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CHARACTERS

THE TEACHERS

MR FARRELL DRAMA

MISS BERG DANCE

MR SHOROFSKY MUSIC

MRS SHERWOOD ENGLISH

THE STUDENTS

MONTGOMERY LISA

RALPH COCO

LEROY DORIS

BRUNO HILARY

MARIANNE Girl at the auditions

SHIRLEY Girl at the auditions

MRS FINSECKER Doris’s Mother

ANGELO Bruno’s Father

MARIO Bruno’s Uncle

PRESENTER Talent night

GIRL

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 “FAME”

Based on the screenplay by Christopher Gore

SCENE 1

Drama auditions.
Montgomery is a young actor auditioning for the High School for Performing Arts.

MONTGOMERY: I always worry that maybe people aren't gonna like me when I go to a party.
Isn't that crazy? Do you ever get that kind of a sick feeling in your stomach
when you dread things? I wouldn't wanna miss a party, but every time I go
to one I keep feeling like the whole worlds against me. See, I've spent my
whole life in military academies. My mother doesn't have a place for me
where she lives and she doesn't know what else to do with me. You mustn't
misunderstand about my mother. She's really a lovely person. I guess
every boy thinks his mother is beautiful, but my mother really is. She tells
me in every letter how sorry she is that we're not together more but she has
to think of her work. One time we were together, though. She met me in
San Francisco once and we were together for two whole days, just like we
were sweethearts. It was the most wonderful time I ever had. Then I had to
go back to the military academy. Every time I walk into that barracks, I get a
kind of … a kind of a … (He forgets the line and looks at his notes) I'm
sorry. Kind of a depressed feeling. It's got hard, stone walls. You know what
I mean? I guess I've bored you enough, telling you about myself…

MR FARRELL: Thank you.

MONTGOMERY: Sorry about that. I messed up the last couple of lines. I guess I'm nervous.

MR FARRELL: That's okay. You did very well.

MONTGOMERY: I can go back and do that part again if you like?

MR FARRELL: No, that’s fine … Mr MacNeill. (Montgomery starts to say something else,
he stops him) That’s all we’ll need today. Thank you.

MONTGOMERY: No, thank you. I look forward to hearing from you.

MR FARRELL: Next please.

SCENE 2

Enter three dancers on their way to their audition.

LISA: I am so nervous. Oh, I love your scarf.

MARIANNE: Thanks. It’s my sisters. She went to high school here and thought that it
might be good luck.

LISA: I could do with that. I hate my legs. Do you think they’re too short?

MARIANNE: (To Coco) Have you got a monologue prepared?

COCO: Sure.

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LISA: Me too, but I hope they don’t ask me to sing.

MARIANNE: I’m not singing.

COCO: But you have to.

MARIANNE: But I came here to dance.

COCO: You have to sing, act and play an instrument too.

LISA: What, all three?

COCO: This is a school for the “performing arts”, isn’t it!

MARIANNE: Yeah, but, you don’t have to do everything, do you?

COCO: It helps though sweetheart. It sure helps.

LISA: Oh no, now look at my hair! It goes all frizzy when I get nervous.

MARIANNE: So, what do you do?

COCO: Me, I do everything!

LISA: Everything?

COCO: Feel free to watch.

SCENE 3

Music auditions.

MR SHOROFSKY: Next please.

RALPH: Hi.

MR SHOROFSKY: How do you do? What's your name?

RALPH: Ralph Garci.

MR SHOROFSKY: Right, Ralph Garci. Would you mind moving back a little. Thank you. Ok Mr
Garci, who was your teacher?

RALPH: Well, my father taught me (pause) He's doing work for the government. I'm
not supposed to talk about it, but my father was very famous. He played
some of the most beautiful symphonies in the whole world. Once.

MR SHOROFSKY: What did he play?

RALPH: Trombones … and French horns … English horns … saxophones.

MR SHOROFSKY: Anything else?

RALPH: Yeah. Bongos, maracas, that sort of stuff.

MR SHOROFSKY: He didn’t play violin by any chance? You see we’re short on violins.

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RALPH: No.

MR SHOROFSKY: What did he teach you?

RALPH: (Ralph takes out a harmonica from his pocket) Are you ready? (he begins
to play – badly!)

MR SHOROFSKY: Thank you! (Ralph continues playing) Thank you! Tell me Mr Garci, do you
like to dance?

RALPH: Oh I love to dance.

MR SHOROFSKY: Then maybe you should try the dance department.

RALPH: Ok. Sure. I can do anything.

MR SHOROFSKY: Thank you. Next.

SCENE 4

Reception for the auditions.

MRS SHERWOOD: Names?

SHIRLEY: Excuse me, miss. You don't need his name. He's not here for the audition.
He's my partner.

MRS SHERWOOD: What school's he from?

SHIRLEY: He isn’t into school. He's just helping me out, you see, with my dancing. He
just my partner. We’ve been rehearsing together but it's me who's
auditioning. Mulholland, Shirley. I'm all fixed up. I filled in all your papers
and everything.

MRS SHERWOOD: He doesn't get past without giving me his name.

SHIRLEY: Leroy's his name, but it’s my audition. Shirley Mulholland. That's two L's.
And don't ask him to do any writing. He doesn’t like that.

MRS SHERWOOD: Well, doesn't he talk?

SHIRLEY: He isn’t into conversation. Not until you get to know him.

MRS SHERWOOD: Leroy what? (pause) Look if you want to audition …

SHIRLEY: Leroy Johnson. Can we go now?

MRS SHERWOOD: No. Not until he checks in his knife.

SHIRLEY: We’re not staying long enough to cause any trouble. He's just helping a
friend.

MRS SHERWOOD: He's not helping out anyone unless he checks in his knife. This is the High
School for Performing Arts. We don't cut each other up here.

LEROY: Yo, I’m not leaving my blade with her.

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SHIRLEY: Come on Leroy, you promised!

MRS SHERWOOD: You can pick up your weapon after you’ve finished.

LEROY: You want it?

MRS SHERWOOD: I want it.

LEROY: You sure you want it?

MRS SHERWOOD: Yeah, I'm sure I want it.

LEROY: Promise you won't steal it, now?

MRS SHERWOOD: I promise. (Leroy hands over the knife)

SHIRLEY: Thanks, ma'am.

LEROY: Don't worry, baby. I got lots of knives.

SCENE 5

Bruno, a music student, with his Father and Uncle are unloading Bruno’s equipment.

ANGELO: Careful. That's $7000 worth of machine.

MARIO: I am being careful.

BRUNO: Don't touch the rotary pods. I got it set on saw-tooth.

ANGELO: What pods? Which part is that? I get confused with all these buttons and
switches.

BRUNO: There on the V.C.O. (asks a girl for directions) Excuse me, could you point
me in the direction of the music department.

GIRL: Sure. Down the corridor, second left. Then take the stairs to the third floor.

ANGELO: The Third floor … right … thank you.

MARIO: Why can't he play piccolo? Something smaller and sensible.

ANGELO: Same reason you drive a checker taxi cab and not a Roman chariot. It's
progress. My son's head is into the future. And besides, Papa could never
play the accordion.

SCENE 6

They pass Doris, an actress, and her Mother on the way to her audition.

MRS FINSECKER: Now, don’t be shy. Stand up straight. Doris …

MRS SHERWOOD: Can I help you?

