Integration of the Internal

A lot of the questions put to me and the comments I hear reveal that many don’t
understand what internal integration is. What I mean by this term is the possibility of
an internal unification, unification of what we consider as lower, middle and
higher layers of a divided consciousness. Pseudo-spirituality divides because it lacks
understanding. Many “schools” or “teachings” have a crying need to separate the higher
from the lower, which is in harmony with the false layer standing between the Higher and
the Lower consciousness. They tend to create a false image of spirituality (which is why we
call them Pseudo-Spirituality), one which is always in accordance with the false “I”, or the
un-integrated, (un-unified), un-transformed personality.

An image of spirituality results from the need to protect the lower level of consciousness,
our intimate emotion, vital emotion - The false “I” protects it from becoming hurt, from the
new, from openness and honesty. It is a projection about spirituality, the opposite of
what we’re running away from, the opposite of what we’re unable to integrate into
ourselves. This same projection, created by escapism, requires the creation of a layer of
falseness in us, the false Personality. False Personality lives the life, demands things,
searches for partners who are harmonious to itself yet always finds the ones who are in line
with the lower “I”, it attracts a series of non volitional and unfortunate accidents and
acquaintances, influences our job, friends, close relationships.

In the exact same way False Personality pushes us toward particular forms of spirituality
that we like, and away from the ones we don’t like since they touch upon layers we want to
block, hide, suppress. This creates pseudo-spirituality, pseudo-religion, pseudo-esoteric.
“Pseudo” is unable to resolve the problem we have encountered while wanting to get
rid of what is lower and stressed in us, which is why pseudo is as false as is the
personality covering that layer. Still, we have to admit that this layer is real, in the
sense that it is there and we are identified with it. Just as we have the lower, immature
parts of ourselves, (called inner child by some and inner brat by others) and the higher
parts (the divine spark, the real I) so we have this third layer – the one we are identified
with, a layer we live every day and which influences our choices, directs us, connects us
with others and creates the world we don’t want, or, sometimes shows us the world which
we yearn for.

If we take a single part and separate it from the whole the missing part will obstruct the
sense of the whole and the manifestation of wholeness. When pseudo-spirituality speaks of
wholeness it speaks about the wholeness of a part it accepts, as opposed to the part it
rejects. It speaks of making the accepted part, the idealized image of oneself, the false “I”,
whole with the higher “I”, the divine. On one side we accept something, on another we
reject, and to an intelligent person this is a sure sign that something is wrong, while the
feelings of disappointment, irritability and irascibility in the background are telling us we’re
missing something.

But soon enough, the false part of us dismisses this and focuses on the “spiritual” in its
search for a way out, so that step by step we suppress the layers we don’t accept, getting
even farther from them. Those layers show themselves in the moments of life’s shocks but
aided by various techniques and philosophies we escape them.

Thus we come to the end our life and, regardless of our spiritual accomplishment – we must
come back, because a part had not been integrated, wholeness had not been accomplished.
We have rejected ourselves in favor of an image of ourselves, in favor of an idealized
conception of spirituality - in the exact same way as those who are providing, passing on
this spirituality, for they themselves had not been integrated. It’s a vicious circle and there
is no way out.

There is no way out because we have separated, divided ourselves with a false idea about
unification as an impulse arising from the lower, suppressed part which is aiming to unify
with the other parts, or with the higher “I”. Being far removed from the lower we don’t
recognize this impulse for what it is, instead we take it as an impulse of the higher toward
uniting with the lower. The lower “I” withdraws, hides, feels ashamed, fearful,
unaccepted and this is the legacy of our field of consciousness, one blocking any deeper
self-actualization, self-knowledge or the manifestation of higher states. False I, presenting
itself as the inhabitant of the body, the mind, the personality, takes over the lower “I’s”
tendencies and imposes on us the idea of unification - but, unification of only those parts it
approves of. It takes full credit for its spirituality, for the ability of sensing the Higher when
in fact it is sentimentality, infantile love and acceptance combined with the higher aspects of
love and the feelings of pervasiveness coming from the Real I. False I creates masks of
spirituality, masks of love, of power or strength, masks of balance, peacefulness. The game
is so perfect that a spiritual seeker soon gets eaten away by the false “I”, never realizing
that he is solely responsible for the state which happened to him.

An authentic integration, one arising from parts of us that are real, is not a frequent
topic. More often, all talk of integration reveals a wish to escape from the lower human
nature which, when entered into, causes pain, fear, suffering and alienation. An authentic
integration emerges from a crystallized consciousness which recognizes both the
lower and the higher as its own manifestations. Although we may say that Higher I is
this crystallized consciousness, right now I am making a distinction so that we may grasp all
sides of this topic. As a manifestation of Soul Psychic Being creates the minds, therefore,
Higher I is Psychic Being. It is not our Real Nature, as many think, but a manifestation of
nature. Psychic Being or Real I is a manifestation of Nature which is a spark of Divine.

