Get Off Your Butt! Volume I

HENRY FRANDSEN
GET OFF YOUR BUTT!

VOLUME I
A LIGHT-HEARTED BUT VITAL
GUIDE TO SUCCESS IN SELLING
2
Get off your butt! Volume I: A light-hearted but vital guide to success in selling
1st edition
© 2017 Henry Frandsen & bookboon.com
ISBN 978-87-403-1573-8
3
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Contents
CONTENTS
Get off your butt! Volume I:
A Light-Hearted but vital guide to success in selling
Acknowledgements 6
About the author 7
Foreword 9
1 You must believe! 13
2 Daydreaming 18
3 Set goals and plan 28
4 Now that is difficult! 37
5 Demo: Soft tissue paper company 41
6 Trials: Industrial floor cleaners 47
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GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Contents
7 You don’t buy a ticket – You don’t catch the bus! 50
8 Ignore it – It might go away! 53
9 Luck 57
10 Tall, strong and devastatingly good-looking 62
Get off your butt! Volume II:

A light-hearted but vital guide to success in selling
Acknowledgements Volume II
About the author Volume II
Foreword Volume II
1 No you can’t! Volume II
2 Ten good reasons why it won’t work! Volume II
3 Plastic money Volume II
4 Get off your butt! Volume II

4.1 Scenario One Volume II
4.2 Scenario Two Volume II
4.3 Scenario Three Volume II
4.4 Scenario Four Volume II
4.5 Scenario Five Volume II
4.7 Scenario Seven Volume II
5 Too busy to see you! Volume II
6 Can’t! The Tugela raft race Volume II
7 Words won’t fail you! Volume II
8 A sales person’s business plan Volume II
9 Sales person’s ‘Call cycle plan’ Volume II
10 Business plan Volume II
11 SWOT Analysis Volume II
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GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Acknowledgements
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Some years ago, I said to my wife, “One day I’m going to write a book!” and she replied
“You have been saying that for years, why don’t you take your own advice and…Make
it Happen!”
Well, she was absolutely correct, as wives always are! So I picked up a writing pad, found
a pen and started writing. Therefore, I must thank Pat for encouraging me to get this
book underway.
Throughout my life, there have been many people who influenced me and who played a
definitive role in supporting, encouraging, inspiring, befriending and motivating me.
Mr Gerald Ebertson; Geoff Petrie; Sylvia Kongos; Errol Saunders; Sol Kerzner; Arthur
Griffin; Robin Mey; Des Rudolph; Henry Smith; Steve Cullen; Hilton Taljaard; Hanu
Gounden; Mike Rautenbach; David Thornton; Andy Scott; Andrew Poole; Adrian Franklin;
Ian McCrystal; Johan de Goede; John Poole and John Gregg.
Some of them are characters in this book therefore I decided nicknames and non-de
plumes would be in order. Obviously, this move was designed not to embarrass any of my
wonderful friends.
I must thank my brother Robin Frandsen for the time he invested in collating this book.
I am eternally grateful to you.
6
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I About the author
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Henry Jensen Frandsen was born in Brakpan on the 25th February 1944. His ancestors
can be traced back to 1840 where his great-grandfather, Laurs Kristian Frandsen was born
in the village of Randers in Denmark.
At the age of 14, Henry worked at a Drive-in Theater, seven days a week. He would leave
school after athletics practice or Cadet Band practice at 14.00hrs and cycle 12 km’s to the
Drive-in. He then cycled home in the dark at 23.00hrs after the cafeteria closed.
During this very compact period of his life, Henry broke three athletic school records for
the half mile, won the Victor Ludorum. He was presented with the Mace to become the
Drum Major of the Brakpan High cadet band.
With his school mate, Johnny, they formed a rock band. “Johnny Kongos and the G-Men”
They recorded three long playing records and achieved a few number one hits on the LM
Radio and Springbok Radio hit parades.
After the group disbanded, Henry joined Bothners in Rosebank where he managed their
musical instrument department. In 1964 he was transferred to Port Elizabeth as a Sales
Representative selling records to the Record Shops in the Eastern Cape.
Henry and two good mates, John Gregg and Geoff Petrie started a Recording Studio in
Port Elizabeth. Later, Robin Mey, Geoff Good, Peter Richardson and Henry opened up a
chain of record shops, “The Record Ranch” with branches in Port Elizabeth, East London
and Grahamstown.
7
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I About the author
Henry moved to Grahamstown where he married Gail Patric Denning in1972, they managed
the Record Ranch and opened an upmarket ladies clothing boutique “Capucine”, followed
by another clothing boutique “5th Avenue” selling Flower Power and hippy clothing. They
also opened a book store “Paperbacks”. Henry and his mates physically built all the shop
fittings for the stores. A year later their daughter Leigh was born.
In 1976 Henry Joined Musikland in Kwa Zulu Natal as Promotions and Marketing Officer.
A few years later he was appointed General Manager.
In 1978 Henry and Kevin James, opened a packaging distribution company, Shaft Packaging
his son was born in 1979. Sixteen years later Henry sold his shares to his partner Henry Smith.
Henry and Hilton Taljaard designed a collapsible bulk container which won a Silver award
at the packaging industries “GoldPack Awards,
With Mark Rawlins and Andrew Gourley; he formed the company “Wave Paper” where
Henry pursued his environmentally friendly interest of creating paper pulp products to
replace timber pallets and timber dunnage in the shipping industry. In 1995 Henry sold
his shares in Wave Paper to Mondi Paper Group.
Henry, and his daughter Leigh, ventured back into the packaging distribution industry and
formed a company “Simply Packaging”. After a year, Henry was approached by an investor
to expand the business. He relocated to larger premises in Johannesburg to house a Plastic
Extrusion Plant. Branches of Simply Packaging were opened in Durban and Cape Town.
The investor withdrew his investment which caused the collapse of the company.
Andrew Poole offered Henry a position with First Cut (Pty) Ltd, as Sales and Marketing
Director. Henry retired after 18 years but continues to serve as Export Manager.
Henry lives in Cedar Lake Estate, Johannesburg with his wife Patric; he has a loving daughter
Leigh who is married to Brian Watson, a guy he is proud to call his son. They have produced
two adorable grandchildren in Adam Jensen Douglas and Emma Patric Avril. Henry’s Son,
Neil Jensen is married to Lauren (Stephen) who, like Brian, is definitely another daughter
to Henry. They have provided Henry with two stunning grandsons, Luke Lyle and Daniel
Jensen. Both Henry’s son and daughter and their families have since emigrated to Auckland,
New Zealand.
8
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Foreword
FOREWORD
Selling!!
How did it all start?
In the beginning, people bartered. Barter is the exchange of goods or services for other
goods or services – a bag of rice for a bag of beans.
However, what if you couldn’t agree upon an exchange value or you didn’t want what the
other person was offering you as an exchange? To solve that problem, people developed
what is called ‘commodity money’.
A commodity is a basic item used by almost everyone: salt, tea, tobacco, rice, livestock
and the likes were commodities and were therefore once used as money. However, using
commodities as money created various problems. The portability, storage and lifespan of
some products made it difficult to trade with e.g. fresh produce such as vegetables.
Coins and paper money

Metal objects were introduced as money around 500 B.C. By 700 B.C. the Lydians became
the first in the Western world to make coins.
Countries were soon minting their own series of coins with specific values. Metal was used
because it was readily available, easy to work with and could be recycled. Coins were given
a certain value, and as a consequence it became easier to compare the cost of items against
a product.
Some of the earliest paper money dates back to China, where the issue of paper money
became common from about 960 A.D. onwards. Development of the banknote began in
the Tang Dynasty during the 7th century with local issues of paper currency, although true
paper money did not appear until the 11th century, during the Song Dynasty. Its roots
were in merchant receipts such as a ‘promissory note’ of deposit during the Tang Dynasty,
as merchants and wholesalers desired to avoid the heavy bulk of copper coinage in large
commercial transactions.
9
With the introduction of paper currency and non-precious coinage, commodity money
evolved into representative money, which meant that money no longer had to be made
of something very valuable. Representative money was backed by a government or bank’s
promise to exchange it for a certain amount of silver or gold. For example, the old British
Pound Sterling was once guaranteed to be redeemable for a pound of sterling silver. For
most of the 19th and 20th centuries, the majority of currencies were based on representative
money through the use of the Gold Standard.
SELLING!
As you can see from the above, selling is one of the oldest professions in the world, the
oldest being that of ‘selling one’s body’ (prostitution), which also relies on the skill of ‘selling’.
Now, I’ve often heard the expression, he or she is a born golfer, a born salesperson, a born
tennis player and so forth. However, I’ve only ever seen a boy or a girl born, and never a
fully-fledged professional in any field.
Selling skills – alike to any skills – are developed over many years. It is such a pity therefore
that most sales people don’t put back into selling what they have gained out of the lucrative
selling profession. There are nevertheless many books and DVDs available on selling skills
such as:
• Prospecting
• Area planning
• Time management and goal setting, to name but a few
• Also most significantly, is the closing of a sale.
• However for me, the most important word in the dictionary is ATTITUDE.
• Positive attitude = Positive results
• Negative attitude = Negative results
A person with the right attitude, personality and a good sense of humour will be successful
in anything they tackle.
Unlike some 30 to 40 years ago, we as salespeople now have much more to assist us
electronically including cell phones, iPads and laptops, which allow us to instantly communicate
or retrieve any information, such as sales history or stock on hand, in ‘real time’.
10
If a customer has a need for your product or service and has the money to pay you for
it yet does not buy it from you, it is therefore most likely your fault for them not having
giving you the order.
Features and benefits

Features are what go into your product or service and benefits are what your customer
gets out of it.
Let me share with you the five basic steps to follow when making your calls which will
enable you to close more sales.
No. 1: Attention
This could be in the form of a greeting, opening statement or a question.
No. 3: Conviction
This is where your features and benefits come in, including value for money or the right
product or service for your client’s particular needs.
No. 4: Desire
Pride of ownership, decent profit, quick turnover or a sole agency for the area would be
desirable to your client.
No. 5: Close
Ask an ‘open’ closing question… “How many”, “When”, “We deliver in your area on
a Tuesday and a Friday, which day would suit you better?” etc. Avoid asking questions
where the answer would be a simple YES or NO.
Most sales people are afraid to ASK for the order in case of rejection. Remember, whenever
you ask a closing question – remain quiet, as the first one to speak, loses.
If you put into practice the above five points, you are guaranteed to close more deals.
You will however at times encounter a customer who may want to “think it over”. This can
be counteracted by asking them if it would be possible to think it over together, so that
any possible questions they may have could be answered while you are present.
Always do your ‘homework’ on prospective clients prior to your call. To be well prepared
will result in closing more deals.
11
P.S Think back to when you courted your girlfriend/boyfriend, husband or wife. Chances
are very good that you subconsciously followed the above five basic steps to closing a sale.
Finally…selling is exciting and should be fun.
Enjoy the book and happy selling!

Johan de Goede
12
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I You must believe!
1 YOU MUST BELIEVE!