DORIS: (Her mother nudges her forward. She’s holds a letter) I’m here for my …

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MRS FINSECKER: … our audition.

MRS SHERWOOD: And you are?

MRS FINSECKER: I’m Doris’s mother.

MRS SHERWOOD: I’m afraid that …

MRS FINSECKER: What? She has an appointment. Doris, show her the letter.

MRS SHERWOOD: Yes I understand that but I’m afraid you are not allowed to go in with her.

MRS FINSECKER: Oh, but I have to help her with her audition you see. I have a very important
part. Without me it would be impossible for her to …

MRS SHERWOOD: Ok. I’ll make an exception. You need to see Mr Farrell. Down the hall and
to the right.

MRS FINSECKER: Thank you.

DORIS: I knew it. I knew there would be no other mothers.

MRS FINSECKER: Do you think I would let you come without me. I’m here to support you.

DORIS: I don’t need support. And you had to make me wear this dress. I look so out
of place. All the other kids have …

MRS FINSECKER: You have to look your best. This must be it.

MR FARRELL: Next please. What's your name?

DORIS: Finsecker. Doris Finsecker.

MR FARRELL: And what are you going to do for us?

DORIS: I was gonna sing.

MR FARRELL: You don't have to sing, honey …

MRS FINSECKER: We know our rights. You can't refuse her an audition.

MR FARRELL: She's not supposed to sing her audition. Please, excuse me, if you don't
mind. Honey, you don't have to sing for us because this is the drama
department.

MRS FINSECKER: When she sings, it is drama.

DORIS: Mama.

MR FARRELL: Why do you want to go to school here Doris?

DORIS: I want to be an actress.

MR FARRELL: Sorry, I can’t hear you.

MRS FINSECKER: Speak up Doris.

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DORIS: I want to be a good actress. A good serious actress and … should I tell
him?

MRS FINSECKER: Yeah, tell him.

DORIS: We can't afford a professional children's school.

MR FARRELL: Okay. If you want to sing, go ahead. Then we'll look at your acting.

DORIS: I'm a little nervous.

MR FARRELL: Think of it as a concentration exercise. Just sing and don't worry about
anybody else.

MRS FINSECKER: Well, press the button.

Doris sings.

“THE WAY WE WERE”.

DORIS: Memories light the corners of my mind,

Misty water colour memories,
Of the way we were.
Scattered pictures, of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another,
Of the way we were.

As she sings her mother takes a picture with a flash which startles Doris.
She begins to speak the words instead of singing.

Can it be that it all was so simple then, or has time rewritten every line? If
we had the chance to do it all again. Tell me would we? Could we?
Memories may be beautiful and yet, what’s too painful to remember, we
simply forget. So it’s the laughter, we will remember, whenever we
remember, the way we were. The way we were.”

Doris’s mother applauds and dries her eyes.

MR FARRELL: Doris, what would you do if you don't make it?

MRS FINSECKER: We'll make it.

SCENE 7

Dance auditions. Enter Ralph.

MISS BERG: And you are?

RALPH: I’m Ralph. Ralph Garci.

MISS BERG: Ok. Where have you studied?

RALPH: My father taught me. I'm not supposed to talk about him right now. He's
doing a little bit of work for the government you see, top secret. But my
father is very, very famous. He danced with the Rockettes! Taught me
everything he knows.

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MISS BERG: Uh-huh, so what have you prepared for us today?

RALPH: I have a little tap number, choreographed by my father.

MISS BERG: Sure. Would you begin, please?

RALPH: I'll be doing "Swanee River".

MISS BERG: Okay.

RALPH: "Swanee River," please. Hit it. (He dances)

MISS BERG: Why don’t you try the drama department.

Ralph leaves.

MISS BERG: Shirley, Shirley Mullholland?

SHIRLEY: Yes ma’am. I’m Shirley.

MISS BERG: You’re next. Who’s this?

SHIRLEY: This is my partner.

MISS BERG: Name?

SHIRLEY: Leroy Johnson.

MISS BERG: Ok. When you’re ready.

The music begins and they dance. As they continue to dance Leroy starts to enjoy performing for
the others and goes solo. Shirley is not impressed.

“RED LIGHT”

COMPANY: Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo

I work so hard to get me a man don't try to take him away.

I love my man like nobody can don't try or you're gonna pay.
You been getting too close, you been going too far.
Who do you think you are?
Some kinda star?

You're heading for a red light

Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

Red light
Hot night
Bad fight

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Dynamite

(Red light)
Red's the colour of hot (Hot light)
Hot's the fever I got (Bad fight)
Red enough it will burn you (Oooooo)

(Red light)
Red's all I can see (Hot night)
Hot is how it'll be (Bad fight)
Red for you if you mess with me (Oooooo)

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo

Now I don't want you hanging around, my man is too hard to hold.
But if you plan on hanging around, I plan on stopping you cold.
Cuz I'm ready to rock and I'm ready to roll,
I'm raging outta control.
Look out below!

You're heading for a red light

Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

Red light
Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

(Red light)
Red's the colour of hot (Hot light)
Hot's the fever I got (Bad fight)
Red enough it will burn you (Oooooo)

(Red light)
Red's all I can see (Hot night)
Hot is how it'll be (Bad fight)
Red for you if you mess with me (Oooooo)

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo (X6)

Red light
Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

(Red light) I'm talking bout a real red light.

(Hot night) I'll give such a heck of a fight.

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 (Bad fight) Don't ya try to take my man.
(Dynamite) I wanna hold on long as I can.

I work so hard to get me a man don’t try to take him away.

I love my man like nobody can don't try or you're gonna pay.
I am ready to rock and I'm ready to roll,
I'm raging outta control.
Look out below!

You're heading for a red light

Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

Red light
Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

Red light
Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

Red light
Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

Red light
Hot night
Bad fight
Dynamite

Red light
Hot night

RED LIGHT!

SHIRLEY: No, no. Stop. We have to start again. He’s not doing it right. You’re not
doing what we rehearsed.

MISS BERG: That’s ok Shirley. I think we’ve seen enough. Leroy where’s your
application.

SHIRLEY: He doesn’t have an application. This is my audition. I came here to dance.

You're not into high school, remember?

LEROY: Well, I’m thinking about it. Anyway, I'm into dancing.

SHIRLEY: You're into the chicks, you mean. You don't have to go to high school for
that. Who asked you to do my audition anyway!

LEROY: You did. I was doing you a favour, remember?

SHIRLEY: Some fat favour.

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MISS BERG: (to Leroy) Fill out these forms and take your things to the third floor. Make
sure you give them to the senior at the door.

SHIRLEY: And me?

MISS BERG: You can go downstairs to the girls changing room and wait for him there if
you like.

SHIRLEY: I'm through? I don't have to dance anymore? Where you going, Leroy? He's
in and I'm out, right? To hell with you, Leroy! This was my audition,
remember? You're not into high school. We were rehearsing to get me into
this school, not you! It's not fair! You wont make it! You’ll get kicked out! I
didn't want to come here anyway. This school is stupid. You've done me a
favour! You gone and saved me four long years from this stupid school!
You’re looking at one happy lady! Who wants to go to school to learn to
dance, anyway?

SCENE 8

Music auditions. Enter Bruno with all his equipment.

ANGELO: Easy now. To the left a little. Ok Bruno. Where do you want this.

