN a non-exclusive easement for in- press purpose of paying the obliga- OLD ARCATA ROAD I
AN INDIVIDUAL
13013 WEST END ROAD SEAFOOD COMPANY The petition requests authority DEFAULT UNDER A DEED OF gress egress and utilities over any tions secured by said Deed of Trust, MPROVEMENTS: ENGINEERING
S/ HANNAH WINANS
ARCATA, CA 95521 16797 SE 130TH AVENUE to administer the estate under the TRUST DATED 1/6/2015. UNLESS road constructed pursuant to the including fees and expenses of AND ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES
/OWNER
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT CLACKAMASS, OR 97015 Independent Administration of Es- YOU TAKE ACTION TO PROTECT rights last reserved in said Grant sale. The total amount of the unpaid The City of Arcata’s Engineering
This statement was filed with the
JEREMY M. CHAPMAN OREGON 058782-85 tates Act. (This authority will allow YOUR PROPERTY, IT MAY BE Deed. TRACT B PARCEL ONE Lot principal balance, interest thereon, Department is seeking a qualified
Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH
13013 WEST END ROAD This business is conducted by: A the personal representative to take SOLD AT A PUBLIC SALE. IF YOU 1 and Lot 2 of Section 7 in Township together with reasonable estimated consulting firm to provide engineer-
12, 2018
ARCATA, CA 95521 CORPORATION any actions without obtaining court NEED AN EXPLANATION OF THE 3 South of Range 6 East, Humboldt costs, expenses and advances at ing services and environmental
KELLY E. SANDERS
This business is conducted by: S /LORI BROWNING, CONTROLLER approval. Before taking certain NATURE OF THE PROCEEDINGS Meridian. PARCEL TWO A non-ex- the time of the initial publication of studies for the Old Arcata Road Im-
SE DEPUTY CLERK
3/28, 4/4, 4/11, 4/18 AN INDIVIDUAL This statement was filed with the very important actions, however, AGAINST YOU, YOU SHOULD clusive easement for ingress and the Notice of Trustee’s Sale is esti- provement Project. Work includes
S /JEREMY M.CHAPMAN, Humboldt County Clerk on FEB. the personal representative will CONTACT A LAWYER. On April 13, egress for all purposes over a strip mated to be $224,710.74. The ben- preparing California Environmental
OWNER 13, 2018 be required to give notice to inter- 2018, at 10:00 AM, C&H TRUST of land, 50 feet in width, the center eficiary under said Deed of Trust Quality Act (CEQA) and National
This statement was filed with the KELLY E. SANDERS ested persons unless they have DEED SERVICE, as duly appointed line of which is described as follows: heretofore executed and delivered Environmental Policy Act (NEPA)
ABANDONMENT OF FICTITIOUS
Humboldt County Clerk on FEB.. SM DEPUTY CLERK waived notice or consented to the or substituted Trustee, under the BEGINNING at a point 2089.45 feet to the undersigned a written Decla- supporting documents and com-
BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT
26, 2018 2/28, 3/7, 3/14, 3/21
proposed action.) The independent certain Deed of Trust executed by North and 591.33 feet East of the ration of Default and Demand for pletion of final plans, specifications,
17-00676
KELLY E. SANDERS administration authority will be Anton Karamifilov, a married man corner to Sections 11, 12, 13, and Sale, and a written Notice of Default and estimates (PS&E). The Old
COUNTY OF ORIGINAL
SM DEPUTY CLERK NOTICE OF PETITION TO granted unless an interested per- as his sole and separate property as 14, Township 3 South, Range 5 and Election to Sell. The under- Arcata Road Improvements project
FILING: HUMBOLDT
3/14, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4
ADMINISTER ESTATE OF son files an objection to the petition Trustor, to secure obligations in fa- East, Humboldt Base and Meridian, signed Trustee, or predecessor is located between the Buttermilk
DATE OF ORIGINAL FILING:
JOSE C. SILVEIRA and shows good cause why the vor of Tim Lee Clark as Beneficiary, which point falls in the center of a Trustee, has caused said Notice of Lane roundabout and the Jacoby
DEC.26, 2017
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME CASE NO.: PR180059 court should not grant the authority. recorded on 1/26/2015, as Instru- County Road traveling Easterly Default and Election to Sell to be Creek Road intersection in Bayside,
The following person(s) was (were)
STATEMENT To all heirs, beneficiaries, cred- A hearing on the petition will be ment No. 2015-001946-10, in Book through said Section 11; and run- recorded in the county where the California, and will be funded with
doing business as:
18-00134 itors, contingent creditors, and held in this court as follows: xxx, Page xxx of Official Records in ning thence South 75 degrees 10 real property is located and more Local, State and Federal dollars
EMERALD GENETICS
