Paul’s Discipling Model of Spiritual Parenting

1 Thess 2:7-11; 1 Cors. 4:14-21

Intro – The term disciple is used 241 times in the Gospels and 28 times in the book of Acts. After
being used almost 270 times, we discover to our surprise that word disciple is not used again in the
remainder of the New Testament!
The greatest discipler-maker since the Lord Jesus, the Apostle Paul, never uses the term disciples or
discipleship, nevertheless he turns multitudes of men and women into disciples. Paul obeys Jesus’
mandate to turn men into disciples by employing Jesus’ model, and gets the same results while
using different terminology. What was Paul’s model? He employed the concept or model of spiritual
parenting.
Numerous ideas have been set forth as to Paul’s reason for refraining from using Jesus’ terminology
and typical Jewish rabbinical approach to disciple-making, as well as the widely known Greek
model. But I think that it was basically due to the “ends of the earth” extent of his outreach. In other
words, he did not want people to come to believe that Christianity was nothing more than an
extension of Judaism or a rehashing of the Greek discipleship model. For this reason he used many
different metaphors and similes to define the process and describe the profiles of the persons who
were being discipled. Among these various expressions, sons, soldiers, farmers, builders, etc, it
appears that his favorite was that of spiritual parenting. The reason for this is because the goal of
true Christian parenting is identical to the goal of discipling, in that it empowers children to
maturity in a healthy family environment. The parents, having grown their children into inde-
pendent, responsible, and caring young adults, release them to find mates with who they can repeat
the process by reproductive multiplication.
Parents, having brought a child into the world, are responsible to mother and father it from a
consumer, to a producer, to a reproducer. This is the standard stated by the apostle John in 1 Jn
2:12-14 – children, young men, fathers. In this light discipleship needs to be redefined to include
the idea of “spiritual parenting”, “spiritual nurturing”, “spiritual mentoring” or “spiritual coaching”.
Let’s examine several components that comprised Paul’s model and see what good spiritual parents
are and what they do.

I. There is a “Spiritual Mothering” that Contributes to the

Birthing and Building of Disciples
1Thess. 2:7-8, “But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own
children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the
gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.”
Peterson’s The Message, paraphrases verse eight in a very insightful way: “We weren't aloof with
you. We took you just as you were. We were never patronizing, never condescending, but we
cared for you the way a mother cares for her children.”
“As a nursing mother” introduces a simile, which is a figure of speech involving the comparison of
one thing with another thing of a different kind frequently using the words like or as (e.g. he was as
brave as a lion).

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Like a nursing mother that tenderly cares, says the KJV --- The Greek word is thalpo and it
primarily means to heat, to soften by heat, then, to keep warm, as of birds covering their young with
their feathers. J. Vernon McGee writes that Paul states he was...“a nursing mother,” like a mother
bird. This is Paul’s positive expression of his relationship to the Thessalonians: “I’ve been a nursing
mother, a mother bird to you.” Oh, the gentleness of Paul! He was as tender as a woman in his
dealings with the church at Thessalonica.
Warren Wiersbe observes that... “As an apostle, Paul was a man of authority; but he always used his
authority in love. The babes in Christ sensed his tender loving care as he nurtured them. He was
indeed like a loving mother who cared for her children. It takes time and energy to care for children.
Paul did not turn his converts over to baby-sitters; he made sacrifices and cared for them
himself. He did not tell them to “read a book” as a substitute for his own personal ministry ...A
nursing mother imparts her own life, love and learning into the child. This is exactly what Paul
wrote in 1Thessalonians 2:8. You cannot be a nursing mother and turn your baby over to someone
else. That baby must be in your arms, next to your heart. The nursing mother eats the food and
transforms it into milk for the baby. The mature Christian feeds on the Word of God and then shares
its nourishment with the younger believers so they can grow (see notes 1 Peter 2:1; 2:2; 2:3). A
nursing child can become ill through reaction to something the mother has eaten. The Christian
who is feeding others must be careful not to feed on the wrong things himself... if we do not nurse
the new Christians on the milk of the Word, they can never mature to appreciate the meat of the
Word.”
John MacArthur notes that...”As the phrase her own children indicates, Paul was no paid
surrogate mother or modern-style, hired day care worker. The apostle exhibited the same
feelings as a nursing mother when he cared for the Thessalonians’ spiritual needs. This picture
is usually foreign to all leaders outside the true church of Jesus Christ. In fact, for most, it would
appear to be sentimental, weak, and unproductive. The standard for worldly leadership is to
accomplish the leader’s desires through people.”
Christians are to be like God in demonstrating both Father and Mother traits. Just as new born
babies need the presence and influence of mother and father, likewise new born believers need
both “spiritual mothering and “spiritual fathering”, and this can be done by the same person, be it a
man or a woman. What are some of the characteristics of “spiritual mothering”