BRUNO: (Calling offstage) It’s ok Papa I can take it from here.

ANGELO: (Offstage) Are you sure son?

BRUNO: Yes. Thanks. Oh, hi! Martelli, Bruno Martelli.

MR SHOROFSKY: Do you need a license to operate that thing Mr Martelli?

BRUNO: I’m sorry?

MR SHOROFSKY: I mean, do you want to be a musician or an airline pilot?

BRUNO: I am a musician.

MR SHOROFSKY: Very well. If you would like to set up your equipment and then begin.

BRUNO: Yeah sure, no problem.

MR SHOROFSKY: Do you play violin Mr Martelli?

BRUNO: Not a real one. (various sounds and lights flash on the synthesizer) Ok, are
you ready? (he begins to play)

MR SHOROFSKY: Mr. Martelli. Mr. Martelli. Mr. Martelli! Thank you. One instrument at a time
will be quite sufficient.

BRUNO: I could do it in 4/4 if you prefer it with a disco beat.

MR SHOROFSKY: No thank you that wont be necessary. Would you mind playing this for me.
Part of the audition requires you to sight read a piece.

BRUNO: No problem. (he plays the piece perfectly)

MR SHOROFSKY: Ok. That’s fine. Have you studied that piece before?

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BRUNO: Maybe I’ve heard it. My father’s into stuff like that.

MR SHOROFSKY: Stuff like what?

BRUNO: You know, all those old guys, Bach, Mozart, Puccini … I mean don’t get me
wrong they were great in their day but music has evolved a little since then.

MR SHOROFSKY: Those “old guys” as you call them have given us four centuries of classical
music!

BRUNO: Would you like to hear something else, I could …

MR SHOROFSKY: No, that’s just about enough as I can take for today. But I’ll pay you back for
this headache when I get you into music theory class where you will spend
four years with those “old guys” and me. (he leaves)

BRUNO: When you get me into music theory … (he realises that Mr Shorofsky has
just told him he is in) Oh yeah (he plays again)

SCENE 9

Outside of the drama auditions. Coco is dancing as Ralph passes. She begins to clap her
hands.

RALPH: Why, thank you. I know, I’m just fabulous aren’t I!

COCO: That was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. Your audition was … well …
I’m just lost for words.

RALPH: They told me to try the drama department. You see they know talent when
they see it.

COCO: I don’t think that’s what they’re trying to tell you! Listen … Nobody talks
about it, but there's a quota system. Your chances are better if you're black,
Puerto Rican or everything, like me.

RALPH: I am Puerto Rican.

COCO: Not on paper you’re not, Ralph Garci, and all that noise about your daddy
doing work for the government.

RALPH: That's the truth.

COCO: And he’s world famous, danced with the Rockettes!

RALPH: Yeah!

COCO: And he left you his tap shoes, right? Does he work for Pepsi-Cola too?
You’ve got one last chance. Go in there and tell them the truth this time.

RALPH: Ok. Thanks

MR FARRELL: Next please. Name.

RALPH: Raul. Raul Garcia.

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MR FARRELL: And, where are you from, Mr Garcia.

RALPH: I was born in San Juan but I grew up in the South Bronx.

MR FARRELL: Who taught you?

RALPH: Who taught me? My father taught me. He's in Spain. He makes Westerns.

MR FARRELL: Uh-huh.

RALPH: But that’s not the point.

MR FARRELL: Why do you want to go to school here?

RALPH: Because Freddie went here.

MR FARRELL: Freddie?

RALPH: Freddie Prinze. He was the best.

MR FARRELL: So you want to be an actor, huh?

RALPH: Yeah, sure, I want to be an actor. (impersonating James Cagney) “Judy,

Judy, Judy. Top of the world, Ma.”

MR FARRELL: We don't want you to perform. We want to see who you are. You
understand?

RALPH: Right.

MR FARRELL: Use your own experience. Be simple, be honest, but most of all, be
yourself.

RALPH: Be honest. Be simple. Be yourself? Be yourself. Ok. I'm God, see?

And I’m talking to this angel, giving him the business of the day. That’s why
I’m standing on this chair, because I’m God. Ok. And God is Puerto Rican
and he works in a steam bath, see … and the angel is a computer, an
electronic computer. (he mimes typing on a computer) Hiya baby, ok, San
Diego Freeway … I’m still God right? All right, first thing I want that Pontiac
moving south past Hermosa Beach to crash into the light blue Eldorado
coming the other way. Make it a head-on collision. No Survivors.

MR FARRELL: Thank you.

RALPH: So, how did I do?

MR FARRELL: You know, this is not the easy option. Performing arts means hard work
and discipline. Are you ready for that?

RALPH: I was born ready!

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SCENE 10

At the Finsecker home. A phone rings.

MRS FINSECKER: Yeah, hello? No, it isn't. This is Naomi Finsecker speaking. Her mother.
Who is this? Oh yes, hello. Uh-huh. Yes …replacement? What do you
mean, replacement? So is she in or is she out? Thank you, yes you too,
thank you, goodbye. Doris, we're in!

All the students receive their letters telling them that they have been accepted.

FRESHMAN YEAR

SCENE 11

MRS SHERWOOD: Martelli, Bruno.

BRUNO: Here.

MRS SHERWOOD: Hernandez, Coco.

COCO: Here.

MRS SHERWOOD: Finsecker, Doris

DORIS: Here.

MRS SHERWOOD: Garcia, Raul. Garcia, Raul?

RALPH: It's Ralph.

MRS SHERWOOD: It says Raul.

COCO: Yeah, but he doesn’t relate to that.

MRS SHERWOOD: Garcia, Ralph.

RALPH: It's Garci. Ralph Garci. I think they spelled it wrong on the application.

MRS SHERWOOD: Garci, Ralph.

RALPH: Here.

MRS SHERWOOD: MacNeill, Montgomery.

MONTGOMERY: Here.

MRS SHERWOOD: Monroe, Lisa.

LISA: (she is unaware busy putting on her make up) Yes?

MRS SHERWOOD: Johnson, Leroy. Johnson, Leroy? (he is listening to music. Ralph gives him
a nudge)

LEROY: Hey!

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MRS SHERWOOD: In future, Mr. Johnson, I'd like you to leave your ghetto blaster at home. It
doesn’t belong in the classroom.

LEROY: I'd have left it at home if it wasn't so boring in here.

MRS SHERWOOD: This is a classroom, Mr. Johnson. You're going to be here in the same
room for four years, with your eyes open, homework done, pencils
sharpened and all food, cigarettes and radios outside. Those are the rules
Mr Johnson. Do you understand me? You’ll either get used to them or get
out!

LEROY: Ain’t nobody making me walk unless I wants to.

MRS SHERWOOD: Why are you here, Mr. Johnson?

LEROY: Because I's young and single and I loves to mingle.

MRS SHERWOOD: Speak English.

LEROY: I speak like I likes.

MRS SHERWOOD: This is my room and you'll speak as I like. I teach English. Now, if that's a
foreign language, you're gonna learn it. This is no Mickey Mouse school.
You won't get off easy because you’re talented. You’ll work twice as hard. I
don't care how cute you are or how well you dance …

LEROY: (under his breath) Whatever.

MRS SHERWOOD: … or how many coloured tutus you have. If you don't give your academic
subjects equal time, you're out.