The following person(s) is (are) persons who may otherwise be Date: APRIL 26, 2018 the office of the County Recorder of minutes 00 seconds East 109.09 than three months have elapsed requiring the Consultant to follow all
4751 WEST END RD.
doing business as: interested in the will or estate, or Time: 2:00 PM Humboldt County, California. WILL feet; North 67 degrees 19 minutes since such recordation. NOTICE pertinent local, State, and Federal
ARCATA, CA 95521
REDWOOD DENTAL LAB both, of: JOSE C. SILVEIRA. Dept.: 4 SELL AT PUBLIC AUCTION TO 30 seconds East 240.03 feet; North TO POTENTIAL BIDDERS: If you laws and regulations. Total amount
P.O. BOX 4561
2339 HARRISON AVE. Petition for Probate has been Address of court: Superior Court THE HIGHEST BIDDER for cash, or 77 degrees 55 minutes 15 seconds are considering bidding on this payable to the Consultant shall not
ARCATA, CA 95518
EUREKA, CA 95501 filed by: LUIS VALADAO in the Su- of California, County of Humboldt, cashier’s check, (payable at the East 75.90 feet; South 69 degrees property lien, you should under- exceed $200,000.00 with a per-
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT perior Court of California, County 825 Fifth Street, Eureka, CA, time of sale in lawful money of the 33 minutes 15 seconds East 94.50 stand that there are risks involved in formance period/contract from the
RIGHTEOUS INNOVATIONS LLC
DARRELL FURTADO of HUMBOLDT. 95501. United States by cash, a cashier’s feet; South 87 degrees 53 minutes bidding at a trustee auction. You will date approved by the Arcata City
CALIFORNIA
1304 WEST AVENUE The Petition for Probate re- If you object to the granting of check drawn by a state or national 45 seconds East 78 10 feet; North be bidding on a lien, not on the prop- Council in 2018 through July 2019.
201734810253
EUREKA, CA 95501 quests that: LUIS VALADAO be the petition, you should appear at bank, a state or federal credit union, 46 degrees 06 minutes 45 seconds erty itself. Placing the highest bid at The DBE goal for this project is 5 %.
1203 LINCOLN AVE.
This business is conducted by: appointed as personal representa- the hearing and state your objec- or a state or federal savings and East 152.34 feet; North 66 degrees a trustee auction does not automat- Sealed proposals for this work
ARCATA, CA 95521
AN INDIVIDUAL tive to administer the estate of the tions or file written objections with loan association, or savings bank 49 minutes 30 seconds East 230.47 ically entitle you to free and clear will be received at the City Man-
This business is conducted by:
S /DARRELL FURTADO, decedent. the court before the hearing. Your specified in section 5102 of the Fi- feet; North 38 degrees 31 minutes ownership of the property. You ager’s Office, 736 F Street, Arcata,
A LIMITED LIABILITY COMPANY
SOLE PROPRIETOR The petition requests authority appearance may be in person or by nancial Code and authorized to 30 seconds East 217.15 feet; North should also be aware that the lien California, until 4:00 p.m. on Tues-
S /MATTHEW SMITH LAGGIANO ,
This statement was filed with the to administer the estate under the your attorney. business in this state) (TRUSTEE 72 degrees 07 minutes 30 seconds being auctioned off may be a junior day April 24, 2018. The proposals
OWNER
Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH. Independent Administration of Es- If you are a creditor or a con- REQUESTS THAT CASHIER’S East 80.60 feet; South 77 degrees lien. If you are the highest bidder at submitted in response to this RFP
This statement was filed with the
8, 2018 tates Act. (This authority will allow tingent creditor of the decedent, CHECKS BE MADE PAYABLE TO 09 minutes 45 seconds East 124.39 the auction, you are or may be re- will be used as a basis for selecting
Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH.
KELLY E. SANDERS the personal representative to take you must file your claim with the “C&H TRUST DEED SERVICE” DI- feet; North 76 degrees 32 minutes sponsible for paying off all liens se- the Consultant for this project. The
14, 2018
SC DEPUTY CLERK any actions without obtaining court court and mail a copy to the per- RECTLY) AT THE FRONT EN- 45 seconds East 78.06 feet; North nior to the lien being auctioned off, Request for Proposals Package for
KELLY E. SANDERS
3/14, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4
approval. Before taking certain sonal representative appointed by TRANCE TO THE COUNTY 51 degrees 59 minutes 45 seconds before you can receive clear title to this work can be obtained on the
KL DEPUTY CLERK
3/21, 3/28, 4/4, 4/11 very important actions, however, the court within the later of either COURTHOUSE LOCATED AT 825 East 126.20 feet; North 35 degrees the property. You are encouraged to City’s website, www.cityofarcata.
ABANDONMENT OF FICTITIOUS the personal representative will (1) four months from the date of 5TH STREET, EUREKA, CA all 55 minutes 45 seconds East 137.47 investigate the existence, priority, org, on or after Friday, March 24,
BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT be required to give notice to inter- first issuance of letters to a general right, title and interest conveyed to feet; North 49 degrees 48 minutes and size of outstanding liens that 2018.
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME
15-00515 ested persons unless they have personal representative, as de- and now held by it under said Deed 45 seconds East 88.56 feet; North may exist on this property by con- 3/28, 4/4
STATEMENT
COUNTY OF ORIGINAL waived notice or consented to the fined in section 58(b) of the Califor- of Trust in and to the following de- 74 degrees 00 minutes 45 seconds tacting the county recorder’s office
18-00145
FILING: HUMBOLDT proposed action.) The independent nia Probate Code, or (2) 60 days scribed real property situated in the East 242.02 feet; North 89 degrees or a title insurance company, either
The following person(s) is (are)
DATE OF ORIGINAL FILING: administration authority will be from the date of mailing or person- aforesaid County and State, to wit: 46 minutes 00 seconds East 145.50 of which may charge you a fee for
doing business as:
SEPT. 1, 2015 granted unless an interested per- al delivery to you of a notice under AS MORE FULLY DESCRIBED IN feet; South 62 degrees 18 minutes this information. If you consult either
EMERALD GENETICS
The following person(s) was (were) son files an objection to the petition section 9052 of the California SAID DEED OF TRUST. The street 30 seconds East, an undetermined of these resources, you should be The Union pub-
4751 WEST END ROAD
address or other common designa-
ARCATA, CA 95521 doing business as: and shows good cause why the Probate Code. Other California
tion of the above-described property
distance to enter the Southwest aware that the same lender may lishes obituaries
COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT WOLFE PROPERTY court should not grant the authority. statutes and legal authority may Quarter of the Northeast Quarter of hold more than one mortgage or
PURE HUMBOLDT MANAGEMENT A hearing on the petition will be affect your rights as a creditor. is purported to be: THE PROPER- said Sectio·n 12, Township 3 South, deed of trust on the property. NO- up to 250 words
5460 ERICSON WAY held in this court as follows: You may want to consult with an TY BEING SOLD IS VACANT Range 5 East, Humboldt Base and TICE TO PROPERTY OWNER: free of charge.
EXTRACTIONS, LLC
ARCATA, CA 95521 Date: APRIL 19, 2018 attorney knowledgeable in Cali- LAND CONTAINING NO COM- Meridian. EXCEPTING THERE- The sale date shown on this notice
CALIFORNIA
MON DESCRIPTION OR AD- Photos are wel-
201718810180 COUNTY OF HUMBOLDT Time: 2:00 PM fornia law. FROM that portion thereof lying of sale may be postponed one or
4751 WEST END ROAD MARK V. NELSON Dept.: 6 You may examine the file kept DRESS. All that certain real proper- within the Southeast Quarter of the more times by the mortgagee, ben- come. Email with
830 BAYIDE RD. Address of court: Superior Court by the court. If you are a person ty situated in the County of Hum- Northwest Quarter of said Section eficiary, trustee, or a court, pursuant photos attached
ARCATA, CA 95521
ARCATA, CA 95521 of California, County of Humboldt, interested in the estate, you may boldt, State of California, described 12. PARCEL THREE Non-exclusive to Section 2924g of the California
This business is conducted by:
as follows: TRACT A PARCEL ONE separately, to ed-
A LIMITED LIABILITY COMPANY This business is conducted by: 825 Fifth Street, Eureka, CA, file with the court a formal Request easements 40 feet in width for in- Civil Code. The law requires that in-
S /TIM CROWLEY AN INDIVIDUAL 95501. for Special Notice (form DE-154) The Northeast Quarter of the South- gress, egress, and utilities, the cen- formation about trustee sale post- itor@madriverun-
east Quarter of Section 12 in Town-
/OWNER S /MARK V NELSON, BROKER If you object to the granting of of the filing of an inventory and
ship 3 South of Range 5 East, Hum-
ter lines of which are more specifi- ponements be made available to ion.com by 5 p.m.
This statement was filed with the the petition, you should appear at appraisal of estate assets or of any cally described and shown on the you and to the public, as a courtesy
This statement was filed with the
Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH. the hearing and state your objec- petittion or account as provided boldt Meridian. PARCEL TWO A Record of Survey for Humboldt
Friday.
Humboldt County Clerk on MARCH to those not present at the sale. If
1, 2018 tions or file written objections with in Probate Code section 1250. A non-exclusive easement for ingress Land and Cattle, LLC, recorded in you wish to learn whether your sale
13, 2018
 C4 M AD R IVER U NION M ARCH 28, 2018