In its crying need to protect the lower, the false “I” creates a series of masks,
roles, personality mechanism, but during this process False I forgets about the lower
and pretends that that it is the sole purpose of life and the master of the system. False I
creates the entire life according to the idea that it is creative, that it is the master, when in
fact it is a reaction of man’s nature, a reaction of combining the lower and the higher “Is”.
The false “I” is a reactive momentum, Tamah guna which, while expressing in a lower
manifestation, may appear as all three gunas thus producing false sattva-ness, or false
spiritual balance.

In its play it can create a series of masks and combinations of masks, all of them being
natural distortions of the higher “I”, i.e. of the divine potentials we posses as human beings.
And yet, although those distortions are potentials of Higher I, they are also in contact with
the lower because, essentially, there is no barrier between the lower and the higher. What
seemingly separates them is the false, believed to be our human I. Together with the divine
qualities of the higher I, the lower I - which had been inhibited through various measures of
repression while growing up and which carries a record from the past lives - creates the
false I as a means of self-defense. This false “I” acts as a seeming membrane between itself
and the higher. Since it had been separated from its original function of protecting the
undeveloped and un-matured consciousness the false “I” embarks on a life of its own, takes
over governing us and, consistent with itself and with its nature, it directs all our aspirations
toward the so called “higher”. Here is where the trap of pseudo-spirituality lies, where, if not
seen in time, lie the traps of all “systems of liberation”.
Integration cannot be imitation. Still, unlike the higher and lower Is, the false “I” has no
other means of learning other than imitation, and while posing as the master False I
believes to be in possess of this ability. Through imitation it makes series of spiritual efforts
which produce no result other than masks or distortions, appearing as manifestations of
man’s Divine nature and of his Higher I.

God is the unifying principle, the Father of all. Herein lies the secret of an authentic
integration. Many think this relates to Father the Creator of the universe, but esoteric
teachings are well aware they are not allowed, or able, to talk about this so they create
parables with the aim of transmitting the Teaching to those who are mature enough to
understand the symbolism of the sacred scriptures or spiritual instructions. If we look at this
from the level of myth called Christianity it would look something like this: Christ is Higher
I. Satan is Lower I together with Legion which is False I. Christ is our Real I, a projection
of Divine Nature. Satan is also a projection of Divine Nature, but one which is separated,
separate, one which believes in itself and is filled with pride, fear, one which is suppressed,
immature etc. False I as Legion or the master of a series of personality traits (my name is
Legion for we are many) protects Mr. Satan’s business ideas and as long as there is a
Christ, as the potential of Higher I, and a Satan, as the potential of separate Lower I,
together with Legion - integration is impossible.

The original sin is Adam and Eve’s separation from the original state of the intellect and
emotion through “believing in” the words of the “evil one”. Eve, pulled by pain, fear,
suffering as a vital or emotional mind, and also by curiosity and desire as expressions of the
vital mind, starts believing into separateness. Then, through intellectual vacillations, i.e.
confrontations of “yes” and “no”, it persuades the intellect (Mr. Adam) to reject the idea of
Higher Mind, Higher Nature, and bow down to dictatorship of Lower I. In this myth God is
the inclusive factor if we understand the process of inclusion. God is a possibility of
wholeness, and also WHOLENESS ITSELF, provided the lower I is transformed and
unified within the whole of Higher and Lower, as an expression of the True Nature of the
Divine principle in man.

Integration is God’s very forethought, power and strength, given to us provided we

had stopped dividing ourselves into parts which we later separate and make proud, vain,
cast out (Satan), believing in his commands without question. They say this is a fight for
our souls. It is. Soul is separated but not of its accord but because of its programs,
samskaras, lower projections. Making the higher and lower one whole again is a re-
unification of soul, it manifests soul’s true power, strength, love and balance.
However, in a divided man the false “I” imitates all of this. You need to understand that the
false has nothing that is its own, and all that it prides on belongs either to the lower or the
higher “I”. False I is like a mirror covered with dust and distorting the true image, but since
we don’t know this, it holds power over us.

Without Integration no idea of a higher destiny or of man’s purpose can be put to use. Man
cannot return to the Divine separated for he did not leave separated nor was he created
such. At this point I won’t be getting into myths and legends wherein true spirituality lies
hidden. In order for a man to integrate the lower I, in order for him to unite the separated
consciousness, the two sons (Christ and Satan), he must stop running away from himself
and from the things he had repressed - he needs to open up to his lower I. Steadily working
on himself, with awareness and acceptance, he needs to Integrate the lower I, unify it,
make it one whole. They are a whole no matter how we look at it, they had never differed,
but since we don’t live this whole, since we’re separated, divided within ourselves – the
whole is our deepest potential, not a present reality, and we must reunite those two ends.
And this means we need to examine the lies we live and call by our own name. Poetically
stated - we are our own obstacle. The obstacle to our aspiration lies in the one who is
aspiring, in our very “I”.