MISS BERG: For your dance classes you have to arrive earlier to get dressed and
warmed up. You have to take outside classes in your major field and study
ballet, modern, folk, jazz, tap and historical dance here as well as dance
history, supported adagio variation class, makeup, hairstyling and even
acting for dancers.

MR FARRELL: There are over 50,000 people walking around calling themselves actors,
and maybe 500 are making a living at it. Most of those do commercials to
pay the rent. The rest wait tables clean other people's apartments, living on
welfare and hope. Don't think talent's enough to get you through.
You gotta have a strong technique, a good agent, and most of all, thick
skin. Now you're part of an underprivileged minority, and you're going to
suffer. There’s the cattle calls, the humiliation, the rejection.

MISS BERG: Pulled tendons, shin splints, swollen toes, smelly tights .

MR SHOROFSKY: Melodic dictation theory, keyboard harmony, piano, piano literature music
history, orchestration, conducting, dance band, symphonic band,
ensembles and everyone will learn to play the violin. We’re short on violins
for the orchestra.

MONTGOMERY: When do we have lunch?

MR SHOROFSKY: Lunch is at 11:30. One half-hour and then you'll have everything else.

BRUNO: What's everything else?

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MR SHOROFSKY: Biology, chemistry, algebra, English, French, physics, history, etc etc.

MRS SHERWOOD: The difference between the High School of Performing Arts and other
high schools is that here you spend half your day working in your
department and then the other on academic subjects. Then there’s the third
half that you’ll spend practising, rehearsing, practicing exercises and more
rehearsing. That’s three halves, which is impossible, that don’t even include
homework, term papers, exams, studying or preparing presentations.

MISS BERG: Dance is not a way of getting through school. It's a way of life, plus school.
The school part is easier. You can fail French and make it up at night but if
you don’t pass a dance class, you’re out. You want fame? Well, fame costs
and right here is where you start paying.

LEROY: These tights you be talking about, I ain’t wearing them.

MR FARRELL: So you better like yourself a lot. Because that's all you got to work with. Use
yourself. Your voice and your experiences. You have to find out who you
are and use your experiences to create honest moments onstage.

RALPH: (to Doris) Wanna accumulate some experiences? I got plenty experiences
to spare.

MISS BERG: Dance is the hardest department in the school.

MR FARRELL: Acting is the hardest profession in the world.

MR SHOROFSKY: Music is the hardest profession of them all.

The bells rings signalling lunch time.

“HOT LUNCH”

COCO & Shady Sadie (Shady Sadie)

COMPANY: Serving lady (She's a serving lady)
But don't pay her no mind, no,
She'll take every dime (Ooooooo)
She's gotta one-a-day lunch
It's good for all the bunch, yeah!
Hot lunch, yeah!

Macaroni and baloney

Tuna fish our favourite dish
It's hot lunch, yeah!

If it's yellow then it's Jell-O

If it's blue it could be stewed
Ooh ooh ooh!

She's gotta one-a-day lunch

It's good for all the bunch, hey yeah!
Hot hot lunch

C'mon, say it now!

17
 Hot lunch (Hot luuunch Hot luuunch)
Hot lunch (Hot luuunch Hot luuunch)

Hot lunch (Hot luuunch Hot luuunch)

Hot lunch
Ooooooo

Hot lunch

The scene calms down and people begin to leave.

SCENE 12

MONTGOMERY: Hi.

DORIS: Hi.

MONTGOMERY: I'm in your acting class.

DORIS: I know.

MONTGOMERY: Montgomery MacNeill.

DORIS: Doris Finsecker. Wanna sit down?

MONTGOMERY: Sure.

DORIS: Is your mother really Marsha MacNeill, the actress?

MONTGOMERY: That's right.

DORIS: She does wonderful work.

MONTGOMERY: Have you seen her?

DORIS: Not really. But I've heard. I didn't know she lived in New York.

MONTGOMERY: She doesn't. Officially, she does but she's been on the road forever. She
gets paid to stay in hotels but she stays with friends. Sends her per diems
home to me and Dr. Golden.

DORIS: Is that your stepfather?

MONTGOMERY: No, my analyst.

DORIS: What's wrong with you?

MONTGOMERY: It's pretty technical, really. I have problems.

DORIS: What kind of problems?

MONTGOMERY: With women. (the bell rings)

DORIS: Oh well, better get to class. Are you coming?

18
MONTGOMERY: Yeah.

Scene 13

Drama class.

MR FARRELL: Welcome to drama class. I hope you’re ready to work because I’m going to
be throwing you all in at the deep end. Here is your first class assignment. I
want you to observe yourself doing ordinary, everyday things. You'll be
asked to duplicate those here in class. An actor must develop an acute
sense memory so concentrate on how you deal with things in your world
how you wash your face or hold your fork or lift your cup comb your hair.
Observe and study your own mechanical ness. See if you can catch
yourself in the very act of doing or saying something. See if your actions
and reactions fall into patterns and what those patterns are. And in
particular, pay close attention to the physical world. Isolate and concentrate
on the details. So divide off into pairs and begin by observing each other
and then yourselves.

Doris is looking in a mirror, observing herself. She tries to put on lipstick.

MONTGOMERY: Hey, what’s up?

DORIS: You’re not the only one with problems you know.

MONTGOMERY: Like what. There’s nothing wrong with you

DORIS: I know that there’s nothing wrong with me. That's what's wrong with me.
Everybody here is colourful or eccentric or charismatic. I'm perfectly
ordinary. My nose is ordinary. My body's ordinary. And my voice, it's—yuck.
I don't know why I'm here.

MONTGOMERY: You wanna be an actress don’t you?

DORIS: Yeah, but actors and actresses are colourful, flamboyant beings. I'm about
as flamboyant as a bagel.

MONTGOMERY: Some people like bagels.

DORIS: Some people don't.

MONTGOMERY: Like who?

DORIS: I feel stupid.

MONTGOMERY: So get into it. Study it as an acting exercise. Try to remember it so you
can...

RALPH: Hey, M and M. Have you seen your shrink lately?

MONTGOMERY: Yesterday.

RALPH: You got a special delivery? (to Doris) How you doing? How are you?
(Montgomery gives him a package) Oh, good. That's very good. You're a
good man. They're not for me. They're for a friend of mine.(noting Doris’s

19
 makeup) Who's the lucky fella, huh? Well, it can't be little Montgomery
here. He's not into chicks. Oops shut my mouth. Bye.

DORIS: I hate Ralph Garci, I really do. I must remember this feeling and use it in my
acting.

MONTGOMERY: That’s it! You see. Now doesn’t that feel better? Come on, all this talk of
bagels has got me hungry again.

SCENE 14

Bruno and Coco pass by talking.

COCO: What kind of music notes are those?

BRUNO: Laser beams. It's a requiem for Buck Rogers.

COCO: Great. You ever thought of doing real music?

BRUNO: This is my music.

COCO: I mean a band.

BRUNO: I don't like bands. They crowd me. I prefer my basement, no people.

COCO: There's money though, in summer trade. If we get together in time.

BRUNO: I'm really not interested.

COCO: There's tea dances and parties, weddings and bar mitzvahs. Those things
are steady. People always get married and grow up.

BRUNO: I don't need the hassle.

COCO: I'll take care of everything just like a regular business manager. I'll look after
the bookings, travel, costume designs, for 10 % off the top. Then a straight
split of the performing cut.

