How to trigger your inner alpha woman

by Kendra Mims
Jan 06, 2014 at 1:43 pm EDT

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Alpha women are known for being strong, bold and confident achievers who go after
what they want in life and take charge of their careers. However, being an alpha woman
is much more than your professional accomplishments.

Being an alpha woman also means taking control of your happiness and using it to
become stronger and more influential.

Best-selling author, speaker and life coach Valorie Burton discusses how women today
can “have it all” and unlock their personal happiness in her latest book, Happy Women
Live Better. In this book, Burton explores 12 happiness myths every woman should
know and reveals 13 unique, scientifically proven happiness triggers that can
measurably increase one’s happiness on a daily basis. Burton gives SheKnows the
inside scoop on how women can activate their happiness triggers to improve their
resilience.

Happiness is intentional

Burton debunks the myth that says happiness is about what happens; only 10 percent of
your happiness is dependent on your circumstances, she points out.

“The majority of it is what you choose to do every day,” says Burton. “The triggers are
things that are known to make you happier in a tangible way that you can choose to do,
and anyone can do them.”

Burton wrote this book as a tool for women to use.

“It’s a conversation starter about the things going on in our culture that tend to make it
harder for us to be happier today than 40 years ago. I think it’s very empowering to
know that a very large part of your happiness is about the choices that you make every
day.”

The 13 happiness triggers

In Happy Women Live Better, Burton explores the following 13 happiness triggers that
you can activate to boost your joy immediately:

 Anticipation
 Smile
 Service
 Financial savvy
 Gratitude
 Connection
 Flow
 Play
 Relaxation
 Winning words
 Movement
 Savoring
 Purpose
In her book, Burton describes these happiness triggers as skills. Whether you’re a mom,
career woman, student, wife or all of the above, activating these happiness triggers on a
regular basis won’t require a lot of your time. For example, to activate the anticipation
happiness trigger, Burton recommends creating something to look forward to and
savoring the moment, whether it’s treating yourself to a piece of chocolate cake or
watching your favorite television show. For the financial savvy trigger, she suggests
living below your means or giving money away to bless someone in need. Burton says
the three immediate happiness triggers are gratitude, service and movement, which
could be activated by simply appreciating what’s in front of you, giving someone a hug
or taking a 20-minute walk.

Recognize your personal and power triggers

What happiness trigger do women struggle with the most? Burton says out of the
thousands of women who have taken the test, one of the most common bottom triggers
is relaxation. “A lot of women don’t rest and they worry a lot, so they don’t relax. They
don’t get enough sleep. My definition in the book is not just about rest. It’s also about
being able to let go and not worry. And that seems to be the one that women struggle
with the most.

Burton encourages women to take her free online Happy Woman Test, which will
reveal their top three “personal triggers” and bottom three “power triggers,” as well as a
happiness quotient to determine how actively they use all of the happiness triggers.

“I created the happiness triggers test to help women figure out their triggers, and one of
the reasons I did that was because the triggers work for anyone. There are personal
triggers we use a lot, and then there are some that are power triggers that are the bottom
three. Those are the ones that you don’t use often. So you have to figure out what your
bottom triggers are and be more intentional about using them to increase your
happiness.”

Click here to find out your top and bottom happiness triggers >>

Having it all

Alpha women are associated with being career-focused and goal-driven, but is there a
belief that professionally successful women have made personal sacrifices along the
way and aren’t really happy?
Burton doesn’t believe this is true. She points out that there are so many opportunities
for women today and expectations of what their lives should look like compared to 40
years ago, which can cause women to feel pressured to do it all. She advises women to
be intentional in every area of their life.

“I think it’s very unfair to say that a woman who has a career and does not have a
family has sacrificed that,” says Burton. “If you want marriage and a family you need to
be as intentional with your personal life as you are with your professional goals and
career.”