Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation 1

Turkle, Reclaiming Conversation

Alison Doubet

ET 690.603 Educational Technology Seminar

October 18, 2016

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Turkle’s Narrative

Sherry Turkle examines a very obvious narrative of conversation in her book, Reclaiming

Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age. In the book, Turkle argues that teaching and

practicing genuine, face-to-face conversation without the presence of technology should be the

focus of this generation. Although there are many important aspects of the conversation narrative

discussed in this book, three dominant topics are solitude, empathy and relationships. These

subjects are directly related to conversation and have been impacted by society’s increasing

dependence on technology.

Turkle describes solitude as the time that is spent becoming familiar and comfortable

with yourself and your thoughts. Once a person becomes comfortable with solitude, it will be

possible to see others as separate and independent. This will allow for the ability to listen to the

other person and hear their side of the conversation. Technology interferes with solitude. With a

smartphone, it has become a habit for a person to turn to the screen in moments of boredom and

stillness rather than turning inward and being alone with their thoughts. “The psychoanalyst Erik

Erikson, a specialist in adolescent development, wrote that children thrive when they are given

time and stillness. The shiny objects of today’s childhood demand time and interrupt stillness”

(Turkle, p. 64). Moments of boredom and stillness are opportunities to understand one’s thoughts

and feelings and utilize the imagination. Smartphones or other devices interfere with these

essential moments. In order to have a genuine conversation, one must feel the attention and

respect of others. This is a skill that is learned by solitude and self-understanding first. Turkle

explains, “And this is why solitude marks the beginning of conversation’s virtuous circle. If you

are comfortable with yourself, you can put yourself in someone else’s place” (p. 61).
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Face-to-face conversation builds empathetic skills. In these conversations, there is

opportunity to witness the effect that words have on another person and experience the reactions

associated with the words. Being empathetic also involves listening and being patient. The act of

conversation practices these skills and provides moments of silence, which improves patience,

comfort and empathetic capacity. At a young age, children must observe conversations in action

in order to understand and acquire empathy. “This is the feeling state of attachment and

empathetic connection. We don’t ask children to use their words or to look at us to make them

obedient. We want words to be associated with feelings. Eye contact is the most powerful path to

human connection” (p. 36). With technology, more and more conversation is happening via text,

email, and social media. Communicating through a device eliminates the opportunity to witness

reactions, to deeply understand and experience another’s feelings, to practice patience and to

offer genuine support. With digital communication, it is easy to develop a “sense” of empathy

rather than being truly empathetic. For example, sending a well-worded text message comforting

a distressed friend might cause a “sense” of empathy. However, being able to witness and

experience the distress face-to-face along with the friend will develop true empathy.

In relationships, communication and trust are imperative. Conversation is crucial in

building trust. Communicating through technology rather than in person can be detrimental. It

has become customary for couples and friends to have important, serious conversations through

text and email rather than in-person. Doing this avoids the messy, demanding and unpredictable

nature of a face-to-face talk. However, those messy and unpredictable experiences are

fundamental to a relationship. “But it is often when we hesitate, or stutter, or fall silent, that we

reveal ourselves most to each other” (Turkle, p. 23). Many people feel more comfortable being

able to control the quantity and quality of a conversation through text or email. Doing this allows
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a person to present him or herself in a positive light. However, the emotional reactions to words

are unseen. Relationships then suffer because of misunderstanding and crossed signals. Speaking

through text or email is more so a mere connection than a genuine conversation. Turkle writes,

“It is easy to think that if you feel close to someone because of their words on a screen, you

understand the person behind them. In fact, you may be overwhelmed with data but have little of

the wisdom that comes with face-to-face encounters” (p. 181). Empathy is a building block for

relationships, and is learned through conversation.

Thoreau’s Three Chairs

In her book, Turkle discusses the metaphor of Thoreau's three chairs. One chair refers to

the idea of solitude. As previously stated, solitude is fundamental in having conversation. Turkle

explains, “If you don’t have practice in thinking alone, you are less able to bring your ideas to

the table with confidence and authority. Collaboration suffers. As does innovation, which

requires a capacity for solitude that continual connection diminishes” (p. 47). The capacity for

solitude is cultivated by attention and respectful conversation. Teachers should model and

practice these conversations for students on a daily basis. Children learn through observation and

experience. Turkle writes, “If we are unable to be alone, we will be more lonely. And if we don’t

teach our children to be alone, they will only know how to be lonely” (p. 23). Conversation also

requires imagination and engagement, which demand quiet time. Teachers and adults should

encourage and allow students to experience moments of privacy and stillness. Arranging a time

in the day without technology or distractions for students to practice this skill can assist in the

development of solitude. Students will be forced to turn their attention away from devices and

towards their feelings and imagination.

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Thoreau’s second chair focuses on family, friendship and romance. This theory relates

back to the previously mentioned importance of building relationships with communication and

trust. For young children, practice and exposure to face-to-face conversation without the

interruption of technology is key. “From infancy, the foundations for emotional stability and

social fluency are developed when children make eye contact and interact with active, engaged

faces” (Turkle, p.108). Teachers are responsible for creating device-free times and places for

these interactions to occur. Online discussion tools should be used scarcely when face-to-face

collaboration is possible. Students should be encouraged to practice conversations with their

peers and share their thoughts, feelings and dreams orally. During times of disagreement or

frustration, teachers should urge students to communicate their feelings in person rather than

digitally. Reading is also extremely important to building attention and engagement. “Wolf

suggests that to get children back to reading, the first, crucial step is to read to children and with

them” (Turkle, p. 111). Students should be participating in reading time with their teachers and

peers, while also having conversations about the stories they read and making connections to the

book and with each other. This time should happen without the interruption of a device.

Thoreau’s third chair represents education and work. At school, it is typical for students

to experience times of boredom or silence. These are times when children often retreat to a

device in order to occupy their time and distract their mind. Teachers frequently allow students

to do this, and disregard the effects it might have on their development. Sometimes, teachers

even encourage the idea of multitasking and substitute a technology tool for a face-to-face

lesson. Turkle argues “If a moment of boredom happens in a classroom, rather than competing

for student attention with ever more extravagant technological fireworks, (Google jockeying!),

we should encourage our students to stay with their moment of silence or distraction” (p. 218).
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Allowing and encouraging students to daydream in a moment of boredom rather than retreat to a

website might help them make a private connection to the subject and develop new thinking.

Conclusion

Turkle argues that the narrative of face-to-face conversations is key to building

relationships with friends and family, being successful in school and at work, and understanding

one’s self. These conversations allow for opportunities to develop empathy, practice patience,

understand feelings, and develop deep, meaningful connections with others. The use and

presence of technology is interfering with these developments. “Face-to-face conversation

unfolds slowly. It teaches patience. We attend to tone and nuance. When we communicate on our

digital devices, we learn different habits. As we ramp up the volume and velocity of our online

connections, we want immediate answers. In order to get them, we ask simpler questions; we

dumb down our communications, even on the most important matters. And we become

accustomed to a life of constant interruption” (Turkle, p. 35). Fortunately, Turkle believes that

this new way of life can be improved. Through practice and modeling, children and teens can

acquire these skills. It is extremely important that society works to reclaim conversation in order

to end the virtuous circle and practice the virtues of Thoreau’s three chairs.
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References

Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age. New York,

NY: Penguin Random House LLC.