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Of Biological Warfare, Antisemitism, and Aphrodisiacs

"Do not go gentle into that good night<br> Rage, rage against the dying of the l
ight"<br> - Dylan Thomas
"A sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" <br> - Arth
ur C. Clarke
I am the victim of a new kind of crime. A high tech crime. People should know ab
out it before there are more victims. Therefore I have seized on the Internet as
a way of getting the word out. The implications of the story I relate here are
explosive. So bear with me while I go through the details. If what I say is true
, then there are some real bad guys out there, and they have some new technology
you should be aware of.
I'm going to ask you to believe 3 things, each harder to believe than the last.
For instance, I'm going to tell you I ran into some antisemitism. I should say r
ight now that most Americans that I meet on the job, or when I travel, are not a
t all anti-semitic. In fact, some are philo-semitic. However, there is a minorit
y of people who definitely have anti-Jewish stereotypes, to varying extents.
I'm also going to ask you to believe that I have a shameful past. This is not so
hard to believe, but I'm also telling you that this past was exposed. I came to
this conclusion in 1984 in Boston.
I was working in Cambridge, and would hang out a lot at universities, movies hou
ses, bookstores, etc. One day, it seemed to me that the normally friendly young
people in the area were acting strangely. Some were looking at me with shocked r
ecognition, some with disgust. Some started saying things. Unfriendly things. I
was called a pig, a swine, a Jew, and a Hebe! I was treated as if I had a disgus
ting past.
The interesting thing was that indeed, I did have a disgusting past.
So naturally It occured to me that perhaps my past had come out somehow. But thi
s led me to ask, could any rumor cause the kind of revulsion that I was seeing?
I mean, these people were treating me as if I had crawled out of a sewer.
It seemed to me that more than just a rumor was required. If for instance, my be
havior had been caught on film, it would indeed cause disgust and revulsion amon
g viewers, and it would explain everything. What also contributed to this belief
was that some of these people did mention a movie, or rather a video.
OK, so you get the picture. I am asking you to believe that somehow my past is c
aught on film, and seen by a lot of people. Obviously there are some problems wi
th this scenario. First of all, how do you capture behavior that took place most
ly in a dorm room or in a private residence, on film? Secondly, if you do, how d
o you distribute it? Obviously not through video stores, and not with billboards
. So how could such a thing happen? Thirdly, where does the money come from to d
istribute such a movie? And finally, why would anyone be interested in such a mo
vie?
I don't know the answer to these questions except possibly for the last. To the
world, I look like a serious studious Jewish man. Not only that, but I've presen
ted strident conservative political opinions at various times in various places.
If it turns out that secretly, I am a obscene individual, lacking any pride, an
y self respect, and drooling over the idea of getting hold of Christian women, (
preferably blonde), you can see why such a movie would take off. It would be lik
e "Rocky Horror Show." In fact, one of the things that was said in my presence b
y one unfriendly guy was that "people are throwing rice at the screen of the mov
ie."
Try believing this for a minute. Think about the implications. Not only how this
movie hurts me, but how something like this can happen and you don't hear about
it.
The names I've been called included "Pig", "Swine", "Disgusting", "Obscene", and
politically incorrect names such as "Jew", and "The Hebe". I was spat at, and t
old how disgusting I was, and so forth.
Now hold on to your seats, because my story gets even more far out.
The Story:
One day, toward the end of 1994, I came home after work, read a little, opened t
he windows and went to sleep. Next morning I was feeling good, healthy and ready
to take on the day. I went to the fridge. I pulled out a half empty bottle of P
oland Spring water.
Then I drank the water.
Immediately all hell broke loose in my body:
I felt like I was on an electric chair.<br> I felt like banging the walls.<br> I
got some abnormal feelings in my middle back area and elsewhere.<br> I felt lik
e running around outside in circles like a mad dog.<br> and yet another symptom
developed rapidly, this the most incredible of all - my sex drive climbed and cl
imbed and climbed beyond anything I had experienced in my life.
And then it climbed some more.
I threw out the rest of the water. This was stupid.
I staggered down the main avenue of downtown and went to work. But I could not w
ork. Therefore I told my boss I had to leave. I stayed away for a few days. But
the symptoms would not go away. My body felt under tremendous stress. At night,
I could not sleep. My sex drive was really unbelievable. It was so unbelievable
that obscene thoughts constantly crowded into my mind. Anything that moved becam
e a sex object. I was swamped with physical and mental sexual phenomena. And in
general I felt awful!
I had obviously consumed an aphrodisiac. And not just any aphrodisiac. This was
industrial strength. This was big time. This was a generous helping of aphrodisi
ac - enough for a crowd.
This aphrodisiac affected me every waking moment, and prevented sleep. If I took
sleeping pills, it still got me - my very dreams were affected.
It was like a bad science fiction story, but it wasn't fiction.
O.K, you say skeptically, you had an "experience". But its over. So why worry?
I didn't get off so easy.
Its not over.
