Kaitlyn Vallance

16 April 2019

Artifact H: Portfolio Process Assessment

The process of creating my online portfolio and my final presentation for my committee

was much more emotionally taxing than I assumed it would be. I have been challenged in the

past with positive “self-talk” and with allowing myself to talk about aspects of myself I am proud

of; I feel doing so alienates people since it can feel like “bragging.” Additionally, I am often my

own toughest critic and that, paired with persistent feelings of imposter syndrome, has made it

difficult for me to celebrate my successes without feeling overwhelmed by self-critiques.

Through the portfolio process - particularly writing my learning outcome narratives - I was

forced to talk positively about myself due to the nature of the assignment. In having to identify

several things I am proud of about myself, name those things explicitly and resist the urge to

downplay my strengths or accomplishments, I learned that self-love and speaking positively

about oneself is like a muscle and it gets stronger and easier to do with practice and exercise. The

portfolio assignments I completed forced me to give myself permission and allow myself space

to reflect critically on where I am as a professional, a student and a person without that reflection

becoming a vehicle for self-defeating or hyper-critical self-talk. In the future, I hope I can

remember this lesson and continue to practice positive self-talk and self-congratulations in a

healthy way.

Secondly, I learned I am a better public speaker than I give myself credit for. I am still

not “off-book” and don’t feel comfortable speaking to people without notes or a script, but I have

grown significantly from where I was at the beginning of my time in the SDA program and even
when I began the portfolio process. I have always been so concerned that I will say one wrong

thing during a presentation and everyone will realize I’m a charlatan. However, during this

portfolio process, my Chair, Dr. Tim Wilson, shared an invaluable piece of advice for public

speaking: just tell the truth. By the time I had finished crafting my final presentation and

reviewed my portfolio, I realized I wasn’t as nervous as I had been in the past before speaking in

front of folks because I felt there was nothing I could say “wrong” because I was speaking

openly and honestly about the truth of my experience and the depth of my knowledge. I feel

confident moving forward that I will continue improving as a public speaker because I will focus

on telling the truth over saying all the right things and protecting myself from any potential

errors.

Lastly, I learned how to balance vulnerability with professionalism. My final portfolio

presentation told the story of my journey from childhood to my last quarter in the SDA program

and it was intensely intimate in its subject matter at times. I re-wrote my final presentation three

times because I realized I can tell a compelling story about myself that is meaningful within the

context of higher education and student affairs without “over-sharing” the less savory details or

withholding the truth of my experience ​because ​it can be unsavory. Maintaining this balance in

my professional life will be important moving forward and I’m glad I began thinking about how

to do so early on because I do think speaking about my lived experience is important and has a

significant impact on how I do my work as a professional.