Spice up your spring with gentle epper

H
appy Spring everyone! It’s
no joke that nicer weather is
coming to Humboldt County
and it’s time to get out and explore
this beautiful place that we call home.
What better time to find
a canine companion to join
you on your adventures?
We have some wonderful
dogs that are ready to put
their kennel days behind
them and get going out on
the trail. For those humans
who prefer an afternoon
working in the garden, we
also have dogs who would be more
than happy to lie in the sun and cheer
you on.
One of my absolute favorites could
be either your adventure buddy or
your chill companion. He is that ea-
ger to please! Pepper has been in the
paper before but merits another men-
tion.
This dog defies all stereotypes
about Pit Bull Terriers. He is gentle,
quiet and loves other dogs. He met 10
IN BL
N
November and, though every
volunteer would miss his sweet
presence if he were adopted,
he really deserves a chance to
be someone’s special buddy.
Come meet Pepper at
the Humboldt Coun-
ty Animal Shelter at
980 Lycoming Ave. in
Mckinleyville. More in-
formation can be found
at petharbor.com or by
calling (707) 840-9132.
Redwood Pals is
looking to help this oth-
er young dog, Shadae (aka Shas-
ta). Shadae was in the adoptable
wing at the shelter where she
was quickly adopted. She met
the family’s resident dog at the KISS A BULL Pepper and Mara.
shelter’s meet and greet and did Submitted photo
fine but problems arose once for dogs when they are adopted and
they went home, with jealousies and are trying to figure out their place. I
misbehavior. It is sometimes a little have lost count of how many people
difficult for us to tell where the pro- I know wanted to return their new
cess went wrong when a dog has been dogs in the first weeks or months of
adopted and returned. This friendly having them and now can’t imagine

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people he’d never met before. fectionate and apparently loves to be
He was very cooperative and gave brushed. If you would like to meet
the reknowned “Kiss-a-Bull” pittie this playful, happy youngster, please
kiss to everyone who leaned in for contact us at redwoodpalsrescue@
Spring is in the air... their photo op. Pepper is gentle on the
leash, does well around other dogs,
gmail.com or call (707) 839-9692.
As a side note, I will be on the ra-
knows a variety of obedience com- dio today (Wednesday) and Friday at
WELLNESS mands including sit and stay and is a 2:30 speaking with the folks at the

WEDNESDAY good rider in the car. This 2-year-old

male is neutered, microchipped and Shadea
Point Radio regarding their Food for
Felix and Fido Food Drive and Red-

April 4
up to date on vaccinations. wood Pals. I may have Pepper in tow
He has been at the shelter since for the interviews!

