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Brandon Hutsonpillar

Professor Nate Helmers

English 1201 Online

28 April 2019

Why Do People Get Divorced?

Imagine waking up one morning and being told that your father is moving out and that

your parents will be getting a divorce. As a child, hearing that can be very scary. Divorce is the

legal dissolution or termination of a marriage by a court or other competent body. Many people

know what it is like to go through a divorce or have parents that have gone through a divorce, but

there are also many people that do not know what is like. I was six years old when my parents

got divorced, at such a young age it is very difficult to understand why your parents are not

living together anymore and how suddenly you go from living in one house all together to living

in two houses separately. This is a situation that hundreds of thousands of children have gone

through, and are going through right now. If a divorce is needed, in most cases it can not be

avoided and is bound to occur sooner or later. There are many factors as to why people get

divorced, but getting a divorce does not happen overnight, there has to be some type of build up,

reason, or an event that leads to said divorce, and people want to know those reasons.

Although the divorce rate has dropped 5-8% in the United States since the 1980’s from

50% to about 43% it is still a large part of marriages in the United States and is a big problem

(Irvin). Yes, this problem is not the end of the world, but it is an issue that has a large impact on

more lives than one could possibly imagine. More people get divorced that one might think.

According to McKinley Irvin, a family law organization, “About 3 out of every 4 divorced

people will remarry”, and “There are over 100 divorces every hour in the United States” (Irvin).
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Those are extremely scary statistics, one hundred divorces every hour, just to put that into

perspective, it would take half of a day to fill an entire high school gymnasium with divorced

couples. There are over 876,000 divorces every year, which is an absolutely absurd number.

Divorce can be caused by many things in a relationship, often there are more reason than

the average person is aware of. Some common reasons for a divorce are, infidelity, lack of

communication, money, constant arguing, substance abuse, and lack of intimacy. Some more

uncommon reasons are mistreatment of children and unchecked mental disorders. Mental illness

in a relationship is a very challenging obstacle to overcome but proper treatment can resolve the

challenges. Unlike a mental disorder, mistreatment of children should absolutely not be tolerated

and calls for immediate action. Age, gender, and ethnicity also are factors that greatly affects

whether or not a marriage will be successful. The younger the couple the higher the chance a

divorce will occur.

One of the most common reasons for getting a divorce is due to the infidelity of a partner.

Infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. From that

definition one is able to understand the seriousness of the situation and understand to why it

leads to so many divorces. But, an unfaithful act to one person may seem not unfaithful to the

next, and this is where the whole concept can become a little tricky, because there is a fine line

as to what is considered cheating and what is not. Dr. Robert Burriss a psychologist and writer

for Psychology Today, explains the concept of infidelity very well, in his article “The Forms of

Infidelity”, he states, “. . . It all depends on individual perspective. Women, in general, are more

concerned with emotional involvement, while men deem sexual interaction as deep duplicity. In

reality, any activity that takes place without a partner’s knowledge may lead to problems down

the road” (Burriss). So a women may consider playful flirting as infidelity, whereas, men would
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be more likely to consider sexual acts as infidelity and that alone. Five University of Denver

psychologist conducted an experiment that was published by the National Center of

Biotechnology Information, where 52 individuals who eventually divorced were given PREP

(Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) while engaged or during the start of their

marriage. Upon each of the participants divorce a large amount of them stated that infidelity was

a root cause. According to the experiment’s manuscript, “ The next most often cited major

contributing factor to divorce was infidelity (right behind commitment), endorsed by 59.6% of

individuals and by at least one partner in 88.8% of couples. Of those couples who had a least one

partner report infidelity as a reason for divorce, only 31.3% represented couples in which both

partners agreed that infidelity was a major contributor to the dissolution of their marriage” (Allen

et al.). Just to reiterate, almost 60% of the people that divorced during the experiment stated that

infidelity was a problem during their marriage and was a leading factor to their divorce. If this

experiment has any correlation to the real world infidelity is a very big problem within marriages

and is a topic that should be addressed when considering marrying. It is quite obvious that

infidelity is a large contributor to divorces around the world.

Communication is a key factor to maintaining a healthy and strong relationship.

