DIVORCE AND ITS ROOTS

DIVORCE.
It is only a seven-letter word, but it remains very controversial. It is the legal ending of
a marriage in some countries such as Western countries.
There are various and complicated reasons for divorce. But these reasons are
particular to each couple - to their marital relationship, experiences, as well as problems.
People have this notion of 'falling in love'. They would also ask themselves, 'Is there such
thing as falling out of love?' Probably, some people say that falling out of love means that
there is no love between two people. There are times that a person would think that, 'Oh, I
no longer love him.' or 'My love for her is already gone.' On the other hand, some people do
not believe in the notion of 'falling out of love'. In their view, they consider that a person was
just attracted to the physical features of the person. Or there is just a sense of
belongingness at first, but that feeling or sense vanishes later. People say that there is no
such thing as falling out of love. They consider that people just used to feel the love and
belongingness from another person, which they no longer feel later in their relationship. This
entails that there are some essential factors to keep the relationship stable that are presently
lacking or absent. If these factors are lacking or absent, then the relationship would be
struggling and therefore, it needs resuscitation.

Before marriage, it is important that the couple is ready in terms of legal readiness,
emotional readiness, and financial readiness. They should be in the right age to marry. They
should be emotionally prepared for their married life for they would be building up their new
family, thus, they would be living separately with their parents. And also, it is better if the
couple is financially stable. Being financially stable allows the couple to provide adequate
needs for their family. In addition, if the couple has a satisfactory financial status, it is not
likely for them to face financial crisis. There would be no financial problems arising in the
future. However, some people do not consider this financial stability as a factor in marriage.
Some people just get married, without thinking for their future. They tend to think only about
the present and there is a sense of neglect where they do not foresee the possibilities that
may happen in the future. Probably, this is considered as a reason why some families face
financial problems at present. It is because they are not ready and they are not stable
financially. In relation to divorce, some people cannot withstand the financial crisis that they
experience. They might be used to live a wealthy life when they are not yet married. They
want to escape from their financial problems that they leave their partners. Other people may
possibly commit adultery because they want to experience a wealthy living. It is
recommended that couples under financial crisis should discuss possible ways to increase
their living. They can discuss about establishing their family business. They can also seek
advice from their friends and family on how they can solve their problems.

There are cases that people separate from each other because of cultural
differences. It includes the religious beliefs and lifestyle differences. Because the couple has
different religious views, they find it hard to relate to each other. There are times that they
might have contrasting views. In addition, lifestyle differences affect the relationship of a
couple. If one is organized and very systematic, while the partner is messy and has no
eagerness to plan for the future, then it would also be hard for them to live together.
However, if they learn understand that everyone is unique, then they should try to find ways
in order for them to adapt to the exceptionality of each other. Moreover, they should gain
respect to each other because respect is an element that makes a relationship stable. If
there is no respect between couples, then it is likely for them to have fights or quarrels.

Some people leave their partners if the partner has mental instability of mental
illness. Some people want their partner to be intellectually and mentally healthy so as to
establish and run a productive life. But for some people, having a partner who is mentally ill
is very difficult to the other party. It adds pressure because you have to take care of your
partner physically, emotionally, mentally. It is draining to them. It is hard because you they to
adapt to the abnormality of their partner. Some leave their mentally ill partners due to the
social stigma that their partner gets in the society. People with mental disorder or mental
tendencies have very poor social life. They have very low socialization because of their
qualities. So it is probable that the partners of these mentally ill people are not proud of them
and they want to have themselves apart from that social stigma. But in some cases, some
people accept their partners for who they are. They have their own strategic and adaptive
ways to cope with the status that their have. It is the concern that they have for their partner.
They are eager to provide care as well as support to their partner. This support is the
element that binds them together and makes them surpass the social dilemmas that they
face.
 Some people separate because of immaturity or interference from parents. There are
circumstances wherein one of the couple is not able to function productively without the help
of their parents. They are not able to live a life of their own. They tend to seek help,
especially financially from their parents. There are also some cases where in the parents or
the in-laws do not want the partner for their child. It may adversely affect their relationship as
a couple. However, if the couple would understand each other, they could help each other by
identifying their weaknesses and by using their strengths to overcome their weakness. This
way, they will be able to live their life more productively, with less help from other people.
For some people, the personality of their partners really matters. They want disciplined
partners, no vice, and no criminal records. Sometimes, destiny becomes tricky. Some people
introduce themselves as people with tender loving care. They tend to mask themselves with
good qualities. They hide their real colour until the wedding day. But then, months after the
marriage, some problems arise. These problems are often related to the qualities of their
partners. Some problems, especially to those with low socio-economic status, are related to
the vices of their spouse like smoking and drinking. The partner will just smoke and drink
every day. Even some, would take illegal drugs. These factors often lead to physical
violence to the wife and to the children. Because of that developing miserable life, some
women take their children and decide to leave their husbands.

