Bikes and Beauties - December 2010

PLUS:
U.S. MILITARY VET’S DICE RUN DECEMBER 2010

SOUTH FLORIDA BIKE EVENTS HOLIDAY TOY RUN
FANTASY FEST AND MUCH MORE...
www.bikesbeauties.com
FREE!!
BIKES & BEAUTIES •VOLUME
DECEMBER32010 1
• ISSUE 2
Bikers Inc
Harley-Davidson parts blowout
Retail orders 15%off Wholesale orders 20%off
Biker's Inc.
service center
now open! SOA Shirts $10 Air Horn $39.95
hourly rate is only
$39.95 K&N filter $10

Monthly Specials
All In stock
HD syn3 oil $10 vests $20 cycle sounds $400 Jackets $60
11850 state road 84, suite a6, davie, FL (facing i-595)
monday-saturday 9am-6pm closed Sunday
toll free 1.800.273.0979 local 954.382.9895
check out
2 BIKES & BEAUTIES our
• DECEMBER 2010bike inventory at www.wreckedharleybikes.com
M AG A Z I N E
DECEMBER 2010
15 Sebastiano’s Sunday BBQ

Family friendly fun!
16 U.S. Military Vet’s Dice Run

Vet’s doin’ what they do
best.
17 S.FL. Bike Events Holiday

Toy Run
Jager Mike’s run to Naples
and back. 16 18
18 Hooter’s
Our fave Wednesday night 20
spot!
19 Hard Rock to Nascar

Nascar’s final run for the
cup.
20 Fantasy Fest
Hot & hairy in Key West.
21 Orlando
21
Check out the Central
Florida scene.
26 Un Mostro
Because that’s her
name.
28 Flash Back
Harley’s Only drag bike
26
built by Crazy Chris.
www.bikesbeauties.com BIKES & BEAUTIES • DECEMBER 2010 3

DECEMBER 2010 M AG A Z I N E
24 Oksana
Legs for days.
15 17
42 Oksana
Long & lean.
43 Erica
19 Here kitty, kitty.

Meow!
28
44 Nick
Ho! Ho! Hottie!
06 EVENTS/FOR SALE 32 YOU OUGHTA KNOW

09 READER’S WRITES 33 EAT IT!
10 MS.MARLEY 34 KC’S CORNER
11 SKIN CARE 35 ULI THE UNRULY
30 KARMA’S CORNER 36 CRAZY, BIZARRE
30 BEER GOGGLE BLOG 37 SERVICE W. STEVE-O
31 BIMINI JIM 38 SPEAKING SPORTS
32 CAPT. MIKE 45 HA! HA! HA!
4 BIKES & BEAUTIES • DECEMBER 2010 www.bikesbeauties.com

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
As another year comes to an end I can’t
help but reflect on all the trials, tribulations,
perseverance and successes we have had in
2010. When I started this publication two
years ago it began on a whim that was sparked
out of sheer boredom and the desire to spend my time doing
something that I truly love! It hasn’t been easy but in the end
everything has worked out. We continue to truck along and
search for new ways to entertain you. Don’t get me wrong
there have been times that we have considered throwing in the
towel and walking away but, then what would you all be left
with? Some other publication? Well we can’t have that, now
can we, that would be awful! The biker world would be an ugly
place without our tantalizing beauties.
Someone said to me this month that they would rather care-
fully plan, check and recheck, pack and count then plan some
more before they make any sudden decisions. I understand
that for some individuals their determination lies in their ability
to check and recheck in hopes of being so meticulous that they
cannot possible make an error because they planned every
little detail out and followed their plan to a “T”. Everyone is
different and perceives the world around them with their own
two eyes. Every one of us has a method to our madness and
each are entitled to our opinion. Hell, it is our G-d given Ameri-
can right to express our opinions freely.
For me, I have learned that the best things in life are the ones
unplanned that occur when you least expect it. I spent thirteen
years planning, packing, checking and rechecking to have it
all thrown out the window and my slate wiped clean with one
motorcycle accident. So now, all that planning and packing is
only required when preparing to leave for vacation and pulling
another banging party out of thin air. To me, it is all about set-
ting attainable goals and achieving them one by one. It is not
so much about the planning because plans are flawed, every
single one of them. Nothing is ever perfect and nothing ever
goes according to plan. Life is about expecting the unex-
pected, saving for a rainy day and rolling with the punches. It is
about moving forward no matter how turbulent the climb may
be; achieving one goal at a time. Bikes & Beauties
So, this year I plan to keep setting my goals and achieving them
one by one, no matter the size. I will not always succeed but, I needs some help!
will keep trying! Thank you all for another fantastic year! I look
forward to seeing all of you at our New Year’s Eve party!
We are looking for a
Happy Holidays!
Sales Professional
Stay Between the Ditches to help us sell ad space!
& Keep the Shiny Side Up!!
Send your Resumes & References to:
Bikes & Beauties Magazine LLC jobsbikesbeauties@gmail.com
M AG A Z I N E
Po Box 813269 Hollywood, FL 33081-3269
Ph: 954-789-6986 Fx: 954-212-2609 or Fax to: 954.212.2609
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i e s . c o m
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ART DEPT:DESIGNBIKESBEAUTIES@GMAIL.COM GENERAL SALES:KEN 954-851-6015,CHRISTY VITTITOW
SALES:SALESBIKESBEAUTIES@GMAIL.COM 954-789-6986
TALENT:MODELSBIKESBEAUTIES@GMAIL.COM CENTRAL FLORIDA SALES:JESSIE GREENE 407-761-7969,
HR:JOBSBIKESBEAUTIES@GMAIL.COM NORTH FLORIDA SALES:OPEN POSITION
EDITOR:CHRISTY VITTITOW PROMOTIONS:
WITH NFL ALUMNI TERRY KIRBY!

CEO:KEN SYNFELT COURTNEY PAIGE 954-789-6986
PUBLISHER:BIKES & BEAUTIES MAGAZINE,LLC PRODUCTION ASSISTANT:
PHOTOGRAPHY:KEN SYNFELT, JAMES BALBONI, COURTNEY PAIGE, BEAU VITTITOW,
KONSTANTINA KAZANAS,LAURIE HIRST,CAROL GUZIK,
CEDRIC KILLINGS, MIKE MANN, JIM UHING
JESSIE GREENE,CHRISTY VITTITOW
MELISSA KING
OFFICE MANAGER:MARIA RAMOS 954-789-6986
PRINTING:ANGSTROM GRAPHICS
10-4-10 BUD & BUD LIGHT MINI’S
WRITERS:CHRISTY VITTITOW,KONSTANTINA KAZANAS, GRAPHIC DESIGN:KONSTANTINA KAZANAS
RAFFLES & GIVE-AWAYS
Bikes & Beauties Magazine TM 2010 is published monthly and NO reproduction of content is permitted without publisher’s written consent. Publisher MODELS & MORE!!
is not liable for errors in advertising but a correction will be printed. Publisher is not liable for: slandering of any individual, comments, opinions,
promises, coupons or lack of fulfillment of any of their columnists or advertisers. We do not promote excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages.
Please drink responsibly. Bikes & Beauties Magazine logo is owned solely and nationally by Daniel Moreau.
EVERY MONDAY AT BIG DAWGS 2
OFFICES NOT OPEN TO THE PUBLIC. P L E A S E C A L L T O M A K E A N A P P O I N T M E N T. 7357 DAVIE RD. EXT. DAVIE • 954.272.DAWG
DECEMBER 2010
SATURDAY, DEC. 4
LAKE COUNTY UNITED MOTORCYCLIST TOY RUN.
Leesburg, FL. lakeabatedevice@aol.com 407.469.2455
3RD ANNUAL TOYS FOR TOTS POKER RUN Orlando, FL.
orlandopokerrun.com mmitch2153@yahoo.com 407.563.4674
POWER FOR PAWS BENEFIT FOR CHRISTINE FANCHER
Ormond Bch, FL. powerforpaws@gmail.com Pam 386.295.0687
SUNDAY, DEC. 5
TOYS IN THE SUN RUN
ABATE TOY RUN
Melbourne, FL. brevard.abateflorida.com 321.480/3619
SATURDAY, DEC. 11
ABATE OF FLORIDA STATE MEET
Naples, Fl. 239.353.9500
HOLIDAY SANTA PICTURES
New Port Richey, FL. 727.842.4547
NMHFI ANNUAL X-MAS PARTY.
SWEENEY’s 3200 W Hallandale Bch Blvd
PETERSONS TOYS IN THE SUN RUN APPRECIATION DAY
Petersons HD 19400 NW 2nd Ave, Miami. 800.545.2561
SUNDAY, DEC 12
4TH ANNUAL ST LUCIE COUNTY TOY RUN
Fort Pierce, FL. www.bestbuyvictory.com 772.468.6888
MEGA MOTOR EVENT
Ormond Bch, FL. brucerossmeyer.com 386.671.7100
12TH ANNUAL BILLS BIKES MEMORIAL TOY RUN
West Palm Bch, FL. billsbikestoyrun.com 561.687.0365
SATURDAY, DEC 18 2011
MOTORCYCLE DEMOS & MORE
Sanford, FL. seminoleharley.com 401.328.1212
SATURDAY, DEC 18
VINTAGE CHAPTERS RIDE INTO CHRISTMAS
St. Augustine, FL. 386.325.0435
FRIDAY, DEC 31
BIKES & BEAUTIES NEW YEARS EVE PARTY 954.789.6986
bikesandbeauties@gmail.com *Check the flyer on page 22!*
噩湮礠䵥浯物慬 ⁒ 楤攠㈰ ㄰ ⁆ 楮慬
呵敳摡礬 ⁎ 潶敭扥爠㈳ Ⱐ ㈰ ㄰ ‹ 㨳㠺㔲 ⁁ 䴀