BRUNO: What costume designs?

COCO: Nothing fancy, just sequins and stuff. Something see-through for me,
maybe low-cut. We gotta give them visuals. The sound might be wicked,
but when you get down to it it’s visuals that book bands.

BRUNO: I think I'll stay in my basement.

COCO: Bruno, this is our chance. Don't you want success? Graduating from this
school is no Academy Award. You know what I mean. Sure, it’s better than
real school. I'm just killing time here, waiting for my opportunity. It might be
a movie or a Broadway musical, but it's coming. I keep my eyes open. I
read Back Stage, Show Business and Variety. You see, I do the whole
thing. Dancing is just the tip of this iceberg.

BRUNO: Sure I want success, I just don’t think our “visuals” are up to it!

20
They exit laughing.

SCENE 15

Homeroom

MRS SHERWOOD: Mr Johnson where is your homework?

LEROY: I forgot it!

MRS SHERWOOD: For two weeks?

LEROY: I told you, I done it and I forgot it.

MRS SHERWOOD: My hearing's fine. It's your homework that's missing. And the quality of the
page I have is unsatisfactory. I can’t understand a word.

LEROY: It's a secret language.

MRS SHERWOOD: This isn't a joke.

LEROY: I got lots of jokes.

MRS SHERWOOD: This is garbage!

LEROY: My pen broke.

MRS SHERWOOD: It's in pencil.

LEROY: That broke too.

MRS SHERWOOD: Listen, if you can't learn to read, you can't learn to dance.

LEROY: I can read.

MRS SHERWOOD: Terrific! Go ahead, surprise us. Pay attention. Mr. Johnson is going to read.

LEROY: I said I can read!

MRS SHERWOOD: Then read.

LEROY: No.

MRS SHERWOOD: Read!

LEROY: No!

MRS SHERWOOD: Read!

LEROY: I said NO! (he pushes over his desk and smashes everything up) What the
hell do you want, asking me to read all the time? I hate your guts. You read!
Damn you – down on me since day one! Why do I need to read? I’s gonna
be a dancer. A good dancer.
(he tries to read) "Wel-- Wel-- Welcome to the wo-- Won-- Wonderful world
of Ma-- Maytag wash-- Wash-- Washing mach-- Ma-- Machines. Pl --
Please read care -- carefully be -- before use.” (he throws the paper away)

21
SOPHOMORE YEAR

SCENE 16

Bruno with his Father, Angelo.

ANGELO: You spent your entire vacation in the basement, it's not natural.

BRUNO: Get off my case, huh, Papa?

ANGELO: When I was your age, Bruno, I had a lot of girlfriends. I had a different
girlfriend every day.

BRUNO: I got music.

ANGELO: Oh, sure, you got music, okay. But for what? For yourself. For your
headset. I mean, do I hear it anymore? Does your mama hear it? Do your
friends hear it? Bruno, do you have friends? Huh?

BRUNO: I don't have time. I told you.

ANGELO: You told me. You told me. But it's not natural. When I was your age, I'm
telling you--

BRUNO: You're not my age. Nobody's my age. Maybe I'm ahead of my time. Maybe
I don't think people will like my stuff.

ANGELO: How do you know what people will like? How do they know if they don't
hear it? And, how do they hear it if you don’t play it for them? Bruno, how
do they recognize your talent and give you scholarships and record
contracts, son, and awards?

BRUNO: Maybe they don’t. Maybe I die undiscovered, and my ghost gets the
Grammy.

ANGELO: Maybe? Maybe! Look, did I build a studio in the basement for a ghost? Did I
spent $7000 on equipment for a ghost? Does your mama cook and clean
and wear old clothes for a ghost? A ghost? Elton John's mom has got six
mink coats.

SCENE 17

Dance lesson. There is a new student. Hilary.

LISA: Hi, you’re new, right?

HILARY: Yeah.

MISS BERG: Ok everyone, hurry up please.

LISA: I'm Lisa Monroe.

HILARY: Hilary Van Doren.

LISA: I love your coat. I saw that in Bendel's window.

22
HILARY: My stepmother bought it for me.

LISA: Really? I wouldn't mind that kind of stepmother.

HILARY: She didn't do it for me. She wants my father to think she cares. Besides,
she loves shopping and she loves my father’s credit card!

LISA: Sounds great. I think I like her.

HILARY: You can have her.

MISS BERG: Where's all the sweat, Lisa?

LISA: I'm working on it.

MISS BERG: You're not working on it hard enough. Less lip, more sweat, and get rid of
the gum.

LISA: See, I'm not naturally graceful. Grace doesn't run in our family. It's our
genes. I've had to work so hard to come this far. God, I've been at it since I
was 4.

HILARY: Me too.

LISA: I started out with tap and stuff. Then my mom kept buying me pretty ballet
tutus, and I got hooked on it.

MISS BERG: When I say extensions, Lisa, I don’t mean your mouth!

LISA: She hates me.

MISS BERG: This is a dance class, Lisa, not the Charles Atlas plan.

LISA: (under her breath) Shut your mouth.

MISS BERG: Where are your tights?

LEROY: I told you I got them. I just forgot them.

HILARY: What's he talking about?

LISA: Tights. He won't wear them. Gets in the way of his image.

HILARY: C’est dommage.

MISS BERG: Look, Leroy, I told you, if you don't have tights, you don't dance. Make sure
you bring them tomorrow. This is your last chance.

HILARY: Il est délicieux.

LISA: Oh, I love your accent. What did you say?

HILARY: I said he’s delicious.

COCO: He’s taken, Goldilocks.

HILARY: Don't count on it.

23
COCO: Just because you got dropped off at school in a limousine doesn’t mean
that you own the place.

HILARY: Maybe not all of it but there are certain things I wouldn’t mind putting a bid
in for.

Loud music is playing outside the classroom which disturbs the lesson.

LEROY: Hey, what is that? (they leave the classroom)

BRUNO: That's my music. That lunatic stole my tape.

ANGELO: This is my son's music! My son Bruno. Bruno Martelli! He wrote this music.
Today, 46th Street tomorrow, Madison Square Garden.

BRUNO: Papa, what are you doing?

ANGELO: Bruno!

BRUNO: You've lost your mind. You're crazy. Those tapes aren't ready.

ANGELO: Look at the people. They don't know it's not ready. Look at it, they like it!
Bruno, they like it! Bruno!

“FAME!”

COMPANY: Baby look at me

And tell me what you see
You ain't seen the best of me yet
Give me time I'll make you forget the rest

I got more in me
And you can set it free
I can catch the moon in my hand
Don't you know who I am
Remember my name

CHORUS

Fame - I'm gonna live forever

I'm gonna learn how to fly
High - I feel it coming together
People will see me and cry
Fame - I'm gonna make it to heaven
Light up the sky like a flame
Fame - I'm gonna live forever
Baby remember my name

Remember X 8

Baby hold me tight

Cause you can make it right
You can shoot me straight to the top
Give me love and take all I've got to give

24
 Baby I'll be tough
Too much is not enough no
I can ride your heart 'til it breaks
Ooh I got what it takes

CHORUS Remember X 7

CHORUS Remember X 8

CHORUS Repeated – fades out

SCENE 18

MR SHOROFSKY: So, was that one of your compositions?