Our false “I” is a mask we’re wearing over the real and the lower Is. The false I has
its own masks, its personality traits and sub-traits, its lack of self-worth, vanities, demands,
complaints, self-will etc. As long as we don’t see it in this way integration is not possible.
For its defense False I often uses a few traits that are so familiar we simply “flip our” when
they appear. One of them is FEAR.

It’s interesting to see how we projected a bogey-man in the very word for it seems
frightening even to look at when written in capital letters. The other trait is SHAME. The
third is SUBMISSION, created by the combination of the previous two and has them for its
foundation. The fourth is false POWER. The fifth is false peace or CALMNESS or
BALANCE. Love, Strength (Power) and Balance are Higher I’s divine qualities. But in this
case they are distorted under the influence of an immature lower I. Lower “I” feels shame,
fear, feels rejected, unable to express, feels a need to be loved and accepted, and in its
immaturity it projects this on the outside world. False I is ready to step-in and creates
three imitating traits, three potentials of the Divine, three distortions of its level:
submission, power and balance (calmness). Since everyone around us is distorted,
including the ones who present themselves as teachers of pseudo-spirituality, our false “I”
recognizes the three distortions as something true within the spirituality it aspires to - and it
leans toward such spirituality in order to protect itself even better and deeper. This is the
state of affairs in today’s spirituality.

By becoming aware of False I’s basic masks a process of transformation and

integration begins. When we see the lies our false “I” presents as virtues we realize that
they are a cover-up for: deep-seated fear, hurt, a need to be loved and accepted, shame in
case we express something more authentic. By a conscious refusal to bow down to those
distortions and by bringing consciousness “down” into the lower regions of our “I” we begin
an integration which is painful, filled with fear, powerlessness, shame etc. But there’s no
other way. All else is building a house on shaky ground and you know what the Bible
parable has to say about this. A house needs to be founded on a rock, not on a bad soil.
(You can relate this idea with the parable about the four types of soil, the ground on which
we plant the seed.) We need to enter every region of ourselves, into every part that is
separated, scared, filled with pain and suffering, rejected, which feels pushed away,
ashamed, and disheartened. And then, we will feel RAGE. Terrific RAGE.

If this rage combines with False I’s masks and its immaturity we will attack others, blame
them, blame ourselves etc. In that case the Divine power expressed within rage loses its
power and becomes negative, it assumes the aspects of lower vital or vital mind and throws
us into even deeper regions of separateness. But if the rage remains pure, untouched, not
directed at anyone in particular but a rebellion, a revolt providing pure energy - then we
may use it for awakening, for integration, for coming back “home”. Sometimes we will feel
immense sadness. But sadness is not a negative emotion, as it is interpreted; it becomes
negative only if it combines with the lower or the false “I”. Rage is a reaction to the
fundamental betrayal of self – a betrayal which weighs us down with guilt and
wrongness from an early age and stands at the root of our inferiority.

It is a betrayal of the deepest self by which the lower and false aspects of “I” control a man
so that he wouldn’t trust himself or ever embark on integration.
This is a rough sketch of our internal psychology, a rough representation of the whole
play. In between all of this there is a series of traits, masks, false and distorted divine
qualities, parts of the separated lower “I”. All of them need to be made conscious so that a
process of integration may commence a process of deep acceptance of oneself, of
unification of higher and lower. Self-responsibility is the first key for a fundamental
integration because the responsibility impulse is a quality of Higher I. Seriousness, which we
often confuse with responsibility, is lower I’s imitation, a distortion of the Divine quality of
Responsibility. Projections on others, the shadow, is a reaction of the lower I. Many aspects
of spirituality may be connected with this but it would take me a whole book. The essential
idea of all this is to enable integration by way of acceptance, by stopping the fight with the
lower parts but also with the false I - recognizing that there is no real difference between
the lower and the higher and that they are separated by the false and immature Lower I’s
part of consciousness. It is realizing that integration is possible only with a responsible
approach of those few who are ready and mature for this confrontation. This text is only an
introduction to the process, not the technique or a means of integration. It is a pointer not a
solution. Your intention, your responsibility, your maturity to face it - is the solution. And
this is the first step in the Integration of the Internal. In case your PSEUDO personality
(False I) takes over the role of “resolving” this pattern, PSEUDO spirituality is all
you will end up with.