DECEMBER 2010
* FOR SALE *
SUNDAY’S
• SOUTH FLORIDA CHOPPERS BIKE NITE @ BRASS RING.
Starts at 6:30. 10998 Okeechobee Blvd., Royal Palm Bch, FL. 561-296-4563
• OCEANS ELEVEN. 3111 North Surf Rd., Hollywood, FL. 954-927-5549
• FLOSSIE’S. 3-7. Live Music. 3985 Ravenswood Rd., Dania Bch, FL.
954-583-9656 www.flossiesbar.com
• CAFE 27. BBQ noon - 7pm. Bucket Specials! Live Bands! US 27, right off
Griffin Rd. across from Everglades Holiday Park. $15,697.00. 2009 Road King Classic. Only 3,082 miles. Super clean.
• CAGNEY’S SALOON. 5983 S. University Dr., Davie, FL. 954-689-0035 Two tone Red Fire Pearl and Gold. Chrome front end, custom floor
boards, upgraded handle bars, internal wiring and the engine is all
MONDAY’S stock. Price reduced for quick sale! 84 month financing with ZERO
• CRUISERS FOR CHRIST BIKE NIGHT. 7pm. Lefty’s Bar and Grill. down available with approved credit! NO ADDITIONAL FEES! SELLING
5771 Coral Ridge Dr., Coral Springs, FL. 954-752-3525 PRICE PLUS TAX AND TAG IS ALL YOU PAY! Call 305-651-4811 EXT. 108
TUESDAY’S and ask for Chris Walden or email ChrisW@MiamiHarley.com TODAY!
• BONEFISH MAC’S SPORTS GRILLE BIKE NITE. 7pm. 2002 E. Sample Rd.,
Lighthouse Point, FL. 954-781-6227
• TARPON BEND BIKE NIGHT. 7-12 Live Music. 200 SW 2nd St., Ft. Lauder-
dale.
• HOOTERS. 550 Towne Center Cir., Sanford, FL. 407-324-1272. Sponsored
by: Budweiser, Seminole HD, Harsh Clothing. 15% off Food & Merchandise w/
Motorcycle Key. Frequent rider cards available.
WEDNESDAY’S
• BIG DAWG’S BIKE NIGHT. 8-11. 10,000 NW 6 Ct., Pembroke Pines.
954-435-2901
• CRABBY JACK’S BIKE NIGHT. 1015 S. Federal Hwy., Deerfield Bch. 954-
429-3770
$10,000 2003 Bourget Kruzer. 4,696 miles. 113 cubic inch S&S
• HOOTERS PEMBROKE PINES BIKE NIGHT. Bike parking, drink engine, 5 speed transmission. CUSTOM, CUSTOM, CUSTOM!!!
specials, other specials. 7990 Pines Blvd. Pembroke Pines, FL 33024. This bike will turn heads wherever you go. NO ADDITIONAL
954-962-6330 FEES! SELLING PRICE PLUS TAX AND TAG IS ALL YOU PAY! Call
THURSDAY’S 305-651-4811 ext. 108 and ask for Chris Walden
•PACKY’S SPORTS GRILL. 11379 W. Palmetto Park Rd. Boca Raton, FL. or email ChrisW@MiamiHarley.com TODAY!
33428. Starting Nov. 4th - 7PM. Prize for best bike.
• THE PLAYHOUSE GENTLEMENS CLUB. Thunder Thursdays Bike Night
awesome drink specials for riders, free VIP parking and no cover. 6pm - close.
5775 Hallandale Bch Blvd, Hollywood, FL 33023 954-963-4422
• G.W. SHARKEYS RAW BAR AND GRILL. Live music, Raffles and door
prizes, Drink and Food Specials. PLENTY OF UNDERCOVER PARKING. 2388 N.
University Dr., Coral Springs, FL. Just north of Royal Palm on west side. 954-
341-9990
• LAKE WORTH NIGHT BIKE NIGHT. 10th Ave North & 6th Ave South, Lake
Worth FL., 561-856-1234
• KINGS HEAD PUB. 5 PM to close. 500 E. Dania Beach Blvd., Dania Bch, FL.
Bikers 20% off check, live music.
• JESSE’S SPORTS BAR. 5442 W. Atlantic Blvd., Margate, FL $1,799.00 2006 Buell Blast. Vivid Black, 500 cc
• BETTY’S BURGERS PETERSON H-D SOUTH. 104th and US 1, Miami, FL.
• BALLER’S ROCK ‘N ROLL SPORTS BAR. 3200 W Hallandale Bch Blvd.
engine, 5 speed transmission and more fun than a
Hallandale Bch. 954.985.3870 scooter! NO ADDITIONAL FEES! Call
Every First Thursday of the Month: 305-651-4811 ext. 108 and
• VICTORY PRESENTS BIKE & ROD NIGHT. 6-10pm. 840 S. Andrews Ave., ask for Chris Walden or
Pompano Beach, FL email ChrisW@MiamiHarley.com
Every Third Thursday of the Month:
• ZO’S OFF THE HOOK ROSSMEYER FT. LAUDERDALE H-D BIKE
NIGHT. 2861 East Commercial Blvd, Ft. Lauderdale, FL. (.5 mi east of US1)
FRIDAY’S
• EVERGLADES HOLIDAY PARK BIKE NIGHT. West end of Griffin Rd., at
US 27 junction.
• GRIDIRON BAR & GRILL BIKE NIGHT. 8901 SW 157th Ave # 1 Miami, FL
33196
(305) 382-8116
SATURDAY’S
• CLAMSTER’S BAR & GRILL. 1391 S. Military Trail Deerfield Beach, FL
33442. 954-481-3755 $15,500. 2008 Street Glide. 12,910 miles. Vivid Black. Factory
• PIRATE REPUBLIC BAR. Sponsored by Bruce Rossmeyer HD, the party security, Stage 1, Harley-Davidson Screamin’ Eagle Race Tuner &
starts at 7pm Every Saturday night. 400 SW 3rd Ave. Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33315. Fatshotz mufflers. 84 month financing and ZERO down available
954-761-3500 with approved credit! NO ADDITIONAL FEES! SELLING PRICE
PLUS TAX AND TAG IS ALL YOU PAY! Call 305-651-4811 EXT. 108
and ask for Chris Walden or email ChrisW@MiamiHarley.com

Don’t miss the 23rd Annual Toys in the Sun Run
Sunday December 5, 2010.
Ride starts at Seminole Coconut Creek Casino & Goes to Markham Park.
Car Show, Bike Show, Custom Bike Builders, Vendors, Live bands
including headliner: Charlie Daniels and much more.
All proceeds benefit the Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital

For more info call: 954-343-8782 • Bike Show: 954-789-6986 • Car Show: 954-963-2828
www.toysinthesunrun.com
Come See Our Sexy Santa’s Little Helper’s

BIKES&
IES
BEAUTBAG
MAIL
READER’S WRITES
Bikes&Beauties Magazine, L.L.C. • P.O. Box 813269, Hollywood, FL 33081-3269 • E-mail: bikesandbeauties@gmail.com
LOST MY TINY MIND! SCARED... but loving it.