BRUNO: Yes, I’m sorry my father …

MR SHOROFSKY: Well, when you’re ready your violin, bow and the rest of the orchestra are
waiting for you.

BRUNO: You know, Mozart wouldn't do this today.

MR SHOROFSKY: Do what?

BRUNO: This bowing business. He'd plug his keyboard into an amp and he'd have
string quartets coming out of his fingers.

MR SHOROFSKY: And who would play all these science-fiction symphonies?

BRUNO: He would.

MR SHOROFSKY: All by himself?

BRUNO: He'd overdub and mix, of course. He wouldn't make the same old noise.

MR SHOROFSKY: Noise?

BRUNO: He'd sound electric. He'd have spacier strings and horns and computerized
bassoons.

MR SHOROFSKY: One man is not an orchestra.

BRUNO: Who needs orchestras? You can do it all with a keyboard, an amp and
enough power.

MR SHOROFSKY: I need orchestras. So please, get back to class and pick up your violin.

25
SCENE 19

Leroy passes on skates going after Hilary. He passes Mrs Sherwood.

MRS SHERWOOD: Leroy?

LEROY: Ma'am?

MRS SHERWOOD: What are you wearing, Leroy?

LEROY: A hat.

MRS SHERWOOD: On your feet, Leroy.

LEROY: Oh, those. You like them? They get me to class quicker, so’s I can get
more learning in.

MRS SHERWOOD: What about your book report?

LEROY: I done it.

MRS SHERWOOD: You did it.

LEROY: Yeah. 1000 words. I counted them too.

MRS SHERWOOD: The Best of Playboy is not a book report.

LEROY: It's reading, ain't it?

MRS SHERWOOD: So is Huckleberry Finn and Great Expectations. You heard of those?

LEROY: I seen a couple of the movies on TV.

MRS SHERWOOD: If you don't read, you're missing out on so much.

LEROY: I don't like reading. It's not my style.

MRS SHERWOOD: Then try Othello. It’s about a black nobleman. 1000 words in two weeks.

LEROY: Or what?

MRS SHERWOOD: Or you'll be skating right out of this school, Mr. Johnson.

SCENE 20

Drama lesson.

MR FARRELL: Last year, we worked on simple observations. This year, we're going to turn
that observation inward and work on re-creating emotional states: Fear, joy,
sorrow, and anger. And it'll be more difficult because you'll have to expose
more of you, what's on the inside of you. For your first acting exercise this
year, I want you to re-create a difficult memory, a painful moment when you
learned something about yourself that hurt. And I mean really hurt.

26
DORIS: A painful memory. What does he mean by a painful memory? I don't know.
I can't find a painful memory. I know I have them. I mean, my pain's as
good as anybody else's.

MONTGOMERY: I have lots of them. You can borrow one of mine if you want. Like, I used to
wet my bed. There, that was painful. You can have that memory.

DORIS: No, thank you.

MONTGOMERY: Then there was the last time my father packed his bags and left us. That
really was painful. Or the first time my mother flew to Los Angeles and
didn't come back for six weeks. Or the first time I fell in love.

DORIS: You're gonna tell everybody that?

MONTGOMERY: It's the most painful memory I can think of.

DORIS: He didn't say the most painful. He just said painful.

MONTGOMERY: We're supposed to expose ourselves.

DORIS: Imagine what Ralph Garci will say.

MONTGOMERY: A pie in the face comes with the job. That's what my mom says. She
knows.

DORIS: I don't get it.

MONTGOMERY: A real artist must never be afraid of what other people will say about them.
Anyway It was a time when I really realized something about myself.

DORIS: Maybe you didn't realize it right.

MONTGOMERY: What do you mean?

DORIS: Well, I mean, everybody falls in love with their analyst. There's a word for
that, isn't there?

Spotlight. Drama lesson.

MONTGOMERY: I thought I was just going through a stage. That's what everyone told me.
And it never worried me when I was 10. Except they told me the same thing
at 12 and 14. So finally, my analyst decided to level with me. He said it was
probably a life choice. It's funny. "Gay" used to be a word that just meant
happy, once. Not that it bothers me. I'm pretty well-adjusted, really. I mean
never being happy isn't the same as being unhappy. Is it? Dr. Golden
explains it real well. He explains everything well. I've had a lot of help.

MR FARRELL: Ok. Thank you Montgomery. That’s all for today. Doris, tomorrow we’ll start
with you so come prepared

27
SCENE 21

Change of scene to the Finsecker home.

MRS FINSECKER: The Silvermans know some very important people. They really have
connections. They're all in with Soupy Sales. Oh, listen. Your nice white
blouse is ironed. Or you could wear your pink dress with the ribbons. You
look so pretty in that.

DORIS: I hate that pink dress.

MRS FINSECKER: So don't wear your pink dress.

DORIS: I'm not going, Mama!

MRS FINSECKER: Then after you’re dressed don’t forget to gargle.

DORIS: I'm going out to dinner!

MRS FINSECKER: Well there will be food at the party.

DORIS: It's not the food!

MRS FINSECKER: This is an opportunity to perform Doris. Take advantage of it.

DORIS: I promised Montgomery!

MRS FINSECKER: Well, I promised the Silvermans! It's a party, Doris. They need a singer.
And you, you need exposure. So you're going.

DORIS: I'm not!

Scene with Doris singing “Happy Birthday” at a children’s party.

SCENE 22

MR FARRELL: Very good, Doris. Now what did you realize about yourself?

DORIS: I don't like birthday parties. Or pink dresses. Or the Silvermans. Or

Brooklyn. Or even being Jewish. I mean, it's not bad but it's not all I am.

MR FARRELL: Who are you?

DORIS: I don't know who I am, and I never will if I just do what other people want
me to do, and wear what they want me to wear, and sing what they want
me to sing. I wont know if I don’t assert myself. I'm 16 years old. I've got to
assert myself sometime. Don't l?
MR FARRELL: Okay, Doris. Thank you. Ralph?

RALPH: I was coming home from school one day. As usual. It was January. It was
snowing like crazy. Anyway, I went home and I put on the TV set and there
was this guy on the TV, and he was talking about Freddie. He …he said
that … he said that Freddie Prinze put a gun to his head and he killed
himself. He was joking, you know, it was an accident, man. I mean, he was

28
 very gifted. He was just joking about. You always laughed at him because
he was very talented and sometimes you didn't even wanna laugh at him,
still, you laughed at him anyway. But they had to say that he was
depressed and suicidal, and that he was messed up. Well, we can't have
happy people walking on this planet now can we. Everybody's got to be so
damn serious. Everyone's got to suffer so the doctors and the deodorant-
spray people and plastic surgeons can stay in business.

MR FARRELL: Does all this make you realize anything about yourself?

RALPH: What?

MR FARRELL: How does it affect you?

RALPH: How does it affect me? I'm here, and I'm in this school. Getting back at it for
Freddie!

MR FARRELL: Take it easy, Ralph. You want them laughing with you, not at you.

RALPH: I don't want them laughing.

SCENE 23

Miss Berg has called Lisa into her office.

LISA: Miss Berg, you wanted to see me?

MISS BERG: Come in and sit down. Lisa, you're not working hard enough. Where’s the
sweat and the blisters?

LISA: It’s my shoes, they protect my feet.

MISS BERG: I’m not joking Lisa.

LISA: Well, I've been sick.

