AMERICAN WEREWOLF THE TONIGHT INSULT WALK-

IN LONDON! SHOW! FOOTBALL! MANIA!

90C

02904

No. 84
MAR.

WHAT'S RED AND WHITE ON THE OUTSIDE

AND GREEN AND ORANGE ON THE INSIDE?

Cream of
Obnoxio
 —

'
I
*
Rb —
 Stan Lee presents

(MM/ THE MAGAZINE THAT DARES TO BE DUMB

LARRY HAMA
Vol. 1 No. 84

MARIE SEVERIN
March 1982

JIM OWSLEY
editor art director managing editor

JOE ALBELO production DANNY CRESP1 production manager

MARIAN STENSGARD typography BARRY SHAPIRO cover production
THEA KERMAN assistant counsel MARVIN M. MALLARD cartoon editor
MONICA HOWARD nice smile RALPH MACCHIO always wanted his name here
ARCHIE GOODWIN wants us to plug his book READ EPIC MAGAZINE plug
d i.Hjj;M.in;»j=aBBw
;

OBNOXIO THE CLOWN complaints ROBERT CAROSELLA, ELIOT BROWN,

JOHNNY LE SQUID, STU SCHWARTZBERG, DANNY LOUIE,
GASPAR THE WONDER PUPPY
1
staff

BOB LARKIN cover DICK CODOR back cover

CRAZY MAGAZINE. VOL. 1 HO. 84, In This Issue:

March, 1982 Issue. Published
monthly by MARVEL COMICS
GROUP. 575 Madison Avenue, New
HE SHOULDA STAYED A PEPPER
York. N.Y. 10022. Second Class post- An American Werewoof in London
age paid al New York, N.Y. and al addi-
{A Crazy Movie Parody) 6
tionalmailing offices. (U.S.P.S. 378-
490). Postmaster: send all address
change forms lo CRAZY Suljsc.-ifHiwi
CRAZY GROSS ENCOUNTERS
Dept. co above address. Price: 90c in Pari 1: The Pitch 12
Ihe U.S and Canada. SubscriplFon
rates- $12.20 in Ihe U.S.. $13.20 in
Part 2: Child Psychology 28
Canada, and $14.20 sub-
for foreign Part 3: The Hunt 44
scriptions respectively for 12 issues in-
cluding postage Printed in the
-
USA MEAN GREEN TEEN
"Super-Heror-"
elComicsGroup The Teen Hulk 13
names, characters,
FANTASY VS. REALITY
are liclicious. Any similarity belween Parti: 17
I ham and any ex i sling person oi institu-
tion (for olher lhan satirical purposes) is Part 2: 32
purely coincidental. Snicker snicker The
editors are not responsible for unsol-
dirk McGirks English report:
icited submissions Any submissions. "The Guards and Guardessess" 18
letters, contest entries, illegal cig a relies.

properly of h
CRAZY CONTEST #8
'NuffSaid! 20
WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRUCK! I SAID, WATCH
.r.yihico i?ise Mi Clown di
OUT FOR THAT TRUCK!
sic lo Ihedesign ol your p Walkmania 21
ticket So, be prepared.
.

This periodical may n MULTI-MEGATON MIRTH

Aunty Nuke 24
GRIDIRON GRINS
Crazy Looks At The Super Bowl 26
of Circulation, MURDEROUS MINORS IN MOTION
The Kinetic Kids 29
HEY MEAN JOE? HE'S TALKIN' BOUT YO MAMA!
Insult Football 33
DON'T EAT THE HOT DOGS AND COUNT YOUR
CHANGE
Obnoxio Land 38
PERVERSE PUZZLES
Obnoxio The Clown Fun Pages 40
LARGE LIZARD LYRICS
Rock'N Roll With Behemoth Jack 42
HOW FUNNY WAS IT JOHNNY?
The To naught Show
(ACrazyT.V. Parody) 45
iW.'HIM!>i.-l!MV
 STAN LEE RESENTS
Dear Crazy,
It's me again, Billy the Mudslinger.
Well, I just bought issue #80 was terrific. I
it