A young man joined an insurance company as a junior sales consultant. After completing
his compulsory induction training course, he was now judged to be competent enough to
venture out into the market place to sell insurance policies.
Sam Stone believed this career choice would give him the opportunity to make as much
money as his school buddies, most of whom were fortunate enough to have gone to university
and many of whom were now in top-paying positions with blue-chip companies.
His initial targeted customer base was naturally his best friends – in fact, any friends, even
the bad ones! His next target of course was his loving and supportive family. Once he had
exhausted that market, he then had to rely on the sales leads his manager handed out to
him at the Friday morning meetings. These meetings were held at the sales office on the
third floor of their plush office complex in Sandton.
After three months of knocking on doors and achieving very little success, Sam decided to
approach his sales manager at the next sales meeting. “I think I am going to contact Mr
Sol Werner, the head of Star International, and offer him an insurance policy,” Sam said
to his sales manager, George Adams. George was a man well into in his fifties who exuded
huge confidence. “Well,” George suddenly burst into laughter, so much so that he had to
pull out his handkerchief and dry the tears from his eyes, “You know Sam, I was having
such a bad day, and you have just made me laugh more than I have in years,” George said.
“Let me tell you something my dear little friend, I have been in this game for fifteen years
and there is one thing you learn from day one! YOU DON’T CALL ON PEOPLE LIKE
SOL WERNER! Do you understand me boy? You want to know why? Well I’ll tell you
why! They have their own financial consultants who look after their affairs, Capishe! There
are certain NO GO AREAS, and Sol is one of them! These guys deal directly with our
directors, got it?” George burst out laughing again as he heaved his overweight body out
of his comfy high back chair and, still laughing, left the room.
Sam heard George telling Garth Miller, the National Sales Director, the story down the
passage and both burst into laughter as they proceeded along the passage towards the canteen.
13
Sam was hugely embarrassed and he felt his cheeks redden. He suddenly hated this open
plan office environment in which he had to work. Sam looked up and eighteen other sales
guys and girls were all staring at him, sniggering, with a few of them actually laughing
openly at him. Sam gathered up his paperwork, packed up his briefcase, and left the office
rather hurriedly. When he got to his car, he was so upset he fumbled for his keys for what
seemed to be an eternity; he could hardly open the door. He eventually managed to get
in and then simply sat in the car for ages, on the brink of bursting into tears! He gripped
the steering wheel with both hands so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He took a
deep breath, relaxed the grip on the wheel, pushed his head back against the head rest and
breathed out very slowly. He then sat up and whispered to himself, “I can do this”, and in
saying that he made a career-changing decision.
Sam got out of the car and purposefully strode, almost defiantly, from his basement parking,
directly to the lifts and pressed the ‘Foyer’ button. As he stepped out of the elevator, he
360°
crossed the huge marbled reception area in the foyer and headed directly to the public
.
telephones which were situated in the corner under a magnificent sweeping staircase. He
thinking
dialled 1023, the telephone directory number service. He soon succeeded in getting the
number he was looking for and with his fingers trembling slightly, he dialled again.
360°
thinking . 360°
thinking .
Discover the truth at www.deloitte.ca/careers Dis
© Deloitte & Touche LLP and affiliated entities.
Discover the truth at www.deloitte.ca/careers © Deloitte & Touche LLP and affiliated entities.
Deloitte & Touche LLP and affiliated entities.
Discover the truth at www.deloitte.ca/careers

14
Receptionist: “Star International, good morning!”
Sam: “May I speak to Sol Werner please.”
Receptionist: “I’ll put you through to Mary, she is his secretary, please hold.”
Secretary: “Sol Werner’s office, Mary speaking, how may I help you?”
Sam: “Good morning Mary. May I speak to Mr Werner please?”
Secretary: “Certainly Sir, may I tell him who is calling?”
Sam: “Sam Stone.”
Secretary: “One moment please Mr Stone.”
Sam waits and suddenly butterflies begin a war inside his stomach and his hands start
sweating profusely.
Secretary: “Mr Stone, I’m putting you through.”
Sam thinks to himself, “No turning back now!” as he takes a huge breath to fill his lungs.
Sol: “Hello Sam, what can I do for you?”
Sam: “Mr Werner. Thank you for taking my call. I am with Crowthorn Life and I
would appreciate the opportunity to discuss your insurance portfolio with you.”
Sol: Hesitates for a moment and says, “You sound extremely young Sam, how
long have you been with Crowthorn?”
Sam: “I’ve been here six months, Sir.”
Sol: “Sam, please listen to me, with respect! What makes you think, that with six
month’s experience in the insurance industry, you have sufficient knowledge
to even consider discussing my portfolio?”
15
Sam: “Mr Werner, my boss laughed his head off when I said I was going to make
contact with you. He told me that he had fifteen years’ experience in the
insurance industry and no one makes contact with Sol Werner. If what he
told me is true Sir, then if something unfortunate happened to you Sir, your
family would be in huge financial trouble. Furthermore, Mr Werner, I would
not insult you by seeing you on my own or embarrass you with my lack
of experience. I will instead bring my boss, Mr George Adams with me to
ensure you get the top deal Crowthorn has to offer.”
Sol: After a long silence, “Question Sam? Is Mr Adams the guy who laughed
at you?”
Sam: “Yes Sir!”
Sol: “Well my boy! I must admit, you have big balls to make contact with me
directly. I like that. See me tomorrow morning at nine. Don’t tell anyone you
are seeing me, and don’t bring your boss with you, I already don’t like him!
I have a strong feeling you and I are going to get along just fine. Oh! Sam?”
Sam: “Yes Sir!”
Sol: “Don’t forget to bring a couple of application forms with you!”
Sam: “Yes Sir! Thank you Sir! See you tomorrow at nine Sir! Goodbye Sir!”
Sam put the phone down, leaned back against the wall and sank slowly to the floor, where
he held his head in his hands and tried to absorb exactly what just went down!
At that moment George Adams walked by and spotted Sam resting on his haunches at the
telephone booth. In a loud bellowing voice he shouted across the room,
George Adams: “Stone! You will never sell any policies sitting on your butt! Get out
and do some work man!”
Sam jumped up and ran past George Adams, pulling his fist backwards in an air punch
motion and shouted,
Sam: “YES…YES…YES!”
16
George Adams: “Bloody loser!”
As it turned out, Sam and Sol actually got on extremely well. Sam at this point did not
communicate with George Adams but utilised the Crowthorn Life sales call centre to get
all the answers and quotations that Sol required.
At the following Friday morning meeting, Sam was a few minutes late and hurriedly made
his way to his desk.
George Adams: “Thanks for joining us Mr Stone! Did one of your big deals delay you
this morning?”
Once again he heard George laugh and giggles and sniggering from his fellow sales team
mates as he sat down.
George Adams: “Seeing that you were late Sam, I will grant you the honour of giving
us your sales report for the week.”
Sam: “Certainly Sir,” he said as he took out a folder from his briefcase that
contained a number of policies. “I managed to sign up six life policies
valued at R4.8m and I have to finalise the details on two investment
policies valued at R5m each, which I hope to get signed early next
week if we can match the expected returns my client requested Sir.
I have also been recommended to seven other clients, of which four
have already indicated that they will take out life cover with me. That
is all Sir!”
George Adams: “What rubbish are you talking Stone! Bring those policies here!”
Sam walked proudly across the room and placed the policies neatly next to each other across
George Adams’ desk. George picked up the first one and studied the policy from front to
back, checking all the signatures. When he finished with the last policy, he leaned back
and said loudly for all to hear:
George Adams: “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle! Werner, Sol bloody Werner, would
you ever believe this?!”
Sam Stone won the Achiever of the Year Award that year.
It is now many years down the line and Sam still manages Sol’s insurance portfolio.
17
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Daydreaming
2 DAYDREAMING
During the early eighties, PQ Chemicals was one of the top ten chemical companies in
South Africa. The Sales Director, Michael Devon, had to make a very important decision
for the company; it was also a situation where his credibility could have been questioned.
The PQ Chemicals Cape Town branch manager was tragically killed in a motor accident
on his way to a client in Stellenbosch. A couple of days later, Michael had a meeting with
the Managing Director and the Financial Director at their head office in Johannesburg.
They urgently had to make a decision on the replacement for the deceased branch manager.
They agreed that the top two candidates for the position were two existing staff members,
Dennis O’Riley and Sydney Rodgers. The board felt very comfortable with either one of
these candidates, both of whom had been with the company for a long time and had already,
in their own right, demonstrated leadership qualities over the years. They had a wealth of
experience and their product knowledge was unquestionable; and, as fate would have it,
both of them already lived in Cape Town.
As the coastal branches reported directly to Michael, he was given the unenviable task of
choosing between these two candidates. Once he made the decision, he would then have
to announce the appointment of the new branch manager to the Cape Town staff.
What made the decision very awkward for Michael was that it was common knowledge
that he was very good friends with one of the candidates and there was a possibility that
his decision could be questioned. Michael therefore threw the options around in his brain
a million times. He was searching for a single factor that could sway his decision one way
or the other and, hopefully, would leave his credibility intact.
After torturing himself for days, he asked himself, “Why should I have to make this
decision?” In that question he found the answer! “That’s it!” he shouted out loudly, and
then continued talking to himself in a loud voice, “What a great idea! I won’t make the
decision – I’ll let the candidates make the decision!” Michael actually felt relieved that he
had come up with such a brilliant plan. He would put the ball into their court. In actual
fact, if he handled this correctly, he would have the decision handed to him on a platter
by the candidates themselves.
On his arrival at the branch, Michael set a time to meet with each candidate. His first
meeting was with his very good friend Dennis O’Riley.
18
Michael: “Hi Dennis, how are you?”
He walked over and extended his hand upon arriving at the designated meeting place. He
placed his other hand on Dennis’s shoulder, and greeted him warmly.
After exchanging pleasantries, Mike offered him a seat at the circular oak table in the
corner of what used to be Craig’s office. (Craig being the recently deceased Cape Town
branch manager)
Dennis: “Hi Mike. It’s unbelievable! I played golf with Craig on Saturday and Monday
he’s gone,” He shook his head and showed genuine sadness and grief.
Michael: “Yeah, it’s quite scary when you think about it; one never knows when it’s
your turn.”
He slowly shook his head from side to side in total disbelief, before continuing
Michael: “I would like to thank you for being so supportive to Craig’s family. I received
your request and have instructed John in admin to advance the cash you
wanted for Beth. It should keep her going until the estate is finally wound
up. Den; please check she’s got the cash! And if it’s possible, I would like to
see her while I’m here, can you set that up?”
Dennis: “Yes sure, I wish I could do more for them! I will phone her; I know she
would really want to see you.”
Michael: “Down to business, Den, this is a big branch, and as you know, it accounts
for a sizable chunk of the group’s profit.”
Dennis: “Have you guys decided who is going to take over Craig’s position?”
Michael: “This is precisely why I’m here, but in answer to your question – a final
decision has not yet been made.”
19
Dennis leaned forward and spoke in almost a whisper, as if he did not want anyone else
to hear,
Dennis: “Look Mike, you know that I can run this bloody branch! If truth be told,
I practically run this branch already. Ask Desiree, she’s been Craig’s secretary
for five years. Craig was always out and whenever she needed to solve a staff
problem or required an answer to satisfy a customer, she would turn to me
for guidance!”
Michael: “Look Den, I have always respected your dedication as a team player and I
thank you for that, but what I really need from you now is this! When you
get home tonight, pour yourself a cold beer and document what you would
do, or what changes you would make, or what ideas you would implement,
or who you would hire or fire, or whatever you would like to do! In other
words, what actions would you take to improve this business if you were
appointed branch manager?”
Dennis: “Mike I would…”
Michael: “No! Not now! It is important that you treat this as a project. Please put
your thoughts and ideas on paper and I will meet with you on Friday at ten
o’clock. We will then discuss your proposed plans in detail.” Mike stood up
and said, “Den, work with me on this, it could be in your best interests.”
Dennis reluctantly stood up and followed Michael out into the foyer, and it was clear to
him that no further discussion was going to take place today. Instead, he said the following:
Dennis: “Would you like to join us for dinner tonight? I told Sal you were in town
and that we might check out that new grill at the Waterfront.”
Michael: “No thanks Den, I’ve got a hell of a week ahead, but please give Sally a hug
for me. If you don’t mind, I’ll take a rain check. On my next visit, that’s a
promise! Cheers!”
Michael’s next appointment was ten minutes later with Sydney Rodgers. Once again Michael
sat at Craig’s round table. He sipped his coffee and let his mind drift as he analysed the
two candidates. Sydney and Dennis were equally qualified for the position and there was
very little to choose between them. Sydney was probably stronger on the admin side while
Dennis leaned strongly towards sales. Both were well respected by the staff, and the fact was,
they were actually quite a formidable team. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud Knock!
Knock! Knock! Michael got such a fright he nearly knocked his cell phone off the table.
20
“Come in,” he said, checking that his papers were in order. Sidney walked in. Syd was in
his mid-forties and was immaculately dressed as always. His hands were as hard as rock
and no one really wanted to shake hands with him, as it was clear to all that he loved to
demonstrate his strength by adding just that extra energy to a hand shake. He has a black belt
in karate and as a result, no one argued with him! Michael went through the same routine
as he did with Dennis and asked Sidney to give his proposal to him on Friday at 11am.
One evening during the week, at about 6.30 pm, Dennis, the first candidate, who was at
home, poured a drink and made himself comfortable in his favourite recliner. After a while
he drifted deeply into thought – in actual fact, he was daydreaming. He clearly saw himself
sitting in his new office with his legs crossed and his feet propped up on the corner of the
desk, smoking one of the cigars from the attractive wooden box Craig always kept on his
desk. He wondered if they were genuine Cubans. He picked up the phone, dialled Desiree’s
extension and said:
Dennis: “Desiree my darling, won’t you be a sweetheart and organise some coffee for
me luv?”
He had always fancied Desiree and was convinced Craig had something going on with her.
Maybe he would get lucky. He visualised Craig’s name at the top of the ‘Who’s in and who’s
out’ board in the reception area and as he looked at it, Craig’s name became very misty
and DENNIS O’RILEY emerged at the top spot. He sighed with satisfaction as he shifted
to a more comfortable position in his lounger, a look of absolute contentment showing on
his face, almost as if he had just won the Lotto. He was thoroughly enjoying the direction
this ‘daydream’ was taking!
‘A 5 Series BM would make me look so good,’ he thought to himself; he could even see
himself sitting in the driver’s seat, left arm outstretched gripping the steering wheel with
his right elbow resting on the window ledge with a cigarette in his hand, or is that a
cigar? ‘Membership at the golf club, I’m sure the company paid for that! Regular flights
to Johannesburg! Fancy hotels! Best restaurants! Company credit card! Damn! This job is
tailor-made for me.’ He then watched with total admiration as Desiree entered his office
and very sensually made her way towards him. A smile formed at the corner of his mouth
as he absorbed just how absolutely beautiful she looked. He peered up lovingly into Desiree’s
blue, blue eyes, pausing for just a moment to take in the full view of her magnificence.
Desiree, in a soft husky voice: “Your coffee my darling.”
21
Dennis jerked with fright as a sudden gust of wind came up, causing a door somewhere
in the house to slam shut.
In a daze he lovingly looked up admiring Desiree’s unbelievably beautiful face, then, like
in slow motion, her face changed and suddenly his wife was staring down at him; her lips
were moving but he could not hear what she was saying. She said again,
Desiree: “Your coffee Dennis.”
Dennis quickly, almost in a panic, gathered his composure, trying to remember if he had
actually thanked Desiree for the coffee or wondering if he had called out her name in his
dream! He knew that if he did, he would be dead meat! He looked up at the grandfather
clock on the wall and said,
Dennis: “Gosh! Look at the time. I should have been in bed ages ago.”
Mumbling as he got out of his lazy boy recliner, he clumsily picked up his coffee, spilling
some in the saucer as he headed for the bedroom.
Friday 10am:
Dennis arrived on time for his meeting with Michael, and after some casual chit-chat they
settled down to the business at hand.
Michael: Den, can I see your proposal as to what changes you would bring about at
the branch if you were appointed Branch Manager?”
Dennis leaned back in his chair.
Dennis: “Mike! Stop messing about mate! I’ll take the job! You know I have the
credentials so let’s get on with it.”
Mike: “Dennis, it’s not your decision to make. Now have you given any thought
as to what you would do to improve this branch if you were appointed
Branch Manager?”
Dennis: “Not a damn thing,”
22
Dennis leaned forward, but this time placing both hands flat on the table, adding a certain
amount of dramatisation to his statement:
Dennis: “I would not change a damn thing! This is a very successful branch, and as
the saying goes, you don’t fix what’s not broke.”
Michael leaned forward and also placed his hands on the table. He then said, very slowly
and clearly:
Michael: “Have you, or have you not, prepared any documentation? Have you put
together a proposal as I requested?”
Dennis felt a little intimidated by Michael’s tough stance. As far as he was concerned, he
was the only candidate for the job and he could not understand Mike’s strange attitude.
Dennis read the signs between him and Mike and they were not good. For the first time
it struck Dennis that he was not on firm ground. He eased back and started doing what
he was good at, ‘selling’.
Dennis: “Mike, please excuse the way in which this is coming across to you, I don’t
intend to sound arrogant. I’ve been with this company for fifteen years. I
know all the customers intimately. I know our stock backwards as you know,
and I’ve even made up some of our better-selling formulas. I know the staff
respects me! Well – I think they do! What’s to prepare? Many of Craig’s
ideas were actually mine. Remember when Craig got the award for that Sasol
project? Well that was my idea and he borrowed it. For the sake of harmony,
I kept my mouth shut, but he knew it was mine. He never ever discussed
Sasol with me again after that episode! I’ve practically been doing his job
without the title or the financial benefits.”
With that off his chest, Dennis flopped back in his chair and let out a long slow breath,
looked appealingly at Michael and gave a wry little smile.
Dennis: “There’s nothing more to say, other than I would love the opportunity to
prove myself,” he added, shrugging his shoulders.
Michael: “Well thanks for your input Den; it will certainly go a long way towards me
making the correct decision for the company. By the way, I’ve asked the key
staff members to join me for drinks and snacks in the boardroom at four
o’clock. Please be there mate.”
23
Friday 11am:
Right on time, Syd was at the office.
Syd: “Morning Michael, I have the proposal you requested. Should I leave
it with you or would you prefer to go through it with me?”
Michael: “Let’s run through it together, I want to make sure I clearly understand
your thinking”
Syd: “I would have preferred to have had more time to prepare because a
few areas still need a bit more clarification and I am awaiting some
prices and recommendations on a few issues”
Michael: “I know it was short notice, but please continue”
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24
Syd, nervously: “Okay! At the risk of standing on a few toes, here goes. I would get the
offices painted and get the carpets cleaned or preferably replaced. The place
is dowdy and the appearance does not stand up to the image our company
is trying to portray. When we moved in here our gardens in front were
fantastic. Somehow we let the gardens deteriorate; I don’t know when last
we mowed the grass, or planted anything! I would recommend we contract
a garden service. For an initial payment of R1,000 for a general clean up
and then R350 per week, they will visit every Monday morning and mow
the lawn, dig up the garden beds, weed and remove the refuse. They will
also prune the roses and plant flowers to add colour, if we pay for the
plants that is. I am sure our clients would have a far better impression of
our company were we to do so.
“At reception I would insist on another switchboard operator. Nancy is very busy
and cannot cope with the large number of incoming calls. We have had numerous
complaints from our customers that they can’t get through and the phone rings
for ages before it is answered. My solution to this problem is as follows. We are
currently over-staffed in the admin department. This is as a result of the new
computer system we installed. I would transfer Marilyn from admin to reception as
an additional receptionist. Marilyn incidentally relieves Nancy on the switchboard
at lunch times. She has a wonderful telephone manner and the customers like
her. This move won’t have any cost implications, because she is already on the
payroll. I have spoken to Telkom, and for an additional fee of R420 per month
they will upgrade our switchboard to accommodate two switchboard operators.
The reception area is large enough to house both of them very comfortably. The
admin department will also no longer be disrupted because they have to send a
replacement to relieve the switchboard at lunch times.
“Ashwin our financial manager is performing an excellent function. However,