by Caped Intruder “Connie” was sitting there when I arrived & I by Flamin’ Rose a friend who was upgrading, the
My insides were jumping up and down with didn’t know if I should be relieved or furious. bike had a lot of work done to it,
excitement, fear & dread! It was the morning He came out just then & we checked out my peg I started riding dirt bikes when I is in excellent shape and I got a
we were leaving for the ride to Daytona for problem, turns out the peg had loosened up & was six years old and have ridden steal on it. Although I don’t feel as
Bike Week. OK, so it isn’t quite my “first” was just upside down!! them on and off (mostly off ) for the at home on the Softail as the Low
ride, but before this I had only ridden about I just knew I’d had enough for one day! But
150 miles total on my scoot since I passed the
past 31 years. In the spring of 2003 Rider, I love my bike. The first ride I
my confidence level had shot up tremendously!
MSF course. And on the only other ride over my husband got the bug, after not took was through a local cemetery,
Good thing, because the next morning I awoke
20 miles I’d managed to drop the bike TWICE!! to see him frantically getting dressed with
riding for many years, he bought this was a good way to start as the
I dawdled my way through packing the bike the announcement that he was late for the a 1976 Harley Davidson Sportster. road through the cemetery is nicely
up with the brand new leather sissy bar bag COG meeting North of Daytona, about 60 Never having ridden a street bike I paved and full of tight corners, then
I’d just gotten about a week earlier. Nearly miles away! Could I make it to Daytona on was scared that he would get hurt, I rode around the small town that I
gave myself a hernia picking it up to wiggle it my own & meet him at the speedway later? but I couldn’t tell him no! A few live in. After these accomplishments
onto the bar! I swear I didn’t bring everything I guess I’ll just have to won’t I!! Well,
I own! My S.O. Bart had ridden over from
months after buying his bike the I took to riding around our valley.
even though I made a wrong turn, I finally
Miami the night before, so he was all ready to unthinkable happened, a fuel line Every ride went well and each time
got there & managed to wade through heavy
go in short order, but I’d had to sleep in from traffic, wandering pedestrians, and arrived at
broke, as it hit the hot motor and I went out I have gained more
working late the night before. The original the Kawasaki members area without freaking pipes, the bike burst into flames. He confidence, of course I did lay my
plan was to be on the road as soon as the out once! pulled the bike down from 70mph bike down once, quickly learning
traffic lightened up, maybe 9am. WRONG! We We met up with Dr. Donna & Jerry at the and got off, stepped away and that the front wheel does need to
didn’t get away until noon. (A usual problem Bob Evans, but no one else who was supposed watched it burn. Other than a few be straight when coming to a stop.
for us, I’m afraid!)
As we approached the turn where I dropped my
to meet us managed to make it through the minor burns on his hands he was Thankfully there was no damage to
downpour that started right after we sat
bike just over a month earlier I could feel my
fine but very disappointed. I am myself or my bike, just my pride. A
down! OH GREAT! Now I have to ride in the
mouth go dry & my hands get shaky, but in spite rain too! And did I mention the wind that was
very thankful that he had taken the lesson well learned and not soon
of practically p--ing my pants, I made it safely whipping things around? After a bit things motorcycle safety course; I believe forgotten. It is true that the roads
around the corner. Maybe all that weight on let up & we went back to the speedway & spent that this education helped him not that you have driven your entire
the fender behind me just kept me anchored to money!! Then it started to rain again. panic and that is what brought life look a whole lot different on
the ground better! The next hurdle was just to Experience was being heaped upon me faster him thru this incident unharmed. a bike and I have found that wind
keep the bike going straight as an arrow while than I had a chance to worry about it! We Shortly after what I call the inferno coming off of trucks can be very
semi’s & dump trucks whizzed by, but at least finally decided riding in the rain was better
there was a clear sky & very few intersections
incident, we bought him a 2003 intimidating, nothing like riding a
than riding in the rain & dark, so we headed
or curves to worry about, so I finally began to for the hotel. And yes, we got separated again!
Sportster 1200S. I wanted to spend dirt bike. By the end of November
relax & get the real feel of the bike. The next day we headed out together, on time with him while he enjoyed it was time to put my friend away,
Since my bike has a pretty small gas tank, we I-4, my first time on the super-slab! It was riding, but did not want to be a as I live in a snow zone, but as
had to stop for fuel often enough for me to cold & I was nervous, but we made it just back seat rider. I started looking at spring approaches I have an itch
catch my breath & get comfortable with lots of fine. After prowling the vendors again for old convertible hot rods to use as a to put on my leathers and go for
turns. Good thing because I really needed the the whole day, he announced that we were
practice! While I was getting used to moving
Harley chaser. Then I saw it, a Harley a ride. I still have a bunch to learn
supposed to meet the Cog members about 30
along at faster speeds, I was still not real
Davidson Trike, I knew I could ride and experience, although I have no
miles up the highway for dinner. OK, now it’s
quick about whipping around curves or taking late afternoon & the only way to avoid lots
one as my reason for not wanting problem riding the speed limit, I still
off from stops, so many times Bart would be of traffic is I-95, Yep! back on the “slab” a bike was the stability. I was very want to fight the lean in the corners.
a bit far ahead of me. I also like to leave a again! We got lousy directions, got lost, scared of the lean you get when I have found out that many of the
lot of room when following cars in traffic, got separated, I ended up finally finding the taking corners, after all asphalt is corners do not require big lean
so naturally he got through a few stop lights restaurant alone again! A real confidence very hard! I started researching angles to get through, of course
that caught me. This resulted in him having to builder! Now we have to return about 60 miles
pull over to wait for me several times, but he
trikes and quickly found out that taking the corners at the posted
to the hotel in the dark, on the slab, in the
was always gracious about it! Once he got so
my budget would not allow this speed has a lot to do with how
dark, and the roads are wet. I gritted my teeth
far ahead, he turned around and came back for & managed that too. option. So here I was back at the much lean is required. My husband
me! A pattern was developing here. The next day I wanted to visit some family beginning, what to do? I decided is great about letting me ride my
A little past halfway to our destination hotel in Leesburg, so off I went alone!! Got lost! that I should at least take the rider ride, although he likes to get out
we got separated again when I got caught by Getting used to it by now! Had a great visit safety course, with this decision and stretch his legs, he enjoys our
a light. As I arrived at the highway exit to with 3 different locations & managed to get made, I started to look at bikes. I rides together and has no problem
the next road we would be taking I looked turned around all 3 times! But after the
to the right to see where Bart had gone &
really liked the look of the Heritage following my lead. We are planning
downpour let up, I was headed back to the
saw him in the parking lot of a gas station.
Softail, all those classic lines. I a trip to Sturgis in August with a
hotel again. Pulled into the lot right behind
I was stuck in traffic, but figured I’d pull in Bart who’d been off doing his own thing knew that the Sportster was not an group of friends, I am nervous about
there after I finally got around the corner. all day. option, as sitting on my husband’s the trip because it is approximately
It was one of those really busy Speedway The final day of our trip (Monday) we were bike was very uncomfortable, I got 1200 miles one way and our friends
stations, so I was REALLY looking out for to meet with some folks from IntruderAlert the feeling that I would kill myself. like to ride fast. They assure me that
moving cars as I pulled in to a parking spot to take possession of Erving Merlin, a wooden So I took the hundred plus mile I will be ready and my hubby says
& shut down the bike. Now I started to look doll being transported all over the country by trip to the nearest Harley store just that we will still ride my ride and get
for Bart, but didn’t see him anywhere! After Intruder owners. We finally got away from
about 45 minutes I realized he wasn’t coming
to sit on the bikes. The Heritage there in my time. So I will spend the
the hotel about 11am, headed for Lake Wales.
back for me & traffic was getting worse as You guessed it, we got separated! By now I’d intimidated me, although I could time until August working on my
rush hour approached. I certainly didn’t want given up even being concerned, just knew I had sit flat footed it seemed very top comfort level in preparation for the
to be riding through Orlando during that, to be in Lake Wales to turn over the doll, so heavy. The next ride I sat on was a 2400 mile round trip.
so I finally just said to myself “get going, I just kept going after I verified on the map I Dyna Low Rider, what a feeling, my
nothing’s changed, you are still just riding was headed in the right direction all along! heart pounded and my adrenaline I believe that the rider safety course
your own ride!” This time it was the guys who were confused! I
Of course the whole rest of the ride I was
was pumping, I was so excited. I should be mandatory, but since it’s
finally met up with them again even though one
expecting to come up on Bart sitting by the side
could ride this bike; it felt as though not, all new riders should take the
of them had to drop out because it was getting
of the road waiting for me. NOPE!! I managed a bit late. We headed off together, the guys
it had been built just for me, what course. It teaches the fundamental
to go right past the next route change I needed passed the next turn we were to make, we did a a rush. I headed home and on the skills required to ride and gives you
& had to turn around in a parking lot (still u-turn & the clowns missed the turn again!! I way had to stop off at hubby’s place a great sense of accomplishment.
hadn’t mastered that u-turn thing!) I got said nuts to this, & went the right way. It took of work to tell him that I found my The only other advice I would give
going in the right direction, but something the guys about 30 minutes to get themselves bike, I told him that when I sat on it I is to look for the bike that fits you,
about the foot peg didn’t feel right, I looked sorted back out, by the time they caught up to had the feeling of being home. no matter of the make or model.
down and the entire rubber section under my me I was already at the drop off location. We
left foot was gone! I had some fun trying to
There is a bike out there that will
had a great visit, blabbed way too long & just
not have my foot slip off that peg! Bart & I took off headed for home. I took the safety class the end of feel like you are home; you just
Now as a car driver I never seem to make a We got lost again! But at least this time we September 2003 and pasted the need to sit on them all until you find
wrong turn when I’m traveling, but now I managed to stay together, arrived back in written portion with a 100, but had that fit. Although I ended up with a
realize that’s because I’m always checking the Cape Coral at 11:15pm & I had to get up for a few points taken off the riding different bike and it is working out
map to see where I am every time I stop for a work the next morning at 3am!! All counted portion for some problems with the for me I believe that I would reach
light. On the bike I’m watching traffic & not up....we managed to get lost &/or separated
the map, which I can’t see without my glasses
cone weave. In the end I had my my comfort zone quicker on a bike
11 times!! Heck of a “first ride” for the endorsement and more confidence that felt like an extension of myself.
anyway! Of course I managed to get confused little old NEWBIE!! Now I’m not afraid to
at least 4 more times on the rest of the way, ride in anything, wind, rain, dark, alone.....
in myself. I never did get my Low
but finally pulled into the hotel parking lot bring it on!! Rider, but I do have a 2002 Harley Keep the rubber side down and ride
a mere 6&1/2 hours after my departure from Softail Standard. I bought it from your own ride.
home! It was only about 300 miles!! Bart’s

MS. MARLEY & HER HARLEY
Another Year,
Another Resolution
very year millions of Americans sit with those actions. And second, expec-
down to write out their list of New tations inspire a particular quality of
Year’s resolutions. Your typical conversations. The surrounding envi-
adult will resolve to lose weight, ronment (friends, family, co-workers,
start exercising, reduce their debt, acquaintances, etc.) begins to respond
manages their money wisely or stop to think outside your ex-
to those conversations, and that en- pectations, because if you
smoking. Yet out of all of those resolu- vironment takes actions and produces
tions only about 5% will actually per- don’t do that, no amount of
outcomes that are consistent with those strategizing or goal-setting is
severe with our resolutions in tack at
year’s end. In fact research over the conversations. For example, if you are going to make much difference.
years has concluded that about 80% confident that you can replace the leaky It isn’t an overnight process, but there are
of all New Year’s Resolutions are bro- faucet in the bathroom, even though some steps you can take that can get you
ken by January 31st!!! I wonder why you’ve never done it before, your attitude headed in the right direction.
that is. Is it because we are just a will be positive and your actions will have
lazy bunch of non achievers or is there a quality about them that produces re- “The credit belongs to the man in the
a much greater reason. sults. You’re likely to stick with those ac- arena, whose face is marred by dust and
Notwithstanding their diabolical reputa- tions long enough, and learn what you sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;
tion, New Year’s Resolutions can be a very need to learn, to get those results. You will who errs and comes short again and
positive resource. They can provide an op- find people who can help you and you again, and spends himself in a worthy
portunity for us to evaluate our progress will learn from them. If you stick with it, cause; who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails
in life, which is not a horrible idea. They your environment will come to know you while daring greatly. His place shall never
can invigorate our lives with inspiring as someone who can figure things out, be with those cold and timid souls who
challenges and wonderful experiences or at least, someone who can fix faucets. know neither victory nor defeat.”
to look forward to. Who says they have The next time a faucet leaks, or a door -Theodore Roosevelt
to be a drag? Just because things haven’t squeaks, you’ll be inclined to build on
worked out well in the past with respect your previous triumph and take a crack at Here are a few guidelines that could
to your resolutions is no reason to assume something new. On the other hand, if you have this year turn out to be the
they never will. And, just because you may don’t think you can fix the faucet because
most amazing year of your life.
have never considered New Year’s Resolu- you don’t how, or you think it’s not worth
tions as a wonderful mechanism for creat- it to try, then your attitude, thinking and
1. Ask yourself why you want this
ing new and exciting outcomes, doesn’t enthusiasm will be much more limited.
particular resolution to come true.
mean it’s too late to start doing that. Sim- Your actions will be half-hearted and you
probably won’t stick with it for very long
2. If your life was set up to sup-
ply put, if our lives and actions were con-
even if you do start. People won’t take you
port you in having the outcome you
ducive to producing a particular result,
seriously, and may even decline to sup- want, you probably would already
we would probably produce it, especially
if it was important to us. Our brains are port or participate in your efforts. In the have it.
wired in such a way that certain behav- end, you’ll produce a result that reflects all 3. Stop looking outside yourself for
iors keep repeating themselves, which in of these factors. In this case, you won’t fix why you don’t have what you want.
turn produces results that are consistent the faucet and you will be less likely to at- 4. Retrain your environment, friends
with those behaviors. Trying to change tempt similar projects in the future. Sub- and family to support your resolu-
a behavior without working on the “wir- stitute the example of “fixing the faucet” tion.
ing” is like trying to convince yourself to with “losing weight”, saving money”, “writ- 5. Choose the meaningful path for
drink buttermilk when the very thought ing a book”, “falling in love”... well, you get yourself.
of it makes you want to puke. Let’s face it, the picture. The nature of expectations is
if you hate working out at the gym, then that they determine what action we will In the end, New Year’s resolutions will
buying a three-year contract at your local take and the quality of that action. The ex- continue to be a challenge for many of
fitness center in hopes that it will some- pectation itself will be a dominant force us. Along the way, you become whatever
how shame you into working off that beer in determining the outcome. your choices are. If you choose medioc-
gut is nuts! rity and safety, you become mediocre and
The starting point to being successful at And that’s what makes New Year’s Resolu- safe. You can either choose to be defined
ANYTHING in life, including resolutions, tions so vexing for most of us. Regardless by your expectations, or you can choose
is your expectations. Whether or not you of what we say we want, or how badly we to be defined by your inspirations. When
expect to accomplish something will de- want it, or how sincere or determined we you choose the inspiring path, what you
cisively impact whether or not you do. are, the “reality” for each of us is that we ex- end up with and how long it takes to get
Expectations cause two things to happen. pect to do the same things we’ve always it, doesn’t matter. Isn’t it time to stop hav-
First, they stimulate actions that are con- done, with the hopeful chance of some ing your life be about “success” and start
sistent with the expectation. Outcomes improvement. The trick to busting out having it be about discovery and inspira-
are then produced which are consistent of this Resolutions cycle is to find a way tion?