Communication means the imparting or exchanging of information or news. Having good

communication skills is one of the most sought after traits especially in a professional workplace.

So as the reader one is able understand that communication must be just as important to a

marriage as it is to a job, because in a way being married is job, it requires time, effort, and

patience like a job would. A marriage is when two different people come together as one, when

coming together the two partners must effectively be able to communicate what one wants out of

the other partner, changes that need to be made, or simply what the partner is doing good. An
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article posted by marriage.com depicts the necessity of communication in a relationship very

well, it states, “Your work, home, and sex life will all suffer when you do not share your

thoughts and feelings with your partner. This makes it all the more important to learn to

communicate with your spouse, even when the subject matter is awkward or uncomfortable”

(marriage.com). Avoiding “awkward and uncomfortable” topics in ones daily life may be a

sufficient tactic, but when it comes to ones marriage those “awkward and uncomfortable” topics

may be the most important ones and oftentimes if it makes someone uncomfortable it can be

beneficial to talk about with a loved one. The PREP experiment by five University of Denver

psychologist also pertain to lack of communication and has a section about it in the manuscript

of the experiment with valuable information and statistics. The experiment states, “Too much

conflict and arguing was endorsed by 57.7% of individuals and 72.2% of couples had at least one

partner report that was a major contributor to divorce. Of these couples, 53.8% of couples agreed

that too much conflict and arguing was a contributor to divorce” . . . “Respondents also reported

that such communication problems increased in frequency and intensity throughout their

marriages, which at times, seemed to coincide with lost feelings of positive connections and

mutual support. By the end of the marriage, these respondents indicated that there was a

significant lack of effective communication” (Allen et al.). Over 70% of couples showed that

arguing and conflict was contributor to the divorce, which is a very large amount. Conflicts and

arguing play a very large role in the communication section of a marriage, it is statistically

proven and somewhat common sense that more arguing equals a higher chance of divorce.

Overall, it is very clear that the lack of communication is a large problem within marriages, and

can easily lead to the downfall of said marriage.

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In most instances money rules the world and for most people it also rules their marriage.

Money is one of the largest reasons for divorce in the United States. However, it is not due to

just the arguing that comes with the topic of money, recent data is proving that a couples income

as a whole also contributes to a vast majority of divorces. According to an article on

bestdivorcelawyer.co, “Divorce rates among lower-income families remain stagnant, roughly

where they were in the 1980’s, while new research shows higher-income families are seeing a

decline in divorce rates” (bestdivorcelawyer.co). What this quote is saying is that, the divorce

rate for families that make more money are decreasing, while the divorce rate for families that

make considerably less is not decreasing or increasing. Education is a direct factor to income in

the United States, the better degree one has the higher one’s income generally will be. The

Bureau of Labor Statistics is able to depict this information very well, upon further investigation

into the BLS’s website it can be found that, marriages where one or both partners have a

bachelor's degree or higher then the rate of divorce drops from an average of 43% to a shocking

30%. (Bureau of Labor Statistics). It is crazy how a bachelor’s degree can cause an over 10%

drop in the rate of divorce for couples. Once again, the PREP experiment has a large amount of

information when it comes to this topic. The information from the PREP experiment supports

what was previously elaborated, that money is a large factor to divorce, it states, “Financial

problems were cited as a major contributor to divorce by 36.7% of participants and by at least

one partner from 55.6% of couples. Of couples who had at least one partner endorse financial

problems as a contributor to divorce, 50% represented couples in which both partners agreed that

financial problems were a major reason for divorce. In elaborating about this issue, some

participants indicated that financial difficulties were not the most pertinent reason for their

divorce, but instead contributed to increased stress and tension within the relationship. Other
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participants also expressed that some financial difficulties were linked to other problems (e.g.,

health problems, substance abuse)” (Allen et al.). Considering how greatly infidelity and

communication affected marriages with both of them above 65%, a mere 50% may not seem like

a lot but in reality, half of the couples in the experiment that got divorced and problems with

money. Money can lead to arguments and even splitting up in any relationship, not just

marriages, which makes it important to know how to talk about money and deal with responsibly

because it is so important in this day and age. Knowing the information provided it is clear that

money is a leading cause to divorce in the United States.