I have noticed that there appears to be a huge lack of communication between
head office and our branch. I will resolve this by sending Ashwin to head office
for one day every month. This will enable all of us to pull in the same direction.
25
“Stock: we are carrying too much stock. I would implement the following.
We have quite modern mixing facilities at the branch, but for some unknown
reason, it was mothballed and never used. I think the reason was that it was
far less complicated to order already mixed stock from Johannesburg. However,
I think this comes at a huge cost to this branch: Please look at annexure (2A)
and you will see the calculations which prove we can improve our net margin
by a minimum of R200k per month if we mixed these products on site. All
our major accounts receive their product from us in our very convenient
210 litre drums. I have not had time to investigate this option completely,
but I have established an interest from five of our biggest customers who are
quite keen to move over to the 1,000 litre bulk containers. This will improve
our profit margin on this product line by a further 23%. We can then pass
10% directly on to the customer. By doing this, we will eliminate the price
pressure we are under from the opposition and we will bank 13% more.”
Syd paused for a moment before asking:
Syd: “Am I boring you yet Michael?”
Michael: “Not at all, I’m totally amazed at your absolutely delightful vision for the
company,” He wondered why the hell he had not taken notice of this guy before!
Syd: “Because we are dealing in chemicals, our safety practices and housekeeping
must always be at the highest level. Since Barry Bradshaw left us, we have gone
backwards in the safety department. Don Johnston is not up to scratch in this
area. I would transfer Don to run the motor pool when Ben Shaw retires at
the end of the month. From a company point of view, we should advertise
for a top safety and security man with immediate effect or, alternatively, we
must double our public liability insurance! We have a good sales team, but I
would insist that they attend the sales courses regularly on offer at head office.
We have not sent one sales rep for training this whole year. Somehow, there
is always a good reason why our team should not attend. I would make it
compulsory for every sales guy to attend at least three courses a year. We rely
on 22% of our customers to give us 78% of our business. This is dangerous!
We need to focus on opening new accounts. I will implement an incentive
scheme for the sales reps, perhaps as follows: for every new account opened,
which spends R20,000 per month or more, I will pay them a bonus of R500
per account over and above their normal commission. There are other areas
that need attention but that can be done on an ongoing basis.”
26
Sidney sat upright, looked directly at Michael and said in a very serious and different tone
of voice to that in which he had made his presentation:
Syd: “Michael, I would really appreciate the opportunity to run this branch. It
won’t be an easy task, but with your assistance and guidance, I believe I can
make a huge success of it. I also imagine that there would be a few candidates
for this position and if I am not the chosen one, I want you to understand, I
will support your decision and give him or her 100% as I have always done.”
At that, Syd stood up and gathered up his paperwork. Michael walked around the table
and extended his hand, which Syd did not crush for once!
Michael: “Syd, thank you for the effort you put in to this presentation, it must have
taken hours?”
Syd: “Yep, sure did,” He was smiling now and looked far more relaxed than when
he had walked into Craig’s office.
Michael: “See you at four o’clock in the boardroom. Oh Syd, please leave your
presentation on the desk, thanks mate.”
A life-changing opportunity was presented to these two people.
Dennis could not stop himself daydreaming and felt very strongly that he could take a
chance and bank on his solid friendship with the boss.
Sydney, on the other hand, realised that his presentation had to be spectacular; he understood
exactly what was at stake and tackled his presentation with absolute determination.
WELL! WHO DO YOU THINK GOT THE JOB?
27
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Set goals and plan
3 SET GOALS AND PLAN

