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More Healthy versus Less Healthy Families

Every family creates its own balance to achieve a kind of stability. This is where communication
patterns are needed which are the most important factor in creating a balance that forms a functional family,
a family system where members have learned to make decisions constructively, engage in conflicts with
each other, handle pain, and take risks in constructive ways. Whereas families whose members live in fear
or chaos or emotionally or are physically threatened with extinction, are called dysfunctional families,
where this occurs if there is a lack of communication skills in a family, which causes power struggles within
the family (there are members who dominate each other). Dysfunction comes from the accumulation of
negative feelings, rules, interactions, and beliefs that are passed down through generations.

Families that function well, where the leadership of parents believes in a caring approach to the
development of children, whereas in dysfunctional families, has the belief that children are selfish. Parents
in unhealthy families, have deviant behavior and have parents have a large dominance of children, where
children must follow and submit to what is the decision of parents. This family sometimes acts on problems
by showing their fears and frustrations, with little thought about the consequences for family members. As
a result, abused children tend to feel inadequate and unable in all aspects of their lives, including how they
communicate in their relationships. Dysfunctional families do not have expertise in how to develop and
maintain a healthy family system.

Contemporary family theory holds that freedom is an important factor in creating a healthy family
system. Here, family leaders or parents need to encourage individual development, responsibility, and
independence. Children in functional families most often realize their role in the family and feel safe with
who they are and what they believe. This is needed to create a healthy system that can help strengthen
positive patterns and change negative patterns.

FAMILY CONFLICT

Family conflict is a dispute centered on the exercise of power, namely the amount of control that
the family must have over the lives of each member. The ideal balance must allow everyone in the family
to be most effective in gaining access to what each family member wants. In the family, there is a need for
intimacy that is interwoven, where intimacy acts like feeling loved or unloved; raises and is subject to
sexual, physical, or verbal abuse; get praise or be ignored; and included or abandoned family activities.

In the family there are also frequent conflicts regarding how to deal with the conflict itself either
with a spouse or parent with their child. The role of parental authority is full of conflict. Sometimes this
becomes a consideration whether being authoritarian is the right attitude or not. Authoritarian attitudes are
formed because the more important a problem for ourselves as parents, the more likely it is to be
authoritarian. Authoritarian alone is good at the right time, it may be needed to discipline children so they
don't behave arbitrarily and know the rules. Conflict arises because sometimes we use our point of view
and not others, that we only think about what we think and what we feel, that it is actually true for us, even
though there is no family that has the angle of truth. It may be true for us, but not for other family members.
This is the cause of conflict.

VERBAL AGRESSION IN FAMILY

A serious problem with conflict in the family is that it can turn into verbal or physical aggression.
Research shows that family violence is not an isolated event, but a part of the family system. Aggression
itself can be harassment, where aggression can be an act that advances personal goals without noticing the
harm that might be caused to others. Verbal aggression is aggression carried out by attacking someone
verbally. In children, if it is too excessive will affect the nature of aggressiveness, and also affect their
behavior, and on the partner, will disturb their psychological, depression, stress, even thinking of suicide.
Verbal aggression itself often leads to physical violence.

PHYSICAL AGGRESSION IN FAMILIES

Nonverbal aggression is aggression carried out by attacking someone physically (a form of physical
violence). Based on power surveys, nonverbal aggression is the most common in a relationship.

HEALTHY COMMUNICATION WITHIN A FAMILY CONTEXT

Some families have healthy and unhealthy communication patterns. Most people do not receive
effective communication training at their home or school, and usually have a poor model to follow.
Therefore, even if they want to communicate effectively, most people do not have the necessary knowledge
and skills. Therefore, to be an effective family communicator, one must be aware of ways to approach
family conflict, or family disputes. To understand the conflicts that occur, there are several attitudes that
must be instilled:

1. Conflict is natural
If a conflict occurs, the key to resolution lies in how the conflict is handled. Never let our emotions be
carried away also when the conflict occurs, or ignore the conflict, this will only make the conflict more
tense and further aggravate the situation.
2. It is better to focus on conflicts over small rather than large issues

Small problems generally can be solved in a reasonable amount of time and with reasonable effort. Big
problems must require planning sometimes, and greater effort to solve them.

3. It is better to recognize the differences in power and ability among participants than to ignore or minimize
them

Here, in the family, no one should dominate, but every family member, is left to show their respective roles.

4. It is better to avoid solutions that fail to address important concerns of the participants

Here, it is intended that, in providing a solution to a conflict, it is better to provide a reasonable solution,
where the solution reconciles, and resolves the conflict, rather than inviting other conflicts.

5. Many families operate effectively with one leader

If the family is led by an authoritarian family leader, then there will at times be resistance and rebellion
from family members formed by fear and abuse, because of the sense of being free from the shackles in
the family, so that this can also cause destruction within that family.

6. Ineffective communication is one of the most important factors that leads to family conflict and family
tension

If an ineffective pattern is attached, family members will definitely do something to try to change the
system. If change cannot be achieved peacefully, the next step is to destroy the system.

7. A family system can change without being destroyed as long as family members understand that their
histories are often the problem, and not the individuals, per se

Here, if a conflict itself has become a descending habit, then we must learn to understand the conflict with
a wise attitude, and not participate in making the conflict even bigger.
8. A family system can develop the flexibility to accommodate bids for individuality

In a family system there may be a system that is unhealthy and has the character of the will and
role of each family member. If people in the system accept this format, there is no problem. However, if
there is a conflict regarding the system, then several actions must be taken if the system wants to survive.
One technique is to learn adaptive communication skills. If effective communication is established, each
family member can take part of the system while maintaining his identity.

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