SKIN CARE CORNER
HAIR CARE TIPS
FOR LADY RIDERS
Just because we ride with the big boys, doesn’t mean we
need to look like the big boys! Coiffing our ‘do’ could prove
to be easier than we thought...even under a helmet!
Here are some tips for curing ‘Helmet Hair’:
• The quickest and easiest way to rid the dreaded ‘helmet hair’
could be as simple as smooth, straight and one length styles
that can easily be slicked back into a low pony tail.
• Covering your hair with a scarf or a bandana will help in multiple

ways including absorbing moisture as well as adding a thin layer of
cushioning between your head and your helmet. And hey, if you are
skeptical about your hair style after your ride, you can always keep
the scarf on.
• If you have short hair or bangs, keep a small bottle of water in your
saddle bags so you can quickly spritz your hair lightly with water
when you take your helmet off. Use your fingers or a comb or brush
to style.
• An effective method to avoid some flattening of your ‘do’ could be to

use a small sponge as a barrier between your helmet and your head.
• Taking the sponge method a bit further, you can use foam curlers.
Just wrap up sections of your hair around the foam curlers and put
your helmet on. When you arrive at your destination, remove helmet,
curlers and voilà, a perfectly coiffed hairstyle.
To help prevent or treat tangles and damage:
• The most popular tip would probably be to just keep your hair pu-
lled back and close to your head.
• Shorter or shoulder length styles work best with out having to be

pulled back.
•Products such as gel, mousse, spray, etc. help protect your ‘do’ from
various types of damage from the sun, wind, dirt, and tangles. It also
makes it much easier to remove tangles when you wash the pro-
ducts out.
• Avoid combing or brushing your hair after you ride. This could cause
breakage and further damage your tresses. If you can, wait until you
wash your hair, if you can’t wait, gently finger comb to remove any
tangles and then only use a wide-tooth comb.
• Never use a brush on wet hair as this causes stretching and damage
which can lead to split ends and fly-aways. Instead use a quality wide-
tooth comb.
• If it is too late and your hair is full of tangles, don’t run for the scis-
sors! Head to the shower and be sure to grab your wide-tooth comb.
Slather on conditioner using your fingers to gently untangle the hair.
Slowly proceed to use the comb through your hair starting at the
lower portions and working your way up. Apply more conditioner as
needed.
• Avoiding direct contact with the sun may prevent drying and britt-
le consistencies in your hair. Products are now available that contain
sunscreen which will protect your hair from the suns harmful rays.
Check to SPF ratings on the labels.
• Trimming your hair regularly will prevent split ends and keeps your
hair healthier, longer.

Scene Around
BIKES & BEAUTIES
OUR SHUTTER-BUG SNAPS THE EVENTS YOU MISSED OUT ON. HAVE A BEER, HOSS.
Bikes&Beauties Magazine kick off the busy season with a bang doing what we do
best, ride, click, sip, ride, click, sip then repeat! We even managed to find a new family friendly
place to spend your Sunday afternoon, check it out on page 15. Then we sent our photogs over to
Sunrise Harley-Davidson to embark on the police escorted Toy Run to Naples with Jager Mike and
South Florida Bike Events, see our coverage on page 17. Celebrating NASCAR’s final chase to
the cup and raising money for Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital, Chopper Zoo and Wings of Gold
MC held their Annual Ride to NASCAR that started at the Seminole Hard Rock and ended at the
Miami-Homestead Speedway; check out the ride on page 19. We couldn’t leave out the images
we captured at Fantasy Fest, check it out on page 20. Last but not least check out all of the good
times captured by our Orlando girl about town Jesse’s images beginning on page 23. Enjoy!
15 17 19 20 22
Sunday BBQ Toy Run to Naples Hard Rock to Nascar Fantasy Fest Orlando

Please Call for an Appointment.
If it is an emergency call
Dan 786-258-1491

BIKES & BEAUTIES
> SEBASTIANO’S SUNDAY BBQ
SUNDAY BBQ at SEBASTIANO’S

Every once in a while the ily BBQ. Let me tell you, this
South Florida biker scene is was not your ordinary biker
spiced up with a new endeav- event of burgers and dogs.
or and excuse to get out and Seb did it up right with a fan-
ride. Seb, local biker, Chef tastic BBQ feast of sausage
and Owner of Sebastiano’s and peppers, grilled chicken
Pizzeria & Italian Restaurant and pulled pork. Simply fan-
located at the corner of 46th tastic! Stay tuned we have
Ave and Hollywood Blvd, did heard that this event might
just that. A few Sunday’s become a South Florida sta-
back he came by our house ple! Be sure to check us out
and invited us to his first ever the First Sunday of every
Biker Friendly Car Show Fam- month from noon - 3pm!

SCENE AROUND
> U.S. MILITARY VET’S DICE RUN
U.S. MILITARY VET’S

DICE RUN

SCENE AROUND
> SFL BIKE EVENTS - HOLIDAY TOY RUN
HOLIDAY TOY RUN

E very year South Florida Bike Events holds their
annual toy run. In years past this run has
been in honor of Tommy Ruzzano. However, in
the last year we have lost quite a few fellow riders
and friends so this year they are riding for all of
our long lost friends. This year’s Tommy Ruzzano
Holiday Toy Run and Bike Rally kicked off with a
bang Saturday, November 20st at Sunrise Harley-
Davidson. Seventy plus bikes and a handful of
motorist assembled there in the name of charity,
again this year they chose Home Sweet Home and
Big Momma’s House. Participants were greeted
by a handful of volunteers and the most amazing
breakfast of any bike rally we have participated in
thus far. As the eleven o’clock hour approached
the riders lined up and prepared for their journey
across the infamous Alligator Alley. The year’s ride
to Naples was escorted by some of South Florida’s
finest badge packing citizens and greeted with
clear skies and temperatures in the low eighties.
The nearly mile long stretch of bikes was quite a
sight to see, I can only imagine what the I-595
motorists were thinking as the line of supporters
halted traffic and roared on by. The rambling
group of doo- gooders made one quick stop to fuel
up before arriving at Naples Harley-Davidson that
just so happens to be located right next to one of
our favorite spots, Hooter’s. It just doesn’t get any
better than this!! Riders and drivers alike were
greeted by supports, Vendors and the Hooter’s
calendar girls all waiting for the parade to arrive
and the party to begin. We danced and laughed
and helped raise a substantial chunk of change
for a great cause. As the afternoon slipped away
we mounted our chariots and made our way to
our ‘home’ for the night, the Quality Inn of Naples
opened their doors and allowed us to wreck havoc
on their poor tiki pool bar well into the night.
We awoke the next morning to find that Mother
Nature was on our side once again, painting the
sky a crystal blue ensuring our ride back to be a
blistery one. There are not many places in the
United States where you can sunbathe one week
before Thanksgiving but we are lucky enough to
live in South Florida! (Thank God for that!) The
escorted run back to Big Dawgs in Pembroke Pines
was, for lack of better words, freaking aweso-
me! We blew across Alligator Alley like a flash of
lightening and made it back in record time. Mike
and Dee Dee once again laid out a super fantastic
afternoon fiesta! Filling the Big Dawg’s lot with
another fantastic party! Thanks to all who came
out and helped a great cause.

SCENE AROUND
> HOOTERS
HOOTERS
We have been to bike nights all over the state and
nothing compares to Wednesday nights at Pembroke
Pines Hooters. Any given week you are guaranteed to
find the parking lot filled with bikes, beauties, vendors
and one hell of a great time. No other location in Flor-
ida is capable of packing in hundreds of bikes weekly.
Next time you are in the area stop in, you will not be
disappointed.

SCENE AROUND
> HARD ROCK TO NASCAR RUN
HARD ROCK TO NASCAR

O nce a year, the Seminole Hard Rock and the Homestead Miami together
with Chopper Zoo and the Wings of Gold MC host their Run to Nascar to
benefit the Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital. This year participants arrived
to partly cloudy skies illuminating the table of bagels and donuts provided by
Jackie Johnson. Over one hundred motorcycles lined up in preparation for
this police escorted run lead this year by Sweetwater Police Department who
took the riders all the way to homestead blowing through tolls while the W.O.G
played Road Guards ensuring everyone would arrive at the speedway safe and
sound. All in all, the event raised $13,800, with Chopper Zoo and the Wings of
Gold raising $2,800 for Joe DiMaggio. Special thanks to everyone that helped
make this event a huge success and to Dean for providing everyone with an RV
filled with free grub. Hope to see you all again next year!

SCENE AROUND
> FANTASY FEST - KEY WEST
FANTASY FEST 2010

I n 1978, on a beautiful Halloween Day, Joe
Liszka asked co-founding member of Fantasy
Fest® Frank Roman to follow him to the inter-
section of Front and Duval Street. He asked
him to look around and tell him what he saw.
There were no cars moving, no people wal-
king the streets and most of the store fronts
had been closed for the slow season. Liszka
proclaimed, “What is wrong with this picture?
Here it is the most beautiful weather day of
the season and the town is deserted. Workers
are laid off. Business owners have a tough
time paying their expenses. It is a disaster
season for the Key West economy. We need a
fest, a carnival, a celebration, something that
will entice people to change our moribund sea-
son to one of great fun; a party that will bring
many people to understand that this season is
one of our best!” His creative inspiration was
the birth of what is now known as Fantasy
Fest.