Do you ever remember saying:
‘I want to be a fireman’
‘I want to be class captain’
‘I want to be head boy’
‘I want to be the cricket captain’
‘I have to get a decent matric pass to get into university’
‘I want to be a life saver’
‘I must run this race within four and a half hours to qualify for the Comrades marathon’
‘She does not know it yet, but I’m going to marry her!’
‘I’m going to be sales manager, even if it kills me’
‘I’m going to work harder, and with the commission I’m going to buy a house’
‘I am going to bungee-jump Vic Falls’
‘My dream is to climb Kilimanjaro’
‘I’m going to write a book on sales and marketing’
‘I’m going to learn to play guitar’
‘I’m going to write a song’
‘I am going to record a CD of my favourite music before I die, just me and my guitar ’
‘I want to be a farmer’
‘I want to have my own business’
‘I want to be a plumber’
‘I want my kids to go to private schools’
‘I will drive a Ferrari one day’
Setting goals is not new to us! We start out our lives and subconsciously we are constantly
setting goals for ourselves. Remember when we were little and went to pre-school? Remember
how we used to say, “I want to go to big school”? It is fantastic that we all have this ‘built-
in desire’ to achieve and grow.
Now this is where the fun begins!
Throughout life some of us will ‘Make it happen’. Some of us will ‘Watch it happen’.
And some of us will say, ‘What happened?’.
Now, who or what is it that enables one to become a ‘Make it happen’, a ‘Watch it happen’,
or a ‘What happened’ kind of person? The answer is, you do!
28
We are constantly setting goals. Even now, if you think about it, you probably have a
desire to achieve ‘something’, but unless you focus and plan on that particular subject, it
is unlikely that you would ever achieve a positive result! Unless – you work out a step-by-
step game plan, and only if you get off your butt and set about achieving your goals, will
you succeed! Let’s look at a real life situation.
This was a hugely traumatic moment in my life. My very best friend Errol Saunders was
diagnosed with cancer. Errol and I went back a long way to when I was sixteen and he was
eighteen. By coincidence, at the time, we were both mates with a chap named Johnny Kongos.
Johnny was an accomplished guitarist, and because of this talent, Johnny was invited to perform
at the Brakpan High School variety concert. Errol by then was already a drummer of note.
Johnny decided that we should form a band and perform some Cliff Richard and the Shadows
music at the concert. To cut a long story short, six months later with Johnny Kongos on lead
guitar and vocals, Errol Saunders on drums, yours truly, Henry Frandsen on rhythm guitar,
and Ian Sinclair on bass guitar, we performed at the concert, and as it turned out, we were
a great success. We even had girls screaming and dancing in the isles. This success led us to
becoming professional musicians and forming a band called Johnny Kongos and the G-Men.
We practiced sixteen hours a day and we succeeded in becoming one of the top rock and
roll bands in South Africa in the early sixties. We recorded three long playing records and
reached the top of the hit parades on both the local Springbok Hit Parade and the LM Radio
Top Twenty, which was broadcast from Mozambique by the legendary radio DJ David Davies.
29
This was our second long playing record.
Here’s a newspaper clip showing a personal message from none other than the legendary
Elvis Presley himself to Johnny Kongos and the G-Men, which appeared in the Brakpan
Herald newspaper in May 1962.
30
This is actually not the story I wanted to tell you, but, you have to admit, it has the makings
of an interesting tale and also demonstrates that if you work very hard on any project, you
can be successful.
This is a true story about my friend Errol Saunders. Errol was a dedicated member of
the Yellowwood Park Club situated in the suburb of Yellowwood Park in Durban. Errol
captained the darts team and played a major role in the club’s athletics and canoeing teams.
He completed nine Comrades Marathons, eight Two Ocean Marathons, six Duzi Canoe
Marathons and he successfully completed the Washee One Hundred Mile run – he was an
extremely fit man. I cannot begin to explain to you what a great shock it was when Errol
was diagnosed with cancer at the tender age of just 40.
It was the day before the 1983 Comrades Marathon. My wife, Pat and I were watching
the eight o’clock news from our Bryanston home in Johannesburg. We were listening to
the great, nine times Comrades winner, Bruce Fordyce, giving some useful tips to the
thousands of runners who would be lining up at six o’clock the following morning. I said
to Pat, “Saunders is absolute skin and bone and almost totally confined to bed; he is going
to be heartbroken because he will not be in the starting line-up. He is not going to handle
watching the race from his bed tomorrow morning. You do know this would have been
his tenth Comrades and he would have qualified for his green number, which would then
have remained his in perpetuity? If Errol had achieved his green number, then his wife or
one of his children could run the Comrades in the future sporting that same green number.
Now he is going to lie in bed and watch the run on TV, with the realisation that he would
never be in a position to run again.” This I knew would break Errol’s heart!
Errol partaking in another one of his favourite pastimes…Fishing!
31
“I must be with him and support him,” I said to Pat. “Please pack my things, I’m going
to drive to Durban tonight and be with him when that gun goes off signalling the start
of the race. I’m going to watch the entire race with him and give him moral support.” I
then phoned his wife Alice and told her I was on my way and that she was not to tell him!
Needless to say, he was shocked to see me walk into his bedroom at five o’clock in the
morning. He said, “What the f*#$ are you doing here?” as tears welled up in his eyes.
Without going into too much detail, Errol conned me into running, what he called, ‘his
tenth Comrades’. We knew it had no legal standing as far as Comrades rules were concerned,
but, very foolishly, to shut him up, I promised to run this gruelling 89 kilometre race for
him! We both understood that it would not stand as his official tenth, but Errol said to
me, “If you could run one Comrades it would mean more than my tenth to me.” He had
been trying for years to get me to run Comrades and he finally got a commitment from me.
Errol passed away a few months later and, needless to say, I was devastated. It is now 31 years
since then and his wife Alice, his son Robin, daughter Candice and his four grandchildren,
Joshua, Ethan, Jessica and Riley are all very special and are family to me to this very day.
A few months after Errol’s passing, the commitment I made to fulfil my promise to him
to run comrades weighed heavily on my mind; it was something I had to do. “I want
to run the Comrades Marathon,” I said to myself. Well, it’s easier to say, ‘I want to run
Comrades’ than actually doing it – believe me! This was my first attempt in my preparation
for Comrades. No real plan of course! Picture this!
I got out of bed at 5am. I brushed my teeth. Put on a pair of shorts and vest. Put my
running shoes on (well, they were actually soft shoes I wore in the garden). Where’s my
sweat band? There it is! Put my cap on. I locked the front door. Put the key in the flower
pot. Three minutes of stretch exercises. (I saw them doing this on TV.) I jog down the
driveway and proceed up the road at a steady pace. Well, honestly! When I got to the
bottom of the driveway, I was already out of breath! I tried a little harder, and when I got
halfway down the block, heart’s pounding, a bit of a smoker’s cough, suddenly my knees
were trembling. At that moment I looked into the heavens and spoke to Errol. I told him
in no uncertain terms that I would be in heaven one day, and he would have to answer for
this discomfort he was putting me through. I then turned around and headed for home.
YES! I walked home! If you really must know! It was at this point that I realised I needed
help, and without a doubt, I needed a plan to run Comrades; it was the only possible way
I would be able to honour the promise I had made to Errol.
32
My Plan to run Comrades

Firstly, I got advice from a number of marathon runners and they all recommended,
because of my location, I join Rand Athletics Club, commonly known as RAC. The club
was only five kilometres from where I lived, and as it turned out, the venue proved to be
very convenient. RAC provided me with professional advice on how to go about training
for such a gruelling race. I was encouraged to participate in the eight kilometre time trials
at the club which were held every Tuesday and Thursday evening at 5 and 6 pm. The
times are called out by an official as the runners cross the finish line. Each runner records
their personal times which they use to monitor their improvement. I was also advised to
record these times on a chart as it proves to be a huge driving force when you see your
times improving.
After the time trial the athletes would have a shower, and then meet in the bar where they
would share various training techniques with their running mates. I was fortunate in that
my great mate Steve Cullen, my nephew Frank Frandsen and another good mate, Aubrey
Evans all agreed to attempt this nightmare with me. They made it a lot easier as they forced
me to get out of bed early because they would all meet in my driveway in Bryanston at 5
am for our training run. We planned to run three mornings a week. We plotted a course
of eight kilometres and we included a few steep hills, as we believed they would improve
our stamina. The course started and ended at my front gate. I must tell you, there were
many occasions I hated myself for including the hills.
The plan was to start off very slowly. My mates knew that I was grossly unfit and they
made me know it! Come to think of it, Steve wasn’t that fit either! We started off by doing
some standard stretching exercises for about five minutes to loosen up, and then set off
to the designated starting point. We synchronised watches, pressed ‘GO’ and off we went.
I must add that when we eventually got the show on the road, our training team had
grown to about ten in number. When any of us felt tired, we would walk the distance of
one lamppost and then run two lampposts. As we got fitter, we walked one and ran three,
then walked one and ran four, and so on and so forth, until we were able to gently jog
the entire course. I must tell you that it took me about two months before I made it up
the hills without stopping.
We timed every run and recorded our times in an effort to build up our strength so that we
could make our first appearance at the RAC time trial. I personally needed the confidence
that I could finish eight kilometres without vomiting or collapsing at the end; there were
girls there you know! And I was definitely not going to vomit in front of them!
33
If you are a squash player or you are a youngster who currently participates in physical
sport and you are reasonably fit or you frequent a gym, then you will laugh at the walking
of one lamppost and running of the next! Well, my ‘china plate’, bear in mind that when
I ran Errol’s Comrades, I was at the ripe old age of 40. Not only was I 40, I was smoking
60 cigarettes a day! Yes 60!!! I also enjoyed the odd Captain Morgan Rum ’n’ Coke, tall
glass, lots of ice with no lemon!
The Next Step

Once we felt comfortable and were able to run eight kilometres at a respectable pace, we
then took the big step and attempted our first official ten-kilometre run which was organised
by the club. The beauty of being a club member is that every weekend many clubs all over
the country have scheduled races and you can select the distance you would like to run and
you simply enter. The advantage of running with club members is that you automatically
make friends with other runners who run at the same pace as you do.
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34
I ran the ten kilometres quite comfortably; the next planned run was a fifteen kilometre
event. I was amazed at how easily I ran past the eight and then the ten kilometre marks in
this next event… I beat both my personal best times in both those distances. I was confident
because I ran fifteen and finished well, and therefore believed that I could run 21 kilometres.
I stuck to my plan and ran my first 21 kilometre half marathon, followed by a 32 and then
took the major step of running a full 42.2 kilometre marathon. At this point I was quite fit
and we then ran a full marathon every second weekend. Of my mates who started training
with me, only Steve Cullen and my nephew Frank Frandsen were still running with me at
this stage. I think it was at this point that Steve, who was running particularly well at the
time, twisted his ankle and sadly dropped out of the quest for Comrades. This now left
only Frank and myself to tackle comrades.
Our planned progression was to run the Two Oceans Marathon in Cape Town. What
an unbelievable run! This was 56 kilometres and a real test of our fitness. It was such a
beautiful run that I actually forgot to get tired! Well, except for the stretch up Chapman’s
Peak that is. This section is well known to many runners, as this is when you are so tired
that you stop and casually walk to the side of the cliff and say, “Isn’t that a magnificent
view!” In the meantime, all you are trying to do is to get your breath back and you have
no option but to rest. Anyway, I decided to walk up this monster. I was 40 years old and
a lady who must have been in her mid-60s stopped next to me. She said, “Young man, you
must keep moving! Here, take this sachet of glucose syrup, it will give you some energy.” I
thanked her and started jogging up the hill with her and we chatted for a while. Then, to
my amazement, she said, “Bye! See you later!” and she ran away from me! I initially tried
to keep up with her but that effort was in vain. The distance between us just grew and
grew; the last I saw of her was when she disappeared over the hill. Nevertheless, I know
that I would beat her any day in a bar fight! I would also definitely be able to arm press
her, left and right arms! But I could not catch her! Let me tell you that this was not great
for my ego. I therefore decided not to share that incident with any of my mates! Anyway, I
had a respectable run, 5 hours and 26 minutes and believed I was ready for the ‘Big One’.
The Comrades Marathon

Well here we were, eight months later. Nervously waiting for the traditional cock to crow
and the gun to go off at six o’clock in the morning at the start of this gruelling 89 kilometre
marathon! It was a long, hot day. Frank and I supported each other throughout the race,
each taking turns to experience the excruciating pain that comrades shares with most of
the runners.
35
Henry 4043 & Frank 11719
Ten hours and fifty-two minutes later we crossed the finishing line, I looked up at the sky
and said “Errol! That was for you boy!” Frank and I hugged each other with great enthusiasm.
I then took off my running shoes, tied the laces together and flung them into the crowd.
My running career ended right there.
My promise to Errol honoured!
I could not have achieved this without a plan!
As a matter of interest, it was about a month before Errol died, when the chairman of the
Comrades committee paid him a visit at his home in Durban. In an unbelievable gesture,
he presented Errol with his green number, even though Errol did not run his tenth. In
true Saunders fashion, Errol told them that he could not accept the number, because he
did not run his tenth, and there were many runners who possibly had stories similar to his
who were not also honoured with a green number. He thanked them most profusely for
this incredible gesture, but, he did not accept the number. At Errol’s funeral, the Comrades
Marathon committee presented the ‘Green Number’ to Alice, Errol’s wife.
The Comrades Marathon is, and always will be, a remarkable institution.
36
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Now that is difficult!
4 NOW THAT IS DIFFICULT!