Substance abuse is an ever growing problem in the United States, whether it may be

alcohol or opiates it is a very serious problem. One can easily see the damage that substance

abuse can do to one person, just imagine the effect is has on the users family or friends. The

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) has an article called,

“Substance Abuse and Intimate Relationships”. The article explains how substance abuse can

affect an intimate relationship, it states, “Couples in which a partner abuses drugs or alcohol are

often very unhappy; in fact, these partners are often more unhappy than couples who don't have

problems with alcohol or other drugs, but who seek help for marital problems. As drinking or

drug use gets worse, it starts to take more and more time away from the couple, taking its toll by

creating an emotional distance between the partners that is difficult to overcome” another excerpt

from the article that was found interesting states, “When the substance use eventually becomes

one of the main reasons for fighting or arguing, what we see happen is a vicious cycle, in which

substance use causes conflict, the conflict leads to more substance use as a way of reducing

tension, conflict about the substance use escalates, more drinking or drug use occurs, and so on”

(AAMFT). That is a very daunting thing to think about, but it is very true a real problem.
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Substance abuse can also very easily lead to domestic violence, worsening the “vicious cycle”

the article talked about. Once again, with no surprise, the PREP experiment has substance abuse

as a very large contributing factor to divorces. The experiment manuscript states, “ Substance

abuse was reported as a major contributing factor to divorce by 34.6% of participants, and by at

least one partner in 50% of couples. Of these couples, only 33.3% of partners agreed that

substance abuse was a major contributing factor to divorce. Thus, similar to reports of infidelity,

the majority of couples who listed substance abuse as a reason for divorce had only one partner

cite this reason. Generally, participants expressed that the severity of the substance abuse

problem in their relationship was either minimized over the duration of the relationship, or if

attempts to address the problem were made, the partner with the substance abuse problem would

not improve and/or seek help. After several attempts to address the problem, the relationship

finally ended” (Allen et al.) This information is very interesting, especially considering that it

compares to infidelity within the experiment where only one partner reported the problem. Due

to the fact that only one partner reported this as a problem it is clear that there are some

discrepancies on what a substance abuse problem actually is. Even though it is unclear what a

substance abuse “problem” is, it is very easy to see that substance abuse can adversely affect a

marriage but it does not stop there, family, friends, and co-workers most likely are also affected

when someone abuses substances.

One of, if not the most serious of all reasons for divorces is domestic violence. Domestic

violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse

of a spouse or partner. Now knowing what exactly domestic violence is, one is able to infer that

it is an extreme factor to getting a divorce and should be taken extremely seriously at all times.

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) also has a dedicated
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article to domestic violence separate from the one of substance abuse. It helps the reader

understand how toxic and dangerous domestic violence is in a relationship, it states, “In almost

20 percent of all marriages and intimate partnerships, couples slap, shove, hit, or otherwise

assault each other. Emotional abuse—verbal threats, humiliating or degrading remarks, and

controlling behavior—is even more common. Intimate partner violence is especially common

among young couples, and, without intervention, may escalate in intensity or frequency.

Relationships are challenging, and some couples deal with conflict by becoming aggressive,

controlling and mean” (AAMFT). After reading that excerpt the seriousness really becomes

noticeable, this is a extreme problem. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic

Violence (NCADV), “On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an

intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million

women and men. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence

(e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime” (AAMFT). The

statistics that are shown in that statement are truly horrifying and is a huge contributor to

divorces in the United States. Lastly, the PREP experiment also has information on domestic

violence within marriages, it states, “Domestic violence was cited as a contributing factor to

divorce by 23.5% of participants and by at least one partner from 27.8% of couples. Of those

couples in which one partner listed domestic abuse a major contributor to divorce, 40.0% of

partners agreed that it was a major contributor to divorce. Elaborations of this item included

descriptions of both physical and emotional abuse. Participants often expressed how the abuse in

their relationship developed gradually, with intensified cycles of abuse and contrition, until the

severity of the abuse intensified to insurmountable levels” (Allen et al.) It really is sad that 23%

of the couples had some sort of domestic violence within their relationship at some point. It is
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easy to say that, although, the percent of domestic violence is much less than that of other

reasons for divorce it is still a contributor to divorce as a whole. The statistics shown in the

experiment are very close to those provided by the AAMFT, which helps support the validity of

the experiment to the real world.