A. Birthing and Feeding Babies to Avert Fatal Termination

Women become mothers in the biological sense when they give birth to a baby. Before the modern
advent of instant baby formula milk and bottles with nipples, the mother’s breast was the only
lifeline of a helpless, new born baby. For this reason, when Paul wants to convey tender, loving, care
and concern that he and his team had shown toward these new believers, he uses the simile of a
nursing mother.
Salvation is of the Lord, yet as the Holy Spirit draws unbelievers to Himself, He typically uses
Christians somewhere in the birthing process. Although we are changing metaphors, notice what
Paul writes to the Corinthian believers: 1 Cors 4:15, “For though ye have ten thousand
instructors in Christ, yet you have not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you
through the gospel. Paul was the instrument of their new birth, and therefore claimed the relation
of a father to them, and felt the heart of a father towards them.
Paul reminds Philemon of his spiritual fatherhood in Philemon 1:10, “I beseech thee for my son
Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my bonds:”

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Dear Christian, are there those to whom you can write, “I have begotten you through the gospel?”
Have you been reproductively active and fertile when it comes to being used of the Holy Spirit to
birth children into the family of God? Then after having been the human means of their spiritual
birth, have you acted like a good spiritual parent to them or have you just attended their birth only
to abandon them to spiritual nurseries called the church?
Unfortunately, far too many of those who are reproductively fruitful in begetting spiritual sons and
daughters, tend to think that their primary involvement in the new baby’s Christian's growth is
mostly limited to setting food on the table, and that the Holy Spirit now prefers to work alone in the
other areas where the new believer needs help to grow?
When you bring a newborn baby home from the hospital, you don't just set them down and say,
"Welcome to the family, Johnny. Make yourself at home. The towels are in the hall closet
upstairs, the pantry is right here, the can opener is in this drawer. No crying after 10 p.m. If you
have any questions there are lots of people in the family who would love to help you so don't be
afraid to ask. You laugh and say that is ridiculous, but that is what usually happens to new
Christians. Someone gets saved and starts going to church services, but never gets much
personal attention. We devote 18 years to raising our children, but don't even spend six months
helping a new Christian get started in understanding the spiritual world. As a result, many
people have been Christians for many years, but have not grown very much. Hebrews 5:12
refers to this phenomenon. So, new believers need someone to give them guidance and help
them grow.”
"Until others learn to draw on the life of the Lord Jesus directly, they will have to draw on His life
through you. You must literally be their source of supply, until they learn to take their nourishment
from God." (Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest - Feb 9)

B. Nurturing and Gathering Babies for Family Togetherness

The gospel has flourished in the lives of these believers to whom Paul is addressing as witnessed in
the testimony of 1 Thess.1:5–6: "For our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power
and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction. You know what kind of men we proved to be
among you for your sake. And you became imitators of us and of the Lord." The gospel did not
fall powerless on rocky soil in Thessalonica. It flourished and the result was that Paul and Timothy
proved to be a certain kind of person, and the Thessalonians became their imitators.
Paul reminds them that when they were with them they were “gentle among you, like a nursing
mother taking care of her own children.” When the gospel truly flourishes, there is tenderness of
heart, a kindness of interest, a willingness of ministry, and a abundance of brotherly love that
creates a real “Family of God” environment. It brings out the spiritual qualities of good “mothering”
and “fathering” in the spiritually maturing as they nurture, gather, feed, love, and aid the new born
babes in Christ to grow up in the faith and become spiritual parents themselves.
The mothering instinct is one of nurturing. According to Webster’s to nurture means “to give tender
care and protection to a young child, animal, or plant, helping it to grow and to develop and to
encourage somebody or something to grow, develop, thrive, and be successful.”
The mothering instinct is also one of gathering. Mothers love to gather their family around the table
and feed them because she recognizes not only the value of good food, but of the importance of
family togetherness or fellowship.