Enjoy 10% off our entire

Wellness Department! Gabriel could use some help recovering from injury
The minimum cost of his surgery
will be $1,500.
Gabriel Would you be one of 100 people
Gideon
willing to spare $15 to help us cover the
cost of Gabriel's surgery?
Any donations that exceed the cost
of the surgery will be used to assist
both dogs with any additional medical
fees.
Humboldt Back & If you are able to help, please visit us

G
abriel and Gideon need your help! Both sweet pups
Neck Pain Center were hit by a car in Hoopa on March 16. Gideon
had his front leg stitched up and will soon be on the
839-6300 road to recovery, but Gabriel received multiple fractures
1585 Heartwood Dr., Ste. B, McKinleyville and is going to need a femoral head ostectomy or possibly
amputation surgery within a month.
in person or send a check to Compan-
ion Animal Foundation (88 Sunny Brae Center, Arcata,
CA 95521).
You can even visit our Donor Box at cafanimals.org
and note "Gabriel's surgery" as your donation comment.
Thank you for your consideration and kindness!

Subscribe today!
madriverunion.com Take precautions to protect snowy plovers
U.S FiSh & WildliFe Service
ARCATA – Breeding season is
here. For the Pacific coast popula-
tion of western snowy plovers, March
until September is the most import-
it ant time of year: time to find a mate,
Get r Read lay and incubate eggs, then teach the
u
in yo x! onlin it young how to survive on their own.
bo e!
mail This past season was a season of
firsts for the federally threatened
6 months $20 1 year: $40 western snowy plover. New nest-
2 years: $70 3 years: $90 ing sites were found on Pacific Coast
beaches, including along Califor-
Get in online and in your mailbox! nia’s North Coast. This is a sign that,
Name:________________________________ against all odds, western snowy plo-
vers are making a comeback and the
Address:_______________________________ continued cooperation of beachgoers
is needed to help give them the space
City/State:___________________ Zip:_______
they need to nest and raise their
young.
Email:________________________________
Clip & send to:
Mr. Bill Chino enjoyed his
Mad River Union, 791 8th St., Ste. 8, Arcata, CA 95521
weekly haircut and conversa-
Or subscribe online at madriverunion.com. tion at Arcata’s Studio 3 salon
on Monday.
To ensure the eggs and future
chicks have the best possible chance
of survival, beach visitors can help by
following a few simple guidelines:
• Respect all areas posted or roped-
off for the protection of wildlife.
• When walking on the beach, stay
on the wet hard-packed sand. Do not
approach birds or nests.
• Avoid prolonged picnicking or
sunbathing near plover-nesting hab-
itat.
• Light fires or camp only in desig-
nated areas.
• If dogs are permitted, don’t allow
your dog to play in the dry sand areas
where birds are more prone to nest.
Never allow your dog to chase birds.
• Do not leave or bury trash or food
scraps on the beach. Garbage attracts
predators such as gulls, crows, ravens
and skunks. Please dispose of all trash
properly and do not inadvertently (or
intentionally) feed wildlife.
• If you’re on a beach that allows
vehicles, drive low and slow, staying
on the hard-packed sand below or
near the high tide line.
• Avoid flying kites or other hover-
ing objects near plover-nesting habi-
tat.
Beach activities may be restrict-
ed to certain areas during this criti-
cal nesting time, March 15 through
mid-September along the North
Coast, to balance recreational oppor-
tunities and wildlife protection.
You can do your part by know-
ing and adhering to location-specific
rules and regulations.

Pauli-Harbour Insurance &

Anderson Robinson Starkey Insurance
New name and new location
Pauli-Shaw Insurance Agency
627 7th St., Arcata (formerly Spotlight Video)
Same friendly faces, Formerly Anderson Robinson Starkey
same great service! & Pauli-Harbour
Dispensaring with formalities
Opening March 19, 2018
Pauli-Shaw NEW MCKINLEYVILLE DISPENSARY Members of the community gathered for a rib-
New Location:
627 7th St., Arcata
INSURANCE AGENCY bon cutting to welcome new business, Satori Wellness to McKinleyville on Sat-
urday, March 3. The retail cannabis store’s inventory includes clothing, acces-
We’ve got you covered sories and a wide variety of skateboard equipment. They are located at 1551
Nursery Way in McKinleyville behind McKinleyville Chevrolet.