really loved "Star Warm" featuring Good Of

Charlie Salow". I also loved your Alien
Guidebook and Obnoxio's Fun Pages. But,
your parody of The Greatest American Hero
simply too much. Crazy is my #1
magazine.
Billy the Mudslinger
No Address Given
Dear Crazy,
I thought that your issue #80's "If Syn-
dicated Cartoonists Drew Marvel Comics"
was great! Especially your "Star Warm",
featuring "Good Of Charley Solow". enjoy I

reading the "Beetle Baily "daily strip, so re- I

ally enjoyed your "Sgt. Fatty and his

Hounded Commandos" But . there were a few
things in it I really couldn't figure out. like
why did the German soldiers look like they
counters;. Bob Larkin. Marie Severin, Gaspai were Japanese? And why would Lt. Fuzz be
The Wonder Puppy, and oV Obnoxio! taking orders from Sgt. Snorkle? And who
Sam Tocci was thai guy with the mustache? And since
Midlothian. IL. when did Sgt. Snorkle grow a headful of hair
Thanks, dad. —EH. and start sinokine cigars?!? Tom Voytas
Utica. MI.
Dear Crazy. Frequent readers of Marvel Comics
1 always buy Crazy tin Sunday and bring would, by now. be. familiar with Sgt. Fury
il to school Monday and Tuesday, and all my and his Howling Commandos, the comic after
friends read ii for ten cents each. So it's worth which the Beetle Ihtily parody was fashioned.
If you pick up a copy of Sgt. Fury (if you can
Kris Thompson stillfind one, that is), we're sure all your
South Bend, IN. questions will be answered. So there. Next let-
TheF.l voutd like to have a little talk ter, please... -~Ed.
with you... -
-Ed.
Dear Crazy.
Dear Crazy. I niust compliment Joe Albelo on "Star
You yo-yo's are doing a crummy job. Warm", "Sgt. Fatty", and the "K vetch-Men".
but I like it so keep it up. They say practice I especially liked "Star Warm", but I think
makes relatively acceptable. Woodstock should have been in there as R2-
Pulley Buddyup D2. Snoopy was great as "Snoobacka".
Dcrwoodville, PL. JeffMabbith
We didn't make up that name, folks. Matlawan, MI.
Honest. No, really. —Ed.
Dear Unfunny Yock Rag,
Dear Crazy, Crazy #80 was a pleasant surprise! "If
Your parody "The Yowling" had me Syndicated Cartoonists Drew Marvel Com-
MIDNIGHT MASSACRE howling with laughter. Your six fur-filled ics" was great, even better than lying beer
Dear Crazy,
pages were almost as good as the movie! The cans to kilfycats. Charley Solow was great
I liked your issue with the "Yowling"
writing was excellent, and so was the art. Asa and Sgt. Fatty's dog Autro reminded me of
parody. It was a real howler. "Dirt
matter of fact. wolfed down the whole issue!
1 my kid sister. But. I especially liked The
McGirk 's" Essay was a scream.
Aunty Nuke! Dirk McGirk! Kinetic Kids! My K vetch-Men! It was fantastic, and the best the
Craig Terlino
dog. Tammy, even loved issue #80! But can X-Men have ever looked, especially in the
Brockton, MS.
you guys lop it? I'll bite! writing department! If Joe Albelo wrote and
Peter Peterson drew The X-Mcn, then maybe il would be
Dear Folks, New York. N.Y. worth buying. Thanks for a perfect issue.
I must highly protest the unsettling
can Look... just what kind of weirdo arc Scott (Magneto) Williams
nibalistic un-funnyness that went into your you. huh fella? Ed. — Fort Lee, N.J.
Howling parody. It was an atrocious mockery
of all humor stands for, and will never buy
I

your magazine again.

