Professional Documents
Culture Documents
COMPILED FROM DIFFERENT BALL-STROKIN’ SOURCES AND HUMBLY SUBMITTED BY DR CARL WILFIL URANUS,
RECREATIONAL PROCTOLOGIST PAR EXCELLANCE.
Being fair-minded and kinda’ humble, I must admit that I would be undeservedly
‘stealing someone else’s thunder’, or ‘basking in someone else’s glory’ or ‘raiding
someone else’s orchard’, or hung by my testicles for exhuming archaic clichés if I were
to omit mentioning numerous other academicians, researchers, practitioners of creative
boinking and ‘alternate’ practices, etc. whose contribution made this Paper possible. But
since they’re too freakin’ numerous to mention; I won’t! B’sides, I would be betraying a
sacred trust if I were to list the perverts here. Many have already been acknowledged in
crime reports, police mug shots, commitments to mental health facilities or hospices,
H&S 5150 referrals, and other accounts of cuckoo happenings. Nevertheless, here’s a
‘virtual’ “THANK ‘EU! THANK EU VERRRY MUCH!” to whomsoever this may concern ...
For those easily offended and quick to judge cynicism as representative of poor taste,
you’re probably right; so I suggest you skip my comments and proceed elsewhere to
areas of “political correctness” lest I be judged harshly, and you, righteously begrudged!
The Bible was First Runner Up! Some good porn there, Guys! I highly recommend
regular reading of the Good Book – just to keep yourself regular and your motor
running. “Sodom and Gomorrah” was my personal fav; Lot boning his daughters, etc. …
– until I came to the part of Fire & Brimstone from a thoroughly pissed off God!
Obviously no sense of humor there …. That killed my erection faster than the recollection
of my day in Divorce Court. Bad tryp!
The Khoraan was a miserable disappointment! No juicy stuff there, Folks; only promises
of goodies to come. Promises …. Promises … Sorta’ like an IOU. But you gotta die first!
And then I hit the mother lode – the Mother F***ing Load, Jack! HINDUISM! It sure
as fudge made a believer outta me! Read on …
1
Willya Shakemoipeter - Renowned Pervert.
© Copyright 2010 – Carl Wilfil Uranus, Recreational Proctologist - All Rights Reserved Page 1 of 7
THE FOLLOWING HINDU PRACTICES WILL REVEAL HOW OUR CONSERVATIVE VIEWS ON
IMMORALITY AND INDECENCY ARE IN MANIFEST ERROR; THEREFORE, SANCTIFIED IN HINDUISM.
According to The Ramayana, the Aryans (Brahmins) used to drink liquor (nine different
kinds), were carnivorous, polygamous, and prostitution was an accepted way of life
amongst the priests and ‘gods’. Historically, polygamy and lesbianism always went
‘hand-in-hand’ – even today! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how come
ladies in the Sheiks’ harems (their eunuch bodyguards also!) are all a bunch of happy
campers – with sore groins and calloused tongues.
The Ramayana also recounts the story of King Dasharatha, who, in order to have a baby
son, made a big sacrifice (Yaham) of sheep, cattle, horses, birds and snakes. He then
delivered his three eager wives Kaushaliya, Sumatirai and Kaikeyi to three eager priests.
These holy men, having their fill of the ‘Holey’ Dip, returned the anointed ladies to the
anxious king. By this means, His Majesty was able to have three bastard sons – Ram,
Lakshman and Bharat (Bala Kandam – check out Chapter 14. For more details on
Yaham, refer to the book “Gnana Surian”, published by Kudi Arasu Press).
The Ramayana tells us much about the Taboo relationship of incest but (Ahem!), being
a decent sort, I don’t feel it appropriate or in good taste to go into details here – maybe
some other time over beer (or maybe after a few paragraphs below!). Meanwhile, please
refer to Aranya Kandam, Chapter 45, Verses 122 thru’ 125 - and keep a towel handy!
Lingam and Yoni are the male and female sexual organs respectively. Hindus are
allowed to worship any f***ing thing (literally!) – including sexual organs. It is quite
common for them to name their children Shiva Lingam (‘god’ Shiva’s wiener) or Rama
Lingam (‘god’ Rama’s dong). In some place in Karnataka, the ‘god’s demand both male
and female cock-worshippers and pussy-worshippers alike to pray naked together no
doubt to facilitate more immediate and focused divine attention.