There are cases, especially for men, wherein they leave their spouses because the
spouse cannot conceive their child. For some men and women, it is important to them to
have their own child. For them, they feel satisfied when they see their own kids playing
around and mature as an adult. Other people do not prefer to adopt kids. Because their
spouse is not able to produce a child, they tend to leave them and look for other people in
the world who are capable of giving them an offspring. However, some people consider the
other qualities of their partners. For some, they are not after to having a child, but they are
madly after their partners. Some people do not mind if their partner is infertile or sterile, but
what is important is that they live happily throughout their lives. Other people consider
adopting children if they are not able to have their own. For them, it is the happiness that is
important within the family. As long as they are happy, then they have no problems with that.
Some people wanted divorce due to lack of commitment to the marriage. If two people just
got married but they do not really love each other, would live an unhappy life in the future.
An example of this point is when two people just get married because of unexpected
pregnancy. They had their child but they do not truly love each other. It just means that they
have to marry each other because of their responsibility for their child, but NOT their love
and commitment for each other. However, the aforementioned example is not applied to all
cases but only to some cases. Another instance is the prioritization of people. Some people
tend to focus much on their career or personal growth. As a result, they spend less time to
their families because they are already pre-occupied of their work. Furthermore, their
partners would feel that they are no longer loved because of that lack of attention. In
response, couples should consider that the presence of time and communication is also very
significant in a relationship.

One of the major causes of divorce is infidelity. Some people have an affair to other
people maybe because their partners cannot give their needs like luxury or sexual needs.
Most people tend to find love and belongingness from other people when feel that they are
not loved by their partners because of work, lack of communication, and mistrust. These
things may result to a big problem, which is the absence of faith or loyalty to their partners.
Technology today is on the rise and it allows people to meet other people around the world
through the phone and internet. The internet is the most utilized tool to meet new people.
There are sites in the internet that serves as a tool if one would like to search for a man or a
woman. In addition, there are some websites that allow people to chat. That way, affairs can
develop and that leads to infidelity. As soon as the other party discovers the unfaithfulness of
his or her partner, he or she decides to leave the partner. Some people also look for new
people where they can find love and belongingness.

Problems arise because of lack of communication. Communication is the exchange

of ideas between two people. Lack of communication builds a gap between partners. A
marriage will also fail when the lines of communication are absent. It is important for the
couple to discuss their feelings and concerns to each other. They should address the
problem to their partners. This way, they will be able to discuss together possible plans in
order to resolve the issues. In addition, constant communication is very vital to couples
because it keeps them in touch and it gives them updates to their everyday life. For instance,
if the husband needs to work abroad to earn an income for his family, then there should be a
constant communication between him and his family in order for them to stay updated about
their lives. They can use the telephone, the letter, and the internet in order to keep in touch
with each other. Moreover, "No man is an island". Of course, people are social beings.
People are not plants or rocks, which cannot speak. People have brains, mouth, and vocal
cords that enable them to speak. People tend to talk to other people. This entails that
couples, whether they are together or apart, there should be a constant communication
between them. It bonds them together as one by keeping the heat on between them. There
would be no gap between couples if there is constant communication. It also fills up the
social needs of people.

Above all, divorce is prevented if certain elements are present to bind the couple or
the family together. First, there should be RESPECT. It is the recognition and appreciation of
the uniqueness of each other, physically, mentally, socially, intellectually, spiritually, and
culturally. The couple should accept the individuality of each other. Second, TRUST should
be present. The couple should give their trust to each other. In addition, they should not
break that trust because trust is like a glass, which is very hard to fix when it is already
damaged. Next is COMMUNICATION. It is the exchange of ideas that enhance the harmony
and mutuality of the relationship. It keeps the fire blazing and it adds spice to the married life.
It avoids the gaps from building up. It is like a hot blaze that melts the freezing ice. Another
vital factor is COMMITMENT. Commitment is a pillar or foundation of a strong mutual loving
relationship among couples. Commitment, along with unconditional love, gives life and
eternity to couples. You should be committed to your husband or wife and you should be
sure that you love him or her. But then, the word commitment is not simple. This entails that
you have the responsibility for your partner. You should work together as one in order to
overcome any trials on your relationship. And lastly, then answer to all the problems is
LOVE. Without love, we are nothing. If you love each other, you would do anything for you to
stay together till the end of you lives, in sickness and in wealth, in life and in death.
Respect, Trust, Communication, Commitment, and Love are the elements that work in
harmony towards a successful loving relationship. They play a role in maintaining the bond
that joins the hearts of two people who love each other. If one of them would be lacking, then
the bond would be disintegrated, thus, it allows external negative forces to further destroy
that bond. To prevent divorce, couples should consider those elements in order for them to
be happy for the rest of their lives