Bill and Joe often meet at the Jolly Roger for a loosener after work. They usually discuss the
events of the past week, share a few jokes and nonchalantly admire the local talent, which
are generally comprised of varsity students and residents from the suburb of Parkhurst who
usually meet for a pizza and a beer after work.
Bill, sipping an ice-cold draught:
Bill: “I’m so depressed! I spotted these magnificent tiles, which would be perfect for the
lounge, dining room, patio and the braai area…the problem is…I can’t afford to
get them laid!”
Joe, leaning against the bar, holding his Captain and Coke up to the light, checking that
the ice was at its maximum level.
Joe: “So why are you depressed, I can’t get laid either!”
Joe burst out laughing loudly at his own joke.
Joe: “No, sorry Bill, jokes aside, doesn’t your wife like the tiles?”
Bill: “No, wise guy! She loves them, but the bad news is she wants them put down as
soon as possible.”
Joe subconsciously sucks in his paunch as a petite blonde passes and heads towards the
window seats to meet with her mates:
Joe: “So what’s the problem?”
Bill: “I got the cash for the tiles but, here is the swinger – to get them laid will cost
another seven grand which I don’t have! Where the frig will I get that kind of tom?”
Bill takes a huge slug of his beer, and then slowly breathes out heavily to emphasise his
despair, while casually keeping an eye on the TV to catch the latest Ashes score.
Joe: “Why don’t you just wait until you’ve saved some bucks, or alternatively, do the
tiling when you get your Christmas bonus?”
37
Bill: “Pat’s so excited about getting the lounge tiled before her folks arrive for a visit next
month. I really don’t want to let her down.”
Joe: “Well that’s not such a big problem.”
Bill: “It is, if you know my wife!”
Joe, now looking straight at Bill, making sure he has his attention:
Joe: “I still say, it’s not such a big problem.”
Bill: “Why? Are you going to lend me the money?”
Joe: “No! I’m not, but to me, the solution is reasonably simple.”
Bill: “Well, I don’t see one. I’m overdrawn at the bank, but, by the look in your eye, I’m
sure you have some ‘pearls of wisdom’ to share with me.”
Joe: “Yes I have some ‘pearls of wisdom’ to share with you my dear friend!”
Bill: “And what might that be?”
Joe: “Lay the tiles yourself?”
Bill, with absolute shock registered on his face, blurts out:
Bill: “I can’t!”
Joe, placing his hands over his eyes, almost in an attempt to shield off the effects of Bill’s
profoundly negative statement.
Joe: “You obviously have never laid tiles before. Have you?”
Bill, in a short harsh voice: “No, I haven’t.”
Joe places his hands firmly on Bill’s shoulders, and gently pushes him back onto his bar stool.
38
Joe: “Now listen to me sport! I want you to think very carefully about what I am going
to say! You can read up about the procedures and techniques of laying tiles as well
as all the tools you will require to complete the job. This information is freely
available from your local library, or any hardware store, or builder’s supply stores
like Builders Warehouse, CTM Tile Suppliers, Build-It and many others. You will
also be amazed at the information you can find on the internet. Whenever you see
building alterations taking place in your suburb, just pop in and speak to the builder
and to the guy who lays the tiles. You will be astounded at how helpful they are and
I’m telling you, they will be glad to help and they will give you some valuable tips.
The DIY manuals from many of these mail order companies are also unbelievable;
they give you step-by-step instructions that are very easy to follow.”
Bill: “Hell, I don’t know! Do you think I can do it?”
Joe: “YES YOU CAN! But, that advice was thirsty work and it’s going to cost you a
Captain Morgan and Coke, tall glass, lots of ice, no lemon, with just a dash of speed.”
At that moment a tall, very pretty brunette slunk by. She was sporting a butterfly tattoo
on her hip and, sadly, she was met by her boyfriend who already had a drink for her, and
they made their way to a secluded part of the pub.
Joe: ”Goodness gracious me!”
They laughed, finished off their drinks and headed home.
A couple of weeks later, Joe was sitting in his office preparing for a meeting. His thoughts
were interrupted by the ringing of his telephone. He reached for it.
Joe: “Hello, Joe Stratton.”
Bill: “Hi Joe, Billy the kid. Trust you are you keeping well my friend?”
Joe: “I’m fine thanks Bill, but more importantly, how are you?”
Bill: “Absolutely top of the world thanks.”
Joe: “Well I’m chuffed to hear that, because the last time we met you wanted to slit your
wrists! What happened? Did the bank give you a loan?”
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Bill: “Don’t be silly man. Remember your pearls of wisdom? Well I took your advice and
spoke to the guys at Builders Warehouse. You were absolutely right. They gave me all
the info I needed, step by step, they even explained in detail how to measure, how to
find my starting point, how to mix the tile adhesive and even taught me how to cut
tiles using the tile cutter I bought from them. You were right, they were fantastic.”
Joe: “Are you telling me you actually laid the tiles yourself?”
Bill: “Yes I did! I feel so proud. My in-laws think I’m the bee’s knees and my wife can’t
believe I actually did this on my own. She always said I was useless around the house.
Joe! It is very important to me that you and Jill join us for a braai on Sunday, and
I won’t take no for an answer!”
Joe: “Gee whiz, I’m knocked out Bill! That’s awesome, not bad for a guy who said ‘I
CAN’T!’ Yes, Jill and I will be there on Sunday, thanks sport!”
Bill: “See you about 12:30 – and Joe, don’t you dare bring anything with you! Just bring
your bodies. Cheers mate!”
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GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Demo: Soft tissue paper company
5 DEMO: SOFT TISSUE