According to a Times of India report (10-11-1987), the Devadasi system was set up as a
result of a conspiracy between the feudal class and the priests (Brahmins). The latter,
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Well, it can! But I don’t wanna be responsible for your hard on … So there!
© Copyright 2010 – Carl Wilfil Uranus, Recreational Proctologist - All Rights Reserved Page 2 of 7
with their ideological and religious hold over the peasants and craftsmen, devised a
means that gave prostitution their religious sanction. Impoverished, low-caste girls,
initially sold at private auctions, were subsequently dedicated to the temples to be later
initiated into prostitution.
THE KAMASUTRA: LET ME COUNT THE WAYS I LOVE THEE (OR MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A CAT!).
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Hence originated the reference to dogs as “Man’s best friend”.
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THE DEVADASII SYSTEM IS ALIVE AND WELL, THANK YOU!
UNI. – TIMES OF INDIA – 10th Nov. 1987: confirms that the practice of dedicating young
Harijan4 girls (Mahars, Mangs, Dowris and Chambhar) at childhood to a goddess, and
their initiation into prostitution when they attain puberty continues to thrive in
Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh and other parts of South India. This is largely due to social
backwardness, poverty and illiteracy, according to an intense ‘hands on’ (and pants off?)
study by two doctors of the India Health Organization.
The report clearly confirms that the Devadasi system was indeed the result of a
conspiracy between the feudal class and the priests (Brahmins), who with their
ideological and religious hold over the peasants and craftsmen, devised a practice which
acquired religious sanction. This they noted in their study on - “DEVADASIS – THE LINK
BETWEEN RELIGIOUS CULTURE AND CHILD PROSTITUTION”.
The study showed that pre-pubescent/adolescent girls from poor families are married off
to ‘god’ Krishna and sold after puberty at private auctions to a High Caste master who
baits them with a sum of money to their families ranging from Rs 500/- to Rs 5,000/-;
small change to the master-baiters!
The study, made during health camps organized by the World Health Organization
(WHO) in the Devadasi populated areas, revealed that these dedicated girls formed 15
percent of women involved in prostitution in the country, and as much as 70 to 80
percent of prostitutes in the border districts of Karnataka and Maharashtra – commonly
referred to as the AIDS Capital of India: Scary! But we really don’t want to get into that
right now: It would defeat the purpose! Nowhumsayin’?
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The so-called (erstwhile) “Untouchable” Class of Hindu society.
© Copyright 2010 – Carl Wilfil Uranus, Recreational Proctologist - All Rights Reserved Page 4 of 7
THE NAKED HINDU YOGIS OF KASHI: SMOKING THE BONG; SWINGING THE SCHLONG!
Aside from this public testicle spectacle, pilgrims are required to gaze directly at the sun!
Scientists and doctors strongly advise against this practice as it is likely to cause
blindness – of little concern to an opportunist since “A blind victim is an easy victim6”!
PEDOPHILIA, RAMPANT - INCEST, EMULATED: NOT OLD ENOUGH TO BLEED – BUT OLD ENOUGH TO BREED?
The most authoritative Hindu law-book - Manu.IX.94 commands: “A man, aged thirty
years, shall marry a maiden of twelve who pleases him, or a man of twenty-four a girl of
eight years of age; if (the performance of) his duties would otherwise be impeded, he
must marry sooner;" this catch ‘em early ritual is to avoid scandals and finger pointing
that would potentially tarnish a family’s otherwise good reputation in the community!
Some ‘minus points’ in prospective brides are if they already had a relationship with
another man or have their minds set on another. These should be summarily disqualified
(Sheth 67); a custom similar to Church-ruled medieval Europe where non-virgin girls
were precluded from marrying.
The custom of child-marriage and child-molesting has divine sanction in Hinduism. The
`great god' Rama was 16 years old when he married Sita. It is almost certain that Sita
was, as per the Manuid laws, one-third of his age, i.e., 5 years old! It is inconceivable
that the ‘great' Rama could have dared violate the Vedic laws of Manu. Aside from being
a child-molester,’ holy' Rama was also a practitioner of incest since Sita, as documented
in the oldest surviving Ramayanas, is referred to as his very own kid sister7.
