Tyler Williamson

Professor Bell

October 2, 2018

Exercise 7: As seen from space

“Bro”

Golden brown foam spills delicately over the side of the blue, white, and red can that

reads “America” in ancient looking script scrolled across the side. “Shotgun!” is yelled

enthusiastically from the belly of one of the larger young males. His mating call is echoed by

wooo’s and yaaas’s coming from a gaggle of young females who seem to be impressed by this

young out of shape mans’ ability to drink his libation at a rate which is seemingly unnecessary

for its consumption. After the can of ‘beer’ has been consumed, or more accurately, the majority

of it spilled onto the damp grass, the young man lets out a belch and smashes the canteen on the

ground. These people seem to care so much about that flag, its everywhere, why smash it on the

ground if it’s so important? Or is it not as important when pasted to the side of a canteen? These

“Americans” are an interesting bunch.

It seems as though this big talking, loud burping, libation guzzling young man is one of

the more powerful patrons at this afternoon gathering of humans. It is for this reason that I

choose to approach him.

“That was a rather quick drink you had just there, sir” I say as I approach the man,

attempting to remember all I had studied about human speech patterns.

“Where you from? England or somethin? Ya sound… different” he replies.

“I’m from Engl-”

 “That’s cool man, you want a beer?” he interjects. It seems as though the humans care

very little about when others are speaking, in this case I am fine with that, as I do not know if he

would have cared too much about my English backstory.

“Sure, I will take an American Beer” I reply after a brief moment of contemplation. I am

unsure of the implications of this beer; however, I want to seem like I am one of them. It’s

important to my people that I gather as much information as I can while I am here. From what I

have gathered thus far, the consumption of this beverage is something that is desired by the

humans.

“All we got is American beer here, bro” replies the young man, “I’m Bret, by the way”

“My name is Anthony” I reply as Bret violently opens another canteen of beer. From this

short exchange I have already gathered that our 200-year-old videos of human speech are

inaccurate to the common vernacular of the Earth year two thousand-eighteen. It is apparent that

I would need to rely on my observations of this young man to relearn the vocabulary. It is

imperative that he does not suspect me as an otherworldly observer.

“So you gonna open that or just let it keep your hand cool?” ask Bret.

“Oh, I’m gonna open it” I replied, knocking the ‘g’ off of ‘going’ and adding an extra ‘n’

to the middle. Bret doesn’t seem to finish many of his words, but rather lets them trail off into

the next one, this was something I must emulate.

The canteen has a sort of a pull tab on it, one which does not close after it is opened.

Many of the human’s consumption devices are designed to be used just once, this is a seemingly

wasteful practice. I grab the pull tab and bend it into the canteen, popping the seal and releasing

the foamy beverage into the air. A dirty stale aroma filters out of the canteen and into my

nostrils, this beer does not smell like something for pleasure, more that of a poison intoxicant.
My people would have little interest in this activity, or cerebral function is our strongest asset

and any inhibiting of this ability is not to be desired. This doesn’t seem to be the case for the

humans, I look around as I take a sip from my canteen, I feel the effects of the beer the moment

it touches my tongue. The beer explains the actions of the other humans. The rest of the

gathering seems to be slipping out of control, female humans take numerous pictures infront of

bubbles and large forign letters, young men jump carelessly off the roof into shallow water

reserves. Aren’t the humans almost out of water? Why are they carelessly wasting their personal

supply? Is no one going to drink the water from this reserve? The human actions have not been

what I expected. so far, they seem like a careless species, more focused on entertainment than

the imminent destruction of their planet. Their planet is not long for this universe, and they seem

not to care, or even notice that it’s all coming to an end.