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There is no substitute for genuine “togetherness” on a consistent basis. This is the first factor in
disciple-making as Jesus reveals when He chose the Twelve. We read in Mark 3:14 that he chose
twelve that “they might be with Him…” It bears repeating that a life worthy of emulation is better
caught than taught. The close association of the children with their biological parents results in
them catching what they have and are, and not just what they tell them. The same applies to
bringing spiritual babes to maturity as Fathers in the faith.
Spiritual parents should always remember that there’s a huge difference between vibrant family life
and an extended family getting together for a reunion. When family comes together for a reunion,
they present their best side to the larger family. Real families know that there are struggles and
strife as well as successes; happy times and hard times; hurtful encounters as well as helpful ones,
because they are together regularly and not just once or twice a year. Church attendance is more on
the lines of a family reunion than it is real family living. A once a week gathering for celebration
doesn’t give a whole of time or space for Body life functions or discipling opportunities.
Are there those that you come together with, not just as pals to hang out with, but as a maturing
parent in the faith with the intent of seeing them grow up to become spiritually reproductive
themselves?

C. Loving and Sacrificing for Fruitful Generational Transfer

John Piper paraphrases 1 Thess. 2:8 this way: “So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were
delighted—we were eager—to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own
souls, because you had become very dear to us.”
What does it mean to share your own soul? It is obvious from the text that it means more than just
sharing the gospel. "We were eager to share not only the gospel, but also our own souls." Presenting
the “plan of salvation” or sharing valuable information about the nature of God and His gospel isn’t
sharing your soul.
When you share your soul, you open up your heart to that person and let them on the inside to see
who you really are and what you are like. You do not gloss over your true feelings about things with
religious veneer. A shared soul is a shared passion or a shared fear or a shared guilt or a shared
longing or a shared joy. Where the gospel flourishes, people share their own souls—their joy and
guilt and fear and longing and passion.
Paul exemplifies this in the first three chapters of this letter to the believers at Thessalonica. In 2:17
he shares his great desire to see them. In 2:20 he says that they are his joy. In 3:5 he shares the
intolerable burden it was in Athens not knowing how they were doing: "When I could bear it no
longer, I sent that I might know your faith, for fear that somehow the tempter had tempted you and
that our labor would be in vain." In 3:7 he speaks of the comfort of his soul and in verse 10 he
shares his deep longing to see them face to face.
Pastor John Piper asks a very important question that is one of the keys to turning men into
disciples: “We would do well to ask whether we are writing or speaking that way to anyone. Is the
gospel flourishing in your life? Are you sharing your own soul with anyone?
1Thess 2:9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we
might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.
Dr. J. Vernon McGee feels Paul is continuing his picture of a mother’s work: “We are familiar with
the expression: “Man’s work is from sun to sun, but a woman’s work [or a mother’s work] is never
done.” A mother is not a paid nurse. Paul is saying that he wasn’t a paid nurse who worked by the
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hour. He wasn’t a hired baby-sitter. He did not belong to a union. Have you ever heard of a mothers’
union which insisted a mother would work only for eight hours of the day? Have you known any
mothers who punch the clock and then turn away from their crying babies because they refuse to
work anymore? Maybe some mothers will work out some kind of union agreement like that, but I
don’t think real mothers would want it. Mothers work a little differently—night and day.”
Instead of assuming the authority which the Apostle Paul had, he acted toward the new babes in
Christ at Thessalonica as a tender nurse or mother does to a frail child. As a good mother would do
her baby, he loved, fed, counseled, cherished, and bore with them. He taught them to walk in the
light, to talk the language of the King and His kingdom; he protected them from enemies and
preserved them from stumbling into grievous error, and led them in the ways of the Lord.
The heart of discipling is the coming together for the purpose of spiritual reproduction and
multiplication. In the symbolism or typology of scripture, the Church is the Mother that provides the
womb to deliver, the room to nurture and submit to Father God's desire and design for the creation
of a new humanity -- a third race of the twice born -- a new creation of Adams and Eves that will
join him in the Family Business of Almighty and Sons, where they learn to reign as kings in life!

According to Paul’s model, a disciple-maker must not only be like a nursing, nurturing mother but
also like an identity bestowing, destiny confirming father. Let’s consider some of the traits of
spiritual fathers.