PAPER COMPANY
I’m sure most of you have comical stories to tell about incidents that happened while in
pursuit of that elusive sale? Well! I have a few true stories that I would like to share with
you. Names of people and companies have been changed to protect the guilty parties.
It was in the early ’90s; Roger and Brandon were partners in a very successful packaging
company. They were increasingly making a name for themselves in the industry. One
particular evening, after all the staff had gone home, they were having a drink, and as usual,
discussed the events of the day while planning their activity for the next day.
Roger was a big man who generally played on his clumsiness, which he tactfully manipulated
to gain sympathy, and, unbelievably, the calculating clumsiness actually encouraged people
to like him… Needless to say, he was an excellent salesman. Roger lit a cigarette.
Roger: “I was at the Soft Tissue Company today and I watched them pack toilet
rolls into corrugated cartons. Do you know what? I think I could save them
a fortune in transport costs.”
Brandon: “We’re in packaging not transport,”
Roger: “I’m not talking transport, I’m talking packaging…well transport too I suppose,”
said Roger, before continuing, “When they were packing the toilet rolls today,
I noticed that they transferred them from a bulk bin, which contained about
a thousand toilet rolls, into corrugated boxes that were designed to carry one
hundred rolls. When they were finished, I noticed that the ten boxes, which
now contained one hundred rolls each, actually occupied more space than the
bulk bin, I mean like fifteen percent more space. On questioning the section
foreman, I was told that the rolls were loosely packed in the cartons and they
always packed them that way. This set my mind racing, and I schemed that
if we designed a plastic bag to fit snugly in the cartons, this would save a lot
of space; and then, if we took it one step further, and shrink-wrapped them
like a six pack of beers, imagine what the space saving would be!”
Brandon: “Yes, the transport on every seventh truck would actually be free, never mind
the saving in packaging costs.”
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Well the two of them bounced this around until late into the night and formulated an
action plan for the next day.
Roger: “In finality, I will buy a case of toilet paper from the supermarket and take
them over to Gordina’s Plastics. They can make up a few samples of the
plastic shrink bags for me.”
Brandon: “Why don’t you rather make a pack of, say, thirty six, three across, three high
and four deep for easy handling? It’s really just to demonstrate the concept
for now isn’t it?”
Roger: “Good idea, and I will heat shrink them with a hair dryer. I just hope it
works as well as I think it will?”
Long story short, Roger made up the samples and they were perfect; in actual fact, much
better than he envisaged. He raced over to Soft Tissue to meet with Dino Morelli who was
the purchasing manager. Dino was a good looking guy in his early 30s and there was no
doubt that he was a go getter. Roger got on exceptionally well with Dino, so he took the
liberty of phoning ahead to inform him that he had created a very exciting, ground-breaking
packaging to show him. Dino was quite astute and requested that Roger meet him in the
car park. Dino did not want to take the chance of anyone in the company possibly seeing
the packaging in the foyer. He believed that one never knew if an opportunity could be
lurking around the corner, which might enable one to make a name for oneself. As for this
particular situation, if all went well, he could claim credit for the new packaging design!
That’s assuming it was any good of course!
When Roger showed Dino the packs in the car park, Dino inspected them for what seemed
to be an eternity. Then, a smile slowly beamed across his face, he grabbed the packs and
walked briskly over to his car, which was parked only a few parking bays away, and placed
the sample packs in the boot.
Dino: “Let’s go to my office.”
They emerged from the office about two hours later having discussed the costs of the packing
equipment as well as the changes to the packing line, the number of packers required and
where the oven with the heated elements that would cause the plastic to shrink, would be
situated. Dino very excitedly calculated what the estimated cost savings would be.
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Once that was done, Dino walked Roger to his car.
Dino: “Roger, I want to thank you for coming up with a stunning concept. I will let
you know when I can assemble the management so that you can demonstrate
the shrink-wrap process to them. Please be ready at short notice! Oh! And
Roger, you do know that I will be claiming the credit for this packaging idea!”
Dino walked away laughing.
It was Wednesday at 3pm; Roger had set up the demonstration table in the Soft Tissue
manufacturing plant. He stacked about 100 toilet rolls at the end of the table and placed
the plastic bags on an adjoining table in easy reach. He practiced packing 36 rolls into the
bags a few times until he felt confident that this part of the demo was slick and took less
time than they usually took to pack the same amount into a box. His hands were sweating
as he waited for Dino and his management team to arrive.
It was rather unfortunate that the supplier let Roger down with the demo shrink tunnel –
they could only supply him with a gas bottle with a flame gun attachment. Roger had
practiced on the workbench at the office, shrinking the plastic bags packed with 36 toilet
rolls, waving the flame gun to and fro in smooth movements, making sure the flame did
not linger on a particular spot on the plastic to avoid the possibility of burning a hole in
it. The customer wouldn’t have to worry about this factor as they would be getting a shrink
tunnel with electric elements inside. The elements would raise the temperature inside the
tunnel and then the packed plastic bags would be pulled through the heated tunnel on
a conveyor belt while a controlled shrinkage took place. However, for now, he practiced
with the flame gun’s action over and over again until he perfected the process for what he
believed to be a more than acceptable pack in pretty quick time.
Roger had done his homework and was ready for the demonstration.
While he waited for Dino and the decision-makers, Roger was wondering how long it would
take for them to give him what he estimated to be a R1.2m order. Dino had indicated he
would require three shrink tunnels and 15 tons of printed shrink film on the condition the
demo was successful! He had a smile on his face and was about to go outside for a quick
smoke, when he spotted Dino coming down the passage followed by six suited gents. They
were obviously the CEO with his management team.
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Dino completed the introductions.
Dino: “Please show us how the rolls are packed into the plastic bags and then
demonstrate how the plastic is shrunk. After we have inspected the final pack
and have found it satisfactory, we will then proceed to the boardroom for
detailed discussions and coffee.”
Roger thanked them for the opportunity and proceeded with the demonstration. He packed
the toilet rolls into four plastic bags very quickly and efficiently and then slid the packs
along the table to the shrinking station. Roger was now sweating profusely from nerves, from
burning energy and from the abnormally high temperature of 32 degrees in the warehouse.
He picked up the flame gun, aimed it at the pack and pulled the trigger, creating a spark
that ignited the gas and lit the flame!
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Well! All hell broke loose! VA-VOOM! The whole building shook, all the manufacturing
machines instantaneously stopped, and for a moment there was a deathly silence! The fire
alarm siren suddenly started howling, and all the staff briskly made their way to the safety
designated areas, which they had practiced to do on numerous occasions. What actually
happened was this: when dry paper is cut in mass production, it produces a fine paper dust
that permeates the air, and when an open flame is applied, then the dust actually catches
alight, ignites the paper dust and causes an explosion. No lighters, matches or any open
flames are allowed on the premises.
Dino, the CEO and the management team just stood there in shock. Soot from the air
dust rained down on all of them and as they touched their faces and clothing, black soot
marks appeared, making them look hugely comical. After a few moments of intense silence:
Financial director: “What the hell was that?”
The CEO worked out instantaneously what had happened and screamed at Roger at the
top of his voice,
CEO: “Get your f#@*^#* crap out of my factory and don’t ever come back, you
bloody dimwit!”
He turned on Dino.
CEO: “I’ll see you in my office, Right now my friend!”
Only when Roger was walking out of the building clutching his gas bottle and flame gun
did he notice the safety warning signs scattered all over the building – No Matches, No
Lighters, No Open Flames, No Smoking.
When he emerged outside the staff shouted at him and booed him all the way to the car
park. Roger jumped into his car and sped off. He looked in the rear-view mirror and could
see the staff still waving their fists at him. He spotted his face in the mirror and saw it was
blackened with soot and marked with rivulets of sweat dripping down. The view must have
been hilariously funny, but he could not even crack a smile as he was still in a state of shock!
45
This tragic situation could have been averted had the supplier not let Roger down and rather
supplied him with the element-heated tunnel instead of the gas gun. The explosion would
not have occurred as there would not have been an open flame to ignite the paper dust.
The lesson to be learned is that one should never conduct trials at any business premises
without getting the prior approval of the plant manager, as well as having discussed the
entire process and procedure with the safety officer.
As it turned out, Roger’s plastic shrink concept for toilet rolls back in the early ’80s was
actually years ahead of its time; this is borne out by the fact that all toilet roll and kitchen
roller towel packaging in the supermarkets today are only packed in plastic shrink-wrapped
packaging, which is exactly what Roger had envisaged so many years ago!
Things could have turned out quite differently had the supplier not let Roger down by
not having a demo shrink tunnel available for him to use at the time. There is no doubt
that Roger would have walked on the red carpet to collect a Gold Award for Packaging
Innovation at the packaging industries’ Gold Pack Awards.
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GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Trials: Industrial floor cleaners
6 TRIALS: INDUSTRIAL
FLOOR CLEANERS
I won’t labour this story, but once again, names and places have been changed so that we
don’t embarrass the guilty parties.
Guy Thompson had been calling on PBI Motor spares for well over a year. He finally cracked
the nod to demonstrate the Plymouth industrial floor cleaner for their 10,000 square meter
spares warehouse in Midrand. This was a R150k demo. Guy was not having his best month
and needed this sale desperately.
Guy arrived as scheduled at PBI and met with Bernard the buyer with whom he had become
mates. Bernard had arranged with the top brass to attend the demonstration at ten o’clock.
Guy had already unloaded the cleaner off the trailer, and positioned it in what he thought
was the dustiest section of the warehouse.
While Bernard was doing the introductions, Guy made a mental note that nine of the
senior management including the MD had taken the trouble to attend the demo. This,
Guy felt, was a good sign.
Guy opened up his presentation by giving a brief background of his company; he then
explained their extensive service facilities which were backed by a comprehensive spares
department, before moving on to the features of the cleaner.
Guy: “The Plymouth 2000, has a carrying capacity of 80 litres of a Diluted Eco Friendly
chemical, which if desired can be heated by simply engaging engaging the….”
MD: “Listen mate! If you don’t mind, I have a meeting to attend; you can go over the
finer details with Bernard! Just show us how this thing works.”
Well, this threw Guy completely out of his rhythm and for the first time in his presentation
he stammered, and momentarily lost his train of thought.
Guy: “As you can see, it is the upright push model with three 500mm brushes underneath.
The beauty is that one does not have to push the Plymouth 2000! One can guide
it effortlessly with one finger.”
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MD: “Move on son!”
Guy immediately switched on the machine and, from underneath it, it blasted a huge
cloud of dust into the air. At that very moment his audience jumped back about a meter
to get away from the dust cloud. The motor droned almost noiselessly. Guy then put his
hand on the handle and gently pushed forward, but nothing happened. He smiled at the
expectant crowd and then he casually leaned into the machine, though in actual fact, he
was pushing his butt off. The machine reluctantly moved forward, and Guy gave it more
energy without them noticing that he was using every ounce of strength he had to do so.
He pushed it for about twelve meters and then turned the machine around. At this point
Guy was sweating like a race horse!
He courageously fought his way back to where everyone was standing.
MD, in a very controlled but steely voice: “Switch that f#@*#*/ thing off! And get that
piece of s*#* out of my warehouse!”
Guy looked up and he was startled to see a thick cloud of dust everywhere. Everyone was
covered in dust, and as they tried to wipe it out of their eyes, their faces became stained.
Guy could not stop apologising but his apologies fell on deaf ears; once again he was ordered
off the premises, but this time by his mate, Bernard.
Guy battled with huge effort in the hot blazing sun to push the machine up the ramp
back onto the trailer. As he finished, he stood up and put his hands on his hips and leant
back to stretch his back muscles that were now aching. As he did so he looked directly at
the rolled up shutter doors, and could not believe it! Dust was still billowing out of the
building; it almost looked like the bloody place was on fire! Guy jumped into his car and
high-tailed it out of there and headed straight back to the office. When he arrived there
he stormed into his boss’s office and ‘went off’. He explained exactly what had happened
and accused the service division of total incompetence for not testing the machine properly
before he took it out to demonstrate it to his customer.
Guy raised his voice: “That bloody service department has lost me a sale and I’m…”
Clive, Guy’s boss, who was a very calm person who rarely got himself worked up, cut
Guy short.
Clive: “Before we accuse anyone Guy, let’s go and establish exactly what went wrong!”
48
Clive phoned through to the service department and asked Logi, the service manager, to
join them at Guy’s trailer. Once again, Guy – but this time, very accusingly – pointed his
finger at Logi, and explained exactly what had taken place. The service manager leaned
over, inspected the control panel, and without touching anything, said in a very dry voice:
Service Manager: “I can see what the problem is Guy!”
Guy: “What?”
The service manager answered with a smile in his voice.
Service Manager: “Two things appear to be obvious! Firstly, you have the cleaner in the
reverse position – see this switch is on ‘R’, which usually prevents its
forward motion, but if you keep it in reverse, and lean very heavily
into it, you will manage to get a forward motion, but that is not
recommended. Just switch this control here to the ‘F’ position and it
will move forward without any effort at all.”
Guy nearly cricked his neck as he looked at that switch on the control panel; he could not
believe he had made such a schoolboy error.
Logi: “Secondly, and probably most importantly – but you would know this,
from when you studied the operations manual of the Plymouth 2000 –
it has an option of vacuum, or blower. As you can see, the control
switch is on ‘B’ for blower! Not surprised you spewed dust everywhere!”
Clive: “Nice one Guy,”
He and Logi walked away laughing their heads off!
Guy was so embarrassed and felt his face redden. He stormed off to the change rooms to
wash his hands. While doing so, he looked up and saw the reflection of his face for the first
time since the demo. It was browned with dust and streaked with sweat. It immediately
reminded him of the camouflage makeup he used when he was doing his military service.
He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head from side to side…only to then burst out
laughing, because he knew that it would take years before his colleagues would let him
forget about his foolish blunder!
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GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I You don’t buy a ticket – You don’t catch the bus!
7 YOU DON’T BUY A TICKET – YOU

DON’T CATCH THE BUS!
We all dream about concluding a major contract with a Blue-Chip company that would
rocket us to the top of the sales ladder.
The contract would be so big that the directors would take serious notice of you and
recommend you for the position of sales manager.
The sales manager position would ensure that every month your overriding commission
would be so lucrative that you could purchase those extras you could not afford before.
The management would also give you a hefty salary increase and perks that would dramatically
change your lifestyle.
You would gain respect from all your fellow workers and your wife would brag to her friends
and family about how successful you are and how much money you’re making.
Then you wake up and your coffee is cold!
A true story
The sales team of a packaging company regularly met on a Friday evening to enjoy a few
‘team building’ drinks. Well, that’s what they told their wives and girlfriends!
After a number of pints had been consumed, the discussion usually swung from business,
to sex, to sport, to sex, then back to business.
This particular Friday at the pub, this specific story unfolded:
John was the resident joke teller and always had a story to share with his mates. John raised
his voice above the din.
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John: “Have you heard about the two rugby players who were in the change room
after the game? They had just had a shower and were getting dressed. One
of the players, Naas said to his buddy Morne, ‘Hey Morne! Since when have
you been wearing black laced suspenders?’ Morne answered, ‘Since my wife
found them in the glove compartment of my Land Rover!’”
Everyone burst into raucous laughter.
Colin: “John that joke deserves a drink, cheers mate!”
Dan, one of the sales reps chimed in.
Dan: “Hey John, talking about suspenders, that joke reminds me that you must
make contact with Bratex. I read in a financial mag that they have picked
up a major lingerie contract to supply Australia for the next five years. That
will require a lot of packaging, boxes, tapes, pallets, strapping and thousands
of plastic bags. Aren’t they in your area?”
Steve, another sales guy who was sitting in the far corner commented:
Steve: “Hey Dan! Dan! You have told us about Bratex before, if I’m not mistaken?”
John butted in quickly to take advantage of the situation, which gave him the opportunity
of putting Dan on the spot.
John: “Danny Boy, you must be getting old my friend, you told me that same story
two weeks ago, and three weeks ago, and four weeks ago”
John burst out laughing loudly at Dan’s expense and everyone joined in.
Dan, waiting for the laughter to subside, felt a little annoyed that John actually missed the
point. Dan stood up and walked over to John, stood directly in front of him and spoke
with a very serious tone in his voice,
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Dan: “Yes I know I told you two, and three, and four weeks ago and I’m telling
you now again! And John! I must tell you this: I’m very frustrated because you
have not contacted them! What I fail to understand is this: it is no secret to
any of us that you are under huge pressure at work, your sales are down and
we are all trying to help you, but, if you don’t make the phone call! If you
don’t make the appointment! If you don’t see the buyer! Then you definitely
won’t get an order!” Dan softened his outburst and added, “I’m desperately
trying to get you to make that call. Won’t you please make contact with them
my dearest friend! Before the bloody stuff goes out of fashion.”
Spontaneously, with almost a sigh of relief, everyone somewhat nervously bursts into
laughter again.
There is no more accurate statement than this: “YOU DON’T BUY A TICKET – YOU
DON’T CATCH THE BUS!”
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GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Ignore it – It might go away!
8 IGNORE IT – IT MIGHT GO AWAY!