The various symptoms lasted and lasted. They are not as bad as that first day, b
ut they are still, very bad.
To me, this is the hardest thing to believe. But read on.
In the first few months the drug made me really miserable. To describe accuratel
y what I felt is tough. Partly I had to cope with the symptoms I mentioned above
. But the symptoms did not seem to be just mental.
My body steadily went down the tubes. There was a characteristic set of unpleasa
nt somatic feelings, which are hard to describe and which started that day in 19
94, and also made my life miserable. They are still with me today.
I used to be a relatively healthy and fit individual. But from 1994 on, I've wat
ched my body deteriorate. There's been a constant feeling of discomfort (mention
ed above) and in addition, I developed aching in some of my joints. I've lost we
ight. I've drastically lost strength. I drop things constantly. I forget things
constantly. Thats really scary. For instance, if you give me something to hold,
and distract my attention, I have a good chance of dropping it. And if I am talk
ing about something and you distract my attention, I am likely to forget what I
was talking about. At work, the forgetfulness makes me repeat things that I've j
ust done, or forget where I put things a few minutes ago. In early 1994, none of
this was a problem. I had a firm grip, both physically and mentally. And I am l
ess than 40 years old, so lets not give me bullshit about natural aging.
Apart from the sexual symptoms, the aching joints, weakness, and some other impa
irments seem to be with me for good. (Thats really too bad. I had hoped to cycle
France and Switzerland, Northern Montana and Southern Utah, and hike the Andes
and the Himalayas. Thats going to be a lot harder to do now.)
Now lets look at alternatives to my wild story.
1.I had some kind of Hormonal imbalance<br> 2.I have Mental illness <br> 3.I exp
erienced a normal phenomena that I'm violently exaggerating <br> 4.I am a victim
of Biological Warfare
First, hormonal imbalance hypothesis:
I went to an endocrinologist, who told me
a) that hormonal imbalance could not explain my symptoms, and b) that he actuall
y knew of drugs that can act as strong aphrodisiacs! (He then warned me of the d
angers of paranoia.)
Despite what this endocrinologist says, I looked through the scientific literatu
re, and have found no convincing articles showing that aphrodisiacs do exist. (O
f course, I'm now sure they do).
Second, mental illness hypothesis:
As far as mental illness goes, have you ever heard of a mental illness that star
ts when you take a drink? Or one that acts as a perpetual aphrodisiac?
I cannot exaggerate the violence of my bodies reaction to drinking that water in
that fateful day in 1994. It was beyond exaggeration. The suddenness, and the v
iolence of it. The contrast between the way I felt before I drank it, and the wa
y I've felt for years since. I've told this to people, but it doesn't seem to ge
t through to them. They like the 'nervous breakdown' or 'mental illness' hypothe
sis. That way they don't have to take a large step over an unknown void of uncer
tainty. That way they can go back to sleep.
Third hypothesis, Its just Normal phenomena:
Trust me. It isnt.
Forth, "Biological Warfare".
The major problem with this idea is that the effects have lasted so long. But if
I am a victim of biological warfare, (as anyone would agree who had experienced
even 5 minutes of the aftereffects of that drink), then there are 2 possibiliti
es.
1.There is a large reservoir of drug in my body that is decreasing as time goes
on <br> 2.There is a source of production of drug in my body.
Follow my logic: Most drugs cannot last more than a day or two. There are drugs
that do last years, but those are in released slowly from implants (such as Norp
lant). Maybe someone invented a method of administering drugs in some slow relea
se form orally.
Another possibility: Infections do last long. An infection of Lyme disease, for
example, can go on forever, if not treated. Suppose, that some microorganism was
modified to produce a substance that could affect you biologically. Suppose tha
t microorganism could be introduced into your body.
I went on that assumption, and tried to take antibiotics in an attempt to kill t
he infection if thats what it was. It did not work, but since I can't try out th
e various kinds of antibiotics without a prescription, I can never really know i
f it would work. I am desperate, but perhaps not desperate enough. Life goes on,
I resume my job routines etc. and adjust to my new state of constant discomfort
, fluctuating sex mania (especially at night), and physical and mental degenerat
ion.
If someone came to me with this story, I would point to the obvious holes in it.
I would say to him:
1. Assuming someone drugged you, no drug could last so long
2. I've never heard of any drug that could raise someone's sex drive, and surely
if there were such a drug, it would be common knowledge.
3. In the real world, people don't develop secret drugs that act as drastic aphr
odisiacs, then climb up your balcony at night to enter your window and put the s
tuff in your drink. Even a science fiction writer would not write a story so wil
d and insane.
Lets start with #3. In June 96, the papers reported on several individuals on Lo
ng Island who were caught planning to do awful things to politicians that they d
isliked. What were they planning to do? John Ford and his lunatic pals were plan
ning to break into the houses of these politicians, steal a few things to make i
t look like a break in, and put toxic radioactive substances in the food of thei
r victims!
Hard to believe, but it was in the papers. That story is almost as crazy as mine
.