II. There is a “Spiritual Fathering” that Contributes to the

Making and Maturing of Disciples
Mother's are gentle, loving, and sacrificing. This is what they are supposed to do. But without the
Father's influence, they never know when to wean their children. Every man and women needs
both spiritual mothering and spiritual fathering. One of the great tragedies in the modern church is
the over-mothering and under-fathering approach to the faith. This “feminization” of the faith has
turned men off and for the most part away from the church. It is one of the major hindrances in
making “Great Commission”, world-visionary, world-impacting, reproducing disciples.
While Paul compares himself to a nurse or mother when he speaks of treasuring his
converts, he compares himself to a father when he speaks of teaching them.
Father's are known for calling, challenging, sending, and reproducing.
Dr. Mark Hanby describes a spiritual father as, “…someone whose life and ministry raised you up from
the mire of immaturity into proper growth and order. A spiritual father is the one whose words pierced
beyond the veneer of a blessing into the very heart and marrow of your existence, causing a massive
realignment to your spirit. A spiritual father is not necessarily the one who birthed you into the
kingdom. Instead, he is the one who rescues you from the doorstop of your abandonment and
receives you into his house, gives you a name, and makes you his son.”
Larry Kreider asks, “Just how do spiritual young men and women grow up to become spiritual
fathers and mothers? There is only one way – to have children! You could memorize the entire book
of Leviticus and repeat it backwards but your knowledge and expertise would not make you a
spiritual father. Spiritual parents become parents by having spiritual children; it is as simple as
that! You can become a spiritual parent either by adoption (fathering someone who is already a
believer but needs to be mentored) or by natural birth (fathering someone you have personally led
to Christ).
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So what are the some of the traits of “spiritual fathers”?

1. He Admonishes Considerately -- 14a

a. Confrontation for Correction
Paul writes to the believers in Corinth: 1Cors. 4:14, “I do not write these things to make you
ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children.”
The word for admonish in the Greek is nouthesia and it means to confront with truth in love for the
purpose of character change. The word admonish assumes a problem, a weakness, or a sin and is
desirous of correcting it in love so that what may be only a small flaw today may not become a great
failure tomorrow. A sign on a fruit stand reminded those responsible for keeping the fruit
marketable read: “Remember, what is a spot today will be a rot tomorrow.”
b. Challenge and Comfort
He writes to his spiritual children in 1Thess 2:11-12: “For you know how, like a father with his
children, we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a
manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.”
Notice that Paul’s admonishment to these Thessalonian believers consisted of three parts: (1)
exhorted each one of you; (2) and encouraged you; (3) and charged you to walk in a manner
worthy of God. Exhorted each one -- The word exhorted conveys the basic idea of calling one
alongside to help or give aid, to entreat, to appeal to, to comfort, to exhort, or to encourage. In
classic Greek parakaleo was used of exhorting troops about to go into battle. Sometimes the word
conveys the idea of comfort, sometimes of exhortation but always at the root there is the idea of
enabling a person to meet some difficult situation with confidence and with courage.
Our English word "encourage" means literally “with heart.” To encourage in a sense is to give them
new heart. Shallow sympathy makes people feel worse --- true spiritual encouragement makes
them feel better. It brings out the best in people. Note that Paul repeatedly uses parakaleo in his
communication to the Thessalonians (here and also in 1Thes 3:2, 7; 4:1, 10, 18; 5:11, 14; 2Thess.
2:17; 3:12)
And encouraged you -- Encouraging literally means to speak to someone coming close to his or
her side and speak to them in a friendly way. The meaning can develop along two main lines -- with
reference to rousing up someone's will about what ought to be done (admonish to something) or
with reference to what has happened rousing up hope for a good outcome (to console about
something, cheer up - as in a secular use - "consolation for Alexander when he was depressed") It
was used in secular Greek especially in connection with death or other tragic events.
In the NT it means to relate near, encourage, console (to serve as a source of comfort in
disappointment, loss, sadness, trouble). The idea is to speak kindly or soothingly so as to comfort or
pacify.
Warren Wiersbe enlarges on the meaning of this word as he writes, “This word carries the same
idea of “encouragement,” with the emphasis on activity. Paul not only made them feel better, but he
made them want to do better. A father must not pamper a child; rather, he must encourage the child
to go right back and try over again. Christian encouragement must not become an anesthesia that
puts us to sleep. It must be a stimulant that awakens us to do better.”
And charged you to walk – Charged is the Greek word marturomai from mártus = witness. It used
only 5 times in the NT. In its original sense it meant to summon to witness and thus conveys the
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idea of testifying in affirmation or exhortation. It refers here in Thessalonians to making an
emphatic demand (implore, insist, urge, charge). This verb conveys an authoritative tone (like a
father would do) and points to the solemnity and earnestness with which the appeal is made.
J. Vernon McGee states that marturomai... “has a note of severity in it—it involves discipline. It is a
virile word, a robust, firm, masculine word. I’m afraid that we find a lot of sissy preaching in our
pulpits today. The popular thing is to have a little sermonette given by a preacherette to Christianettes.
There is so little urgency. Someone has defined the average church service in a liberal church as when
a mild-mannered man gets up before a group of mild-mannered people and urges them to be more
mild-mannered.”
1Thessalonians 2:11c, “imploring each one of you as a father would his own children.” “Each one of
you” is placed emphatically forward which stresses Paul's work in every convert, not just his
"favorites". The Way translation picks up this sense rendering it "each of you, one by one."
Paul is telling the Thessalonians to live in a way that proves you belong to the God Who was
continually calling them -- A Christian’s walk is a Christian’s life. An Indian pastor who was worried
about the inconsistent lives among some of his flock said to a missionary, “There is much crooked
walk by those who make good talk.”