SCENE AROUND
> PORKIE’S - ORLANDO
PORKIES BBQ
Every Thursday night Porkie’s BBQ, located at 256 E Main Street, Apopka,
Florida holds its weekly bike night. From 5:00 to 10:00 pm rain or shine,
bikers and BBQ lovers a like transform Porkie’s little piece of land into an
entertainment venue. Hundreds of bikers and motorcycle enthusiasts
rumble in from around Orlando’s five major counties for sick ass BBQ,
prizes, raffles and trophies. I have to admit there are a few that roll in just
to show off! Hottest bike of the night contest with outrageous trophies
for the top 3! You can always find good tunes, good people and a whole
lot of good cooking going on! With the help and support of Real Radio
104.1 Steve and his gang have set out to make this Thursday
night Bike Night at Porkie’s in Apopka the hottest stop in town.
> DIRTY HARRY’S - ORLANDO
DIRTY HARRY’S
Dirty Harry’s Pub is rustic biker’s den which hosts its share of
raucous parties inside and out… featuring two courtyards
and the “outback” which transforms into a massive block party
complete with an outdoor stage for live bands and contests
during the larger events. Dirty Harry’s is located in the 700
block of Main Street – the heart of Daytona Beach and home
of the famous “Bike Week” and its fall equivalent “Biketober-
fest”. It is also only a short walk from the Ocean Center and
Peabody Auditorium.
Open: Sunday thru Thursday 11:00 am to 2:00 am
Friday & Saturday 11:00 am to 3:00 am
Happy Hour 4:00 to 7:00pm Monday thru Friday
Free 1st Sundays BBQ Drink Specials, Contests, Music & Prizes
December 5th 2-6PM Live Music by: Groove Bone

SCENE AROUND
> STEALE ARMS - ORLANDO
STEAL
E ARM
LOUNG S
E
214 OAK AVE. SANFORD, FL 32771
407.302.8017

A SPECIAL TRIBUTE
Joe Wiseley aka Mr. Stop & Drop
lol.. Uncle Joe was a loving hus-
band and father. His two grand
children were the love of his life.
The only thing he loved more
were his bikes, music and his
two little brothers. His idol was
his little brother Jack, the best
bike builder in South Florida.
Joe lived out all of his dreams.
The two biggest dreams were
working with Jack at Custom
Bikes of Lauderdale and playing
in a rock and roll band with his
brother Skip. On September 7,
2010 he joined the Reno Band
with his brother Skip in Savan-
nah, Ga. He even got to play on
their first CD. He will always
be our uncle Joe forever in our
hearts living on in our lives..
Thank you...Bob
Custom Bikes of Lauderdale

1260 West Sunrise Blvd,
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, 33311
Tel: 954-779-3669
Fax: 954-779-1194

Oksana

M AG A Z I N E
DECEMBER 2010
MONTH
OF THE
KITTY

BIKES & BEAUTIES
Working the motorcycle scene here in Florida bike started with the desire to build something
is a phenomenal way to earn a living. Not only cool and different, that was low maintenance,
do we mount our chariots more often than any with a rustic look that I don’t have to wash!”
other place in North America, we get to meet In the summer of 2007 Downey spend three
thousands of people, each their own unique in- months in his backyard building this scoot. He
dividuals, each of them riding what they see started with a completely stock 2002 Suzuki
as the perfect roller. Downeyman aka Mostro Volusia 800cc stripped it down and reworked
is no different. If my memory serves me cor- it with scraps form eBay, junk yards, auto part
rectly I met the MOSTRO before I met the stores and the Orange hardware store until it
Downeyman at Hooter’s on Pines. He is the immolated his love of World War II military his-
only biker that ever came straight out without tory. Although Downey never served, he does
reservation and said, “The entire idea of the appreciate the sacrifice of those who have.

BIKES & BEAUTIES
• 16” Ape Hangers with
Internal Throttle
• Suicide Shifter with
Grenade Shift Knob
• Cast Iron Tractor Seat
• Rear Suspension re-
moved and turned rigid
• Rear tire is a car tire:
Coker Excelsior 6.40-15
on stock rim
• Front tire is a knobby
Coker 5.00-+16 on stock
rim
• Army Canteen saddle
bags
• Aluminum Floor Board
• Exhaust Wrapped Jar-
dine 2-1 headers with
custom muffler and rain
cap

BIKES & BEAUTIES
As a child I spent a great deal of time watching to satisfying the adrenaline junkie strapped to his
my father rocket himself down a quarter mile drag back. Every motorcycle enthusiast has the same
strip. His favorite saying was, “weekends are for vice to some degree whether they realize it or
racing.” Which is the exact opposite of what my not. We are all seeking the powerful surge that
Mother thought, she never understood his need ignites our veins and sends us soaring into fight
to, “risk his life on that damn motorcycle.” Me or flight but, not too many of us feel compelled to
on the other hand I understood completely. It was shoot ourselves quite as much as Crazy Chris from
not about risking his life; it was simply his desire Harleys Only (954-298-0895) and his Rider, Chris
Year: 1972
Build Time: 2 Years
Make: Harley Davidson
Model; Open Pushrod Shovelhead
Engine
Built by: Crazy Chris
Manufactured by: Crazy Chris
Size: 114 CI
Cam: Jim Leinweber
Ignition: Magneto
Carb/Inj: S&S Series Carb
Transmission
Manufactured by: Harley Davidson
Speeds: 4
Primary: Premo
Final Drive: Chain
Frame: Custom Lay Down Frame
Rigid
Front End Manufacturer: HD

BIKES & BEAUTIES
Gille, aka “Hopper.” that hold racing in the daytime and you don’t want
Chris has been around the South Florida scene for to take a new vested bike to a track with a rider and
more than thirty years. When he set out to build let him make his first pass in the dark!” You got a
Flashback, he didn’t rummage through a catalog or point there!
online store to find the “perfect” frame to fit the There are two types of people in the bike industry
“perfect” engine. Instead Crazy Chris built a Har- today, the ones that talk the talk and fall short when
leys Only 114 cubic inch open pushrod lay-down it comes to actually walking the walk. Then there
drag bike. He started with fabricating the frame, are the ones who can actually talk and walk. Crazy
then onto the engine and just about everything else. Chris of Harleys Only is certainly one that you never
It took him nearly two years to complete the new have to worry about falling short. He builds bikes
rocket. Harleys Only rider, Hopper has been foam- the old school was with an idea and his two hands.
ing at the mouth in anticipation. The bike has been I don’t know about you, but I cannot wait to see how
done for a few months now and he has yet to make fast this puppy will go. Stay tuned in the coming
his first pass. When I asked Chris, “What’s the hold months when we feature a few more of Crazy Chris’s
up?” He said, “Well, there aren’t too many tracks creations.

KARMA’S CORNER BEER GOGGLES BLOG
> WWW.KARMAPROGROUP.COM > 5AM RAMBLINGS
Trial & Error leap from tall buildings in a Just when you think you heard it all, this
single bound, climb Mount
-As defined on answers.com, Everest and lose my map
stuff pops up.
a method of reaching a cor- (well maybe not lose it but Ben and Angela Ihegboro, a Nigerian couple
rect solution or satisfactory tuck it away only to be used living in London just had a baby, who they
result by trying out various in emergency…right guys
means or theories until er- (Just a stab at the guys and named Nmachi, but the kicker in the story
ror is sufficiently reduced or the direction thing). is that they are black and the baby is white.
eliminated. “Answers.com” In the past spontaneity has The answer to this puzzle is not.
-And the definition of insan- gotten me into trouble and
ity is to try something over not even with ill intent while According to the BBC, there are three po-
and over expecting a differ- over thinking it has caused tential reasons for the baby Nmachi’s unex-
ent result. “Albert Einstein” missed opportunity.
So which is it Trial and Error
pected appearance: “dormant white genes
It sounds simple; build it
or Insanity? Our decisions they will come, be good which entered both of her parents’ families
are made by a leap of faith and you will get good back, long ago, a genetic mutation unique to her,
and others by intense plan- hodge podge.
ning. Everything that we do The best we can do for our-
or albinism.”
is either planned or simply selves is to make wise deci- The first reports on the family’s strange case
spontaneous? Do we know sions, treat each other as we had ruled out albinism, but the BBC says
which one to apply and would be treated and to live
what’s the right choice? I a full day cause you never
Nmachi’s doctors have not ruled it out.
have chosen both ways, but know when the good lord is Albinism, a condition whereby a person has
now I am completely split coming for you. little or no color in their skin, hair and eyes,
between not touching a Be spontaneous and coura-
hot stove in fear of getting geous, be faithful and loyal can remain dormant in genes for many ge-
burned for grabbing the pot and think that every action nerations. Just because the couple’s living
and get to cooking. has a reaction and just be- relatives aren’t afflicted by the disease, that
Well, I would like to think cause something is not rel-
that at the age I am young; evant to you does not mean doesn’t mean they aren’t carriers. It is not
a lot of experience would that it is not to someone uncommon in Nigeria, according to the BBC.
start to come into play. I else.
mean sometimes you could
Some might say there is always a chance of
Have your Plan A but be will-
jump off a cliff but, I would ing to modify it, you must getting something good out of a bad situa-
suggest checking your para- work really hard to know tion.
chute doesn’t have a tear. yourself and know your ca-
I jumped by the seat of my pabilities in order to react in
pants eager to get out and good way.
take over the world only to And yes, sometimes, you
find out that I had forgotten have to have the courage to
all my gear at home, didn’t charge and hope that it has
know where the hell I was been through trial and error
going; after it was all said instead of insanity and may-
and done I was at the begin- be you’ll catch a break. If you
ning again just to start all don’t, be sure you can learn
over! and regroup brush off your
Man, it is exhausting using knees and push forward.
all my energy of youth and As always I enjoy sharing
over zealous elation to con- and I look forward to hear- I say let’s hope the De-
quer the world wasted all for ing from you. Please email
a lack of a plan. me what on your mind sto- mocrats don’t find out
I am not saying that spon- ries@karmaprogroup.com. about this one!
taneity is lost or to take a
chance is foolish I just think www.karmaprogroup.com
for me, I am going to work Karen from Karma
on packing my gear, check- “Pay it forward “
beergogglesblog.com
ing my chute, know which
road I am on AND then I will

ON THE WATER WITH BIMINI JIM
A Marine’s Legacy
On November 13, 2010 I had the honor to attend the commissioning ceremony for the
nation’s newest warship, The U.S.S. JASON DUNHAM DDG 109. The event was held here
locally at pier 29 in Port Everglades.
THE BREATHTAKING SHIP WAS BUILT IN BATH, MAINE from his injuries at the
BY BATH IRON WORKS. SHE IS 510 FEET LONG, 66 FEET Bethseda Naval hospi-
WIDE AND CARRIES 310 CREW, 275 SAILORS AND 35 tal in Maryland.
OFFICERS. SHE CAN TRAVEL AT SPEEDS OF OVER 30 President George W.
KNOTS AND CAN CARRY TWO HELICOPTERS, TOMA- Bush awarded the
HAWK MISSILES AND TORPEDOS ALONG WITH THE nation’s highest mi-
litary honor posthu-
LATEST AEGIS WEAPONS SYSTEMS. mously to Jason Dun-
The ship was named for Lance Corporal Jason Dun- ham. Jason Dunham
ham who was born in a small town in upstate New would have been
York named Sico. Lance Corporal Dunham earned 28 years old this
this honor by giving the ultimate sacrifice for his week. He was born
country, his life! He was also given the Medal of on the same day as the
Honor by George W. Bush. Jason was the marine’s birthday, No-
1st marine to receive the nation’s vember 12. There was
highest military award since the over 5,000 guests pre-
Vietnam War. On April 10, 2004 sent at the port, inclu-
while on a patrol in Karabilah, ding high ranking mem-
Iraq, CPL Dunham led his rifle bers of the Navy and
squad to the sound of explosions Marines. Four star ge-
that turned out to be an ambush neral and commandant
on his fellow marines. While en- of the marines James
gaging the enemy his men came F. Amos had this to say. “It is
under shoulder-launched rocket fitting then that it was Lincoln who said in the end,
fire. He redirected his fire teams it’s not the years in your life that count
to clear out the ambush. Cpl it’s the life in your years”
Dunham then saw five vehicles Jason Dunham and Abra-
trying to go around there road- ham Lincoln both died on
block, he stopped the 2nd the same day.
car when he saw a weapon SEMPER FIDELIS SEMPER
on the floor. The insurgent FORTIS ALWAYS FAITHFUL
lunged out at Jason, they ALWAYS STRONG this is the
wrestled around. Jason ships motto!
then yelled a warning to
his marines! Grenade!! Ja-
son then tried to cover the
grenade with his Kelvar hel- CALM SEAS & COLD ALES,
met and his body. With his BIMINI JIM
parents at his side, Jason www.jamesbalboni.com
Dunhan died eight days
later