It was common knowledge that Johnston Packaging, a medium-sized company had been
losing business consistently over the last two years. In an effort to stop this downward trend,
Mr Johnston employed a consultancy firm to advise him on what he could do to improve
their position in the market place. One of the tools the consultants used was the random
taping of selected telephone lines. This action, which they have learned from experience,
was the most efficient way of giving them a fair indication as to how Johnston’s customers
were treated and what the staff was up to.
One of the recorded calls told an unbelievable story! In a nutshell, it highlighted some
reasons for the slide in sales. The phone rang ten times before being answered.
Switchboard: “…ackaging (first part of the name is garbled) please hold.”
Moments later: “Who do you want?”
Customer: “Is that Johnston Packaging?”
Switchboard: “Yes, please hold.”
Switchboard: “Who do you want?”
Customer: “I would like to speak to Fred…(click)…Ainsley the rep who calls on
me,” the customer says, talking to himself after he heard the click.
Switchboard: “Line’s busy, please hold.”
Customer: “Could you put me through…(click)…to dispatch please?” He says

once again, talking to himself!
Fred: “Ainsley.”
Customer: “Hi Fred, this is John Simms from AZ Plastics.”
Fred: “How are you John?”
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Customer: “A little upset Fred. I placed an order for staples with you last week
and they have not been delivered. I have to load a container for export
today and I can’t close the boxes without the staples.”
Fred: “I’ll put you through to dispatch John, I’m sure they will sort you out.”
Customer: “Fred…(click)…Can’t you put them in your car,” says the customer,
again talking to himself after the click.
Dispatch: “Dispatch.”
Customer: “Hello, this is John Simms from AZ plastics. I placed an order for
staples last week and I have not received them yet. Please can you
find out what happened to my order?”
Dispatch: “Is your account up to date? because if it’s not, the computer won’t
allow us to process your order!”
Customer: “My account is up to date! Now, all I want are my damn staples!”
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At this point the customer was losing his sense of humour!
Dispatch: “Please hold…(click)…”
Three minutes later.
Dispatch: “Hello, AZ, sorry, we are out of stock, we will have stock next week.”
Customer: “Don’t you even have an open box of staples that you use? I only need
a few so that I can get this shipment off.”
Dispatch: “Yes, but we are not allowed to sell those.”
Customer: “Can’t I borrow some? I will replace it next week.”
Dispatch: “No Sir! I will lose my job.”
Customer: “Please cancel my order for the staples and also for the twenty thousand
boxes I have on order. I will confirm the cancellation by fax, and
please tell Fred not to bother to call on me, I will rather deal with
a company that can give me service and actually wants my business!
Good bye!”
This message was played back to the MD of Johnston’s, but, unfortunately, it was a week
later and AZ Plastics had already cancelled his business relationship with the company.
The consultants submitted the following written report with recommendations to Mr Johnston.
Report
1) The switchboard operator is incompetent, rude and definitely not ‘customer
friendly’. Under normal circumstances we would recommend a training course for
the receptionist. However, we feel she lacks in personality, she has a bad attitude
and seems to be generally aggressive. We believe this lady should be utilised in
another position within the company and she should definitely not interface with
customers. We suggest a professional receptionist who understands that she is the
FIRST IMPRESSION the customer gets when phoning the company.
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2) Fred, the sales rep, definitely has the makings of being a good sales person. He
needs to be sent on a sales training and customer services course to brush up his
appreciation of what the customers’ needs, wants and expectations are. We believe
Fred is not totally at fault. His sales manager has not given him any guidance or
support. Fred does not complete a sales report and no one monitors what he does
with his time every day. He also does not have a planned customer calling cycle.
Fred should not have passed AZ Plastics through to dispatch – he should have
taken down the details of what the customer needed and then set about satisfying
the customer.
3) The dispatch dept. and the stores personnel should not, under any circumstances,
discuss the customer’s credit worthiness. This call should have been directed to a
‘Customer Services Division’. The fact that no customer service division exists at
Johnston’s is of concern.
4) The administration department should establish a ‘back-order’ system. This system
should notify the sales department and the internal sales division, who would then
be in a position to chase up the stock from the factory and notify the customer of
their outstanding orders as well as the expected delivery dates.
This report goes on and on but we will stop there, because the relevant points have been made.
The problem that exists throughout the middle management of Johnston Packaging is that
they don’t like problems, and hopefully, if they ‘Ignore It! – It Might Go Away!’
56
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Luck
9 LUCK
Dion and Albert have been golfing partners since schooldays. They actually tried out
for the South African schools golf team many years ago, and over the years they have
maintained their keen interest in golf. Now, fifteen years later, they were both members of
the Kensington Golf Club in Johannesburg. Sadly, a property developer bought the land
that the Kensington Golf Club stood on and closed the course with the intent of creating an
exclusive townhouse complex on the property. In hindsight, it was probably the best thing
that could have happened to Dion and Albert because they were now living in the northern
suburb of Lonehill in Johannesburg. It was always quite a journey from the Kensington
Golf Club to Lonehill, especially when one has had a beer or two.
A few of their close mates were members of the Kyalami Country Club and this prompted
them to join Kyalami. Their wives were thrilled that they were going to be playing their golf
closer to home and very foolishly believed their hubbies would get home earlier from golf
because they were now more closely situated. Silly girls! On the other hand, the boys were
very happy because it gave them at least another 45 minutes of additional drinking time!
It was the club’s Saturday four ball alliance competition and they were approaching the 18th
and final green. Even though they were playing in a four ball team event, Dion and Albert
always had their customary private bet against each other. Like most good buddies, they were
as competitive as ever and both of them would rather die than lose to the other! Neither
could bear to lose because the winner would rub it in for the entire week that followed!
And they both agreed, this was more painful than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!
To set the scene, their game was level and the two had hit decent drives down the fairway;
they were setting up to play their iron shots into the 18th green. Dion stuck an eight iron
to about six feet from the stick. Albert was not that fortunate; he hit a full nine iron,
but he pushed it fractionally and it went straight into the bunker on the right side of the
green. Albert knew it was not the place to be and he distinctly heard Dion from across the
fairway, “Hee…hee…hee”.
As they arrived at the green, Dion strode purposely across it to the opposite greenside bunker
where Albert was standing. Not only was Albert’s ball plugged in the sand, but it was also
on a downhill lie. This made his shot even more difficult to play. Dion mockingly stuck out
his hand to shake hands in victory…then sarcastically said, “Thanks for the game mate!”
Albert hit his hand away in jest, and said, “If I blast this out the bunker within one meter
and you miss your put, then we will halve the game my china!”
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“Yeah, and I’ll win the Lotto and give up work!” said Dion laughing as he mockingly stared
at the ball in the bunker, then looked at the pin, then back to the ball in the bunker, and
said, “Mmmm…! Nasty lie you have there!” He walked away laughing and gave his caddie
a high five as they passed each other!
Albert ignored his antics and gently climbed into the bunker, making sure that he did not
dislodge the sand near the ball. He wriggled like golfers do on TV to bury his feet firmly into
the sand to improve his stance. Now, one is told to clear one’s mind and only concentrate
on the shot one is about to play. You have to put all the other sounds and distractions out
of your head. But unfortunately for Albert, he was in the bunker at the 18th green which
was situated about 30 meters from the clubhouse. At least 100 golfers were enjoying the
late afternoon sun, while sipping on their favourite beverage and discussing the highs and
lows of their particular games.
What put the spike in for Albert, while he was wriggling his bottom to secure his feet firmly
in the sand, was when the lady captain chirped in a loud voice that was heard by all, “Hey
Albert? Nice butt!” and everyone burst into laughter. All this was happening almost on
Albert’s back swing, and instead of concentrating on his swing, he focused on how good
he looked and prayed that he did not make a fool of himself in front of everybody. He
swung his club – SWING! SPLASH! As the club head simultaneously impacted with the
ball and the sand in the bunker, ZING! – the ball was struck and left the bunker…but
unfortunately, he hit the ball right in the teeth and it flew out of the bunker at a hundred
miles an hour, skimmed the top of the bunker’s grass verge and headed directly towards the
crowd! Even before Dion could shout FORE! His ball hit the flagstick, WHACK! Hit the
flag stick directly in the centre. The ball shot upwards and got tangled in the flag, then,
almost in slow motion, it gently dropped straight down into the hole! Well! All hell broke
loose! Everyone applauded and screamed with delight. Everyone, of course, except Dion!
His mouth dropped open in total disbelief. All Dion could muster was, “How the hell did
you do that? You’re so bloody lucky!”
Albert, laughing with almost as much disbelief as Dion, replied, “As my good friend Gary
Player once said, and I quote, ‘The more I practice, the luckier I get!’ Needless to say, Deon
missed his put and actually lost his game on the 18th green against Albert.
58
Before I continue with this story, I want you to think about something. When Albert was
standing in the bunker, just moments before he hit the ball, he looked down and focused
on a mark at the back of the ball and visualised the club head making contact with the
sand, about eight centimetres behind the ball. In his mind he pictured the perfect shot. He
visualised the ball flying through the air and landing on the green about four feet from the
pin, exactly where he wanted it to. In his vision he saw the ball then rolling towards the
cup at a gentle pace, and, in his mind’s eye saw it dropping into the hole! As it turned out,
the actual shot played was not executed as he planned. In his eagerness to see where the
ball was going, he lifted his head just a fraction and this caused him to hit the ball in the
teeth!! HOWEVER, as we already know, he did not execute the shot as planned and got
all of that wrong, BUT his power of concentration was very strong, and the last thought
he had at the moment of impact was to visualise the ball dropping into the hole. WELL!
He got that part right! The ball did drop into the hole!!!
Makes you think!
A famous saying goes like this: ‘There’s no remarks column on a golfer’s score card!’
Back to the story, after the game, Dion knew that it was customary for the loser to buy
the drinks. Today he was the loser! “One lucky shot! Hit the bloody stick, can you Adam
and Eve it!” (Means, “Can you believe it.”)
While Dion waited for the drinks order at the bar, he closed his eyes and accepted that
he would have to prepare himself for a whole week’s worth of abuse and ridicule from
Albert. He accepted that there was no greater punishment than losing to your best mate,
especially to Albert; he could rub it in better than a wife, like when one has gone in the
wrong direction en route to her company’s Christmas party!
When he got back to the table he said, “Albert, let me get this over with – today you were
the better player, congratulations!”
“Sorry,” said Albert, “I missed that! I didn’t hear you – could you repeat that, just a little
louder please?”
“You heard that loud and clear you muppet! And you won’t hear it again my friend,” said
Dion in a joking but serious voice.
“Drink up,” said Albert, “we must go.”
59
“What’s the hurry?” retorted Dion, “I’m really looking forward to a couple of pints and a
bit of relaxation after the game!”
Albert answered with a very smug look on his face, “I actually can’t wait to share the news
of this great win of mine with the girls! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
What this story demonstrates is that one must always generate positive thoughts and you
will be amazed at how many actually materialise. Have you ever wondered why, when you
wish hard for an open parking bay, as you arrive there, almost unbelievably, a parking bay
is waiting for you?
Have you ever thought that you must phone your mother and suddenly, the phone rings,
and it’s your mom?
Have you ever thought that you must make contact with one of your big customers and
you then get a message to contact them?
Many of these types of things happen when you send out positive thoughts. Always generate
positive thoughts and you will be amazed how lady LUCK will follow you!
Creating Your Own Luck