2. He Loves Compassionately -- 14b – “as my beloved children...”

Lest the saints should misunderstand his letter to them as browbeating intent upon bringing them
into alignment and under his control, he reminds them that they are his beloved children. Paul
loved these Corinthians very deeply as is seen in his word choice for love. He uses the word is
agapetos from agapao, the strongest kind of love, the deepest kind of love, not just brotherly love,
not just phileo love but the deepest kind of love, the love that can only be measured by God. Dudley
Hall defines agape love in a compelling manner: "God's love is that essence of life that gives
without regard to cost to meet the actual needs of another, asking nothing in return!"
In 2 Corinthians 11:11 he asks, "Am I doing what I'm doing essentially because I love you not? God
knows.” And then that great statement of 2 Corinthians 12:15, "And I will very gladly and be spent
for your souls.” Paul is saying in essence, “I will give everything I have; I will spend everything I have
and be spent, even myself for you even though the more abundantly I love you the less I am loved."
Wow! What a revelation of a spiritual father’s heart -- I will spend everything I have, I will even
spend myself for you even though the more I love you the less you love me. That's love that is so
strong, deep and far reaching that it asks for nothing in return. He loved those people. It wasn't just
sentimentalism, it was a strong unselfish love that cared and disciplined. And it was a self-
sacrificing love where he would give his life for them. And that's as it ought to be for both biological
and spiritual fathers – a compassionate love for our children.
The love relationship between a father and his son provides the ideal environment for training and
developing the character and life of the son. Without love, a son may grow, but he cannot flourish…
Fathers affirm their children and provide the gentle security of an unwavering commitment to their
well-being.
Like the father of the prodigal son in Luke 15, a spiritual father gives himself joyfully to his son
because he loves him. Equipped with this affirmation and love, a son can claim his sonship and grow
up and become a healthy father himself.