I believe I am a victim of somebody technically competent, but with a devious ha
te filled mind like John Ford's.
Lets "pretend" that what I say is true, and if anything, an understatement of wh
at has happened, and see what the implications are:
What do I think has happened? How do I explain what is going on? Well, a small p
ercentage of human beings are sadists, and I must have attracted their attention
. What they did to me had a sort of weird symmetry. If you look at what started
this, it was the fact that at one point in my life I was indeed a pig (though I
think I have some excuses). I was exposed, and I was told by various people just
how disgusting they thought I was. So I made a loud fuss about being treated th
at way, and I also made a loud fuss about the antisemitism that I was witnessing
, and I even lectured people on how many worse "swine" are out there in the USA
(and so it was unfair to pick on me). I became an obsessed pest. And so somebody
decided that I needed special treatment. And they hit me with this.
So what?
First, suppose that there are aphrodisiacs that really work. Suppose some people
know about them but that they are not common knowledge. Think what social damag
e these drugs could do. If morality is defined as self restraint, then let me te
ll you, from experience, this drug overcomes restraints. It can be fought, by a
victim who really wants to fight it, (I fought it) but I can think of situations
where this would tip the balance of people's behavior. Its a really powerful dr
ug.
Secondly, it means that some very unpleasant people have access to technology th
at the rest of us don't even know exists.
Thirdly, and most incredibly, you can put something in someone's water and make
them sick for years. Why would someone do this? After all, if you are going to t
he trouble of getting at someones food, you can put some arsenic in it and just
kill the guy. No need for a drug that just makes him perpetually sick. Well, I a
m not a student of evil minds, and I don't know how they work. I do know that wh
at was done to me was extremely unpleasant.
I have gone to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and they sensibly asked me t
o produce the Poland Spring water. I couldn't.
So I'm putting up this, which is like a paid advertisement to the world saying "
I am a lunatic". I hate being seen in that light, but doing nothing is also quit
e frustrating.
So what should you do about it? It depends.
If you have no idea who I am, then I don't know what you can do about it.
Some of you, who know about the scandal in my past, may be able to piece togethe
r from this web page who I am. If you have any concrete proof of my past (the VI
DEO, for instance), it would help. I would not ask you to get involved in any wa
y that attracted publicity. And I would pay you $25,000 for evidence.
If I can offer concrete proof of any part of this crazy story to the FBI, I may
be able to convince them to look into it further. In fact, the only hope I have
that anyone will believe this story is that they have some knowledge of my past
history, which in itself is such a crazy story that they might take the attitude
that reality can be stranger than fiction.
Its interesting for me to be in a situation where I am trying to convince people
of something, based totally on subjective evidence, that I would not believe my
self.
I guess the issue with believing this is how do you distinguish between a crazy
person telling a crazy story, and a sane person telling a story that sounds craz
y but isn't. After all, you never took this drink, you never experienced its res
ults, and further some of the things I claim seem to be simply impossible, such
as the existence of a half bottle of drug that lasts years.
I suppose the average guy who has read this web page would come to the following
conclusions:
1.The author has mental illness that has given him paranoid ideas about hostilit
y of others
2.The author has had some unusual experiences, no doubt generated by that same m
ental illness.
3.The author is drawing paranoid conclusions from these unusual experiences
These are the conclusions I would draw. But having been through this, I can say
that these conclusions are false.
Its an amazing situation! You, who read this, are going to dismiss this page as
the rantings of a kook! And anyone who does take this halfway seriously will shr
ug their shoulders and move on to other things. But thats the wrong response! If
the above is true, then the FBI should be hard at work on this, and multiple do
ctors should be subjecting me to a barrage of tests. Thats obviously not going t
o happen. But that would be the correct response. Let me put it this way, believ
ing that people are "out to get me", or in fact have gotten me, is not at all pa
ranoid. Its shockingly, violently, true, and it must not slide into the obscurit
y that the perpetrators are counting on.
As time goes on, the reality of the situation sinks in with me, and that is, tha
t certain things just don't get believed. In life, occasionally people stumble o
n the 'tip of an iceberg'. Rather than believe there is a huge iceberg beneath t
he surface, most people try and reinterpret their perceptions in more comforting
familiar ways. Most of the time, that is the way to go. But in rare cases, when
there really is something there, people just don't have a clue. Einstein once s
aid "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler". I could
paraphrase him "Everything should be made as sane as possible, but not saner."
But lets get practical. Suppose you believe me. What on earth can you do about t
his story? Well, first of all, you could show this website to others. Especially
to people who were students in Boston universities in the period 1982 through 1
984. And students at Yale and SCSU (Southern Connecticut) in the period 1992 thr
u 1994. These are the people most likely to have heard about the movie. Then, yo
u could contact me, and I would put you in touch with the FBI people that I talk
ed to, or if you did not want to do that, I would have you talk to my brother. I
t might seem macabre of me to want my relatives to know about this, but ultimate
ly I can't handle this alone. If you want to do something worthwhile, I would sa
y that helping me qualifies.