MISS BERG: Dancers don't get sick.

LISA: My doctor told me to take it easy for a week or two until I feel okay.

MISS BERG: So now it's the doctor's fault?

LISA: Don't you believe me?

MISS BERG: I believe you, Lisa. But I don't have room for you in this class anymore.

LISA: But I brought a doctor's note.

MISS BERG: There are too many other girls who take dance seriously to waste time and
space on someone who isn't dedicated.

LISA: But I am dedicated.

MISS BERG: I'm sorry, Lisa. I just don't see it.

LISA: I got into this school, didn't l?

29
MISS BERG: We made a mistake. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. You'll get over it.

LISA: I'll work harder.

MISS BERG: Maybe.

LISA: I promise, I'll be better.

MISS BERG: Better isn't good enough. I don't think you'll ever be good enough. You don't
have it. That's a hard thing to hear, and it's not pleasant to say, but it's the
truth. I'm saving you a lot of time and pain by saying it now.

LISA: But I don't wanna be the best. I just wanna dance.

MISS BERG: I’m sorry Lisa.

LISA: I can't fail, Miss Berg. I only ever wanted to be a dancer. What do I tell my
mother?

MISS BERG: Ask her to give me a call and I'll explain.

LISA: Fine, if you wont let me dance – I’ll switch to the drama department.

SCENE 24

Crosses over to a dance lesson.

HILARY: I heard Miss Berg came down on her real hard.

COCO: So? Life comes down hard.

LEROY: Yeah but she took a bad fall, you know.

COCO: Better she realizes it now than later.

HILARY: You might show a little more sympathy, dear.

COCO: I'm not your "dear".

HILARY: Evidemment. You're not très sensitive either.

COCO: I'm a professional. A few unkind words aren't going to bother me. I know
there wont always be standing ovations.

HILARY: Certainly not for you, my dear.

COCO: Look, I'm not your “dear”.

HILARY: No, I know. This is my dear.

COCO: And that might be impossible. He's not into vanilla.

HILARY: Might be a nice change from black cherry.

COCO: The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice, honey.

30
HILARY: Yes, but who wants diabetes? (bell rings)

MISS BERG: Class dismissed.

JUNIOR YEAR

SCENE 25

Coco sings.

“OUT HERE ON MY OWN”

COCO: Sometimes I wonder where I've been

Who I am, do I fit in.
Make believing is hard alone
Out here on my own

We're always proving who we are

Always reaching for that rising star
To guide me far, and shine me home
Out here on my own
When I'm down and feeling blue,
I close my eyes so I can be with you.
Oh baby be strong for me,
Baby belong to me
Help me through, help me need you

Until the morning sun appears

Making light of all my fears,
I dry the tears I've never shown
Out here on my own

But when I'm down and feeling blue

I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh baby be strong for me, baby belong to me
Help me through, help me need you.
Sometimes I wonder where I've been,
Who I am, do I fit in.
I may not win, but I can't be thrown,
Out here on my own.
Out here on my own.

Angelo enters half way through the song.

BRUNO: That was nice. Really.

COCO: Just something I wrote over the summer.

ANGELO: That was beautiful! It was beautiful.

COCO: Thanks. Sentimental stuff.

ANGELO: But beautiful!

COCO: Yeah well, Bruno writes better than me. He’s a born genius.

31
BRUNO: Don’t …

COCO: It’s true! We’re going to be all over the charts one of these days.

ANGELO: She’s right. My customers love your music. I play your tapes in the cab and
my tips go up at least 20%.

COCO: You see.

BRUNO: Yeah but it’s your voice they’re hearing.

COCO: Well, we make a hot team.

ANGELO: You know, I haven’t seen Bruno this happy in a long time.

BRUNO: Papa …

ANGELO: He’s always had his music but he’s never wanted to share it with anyone.
But now he has you.

COCO: A match made in heaven (they laugh) Anyway I better be going. Places to
go, people to see!

ANGELO: Can we give you a lift somewhere?

COCO: No, I’m good thanks Mr Martelli. See you tomorrow Bruno.

BRUNO: See you. Take it easy.

ANGELO: Bye Coco.

SCENE 26

Doris is walking with her mother.

MRS FINSECKER: You want to change your name? Why? Barbra Streisand didn't change her
name.

DORIS: Barbra Streisand didn’t have a name like Doris Finsecker. Look, I don't
want to talk about it.

MRS FINSECKER: Well, I'll call you Doris, like always.

DORIS: I won't answer.

MRS FINSECKER: It's a perfectly good name.

DORIS: For a perfectly good person. A skinny, boring, nondescript, perfectly good
person.

MRS FINSECKER: I have a lot of friends named Doris, and they are none of those things.

DORIS: Yeah, but they're all--

32
MRS FINSECKER: What? No, no, no. Say it. Go ahead. Say it, I would like to know what my
daughter thinks is wrong with my friends.

DORIS: I don't want a middle-aged name. I can't relate to it. You can call me
Dominique.

MRS FINSECKER: Dominique. That's ridiculous.

DORIS: It's French.

MRS FINSECKER: I know what it is, but it's not you.

DORIS: I'll grow into it.

MRS FINSECKER: Dominique Finsecker?

DORIS: No. Dominique Dupont.

MRS FINSECKER: Sounds like some floozy.

DORIS: Oh, Mama.

MRS FINSECKER: I don't know what's happening to you. Tell me what's happening to you.
Where did my Doris go?

DORIS: Something wonderful is happening to me, Mama. I'm growing up.

MRS FINSECKER: You're becoming somebody else.

DORIS: I'm becoming an actress.

MRS FINSECKER: I want you to be the Doris that I know. That I love. That helps me with the
groceries. Makes me birthday cards out of cereal packets, huh? Not
Dominique who stays out all night.

DORIS: Oh, Mama, it was just one night!

MRS FINSECKER: That's all it takes.

Enter Montgomery.

MONTGOMERY: Hey.

DORIS: Hey.

MONTGOMERY: Hello Mrs Finsecker. Em … we better get going we don’t want to miss him.

DORIS: Sure.

MRS FINSECKER: Doris, where are you going?

DORIS: Ralph is performing at “Catch a Rising Star” tonight and we promised to be

there for support.

MRS FINSECKER: What time will you be home?

DORIS: (already leaving) I don’t know Mama. See you later.

33
SCENE 27

Ralph’s performance at “Catch a Rising Star”

PRESENTER: Welcome to “Catch a Rising Star”. Monday night is audition night. Anybody
from anywhere can come up here and do what they want and you should
see what walks in the room! Some of the people that started here were
David Brenner, Jimmie Walker, Gabe Kaplan and the unforgettable Freddie
Prinze. Maybe this next young man might … watch them on television.
Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the comedy stylings of Ralph Garci.

RALPH: Thank you. Like the guy said my name is Ralph Garci and I'm a
professional jerk. I see we have a few amateurs in the audience. I have
some-- Some. I have all of my friends here tonight from P.A. graduating
class. It's very important to have friends. I live in the South Bronx. That's
the country just north of Harlem and west of Puerto Rico. It's a very tough
neighbourhood. Even the dogs carry knives. And you can't afford to
alienate anybody up there. Nobody. Not even the cockroaches. They’ve got
a good union. Last week,15,000 marched down my block demanding better
housing. But really, I love the South Bronx. Everywhere you go from there
is up. Everybody has dreams in the South Bronx. I had dreams when I was
growing up and look at me now. Ok maybe I’m not a millionaire with a
beautiful wife but there’s still time! Well, I’m afraid that it’s time for me to
go. I know, I know, I wish I could stay too. You’ve been wonderful. I thank
you, my family thanks you, the wino’s and the cockroaches thank you.
Have a good evening. Good night.