CAPTAIN MIKE YOU OUGHT TO KNOW...
It Could 1. An average person laughs about 15 times a

day.
Happen to
2. An iguana can stay under water for 28 min-
utes.
3. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
4. Armadillos are the only animal besides hu-
Anyone!
mans that can get leprosy.
5. Armadillos have four babies at a time and they
are always all the same sex.
6. Armored knights raised their visors to identify
Like the large population of this great country I have been hit themselves when they rode past their king. This
with the economic down turn and although not as bad as some,
it still has hit me hard. My income has been cut in half over the custom has become the modern military salute.
last few years. As a result I found myself in a house that I could 7. Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew,
no longer afford. I tried to work with the bank, AKA Sucktrust
and after sending in the mountain of paperwork needed for a loan
Cuitlahac, whose name meant “plenty of excre-
modification I began to get the large company runaround. So, ment.”
after nine months of trying to get the modification they let me 8. Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under is cap to
know that I was not eligible for a modification. This came about
two months after the notification of foreclosure, thanks a lot keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings.
Sucktrust. Don’t mind that I have been doing business with your 9. Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t
bank for twenty damn years and have made you thousands and
thousands of dollars. appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
So after that crap I decide to try and do a short sell to at least 10. Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every
save some of my losses. I again send in all the paperwork and
get an offer! I am thinking that God finally good news or so I day.
think! 11. Back in the mid to late 1980’s, an IBM-com-
The bank tells me the auction of my property is on hold. Then
back on. So down to the wire I go happy that I am getting to
patible computer wasn’t considered a hundred
dump the property and cut my losses, then four days before the percent compatible unless it could run Micro-
auction was supposed to happen I get a phone call from the soft’s Flight Simulator.
bank. Now they need some more info and paperwork. Of course
I immediately call the bank and send them the info they require 12. Bank robber John Dillinger played profes-
thinking this is the end of it! Yeah right! Sucktrust calls thirty sional baseball.
six hours before the auction, telling me that they need more info.
Mind you, this call comes at 4pm so I only have an hour to get 13. Barbie’s measurements if she were life size:
all the shit together I spend the next hour getting the info only 39-23-33.
to find that I cannot fax it directly to the woman handling my
account (I call her bitch voice). So the long and short of the 14. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
story is I got F#$%cked and my house is now being auctioned 15. Ben and Jerry’s send the waste from making
so I come up with a large amount of cash to make an offer on
my home and try and buy it myself!! I am thinking great! Then I ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs
get the good news that there are only four people bidding on the love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.
homes. Again I see the light at the end of the tunnel created by
Sucktrust and Suckenomics. So I make a bid and it was the max
16. Even if you cut off a cockroach’s head, it can
amount I could come up with. The bank bids $1000 more and live for several weeks.
my house gets sold. 17. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both
I love the fact that the bank would rather foreclose then work
with an owner who has done business with them over twenty parties are registered blood donors.
years and has always paid his obligations early. Now they make 18. During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000
money off of selling my home and suing me for the remainder of
the balance. Well screw them! I’m paying cash for everything! If pounds of food, that’s the weight of about 6
you want to hurt the banks stop using them! Save and pay cash elephants.
for whatever you buy! That is the only way we can fight back
because god knows our government would rather help the large 19. Einstein couldn’t speak fluently when he
banks then help the tax payers of America. I know it takes a lot was nine. His parents thought he might be
of planning to pay cash for everything but it is the fastest way to
hurt the banks and credit companies.
retarded.
20. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk back-
Of course this is just my point of view. wards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for
Capt. Mike that reason.
21. Eskimo ice cream is neither icy, or creamy.

WE’LL FEED IT TO YOU WITH A SPOON
B Y: A S S H O L E J E F F
I’D LIKE TO HIT THAT FROM BEHIND WHILE

CHEWING ON A DRUMSTICK!!!
So the holidays are creeping up upon us once again. Personally, it is my saddest time of
the year. I lost my Brother Richard on New Year’s Eve not two years ago, and my Father
moved on in just the past few weeks.
I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING THIS MONTH places including the Vulva region! Wait, I don’t
THAT WAS COMICAL BUT TONIGHT I CANNOT have a vulva region, you say. True enough but
BRING MYSELF TO DO IT AND FOR THIS I APO- you do have two very thankful warm and wet
LOGIZE. I’VE LOST MY DESIRE TO WRITE, AND friends sitting quietly in their pouch ready to
WITH IT EVERYTHING ELSE I HOLD SACRED. black out! Too much, wait till you try out the
I’VE BEEN SAD BEFORE BUT I ALWAYS GOT massage feature that alternates the water jets
PAST IT AND LIFTED MY CHIN, BUT TODAY I between your junk and prostate. First time,
WATCHED MOVIES I’VE SEEN A THOUSAND you drop the sandwich which is bacon sacrilege
TIMES AND THEY BROKE MY HEART! but God will forgive you. Plus you got the five
What could ease this pain I feel so deep insi- second rule, just reach down and pull that little
de my heart? Simple, one go-round on a TOTO strip of pork goodness out of the water, hit the
LTD. Model TCF49IU, that’s what! Most peo- bacon clean button on the panel and apologize
ple take toilet technology for granted and do to the pork God! My goal in life is figuring out
not give due diligence to their favorite seat in
the house even if they will not admit it. In our
politically correct culture taking a burner is not
something that is discussed in social outings
or at the dinner table. As sad as that is this
will all change once people embrace the joy of
a high end refreshment center! So what could
possibly be so special, it is just a very expensi-
ve shitter Jeff?
This is where you are wrong my friends. how to keep bacon from falling out of a sand-
As soon as you enter the room and the wich, seriously. You should see the look I get
Refreshment Center senses which way you are in bars!!! Then your legs flip up and go rigid,
standing and lifts the appropriate lid, or lid and and the left one starts twitching like a puppy
seat, you know times are a changing. Then you getting a belly rub. Your eyes roll back, the
nestle in with a good book and a sandwich and I’m sorry Jesus sweats start, you start to lose
start laying down the law when you notice the vision and at the brink of stroking out, it stops.
seat was not cold, it was perfect. How could You have about five seconds to gather your-
it know? This little tank of joy has learned self and then the dryer rolls on out from under
your habits and began warming the seat fifteen the seat. It is probably not a big deal; I got
minutes before you entered. Next as you are past the warm water stream, right? I was not
vacating yesterday’s tacos you expect the pun- a smart child but I remember the first words
gent scent of victory to start wafting its way I said. Mommy, nope. Daddy, nope. Not the
through the air overwhelming the sweet smell kind of thing I would say. I said, “mom, I like
of the bacon sandwich you have sitting on your it when the babysitter blows warm air on my
thing but it never happens. The super-turtle balls, but if she could spit, polish those boys
5000 has dispensed an aromatic countermea- up I would appreciate it.” I didn’t actually say
sure which is the only downfall of this marve- that. I couldn’t use the letter R and a lot of
lous new friend of mine. other letters until I was sixteen after five years
Woopdy doo! None of this is that impres- of speech therapy.
sive. Well, finish your sandwich and when you So I got a bit off topic and should be tal-
are done wait for the fireworks after the flush. king about the dryer phase. I can’t do it. It is
Then look at the nifty little control panel and something special that you need to experience
press that button that says Family cleansing. yourself. It is not something you can put on
Notice the optimal 38 degree Celsius water paper. After all, I did not title this article load
temperature oscillating around all you happy on loose leaf!!!

KC'S CORNER TABLE
Smooth Sailing
It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon in late July of 1969, and Susie and I were on the
Lightning heading south on Hwy 202, bound for an enjoyable evening in the quaint old village
of New Hope, PA.
MY CLUTCH WAS OPERATING PERFECTLY, THE MOTOR problem. The cable to the left carb activated the linkage, and
WAS PURRING, THE HOT SUN WAS SHINING IN A GOR- the cable to the right carb did not move at all. The metal cable
GEOUS BLUE SKY, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I HEAR A coming out of the black casing looked fine, so the problem
CRACK, THEN A SNAP, THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN MY 650CC must be inside the casing further up or at the throttle mecha-
BSA LIGHTNING WAS NOW A 325CC BSA LIGHTNING, nism itself. Popping off the top section of the throttle control
RUNNING ON ONE CYLINDER. housing, I saw the problem. The cable had broken about ¼”
Instinctively, I checked the fuel petcock, all the while away from the cable end. Had it just pulled out, I could have
knowing that couldn’t be it, but stranger things have happe- maybe just wedged something in there as a temporary fix, but
ned. The petcock was, of course, in the on position. Being in being broken, I was S.O.L. No way I was going to fix a broken
the left lane I checked my right mirror, saw a clear spot, and throttle cable at the side of the road.
worked my way over to the shoulder of the highway. With the I did, however, remember that there was a BSA shop in
sun glaring down, I puttered along the shoulder until I found Lambertville, the sister village to New Hope, but on the New
some shade under a large oak tree at the edge of a cow pas- Jersey side of the Delaware. For some reason, even though
ture. Back in those days that area was still farm country. Lambertville tried to be the equal of New Hope in drawing
Once in the shade, Susie and I hopped off the bike, and first tourists, it was always considered the “red-headed stepchild”
thing out of her mouth was “What happened?” I said, “We and people just drove right through Lambertville, over the
lost a cylinder.” To which she replied, “Where did it go?” bridge, and spent their money in New Hope. Eventually though,
I had to take a moment and laugh. As brilliant as she was New Hope did become overly commercialized and schlocky, so
academically, Susie knew absolutely nothing about things Lambertville gained popularity as “The way New Hope used to
mechanical. As a matter of fact, she actually knew a little bit be.” Reminds me of the Yogi Berra-ism, “That place is so popu-
less than nothing. To simplify things, I just told her that only lar, nobody goes there anymore!” So remembering the small
half the engine was working. Her reply? “Well, we’re not in BSA shop in Lambertville, I decided to fire up the bike, find a
any hurry, we can go slow!” I decided the safe response was phone booth, and call the BSA shop and tell him I needed a
no response, and I’d better start looking to locate and diag- throttle cable and I’d be there shortly.
nose the problem. First I checked the plug wires at the plugs I fired up the bike, on its one working cylinder, and one-lunged
and at the coil. No problem. My next thought was OK, let’s it down Hwy 202, where after about a mile or so we came to
go back to basics. An engine needs three things to run, gas, a Stewart’s Root Beer stand. And, of course, it had a phone
spark, and compression. I’ll just have to check all three and booth with a mostly complete Hunterdon/Mercer County pho-
hopefully I’ll find something real simple, so we could be on our ne book. Luckily, I had a dime, found the number, and called
way and have some fun the rest of the evening. I got my trus- the BSA shop. “Hunterdon Cycle,” the guy answers. I told him
ty little tool pouch out from inside the side cover and pulled my story of the throttle cable breaking; we were on the road,
both plugs. Both were a nice chocolate brown, and neither quite a ways from home and asked if he had one in stock. He
was fouled or wet. Even so, I decided to check for spark by came back and did have one in stock, and it was $4.50. Lot
grounding the plug against the cylinder head and kicking the of money for 1969, but not completely out of line. I told him
motor over. Good spark on both plugs. Checking compression we were about 15 or 20 miles away and I would be there in
by holding a thumb over each spark plug hole while kicking about 20 minutes. He responded, “You’ll have to come back
the motor through again told me both my cylinders had good Tuesday, I’m closed.”
compression. So by process of elimination, my problem had I couldn’t believe my ears! I started to explain my predica-
to be fuel. But wait a minute, I thought, how could it be fuel ment again, he cut me off and said again, “I’m closed.” Then
when the motor was still running, albeit on one cylinder, but it “click”. He hung up. My bike breaks down on a Saturday
was still running. Well, the motor does have dual carbs; maybe afternoon, miles from home, this guy is a BSA dealer, I’m only
I’ve got a blocked fuel line or something. I figured I’d twist 15-20 minutes away, he has the part I need, and he pretty
the throttle with the plugs out and sniff for gas. So hunched much tells me “GFY, I’m closed?” Ride safe,
down, looking at the motor, I twisted the throttle and saw the So much for the brotherhood. KC

