In the name of Allah, the Most-Merciful, the All-Compassionate

 
“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allâh and fear Him,
and speak (always) the truth.” (Al-Ahzab 33:70)

  Bismillah Walhamdulillah Was Salaatu Was Salaam 'ala Rasulillah

As-Salaam Alaikum Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu
 
         
Favoritism among children.... an injustice indeed
                          By Asma bint Shameem

Praise Be To Allah
"My brother is the only one in the house who gets any attention. He always gets
everything he wants!"

"My Dad prefers our oldest sister to the rest of us. He always praises her, and no
matter what good we do, he never appreciates it!"

This is a common problem that we see today. And that is the problem of favoritism
among children.

Parents may show their favoritism for many reasons. Favoritism could be shown to
the oldest or the youngest. It could be a preference of a son over a daughter or the
preference of a child more beautiful than the other or simply for no apparent reason
at all.

Favoritism comes in many ways. It could be in the form of showing more affection
to a child, or excessive praise of one to the neglect of others, giving gifts to one
child only or giving better, more expensive gifts to one child in preference to
others. It can even be favoritism by simply ignoring one child as compared to the
others.
Islam condemns all kinds of biases and injustices and indeed, favoritism is a kind
of injustice. A person is not being just if he shows favoritism.

Verily, Allah enjoins justice, and doing good, and giving (help) to kith and kin.
(Qur'an, Surah an-Nahl:90)

Justice must be maintained in everything, even in how often we look at or speak to

each of our children. The following Hadith shows us how important it is to avoid
favoritism when dealing with our kids.

Nu'maan ibn Basheer said: "My father gave me a gift of some of his wealth, but
my mother, 'Amrah bint Rawaahah, said, 'I will not approve of it until you ask
the Messenger of Allah (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) to bear witness to it.' So
my father went to the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) to ask him to
bear witness to the gift. The Messenger of Allah (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa
Sallam) said to him, 'Have you done the same for all of your children?' He said,
'No.' He said, 'Fear Allah and treat your children justly.' So my father came
back and took back that gift." (Bukhari, Muslim)

In fact, it is one of the rights of our children that we treat them equally. The
Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

Your children have the right of receiving equal treatment, as you have the right
that they should honor you. (Abu Dawoud)

And he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) also said:

Do justice among your sons (kids), and repeated it thrice. (Muslim)

 

Why is it wrong??

Showing favoritism is wrong no matter how you look at it. It is injustice to the
child who is being neglected, it is injustice to the one who is being preferred over
the other and it is even injustice to the parent showing the favoritism in the first
place.

Showing preferential treatment to one child over the other siblings nurtures a kind
of jealousy and even hatred in the heart of the one being neglected. And as the
experts tell us, this may lead to various psychological and social problems that can
last well into adolescence and adulthood. While the one who is always preferred
and praised over the other may think he/she is somehow superior or better than
others and lead him/her to being arrogant and spoiled. And surely that is not
fulfilling our responsibility in raising our children in accordance with the way
Islam requires us to raise and educate our kids.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

There is no person to whom Allah has given responsibility and dies neglecting
that responsibility, but Allah will deny him Paradise . (Muslim)

The parent who is showing this favoritism is not being just to himself either since
he is supposed to be fair to all his children and is answerable to Allah as to how he
treated his family. By showing favoritism, he/she is being sinful and not fulfilling
his/her duty as a parent according to the teachings of Islam.

The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:

Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.....A man
is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A
woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and children and is responsible
for them......Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his
flock. (Bukhari, Muslim)

Are you one of them?

Many mothers and fathers who show preferential treatment to some of their
children do so without realizing it. They do so unconsciously and if asked about
preferring one child over the other, they will immediately deny it. However, since
it is a matter about which one will have to answer to Allah one day, each of us
parent has to sincerely look deep into our soul to see if we are guilty of this
injustice.

O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell)
whose fuel is men and stones... (Qur'an, Surah al-Tahreem:6)

Therefore, the Muslim parent is the one who fears Allah in his dealings with his
children, one who is just in his speech and judgments. His sayings, actions and
dealings with his children are based upon justice with no degree of discrimination
or preference.

The just will be with Allah on thrones of light ....those who are just in their
rulings and are fair with their families and those of whom they are in charge.
(Muslim)

And Allah Knows Best.