3. He Reproduces Generationally -- 15
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1Cors 4:15 For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I
became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.
God’s plan is to reach the world with his gospel in the same manner in which he originally
populated it – by multiplication. The first assignment given to Adam and Eve is found in Genesis 1:
28, “And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and
subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every
living thing that moves on the earth."
Multiplication is one of the essential principles of human life. The conception of new life in the
mother’s womb initiates a process of rapid cell division and multiplication that will produce a baby,
who, at the time of birth will be a body comprised of approximately 7 trillion cells. Speaking about
biological cell division, Dr. Daniel Mazia, professor of zoology at the University of California at
Berkeley, said, “The rule for life is double or nothing. With few exceptions a living cell either
reproduces or it dies: the principle is so simple that no one has bothered to call it a principle.
A cell is born in the division of a parent cell. It then doubles in every respect: in every part, in
every kind of molecule, even in the amount of water it contains.”
Likewise, spiritual multiplication is an essential principle for a healthy growing Body of Christ. With
additions, subtractions, and divisions, the Body of Christ will be stunted in growth and stymied as to
maturity. Only spiritual multiplication, using the pattern and procedure that Jesus modeled and
mandated for his disciples, will produce future generations of fruitful multipliers who will be able to
make disciples of all people groups.
Duane L. Anderson of the American Indian Bible Institute sums up the heart of spiritual parenting
as he notes, “The Master's plan for discipleship by imparting life, not just teaching about life - it is
spiritual parenting. It is showing, telling, supervising and releasing disciples to make disciples who can
then repeat the process once more. It is both an adventure of a lifetime and a lifetime of adventure.”
Paul manifests the characteristics of the spiritual fathering of the Corinthians I Corinthians 4:14-17.
As you read these verse, notice the progression: Paul warned them as beloved children; he became
a father instead of a mentor; he taught them to imitate his example; he sent Timothy to remind
them of his ways; he was consistent in his teaching everywhere.
Spiritual maturity requires helping Christians become “adult sons” that will become spiritual
fathers. Tragically, just as in the biological family, likewise in spiritual families, there are very
dysfunctional parents who get out of balance and either over-mother or over-father their spiritual
children. This results in children who are kept at home for all the wrong reasons.
(1) Wrong mothering wants to keep the children tied to her apron strings and be fearful of ever
leaving the house. There is no reproduction in the house because it is all family!
(2) Wrong fathering wants to keep the children at home for his own benefits of control or
convenience. If a father keeps his grown children at home in order to pay the bills when they are
ready to marry and build a home of their own, they won’t have opportunity to reproduce. A normal
parent encourages his or her children to go and establish their own homes! In the same way, any
spiritual leader who uses the people he should be serving to fulfill his own personal vision is a
dysfunctional, dead-beat dad!
Did you ever hear of a denomination of Christians called the Shakers? They were a religious group
that flourished in early 19th century America, building large communities in the eastern United
States.
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The Shakers were officially called The United Society of Believers in Christ’s Second Appearing, and
originated in Manchester, England in 1747 in the home of Jane and James Wardley. The Shakers
developed from the religious group called the Quakers which developed in the 17th century. Both
groups believed that everybody could find God within him or herself, rather than through clergy or
rituals, but the Shakers tended to be more emotional and demonstrative in their worship. Shakers
also believed that their lives should be dedicated to pursuing perfection and continuously
confessing their sins and attempting to stop sinning.
However, this once thriving group died out with the space of less than two generations? Why? It
was because of a peculiar theology they practiced: The Shakers did not believe in procreation so
therefore had to adopt a child if they wanted one. Another way they could expand their
community's population was to allow converts into the Shaker society to live and function as one.
When Shaker boys reached the age of twenty-one, they were given the choice to leave the Shaker
religion and go their own separate way or to continue on as a Shaker. The Shakers lived in
"families" sharing a large house with separate entrances for each family within the "family"; thus
the families were exclusively male or female — the sexes were segregated into separate living
areas. The nature of the Shaker religion set men and women equal to one another in religious
leadership, as celibacy left women free to participate fully in the religious system without having to
be distracted by childbearing. Because the Shakers believed in, and practiced, celibacy above
marriage, they had no opportunity to multiply.
Larry Kreider makes this point from the above illustration: “When a spiritual posterity is stunted like
it was for the Shakers, we reproduce no children and our legacy dies. Without raising up spiritual
fathers and mothers in our generation, we are in danger of losing the next generation. The Lord wants
to see spiritual families continually reproducing in each generation down through the ages. He has a
generational perspective, and we must too.”

4. He Models Consistently -- 16-17a

1Cors 4:16-17a, “I urge you, then, be imitators of me. That is why I sent you Timothy, my
beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ…”
The word imitators is the Greek word mimetes. It is where we get our mimic or imitate. So Paul is
saying that they became imitators of them and by design Jesus Christ.
“For many years Monterey, California was a pelican's paradise. As the fishermen cleaned their fish, they
flung the remains to the pelicans. The birds grew fat, lazy, and contented. However the remains started
being utilized, and there were no longer snacks for the pelicans. When the change came the pelicans
made no effort to fish for themselves. They waited around and grew gaunt and thin. Many starved to
death. They had forgotten how to fish for themselves. The problem was solved by importing new
pelicans from the south, birds accustomed to foraging for themselves. They were placed among their
starving cousins, and the newcomers immediately started catching fish. Before long, the hungry
pelicans followed suit, and the famine was ended.”