Mark Jackson
New York, NY.
P.S.: Actually. I rather enjoyed the issue but.
judging from your letter columns, I thought
that's what you wanted to hear.
Same to you, buddy. —Ed.
Dear Crazy,
Ah, gentleman! Well done, well done
indeed! You have succeeded in one short year
in making Crazy the funniest yock rag
around. I sincerely salute Larry Hama, Paul
Kupperberg, Bob Camp, Jim Owsley, Bob
McCleod. Mary Wilshire, Mike Carlin, Dick
Codor, Susan Bissett, Steve Smaliwood, Ned
Sonntag, Steve Mellon Gary Hallgren, Dan
Gutman, Virgil Diamond, Alan Kupperberg.
Dave Allikas, Dave Morris, Murad Gumen,
Kent Gamble, whoever does the Cross En-
 OBNOXIO'S ABUSE COLUMN

To Whatever May Concern:

It

You know, pimple puss, this is easy

to say, since in a battle of wits like this
you're virtually unarmed! You couldn't
count to 20 without removing your shoes!
Anyway, I'm wondering what you were
when you were a kid, since you're such a
FLYBOV FOLLIES yecch now! You're a gross ignoramus
AND MORONIC MAIL (144 times as bad as an ordinary ig-
Dew Crazy, noramus), and there is no reason in this
I am a very sophisticated 10 year-old. universe why you shouid be Crazy's
My parents own a store and we get your [expletive deleted] mascot! They must
magazine. Since when do you guys know have been almost as stupid as you (I.Q. of
how 10 write a parody'.1 Your rip off of the so- -2.25) when they hired you! You're so
called "Grossest American Zero" made me dumb, you think the Canadian Border is a
very angry. Also, your take-off on "The person who pays rent, and that Red China
Howling" was about the siupidest, most ir- clashes with your clownish dress! In my
ritating way of writing a movie! Man, oh opinion, you have diarrhea of the mouth
man. I wouldn't ike to run
I into you guys on a and constipation of the brain.
dark and stormy night. James William Quimbrus Parry
Tina Van Liew Scotia, N.Y.
Brokman, Ml. P.S.: Where can move I to get away from
you?
Dear Crazy,
Your. "Medieval Mirth" was great! Bui How about Poland, Quimbrus of
make sure that dragon was
because in thered, buddy? Guys like you fit in real good
rules of Dungeons & Dragons (I'm an ardenl there. You sound like a real wimp to
player of that), only red dragons (who are me, Ouimby. mean, any guy with four
I

evil) and gold dragons (who are good) breathe names, two of which are real dumb,
fire, and (hat ain'l counting the Oriental dra- has definitely gotta be In th' 'pick-yer-
gons! nose-an'-eat-it" category. In fact, Jud-
Morgus gln' from yer letter, it seems t'me like
No Address Given rer brain caught fire when you wuz a
Huh...?—Ed. id, and yer dad put It out with a
machine gun. Why don'tcha just go
Dear Crazy, back t' sellin' drugs and leave us nor-
I think your Behemoth Jack articles are
mal people alone? Huh? Well? How
really stupid. Who
wants to read about a —
about it? O.T.C.
lizard announcing stupid nonsense songs that
don'i even exist by little stupid drawings of
Address all hate mail to: "Obnoxio's
songs artists'.'
Abase Column ", do the address below (and if
Brian Miller
send us your picture, he'll make fun of
Lynbrook.N.Y.
For that mutter. Brian, who says you
KISt.. -Ed.

Dear Crazy.
I think issue #80 was great, especially
Dirk McGirk's Essay. especially like the
I

part where he blew up the Frog.

Chris Corriveau
Dighton MA.
Dear Brisbane,
Your Sickie Symphony the worm song, [

issue #80] was great. The Kinetic Kids are

nuts and hope to sec them in coming issues.
I

Carl Carter
New Falls, VA.
Dear Crazy,
I live on farm in California and there's

hardly nothing to do!!! So. I bought your

magazine and led it to my cow.
Love always,
Nancie E.
(Presumably) California
 !