ULI the UNRULY
Bringin’
Bringin’ 2010
2010

to tp
to aa Close.
Close.
Time for reflection. Winter solstice, yule, x-mas lights, new plugs, the smell of fir,
freshly changed oil in your motor, baked apples, gluehwein, cookies and turkey. It’s
the season when we reflect on our lives, and the people we love and lost...
Last year wasn’t one I’d like to see repeated. It’s gonna be the first injuries, left knee injury and some we
anniversary of losing Patty, Frenchy, my mother and it goes on with probably don’t know about yet. Larry
Vinnie, Poppy, Ernie, JW and a long list of wonderful, deeply loved ones will be in ICU for at least 6-8 weeks with a long rough road to recovery.
that makes your heart choke. So many awesome, phenomenal, unfor- He still is under heavy sedation and is scheduled for more surgeries.
gettable people. They are all so dearly missed. Next year will be the He is such a sweet and kind man who always helps when needed and
year of Memorial rides, beginning with the traditional “Booger Run” in has a bright smile for everyone he meets. He works for Thug Custom
mid-January, planned for the 16th. Watch for flyers. I think we should Cycles as their main mechanic and you may know him from Cafe 27, as
rename them ‘Forget-Me-Not’ Rides, or maybe ‘I love you, man’ rides. I well. Larry’s girlfriend Denise is right there by his side during all of this.
like the sound of that. He has a beautiful 8-year old daughter, a brother, sister and his parents
Having said that, we need to celebrate the living, our ‘sur- that are all there for support and prayers. Whatever you
vival’ and the lives of the “Never Forgotten”. Frenchy’s can do to help Larry is very much appreciated by all of
run is planned for Sunday, May 1st, his BIRTHday. Not them. Denise is posting updates as she knows them, you
his day of parting. He likes his stuff to be different. Our can see the posts on her FaceBook page under Denise
Annual NMHFI X-mas party is coming up this month, Giguere. You can mail him: Larry Rivera, P.O. Box 70571,
December, on the 11th, 8pm until whenever. Can’t wait Fort Lauderdale, FL 33307 or ‘visit’ him online: www.
to see everyone there, it’s always one of the highlights caringbridge.org/visit/larryrivera. Denise is so wonderful.
of the year. Our friends and brothers come down all Please, keep him in your prayers and thoughts!
the way from Daytona and beyond, as well as up from Just think- Lotte and T-Bone got hit by an idiot backing out
Homestead - we’ll have a blast as always. Thanks to of his driveway onto Stirling, while they were riding with
Hudson’s moonshine in part, LOL! Thanking Modest their club, USMV MC. That was 15 MONTHS AGO and
Mike in advance for all his long hours of putting our pic- Lotte’s Knee is STILL swollen and handicapped, needs
tures together on one of our special NMHFI event DVDs, another surgery, over a year later. T-Bone has major back
and Donnie & Debbie’s wedding DVD. Courtesy and all problems and there’s no end in sight. The guy in the car
Rights Reel Riders Film & TV Werks. Looking very much has no physical problems from it and is free to do it again.
forward to new, exciting projects with the company. We Same goes for sweet Robin, Craig’s wife, who could avoid
were going to have our X-mas party at Hollywood Johnny’s, a head-on collision with a pre-occupied driver in a white
like our summer birthday party. It has been taken over by careening van only by escaping into a driveway and cras-
the previous owner again, but they refused to provide the hing into the fence- broke her hands and arms,almost
buffet, didn’t allow us to bring our own food alternatively every bone in her body. She survived, thank god, but,
and, instead, wanted us to pay full price for their new the driver disappeared. She still suffers greatly, years later, from
catering menu ($60 for ONE pan of Ziti - we’d need 4 at least, plus the injuries she sustained that day. Does the driver miss a beat? NO! I
something meaty, to feed everyone) - ‘nuff said. BUT- looking at the could kick myself for letting the teenage girl in a brand new Jeep get
bright side, we quickly found a different place that is convenient to away with a stern ‘talking to’ after she rear-ended me at a red light. She
reach for everyone, way North and way South, and where they LOVE to started sobbing in fear when she saw Charles roll up with all his tatts
have us at Sweeney’s on 3200 W Hallandale Beach Blvd in Hallandale and beautiful “Runner” with the handshift - I felt badly for her and I called
on December 11th, starting at 8pm-ish. Food, band, the works. See the cops off. Her daddy came to pick her up in a new Lexus and didn’t
flyers and events page for details. even ask if I had gotten hurt, the bike got damaged or saying ‘thank
Went riding outside my usual roaming grounds last month, to see new yoü for letting her go”. I am more than ever determined to cause and
and old places, meet new and old friends. It was refreshing and lifted support a major stir in regards to traffic laws involving reckless cagers
my spirits. Totally like Mickey’s in Pompano, great people, great Dave. hitting bikes. We MUST go up on the barricades. Look out for fellow
Chit Chat’s is around the corner, also, always a nice place to stop by bikers, also while you’re driving a cage- be ready to take down num-
and hang out for a bit. Well, aside from our ‘usual’ places closer to bers, take pictures and action - no prisoners. We owe it to ourselves,
home, like Flossie’s, Cagney’s, Sweeney’s, Hurricane, Stratford’s, Big our families and friends and the ones who aren’t with us anymore. I’m
Dawgs, Churchill’s, Poorhouse, My Buddy’s Place, etc. We had to say working on it. When I come calling on you to participate, BE THERE. Join
our farewells to Joe Boss- what a nice and well liked man, a fabulous ABATE, if you can. It’s Christmas time. Time to be jolly. I’m good. Don’t
“old school” bartender and all around great guy. The Nitecap has lost forget to support your local and new hangouts, the bartenders and THE
another superb bartender. MUSICIANS! A tough breed, that! And, how sad life would be without
JW - one of the DIRTY WHITE BOYS, a wonderful man, a big bear of guy, them- so, go, have a beer or 4 and support them, ask for them at your
always a smile, always a kind word, loved by all, a “brother from another favorite watering holes.
mother” to some - left us, suddenly and completely unexpectedly. He’s It’s been a wonderful year with my family, friends and brothers - I thank
leaving a gaping hole in our hearts. Cagney’s and the Dirty White Boys, you from the endless bottom of my heart. Without you, it would have
headed by Mike Shoemaker, hosted a wonderful, big memorial for him, been more than challenging, yes, most discouraging, at times, I’m very
Laurie Covert Hirst put together a brilliant grateful to have you all in my life. You all ROCK! Please, keep on looking
memorial DVD with so much love, so many out for and caring for each other. Next Year, 2011, here we come- we’ll
friends came together - Miami Rick made a be riding more than ever! Hopefully even get paid for it! May we ALL
beautiful urn out of a Harley cylinder head get PAID ROYALLY next year!! Have a happy, healthy, insanely cool and
for him. Our love and hearts go out to his productive NEW YEAR! RIDE,MUTHA,RIDE!
daughters Harley Ann and Dakota and all his Be safe this holiday season and - love to especially Woody, our Paulie
loved ones. and Old Man Garry- frontline Charles the Great, of course, ALL my NMHFI
The chain of cager caused wrecks isn’t brothers and the girls- to ALL of you on two wheels who have a heart,a
ending. Remember my rant last month? soul and a bac- kbone.
Well, the dice rolled on some more
of us. Larry Rivera was on his way I love you, man.
home Monday night, Nov 15th, just Uli
two blocks from his place when a black truck made a For photos and more
left turn in front of him and he had to lay the bike down and from event info go to FB
what we know, he hit the truck very hard to sustain the injuries ,searchbox nmhfi@aol.
he has. He has some very serious injuries including a shattered com or www.MySpace.
pelvis, some fractured vertebra in his neck and back, internal com/NMHFI

CRAZY-BIZARRE-WACKY-WIERD
Have a history teacher explain this...if they can!

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln s secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford’.

Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln ‘ made by ‘Ford’.
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
WHO FIGURED THIS OUT?

SERVICE WITH STEVE-O
Let’s Keep It Clean Please!