It was Saturday morning and Donavon, Cedric, Zain and David were on their way to watch
the first rugby test between the Springboks and the All Blacks at Ellis Park. They were
obviously very excited because not only was it the first time any of them had ever been to
watch a rugby test, but they were also very fortunate to watch it from the comforts and
luxury of a hospitality suit through the courtesy of their corrugated packaging supplier.
They were comfortably sitting in their seats and were enthralled as they watched the stadium
gradually fill up while enjoying an ice-cold lager. “Isn’t that Barry Berton?” asked Cedric,
pointing to someone about four suits away from them. “Yes it is…that bugger was so bloody
lucky when he got that job at Electron Lighting. I heard that he has just been appointed
a director? Didn’t he simply fall with his bum in the bloody butter? Some guys just have
all the luck!” Zain said.
60
“Well, I beg to differ!” said David rather irritatingly. “I remember when Barry joined our
company as a rep; he was given all the dead accounts as well as all the accounts that were
situated way out of town! None of the other reps wanted to call on them. Electron Lighting
was one of those accounts; in fact, the MD of Electron kicked us out because of our bad
service, do you remember that?”
“I distinctly remember Barry telling the guys around the bar that he was going to call on
Electron as he believed this account had great potential. Colin, who as you know, was our
sales manager at that time, told him that he had no chance, and would be wasting his time
because Electron hated us. Barry just said, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained’.”
Cedric wanted to say something but David cut him short and continued with his story.
“Barry called on that account regularly for about nine months before he got his first order!
He slowly built up a relationship with them and got to know all the key people very well.
About two years later, Barry designed an exclusive range of lighting for Electron which they
launched as their ‘Summer Range’. You guys know what a huge seller that range is now,
and to top it all, Electron has become our biggest customer. I remember way back then,
Barry even worked in their showroom on Saturday mornings to promote our products while
you and I were at home playing with the kids; so, it was no surprise when the boss man
of Electron offered Barry a great job.”
“Barry is proof that you create your own luck! Now he is a director of Electron – I rest my
case! And that concludes the moral of this story,” Dave said.
61
GET OFF YOUR BUTT! VOLUME I Tall, strong and devastatingly good-looking
10 TALL, STRONG AND

DEVASTATINGLY GOOD-LOOKING
I was sitting at my desk this particular morning, banging away at my computer when
my phone rang. I picked up the receiver and said, “Hello, Frandsen.” A voice at the end
of the line replied, “Hi Henry, Ron here, how are you keeping?” I answered without any
hesitation, armed with a smile in my voice, “Tall, strong and devastatingly good looking.”
Ron burst out laughing and said, “Well! You could be correct on two counts, but I’m not
so sure on the third.” I immediately replied, “Ron, my mother told me this and she does
not lie! And, what is more, I actually believe it!” I said, laughing out loud.
Over the years I’ve been laughed at many times, but I have found that this type of opener
can bring a smile to your caller and at times can also calm a person down, especially if
they are in a bad mood.
The secret to success, according to my good friend Johan de Goede with whom I agree, can
be described as follows: “Give me a person with a Good Attitude, Personality and Drive,
coupled with a Sense of Humour and they will be successful in life.” It is the image you
portray that strikes the person whom you are addressing first. Whoever said, “You can’t
make a first impression the second time” was absolutely correct, so make sure you present
yourself in a charming, groomed and respectful manner at all times.
I’m sure you have all had days where you have not felt good. This could have been for a
number of reasons: you lost a button on your shirt, or you have a gravy stain on your tie
from lunch, or your pants did not fit properly, or your shoes were dirty and you believed
everyone noticed, or your hair was too long and you felt that it looked bad. All of these
types of seemingly minor things make you feel self-conscious and destroy your confidence.
The only reaction you have under these circumstances is to speed up your call and get the
hell out of there – and that’s not good for business!
Most men constantly mock the ladies for taking what seems to be an eternity when getting
dressed. Well, there’s a lesson to be learned my friends: when they eventually emerge they are
a sight for sore eyes! You should wake up a fraction earlier in the morning and take some
time to groom yourself too. You can then get out there and take on the world, especially
if you believe you are eye candy and looking your best.
62
It will also help if you lay out your clothes the night before or at least plan what you will
be wearing. It will ease the rush in the morning and eliminate the possibility of grabbing
a piece of clothing that is creased, grubby and just not fit to wear.
Every night when I go to bed, I focus on filling my mind with positive thoughts. If I’m
working on a deal and the meeting is at 10 am the next morning, I run through the meeting
and play act the entire process giving every action and discussion a positive slant. I then
picture myself walking out of the office having clinched the deal, and with those positive
thoughts emblazoned into my subconscious, I drift off to sleep. I also always dream of
financial success, happiness and complete safety for my family and friends. If any negative
thoughts enter my mind, I immediately generate positive thoughts and drive the negative away.
Straighten Up Your Tie!
You have to feel good about yourself at all times. You must always believe that you are ‘tall,
strong, and devastatingly good looking!’ – Even if you are not.
This true story actually reminds me of a particular day in my life when I was selling
packaging materials. I think I must have been about 33 years old at the time and I honestly
did believe I was T.S. & D.G.L. It was around 3 pm and I had done about sixteen calls
that day and was standing in reception for my seventeenth call.
Picture the scene. “May I help you Sir?” asked this unbelievably stunning Cleopatra look-a-
like from behind her computer. Her desk was tastefully positioned across the corner of the
reception area and she was surrounded by a beautiful array of colourful flowers as well as a
number of well-groomed pot plants. As I stepped forward, my shoelace become undone and
it tripped me up and caused me to stumble forward. I half landed on her desk, scattering
her paperwork. She quickly drew back and threw her hands in the air, “My! You are eager!”
she said, and without thinking, having landed with my elbows on her desk with my hands
supporting my head, I looked into her eyes, smiled and said, “I am”. We both laughed and
I apologised profusely, but I nevertheless felt that my instant recovery actually made a good
impression on her. I introduced myself and asked to see Mr Pringle, the buyer.
63
While I was waiting for him, I was consciously pulling in my stomach trying to look as
cool as was possible under the circumstances. After a short while she said, “Mr Frandsen,”
to which I said “Yes?” as I sauntered across the room to her desk. She asked, lowering her
voice, “Do you mind if I tell you something very personal?” I thought this only happens
in the movies! I leaned over her desk, making eye contact and striking what I thought was
my best pose, and answered in my Rod Stewart voice, “You can tell me something very
personal, any time, any place, anyhow!”
She returned the eye contact and I could see her cheeks flush a little as she said in a soft
husky voice, “Your fly is open.” I just about snapped my neck as I swiftly looked down at
my zip. There it was…as wide open as a catfish taking the bait. Talk about keeping one’s
composure! As I, with lightning speed, pulled up my zip, a tall thin balding man walked
in, extended his hand and said, “Mr Frandsen, John Pringle, please follow me to my office.”
I immediately thought God had sent him in, at that very moment, to save me from this
nightmare! I didn’t dare glance back at her as I left the reception area.
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64
When I eventually got back to my car, I put my hands over my face and screamed. The
worst part was – well, there were two worst parts; one was that I could not remember
where last I had taken a leak, and how many calls I had made with my zip open! What I
do remember though, was that everyone was smiling at me all day and I firmly believed
that it was because of this positive aura I was portraying.
The other worst part was that Mr Pringle gave me a fantastic enquiry and needed me to
bring a few samples of our double-sided tape together with a written quotation at ten o’clock
the following morning…SHRIEK! How was I ever going to get past reception without
‘Cleopatra’ seeing me? I thought I would die if I had to face her again!… And they say
selling is easy!
The moral of this story is:

‘Straighten your tie,
Check your fly,
And you won’t want to die!’
In finalization, as my mentor said to me many years ago: “If you only find “one line” in a
motivational book that stimulates you, then the book is worth every cent you paid for it!”
I hope you find more than just “one line” that stimulates you in this book!
Henry Frandsen
65
To see Volume II download
Get off your butt!! Volume II:
A light-hearted but vital guide to success in selling

Get Off Your Butt! Volume I

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GET OFF YOUR BUTT!

About the author 7

1 You must believe! 13

3 Set goals and plan 28

4 Now that is difficult! 37

5 Demo: Soft tissue paper company 41

6 Trials: Industrial floor cleaners 47

7 You don’t buy a ticket – You don’t catch the bus! 50

8 Ignore it – It might go away! 53

10 Tall, strong and devastatingly good-looking 62

Get off your butt! Volume II:

About the author Volume II

1 No you can’t! Volume II

2 Ten good reasons why it won’t work! Volume II

3 Plastic money Volume II

4 Get off your butt! Volume II

5 Too busy to see you! Volume II

6 Can’t! The Tugela raft race Volume II

7 Words won’t fail you! Volume II

8 A sales person’s business plan Volume II

9 Sales person’s ‘Call cycle plan’ Volume II

10 Business plan Volume II

11 SWOT Analysis Volume II

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

How did it all start?

Coins and paper money

Features and benefits

Finally…selling is exciting and should be fun.

Enjoy the book and happy selling!

1 YOU MUST BELIEVE!

© Deloitte & Touche LLP and affiliated entities.

Deloitte & Touche LLP and affiliated entities.

Discover the truth at www.deloitte.ca/careers

Receptionist: “Star International, good morning!”

Sam: “May I speak to Sol Werner please.”

Sam: “Good morning Mary. May I speak to Mr Werner please?”

Secretary: “Certainly Sir, may I tell him who is calling?”

Sam: “Sam Stone.”

Secretary: “One moment please Mr Stone.”

Secretary: “Mr Stone, I’m putting you through.”

Sol: “Hello Sam, what can I do for you?”

Sam: “I’ve been here six months, Sir.”

Sam: “Yes Sir!”

Sam: “Yes Sir!”

Sol: “Don’t forget to bring a couple of application forms with you!”

George Adams: “Bloody loser!”

Michael: “Hi Dennis, how are you?”

Dennis: “Mike I would…”

Desiree, in a soft husky voice: “Your coffee my darling.”

Desiree: “Your coffee Dennis.”

Dennis leaned back in his chair.

Dennis: “Not a damn thing,”

Michael: “I know it was short notice, but please continue”

We will turn your CV into

“Ashwin our financial manager is performing an excellent function. However,

Syd paused for a moment before asking:

Syd: “Am I boring you yet Michael?”

A life-changing opportunity was presented to these two people.

WELL! WHO DO YOU THINK GOT THE JOB?

3 SET GOALS AND PLAN

Now this is where the fun begins!

This was our second long playing record.

Errol partaking in another one of his favourite pastimes…Fishing!

5 Demo: Soft tissue paper company 41

6 Trials: Industrial floor cleaners 47

7 You don’t buy a ticket – You don’t catch the bus! 50

10 Tall, strong and devastatingly good-looking 62

2 Ten good reasons why it won’t work! Volume II

8 A sales person’s business plan Volume II

9 Sales person’s ‘Call cycle plan’ Volume II

5 DEMO: SOFT TISSUE

7 YOU DON’T BUY A TICKET – YOU

Customer: “Could you put me through…(click)…to dispatch please?” He says

10 TALL, STRONG AND