AN AMERIC
WEREWOOF IN I Writer: Paul Kupperberg Artist: Bob Camp

Man, Vapid — it sure is good to get out of the cold Yeah, Jerk... this's an interesting old English
I'm glad we found this place all the way out here J Pub, all right! The folks here oughta make us feel
on the moors! right at home!

'Strewth!
Yer in danger,
lads!

tiff

'

Mm
"O

Beware the Ides

of March too,
while yer at it!
tilt K'^«

l"l'thH|l|U
It
§
mm,
s = a On second thought,
maybe I'll

wait outside...!
\^
Who... us? Say something? Oh no.
not us, matey. Sorry, you must be
thinkin' of someone what looks like
You're gonna become a werewolf tomorrow night during trie
^ v
full moon —
and ain't gonna be able lo act like a normal dead
I
Right! Just the guys
who claim they're go-
person until you do just one teetisy-weensy ol' thing! li'l

ing to turn into were-

wolfs because their
Hey, I'd do anything to help you, pal
dead friends told
Just name it!
them so!

...Will you just look at the time... I really must be

running...

_[_!_£
Well, figured we'd work now, Vapid. Just relax and forget about
n off to this
Wow! This sure is happening I

werewolf thing! It's all just a silly superstition!

better do it before
fast, Nurtzy! 1-1

we've already become lovers

can't believe
1
sundown —
just in
case!
END \Q/J,
 GROSS ENCOUNTERS PARTI
THE PITCH

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Due to a prolonged exposure to a DEMENTED DENTIST'S &AMMA ray cavity decoder, craven nerd
CH£ST€# tA/££MS FINDS HIMSELF W MOMENTS OF DIRE HUMILIATION, TRANSFORMED INTO A TUNPRA TOPPED
TITA AS KNO WNAS-.
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 SO, ACTUALLY, I JUStW 5URE...1
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THEY'LL PPOSA6LY WANT /V\£ Tto
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THE HISTORICAL FANTASY...

.AND THE HYSTERICAL REALITY

Writer » Artist: Mary Wilshlre

 Th' s report is "KThej^t

^-gazm''**^- The s<4yeef-

"gF f^is&QQrny fas '"%-."

IS^SS

^ •±
ph
Wood moyl&jk.r, ,
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--* *"<* dg MP cfuqrJs-M'ey

t:(4o*\f<yifnpics en-h_an s
t'fli &'^N KiOWTF S TL#«
I'm looking over
My dead dog Rover;
That I overran with the mower
One leg is missing, the other
is gone;
A third leg got splattered all
over the lawn...
(To the tune of "I'm Looking Over A Four Leaf Clover")

Fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation... oh, hi there! We've been waiting (or you!
Yes, this is another Crazy Contest, in which some lucky reader will win a free 1-year subscription to Crazy, the magazine that
dares to make fun of death, disease, and the Republican National Committee, and consistantly gels away with it! Ail you've got to do
is: To enter: send a postcard (only postcards! Letters are not accepted! Honest! Nofoolin'! You send a letter to this contest, and

we feed it to the Iguana) with the funniest "Crazy Lyrics to a Popular Song" you can think of to "Crazy Contest #8" c/o Marvel
Comics Group, 575 Madison Ave. New York, N.Y. 10022. All entries must be received by February 5, 1982. Contest will be judged
by our editors, and their decisions are final. Runner-ups will receive the nefarious Marvel No-Prize, and run the risk of actually having
their pitiful jokes read by normal human beings within the pages of this magazine. All entries become the property of Marvel Comics,
and this contest is void where prohibited, taxed, or regulated. Results of Crazy Contest #8 will appear in Crazy #87, on sale in April.

CONTEST #5 WINNERS!
"Why
Grand Prizewinner
"do morons make
:

lousy
Interviewer: What are the two things
you hate most?"
"How do you
suspense?"
keep a moron in

elephant hunters?" Moron: Moron jokes and M&M's.