Another important factor to address about divorce is age. Being a younger couple or a

couple where the gap in age is very large greatly increases the chances of a divorce. The younger

the couple is the higher their risk of divorce is. Many sources support this claim. One of which

being the Bureau of Labor Statistics, it states, “A negative relationship between the age at which

the marriage began and the propensity for the marriage to end in divorce is also apparent. Among

marriages that began at ages 15 to 22, 58 percent ended in divorce. Of marriages that began at

ages 23 to 28, 43 percent ended in divorce. Of marriages that began at ages 29 to 34, the

percentage that ends in divorce declines further to 36 percent. Hence, the data support the finding

that, on average, people who marry later are more likely than younger couples to stay married”

(Bureau of Labor Statistics). This clearly states that age of a couple affects the rate at which

couples get divorced in the United States. Figure 1 also supports this information from the

Bureau of Labor Statistics. The PREP experiment had a rather large amount of its participants

explain that a one of the main factors to the divorce was due to the participants young age upon

marriage. It states, “Getting married too young was reported as a major contributing factor to

divorce by 45.1% of individuals and by at least one partner from 61.1% of couples. Both partners

mentioned this reason in 27.3% of these couples. Participants who endorsed this item were an

average of 23.3 years old at the time of marriage (SD = 5.5) and participants who did not endorse

this item were 29.2 (SD = 6.7)” (Allen et al.). This information supports the statistics from the

United States BLS (Bureau of Labor Statistics) that young age is a contributing factor to divorce.
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Although young age is a large factor, a substantial gap in age between partners can also cause

issues in a marriage. A article on PHYS.org, by a University of Colorado at Boulder professor

named Terra McKinnish, supported that claim. She states, “Over time, the people who are

married to a much older or younger spouse tend to have larger declines in marital satisfaction

over time compared to those who are married to spouses who are similar in age,” (McKinnish).

This information directly correlates to the claim that age gap greatly affects the rate of divorce.
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Fig. 1. Statistics on marriage age to percent of divorces. (“Bureau of Labor Statistics”)

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After providing all the information one has read about previously it is clear to see that

there are in fact many factors that contribute to getting a divorce and that it is usually a slow

build up of more and more reasons over time until a person has had enough. Whether those

reasons may be infidelity, lack of communication, money problems, young age at marriage or

age difference, or even substance abuse and domestic violence, they all add up to the ending up a

marriage. Divorce will most likely never go away completely but it definitely can decrease if

people put in the effort needed to decrease it. Lowering the rate of divorce starts with one couple

at a time and so on.

Works Cited
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Advanced Solutions International, Inc. “Substance Abuse and Intimate Relationships.” Substance

Abuse and Intimate Relationships,

www.aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/Substance_Abuse_and_Intimate_Relationships.aspx.

Burriss, Robert. “Infidelity.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers,

www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/infidelity.

“Divorce Rates: Higher-Income and Lower-Income Families.” Pasadena Divorce Attorney, 16

July 2018, bestdivorcelawyer.co/family-law/divorce-rates-higherincome-lowerincome-

families/.

Irvin, McKinley. “32 Shocking Divorce Statistics.” McKinley Irvin, 19 Feb. 2019,

www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/.

“Marriage and Divorce: Patterns by Gender, Race, and Educational Attainment : Monthly

Labor Review.” U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 1 Oct.

2013, www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2013/article/marriage-and-divorce-patterns-by-gender-race-

and-educational-attainment.htm.

McKinnish, Terra. “Spousal Age Gap Affects Marriage Satisfaction over Time: Study.”

Phys.org, Phys.org, 3 Aug. 2017, phys.org/news/2017-08-spousal-age-gap-affects-

marriage.html.

“NCADV | National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.” The Nation's Leading Grassroots

Voice on Domestic Violence, ncadv.org/statistics.

Scott, Shelby B, et al. “Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention:

Implications for Improving Relationship Education.” Couple & Family Psychology, U.S.

National Library of Medicine, June 2013,

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4012696/.
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