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How Prophet Muhammad Resolved Disputes |

About Islam
By Sadaf Farooqi

11-13 minutes

Why do two or more people get into a dispute or argument?

There can be several underlying causes or reasons. It usually

happens when one person unintentionally wrongs or mistreats
another.

For example, when someone takes his/her anger and stress at

uncontrollable circumstances in their lives out on an
unsuspecting scapegoat, hurting the latter in the process.

At other times, someone who covets a blessing that they do

not possess might feel envious of another who does, and this
envy can come out in the form of bad treatment or caustic talk.
Then there are personal traits and behaviors that cause
conflicts e.g. it is a fact that arrogant and insecure people who
suffer from low self-esteem habitually mistreat and demean
others just to feel better about themselves.

Many a time, it might simply just be a personality clash that

can cause two people to not get along, such as a high-flying
city-dweller who finds it impossible to tolerate the company of
an easygoing “hillbilly” kind of person who displays starkly
different social etiquette and personal habits.

Disputes and disagreements arise mostly with the people we

interact with regularly, such as family members, friends and
colleagues.

In all cases of dispute, it is very important for the others around

the two disputing people or groups, especially those in
positions of authority, to wisely play the role of advocacy,
pacification and moderation in order to prevent the situation
from being blown out of proportion and causing a permanent
straining of relations.

There is a great reward for those who facilitate reconciliation

between disputing parties. Narrated Abud Darda’, the Prophet
(peace be upon him) said:

“Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree

than (voluntary) fasting, prayer and almsgiving (sadaqah)?”
The people replied, “Yes, Prophet of Allah!” He said, “It is
putting things right between people. Spoiling relations is the
shaver.” (Abu Dawud)

Disagreements Between the Prophet’s Companions

At a time when the Muslim ummah is riddled with many kinds

of trials and tribulations, one of which is disunity wrought by
argumentation over matters of faith, which in many cases
leads to outright physical fighting and killing, there is a dire
need to highlight relevant incidents from the seerah (biography)
of Prophet Muhammad where he effectively resolved disputes
between conflicting parties to bring about reconciliation.

The companions and wives of Prophet Muhammad (peace be

upon him) were the loftiest Muslims of our ummah in terms of
righteousness and fear of Allah. Yet, they used to have
disagreements that sometimes turned into disputes.

Many a time, one or both of the disputing parties would come

to him complaining about the other, and he would use impartial
judgment as well as Divinely-inspired wisdom to decide which
one of them was wrong and needed to apologize or
compensate the other.

The important thing to remember is that the Prophet was in a

position of authority over them, and his decision was always
the best, with absolutely no chance of being even slightly
wrong.

Unfortunately, he is not with us anymore, which means that it is

imperative for us average lay-Muslims today to closely analyze
how he handled the situations of conflict between his
companions and wives, and what he did step-by-step in order
to solve them.

Dispute Between Abu Bakr and Umar

Once, the two close friends Abu Bakr and Umar had a dispute
with each other. Something that Abu Bakr did had made Umar
angry, and even though Abu Bakr went after him asking for
forgiveness, Umar slammed the door on his face in a huff.

Abu Bakr then came to sit in the company of the Prophet and
his companions including Abud Darda (the narrator), and the
Prophet immediately sensed, probably from Abu Bakr’s body
language and facial expression, that he was disconcerted.
However, Abu Bakr remained silent, until Umar himself arrived
and narrated the story of what had transpired between them to
the Prophet..

When the Prophet heard the details of this dispute, he became

angry. Abu Bakr immediately admitted that he was more at
fault as soon as he saw the Prophet’s anger. When the Prophet
saw how Abu Bakr was not just admitting that he had been
more wrong, but had also sought forgiveness from Umar, he
undertook a two-step strategy to encourage Umar to forgive
him.

First, he called Abu Bakr his friend or companion and asked all
those seated around himself, twice, whether they would “leave”
for him his companion i.e. whether they would desert the one
friend who had always been by his side. This automatically
hints at the way Abu Bakr had proved his loyalty to Allah as a
comrade and helper of the Prophet, especially during
adversities.
Next, the Prophet narrated an example to everyone seated
around him, of Abu Bakr’s sincerity and loyalty to the Truth, by
recalling how, when he had started proclaiming his
Prophethood to mankind, everyone had called him a liar at first,
except Abu Bakr, who had said, “You speak the truth”.

The lesson we can derive from this narration for solving

disputes, is that we should hasten to forgive the one who
admits that he has wronged us, and is sincerely seeking
forgiveness for it.

Reconciliation can be facilitated by making the one who has

been wronged recall the past good that the one who has
wronged them has done to them, especially if there is glaring
evidence of that person being very truthful, sincere, Allah-
fearing and righteous.