"They can't figure out a way to carry Interviewer: Moron jokes I under- "How many morons does it take to
the decoys!" stand, but why M&M's? shingle a roof?"
A free 1 -year subscription to: Moron: They're too hard to peel. "Two, if you slice them thinly."
Kenny Ellis Jacob Ausen
Plymouth, MA. Chicago, IL.
"Why did the moron cross the road?"
"He was safety-pinned to the
Royal Runner-Ups :
"How do morons catch rabbits?" chicken."
"They make a noise like a carrot."
"Why did the moron say he'd never How do you get a one-armed moron
Daniel Barnett
become a pharmacist?" out of a tree?"
Garland, TX.
"Because he couldn't get the bottles "Wave,"
into the typewriter!" "How can you tell the moron on a
S. Tocci sinking ship?" "Why are there no morons in
Midlothian, IL. "He's the one with the parachute." Denver?"
Michael Petrelli "Their heads explode at 3000 feet."
"Why do moron elevator operators Goshen N.Y.
only get a half hour for lunch?" Why did the moron drive around the
"Because, if you give them an hour, "A moron is he who stops at a^stop block 47 times?"
they'll forget the route!" sign and waits for it tochange." "His blinker got stuck."
Patrick Downey Brian Johnson
Peabody, MA. Chicago, IL. Did you hear about the moron who
locked his keys in his car?"
"What did the moron say when he "It took him four hours to get his family
"How. did the moron fall raking saw Niagra Falls?" out.
leaves?" "If I had the right tools, I could fix that."
"He fell out of the tree," Paul D. Kushner "Did you hear about the moron who
Ryan Manero Brooklyn, N.Y. shot his friend while deer hunting?"
Foster City, CA.
S pecial Recognition Dept.:
"The doctors could've saved the guy if
77iin reader submitted over nine entries
he hadn't been gutted."
"Why did the moron visit Crazy
to this contest, really funny ones, we might
Magazine?" mid, and neglected to /'I'l Iw. nrficr name tin "What would you get you crossed a
if

"He was related to the editor." any of them. Considering the nature of Crazy moron with Obnoxio?"
Steven Altis Contest #5, we 'dstty that's extremely ironic. "Nothing. There's some things even a
Mt. Sidney, VA. —Ed. moron won't do."
20
America, it's more terrifying than the plague. It's more bizarre than Harper's Bazaar. It
takes hold of your brain and renders you helpless. It turns you into a grotesque mockery
human being; a zombie-like creature, totally oblivious to all that surrounds you.
of a living
Nobody seems to know where it all started (although Japan has been mentioned on more
than one occasion). Nobody seems to know how to stop it. What is it? It's...

MM
6 (^&'<p) BANG!
From distant galaxies to the planet Earth, all pervading evil forces cower in their sinister shadows
from this aproned avenger and the Gee Whiz Kids, Evita and Elmo... Faster than a Cuisinart...
More powerful than a hydrogen bomb... Able to beat more eggs into a cheese souffle... It's...

AUIMTY NUKE Writer: Susan Bissett Artist: Steve Smallwood

 Horrid horse meat! Mebbe Idon't want this

I'll just have a malt instead! greasy gray

I don't wanna eat

Holy cavities! They're Were sugary sweet- this discussing Quit bawlin' will ya! All EVITA! ELMO! I'm
covered with sugar! ened! And you can't food! Elmo, it's this stlnkin' food's run- galvanized you've
Let's getoutta here! go until you've eaten! your fault for nin' all over me! come to this polyun-
makin' mec saturated greasy
heeewwwaaaa- spatula!
AAHHH!
CRAZY Looks At Tl

Y'know, honey... I

live thewhole year

I Super Bowl!
for the

I could've been a
I know, dear... be- | professional foot-
lleveme, I know! \

ball player... if

I'd wanted to
 Super Bowl
Writet
Paul Kupperberg

e I got a big
Artist:
Ned Sonntag

one riding on
Gee, though! all
I

this game,
you had to lose
Manny-- a big
was a bet with your
bet, y'know.
father to mow the

I'm sorry embar-

I

rassed you, Benny. Man, did you

see Kowalski's
X lawn, Freddy...?