Remember the day you took your scoot home, it was soooo shiny, the chrome was gleaming,
the whitewalls were snow white...life was good! But now, several thousand miles later she seems to have
lost some of that luster? Well let’s look at a few ways to put the shine back in your life!
SOME ITEMS OF CLEANING TOOLS YOU SHOULD HAVE: BUCK- it’s easy on your hands. Don’t worry about getting the
ET W/ HANDLE, HANDMIT, SPONGE, RUBBER PROTECTED bike all wet, what do ya think happens in the rain?
SPRAY NOZZLE (PROTECTS YOUR PAINT WHEN HOSING OFF
AROUND YOUR PAINT, BELIEVE ME, YOU WILL SCRATCH THE I have one of these dryers with a real long hose, and the
PAINT WITHOUT ONE), ONE OF THOSE ROLLING STOOLS ME- dryer has a handle so I can walk around the bike while
CHANICS USE, AND A GOOD QUALITY BIKE DRYER (GOOD I dry her off. Pay attention to in and around the engine,
IDEA TO PLUG IT IN BEFORE YOU TURN ON THE WATER). underneath, up inside fenders, etc. I am not a fan of
OK, where to start. First let’s remind you that the bike leaf blowers for this, my dryer has a filter on it, and leaf
should be cool. Get your hose, your bucket, and your blowers do not and can suck up something and spit it at
wash solution. Yeah, OK, Steve, let me grab the dish your bike! OUCH!
soap… please tell me you do not do that! How much did When you are all dry, it’s time to do the metal. I try to do
you spend on your bike?? and you are going to use dish mine at least once a month, it’s easier to stay on top of
soap?? NO! NO! NO! it. Again, use a good chrome polish, and a word of cau-
Remember gang, I tion, keep chrome polishes away from engine cases, es-
work for Harley-Da- pecially black cases, they will stain and never come off.
vidson. They make Speaking of those cases, black cases tend to look flat
a whole line of out- after many miles and washes, take a foam brush and
standing cleaning apply CRC’s Powerlube. It restores the cases and does
products such as not wash off right away.
Sunwash which is Bike washed, dried, metal done, cases done, looking
specifically formulat- good but those whitewalls, should have gotten black
ed to not leave wa- walls last tire replacement but they are nowhere as
ter marks if you hap- pretty! Some folks including our shop use good old Brillo
pen to miss a bit of pads. My only problem with them is they are “steel”
water somewhere. wool and can leave “steel” particles behind, and they
If you do not have will rust. I have had great success with a household gel
access to the HD bathroom cleaner with bleach and a Chore Boy plastic
products, go to your scrubber, available at your grocery store. There are sev-
local Automotive eral excellent “whitewall” automotive cleaners as well.
Supply Store and se- Rinse well if you use Brillo pads or the gel cleaner, prod-
lect a good quality cleaning soap, you can’t miss them, ucts with bleach can cause yellowing.
they always have exotic or muscle cars on them! Or, go Now, my favorite part, the part where I open a frosty,
on-line, there are several excellent companies that like pull up my rolling stool, and open up the can of carnauba
HD, make motorcycle specific products. I know, I have wax, it smells great, and I know I am doing right by my
them all in my garage because I am a sucker for that scoot. I use the damp sponge applicator to wax on, and
stuff. microfiber cloths to wax off. I also have a cool little kit
Now, open the hose up, and soak your bike down. Take that has a wand with several different tips that help me
off detachable items like windshields, backrests, and if get the microfibers into tight spots. I spare no expense
you have saddlebags, get them off too. I have a couple on wax, we scream along on highways and back roads,
of those suction cup vinyl bathmats that I lay on the we hit bugs, rocks, sand, salt air, and a good wax will
ground cups up , I put my bags keep those terrible items at bay!
down and the cups keep the bags A side note, bugs have wicked en-
from falling or moving around zymes in their DNA, so when they
when they are wet and soaped up. splat on our paint it’s bad news.
Keep the bike wet as you wash, It’s really important to get that
I split each side into 3rds, front stuff off ASAP, so wash regularly.
end, handlebars/engine/tank, Aaaaahhh bike washed, waxed,
rear wheel/fender/exhaust. I that shine is back, the thrill is
wash, rinse, and move to next NOT gone, time to…..oopps,
section. While the bike is wet, frosty is gone, and I am off to the
there is a great product made by fridge for another!!
S100 called Polishing Soap, ex-
cellent for wheels, exhausts, all
chrome, it is non-abrasive, and RIDE SAFE & CLEAN!,
STEVE-O

SPEAKING SPORTS
NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson is Now Americas Most Dominate -Athlete-

Wins Record 5th Straight Chase Title
There are legends in auto racing – there is even a chosen king – Richard Petty. You can rank em any
way you want. Put Dale Earnhardt on top for winning across two different NASCAR eras. Put Junior
Johnson #1 for being the ultimate “win, wreck or blow” driver in unreliable equipment.
WHATEVER, AFTER LAST WEEK’S FINAL NASCAR crew kept the pace, looking for the right time to
CUPS RACE TO NAME ITS CHAMPION - IF YOUR pounce into the lead position. Team Owner Rick
DISCUSSION OF BEST NASCAR DRIVER IN HISTORY Hendrick says back when he started in NASCAR
DOESN’T INCLUDE JIMMIE JOHNSON, IT’S AUTO- in 1984, there were three or four cars that would
MATICALLY ILLEGITIMATE. win a race and two or three that could win the
season championship. Today, he puts that number
Johnson’s five NASCAR big-league series title put at fifteen that can win mat a race. And the chase
him second all-time behind Petty and Earnhardt’s format resets the top twelve drivers for the last
seven. They’ve come in five consecutive seasons, run of races.
making him the most consecutively successful dri-
ver over any such stretch in NASCAR history. This You want to cut at Johnson’s success because
should not be happening in a sport where the car he’s driving for an owner who won five series tit-
rules and regulations, the safety procedures, -and les in the eleven years before Johnson began to
all the engine checks and specification checks, run. Then take a chunk out of Petty’s greatness
are seemingly enforced – for the sake of non-chea- for the years his Plymouth or Dodge belonged in
ting. So, how is it possible that one driver – can its own series, so great were his advantages in
emerge so clearly from the pack? How can Jimmie power. Johnson doesn’t have the gruff country
Johnson and is crew team forming a “dynasty” in a macho swagger that appeals to a large portion
sport where all the “teams” share so much of the of NASCAR’s core fans nor does he do anything
same blueprints for success? It’s obvious that one that riles his competition and fans of other dri-
team – Johnson’s, has somehow gotten an edge. vers, both things that elevated Earnhardt’s status
Albeit from a football aspect – beyond his brilliance behind the wheel. This last
Back in 2004, as New England rolled to nineteen race there was almost delight among the media
consecutive wins on the way to its third Super corps when Johnson showed a little gamesmanship
Bowl title in four years during a salary cap era that by reminding series leader – Denny Hamlin he had
was suppose to kill dynasties, former Dolphins something to lose.
Coach Don Shula said what’s so often forgotten
in sports, “No matter the rules, somebody always The perennial champion won’t tell you how good
figures it out better than somebody else.” What he is – but at the end of the chase - when Johnson
Shula didn’t say but, was implied – was whoever stood up for the fifth straight time - hoisting his
that somebody is deserves historical credit for NASCAR Championship Cup – it is simply apparent
dominating an era. Those New England teams to all and not just in NASCAR – you can check
lacked Hall of Fame superstars except the Coach, the sports almanac there is not any decent “team
Quarterback and maybe the best clutch kicker of dynasties” in any of the four other major sports!
all-time; they simply just played as a team and But yet, one man – with his crew team stands alo-
won. ne in his sport. How can anyone argue that Jimmie
Johnson is not the most dominant in any one field
Johnson and the Hendrick Motorsports Team of of sport today? Dynasty’s were not suppose to
which he’s a part – just play as one unit and happen in NASCAR, but Johnson and his crew just
win. No fuss, even last race when at one point simply beat the system – the old fashioned way –
Johnson’s PA crew looked like it should have been “They were simply better - and faster.”
working carnival bumper-cars, Johnson found him-
self well behind the other two chase contenders. Marky Marc
Incidentally, only two other drivers have overcome 560 WQAM Radio
a point deficit in the final race to win a NASCAR
major-league series tile – Alan Kulwicki in 1992 *Hey Dolphins Fans, for Marc’s latest blogs
and Petty in 1979. But, Johnson’s crew clim- ‘Like’ us on Facebook:
bed steadily in the race, letting the other drivers facebook.com/miamidolphinsbandits
make the tactical mistakes, as Johnson and his

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T M A N
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44 BIKES & BEAUTIES • DECEMBER 2010

Nick
HA ha HA ha HA
T 1!
PAR
Sarasota, Florida. I call a new Glendale, California. Is it even legal
rule at Wal-mart: If the hole to sell that shade of pink? I love
the way Ms. Incense Berkowitz
in your jeans is big enough color coordinated her reusable
for me to slip my hand inside shopping bag to match her Where
Birmingham, Alabama.
and sneak a little squeeze, shoes, purse, leggings, shirt,
then by golly you best be on jacket, earrings and necklace. exactly does one
guard! The squeezer, howev- If a bra had been necessary,
do you think for one second it
buy a short pink
er, retains the right to either would have been any color other outift like this to
squeeze or not to squeeze! than SHRIEKING PINK?? beef shop in?
Mobile, Alabama. Agerton?...
Is that you? What do you Packing
Seattle, Washington.
expect me to say? That’s this rear in camou-
exactly what he looks like flage shorts is like
from the rear. True, I’ve
never seen Agerton in heels. trying to hide an
Still, if I told you there is a elephant behind a
picture where purple hair is squirrel.
the least weird thing going
Holy Gold-
Alpharetta, Georgia. on, would you believed me?
en Illusions of Gran- Honestly, is that a man or
deur, I gotta get me a woman or is Lester Flem
that outfit!! back in the store?
Laguna Niguel, California. Apparently,

Lester Flem doesn’t know
whether he’s homosexual,
heterosexual, bisexual,
Los Angeles, California.
And men
Louisville, Kentucky.
pansexual, polysexual, or
Unfortunately, the claim they can’t
asexual. However, if you meet classy wom-
only strap working
look up the word ‘Transgen-
der’ in the dictionary...... on this entire outfit en in stores?
BINGO!!!! There you will is the one holding Go figure!
Destin, Florida. So,this that hideous hair
is either a cross-
see a picture of dear old
in place. Is that
dressing nautical
flaming Lester in his boots.
former Federal Re-
Popeye enthusiast serve Chairman Paul
OR...well, fill in
anything. It really
Is that
Mountain Brook, Alabama. Volcker’s wife or is
that Paul Volcker?
doesn’t matter, be- a thong Ollie Hop-
cause nothing we say
will make any sense.
noddle is wearing?
Who lets these peo- I can’t look again For some
Atmore, Alabama.
ple out of the house
un-championed?
or I’ll go blind! reason, I have
to assume that
Austin, Texas. Mesmerized here at the Wal-mart Hiring
no matter where
Center , Pinetop thinks this is his lucky day be- On first
cause his mechanic called an hour ago and said,
Orem, Utah.
Zebulon goes,
glance, did it
“I couldn’t fix your brakes, so I made your horn
appear to anyone
“Dueling Banjos”
louder.” Besides, all his redneck buddies told him suddenly starts
he was a lock to get this job at Wal-mart, provided else that Gisel-
he can remember not to smoke weed or drink beer la’s dog is com- playing from out
during the job interview. ing out her butt? of nowhere.

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Have a history teacher explain this...if they can!

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.