The one who is angry should not remain aloof and diffident for
too long from someone who has proven himself to be fiercely
loyal to Prophet Muhammad.

Dispute Between the Prophet’s Wives

What to do when the wrong-doer in the dispute

does not apologize or repent?

Being fallible human beings, two of Prophet Muhammad’s

wives once had a confrontation with each other in his
presence. Zainab bint Jahsh entered upon the Prophet when he
was with Aisha bint Abi Bakr, and started to say harsh things to
Aisha.

Aisha kept quiet at first as Zainab went on. She looked

repeatedly at the Prophet’s face to seek approval for retaliating
to Zainab. Once she saw his approval on his face, she started
to speak hot words in reply to Zainab, until Zainab was
silenced. The Prophet indicated his approval of her retaliation
with a smile and a verbal exclamation of her likeness to her
father in oratorical ability, “She is the daughter of Abu Bakr”.
This hadith has many points from which we can learn.

First of all, the narration has been transmitted from Aisha

herself, and to give her credit for being just, we should note
how, before she describes her argument with Zainab, she
mentions many of Zainab’s good qualities and praises her
righteousness, “I have never seen a woman more advanced in
religious piety than Zainab; more God-conscious, more truthful,
more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more
sense of self-sacrifice in practical life, and having more
charitable disposition, and thus more close to God, the Exalted.
She, however, lost her temper very soon, but was soon calm.”

This is a very important point for us to learn from this narration,

because we often tend to completely overlook, ignore and
undermine the positive traits of those with whom we have
disagreements.

Secondly, keeping silent when an older person is being unjustly

harsh towards you is not always called for. Unlike the case I
highlighted above, in which the Prophet showed anger at Umar
for staying angry with an apologetic and repentant Abu bakr, in
this particular case, the Prophet allowed Aisha to answer back
her co-wife and defend herself.

Being in a position of authority over them both, as a husband

as well as the Prophet of Allah, he allowed the much-younger
Aisha to defend herself against the verbal onslaught of an
older co-wife.

This was because, as is apparent from the start of the

narration, he knew how much his other wives envied Aisha
because of the greater love he had for her (he was very just in
imparting equal treatment to them all otherwise, but his
exclusively affectionate feelings for Aisha were apparent to
all).

Knowing that the other wives’ hostility in this particular incident

was based only on personal insecurities and envy, and not on
anything wrong done by Aisha towards them, he allowed her to
use her superior verbal skills to stand up for herself.

Modern Day Disputes

For any Muslim who occupies a position of authority of any

kind, such as a household head, a parent, an employer of
domestic staff, a manager in a corporation, or a ruling
president/government official, it is very important for them to
impart justice in resolving disputes between two people who
are under their authority.

Many of the Muslim ummah’s disputes begin at the level of the

household unit – the family. Sadly, partiality and favoritism in a
person occupying a position of authority (such as a parent)
towards another member of the family often results in feelings
of resentment in those who are deliberately and repeatedly
wronged by the latter, and are neither recompensed nor
allowed to defend themselves.

Ever since my book on Muslim marriage got published, I have

counseled many real-life cases involving disputes that go on
behind the deceptively serene walls of most Muslim
households.

In most of these cases, the causes of disputes and fighting

stem from how the authority figures of the household
unwittingly commit injustice upon the weaker members of their
extended family, or discriminate against some of them by
giving preferential treatment to others.

Like the Prophet, had the authority figures in the household

done their duty of executing justice and fairness between their
subordinates, and admitted their error the way the Prophet’s
humble companions did, their family would have been
successful in avoiding recurrent disputes, disagreements, and
most of all, the distancing between hearts that were initially
close. They would have been able to live closer together in
harmony.
Conclusion

In the end, let us list the actions the Prophet used to do as a

person in authority, when disputing parties came to him to
resolve matters between them:

1. He heard complains of both sides before passing a verdict.

2. He mentioned the good traits and righteous deeds of the

wrong-doer if the latter was apologetic and repentant, to
facilitate reconciliation.

3. He allowed the recipient of an undeserved verbal onslaught

to defend their honor, even if they were younger in age.

4. He did not – and this is a very important key point – exhort

the wronged person to keep silent in the name of patience and
restraint. He did not allow their oppressor to continue with their
injustices. Rather, he made sure that the wrongdoing was not
just stopped, but that the one who was wronged also defended
themselves.

Anas ibn Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

“Do not desert (stop talking to) one another, do not nurse
hatred towards one another, do not be jealous of one
another, and become as fellow brothers and slaves of Allah.
It is not lawful for a Muslim to stop talking to his brother
(Muslim) for more than three days.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)