It's just that

—
I

don't know anything backfield in Yeah and how about

about the game! motion?! Jackson's and O'Brien's
fine moves on the
20 yard line...?
f .
But did you have to run
out on the field after
that last tackle, yelling
to gagQE
Kowalskl... O'Brien...?
for the police to arrest
I never heard of those
the halfback for assault...'
guys. You sure you're
talking about the team?

B— but I was just

tryin'toshowmy
appreciation to the
usher for showin'
I me my seat, officer...

Just stand right there,

lady... the players
will find you! Sure, sure... and
so he wouldn't
forget you, you
j
carved your initials
in his chest!
..And
what's your
reaction to
today's game,
sir?

Wal-- the (hie) bartender |

wuz kind'a slow bringin'

th' drinks, but th' Whatdifference does
|
'tater chips wuz nize make what a man
it

an' crispy... (hie)... does as long as he

does well, sir!
it

;A*
 GROSS ENCOUNTERS PART2
CHILD PSYCHOLOGY
"HOW TO CURE THE COMMON COL>". PACE A
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"HOW TO CURE THE COMMON COL> PAGES

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PERSISTS CONSULTJ
THE HIGH-ROLLING FANTASY..

.AND THE LOW-ROLLING REALITY

Writer and Artist: Gary Hallgren

 Not all of us have the ability to run and jump and be great athletes. In tact, most
of us are lucky to get out of bed in the morning. But we all love competition... the thrill,
the exhilaration, the tension, and most of all, the beating of the other guy to a pulp.
With that in mind, we bring you a game of...

y INSULT
FOOTBALL Writer: Daniel Gutman Artist: Gary Kwapisz

For those of you who are new, Insult Losses, gains, and scor-
Football is the same as regular football, ing are determined by
but it's more important to use your which team more effec-
mouth effectively than it is to use the tively insults the other
ball effectively. team.
There is a great competition to recruit
the best smart-alecks and wise-crac-
kers off college campuses.
j
Randy, what quality do you have that I

made 22 pro teams bid for you!

OK, third insult and 25 to go. it looks He's at the thirty... Ooh! He's got the first down and
like trouble for New York. Anderson more...
hands off to Bill Waldo...
When you were born, your
mom said "What a treasure!" You never seem to drink more than
and your pop said, "Yeah, lets you can stand. Butthat's no big deal
bury it." because as soon as you can stand,
you begin drinking some more!
 mmwm? -^zzzzzzzl
Hey, your wife
J promising
a is
singer.
quite

wish she'd promise to

I just

shut-up!

It's the quarterback sneak. He's

over for the TO with just 3 panels
left!!

I can tell that you guys came from

You gotta respect the a long line of real estate men...
New York team. They You're all such a vacant lot!
never make the same
mistake twice.
They're too good at
finding new mistakes
to make...
It's third insult and 3. Shurnowitz trying for the first
down...

7 to 6 now. Miami can kick the extra point They're going for it! It's a handoff to He made it! The Miami Derld-
and settle for a tie, or go for the 2 point con- Greer. He's met at the goal line by the en- ers have defeated the New
version to win the game. tire New York defense. York Offenders, 8 to 7. What
a game!
 r^L

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7/ »#/
fhis Is My Favorite Picture Of The ITWh!" OBNOXIO'S FAVORITE
PUNCHLINES:
"Mmm! Hot lunch!"
"Shut up and eat

mm
mm
around it!"
"Mucus Welby, M.D.!"
"A dead girl scout!"
"Suzy's getting all the
big chunks!"

CAN YOU SOLVE i RESTAURANT MYSTEf

mrnmmsm
 Writer: David Allikas
Artist: Dave Morris

Featuring the bossest sounds

around... as they sounded before
eleventh-hour revisions!

