Avoid Perfection

in Pursuit of Excellence
All the ancient sages and philosophers teach us to perfect ourselves,
to
become more morally virtuous, more excellent. But perfectionism as
a personality trait, when taken out of the context of the whole
character of
a person, is imbalanced and self-defeating. To strive to be a better
person—
more loving, compassionate, empathetic, understanding, kind, gentle,
and
generous—is honorable. When we genuinely want to live the good life,
one
of excellence and meaning, we will come to know that no human
being can
possibly perfect every aspect of himself in one brief lifetime.
A perfectionist is someone who has a propensity for being displeased
with anything that is not perfect. With extremely high standards,
forever
seeking faultless, flawless, impeccable situations, perfectionists are
chronically unhappy in the real world of tumble and rough. I often say,
“Living is a messy business.”
It is wise to strive, but it is also wise to know that it takes time and
patience to turn a rough stone into a precious gem. We are imperfect;
we
have work to do. We are in the continuous state of becoming. When
we focus
on perfecting our inner light, when we work on raising our
consciousness to
new heights, we will see the process of becoming as our chief
concern, our
ideal purpose, and a perfect use of our energies. We can always excel
and
even exceed our former self when we aim at high standards.

There are far too many perfectionists, however, whose standards are
dangerously high. Nothing on earth is ever perfect; it never was and
never
will be. We have to live with imperfection not only in people—
ourselves,
family members, friends, community, and the world—but in the
objects
we live with. One of the reasons I’m so naturally attracted to Thai silk
is
the irregularity of the weave. The fabric has great integrity and
character
because it is not consistent in the way it is hand woven.
When I sat on the board of the wonderful American textile company,
Fieldcrest Cannon, I regularly went to different mills in North Carolina
to experience the textile-making process. It’s fascinating to see
Egyptian
cotton come in one end of a mill and shrink-wrapped bed linens come
out the other end. I was terribly disappointed to learn how much
money
this great company lost on black sheets. If there was a tiny
unnoticeable
inconsistency in the cotton, the black dye wouldn’t take evenly. For a
pinprick “flaw” that could be on the bottom end where a sheet is
tucked
in, the sheet was marked a “second” and sold at a price less than it
cost to
make. A black sheet is expensive to make because white cotton
becomes
black through being saturated in black dye.
If there were fewer consumers who were perfectionists, picking
things apart, perpetuating their own suffering and infl icting their
unhappiness on others, more manufacturers could make an honest
profi t.
People who live in a state of relentless perfectionism have developed
maladaptive patterns of behavior. If someone believes that nothing
they
do is ever quite good enough, that it has to be perfect, nothing good
comes out of them. There is a paralysis of heart, an inability to cope
with the reality of everyday life. When the neighbor’s apartment
above
ours sprung a leak that flooded our bathroom and laundry room, I had
to live with the mess. It was not a perfect situation; it was reality.
What’s
often real is not always ideal.
My advice to a perfectionist is to pay attention to all the good in his or
her life. Look at all the fine and noble qualities in your spouse or
partner.
Rejoice in your children’s intelligence, health, and energetic
personalities.

Love your house and make it a real home just as it is now. The roof
leaks,
you need to paint the outside, the furniture is wearing out or faded—
that’s
where you are now. No amount of money will ever be enough to
someone
who is never satisfied with the way things are.
The New York Times columnist and author David Brooks, in an
interesting book, On Paradise Drive: How We Live Now (and Always
Have) in the Future Tense, reveals some telling details about American
cultural habits. I learned that one in three women in America dyes her
hair, for example. Brooks writes, “Just beyond the next ridge, just with
the next entrepreneurial scheme or diet plan; just with the next
political
hero, the next credit card purchase or the next true love, there is this
spot you can get to where all the tensions will melt, all time pressures
are relieved, and all contentment can be realized . . . This, my friend,
is
America.”
People, places, and things are not perfect. Perfectionism can become
an extreme mental disorder requiring hospitalization. Patients are
trained
to make up only half a bed, something paradoxical to say the least.
We are, in our essence, imperfect because we are human. Our
humanity is what makes us strive to better ourselves, to chase after a
full, rich, and happy life, to pursue higher education, gain skills, have
goals, and choose excellence over mediocrity. Be proud of yourself
when
you excel, when you show superiority in your work, but try never to
act
superior to others. Learn to be satisfied when you do your best, even if
it
isn’t ideal. Remember the principle of the Japanese fl aw: all real
beauty
has some slight imperfection. The wonderful Romantic poet Robert
Browning understood: “What comes to perfection perishes.” Nothing
that is perfect lasts for long. Be grateful for a perfect kiss or a perfect
rest
or a perfect cookie. Carl Brandt, my literary agent and friend, believes
there are no perfect answers; the perfect answer is the truth. I believe
the
perfect answer comes closest to the truth.
Goethe taught us, “Higher aims are in themselves more valuable,
even
if unfulfi lled, than lower ones quite attained.” Aim high and then
enjoy

the pleasure of the process of getting there. The charming actor

Maurice
Chevalier warned us, “If you wait for the perfect moment when all is
safe
and assured, it may never arrive. Mountains will not be climbed, races
won, or lasting happiness achieved.”