To be an imitator means to copy every thing that you see. Have you ever had your child copy your
actions and repeat whatever you say? Annoying isn't it? Guess what, they are doing that 100% of
the time whether either one of you know it. Your children imitate you. The question is...is your life
worth imitating? If they followed you exactly what would be the outcome? Are you satisfied with
that outcome?”
Spiritual fathering requires an incarnational model in which Christ’s life hidden in the heart of the
spiritual father becomes Christ life manifested through the lifestyle and learning of the father. Paul
models consistently this life of Christ so that he could say to spiritual offspring, "imitate me." This is
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a very powerful statement and one that stirs questions and controversy. There are those who say, “I
don’t follow any man, but Christ alone!” Others point out the potential for tyrannical abuse by a Jim
Jones type figure. Although these objections are well taken, it still remains a fact that in biological
life as well as spiritual life, we learn more from association with those who love and lead us than we
do from those who only teach us.
A spiritual father sets a pattern for his children. Along this line of thought, Pastor John MacArthur
notes, “If you're discipling somebody, just set the pattern that you want them to be. Whatever you
want them to be is what you are. If you're not that then they're not going to be that either.”
Paul says basically the same thing in Philippians 4:9, "The things that you have heard and seen
in me, do." In other words, “Do what I do.
Again in 1 Corinthians 11:1, "Be you followers of me as I am of Christ." He's saying, "Look, I'm
the one to follow. I'm following Christ; you watch my life and make yours like mine."
Pastor John Piper weighs in on the potential for abuse of Paul’s admonitions, “Now, that troubles a
lot of us. Many people think Paul is conceited when he says that. But he is not. He is recognizing the
universal psychological principle that people will always follow what you do, not what you say. You
can talk your head off to people, but, if your life does not reflect what you say, they will not follow you.
They will pay no attention to it, because coming through all the time is that non-verbal
communication that is saying, "Yes, I am saying all this to you, but it is not really very important
because I do not bother to do it myself." The child picks up all the feelings that are coming through and
does just like the parents did.”
Paul said that because he could not come he was sending Timothy, who, because he had been a son
to him in the faith had learned to live like he lived and teach and train like him, Paul would be
present in the person of his spiritual son. Paul had done such a job on rearing Timothy that sending
Timothy was just like being there. Paul followed the example of Christ and Timothy knew Paul’s
lifestyle and teaching so well that he was able to go in Paul’s place to share with them how they
ought to “follow them as they follow Christ. They could see Paul’s life in Timothy. Timothy had
become like his spiritual father, Paul.
For the most part, children will become like their parents. Although my father had numerous traits
that I am sure even he would not want me to emulate, nevertheless, I am amazed at how much of
my father is in me. Of course, this is true biologically, but is also true in many other ways as well. I
resemble him in so many ways in my personality and mannerisms.
Discipling, spiritual parenting, or mentoring isn't just a matter of teaching and applying biblical
principles, it is living these principles before those spiritual children the Father has given us.

5. He Teaches Biblically -- 17b

1Cors. 4:17, “That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of
my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church.”
True spiritual fathering necessitates obeying the mandate set forth by the Master in Matt. 28:18-20,
that we know as the Great Commission. One of the key factors in the mandate and the method of
turning men into disciples is “teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.”
Paul tells the Corinthian believers of his having sent Timothy to them, to bring them into
remembrance of his ways in Christ, as he taught every where in every church (1Cor 4:17). His

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purpose in so doing was to remind them of his ways in Christ, to refresh their memory as to his
preaching and practice, what he taught, and how he lived among them.
What did Paul teach his spiritual children? What are we to teach ours? Some would suggest
principles to live by, and others would suggests basic doctrines that we need to know. Principles
and the teachings of the Bible are important, but not ultimate. The goal of all our Christian teaching
from scripture should be to get us beyond just principles and precepts to the Person about whom
and for whom all the Bible was written – King Jesus!
The Bible isn’t a philosophical treatise, a systematic theology, a confession of faith, a handbook for
making disciples, or a book of success formulas that reveals how to make it big in life. It is a book of
stories that are designed not to just inform us about God, but to suck us into the story and involve
us a never-ending love-relationship with the True and Living God. The written Word – the Bible, is
designed to get us to the Living Word – Jesus. It’s designed to transform us and not just inform us;
to stir our hearts and not provide us with a lot of charts; to satisfy our minds, fire our imaginations,
fuel our emotions, kindle the flames of worship, and be a lamp of for our feet and a light for our
path!
Herb Hodges explains the importance of teaching in the Great Commission assignment: “There is
never to be a moment of my life as a Christian when I am not teaching! Whether by intentional
example, overt statement, specific planned curriculum, silent influence, structured or unstructured
settings, I am to be an indefatigable communicator of the One Who is my Life. Every believer is to be a
teacher, whether he has the gift of teaching or not. The means of communication which are available
today are so many and so convincing that a Christian can hardly offer a valid excuse for not teaching.”
It should be obvious that spiritual parenting model requires the spiritual father/mother to be
teaching all the time, as Herb said, whether by “intentional example, overt statement, specific
planned curriculum, silent influence, structured or unstructured settings, I am to be an
indefatigable communicator of the One Who is my Life.”