And as we hurtle through the sky

These guys have the right name!
For the past five years,
DC- 11 's passing by
their career has been moving with Three feet away, we wonder why
the speed of a... Dead Zeppelin! The landscape 's twisted all awry
Cause we look down and see the sky
While up above are trees —oh my!
'There's a pilot intent on a runway descent
I guess we're all about to die
—
You 'd have to be an awful chump
And he's flying the airway to heaven
To have a chute and not to jump!
'Cause directing him in, to the airport's chagrin,
Isa busboy from 7-Bleven. And we re flying the airway to heaven.

Once the skyways were scanned, and the air towers manned,
"to the tune of
By experienced traffic controllers;
"Stairway to Heaven"
But the guys now employed find it's hard to avoid
Hitting bicycles, tugboats and strollers.
 And now the 1 01 Strings performing

*£-^[ "Greensleeves", conducted by...

thought
Oops! Sorry... this
was my FM radio show!

Here are Jackson Brine and Dim Carnes!

'I'm going to take LeDoux in two

And show Weaver the way to weave
I'm going to stop Young's jive in five
And make Tate think it's New Year's Eve;
And when I've laid out all those chumps
Then Larry Holmes will get his lumps;
And when I'm champ again, for my farewell
I 'II finish off Howard Cosell!

Through his monthly comeback announces

Drones the contender —
His wagging tongue's the only thing
That won f surrender.
GROSS ENCOUNTERS PART 3
THE HUNT
 jfc UilL
Heh-heh-heh! Tonto!
Of course not, Loni... what makes you say Idon't care if you are the most
Smog! Weird! If I said
thai? Now, why don't you tell us about your powerful man on T.V., as they
what I'm thinking, this
making a molehill out of a mountain with say! I'm going to let you have a
place would be a
your chest operation? taste of your own medicine!
p-parking lot...

Listen, nobody cares about the guests! Nobody tunes in B-But...what'llyoudo As long as you've got me, who
when we have substitute-hosts! And certainly nobody for the rest of the cares?Now get lost... I've work to
wants to see a talentless old walrus like you or a lavender
,
show?
horn-blower like Duck! They want me, me, ME!

] c

s\*rmHi^2
We could CLEAN up
our act and be just like every
other humor mag...

BUT WHAT FUN WOULD

THATBE?!?
Don't miss out
on any of the
foul, disgusting,
offensive stuff
tocome! Get
your parents
to sign that
check now!!!

$9.00 for 12 issues

$10.00 Canadian
$11.00 Foreign
 .

Hello, this is Ed Makebacon. Along with Duck Severlystun, Tommy Nuisance and the band, join
Johnny and guests as we deliver the familiar schticks you've all heard a zillion times! And
his
now heeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrreeeeee s.
, .

THE TON AUGI1T SHOW

with
JOHNNY CARESNONE
Writer: Murad Gumen Artist: Kent Gamble
 I know Don Rickies does this going into
the audience bit much better, but if
anyone can stump the band with a
I,
the prize is breakfast at the NBC
commissary for one!

^1 ONE AT A TIME! ONCE AT A TIME,

FOR GODSSAKE!
BRIPqe
flNV
/ hmuim MOON RIVES' rfJJj

SNSm
^^,
 an>H4l
I'll say! If there's
one thing I can't
stand, it's someone
funnier than me
on the show!

WSw TO COME...
 PAPER
PLEASE WAIT,..
HE'LL BE HERE,
SMELLING
J} J

J^ COMING. JUST
T SWEAR. ..HE'S
A FEW MORE
JRAPER
TAKE A WHIFF
MINUTES... OH TSMELLS JUST
C'MON, PLEASE LIKE REAL PAPER.
.-•IDON'TKNOW
WHATCOULD'VE
HAPPENED. .HE'S
NEVER DONE SCRATCH
THIS BEFORE AND
...HE WILL0E SNIFF
HERE.X HERE
PROMISE.
COMMERCIALS THAT
YOU CRAZY NO. 40
RIVE
It's Crazy Uncle Sammy's End
of Inventory Clearance Sale!

Z>k
Q^r—> /

Writer and Artist Dick Codo

 ed editing aqtiilti tie!In

\IiiI32, 'fully')'. Stiperi/t

Marvellous etl nltri

__