DORIS: You were wonderful.

RALPH: No.

DORIS: Really.

MONTGOMERY: Yeah, you were great!

RALPH: I was good. I felt more than good. The guy wants me back.

DORIS: You're kidding!

RALPH: He wants to book me regularly.

DORIS: That’s great!

RALPH: That's not great, it's fantastic! It's like electricity. You're up there and those
faces are out there, staring at you and you draw them in, then you hit them
with the juice. And bam! They explode! And that power goes back and forth
and it’s you … you're making them laugh. I love acting! With my money, we
can get a place. We can get married maybe. I'll have $20,000 a week, a hit
TV series, my face on TV Guide!
DORIS: Wait!

RALPH: What?

DORIS: What about me? Don't I get a career?

RALPH: A career? I'll give you a career. How about Shakespeare in the Park and
you get to win 17 Tony awards?

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DORIS: All right.

SENIOR YEAR

SCENE 28

Homeroom.

LEROY: Where’s Sherwood? Have you seen her?

LISA: I think she’s with her husband.

LEROY: I didn’t know she was married.

LISA: He’s sick Leroy.

LEROY: Yeah well he’d have to be to be her husband.

LISA: It’s serious Leroy. He’s in the hospital.

Leroy leaves.

LISA: (calling after him) Leroy!

DORIS: Hey. Hey. Hey Ralph wake up.

RALPH: What? Oh gee’s. I need something.

DORIS: Sleep.

RALPH: Something to keep me flying. Keep me awake.

MONTGOMERY: Like what?

RALPH: Like by way of your “witch doctor”.

MONTGOMERY: I don't see Dr. Golden anymore. You know that. Anyway, you've been
taking too much.

RALPH: Why don't you get off my case?

MONTGOMERY: I'm your friend.

RALPH: Really? And I’m big enough to make own decisions, thank you. You got a
problem?

DORIS: Yeah, I do. We never see you anymore. It’s been weeks since we all went
out. You’re too busy with your show.

RALPH: You see me plenty.

DORIS: Asleep in class and drinking with your new friends after the show.

RALPH: After the show is when all the big names come in. You meet people. That's
what counts. I hate drinking. I'm doing this for my future.

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DORIS: You're doing this for some image, for Freddie because he did it. Well, he
died doing it. He could have been a real actor.

RALPH: He was!

DORIS: He made people laugh. That's it.

RALPH: That's plenty!

DORIS: That's not enough! Not for you! You are good, Ralph. You're seriously really
good. You're an original. The original Ralph Garci. You don't have to be
somebody else.

RALPH: You're bringing me down!

DORIS: What's happening to you?

RALPH: What's happening to me? Success. Now, you either hang on or hang up. All
right?

Doris storms out.

RALPH: What you looking at? What do you want?

MONTGOMERY: Pizza sounds good. You wanna go eat?

RALPH: Could you give me a break, all right?

MONTGOMERY: We could split a special, with anchovies, maybe.

RALPH: Stuff the anchovies. I died out on stage last night, and you're talking about
damn pizzas?

MONTGOMERY: I'm talking about eating pizzas.

RALPH: Oh, that's very funny. You're a howl. You should have been out there. The
audience hated me.

MONTGOMERY: You had a bad night. That happens.

RALPH: Not to me, it doesn't.

MONTGOMERY: What do you want? Insurance? You're in the wrong business. Performers
aren't safe. We're pie-in-the-face people.

RALPH: Look, don't lecture me.

MONTGOMERY: All anyone ever promised you was seven classes a day and a hot lunch.
The rest is up to you! Back in the Middle Ages, actors, they didn't even
want to bury us.

RALPH: Well, they do now.

MONTGOMERY: Not if you're good.

RALPH: How do you know? How do you know if you're good?

36
MONTGOMERY: Maybe you never know. You just hang in, I guess.

RALPH: You know the weirdest thing is Freddie. When he made it, he realized it
was everything he hated. Know something else about Freddie? Freddie
didn't even want to be Freddie.

MONTGOMERY: Hey, come on. We’ve got plenty of work to be doing for the graduation
show. When we’re done we’ll go find Doris and grab a pizza.

RALPH: Perfect.

SCENE 29

The hospital.

MRS SHERWOOD: Leroy. What are you doing here?

LEROY: You ever heard of Alvin Ailey?

MRS SHERWOOD: Alvin Ailey? He's a, He's a choreographer?

LEROY: He wants me to join his company.

MRS SHERWOOD: Congratulations.

LEROY: I need your help.

MRS SHERWOOD: I'm sorry, Leroy, but I don't think this is the time--

LEROY: I can't join if you fail me. I have to graduate.

MRS SHERWOOD: You should've thought of that four years ago.

LEROY: Where I come from it don't pay to read and speak your way.

MRS SHERWOOD: Don't lecture me, Leroy.

LEROY: Maybe I didn't say it right, but you been down hard on me since day one.

MRS SHERWOOD: Whatever you say, Leroy. Go home.

LEROY: I stopped going home a long time ago! But you never knew that, did you?
You make a big deal about pulling us out of the gutter, yet you won't eat
with us. You know where that leaves people like me? Nowhere!

MRS SHERWOOD: It isn't the time. I don't wanna hear it.

LEROY: You're going to hear it! I'm gonna be a good dancer!

MRS SHERWOOD: Just get out of here, please!

LEROY: I’m not gonna let you keep me down …

MRS SHERWOOD: Leave me alone!

LEROY: ... because I can't read stories!

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MRS SHERWOOD: Don't you think of anyone but yourself? (she collapses in tears)

LEROY: Hey. How's your old man doing?

MRS SHERWOOD: It’s not doing so good. (she searches for a handkerchief)

LEROY: Here.

MRS SHERWOOD: Thank you.

LEROY: I got lots of handkerchiefs. (he take her hand) You know, you are the only
one that ever really cared a damn about anything I did. You always wanted
me to be better. You were too hard, but you just wanted me to be better.
I’m sorry.

FINALE - Graduation Performance.

SCENE 30

LISA: Ok is everybody ready. Places please. Ok Bruno, we’re ready when you
are.

“I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC”

COMPANY: I sing the body electric

I celebrate the me yet to come
I toast to my own reunion
When I become one with the sun

And I'll look back on Venus

I'll look back on Mars
And I'll burn with the fire
Of ten million stars
And in time and in time
We will all be stars

I sing the body electric

I glory in the glow of rebirth
Creating my own tomorrow
When I shall embody the Earth

And I'll serenade Venus

I'll serenade Mars
And I'll burn with the fire
Of ten million stars
And in time and in time
We will all be stars

We are the emperors now

And we are the czars
And in time and in time
We will all be stars!

I sing the body electric

I celebrate the me and to come
I toast to my own reunion

38
When I become one with the sun

And I'll look back on Venus

I'll look back on Mars
And I'll burn with the fire
Of ten million stars
And in time and in time
And in time and in time
We will all be stars!

THE END

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