6. He Disciplines Fairly -- 18-21

1Cors 4:18-21, “Some are arrogant, as though I were not coming to you. But I will come to you
soon, if the Lord wills, and I will find out not the talk of these arrogant people but their power.
For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power. What do you wish? Shall I come to
you with a rod, or with love in a spirit of gentleness?”
Paul has set forth several traits of spiritual fathers to the Corinthian believers; spiritual fathers
beget, love, admonish, set the example, and teach. Then he wraps up this particular teaching by
adding that spiritual parents must exercise discipline. This takes many forms from a gentle rebuke
to the stern rod – not a literal rod—but a rod of authority. Those spiritual children that are being
brought to maturity need to have the one discipling them sit them down and say, “It grieves my
heart to tell you this because I love you, but you are out of line and there's going to have to be some
changes in your life. Your testimony is not what it ought to be. You are not living consistently with
what you seen and heard."
It is no more possible to raise up spiritual children in the faith without any discipline than it is to
raise up biological children without it. The mark of a true disciple is to be able to receive correction
of certain practices or like of them, without perceiving it as rejection of their person. Remember,
our heavenly Father has stated in Hebrews Heb 12:8: “If you are left without discipline, in which
all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.” Heb 12:6, “For the
Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."
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This truth is applicable to spiritual fathering as well! What happens to biological children who are
left to their own resources and are not provided with intimate family interaction and care? What
about spiritual babies that are orphaned after birth on the pews of the typical church with no
spiritual mothering or fathering? The following story describes a possible devastating series of
events in the animal world that has real application in the lives of our children – both biological and
spiritual children:
“A nationally syndicated columnist with the Washington Post recently wrote about the plight of the white
rhinoceros in Pilanesberg Park, a South African game preserve. At least 39 of these endangered rhinos had
been found slaughtered in their native habitat and it was assumed that poachers were the killers of the
remarkable beasts. However, upon closer inspection it was discovered that all of the rhinos’ valuable horns
remained among the carcasses. In an effort to catch the killers, the game wardens decided to tranquilize some
of the remaining animals to electronically tag and track them. Hidden video cameras were also set in strategic
locations to record the evidence.

The game wardens were amazed to discover that young bull elephants were harassing the rhinos without
provocation. Although unnatural for them, these teenaged elephants were chasing these white rhinos for long
distances, throwing sticks at them and stomping them to death. Why were these elephants acting so violently?
The answer would be found in a decision made 20 years earlier.

Because the Kruger National Park was unable to support a continuously increasing population of elephants,
park officials had decided to transport some of them to the Pilanesberg Preserve. The elephants too large to
transport were killed, including a significant number of mature bulls. As a result, the elephants that were guilty
of killing the rhinos matured without the influence and presence of mature males. Park rangers and scientists
discovered that without the older presence of mature bulls, these young male elephants were suffering from
excessive testosterone and becoming increasingly violent.

To preserve the white rhino population, park officials killed five of the most aggressive young bull elephants
while determining to find a suitable answer for this aberration of nature. Park rangers decided to import older
bulls in order to view their influence on the remaining young males. The young bulls learned quickly that they
were no match for the more mature elephants. The older bulls began to assume their place among the herd as
fathers and disciplinarians.

The younger, aggressive bulls could no longer impose their unchallenged, immature bullying. Eventually the
young bulls began following the older ones. It became apparent that they enjoyed these new relationships with
the older, more mature males. The former lawbreakers yielded to the new discipline and returned to normal
patterns of elephant behavior. There has not been a report of any dead rhinos since the arrival of the more
mature elephants.

This is a parable of life in the Family of Faith – the Church – and its potential disastrous results when there is the
absence of maturing spiritual parents to bring the little children to maturity. When mature Christian men and
women do not assume their responsibility, the younger, and more energetic and yet immature ones take their
places. These leaders are not equipped for the task that lies before them.”

Shirley Hampton prophecies that “spiritual fathering and mothering will catapult the church into
the harvest. God is preparing this support system – spiritual parents with the heart of our heavenly
Father – that will birth, nurture, protect, equip, and release those coming in.” She says, “Church, get
ready for changing messy diapers and middle-of-the-night feedings! But, oh the joy that comes as
we see those spiritual babes becoming an expression of the Bride who brings our heavenly
Bridegroom great pleasure!”
I pray this prayer for all those reading or hearing this teaching: “Lord, may every believer be
captured by the call and commission to become spiritual parents. May they be prolifically used
of you to birth and build spiritual children who come into the Family to join them as they serve
and encourage each other toward maturity. May they be so captured and motivated by the
potential trials, troubles, and triumphs of spiritual parenting that they are never bored by
underemployment in the Family Firm of Almighty and Sons.”
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