7

Use MAGIC—the inanimate agent, a non-human / non-living thing performing an action.

Table 3 shows . . . .
Figure 5 illustrates . . . . Note: All
in Active
Our results indicate . . . . Voice
Our hypothesis predicts X.
Opinions among us vary.

Upgrade most rough-draft common verbs to become more precise verbs (see verb pages):

Note how much

be
becomes
see  exist precision comes
with such verbs!
have observe
get assess
measure
determine
possess
assess
confirm
characterize

For elegance and formality, specify meanings of “get” (“receive?” “become?” “understand?”).

Change colloquial (puhekieli) expressions to more formal ones (see verb pages):

Colloquial Formal

if whether (or not)

like becomes such as
a lot of, lots of, plenty  many, several
big large, great

Never omit “such” with “as.” (“Treatment as such as chemotherapy . . . .”)

Beware of vague“so.” “So (thus?) X occurred?” “It was so fast.” (How fast?)

Avoid “too,” especially at the end of a sentence.

becomes He, too, died.

He died,  He died, as well.
too. He also died.

And how hot is “too hot?”

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Strengthen Negatives

“Not” is so common in speech that it frequently loses a letter, becoming a contraction

such as “can’t / don’t / wouldn’t.” It is doubly contracted in “dunno” for “I don’t know.”

In writing, “not” is always a weak word. Murder the word “not” in three ways:

Substitute negatives OR

Substitute negative prefixes OR

Change to negative verbs or use negative adjectives

Strong negatives Weak Stronger

no There was not any X.  No X existed / appeared.

none Not one patient survived. None of the patients survived.
never They had not seen X Never had they seen X before.
before.

(Note: Beginning a sentence with a negative is powerful.)

Strong prefixes Weak Stronger

un- The cause is not known. The cause is / remains
in- The text was not coherent. unknown.
im- The task was not possible. The text was incoherent.
non- Results were not The task was impossible.
dis- significant. Results were non-significant.
This drug isn’t made This drug has been
anymore. discontinued.

Verbs / adjectives Weak Stronger

fail The plan did not work. The plan failed (to succeed).
lack The solution didn’t have X. The solution lacked X.
absent X was not in the samples. In the samples, X was absent.
insufficient Controls didn’t have enough X. Controls had insufficient X.
incomplete The test was not finished. The test was incomplete.

If X is“missing,” call the police!

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Your final step in revising is to check to whether each verb agrees with its subject in number.

1. Locate every verb (Good sentences have only one or two.)

2. Scan to the left to find its subject (often located far away).

Read this too-complex and difficult practice-sentence with its five substantives in bold.

Which one is the subject of the verb?

“The actual reason for these changes in policy that seem to alter the newest

reorganization plans for these hospitals is/are surprising.”

_____________________________________________________

Note more sentences with widely separated subject and verb. Mark the agent; find the subject
(agent) and the verb that shows its action. Revise and reorganize these sentences so that these are
closer together, and information comes in a more logical, clear order. Note the words in italics.

Examples adapted from Duke University, (my alma mater!) Scientific Writing Resource, 2013

Eggs, nuts, shrimp, mushrooms, milk and other foods containing lactose, and
some species of tree and grass pollen are often found to act as allergens.

Mapping of open chromatin regions, post-translational histone modification,

and DNA methylation across a whole genome is now shown to be feasible, and
by RNA sequencing, new non-coding RNAs can be sensitively identified..

Finns tend to over-use words like the adjective "present" and the verb "perform." The latter
has soared in popularity in medical writing in the last 40 years. EASE leader Elise Langdon-
Neuner illustrates the "fiends of academic writing: imprecision, wordiness, overuse of
abstract/ nominalized nouns, and the passive voice" with this sentence:
Administration of H(2) receptor antagonists was performed in patients.

Slay these fiends "at the stroke of a pen." (European Science Editing, February 2015).
Similarly, slay (kill) The presence of a nucleus in each cell can be observed.