Anthropological research shows that incest was institutionalized in Rama's race, the
Ikshvaku dynasty of Aryan Kshatriyas : " In the Anabattha Sutta and the Mahavastu
Avadana we are told that the Ikshvaku princes, who were banished by their father and
took shelter on the slopes of the Himalayas, and from whom the Sakyas traced their
descent, married their own sisters in order to maintain the purity of their line." (See
Chandra, p.155). Hence, it is virtually certain that Sita was Rama's sister and such an
`upright astik Hindu', as he is regarded, would not have let his kid sister grow beyond
the embarassing old age of 8 years; a limit prescribed by Aryan law for his bride-to-be.
Admittedly, Hindu culture did set some not-so-groovy precedents like genocide of
women, sacrificial suicide of a widow over her old man’s funeral pyre (sati), female
infanticide, pre-marital requirement for dowry, etc. (Nand 17, Bash.167-8, Yad 70
Alt.16, Ban.70), but we really don’t wanna get into that right now for fear of a limp
‘disposition’. B’sides, it would defeat the purpose … Nowhumsayin?
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WILLYA SHAKEMOIPETER – Renowned Pervert & Adult XXX Thespian.
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Hence the origination of the exclamation, “Hoooly Fuck …!”.
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EUGENICS – ETHNIC CLEANSING: A GOOD NON-BRAHMIN IS A DEAD NON-BRAHMIN.
There’s considerable documentation that evinces the main reason for the Brahmins to
enforce child marriages and incest upon the subject populations is that these activities lead
to the permanent genetic degradation of the non-Brahmin races and their eventual
extinction. But, whattaway to go, eh? It is common knowledge that consanguineous coitus
leads to genetic mutations in the offspring; irreversible hereditary defects which are then
passed on to succeeding generations and is catalytic to extermination of the blood lineage
eventually: a convenient method for the Brahmins to annihilate the non-Brahmins and
establish a pure Brahmavarta! Sorta like condemning them to death thru’ indiscriminate
fucking. But if this were indeed so, where lies the logic when the Brahmin conspirators
partake in the goodies themselves? “A stout Lingam hath no conscience…”8?
THE MIRACLE MEN: PREMATURE EJACULATION & HOW RISHIS WERE CREATED.
According to the Hindu Holy books, ‘god’ Brahma arranged the marriage of ‘god’ Shiva to
‘goddess’ Parvathi. When they went around the matrimonial fire as per Hindu religious rites,
‘god’ Shiva gawked at the mesmeric protuberance of ‘goddess’ Parvathi’s divine gluteus and
unexpectedly shot his load into the fire whereupon (Ta daa …) his charred semen
manifested into Rishis (priests). Some scholars opine that this earliest documented incident
of unrestrained lust established a religious Hindu precedent: widespread occurrences of
premature ejaculation amongst devotees emulating the exemplary demonstration of carnal
self-gratification by deity; (and a simultaneous extramarital rush by frustrated Hindu women
for men who demonstrate self-control).
SEX WITH COWS: OR “HOW TO KEEP YOUR BOVINE HAPPY & BEEF STROKIN’-OFF”!
In many Hindu temples, there are sculptures depicting lesbianism; men having sex not only
with multiple women, other men, and dogs but also with cows and elephants, which are
considered sacred.
According to one Hindu Rishi, such sculptural depictions of sex with sacred animals are
illustrative of (what else?) Sacred Sex! They actually hold a ‘hidden instructional message’
encouraging a sacred union with deceased relatives reincarnated as sacred bovines. So if
you’ve always wanted to hump your dead great grandma, here’s a possible opportunity…
“What about sex with non-sacred animals such as dogs and poultry” asked an ignorant
foreign tourist? “You ignorant foreign tourists are such ignorant foreign tourists”,
observed the learned Rishi correctly! ”Why shouldn’t they have some fun also, huh?!
D’ya see just how prejudicial your decadent Western culture is? That’s why ours is
such a ‘hep’ religion. We put a big ‘F’ in ‘fun’, Baby! We’re a Secular, Non-
Discriminatory, Affirmative Action, Equal Opportunity Skewers: Everyone is
entitled to some! Nowhomsayin …? Now be a good sport and drop your pants,
Peckerwood; ‘tis time to be enlightened!”
Ain’t no doubt about it: The ignorant West has a lot to learn from the mysterious ways of
the enlightened East. JAI HIND – Baibee!!
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WILLYA SHAKEMOIPETER – Renowned Pervert & Adult XXX Thespian.
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